PALATE CLEANSER! Not So Nefarious Criminals with Bob Motta

BONUS - Not So Nefarious Criminals FEATURING Bob Motta, Defense Diaries


CW/TW - Foul Language



Hey there, it's Courtney! While we're taking a breather until season six, we're putting our mental well-being first. In the meantime, we've got a special treat from our Patreon archives for you - an episode from 'Not So Nefarious Criminals,' our fun and quirky podcast that takes a light-hearted look at petty crimes and dumb criminals. In this particular episode, we're joined by Bob Motta from Defense Diaries, and it's a gem we couldn't keep to ourselves any longer.

During this episode, we delve into some classic Florida man antics, discuss food a lot (ever heard of Pierogi spaghetti?) and, of course, aliens make their usual appearance. We also touch on some… um… different cases involving potatoes and a rather peculiar $150 burglary. Yes, you guessed it, it's another wild Florida man story! So, if you're looking for a dose of humor and levity in the world of true crime, give this episode a listen. And please be sure to stay tuned for more captivating content coming your way soon.

Before we dive in, I want to offer a slight disclaimer. The timing of this recording was challenging for me due to the recent loss of my mother, but I was determined to continue with 'Not So Nefarious Criminals' because I needed that sense of normalcy and laughter. I even felt like my mom was right there with us, sharing in our good time. Join us as we explore the lighter side of crime and remember, even in the darkest of times, there's always room for a good laugh.

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Episode Transcript

(00:00):
And the Farious Nightmare contains themes thatmay be explicit or triggering. For some
specific warnings and disclaimers will be mentionedin the show notes. And the Farious
Nightmare assumes all parties that are mentionedin these cases to be innocent unless proven
guilty in a court of law.Listener discretion is strongly advised. You can
help us grow the show by leavingus a five star written review on Apple

(00:20):
podcast or Spotify, or you canjoin our Patreon for lighthearted bonus content.
Hey guys, Courtney here. Sincewe're on a hiatus until season six,
I wanted to give you all somethingto listen to. In the meantime.
Amanda and I are taking a muchneeded week or two off because admittedly season
five and the entire still minding theBeehive series has pretty much warn us out.

(00:43):
I mean, it's taken a lotof energy from me. I'm not
going to even lie to you,and I do feel like prioritizing our mental
health is key. In fact,everybody should prioritize their mental health. Seriously.
We do have updates in a fewbonus episodes planned before season six,
so stay tuned for that, Butfor now, please enjoy this bonus drop

(01:03):
from our Patreon archives. If you'refamiliar with our Patreon exclusive podcast, Not
So Nefarious Criminals, then lucky youbecause it's been on a bit of hiatus
itself. Fear not, because wedo plan on making a huge return.
If you aren't familiar, let mejust tell you Not So Nefarious Criminals is

(01:26):
just a fun, pretty lazy palatecleanser podcasts that we do include because,
as I mentioned earlier, we liketo prioritize mental health. We don't like
the idea of laughing or relaxing andwhatnot in the cases that we cover on
the public feed because it feels gross. But when it comes to petty crimes

(01:46):
or victimless crimes and dumb criminals,sometimes the situations surrounding that are hard to
not laugh about it. So inthis episode, we're joined by Bob Mada
of Defense Diaries. This was oneof the those episodes that I didn't really
go back and listen too much upuntil fairly recently, and it was such
a good episode that I felt likeit just needed to be on the public

(02:08):
platform. I must warn you though, when we recorded this episode, it
was right around the time where mymom had just passed away, and I
was trying my best not to beyou know, sad and bringing down the
house, but I felt like I'mmasked pretty good. I guess I was
just trying to keep it light,but I honestly I wasn't in my element

(02:30):
at all. But fortunately it didn'tseem to take away from the episode.
We all had a great time andwe laughed, and I even felt like
my mom was right there with uslaughing or you know, silently getting onto
me for the continuous use of theF bomb. Sorry, Mom, but
we had fun and that's what ismost important. So check this episode out,

(02:53):
enjoy it. If you want more, you are welcome to join our
Patreon, and please be sure tokeep listening content coming your way soon.
Enjoy, and remember be vigilant forwhen you mess with the bees, you
get the hives. Yeah yeah,yeahoo, it's a girl. When we

(03:22):
talk about its take on your soul, Florida, that was kind of a
bit much right there, But youmet them. We'll see what we can

(03:46):
do. Hi. Hi, Everyweek I see your name, I still
like a valley girl, and Idon't know where that comes from. It's
because you're a valley girl. Howare you doing. I am I'm doing
from Oh good, I remember you, my love? I'm you know it's
I mean, I've got the NationalDay calendar going. Are you ready for

(04:09):
the National Day? My favorite partof the week, you know this?
Yeah? Like I said, thisis always the whole reason why we do
not so nefarious criminals is for theNational Day. Has nothing to do with
Florida, man, Nope, nothing, Well, today is National Leadership Day.
All of these are kind of dumb. National National Comfy Day, National

(04:32):
Muffin Day? Real quick? Doyou remember that dude that did the shoes
like he was like, let's getsome shoes. That guy. Yeah,
he also did muffins. Remember rememberthose? It was talking about muffins like
he would be like blue to marrychocolate chocolate chip, and then he'd be
like good, Oh it sounds yeah, it sounds familiar. That's it will

(04:53):
forever haunts. And then there's NationalLove your Pet Day. Oh I love
all seven of mine. Yeah,you have an infestation for sure, National
Cherry Pie Day. And then areyou ready for the biggest one, arguably
President's Day. Didn't go to schooltoday? Oh you forgot right? So

(05:24):
yeah, I mean that's those arethe national days and it shows like I
guess Mount Rushmore and uh, that'sthat's all I got for you, bro,
Like you know that Mount Rushmore wasit turned out differently than it was
supposed to be. Yep, therewas always supposed to be three heads,
but now it's four. And that'swhat she said. You know what else
she said, what we're being fuckingrude? We are what we can talk

(05:47):
about. Well, yeah, she'ssitting right here behind me. Hello,
Oh I know what you're talking aboutnow? Oh is it? Is it
a matter? Oh? Hey,what the fuck? Man? I just
I'm sorry. I dozed off becauseI was so fucking bored from what I
was hearing. Oh ho, dapretty, Hey, what's up, y'all?

(06:12):
Let's hey, how are you so? I'm awesome. Thanks for having
me. Thank you for joining uson this this week's installment of Defense.
I mean, yeah, that's whatI'm talking about. That's what I'm talking
about. Hey, welcome tons onthe various Criminals. We were so grateful
that you were able to make sometime and hang out with us. And

(06:34):
I can you tell like all twopeople we have two people now, I
think, Well, you're growing,you know, it's like it went from
one to two. They call thatexponential. You know, actual knew it
from like negative sixty, so like, oh, you're that that rare pod
that had negative listeners. Yeah,it's like we act we are actually you

(06:57):
know, bankrupt now Yeah, yeah, you and us both, so you
know, it's it's quite the battle. It's quite the battle. So yeah,
please tell everybody about you about yourpodcast. You know, I was
telling my my friend here real quick. She she and I have known each
other since, you know, juniorhigh school, and I was telling her
about you and how you have DefenseDiaries and about your dad. So why

(07:21):
don't you just tell everybody else islistening a little bit about you. Hey,
friend, nice to meet you.Back there. She's coourt me with
Phil Rude that she didn't introduce you. I'm kidding. So my name is
Bob Mata, and I am thehost of a little podcast called Defense Diaries.

