Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:04):
Welcome back to a Season of Caring podcast, where
we share stories of hope forliving, loving and caring
without regrets.
I'm your host, raina Nises, andtoday we are revisiting the
episode that has touched morehearts and sparked more
conversations than any other in2024.
And with good reason.
In this special encorepresentation, we share the story
(00:26):
of a remarkable daughter whohas dedicated over 15 years of
her life to caring for hermother.
Through the ups and downs, thejoys and challenges, her journey
embodies the essence ofunwavering love and commitment
that lies at the core ofcaregiving.
I'm excited to introduce you toYolanda Lucas.
Yolanda has been the steadfastanchor of her family, navigating
(00:49):
the ever-shifting currents ofcaring for her mom.
It wasn't always smooth sailing.
There were storms offrustration, days shrouded in
the fog of uncertainty andnights punctuated by the low hum
of worry.
But through it all, yolanda'sspirit remained a lighthouse, a
beacon of unwavering love anddedication.
She's juggled doctor'sappointments with grocery runs,
(01:11):
whispered reassurances throughsleepless nights.
Her laughter, the kind thatcrinkles the corners of her eyes
, became a balm, soothinganxieties and filling the air
with warmth.
Though the journey is far fromover, yolanda faced it with
unwavering courage, her spiritforever tethered to her mother's
an anchor in the sea of time, atestament to the enduring power
of love and family.
(01:31):
In caring for her mother, shehas discovered a wellspring of
compassion within herself, atestament of the boundless
capacity of the human heart.
Welcome, yolanda.
I'm so glad to be able to talkwith you today.
Speaker 2 (01:42):
Thank you, thank you.
I you're still on thiscaregiver journey well, it has
been a long journey yes, it hasbeen a long journey, 15 years.
I started when I was around 1920 years old, so I was one of
those young caregivers, so itwas put into my lap.
Speaker 1 (02:01):
But yeah, but it does have a challenge I don't know
with me in caring for my momwhen I was that young it just
kind of was what you do.
It's always been a part of yourrelationship with her then yes,
it has.
Speaker 2 (02:14):
it didn't start out like how it is now.
I'm talking to most of herdoctors and stuff like that, so
I'd basically just cater to herwounds and stuff like that.
So that's where we started.
But then, as the years went onand she was getting sicker, I
would have to step in more andall of that, and at first I was
(02:35):
not comfortable with thatbecause I wasn't a person who
likes to speak up and speak out,so normally just to myself, I'm
quiet.
I had to learn to try to justspeak up and speak out as far as
not trying to be scared to talkto the doctors and making sure
that she's getting the besttreatment possible.
Speaker 1 (02:51):
Definitely a learning process in that and, like you
said, you haven't really had achoice.
I mean, you've had so much todeal with that you've had to be
that advocate and it can bereally uncomfortable.
How do you think you madeyourself get comfortable with
that?
Speaker 2 (03:04):
Just learning that I have to talk and speak up.
Speaker 1 (03:06):
You do a good job of it, and so it's definitely
interesting whenever I hadn'tthought about your personality
just being kind of being quieterand then putting yourself in
that role.
So what kind of challenges incaregiving with your mom have
you guys been facing lately?
Speaker 2 (03:19):
Mainly just trying to get her doctors to at least
talk to me with her specialist.
As far as her specialist tryingto talk to me, I don't have an
issue with her primary kids,just her specialist.
They don't think they shouldhave to talk to me and just talk
to her and that's it.
But due to other health issuesthat have came on now, they
don't really have a choice.
They have to include me into itbecause she has memory issues,
(03:43):
so I try to remind them.
Because she has memory issues,so I try to remind her.
Maybe she has memory issues.
So can you please just includeme in the conversation or I'll
send a message out to herdoctors myself.
Speaker 1 (03:52):
And at this point you are even looking at maybe
changing what your caregivinglooks like, because you've lived
with her all this time and beenavailable 24-7 pretty much, and
it's gotten to a point wherethe needs are just really
outweighing your ability tohandle everything.
So tell us a little bit aboutthe transition you're looking to
make.
Speaker 2 (04:12):
Transition I'm looking to make is to get her
into a long-term care such as anursing home, because she needs
more care, and I explained toher that, even though it was
some push for a long while, butshe finally agreed.
So trying to get her placed inthere will be the best option
for her.
Speaker 1 (04:30):
And you guys have had in-home care support for quite
a while, but that hasn't gone sowell because you've struggled
with getting people to show up.
