Ever watch a stranger for five seconds and decide you know the whole story? We dig into that impulse with raw, relatable moments that reveal how assumptions take root—and how a small shift in perspective can change your day, your relationships, and your peace of mind.
We start with a dashboard view gone wrong: a blissed-out, air-drumming commute mistaken for a rage-fueled phone call. From there, we pull apart the mental shortcuts that label a bulk buyer as selfish, a creator as money-obsessed, or a loud marketer as arrogant. We weigh kinder explanations—donations, loneliness, real belief in a solution—against the reflex to judge, and we talk about the cost of reading malice into neutral moments like getting cut off in traffic. You’ll hear why safety and scarcity shape the stories we tell, and how to hold two possible narratives without losing your grip on reality.
We also share a vulnerable high school story where a simple lunch choice sparked years of food shame, showing how spoken perspectives imprint and redirect someone’s path. That leads to a practical rule that has changed our relationships: choose adult communication, assume things are fine unless told otherwise, and stop filling silence with self-blame. Along the way, we challenge the halo we place on volunteering and visible success, and we name the silent suffering that often hides behind health and wealth. The throughline is simple: you only hold one percent of the story—handle it with care.
If you’re ready to trade snap judgments for mindful attribution and kinder hypotheses, press play, take the pause with us, and try the experiment this week. If this conversation helped, follow the show, share it with a friend who overthinks texts, and leave a review to tell us the story you’re choosing next.
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Themes: Emotional Mastery, Mindset, Storytelling, Confidence, Health & Productivity, Creativity, Communication Skills, Business, Movement, Meditation, Mindfulness, Manifestation, Resilience, Letting Go, Surrender, Feminine Energy, Masculine Energy, Love, Personal Growth.
Episode Transcript
Let's talk about how people can have different
perspectives and associations onlife.
Now, first and foremost,perspectives.
Oh my goodness.
How two people can see the exactsame thing and have a completely
different understanding ormeaning made of what's happening
there.
Right.
So for example, um, I had thisreally funny thing.
(01:34):
Well, funny from my perspective.
I'm driving somewhere and I hada girlfriend who is following
me.
And we're so we're driving onour way.
And once we get there, shelooked at me and she's like, Oh
my God, are you okay?
I was like, why?
What happened?
And she's like, Well, it lookedlike you were on the phone and
yelling the whole drive here.
I can't imagine what washappening.
And like, you must be so angryabout something.
(01:55):
I'm like, Well, yelling?
What do you mean yelling?
She goes, Well, your head wasjust banging all over.
I'm like, giggling insidebecause I was like, oh no,
honey, I was dancing, like fullout air drums, banging my head,
dancing in pure bliss and joy onthe entire drive here.
So her perspective, seeing methrough her dash and through the
(02:18):
rear of my car, just seeing mylittle head bang around, she
thought I was angry.
Her perspective on my realitywas that I was having a terrible
drive.
Meanwhile, I'm having afantastic drive, as I always do.
Just playing music, losingmyself to it, headbanging away.
And I never really realizedthat, yeah, from a car behind
(02:42):
me, it might look like I'm asuper aggressive and angry
driver.
It might look like maybe I'mflipping people off every now
and again because I'm likeswinging my arms around.
I never thought about the waythat I could be perceived from
outside the vehicle, even thoughif you were in the vehicle with
me, man, you'd be dancing andbreaking it down with me.
(03:04):
But that's life, that'sperspectives.
You can see the same experience,but completely experience it in
a whole different way justbecause the meaning you made.
Because we apply meaning tothings, right?
We don't have all of the detailsof that situation, and so we
fill in the gaps, we makeassumptions, and those
(03:26):
assumptions can cause issues.
Um, because that a person cannow say she told herself a story
that, well, Jaina's an angrydriver.
Maybe Jaina has road rage.
Maybe that's what she would tellherself.
And she'd think, well, I'm nevergonna ride with her, I'll just
always drive by myself.
So these are the stories we canmake up about ourselves and
(03:48):
others if we're not careful, ifwe're not meaningful and
intentional with how we with ourassumptions, right?
They're, you know, imagine ifyou were in a grocery store,
right?
