March 18, 2025 • 19 mins
Have you ever felt deeply frustrated when a friend fails to show up for a plan? Let’s dig into the emotional depths of our love languages and how they define our interpersonal relationships. This episode looks closer at Gary Chapman’s concept of love languages – quality time, physical touch, words of affirmation, acts of service, and receiving gifts. I share personal experiences that shed light on how our emotional responses can often be directly tied to our love languages.
The narrative explores how unmet expectations linked to our love languages can manifest in feelings of irritation and deep hurt, especially when others don’t reciprocate the effort we contribute to relationships. By examining the opposites of these love languages, we uncover the potential triggers and emotional pain points that can emerge in our human connections. We delve into the importance of communication, encouraging listeners to express their love languages effectively to foster deeper connections.
Join the dialogue on understanding these connections and the importance of acknowledging different love languages in our relationships. Understanding our and others’ love preferences opens doors to richer, more nourishing connections. Don’t miss this opportunity for reflection and growth, and engage with us by sharing your love language story! Subscribe, share, and leave a review to continue the conversation!
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Themes: Emotional Mastery, Mindset, Storytelling, Confidence, Health & Productivity, Creativity, Communication Skills, Business, Movement, Meditation, Mindfulness, Manifestation, Resilience, Letting Go, Surrender, Feminine Energy, Masculine Energy, Love, Personal Growth.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
What's your love language?
You know the five lovelanguages by Gary Chapman.
It was a book that was put outyears ago for relationships and
it talks about five differentlove languages.
We have quality time, physicaltouch, gifts of giving, words of
(00:22):
affirmation and acts of service.
You may have heard about these,so I'm not going to talk about
them, but I do want to talkabout something I experienced
the other day and a thought thatit triggered regarding love
languages.
So here it is yesterday morningand I got up a little extra
early and I put on my makeup andI got myself ready because I
(00:46):
had a 9am call.
Typically, I don't take myfirst call of the day until
about 2pm.
It's after the time that I goto the gym.
It's after the time that I doall of my morning work.
So it's very infrequent that Ido something like this, but it
was a friend and I really wantedto connect with this friend.
Frequent that I do somethinglike this, but it was a friend
(01:06):
and I really wanted to connectwith this friend.
So I thought I have a 9am slothere before, just enough time to
be able to move things around.
So then I'll go train afterthis and then come back.
And then that was the plan.
Well, 9am comes and it goes.
Then 902, 904, 908.
(01:27):
So then I sent a text messagehey, like I hope you're okay, I
hope something urgent didn'tcome up and that you aren't hurt
.
You know, I'd love to see you.
I'm still here, I'll wait, joinme whenever you can.
Didn't really hear anythingback, thinking okay, 915, 925.
(01:52):
Now I have a nine minute rulein my business where if you're
nine minutes late to a coachingsession, the coaching session is
over.
You forfeit the cost that you,whatever you paid for that
session.
Nine minutes is late.
For me, it's done, it's ano-show.
And so here I am at 928, 930and thinking, all right, I'm
(02:15):
done, I get off the Zoom call.
And I took the last 30 minutesto just sit here and journal.
And I was thinking to myself,why was I so frustrated?
Because I do the work Like Ihave emotional IQ levels that
are higher than most.
I have the ability to controlmy emotions in many ways, like,
(02:38):
why was this frustrating me somuch?
Why was I so irritated?
My makeup was done, I was readyfor the day Like I could.
I had 30 minutes extra now tobe able to record some content
and do whatever I needed.
Why was I frustrated?
I'm the queen of reframes.
I can reframe anything.
Why was I so upset that thisone person didn't get on this
(02:59):
one call with me?
Why was this the one straw thatbroke the camel's back, when
all these other things can gowrong?
And that's what spurred thethought that my number one love
language is quality time, and Iwas just looking forward to
(03:27):
quality time with someone andessentially had it taken away
from me because I didn't get itright.
So people being late, peoplebailing on me, people ghosting
me in any way, shape or form,wasting my time, because quality
time is the most valuable thingto me.
I know that time is the onething that we invest, that once
we invest it, we never get itback.
So we have to be intentionalwith that.
(03:49):
So for me, not showing up forme once you've put it on my
calendar, because I worship mycalendar, I live by my calendar.
