April 8, 2025 • 25 mins
The sudden loss of a friend to uncontrolled anger shook my world this week. Despite the raw heartache I'm experiencing, I've chosen to share my grief journey openly – not as a display of weakness, but as true emotional leadership.
Grief demands processing, and I've discovered fascinating insights about how we approach pain. My male friends urged me to speak directly from the wound, while female friends advocated for time and space to heal first. This gendered response reveals profound truths about energy and coping mechanisms that impact how we navigate loss. I've been deliberate in my approach to grief, creating intentional space to feel emotions fully while maintaining crucial routines. As I explain in the episode, processing grief early is like battling a "baby dragon" rather than waiting until that dragon grows into an overwhelming force that consumes us.
The pillars of my healing have been community connection, continued movement, and emotional honesty. I've maintained my gym routine despite painful associations, sought support from trusted friends, and used techniques like journaling and NLP to process emotions. When rage overwhelms us, our logical mind shuts down, leading to irreversible decisions. My experience reinforces why I'm passionate about teaching emotional regulation – because when we lose control, the consequences can be devastating. I continue to use my "5Ms" approach – movement, meditation, mindset work, affirmations, and celebrations – to navigate this storm while preparing to speak on stage and fulfill my responsibilities.
Have you built the community and developed the emotional regulation skills you need before the storm hits? The time to prepare isn't after lightning strikes. Join me in learning how to process difficult emotions effectively rather than letting them build into uncontrollable forces. Your emotional health might depend on it.
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Themes: Emotional Mastery, Mindset, Storytelling, Confidence, Health & Productivity, Creativity, Communication Skills, Business, Movement, Meditation, Mindfulness, Manifestation, Resilience, Letting Go, Surrender, Feminine Energy, Masculine Energy, Love, Personal Growth.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
I lost a friend on Monday morning from him losing
control over his anger and rage.
It's only Thursday and I'mstill processing it all.
I asked my community for adviceyesterday on what to post
(00:21):
whether I should createsomething new for this podcast
or whether I should justrepurpose something old and give
myself some more time.
You know, unfortunately Ididn't record some episodes to
have in the tank, so I have torecord something this week to be
able to get something to younext week.
You know it's reallyinteresting to me the feedback I
(00:46):
got, how all of the men said tospeak from the pain and all of
the women said to give myselfrest and relax, that I needed
space and grace.
It is so interesting to me howthe different sides of the
(01:06):
energetic equation always havedifferent and opposite answers.
Of course the masculine wouldwant to speak from the pain and
take action in that moment.
That is the foundation of thatenergy.
I could see how they would seevalue in speaking from the wound
, because men want that.
That is, it calls to theirenergy.
(01:30):
Push through the pain, keepgoing, talk about it.
That's a man and it's totallyfine.
It's similarly obvious to me whyall of the women told me to
give myself space before I speak.
They wanted me to have time andthe ability to process, to
(01:55):
truly feel it, before I began tospeak from the scar, which also
makes sense, as the feminineenergy is more about pausing and
feeling and sitting in it.
So is there a right answer?
Sitting in it?
So is there a right answer?
I don't really think there is,and I did consider repurposing
an interview that I did withsomeone else on their show,
which was a fantastic interviewand you guys would have gotten
so much from it and I mightshare it in the future.
(02:17):
But I'm going to be honest withyou.
I needed to say something andwhile this isn't the first
episode script that I've preppedabout this topic, it is the one
I feel called to share today,and I think it's quite
interesting that just yesterdayI was watching an interview
(02:40):
between Leila Hermosi and HeidiSomers, and both of these women
are running nine-figurebusinesses, extremely successful
in what they do, and theyconfirmed for me what I was
feeling in that moment and thatmy gut was right.
About 52 minutes into thatepisode, they both agreed that
(03:02):
they admire those who open upwhen they struggle.
It gives more of an authenticview of what it's actually like
running a business.
When life happens, none of usare going to escape grief, loss,
pain, and anyone who says thatthey didn't experience those
(03:23):
things on their journey throughbusiness and life is a fraudster
, because life happens to all ofus and no one is coming to save
us.
It's up to you to learn whatyou need to keep moving forward
when things like this arise.
It's up to you to develop theemotional mastery to be able to
(03:44):
control when you feel thoseemotions and when you silence
those emotions, becausesometimes in business, that's
what we need.
