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October 17, 2023 • 42 mins
S6 E2 - "Listen to your gut" - Justice for Willow (Part 2)

CW/TW - DISTRESSING CONTENT - Displays of grandiosity, narcissism or sociopathy, suicidal ideation, domestic violence, murder of a child

Mariah Lee Gardner escaped, barely clinging to life, from a brutal attack on her and her children at the hands of her ex-husband, Stephen Clare. Today, Mariah will continue to recall the events that led to the tragedy that occurred April 10, 2023. We dive in a little more on the links to Narcissistic Personality Disorder and domestic violence, and pose the question of whether or not you always listen to your gut. As for Stephen Clare - the crimes he committed are all pieces of a pure living nightmare, one that had all the signs, albeit difficult to see. Narcissists are very thorough with carrying through their plan if it is something that will make them look good. We urge you all to recognize the signs of Narcissistic Abuse from family members and even friends, whether you have fallen victim to it or not. You never know who's life you may save, and as always... see something, say something.


SOURCES -


Domestic Violence Helpline

800-799-7233 (SAFE)

or Text START to 88788

https://www.domesticshelters.org/help

You can search for resources online by location

(San Antonio residents - https://maghouse.org/)
https://www.verywellmind.com/effects-of-narcissistic-abuse-5208164

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/toxic-relationships/201709/how-spot-narcissistic-abuse

https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/narcissistic-abuse

https://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/intimatepartnerviolence/fastfact.html

https://www.doorwaysva.org/our-work/education-advocacy/the-facts-about-domestic-violence/

https://ncadv.org/STATISTICS

https://www.socialsolutions.com/blog/domestic-violence-statistics/

https://www.expressnews.com/news/article/stephen-clare-capital-murder-robinhood-place-18195235.php

https://www.youtube.com/watch?reload=9&v=2eVN1N1b8dg

https://www.kens5.com/article/news/crime/san-antonio-shooting-police-monday-sapd/273-cbdaf551-ccf3-444a-8119-836a664a614c

https://www.kens5.com/article/news/crime/san-antonio-domestic-violence-shooting-deadly-police/273-51bffbf8-a4fe-4557-8e91-e3c9f1002144

https://www.ksat.com/news/local/2023/04/11/man-and-young-mother-hes-accused-of-shooting-at-north-side-home-had-recently-divorced-records/

https://www.kens5.com/article/features/healing-through-advocacy-mother-who-survived-deadly-domestic-violence-attack-shares-story-to-save-lives-sapd-san-an
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Transcript

Episode Transcript

Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
An afarious nightmare contains themes that maybe explicit or triggering. For some specific
warnings and disclaimers will be mentioned inthe show notes. An a farious nightmare
assumes all parties that are mentioned inthese cases to be innocent unless proven guilty
in a court of law. Listenerdiscretion is strongly advised. You can help
us grow the show by leaving usa five star written review on Apple Podcasts

(00:21):
or Spotify, or you can joinour patreon for light hearted bonus content.
With this Welcome to season six.In today's episode, Mariah will continue to
recall the events that led to thetragedy that occurred April tenth, twenty twenty
three. We dive and a littlemore on the links to narcissistic personality disorder

(00:42):
and domestic violence, also posing thequestion of whether or not you always listen
to your gut. The crime committedby Stephen Clare is a pure, living
nightmare, one that had all thesigns, Albeit difficult to see. Narcissists
are very thorough with carrying through theirplan if it's something that will make them

(01:03):
look good. We urge you allto recognize the signs of narcissistic abuse from
family members and even friends, whetheryou've fallen victim to it. And as
a reminder, if you or someoneyou love is a victim of domestic violence,
please call the National Domestic Violence Hotlineat one eight hundred seven ninety nine

(01:26):
safe or one eight hundred seven ninetynine seven two three three, or you
can visit the hotline dot org.Advocates are there to listen without judgment and
will offer you support and resources inyour time of need. With all of
that, I'm Courtney Fenner, andI'm Amanda Cronin and a nefarious nightmare presence.

