October 14, 2025 • 41 mins
Navigating grief's landscape requires more than just endurance—it demands intention and understanding. In this raw, transformative episode, we explore how grief extends far beyond death to encompass career losses, relationship endings, and shifting identities.
The journey begins with a counterintuitive truth: grief moves faster when we intentionally step into it rather than avoid it. By creating space to fully experience our emotions—scheduling actual time to feel them—we allow that heavy energy to move through our bodies rather than becoming trapped and manifesting as physical pain or illness.
What sets this approach apart is the SAFE framework: Shift your stories and beliefs about the loss, Align your thoughts and feelings with these new narratives, Forgive everyone involved (including yourself), and Eliminate the remaining elements that no longer serve your healing. This structured process creates a roadmap through terrain that often feels impossible to navigate.
Perhaps most profound is the distinction between pain and suffering. Pain—inevitable and temporary—naturally dissipates when we release our grip on what was. Suffering, however, results from our choice to cling to the familiar, transforming short-term pain into prolonged anguish. By honoring what we've lost and allowing it to transform rather than desperately holding on, we participate in life's natural cycles of death and rebirth.
Like the phoenix rising from ashes or a snake shedding its skin, grief offers the opportunity for profound transformation. When your world feels like it's burning down around you, remember: you're not dying—you're being reborn. The question becomes not how to avoid the fire, but how to harness its transformative power to emerge renewed, with wings ready to soar.
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Themes: Emotional Mastery, Mindset, Storytelling, Confidence, Health & Productivity, Creativity, Communication Skills, Business, Movement, Meditation, Mindfulness, Manifestation, Resilience, Letting Go, Surrender, Feminine Energy, Masculine Energy, Love, Personal Growth.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (01:12):
Today we're going to talk about grieving, grieving
loss, and grieving isn't alwaysabout losing someone like a
friend or family member to death.
Sometimes we can lose otherthings, like our careers, our
marriages, our connection withour kids.
There's so much in life thatcan happen unexpectedly that
(01:37):
grieving is a process we shouldall get familiar with or maybe
not familiar, but at leastcreate a system, create a method
, a ritual, a routine, whateverit is that you can turn to in
those moments that will help youprocess that grief, that will
(02:00):
help you process that grief.
Grief is something that can bevery, very heavy energy in the
body and can cause a lot ofissues, whether it's pain over
time from tightness andstiffness, from lack of movement
.
It can be pain in the form ofdisease, because your body
begins to break down, becauseyour mind is just constantly in
a state of suffering.
Grieving is something that Idon't think many people have
(02:23):
actually learned how to movethrough, and yet it's something
I get complimented on every timeI move through it myself
Because it's something I've hadto deal with.
I wouldn't say a lot, but Iwould say I've had to deal with
in my life and time and timeagain I find that I move through
(02:43):
it faster and faster and fasterthan other people.
And the goal is not speed.
Let me be very clear.
Speed is not the goal when itcomes to grieving.
It's the efficiency or thedepth of it.
And I don't know.
I've gotten this compliment somany times and I don't know that
(03:05):
it's a compliment.
Maybe it's just an observation,right, but the observation is
Jaina, how did you get over thatso fast?
Now let me be sure that youunderstand.
I grieve like everyone else, inthe sense that grieving comes
in waves, and I might look verynot okay one day, and then very
(03:27):
okay the next, and then randomlynot okay, and so it's just like
everyone else.
Our brains take time to process,the body takes time to get the
energy through it, and there arecertain things that we can do
to help this process just happenversus avoiding it.
And so let's get into it.
I sat with myself.
(03:47):
After hearing this frommultiple people multiple times,
I finally sat down and was like,okay, I need to sit down and
think about what am I actuallydoing, what am I doing to get
myself through this?
Because at the time, it wasn't100% conscious, it was very
unconscious, it was supersubconscious.
I was just.
These are things I've learnedover time that I'm now aware of
(04:13):
and I'm going to share that withyou.
I'm now aware of and I'm goingto share that with you.
So the very first thing that Ido, when anything comes up right
Whether it's a loss of a friend, whether it's a loss of a
career, a job, a relationship,whatever it is I push myself to
sit in the pain.
I push myself to clear at leastan hour off my calendar, to
(04:35):
just sit in it, to feel angry,to feel sad, to feel frustrated,
to feel guilty, to feelshameful, to feel overwhelmed,
burdened.
Whatever the emotion is, itdoesn't matter.
It's just allowing myself theopportunity to actually feel all
of those emotions.
Because the biggest problempeople have is that they it's
(04:59):
almost like they fear beingangry or they fear being too sad
because they're scared, I'massuming that it's a slippery
slope and they'll never get backout of it, when the truth is,
if you just lean into it and sitinto it and allow that emotion
to naturally pass through yourbody by getting angry and
yelling Maybe not at your kidsor at your husband, but go out
(05:20):
in the forest and yell, grab apillow and yell into it.
But getting that out of yourbody is what we need and that's
what people avoid, because theyeither don't want to be seen
crying, they don't want to beheard yelling, they don't feel
they have a safe place they canlet that out, or a safe person
they can let it out with, which,in this case, doesn't require
anyone else, just sit with it.
(05:40):
So, block off time to actuallygrieve.
Put it on your calendar.
I gave myself an hour window.
Now, it did take a littlelonger than that, but I gave
myself an hour window, whichmeans I allowed myself to be
fully present in those feelings.
I allowed myself to pause myday and to feel it so that I
(06:03):
could heal it, because what mostpeople end up doing is I don't
have time for that.
I have to get right to thisnext meeting, I have to get the
kids to soccer, I have to get tothis and I've got to pick that
up from the store, and I justdon't have time.
It's not in my calendar, it'snot in my schedule.
(06:23):
Well, you have to make time,because when moments like these
happen, when you lose a jobunexpectedly, when you have a
house foreclose under you, whenyou have these unexpected things
come up.
You have to make time for them.
Unexpected things come up.
You have to make time for themBecause if you don't make time
now, your world will find a wayto slow you down Now.
It might not be the mostconvenient way, which is why I
(06:47):
truly like to just sit with itand say what can I remove from
my schedule?
What is not so important that,like, my world will fall apart
if I don't get on this?
God bless, I work in an industrythat that is so true that I
(07:08):
don't work on planes that aregoing to have to get people
places on timely manners andkeep them physically from dying.
I'm not in an industry likethat, and so I have the ability
to pause.
Maybe you are a EMT where youare on call, and or an ER doctor
, and maybe your time.
(07:29):
You can't just pause for anhour, right, but you can pause
for five minutes.
You can pause for any amount oftime to let yourself just feel
it before you get back up and goback to your day.
So that's my challenge is, ifyou stop and you sit in your
pain, schedule an hour and ifyou don't have an hour, schedule
(07:52):
five minutes to start and then,when you get home, five more
minutes and then maybe the nextday you make time for 10 minutes
and then over the next two orthree days, you allow yourself
five and 10 minute chunks to sitwith this and when you sit with
it, you fully sit with it,right?
(08:14):
The next thing that I do whenI'm grieving is I lean into my
community.
I lean into my tribe.
Right, it's not always familymembers and it's not always like
girlfriends.