I calendar block in mealtimes.
I calendar block in when I'mdoing my hair and makeup, when
I'm showering.
I calendar block in time withmy partner.
(04:11):
I calendar block everythinginto my calendar and I live by
it, and that has been one of thebiggest things, that's unlocked
a level of like production and,like everyone's like, how are
you so productive?
Like one, I don't have kids orpets, and I think that is
tremendous, because there's somuch, not only time in my
calendar, but also brain spacethat I don't spend on those two
(04:33):
things.
I also don't get the greatsnuggles and all the positive
things that come along with it.
So it has its pros and cons andI think that the moment,
because I've been doing this fordecades, I used to do this in a
written, like actual calendar.
What am I thinking?
It's like a journal, not ajournal, one of those Yep, I
(04:58):
know you're thinking of it,because I'm also thinking of it.
The word is not coming to me.
So, yeah, one of those calendarjournal things, oh my gosh.
But regardless, I used to writethis on paper and I still have
some of those, and so I can goback to January 21st, january
21st of 2018.
And I can know exactly what Iwas doing If I wanted to be like
(05:20):
2pm on February 5th of 2017,like, I've got the journals,
I've got the data, it's all onpaper.
Now I just do it digitally.
So for me, so for me, time,quality time is valuable.
The reason that reschedules hurtis because I do everything in
(05:43):
my power to respect appointmentsthat I put on my calendar for
other people around me, and whenI don't get that same energy
back for appointments people puton my calendar, it's where the
balance and the scales feelunbalanced and so it becomes
like a huge pet peeve for me.
(06:03):
So I was sitting and journalingabout this.
Oh, we are still in a story.
Yes, we are layers and layers,baby.
So I'm still.
I'm sitting here journalingabout this and I ended up
journaling out all five of thelove languages and then what the
opposite or the pet peeve wouldbe.
And I sat here and thoughtabout multiple people in my life
who have different lovelanguages, or at least primary
(06:25):
love languages, than I do, andabout how I could see that in
their life playing out.
So I'm just going to talk aboutit in this episode.
This is not researched orbacked or anything.
This is just an idea, a thoughtI had the other day that I
thought I'd talk out in moredepth to see if anyone else
thinks it's true, because it'snot something I've ever heard
(06:46):
discussed before.
So quality time is something wejust discussed in depth.
Now let's talk about physicaltouch.
I thought to myself what is theopposite of physical touch?
Well, in that case it wouldeither be the lack thereof,
which is obvious, or it would bephysical abuse.
(07:06):
So, or even non-consensualtouch.
That might not even be to theextent of what someone would
label physical abuse, but it canstill be non-consensual touch.
It might not even be to theextent of what someone would
label physical abuse, but it canstill be nonconsensual touch.
I have a friend who reallyphysical touch isn't even on his
love languages.
He's like nope, I got four lovelanguages, that's it.
He's so anti-physical touch andthat when I first met him it
(07:29):
was very like no hugs, notouching, no, nothing.
Now it's at the point to whereit's like I get a hug every time
I see him.
But that was something I had tobuild up to because he was so
anti-physical touch thatnon-consensual touch was a big
big deal.
But I can see how someone whois a physical touch person
(07:49):
getting abused by someone in anyway, shape or form, as in like
having a negative associationwith physical touch.
It's like they in like having anegative association with
physical touch.
It's like they want to maintaina positive association with
physical touch.
Just like I wanted to maintaina positive association with
quality time, not having anegative one where people don't
show up over and over, so samething with physical touch.
(08:11):
I'm spending so much timethinking and like pausing which
I'm probably going to cut all ofthat out but I'm spending so
much time pausing and thinkingbecause physical touch is not my
number one, it's not my numbertwo, it's not my number three,
it's not my number four, it isalso basically my number zero,
(08:32):
like I don't associate physicaltouch to love, my number zero.
Like I don't associate physicaltouch to love and it's just not
something that I grew up with.
So, yeah, it's just verydifferent, it's harder for me to
associate to.
So it takes me time to just sitand pause.
I have to allow myself toalmost, in a way, intentionally
disassociate out of who I am andinto the potential shoes of
(08:54):
someone else who physical touchis their number one, and then
just kind of think about how Iwould feel if all I wanted was
physical touch.
