Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:21):
Hello and welcome
back to a brand new episode of A
Spectrum of Hyperfixations.
I am your host, miss T.
Today, the T oh goodness, whatdo we want it to stand for?
Time to get back intopodcasting?
How about that?
So new year, it's been a while.
(00:42):
Um, it's been a while.
Let's just address that upfront.
Um, I kind of fell out of itafter everything happening with
my grandpa and the surprise tripto Colorado.
I?
Um was on a leave of absencefrom work at that time and then
(01:02):
I just didn't go back.
So well, let's just go in thento the cheers and jeers.
So cheers is I am feelingpretty joyful.
I'm going into this new yearwithout a steady income, without
(01:23):
a corporate job, without anysort of like financial security
other than having cashed out my401k that I can live off of for,
you know, a few months, but Ihave felt so good and joyful and
(01:43):
it's it's been really great formy mental health and, I just
think, my health overall.
So, jeers in turn is the lackof financial stability.
Things are a bit scary.
My credit cards, have you know,they went off the rails, and so
(02:05):
I got in the mail this thingfor, like Kansas residents, you
could qualify for debtsettlement or whatever, and so I
went ahead and decided to gofor that.
I kind of do about debtsettlement stuff from working in
debt collections, but that wasmore medical, but they're
(02:31):
supposed to, you know, act on mybehalf, get settlements from my
creditors to pay less than whatI owe, and they instructed me
not to make a payment inDecember and not to make
payments going forward, and soit's been really scary because I
rarely missed a payment in allmy years of having a credit card
(02:55):
.
I may have missed one or two,but then I paid it just like a
day after.
So going on the second month ofnot making payment, it's really
terrifying.
It does not feel good.
A couple of the creditors havebeen calling daily and my first
(03:15):
payment for the settlementcompany came out January 2nd.
Second, and I don't thinkthey're doing anything until
maybe the second or third month,and so it's just, it's very
uncomfortable spot because yeah,I'm just, I'm very much, you
(03:37):
know, routine, do the rightthing, that kind of stuff.
So this feels like I'm reallylike I'm a bad person, I guess,
for not paying my bills.
But I want to, I definitelywant to.
It'll happen at some point, but, yeah, my credit is just
(03:58):
getting wrecked right now, sothat's happening.
That's Jeers.
The Jeers is all financialrelated.
My life is actually pretty greatright about now.
Like I said, been on leavesince October, so if I do find a
job, it's going to be very,very difficult to get back into.
(04:20):
I have been loving the slow,late start mornings where I have
gotten deeper in faith, and sothe first thing in the morning I
do is I get my cup of coffeeand I sit down on the couch with
my daily devotionals.
(04:42):
I read that, I look at thescripture of the day in the
YouVersion Bible app, and it'sbeen really great to connect
with God that way.
And I call him God.
You can call him whatever you'dlike, but it's having that.
That's what's been bringing mejoy, I think, is committed faith
(05:06):
and trust that it will be okayand if I continue to be guided
to what he's calling me to doand I feel that that is life
coaching and speaking then hewill provide and he will take
care and, like I said, it'sterrifying because I don't have
any sort of like regular incomeright now, but we are keeping
(05:28):
the faith in leaning into hisjoy and, um, I might as well.
Just maybe that's what thetopic will be today is just kind
of my testimony.
So I grew up Mormon.
I grew up Mormon, my family andI started attending the LDS
(06:01):
church, I would say when I waslike maybe five or so, like it
was really early on and then webecame an active about middle
school, I think, and from there,like with my parents, divorce
and everything, I became atheist, agnostic.
I went back and forth like Iwas believing, you know,
universe, karma, whatever,something maybe, was there maybe
guardian angels or something,um, but then also not believing
(06:21):
in anything like nothing's there.
So I'd go back and forth.
And then it was bizarre becauseI ended up attending a Quaker
college for my master's degreeand so they had like these
little New Testament books miniversions lying around or they'd
have scripture on their wall or,you know, they would pray
(06:44):
before some meetings and thisand that, and I'm like I feel so
out of place here Am I going tobe like smoked down or
something?
But that college was absolutelyphenomenal.
