Exodus: The Book That Broke Our Hearts!

On this episode we dive into Exodus by Kate Stewart. Join us as we go through the twists and turns of heartbreak, scandal, and lust in this rollercoaster of a book!

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Be advised, this content is not appropriate for younger viewers. These books may contain depictions of sex, drugs, alcohol, and violence. We urge listeners to regard the trigger warnings at the beginning of the video before continuing!

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
Hey guys, welcome to a novel affair.

(00:11):
The bookish podcast where we kiss and tell about our torrid affairs with fictional characters.
So grab a drink and get ready for some pure unadulterated fun.
Today we are going to be covering Exodus by Kate Stewart, which is the second installment
in the Raven Hood series.

(00:33):
For a more in depth and uncensored review, you can go over to our podcast or any listening
platform and learn all about our favorite scenes and again, unfiltered conversations.
Just look for the link down below.
So are you ready for this?

(00:53):
I don't know if I'm ready.
I do have my head gear on.
I have my seatbelt strapped in.
This is such a rough book.
So the author doesn't actually list any triggers.
I think is ridiculous.
And I feel like this book in particular, and at least for our purposes, require a couple

(01:19):
trigger warnings.
So the first one that I'm going to mention, what we deem to be possibly triggering is
a death of a loved one.

(01:40):
And yes, if you've read the first book, you know this character and you know this character
well.
Prepare to have your heart broken.
Yeah, another would be forced body modification or non consensual body modification.

(02:02):
Also drugging.
Yep.
Kind of.
Yep.
And definitely I think this is most triggering part is a broken heart because your heart
will be broken in so many different ways.
Yeah.

(02:23):
This one is it's emotionally rough, but it's so well done that it's I think a must read,
even though it might crush your heart.
Yeah, if you if you need good cry, this is where to turn to.

(02:46):
100%.
So moving on to the summary.
I'm just going to read what was written as the summary because I couldn't find like an
actual description of the book.
It's one of those summaries that's like in first person point of view.

(03:10):
So it says, Some places make you and some break you.
For Cecilia Horner, Triple Falls has done both.
In the length of the summer, she's begun to forge a new path sparked by her connection
to two men, Sean and Dominic.
Together they helped bring her out of her shell and into a life filled with sensuality,

(03:36):
promise and dangerous secrets.
Now Cecilia has discovered that Sean and Dom are part of a Raven Hood, a secret group of
vigilantes committed to undoing her father's wrongdoings.
Her biggest threat is the head of the syndicate that I can't say the word.

(03:59):
An enigmatic brute known as the Frenchman.
They call him a brute, I love that.
He is a brute.
He is.
It's 100% accurate.
He's a man who's made it clear he doesn't want Cecilia anywhere near the Raven Hood,
interfering with his mission and need for control.

(04:20):
Cecilia has every reason to despise this invasive stranger for what he's done, but because she's
equally as threatening to him, he won't leave her alone.
And no matter how simple it should be to hate the man who's come between her and the men
she's fallen for, she can't deny everything else he makes her feel, especially when the

(04:41):
secret they create together could be the most dangerous of them all.
Buckle up, buttercup.
So I'm going to go ahead and preface before we dive into anything in specific, that I'm
going to be a little antagonistic here in this book.

(05:05):
I have the maybe unpopular opinion when it comes to this book.
And I'm not that person very often.
I'm most usually on board with, you know, whatever the author wants me to be on board
with.
So this is going to be a kind of a new experience for me.

(05:29):
New take.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but we are pretty much stepping right from book one to book
two, correct?
There's no...
Yes, there's no prologue.
Recap or anything like that.
What picks up with the last sentence of book one is the first line in book two.

(05:51):
It literally, there's no divide.
Which I love that, by the way.
I like...
Let's get right into it.
Let's jump right back into the story.
Yep.
I'm all for that.
Especially because it's a super cliffhanger.
Yeah.
So, with that being said, we jump right into chapter one, and if you don't remember how

(06:16):
her, how the first book ended, she is laying by the pool, topless, blasting her music to
the woods where she's hoping the guys will be, because this is usually where they hold
their meats.
And she's doing this to try to coax them to come talk to her.
Instead, she meets the one they've all referred to as the wolf, who apparently hit her top

(06:44):
in his pocket when he walked up.
And then looks at her all disgusting, as if she's the fucking problem.
She's in her own backyard, and a grown woman.
So just throwing that out there.
This introduction to the Frenchman is very successful in terms of getting you heated

(07:19):
really quickly.
Like, my reaction to his condescending tone with her and how he basically, he keeps calling
her a little girl.
Like, she's completely inconsequential.

(07:43):
There's like zero respect there at all.
And it's like a peasant to him.
Yes, it's very infuriating, like right out the gate.
She is the main character.
She's supposed to be beloved by everybody except for that one random chick.

(08:04):
Okay, the jealous chick.
Yeah, agree.
Yeah.
Not this book.
Sorry.
I'll let you continue so I don't get off on track.
So before I continue, actually, I had a comment too.

(08:33):
It's kind of a commentary on how book one ended.
How devastated she is for this three month relationship to end, like so dramatic, laying
by the pool, topless, blaring speakers out into some random patch of woods in hopes that
somebody is standing out there because she doesn't know.

(08:55):
Like so dramatic to be a teenager again.
Like I never want to go back to those years.
And this necklace is like this one sign that she has gotten that she's not the only one
that feels this way and that she's not a silly girl, that this is a real relationship or

(09:18):
relationships plural that she is pining over.
It's this one sign that like, hey, like we feel the same way you do.
It's this one little thing that she has to hold on to.
Okay, I get it.
Yeah.

(09:39):
I understand the like comfort that is in that.
But and I'm going to, okay, I'm going to go ahead and say she immediately like puts the
necklace on, but then runs out into the field calling for them, hoping that they're still
nearby.

(09:59):
And a little bit I wanted to like grab her and pull her back because I'm like, oh, just
be, just you got the necklace, wear it, you have a little something there.
And then lo and behold, who is out there but fucking Tobias.

(10:22):
And immediately he essentially rips it off of her.
And it makes me so angry at him.
Same.
And then he takes it a step further. And I literally like, when reading this, and I'm

(10:54):
starting like my blood pressure is going up.
Like it's the temperature is getting warm in the room because it is the most frustrating
situation that she finds herself in with Tobias.
Yeah, which I was a little proud of her though, because this is where we find out what his

(11:16):
name was.
And this is where she realizes that he is Dominic's brother.
But how she gained this information was pickpocketing the motherfucker.
She does she totally takes his wallet, which is, and I love that.
It was like an upper hand because he was genuinely shocked he didn't, he completely underestimated

(11:38):
her.
And I just loved that it kind of put him in his place a little bit.
Yeah.
She's super defiant with him, which I love, which is this a small consolation.
She does not cower or allow him to like have the easy win.

(12:07):
He definitely, she definitely bows up at him and is kind of fighting him at every moment.
And he's not used to people standing up to him.
Like he's used to giving orders, like a drill sergeant and people just following through
with them.
And he comes on to her here in this scene, physically, he's like, and she reacts to it

(12:39):
physically.
And then he shames her for reacting to it physically and calls into question her loyalty
to yeah.
Yeah, and throws it in her face.
And it's just even though he's the one that like forced himself into that situation, like

(13:02):
what did he expect from a 20 year old girl?
And I'll be honest, this happens.
And I'm still so angry that I'm not ready.
I'm not ready to find him attractive.
I'm not ready to hear like, how, you know, intoxicating he is like, I don't receive any

(13:27):
of it well at this point.
I'm like, you need to back up.
Yeah.
So I'm not this is not a critique necessarily of, of the writing.
This is just a moment where like me and Cecilia are not on the same page.

(13:49):
Yeah, for sure.
I had to admit though she does.
So Tobias keeps showing up at her house, like she wakes up and he's just fucking there.
And he won't leave.
So she ends up leaving.
You know, she goes and does her own thing throughout the day.
But every time she comes back, he's still fucking there.

(14:13):
And the whole time he's there, he's playing mind games with her.
Like one day he even brought Tyler to her house and then got upset when Tyler was trying
to be like friendly and being like, I miss you, Cecilia.
Like we are friends.
And she's like, no, the fuck we're not.
If we were, you wouldn't have left me when Sean and Dominic did.

