A Child of God: Tony’s Testimony of Transformation

Episode Transcript
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(00:03):
Welcome to the Abundant LifePodcast, bringing you encouragement
and challenging believers tospiritual change and growth by applying
biblical principles toeveryday life.
And now your hosts, SassoMendez and Ben Arellano.
Welcome, everybody, to theAbundant Live Podcast.
This is episode number 66, andI'm here with my good friend and

(00:25):
faithful servant of theThesaso, Mendez and.
Hey, what up, Ben?
What up, what up?
Today we've got a special guest.
Also, would you introduce our guest?
Yeah.
We have somebody that we allknow, the Tony.
Tony, want to introduce yourself?
Hello, my name is Tony Mendez.
All right, Tony Mendez.
He's getting used to talkinginto the mic.
He's about six feet away fromit at this point, but we'll get better

(00:46):
as we go along.
Sorry.
Yep.
So welcome, Tony.
Glad to have you on the podcast.
We've had your sister and your.
Your brother in law on thepodcast and so welcome.
I'm happy to be here.
Thank you.
Yeah, Tony was part of acommercial with those two for these.
One of the sponsors here.
I'm wearing the hat there.
No shameless plug.
Right.
Kennaloo Air keep.

(01:06):
You keep cool with Kennaloo.
Tony was on that commercialand we'll probably post it to the
website at some point.
That was pretty fun.
Yeah.
You did a good job.
I was impressed.
Yeah, it was.
It was good.
It was good acting.
It was.
It was rather funny, but it was.
It was.
It was kind of crafty.
It was cool.
It was good.
It was a good marketing.
Yeah.
Who wrote the script?
My sister's friend.

(01:27):
I don't know.
It's not too hard to pretend.
Like, I'm scared of her.
Okay.
Yeah, I could see that.
Yeah.
Which is funny becauseNicole's like half your height, like,
comparatively.
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
Like, when you're in the third grade.
Maybe she can carry herself very.
And be very assertive.
You're like Saul among theJews, bro.
Like, you're just like.
There's a picture of you atchurch, like, we took from the back.

(01:48):
And you're like a head tallerthan everybody.
You could see you from a far distance.
Like, you're.
You're taller than our wholerow, bro.
And Osaso showed me that picture.
Yeah.
Yeah, it's funny.
Pretty sad.
I feel.
You make me feel short.
But anyway, so.
So, Tony, you like to eat?
Yes.
Was.
What do you like to smash on?
What do you.
What do you.
What's your.
I love Italian food.

(02:09):
Okay.
Yeah, spaghetti and meatballsis really good.
Okay.
So I remember spaghetti and meatballs.
Because we used to go toBorrows on Wednesday nights, and
this is when we first startedmeeting with Tony.
And.
And that's typically what was consumed?
Yeah.
Every Wednesday night it wasspaghetti, meatballs, large drink.
And then I don't think you'redrinking Coke Zero at that point.

(02:29):
You were just drinkingstraight up coke.
You had little regard for your health.
Yeah, well, it probably still does.
I don't know.
Yeah, a little bit.
A little bit.
We went to Borrows thisFriday, and I think Tony consumed
a family portion size of food.
Was it like a large borrowed pizza?
It was a medium pizza and 12 wings.

(02:49):
He did.
He.
But to his credit, he didleave the crust of one piece of pizza.
No, he said he went back andate it because he didn't want to
leave it.
What, you ate that you ate the crust?
I think there was a littlepiece left.
Oh, a little piece that was apiece left?
Yeah.
All right.
All right.
Pretty sure.
So, Tony, where did you getthis love for Italian food?
I have no idea.

(03:09):
Did your mom make a specialdish that you like or.
It was always the easiestthing for me to make.
Oh, spaghetti.
Yeah.
Well, my.
My sister makes really good spaghetti.
Like between her, my mom, mynana, like, I've always, like, they.
I've always liked to go rateher fridge because they always have,
like, really good food cooked.
So my sister's fridge hasalways been where I like to go to
eat.
And she would always, like,experiment with spaghetti.

(03:32):
Well, she invited me over onetime and then for dinner, and then
she took it back.
She's like, you're going tochurch anyway, so let's not.
Let's not do dinner.
Thanks, Nicole.
So I'm yet to taste thiscooking from Nicole, but when she
came over our house, we hadfries, chicken.
So it's not like we made ameal for her either.
But at least hide you overNicole and your family.
So you like to cook?

(03:52):
When I can, yeah.
I remember you said when wewent to Borrows the other night when
he had the small meat andpizza, 12 wings, you had just cooked
noodles and chicken right before.
Is that correct?
Yeah.
And I ate almost all of it too.
Like 90 of it.
Got my pregame on.
Pregame before the.
Yeah, for the Friday night service.
For the resurrect.

(04:13):
Good Friday.
Good Friday service.
Good Friday.
What do we call it?
Remember the cross?
Remember the cross service?
Yeah.
Remember told me, remember thefood before the cross.
You don't want to be hung after.
You don't want to be hung forthe Lord's supper, which I respect.
Right.
Mad props.
Yeah.
You shouldn't.
You shouldn't be feasting forthe Lord.
Feasting.
Yeah.
So we had a freedom at last.
We had the Italian dinner.

(04:33):
Right.
With the potluck, which fivepeople participate and 25 people
eat.
But that's okay.
Tom.
Sorry.
Wow.
I don't think he listens.
But anyway, he's still in hospice.
But anyway.
So you enjoyed that night?
I think I thought it waspretty awesome.
Yeah.
I think Heather came with some manicotti.
Like, two big trays full.

(04:54):
That was pretty good.
I didn't have any, but Tonysaid it was pretty good.
Yeah.
I would agree.
Was good.
Yeah.
I always get a look from salsa.
Whenever I come back with asecond plate or a third plate, he's
like.
Like.
Wow, I didn't even realizethis myself.
Yeah.
I typically try to find outwho cooked what, and then that, you
know, makes it dependent forme what I consume.

(05:15):
Yeah.
Whether or not I'm going toeat it.
Right.
I always say I always knowwhat Rebecca cooked, and so I know
I'm safe.
Yeah.
And as a little kid, I used togo to church.
Right.
And I always.
What did my mom bring?
I think sometimes she justmake me a side plate, you know, so
I didn't have to deal witheverybody else's.
Yeah.
So you know.
You know what you're getting.
Oh, this is the out chili.
I'm like.
Say what?
I don't want to be grippingthe porcelain after that.