Speaker 2 (04:40):
Yes, we have people who didn't show up, or they came
and didn't come back, but theydidn't let the agency know as
far as not showing up and allthat.
So we had that issue, not thispast.
Okay, why is this so hard?
Speaker 1 (04:54):
right, trying to find the right support and the help,
and then personalities canalways be challenging, so you
definitely have your hands full,so share with us a favorite
(05:15):
caregiving story that you haveme and my guest when she had to
go to the doctors one time.
Speaker 2 (05:20):
She wanted to go out to eat and because her doctor's
office is near a train stationwhich is Union Station, so we
were able to go out and go downthere and get something to eat.
Just look around, as far as thetrain station is old, so we
were able to see differentthings and go upstairs, because
there's levels to the trainstation so, and we were able to
(05:41):
do that and just walk around andbe outside, which was nice.
And we also were able to seethe Capitol, because I'm in
Washington DC, so we were ableto see the Capitol and all of
that so we had a good time thatday.
Speaker 1 (05:52):
Yeah, it's fun to be able to get out and do something
other than I mean you had todeal with the doctors, but then,
once it's over, just to kind ofbe able to break up the routine
a little bit and do somethingdifferent, and you're at a point
where your mom has to havetransport all the time and so
that can be really limiting andhow often you guys can get out.
So it can be fun to dodifferent things and definitely
(06:12):
that variety makes a difference.
So what would be one thing thatsurprised you most about
caregiving?
You've been doing it for areally long time, so does
anything stand out?
Speaker 2 (06:22):
Yes, how time consuming it can be.
So for me, this time will go byfast.
I could be taking care of her,doing something for her.
Then I'll look at the time andI'll say okay, the time has
passed by very quickly.
Sam, I may have one more thingPutting in their needs before
(06:44):
yours, even though I've beendoing it for so long, putting
their needs before mine.
Speaker 1 (06:49):
That's a hard balance , isn't it?
Yes, being able to know whatthey need and help make sure
their needs are met, but, at thesame time, even considering
your needs.
Have you found yourself attimes during caregiving that you
totally kind of forgot aboutyour needs?
Speaker 2 (07:05):
Yeah, sometimes I will forget to eat.
So I'm at that point where Ihave to remind myself to eat and
sometimes just to get away forjust a little while.
While her home health aide ishere, I'll actually shut my door
to my room and just be alonefor just a little while, whether
I'm listening to music orreading or something like that.
Speaker 1 (07:25):
Yeah, it can be.
I hadn't really thought aboutforgetting to eat, but I can see
where that can happen justbecause of how you get into the
thick of everything.
But it's so important to findthe things that are helpful to
you in keeping you healthy.
I know you've gone back toschool and being able to juggle
that with caregiving.
Any suggestions on how youhandle that?
Speaker 2 (07:48):
Try to schedule stuff such as me scheduling for me to
study.
It's still making time formyself, even while I'm in school
.
So if I decide to go to themovies or I go outside for a
walk, I'm out with a few of myfriends.
That's what I try to make time.
Speaker 1 (08:05):
So I know, for me, just in my caregiving, one of
the things I had to do was justreally plan ahead and make sure
I had those things like going tothe movies and seeing my
friends on the schedule, becauseI think it can be easy to just
let time go by and not eventhink about how long it's been
since you've been able to hangout with other people.
It's important, and I'm gladthat you've figured out that
(08:25):
balance.
Especially, you've been doingit so long and you were so young
when you started.
I can see where it would bereally easy to just let life be
only what you guys do together,instead of doing things outside
of home.
We're going to take a momentout here.
This episode of A Season ofCaring podcast has been
sponsored by the Caregiver'sCompanion, a Christ-centered
(08:46):
journal to nourish your soul,and this is a beautiful book.
I highly recommend it if you'venot found it yet.
Every caregiver story is unique, but one thing you have in
common is that you need to benourished to have the resilience
and compassion to tend to theneeds of your loved ones.
The Caregiver's Companionapproaches caregiving not as a
(09:07):
burden, but as an opportunity togrow and receive graces and
blessings.
It's written by two amazingwomen who are the founders of
Nourish for Caregivers, anorganization that seeks to
improve the health and spiritualwell-being of caregivers.
Both Kelly Johnson and DebKelsey Davis have been guests on
A Season of Caring podcast, soif you haven't caught their
(09:29):
interviews, be sure to searchfor them.
The journal is beautifullydesigned.