(14:34):
Like we had our own separate friendship, but he keeps playing mind games and it's so, so
draining.
It is exhausting.
Their constant battle and him refusing to go away and his calling into question everything

(15:00):
she believes, everything that she said, you know, he even when they are like, she sees
Tyler, she sees Jeremy, I believe at different times.
And he even makes a comment.
He's like, you really do care for them.

(15:20):
And it's like, no shit, you have not been paying it's all.
So speaking to the mind games, there was something like so tiny that he did that just infuriated
me is he made coffee like the first morning that he was there and he takes a sip of it
and he's like, oh, this is shit.

(15:40):
Like motherfucker, it's not your house.
If you don't like the fucking coffee, go home.
Go.
You don't need to be here.
This whole point in Cecilia's life, you know, she's a teenager right now is her whole world
with like no concept of the future.
Like she's not thinking five years from now.

(16:02):
She's thinking about right now and right now is all that matters.
Like for any young person, especially for some young person who hasn't actually gone
through any trials and tribulations in life.
So everything he's doing right now, yes, it's molding her, but it's also like, I don't
know that type of embarrassment and like shame that he's trying to bring upon her would have

(16:26):
given me serious competence complexes.
I would have fucked me up, especially at 20.
Yeah, I don't.
This is to a certain degree, it's toxic here in the beginning and it is so toxic.

(16:47):
The way that he uses her attraction against her and to belittle her and to shame her.
Not only is it toxic, but it's very hypocritical because he obviously feels the same way.
Otherwise it wouldn't be a recurring issue.

(17:08):
It wouldn't be coming up as often as it is.
And he does call her an addict.
And it's basically the high of attention, the high of attraction, that intoxication
of being physically close to somebody that you're attracted to.

(17:32):
But if he didn't feel it, like it's so a situation that I have, I can relate to in feeling like
you are being shamed for just the way that you feel.
And a lot of times you can only control how you act on what you feel, you can't always

(17:55):
control what you actually feel.
This is just a bad start with and it's by design for sure.
But because of the essentially, you know, the level of manipulation and condescension and shame that happened.

(18:25):
I don't ever fully warm up to Tobias.
I have a very hard time getting past this beginning.
And that is something that comes up quite a bit during the twists and turns of this

(18:49):
story is that Tobias is now our third male main character love interest.
And at this point, I absolutely hate him.
I was not fond of him at this point.

(19:10):
I do warm up to him later.
But I mean, we'll get into that later.
Like she's still being shut out by literally the rest of the group.
She was completely ghosted by an entire group of people and the loves of her life.
The attachment has become so painful that she's willing to sabotage the relationship

(19:38):
in order to like break that attachment because her love and her loyalty for this.
It's like being tethered to something that is like you can't reach the other end of what
you're tethered to.
It's so painful that she decides to break it in the only way she can, which is the only

(20:06):
way that has like finality to it, which is giving in to Tobias and his sexual deviants.
I will say that the spice here, I felt like in terms of their first sex scene, the anger

(20:36):
and the tension finally breaking is so well done.
Even though I still hate Tobias's ever loving guts right here at this point, I can appreciate
how they basically have a hate book.

(21:03):
It's like a crescendo of this emotion and animosity and tension and the attraction but
not wanting to give into it and all of that.
The part that I love, the part that feels for the first time like a victory for Cecilia,

(21:24):
she's just been taking L after L after L and we're just at the beginning of a book.
But the best part is when she looks at his face afterwards and she can tell he didn't
want to feel anything when they finally had sex.

(21:46):
But he did.
But he definitely did and she could tell that he did.
And that was this first moment of like, aha!
I got you.
I think it's also good to point out that not only did she do this to break the bond with

(22:07):
the boys, but Tobias also had been seducing her and stuff so that he could sever that
bond from them and her as well.
Both of them were trying to destroy her connection to them and this act was like the, it was

(22:31):
so final.
It was the final string to them.
It's the first time that we see that Tobias feels betrayed by Dominica John.
I think this gives Tobias a little bit of humanity back.

(22:58):
Like he's being this way because he feels hurt and hurt people hurt people.
Now I don't think that's an excuse, but it does humanize him a little bit marginally.
Yeah.
I think so after they get through doing it, you know, he's got like this fear in his eyes
and she recognizes it and she actually had made a comment to him and like stood up to

(23:25):
him.
It was like, because he, he tried to do the guy thing where he like pulled away, like
masked the fear and was like, don't read into this.
It didn't mean anything.
And she's like, who the fuck are you telling that to?
I don't give a shit about you.
I don't know what you thought this was, but I wasn't in it for anything other than to

(23:46):
sever the strings that attached me to Sean and Dominic.
What she says is now you have to live with it too.
Yes.
And it was a good line.
Cecilia definitely comes into her own here for sure.

(24:06):
This is the first time we see backbone in Cecilia and I fucking loved it.
I ate that shit.
Oh yes.
So we come up on a point where he shows up while she's in the shower and he just like
strips and gets in the shower with her and they start making out.
But then she realizes that he's bleeding like a lot.

(24:30):
And so she starts asking him like, what happened?
Oh my God, are you okay?
Like this is a lot of blood.
And he's just kind of brushing it off, but he is clearly feeling the effects of the blood
loss and she forces him to sit.
For once, she takes control of the situation and she's like, no, you're going to sit the
fuck down.
We're going to address this.

(24:53):
And she starts trying to clean his wound.
She gives him some medicine and she lays him in bed.
And what was it?
Was it a Vicodin?
Yeah.
So she gave him a Vicodin.
Her dad's medicine and clothes, which is hilarious.
Yeah.

(25:14):
She put him in his enemy's clothes and he gives her a look and she's like, it was in
the package.
It still has the tag on it.
Put it on.
Your clothes are covered in blood.
Suck it up.
Like, I mean, he's also like filling the effects of Vicodin too.
He's high off his ass.

(25:38):
But they, they have like a heart to heart and she starts asking him questions, kind
of prying him open while he's under the influence, which I can't blame her.
Hold it down the same shit.
Absolutely.
I forget the question that she asks, but he then proceeds to tell her that, I think

(26:02):
it was about if she had, if he had ever been in a relationship and he said no, but then
he turns around and says that while he was in France, because for most of his life, he's
been living in France ever since he became of age.
But while he was there, he apparently slept with an entire issue of calendar models, lingerie

(26:30):
catalog, calendar models in the course of a month.
Like, she's like, oh, okay.
Like what the fuck do I do with that information?
Is this when they're talking about he asks like, why did she, why did she sleep with

(26:58):
both of them or why was she with both of them?
Yeah, I think so.
I think it was.
Because he's kind of, and this is something else, not to go back, but he is really judgy
about that, which I didn't appreciate.
Yeah.
Which we find out.

(27:20):
I mean, it was whenever he made the comment like, oh, you really did care for them both.
It's because Sean and Dominic have shared so many girls that at this point he thought
it was just like another fling and they thought that it was like a conquest to get the enemy's
daughter in on it.
I get why he didn't take it seriously at first, but the fact that he's still judging it, which

(27:46):
during this conversation he states like, I'm not judging you.
I'm just genuinely curious why both of them, like what led you to that?
And she essentially just tells him like, you know, they both offered something that I needed.
You know, I loved them both.
I fell in love with them both and they didn't make me choose.

(28:08):
So why would I?
And I see that.
I see the appeal of that.
We all know how I feel about why choose.
But yeah, and then they have like this, you know, kind of a heart to heart after that

(28:29):
and they're talking about some of those things.
And then as he's falling asleep in French, he says, I don't want to just be another face
to you.
Okay I will.
I need to give credit where it's due.
I love it when he speaks French to her.

(28:52):
That's just because you love Joe Arden's voice.
It's 50% that.
Tell me I'm wrong.
50% that.
It's also and I even like, I like how it's done in both the book, print book and in the
audiobook is that she gives you the full French statement word, whatever he says, and then

(29:18):
she gives you the translation.
Yeah.
And it's like when he speaks French, he says what he really means.
Yeah.
And she doesn't fully understand the language anymore.
She's not like partly fluent.
Yeah.
And I love this thing because we're in on it.

