April 6, 2025 • 12 mins
Episode 2: Not About Death — What You're Really Afraid Of
Most of us aren’t afraid of dying. We’re afraid of what death reflects back at us. Our regrets, our tenderness, our joy, and everything we’ve been avoiding.
In this episode, I share my story and the vision for this podcast. I talk about what it means to live with one year left, and how that question has shaped the way I show up now—as a poet, death doula, and someone who helps others reunite with their humanity.
What to expect in this episode:
- The origin story behind A Year to Live
- What this podcast will explore
- How my own year to live changed my life
- A reframing of what we’re actually afraid of
- An open invitation to begin your own journey
This podcast is here to help you return to what matters most.
—
Hosted by David Morin
Poet | Death Doula | Prison Facilitator
@mor.intune
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Welcome to the Year to Livepodcast.
(00:03):
My name is David Morin.
I'm a poet, death doula andprison rehabilitation
facilitator.
I help people reunite with theirhumanity.
With their pain, with theirregrets, with their love, their
joy, integrity, everything inbetween.
This is my life's work, and I'mdying on March 31st, 2026.
(00:33):
Just kidding.
Not actually dying.
Knocks on wood.
A year to live is a book andthought experiment inspired by
Stephen Levine.
The question is simple buthaunting.
What would you do if you onlyhad one year left to live?
(00:55):
Sit with that for a second.
If you only had 365 sunsetsleft, how would you spend your
days?
I don't have that answer foryou.
I'm just the messenger with theinvitation.
But if you're feeling both theurge to lean in and the desire
to run, and you're stilllistening, well, you're exactly
(01:17):
where you're supposed to be.
I completed my own year to livethrough the Elizabeth Kubler
Ross Foundation in Mexico fromMarch, 2023 to March, 2024.
The intention was to gain somelevel of understanding of what
death doula clients face at theend of their life.
What I received was far morethan I expected.
I followed my enthusiasm, endedup falling into a full-time job
(01:40):
in prison rehabilitation, whereI now teach poetry and a
trauma-informed curriculum onentrepreneurship.
I absolutely love what I do.
I spent the year healingrelationships with my parents
and siblings and getting lost inservice to others.
My family eventually evenstarted doing therapy together,
(02:01):
including my parents who havebeen divorced for 15 years.
You'll hear some of thoseconversations about therapy on
this podcast.
So what is this podcast about?
I have started my own year tolive group.
A number of people have signedon to, uh, walk this journey.
With me and for me to walk thisjourney with them.
(02:22):
I'll admit I was I was a littlehesitant to commit to this idea
that I would be dying in oneyear again, but what lit me up
this time was the chance todocument it.
I didn't talk to a lot of peoplewhen I did it, and I would love
to use this podcast.
It's sort of like a diary or aprocessing space.
(02:44):
Just to share my journey withhow this is going and how it's
impacting me and those in mylife.
You'll hear, uh, conversationswith my clients in the cohort.
deep healing conversations withmy family, friends, fellow
travelers, and, uh, maybe evenmy nutritionist as she is
curious too.
(03:05):
This podcast is essentially myliving legacy because if I were
to die next March, I want thisarchive to remain.
It'll be proof that we can havethe hard conversations that
witnessing that be healing, andthat you don't have to fix what
isn't broken.
(03:26):
In fact, the only thing brokenis the part of you refusing to
accept your whole self.
So I took this class.
I'm hosting this group.
Why should you care?
Here's a quick version, equalparts resume and validation
attempt.
I grew up as a Seventh DayAdventist, became a Jesus freak
(03:49):
in high school, and I somehowmanaged to win most spirited for
my senior year of homecoming asa Jesus freak college hit.
I took religion classes becauseI was so serious about my faith
and then ended up rebelling.
I got drunk for the first time.
It was Bud Light at a neighbor'sparty, and it was pure euphoria.
(04:12):
I remember just being drunk forthe first time and being like,
what?
This is why you guys like this.
This is incredible.
I was like a little kid in, uh,eating candy for the first time.
I.
I ended up becoming kind of analcoholic though for about 10,
11 years, um, including beingdrunk at my college graduation
(04:36):
while receiving a leadershipaward.
Now that's poetry.
I joined the Peace Corps.
I fell in love with a familyabroad and eventually had to
reconcile, not eventually,actually, pretty immediately.
Within those first few weeks, Ihad to reconcile that my host
brother, who I grew to love somuch, his favorite food was dog
(04:58):
meat.