(07:42):
They kind of all started. I'mactually recovering criminal defense attorney of about
twenty plus years. I was atrial lawyer, and one day I woke
up and said, man, Igotta get the funk out of doing this
because I was killing my soul.So I decided that I was going to
do a podcast. Kind of whatgave me the idea to do that is

(08:03):
a long time ago. My dadhad given me all of his taped interviews
with his then client John Wayne Gaycy, as he was one of Gaysey's two
trial lawyers back in nineteen seventy eightthrough eighty. The tapes are insane,
as you can imagine, but they'reThey're unusual in the sense that most most
times that we hear or see fromserial killers, it's when they're giving interviews

(08:28):
when they're on death row, andyou know, it's just kind of self
serving bullshit where they're talking about howthey didn't do it, blah blah blah.
This is different. This is mydad preparing Gaycey for trial, you
know. And I sat on fora really, really long time, and
I didn't know what to do withthem. I had actually pitched Joe Burlinger,
who dropped that thing this March calledit was under his conversations with the

(08:52):
Killer Umbrella, because he had donethe Bundy thing. I had seen the
Bundy thing, and I'm like,you know what, I'm going to try
to drop this dude to line,so let him know I've got some tapes
I did. Uh, you know, I found his his email on the
internet and I hit him up,thinking, you know, somebody on his
staff or something would hit me backup because Berlinger has done like I had
a lot of respect for him then, you know, because he had done

(09:15):
like the Paradise Lost stuff, andI thought those were great, and you
know, at the beginning, youknow, and he's done some pretty powerful
work. And then uh, youknow, oddly enough, he hit me
back up within the fight, likefive minutes. So in the next nine
months, I'm proceeding to try tonegotiate something with him where he would license
the tapes. I couldn't work thedeal out, which was a massive blessing

(09:39):
actually, because I'm doing what Ithink I was born to do, which
is this. And you know,from there, I was also fortunate,
you know, like COVID was wasbad in many, many many ways for
me personally, it was good inthe sense that my my friend and my
executive producer, Darren Wood, whowas a a music industry guy from down

(10:01):
in New Orleans, was starving todeath because the entire industry was shut down
during COVID. So I hit himup. I'm like, yo, man,
you know, I'm gonna do thispod because on the tech side,
I didn't know how to do anyof it. You know, I knew
how to write, I knew howto speak, and I knew how to
do research. And I needed himto be able to do all my back
end, you know, make itsound great, you know, give me

(10:24):
the music, do you know,just do all that that stuff that's so
important in terms of editing. Youknow, let's you have a high quality
pod. So he was not hardto convince. He's like, give me
a ticket. I flew him up, and the rest, as they say,
is history in terms of the podstarting, and you know we did
our first season was in fact thegay Sy thing. And you know,

(10:46):
I didn't want to go into thatGaycy season with like talking about Gaycy.
You know, it sounds weird inthe sense that I had the tapes,
but you know, it's like there'senough shit out there about that guy,
you know. So what I decideI wanted to focus on was the victims,
which in forty three years I knewlittle to nothing about the victims,
so they were our primary focus.I also wanted to focus on the investigation

(11:13):
into him, the arrest and ultimatelythe trial because obviously my dad tried the
case, and we put together youknow, I hate like, I don't
like to sound like a bragger,but it's the it's the badest fucking thing
it's ever been done on Gaycy.I'll put it up against anything. I
don't give a shit what medium itis. It's like, it's unbelievable,
it's it's epic. It's thirty sixepisodes. You know. I ended with

(11:35):
my father giving, like performing hisopening statement that he gave at trial,
and then I end it. Inthe last episode, Darren and I went
and Bill Kunkel, who was thelead prosecutor, who's the man who put
Gaycy down once and for all,was kind enough to read his entire closing
argument was like fucking like bone chillingand like my hair and my arms are

(11:58):
staying it up on end. SoI mean, it's like what we put
together, we're really really proud ofit, and we you know, and
it's long, it's thirty six episodes. We're not fucking wrong, you know.
It's it's a little so it's aninvestment in your time, but it's
as deep of a dive as youcan get. I think there's probably only
one cat out there that's challenging mein terms of deep dies. That's probably

(12:18):
Josh Hallmark with you cran bullshit.Now, he's a boy of mine,
so he's my he's my close friend, so I you know, and I
love his spot. But you know, we we we really really dove deep
into that case. And then thesecond season is a case that I actually
tried in Omaha, Nebraska with myfather. It was the only case I
ever tried with him and my wifeAlice and also uh tried the case with

(12:41):
at least she started trying the casewith us. It was it was a
crazy case, and it was thecase doctor Anthon Decarcia, who had been
accused of murdering four people over fiveyears, including a like a sweet little
eleven year old boy and a housekeeper, and then five years later came back
and killed a husband and wife.The connection was the Cretan Pathology department,

(13:03):
or at least sets with the state'stheory was and it was a three year
battle of the death. And youknow, I mean that that story is
different because it's coming from my perspectiveabout what it's like to defend a case
like that. And again it's asuper deep dive. It's actually going to
be longer than Gaycy. I think, well, I I just sent thirty

(13:24):
four over to Darren a couple ofdays ago, so we're waiting for that
thing to drop. With that thing, I mean like Garcia hasn't even been
arrested. So like, if realshort pods are your thing, you know,
like short seasons, I'm probably notyour guy. Even though we do
now have something called the docket,which is kind of our like little side
pod, and that's what we're handlingbecause it was driving me nuts, like

(13:46):
all the shit that's going on foran event wise and breaking story, it's
like it's like a constant flow oflike never ending true crime content and you
know, and it was driving menuts that I'm talking about these old cases
and I really wanted to be ableto kind of cover some more timely stuff.
So that's what we do with thedocket, you know, anything that's
kind of popping and new, youknow, and I give my defense attorney

(14:09):
slant on it, and that's onething that you know, kind of going
into the pot. I wasn't surehow I wanted to handle my wife Elise,
and it's like you really need tolike lean into the fact that you're
a defense attorney. I'm like,man, like, I don't know if
people want to hear that shit,you know. And then as soon as
I started doing it, I realized, that's exactly what I need to do,
because that's been the voice that's missingin true crime for a long time,
be able to change a lot ofpeople's minds about their perceptions of defense

(14:33):
attorneys. You know, we're notbottom feed or scumbags. We're actually incredibly
important to the process. And youknow, without competent defense attorneys, we're
living in an entirely different world andcases are getting retried again because you've got
idiots on the other side, andyou know, like they're going to get
overturned on appeal. So you wantcompetent lawyers on both sides. And really

(14:54):
what I try to express the peopleis what defense attorneys do is we police
the police. You know, weare in the battle with the government.
That is that's who we're fighting,you know, the police or the government.
The state's attorney is the government,so you know that that's you know,
we are in there protecting our rightsas citizens. And whether you're a
criminal or not, it affects allof us. So you know, I've

(15:15):
tried to really kind of without beingon my soapbox too much, just trying
to impart that upon my listeners,and I think I've been pretty effective with
being able to, you know,kind of get them to understand that,
you know, we play a veryimportant role in the system, and it's
nice to have that voice out therebecause all the true crime content that we've
heard over the last forever, it'salways come from cops. Like if you're

(15:35):
watching Discovery, Idea, whatever youwatch, when you watch your shit,
it's always cops, and it's alwaysthe prosecutors. Occasionally they'll throw a defense
attorney in there, but it's notthe norm, you know. So but
I feel that that's changing, youknow, I can feel the tide.
You know, there's a lot ofpeople out there doing good work, like
great work with wrongful convictions and thingsof that nature. So I'm excited about

(15:58):
it. And now I am finallydone. You know, that was good.
I got into your podcast because andI remember telling you this at the
True Crime Podcast Festival. I've listened, frankly to a lot of episodes about
John Wayne Gaycy and just got boredbecause it's just like I already know you

(16:18):
know what what happens, but yourswas compelling because you pulled out like extra
information that people don't know that's pertinent, and it was just I appreciated it
because it's just like this actually tellsme a lot more. It kind of
helps me as much as I don'twant to empathize, it helps me empathize,
you know, with the offender,right, So it kind of told

(16:41):
me that there is everybody has aparticular side to this story. So yeah,
you're right, you're basically pushing thenarrative that you know, the defense
side has something to say also,and it's important. So yeah, you
know, and the gay thing withthe gaycy thing is we just uncovered you

(17:02):
know how they really got them.Like it fucking blew my mind, you
know, because we were producing thaton the on the run, you know,
and it's and it wasn't it's nottheory like we we uncovered. It's
a little bit of a spoiler.But you know, if you get to
episode six through ten, as wewere going through and as I was researching
the case, interviewing the old copswere still alive, I you know,
we uncover the fact that they plantedthe piece of evidence. It got Gaycy

(17:26):
and it was like it's fuck itlike blew my mind, you know.
So it's like because I hit Burlingerup, who I found out was making
that ship, and I'm like,yo, man, I'm like, you
got to change the narrative of yourship. We just like, this isn't
a theory. I had three ofthe cops admit to me that the evidence
was planted, like, which ishuge. It's like one of the biggest
cases in history. And how theygot them was by planting that photo receipt

(17:48):
and they plan it wasn't like theyput like a bag of coke in somebody's
pocket. They injected the receipt intoevidence as if they had found it inside
of his house, and that createdthe link between Rob Pieced being in Gaycy's
house, which allowed them to getinto his house a second time because they
didn't find shit the first time,and that's when they found the bodies.