So here's what I've done overthe last three days to regulate
myself in the midst of losing areally good friend.
Well, first, I listened to myintuition the weeks prior to
(04:08):
this.
Now hear me out on this.
I don't know what it was, butlast week and the week prior,
every time I looked at thesethree days and I saw those empty
blocks days and I saw thoseempty blocks.
Nothing was pulling me toschedule something there, and
(04:30):
that is so uncommon.
I had no idea why I was beingtold by my gut to just leave my
schedule open Monday throughWednesday.
I don't know.
Maybe something in me thoughtan important call would get put
on my calendar that I wouldn'twant to miss.
But anyone who knows me liketruly knows me, knows just how
(04:54):
unusual this is, because I timeblock every 30 minutes on my
calendar and I have for the last10 years and I have for the
last 10 years.
This is the first time whereI've left three days in a row
where nothing is on the calendarexcept for my workouts and my
morning routine.
(05:15):
So here's what the last threedays did look like for me.
Monday is when we got the newsLiterally was hitting all the
local news outlets Mondaymorning as we were walking into
the gym in our normal time.
So I prioritized communityright off the bat, connecting
(05:40):
with everyone else, making sureI was checking in on everyone
and that we were all goingthrough this together, because
it was quite a shock.
Nobody should have to handlethat alone.
So when I read the news in mycar, I immediately got out of it
and walked in the doors of thegym because I knew that's where
(06:01):
I needed to be.
The second thing I did onMonday was work out.
Even though we stood there inshock for about 15, 20 minutes,
I eventually said I just need tomove some weight so I can move
the energy in the room a bit.
So I did my workout.
(06:22):
Then I ate a meal afterwards,because food always helps.
I took a nice hot bath and Iallowed myself to just cry, to
feel it All of the sadness, allof the anger, all of the mixed
emotions.
Just feeling it, giving myselfpermission to just be.
(06:49):
And, of course, I took a nap.
Crying and being emotional cantake that energy out of you.
It can be a big drain.
So I took a nap and then whenmy partner came home, I cuddled
him and cried some more.
Tuesday I got up for an earlymorning journaling session where
(07:13):
I created a podcast script ondomestic violence so that I
could process my own grief.
And while I'm not sharing thattoday, I know that I will share
that in the near future when Iam ready to process publicly.
After I journaled, I went tothe gym.
After I journaled, I went tothe gym.
I maintained my routines andeven though the gym is a painful
(07:37):
place in an emotional senseright now, it is exactly what I
need in a physical and mentalsense right now.
So I will continue to go.
Community is a big part ofwhat's keeping me sane right now
and my gym community meanseverything to me, so I'll
continue to connect with them,checking in on everyone each day
(08:00):
, sending silly memes to givethem a laugh, telling them how
much they mean to me andsneaking in their sets to be
able to get a hug, because younever know how many more we'll
get.
Did a couple business callsTuesday.
Thank goodness that I dobusiness with friends sometimes
(08:29):
and those calls were exactlywhat I needed, because while I
support my clients, my clientssupport me, and vice versa.
With any service providers Iwork with, it goes both ways and
pick good people in business,because you have to deal with
them on the bad days just asmuch as you have to deal with
them on the good days.
Then I had a friend who helpsme with some neuro-linguistic
(08:55):
programming, some NLP.
This is the change work that Ido with my clients and, yes, I
can do it with myself by myself,but it's not as powerful as
when you surrender and allowsomeone else to guide you
through the process, through theprocess.
(09:18):
So I was honored to havesomeone guide me through
something that helped me toprocess and release a good bit
of what I was struggling through.
Now it's going to continue totake time to rest and integrate,
and it's exactly what I did.
I took another big old napafter that to integrate, to rest
and to allow my body what itneeds to just regulate itself.
(09:43):
Yesterday, wednesday, I finallystarted to share my struggles
with a friend on a call, and sheheld space in exactly the way I
needed and she held space inexactly the way I needed.
I cried and cried and cried onmy drive to the gym.
(10:03):
I pushed myself through a legworkout.
I ate a post-workout meal, Iapplied some self-tanner to give
myself a little bit ofself-care and a pick-me-up and I
did some final prep and packedfor my trip.
Well, I sent out a few morework emails and continued to
(10:26):
give myself space and grace, andnow today, thursday, I did an
early morning journaling session.