(05:37):
So there's a lot of peoplejust straight up can't cook, right?
Yeah.
I think a lot of people arecrazy, and I think a lot of people
can't cook.
And I think both of thosestatements are fairly accurate, probably.
Yeah.
I mean, I can make chorizo and eggs.
Rebecca is pretty good, Right.
That's about.
That's what my repertoires.
Breakfast.
I can do breakfast, buteverything else is just open the
wallet and pay for something.

(05:58):
I've never had Tony's cooking either.
I.
I'm good keeping it that wayas well, because it sounds like it's
a hodgepodge of single man's food.
Instant Mac and cheese and.
Yeah.
I kind of like how my dad cooks.
You just mix everything intoone pot, and however it comes out,
it comes out.
Did you like his cooking?
Yes.
You did?

(06:19):
So your dad can cook as well?
He was a good.
He worked on the barbecuepretty well.
Like, he was.
That was his domain.
Anything else?
Like the grill?
Yeah.
Like burgers, hot dogs,steaks, and Anything.
Else, it was just like he justhad to be happy with it.
It's kind of.
My dad, he's.
He's good at the grill, but Idon't remember him cooking a cooked

(06:40):
meal.
Was like, oh, he used to makehis waffles on Sunday morning before
church.
Oh, nice.
And if you woke up a littlelate, then we went to Jack in the
Box, got a breakfast Jack,which we carried on that tradition
ourselves as well.
I used to do pancakes beforebreakfast until about.
I don't know.
Oh, before church?
Yeah, every Sunday for.
Till about a year ago.
Right.
I mean, we did this for a lotof years.
Pancakes, waffles.

(07:01):
But yeah, we don't.
So you're in the electric chair.
Right.
And your last meal is a spaghetti.
Meatballs.
Yeah.
Or a bowl of albondigas.
Oh, that was my least favoritedish as a kid.
But that's meatballs, right?
It's.
It's a Mexican rendition ofmeatballs and rice, essentially.
Yeah.
No, no pasta.
It's.
Right.

(07:21):
No pasta.
So you like that as well?
You like a soup?
Yes.
And to me, a soup is not ameal unless it's menudo.
Yeah, but it's meat.
You know what I'm saying?
So it is meat.
Well, Rebecca's family, like,they had this soup Christmas because,
you know, the first ChristmasI went to the Breakus family, they
had like a relish tray.

(07:42):
There was nothing to relishthere, my friend.
Nothing to relish, nothing to duplicate.
I like, where's the food?
And they're like, oh, it's here.
Relish tray.
Would you like olive?
I'm like, like, where's the meat?
Like, where's the protein?
And there's nothing.
So I don't expect a lot nowgoing forward.
My mother in law doesn'tlisten to this part anyway, so.

(08:03):
And then one time, you know, Ithink Rebecca.
Rebecca made the soup.
Right.
And soup is like Olive Garden.
Right?
That's what they bring youbefore the meal.
Yeah, it's not the meal.
Correct.
And so I was waiting, and Iguess Rachel was supposed to pick
up sandwiches.
Never did.
And I mean, it was just a big,big disappointment.
So we can't let her.

(08:23):
If Rebecca, I think one yearyou cooked for your family, like,
as a present to them.
And that was really goodbecause there was food here, though.
It's like, oh, we have arelish tray.
And it's.
It's.
Yeah, I mean.
I mean, if it's between Zupasand B Dubs, I'm going B Dubs.
Like, it's just not even a.
Yeah.
Literally this week, we wentout to lunch with somebody, and he's
like, you know, where do youguys want to go?
And like, well, B Dubs, of course.

(08:46):
And he's like, well, I like Zupa.
And what was that?
Like a ticky tack restaurant?
Like, Indian food?
I have no idea.
No idea.
And I'm like, is it even a question?
Like, we're men.
Like, are your.
Is your wife coming?
Like, if your wife's coming,we can maybe accommodate.
But it's me, you, and Ben.
Like, wait, why you?

(09:06):
Like, I was shocked.
Like, wow.
I stand up.
But anyway, I mean, it was.
It was very interesting thatwe were even asked that question,
but it was, you know.
Yeah.
And he was trying to hint, right?
To say, well, I like these twoother restaurants.
And we didn't even respond.
No.
Then he's like, okay, I guessit's bdubs.

(09:26):
And then we're both like,great, that sounds great.
Perfect.
Love, you know, put the loveheart in the text and then the Zupa
and whatever.
And even Rebecca said, like, zupa.
It's like, you guys don't wantto go there.
I'm like, you absolutely right.
Soup and sandwiches.
I don't know.
They have a protein.
I mean, it looks, like,healthy, I.
Think, but, you know, B Dubsis somewhat healthy.

(09:48):
They got the towel, the beef tallow.
Beef tallow and wings, protein.
And we do the salad.
So, you know, that's somewhat healthy.
And we have great service there.
And they got.
They got tea usually.
Usually, yeah.
It's weird when they don'thave tea, but.
Yeah, but I was just, youknow, that's like me asking Tony,
you know, do you want seconds?
I mean, well, of course he does.

(10:10):
So if you want to go to BDEVs.
Well, I.
I don't even know why you'reasking me.
Me.
It's.
It's a very silly question, I thought.
But anyway, hopefully youdon't listen to the podcast too,
because.
Yeah, we digress.
Yeah, we digress.
All right, bro.
All good.
All good.
Well, should we get into somecontent here?
And I'm excited to have Tony on.
Yeah, I think we've beenworking on this where I thinking
about this for quite sometime, and Tony got baptized approximately

(10:31):
a little over two months ago.
What was it, February 8th?
Ninth.
Ninth.
The ninth.
All right, good.
My memory's still intact there.
And so since then, I mean, I don't.
We'll get into it more, butI've been Wanting to have him on.
He said he's been ready to goand we have the edit button just
in case things get loose here,but I think we'll be fine.

(10:51):
And so.
Well, it's interesting we.
We had talked about this, Idon't know, two, three episodes ago,
like, thinking like, it'sgoing to be cool when we can get
Tony on the show.
And I don't know remember ifyou had already gotten saved at that
point or not, but it was kindof a vision that we had.
Like, we knew that you wouldat some point be sitting in that
seat.
And this is a while back.
I mean, even probably aroundthe time we were doing the podcast

(11:14):
with your.
With your cousin, with yoursister Nicole.
Yeah, it might have been rightaround that time.
And so it was something thatwe've wanted.
We wanted to have you on theshow and just thankful that, you
know, the Lord has put you onthis path.
So, yeah, really cool to haveyou on the show, man.
I'm very happy to be here.
So Sasso's gonna kick us offwith our key verse today.
We're gonna be reading out ofFirst John and then we're going to

(11:38):
get into.
We're going into Tony's story.
All right, First John 3:1.
Behold what manner of love theFather hath bestowed upon us, that
we should be called the sonsof God.
And that's a first John 3:1, apart of it.
And I think, you know, beingcalled the child of God is.
It's an amazing thing, right?
I mean, it's.
It's.