And you say you're seeingsomeone pulling cans off the
shelf of this couple items,right?
(04:09):
And you're just seeing them pullcan after can after can, almost
buying in bulk, like so manycans and boxes.
And you just look at their cartand it's full to the brim of
repeats of so many differentitems, and you're thinking, what
a selfish person.
This must be one of thosecouponers, one of those people
who just rigs the system to getall these things for free.
(04:30):
How selfish of them.
Meanwhile, they load up theircar and they drive downtown and
they open their doors and theystart donating it to the
homeless.
So here we labeled them as aselfish person because we made
an assumption and filled in thegaps.
Well, the truth is the opposite.
(04:52):
This is an extremely selflessperson.
And yet we didn't have all thedetails.
So we made an assumption.
It's almost like seeing a friendor even just someone on the
internet that you watch andyou're like, oh my gosh, they
are so obsessed with business.
They just do nothing but talkabout their products and their
services and their business.
(05:12):
Wow.
They must just love money or thepopularity and the fame just
going viral.
They're so obsessed with theirthings, their cars and their
homes.
Like all they ever do is showall the things that they have.
Like, of course, they're justobsessed.
Meanwhile, the truth on theother side is that maybe this
person is in a highlyscarcity-driven mindset.
(05:35):
Maybe they're worried thatthey're gonna lose all of these
things.
Maybe they're always onlinebecause they're lonely and
they're just looking to connectwith people.
And it's easier to do it onlinesometimes than it is to get up,
get dressed, and walk out thatdoor.
So to sit here and assume thatsomeone is talking, is we'll
(06:01):
just use this language becausethis is the language people use,
is selling so much, alwaysselling.
You can assume it's because theylove money, or they're, I don't
know, driven by the need formoney.
Or it could just be that they'reabsolutely so passionate about
what they do and they know thatit can help people, that they're
(06:22):
in fact just sharing all thetime, sharing solutions for
people's problems.
That assumption that we make,that gap that we fill, it's only
harmful to people around us whenthat assumption is a negative
assumption.
What if we were to shift that?
Because the truth is, there's somany ways that this shows up for
(06:45):
us.
Maybe you see someone online whois uh speaking with their ego up
front, right?
Maybe they come off as this umbro marketer, inflated promises,
promising the world and speakingin this almost car salesman type
of way.
But we don't realize is thatit's not coming from this place
(07:09):
of security.
It's coming from a place ofinsecurity.
Or maybe they're desperate.
Maybe they don't feel enough.
And that's why they have tooversell themselves.
But all of these things areassumptions.
Maybe that same person isn't, infact, insecure.
Maybe they inflate the promisebecause they truly believe that
(07:33):
that's the result that can beachieved if someone goes all in
100% on their product orservice.
We don't know.
And yeah, it can be harmful tojust assume that everybody has
positive intentions.
But it also can be just asharmful to assume that everyone
has negative intentions.
(07:55):
Not everyone is malicious, noteveryone is out here to get you.
And I think that the truth isthat if we can just notice the
assumptions, notice the gapswe're filling, that's just going
to give us an indication ofwhere we are.
Because if we are living in aworld of fear and scarcity,
we're going to fill those gapsin a negative way.
But if we're in a realm ofsafety and security, we're more
(08:20):
likely to be kind with ourassumptions.
What about that person that yousee who's always volunteering
and giving their time andworking with these charities,
and you just think, gosh,they're so kind.
They're doing that out of thekindness of their heart.
Oh, I just bless that person.
(08:41):
Maybe that's not the truth.
Maybe the truth is that theyjust, they're under the pressure
of expectations.
Maybe they volunteered once ortwice and now they have been
thrust into a role of managingothers.
Maybe they're just in this rolebecause it's become familiar to
them.
But it's no longer out of thekindness of their heart.
(09:03):
It's just something that'sbecome routine.
Who knows?
But to us, to actually sit andto project is exactly what we're
doing.
Because again, the assumptionsthat fill in the gaps come from
us.
They filter through us.
And so you can have twodifferent people see the same
(09:23):
thing and make two totallydifferent stories, right?
The assumptions are ourproblems, not theirs.
And assumptions are something weall do naturally, right?