I am now recording this podcastand in just a few hours I will
be getting on a flight so that Ican go and speak on stage
tomorrow, because life keepsmoving.
(10:47):
It's not going to stop when thehard things happen.
And while a lot of people wouldhave called out or said, hey, I
can't show up, I can't do this,not me, not me.
The timing and everything inlife is exactly what it should
(11:13):
be, and everything in life isexactly what it should be, and
while I'm heartbroken, I knowthat there are people that need
to hear my message.
So the three main things thatI've been focusing on is, first
and foremost, blocking time formyself to feel and heal as soon
as possible.
I have learned with grievingthe more we push it off, the
(11:38):
heavier it gets.
It's like battling the babydragon versus the adult dragon.
I want to battle the babydragon, so I'm going to hit it
right now.
As soon as it pops its littlehead.
Up, as soon as that egg cracksopen, I'm going to sit there and
I'm going to battle that dragon, because I know that if I push
(11:59):
it off for days or weeks, ormonths or years, that dragon's
only going to grow and grow andgrow and get bigger and bigger
and bigger, and it will get to apoint one day where I will feel
that I can't handle it alone.
I will feel that I can't handleit alone, and while we should
(12:19):
never have to handle this alone,you can handle it, but sooner
is better.
So face it now, don't put itoff.
The second thing that I did wasI maintained my routine and my
responsibilities.
It would have been so easy inthis situation to just not go to
the gym this week or next week,or quit the gym altogether,
(12:44):
because I want to avoid thinkingabout the circumstance.
Most people would do that, notme.
The third thing is to just keepmoving and keep connecting.
(13:05):
Now you don't have to doanything extreme.
Go for a walk, do a littlestretch, but keep moving your
body.
That will help the energycontinue to move.
Otherwise it will get heavy andit will get stuck, and then you
will be left with things thatare going to riddle you with
pain and fear for years.
So go through it now.
(13:25):
Keep moving, find yourcommunity, lean into your
community, allow yourself tofeel it and let it go.
Because we often think thatlaying in bed is the best choice
.
We often think that justcompletely stopping life is
what's best for us.
But I'm going to tell you thatis not.
It'll only make things worse,because you are more likely to
(13:49):
ruminate.
Rumination is simply tocontinue to think of it over and
over and over and run the storyback over and over, which only
ever amplifies those feelings.
And if you are still in thefeelings of sadness, fear, hurt,
guilt, shame.
If you're in those feelingsright now, it's only going to
amplify them, make them worseand lead you to spiraling.
(14:11):
So here's the lesson that Ilearned in all of this Let them
return the favor.
I was avoiding telling myfriends about what I was
experiencing because it was alot, it is heavy and it can be
(14:33):
triggering and I didn't want toburden anyone else.
And then I had multiple friendsremind me that I was in fact,
the one that they felt that theywere burdening in the past.
Yet I took it on with a smileand they simply want to return
(14:56):
the favor.
And a good friend reminded me aburden shared is a burden
halved.
Now, this is depending on whoyou share it with.
So please be mindful, shareenough to connect, but not so
(15:18):
much that it feels like you'rejust emotionally dumping on them
, because there's like a sweetspot in there and when you find
it just, they don't need all thedetails.
Just enough, and be careful whoyou seek advice from, because I
(15:47):
had someone tell me not toshare.
They said this would showweakness and, jaina, you should
be the leader in this industry.
You need to show emotionalmastery and not emotional
dysregulation.
Well, it is my personal opinion.
(16:09):
This is me showing up as aleader in my industry, because
I'm showing how, in real time, Iactually use the things that I
teach in my own life when thestorms arise, because a master
is not someone in which neverexperiences any problems.
No, a master is one who cannavigate their problems with
(16:35):
ease and with effortlessness.
Now, while this certainlydoesn't feel easy and it may not
look effortless feel easy andit may not look effortless.
I have been told many times inthe past that the way that I
grieve is admirable because Imove through it so swiftly, with
(16:59):
intention and purpose, and thatI apply what I know, and that I
ask friends to help me get tothe shore, while others they
tread water alone in the depthsof the ocean, nearly drowning,
for fear of looking like they'restruggling or asking for help.
(17:22):
It's even more important now todo this before the lightning
strikes, because it doesn't makesense to board up your windows
and doors after the storm hits.