(01:49):
Listen to your gut Justice for WillowPart two. When I interviewed Mariah,

(02:16):
I noticed how incredibly kind she wasand very much so proficient and careful
in her recollection of events. Butshe was also your typical average human being
that you would never guess upon meetingher that she had been through so much.
And what struck me was her radiantsmile and beauty, how she carried
a strong likeness to Rose McGowan,which if you've looked at the pictures that

(02:38):
we've posted on Instagram you'll see that. And then her kindness was unwavering as
much as her call to action forjustice and advocacy to make her daughter's voice
be heard. This only showed methat the love that she had for her
daughter, baby Willow, as wellas her surviving children, was also unwavering.

(03:00):
I admire that so much about herand I can identify this story is
not just some true crime case.It's a story of a lioness protecting her
cubs, her den, doing justabout anything and everything to protect her own.
A story that needs to be toldover and over again, as it
serves as both a heartbreaking reminder thatpeople aren't who they may seem, and

(03:24):
how a mother's love for her childrenis first and foremost. As we would
come to find out behind closed doors, a dark and troubling series of events
was unfolding which would ultimately shed lighton the links between narcissistic personality disorder and
domestic violence. Mariah had been marriedto Stephen Clare, a charismatic and charming

(03:49):
man who seemed to have it all. The keyword is seemed, as you
may have found out and will findout. But when no one knew was
that Stephen liked suffered from narcissistic personalitydisorder, a condition that made him seem
excessively self absorbed, lacking an empathy, and prone to manipulation, gaslighting,

(04:13):
and creating grandiose behavior. One comparisonI can immediately draw as an example is
the case of Christopher Dunch. Hewas also known as Doctor Death, whose
behavior was so grandiose that he insistedon performing surgeries despite not being apt at
it, and causing extensive harm andultimately death to his patients. Doctor Death

(04:39):
came to mind many times listening toMariah's story. There are quite a few
parallels to both cases. As arelationship between Mariah and Stephen Claire had progressed,
she started to notice disturbing patterns ofbehavior in her husband. It was,
of course not easy to see itfirst, but she began to realize

(05:00):
that he was controlling, demanding constantadmiration, and would lash out in fits
of rage when he didn't get hisway. These traits are classic signs of
NPD, which, while we cannotdiagnose anyone, I mean, if it
walks in quacks, I mean,let's be real here, it's a duck.
And the traits he carried caused atoxic environment within their home, ultimately

(05:24):
causing their separation. We often talkabout MPD because it's often linked to serial
killers, serial rapists and the like. I will reiterate that it isn't always
because those are those with MPD whoare self aware and actually want to help
others, But it is often.What we do not want to do is

(05:46):
create a stigma surrounding NPD or anydisorders that mimic it, but it is
a factor that needs to be talkedabout when discussing these criminals. Narcissism is
one of those disorders that all oftenfools, even licensed behavioral therapist, which
ultimately caused a flying monkey in Mariah'scase with her own therapist. It often

(06:10):
starts with love bombing and it isa long gain most of the time,
where they often test the waters withtheir subject of abuse, creating false scenarios
in order to make themselves look gooddoctor death once again, and later emotional
and even financial abuse. Domestic violencealso often starts with emotional abuse, and

(06:32):
the evident narcissism led Stephen to belittleand demean Mariah, which caused her self
esteem to erode over time. Heused his manipulation charm to isolate her from
her friends and family, as evidencedby what happened with her therapist, which
if you haven't heard about this yet, just wait. But all of this

(06:54):
would end up leaving her feeling helplessand alone, even questioning her own motives,
which is what he wanted. Statisticsshow that domestic violence is a ubiquitous
issue, and sadly, it canand often does escalate to murder. Mariah,
in her desperation to protect herself,her children, and her home,

(07:15):
sought help from local authorities and evenultimately became a human shield for her children.
Prior to April tenth, she hadgrown increasingly disturbed by his emotional abuse
and manipulation, and even fearful forthe safety of her and her children,
and at the same time hearing asilent scream from her gut that Stephen's behaviors

(07:35):
were growing more and more unpredictable andthreatening just beneath the surface. Please listen
as Mariah continues her recollection of eventsthat led to the tragedy that occurred April
tenth, twenty twenty three. Sowe planned our wedding in three weeks and
ended up getting married in our backyardor in the backyard of his house that

(07:58):
I've got to live in. Whenhe decided to let me, and not
long after that, he was askingfor another baby, and I did not
want a child, another child.I did not want another child with him
because he had told me when Iwas living in that rental house after we
had had our daughter, that hewanted to get me pregnant again because if

(08:22):
I had two children with him andonly one child with my first husband,
then I would have to listen towhatever he said. I'd have to go
where he wanted me to go.I'd have to leave my son with his
dad, and there was nothing Icould say. So I knew in my
heart that he wanted me to haveanother child with him to manipulate me.