I literally ached for physicaltouch because I wanted to feel
loved so badly and all I evergot was abuse.
All I ever got was hurt or hitor like, just yes, that's
(09:17):
completely going to be a petpeeve.
That's a hundred percent goingto be a deal breaker for someone
in a relationship.
If physical touch is theirnumber one and they're either
getting no touch ornon-consensual touch or physical
abuse, they're most certainlygoing to walk away from that.
So I think that that also makessense.
Then we have gifts of giving,which I thought was interesting
(09:41):
because I had to think aboutokay, what's the opposite of
that?
Well, it would be the lackthereof, so a relationship in
which you never get gifts.
But I think that would be anobvious place, that a gift
giving like if your number onelove language was gifts, you
wouldn't be in a relationshiplike that.
So it's more of like havingyour personal items damaged or
(10:04):
stolen, right, like that'sreally going to hurt someone.
Like to me, if you were to likedamage a camera of mine, or if
you were to damage a laptop or aphone or total my car, like I
wouldn't care.
There's more.
Where that came from Iseveryone else.
Okay, because to me, the qualitytime with the human beings that
(10:27):
are driving the vehicle matterto me more than the vehicle
itself, because gifts are numberfour for me, so it's also not
something that's super close forme.
Yes, I hold value in things.
Yes, if this house went up inflames, I would be very sad,
because there are a lot ofthings, even the things here in
(10:48):
my studio space, that all holdmeaning to me and that have
energy in them and that I reallyenjoy.
And then if they were stolen ordamaged or whatever, like yes,
I would have a little bit of anache to that, because it is on
my list.
Maybe it's more of like a threethan a four, I don't know, mine
always flip-flop around becauseI like a lot of them and I
(11:11):
think it's really interestingbecause and like the idea of
some people get so upset whenthe smallest thing, like I've
seen relationships in the pastwhere they obsess over their car
, the guy obsesses over the carand if the slightest little
scratch or dent, like, they blowup like little toddlers having
(11:35):
a tantrum and like going crazy.
It's like why is it that theyget to that level of bothered?
But if someone doesn't show upfor them, whatever, no skin off
their back, it's because it'sdirectly correlated with the
love language.
Like that's what I'm getting atwith all of this.
Is that I really truly feellike our biggest triggers are
(11:55):
just the opposite of the on thedichotomy scale, are just the
opposite on the dichotomy scale,like the opposite of our love
language.
So the next one words ofaffirmation.
So the opposite of that isverbal abuse, gaslighting, the
silent treatment or ghosting,like people who want to hear
(12:15):
positive feedback.
If you give them criticism,they crumble Like they hate
criticism.
They cannot stand takingcriticism.
So, words of affirmation people, they want to hear uplifting
and affirming words, notnecessarily verbal abuse or
gaslighting.
That's going to stick and stayand trigger them a lot more than
, say, having their personalitem damaged.
(12:38):
So it's really interesting tosee how each of these correlate.
The last one is acts of service.
Now, acts of service is theopposite.
It would be, to the best of myknowledge, would be like to be
forgotten or left, like to haveto do everything alone, have no
one consider you, no one go outof their way to try and help you
(12:59):
in any way, shape or form or doanything for you.
Because acts of service isn'tlike gifting, it's more of like
helping do stuff and beingconsidered in that process.
And so I think that it'sinteresting to think about these
, and so I said, had this briefconversation about this idea
(13:21):
with someone and theyimmediately said when I
mentioned I wanted to make apodcast episode about it.
They said why do you want togive people ammo as to how to
hurt each other?
And I thought, interestingperspective.
Because no, I wanted to createthis episode so that we can help
learn more about each other, sowe can avoid hurting each other
(13:46):
so much.
If we know that people's lovelanguage is a specific thing and
we know the direct way to hurtthem in the most powerful way, I
would hope that we as humanswould come together and have
hearts big enough to choose notto intentionally and maliciously
utilize that informationagainst someone and only ever to
(14:10):
utilize it to support and carefor someone.