Sometimes it's business mentors, sometimes it's a random person
(08:36):
at a dance class that I go to,sometimes it's someone in the
grocery store who I just happento have a good interaction with.
Our community.
That's the people around us allthe time, not just the people
in your closest inner knit tribe.
We're talking community.
I lean into my community.
(08:58):
Most people pull back whengrieving.
They don't want to be a burden.
Oh, I don't want people to feelbad for me.
I don't want to slow peopledown.
I don't want to bring down thevibe.
So they pull themselves awayand they isolate.
No, that's what community ishere for, right.
A burden shared is a burdenhalved.
(09:19):
So share it.
Allow us to help you, supportyou, through that process.
Community is everything.
Community is the core ofco-regulation and if you're
feeling dysregulated, crying andupset and in physical pain in
your heart and in your mind,then find people who are calm
(09:42):
and grounded, find people whoare living in a state of love
and abundance, and just be withthem, have a conversation with
them.
You will feel better becauseyou'll be co-regulating and not
even know it, because theirgrounded energy is going to be
something that feels so familiarbut still so distant because
you're in the grief.
(10:03):
But that familiarity willremind you that you too can get
back to that state and thatgrieving is not a forever
process so long as you don'tavoid it, right.
Grieving moves faster when youactually intentionally step into
(10:23):
it.
It moves so slow when you tryto avoid it, right.
The next thing that I do is thatI channel what I'm feeling and
express it through journaling.
I find that through writingwith my hand not typing, but
writing it out with paper andpen or a tablet and pen and
(10:46):
actually physically writing itall down gets it out of my head,
out of my body, onto paper.
And the reason I typicallywould use physical paper and pen
with this is so that I can burnit afterwards, because in the
case of grieving.
I want that energy to get outof me and then to transform.
And that's what fire allows usto do is to transform that
(11:09):
energy, allow it to go into anew path, a new lifetime.
Right, that is something Idon't think enough people do.
They just they don't see thevalue in sitting down and
writing it down.
Or some people actually havetold me they feel like sitting
down and writing it down makesit concrete, makes it real.
(11:29):
But yeah, that's part of whatwe're doing here.
Your brain still can't wrapitself around what you have lost
.
That's part of the confusion,that's part of the stuckness
that you're in.
Is the oh no, what I knew uptill now.
(11:50):
My routines are gone.
We are humans that are made tolove routines.
So our routine is now gone andyour mind does not know, it has
nothing to cling to, and so it'sconfused and it's lost and it's
searching and it just wants togo back to what's familiar.
But that's not going to serveyou in this moment.
(12:11):
So write it down, make itconcrete, get it out of your
body onto paper and then burn itand allow it to just release
and just let it go.
Then, after I allow myself tojust get it all out on paper and
burn it and let it go.
Then I move my body, I put onmusic.
(12:34):
Whether that's like, it doesn'tmatter.
If it's angry, I put on angrymusic.
So like Rage Against theMachine, linkin Park, papa Roach
, like very raw, like justthrash your body around, just
wail and cry and scream and getthat energy out of your body.
(12:56):
I'm begging you to get it outof your body body.
I'm begging you to get it outof your body.
That is what causes problemsdown.
The line is that all this bigenergy comes up and then we hold
it inside and we don't let itout.
Let the energy out of your body.
It is trying to pass throughyou and if we stop the energy,
(13:20):
it stays in us and when.
That's what causes blocks,that's what causes issues,
that's what causes repeatingpatterns of pain.
So let it go, let it movethrough you.
And how do we do that?
We do it through moving ourbody.
So again, put on music, rage itout or maybe it's sad music and
you just lay on your bed and cryand then just let your legs
drift side to side.
Maybe you're swaying in circlesor shifting your hips, or maybe
(13:45):
you're shaking your shouldersor whatever you need to do to
just cry and let it all out.
Maybe the way you move yourbody is to bring joy back into
it.
Maybe you put on music that youcan't help but dance to and you
just groove and dance and shakeand laugh and then you begin to
(14:08):
feel that joy come back intoyour body as you let that stuck,
stagnant energy go and you moveyour way into the life that
you're looking to have right,into the life that you're
looking to have right.
You move out of grief and youmove into peace and calm.
It starts with you.
It starts with the choice ofmusic.
(14:28):
It starts with the choice ofmovement.
It starts with the choice toget up.
Then the last thing that I do isI meditate.
I meditate and I sit andreflect on my new relationship
with this person, place or thingthat I just lost, this new
(14:52):
relationship, because nothing islost.
It is only ever transformed.
So if you have such a strongenergy and connection with
someone or something, you don'tfully lose it, you just it
transforms into somethingdifferent and it might not feel
(15:13):
familiar at the start, so it'llfeel like it's totally gone,
when the truth is it's not,unless you want it to be totally
gone and you completely let itgo because it's a negative thing
, and you're ready to move on,go for it.
But in most cases, the type ofgrieving that we're talking
about, it's not gone, it's justa new relationship.
Maybe it's not a physicalrelationship here tangibly on
(15:35):
this planet, but there is stillan energetic relationship there.
Whatever relationship youchoose to have in your mind is
yours.
So these are the steps that Itake.
Every time I push myself to sitin the pain, I allow myself to
pause so I can feel it and healit.
So by blocking time on mycalendar, I lean into my
(15:58):
community for that support.
I channel what I'm feeling andexpress it through journaling.
I move my body by dancing,walking, lifting weights, doing
yoga and I meditate on my newrelationship with them.
Those are the steps that I gothrough and I created a
(16:19):
framework to kind of remind meof some of the bigger picture
steps to make sure that I gothrough all the main points
right.
So how I remember this is it'sjust the word safe S-A-F-E.
So the S stands for shift.
I want to shift my story and mybeliefs.
(16:41):
Okay, so we will create a storyaround this loss, and the
stories that we create are notalways supportive of us and our
future.
So, in this case, I want you tolook at what story you're
telling yourself about this loss, whether it be you giving
meaning to the reason why youlost the job or had the divorce,
or meaning why a friendshipcrumbled.
(17:04):
These meanings that we give itare not true.
They just are.
They're something we get tochoose.
So choose, look at the stories,choose new stories and choose
new beliefs.
So shift S?
S shift your story and belief.
A is align.
I want you to align yourthoughts, feelings and behaviors
(17:27):
with this new story and thesenew beliefs.
So sometimes we shift our story,but we don't allow our physical
self to shift too.
So how do you do that?
Well, your story shifts, whichmeans the next step is your
thoughts shift.
Right, your thoughts are yourstories.
So how you're thinking aboutthis begins to shift.
(17:48):
Then the next thing is howyou're feeling about this,
because it now has new thoughts,and a new story means that we
have a new association, and sothat allows us to either feel
more or less connected tosomething when we have an
association.
So take, for example, you have a, let's just say you have a
(18:09):
parent and that parent was not agreat parent in your world, in
your definition of what theyshould have been as a parent,
and so you lost contact.
You didn't really talk to themand now they've passed.
So when they were here on thisplanet, you may have had a
negative association to them,causing you to not want a
(18:29):
relationship.