(08:43):
And I was like, look,we just got married. Let's see how
that goes. Let's see if thingsget better between us, and then we
can talk about bringing another child intothis. And so there was a moment
where we were, you know,being intimate together, and I wasn't on
birth control. Birth control gives me. I have an autoimmune condition. Birth

(09:09):
control gives me the worst side effects. I've probably tried them all And anyway,
he knew that, and I don'tknow if he was tracking my ovulation
cycle. I don't know but theone time we had unprotected sex because I
trusted him, I ended up gettingpregnant with our second child because he refused

(09:31):
to obey my wishes on not wantinga second child and told me that if
I told anyone, they wouldn't believeme because I was his wife. And
so luck has it that I gotpregnant again, and at that point,
like I knew, things were justdifferent. He wasn't connected to my pregnancy

(09:54):
when I was having her. Imean, he was standing on the other
side of the room, he disgusted. We could all feel like the tension
that he was putting off, thisdarkness, you know. And even after
I had our second daughter, hedidn't want anything to do with her,

(10:16):
and the moments that he did wereonly so he could see me. He
was using our daughters as ponds,and he had ended up kicking me out
when I was thirty six weeks pregnantwith her, and after I had her,
I guess she was three months old. Kind of a similar thing.

(10:39):
Wanted to take a family trip becausehe said he was having a hard time
connecting to her and blamed it onthe fact that we were living in separate
homes and he really wanted to makethings work. We ended up going to
the Texas coast to the beach.This is the same place that we went
when he convinced me to marry him. So we were at the coast.

(11:01):
He owed the Irs a lot ofmoney, and he was on the phone
with the revenue officer that was assignedto his case, and so I could
tell he was upset. It sodifficult conversation, I'm sure when you owe
over a million dollars to the irs, because that was another thing. He
was a gambling addict, and heapparently lied to the irs too. He

(11:24):
didn't typical narcissist. They don't feellike they have to obey the loss.
They feel like they are above thelaw, and so they do what they
want and then deal with the consequenceslater and then try to weasel their way
out of it. So he wasjust kind of doing that on a broad
spectrum in every aspect of his life. So he had just gotten off the
phone with the revenue officer and Iwas like, you know, let's take

(11:46):
the girls and go get ice cream. Something just kind of low key and
just trying to do something that wasn'tso stressful for him and when so we're
sitting in the ice cream shop andout of nowhere, he tells me,
if I had to line all fourof my children up in front of a

(12:07):
firing squad, I would only chooseto save Rosalie, or almost two at
the time, So he would gundown or have our three months old gun
down and his two other children andonly save Rosally. It came from nowhere,
like just totally out of the blue, and I'm like, we're sitting
here having ice cream and you're fantasizingabout murdering our child. And I was

(12:31):
so just pissed off. I wasdisgusted, and so I immediately got up
and I'm like, nope, I'mdone. We're out of here. I'm
going back to San Antonio. Idon't want to even look at you.
And so I told him get inthe car or else I'm leaving you here.
You're gonna stay at this ice creamshop. He gets in the car

(12:52):
and starts telling my daughter Rosalie,because she's crying whatever she's upseick becuse we
left ice cream shop. And hestarts telling her it's okay, you don't
have to cry because daddy's going tokill himself soon. Anyway, like Daddy's
going to be gone. And sothen I start yelling at him for telling
her. It's like, that's totallyinappropriate. I don't know what it is

(13:13):
with you and death right now,but like, just don't talk anymore.
And so he basically tells me thatthe reason he wants to die is because
he's so tired of looking at me, he's so tired of being around me,
and insinuated that all I do isyell at him, and I don't.
I'm not a yeller. Like it'sactually probably more annoying because I'm so