I talk about this because,honestly, it's like my calendar
is so important to me and I haverecently been ghosted and stood
up for call after call aftercall and I've had friends bail
(14:34):
on me for things and a lot ofpeople not come through for me
recently and I know that it'snot a reflection of them.
I know that it's a lot ofpeople not come through for me
recently and I know that it'snot a reflection of them.
I know that it's a reflectionof me.
I know that it's a reflectionof what I am willing to put up
with, whether I'm willing toreschedule that or not, whether
I am willing to cut that personoff, whether I am willing to
(14:56):
continue to forgive and allow itto happen over and over and
over, or whether I stop takingcalls with friends before 2 pm
and on days that I wouldn'tnormally take a call, because
that's a boundary I crossed.
They didn't cross it, I did it.
So I understand that it camewith risks of someone not
(15:19):
showing up.
It was 9 am on a Monday morning.
That's easy to sleep throughFor someone who might not
necessarily work that day.
That can be easy to sleepthrough after a long weekend.
Who knows what could havehappened.
Right, I should have knownbetter than scheduling something
like that on a 9 am on a Mondaymorning, have known better than
(15:41):
scheduling something like thaton a 9am on a Monday morning,
and it led me to this amazingthought process that has been
ever expanded here in thisepisode, so that we can come
together as a community, so thatwe can all begin to learn more
about each other, because we arethe same but with shades of
(16:02):
different ways.
Our brains work differently.
Different people prioritizedifferent things.
We all have different values,which means that there are
different options that work fordifferent people.
And the five love languages isnot the exclusive love languages
either.
Like I've had many jokes withother friends that there are
(16:22):
other love languages.
I like to joke around and saymy number one love language is
curiosity.
I really absolutely adore itwhen people ask me about me and
get curious and like want tohear me tell stories about the
things I'm experiencing and whatI'm building in my retreats and
my stuff.
Like when people get curiousabout me like that's so much fun
(16:45):
and I know that that's alsoreally like can come off as
fully yourself and all you do istalk about yourself.
So it's not something I getvery often, because I really do
fight to balance theconversation and I end up now I
think about it giving what Iwant to receive, where I get
super curious about other people.
(17:07):
Now I think back to all theevents I go to and I get really
curious about them and ask a tonof questions to deep dive into
what makes them spin and whatthey're excited about and
they're passionate about andgive the love I'd love to
receive.
So I wonder what the oppositeof the love language of
(17:29):
curiosity would be.
I wonder if it's like the petpeeve, I don't know.
I have to think on that one.
If you have any ideas, let meknow.
You can meet me in the commentson not the comments in the DMs
on Instagram, at jainaswan or Ithink pretty sure there are ways
(17:52):
to message me on thesepodcasting platforms nowadays,
but you can always find me atjainanaswancom.
There are ways to contact methere and I love to hear back
from you.
And, uh, thanks for tuning infor another episode with me.
What's your love language?
You know the five lovelanguages by Gary Chapman.
It was a book that was put outyears ago for relationships and
it talks about five differentlove languages.
We have quality time, physicaltouch, gifts of giving, words of
(00:22):
affirmation and acts of service.
You may have heard about these,so I'm not going to talk about
them, but I do want to talkabout something I experienced
the other day and a thought thatit triggered regarding love
languages.
So here it is yesterday morningand I got up a little extra
early and I put on my makeup andI got myself ready because I
(00:46):
had a 9am call.
Typically, I don't take myfirst call of the day until
about 2pm.
It's after the time that I goto the gym.
It's after the time that I doall of my morning work.
So it's very infrequent that Ido something like this, but it
was a friend and I really wantedto connect with this friend.
Frequent that I do somethinglike this, but it was a friend
(01:06):
and I really wanted to connectwith this friend.
So I thought I have a 9am slothere before, just enough time to
be able to move things around.
So then I'll go train afterthis and then come back.
And then that was the plan.
Well, 9am comes and it goes.
Then 902, 904, 908.
(01:27):
So then I sent a text messagehey, like I hope you're okay, I
hope something urgent didn'tcome up and that you aren't hurt
.
You know, I'd love to see you.
I'm still here, I'll wait, joinme whenever you can.
Didn't really hear anythingback, thinking okay, 915, 925.
(01:52):
Now I have a nine minute rulein my business where if you're
nine minutes late to a coachingsession, the coaching session is
over.