But now that they're passed,even though you didn't have a
relationship, you still aregoing through the grieving
process.
It's natural, especially for aparent, because we are
physically connected.
It's okay also if you're notgoing through this grieving
process.
Just a hypothetical example.
So what we do is we shift ourstory right, we begin to see
(18:50):
things a little bit differently,we give them grace, we allow
ourselves to shift the story andthen, once you shift those
stories, now these feelingsabout that parent might be
different.
So while they were here on theplanet, you may have had some
negative association, some justnegative thoughts and feelings
that come up every time theirname pops into a conversation.
(19:12):
But now, because you've givenit a new story and you have a
new belief system, you have newthoughts happening.
You now have a positiveassociation and you can look
back and remember all the goodthings that they did do.
Because when we have a negativeassociation to a human being,
it is very hard to see the gooddays and the good moments and
(19:34):
the laughter.
It's so easy to just tune in onall the negative.
So, shifting that association.
Now, this also goes for peoplewho have not passed away, who
are still on this planet.
Look at your story and shiftthe association.
So when their name pops up in aconversation in your head, you
now think of all the fun,amazing times with them, all the
(19:57):
laughter, all the good memories.
Right, our associations matter.
So align your thoughts andfeelings and then, naturally,
your behaviors will follow thatright.
The F stands for forgive.
I want you to forgive all thatis involved, all that is
(20:18):
involved, every person, place orthing.
Forgive what caused the loss.
Forgive the person or place orthing who was lost.
Forgive anyone who is part ofthe decision making or any of
the chain of events that led upto that event.
(20:38):
Just forgive everyone and don'tforget yourself, because we
deserve forgiveness too.
So be sure that you shift yourstory, you align your thoughts,
feelings and behaviors and youforgive all that are involved.
And then E stands for eliminate.
(21:00):
Eliminate the remaining people,places and things that no
longer support this new beliefsystem.
So you've shifted your thoughtsand stories.
You've allowed your thoughtsand feelings and behaviors to
align with that.
You've forgiven yourself andeveryone else, and now is the
opportunity to eliminate.
If there's someone in your lifeor a place or a thing that
(21:23):
brings you back to the old story, that keeps you connected to
the old thoughts, let them go.
Let it go.
Choose a new place to go workout, choose a new park to go
walk, choose a new vet to takeyour dog to, whatever it is, and
allow yourself, in fact, giveyourself permission to eliminate
(21:47):
anything from your life that nolonger supports this new vision
, belief and story in your life,because that is what's going to
make it concrete, that iswhat's going to instill it.
Our environment and energyimpact ourselves first and
foremost, and if yourenvironment, aka your friends,
your coworkers, your family arenot supporting this new belief
(22:07):
system, the new belief systemwill not stick and stay.
We have to be so intentionalabout surrounding ourselves with
people, places and things thatsupport where we're headed, not
where we've been.
Now, I know that was a lot, butI'm really hoping that I drilled
it in so that you can remembernext time you are ready.
(22:27):
Just think of being safe, shift, align, forgive, eliminate,
super powerful.
And this can be used inanywhere in life.
It does not need to be just bein the grieving process Anytime
you want to shift your story,shift your thoughts and beliefs
and then forgive people andeliminate.
This is something you can useall the time in your life, but I
(22:50):
use it specifically a lot whenit comes to grieving with myself
or my clients.
Because here's the truth of it.
The core of all of it when itcomes to me is I had to sit down
and say that I accepted a longtime ago that death and rebirth
are simply a part of life.
They're just cycles and rhythms.
(23:13):
They're going to come and gothroughout my entire life and
the more I try and control it,the more difficult the process
will be.
But the more I accept death andrebirth is simply a part of the
life cycle, the easier it gets.
And I think I I had to face theblatant truth that if I went
(23:53):
down this path with this human,I had like a 99% chance of him
dying before me Now we don'tever know when our time is.
So I have a lot of friends whothey assume my partner is going
to die before me and that theirpartner is going to live forever
(24:13):
with them because theirpartners are the same age.
And yet I have friends who havelost their husbands to freak
accidents or their wives tofreak accidents, and they never
planned for it, they neverthought it could be them.
They thought we're so young, wehave so much time.
But at 23, I recognized that,taking this step into this
(24:38):
relationship, I have to be okaywith death.
It is in my face every day.
We talk about it a lot at home.
What's going to happenafterwards?
How we would move?
Will I be okay?
Where would I live?
What would I do?
How's my business Like all thethings?
We talk about this all the time.
(25:00):
So death is not something I'mscared of, because it is just
the transition to your next life, your next rebirth.
The reason why so many peopleget so wrapped up in this fear
of death is because they don'tactually think about the fact
that you get to be rebirthedafterwards.
Now I also know that's a beliefsystem thing and that I do
(25:22):
stand firmly in the camp.
Well, firmly is a strong word.
I stand in the camp ofbelieving that we have multiple
lives and that we are simplylight energy in a meat sack of a
body and that, as soon as thisphysical body runs its course,
that my light energy will leavethis body and it will go into
(25:45):
the next.
And I'm excited about that, andnot so excited that I'm like
rushing to get there, like it'sokay, calm down, but excited
that I know that, like there isno fear, because I know there is
no end.
Everything is eternal,everything is ongoing,
everything is forever and so weare forever.
(26:08):
Our love is forever.
Whether our memory is foreverdoes not matter, but our energy
will forever be on this planet,over and over and over, in my
belief system.
So that excites me.
So I'm here to do all that I canin this lifetime, to love as
much as I can in this lifetime,to live as much as I can in this
lifetime, but to not have somuch FOMO that I hold on to old
(26:36):
things, because most peoplestruggle with grieving, I think
because they fight it, theycling to the old, they want to
stay in what's familiar and alot of people don't like change.
And well, actually, they don'tlike unexpected change.
(27:00):
They can't control, because ifyou give them a positive change,
like a boatload of money comingin out of nowhere, they like
that kind of change.
But it's this unexpected wherewe feel like we don't know
what's next, what's around thenext corner, right, like that is
what people?
They end up clinging to whatthey know because they, you know
(27:22):
.
What is that the quote?
The devil you know versus thedevil you don't, right, they
don't know what's around theother corner, and so that
unknown can scare a lot ofpeople.
Yet I'm here to encourage you to, in some way, shape or form,
step into the ability.
I mean, I found this for myselfand it's huge.
(27:44):
Instead of being scared of theunknown, get excited over the
ability.
I mean, I found this for myselfand it's huge.
Instead of being scared of theunknown, get excited over the
unknown.
I don't see it as a what couldI lose?
What's negative around thatcorner?
It's like, ooh, whatopportunities are there?
I wonder who I'm going to meet.
Like, I allow the detours oflife to get me excited because I
always feel like they'redetouring me to someone or
something I needed to meet,experience or have in my life.
(28:06):
And so it was when I realizedthe difference between pain and
suffering.
This was huge, right?
I mean I've told you a lotabout my story and my surgeries.
I've been through a lot ofphysical pain in my life, in a
lot of different ways, but whatI recognized was that pain is
(28:27):
inevitable.
It's going to happen.
Now or then you might stub yourtoe, roll an ankle, get into a
car accident.