And now I regret that I wasn'tmore spiritual and religious
back then, because I think Iwould have appreciated the
campus a lot more.
Anyways, I digress, it wasn'tuntil I landed in the hospital
(07:10):
December 2022.
And I'd always joked likecoming out of the hospital.
I joked that that was my likecome to Jesus moment in there
and that, you know, that was theonly presence, was like God
being there in the hospital roomwith me and helping me figure
out what I needed to do with mylife, that I needed to continue
(07:34):
living, and all this and thatshowing me who I needed to live
for, that sort of thing.
And it was just a joke, it wasjust.
You know, people always say youhave a come to Jesus moment and
it wasn't until my dad sent mea text at the end of July 2023
(07:55):
and said hey, would you beinterested in going to church
with my stepmom and him?
And they were doing this event.
It was called At the Movies, ifyou know, life Church.
They do this every summer andthey jazz up the lobby to look
incredible.
They take well-known movies orsometimes even not well-known
(08:20):
movies, and the pastor, craigGroeschel, pulls out messages
and relates it to, like you know, the Bible and God and
everything.
And he my dad said that I thinkhe would really enjoy the live
music because, being a musicianmyself I play piano, I play
violin, I love live music and hesaid, just, would you be able
(08:44):
to?
Would you want to go?
I think I think you wouldreally enjoy it.
And I remember I got that text.
I was sitting at my desk at workand my gut reaction was to
respond no thanks, not for me.
You know, like I had sworn offchurch.
I had a lot of church hurt andreligious trauma.
Being a queer person myself,you know always seeing the how
(09:08):
religions treat other people whoare different from them.
Rather than being inclusive,they're very exclusive.
So there was a lot of like.
You know, I had a lot offeelings, but then, before I
responded, I said let's take amoment.
We are trying to turn over anew leaf in our recovery.
(09:28):
I had been through my lifecoaching, certification and
really becoming more self-aware,wanting to pursue growth,
wanting to pursue knowledge,wanting to just be more open and
curious about things, and so Iended up texting back.
(09:50):
I said you know what?
Yeah, let's, let's go, let medo it.
And from then, that like firstSunday, it was the last at the
movie Sunday that they had in2023.
And it, like that message waseverything I needed to hear as I
was, you know, stepping into mycoaching businesses and it was
talking about, you know, havingfaith and staying committed to
your purpose and your passionand doing the thing when it
(10:13):
feels so scary.
And I attended their sister'sevent in September.
I started volunteering.
I was so like hype about theirbaptism Sundays and I went to my
(10:34):
first ever Bible group and Igot really close to the people
there and watched the messageevery Sunday Not, you know,
still not believing but, as Isaid, you know, I kept hearing
like this, this knock on thedoor, like God's knocking, and I
was too afraid to answer and Iwas fighting, fighting, fighting
(10:55):
.
And my life group bless them.
They were a group.
They are a group because Istill attend.
They are a group of fabulouswomen who were so patient and
understanding and compassionatein my journey to find answers
and every question I asked.
They didn't get scared, theydidn't judge me, they didn't,
(11:18):
you know, kick me out for, youknow, like, how could you
question this or whatever?
And like some of them said thatit helped them grow deeper in
their faith to really, you know,kind of analyze and look at it
and with all of that, I finallymade the decision to be baptized
(11:41):
April 7th of 2024.
And going back to my you knowjoking of, I had my come to
Jesus moment in the hospital.
I absolutely now fully believethat he was there with me and
that the peace I was eventuallyable to feel in that solitary
confinement emergency room wasthe peace he was giving me.
(12:02):
And finding life coaching washis way of putting me on the
path to help others who werelike me, who just felt
overwhelmed in emotions and, youknow, wanted to live but
weren't sure how and didn't wantto live anymore like this, but
still wanted to live and justjust helping others put that
(12:26):
calling on my heart and, um, Iam so thankful for my life,
church, family and for growingdeeper in faith.
I am still healing, you know,some church wounds and things
like that, but, um, it's justbeen such a blessing, especially
in this time of upheaval,personally and within the world.
(12:51):
There is truly nothing likeGod's peace.