(18:11):
Now, had that been discovered,it would have been a fucking nightmare.
It would have been an adom likeeverything would have like because a lot of
times on those motions to suppress whatthey'll do, you know, the appelicord
will figure a way around it.When it's police misconduct that is the result
of it. They're having to suppresseverything. All the bodies would have been
like, they would have had nobodies to go to trial with, including

(18:32):
the ones in the river, becausehis confessions would have been tossed out.
It's all fruit of the poisonous tree. So we didn't know how to treat
it. Were like morality play,Like people are gonna be like, well,
the guy who was a fucking giantpiece of shit and he deserved exactly
what he got. So do wecare that they planted evidence? And the
answers, of course we care.You can't start planning evidence. I don't
give a shit who they are.And besides that, they had no idea

(18:56):
he was a serial killer. Whenthey planted the evidence, they were going
for one dude. He got kindof lucky. But everybody deserves the right
to fortune. We can't have thepolice planning shit, you know, we
can't like, we can't say,well, it was okay in that sense
because he was a fucking monster.Well that becomes a very slippery slope,
like where is it not? Youcan't have police ever planting evidence because it's

(19:17):
a nightmare. Having one person inprison for planted evidence is a nightmare.
Like I mean, imagine, imagineif it was a family member or you
what that would feel like. Wecan't do it, so whatever I'm telling
with that. But yet, ifif you know, even if serial killers
are not your thing, it's apretty interesting pod. Check it out.
It definitely is real quick before wemove on, I would love if he

(19:41):
ever covered Tony Costa. So Idon't even never even heard of him.
Well, he's the one serial killerthat I don't like him. I'm just
really intrigued because he had murdered fourwomen and then essentially probably actually murder eight,
and he kind of flew under theradar a little bit because he just

(20:03):
looked and acted normal. Right,what time frame is it, like what
the seventies? So yeah, heended up he basically ended up, you
know, committing suicide in jail.But yeah he was. He was caught
me a little into I'll dig intohim. I like, I had never
heard of Dean Coral until I starteddoing the Gaycy pod, who was basically

(20:25):
gaycy down in Texas. Like hehad killed and killed like seven boys same
shite and two like accomplices like Gaycydid, which like no one knows about.
I mean, people talk about Kramand ROSSI, but I mean the
guy definitely like they lived with him, like during his most active period of
killing. There's no way they didn'tknow. They admitted to digging Trent and
whatever. Yeah, don't get mestarted, I'll get like. I'm just

(20:48):
I'm just like I would. I'vebeen telling people since we started this podcast.
I'm like, man, I reallywish I could like hear an interview
between like Tony Costa and somebody becausethat one was that that particular case I
can't explain why really got to me. Yeah, it would just be like
interesting to hear a perspective on TonyCosta like you did with the Gaycy tape.

(21:12):
I'm just like I've been like beggingeverybody. I'm like, please cover
But the other question I have,and you can probably write it off as
a joke, but did O Jaydid do it? Did he did it?
Did he do it? It's sofunny that you brought that up.
I was literally just talking about thatlast night with the else and it's so

(21:32):
weird to put that up. Imean, first and foremost, the state
didn't prove beyond a reasonable doubt thathe did it, so it was the
right verdict, even though we knowat this point because I've seen jurors interviewing
that that was the verdict was apayback for none of the cops getting uh
found guilty in terms of the RodneyKing beating, so like they literally I

(21:55):
like the one jurors like, look, that was payback. You know.
How do y'all like that ship?You know when when like we let one
of our own off and I'm notguilty when y'all think that he's guilty or
know that he's guilty. So asidefrom that, man, I don't know,
like like I always thought that hedid. But like then I saw
this documentary about this fucking creep likedude that was a landscaper like around that

(22:19):
area that was actually a serial killerand had actually been hired by like I
can't remember the name of the documentary, but it blew my mind. And
the guy's brother is like, I'mpretty sure my brother killed Nicole and n
and my gold Man. Like,okay, guy, I'm gonna have to
go look into that. Look forit. Just just do do serial killer
O J Like and it'll pop upand it's super compelling. It really is.

(22:45):
I've seen a little bit of thatand it was I need to finish
it because it was, Yeah,it's it's like it's a it's a pretty
solid case, you know, becauselike I just can't figure out, like
why the fuck OJ would do it. You know. It's like he's he
like they weren't married anymore. He'sgive a fuck. He was one of
the greatest running backs of all time. The guy had everything, fame,
fortune, you could, you know, get any woman that he wanted,

(23:07):
Like I like, I can't seea circumstance where he's just walking by there
or planning to go over and killNicole and her boyfriend. Man, Like,
like the motive for me just wasnever never a thing, Like I
mean, it got so fucked upbecause EDO could not control that trial at
all, you know, and Johnnywas brilliant bringing in the fucking race card

(23:27):
and all that shit, and itwas like that, like I will,
like I'm older than y'all, soI watched that thing like daytime television.
Like I didn't. I did too, but I mean, god, it
was insane. I was twelve whenall that happened. And I was just
like I was just in college,so it was like, you know,
I watched that shit every day,every second, like I'm watching the Murdoch

(23:47):
shit, you know. So it'slike that the Murdoch trial. Have you
guys watched any of that? Ihave it, Honestly, I watched a
little bit of it, and thenlately I haven't had a chance. Insane.
It is like a trial has beeninsane and I'm doing like talking headshit
for Long Crime Network, So I'mlike I'm there like three or four times
a week, so they'll come tome for like analysis, like in between

(24:11):
breaks. So I've been forced towatch it for that. But like it's
I did see one of those,Yeah, they're one of It is an
insane case. And it's not justthat case, it's like the whole story
surrounding it, you know, isyeah, just wild. You know.
So Alison I have huge arguments about, you know, whether or not he
did it. You know. She'sShe's like, I'm like, I'm a

(24:33):
defense attorney, but Alison's a defenseattorney. I'm like, I'm like,
yo, man, I'm like,is anyone ever guilty? Is it?
Like I'm like, look, weknow a crime was committed, which means
that somebody had to have committed thecrime. Who you ever think that anybody's
ever guilty? She's like, no, no, she's like she's like,
she's like, she's like, theymight get convicted, but I don't know

(24:57):
if they're guilty. No, no, no, she's she's a hard nut
to crack. Man like she's abottle. No, I mean he's yeah,
she's yeah. Well, lord aman. So now do you guys

(25:18):
have your stories? You nice?Well mine? I guess apparently I'm going
first, even though according to Amanda, I always go first. I'm going
easy on you this week. I'mcoming for you next when we can see
easiness a bitch. Okay, Sothis one comes from Mashable dot com and

(25:41):
there is an ad for T Mobile, you know, which might be a
sign that I need to leave atand T. And that's fine because they're
offering a free Samsung Galaxy S twentythree plus jes So y'all know no trade
in required phone? Did you getpaid for that? Okay? I just