(11:59):
I mean, this is.
This.
This is the God who createdus, who's created this universe.
I saw this video the other dayand it was pretty mind blowing.
It just kind of shows.
Shows, you know, creationshows, you know, landscape.
There's some trees and things,and then they kind of zoom out a
little bit and then they'reshowing the Earth and then they zoom
out a little bit more and youkind of see the planets and they
zoom out more.
You see the galaxy.

(12:20):
The galaxy, you know, theMilky Way, and you zoom out even
more and you see.
Isn't it called the power of 10?
No, it was.
It was a.
Some pastor that made thisbecause I'd.
Seen a video like that before.
It's called the power of 10.
And they just keep zoomingout, zooming out.
It could have been.
Maybe that's what he used, Idon't know.
But just pretty amazing howyou get back and you see the universe
and it's the same God that hascreated all of that, that calls us

(12:42):
children, children of God,we're his child.
Or if you ever fly, right, ifyou ever get on a plane and you look
down and you realize how smallthe area you live in until you don't
even see it anymore.
Yeah, it's pretty amazing, insignificant.
And Rebecca and I are lookingout of bed, per se, and it really
breaks down, like, thedifferences between the beds, right.
And the advantages that onebed has over another.

(13:05):
Like, if you're comparing.
And I think when you become achild of God, you see all the benefits
that you don't.
You don't even realize all thebenefits you have as a child of God.
Just as my, you know, I have adad, you have a dad.
And the benefits I have withmy father, if I, you know, if I was
hungry or something, I would,hey, dad, I'm hungry.
He gave me 20 bucks orsomething, but he would feed me and

(13:26):
much more.
Our heavenly Father, when youare called a son of God or God's
child, just the love he hasfor you, it's not different than
when before, but then now it'sapplied to you, and it's like having
that gym membership.
And then now you're.
You go to the gym and you takeadvantage of those benefits, which
Tony will appreciate becausehe likes to, but likes to work out

(13:49):
as well.
So I'll tell you, if youwanted to share your story, if you
want to read your testimony orhowever you'd like to do it, just.
Sure.
How you got in that seatcompared to a year ago of where you
were?
Well, a year ago.
I mean, like a year ago, Inever thought I would be sitting
right here because my.

(14:10):
I guess my.
My perspective on life andjust the way I saw things, the way
I saw myself, and even justthe way just who.
Who.
How I saw God and who Ithought he was.
And then when I started to,like, read His Word and then join

(14:31):
you guys at church and stuff,like, it just.
It.
I.
I learned that I didn't knowas much as I thought I knew and.
And little.
And even, like, understanding,I guess, what God's love meant.
I mean, that's something thathas made a major difference in my
life.
And so I.

(14:56):
I have been thinking aboutthis, like, for the whole way up
here, and I was getting kindof, like, being at the gym and stuff.
Like, I was getting kind ofemotional, kind of hoping, like,
I would get my tears outbefore I came over here and wouldn't
get all choked up.
But, like, it's all good, bro.
I remember when this last timeI was in rehab, I remember they had
asked me a question, and thisis, like, mainly what I was thinking

(15:19):
about before I got here was Ihad told them about how, like, I
had missed my dad and stuff, but.
And I guess I hadn't seen himin a few years.
And they told me, what's onething you wish you could do, like,
right now that you feel wouldmake a big difference in your life?
And I.

(15:40):
I just told him, like, youknow, if there's one thing I wish
I could do, it wouldn't be tohave a million dollars.
It wouldn't be to go back anddo things.
Do things over again.
But I just wish I could wrapmy arms around my dad and tell him
I love him.
Because, like, that's onething I remember.
One of the.
Guess the greatest thingsabout my dad is, like, whenever you

(16:00):
said, like, I love you, or healways heard you, and it was always
reciprocated.
And I remember when I saidthat, like, I wish I could wrap my
arms around my dad and justtell him I love him again.
I.
The thought.
I had a thought in my head and this.
And I just.
I heard, why can't I do this?
Like, what has kept me fromwanting to do that with God?

(16:21):
And.
Because that's.
I had, like, really harshfeelings towards him at one point.
And, I mean, whether it wasblaming other people or blaming myself
or even just the way I lookedat myself, I mean, like, learning
to see things the way, like, Isaid my testimony, to be able to
see myself and others the wayGod saw it, saw us.
Like, it's.

(16:42):
That's made a.
Had a big impact on my lifeand just.
I mean, every.
Everything.
Not just one part, but just,like, everything but.
And, like, when I came to mytestimony, all right, I didn't even
know what I was gonna saybecause there was so much, like,
I.
I felt like saying and.

(17:03):
But, like, really, like, whenit came to writing it down as, like,
what's.
What is.
Oh, like, what should I putdown that would be, like, worth saying
rather than just.
Because sometimes I have the.
The habit of kind of just,like, rambling on.
So I sat down with Saso andRebecca, and she helped me, like,

(17:24):
write down a lot of importantkey points and, like, her, like,
asking me certain questionsabout, like.
Like, what it is that, like, Iguess what was important to put,
like, it gave me, like, areally good outline of.
Of how.
Of how my testimony.
I guess how I wanted mytestimony to go because we wrote
it at the house and Then shesent it to me, and then I kind of

(17:44):
just used that as an outlineand reworded some things.
And by the time I was done,like, I.
It was.
I guess I felt like I saideverything I needed to say, like.
And you want me to read it?
Yeah, I think it's good.
And you can take pauses as you.

(18:05):
You need to.
Yeah, there's no rush.
No.
Yeah.
At all.
Oh, it's just kind of.
Kind of awkward.
No, that's good.
That's good, man.
Go ahead.
No, we're not here.
No, it's not awkward saying infront of people.
It's just like speaking into amicrophone or something I've never
done before.
Talking to me.
And we're in our underwearright now.