And I can't explain why I'mfeeling joyful Because, again, I
don't have an income right now.
I cashed out my retirement.
That feels scary, but I'm Ifully believe that that's what
he was guiding me to do and Ihad known for a while that I
(13:14):
needed to leave my job.
We had the cyber incident in2022.
And even before then I kind ofcompletely lost faith and trust
in upper management, just fromthings that I had learned or,
you know, saw for myself, andthat commitment never really
(13:37):
came back to me, like I love myjob and I love the people I
worked with, but it felt at odds.
You know, when you feel thatdifference in priority or
whatever, and with my autisticsense of justice being very,
very heightened, it felt reallywrong and it felt at odds with
(13:58):
me.
But it was comfortable, right,and you stay in your comfort.
So I was casually looking but Iwas like I'm not going to leave
, this is comfortable, it's asteady paycheck, I know what I'm
doing, it's comfortable, it'ssteady, it's routine.
And not until this year did itkind of come to a head, really
(14:22):
starting in September, when mybody began to remember the
trauma from two years ago withmy grandpa and just with.
You know all the things that hadhappened two years prior where
I needed to step away and takethat leave of absence and as
that leave continued, Irecognized that this was God's
(14:46):
way of separating me, because Iwasn't going to do it myself,
and so this is the hard breakthat I needed, to be like, okay,
you need all or nothing.
Here's all or nothing.
You're leaving this job andyou're not going back.
And I know some people don'tunderstand it.
Some people do, some people arevery excited for me, some
people are not very supportive,but it is what it is, it's what
(15:12):
I needed and, um, he gives uswhat we need, not what we want,
and, um, yeah, that's kind of my, my testimony in a nutshell.
I didn't anticipate this firstepisode coming back in the new
year to be about that, but hey,uh, he puts on your heart what
you need to say, right?
So, with that being said, Iabsolutely want to get back in
(15:35):
the rhythm of recording theseregularly and being present
again with this.
It feels weird holding thismicrophone.
I'm actually physically holdingthe microphone this time.
I don't just have it sitting onmy desk and I'm using different
audio software, so hopefully itwill be better.
(15:58):
I tested it and it sounded alot clearer than Audacity that I
was using, so hopefully thosethat will sound better to you as
well.
Again, very new to this.
I think this is what ourseventh episode.
So I have lofty goals for thisyear, and that is to get you
(16:22):
know some guests on and justgeek out with you, talk about
what's on my, my heart, talkabout what's on my in my mind,
in my head.
Maybe you relate to it, um,maybe you're just like, oh my
gosh, I, I don't want to listento her anymore.
I don't know.
(16:43):
We're just having fun.
This, this is this, is fun,right, like this is supposed to
be for fun, and hopefully,hopefully, it would like
resonate with somebody.
You can relate to this or yeah,I don't know.
So that's all I think I havefor today.
(17:05):
I'll stop it there, since thisis already getting to be close
to 20 minutes and I had onlyanticipated, maybe just like a
little, hi, hello, I'm back, getready for some more episodes.
So I will end it there.
I do have a free webinar comingup If you would like to attend.
It's called who Are you ReallyDiscovering and Embracing your
(17:28):
Identity, and it's going to kindof be toe dipping into the
coaching method and program thatI did personally myself and
going through my life coachcertification and how it
tremendously helped me in myrecovery and just my journey for
growth and curiosity and abetter relationship with my
(17:50):
emotions and myself.
So I'm beyond excited andscared to do this.
It will be January 20th at 2 pmCentral Time.
I will leave a link in the shownotes if you would like to sign
up In the meantime.
I also offer one-on-onecoaching.
With this coaching program, Ialso offer six freestyle
(18:15):
sessions for coaching and youcan find all of that.
I think I linked my website inthe show notes too.
I got to check all this crap.
It's been a while.
It's been a hot minute, so Idon't even remember how we end
these things or if we ever cameup with a particular ending.
Really need to do that.
But until next time, stay safe,stay warm depending on where
(18:41):
you are, because I'm in Kansasand it has been freezing cold
the last few days.
I have just been cooped upinside.
So stay safe, stay warm.
You are loved and I will catchyou next time.