Pain's inevitable, right?
It's short-term and it's mostlyphysical, right, even though I
am very aware that the pain isactually happening in your brain
, not in the body.
It's just the signals are beingsent from, like, the point on
(28:48):
the body where you think thepain is.
The signals are being sent toyour brain to tell you that
there is quote, pain there.
So, very aware that pain is amental process and we feel it
physically, right, so pain isinevitable.
Short term it's felt physically, but it will pass Over time.
(29:09):
We will heal.
Most pain passes, unless it'schronic pain.
Different story, right.
Then we get into suffering.
Now, suffering is morelong-term and it is much more
mentally derived.
It's also a choice and that'sreally the big part of this
(29:30):
right when I accepted thatholding on to what was familiar,
holding on to these people,places and things that were
leaving my life, whether it wasthrough death cycles and rhythms
and changes in career, whetherit's losing relationships or
friends.
I had to accept that by holdingon to what was, I was choosing
(29:55):
to lengthen the amount of pain Iwas in.
I was turning my pain intosuffering.
I was taking what was supposedto be short term and I was
making it a long-term process,all because I was being selfish.
I still wanted that thing in mylife.
(30:18):
I wasn't ready to let it go.
I needed to feel a certain wayfirst.
How selfish of me.
So that's when I made a pact tomyself especially when we lose
someone, it is not about me, itis about them.
(30:40):
So now, when I grieve, I do theprocess I talked about earlier,
but instead of holding on, Ihonor them, I let them go and I
let them rest, allow theirenergy, the process of actually
(31:01):
transforming and moving on,because this choice to thus
honor them and let them goallows the pain to simply run
its course.
It'll naturally dissipate overtime when we let go.
Unlike a lot of other people,they cling to the suffering, and
(31:31):
that's because it's what.
It's what, it's what's familiar, right and again, people get so
.
They get so stuck in clingingto that suffering because it's
it's the only thing they haveleft of that person, place or
thing and they're not ready tolet go.
(31:53):
And so, yeah, selfishly, theyhold on to it.
But instead, I want toencourage you to let it go, let
them go.
Let it go, let them go, let ittransform, give it a new meaning
and a new purpose, let itbecome something new.
(32:19):
So this goes for others andyourself, right, sometimes we
grieve not for the loss ofothers, but for the loss of who
we were, because we, as humans,we adapt and we grow.
So it's almost like a snake asit grows, it has to shed its
(32:41):
skin so it can continue to grow.
And so it's kind of like thefirst couple of times a snake
sheds its skin, I'm sure it's abit uncomfortable, right.
It's like you're growing out ofthe clothes you're wearing,
you're squeezed in there andyou're like, oof, I got to peel
this off, I need to go find anew outfit, right.
I'm sure it starts outuncomfortable and then, after a
(33:01):
while, it just becomes the norm.
It's like, oh, time to shed myskin again.
Look, I'm growing.
Yay, and that's kind of how Isee it is.
I used to how do I say this?
Because I was about to say Iused to like who I am, but I
love who I am, so I.
(33:23):
So it used to take me longer toevolve.
I think that's the way to sayit.
There you go.
It used to take me longer toevolve, and I think it's just
because I was clinging on to thefamiliarity of who I had been
up until that point.
It's my something else.
(33:44):
But now I am absolutelyenthralled to shed my skin on a
daily basis, because I am alwaysexcited to become this next
version of myself, because I amthis version of myself, because
(34:05):
I have gone through what I'vegone through, because I've
processed, because I've let go,because I have allowed myself to
elevate and rise, and so now Ished my skin metaphorically on a
daily basis, if not almost anhourly basis, depending on the
day.
But it's just like the phoenixyou too can rise from the ashes
(34:32):
while it seems like everythingelse around you is on fire, and
I know, you know, what death andrebirth feels like.
So we've all experienced thedeath of our youth, the death of
a family member or a friend.
Maybe you've experienceddivorce, the death of a
(34:53):
relationship.
Maybe it was a career change,the death of an identity right.
And sadly, not everyone has yethad a taste of rebirth.
And I say that because not thatyou don't have it at your
fingertips, not that it isn't anoption, it's just that most
(35:14):
people don't choose that routebecause it requires the right
support to do so.
It requires the right nurturingto make it through that process
right.
Very few animals in the animalkingdom give birth and then
immediately leave their young Imean, I'm sure there are plenty
(35:37):
and I'm sure you guys will justlet me know which ones but most
of which, especially mammalsright, most of which the mother
has to be there to protect, tonurture, to care for, to support
that baby until they becomeable to stand on their own two
feet and go on their own right.
And that's the same motheringthat is required during this
(36:03):
process.
You need someone who's going tohold your hand, someone who's
going to catch your tears, sitwith you in the mud, cheer you
on when you have a win.
But mostly you need someonewho's going to both see and
believe in the new version ofyou before you have fully
(36:23):
evolved, someone who can almostsee your future for you, someone
who understands it's not goingto be an easy path but knows
that on the other side theimpact is going to be wildly
amazing.
And it's so important to findpeople now, before we meet these
(36:50):
moments of deep grieving andloss, so that you can have that
coach in your corner, thatperson, that friend, that
community you can go to and leanon.
Don't wait until you're outsidethe airplane to think about a
parachute.
Pack your parachute on the wayup.
(37:11):
You might not be grieving orexperiencing loss at the moment,
but I'm telling you, life ebbsand flows, cycles and rhythms.
You will experience this.
So prepare now this and soprepare now.
(37:32):
And one of my favorite aspectsof supporting my community
outside of the Hurt Collectiveand the In Hurt Circle is in my
one-on-one containers, very,extremely highly limited.
I used to do more one-on-onebut as I'm moving more into
being able to help more peoplethrough our group platforms,
I've limited my one-on-one toonly taking on one client per
quarter.
That's four people a year.
(37:54):
That's it.
That's so much of my attention,of my focus, of my energy all
into these four people.
And then everybody else is in agroup format.
Right, this is the deepest workthat I do.
(38:14):
It's one thing to ask yourquestion in a group of people,
or even if it's a small grouplike five or so.
It's very, very different thandoing work, one-on-one work.
That gets straight to the core.
There is a level of speed thathappens in group because you can
learn from other people, butthere is a level of conviction
(38:39):
that happens when you areone-on-one with someone and your
shit comes up.
So, find your human, find yourperson, find your guide, because
this isn't a processnecessarily.
This phoenix portal, thisphoenix process burning down in
the ashes and then rising fromthem that's not something every
(39:00):
coach can hold a container for,because many people will try and
tell you how to rise from theashes, what steps to take.
Here's my blueprint, here's howI did it.
That's not what we need.
No, in these Phoenix moments,you need someone who is going to
support you, who's going to askyou questions and who's going
to guide you through the process, not guiding you by telling you
(39:24):
what to do, but guiding you byasking you questions about where
you want to go, what you wantto do and walking the path with
you.
Very, very different process,and this work is so deep, so
intimate.
You must find someone who fitsyou.
(39:44):
So I'm not the only person onthis planet that does this work,
and yet you are over 30 minutesinto a podcast listening to me
talk about grieving.