(26:03):
ordered one based on that, likelittle little host, thank you. I
did a good job. Somebody sponsoredme. So guy leaves his job at
Burger King steals all the chicken nuggets. And this one was written by a
Kelly Diamond on my birthday in twentysixteen, so that was January twenty fifth,

(26:26):
and I was I don't remember howold it was because I'm old.
I'm forty Where the hell did youget forty four from? I just wanted
to see your face go huh.My face is already like that right now
anyway. So this is a storyof a former Burger King employee earning his

(26:49):
new title as Chicken King. Ohmy god, I just like imagine tiger
cake for the reason running out ofa Burger King with like a full bucket
of like nuggets. So a tweetposted by a guy named Zelitt is currently
going viral as people everywhere are impressedwith his ability to steal what is likely

(27:12):
just five dollars of chicken nuggets fromone restaurant Burger King, like the worst
nuggets in the game too. Iknow, I was talking to something about
how we all think that it's morelike raccoon foot, So that sounds right.
That haven't been to a Burger Kingand like probably twenty years that same

(27:33):
like it's like whatever, that likefake ass, like grill, flame grilled,
flavoring shit there, Like, Yo, you're not flame grilling shit.
Quit putting that fake ass. Imean, arguably, I'm surprised they're still
in business. I mean, theycan't even I don't know. Remember the
fry battle. Remember when they decidedto try to take on McDonald's with their

(27:56):
fries and they change the recipe andit was like a big, big deal
and it was a big flop becauseMcDonald's whatever you want, you can't be
McDonald's fried fries or fires. Whenthey're coming straight out of the grease trap.
That's salt on their os, thelit, just the crispy goodness.
I love that we're talking about thisbecause we talk about food every episode.

(28:18):
I mean, food is amazing.You should talk about food. Food is
like until you kill it and eatit. Today he was my last day.
These are some tweets that he grow. Today was my last day working
at Burger King. So I tookall of their nuggets bucket. So everyone

(28:40):
wants in on that massive amount ofnuggets, fighting big fast food one hero
at a time. Yeah, hookme up please. The Chicken King is
officially an inspiration to people everywhere.Bro, I don't fucking know you,
but you are my fucking hero.I appreciate m. I A okay,

(29:02):
I gotta steal me some nuggets soI can get a hot ass girl like
in this thread and I don't know. So He's truly an idol to the
masses. As a newfound hero forfast food lovers everywhere, Zella was just
one inspiring thing to say, justbe your fucking self. Why the fuck
do you have to worry what otherpeople think of you or what other people

(29:23):
do. Just fucking be you.I mean, the dude crushed it.
You know, the only problem withthe plan is when he decided to go
to social media, he basically admittedto committing the crime. That's that there
there in lies the rub, youknow what I mean. It's like it's
like you know that that you're stuckwith that choice, you know, do
I I've done this thing and I'mpretty sure it'll go fucking viral on you

(29:45):
know, on the socials, butit'll probably get me arrested. So what
am I going to do? Ido? I say, fuck it?
Do I just fuck it? AndI post it and I get arrested and
it's it? And hire your wife? I mean, there you go.
Yeah, and he was just beinghis fucking self. I mean he is
kind of a Robin Hood, youknow, Robin Hood and nuggets. He

(30:07):
was willing to share. So theysaid, We're just happy the nuggets buckled
up for the ride home, andhope they're concerned for safety, ReBs up
on their fans and it's you know, even I will tell you there is
an update. Okay. The nextday, January twenty six, twenty fifteen,

(30:32):
five forty five pm, it hasbeen revealed that this Twitter user was
not in fact stealing the chicken nuggets. He wow, I don't care about
signing it for a subscription, sowe can't even get the wow. Nice,
we can't even get the update.I'm gonna keep hitting. That is
like a classic tease, like we'lljust drop the next episode, you know

(30:55):
what I mean. Well, hetold News ninety six point five he had
actually been asked to pick up someextra chicken nuggets from another store. Why
the photo shit? That guy isthe photo had tweeted about the supposed theft,
so he was cloud chasing time clickbathing click bathe by you know,

(31:21):
signing up to the Mashable newsletter.I mean that makes him way worse than
a nugget thief, you know,like coming at us with his bullshit like
he's, you know, robbing therich to feed the poor nuggets and then
it's all bullshit, and then itturns out he was actually purchasing. He
wasn't even He was like, hisboss said, don't pick up some nuggets
from this other store. We're almostout. So he's like, okay,

(31:42):
man jumps in his car, drivesover there, said no, we need
some nuggets. My boss probably calledyour boss or some shit, was like
yeah, man, go grabbing thefreeze. And he's like, you know
what, I'm gonna pretend like Istole this ship. I don't know,
just be you fucking just be fucking. So which is a dude? Was
it going to pick up some nuggetsfrom another store in order for my store

(32:04):
to have nuggets? That's truth.That's the truth. Pretty funny, it's
pretty good. What do you gotfor us? All right, I'm gonna
do mine in my big guy voice. Mine comes directly from wfal dot com
and the headline reads, Florida mandrives stolen truck to Spaceforce base to warn
of battle between aliens and dragons.This is dated July twenty five. The

(32:29):
author of this fantastic, very shortbrief article is Dylan Abod and it reads
as follows. And I have totell y'all because I'm an alien dude,
this one is near and dear tomy heart because you know, I mean
the guys, guy's out there.Truth. And So a Florida man is
accused of driving a stolen vehicle toa space force base in Brevard County,

(32:51):
if that's how you pronounce it,and what he called, quote a mission
from the President of the United Statesend quote, according to reports w EHS
or no, I'm sorry. We s H two News reported Corey Johnson
twenty nine, stole a truck fromRiviera Beach and drove to Patrick Sports Patrick
Space Force near the Kennedy Space Center. When Johnson tried to get on base,

(33:15):
he claimed the President told him inhis mind that he needed to take
the vehicle and warned government officials thatthere were US aliens fighting Chinese dragons.
Okay, off for just one wereabout I thought you were about to say,
Patrick started. So that's where mybrain's been going, like I'm seeing

(33:39):
all these different fucking things. I'mnot that I'm on crack, but you
know or are you all right?So listen. He was arrested and charged
with grand theft of a motor vehicle, but he was not arrested, oddly
enough, for making a false reportto the police. Don't dunt on fucking

(34:01):
figure that one out. I mean, we know it in the insert real.
I mean, we got we gotconfirmation, right, I mean,
look, look, I'm just saying, like, I don't know if y'all
live like I did. You guysknow TZ from tapes from the Dark Side.
Yeah, So he's my he's myguy. And we did a little

(34:21):
collab the other night and it wason his season five, which is great,
and uh so we're it was kindof like an after show type deal
and like when we were done talkingabout that, you know, we get
we just started kind of bullshit andand he was recording it all. So
I like, my my whole alientheory slipped out like to the public.
And I'm a big alien guy,man. I got long thoughts on that

(34:44):
ship, you know, in termsof like how we as humans got here.
You know, I'm not so muchbuying I'm definitely not buying the Bible
shit. I'm definitely not buying theevolution shit man. It's because it's just
gaping holes, giant gaping hole andall that stuff. And to me,
the most likely thing is that wewere you know, we're a sociological experiment

(35:06):
of the Aliens and they found ahabitable planet for us and bought a bang
bat bones. I mean, they'rewatching us like you have. The dude,
there are way way ahead of usin terms of intelligence and technology like
that we're talking. I mean,theoretically they can be like they could be
millions and millions of years old interms of space, who knows, you

(35:30):
know what I'm saying, But whatif they're able to travel to our planet?
They certainly have the technology in orderto be I mean, if we're
working on cloning like fifteen twenty yearsago, just think what they can do
with like dn DNA sequencing, youknow. I mean, I'm just saying
it's it's as plausible as anything elseout there. I just thought it was
really kind of them to send thatthe Chinese, the chin Ya see that.

