July 20, 2025 • 30 mins
Sorrow Turned to Song, with Becca Ellis. Series: Beloved. Belonging. Delightful. A Spacious Christianity, First Presbyterian Church of Bend, Oregon. Scripture: 1 Samuel 1-3.
Ever felt unseen or unheard? Join us this Sunday as we explore a powerful story about longing, hope, and being truly understood. Whether online or in-person, discover how your deepest struggles matter and you’re never alone.
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At First Presbyterian, you will meet people at many different places theologically and spiritually. And we love it that way. We want to be a place where our diversity brings us together and where conversation takes us all deeper in our understanding of God.
We call this kind of faith “Spacious Christianity.” We don’t ask anyone to sign creeds or statements of belief. The life of faith is about a way of being in the world and a faith that shows itself in love.
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Keywords:
Infertility, longing, grief, Hannah’s story, prayer, loneliness, miscarriage, emotional pain, community, presence, healing, unheard, faith, resilience, support, presbyterian, church, online worship, bend, oregon
Featuring:
Rev. Dr. Steven Koski, Rev. Sharon Edwards, Becca Ellis, Brave of Heart, Guests
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Unknown (00:20):
Announcer, welcome to worship At First
(00:40):
Presbyterian we, at FirstPresbyterian, practice a
spacious Christianity, whichmeans no matter where you are in
your faith journey, you belongand there is space for you at
the table, there is space foryour doubts and questions. We
believe doubts and questions area gift that invite us into
deeper conversations and a moreauthentic faith. We believe
diversity is a strength. Everystory is sacred and everybody
(01:03):
matters. We do our best to livethe spacious and radical love of
Jesus so that all might have achance to flourish in this
world. We are so glad to connectwith you in this way. We would
also love to worship with you inperson if you're ever in the
neighborhood on Sunday morningsat 830, or 10am and never
hesitate to reach out to us tolearn more about us or how we
(01:25):
might support You. I hope youenjoy this worship service.
Welcome you.
(01:45):
Oh Lord my God,when I in awesome wonder,
consider all theworks thy hands have made,
I see the stars.
I hear the rolling thunder Thypower throughout
(02:18):
the universe displaywhen through the forest. Glades
I wander and hearthe birds sing sweetly
when I look downfrom lofty mountain grandeur and
(02:40):
see the blueand feel the gentles.
Then sings my soul,my Savior, God,
to Thee, How Great Thou Art, Howgreat
(03:01):
thou Art. Then sings my soul,my Savior, God, to Thee.
When Christ shall come,we shall shout of acclamation
(03:25):
and lead me home with joy shouldfill my heart, then I shall go
with humbleadoration and then proclaim My
God, How greatthou Art. Then sings my soul,
(03:50):
my Savior God, to Thee,How Great
Thou Art, How great thou Art.
Then sings my soul,my Savior, God, to Thee.
(04:20):
How sorrow turned to song, aretelling of the story of Hannah
(04:44):
from First Samuel, chapters oneto three from the book of
belongingHannah. My Hannah. Why do you
weep? Why won't you eat? Why isyour heart sad? You have me?
Isn't that?
Better than 10 babies.
Hannah sat at the Thanksgivingfeast as the words of her
(05:05):
husband, Elkanah echoed in herhead and made her chest tight.
She wanted a baby for so longthat the yearning felt like a
part of her, like it lived inher skin.
But as time went by and her wombstayed empty.
She grew silent and stillbottling up her feelings inside.
(05:31):
Why do you weep? Why won't youeat? I'm so sad and so angry,
she finally blurted out toPenina,
the woman was elkanahs otherwife, so she just laughed and
taunted Hannah. So dramatic, I'mso sad and so angry. Hannah told
(05:52):
Elkanah, he just scooped extrafood onto her plate, waving away
her tears. You have me,isn't that better than 10
babies, isn't it?
But she couldn't eat,she couldn't ignore or put away
her collection of sorrow andfury.
(06:16):
It grew bigger and hotter in herchest until it felt like it was
leaping up her throat to burnher tongue. Her hands clenched,
her jaw tightened, her stomachchurned.
Hannah ran to God's specialmeeting place,
presenting her empty belly andempty arms before God
(06:41):
and she wept big, shudderinggulps of sorrow, hot, furious
streams of tears. I'm so sad andso angry. She told God, it all
spilled out of her, herbitterness, her pain, her
sadness and her fear. I feelalone. I feel like I'm too much.
(07:06):
I feel like I'm not enough. Shespoke true words to God and felt
the ache in her chest releasejust a bit. Oh God, who leads
the angels, please remember meif you hear my misery, would you
give me a son? I promise I willgive him back to you every day
of his life. I will teach him tolisten to you and love you well
(07:30):
as Hannah continued to pray,silently, moving only her lips.