So it might be the right personfor you and I just I don't want
to talk about it too much morebecause I feel like it's just,
(40:04):
it's already been hammered home.
The truth is, if this resonateswith you, if you feel like it's
just it's already been hammeredhome, the truth is, if this
resonates with you, if you feellike your world is burning down
around you, I'm here to tell youyou're not dying.
You're being reborn.
It might feel like you're dying, but it is not the end.
It is simply the transitioninto a new start.
(40:26):
So if you want the support, ifyou want the guidance, if you
want someone to walk throughthis death and rebirth with you,
then please reach out.
I am so happy to be there totalk about whether or not we're
a good fit, and if not me, thenI have plenty of other friends
who are amazing practitionerswho do very similar work to me
(40:49):
that I can refer you to them.
So if you need it, reach out.
I'm so excited to see who youbecome in this next chapter, as
you rebirth yourself as this newversion of you.
Today we're going to talk about grieving, grieving
loss, and grieving isn't alwaysabout losing someone like a
friend or family member to death.
Sometimes we can lose otherthings, like our careers, our
marriages, our connection withour kids.
There's so much in life thatcan happen unexpectedly that
(01:37):
grieving is a process we shouldall get familiar with or maybe
not familiar, but at leastcreate a system, create a method
, a ritual, a routine, whateverit is that you can turn to in
those moments that will help youprocess that grief, that will
(02:00):
help you process that grief.
Grief is something that can bevery, very heavy energy in the
body and can cause a lot ofissues, whether it's pain over
time from tightness andstiffness, from lack of movement
.
It can be pain in the form ofdisease, because your body
begins to break down, becauseyour mind is just constantly in
a state of suffering.
Grieving is something that Idon't think many people have
(02:23):
actually learned how to movethrough, and yet it's something
I get complimented on every timeI move through it myself
Because it's something I've hadto deal with.
I wouldn't say a lot, but Iwould say I've had to deal with
in my life and time and timeagain I find that I move through
(02:43):
it faster and faster and fasterthan other people.
And the goal is not speed.
Let me be very clear.
Speed is not the goal when itcomes to grieving.
It's the efficiency or thedepth of it.
And I don't know.
I've gotten this compliment somany times and I don't know that
(03:05):
it's a compliment.
Maybe it's just an observation,right, but the observation is
Jaina, how did you get over thatso fast?
Now let me be sure that youunderstand.
I grieve like everyone else, inthe sense that grieving comes
in waves, and I might look verynot okay one day, and then very
(03:27):
okay the next, and then randomlynot okay, and so it's just like
everyone else.
Our brains take time to process,the body takes time to get the
energy through it, and there arecertain things that we can do
to help this process just happenversus avoiding it.
And so let's get into it.
I sat with myself.
(03:47):
After hearing this frommultiple people multiple times,
I finally sat down and was like,okay, I need to sit down and
think about what am I actuallydoing, what am I doing to get
myself through this?
Because at the time, it wasn't100% conscious, it was very
unconscious, it was supersubconscious.
I was just.
These are things I've learnedover time that I'm now aware of
(04:13):
and I'm going to share that withyou.
I'm now aware of and I'm goingto share that with you.
So the very first thing that Ido, when anything comes up right
Whether it's a loss of a friend, whether it's a loss of a
career, a job, a relationship,whatever it is I push myself to
sit in the pain.
I push myself to clear at leastan hour off my calendar, to
(04:35):
just sit in it, to feel angry,to feel sad, to feel frustrated,
to feel guilty, to feelshameful, to feel overwhelmed,
burdened.
Whatever the emotion is, itdoesn't matter.
It's just allowing myself theopportunity to actually feel all
of those emotions.
Because the biggest problempeople have is that they it's
(04:59):
almost like they fear beingangry or they fear being too sad
because they're scared, I'massuming that it's a slippery
slope and they'll never get backout of it, when the truth is,
if you just lean into it and sitinto it and allow that emotion
to naturally pass through yourbody by getting angry and
yelling Maybe not at your kidsor at your husband, but go out
(05:20):
in the forest and yell, grab apillow and yell into it.
But getting that out of yourbody is what we need and that's
what people avoid, because theyeither don't want to be seen
crying, they don't want to beheard yelling, they don't feel
they have a safe place they canlet that out, or a safe person
they can let it out with, which,in this case, doesn't require
anyone else, just sit with it.
(05:40):
So, block off time to actuallygrieve.
Put it on your calendar.
I gave myself an hour window.
Now, it did take a littlelonger than that, but I gave
myself an hour window, whichmeans I allowed myself to be
fully present in those feelings.
I allowed myself to pause myday and to feel it so that I
(06:03):
could heal it, because what mostpeople end up doing is I don't
have time for that.
I have to get right to thisnext meeting, I have to get the
kids to soccer, I have to get tothis and I've got to pick that
up from the store, and I justdon't have time.
It's not in my calendar, it'snot in my schedule.
(06:23):
Well, you have to make time,because when moments like these
happen, when you lose a jobunexpectedly, when you have a
house foreclose under you, whenyou have these unexpected things
come up.
You have to make time for them.
Unexpected things come up.
You have to make time for themBecause if you don't make time
now, your world will find a wayto slow you down Now.
It might not be the mostconvenient way, which is why I
(06:47):
truly like to just sit with itand say what can I remove from
my schedule?
What is not so important that,like, my world will fall apart
if I don't get on this?
God bless, I work in an industrythat that is so true that I
(07:08):
don't work on planes that aregoing to have to get people
places on timely manners andkeep them physically from dying.
I'm not in an industry likethat, and so I have the ability
to pause.
Maybe you are a EMT where youare on call, and or an ER doctor
, and maybe your time.
(07:29):
You can't just pause for anhour, right, but you can pause
for five minutes.
You can pause for any amount oftime to let yourself just feel
it before you get back up and goback to your day.
So that's my challenge is, ifyou stop and you sit in your
pain, schedule an hour and ifyou don't have an hour, schedule
(07:52):
five minutes to start and then,when you get home, five more
minutes and then maybe the nextday you make time for 10 minutes
and then over the next two orthree days, you allow yourself
five and 10 minute chunks to sitwith this and when you sit with
it, you fully sit with it,right?
(08:14):
The next thing that I do whenI'm grieving is I lean into my
community.
I lean into my tribe.
Right, it's not always familymembers and it's not always like
girlfriends.
Sometimes it's business mentors, sometimes it's a random person
(08:36):
at a dance class that I go to,sometimes it's someone in the
grocery store who I just happento have a good interaction with.
Our community.
That's the people around us allthe time, not just the people
in your closest inner knit tribe.
We're talking community.
I lean into my community.
(08:58):
Most people pull back whengrieving.
They don't want to be a burden.
Oh, I don't want people to feelbad for me.
I don't want to slow peopledown.
I don't want to bring down thevibe.
So they pull themselves awayand they isolate.
No, that's what community ishere for, right.
A burden shared is a burdenhalved.
(09:19):
So share it.
Allow us to help you, supportyou, through that process.
Community is everything.
Community is the core ofco-regulation and if you're
feeling dysregulated, crying andupset and in physical pain in
your heart and in your mind,then find people who are calm
(09:42):
and grounded, find people whoare living in a state of love
and abundance, and just be withthem, have a conversation with
them.