So find your community, buildit now, find your people who are
(17:49):
going to celebrate the gooddays with you and amplify your
joy, who are going to celebratethe good days with you and
amplify your joy, and who willbe there on the hard days to
have your burden and help youcarry it, to make it a lighter
load.
I'm so grateful for thosepeople in my life, the rest of
(18:11):
my gym community, the mastermindthat I'm in, all of my other
friends in business andentrepreneurship.
You guys mean the world to meBecause I'm still very much in
the storm right now and yet I'mexpected to speak on stage
(18:36):
tomorrow and most people in thissituation would crumble.
They'd make an excuse, theywould not go.
Meanwhile, all I can thinkabout is how I must go.
I must be on that stage, evenmore so now than ever before,
(18:58):
because, as a result of mesharing my story, my message and
access to free resources, if Idon't share those things, this
(19:21):
is the outcome.
If I had been more open aboutwhat I do, if I had been more
loud about how I can help, maybeit could have been avoided.
You need to know.
(19:43):
The reason I'm so passionateabout what I do is because when
rage takes over, when emotionoverwhelms us, our logical mind
it shuts down.
We make split-second decisionsthat change the course of our
(20:07):
life and others' lives foreverand others' lives forever.
Look, it's going to happen.
Physical, mental, emotionalpain.
(20:29):
Those things are going tohappen to you at some point or
another.
However, how you respond,that's what's up to you.
This is just an opportunity.
An opportunity for me to usethe techniques that I show you
(20:50):
and I teach you, and I teach you.
It's an opportunity for me touse these techniques to show you
how you can maintain healthyemotional regulation even when
you're in the middle of thedeepest loss and pain of life.
And you better, believe me, Iam doing the 5Ms daily.
(21:16):
My walks and my workouts thosekeep me calm.
My meditations, those help mepause the noise.
My podcasts that I listen to tohelp educate me, those shift my
mindset.
The affirmations I read eachday focus me back on my goals
(21:42):
and my celebrations.
They remind me that I'm stillalive.
So, while I continue tonavigate the juxtaposition of
sadness and anger around theunnecessary loss of a friend, I
(22:04):
make a promise to you that Iwill continue to share how I'm
navigating this loss and how youand your loved ones can avoid
losing control of your emotions,leading to a similar outcome,
(22:27):
because the conversation aroundhealthy emotional regulation and
emotional mastery is needed nowmore than ever.
I'm seeing it in our country.
I'm seeing it in ourcommunities.
People are on edge, people arereactive, people are extremely
(22:53):
overwhelmed with internalemotions bubbling up and boiling
over.
Just because someone always issmiling, just because someone's
reciting a Bible verse, justbecause someone's always there
(23:15):
to support you on your toughdays, that doesn't mean they
aren't struggling either.
Anger, sadness, fear, hurt,guilt and shame these are heavy
(23:38):
emotions that we all experienceand carry from time to time.
The difference is you don'thave to continue to carry them.
You can choose to let them go.
You can choose to change yourstory and you can choose to
(24:07):
change your life.
I lost a friend on Monday morning from him losing
control over his anger and rage.
It's only Thursday and I'mstill processing it all.
I asked my community for adviceyesterday on what to post
(00:21):
whether I should createsomething new for this podcast
or whether I should justrepurpose something old and give
myself some more time.
You know, unfortunately Ididn't record some episodes to
have in the tank, so I have torecord something this week to be
able to get something to younext week.
You know it's reallyinteresting to me the feedback I
(00:46):
got, how all of the men said tospeak from the pain and all of
the women said to give myselfrest and relax, that I needed
space and grace.
It is so interesting to me howthe different sides of the
(01:06):
energetic equation always havedifferent and opposite answers.
Of course the masculine wouldwant to speak from the pain and
take action in that moment.
That is the foundation of thatenergy.
I could see how they would seevalue in speaking from the wound
, because men want that.
That is, it calls to theirenergy.
(01:30):
Push through the pain, keepgoing, talk about it.
That's a man and it's totallyfine.
It's similarly obvious to me whyall of the women told me to
give myself space before I speak.
They wanted me to have time andthe ability to process, to
(01:55):
truly feel it, before I began tospeak from the scar, which also
makes sense, as the feminineenergy is more about pausing and
feeling and sitting in it.
So is there a right answer?