(29:41):
I love this thing that Kate does that she, you know, when he's speaking English, he's
very manipulative.
He's very mind games.
He's very, I'm only going to say, you know, just enough to satisfy you, you'll move on.
But in French, it's like his, it's like his heart language.

(30:03):
It's like what he's really thinking or feeling comes out.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And the sex swearing in French.
Oh, oh yeah.
Second to none.
Second to none.
That see now, whenever I started this series and I realized that there was going to be

(30:26):
French being spoken in my head, I was like, how in the fuck am I going to get off to Pepe
Le Pew?
But then, but then here comes fucking Joe Arden and I'm like, oh, oh, okay.
I see.
I get it now.

(30:47):
I, I see the appeal, not Pepe Le Pew.
She finds out that her father is going to let her out of the year thing.
She has to be there for a year, work in the factory for a year before she gets her inheritance.
And he's going to let her out of that a couple of weeks early.

(31:08):
And he decides to set up a meeting where she comes in and she'll sign the paperwork and
she goes, and there is a huge blowout because she's feeling like very distressed about this
whole situation because it's not the money that she wants from her father.

(31:31):
There was a small part of her that was hoping that in her time here, he would finally like
sack up and be a father to her and not once did he exhibit any kind of internal interest.
And so she's, she's struggling with accepting the money because to her, it just feels simply

(31:52):
like a payout, like he's paying off his daughter and that's pretty much what he is doing.
And they get into a big fight.
This whole thing is he's been extremely transactional about it.
Yep.
And she finally loses her shit.

(32:12):
She just goes off on him about all of it, about how she would have rathered have a father's
than the money.
She doesn't give two shifts about the money and tells him that he's pretty much a crappy
human being.
He's a crappy father.
He's just, nobody likes him and the house like damn girl get it.
And he's just standing there taking it.

(32:34):
You know, he doesn't blow back on her.
He accepts it because the way she describes it, the look in his eyes, he knows he deserves
it.
And I think even at one point he was like, is there anything else you'd like to add?
And it's not like a condescending thing.
It's like a, please get it all out.
You know, let me have it.
I deserve it.

(32:54):
I feel like Roman prefers that she be angry and yell at him because it gives him some
sort of absolution.
Like he's like, I deserve to be yelled at.
It's almost like, you know, when you, you do something stupid and you mess up and your

(33:17):
partner or whoever you messed up with is, you know, I'm not mad at you.
You know, people make mistakes.
I'm just really disappointed in the choices you made.
That is so much worse than if they get mad and yell at you.
Like it's so much easier to take.

(33:38):
So it's like, he almost seems relieved to me when she rages and storms at him because
it's like, he feels-
He's finally paying his penance.
And he feels like, okay, this I can handle this.
I deserve what he can't handle is her wanting his love.
Yeah.
For whatever fucked up.

(34:00):
Yeah.
And it was good for her.
You know, she kind of felt a little relieved from it, but she drives home after signing
the paperwork.
She's initially a rich fucking woman and turns out men Tobias was listening to the whole

(34:22):
conversation.
So when she pulls up, he's already standing on the porch and she tells him like, whatever
it is, whatever bullshit is about to come out of your mouth.
Like I don't fucking want to hear it.
I'm not in the mood because she thinks that like, she doesn't know that at this point,
she doesn't know that he had heard the conversation.

(34:44):
She just thinks that he's like ready for another battle of wills.
And she's straight up, she's like, I'm not in the fucking mood, dude.
Not doing it.
But then she can tell by the look on his face that he knew.
And she starts like piecing it together because at this point she does know a little bit about

(35:06):
the Raven hood and how these men fucking operate.
And she goes off on him.
Like how dare you?
Like you couldn't have given me this one moment of privacy.
You have invaded my life so much.
You couldn't give me this one moment of privacy.
And I was like, I am with you, Cecilia.

(35:27):
So fucked up.
And then she starts like going off about how she feels because she's like, well, he's already
heard all of it.
So might as well just get it out there.
And then she starts crying and then he holds her.
He like brings her into a big old hug and just let her let's her break down over this.

(35:49):
And it was something that she needed.
She just needed to be held like genuinely held with no strings attached.
And he stepped up to the plate.
And this is where my feelings towards him were like, I'm not opposed to you Tobias.
I'm not opposed.
I think I could I could call a truce with him in this moment because he does get over

(36:11):
himself for a hot second and show up for her.
I think he's a genuine human being for a moment.
Yes, agreed.
And not in French either.
Yeah, he was a fucking liar because they most definitely are.

(36:33):
And then they have this conversation.
They are in the garden and they're talking about being together, like how they they don't
want to lose each other.
They whatever this is, it's real and they don't want it to end.
So they decide it's not going to end like they're going to be together.

(36:58):
And that lasts for all of what?
30 minutes.
Let me check my time stamp clock.
Literally.
Because who comes bursting through the gate?
None other than Sean and Dominic.
And I was not prepared.

(37:18):
And they clearly watched them have sex in the garden.
Yeah.
And it wasn't just sex either.
They were like making love.
It was passionate.
And there they are.
And I was not ready for this heartbreak for Sean's heartbreak.

(37:39):
This is for Dominic's heartbreak.
This moment.
You have to do the like sharp intake of breath.
They're like, no, they did not.
Because she's finally at a place of happiness, like feeling fulfilled.

(38:02):
It's like things are finally not terrible.
Yeah.
She finally let them go.
And then here they are.
And I think they are understandable.
I think the way that they feel and how they react is pretty understandable.
Sean, it's two parts, right?

(38:25):
It's them facing down Cecilia, who they have evidently been trying to get back to and feel
like she was not faithful and didn't wait for them.
And then they've got their brother slash best friend, who has also been unfaithful to them.

(38:52):
And betrayed them.
And this is a moment where me and Tobias go backwards a little bit, because he does not
fully own up to what he has done in this moment.
And it's his pride.
It's his pride that won't allow him to be subjugated in this moment.

(39:17):
He has to have the power and control.
He has to be right.
And so I find myself very frustrated with Tobias because in a way, we'll get to this
more later, but in a lot of ways, this entire betrayal situation was created by Tobias.

(39:39):
100%.
He pursued this situation.
So when the guys show up, though, Cecilia and Tobias are talking about how they're not
business anymore.
Like this is right after they did it.
And she asks him, like, we're not business anymore, are we?

(40:04):
And he's like, no, not at all.
And then they're having this intimate conversation, the guys walk in and one of them says, well,
brother, would you take a fucking look at this?
Are you seeing what I'm seeing?

(40:26):
And then that is like a pivotal moment in the entire situation where it just all goes
to hell.
Because Dominic, I want so badly to get down on both knees and beg for Dominic's forgiveness
in this scene.
And I can't even explain why.

(40:47):
But it's just his affection and his love was so hard won.
And it took so long that it's like losing that or going backwards in that is so painful
in this moment.
It's rough.
And Cecilia is completely clueless.

(41:09):
Like as far as she knew, the guys just didn't want her, you know, and this is where it comes
out that that was not the case at all.
All the times that Tobias said they don't want you was a complete fucking lie.
He sent the guys away to Paris to get away from her.

(41:30):
He forced them to leave the fucking country.
And in the guys perspective, he did that just so he could snake their girl.
And I feel like all of that's true.
Like it's all 100% true.
When he first sent them away, I know that he was punishing them for not following his

(41:54):
instructions and for keeping her a secret from him.
But he could have owned up to that with Cecilia at any point.
He could have called them back sooner.
This is a moment where he got selfish and he does say, you know, I've never taken anything

(42:17):
for myself.
And I'm like, I don't know if that's a good justification here, dude.
Like everything is about you.
Yes.
Are you trying to do something altruistic?
Sure.
But it's all by through and about Tobias.

(42:37):
It's the Tobias show.
And so I find this particular moment incredibly frustrating.
And they're not fair to Cecilia because now they're mad at her and she really like thought
she was abandoned.
So valid point.

(42:58):
And then during this fight that they're all having together, Dominic finally speaks up
when she's defending herself and he's like, so you fuck my brother.
It's pretty cold.
And she tells him, hold the fuck up.