Eli, the high priest interruptedWoman, why are you acting so
silly? Have you had too muchwine. Stop making such a
spectacle. Hannah twirled toface him, her eyes and heart
alight a spectacle. No, no, I amhere with my big feelings,
(07:54):
anger, sadness, bitterness,misery, all bottled up for many
years. They are a real burden,but I won't bear them any
longer. I am here to pour themout before God. Ah, yes. Eli
replied gently.
God hears, may your dreams matchGod's own.
(08:15):
Hannah returned to the feastsmiling, and finally ate
something.
Her heart felt emptier yetfuller at the same time,
it still ached with a mixture ofsorrow and hope, but she no
longer carried it aloneas they prayed and sang.
(08:37):
She trusted God to hear and tohold her feelings.
Months went by,and Hannah's belly began to
swell. She was going to have ababy, and when her son was born,
Hannah delightedly named himSamuel,
(09:00):
which means asked from God. Godheard me when no one else did. I
shared my whole heart, and Goddidn't try to shrink it down.
God saw my sadness, my fear, myworry and my deep yearning. I
didn't hold back, and God heardthat is a true and beautiful
thing. As she nursed Samuel, shespoke true and beautiful things
(09:25):
over him, as well feeding hisbody, mind and heart.
There are many stories we couldtell about baby Samuel's long,
lovely life,and they all started with
Hannah's song, God hears us.
She's saying Samuel would growup to hear God's voice as a very
(09:47):
young boy. People fail andforget. But God never gives up.
Hannah saying Samuel would growup to see the great leaders of
God's people fall into horrible.
Powerful, harmful ways.
But he would search for Goddespite it all, someday, God
(10:08):
will raise up a new king whowill welcome God's ways, Hannah
sayingSamuel would grow up to be a
close friend of God.
He would speak true andbeautiful things to God's
people.
He would anoint and guide thefirst kings of Israel.
And through that line of kingswould come the truest King,
(10:34):
the hope of humanity. But fornow, there was just a mother's
song, a thunderous wish,fulfilled,
and Samuel snuggled into hersafety, surrounded by truth and
trust. Have you ever had alonging, an unresolved ache
(10:54):
within you that you have feltfor such a long time it feels as
if it lives in your very skin.
Maybe it's a longing foryourself, perhaps to find work
that feels purposeful andmatters beyond just a paycheck,
or a longing to not be alone, tofind true companionship or
(11:15):
friendship in life. Maybe thereis an unrealized dream or hope
for a second chance, maybe justfor a place that feels like
home,maybe for someone you love to be
free from the destructive gripof addiction or for healing of a
medical condition or healthconcern. Maybe it's an ache to
grow your family or live thelife you always imagined for
(11:38):
yourself.
The specifics might vary, butI'm talking about a particular
and sustained ache or longing.
Sometimes it might be quieter ormore in the background, but it's
something that you go to bed andwake up with each day heavy on
your heart and mind and easilyoverlooked or dismissed by
(11:58):
others and the world around us.
This is the ache that the storyof Hannah invites us into,
recognizing, honoring, sittingwith as we read about the sorrow
that she carried within her, howyear after year she wept and
longed for a child of her own.
(12:21):
Now, Hannah, whose story we findin the Old Testament, book of
First Samuel, lived in a timeand place where children were
considered a symbol of blessingand belonging, a stamp of
approval and favor from God anda measure of worth, especially
as a woman and wife and she hadnone. Now it was the custom
(12:44):
every year for Hannah and herfamily to travel to the
tabernacle at Shiloh, the Hebrewplace of worship, and offer a
sacrifice to God. And everyyear, Elkanah, Hannah's husband,
would offer an extra portion ofmeat to sacrifice for her,
because he had great love forher and longed for her to be
blessed by God as year afteryear she could not conceive a
(13:06):
child. There was no doubt healso hoped for the honor and
blessing of having a child withhis wife, but it also seems he
saw how this weighed on her.
Now, Elkanah had another wife,Penina, who had several sons and
daughters, but she was cruel toHannah and would provoke her
until Hannah wept and felt soill she couldn't even eat. We
(13:27):
read the Elkanah when seeingHannah hurt like this because he
cared for her so deeply, hetried to make things better, but
responded in dismissive ways,saying, Hannah, my Hannah. Why
do you weep? Why won't you eat?
Why is your heart sad You haveme? Isn't that better than 10
babies?