It's full color.
In fact, I told them both it isso beautiful I'm not sure I
want to write in it.
It is a practical resource withencouraging readings, prayer
and guided journaling to helpyou draw strength from your
faith in a few sacred momentseach day.
(09:50):
It's a unique resource toremind you to care for yourself
while you're caring for others.
Each entry in this beautifulfull-color guided journal
combines prayers, meditations,reflection questions, quotations
and plenty of space forpersonal journaling, allowing
you to capture the highs andlows of your daily experience.
(10:11):
I know you will love your copyof the Caregiver's Companion.
Get yours today atAveMariaPresscom.
Now let's get back to our greatconversation with this young,
strong caregiver, yolanda.
So when you think about howGod's shown up for you in your
caregiving, do you have a storyyou can share with us about when
God's shown up for you?
Speaker 2 (10:31):
I would say probably last year sometime.
Basically, I was crying out tohim literally because I was
frustrated, I was tired.
And there was really no one elseto fall back on at that point
in time.
So it's just you know.
I prayed to him.
I said I need her to understandthat she needs to go.
I can't take this, no more, Ican't do it.
(10:53):
So God was able to finally gether to understand that it was
time, even though it tooksomeone else to talk to her
again.
But she was able to finallyagree.
It happened out of nowhere.
I didn't ask her any questionsanymore.
She just said okay, I'm goingto pay a degree to go to the
(11:14):
nursing home.
So, which I was happy about.
Speaker 1 (11:17):
You just kind of found the end of your ability to
just keep doing what you'vebeen doing and her needs just
kept increasing.
So I can only imagine howdifficult that was of just
feeling like she's not hearingme and just really crying out.
And as usual, I always say itfeels like God's really slow,
(11:37):
doesn't it?
You're like come on, lord, I'mat the end of my rope now and he
waits as long as it's theperfect timing.
But I always feel like God'spretty slow, and there is
actually a scripture that saysGod is not slow, it's his timing
and we're the ones who have toget on his timing.
But it can be so hard becauseyou know you really find
(11:59):
yourself at the end of your ropeand you're thinking I cannot,
there's no way I can keep doingthis, but yet you really didn't
have a choice.
The rejoicing that happenswhenever you see God move and
actually see her be willing tomake that change for you too.
What's one thing that helps youto live content, love well and
care without regrets.
Speaker 2 (12:19):
I'm just making time for myself.
As far as putting myself firstat this point because I wasn't
always like that, I usually putothers before me, so that's how
I usually work was so I thoughtof therapy, and my therapist
made a point that you have tostop putting yourself first,
because you've been doing thisfor so long and you're used to
just putting everybody elsethings.
(12:40):
But now you are getting to thepoint where you are burnt out.
So yeah it's just putting myselffirst time for myself, as well
as still still tending to herwhile she's still at home, even
though once you're going tonurse him, I'll still have to
tend to her, make sureeverything is okay.
But it's more involvementbecause she's still at home.
Speaker 1 (12:59):
Yeah, definitely yeah , I think it's such a hard thing
because when we think of afirst and second and third, when
we put things in priorities, wethink of a winner and a loser,
don't we?
And so it's like, well, if I'mwinning, then she's losing, and
that's not really true.
You can still take care ofyourself and take care of her.
Have you found to be true, orhow does it feel to put yourself
(13:24):
for first time in a long time,or ever?
Speaker 2 (13:27):
um, if it felt weird at first, yeah cool, but now
it's it feels good to put myselffirst um, such as I will tell
her hey, I'm gonna go out for acouple of hours, I'll be back,
or she may notice that I'm goingout, so she will actually say
something.
She said oh, I see that you'regoing out a lot.
I'm there, I am making time formyself and just making sure
(13:48):
that I'm okay.
Speaker 1 (13:50):
Well, and you've had support there, but it hasn't
always been support that youfelt like you could go out right
.
Speaker 2 (13:56):
Yeah, I still have that support now.
So even still, as far as thefamily friend, she has been here
basically a year, almost twoyears, so she has been the
support she actually will tellme to leave the house.
So even if I don't haveanything planned, she'll say go
to the movies or something.
She'll say, but get up out.
Speaker 1 (14:16):
Yeah, that's good that she's also helping you take
care of yourself, becausesometimes it can be hard to do
that, sometimes it can be hardto see that, but it definitely
makes a difference not being theonly one and having her there.
That's been a blessing.