(43:18):
Was it or was it not the both of you that told me if I want something, take it and don't
apologize for it to not be ashamed to have the things that I want.
Y'all left me with nothing.
And now you expect me to feel bad for it.
I waited and I got nothing in return.
So why am I the bad guy for following your stupid rules?

(43:42):
Yeah, she does good.
I'm proud of Cecilia in this scene.
She shows up for herself, which is a good thing.
Because nobody else was.
Tobias, not Sean, they were all eating each other alive.
And she was like, fuck all of you.
Because she even turns around to Tobias and tells him fuck you because he kept all that

(44:04):
from her and she was left in the dark.
Maybe she would have made different decisions had she known the truth.
She's packing her shit.
In the next chapter, she's waking up in bed, like in the middle of the night.
And she's groggy and she can't really get up out of bed.

(44:27):
And she quickly realizes, like, oh, shit, I think I was drugged.
And then she starts feeling like some tension on her back.
And she looks in a mirror and there's like plastic wrap over her back and she peels it
away and she has been branded with the Raven tattoo across her back.

(44:51):
And rightfully so.
She finally decides to liberate herself from these assholes.
And she has been marked across her back with Raven wings.
And I think she is fully justified in the level of crazy that she goes to when she figures

(45:19):
this out or finds this out.
Oh, for sure.
Absolutely.
I justify every action after this because what the fuck?
This was not supposed to be that kind of book.
I was not prepared for that.

(45:41):
Okay.
And neither was she.
She goes full on fucking psycho and I love it.
She decides to haul us to the garage and she slashes all of the tires on all their vehicles,
which might remind you they're all classic cars.

(46:02):
Yeah, they are all classic cars and it is all of the tires on all of the cars.
So they can't just change it out with a spare.
And she does this so that when she leaves and gets out of there, they can't chase her
down.
Yeah.
Because she knows they'll catch her.
Yes.

(46:23):
And what does she do next?
She starts throwing shit at the walls and the guys all come out.
And this part just it broke me, but I felt so good for Cecilia, but it broke me because
they all come out.

(46:43):
Dominic's pissed off.
Sean's pissed off.
Other people were laughing and one girl even goes, damn, you dick her down that good.
She went all psycho.
Like, bitch, you ain't seen psycho yet.
Just wait.
Hold on a second.
We're getting there.
Yeah.
And then, oh, what's her name?

(47:04):
Was it Layla?
I believe so.
I think it was Layla.
The friend that she made at that first meetup starts trying to talk to her and calm her
down as if she is a friend.
And Cecilia tells her, you know, again, fuck off.
She's at a point where everyone is just about to fuck off or you're going to get hurt.

(47:26):
Yeah.
Because she yells at Layla.
She's like, you could have been my friend, but you chose not to be.
You chose not to be in my life anymore after they were taken out of it.
And then Sean tries to calm her down.
And the entire time this is happening, she is holding a bottle, a glass bottle with cloth

(47:49):
hanging out of it, soaked in gasoline.
Some of us crazier types might know this as a molotov cocktail.
Yes.
Just if you know the name, we could be friends.
Zero chill.
And to be fair, her primary point that she is sticking to here is she wants to know which

(48:10):
one of them gave her the tattoo.
Yeah, she's like, which one of you did it?
And it's pretty obvious from the reader's point of view that Dominic and Sean have no
idea that this has happened.
Cecilia doesn't pick up on that, that they are clueless.
She does.

(48:30):
She's repeatedly demanding like, who did this?
And they are just instead of like being like, it wasn't us, they're kind of acting dumb,
which doesn't help their case.
They don't help themselves here at all.
But she, well, and not to steal your thunder, but she uses this molotov cocktail to once

(48:58):
again prevent them from like advancing.
Yeah, like taking control of her and getting the upper hand and overpowering her.
She is able to basically create like this firewall that she's able to jump in her car

(49:19):
and speed away.
My favorite line from all of this is she keeps screaming, who did this to me?
And they all keep trying to advance on her.
She keeps threatening the molotov cocktail.
And then she says, she finally screams it again, who did this to me?
And she says, is this what you consider loyalty?

(49:41):
You want me?
Well, here I fucking am.
You want extremes?
You want devotion?
Trust me, I'm dedicated to this.
And I learned from the best fucking test me.
And then she like stands her ground and then she says, and this is my favorite part, speak
up and you can come and get your fucking prize.
Oh, fucking bow down to you, Cecilia.

(50:05):
And then she just chunks the fucking molotov cocktail and everything goes up in flames
and she just takes the fuck off in a blaze of glory.
Amazing.
I. Oh, that that line right there gave me chills the first time I read it, because I
was like fucking go, Cecilia.
I am so proud of you.
Yes, the one time she did something where I wasn't wanting to like pull her back to

(50:30):
the sidelines.
I'm we're giving her all the snaps.
She she pulled it up flawlessly.
And she actually takes off and doesn't go straight home because she assumes they're
going to resolve their situation fairly quickly and go to her house.

(50:52):
So she like goes driving all night, doesn't she?
Yeah, pretty much.
She comes back like hours later.
And in true, you know, this is so me any time I go out of town.
But she actually didn't finish packing before she went on her crazy like molotov cocktail

(51:13):
adventure.
So she's like, oops, got to go pack like really quick and then I'm going to leave town.
Yeah.
But when she gets back to her house.
She hears a noise as she's like finishing up her packing and none other than Dominic

(51:35):
is standing in her doorway with a gun and a silencer.
And she starts backtracking hard, so hard because she thinks he's there for her.
And he feels such a tremendous amount of guilt for.

(51:56):
How damaged she has become at this point due to their hands that she would believe that
he would actually hurt her.
And so he puts his gun down on the steps and he walks in there and he starts trying to
console her and talk to her and the whole time she's crying and shaking because she
thinks she's about to lose her life.
Yeah, this is a this is a hard moment because.

(52:22):
She is afraid because a she was kidnapped, drugged and tattooed without her permission,
consent or knowledge.
OK, so her personal autonomy has been violated in a major way, hence her major reaction.
And Dominic.

(52:43):
You're noticing in the moment that Dominic recognizes her fear that like that's where
we are now and it's like he's hurt by that, although he understands it.
And she hates that he's hurt.
It's like this cyclical like pain.
Yeah, for those of you who may not remember in the first book, the Miami crew was at the

(53:10):
meetup.
And they show up at Cecilia's house and.
Dominic is kind of talking to them, but Cecilia quickly realizes that he had put his gun on
the stairs.
So he is unarmed and Tobias comes walking out of another room and she didn't know he

(53:31):
was there.
And now they are in a very precarious and awkward situation and she is putting the pieces
together.
This is not a good situation.
They're trying Tobias is trying to stall because they have backup on the way.
The dominant Dominic doesn't want to wait, so.

(53:54):
He starts kind of advancing and he tells Cecilia like.
Like at that part, it's going to kill me.
They start talking about what they're going to do later.
And how he's going to how he wants to sit and watch movies on the bed and put on one

(54:19):
of her little chick flicks because he loves how dopey her face gets at the love six scenes
and.
And she's like crying because he's advancing.
He's about to do something stupid.
Tobias tells him to stand down as a direct order.
Not moving, but he doesn't listen.

(54:40):
And then he tells Cecilia like.
We love rainy days, don't we, baby?
And then he lunges at Mateo and a full fucking gunfight emerges.
They are all just.
Shooting and whipping out knives and it just it goes to shit so fast, so fast.

(55:04):
Mock calls go into hell in a hand basket.
Most definitely.
Essentially.
The result is in order to.
Protect Cecilia and give.
Tobias time to gain the upper hand on Mateo.

(55:27):
Dominic sacrifices himself by jumping in front of a bullet for Cecilia.
And he gets shot and.
Is pretty.
Evidently mortally wounded and it's pretty evident right away.
And.

(55:52):
The last words I'm trying to help you out because it's like rough.
It's so hard.
I cried.
He says to.
Oh yeah, listen.
If you can read this part of the book without getting emotional, I want you to write me
and tell me what medication you're on, because that's what I need to be on.

(56:14):
OK, because I was a mess, but his last.
Words for both Cecilia and for Tobias are essentially he tells her, you know, make him
happy and he tells him to like, take care of her.