And that was so hard to come toterms with.
Throughout my first year, I lostan uncle and two close friends.
My humanity hit hard.
My lessons on humanity hit hard,but grief hit harder, especially
at the worst possible time.
After Peace Corps, I gavecorporate America a try, and I
(05:20):
watched my soul slowly leave mybody.
My depression got worse.
And then for some reason, I dida Darkness retreat, which is the
previous episode.
Uh, and that cracked me open andit, it showed me that I was a
poet.
Fast forward a year later.
I quit my job.
I quit my sales job, cashed inmy commission, checks, yada,
(05:41):
yada, and, uh, gave myself onejob only.
And that was to write poetry, towrite as much as I could.
So somewhere between all ofthat.
And today I ended up finding ayear to live.
and it was an incredibleexperience.
I was interviewed on a podcastshortly after finishing that and
I'll, I will be reposting that,for some more information.
(06:01):
But the point is I've walkedthrough the fire I'm inviting
you to step into.
It's not shiny, it's not fun,but the version of you that's
calling you forward is on theother side.
And that is the work of alifetime and that is work worth
doing.
So for this first,, soloepisode, this is a first big
(06:24):
insight that I wanna share thatI'm working through and like,
kind of like in real time andwhat that is.
I have been thinking for thelongest time that we're afraid
of death.
And that's been a lot of thelanguage that I use, even though
I, I hate using that language.
I don't like seeing it online.
When people say, you're afraidof death.
You're afraid of death.
'cause it's not inviting.
And I wanna make this topicinviting and I still don't know
(06:46):
if I can do that.
So, but here's this insight inthe insight is you are not
afraid of death.
I am not afraid of death.
We as a people are not afraid ofdeath.
Despite what most death workersshout like me at the top of the
mountain.
(07:08):
Think about it.
If we were truly afraid ofdeath, would we show up to
funerals?
Would we dare to view our lovedones in open caskets?
Would we keep their pictures upand talk about them years later?
Would we share the news onsocial media when notable
(07:29):
figures or celebrities die?
I don't think we would if wewere afraid of death.
So we're not afraid of death,What you really fear is the
mirror of mortality and what itreflects back to you, and that
(07:49):
is your humanity again.
It's not death we're afraid of.
What we're afraid of is the fearonce we see the mirror of
mortality and what is reflectedback to us.
So think of a moment at afuneral that you've been to of
(08:11):
someone you love.
You know, you are very sad tohave to say goodbye.
You are sad at seeing theirloved ones taking it so hard for
saying goodbye.
But there is a silent moment youhave to yourself where you start
questioning what you're doingwith your life and whether or
not you're wasting it away orliving the life you truly
(08:33):
desire.
It creeps up.
You sit with it, thisexistential dread just for a
moment until it's time forrefreshments or until you reach
for your phone.
Then you get into your car andyou drive those thoughts away.
And you're back to yourregularly scheduled programming
(08:54):
until the next funeral.
A year to live is an invitationto sit with that exact moment
every day for one year, even ifjust for a few seconds or some
days, not at all.
That's part of the process too.
(09:15):
Right.
So again, it is not deathitself.
We are afraid of, we are afraidof how the idea of death makes
us feel.
There's a big difference'causewe gotta deal with how we feel
about it first before we canactually deal with it, right?
So we're not afraid of death.
(09:35):
We're afraid of our capacity tofeel, we're afraid of our
capacity for regret.
For profound joy, our capacityfor betrayal, for hurting
someone, for being the cause ofsomeone else's pain.
We are afraid of our capacity toforgive.
We are afraid of our commitmentto never forgive.
(09:58):
For acknowledging that we arecapable of the very hate we
spend our existence pointingfingers at, we don't want to see
it.
We don't even want to entertainthat.
We are less than our idealizedperfect selves.
We fear the enormity of what itmeans to be human, and we've
(10:20):
arrived at a place where ourhuman nature doesn't fit at all
with our ideologies of what itmeans to be human.
And when death does finallycome, I think deep down we know
that part of that process meanswe won't be able to look away
from everything we've spent ourwhole life looking away from.
(10:44):
So the invitation for you,listener, dear listener, is why
wait.
What waits for you then is whatis waiting for you now.
Why let that dread hang out,rent free until then behind the
scenes dictating and directingevery decision you make because
you're afraid to look at thismirror of mortality.
(11:06):
None of that is actually death.
It is our fear of fear itself.