You will feel better becauseyou'll be co-regulating and not
even know it, because theirgrounded energy is going to be
something that feels so familiarbut still so distant because
you're in the grief.
(10:03):
But that familiarity willremind you that you too can get
back to that state and thatgrieving is not a forever
process so long as you don'tavoid it, right.
Grieving moves faster when youactually intentionally step into
(10:23):
it.
It moves so slow when you tryto avoid it, right.
The next thing that I do is thatI channel what I'm feeling and
express it through journaling.
I find that through writingwith my hand not typing, but
writing it out with paper andpen or a tablet and pen and
(10:46):
actually physically writing itall down gets it out of my head,
out of my body, onto paper.
And the reason I typicallywould use physical paper and pen
with this is so that I can burnit afterwards, because in the
case of grieving.
I want that energy to get outof me and then to transform.
And that's what fire allows usto do is to transform that
(11:09):
energy, allow it to go into anew path, a new lifetime.
Right, that is something Idon't think enough people do.
They just they don't see thevalue in sitting down and
writing it down.
Or some people actually havetold me they feel like sitting
down and writing it down makesit concrete, makes it real.
(11:29):
But yeah, that's part of whatwe're doing here.
Your brain still can't wrapitself around what you have lost
.
That's part of the confusion,that's part of the stuckness
that you're in.
Is the oh no, what I knew uptill now.
(11:50):
My routines are gone.
We are humans that are made tolove routines.
So our routine is now gone andyour mind does not know, it has
nothing to cling to, and so it'sconfused and it's lost and it's
searching and it just wants togo back to what's familiar.
But that's not going to serveyou in this moment.
(12:11):
So write it down, make itconcrete, get it out of your
body onto paper and then burn itand allow it to just release
and just let it go.
Then, after I allow myself tojust get it all out on paper and
burn it and let it go.
Then I move my body, I put onmusic.
(12:34):
Whether that's like, it doesn'tmatter.
If it's angry, I put on angrymusic.
So like Rage Against theMachine, linkin Park, papa Roach
, like very raw, like justthrash your body around, just
wail and cry and scream and getthat energy out of your body.
(12:56):
I'm begging you to get it outof your body body.
I'm begging you to get it outof your body.
That is what causes problemsdown.
The line is that all this bigenergy comes up and then we hold
it inside and we don't let itout.
Let the energy out of your body.
It is trying to pass throughyou and if we stop the energy,
(13:20):
it stays in us and when.
That's what causes blocks,that's what causes issues,
that's what causes repeatingpatterns of pain.
So let it go, let it movethrough you.
And how do we do that?
We do it through moving ourbody.
So again, put on music, rage itout or maybe it's sad music and
you just lay on your bed and cryand then just let your legs
drift side to side.
Maybe you're swaying in circlesor shifting your hips, or maybe
(13:45):
you're shaking your shouldersor whatever you need to do to
just cry and let it all out.
Maybe the way you move yourbody is to bring joy back into
it.
Maybe you put on music that youcan't help but dance to and you
just groove and dance and shakeand laugh and then you begin to
(14:08):
feel that joy come back intoyour body as you let that stuck,
stagnant energy go and you moveyour way into the life that
you're looking to have right,into the life that you're
looking to have right.
You move out of grief and youmove into peace and calm.
It starts with you.
It starts with the choice ofmusic.
(14:28):
It starts with the choice ofmovement.
It starts with the choice toget up.
Then the last thing that I do isI meditate.
I meditate and I sit andreflect on my new relationship
with this person, place or thingthat I just lost, this new
(14:52):
relationship, because nothing islost.
It is only ever transformed.
So if you have such a strongenergy and connection with
someone or something, you don'tfully lose it, you just it
transforms into somethingdifferent and it might not feel
(15:13):
familiar at the start, so it'llfeel like it's totally gone,
when the truth is it's not,unless you want it to be totally
gone and you completely let itgo because it's a negative thing
, and you're ready to move on,go for it.
But in most cases, the type ofgrieving that we're talking
about, it's not gone, it's justa new relationship.
Maybe it's not a physicalrelationship here tangibly on
(15:35):
this planet, but there is stillan energetic relationship there.
Whatever relationship youchoose to have in your mind is
yours.
So these are the steps that Itake.
Every time I push myself to sitin the pain, I allow myself to
pause so I can feel it and healit.
So by blocking time on mycalendar, I lean into my
(15:58):
community for that support.
I channel what I'm feeling andexpress it through journaling.
I move my body by dancing,walking, lifting weights, doing
yoga and I meditate on my newrelationship with them.
Those are the steps that I gothrough and I created a
(16:19):
framework to kind of remind meof some of the bigger picture
steps to make sure that I gothrough all the main points
right.
So how I remember this is it'sjust the word safe S-A-F-E.
So the S stands for shift.
I want to shift my story and mybeliefs.
(16:41):
Okay, so we will create a storyaround this loss, and the
stories that we create are notalways supportive of us and our
future.
So, in this case, I want you tolook at what story you're
telling yourself about this loss, whether it be you giving
meaning to the reason why youlost the job or had the divorce,
or meaning why a friendshipcrumbled.
(17:04):
These meanings that we give itare not true.
They just are.
They're something we get tochoose.
So choose, look at the stories,choose new stories and choose
new beliefs.
So shift S?
S shift your story and belief.
A is align.
I want you to align yourthoughts, feelings and behaviors
(17:27):
with this new story and thesenew beliefs.
So sometimes we shift our story,but we don't allow our physical
self to shift too.
So how do you do that?
Well, your story shifts, whichmeans the next step is your
thoughts shift.
Right, your thoughts are yourstories.
So how you're thinking aboutthis begins to shift.
(17:48):
Then the next thing is howyou're feeling about this,
because it now has new thoughts,and a new story means that we
have a new association, and sothat allows us to either feel
more or less connected tosomething when we have an
association.
So take, for example, you have a, let's just say you have a
(18:09):
parent and that parent was not agreat parent in your world, in
your definition of what theyshould have been as a parent,
and so you lost contact.
You didn't really talk to themand now they've passed.
So when they were here on thisplanet, you may have had a
negative association to them,causing you to not want a
(18:29):
relationship.
But now that they're passed,even though you didn't have a
relationship, you still aregoing through the grieving
process.
It's natural, especially for aparent, because we are
physically connected.
It's okay also if you're notgoing through this grieving
process.
Just a hypothetical example.
So what we do is we shift ourstory right, we begin to see
(18:50):
things a little bit differently,we give them grace, we allow
ourselves to shift the story andthen, once you shift those
stories, now these feelingsabout that parent might be
different.
So while they were here on theplanet, you may have had some
negative association, some justnegative thoughts and feelings
that come up every time theirname pops into a conversation.
(19:12):
But now, because you've givenit a new story and you have a
new belief system, you have newthoughts happening.
You now have a positiveassociation and you can look
back and remember all the goodthings that they did do.
Because when we have a negativeassociation to a human being,
it is very hard to see the gooddays and the good moments and
(19:34):
the laughter.
It's so easy to just tune in onall the negative.