(56:35):
And it's this moment of losing Dominic, but redemption, forgiveness, his blessing, all
wrapped into one moment.
And he also.
Sorry, he also says in French, which Dominic never really speaks French, but.

(56:58):
He knows Tobias does, and he also says always brothers.
And Tobias, we we never heard this like line before, but the way that it's spoken, you
know, it was so sentimental to them.
And Tobias tells him mother, greet you, father, keep you.

(57:20):
I love you, brother.
And then their parents are dead and he's going to be with them because this moment couldn't
be sadder.
Kate.
And then he's gone and then he's gone.
And I.
Could not.

(57:42):
And here's the thing.
This is the shot heard around the smut world, right?
Like this is not something that happens very often, even in the dark romances.
I mean, even even in.
Well, I don't want to give any spoilers, but this is just not a male main character.

(58:04):
That is not.
Something we're accustomed to.
Yeah, they get close a lot.
Sometimes they end up like hospitalized or in a coma for a while or even the female main
character.
A scare of some kind.
Sure.
All the time.
But to kill off a love interest, I don't think has ever happened in the history of smut.

(58:27):
Maybe like old school tragedy romances.
Like in the like new age smut world, like Shakespeare.
It's a Shakespeare moment.
Yeah.
And it's so what the fuck?
I was reading this and then I had to keep stopping to like clear the tears from my eyes
because they were so blurry.
I could not read it anymore.

(58:49):
As if we don't already have whiplash.
We then in the book are catapulted catapulted forward six years and now we're in the present
day and we open to her wedding rehearsal.
Which you have a note here.

(59:11):
OK, it's a tree.
I didn't realize it was a dream the first time I read this.
I only realized in this rereading it for this episode that it was actually a dream and it
didn't really happen.
And she did not make it very clear.
I was so.

(59:33):
Frustrated the first time I read it that they would come all the way out there to do that
to her and then.
Things proceed the way that they do.
But yeah, reading it this time, I'm like, oh, that makes a lot more sense.
Yeah, this wedding rehearsal is a dream.

(59:54):
Yeah, it's completely a dream.
But in the dream, she's at her wedding rehearsal and Dominic, Sean and Tobias are all there
and they all turn her back on her and walk away into the woods because 26 year old Cecilia
is still just as dramatic, just a little quieter for sure.

(01:00:15):
But she wakes up and realizes I cannot go through with this wedding.
She goes over to her wedding dress, she tears it to shreds and then her fiance walks in
Cecilia fashion.
I'm not going to just like take it back.
I'm going to like rip it to shreds.
Yeah, like I have to once again destroy any chance of my happiness.

(01:00:39):
Her father passed, correct?
Yeah, here.
Yes, I believe he passed away of colon cancer, too, years ago, and she did not go back to
attend the funeral.
But he did leave her the estate and the business and all of his earthly belongings.
And she has yet to deal with any of it.

(01:00:59):
She's kind of just been avoiding coming out and handling her business.
Yeah.
But nonetheless, she goes back to Triple Falls to handle that business and to put again,
put everything that's happened.
But the first thing she does when she comes into town.

(01:01:20):
Oh, my God, my heart, because we went so fast from the death of Dominic to this.
But she goes to visit his grave.
And I think that almost broke me as bad as the death itself, because there was no time
for any of us to grieve Dominic's death, even though Cecilia moved on six years prior to

(01:01:45):
that.
As somebody who I have lost somebody that I was in love with.
And there is nothing like and this applies to any loss in life, but especially somebody
that you have like a personal relationship with.

(01:02:06):
There is nothing as final as seeing their headstone.
It is a moment that makes it become like really real.
And so this moment is powerful one because I think it's healthy.
It's a coping closure, processing grief moment that's important.

(01:02:28):
And it's growth on Cecilia's part and something that she deserved to have gotten to do before
now.
Six years ago.
Yeah.
But I can just say that Kate writes from a really genuine, raw, vulnerable place here.
Because this a lot of the things that she processes and says here are very relatable

(01:02:59):
and real, realistic.
So I'm glad that this happens, because I think the reader does have to have this moment to
process that grief as well.
Yeah.
So Dominic's tombstone, it's written on their fallen prints, but it's written in French.

(01:03:24):
And I felt like that perfectly describes him.
It's totally perfect.
And the first thing that she says to him is, I wish you would have taken me with you, but
I guess in a way you took us all with you, because nobody's life was the same after that.
And we learn on a deeper level why.

(01:03:47):
But she has like a whole monologue with him.
And it is so heartbreaking to hear her talk to him like she does.
It's like you said, so freaking raw.
Right.

(01:04:09):
The last thing that she says to him, and she says it in French because over the last six
years she's really brushed up on her French.
She's like very fluent now.
She spent all of her summers in France.
Yeah.
And she tells him, rest my love, I'll be back again.

(01:04:29):
My little shriveled up heart.
Yeah, we're two sizes throughout this book.
Just for every turn for Kate Stewart to rip that heart apart again.
And this is where we meet Ryan, her corporate lawyer friend slash ex.

(01:04:51):
He, so the three of them, Ryan, Colin and Cecilia ran a business together that advocated
for employees so that what happened to, you know, Dominic and Tobias' parents doesn't

(01:05:12):
happen again.
That the work conditions that she witnessed while she worked at the factory don't happen
again.
Well, Ryan is the corporate lawyer that works at her company.
And she calls him down to help her handle all of the estate and the company legalities

(01:05:35):
and to sign over the company.
And they do.
And they go to a board meeting where they are going to sign the company over to a company
called Exodus.
But when she's signing, she recognizes the signature.

(01:05:55):
The logo, she recognizes that the logo for this shell company that's buying the company
has a raven in it, does it not?
Yes, you are absolutely correct.
That's when she goes to search for the signature and sees that it's Tobias fucking King.

(01:06:19):
And she closes this contract.
She closes this contract and she stands up and she says, where the fuck is he?
And Ryan's looking at her like, what?
But Tobias lawyer knew exactly what she meant.
And she said, I'm not signing a thing until he is here.

(01:06:43):
And this is one of my favorite scenes because like, again, she grew backbone and we see
26 year old Cecilia with her education and her classiness just ate him alive.
Yeah, she does a great job of not giving him the power and control in the situation.

(01:07:08):
And it's extremely satisfying.
So he comes in and they kind of start out very cool.
I mean, it's still very like.
Passive aggressive, but there's no yelling yet.
And then.

(01:07:29):
They start arguing and he tells her it meant far more to you than it did to me.
And many shit.
OK, bastard, you dirty friend.
So in true Cecilia passion, what does she do?

(01:07:53):
She tells him no fucking deal.
I know you want this company extremely bad and I'm not going to give you the satisfaction
of getting rid of me so easily.
I have questions that I want answers to and you're going to fucking give them.
So write up a new contract where I have a stake in the company and we have to attend
board meetings together and you have to sit through these board meetings.

(01:08:15):
And we are temporarily moving headquarters to Triple Falls.
And she says, and then when you sign.
That will be enforced.
And you don't get out of this until I get my answers when I get my answers.
Company is all yours.
I'm not giving you the satisfaction.

(01:08:36):
Like fucking go, Cecilia.
Yes, it's it's a it's a bold move.
And at first.
She he does a pretty good job of.
Like trying not to.

(01:08:58):
Like indulge her.
Yeah, he's trying not to give her the answers.
He's basically placating her to a certain extent on the contract, but not really giving
her answers, which isn't anything new.
Yeah.
And there is even a point during this conversation before the blowout happens.

(01:09:18):
I forgot to mention it, but she asks how Sean's doing.
And I wanted to punch Tobias in his face because he did not need to deliver this news so harshly.
He did not.
OK, right.
She asks how right up the side of our heads.
She asks how Sean's doing and he goes married with two kids.

(01:09:42):
Bitch, you could have been nicer.
Dagger to the heart.
Excuse me.
It just wanted to tear him apart.
And I don't like it because I have to be OK with it because we made a choice.
And by we, I mean us and Cecilia.

(01:10:05):
Yes, we are all in one.
OK, we're all in this together.
Then I have to bring this up because Cecilia goes to see her favorite.
Women's shop.

(01:10:26):
In town.
Where Tessa.
Has always hooked her up with her outfits.
And let me find out that Tessa is the one that is married to Sean and had his two babies.