(13:49):
I can only imagine the stingthat Hannah felt as her grief
and pain was minimized, unseen,invalidated even by her well
meaning husband, not to mentionthe insults she received from
Penina, whose ability to havechildren was a constant reminder
of where Hannah felt like shewas lacking, like someone
pressing against a tender wound.
And so we see that her pain wasmore complex than just the
(14:12):
immense heartache of ongoinginfertility. It was also the
pain of feeling isolated, alone,misunderstood, like people were
tired of having to deal with herbeing such a downer. Have you
ever felt like that, like yourgrief is just an inconvenience
to others like elkena? Peoplecan be so well intentioned and
(14:32):
come from a place of love,trying to shift your
perspective, cheer you upsomehow, make it better. But
unfortunately, this can oftenjust shut us down. They may
offer platitudes. We've allheard them, things like,
everything happens for a reason,or God has a plan, or time heals
all wounds, or like Elkanah, atleast you have me. Isn't that
(14:55):
enough?
But this just minimum.
Our emotions pressures us tojust get over things, to keep
our grief quiet and tidy andhidden, because it makes others
uncomfortable. And this can betrue of so many types of loss
and grief we experience, but thespecific pain of infertility
(15:16):
that Hannah was experiencing,and any kind of prenatal loss or
struggle. This is as real todayas it was back then, and it
still often goes unseen andmakes us uncomfortable to talk
about women and their partnerscan feel so alone in it, and
that's crazy to me, because itis such a common experience.
They say one in four pregnanciesresults in a miscarriage. I
(15:40):
personally have known many womenand close friends who have
experienced pregnancy loss orstruggled with infertility, and
if this is part of your storyand ache today, I want you to
hear that you are not alone, andyour experience and the longing
within you matters.
This is close to home for me,because in 2018 I experienced
(16:03):
pregnancy loss. And the thingabout that particular type of
pain and loss is how incrediblyisolating and lonely it feels.
It isn't just the loss of themoment, it is also the loss of
what could be that your hearthas already been embracing the
vision of your growing family anew life you have already begun
(16:24):
to love and perhaps even call bya name, you begin to question
what you did to cause it. Youcan begin to spiral with this
undeserved guilt. It can feel soenormous and all consuming. It
is a very physical and emotionalexperience, and there aren't
many spaces where we feel safeto talk about it. It's as if
nothing can hold your grief. Iimagine Hannah felt in a similar
(16:49):
way, dismissed, alone,heartbroken, unheard
as we continue on in Hannah'sstory in First Samuel one nine,
we read that after making theirsacrifice and finishing their
meal at Shiloh, Hannah stands upand in her deep anguish and
distress, as if she can't holdit in anymore, she weeps and
(17:12):
cries out to God in rawdesperation, and she offers a
prayer, asking God to Rememberher and bless her with a child.
Now Eli, the priest, was sittingthere off to the side, and is
quietly observing Hannah inverse 12, it says, as she kept
on praying to the Lord, Eliobserved her mouth. Hannah was
(17:34):
praying in her heart and herlips were moving, but her voice
was not heard. Eli thought shewas drunk, and said to her, how
long are you going to staydrunk? Put away your wine? But
Hannah hadn't been drinking.
Once again, she is misunderstoodin her pain and faced with
another hurtful voice, mistakingher grief and cry for help as a
moral behavior, somethingshameful. So Hannah replies, not
(17:57):
so, my Lord. I am a woman who isdeeply troubled. I have not been
drinking wine or beer. I waspouring out my soul to the Lord,
do not take your servant for awicked woman. I have been
praying here out of my greatanguish and grief.
Elah answered, Go in peace, andmay the God of Israel grant you
(18:20):
what you have asked. She said,may your servant find favor in
your eyes. Then she went her wayand ate something, and her face
was no longer downcast.
There is something deeply sacredabout the release of our tears
and sorrow to give them a voice,even when there are no words.
(18:40):
Hannah didn't have any answersat this moment. Nothing had
changed about her circumstances,but I think she knew and felt in
her heart she had been heard.
She felt lighter. We keepreading in verse 19. Early the
next morning, they arose andworshiped before the Lord and
then went back to their home atRamah. Elkanah made love to his
wife, Hannah, and the Lordremembered her. And if you go
(19:03):
on, you'll read how she givesbirth to a son, Samuel, who
grows up to play a pivotal rolein the trajectory of her people.
Now I've heard this story usedin ways that can feel unhelpful,
like Hannah is a model of how topray hard enough to get what you
want from God, as if prayer issome kind of transaction, say
(19:26):
the right words, make the rightpromise, and God will come
through. But then what happenswhen the prayer goes unanswered?