(18:26):
Well, I put my.
My grandmother lured.
This was the first example,like, of a faithful Christian that
I was exposed to in my lifebecause she was always watching his
sermons on TV and alwaysreminding me that.
That God is watching.
And she would read a lot ofscripture to me and my brothers and

(18:49):
my sister.
Growing up and being young andhearing that, like, for me, I kind
of.
It was kind of like the boringpart of hanging out with my nana,
because it's like, I just wantto eat, like, watch tv, but it was
always playing on tv.
But.
But she planted a lot of seedsearly in my life, because I remember

(19:10):
all those things she would sayand the things that she would repeat
about, you know, just like,things that applied to what we were
going through and how life was.
So, like, she planted a lot ofseeds early in my life, and I never
understood why her faith wasso deep, because that was.
She's been through a lot, andshe was, I guess, never.

(19:31):
Her faith was never shook fromwhat was going on.
Like, she always stood strongon what she was saying and what she
was trying to tell us.
And I had only been to churcha few times as a kid with her, and
I don't think I've ever beento church with my dad or my mom,
but she.
She was the one who took us to church.
And within me, as far back asI can remember, like, there was,

(19:54):
like, an overwhelming sadnessas a kid because my mom.
My mom and my dad split up.
So, like, she wasn't around.
And there was.
It was a.
An unstable household.
And being in church aroundeverybody singing and fellowshipping
and smiling, like, watchingthem do that was the opposite of
how I felt.
So I felt out of place when Iwas with.

(20:15):
When I was at church with my nana.
And I didn't go there unless Iwas drugged there by her.
And my family would remind meall the time that Jesus loves you.
Which was something I couldn'tcomprehend because, like, I didn't
love myself as I grew, when I,when I was growing up.
And after a while, God becamesomething I didn't want to hear about,

(20:38):
because the more I heard hisword, the more I started to see how
wrong my attitude towards lifeand people was.
And I, I, I started to feellike suffering was something that
all my life was really worthat that time.
Because, like, I was alwayswishing things would just be different.
And, and that stayed with mefor a long time.

(21:02):
And I, I became a very bitter,mean person, like, towards everybody
but my family.
And when I started to get intomy teenage years, I started to get
addicted to drugs.
And then it just got worse andworse as I got older.
And that's kind of what I hadplanned on doing, you know, just

(21:23):
like.
Because I, growing up, Iwatched my, my dad and my mom just
drown themselves.
And so it's something I pickedup from them, even though they didn't
tell me to do it.
Like, that's just something I,I picked up from them.
And when it came to the harddrugs, like, I was living from moment
to moment with really no hopefor my future, because I despised

(21:44):
myself for being a drug addictand believed that nothing could deliver
me from the evil that infectedmy life.
And still my family remindedme that Jesus loved me.
And at that point, that'ssomething that really hurt for me
to hear because love feltlike, real foreign to me.
And my, my mom, my, my dad, mysister, my Nana, and even my twin

(22:08):
brother.
I was thinking about my twinbrother Gibby a lot today, too, because
when we were 13, we split upand he moved back in with my dad,
and I stayed with my mom.
And he was a really real, realfaithful to God.
He was out of us too.
He was the one that reallystood by it.

(22:29):
And he would remind me, youknow, Jesus loves you, Tony.
And just, I would look at himand he would.
And we felt two differentways, I guess you could say.
Like, he was, he relied on Goda lot, and I didn't rely on him at
all.
And he seemed to havesomething I didn't have.
That's something that alwaysstuck out to me.
And I remember, like, as I wasgoing through, like, the, the shenanigans

(22:54):
and my whole drug usage andjust the way I was living, he said
something that really stuckout to me, and it kind of hurt my
feelings a little bit.
But he just, he Just told mebecause he loved me.
He said, you know, Tony, like,God says that like when we go to
heaven that like we're goingto be happy.
And if, if, if you don't, ifyou don't go to heaven, I won't remember

(23:19):
you.
Because like, that's somethingthat would make me sad.
Like I wouldn't, I wouldn't, Iwon't be up there missing my brother.
And he goes.
And so my biggest fear isgetting to heaven and my brothers
and my sister not being with me.
And, and like, and that's mytwin brother Gibby.
I, I love him to death.

(23:40):
And that's something that has,like our relationship weighs really
heavy on my heart.
It's getting better, but it'sjust like a disconnection that kind
of gets to me.
And the same with my dad, butlike, those things are just.
I took those as like God,like, just reminders that I needed

(24:02):
God in my life.
Like my dad had always toldme, you need God in your life, Tony,
you need God.
But he didn't live, he didn'tlive it out, I guess you could say.
I mean the example he set wasvery imperfect.
But there was a lot of reallykey, important things that were said
to me that I held on to.
So when I started to readGod's word and try to.

(24:25):
And one changed my life aroundand paid attention to the things
that were more important.
And those things like are,those are the things that I carried
with me into it.
And it was, it was all, youknow, Jesus loves you and just everything
my nana told me, everything my dad.
But some of the things my dadwould tell me, some of the things

(24:47):
my brother Gibby would tell me.
And I guess that one thingthat they had that I felt that I
didn't have was the one thingabout them that I admired a lot.
And especially my sister too.
Like, my sister was alwaysthere for me and I just, I love them
dearly for that.
Because like what I couldn'tsee at one time is now like God has

(25:14):
opened my eyes up to beingable to see it.
They're like, I don't know,like the words can't I guess encompass
how like grateful I am for that.
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And.
Well, like, one.
Someone I was really close toin my addiction was one.
Was one of my uncles.
And, you know, I was warned byother people, like, you know, like,
he's not exactly setting agood example.
And be careful, like, if.

(26:22):
If you grow close to him.
I don't want to say his name, but.
Yeah, but.
But I loved him, like, dearly.
And, like, watching him battlewith this cancer and just a lot of
other ways that were set in him.
Like, I saw him grow very,very angry with God and probably

(26:42):
even angrier than I was.
And seeing him do that.
But, like, seeing someone elseact the same way you're acting and
you get to see how it looks insomebody else, like, that's.
It showed me that, like, youknow, man, I shouldn't be doing that
because when I saw him startto do it, like, I saw it as wrong
and just what he was relyingon as, I guess, like, the Aztec idols

(27:07):
and stuff, like, it's.
I just.
I just.
I just.
I'm gonna lie, but I didn'thave the heart to tell him, like,
they disagree with him becauseI didn't want to make it feel like
I was against him in the moment.
But it's just, like, it just.
It showed me something aboutmyself that I had to stop doing.
And.

(27:29):
And yet, like.
And just.
But like, the whole.
The question.
The question of, like, whereshould I go?
Like, what should I do?
Like, because my dad tellingme, you need God, and my brother
and my sister and my nanatelling me, you need God.
Like, it was something thathad been repeated to me, but it wasn't
something that I guess youcould say I knew how to do or something
that I was ready to do.