(01:10:49):
And it was not in a nice way that we find this out.
I don't.
So was a bitch.
Understand why Tessa is mad.
In this situation, because she got Sean, she won.
And I think she realizes this in that conversation.

(01:11:10):
Yeah, which good for her.
But.
I felt like this could have been a better moment for Tessa.
Tessa could have been a better person here.
Yeah, Cecilia goes in because she's like really wanting to see an old friend, like a friendly
face.

(01:11:31):
And being.
Me basically.
And Tessa is no different.
She is being so standoff standoffish.
She's being kind of rude.
And then.
Cecilia kind of puts it together when she sees that she's really tan and she's engaged

(01:11:53):
or she's married.
And Cecilia like sees it.
You know, she finally realizes like, oh.
This is like, yeah.
OK.
We understand each other here.
And Cecilia, you know, they kind of have a conversation about it.
And Cecilia is like, you know, I would never write.

(01:12:13):
She goes, no, he would never.
Yeah, sit down.
I'm pretty sure Sean still would.
Pretty sure he still would.
I don't want to hear for one second that Sean would cheat on his wife.
I don't believe I'm not saying cheat.
I'm I'm not saying he would cheat.

(01:12:35):
I am saying that he would leave that bitch for Cecilia because she is like so rejected
by everyone.
She decides to just go back to Eddie's bar where Sean used to take her and get drunk.
And at first, Eddie denies her any alcohol.
So she she pulls alcohol out of her bag out of her purse.

(01:12:58):
And he's like, you can't drink that here.
And she's like, OK, then serve me.
So great.
And so he begrudgingly serves her.
And this is another part that kills me.
Like she is such a masochist.
Just sell your shit and leave, dude.
Like I would not have had the willpower.

(01:13:20):
But she's sitting there and she asks one of the guys for like, I think she asks him, do
you know where I could score some weed?
And this guy does not have the Raven Hood tattoo like the other patrons in this bar.
So he's not privy to the information that he should stay away.

(01:13:41):
And he does not.
And he tries to advance on her.
And she's she's been there a while.
She's had a few drinks.
She's pretty fucking drunk.
But she's telling him like, no, she's regretting even talking to him, which the way is described
in the book.
I'm like.
I have moments like that all the time.

(01:14:02):
Like I regret saying anything to this person.
I did not want all this.
Not at all.
I just asked a simple question.
Yep.
And.
Eddie even tries to warn the guy like you need to sit down.
You don't need to mess with this one.
And then here comes Tobias.
And he's so just as dramatic as Cecilia because he starts throwing tables and like making

(01:14:28):
his way and Cecilia tells dude to run and dude runs and Tobias and her like stand off.
And I'm pretty sure this is the moment she realizes that everybody else in the bar is
gone.
It's just the two of them left.
He walks Cecilia out the back and Cecilia puts down an envelope of cash to Eddie so

(01:14:50):
that he can pay for any damages that they incurred.
And Tobias walks her out the back and as soon as the cold air hits her, she starts vomiting
in there.
Yeah.
And then another part that just breaks my heart, like I feel like it's so unnecessary
is when he called when Tobias makes a call saying that he needs a ride and the person

(01:15:15):
on the other line says who?
And Cecilia is trying to figure out who it is.
And then they say they are in a taxi service.
You take her.
And she realizes it's Sean on the other end of the line.
And like, why did Sean have to be a dick about it?

(01:15:38):
Like, okay, so did nobody expect her to show back up?
I took this a completely different way that you did.
That was Sean.
I love a different way.
Oh, yeah, that was Sean telling Tobias, stop being a fucking pussy and you take her.
I like that version better because my like, because there was so much emotional rollercoaster

(01:16:01):
happening up to this point.
I was already in it.
I was like, is he also being an asshole?
Tobias is once again being a chauvinistic condescending asshole.
And he's too good to drive someone home.
He is obviously in love with this girl.

(01:16:22):
He's intentionally being an asshole.
And Sean, I guarantee you doesn't agree with any of how he's handled it.
And yeah, I feel like that was him being like, no, you're not.
You're not doing this.
But then we find out why he's being like that and why he does not want to drive her home.

(01:16:46):
And once again, my heart breaks.
This whole book is just one big heartbreak.
It really is.
One after the other.
It is insane because who shows up?
None other than Alicia.
Alicia shows up, the friend that she made at the meetup.

(01:17:11):
And her and Tobias are two get there.
Together.
And Cecilia's inner monologue, like.
She's like, no, no, not her.
Anyone but her.
Anybody who isn't so perfectly matched for him.

(01:17:33):
Yeah, because Alicia is she's been in the life her entire life.
She already knows all the secrets.
She knows how to present herself, how to act, what to say, what not to say.
She is so perfect for him and she's a yes one.
She will do anything that he wants with no arguments.
She is perfect for him.

(01:17:54):
And that cuts Cecilia deep.
And she's standing there looking like a mess while Alicia's looking hot as fuck.
Yeah.
She even makes a comment.
I've got vomit on my shoes.
This is this is a brutal moment because I feel like I can relate and I've been there
and it's the worst.

(01:18:15):
There's no.
There's no feeling quite like that.
It's yeah, it's rough.
Alicia even makes a show of it.
She kisses Tobias and says, I'll see you at home.
I'm guessing you won't be home for dinner.
And he says, no, she says, you'll make it up to me.
You always do.

(01:18:36):
It was like a whole thing.
Like she made sure Cecilia was clued in that they are completely domesticated and that
hurt even more because it wasn't just like he was just screwing somebody.
They were playing house like they used to.
It hurt.
On the way there, they're kind of like having a small conversation and she's still trying

(01:19:01):
to get answers out of him and he's still not giving shit.
So she goes on like a monologue of confessing her drunken feelings.
And she admits right before she passes out that she could never truly let go.
Like that's why she's here to try to let go, to try to put everything to bed, but she could

(01:19:27):
never.
She tried to move on with her life and she just couldn't.
Yep.
And as he, he brings her inside and puts her in bed, he changes her clothes very slowly.
He changes her clothes.

(01:19:51):
And she's drunk.
She's coming in and out of consciousness.
And he finally in, of course, French, because that's when he's most honest, finally confesses
to her because she had asked earlier in the vehicle, like, did you ever think of me?
You know, did you ever think of me when we had sex?

(01:20:15):
Like did you ever reminisce on any of that?
Was any of it even real?
You know, like shit like that.
And so when he's putting her to bed, he says in French, I fuck my fist to you every day
and I hate you the whole time.
Such a good line.
Just like Bravo Kate, that is such a good line.

(01:20:36):
I love it.
It's magnificent.
My favorite line though that he says here is loving you makes me sick and I don't ever
want to get well.
Yeah.
Why couldn't he just say it while she was sober and in English?
Come on.
So clutch and it's a.

(01:21:00):
It's very descriptive of their relationship.
Yeah.
Very.
So that happens.
And then he she passes out and she realizes the next morning that he is still there.

(01:21:21):
He never left.
And so she goes down to try to talk to him and it's like snowing outside and she's only
half dressed because she's still in sleepwear.
But they're sitting outside by the pool while snow is starting to come down.
To kind of summarize this this moment for them is, you know, he never left.

(01:21:47):
He stayed there obviously overnight.
He's still fully dressed like in his coat, but like he clearly never left when she wakes
up and he basically sits there and gives her all the answers that she's been asking for.
He talks about, like you said, coming over here and that whole process.