You forfeit the cost that you,whatever you paid for that
session.
Nine minutes is late.
For me, it's done, it's ano-show.
And so here I am at 928, 930and thinking, all right, I'm
(02:15):
done, I get off the Zoom call.
And I took the last 30 minutesto just sit here and journal.
And I was thinking to myself,why was I so frustrated?
Because I do the work Like Ihave emotional IQ levels that
are higher than most.
I have the ability to controlmy emotions in many ways, like,
(02:38):
why was this frustrating me somuch?
Why was I so irritated?
My makeup was done, I was readyfor the day Like I could.
I had 30 minutes extra now tobe able to record some content
and do whatever I needed.
Why was I frustrated?
I'm the queen of reframes.
I can reframe anything.
Why was I so upset that thisone person didn't get on this
(02:59):
one call with me?
Why was this the one straw thatbroke the camel's back, when
all these other things can gowrong?
And that's what spurred thethought that my number one love
language is quality time, and Iwas just looking forward to
(03:27):
quality time with someone andessentially had it taken away
from me because I didn't get itright.
So people being late, peoplebailing on me, people ghosting
me in any way, shape or form,wasting my time, because quality
time is the most valuable thingto me.
I know that time is the onething that we invest, that once
we invest it, we never get itback.
So we have to be intentionalwith that.
(03:49):
So for me, not showing up forme once you've put it on my
calendar, because I worship mycalendar, I live by my calendar.
I calendar block in mealtimes.
I calendar block in when I'mdoing my hair and makeup, when
I'm showering.
I calendar block in time withmy partner.
(04:11):
I calendar block everythinginto my calendar and I live by
it, and that has been one of thebiggest things, that's unlocked
a level of like production and,like everyone's like, how are
you so productive?
Like one, I don't have kids orpets, and I think that is
tremendous, because there's somuch, not only time in my
calendar, but also brain spacethat I don't spend on those two
(04:33):
things.
I also don't get the greatsnuggles and all the positive
things that come along with it.
So it has its pros and cons andI think that the moment,
because I've been doing this fordecades, I used to do this in a
written, like actual calendar.
What am I thinking?
It's like a journal, not ajournal, one of those Yep, I
(04:58):
know you're thinking of it,because I'm also thinking of it.
The word is not coming to me.
So, yeah, one of those calendarjournal things, oh my gosh.
But regardless, I used to writethis on paper and I still have
some of those, and so I can goback to January 21st, january
21st of 2018.
And I can know exactly what Iwas doing If I wanted to be like
(05:20):
2pm on February 5th of 2017,like, I've got the journals,
I've got the data, it's all onpaper.
Now I just do it digitally.
So for me, so for me, time,quality time is valuable.
The reason that reschedules hurtis because I do everything in
(05:43):
my power to respect appointmentsthat I put on my calendar for
other people around me, and whenI don't get that same energy
back for appointments people puton my calendar, it's where the
balance and the scales feelunbalanced and so it becomes
like a huge pet peeve for me.
(06:03):
So I was sitting and journalingabout this.
Oh, we are still in a story.
Yes, we are layers and layers,baby.
So I'm still.
I'm sitting here journalingabout this and I ended up
journaling out all five of thelove languages and then what the
opposite or the pet peeve wouldbe.
And I sat here and thoughtabout multiple people in my life
who have different lovelanguages, or at least primary
(06:25):
love languages, than I do, andabout how I could see that in
their life playing out.
So I'm just going to talk aboutit in this episode.
This is not researched orbacked or anything.
This is just an idea, a thoughtI had the other day that I
thought I'd talk out in moredepth to see if anyone else
thinks it's true, because it'snot something I've ever heard
(06:46):
discussed before.
So quality time is something wejust discussed in depth.
Now let's talk about physicaltouch.
I thought to myself what is theopposite of physical touch?
Well, in that case it wouldeither be the lack thereof,
which is obvious, or it would bephysical abuse.
(07:06):
So, or even non-consensualtouch.
That might not even be to theextent of what someone would
label physical abuse, but it canstill be non-consensual touch.
It might not even be to theextent of what someone would
label physical abuse, but it canstill be nonconsensual touch.