(13:35):
non confrontational that I'm like, youknow what, fine, you win,
you know. And so anyway,he's telling me all of this, how
like disgusting I am to be inthe same car with and how repulsed he
is, and then proceeds to jumpout of the car while it is moving,
tucks n' rolls and jumps up,you know. So then my daughter's

(13:58):
screaming, she's freaking out because herfather just jumped out of a moving car.
So I turn around, because I'ma good person, and I go
back for him. And at thispoint, yes, I'm yelling at him
because he just jumped out of mycar, and so I'm trying to get
him to go, like, getback in the car. He won't.
I end up calling Fun to tellhim what just happened, and I'm like,

(14:22):
look, your dad is losing itand I need you to convince him
to get back in my car sowe can get back to San Antonio because
I can't deal with him or I'mjust gonna leave him here and someone else
is gonna have to come and gethim. And so anyway, somehow I
get him back in the car.We drive to the house that we're renting
for the weekend, and he likecontinues to say how he's gonna kill himself,

(14:46):
and he restrains me, so Ican't leave. The girls are already
in the car, think goodness,And I finally I get away from him
and I go and get in thecar, and so I immediately call.
First, I call the suicide helplinebecause I'm like, that's the last thing

(15:09):
I need to deal with, isyou know, knowing that because I left
him, he committed suicide. Eventhough he was extremely flawed, he was
still the love of my life,and I still like, I would never
wished harm on him. You knowhe was the father of my children.
I didn't want him to do anythingto himself. So I call and they

(15:31):
tell me to call like the nonemergency number for the local police, and
so I do. Police officer comesout. I even call to get that
police officer's phone number so I canpersonally talk to him to see what's going
on, because I'm concerned. AndI guess whenever I got there, he
had taken a bunch of stuff.I don't know, but the police officer

(15:54):
said he was acting completely belligerent andhe was slurring his speech, and he
found him with a bunch of prescriptionpills, and he truly believes that he
was a harm to himself and otherpeople. So he brought him to the
local hospital, I guess admitted himfor a mandatory seventy two hour psych evaluation.

(16:17):
Well, because my ex husband hasbeen a nurse practitioner for over twenty
years and he's charismatic and he knowsexactly what to say to manipulate people,
he said all the right things andthey let him out after four hours.
So the one chance for him toactually maybe get some help, they just
let him go. And so youknow, that was in June of twenty

(16:40):
twenty two when he was admitted,and I even told him, I'm like,
there's no way I'm letting you haveour kids unsupervised until we go somewhere
in San Antonio to get another psychevalve, because I don't believe that you're
safe and I don't feel comfortable leavingmy kids with you. And so we
go to like a psychiatric urgent carefacility here in San Antonio, and I'm

(17:07):
explaining to the psychiatrist what's going on, what my concerns are, and it
seemed like she was really on myside, like she understood where I was
coming from, what I was saying, and so like we spoke separately,
and then she spoke with him,and once once he was in the room
with her by himself, he completelyturned it around again, just like he

(17:33):
did in the hospital. And sowe come back together in the same room
after she's spoken to him. Sothis professional woman, the psychiatrist, who's
been practicing for thirty years or moremaybe more, she looks at me and
she says, Mariah, he's justangry with you. You almost cost him
his medical license because you called thepolice on him. So he's just angry

(17:59):
with you and he needs some spaceand maybe you should apologize to him for
putting him at risk. That wasa tough pill to swallow. So I'm
like, between his gas lighting andthen these you know, him being released
from the hospital and then this otherlady telling me it was my fault,
I started to actually wonder, likemaybe it really is me, Like maybe

(18:23):
he's right, which obviously now Iknow is total blowney, but uh yeah,
if that's not gas lighting, Idon't know what is. After saying
he was going to have our threemonth old daughter gun down, so many
missed opportunities for people to like tellthis man that something's wrong with him.