(01:22:16):
But we find out that really the movement, the rebellion started with their parents and
it was kind of something that changed and took on a new life and focus whenever this

(01:22:38):
little group, Dominic and Sean and Tobias and Tyler and more.
But she finally comes to understand that this was that Tobias made a deal with her father

(01:23:03):
and there's this whole lid that comes off the top of everything that she experienced
with Tobias.
And it's like this whole second, you know, we had this moment where we misunderstood

(01:23:24):
everything about Locke because we find out about Tobias and now we have to re-understand
everything that happened between her father and Tobias and re-understand how all of that
happened and I think this is when Cecilia snaps a little bit, like when it comes to

(01:23:52):
what she's going to do next and how it's going to go down.
She's very pissed because all of that should have been information she had had years ago
when she went through it all.
Which I agree, 100%.
Because maybe then she could have mended things with her father.
She learned after the fact that he was not a complete piece of shit, that he did a lot

(01:24:17):
of things to also protect her.
I mean, he made a deal with the men that were trying to take him down.
As he goes to try to leave after giving her all of these truths that she had been asking
for, Colin shows up, her ex-fiance, and he is also demanding some answers of his own

(01:24:39):
and he says, is this the thug you're leaving me for?
And they kind of like, they all start like yelling and Cecilia's like, please stop, please
stop.
I'm telling Colin, go inside because she knows that Colin is no match for Tobias in any type

(01:25:00):
of fight, physical or mental.
And then Tobias in his typical cocky asshole self says, I've got that thug dick she craves.
Oh Tobias.
Oh fuck Tobias.
I laughed so fucking hard.

(01:25:21):
Jesse came in there asking me questions and I was like, you don't want to know.
Bless his heart.
And then if not to make matters worse, okay, when the car honks, letting Tobias know that

(01:25:44):
his vehicle is there, he tells Colin, there's, cause Colin, no, Cecilia tried to send Colin
aside and Tobias looks at Colin and says, there's no need.
I'm leaving.
She's all yours.
You fucking prick.

(01:26:05):
Excuse me.
No, sir.
She's not a doll.
Okay.
She's not the last cookie in the jar.
But then she has a conversation with Colin and the two of them work out their differences
and Colin finally accepts that, you know, she's not coming back.

(01:26:27):
This is the end.
This is it.
And Colin leaves very defeated.
And sometime later she decides to go to a restaurant and sit down and she's at a booth
and she is by herself reading a book, eating her food and Tobias and Alicia show up and

(01:26:54):
are set at an adjacent table to Cecilia.
And so she tries to make like a slick getaway, but in a way that was, that is much like how
it would happen for me.
She makes a blundering fucking mess of herself.

(01:27:15):
She goes to try to move, she tries to stand up and she knocks over a glass of wine.
So then she tries to use the cloth, like the napkin cloth in her lap to clean it up.
Turns out it's the tablecloth.
She pulls that the lit candle that's on there comes with it.
And she's got a fucking bonfire at her feet.

(01:27:39):
So ridiculous.
And everyone is staring and she's embarrassed.
She manages to get the fire out.
And then she just hears a roaring fucking laughter and it is Tobias and it is the most
genuine fucking laughter she's ever heard in her life.

(01:27:59):
And it does something to her heart.
And I'm not gonna lie, it did something to mine too.
But then he picks the book up.
It's the exact same book that he had seen her steal from the library and it's charred
and it's ruined.
And she starts, they like have this moment and she's crying silent tears.

(01:28:27):
And he's like, it's just a book.
And she says, no, it's not.
And the waitress comes over and she's like, are you okay?
Are you okay?
And still maintaining eye contact with him.
She's like, no, I'm not okay.
And I don't know that I ever will be.
Yeah.

(01:28:48):
And it was just like there was some kind of connection that was snapped into place in
this moment.
It was so intimate.
And it was picked up on by everybody in the restaurant.
This was a moment where he gained some ground with me.

(01:29:10):
I can admit that.
There's something about this moment with them that makes you love him a little bit.
Yeah.
Well, she goes home and then he shows up at her door, drunk and angry and banging on the

(01:29:34):
front door.
And she's kind of like weary about answering the door because the last time somebody was
banging on her door that hard, the love of her life died.
Yeah.
And starts ringing the doorbell repeatedly.
Like happened.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And it's not until he screams open the fucking door, Cecilia, she finally opens it.

(01:30:04):
And we find like, the scene kind of made me mad, but he comes aside and he's like yelling
at her and being mad that she even showed back up and asking why she hasn't left yet.
And she was like, I'm not even bothering you anymore.
I've been keeping my distance since you gave me my answers.

(01:30:26):
I'll be out of here soon.
I just want to get things up and running for the company.
And he starts advancing on her sexually and she pushes him away at first.
And she's like, no, you're with you're with Alicia.
And he goes, nope, she broke up with me because apparently she thinks I'm still in love with

(01:30:50):
you.
No shit to bias.
Really?
Yeah.
He says, uh, I, she thinks we have some unfinished business.
Yeah.
And.
Or unresolved issues, something to that effect.

(01:31:11):
Yeah.
And so they get into like another screaming match and he's still like trying to paw at
her and she's like, you know what?
Is this how you fucking want it?
Is this how you want it?
And she just rips her fucking clothes off and she's like, fucking go for it then.
And then they once again have an angry fuck because that's what they're so good at.

(01:31:32):
Yeah.
And he was not his best here.
He was not.
Yeah, no.
Um, and she does choose it.
And, and I do believe she would have been vocal about that if she didn't choose it,

(01:31:54):
but yeah, this is not a good look here.
It works for Tobias, but this is not his best moment.
Yeah.
And then at the end, once they've done the dirty, he, I don't remember what he says,
but he makes some kind of asshole remark like he normally does.

(01:32:17):
And Cecilia says, did you think this would fucking break me?
It takes a queen to rule with a king and you taught me, or I learned from the best or something
like that.
And I was like, damn right, girl.
Yeah, it's a good moment.

(01:32:42):
So in Cecilia's efforts after this night, she is preparing to leave triple halls and
she is cleaning stuff and packing stuff.
And she finds a letter from her mother to her father years and years ago.
It was right before she came down when she was 19.

(01:33:04):
And she finds out that it was her own mother who had accidentally started the fire that
killed Tobias's parents.
And Roman covered it up to protect her mother and her because Cecilia's mother was pregnant
with Cecilia's fault.
And Tobias admits that he knows.

(01:33:25):
And this enraged her.
So so stupid.
I was like, can you not, can you just like, how many times have we done this?
How many secrets do you have to have?
Like honestly, like can something be the truth and just open and a straight fucking answer?
That'd be great.
Thank you.

(01:33:48):
But she finally tells him like, I'm going to let go.
I'm done.
I'm going to let go.
I will no longer be a part of your life.
And she hands him the papers and she drops them like she goes to hand them to him, but

(01:34:10):
he doesn't reach for him, so she drops them at his feet.
And I was just so proud.
She's finally walking away.
She's finally choosing herself versus choosing everyone else.
And we also find out at this time that Sean and Tobias have had a divide ever since Dominic's

(01:34:32):
death.
They have not been close.
They have hardly spoken to each other unless it's business related.
They are no longer brothers.
That also made me really sad because they were all alone in their grief.
Every one of them.
Yes.
If they had just gotten over themselves, they could have all been together and dealt with

(01:34:53):
it.
I agree.
It, it bothered me, but so she leaves him standing in that office and her last stop
before she leaves, she goes to the garage and we get to finally see Sean.
Oh, Sean.
The scene was hard.

(01:35:16):
It was so rough.
At first he's kind of standoffish, but then he kind of warms up to her, but he does.
He apparently had sent an envelope with a set of keys in it to her house.
So she was coming by to collect what the keys belonged to.
And Sean gives her Dominic's Camaro, his prized possession.

(01:35:46):
She admits that she really just wanted to come see him just before she goes, before
she lets go of everything.
And he tells her, you can't do that if you're not looking at me because she's like looking
everywhere but at home because she can't bring herself to do it.
She doesn't want him to see that she's getting emotional.

(01:36:07):
Yes.
And he says, I still think about you, Cecilia.
It's impossible not to.
And every time she goes to try to talk or say something, she gets choked up and she's
just not able to really convey any of the emotions she's feeling.
And I don't think she even knows what emotion she's feeling.

(01:36:29):
Yeah.
I think she's feeling all of the emotions.
Yeah.
And eventually she asks, are you happy?
And he says, so fucking happy.
And she.
Sean so much.
I love Sean so much.
I can't help it.

(01:36:51):
She tells him, you know, like, I never got to say goodbye.
And I just.
Really wanted to say goodbye.
You were my best friend and you were so much more than that.
And then everything was, you know, fucked up and I missed you and you're my first love
and I really, really did love you.

(01:37:14):
And he says, fuck that.
And he gets me.
He pulls her into a hug and he starts apologizing for everything.
Yeah, this.
This scene was hard for me because I felt like she made the wrong choice.