One of the assumptions a lot ofpeople make is that they look at
(09:46):
someone who's healthy andwealthy, and they think, oh my
God, their life must be perfect.
Everything is there, they don'thave to lift a finger.
They've got a house cleaner andthey've got a car chauffeur, and
they've got, you know, they'regoing to all these parties, and
people are PR gifting them allthese things, and their life
must be so perfect.
And while for some of them,maybe it is their dream life,
(10:09):
maybe it is something they lovedoing and they really get a lot
out of it.
But for many, that veryassumption is what drives a
silent suffering behind thescenes.
Because you look at that personand you think their life must be
so perfect.
But in it, in that life, itfeels like everyone else's life.
(10:32):
It feels normal.
In fact, it can be even moreunrelatable, which makes it
harder to make friends, harderto find people you can actually
have deep conversation with whoget it.
There's so much silent sufferingbehind health and wealth that
(10:54):
people don't get.
One of the blessings I had withmy cleaning business was being
able to clean in both tinylittle homes with people who are
so filled with love.
And they were organized andclean, but just tiny versus
these massive mansions.
And many times they would havesome of them would be just as
(11:18):
clean and tidy and nice andhappy family, but just as many
small homes with hate andstruggle, there were just as
many big ones.
The problems across the boardare problems that every human
deals with.
Money cannot solve all problems.
Because oftentimes money doesnot improve a marriage, it can
(11:42):
cause issues in a marriage.
Oftentimes having fame doesn'tmake relationships easier, it
makes them more difficultbecause now they're on a public
platform.
There are so many things that wehave to be mindful of.
(12:08):
For our assumptions, because ourassumptions are going to be
there regardless.
We're always going to fill inthe gaps.
It is your job simply to beaware of the assumptions you're
making.
That person cut you off?
Is it because you're assumingthat they have an injured child
in the car and they're trying toget to the nearest hospital as
fast as possible?
Or is it because you're assumingthey're just an a-hole and they
(12:32):
just thought that you were theperfect person to cut off?
Who knows, right?
But it's going to keep me in amuch more peaceful state,
thinking that I'm helpingsomeone get their hurting child
to a hospital than it is tothink that someone else is an
a-hole, right?
So life gives us a lot ofopportunity to be aware of
(12:56):
ourselves if we take some timeto reflect.
And one of the biggest shiftsthat I that pertains to the
perspectives of life, right,that I made over the last few
years was that I now say tomyself this.
I used to think when someonewould ghost me or not answer an
(13:17):
email or a text message orwhatever the case may be,
someone was acting in a slightlydifferent way than normal, I
would be attached to that.
And I would assume it wasbecause they were mad at me,
because I did something wrong,because I said something wrong,
because I didn't show up or didshow up, or I talked too much or
didn't talk enough, or whateverit was, I assumed I was the
(13:40):
problem.
And time and time again, I'dcome to find out, oh no, I just
had this tough day at work.
Oh no, I just got broken upwith, oh no, it had nothing to
do with you.
I just had this thing happen.
So I started to tell myselfthis.
I surround myself with adults.
And adults know how tocommunicate when they're upset.
So I am going to assume thateveryone around me is completely
(14:04):
fine and happy with me, unlessthey tell me otherwise.
And that has changed my world.
Because instead of me assuming Iam the problem or I had
something to do with it, I justwait until someone tells me,
hey, I didn't really like howyou said that thing.
Hey, I wish you would have.
Hey, this really hurt myfeelings.
Like adults communicate.
(14:25):
And I understand that's astretch.
I understand there are lots ofadults out there who still have
not mastered communication.
But my belief system is that Ichoose to surround myself with
adults, and adults communicatewhen they're upset.
Which means the opposite of thatis that I don't surround myself
with people who are children.
(14:48):
People who assume that I knowwhat I did and bottle it up and
only ever tell other people whatthe problem is.
Those are children.
I don't surround myself withchildren.
Now, sometimes children come inmy world and eventually they
find their way back out of myworld.
(15:09):
Because I surround myself withadults and adults who have
respect for both me andthemselves, who know how to
communicate.
And that's that.
That has helped me so much.
Because that shifts everythingin life.