(18:47):
We saw the same counselor, amarriage counselor for two years. She never
once told him like, hey,maybe you're's a problem. It was all
like he would leave the room andshe'd be like, look, I'm on
your side, like this is you. And she told me that if I
would just maintain a level of emotionalintelligence that was greater than his, then

(19:14):
I'm in control. Then maybe Ican make him be the person I want
him to be or what like that'shorrible advice, horrible. Steven had a
history of lying, elaborate lying,and I know we kind of went into
some of that, but there wasone thing in particular that was such a

(19:41):
big lie, and it was drawnout for years, and there were so
many people involved in this lie thatI can't not share it because this just
shows how masterful he was and howmuch thought he put into this life that
he created, this persona that hecreated. So he was a nurse practitioner,

(20:06):
and I mentioned how he often liedand told people he was a medical
doctor. Well he also had thisother life he had. I'm sure in
his younger years. Part of itwas true. He had worked with this

(20:26):
other man who had a business andthey worked with musicians and they would do
like their on the road medicine kindof stuff. When they'd come to San
Antonio and do a concert, theywould give them like B twelve shots or
you know, if they had aspecific medical need, well he would help
to do that for them at whatevermusic venue they were at. So anyway,

(20:52):
there's like pictures of him with differentmusicians, so I know at one
point, yeah, he absolutely diddo medical treatment on certain famous people.
However, he took that so muchfurther. He introduced himself as this rock
Doc. That's what he called himself, the rock Doc. And he created

(21:18):
different LLCs that didn't go anywhere ordo anything or make any money, so
there was no evidence of him evertaking care of anyone. However, he
had this game room in his housefull of memorabilia, guitars, cowboy hats,

(21:41):
drumheads, drumsticks, posters, youname it. He had it from
you down to like signed baseballs,and he was like, yeah, so
I do this not to make anymoney, which like, why wouldn't you
make money because they're all millionaires.But he's like, I don't do it
to make money. I just Ireally like the experience, and I like

(22:03):
going to concerts, and they alwayssend me really cool stuff and it's like
personalized to me. And this isthe legacy I've created. This room shows
the twenty plus years of you know, me being in medicine and all the
people I've helped. And at firstI thought it was true. I mean,

(22:30):
the proof was there. Everything washung on the walls, and he
had stuff in closets. I mean, he had a plethora of memorabilia,
and so I believed it for along time, and I thought it was
so cool, and every time he'dinvite someone over for a drink or whatever
to play pool, because he hada pool table in there as well.

(22:52):
He would tell them about this lifestylethat he had where he would take care
of all of these people. Andyou know, it's the same story over
and over again. And one dayI he would always fall asleep with his
iPad and I can't remember what itwas. I think maybe he fell asleep
with his eBay account open. SomehowI came across his eBay account and I

(23:14):
see on there that he had purchasedall of this stuff with his own money,
so not a single thing was sentto him. He purchased all of
it, which, like, ifyou have the means to buy all of
this collectible stuff, like that's stillcool. You don't have to lie,
Like the lie is totally unnecessary.But he did it to create this,

(23:37):
you know, this image, andto garner all of this attention and to
make himself seem valuable. So Imean for years, it took him years
to create this room, and justhe took that lie and ran with it
to the point where even at hisbusiness he would hang guitars up in the

(24:03):
emergency room, like the patient rooms, he would hang them up with a
picture of him to like tell patients, oh look, I'm the rock doc.
You got the cool guy today,and so like, even it was
involved, even with his patients.Some of the stuff I found out that
he personally signed, like it wasn'teven signed by that person whoever you know

(24:26):
it was. He told me whenhis mother passed away, Kenny Chesney sent
him a cowboy hat. Not true. He bought it on eBay and signed
it like he would sign thanks doctorSteve for taking care of us, you
know, from whoever, the Jonahsbrothers or whatever. I mean, elaborate,
I'm telling you. So when Iwould go to people and tell them

(24:48):
like, hey, this is what'sgoing on. This is how this man
is on a day to day basiswith me as his wife, they wouldn't
believe me because they're like, he'sso nice, he's so cool, you
know, look at all of thisstuff he has done professionally. It was
all a facade, and no onewould believe me because I was just one

(25:11):
person and they'd known him for yearsand years and years and different things have
come out since our attack, andI would share it with like his friends
that he's known since he was achild, and I'm like, hey,
do you remember when this happened tohim? And they were like, no,