(01:37:34):
This is the moment that clutches it for me and and.
I'm sorry to bias, but like this is I'm like, you could have that.
You could have that.
You could have that.
I'm just saying.
Beautiful closure scene.
I think despite the all the feelings it makes me feel.

(01:38:02):
I think it's it's really sweet.
Lots of like sentiment here for sure.
There's a part in this scene where Sean says deep down, even though I have everything I'll
ever want more than I could have ever expected for myself, some part will always wish it

(01:38:24):
was me.
And I, I want to point this out because there is a divide like amongst the fandom where
we're trying to figure out.
Is he meaning he wished it was him who had died instead of Dominic or wished it was him
who ended up with Cecilia instead of Tobias?

(01:38:47):
That's a good question.
And there is no clarification.
Not at all.
Not at all.
But they both agree that, you know, it was supposed to play out.
It played out the way it was supposed to play out.
Everything happened the way it was supposed to.

(01:39:07):
And there was a lot of growth for everyone involved.
Agreed.
And then she gets in the car, she turns over the engine and what is hanging from the mirror?
The necklace.

(01:39:28):
And she decides she decides she doesn't want to know who gave her the necklace that night
because she wants to believe it was from both of them.
And I, I love that.
I agree.
I don't want to know either.
I want it to be both of them.
I'm in full agreement with that.
Then we jump, we have another time jump and we go eight months into the future.

(01:39:53):
Cecilia has really come into her own.
She's really let go of the past and has started moving on with her life.
And she moved to another small town in Virginia, not Triple Falls, but similar.
And she bought a restaurant and a small house and she's, you know, just living life.

(01:40:17):
Oh yeah.
She got a French Bulldog and she named it Bo, which was Dominic's father.
I love it.
Well, she is waitressing at her restaurant because she's that type of boss.
She's going to pitch in to work.
And she does every single day, she goes to her shift to work the restaurant and not just

(01:40:41):
run it.
She decided to leave work early that day.
And when she gets to her car, the Camaro, she gets in and as soon as she turns the key,
the music is fucking blaring.
And she's like, I did not leave it on that high.
And it's blaring father figure.
Yeah.
So this same song she had played earlier in the book to the guys.

(01:41:07):
And then she turns it down and she like tries to look at her phone to see if it's connected
to her phone and it's not.
So she immediately jumps out of the fucking car, goes around to the hood and it's still
warm.
And there's something in her that knows.
Well, she knows.
Sean said there's only one other person that has a key to this car and he won't be using

(01:41:30):
it.
Yeah.
So she starts looking around the shopping center and she spots him coming out of a grocery
store in normal clothes, not his typical suit.
And he's carrying groceries and it's fucking Tobias.

(01:41:53):
And of course, he took the car for a joy ride after he got there without her knowledge.
Of course he did.
But he walks up to her and he puts the groceries down and he starts having like a full on heart
to heart with her and telling her like, I, I couldn't do it.

(01:42:14):
Like I, I needed to be here with you.
I need to be with you.
I love you.
My heart just went ballistic when he pretty much starts begging her and he does like,
just please give me a chance.
Please let me make this right.
Even if you hate me forever, let me try.

(01:42:38):
And she asks why now?
Like it's been eight months and he said because loving you made me sick as fuck and losing
you twice has made me terminal.
I don't want to live out an ending that doesn't include you fucking swoon.
Yes.
I I do like this moment.

(01:43:02):
I do like that.
He kind of gets over himself.
That's a bonus.
Yeah.
I definitely hate his timing.
I'm like really, he couldn't just, you know, cause like she completely rebuilt her life,
which good for her.
Yeah.
But it's a good moment.

(01:43:24):
It's a, it's a swimming worthy moment.
I do love that she promises to put him through hell before she makes up her mind.
And I love that he goes for it and kind of gives up that power and control that he's
always had to have.
Yep.
And when he says this, she, I love this cause she looks at him and she's like, you are an

(01:43:49):
unimaginable bastard.
Yes.
He says, he's like, I'm your bastard though.
Unimaginable bastard.
So good.
Yep.
But he also admits that he was the one who tattooed her and he admits that he knew it
was wrong.
He knew it.
He didn't know what else to do or how else to make her believe, you know, that he loved

(01:44:16):
her and he regretted breaking the promise that that tattoo meant by pushing her away
the way he did.
And then it starts raining and he, he makes a call and I forget what he says, but she
tells him it's not a storm Tobias, it's a blessing.

(01:44:41):
Guys, it's a blessing from Dominic because rainy days were theirs.
This is just like an unnecessary stab.
Um, it gives all the feelings.
That fucked me up.
We're already having all the feelings here in this moment.
This is where Exodus ends.

(01:45:01):
It ends just like that last line.
The next book is the finish line and we get to see Cecilia put Tobias through hell and
Tobias take it as he should because he needs to work for this back.
He's done a lot of damage.

(01:45:22):
It's time to pay.
Yeah.
But that will come next week.
So as for Exodus, I would say that my overall rating was an eight out of 10.
These ratings were so hard, but content I would say was a seven out of 10 because there

(01:45:48):
was so much that like so much meanness that I felt was unnecessary to Cecilia.
Like she was a punching bag.
At some point somebody could have thrown through her bone.
Spice, I'm going to say it was an eight out of 10.
It starts out pretty hot and heavy and then we don't really get any spice throughout the

(01:46:16):
other half of the book.
Um, I actually might say a seven out of 10, possibly an eight out of 10 on that.
I'm going to say six out of 10.
Again, in the beginning, it's like hot and heavy with some romance, which really only
get like a small portion of that.
It's not the beginning.

(01:46:36):
It's not the end.
It's in the middle.
The writing and the characters again, I'm both giving a 10 out of 10 because they are
the writing style makes you feel so much.
It invokes every emotion that it's supposed to and the characters are just so deep.

(01:46:58):
Like every character is a well-developed person.
I can imagine them.
I could imagine everything about them personality too.
So I'm going to give them both 10 out of 10.
So we are pretty similar on a lot of ours.
My overall rating is the same as yours.

(01:47:19):
I give it an overall eight out of 10.
But some of my individual scores are a little different.
So for content, I actually did a nine out of 10.
I did that because it's not a lot of typical tropes.
It is something totally new.

(01:47:41):
It's different.
It's risky, I think, for something to be so dark and so emotional and still be considered
a romance.
And so I think that for content, I gave it a nine out of 10.
Spice and romance, I gave it a seven out of 10.
The spice is all right.

(01:48:02):
If you're here just for spice and just for sweet romance, this is not going to be your
favorite.
I would still say read it because it's really good.
It would be a good experience.
But this is not really what we're here for in this one or what we come back for, I guess
I should say.
Not in book two.

(01:48:23):
But overall, for writing, I said 10 out of 10.
For characters, I said nine out of 10 because like you said, everybody's complex.
Everybody's unique.
Everybody has their own story and backstory and it's very authentic and character rich.

(01:48:47):
So yeah, overall, I think this is one of the better series, current day series that's out
in terms of like there's some substance to it.
It's not fluff for sure.
Yeah.
It's not just purely smut.
It's it is a good book period in general and not just a good smut book.

(01:49:14):
I cannot highly recommend the audiobook on Audible enough.
Joe Arden does the male point of view voice acting and his French, his French accent and
his French is delicious.

(01:49:37):
If there is some kind of like award for for, you know, spicy romance novels, then he deserves
it because he honestly is Tobias is redeeming grace for me because I don't think I would

(01:49:58):
have cared at all or been excited about finish line if it wasn't for Joe Arden.
So I Joe Arden, he so his French accent in this book is amazing.
And again, I'll say it again.
I did not think that I was going to get on board with the French accent because in my

(01:50:21):
head I was like Pepe Le Pew, not sexy.
Like, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Anyways, that is a wrap for this episode.
As always, thank you for listening.
We hope you enjoyed our take on the steamy book and we will see you next week on a novel
affair.
We will be discussing our next spicy book in this particular Raven Hood series finish

(01:50:44):
line.
Don't forget to head over to our podcast to listen to a full breakdown of this book and
many others with spoilers and discussions and you can find that link in our comments.
Be sure to like and follow us on social media and hit that subscribe button before you go.
We'll see you guys next week.