And once you realize that yourrelationship with everything you
hate and avoid is more aboutbeing afraid of what those
things make you feel.
Everything becomes clear, and soour mortality, and therefore our
(11:32):
humanity is the most powerfulclass that we can ever take as a
human.
Yet it's a class nobody wants totake.
Welcome to the class.
Welcome to the apprenticeship ofthe Unknown.
(11:53):
Much love y'all.
See you next time.
Welcome to the Year to Livepodcast.
(00:03):
My name is David Morin.
I'm a poet, death doula andprison rehabilitation
facilitator.
I help people reunite with theirhumanity.
With their pain, with theirregrets, with their love, their
joy, integrity, everything inbetween.
This is my life's work, and I'mdying on March 31st, 2026.
(00:33):
Just kidding.
Not actually dying.
Knocks on wood.
A year to live is a book andthought experiment inspired by
Stephen Levine.
The question is simple buthaunting.
What would you do if you onlyhad one year left to live?
(00:55):
Sit with that for a second.
If you only had 365 sunsetsleft, how would you spend your
days?
I don't have that answer foryou.
I'm just the messenger with theinvitation.
But if you're feeling both theurge to lean in and the desire
to run, and you're stilllistening, well, you're exactly
(01:17):
where you're supposed to be.
I completed my own year to livethrough the Elizabeth Kubler
Ross Foundation in Mexico fromMarch, 2023 to March, 2024.
The intention was to gain somelevel of understanding of what
death doula clients face at theend of their life.
What I received was far morethan I expected.
I followed my enthusiasm, endedup falling into a full-time job
(01:40):
in prison rehabilitation, whereI now teach poetry and a
trauma-informed curriculum onentrepreneurship.
I absolutely love what I do.
I spent the year healingrelationships with my parents
and siblings and getting lost inservice to others.
My family eventually evenstarted doing therapy together,
(02:01):
including my parents who havebeen divorced for 15 years.
You'll hear some of thoseconversations about therapy on
this podcast.
So what is this podcast about?
I have started my own year tolive group.
A number of people have signedon to, uh, walk this journey.
With me and for me to walk thisjourney with them.
(02:22):
I'll admit I was I was a littlehesitant to commit to this idea
that I would be dying in oneyear again, but what lit me up
this time was the chance todocument it.
I didn't talk to a lot of peoplewhen I did it, and I would love
to use this podcast.
It's sort of like a diary or aprocessing space.
(02:44):
Just to share my journey withhow this is going and how it's
impacting me and those in mylife.
You'll hear, uh, conversationswith my clients in the cohort.
deep healing conversations withmy family, friends, fellow
travelers, and, uh, maybe evenmy nutritionist as she is
curious too.
(03:05):
This podcast is essentially myliving legacy because if I were
to die next March, I want thisarchive to remain.
It'll be proof that we can havethe hard conversations that
witnessing that be healing, andthat you don't have to fix what
isn't broken.
(03:26):
In fact, the only thing brokenis the part of you refusing to
accept your whole self.
So I took this class.
I'm hosting this group.
Why should you care?
Here's a quick version, equalparts resume and validation
attempt.
I grew up as a Seventh DayAdventist, became a Jesus freak
(03:49):
in high school, and I somehowmanaged to win most spirited for
my senior year of homecoming asa Jesus freak college hit.
I took religion classes becauseI was so serious about my faith
and then ended up rebelling.
I got drunk for the first time.
It was Bud Light at a neighbor'sparty, and it was pure euphoria.
(04:12):
I remember just being drunk forthe first time and being like,
what?
This is why you guys like this.
This is incredible.
I was like a little kid in, uh,eating candy for the first time.
I.
I ended up becoming kind of analcoholic though for about 10,
11 years, um, including beingdrunk at my college graduation
(04:36):
while receiving a leadershipaward.
Now that's poetry.
I joined the Peace Corps.
I fell in love with a familyabroad and eventually had to
reconcile, not eventually,actually, pretty immediately.
Within those first few weeks, Ihad to reconcile that my host
brother, who I grew to love somuch, his favorite food was dog
(04:58):
meat.
And that was so hard to come toterms with.
Throughout my first year, I lostan uncle and two close friends.
My humanity hit hard.
My lessons on humanity hit hard,but grief hit harder, especially
at the worst possible time.
After Peace Corps, I gavecorporate America a try, and I
(05:20):
watched my soul slowly leave mybody.
My depression got worse.
And then for some reason, I dida Darkness retreat, which is the
previous episode.