What does that mean about us?
About God? It can leave us stuckin this quiet, shameful place,
wondering if we're the problem.
Maybe we didn't pray the rightway, maybe we didn't believe
enough. Maybe God isn'tlistening after all.
(19:49):
But when we read the teachingsof Jesus, he was pretty clear.
Prayer has never been aboutsaying the right words or
putting on a good show. It hasalways been about the posture of
the heart.
Hurt about showing up, honest,even if you're a mess.
I like how writer Anne lametputs it, the three most powerful
prayers are, help. Thanks. Wow.
Sometimes that's all we have,just the raw ache, the not
(20:15):
knowing, the wordless reaching.
Hannah didn't perform a holyritual. She didn't even speak
aloud. Her prayer was so brokenit looked like drunkenness, but
still, God saw her. God heardher, not because she said the
right thing, but because shebrought her whole hurting self.
(20:40):
That's the real power of thestory, not that prayer
guarantees a particular outcome,but that our pain is never too
much for God. Our tears are notoverlooked, even when the words
fail. God draws near, becausesometimes prayer is not belief
(21:01):
at its strongest. Sometimes it'sbelief barely hanging on.
It's ugly, it's raw, it's rockbottom. And what I think the
story of Hannah teaches us, Godis not looking for us to say the
perfect prayer or live a perfectlife, what God is looking for
(21:21):
and desires most of all is thetruth of us. And so when we read
that God remembered her in verse19, this is not a genie in the
bottle moment. This is not atransaction. This is a moment of
being seen, of being known, ofbeing held by a God who doesn't
forget, and even when the worldand the people closest to her
(21:44):
couldn't seem to understand orsee her truth, Hannah bared it
all to God and was met with adeep knowing inside like a voice
that said, you are seen, you areheard, you are loved, you are
not too much.
And that is also a gift we cangive to one another. When my mom
(22:05):
passed earlier this year, thegrief was overwhelming, and we
often don't really know what weneed in those times, but looking
back the most meaningfulmoments, what helped me get
through and not feel so alonewere when friends and loved ones
were willing to just be there inthe pain with me. They didn't
try to fix anything or tell mewhat I was feeling or how to
(22:26):
feel. They just let me know itwas enough to just be as I was,
whatever I was feeling.
It can feel uncomfortable, butit's actually really simple.
It's about presence, notsolutions. So many of us feel so
lonely in this world, but thisis why we need one another, why
we gather in community. This ishow we bolster ourselves against
(22:49):
the fear and the unknowns of theworld we live in. This is how we
find strength when we just can'thold it together anymore, when
the ache becomes too much. Thisis how we find hope
now. Not every prayer ends witha miracle. Not every womb is
filled, not every longing findits Yes.
(23:12):
Life is full of unansweredquestions, doubts,
uncertainties, but this storyoffers us something more
profound than resolution, itoffers us a God who listens, a
God who holds your heartbreakwith tenderness, a God who says
you are not alone in this.
(23:34):
Maybe you haven't been heard ina long time. Maybe you've
wondered if your pain matters toanyone, even God, I wonder, what
is the quiet longing you carry?
Where have you beenmisunderstood?
What have you stopped prayingfor? Because it hurts too much
(23:57):
to hopetoday, let Hannah's story be a
whisper to your soul. Yes, youare seen, you are heard, you are
loved, your experience and thelonging you feel inside, it
matters.
(24:22):
Oh. Allthis pain, I wonder if I'll ever
find my way. I wonder if my lifecould really change and oh, this
(24:46):
earth.
Could all that is lost ever befound?
Could a garden come up from thisground at all?
You make beautiful things,you make beautiful things out of
(25:13):
the dust.
You make beautiful things. Youmake beautiful things out of all
all things.
Out ofhope is springing up from this,
(25:34):
all ground outof chaos life is being found in
you. You make beautiful things.
You make beautiful things out ofthe dust. You make beautiful
(26:03):
us, you make beautiful things.
You make beautiful things out ofus. You
(26:54):
You make me new. You are makingme new. You me new.
You make menew. You are making me new.
(27:20):
Making beautiful things.
You make beautiful thingsout of the dark.
(27:46):
Beautiful things out of thedust. You make beautiful things.
You make beautiful things out ofus.
May You know the God who listenseven when your voice trembles,
even when your words run out,even when all you can offer is
(28:09):
silence or tears.
May you trust that your sorrowis not too much, that your
questions are not unwelcome,that your tears are noticed by
the one who sees.
May you find the courage to keepshowing up, not with polished
answers or perfect faith, butjust as you are tender and true,
(28:35):
and may you rest deeply in thetruth that you are already held,
already loved, already known,go in that love and may it meet
you, even in the waiting. Amen.