So, shifting that association.
Now, this also goes for peoplewho have not passed away, who
are still on this planet.
Look at your story and shiftthe association.
So when their name pops up in aconversation in your head, you
now think of all the fun,amazing times with them, all the
(19:57):
laughter, all the good memories.
Right, our associations matter.
So align your thoughts andfeelings and then, naturally,
your behaviors will follow thatright.
The F stands for forgive.
I want you to forgive all thatis involved, all that is
(20:18):
involved, every person, place orthing.
Forgive what caused the loss.
Forgive the person or place orthing who was lost.
Forgive anyone who is part ofthe decision making or any of
the chain of events that led upto that event.
(20:38):
Just forgive everyone and don'tforget yourself, because we
deserve forgiveness too.
So be sure that you shift yourstory, you align your thoughts,
feelings and behaviors and youforgive all that are involved.
And then E stands for eliminate.
(21:00):
Eliminate the remaining people,places and things that no
longer support this new beliefsystem.
So you've shifted your thoughtsand stories.
You've allowed your thoughtsand feelings and behaviors to
align with that.
You've forgiven yourself andeveryone else, and now is the
opportunity to eliminate.
If there's someone in your lifeor a place or a thing that
(21:23):
brings you back to the old story, that keeps you connected to
the old thoughts, let them go.
Let it go.
Choose a new place to go workout, choose a new park to go
walk, choose a new vet to takeyour dog to, whatever it is, and
allow yourself, in fact, giveyourself permission to eliminate
(21:47):
anything from your life that nolonger supports this new vision
, belief and story in your life,because that is what's going to
make it concrete, that iswhat's going to instill it.
Our environment and energyimpact ourselves first and
foremost, and if yourenvironment, aka your friends,
your coworkers, your family arenot supporting this new belief
(22:07):
system, the new belief systemwill not stick and stay.
We have to be so intentionalabout surrounding ourselves with
people, places and things thatsupport where we're headed, not
where we've been.
Now, I know that was a lot, butI'm really hoping that I drilled
it in so that you can remembernext time you are ready.
(22:27):
Just think of being safe, shift, align, forgive, eliminate,
super powerful.
And this can be used inanywhere in life.
It does not need to be just bein the grieving process Anytime
you want to shift your story,shift your thoughts and beliefs
and then forgive people andeliminate.
This is something you can useall the time in your life, but I
(22:50):
use it specifically a lot whenit comes to grieving with myself
or my clients.
Because here's the truth of it.
The core of all of it when itcomes to me is I had to sit down
and say that I accepted a longtime ago that death and rebirth
are simply a part of life.
They're just cycles and rhythms.
(23:13):
They're going to come and gothroughout my entire life and
the more I try and control it,the more difficult the process
will be.
But the more I accept death andrebirth is simply a part of the
life cycle, the easier it gets.
And I think I I had to face theblatant truth that if I went
(23:53):
down this path with this human,I had like a 99% chance of him
dying before me Now we don'tever know when our time is.
So I have a lot of friends whothey assume my partner is going
to die before me and that theirpartner is going to live forever
(24:13):
with them because theirpartners are the same age.
And yet I have friends who havelost their husbands to freak
accidents or their wives tofreak accidents, and they never
planned for it, they neverthought it could be them.
They thought we're so young, wehave so much time.
But at 23, I recognized that,taking this step into this
(24:38):
relationship, I have to be okaywith death.
It is in my face every day.
We talk about it a lot at home.
What's going to happenafterwards?
How we would move?
Will I be okay?
Where would I live?
What would I do?
How's my business Like all thethings?
We talk about this all the time.
(25:00):
So death is not something I'mscared of, because it is just
the transition to your next life, your next rebirth.
The reason why so many peopleget so wrapped up in this fear
of death is because they don'tactually think about the fact
that you get to be rebirthedafterwards.
Now I also know that's a beliefsystem thing and that I do
(25:22):
stand firmly in the camp.
Well, firmly is a strong word.
I stand in the camp ofbelieving that we have multiple
lives and that we are simplylight energy in a meat sack of a
body and that, as soon as thisphysical body runs its course,
that my light energy will leavethis body and it will go into
(25:45):
the next.
And I'm excited about that, andnot so excited that I'm like
rushing to get there, like it'sokay, calm down, but excited
that I know that, like there isno fear, because I know there is
no end.
Everything is eternal,everything is ongoing,
everything is forever and so weare forever.
(26:08):
Our love is forever.
Whether our memory is foreverdoes not matter, but our energy
will forever be on this planet,over and over and over, in my
belief system.
So that excites me.
So I'm here to do all that I canin this lifetime, to love as
much as I can in this lifetime,to live as much as I can in this
lifetime, but to not have somuch FOMO that I hold on to old
(26:36):
things, because most peoplestruggle with grieving, I think
because they fight it, theycling to the old, they want to
stay in what's familiar and alot of people don't like change.
And well, actually, they don'tlike unexpected change.
(27:00):
They can't control, because ifyou give them a positive change,
like a boatload of money comingin out of nowhere, they like
that kind of change.
But it's this unexpected wherewe feel like we don't know
what's next, what's around thenext corner, right, like that is
what people?
They end up clinging to whatthey know because they, you know
(27:22):
.
What is that the quote?
The devil you know versus thedevil you don't, right, they
don't know what's around theother corner, and so that
unknown can scare a lot ofpeople.
Yet I'm here to encourage you to, in some way, shape or form,
step into the ability.
I mean, I found this for myselfand it's huge.
(27:44):
Instead of being scared of theunknown, get excited over the
ability.
I mean, I found this for myselfand it's huge.
Instead of being scared of theunknown, get excited over the
unknown.
I don't see it as a what couldI lose?
What's negative around thatcorner?
It's like, ooh, whatopportunities are there?
I wonder who I'm going to meet.
Like, I allow the detours oflife to get me excited because I
always feel like they'redetouring me to someone or
something I needed to meet,experience or have in my life.
(28:06):
And so it was when I realizedthe difference between pain and
suffering.
This was huge, right?
I mean I've told you a lotabout my story and my surgeries.
I've been through a lot ofphysical pain in my life, in a
lot of different ways, but whatI recognized was that pain is
(28:27):
inevitable.
It's going to happen.
Now or then you might stub yourtoe, roll an ankle, get into a
car accident.
Pain's inevitable, right?
It's short-term and it's mostlyphysical, right, even though I
am very aware that the pain isactually happening in your brain
, not in the body.
It's just the signals are beingsent from, like, the point on
(28:48):
the body where you think thepain is.
The signals are being sent toyour brain to tell you that
there is quote, pain there.
So, very aware that pain is amental process and we feel it
physically, right, so pain isinevitable.
Short term it's felt physically, but it will pass Over time.
(29:09):
We will heal.
Most pain passes, unless it'schronic pain.
Different story, right.
Then we get into suffering.
Now, suffering is morelong-term and it is much more
mentally derived.
It's also a choice and that'sreally the big part of this
(29:30):
right when I accepted thatholding on to what was familiar,
holding on to these people,places and things that were
leaving my life, whether it wasthrough death cycles and rhythms
and changes in career, whetherit's losing relationships or
friends.