Uh, and that cracked me open andit, it showed me that I was a
poet.
Fast forward a year later.
I quit my job.
I quit my sales job, cashed inmy commission, checks, yada,
(05:41):
yada, and, uh, gave myself onejob only.
And that was to write poetry, towrite as much as I could.
So somewhere between all ofthat.
And today I ended up finding ayear to live.
and it was an incredibleexperience.
I was interviewed on a podcastshortly after finishing that and
I'll, I will be reposting that,for some more information.
(06:01):
But the point is I've walkedthrough the fire I'm inviting
you to step into.
It's not shiny, it's not fun,but the version of you that's
calling you forward is on theother side.
And that is the work of alifetime and that is work worth
doing.
So for this first,, soloepisode, this is a first big
(06:24):
insight that I wanna share thatI'm working through and like,
kind of like in real time andwhat that is.
I have been thinking for thelongest time that we're afraid
of death.
And that's been a lot of thelanguage that I use, even though
I, I hate using that language.
I don't like seeing it online.
When people say, you're afraidof death.
You're afraid of death.
'cause it's not inviting.
And I wanna make this topicinviting and I still don't know
(06:46):
if I can do that.
So, but here's this insight inthe insight is you are not
afraid of death.
I am not afraid of death.
We as a people are not afraid ofdeath.
Despite what most death workersshout like me at the top of the
mountain.
(07:08):
Think about it.
If we were truly afraid ofdeath, would we show up to
funerals?
Would we dare to view our lovedones in open caskets?
Would we keep their pictures upand talk about them years later?
Would we share the news onsocial media when notable
(07:29):
figures or celebrities die?
I don't think we would if wewere afraid of death.
So we're not afraid of death,What you really fear is the
mirror of mortality and what itreflects back to you, and that
(07:49):
is your humanity again.
It's not death we're afraid of.
What we're afraid of is the fearonce we see the mirror of
mortality and what is reflectedback to us.
So think of a moment at afuneral that you've been to of
(08:11):
someone you love.
You know, you are very sad tohave to say goodbye.
You are sad at seeing theirloved ones taking it so hard for
saying goodbye.
But there is a silent moment youhave to yourself where you start
questioning what you're doingwith your life and whether or
not you're wasting it away orliving the life you truly
(08:33):
desire.
It creeps up.
You sit with it, thisexistential dread just for a
moment until it's time forrefreshments or until you reach
for your phone.
Then you get into your car andyou drive those thoughts away.
And you're back to yourregularly scheduled programming
(08:54):
until the next funeral.
A year to live is an invitationto sit with that exact moment
every day for one year, even ifjust for a few seconds or some
days, not at all.
That's part of the process too.
(09:15):
Right.
So again, it is not deathitself.
We are afraid of, we are afraidof how the idea of death makes
us feel.
There's a big difference'causewe gotta deal with how we feel
about it first before we canactually deal with it, right?
So we're not afraid of death.
(09:35):
We're afraid of our capacity tofeel, we're afraid of our
capacity for regret.
For profound joy, our capacityfor betrayal, for hurting
someone, for being the cause ofsomeone else's pain.
We are afraid of our capacity toforgive.
We are afraid of our commitmentto never forgive.
(09:58):
For acknowledging that we arecapable of the very hate we
spend our existence pointingfingers at, we don't want to see
it.
We don't even want to entertainthat.
We are less than our idealizedperfect selves.
We fear the enormity of what itmeans to be human, and we've
(10:20):
arrived at a place where ourhuman nature doesn't fit at all
with our ideologies of what itmeans to be human.
And when death does finallycome, I think deep down we know
that part of that process meanswe won't be able to look away
from everything we've spent ourwhole life looking away from.
(10:44):
So the invitation for you,listener, dear listener, is why
wait.
What waits for you then is whatis waiting for you now.
Why let that dread hang out,rent free until then behind the
scenes dictating and directingevery decision you make because
you're afraid to look at thismirror of mortality.
(11:06):
None of that is actually death.
It is our fear of fear itself.
And once you realize that yourrelationship with everything you
hate and avoid is more aboutbeing afraid of what those
things make you feel.
Everything becomes clear, and soour mortality, and therefore our
(11:32):
humanity is the most powerfulclass that we can ever take as a
human.
Yet it's a class nobody wants totake.
Welcome to the class.
Welcome to the apprenticeship ofthe Unknown.
(11:53):
Much love y'all.
See you next time.
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