(27:51):
I asked me because I was.
I would.
I didn't.
I really didn't know what washolding me back.
Maybe it was the drugsbecause, like.
And that was a big thing right there.
Like, the drugs.
Like, how disconnected from seeing.
Like, it's.
How it fogs your vision fromseeing what's important or even just

(28:12):
getting a good look atyourself and what's going on.
And, like, it's.
I had 10 months clean off ofall that stuff just the other day.
And, like, I'm, I don't evencount the days, really.
I just know when, when the14th comes, it's another month I
can just.
And that's the longest I'veever had off of everything, like,

(28:35):
since I was 13.
And it feels great.
And, and this, and celebratingthis birthday is the first birthday
where I've actually acceptedGod's love and, like, actually been
happy to celebrate anotheryear of life.
Because, like, every otheryear before this was just like, oh,
another year of this.
Oh, another year of this.
Like, I hope it ends soon.
Like, and now it's just like,I need spaghetti meatballs.

(28:57):
Yeah.
And now, like, there's notenough time in the day for me to
be grateful and do things thatare good for me.
Like, I have to tell myself togo to sleep or pass out on the couch
because I'm so spent.
Like, and it feels good, like,that the things that I was deeply,
like, gravely afraid of, like,responsibility and being happy.
Like, it, I am just, I'mhappy, I'm grateful that I, I haven't,

(29:24):
I guess another chance at lifethat's 100.
And, and like, I, I, I, like,I, I, I love it.
Like, how I can go to church.
And it's just like, everythingthat's being said applies to my life.
Like, okay, cool.
Like, oh, man.

(29:47):
Like, and so you were saying,like, your uncle and you saw yourself
for what you were.
So what did you do with thatas, as you saw yourself, like, in
your uncles.
Oh, well, what did that lead to?
Well, I mean, I just, itshowed me, like, it was, like, it

(30:08):
revealed to me, like, a waythat I was living that I shouldn't
be doing, like, something Ishouldn't be doing, but I couldn't
stop doing it.
And I had no, I guess, like,direction or I had no direction.
And I really wasn't aroundanyone that set a good example, I
guess, like, that I waswilling to take guidance from.

(30:29):
Because at that point, for me,it was like, you can't tell me nothing.
Don't try to.
Like, I just.
The people I was surroundedby, like, I had to rely.
I relied entirely on my own logic.
And I felt like I knew everything.
And being in that world, likeeverybody was trying to kill me.

(30:51):
It felt like.
And just like you become soparanoid or just like, you have to
protect yourself fromeverybody, even yourself.
So it's just like, like therewas nowhere in my life where I guess
I was willing to sit down,stop and listen, and head in the
right direction because, like,I was too caught up in, like, living

(31:14):
Moment to moment, trying tofeed myself the drugs and not put
myself in a position where I would.
I guess I'm gonna get caught up.
Because I guess, like, be slipping.
Yeah.
I mean, I'm.
I'm trying to avoid using,like, ghetto slang and, like, terms

(31:35):
and stuff because, I mean,it's just.
To me, it sounds stupid.
Yeah, but we understand.
Yeah.
And like.
Because, like, right now Istill kind of have the paranoid habit
of, like.
Like, looking everywhere whenI'm driving, like, oh, there's a
cop over there.
There's a couple there.
But it's like, I don't gotnothing on me.
And.
And it's.
It's different.
It's different this when Iended up getting shot.

(32:02):
And like, at that moment,like, just.
Just how it happened, like,just to spare the details of the
story, like, it could havehappened a lot worse because the
same dude killed five otherpeople after me.
And I was the only one that Iget failed to go the way that he
planned it out.
So I was just, like, somethingstuck out to me that day.

(32:22):
And from, like, from thatpoint on, like, I just.
I started to pay attention.
Like, it started to stick outto me like God's protection.
And, like.
Because I never didn't believein him and I never thought, like,
he wasn't there.
I just.
I.
I just didn't want to.

(32:44):
I accept that he loved me, Iguess, because, like, I felt alone
for a long time and.
And it was easy for me to.
To really not pay too muchattention to it if I put myself around
things that were unloving andjust kind of surrounded myself with
all the mean stuff.
Because then it just.

(33:04):
It just.
It allowed me to think, like,oh, this is how life is and this
is all it is.
And if there is happiness outthere, it's not for me, I guess I
would say happiness, but,like, peace.
And when I would go to mysister's house, it was peaceful.
I'd go to my nana's house, itwas peaceful.
And it was just like somethingI felt like a threat to.
And so, like, that wholehaving to protect yourself from other

(33:26):
people.
Like, I felt like I had toprotect my family for me by staying
away.
And now that's one thing thatSomething that has left me now because
now I feel that's one thingI'd written in my testimony.
Like, I was really upset atGod for, like, how could you let
me feel so alone amongst my family?
Because when I was.
When I was there, it was justlike, you know, like, I felt like

(33:48):
they were Looking at me, like, with.
So.
With such worry, like, what'sgoing on?
You all right?
But I didn't think.
I didn't.
I didn't believe that theyknew how I felt on the inside, so
that whatever it is I wasgoing through, they couldn't help
me with.
And it was just like, to stay away.
And then, like, my dad wassomebody who I would talk to him

(34:10):
or my uncle, and.
And like, I knew that they.
They've done worse than I have.
So, like, their.
Their advice was something Itook, I guess, without question.
But it wasn't always the best advice.
It wasn't always the best advice.
And like, when my dad, like,some of it was like, I guess godly,

(34:34):
but the rest of it was justhis logic.
And, and that's.
That's one thing that I like,I mean, like, my whole, I guess,
recovery and everything waskind of sifting through my dad's
bad advice and just kind ofputting it off to the side and just.
And because, like, he's oneperson, I was very much alike.

(34:54):
And I guess, like, from whatmy parents taught me and just being
able to seize whatever,whatever, like the parts of that
that were things I should justkind of leave.
Like.
I don't know how to put it.
Like, things that weren't right.

(35:16):
And then there's the thingsthat they taught us that were.
That were good and just kind of.
I don't know how to say it, but.
Was there ever a time?
I mean, you know, you said youwere, you know, often on drug with
drugs since you were about 13.
Was there ever a time or wasthat the whole time?

(35:36):
Did you feel hopeless?
Like, did you just feel thatthere's no hope?
This is just the way it is.
This is how it's going to bethe rest of my life.
And at first it lured me in as something.
I saw it as something I wantedto do and something that I could
stop doing whenever I chose tobecause, you know, nothing's gonna
ever have that power over me.