(35:54):
That's what like uh like, youknow, I mean, I don't
think that the three things they shotdown after we're balloons. We don't know
what they were, but it wasvery strange. I don't think they were
balloons. So it was like one, Okay, weird. Two let's come
strange. Three you're like, okay, okays happening. It's it's I feel

(36:20):
like we're so desensitized now, it'sjust like oh aliens, Yeah, it's
fine, cool, Yeah, it'spally like figured out the aliens actually are
real. When that actually like whenthat happens, like our fucking minds will
exploit because I mean it'll change everything. It'll change like, it'll change everything
that we think. You know.It like like I'm assuming that organized religion

(36:43):
will go away. You'll be like, oh, oh, well you know,
but I mean theoretic still have thepeople. Yeah, there will be
some people that will probably like makeit sound like to fit their narrative of
their Bible. Well, the Bibleactually did like God was an alien.
That's all we meant. We justmeant that God was an alien. Met
it. They'll just give it.Yeah, I mean people need faith,

(37:07):
I guess you know. So Imean that's cool, and I mean that's
fine. I mean, but they'llbring back the whole heaven skate thing and
it'll be I mean there's there's anaxis right there. Heavens. We're gonna
drink to kool aid and go withthe heavens laid aliens. All right,
all right, Amanda, what doyou want? I am? I was

(37:28):
pulling it up right now. Okay. So this is from the Smoking gun
dot com and it was posted onJune second of twenty twenty two. Like
I swear, I'm not like blowingthis. Things just weird. It doesn't
say like who wrote it. Let'strying to find that. Okay, I'm
just gonna read the story. Soare you fighting here? I'm fighting with

(37:52):
like a my life over here withthis charger. Okay. I got away
from microphone. No, I meanit looks not quite long enough off.
That seems to be the problem.It was my computer one and my phone
was like kind of diet, soI was like pluged my phone in while
I was talking. Yeah, it'sjust time. I was trying to be
responsible phone. No, I meanit was good. It's good to be

(38:12):
connected, you know, just andI had forty one percent and it didn't
need still be on there. Allright. So mine kind of piggybacks off
of Courtneys, which is amazing.I love it. When we do this
great lines think alike, is itabout food? Of course it is some
of the best food. A burglarbroke into a Pennsylvania residence and only stole

(38:35):
a bag of pooro geese, accordingto the police, that's it. I
mean they are delicious. They aredelicious, but they didn't go after like,
I don't know, burger king chickeneggs. Nope. I mean they
obviously have better taste because chicken eggsare whack. I like that even if

(38:59):
they are frozen in the freezer.I mean, get that little freezer burn
action going yeah, I'm delicious.And then I'm lazy about trying to like
cook them the way they tell youto cook him, because they always stick
on the bottom of the pan.And I get pissed. I just like
throw them in the air frier,and I'm like, I mean, air
fryer is the greatest invention of thetwenty first century whatever, but I would

(39:22):
probably put them in the mic Igot rid of my Michael is that's how
I have two air fryers. AndI said, you know what, microwave,
go fuck yourself because you cause cancer. And I got rid of it.
My sixteen year old is like shebitches at me because she can't pop
popcorn. I ordered like a popcornpopper. You know, I'm like I
got one. Ye know. I'mlike yo, man, Like now you're

(39:42):
good. I'm like, we havewe have air fryers, and you know,
I mean, I'm gonna tell youall something like that is super super
secret. I actually invented it,that the air fryer, Like I want
to say. I was graduating collegeand me and my buddy we're down in
Arizona, like we just took atrip. We were both broke, starving
college students. It was like theend of our trip. We had spent

(40:05):
like our last dime on the cabto get back from whatever bar we were
at that night. We were stayingat the shitty hotel, so we went
in to the seven to eleven thatwas crossed the street and we spent like
literally our last two dollars by likefrozen burritos. We get back to our
shipthole hotel and don't have a microwave. I'm like, oh my god,
like we're starving, We're starving todeath. And I'm like, dude,

(40:25):
so I'm like, oh my god, what can I do? You know,
I go down to the front desk, like, no, we don't
have a microwave, man, thisis a kind of spot we're gonna have
a microwave. I'm like, Idon't know. Maybe he said no,
dude, it's not to go away, go to your round. So I'm
like sitting there and I figured itout. So I took the hair dryer
like that motherfucker on like super highhot flat and cooked cooked the fucking burrite.

(40:49):
This is twenty five years ago.That's exactly what an air fryer is.
It's literally a hair dryer. Thatis just like I'm telling you,
man, Like if I would havelike had the foresight at that time to
say, Okay, I'm gonna puta hair dryer and have it like in
a box where the air is trappedin there, just throwing shit a rock,
it's the air fryer. Did youseriously just admit that you uncle Jesseed.

(41:15):
Yeah, it was way for afull house though, so Stationed Burrito.
Yes, you have invented the airfryer. I gotta ask you a
question, how long did it take? All? Right? So that's so
at that point, at that pointin time, the uh, you know,
the whole invention was not you know, perfected. So it did.

(41:37):
It did take about it took abouttwenty five minutes to cook the burrito with
the hair dryer. You know,a lot of flipping, but you know,
at the end of the day itwas moderately warm and uh in the
middle. Yeah exactly. It's likeI didn't break my teeth when I brought
it and you know, fit intoit so exactly exactly. It's like,

(42:00):
you know, sounds like a deliciousdelicacy. As you're like nineteen, it
wasn't bad, very very very atentiveof you. Exactly good living. That's

(42:20):
clean living. Also, I'm gonnastart using Uncle Jesse as a Uncle Jesse.
Uncle Jesse did oh man So thesuspect, cops say, last month,
burglarized the apartment of Tyler White,who lives in trout Run, the
village fifteen miles from Williamsport. Thethief made off with a five pound bag

(42:45):
of missus T's brand pogies. Accordingto the Pennsylvania State Police report, investigators
valued the parogis at ten dollars.Hey meaner, I'm like, why why
are the coup plays? It wasreally high. Yeah, he's like,

(43:10):
dude, I gotta get some paro. I such, I'm dying for paroy.
You know it was. I mean, come on, that was slow
news too. We don't even knowHe'll just keep going. Yeah, pardon
me, I'm excited now. Inaddition to stealing the fro frozen Parokey's burglar

(43:37):
caused damage to drywall in the homeskitchen. Oh man, Like, I
mean, like the odd thing is, So, here's the thing. Like
in Illinois, at least, likein order for them to be able to
get you on burglary, it's gonnabe breaking entering. It used to be
that it had to be at night. Was like wait, I was like,
wait, what, you can justbreak into the fucking people's I was

(44:00):
like, during the day and you'regood to go. I think they got
rid of that ship. But Ithink in Texas it's like it's okay to
break into somebody's house as long asyou let them know beforehand. Yeah.
Well, I think there's some stupidlaw statute is you have to be breaking
in with the intense commit of felony. So in order for them to get

(44:20):
you on burglary, that might bewrong, that might be, that might
be something else. There's there's anotherone like, uh, when you break
into people's house with the intent tocommit a felony. Yeah, I think
that's a more that's a that's agood class one class X type thing.
And Illinois, I think it's calledI've been out of the log in from
it. You know guys, it'slike, uh, forgetting shit's slimming,

(44:44):
no knowledge, So I got Ido not think. It just says the
investigations ongoing, but there's no updates, So I mean, I'm not sure
prised they're the death penalty is stillin action. Donald Florida, right,
even motherfucker's are like frying people leftand right down there. I'm sure they
executed that guy for that. Itsounds like, I don't know, you

(45:06):
only get a thirty dollars ticket ifyou throw an alligator on a roof,
you know what. Yeah, likethey probably would execute you if you,
you know, did it Paroe robbery. That's what I'm saying. I mean,
because if you throw an alligator througha Windy's, That's what I'm saying,
because that's really kind of like apublic service. You're taking out of
the public way or you're helping thepeople, you know. Yeah, I
mean, you're creating a little bitof an issue in the Wendy's. Yeah,

(45:29):
you can have some dead employees,but it's for the greater good of
the public, right, you knowwhat I mean. It's like, we
did it for the people. Therewere a lot there were children walking around
outside. I had no choice butto throw the gator through the window of
the Wendy's drive through. I savedfive kids. What are you gonna do?
What are you gonna do? Sevenpeople inside. We want to put