That's an important tip thatwhen you can bring other people
in that you trust, then you needto do that, even if you don't
(14:38):
have anything planned, becausesometimes we have a tendency to
go oh, I'm just here anyway, soit's not a big deal, but it is,
because eventually it drains youalways being on call, always
being needed.
So when you think about othercaregivers who are in different
stages of caregiving maybe juststarting or been doing it for a
while what would be one tip thatyou would have to share with
(14:58):
them?
Speaker 2 (14:59):
One tip would be to advocate as far as for their
loved ones, especially in thebeginning, depending on the
situation where the personcannot speak for themselves or
they may have a hard time doingas far as the person receiving
anything from the caregiver.
I would say to advocate.
So that's been my number one isto advocate as much as possible
(15:21):
and if you think something iswrong with your loved one,
contact the doctor and ifthey're not doing anything, try
to talk to them some more.
Try to push it so that waythey'll do something to fix the
issue.
Speaker 1 (15:34):
I love that you mentioned it wasn't like your
natural instinct to be that kindof person.
I'm a little bit pushier bynature, I think, and so I
definitely found myself pushingfor that.
But it was so frustrating howoften I felt like they weren't
listening, and so I think it ishard to be that caregiver and
feel like I'm always having topush.
(15:54):
But you really do and I knowinitially you felt like that
primary care person wasn'treally listening.
But eventually you guys developthat relationship that you are
being heard and he does knowthat you know her better than
anybody else and when you saysomething's wrong he knows that
that's true.
So definitely being thatadvocate helps to eventually
(16:18):
maybe not make it so hard.
Would you agree with that?
Speaker 2 (16:20):
Yes, yes, I do agree.
Speaker 1 (16:23):
I think that can be a tough role at times, and I love
that not only advocating forher, you've learned to advocate
for yourself.
Speaker 2 (16:31):
Yes, and that was a hard one because I was used to
really doing it.
So when I did have to advocatefor myself, as far as just
making sure that I advocate formyself, speak up for myself,
especially when somethingdoesn't feel right to me, and
speak on it and say something,so how have you felt?
Speaker 1 (16:50):
Have you struggled with guilt when you've tried to
advocate for yourself, comparedto what you've always done
before?
Speaker 2 (16:55):
In the beginning.
Yes, I felt a little bit guilty, but then I said you can't feel
guilty because you need this,you need to be able to advocate
and speak up for yourself, soyou shouldn't feel guilty.
So at first I did.
Speaker 1 (17:08):
So you just kind of had a mind-shut shift in the way
that you looked at it andrealized that you don't need to
feel guilty.
So you don't need to feelguilty.
So so you don't now, yeah, isthat a good way of putting it?
Yeah, yeah, I think that can betricky.
I think it can be really hardbecause, again, oftentimes we
think of, if I'm taking care ofme, that means I can't be taking
care of her, but that's all ornothing.
(17:28):
And it's not true.
I can do both and it justdoesn't have to look the way it
always has.
And I think that's one of thehardest changes too.
I know during COVID for youguys, it looked different than
it does now and then, hopefully,as she transitions into the
nursing home, then that willlook different.
But it's still you caring forher and advocating for her, and
I think that's amazing thatyou've been able to do that and
(17:51):
really just help her to have thebest life she can have.
Speaker 2 (17:56):
Yes, I do agree with that.
Speaker 1 (17:58):
So Yolanda and I met at a support group and so I'm
just going to give a plug toNurse for Caregivers.
If you haven't found a supportgroup yet that fits for you, I
facilitate the Tuesday morningat 10 o'clock Central Time Nurse
for Caregivers, and then wehave a second and fourth
Thursday evening at 7 pm,central Time available.
It is a faith-based supportgroup, which I love, so I have
(18:21):
the opportunity to not onlyshare our caregiving journeys
but to have that prayer andopportunity to see scripture and
just be encouraged by the word.
So we would love to invite you,if you're interested in looking
for a support group, come giveus a try.
Visit nourishforcaregiverscomand find the link to sign up for
house calls.
(18:42):
So thank you so much, yolanda,for sharing your story and just
being able to encourage othercaregivers that are maybe just
now learning how to advocate forthemselves.
Speaker 2 (18:52):
Thank you so much.
Speaker 1 (18:54):
Thank you for joining us today on a season of caring
podcast.
It has been created to sharestories of hope for living
content, loving well and caringwithout regrets.
If you have financial, medicalor legal questions, be sure to
consult your local professionalsand take heart in your season
of caring.