(35:58):
And then once it came to itbeing something that I didn't want
to tell myself I needed, but Ineeded it, then it was like, oh,
like, I can't lick.
I can't let this go.
And that's when it started tofeel hopeless, especially with the
fentanyl, like, because, like,the scariest thing is going without
it and.

(36:20):
And like going into.
To rehab and stuff.
Like, the worst part of it allis the moment where you stop doing
it and you.
That hold, like, depressiveperiod where you have to shake It.
Because, like, it seems likehelp is so far away.
Like, I've done too much toturn back from this.
And even, like, when realityhits you with, this is what you've
been doing the whole time.
Like, look at all the badstuff you did, and it's just like.

(36:46):
And, like, you using the timer.
I was using.
And, like, I felt like it hada hold on me.
Like, I just.
I knew that this wasn't me,and knowing that I had a lot of love
left to give my family, but I couldn't.
But I didn't know how to doit, and that just.
I was worse.
Like, my dad would tell me allthe time, you're worth so much more,
Tony.
And, like, those things started.
Those words.

(37:08):
Words from my family startedto, like, really echo loud in my
head, and it's just like,well, why don't I believe, like,
what's being said to me and this.
And it's just.
I mean, it took four tries forme to be able to shake all the drugs.
But, I mean, that's so.

(37:28):
Just to wrap up your.
So, I mean, to go on your testimony.
So when you.
What, your fourth time inrehab is when you felt this was the
last time, right?
The 10 months ago was yourfourth time?
Yeah.
Yeah.
So what happened from that point?
Like, what.
So just in your testimony, howdid you.
How did you get here in the chair?
Like, how did you get from ayear ago, too?
Yeah, well, I.

(37:50):
When I went there, like, I.
I had a.
I knew, like, I had a idol to.
I knew that I had a.
I guess the.
The advice of, like, you needGod in your life.
And, like, what did that look like?
I mean, I.
That's something I wanted to.

(38:11):
To do, and I had a.
Find somewhere to learn how todo it, I guess, because, like, with
all the AA stuff and, like, inrehab, like, it's.
There's really no.
How do you say.
Unless you find someone whois, like, a.
A Christian there and, like.
And they're.

(38:32):
They're doing it and, like,providing you with material and,
like, speaking.
Or if they don't.
If they take you to church,like, you're really just gonna have,
like, a bunch of.
I guess.
How do you say, like, confusedpeople trying to give you a solution
to it.
Like, and.
But my roommate.
Yeah, I would wake up everymorning and he'd be kneeling by his
bed and he'd be praying andjust maybe trying not to disturb

(38:54):
me.
And I'd see.
I'd seen him doing it, andthen he would.
Every day.
Oh, Tony.
Like, good morning.
And he invited me to have aBible study with him, and.
And he was a really nice guy,and so I started doing that with
him.
And that's when I clung on toit, like.

(39:15):
And I guess that was.
That's where I was exposed toGod's word, the start of it, in rehab.
And, I mean, and from there,like, when I.
When I got out, went to thesober living where I was at, I wanted
to continue it because we weregoing to church every weekend, and

(39:35):
I was having a Bible studywith them every day because that's
all we had was 24 hours witheach other.
And.
And then I was talking to mysister and, like, you know, apologizing
for some things, and.
And she had told me to get intouch with you, and she said that
she would give you my.
She gave me your number, andthey said that she would give you

(39:57):
my number and ask you to getin touch with me.
Because, remember, I told you.
I was like.
Like, I don't.
I don't know.
Like.
Like, this is just.
Because I didn't know him.
Like, I didn't know you.
I was in high school.
Same.
Same reaction.
I didn't know.
That's when I started comingto the freedom that lasts, which
you.
And I met Ben and everybodyelse, and I called Rebecca Thea.

(40:23):
You're telling me.
I think Tony just called me Thea.
I was like, I don't know.
I just didn't want to be rude.
Like, yeah, she can't hearvery well.
So when she whispers to me,like, everybody can hear it.
So I think Tony called meThea, and it's loud.
Yeah.
He called your dad Theo, andhe's like, I'm not your Theo.
I'm your uncle.
I'm your cousin.
Yeah.

(40:43):
And just.
And then from there, I mean,looking into, like, the.
I guess the example you guyshad set and just how you did it,
I guess in the quality of yourlife, it just became something that
I admired.
And just, like, if that's whatit looks like to live, like, I guess

(41:07):
if.
How you live like that, ifthat's the result of, like, how,
you know, living and, like,what you're doing and.
And, like.
And just listening to what you guys.
I guess what you guys wouldexplain to me and tell me about,
you know, God's love.
And, like, we were goingthrough the exchange and stuff.
Like, I always had, like.
Like, a bunch of pauses.
Like, you'd ask me questions,and I'm, like, thinking really deeply,
like.
And you explain it to me,like, And I learned a lot.

(41:32):
And I tried to ask, like, goodquestions because I don't know, I
don't like to just ask a bunchof random things, but like, soaking
all of this in, like, it just,it let me say I just told me like
a lot of what I needed toknow, I guess.
And just like everythingthat's been missing from my life

(41:52):
has been.
And everything that you guyshave been, like, showing me, like,
hello, I'm Pastor Kevin Shaw.
Are you or someone you know,dealing with the agony of an addiction?
You can't change what you dountil you let God change who you
are.
Freedom at Last is adiscipleship ministry of Northwest
Valley Baptist Church inGlendale, Arizona that applies the

(42:13):
life transforming principlesof the gospel and Christian growth
to the problems of lifedominating sins and addiction.
All of this happens in anatmosphere of love and accountability.
Please join us.
For more information, pleasevisit us online@getvictorytoday.com.
That'S get victory today.com.

(42:33):
So what brought you to thepoint where you said, I want to accept
what Jesus Christ has done for me?
Like, I'm willing to accepthis gift and his love for me.
It's because, well, I guessbut has been the one thing I've been
pushing away my whole life.

(42:54):
That and is something thatI've been told that I guess is missing
from my life by the ones Ilove who really care about me and
learning about what that wasfirst and then I guess what it meant

(43:17):
to do that.
I just, it was something Iknew that I needed to do.
I don't, I know you don'tremember like a specific date or
something like that, but youdo remember a time when like, you
made that decision.
Roughly.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Okay.
I don't know.
We had these conversations andme and Ben were like, man, I don't

(43:38):
know.
But I think it's evident.
I mean, in your testimony youhad said, I think if you want to
re.
You know, look back at yournotes and just.
You said in the end, I thinkwas powerful.
Oh, okay.
Of how God saw you and reallyaccepting his.
Because I think it's hard forpeople to.