Thank you so much for joiningus, and we hope you enjoyed this
worship service. If you wouldlike to make a donation helping
(28:58):
make these broadcasts possibleor support the many ways. First,
Presbyterian seeks to serve ourcommunity. You can make a
financial gift online@bendfp.orgevery week, we hear from someone
thanking us for the gift ofthese broadcasts and what a
difference they make. Yoursupport makes that possible. Our
church is committed to reachbeyond our walls, bringing hope
(29:19):
where there is despair and lovewhere it is needed the most.
Your generous support helps usto be generous in love. Go to
our website, bend fp.org, andclick on the link. Give online.
Your support is reallyappreciated and makes a
difference in people's lives.
Thanks again. I hope to see younext week. You.
Announcer, welcome to worship At First
(00:40):
Presbyterian we, at FirstPresbyterian, practice a
spacious Christianity, whichmeans no matter where you are in
your faith journey, you belongand there is space for you at
the table, there is space foryour doubts and questions. We
believe doubts and questions area gift that invite us into
deeper conversations and a moreauthentic faith. We believe
diversity is a strength. Everystory is sacred and everybody
(01:03):
matters. We do our best to livethe spacious and radical love of
Jesus so that all might have achance to flourish in this
world. We are so glad to connectwith you in this way. We would
also love to worship with you inperson if you're ever in the
neighborhood on Sunday morningsat 830, or 10am and never
hesitate to reach out to us tolearn more about us or how we
(01:25):
might support You. I hope youenjoy this worship service.
Welcome you.
(01:45):
Oh Lord my God,when I in awesome wonder,
consider all theworks thy hands have made,
I see the stars.
I hear the rolling thunder Thypower throughout
(02:18):
the universe displaywhen through the forest. Glades
I wander and hearthe birds sing sweetly
when I look downfrom lofty mountain grandeur and
(02:40):
see the blueand feel the gentles.
Then sings my soul,my Savior, God,
to Thee, How Great Thou Art, Howgreat
(03:01):
thou Art. Then sings my soul,my Savior, God, to Thee.
When Christ shall come,we shall shout of acclamation
(03:25):
and lead me home with joy shouldfill my heart, then I shall go
with humbleadoration and then proclaim My
God, How greatthou Art. Then sings my soul,
(03:50):
my Savior God, to Thee,How Great
Thou Art, How great thou Art.
Then sings my soul,my Savior, God, to Thee.
(04:20):
How sorrow turned to song, aretelling of the story of Hannah
(04:44):
from First Samuel, chapters oneto three from the book of
belongingHannah. My Hannah. Why do you
weep? Why won't you eat? Why isyour heart sad? You have me?
Isn't that?
Better than 10 babies.
Hannah sat at the Thanksgivingfeast as the words of her
(05:05):
husband, Elkanah echoed in herhead and made her chest tight.
She wanted a baby for so longthat the yearning felt like a
part of her, like it lived inher skin.
But as time went by and her wombstayed empty.
She grew silent and stillbottling up her feelings inside.
(05:31):
Why do you weep? Why won't youeat? I'm so sad and so angry,
she finally blurted out toPenina,
the woman was elkanahs otherwife, so she just laughed and
taunted Hannah. So dramatic, I'mso sad and so angry. Hannah told
(05:52):
Elkanah, he just scooped extrafood onto her plate, waving away
her tears. You have me,isn't that better than 10
babies, isn't it?
But she couldn't eat,she couldn't ignore or put away
her collection of sorrow andfury.
(06:16):
It grew bigger and hotter in herchest until it felt like it was
leaping up her throat to burnher tongue. Her hands clenched,
her jaw tightened, her stomachchurned.
Hannah ran to God's specialmeeting place,
presenting her empty belly andempty arms before God
(06:41):
and she wept big, shudderinggulps of sorrow, hot, furious
streams of tears. I'm so sad andso angry. She told God, it all
spilled out of her, herbitterness, her pain, her
sadness and her fear. I feelalone. I feel like I'm too much.
(07:06):
I feel like I'm not enough. Shespoke true words to God and felt
the ache in her chest releasejust a bit. Oh God, who leads
the angels, please remember meif you hear my misery, would you
give me a son? I promise I willgive him back to you every day
of his life. I will teach him tolisten to you and love you well
(07:30):
as Hannah continued to pray,silently, moving only her lips.