Welcome back to a Season of Caring podcast, where
we share stories of hope forliving, loving and caring
without regrets.
I'm your host, raina Nises, andtoday we are revisiting the
episode that has touched morehearts and sparked more
conversations than any other in2024.
And with good reason.
In this special encorepresentation, we share the story
(00:26):
of a remarkable daughter whohas dedicated over 15 years of
her life to caring for hermother.
Through the ups and downs, thejoys and challenges, her journey
embodies the essence ofunwavering love and commitment
that lies at the core ofcaregiving.
I'm excited to introduce you toYolanda Lucas.
Yolanda has been the steadfastanchor of her family, navigating
(00:49):
the ever-shifting currents ofcaring for her mom.
It wasn't always smooth sailing.
There were storms offrustration, days shrouded in
the fog of uncertainty andnights punctuated by the low hum
of worry.
But through it all, yolanda'sspirit remained a lighthouse, a
beacon of unwavering love anddedication.
She's juggled doctor'sappointments with grocery runs,
(01:11):
whispered reassurances throughsleepless nights.
Her laughter, the kind thatcrinkles the corners of her eyes
, became a balm, soothinganxieties and filling the air
with warmth.
Though the journey is far fromover, yolanda faced it with
unwavering courage, her spiritforever tethered to her mother's
an anchor in the sea of time, atestament to the enduring power
of love and family.
(01:31):
In caring for her mother, shehas discovered a wellspring of
compassion within herself, atestament of the boundless
capacity of the human heart.
Welcome, yolanda.
I'm so glad to be able to talkwith you today.
Speaker 2 (01:42):
Thank you, thank you.
I you're still on thiscaregiver journey well, it has
been a long journey yes, it hasbeen a long journey, 15 years.
I started when I was around 1920 years old, so I was one of
those young caregivers, so itwas put into my lap.
Speaker 1 (02:01):
But yeah, but it does have a challenge I don't know
with me in caring for my momwhen I was that young it just
kind of was what you do.
It's always been a part of yourrelationship with her then yes,
it has.
Speaker 2 (02:14):
it didn't start out like how it is now.
I'm talking to most of herdoctors and stuff like that, so
I'd basically just cater to herwounds and stuff like that.
So that's where we started.
But then, as the years went onand she was getting sicker, I
would have to step in more andall of that, and at first I was
(02:35):
not comfortable with thatbecause I wasn't a person who
likes to speak up and speak out,so normally just to myself, I'm
quiet.
I had to learn to try to justspeak up and speak out as far as
not trying to be scared to talkto the doctors and making sure
that she's getting the besttreatment possible.
Speaker 1 (02:51):
Definitely a learning process in that and, like you
said, you haven't really had achoice.
I mean, you've had so much todeal with that you've had to be
that advocate and it can bereally uncomfortable.
How do you think you madeyourself get comfortable with
that?
Speaker 2 (03:04):
Just learning that I have to talk and speak up.
Speaker 1 (03:06):
You do a good job of it, and so it's definitely
interesting whenever I hadn'tthought about your personality
just being kind of being quieterand then putting yourself in
that role.
So what kind of challenges incaregiving with your mom have
you guys been facing lately?
Speaker 2 (03:19):
Mainly just trying to get her doctors to at least
talk to me with her specialist.
As far as her specialist tryingto talk to me, I don't have an
issue with her primary kids,just her specialist.
They don't think they shouldhave to talk to me and just talk
to her and that's it.
But due to other health issuesthat have came on now, they
don't really have a choice.
They have to include me into itbecause she has memory issues,
(03:43):
so I try to remind them.
Because she has memory issues,so I try to remind her.
Maybe she has memory issues.
So can you please just includeme in the conversation or I'll
send a message out to herdoctors myself.
Speaker 1 (03:52):
And at this point you are even looking at maybe
changing what your caregivinglooks like, because you've lived
with her all this time and beenavailable 24-7 pretty much, and
it's gotten to a point wherethe needs are just really
outweighing your ability tohandle everything.
So tell us a little bit aboutthe transition you're looking to
make.
Speaker 2 (04:12):
Transition I'm looking to make is to get her
into a long-term care such as anursing home, because she needs
more care, and I explained toher that, even though it was
some push for a long while, butshe finally agreed.
So trying to get her placed inthere will be the best option
for her.
Speaker 1 (04:30):
And you guys have had in-home care support for quite
a while, but that hasn't gone sowell because you've struggled
with getting people to show up.