(45:50):
it on my socials right now.We'll see what the people say. Let's
see what the people say. Whychildren die by alligator or I throw it
into the drive through window and itkills maybe ten adults. But you know
they've lived a full lifefish. Youknow how old are these I'm saying,
you know, I'm saying, likethirties, you know, and they're all
working. It's at one time.I mean, but yeah, but the

(46:15):
kids, the children, it wasfor. The kids were the children,
okay. Founded in nineteen fifty two, the Pennsylvania based missus ts Perogues describes
itself as the largest provider of paroguesin the country, offering many new flavor

(46:37):
combinations as well as the original classics. Wow, it turned into a parogis
ad. That's what this article.It's amazing. The paroges are equally amazing.
Boiled, baked, sauteed, grilled, air fried, or tosser.
What's your preferred parog cooking method?The preferred night like the air fryers,

(47:00):
lazy or just dropping shit in thereclose drawer. That's not my preferred is
doing it correctly how they like yousteam them or whatever, like in the
PM with the water and the lid. They're better that way. I'm just
lazy, right, I mean,like that's the same thing. How do
you eat your paroes? Edible?That's how blow dried? Even blow dried.

(47:25):
Yes, I'll take thank you,You're welcome. I do uh like
I I just as seemed like likecook them up in like a half pound
of butter. Just imagine how deliciousthat would be. That would be really
good. I don't know why,but I kind of want one in sour
cream. Yeah cream girl. Soyou're making straight like street tacos with no

(47:51):
like straight Yeah it's paro. Yeahyou know what, We're gonna calm you,
low ba. That's funny, allright, what's your second one for
us. We have a very foodcentric episode tonight, which is unique because

(48:16):
they all are. This one comesfrom click Orlando dot com, so both
of mine tonight. We're Florida arip current statement effect for coastal Volusia region.
See the complete list. Uh okay. This one says men use spaghetti

(48:37):
sauce to try to start fire aftera burglary. That's a deput is fine
sauce burning on victims stove with washclothon burner. This one's by a Adrian
Cutaway. She's the web editor.And then there's also Lauren Corn but it's

(49:00):
spelled like with a K. Butit's still kind of funny because I like
Corn. That's a good band.But she's a reporter and it was published
March fourteenth and twenty eighteen at It'sCorn Big Lumps twenty eighteen at four fifteen
pm. So de Land or DeLand, I don't know. Florida. Two

(49:22):
men are accused of breaking into thehome of a man they both dated,
scaling several items, then leaving spaghettisauce boiling on the stove with a washcloth
place near the burner and yeah pastorsin an attempt to start a fire,
according to the Volusia County Sheriff's Officemore on Click Orlando dot com. Uh

(49:43):
no, So, the victim callednine one about seven am Tuesday because the
security cameras of his home on EvergreenTerrace and Delan detected motion and he believed
that someone was breaking in because atowel had been placed over one of the
cameras. The report said, andfor hair removal. Lad, I have

(50:04):
one, but we're gonna be sellingit. We'll talk about that later.
So deputies went to the residence andsaw a red Lincoln Navigator attempting to leave
the area. A stop was conductedand the driver, twenty eight year old
John Silva, and passenger Derek Irving, told the deputy that they had just
picked up some clothes from the victim'shome. According to the affidavit, the
victim told new Sticks that Irving waswearing a bull costume. Irving was wearing

(50:29):
a bull costume, a bull likelike two horns. Yeah, that's were
like Michael Jordan bull. You meanhe's the goat though, get it right,
he was in the bulls in thisperson. Okay, I'm not a
sports person like you like sports ball. Let's watch some sports ball. Let's

(50:53):
watch some sports ball. I dohave a husband and two sons, so
I know some Now do they enjoysports bawl? Come watch sports ball with
us games? I have to goto. My favorite part of sports ball
is whenever I kicked the baseball throughthe basket. So as de Courtney,

(51:15):
she's had to go to football practicesfor my kids. Oh it was so
sweet. So the victim told newssikes that Irving was, you know again,
wearing a bowl costume. So technically, to answer one of your questions,
he was inside of a bowl.The debut said that he could see
a marijuana grinder and the center consoleand a vacuum window went vacuum window,

(51:36):
ac unit, flat screen television,and heater in the back seat. An
empty jar of ragou spaghetti sauce wasalso of the passengers seat. The report
said, CDs, breaking news,TV mistakes, tattoos, spell check,
World's Craziest Beach Wow Yeah. Debutsaid both men initially denied burglarizing the victim's

(51:57):
home and said saying that Irving toldSilva he lived at home and needed a
ride there to retrieve some clothes andother items. The homewreaked of smoke when
deputies entered it. According to thereport, a pot of spaghetti sauce was
found burning on the sow, witha whitewashed cloth place near the burner that
had just began to catch fire.According to the affidavit quote, he was

(52:20):
trying to make it look like Ileft the stove on. But who gets
up at two am and fixes sketty? You know what it happened, dude,
who's fucking hungry? I imagine there'smillions of people all over the earth
that get up at two in themorning and cooks some spaghetti sauce. Man.
I love that he literally said sketty. I mean the fact that Sketty

(52:45):
says all you need to know thatthat like he's definitely cooking. Sketty had
like two guys. He's got likea pet name for it. It's like
this shiit sketty, Like it's kindof like sketty spaghetti or pussyetti, right,
a sketty set. Now what weall called pisketti, like spaghetti when
we were going up. I wantsome Pisctti. Daughter used to call sasketti.

(53:07):
I mean she grew out of that. But the victim said the deputy
extinguished the flames, then continued searchingthe home. Evidence at the scene revealed
that Silva and Irving broke into thehome, covered the security cameras, stole
the items, and put the spaghettisauce. This time, it was spelled
spaghetti on the stove in an attemptto start a fire so the evidence would

(53:30):
be destroyed. According to the authorities, why the fuck does this keep popping
up? And it's for a laserhair remover. But that eye patch thing
looks like a potato? So weird. I mean, clearly you googled,
uh potato, so you're you're gettingbombarded by the algorithm. I know,
but I love reading these ads.They're so funny. So Silva and Irving

(53:52):
told deputies that they also potato,Like really, why is there a potato
there? Uh? Silva and Irvingtold deputies that they both had romantic or
sexual encounters with the victim in thepast. Quote I'm almost said, I've
got like two paragraphs of quote.It started out as a relationship that lasted
about a week. The victim said, I let him use my car for

(54:14):
four months. Maybe he's angry aboutthat, or maybe he's angry because I
gave him one hundred and fifty dollarsto fix his seat, like getting crazy.
Both men were charged with Okay,I thought that said unmarried burglary,
but it actually says unarmed burglary,unmarried burglary, grandfa the wow wy Okay,

(54:39):
let's start over. Both men werecharged with unarmed burglary, grand theft
and arson. Silva's being held ontwenty five thousand, five hundred dollars bond
and Irving is being held without bondbecause officials say he violated his probation.
Yeah. So Lauren Corn is anative text who joined the news who gives

(55:05):
a shit. Okay, all right, So that's my story. I mean,
like I found it to be heartwarmingkind of how did see? I
like how they we so far we'vetalked about a lot of food and then,
like the author of mine had Cornand her name, the irony,
it goes right back to the lootes. So yeah, I was gonna say
that little circle, we've gone circleall right. My second story comes from

(55:31):
the Miami New Times, and itlooks like it was published October seventeenth of
twenty twenty two at four thirty twopm. Got it right past the deadline.
But they still printed it obviously.You know, So this tale is
it sounds funny, but it's actuallykind of fucking horrifying, But I'm gonna
I'm gonna go ahead and read itanyway. And it's written by a gentleman

(55:54):
named Theo Couranta salis okay so again. On October seventeen, twenty twenty two,
a naked machette wielding man with paintednails and a cowboy hat slashed a
bicyclist and fractured her skull near MiamiSprings. According to Miami Dade Police,