(25:33):
that I don't know what you're talkingabout. He said he was a
fighter and would describe these fights hegot in and bars and stuff, and
his friends were like, he's nota fighter. He's never gotten in a
fight. He always had people aroundhim to fight for him. He would
run his mouth and they would fightfor him. So it was like just
layers upon layers of like I don'tthink he even knew who he was,

(25:59):
and it's just it's alarming, andI'm really sorry for him. You know,
whenever I found out that his entiregame room was all fake, I
only told his son. I didn'ttell anyone else because I was like,
how humiliating would it be for him? And I truly felt sorry for him,
because I don't know what it's like. I'm one of those people like

(26:22):
I have. I just I amwho I am, and I've gotten to
the point of my life where I'mcomfortable enough with who I am. If
other people don't like it, that'sokay. I don't have to lie or
create personalities or you know, altermyself to fit these social expectations, and

(26:42):
so I felt really bad for himbecause I was like, how exhausting would
it be to have to create anentire person to hide behind because you're so
miserable. Yeah, it was exhausting. People, colleagues, patients, I
mean, our entire community were froma very small, tight knit community within

(27:06):
San Antonio. Like I said before, San Antonio is a big city,
but it's also a small town.Everyone knows everyone, The circles are just
small, and so when it happened, everyone was blown away because he had
fooled everyone. April to tenth wasa Monday. It was the day after

(27:27):
Easter. Stephen had our daughters thatweekend, so I hadn't seen them since
Thursday when I dropped them off atdaycare, and I had been sick that
weekend, so we didn't really myboys and I didn't do anything for Easter.
I went to work Monday morning andit'd been pretty pretty quiet. I

(27:52):
hadn't seen Stephen. He dropped thethings off on Easter, the flowers in
the card I mentioned before, butother than that, like, it was
pretty quiet, and so Monday morningit was, if I had to guess,
probably around nine or nine thirty inthe morning, he sends me a

(28:12):
text message and it was like ameme of two Easter bunnies, and like
one bunny had bit the other bunny'sear off, and the bunny was like,
oh, I can't hear, soI guess he was like trying.
I don't know if he was tryingto start a conversation or if he was
trying to be funny, but Iwas like, Oh, Easter humor.

(28:33):
I love it. But then hedidn't say anything after that, and neither
did I. I got off ofwork. Usually when it was my day
with the kids, I would getoff of work at two so that way
I could pick the girls up fortwo thirty. So I did, and
I picked them up from school andWillow at the end of her school day,
they always took her in this littlebuggy like this I guess fits like

(28:57):
six kids, six little babies init. They push her around campus and
she was her favorite part of theday. She loved that darn buggy with
all her little friends. And Iremember just locking eyes with her and she
was so happy to see me.And so I picked her up out as

(29:18):
a little buggy and we would justshe and I would walk to go get
her sister, Rosalie from the otherside of the school, and I just,
you know, we would snuggle thewhole way. I'd kiss her and
she'd just kind of nuzzle my neck, and it was just like the sweetest
moment that we would have Monday throughFriday, just me and her by ourselves,

(29:41):
and I cherished it, but Iwish I had walked just a little
bit slower. And we finally weget to Rosalie's class, and she would
always just as soon as she wouldsee me, she would dart and just
run to me as fast as shecould, And so I'd have Willow in
one hand and I grabbed Rosalie withthe other. You know. We left

(30:02):
the school, and that was thelast time I would ever pick Willow up
from school. And we went togo pick up my boys. They went
to a different school down the street, and we headed home, and what
we always do when we first gethome, we kind of decompress. I'll
usually get down on the floor withthem and we'll play and just snuggle and

(30:25):
talk about our day and just kindof soak them in. Because one they
were gone all weekend and I missedthem, but we also all needed to
just kind of decompress before homework starts, like making dinner and that whole,
that whole thing. So we didthat and then it was time to like
do homework with my boys, andI made dinner, although I cannot remember

(30:48):
for the life of me what Imade. Just one of those things that
we do every day, but youknow, we don't put much thought into
it. And I Willow was shewas taken some steps. I had been
really intentionally practicing with her because shewas just I could tell she was eager
to do it. She just wasn'tconfident enough to walk yet, and so