Speaker 2 (04:40):
Yes, we have people who didn't show up, or they came
and didn't come back, but theydidn't let the agency know as
far as not showing up and allthat.
So we had that issue, not thispast.
Okay, why is this so hard?
Speaker 1 (04:54):
right, trying to find the right support and the help,
and then personalities canalways be challenging, so you
definitely have your hands full,so share with us a favorite
(05:15):
caregiving story that you haveme and my guest when she had to
go to the doctors one time.
Speaker 2 (05:20):
She wanted to go out to eat and because her doctor's
office is near a train stationwhich is Union Station, so we
were able to go out and go downthere and get something to eat.
Just look around, as far as thetrain station is old, so we
were able to see differentthings and go upstairs, because
there's levels to the trainstation so, and we were able to
(05:41):
do that and just walk around andbe outside, which was nice.
And we also were able to seethe Capitol, because I'm in
Washington DC, so we were ableto see the Capitol and all of
that so we had a good time thatday.
Speaker 1 (05:52):
Yeah, it's fun to be able to get out and do something
other than I mean you had todeal with the doctors, but then,
once it's over, just to kind ofbe able to break up the routine
a little bit and do somethingdifferent, and you're at a point
where your mom has to havetransport all the time and so
that can be really limiting andhow often you guys can get out.
So it can be fun to dodifferent things and definitely
(06:12):
that variety makes a difference.
So what would be one thing thatsurprised you most about
caregiving?
You've been doing it for areally long time, so does
anything stand out?
Speaker 2 (06:22):
Yes, how time consuming it can be.
So for me, this time will go byfast.
I could be taking care of her,doing something for her.
Then I'll look at the time andI'll say okay, the time has
passed by very quickly.
Sam, I may have one more thingPutting in their needs before
(06:44):
yours, even though I've beendoing it for so long, putting
their needs before mine.
Speaker 1 (06:49):
That's a hard balance , isn't it?
Yes, being able to know whatthey need and help make sure
their needs are met, but, at thesame time, even considering
your needs.
Have you found yourself attimes during caregiving that you
totally kind of forgot aboutyour needs?
Speaker 2 (07:05):
Yeah, sometimes I will forget to eat.
So I'm at that point where Ihave to remind myself to eat and
sometimes just to get away forjust a little while.
While her home health aide ishere, I'll actually shut my door
to my room and just be alonefor just a little while, whether
I'm listening to music orreading or something like that.
Speaker 1 (07:25):
Yeah, it can be.
I hadn't really thought aboutforgetting to eat, but I can see
where that can happen justbecause of how you get into the
thick of everything.
But it's so important to findthe things that are helpful to
you in keeping you healthy.
I know you've gone back toschool and being able to juggle
that with caregiving.
Any suggestions on how youhandle that?
Speaker 2 (07:48):
Try to schedule stuff such as me scheduling for me to
study.
It's still making time formyself, even while I'm in school
.
So if I decide to go to themovies or I go outside for a
walk, I'm out with a few of myfriends.
That's what I try to make time.
Speaker 1 (08:05):
So I know, for me, just in my caregiving, one of
the things I had to do was justreally plan ahead and make sure
I had those things like going tothe movies and seeing my
friends on the schedule, becauseI think it can be easy to just
let time go by and not eventhink about how long it's been
since you've been able to hangout with other people.
It's important, and I'm gladthat you've figured out that
(08:25):
balance.
Especially, you've been doingit so long and you were so young
when you started.
I can see where it would bereally easy to just let life be
only what you guys do together,instead of doing things outside
of home.
We're going to take a momentout here.
This episode of A Season ofCaring podcast has been
sponsored by the Caregiver'sCompanion, a Christ-centered
(08:46):
journal to nourish your soul,and this is a beautiful book.
I highly recommend it if you'venot found it yet.
Every caregiver story is unique, but one thing you have in
common is that you need to benourished to have the resilience
and compassion to tend to theneeds of your loved ones.
The Caregiver's Companionapproaches caregiving not as a
(09:07):
burden, but as an opportunity togrow and receive graces and
blessings.
It's written by two amazingwomen who are the founders of
Nourish for Caregivers, anorganization that seeks to
improve the health and spiritualwell-being of caregivers.
Both Kelly Johnson and DebKelsey Davis have been guests on
A Season of Caring podcast, soif you haven't caught their
(09:29):
interviews, be sure to searchfor them.
The journal is beautifullydesigned.