(43:58):
Especially if you've grown upin a rough way.
Right.
And not in church.
Not in church.
And maybe parents, all parents.
Right.
We don't set perfect examples,but somebody may be that a rough
lifestyle that it's hard to.
How does God love me?
You know, we looked at should,you know, show me the.
Show me the me, the Father.
Show me the Father.
And how we look at God throughour experiences with our Own father

(44:19):
with our own earthly dad.
Yeah, our earthly dad.
And our earthly dads don'talways set the best examples.
And how did you overcome that?
I think you worded it fairlywell there in your, your notes there.
Oh, yeah.
At the very end, kind of.
Or whatever you'd like toshare if you, I mean, if we missed
out parts that you want to goback to, that's.

(44:40):
That's up to you.
But I think you did a good job of.
I'll read the summation, I'llread the last half.
And I put.
Yeah, at, at the time Ifailed, I guess.
I guess I would ask myself ifGod really loved me, why would he

(45:01):
let me feel so alone amongstmy family and allow me to be influenced
by the ugliness of the world,which I felt turned me into something
he wouldn't approve of at that time.
I failed to see the biggerpicture and how eventually all these
things would bring me closerto him.
Okay, that's a little too far back.

(45:25):
Yeah.
And you can read all of it.
I mean it's.
Yeah, it's good.
It's really good.
Um, okay, so I put that I hadwent to jail for six months and the
reality of what I was doing tomyself was really starting to set
in and my situation wassuffocating me in there.

(45:48):
And I knew for certain Ididn't want any more of that.
And when I was released, Iwent to what I knew and I saw God's
protection in a few near death experiences.
Something had to change.
But I couldn't stop being whoI had been most of my life.
I was willfully blind to whatmy family had been trying to tell
me my whole life.
I wanted to do things my wayand die on my own terms.

(46:08):
But through the.
But through that way I got toexperience what life was like without
God.
I had a very unhealthyrelationship with myself and I didn't
know how to have a healthyrelationship with anyone, much less
God.
And I went to rehab a fewtimes, but this last time I said
I had the roommate, Derek, whoa faithful Christian.

(46:29):
And just a few minutes beforeI woke up every day like I.
He would be there kneeling athis bed, praying.
And it's something that I hadadmired about him.
And he asked me if I wanted tostart doing a Bible study with him,
which is something Iparticipated within, participated
with him every day.
And when we started to go tochurch, because they would take us

(46:49):
to church.
And then it occurred to me howmyself, how self destructive my anger
was at church and My life andhow can I give.
And I asked myself, how couldI give this to God?
How can I forgive those whohad hurt me most in my life, who
I felt deserved to be punished?
And most of all, how could Ireceive God's forgiveness for some
awful things that I've donewhen I deserve to be punished too?

(47:12):
And learning to let go of thepast was very hard for me.
And I would ask, I would pray,God, please allow me to see myself
and others as you see us, so Ican forgive what I.
What I see as unforgivable.
I allowed myself to, like,really just feel each day as it came.
And reality, instead of thenumbness, helped me to become aware

(47:33):
of my deep need for God.
I needed his help not just incrisis, but in everything.
And the more my relationship,relationship grew with him, the more
a change started taking placein my life.
I heard Jesus loves you mywhole life.
And for the first time, Istarted to feel it and believe it
to be true.
And when I got out of rehab,my sister, who I love very dearly,

(47:55):
suggested I get in touch withmy cousin Sosso, because he would
be a good influence to help mecontinue to grow in Christ.
And he invited me to f.
To freedom.
That last I came and I wouldattend as often as I could.
And Ben Sasso and PastorGeorge taught me about the exchange
on Wednesdays.

(48:15):
And I learned more about Godand saw it and lived, lived it.
And it lived out through them,being around them, I learned the
truth.
And my cousins also reachedout to me daily and asked if I wanted
to continue.
Well, reached out to me dailyand asked me if I wanted to come
to the Sunday service.
And, and, and he.

(48:37):
He made sure I got there.
So he was always asking me ifI wanted a ride, which.
Thank you.
I'm glad you got your own car now.
And we developed a great relationship.
And I admire the example hesets and I trust the advice that
he gives me.
And about five months ago, I fully.
Well, now more time than that,I fully accepted God into my life

(48:59):
and accepted his love for me.
My life isn't perfect, but Godhas given me everything I need.
I have my family and I havejoy in my life, which I've never
had before.
God is growing in me throughcoming to FTL and here on Sundays
Now I pray every day, seeingwhat God has delivered me from.
And I wholeheartedly believethat he is the Almighty and that

(49:21):
his son, Jesus Christ died forme and paid for my sins.
I'm grateful.
I can look in the mirror andclearly, see, I am who God says I
am, his child.
I think that's a powerful testimony.
And as you read that, uh,like, you know, Rebecca was bawling
in the baptismal, and I wastrying to hold it back, too.
I was kind of some guy to my.

(49:43):
I don't know what happened.
Tears are coming down a little bit.
But I think when we were doingthis, right when we were writing
this out, I think that was amajor theme of that you realized
that you were his child, whichis the theme of this podcast, and.
And the benefits now that you have.
And I think we talked a lotwhen we'd go home, and sometimes
it was crazy stuff he wouldshare with me.

(50:03):
The first night, I was like,oh, my goodness.
Like, I don't know what I gotmyself into.
And then you said you weren'tused to being at peace.
Like, you didn't know what todo with.
Without chaos and turmoil.
Yeah.
And I found that to be like, wow.
Because I don't think.
I don't, you know, live inthose terms, but I think now you've

(50:25):
gotten probably used to livingjust at peace where you're not.
There's not a war going onwithin you.
Yeah, well, I think, too,like, I.
You know, when I first met youand you came to ftl, you know, I
noticed, you know, I.
You looked like you were very guarded.
You know, you were very.

(50:46):
You're hardcore, you know, you.
You.
You didn't.
You didn't smile a lot.
You know, I was trying to makesmall conversation, and you just,
you know, and.
And I could just see thatthere was just a real hardness about
you.
And I think that's probably aculmination of everything that you
grew up and you were upagainst and, you know, the situations
that you were put in.
Just like you said, you can'timagine what that's like without
peace.