Sitting in it?
So is there a right answer?
I don't really think there is,and I did consider repurposing
an interview that I did withsomeone else on their show,
which was a fantastic interviewand you guys would have gotten
so much from it and I mightshare it in the future.
(02:17):
But I'm going to be honest withyou.
I needed to say something andwhile this isn't the first
episode script that I've preppedabout this topic, it is the one
I feel called to share today,and I think it's quite
interesting that just yesterdayI was watching an interview
(02:40):
between Leila Hermosi and HeidiSomers, and both of these women
are running nine-figurebusinesses, extremely successful
in what they do, and theyconfirmed for me what I was
feeling in that moment and thatmy gut was right.
About 52 minutes into thatepisode, they both agreed that
(03:02):
they admire those who open upwhen they struggle.
It gives more of an authenticview of what it's actually like
running a business.
When life happens, none of usare going to escape grief, loss,
pain, and anyone who says thatthey didn't experience those
(03:23):
things on their journey throughbusiness and life is a fraudster
, because life happens to all ofus and no one is coming to save
us.
It's up to you to learn whatyou need to keep moving forward
when things like this arise.
It's up to you to develop theemotional mastery to be able to
(03:44):
control when you feel thoseemotions and when you silence
those emotions, becausesometimes in business, that's
what we need.
So here's what I've done overthe last three days to regulate
myself in the midst of losing areally good friend.
Well, first, I listened to myintuition the weeks prior to
(04:08):
this.
Now hear me out on this.
I don't know what it was, butlast week and the week prior,
every time I looked at thesethree days and I saw those empty
blocks days and I saw thoseempty blocks.
Nothing was pulling me toschedule something there, and
(04:30):
that is so uncommon.
I had no idea why I was beingtold by my gut to just leave my
schedule open Monday throughWednesday.
I don't know.
Maybe something in me thoughtan important call would get put
on my calendar that I wouldn'twant to miss.
But anyone who knows me liketruly knows me, knows just how
(04:54):
unusual this is, because I timeblock every 30 minutes on my
calendar and I have for the last10 years and I have for the
last 10 years.
This is the first time whereI've left three days in a row
where nothing is on the calendarexcept for my workouts and my
morning routine.
(05:15):
So here's what the last threedays did look like for me.
Monday is when we got the newsLiterally was hitting all the
local news outlets Mondaymorning as we were walking into
the gym in our normal time.
So I prioritized communityright off the bat, connecting
(05:40):
with everyone else, making sureI was checking in on everyone
and that we were all goingthrough this together, because
it was quite a shock.
Nobody should have to handlethat alone.
So when I read the news in mycar, I immediately got out of it
and walked in the doors of thegym because I knew that's where
(06:01):
I needed to be.
The second thing I did onMonday was work out.
Even though we stood there inshock for about 15, 20 minutes,
I eventually said I just need tomove some weight so I can move
the energy in the room a bit.
So I did my workout.
(06:22):
Then I ate a meal afterwards,because food always helps.
I took a nice hot bath and Iallowed myself to just cry, to
feel it All of the sadness, allof the anger, all of the mixed
emotions.
Just feeling it, giving myselfpermission to just be.
(06:49):
And, of course, I took a nap.
Crying and being emotional cantake that energy out of you.
It can be a big drain.
So I took a nap and then whenmy partner came home, I cuddled
him and cried some more.
Tuesday I got up for an earlymorning journaling session where
(07:13):
I created a podcast script ondomestic violence so that I
could process my own grief.
And while I'm not sharing thattoday, I know that I will share
that in the near future when Iam ready to process publicly.
After I journaled, I went tothe gym.
After I journaled, I went tothe gym.
I maintained my routines andeven though the gym is a painful
(07:37):
place in an emotional senseright now, it is exactly what I
need in a physical and mentalsense right now.
So I will continue to go.
Community is a big part ofwhat's keeping me sane right now
and my gym community meanseverything to me, so I'll
continue to connect with them,checking in on everyone each day
(08:00):
, sending silly memes to givethem a laugh, telling them how
much they mean to me andsneaking in their sets to be
able to get a hug, because younever know how many more we'll
get.
Did a couple business callsTuesday.
Thank goodness that I dobusiness with friends sometimes
(08:29):
and those calls were exactlywhat I needed, because while I
support my clients, my clientssupport me, and vice versa.