It's full color.
In fact, I told them both it isso beautiful I'm not sure I
want to write in it.
It is a practical resource withencouraging readings, prayer
and guided journaling to helpyou draw strength from your
faith in a few sacred momentseach day.
(09:50):
It's a unique resource toremind you to care for yourself
while you're caring for others.
Each entry in this beautifulfull-color guided journal
combines prayers, meditations,reflection questions, quotations
and plenty of space forpersonal journaling, allowing
you to capture the highs andlows of your daily experience.
(10:11):
I know you will love your copyof the Caregiver's Companion.
Get yours today atAveMariaPresscom.
Now let's get back to our greatconversation with this young,
strong caregiver, yolanda.
So when you think about howGod's shown up for you in your
caregiving, do you have a storyyou can share with us about when
God's shown up for you?
Speaker 2 (10:31):
I would say probably last year sometime.
Basically, I was crying out tohim literally because I was
frustrated, I was tired.
And there was really no one elseto fall back on at that point
in time.
So it's just you know.
I prayed to him.
I said I need her to understandthat she needs to go.
I can't take this, no more, Ican't do it.
(10:53):
So God was able to finally gether to understand that it was
time, even though it tooksomeone else to talk to her
again.
But she was able to finallyagree.
It happened out of nowhere.
I didn't ask her any questionsanymore.
She just said okay, I'm goingto pay a degree to go to the
(11:14):
nursing home.
So, which I was happy about.
Speaker 1 (11:17):
You just kind of found the end of your ability to
just keep doing what you'vebeen doing and her needs just
kept increasing.
So I can only imagine howdifficult that was of just
feeling like she's not hearingme and just really crying out.
And as usual, I always say itfeels like God's really slow,
(11:37):
doesn't it?
You're like come on, lord, I'mat the end of my rope now and he
waits as long as it's theperfect timing.
But I always feel like God'spretty slow, and there is
actually a scripture that saysGod is not slow, it's his timing
and we're the ones who have toget on his timing.
But it can be so hard becauseyou know you really find
(11:59):
yourself at the end of your ropeand you're thinking I cannot,
there's no way I can keep doingthis, but yet you really didn't
have a choice.
The rejoicing that happenswhenever you see God move and
actually see her be willing tomake that change for you too.
What's one thing that helps youto live content, love well and
care without regrets.
Speaker 2 (12:19):
I'm just making time for myself.
As far as putting myself firstat this point because I wasn't
always like that, I usually putothers before me, so that's how
I usually work was so I thoughtof therapy, and my therapist
made a point that you have tostop putting yourself first,
because you've been doing thisfor so long and you're used to
just putting everybody elsethings.
(12:40):
But now you are getting to thepoint where you are burnt out.
So yeah it's just putting myselffirst time for myself, as well
as still still tending to herwhile she's still at home, even
though once you're going tonurse him, I'll still have to
tend to her, make sureeverything is okay.
But it's more involvementbecause she's still at home.
Speaker 1 (12:59):
Yeah, definitely yeah , I think it's such a hard thing
because when we think of afirst and second and third, when
we put things in priorities, wethink of a winner and a loser,
don't we?
And so it's like, well, if I'mwinning, then she's losing, and
that's not really true.
You can still take care ofyourself and take care of her.
Have you found to be true, orhow does it feel to put yourself
(13:24):
for first time in a long time,or ever?
Speaker 2 (13:27):
um, if it felt weird at first, yeah cool, but now
it's it feels good to put myselffirst um, such as I will tell
her hey, I'm gonna go out for acouple of hours, I'll be back,
or she may notice that I'm goingout, so she will actually say
something.
She said oh, I see that you'regoing out a lot.
I'm there, I am making time formyself and just making sure
(13:48):
that I'm okay.
Speaker 1 (13:50):
Well, and you've had support there, but it hasn't
always been support that youfelt like you could go out right
.
Speaker 2 (13:56):
Yeah, I still have that support now.
So even still, as far as thefamily friend, she has been here
basically a year, almost twoyears, so she has been the
support she actually will tellme to leave the house.
So even if I don't haveanything planned, she'll say go
to the movies or something.
She'll say, but get up out.
Speaker 1 (14:16):
Yeah, that's good that she's also helping you take
care of yourself, becausesometimes it can be hard to do
that, sometimes it can be hardto see that, but it definitely
makes a difference not being theonly one and having her there.
That's been a blessing.