I had to accept that by holdingon to what was, I was choosing
(29:55):
to lengthen the amount of pain Iwas in.
I was turning my pain intosuffering.
I was taking what was supposedto be short term and I was
making it a long-term process,all because I was being selfish.
I still wanted that thing in mylife.
(30:18):
I wasn't ready to let it go.
I needed to feel a certain wayfirst.
How selfish of me.
So that's when I made a pact tomyself especially when we lose
someone, it is not about me, itis about them.
(30:40):
So now, when I grieve, I do theprocess I talked about earlier,
but instead of holding on, Ihonor them, I let them go and I
let them rest, allow theirenergy, the process of actually
(31:01):
transforming and moving on,because this choice to thus
honor them and let them goallows the pain to simply run
its course.
It'll naturally dissipate overtime when we let go.
Unlike a lot of other people,they cling to the suffering, and
(31:31):
that's because it's what.
It's what, it's what's familiar, right and again, people get so
.
They get so stuck in clingingto that suffering because it's
it's the only thing they haveleft of that person, place or
thing and they're not ready tolet go.
(31:53):
And so, yeah, selfishly, theyhold on to it.
But instead, I want toencourage you to let it go, let
them go.
Let it go, let them go, let ittransform, give it a new meaning
and a new purpose, let itbecome something new.
(32:19):
So this goes for others andyourself, right, sometimes we
grieve not for the loss ofothers, but for the loss of who
we were, because we, as humans,we adapt and we grow.
So it's almost like a snake asit grows, it has to shed its
(32:41):
skin so it can continue to grow.
And so it's kind of like thefirst couple of times a snake
sheds its skin, I'm sure it's abit uncomfortable, right.
It's like you're growing out ofthe clothes you're wearing,
you're squeezed in there andyou're like, oof, I got to peel
this off, I need to go find anew outfit, right.
I'm sure it starts outuncomfortable and then, after a
(33:01):
while, it just becomes the norm.
It's like, oh, time to shed myskin again.
Look, I'm growing.
Yay, and that's kind of how Isee it is.
I used to how do I say this?
Because I was about to say Iused to like who I am, but I
love who I am, so I.
(33:23):
So it used to take me longer toevolve.
I think that's the way to sayit.
There you go.
It used to take me longer toevolve, and I think it's just
because I was clinging on to thefamiliarity of who I had been
up until that point.
It's my something else.
(33:44):
But now I am absolutelyenthralled to shed my skin on a
daily basis, because I am alwaysexcited to become this next
version of myself, because I amthis version of myself, because
(34:05):
I have gone through what I'vegone through, because I've
processed, because I've let go,because I have allowed myself to
elevate and rise, and so now Ished my skin metaphorically on a
daily basis, if not almost anhourly basis, depending on the
day.
But it's just like the phoenixyou too can rise from the ashes
(34:32):
while it seems like everythingelse around you is on fire, and
I know, you know, what death andrebirth feels like.
So we've all experienced thedeath of our youth, the death of
a family member or a friend.
Maybe you've experienceddivorce, the death of a
(34:53):
relationship.
Maybe it was a career change,the death of an identity right.
And sadly, not everyone has yethad a taste of rebirth.
And I say that because not thatyou don't have it at your
fingertips, not that it isn't anoption, it's just that most
(35:14):
people don't choose that routebecause it requires the right
support to do so.
It requires the right nurturingto make it through that process
right.
Very few animals in the animalkingdom give birth and then
immediately leave their young Imean, I'm sure there are plenty
(35:37):
and I'm sure you guys will justlet me know which ones but most
of which, especially mammalsright, most of which the mother
has to be there to protect, tonurture, to care for, to support
that baby until they becomeable to stand on their own two
feet and go on their own right.
And that's the same motheringthat is required during this
(36:03):
process.
You need someone who's going tohold your hand, someone who's
going to catch your tears, sitwith you in the mud, cheer you
on when you have a win.
But mostly you need someonewho's going to both see and
believe in the new version ofyou before you have fully
(36:23):
evolved, someone who can almostsee your future for you, someone
who understands it's not goingto be an easy path but knows
that on the other side theimpact is going to be wildly
amazing.
And it's so important to findpeople now, before we meet these
(36:50):
moments of deep grieving andloss, so that you can have that
coach in your corner, thatperson, that friend, that
community you can go to and leanon.
Don't wait until you're outsidethe airplane to think about a
parachute.
Pack your parachute on the wayup.
(37:11):
You might not be grieving orexperiencing loss at the moment,
but I'm telling you, life ebbsand flows, cycles and rhythms.
You will experience this.
So prepare now this and soprepare now.
(37:32):
And one of my favorite aspectsof supporting my community
outside of the Hurt Collectiveand the In Hurt Circle is in my
one-on-one containers, very,extremely highly limited.
I used to do more one-on-onebut as I'm moving more into
being able to help more peoplethrough our group platforms,
I've limited my one-on-one toonly taking on one client per
quarter.
That's four people a year.
(37:54):
That's it.
That's so much of my attention,of my focus, of my energy all
into these four people.
And then everybody else is in agroup format.
Right, this is the deepest workthat I do.
(38:14):
It's one thing to ask yourquestion in a group of people,
or even if it's a small grouplike five or so.
It's very, very different thandoing work, one-on-one work.
That gets straight to the core.
There is a level of speed thathappens in group because you can
learn from other people, butthere is a level of conviction
(38:39):
that happens when you areone-on-one with someone and your
shit comes up.
So, find your human, find yourperson, find your guide, because
this isn't a processnecessarily.
This phoenix portal, thisphoenix process burning down in
the ashes and then rising fromthem that's not something every
(39:00):
coach can hold a container for,because many people will try and
tell you how to rise from theashes, what steps to take.
Here's my blueprint, here's howI did it.
That's not what we need.
No, in these Phoenix moments,you need someone who is going to
support you, who's going to askyou questions and who's going
to guide you through the process, not guiding you by telling you
(39:24):
what to do, but guiding you byasking you questions about where
you want to go, what you wantto do and walking the path with
you.
Very, very different process,and this work is so deep, so
intimate.
You must find someone who fitsyou.
(39:44):
So I'm not the only person onthis planet that does this work,
and yet you are over 30 minutesinto a podcast listening to me
talk about grieving.
So it might be the right personfor you and I just I don't want
to talk about it too much morebecause I feel like it's just,
(40:04):
it's already been hammered home.
The truth is, if this resonateswith you, if you feel like it's
just it's already been hammeredhome, the truth is, if this
resonates with you, if you feellike your world is burning down
around you, I'm here to tell youyou're not dying.
You're being reborn.
It might feel like you're dying, but it is not the end.
It is simply the transitioninto a new start.
(40:26):
So if you want the support, ifyou want the guidance, if you
want someone to walk throughthis death and rebirth with you,
then please reach out.
I am so happy to be there totalk about whether or not we're
a good fit, and if not me, thenI have plenty of other friends
who are amazing practitionerswho do very similar work to me
(40:49):
that I can refer you to them.
So if you need it, reach out.
I'm so excited to see who youbecome in this next chapter, as
you rebirth yourself as this newversion of you.
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