Because perspective is just oneaspect of it.
(15:30):
When we have a perspective,that's one aspect.
When we share our perspective,that opens a whole nother can of
worms.
Because what happens when youverbalize and share your
perspective is that youpotentially imprint on people
around you, which means now youshift their perspective.
And that's not always a greatthing.
Sometimes it can be.
(15:50):
That's called a reframe.
Sometimes we need to reframe afriend, a family member,
coworker, give them a newperspective.
It's a little bit more positive.
That's great.
But sometimes we can do damage.
For example, when I was in highschool, I think it was sophomore
year, I was a very overweightchild.
(16:15):
Carried a lot of it in my belly.
I was a big round bowling ball.
And I was also on the danceteam.
And dance, I was never the rightsize.
And so I was trying to do myselfa favor by beginning to eat
salads because that's what I wastold will make me skinny is
(16:37):
salads and that I needed to beeating more of them.
So I did.
The first day I ever ate asalad, I put, I think it was
either iceberg or romainelettuce into a container and put
some ranch on it and took thatto school for lunch.
I giggle now because I know thatthat is not a salad.
(16:59):
That is how I started, though.
And everybody has to startsomewhere else.
And I was so excited to be onthis journey.
I didn't know anything aboutnutrition or fitness or any of
it, but I was so excited tofinally take my life back.
And I'm sitting there in thedance room and I'm eating my
(17:19):
lunch, eating my salad out ofthis container, only to have
three of the popular girls walkin the door and look over at me
and recognize that the containerthat I was eating this salad out
of was the biggest Tupperwarecontainer I could find in my
house that morning because Iwanted a big salad, nice and
healthy.
It was also a recycled buttercontainer.
(17:42):
It was a country croc buttercontainer, the big dark brown.
We've all seen them.
You know what I'm talking about.
And those girls continued topoint and laugh and point and
laugh about how could you beeating butter for lunch.
And I couldn't, I couldn't getthe words out of my mouth.
(18:04):
No, it's a salad.
Only for them to say, Oh, asalad?
Let me see.
Come over and look at it and seejust romaine lettuce and ranch.
And then laugh even harder in myface.
That's not a salad.
That's so unhealthy for you.
Ugh, that's not gonna help.
(18:28):
And in that moment, I developedmassive embarrassment and shame
around eating salads because Iclearly didn't know what I was
doing.
And here I thought I was helpingmyself, and all it did was push
my healing journey with foodanother 10 or 15 years away.
That perspective they had of meeating butter out of a
(18:53):
container, really, salad out ofcontainer, the fact that their
perspective of that salad wasunhealthy was projected onto me.
And I didn't know any better.
They were the small, skinny fitgirls that I thought they would
know.
And so what they did was theyprojected embarrassment and
shame on me.
And I accepted it because theydidn't know any better.
(19:16):
So our perspectives are not justhurtful when people hear them
about themselves.
They're they're hurtful becausethose assumptions, those
feelings, those emotions getprojected on and ingrained in
someone.
And that can then impact andchange their behavior and their
(19:38):
viewpoint of something fordecades to come.
The power is not just inourselves.
It's not just in controlling ourassumptions for our own mind,
it's to help better the world sothat we don't just go spewing
(19:58):
our projections on everyonearound us.
Because just because you're in abad mood doesn't mean you should
be spreading your assumptionsall over people and ruining the
rest of their day, too.
So listen.
Now you're not going toverbalize these things
typically, sometimes we do, butlisten in your brain.
(20:18):
The assumptions that you makeabout other people around you,
because you only have onepercent of the story.
And you know full well that ifyou were the one in the story
and someone was making anassumption about you, you would
make a point to tell them alsothat they only know one percent
of the story.
They don't know the why, thewhat, or the how.
(20:41):
They just know the small sliverof what they saw from the
perspective that they saw wasfiltered through their past
experiences.
There's no right or wrong, butthere is mindfulness.
So be mindful of yourassumptions.
And if they're coming outheavily negative, maybe there's
(21:02):
some inner work to do there.
And if they're coming outgenerally positive, give
yourself a pat on the back.
Because you've probably workedpretty darn hard to get there.
And I'm proud of you for that.
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