With any service providers Iwork with, it goes both ways and
pick good people in business,because you have to deal with
them on the bad days just asmuch as you have to deal with
them on the good days.
Then I had a friend who helpsme with some neuro-linguistic
(08:55):
programming, some NLP.
This is the change work that Ido with my clients and, yes, I
can do it with myself by myself,but it's not as powerful as
when you surrender and allowsomeone else to guide you
through the process, through theprocess.
(09:18):
So I was honored to havesomeone guide me through
something that helped me toprocess and release a good bit
of what I was struggling through.
Now it's going to continue totake time to rest and integrate,
and it's exactly what I did.
I took another big old napafter that to integrate, to rest
and to allow my body what itneeds to just regulate itself.
(09:43):
Yesterday, wednesday, I finallystarted to share my struggles
with a friend on a call, and sheheld space in exactly the way I
needed and she held space inexactly the way I needed.
I cried and cried and cried onmy drive to the gym.
(10:03):
I pushed myself through a legworkout.
I ate a post-workout meal, Iapplied some self-tanner to give
myself a little bit ofself-care and a pick-me-up and I
did some final prep and packedfor my trip.
Well, I sent out a few morework emails and continued to
(10:26):
give myself space and grace, andnow today, thursday, I did an
early morning journaling session.
I am now recording this podcastand in just a few hours I will
be getting on a flight so that Ican go and speak on stage
tomorrow, because life keepsmoving.
(10:47):
It's not going to stop when thehard things happen.
And while a lot of people wouldhave called out or said, hey, I
can't show up, I can't do this,not me, not me.
The timing and everything inlife is exactly what it should
(11:13):
be, and everything in life isexactly what it should be, and
while I'm heartbroken, I knowthat there are people that need
to hear my message.
So the three main things thatI've been focusing on is, first
and foremost, blocking time formyself to feel and heal as soon
as possible.
I have learned with grievingthe more we push it off, the
(11:38):
heavier it gets.
It's like battling the babydragon versus the adult dragon.
I want to battle the babydragon, so I'm going to hit it
right now.
As soon as it pops its littlehead.
Up, as soon as that egg cracksopen, I'm going to sit there and
I'm going to battle that dragon, because I know that if I push
(11:59):
it off for days or weeks, ormonths or years, that dragon's
only going to grow and grow andgrow and get bigger and bigger
and bigger, and it will get to apoint one day where I will feel
that I can't handle it alone.
I will feel that I can't handleit alone, and while we should
(12:19):
never have to handle this alone,you can handle it, but sooner
is better.
So face it now, don't put itoff.
The second thing that I did wasI maintained my routine and my
responsibilities.
It would have been so easy inthis situation to just not go to
the gym this week or next week,or quit the gym altogether,
(12:44):
because I want to avoid thinkingabout the circumstance.
Most people would do that, notme.
The third thing is to just keepmoving and keep connecting.
(13:05):
Now you don't have to doanything extreme.
Go for a walk, do a littlestretch, but keep moving your
body.
That will help the energycontinue to move.
Otherwise it will get heavy andit will get stuck, and then you
will be left with things thatare going to riddle you with
pain and fear for years.
So go through it now.
(13:25):
Keep moving, find yourcommunity, lean into your
community, allow yourself tofeel it and let it go.
Because we often think thatlaying in bed is the best choice
.
We often think that justcompletely stopping life is
what's best for us.
But I'm going to tell you thatis not.
It'll only make things worse,because you are more likely to
(13:49):
ruminate.
Rumination is simply tocontinue to think of it over and
over and over and run the storyback over and over, which only
ever amplifies those feelings.
And if you are still in thefeelings of sadness, fear, hurt,
guilt, shame.
If you're in those feelingsright now, it's only going to
amplify them, make them worseand lead you to spiraling.
(14:11):
So here's the lesson that Ilearned in all of this Let them
return the favor.
I was avoiding telling myfriends about what I was
experiencing because it was alot, it is heavy and it can be
(14:33):
triggering and I didn't want toburden anyone else.
And then I had multiple friendsremind me that I was in fact,
the one that they felt that theywere burdening in the past.
Yet I took it on with a smileand they simply want to return
(14:56):
the favor.
And a good friend reminded me aburden shared is a burden
halved.
Now, this is depending on whoyou share it with.