I have a friend who reallyphysical touch isn't even on his
love languages.
He's like nope, I got four lovelanguages, that's it.
He's so anti-physical touch andthat when I first met him it
(07:29):
was very like no hugs, notouching, no, nothing.
Now it's at the point to whereit's like I get a hug every time
I see him.
But that was something I had tobuild up to because he was so
anti-physical touch thatnon-consensual touch was a big
big deal.
But I can see how someone whois a physical touch person
(07:49):
getting abused by someone in anyway, shape or form, as in like
having a negative associationwith physical touch.
It's like they in like having anegative association with
physical touch.
It's like they want to maintaina positive association with
physical touch.
Just like I wanted to maintaina positive association with
quality time, not having anegative one where people don't
show up over and over, so samething with physical touch.
(08:11):
I'm spending so much timethinking and like pausing which
I'm probably going to cut all ofthat out but I'm spending so
much time pausing and thinkingbecause physical touch is not my
number one, it's not my numbertwo, it's not my number three,
it's not my number four, it isalso basically my number zero,
(08:32):
like I don't associate physicaltouch to love, my number zero.
Like I don't associate physicaltouch to love and it's just not
something that I grew up with.
So, yeah, it's just verydifferent, it's harder for me to
associate to.
So it takes me time to just sitand pause.
I have to allow myself toalmost, in a way, intentionally
disassociate out of who I am andinto the potential shoes of
(08:54):
someone else who physical touchis their number one, and then
just kind of think about how Iwould feel if all I wanted was
physical touch.
I literally ached for physicaltouch because I wanted to feel
loved so badly and all I evergot was abuse.
All I ever got was hurt or hitor like, just yes, that's
(09:17):
completely going to be a petpeeve.
That's a hundred percent goingto be a deal breaker for someone
in a relationship.
If physical touch is theirnumber one and they're either
getting no touch ornon-consensual touch or physical
abuse, they're most certainlygoing to walk away from that.
So I think that that also makessense.
Then we have gifts of giving,which I thought was interesting
(09:41):
because I had to think aboutokay, what's the opposite of
that?
Well, it would be the lackthereof, so a relationship in
which you never get gifts.
But I think that would be anobvious place, that a gift
giving like if your number onelove language was gifts, you
wouldn't be in a relationshiplike that.
So it's more of like havingyour personal items damaged or
(10:04):
stolen, right, like that'sreally going to hurt someone.
Like to me, if you were to likedamage a camera of mine, or if
you were to damage a laptop or aphone or total my car, like I
wouldn't care.
There's more.
Where that came from Iseveryone else.
Okay, because to me, the qualitytime with the human beings that
(10:27):
are driving the vehicle matterto me more than the vehicle
itself, because gifts are numberfour for me, so it's also not
something that's super close forme.
Yes, I hold value in things.
Yes, if this house went up inflames, I would be very sad,
because there are a lot ofthings, even the things here in
(10:48):
my studio space, that all holdmeaning to me and that have
energy in them and that I reallyenjoy.
And then if they were stolen ordamaged or whatever, like yes,
I would have a little bit of anache to that, because it is on
my list.
Maybe it's more of like a threethan a four, I don't know, mine
always flip-flop around becauseI like a lot of them and I
(11:11):
think it's really interestingbecause and like the idea of
some people get so upset whenthe smallest thing, like I've
seen relationships in the pastwhere they obsess over their car
, the guy obsesses over the carand if the slightest little
scratch or dent, like, they blowup like little toddlers having
(11:35):
a tantrum and like going crazy.
It's like why is it that theyget to that level of bothered?
But if someone doesn't show upfor them, whatever, no skin off
their back, it's because it'sdirectly correlated with the
love language.
Like that's what I'm getting atwith all of this.
Is that I really truly feellike our biggest triggers are
(11:55):
just the opposite of the on thedichotomy scale, are just the
opposite on the dichotomy scale,like the opposite of our love
language.
So the next one words ofaffirmation.
So the opposite of that isverbal abuse, gaslighting, the
silent treatment or ghosting,like people who want to hear
(12:15):
positive feedback.
If you give them criticism,they crumble Like they hate
criticism.
They cannot stand takingcriticism.