(56:15):
Roberto Hercules, yes that is hislast name, age forty five, was
arrested on an attempted murder on Octoberfourteenth, three days after the attack,
in the twenty one hundred block ofWest End Court. Police found him sleeping
nude next to two cowboy hats ina tent tiding within the trees on Miami

(56:36):
Dade Police reports. You guys haveany comments thus far, I am still
on Roberto Hercules infant, That's whatI'm talking about, man like like dude.
Can you envision him in his haton his bicycle fully exactly? I
am Hercules full like just block naked, except for the hat so and of

(56:59):
course the bike. The female victimwas riding her bicycle at six thirty am
on October eleventh along South River Drivein Medley when Hercules asked her whether she
had a crack pipe, Reports states. When the victim said that no,
sir, I do not have acrack pipe, the defendant pulled out a

(57:20):
machetti and began to attack. Afterstriking her multiple times with the machete,
Hercules fled on foot, According tothe report, Miami Springs police posted a
community alert on Instagram, power ofsocial media, the victim was transported to
a hospital, where she went tothe ICU unit. When she went to

(57:43):
ICEU, where she was treated fora fractured skull, bleeding in the brain,
a broken left arm, and alarge laceration on the left hand.
The bloody crime scene drew police fromfive jurisdictions, including Idly, Miami Springs,
Miami Dade, and Florida East CoastRailway. Train cars hauling liquid,

(58:04):
nitrogen, gas and electronics to anearby Amazon distribution center were halted so authorities
could search the tracks. I justwant my job to know if you're listening
for any reason that I had nothingto do with that nothing jewel. Real
name Roberto Hercules. Okay, wellI just work at an Amazon. Yeah
it wasn't me. So. Itsays that the knife allegedly used by Hercules

(58:30):
was found in the vicinity. AMiami Springs police report states there was information
that the victim came from the homelesscamp along the Fecal Railroad. According to
the report, Hercules, a nativeof El Salvador, has also been charged
with arm robbery and aggravated battery withgreat bodily harm. According to the County

(58:52):
count the County Court records, heis being held without bond at the county's
Correctional Center, where he is alsoon an em gration hold. The tracks
that divide Medley in Miami Springs UHconnect are albeit illegal, cut through a
path for students and commuters who usethe Metro trail station in two thousand and

(59:12):
five West Okachobee. I mean,I'm gonna tell you right now, this
reporter has gone far afoot like hestarted. Like he's giving us kind of
a narrative the entire area. He'sreally This guy's strutching his legs, this
guy's crying, get off, Likethe Metro crime beat, and he just
wants people to know that. Look, I'm a legitimate writer, you know.
So we're gonna, we're gonna,we're gonna go through this. We're

(59:34):
gonna keep We're gonna keep plugging along. So the locals have found rotting fruit
pennies and chicken and goat parts,presumably offered as ritual Santaia sacrifices, scattered
about the tracks. I mean,this is turning an entirely different story.
It's amazing the areas. I mean, like, at the end of the
day, we're talking about goats,goat parts and chicken chicken. Uh yeah.

(01:00:00):
The area sits across from Triangle Park, a popular in Miami Springs picnic
area where people parked to watch alligatorsor use the Ludlum Drive fitness trail.
So New Times reported last year thata home I mean, he's just he
slipped completely off the rails. Thisguy, uh he like He reported last
year that a homeless encampment at thesame site was set ablaze after a standoff

(01:00:22):
with authorities last Friday. Burgeoning campsunderneath the railroad bridge were abruptly cleared out,
and Finny A's the end of thestory. So it's a cautionary tale
ladies that kay, drugs are bed. I mean, it's clearly a crackhead,

(01:00:43):
you know. I'm just wow.Okay, so I guess that this
isn't twenty two October seventeen, twentytwenty. It sounds like it happened a
few days earlier, but the reportwas written on the seventeenth. It took
them three days, it right,that long article to write that article,
and it took the police to crackthis caper. Yeah, I mean,

(01:01:06):
like it must have been tough tofind a naked dude with cowboy hating them
a chetty walking around. I mean, okay, this again, it is
Florida, so that's probably not thatuncommon. Maybe this because I want to
know if Hercules ever got that Ppeloan and purchases business and started his family,

(01:01:31):
so like, that would be afulfilling ending, like, but he
won't be able to do it tillhe's out of prison. I imagine he's
doing a pretty good bit on thatlittle thing there. Well, all he's
gonna do is start with the exactlywell always we'll always have a bicycle on
them shut and the crack pipe,and I mean, moral of this story

(01:01:52):
is want to avoid a typical,horrible, typ like situation like that,
just carry a crack pipe just incase, Just in case. Somebody for
one who needs phone need to beprepared. Yeah, you're not used to.
In some cases you need a brokenlight lamb an Apple apples are always
handy. Bananas are great. Plusthey have the whole peel thing. Yeah,

(01:02:13):
eventsive sometimes but you know sometimes yeah, taking soda sometimes that's good ship.
So there there's mine. I alsodon't know how I know any of
this ship. Don't mind me yearsof life experience. I mean, who
doesn't know it? By this point? I think we want to say who

(01:02:35):
doesn't do it? At this pointit's like not I, oh god,
I just do my phone at me. Okay, this is coming from w
v LT TV Chili, so itis. I'm gonna go. This is
written by Cameron Cameron Macaron Cameron.Okay, is it Cameron because it's spelled

(01:03:04):
c Am. Are you I nN camerin Cameron? Probably Cameron Cameron Cameron?
Will this go with macaron? Okay? That's where I see Rumsey,
Sorry, not Ramsey Rumsey. Thatsounds like rum macaron ice. Dude,
I'm just here. Okay, Icannot pronounce their name. I am so

(01:03:24):
sorry. So this was published inSeptember twelfth of twenty twenty two. Okay,
and it is in Knoxville, Tennessee. So a Knoxville man was arrested
Saturday for stealing televisions from the ChapmanHighway Walmart and then selling them in the
parking lot of the stool. Okay, he was ready. I was ready.

(01:03:47):
I think I'm ready for it.I've known people. What now?
What now? So? Uh?An incident report obtained by the news station,
officers responded to the walmart around ninepm, where they found Donald Kirkland

(01:04:11):
in possession of shoplifted property. Thereport said Kirkland ran from the responding officers,
but they were able to take himinto custody. So I guess he
wasn't pretty fast. I mean hewas carrying all the ship, get all
the TVs and s manything. CanActually being caught at your kiosk selling the

(01:04:33):
stolen TVs and running away be tough. It's a tough getaway, you know,
bring a car next time. Yeah, also, come dropping me off
exactly. We all want new TVand you get a TV, and you
get a TV. Okay, andyou get a TV. Yeah okay.

(01:04:57):
So afterwards, Kirkland told officers thathe it had stolen three TVs, a
karaoke machine, and camping equipment.Why camping equipment one karaoke machine. I
guess this is what he could carry, okay. So he's stole three TVs,
three TVs, one curio machine,machine, and camping equipment and this

(01:05:21):
is what he was selling in theWalmart parking lot. The Walmarts manager also
told officers that he saw Kirkland loadingone of the TVs into a cart in
the store. So I guess hejust loaded everything in the cart and just
rolling on out. He going,Wow, you're just gonna go right now.
I'm just gonna put the stickers onit like I bought it. Nothing

(01:05:44):
to see here, nothing to seehere, I heard violently. You can
go through the little detectors and theywon't go off. Oh sweets. Usually
like is that like a shoplifting lifehack right there on on TikTok, I
don't know if you know how theyusually have those like really sweet, cute,
adorable little elderly people that will checkyour you know, like receipts.

(01:06:09):
Yeah, welcome, you always socrumpy. Where the fuck are they?
I'm sorry, Walmart's not gonna payme enough to chase somebody. No,
I'm be like that person still something, that's where it's going. That's somebody
else who's job it is can chasesome I'm a greater, not a chaser.