That's an important tip thatwhen you can bring other people
in that you trust, then you needto do that, even if you don't
(14:38):
have anything planned, becausesometimes we have a tendency to
go oh, I'm just here anyway, soit's not a big deal, but it is,
because eventually it drains youalways being on call, always
being needed.
So when you think about othercaregivers who are in different
stages of caregiving maybe juststarting or been doing it for a
while what would be one tip thatyou would have to share with
(14:58):
them?
Speaker 2 (14:59):
One tip would be to advocate as far as for their
loved ones, especially in thebeginning, depending on the
situation where the personcannot speak for themselves or
they may have a hard time doingas far as the person receiving
anything from the caregiver.
I would say to advocate.
So that's been my number one isto advocate as much as possible
(15:21):
and if you think something iswrong with your loved one,
contact the doctor and ifthey're not doing anything, try
to talk to them some more.
Try to push it so that waythey'll do something to fix the
issue.
Speaker 1 (15:34):
I love that you mentioned it wasn't like your
natural instinct to be that kindof person.
I'm a little bit pushier bynature, I think, and so I
definitely found myself pushingfor that.
But it was so frustrating howoften I felt like they weren't
listening, and so I think it ishard to be that caregiver and
feel like I'm always having topush.
(15:54):
But you really do and I knowinitially you felt like that
primary care person wasn'treally listening.
But eventually you guys developthat relationship that you are
being heard and he does knowthat you know her better than
anybody else and when you saysomething's wrong he knows that
that's true.
So definitely being thatadvocate helps to eventually
(16:18):
maybe not make it so hard.
Would you agree with that?
Speaker 2 (16:20):
Yes, yes, I do agree.
Speaker 1 (16:23):
I think that can be a tough role at times, and I love
that not only advocating forher, you've learned to advocate
for yourself.
Speaker 2 (16:31):
Yes, and that was a hard one because I was used to
really doing it.
So when I did have to advocatefor myself, as far as just
making sure that I advocate formyself, speak up for myself,
especially when somethingdoesn't feel right to me, and
speak on it and say something,so how have you felt?
Speaker 1 (16:50):
Have you struggled with guilt when you've tried to
advocate for yourself, comparedto what you've always done
before?
Speaker 2 (16:55):
In the beginning.
Yes, I felt a little bit guilty, but then I said you can't feel
guilty because you need this,you need to be able to advocate
and speak up for yourself, soyou shouldn't feel guilty.
So at first I did.
Speaker 1 (17:08):
So you just kind of had a mind-shut shift in the way
that you looked at it andrealized that you don't need to
feel guilty.
So you don't need to feelguilty.
So so you don't now, yeah, isthat a good way of putting it?
Yeah, yeah, I think that can betricky.
I think it can be really hardbecause, again, oftentimes we
think of, if I'm taking care ofme, that means I can't be taking
care of her, but that's all ornothing.
(17:28):
And it's not true.
I can do both and it justdoesn't have to look the way it
always has.
And I think that's one of thehardest changes too.
I know during COVID for youguys, it looked different than
it does now and then, hopefully,as she transitions into the
nursing home, then that willlook different.
But it's still you caring forher and advocating for her, and
I think that's amazing thatyou've been able to do that and
(17:51):
really just help her to have thebest life she can have.
Speaker 2 (17:56):
Yes, I do agree with that.
Speaker 1 (17:58):
So Yolanda and I met at a support group and so I'm
just going to give a plug toNurse for Caregivers.
If you haven't found a supportgroup yet that fits for you, I
facilitate the Tuesday morningat 10 o'clock Central Time Nurse
for Caregivers, and then wehave a second and fourth
Thursday evening at 7 pm,central Time available.
It is a faith-based supportgroup, which I love, so I have
(18:21):
the opportunity to not onlyshare our caregiving journeys
but to have that prayer andopportunity to see scripture and
just be encouraged by the word.
So we would love to invite you,if you're interested in looking
for a support group, come giveus a try.
Visit nourishforcaregiverscomand find the link to sign up for
house calls.
(18:42):
So thank you so much, yolanda,for sharing your story and just
being able to encourage othercaregivers that are maybe just
now learning how to advocate forthemselves.
Speaker 2 (18:52):
Thank you so much.
Speaker 1 (18:54):
Thank you for joining us today on a season of caring
podcast.
It has been created to sharestories of hope for living
content, loving well and caringwithout regrets.
If you have financial, medicalor legal questions, be sure to
consult your local professionalsand take heart in your season
of caring.
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