(31:10):
every day I would just work withher a little bit, and that day
she had taken like three steps byherself, and I was so happy for
her. So the first thing Ido is call her dad, because I'm
like, I want him to beable to share this, like I don't
just because we're divorced. I don'twant to miss out on these moments with

(31:34):
her. I don't want to missout on milestones. So I call him
so he can also share that.And he seemed fine, he didn't seem
angry, he was excited. Hewas like, good for her, you
know, that whole thing. AndI hung up with him and we continued

(31:56):
on doing whatever, and I putmy phone away and at some point I
was sitting on the couch and thelast video I took of my daughters together,
Rosalie was on my coffee table inher underwear because we're working on potty
training, you know, She's inher underwear on the table that both of

(32:17):
my little pugs are on the tablewith her, and Willow is just hanging
on to the table, just kindof walking along the edge. And so
I'm recording them just, you know, because it's so funny that the dogs
are on the table, and itwas just one of those moments that I
wanted to be able to look backat, and I'm thankful that I did,

(32:40):
because I would never have another opportunityto video record my daughter alive.
And I took that recording at aboutbetween six pm six thirty, you know,
around that time, right before ourlife was going to change forever,

(33:01):
and I guess Steven had called meand left a voicemail and then like promptly
texted me. I didn't see it. I was recording them. It was
my time with them, you know, I just I didn't see it until
after the police gave me my phoneback, but he said in the message,

(33:22):
the text message and the voicemail somethingalong the lines of, Hey,
I just have a question, giveme a call. And obviously I don't
know what the question was, andI like to wonder, like what if
I would have answered, Like couldI have said something that would have changed
how things went? I don't know. It's just when something traumatic happens to

(33:44):
you, you try to think ofall the different scenarios how you could have
changed things, you know. Butit's also because I've lived a life of
different types of trauma, and I'vebeen in a position where I have been
neglected and abused. I have thishorrible habit of pleasing blame on myself and

(34:05):
apologizing for things that I shouldn't thatare not my fault. So I have
to remind myself to stay on trackand that there's this was going to happen
no matter what I said to thattext message. But thirty minutes later,
my doorbell rings. I'm cleaning thehouse. The girls are on the floor

(34:27):
playing I've Got One. I've gotmy eight year old in the shower,
and when he was ten at thetime, my ten year old was laying
down, just kind of getting readyfor bed, and the doorbell rings.
I get up from what I'm doingand I answered the door and it's steepen,

(34:47):
and I thought maybe he was justdropping by to see the kids.
I didn't know if he had towork that day or not. Oftentimes when
he had to work, he wouldstop by and see the girls or what
ever. So I tried to givehim open access to them, because again
I wanted the same thing in return, and so anyway, I didn't think

(35:13):
of anything of it. I lethim in the house. I was like,
hey, girls, your dad's here. So he talks to them for
a minute, and I go andI kneel down by our bookshelf to pick
up all the books that Willow hadknocked down, and there's you know,
I noticed that there's no more communicationbetween him and the girls. And I
feel his presence next to me,and so I look up and he's got

(35:38):
a gun in my face. Thelink between domestic violence and homicide is all
too real. According to statistics,domestic violence situations can escalate the homicide,
especially when the abuser has narcissistic traits. This tragic case, sir As a

(36:00):
Stark reminder of the dangerous intersection betweennarcissistic personality disorder and domestic violence. It
further highlights the importance of recognizing thesigns of abuse and seeking help before it's
too late. Domestic violence is notjust a statistic It is a devastating reality

(36:21):
that claims innocent lives, leaving atrail of heartache in its wake. You
never truly know what will happen tomorrow, much less twelve hours later, even
an hour later. With this inmind, I do pose a challenging question
to you all. When you allsay you sit and listen to your gut,
do you really I asked, becauseI can recall several times where my

(36:44):
gut was screaming at me, deepwithin the depths of my belly, telling
me that something was very much sooff. I do have a plethora of
examples, but I'll share two.Well, I'm not proud to admit that
I usually ignored that feeling. Iwill say that my gut never lies to
me, and that's something was very, very wrong in those moments. The
day prior to when my dad passedaway, my gut screamed at me.