(01:06:34):
I don't get paid for that jobdescription. Buddy should check those Oh

(01:06:54):
you have one sentence. Kirkland wascharged with a theft of merchandise. I
mean it's not like some felony levelshit man, like in I mean three
TVs. I mean that's well overa thousand dollars. Easy threshold is three
hundred bucks if you're over three hundredyear in felony world. Yeah, yeah,

(01:07:15):
okay, So I always thought likegrand theft was of course a felony,
but like I always thought the reasonwhy they called it grand theft.
And forgive me if I'm sounding ignorantand dumb, if we can get that
as a car. No, Ialways thought that grand theft meant like anything
over a grand Am I getting wrong? Well, I mean at least you're
wrong in this state, Like inthis state, it's it's not a grand

(01:07:39):
grand. I mean like like yeah, grand theft in this state does actually
relate to vehicles. Like I knowthere's the game Grand Theft Auto, but
it actually like the charge related toI thought it was, and I thought
it was gonna sound really stupid.No, you were you were dead on
Actually is it the same in Texas? I wonder. I mean, I
don't know. It's like a worldthem to itself Texas about it. We're

(01:08:01):
here, different thing. I don'tknow what. I don't know what y'all
are doing down there. I don'tknow. I don't you know what y'all
the rest of y'all got COVID,we got you know, Ted Cruise.
I'm gonna tell you right now thatEric Whitney and Melissa brought me to a
fucking Bucky's for the first time isamazing. Uh. I was like they

(01:08:27):
were like, you know, Iwas doing like TikTok's in there because it
was all these I was so fuckinglike blown away. I've never been I'd
never like laid eyes on anything likea Bucky's. Yeah, I mean it's
a bathroom, right. Oh,of course it was immaculate. I mean,
sure, Cam, if you wereso inclined, you know, I
wasn't of course, But I'm justsaying, so I can stop at the

(01:08:48):
Buckeyes. So I go to thebathroom. I am telling you, like,
uh yeah, they have immaculate bathroomsand they have like just absolutely fire
brisket, you know, like thebrisket sandwich man. I pround of the
ship and was like housing it inthe car. So it was great.
So I have a confession. Yeah, I've never gonna go you live here?

(01:09:15):
Are you I do? That shouldhave been your headline. That should
have been your Florida Man story inTexas. Okay to night, my headline
is Plorida Man is not acting aFlorida man. It's it's just never been
We're going to go. Yeah,I mean it's a it's like a it's
like a full half day you couldspend in Bucky's like easy. There's there's

(01:09:39):
a chance I've been to it Bucky'sand just didn't remember. But I mean
remember, there is zero chance ofthat happening. The place is the biggest
fight. It's like literally like afucking Costco size gas station. Yeah,
they have have they have like onehundred plus pumps. It's it's insane.
I've never seen anything like it.Okay, well, I was feeling very
embarrassed and like I might have lostlike negative fifteen more power pages. You

(01:10:04):
have to go to the bathroom andBucky's courtneys to go in the buckets.
It's like only if you want tochange your life. Okay, So the
Buckeyes have like its own like pooparespray and all that, like did they
probably they have a bidet like likeDays does the is the fountain made of
like quartz crystal filtration brisket and barbecuesauce. Courtneys they have like dispensers when

(01:10:30):
you're actually in the shitter stall thatlike actually a little tray with the brisket
comes out. Really all all thetoilet seats are made of solid twenty four
CA Wow. Okay, like thelike the warming aspect of the bidet water
spraying on you was like next levelshit. That sounds wow. That sound
like so many different double on tidresthere. But That's what I'm talking about,

(01:10:55):
toilet. I mean, I justinvent something amazing, all right.
I agree that shit on Shark tankright now, Yeah, you know your
hair dryer food thing, that shitthey call it the air fryer. Now,
but but it said the air fryer. You call it the hair dryer.

(01:11:16):
Well, yeah, you see whatthey did, right, You're said,
Okay, we're gonna drop the agefrom the hair and we're gonna change
the D to an AFP, soit's fryer instead of hair dryer. It's
air fryer. They literally stole myshit. There's one there's one man on
the plane that can actually fucking verifythat that story is a hard percent true.

(01:11:38):
I believe you, true. Ibelieve you because, like I,
for whatever reason, I feel likethat you would be that inventive, Like,
I mean, who the funk wouldmake up a story like that anyway?
You know, why would you wantto exactly like like exactly, There's
no point in making it up unlessit's true. That's the only reason I

(01:12:00):
would tell the story. I didinvent one other thing. It was also
on Shark Tank, which was youguys, know how you lose shit in
between your seat and your fucking likecenter console, your fucking phone drops down
like that ship was driving me fuckingcrazy, Like my phone down there all
the time. I couldn't like,I couldn't reach my hand down there.
I'm like, what the fuck Ihave to put the out of the car,

(01:12:20):
go to the back. Got fromthe back because I'm trying to text
and drive here, man, youknow, like what so so like this
is the serious is like fucking liketen twelve years ago, like when cell
phones are become pretty prominent. AndI kept telling Alice, I'm like,
I keep sucking stands like I'm inventingsomething that I can just lodge in there.

(01:12:42):
It'll either be a net, likea pressurized net that you just stick
in there. You'll catch all kindsof shit, French frogs when you're fucking
housing food all the ship, likeeverything that goes down in that crack,
you know, the black hole downthere. And then like in Alison,
it's like, that's actually a fuckinggreat idea. You'll probably send like sell
like millions of those. And I'mlike, yeah, I'm like, let's
let's do something. And of coursethey didn't do shit with it. Like

(01:13:03):
the next year, I see thesetwo funds on shark Tank exact product and
they got a fucking like a fivemillion dollars off or some shit on shark
Tank. I'm like, fu,do you know what else went on shark
Tank? First? What like thenest cameras like on your door. They

(01:13:24):
weren't not best brands. I rememberwatching that and they got denied yes,
and they were all wait. I'mlike, wow, yeah, they a
really good invention idea and I'm notgoing to tell y'all about it, but
let me get my let me getmy pen ready, Okay, go ahead
and write it down. So hey, Manna tell everybody where they can find

(01:13:45):
your podcast. So h yeah,you can find our pod anywhere you get
your pods, so Apple, uh, Spotify, you know, Google Play
all the spots all you know,everywhere everywhere, and you know, if
you if you like it, makesure you subscribe or follow or whatever you
have to do and whatever podcatcher you'relistening to, and you know, and

(01:14:06):
if you dig the show, welove to the girls know. You know,
I'm I'm on the socials. I'mmessing around on there. I try
to interact as much as possible withour listeners and I always love to hear
from people. So you know,if you dig it, like and I'll
warn you it's it's not a good, clean, fun like this was.
It's like my ship's pretty deep andserious, so definitely a different avenue.

(01:14:29):
I love when I get to dothis with with my friends and kind of
let my hair down and yeah andbe and be like who I you know
I am in real life, SoI enjoy that kind of shit. So
but yeah, i'd love if youall listen. I think if you check
it out you'll probably like it.We like having you, and I want
every whoever is listening to go toyour to all of the all of the

(01:14:50):
things and leave all of the stars, all of them and leave it really
nice review on defense siries and youknow anything that is Bob Mata and we
appreciate you joining us. And doyou know our sign off? Yeah,

(01:15:13):
sign off? Okay, So inthe beginning of our public feed podcast,
our sign off was don't be adick and where deodorant? But since we
decided to get really, which isan amazing sign off. Yeah, it's
great advice. But we did changeour format up and we've decided to take
things way more serious and really getvery in tune with being ethical. So

(01:15:34):
that's obviously changed. You know,we're a lot more victim centered, but
we wanted to recycle that sign offon this bullshit. So you know,
if y'all want to sign us off, Cane, you'll be a dick and
where deodorant? So listen, y'all. This is a pretty simple rule.
This is a This is an absolutelycrucial rule. If you don't want to

(01:15:55):
be a total asshole in life,don't be a dick. Where deodorant?
Yeah? All right, guys,Well you know I really want spaghetti and
don't leave a rag bag of fireand liked chicken nugget