So please be mindful, shareenough to connect, but not so
(15:18):
much that it feels like you'rejust emotionally dumping on them
, because there's like a sweetspot in there and when you find
it just, they don't need all thedetails.
Just enough, and be careful whoyou seek advice from, because I
(15:47):
had someone tell me not toshare.
They said this would showweakness and, jaina, you should
be the leader in this industry.
You need to show emotionalmastery and not emotional
dysregulation.
Well, it is my personal opinion.
(16:09):
This is me showing up as aleader in my industry, because
I'm showing how, in real time, Iactually use the things that I
teach in my own life when thestorms arise, because a master
is not someone in which neverexperiences any problems.
No, a master is one who cannavigate their problems with
(16:35):
ease and with effortlessness.
Now, while this certainlydoesn't feel easy and it may not
look effortless feel easy andit may not look effortless.
I have been told many times inthe past that the way that I
grieve is admirable because Imove through it so swiftly, with
(16:59):
intention and purpose, and thatI apply what I know, and that I
ask friends to help me get tothe shore, while others they
tread water alone in the depthsof the ocean, nearly drowning,
for fear of looking like they'restruggling or asking for help.
(17:22):
It's even more important now todo this before the lightning
strikes, because it doesn't makesense to board up your windows
and doors after the storm hits.
So find your community, buildit now, find your people who are
(17:49):
going to celebrate the gooddays with you and amplify your
joy, who are going to celebratethe good days with you and
amplify your joy, and who willbe there on the hard days to
have your burden and help youcarry it, to make it a lighter
load.
I'm so grateful for thosepeople in my life, the rest of
(18:11):
my gym community, the mastermindthat I'm in, all of my other
friends in business andentrepreneurship.
You guys mean the world to meBecause I'm still very much in
the storm right now and yet I'mexpected to speak on stage
(18:36):
tomorrow and most people in thissituation would crumble.
They'd make an excuse, theywould not go.
Meanwhile, all I can thinkabout is how I must go.
I must be on that stage, evenmore so now than ever before,
(18:58):
because, as a result of mesharing my story, my message and
access to free resources, if Idon't share those things, this
(19:21):
is the outcome.
If I had been more open aboutwhat I do, if I had been more
loud about how I can help, maybeit could have been avoided.
You need to know.
(19:43):
The reason I'm so passionateabout what I do is because when
rage takes over, when emotionoverwhelms us, our logical mind
it shuts down.
We make split-second decisionsthat change the course of our
(20:07):
life and others' lives foreverand others' lives forever.
Look, it's going to happen.
Physical, mental, emotionalpain.
(20:29):
Those things are going tohappen to you at some point or
another.
However, how you respond,that's what's up to you.
This is just an opportunity.
An opportunity for me to usethe techniques that I show you
(20:50):
and I teach you, and I teach you.
It's an opportunity for me touse these techniques to show you
how you can maintain healthyemotional regulation even when
you're in the middle of thedeepest loss and pain of life.
And you better, believe me, Iam doing the 5Ms daily.
(21:16):
My walks and my workouts thosekeep me calm.
My meditations, those help mepause the noise.
My podcasts that I listen to tohelp educate me, those shift my
mindset.
The affirmations I read eachday focus me back on my goals
(21:42):
and my celebrations.
They remind me that I'm stillalive.
So, while I continue tonavigate the juxtaposition of
sadness and anger around theunnecessary loss of a friend, I
(22:04):
make a promise to you that Iwill continue to share how I'm
navigating this loss and how youand your loved ones can avoid
losing control of your emotions,leading to a similar outcome,
(22:27):
because the conversation aroundhealthy emotional regulation and
emotional mastery is needed nowmore than ever.
I'm seeing it in our country.
I'm seeing it in ourcommunities.
People are on edge, people arereactive, people are extremely
(22:53):
overwhelmed with internalemotions bubbling up and boiling
over.
Just because someone always issmiling, just because someone's
reciting a Bible verse, justbecause someone's always there
(23:15):
to support you on your toughdays, that doesn't mean they
aren't struggling either.
Anger, sadness, fear, hurt,guilt and shame these are heavy
(23:38):
emotions that we all experienceand carry from time to time.
The difference is you don'thave to continue to carry them.
You can choose to let them go.
You can choose to change yourstory and you can choose to
(24:07):
change your life.
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