(37:07):
I ignored it. I went andgot my nails done, walked to my
neighborhood, called friends, hung outwith my dog, watched several reruns of
King of Queens and Basketball Wives.I forced myself to feel peace, but
my gut it was just nagging atme, but I ignored it. Very
early the very next morning, asI was preparing to go to bed.
Finally, after tossing and turning andtrying to just ignore my gut, I

(37:30):
received a phone call. It wasfrom my brother, and he told me
that my dad had unexpectedly passed almostexactly ten years later, a few days
before my mom died. My gutscreamed at me. I knew that feeling
all too well, so I choseto actively pay attention to it. I
could not focus at work for thelife of me, because all I could

(37:52):
think about was my mom and howshe was alone in the hospital. I
received a phone call from her nursetelling me that my mom was improving,
acting as sweet as she could be, and demanding diet genter ails. I
spoke with my mom afterward, andwhile my overthinking brain did ease up,
my logic and my heart mixed withmy gut, said she's not going to
survive through tomorrow. That following morning, after somehow missing a ton of phone

(38:16):
calls from the hospital, I didgo to see her and I said my
final goodbye. I think my pointis this, we all have gut feelings,
and we all tend to overlook thembecause our heart wants something the exact
opposite of what our gut is tryingto tell us. We're in denial in
that moment, and while we allfeel guilty for ignoring our gut, we

(38:37):
shouldn't because face it, none ofus have much control of whatever situation our
gut is warning us about or theoutcome. And while we all should pay
attention to our gut and try ourbest to be present in the moment and
to try to change the narrative inwhich our gut is warning us about something
horrifying, life does indeed happen withor without us present. Next week in

(39:00):
part three, and his response wasgetting the fucking car, Mariah, I'm
going to kill you and every singleone of your kids. You want to
act like a whore, well,you're not going to make it this time.
And at that point I realize thatthis is serious, that he's not
joking. He starts punching me inthe face. He starts hitting me with

(39:22):
the gun. At one point hestarted hitting me in the body with his
knees and just totally beating the hellout of me because I'm trying to get
this gun from him. I've gotthe police on the phone. I called
nine one one. They're coming.You're going to be okay, They're coming,

(39:43):
And so a part of me islike, okay, how can I
I just need to stall. That'sit. Someone is coming to help us.
And as I'm talking to her,he's turning around to go back to
the house. Go Hi, getout of here. Call nine one one,
and so he gets off of hisback and Stephen turns to go after

(40:09):
him. We will hear more fromMariah, who recalls the date in question,
April tenth. And I'm coughing upblood and I get so weak and
dizzy that I have to just crawldown my driveway. My eight year old
son is sticking out of a brokenwindow, asking me if it's safe,

(40:30):
and I wave him on. Ican't talk, but I nod my head
and he runs. And he's wearingpajama pants because he was taking a shower,
and no one was prepared to haveto run for their lives. Do
whatever you can to advocate for her, because it's your responsibility. No matter
what your position is when you areworking with the public, it's your responsibility.

(40:55):
Instead of thinking why me, starttraining yourself to think why not?
Meet It happens to in Texas onein three women? Why not? You
don't take it lightly. We alsowill conclude with what happened with the fact,

(41:15):
supportive words and more information regarding BabyWillow and the trial for Stephen Clare.
For now, please always remember domesticviolence victims and survivors, like all
victims and survivors, are bees.Bees are strong, resilient, yet vulnerable.
We must protect the bees at allcosts, for without bees, we

(41:38):
as a human race cannot survive orthrive in life. So be vigilant,
for when you mess with the bees, you get the hive. Thank you
for listening to a Nefarious Nightmare.Music used in the theme was originally by

(42:00):
ghost Stories Incorporated, remixed by Ryanrc X Murphy. Additional background music is
provided by Epidemic Sound and Nefarious Nightmareis scripted, researched, and produced by
Courtney Fenner and Amanda cronin I'm LeanieHobbs and as always, be vigilant for
when you mess with the bees,you get the hive.
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