So, words of affirmation people, they want to hear uplifting
and affirming words, notnecessarily verbal abuse or
gaslighting.
That's going to stick and stayand trigger them a lot more than
, say, having their personalitem damaged.
(12:38):
So it's really interesting tosee how each of these correlate.
The last one is acts of service.
Now, acts of service is theopposite.
It would be, to the best of myknowledge, would be like to be
forgotten or left, like to haveto do everything alone, have no
one consider you, no one go outof their way to try and help you
(12:59):
in any way, shape or form or doanything for you.
Because acts of service isn'tlike gifting, it's more of like
helping do stuff and beingconsidered in that process.
And so I think that it'sinteresting to think about these
, and so I said, had this briefconversation about this idea
(13:21):
with someone and theyimmediately said when I
mentioned I wanted to make apodcast episode about it.
They said why do you want togive people ammo as to how to
hurt each other?
And I thought, interestingperspective.
Because no, I wanted to createthis episode so that we can help
learn more about each other, sowe can avoid hurting each other
(13:46):
so much.
If we know that people's lovelanguage is a specific thing and
we know the direct way to hurtthem in the most powerful way, I
would hope that we as humanswould come together and have
hearts big enough to choose notto intentionally and maliciously
utilize that informationagainst someone and only ever to
(14:10):
utilize it to support and carefor someone.
I talk about this because,honestly, it's like my calendar
is so important to me and I haverecently been ghosted and stood
up for call after call aftercall and I've had friends bail
(14:34):
on me for things and a lot ofpeople not come through for me
recently and I know that it'snot a reflection of them.
I know that it's a lot ofpeople not come through for me
recently and I know that it'snot a reflection of them.
I know that it's a reflectionof me.
I know that it's a reflectionof what I am willing to put up
with, whether I'm willing toreschedule that or not, whether
I am willing to cut that personoff, whether I am willing to
(14:56):
continue to forgive and allow itto happen over and over and
over, or whether I stop takingcalls with friends before 2 pm
and on days that I wouldn'tnormally take a call, because
that's a boundary I crossed.
They didn't cross it, I did it.
So I understand that it camewith risks of someone not
(15:19):
showing up.
It was 9 am on a Monday morning.
That's easy to sleep throughFor someone who might not
necessarily work that day.
That can be easy to sleepthrough after a long weekend.
Who knows what could havehappened.
Right, I should have knownbetter than scheduling something
like that on a 9 am on a Mondaymorning, have known better than
(15:41):
scheduling something like thaton a 9am on a Monday morning,
and it led me to this amazingthought process that has been
ever expanded here in thisepisode, so that we can come
together as a community, so thatwe can all begin to learn more
about each other, because we arethe same but with shades of
(16:02):
different ways.
Our brains work differently.
Different people prioritizedifferent things.
We all have different values,which means that there are
different options that work fordifferent people.
And the five love languages isnot the exclusive love languages
either.
Like I've had many jokes withother friends that there are
(16:22):
other love languages.
I like to joke around and saymy number one love language is
curiosity.
I really absolutely adore itwhen people ask me about me and
get curious and like want tohear me tell stories about the
things I'm experiencing and whatI'm building in my retreats and
my stuff.
Like when people get curiousabout me like that's so much fun
(16:45):
and I know that that's alsoreally like can come off as
fully yourself and all you do istalk about yourself.
So it's not something I getvery often, because I really do
fight to balance theconversation and I end up now I
think about it giving what Iwant to receive, where I get
super curious about other people.
(17:07):
Now I think back to all theevents I go to and I get really
curious about them and ask a tonof questions to deep dive into
what makes them spin and whatthey're excited about and
they're passionate about andgive the love I'd love to
receive.
So I wonder what the oppositeof the love language of
(17:29):
curiosity would be.
I wonder if it's like the petpeeve, I don't know.
I have to think on that one.
If you have any ideas, let meknow.
You can meet me in the commentson not the comments in the DMs
on Instagram, at jainaswan or Ithink pretty sure there are ways
(17:52):
to message me on thesepodcasting platforms nowadays,
but you can always find me atjainanaswancom.
There are ways to contact methere and I love to hear back
from you.
And, uh, thanks for tuning infor another episode with me.
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