Eli, the high priest interruptedWoman, why are you acting so
silly? Have you had too muchwine. Stop making such a
spectacle. Hannah twirled toface him, her eyes and heart
alight a spectacle. No, no, I amhere with my big feelings,
(07:54):
anger, sadness, bitterness,misery, all bottled up for many
years. They are a real burden,but I won't bear them any
longer. I am here to pour themout before God. Ah, yes. Eli
replied gently.
God hears, may your dreams matchGod's own.
(08:15):
Hannah returned to the feastsmiling, and finally ate
something.
Her heart felt emptier yetfuller at the same time,
it still ached with a mixture ofsorrow and hope, but she no
longer carried it aloneas they prayed and sang.
(08:37):
She trusted God to hear and tohold her feelings.
Months went by,and Hannah's belly began to
swell. She was going to have ababy, and when her son was born,
Hannah delightedly named himSamuel,
(09:00):
which means asked from God. Godheard me when no one else did. I
shared my whole heart, and Goddidn't try to shrink it down.
God saw my sadness, my fear, myworry and my deep yearning. I
didn't hold back, and God heardthat is a true and beautiful
thing. As she nursed Samuel, shespoke true and beautiful things
(09:25):
over him, as well feeding hisbody, mind and heart.
There are many stories we couldtell about baby Samuel's long,
lovely life,and they all started with
Hannah's song, God hears us.
She's saying Samuel would growup to hear God's voice as a very
(09:47):
young boy. People fail andforget. But God never gives up.
Hannah saying Samuel would growup to see the great leaders of
God's people fall into horrible.
Powerful, harmful ways.
But he would search for Goddespite it all, someday, God
(10:08):
will raise up a new king whowill welcome God's ways, Hannah
sayingSamuel would grow up to be a
close friend of God.
He would speak true andbeautiful things to God's
people.
He would anoint and guide thefirst kings of Israel.
And through that line of kingswould come the truest King,
(10:34):
the hope of humanity. But fornow, there was just a mother's
song, a thunderous wish,fulfilled,
and Samuel snuggled into hersafety, surrounded by truth and
trust. Have you ever had alonging, an unresolved ache
(10:54):
within you that you have feltfor such a long time it feels as
if it lives in your very skin.
Maybe it's a longing foryourself, perhaps to find work
that feels purposeful andmatters beyond just a paycheck,
or a longing to not be alone, tofind true companionship or
(11:15):
friendship in life. Maybe thereis an unrealized dream or hope
for a second chance, maybe justfor a place that feels like
home,maybe for someone you love to be
free from the destructive gripof addiction or for healing of a
medical condition or healthconcern. Maybe it's an ache to
grow your family or live thelife you always imagined for
(11:38):
yourself.
The specifics might vary, butI'm talking about a particular
and sustained ache or longing.
Sometimes it might be quieter ormore in the background, but it's
something that you go to bed andwake up with each day heavy on
your heart and mind and easilyoverlooked or dismissed by
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others and the world around us.
This is the ache that the storyof Hannah invites us into,
recognizing, honoring, sittingwith as we read about the sorrow
that she carried within her, howyear after year she wept and
longed for a child of her own.
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Now, Hannah, whose story we findin the Old Testament, book of
First Samuel, lived in a timeand place where children were
considered a symbol of blessingand belonging, a stamp of
approval and favor from God anda measure of worth, especially
as a woman and wife and she hadnone. Now it was the custom
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every year for Hannah and herfamily to travel to the
tabernacle at Shiloh, the Hebrewplace of worship, and offer a
sacrifice to God. And everyyear, Elkanah, Hannah's husband,
would offer an extra portion ofmeat to sacrifice for her,
because he had great love forher and longed for her to be
blessed by God as year afteryear she could not conceive a
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child. There was no doubt healso hoped for the honor and
blessing of having a child withhis wife, but it also seems he
saw how this weighed on her.
Now, Elkanah had another wife,Penina, who had several sons and
daughters, but she was cruel toHannah and would provoke her
until Hannah wept and felt soill she couldn't even eat. We
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read the Elkanah when seeingHannah hurt like this because he
cared for her so deeply, hetried to make things better, but
responded in dismissive ways,saying, Hannah, my Hannah. Why
do you weep? Why won't you eat?
Why is your heart sad You haveme? Isn't that better than 10
babies?
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I can only imagine the stingthat Hannah felt as her grief
and pain was minimized, unseen,invalidated even by her well
meaning husband, not to mentionthe insults she received from
Penina, whose ability to havechildren was a constant reminder
of where Hannah felt like shewas lacking, like someone
pressing against a tender wound.
And so we see that her pain wasmore complex than just the
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immense heartache of ongoinginfertility. It was also the
pain of feeling isolated, alone,misunderstood, like people were
tired of having to deal with herbeing such a downer. Have you
ever felt like that, like yourgrief is just an inconvenience
to others like elkena? Peoplecan be so well intentioned and
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come from a place of love,trying to shift your
perspective, cheer you upsomehow, make it better. But
unfortunately, this can oftenjust shut us down. They may
offer platitudes. We've allheard them, things like,
everything happens for a reason,or God has a plan, or time heals
all wounds, or like Elkanah, atleast you have me. Isn't that
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enough?
But this just minimum.
Our emotions pressures us tojust get over things, to keep
our grief quiet and tidy andhidden, because it makes others
uncomfortable. And this can betrue of so many types of loss
and grief we experience, but thespecific pain of infertility
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that Hannah was experiencing,and any kind of prenatal loss or
struggle. This is as real todayas it was back then, and it
still often goes unseen andmakes us uncomfortable to talk
about women and their partnerscan feel so alone in it, and
that's crazy to me, because itis such a common experience.
They say one in four pregnanciesresults in a miscarriage. I
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personally have known many womenand close friends who have
experienced pregnancy loss orstruggled with infertility, and
if this is part of your storyand ache today, I want you to
hear that you are not alone, andyour experience and the longing
within you matters.
This is close to home for me,because in 2018 I experienced
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pregnancy loss. And the thingabout that particular type of
pain and loss is how incrediblyisolating and lonely it feels.
It isn't just the loss of themoment, it is also the loss of
what could be that your hearthas already been embracing the
vision of your growing family anew life you have already begun
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to love and perhaps even call bya name, you begin to question
what you did to cause it. Youcan begin to spiral with this
undeserved guilt. It can feel soenormous and all consuming. It
is a very physical and emotionalexperience, and there aren't
many spaces where we feel safeto talk about it. It's as if
nothing can hold your grief. Iimagine Hannah felt in a similar
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way, dismissed, alone,heartbroken, unheard
as we continue on in Hannah'sstory in First Samuel one nine,
we read that after making theirsacrifice and finishing their
meal at Shiloh, Hannah stands upand in her deep anguish and
distress, as if she can't holdit in anymore, she weeps and
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cries out to God in rawdesperation, and she offers a
prayer, asking God to Rememberher and bless her with a child.
Now Eli, the priest, was sittingthere off to the side, and is
quietly observing Hannah inverse 12, it says, as she kept
on praying to the Lord, Eliobserved her mouth. Hannah was
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praying in her heart and herlips were moving, but her voice
was not heard. Eli thought shewas drunk, and said to her, how
long are you going to staydrunk? Put away your wine? But
Hannah hadn't been drinking.
Once again, she is misunderstoodin her pain and faced with
another hurtful voice, mistakingher grief and cry for help as a
moral behavior, somethingshameful. So Hannah replies, not
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so, my Lord. I am a woman who isdeeply troubled. I have not been
drinking wine or beer. I waspouring out my soul to the Lord,
do not take your servant for awicked woman. I have been
praying here out of my greatanguish and grief.
Elah answered, Go in peace, andmay the God of Israel grant you
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what you have asked. She said,may your servant find favor in
your eyes. Then she went her wayand ate something, and her face
was no longer downcast.
There is something deeply sacredabout the release of our tears
and sorrow to give them a voice,even when there are no words.
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Hannah didn't have any answersat this moment. Nothing had
changed about her circumstances,but I think she knew and felt in
her heart she had been heard.
She felt lighter. We keepreading in verse 19. Early the
next morning, they arose andworshiped before the Lord and
then went back to their home atRamah. Elkanah made love to his
wife, Hannah, and the Lordremembered her. And if you go
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on, you'll read how she givesbirth to a son, Samuel, who
grows up to play a pivotal rolein the trajectory of her people.
Now I've heard this story usedin ways that can feel unhelpful,
like Hannah is a model of how topray hard enough to get what you
want from God, as if prayer issome kind of transaction, say
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the right words, make the rightpromise, and God will come
through. But then what happenswhen the prayer goes unanswered?
What does that mean about us?
About God? It can leave us stuckin this quiet, shameful place,
wondering if we're the problem.
Maybe we didn't pray the rightway, maybe we didn't believe
enough. Maybe God isn'tlistening after all.
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But when we read the teachingsof Jesus, he was pretty clear.
Prayer has never been aboutsaying the right words or
putting on a good show. It hasalways been about the posture of
the heart.
Hurt about showing up, honest,even if you're a mess.
I like how writer Anne lametputs it, the three most powerful
prayers are, help. Thanks. Wow.
Sometimes that's all we have,just the raw ache, the not
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knowing, the wordless reaching.
Hannah didn't perform a holyritual. She didn't even speak
aloud. Her prayer was so brokenit looked like drunkenness, but
still, God saw her. God heardher, not because she said the
right thing, but because shebrought her whole hurting self.
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That's the real power of thestory, not that prayer
guarantees a particular outcome,but that our pain is never too
much for God. Our tears are notoverlooked, even when the words
fail. God draws near, becausesometimes prayer is not belief
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at its strongest. Sometimes it'sbelief barely hanging on.
It's ugly, it's raw, it's rockbottom. And what I think the
story of Hannah teaches us, Godis not looking for us to say the
perfect prayer or live a perfectlife, what God is looking for
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and desires most of all is thetruth of us. And so when we read
that God remembered her in verse19, this is not a genie in the
bottle moment. This is not atransaction. This is a moment of
being seen, of being known, ofbeing held by a God who doesn't
forget, and even when the worldand the people closest to her
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couldn't seem to understand orsee her truth, Hannah bared it
all to God and was met with adeep knowing inside like a voice
that said, you are seen, you areheard, you are loved, you are
not too much.
And that is also a gift we cangive to one another. When my mom
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passed earlier this year, thegrief was overwhelming, and we
often don't really know what weneed in those times, but looking
back the most meaningfulmoments, what helped me get
through and not feel so alonewere when friends and loved ones
were willing to just be there inthe pain with me. They didn't
try to fix anything or tell mewhat I was feeling or how to
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feel. They just let me know itwas enough to just be as I was,
whatever I was feeling.
It can feel uncomfortable, butit's actually really simple.
It's about presence, notsolutions. So many of us feel so
lonely in this world, but thisis why we need one another, why
we gather in community. This ishow we bolster ourselves against
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the fear and the unknowns of theworld we live in. This is how we
find strength when we just can'thold it together anymore, when
the ache becomes too much. Thisis how we find hope
now. Not every prayer ends witha miracle. Not every womb is
filled, not every longing findits Yes.
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Life is full of unansweredquestions, doubts,
uncertainties, but this storyoffers us something more
profound than resolution, itoffers us a God who listens, a
God who holds your heartbreakwith tenderness, a God who says
you are not alone in this.
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Maybe you haven't been heard ina long time. Maybe you've
wondered if your pain matters toanyone, even God, I wonder, what
is the quiet longing you carry?
Where have you beenmisunderstood?
What have you stopped prayingfor? Because it hurts too much
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to hopetoday, let Hannah's story be a
whisper to your soul. Yes, youare seen, you are heard, you are
loved, your experience and thelonging you feel inside, it
matters.
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Oh. Allthis pain, I wonder if I'll ever
find my way. I wonder if my lifecould really change and oh, this
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earth.
Could all that is lost ever befound?
Could a garden come up from thisground at all?
You make beautiful things,you make beautiful things out of
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the dust.
You make beautiful things. Youmake beautiful things out of all
all things.
Out ofhope is springing up from this,
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all ground outof chaos life is being found in
you. You make beautiful things.
You make beautiful things out ofthe dust. You make beautiful
(26:03):
us, you make beautiful things.
You make beautiful things out ofus. You
(26:54):
You make me new. You are makingme new. You me new.
You make menew. You are making me new.
(27:20):
Making beautiful things.
You make beautiful thingsout of the dark.
(27:46):
Beautiful things out of thedust. You make beautiful things.
You make beautiful things out ofus.
May You know the God who listenseven when your voice trembles,
even when your words run out,even when all you can offer is
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silence or tears.
May you trust that your sorrowis not too much, that your
questions are not unwelcome,that your tears are noticed by
the one who sees.
May you find the courage to keepshowing up, not with polished
answers or perfect faith, butjust as you are tender and true,
(28:35):
and may you rest deeply in thetruth that you are already held,
already loved, already known,go in that love and may it meet
you, even in the waiting. Amen.
Thank you so much for joiningus, and we hope you enjoyed this
worship service. If you wouldlike to make a donation helping
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make these broadcasts possibleor support the many ways. First,
Presbyterian seeks to serve ourcommunity. You can make a
financial gift online@bendfp.orgevery week, we hear from someone
thanking us for the gift ofthese broadcasts and what a
difference they make. Yoursupport makes that possible. Our
church is committed to reachbeyond our walls, bringing hope
(29:19):
where there is despair and lovewhere it is needed the most.
Your generous support helps usto be generous in love. Go to
our website, bend fp.org, andclick on the link. Give online.
Your support is reallyappreciated and makes a
difference in people's lives.
Thanks again. I hope to see younext week. You.
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