(51:07):
But that's what you look likewhen you first came, and I saw you
grow over time and, you know,as we did the exchange, and I just
saw.
I just saw you soften, bro.
Not that you're soft oranything like that, but.
But I saw your heart soften.
Like, I saw that you.
You.
You started to smile a littlebit more.
Like you started to.
To sing.
Yeah, you were.
You would sing, you know, and.

(51:27):
And we had talking.
Sasu would.
I don't have conversationsafter Wednesday nights, you know,
did he.
I think he got saved tonight, dude.
I don't know.
Like, he was just, you know, and.
And.
And we were praying for you, bro.
I mean, this Whole time.
And we were praying andpraying that you would come to know
the Lord.
And it was just, it was neatto see that transformation, bro.
Like it was, it's night andday now.
Like so, so when I see younow, that's not the Tony I met about

(51:48):
a year ago.
Like, it's not, not the same, dude.
And praise the Lord, right?
I mean, we, we, we say theseverses every Friday night.
Behold, you know, you know, new.
We're new creatures, right?
And, and I think it's just a,it's just a really neat thing to
see how God has changed your life.
Pastor Todd or you know,talked about this today.
You know, it's, that's reallywhere it's at, man.

(52:08):
It's about seeing God change lives.
Like we, I mean, it's all ofus, bro.
Like we were all in, in thatmud and mire and you know, in the
gutter.
And God gloriously saved us.
He pulled us out of that pit,you know what I mean?
I know today at church I was,I was smiling and as the choir was
singing and then Rebecca waslooking at me like, what are you

(52:29):
laughing at?
And I'm like, no, they justthought of something that made me
smile.
Like, I'm just really happy.
Well, I think if we go back tothat picture of.
And I didn't, I, I don't know,I didn't that night, right?
You weren't, you were finewith me.
I didn't have issues with that.
But from that September firstweek of September when I picked you
up, because I know I was likeon a five day fast and I just had

(52:51):
bdubs for lunch, I was happyin myself.
And to the day you came out ofthe water, right?
That picture that they postedof the smile, the joy on your face,
that's.
I don't know, that's a, that'sa pretty priceless picture of, of
God transforming your life.
Where I could take you toDisneyland, right?
You wouldn't fit in the ridesanyway, but.
And you wouldn't have thatsame smile, you know what I mean?

(53:14):
And that's a temporary, youknow, you're having fun per se, but
this is a life change whereyou're going to go through hard times,
you're going to experiencedisappointments and setbacks, but
nothing, nobody can take awaythat salvation, that joy that God
gives.
And that's what I saw when youcame out of the wall.
I didn't see you, but I sawthe picture and I was like, wow,

(53:35):
look at, at that.
And Nicole, you know, saved itas her phone, screen saver, whatever
for a phone.
Just because it was a.
And she said, you don't know Tony.
Like, I know Tony, right.
How she knew you in the, youknow, the dark days of addiction.
And she just said, it's just.
And I think she was sharingwith Rebecca, like it's just a different.
Like it's such a night.
And, And Ben and I see it towhat we know you.

(53:57):
But she sees it from.
Because she's known your wholelife and just the change that God's
done in your life and.
And just.
I think this testimony thatwe're going to share with our listeners,
I think is a powerful.
Yeah.
That nobody's without hope, Right.
That God is able to saveanybody and everybody.
Like there's nobody beyond hisgrasp that he can't get a hold of.
Yeah.

(54:17):
I mean, I remember one time Iwas taking you home and I remember
you told me something and Iwas like, dude, that's crazy.
Like, you told me, you know,that in some of those days where
you were, you know, using andjust in that lifestyle.
And you just said, yeah, they just.
At that point, I didn't careif I died.
I didn't care if I went to hell.
Like, it just.
You just didn't care.
And I thought, man, that's aplace where you're just usually rock

(54:38):
bottom there, bro.
Like, you're just.
That's hopeless.
Entire hopelessness.
You didn't.
You didn't care.
And.
And to see you now, obviously,I mean, that's not.
Not the same thing.
I mean, now it's like, youknow, you're a child of God.
You said you look in themirror now and you like what you
see.
Yeah, that's.
There's one thing I'd writtenmy testimony to and my sister would
always try to explain to mewhat an eternity in hell was.

(54:59):
And she's like, thanks for theshout out, Tony.
Like, what?
But I mean, like, I just.
I knew that that's wassomething that would be.
I would have to deal with atsome point.
But, like, I just didn't wantto let it bother me because I didn't
want to be able to look at thebad things I was doing and feel like
a terrible person.
So it was easier for me to not care.

(55:22):
And I mean, I ended up notcaring about so many things that
it just.
It just leaked into everything.
And like, that's one thingthat really shows on somebody when
they live their life.
Like they don't care and theydon't love themselves.
You can really see it.
And that's.
I guess that's something thatmy sister has seen, like, in me because,
like, that's the one thingthat has changed about me was like,

(55:45):
I live, like, I do care, like,care about myself.
I love my family.
Like, you just.
Oh, it's like, is it, like,evidence that God is real?
Is in a transformed life and, like.
And just what God has done forme is something that.
Like this.
I guess words can't explain it.

(56:07):
Well, I think it's powerful tosee your family there, right.
For your baptism.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I don't think I've ever hadthat much of my family ever gather
for anything for me.
For a good thing, right?
Yeah, it's a good thing andnot like a quart or something, you
know?
Yeah.
And, like, all of them were happy.
Like, usually I was used toseeing worried looks on their face.

(56:28):
And I remember I went to seemy nana the other day, and then she's
like, oh, did you get a designin your hair?
I'm like, no.
She's like, oh, I rememberwhat happened that day.
I was like, nana, I remember too.
Like, I was really worriedabout you, mijo, but praise the Lord.
And I'm like, I love you, too.
Somebody put a design in yourhead, but it was not the barber.
Yeah.
So any closing thoughts?

(56:49):
Also, I would just like tojust to go back and just.
I feel like there's whereverstages you are, whether you're the
Nana.
Right.
That's, you know, laying thatfoundation are your sister or your
brother.
I think everybody plays a part.
And that's.
The Bible tells us, like, youknow, paulos water.
But God gave the increase.

(57:10):
Right.
So we don't always.
We're not always the oneactively involved in someone accepting
Christ, but we all play a rolein how we live our lives and what
we share.
And you weren't ready 10 yearsago, five years ago, but this last
time, you were ready.
Right?
God prepared your heart forthis time, and we all play a part.
Right.

(57:30):
If we will obey God and justsay, hey, I want to live my life
in a way that's pleasing toGod and sharing Christ with other
people.
And your nana did it for you.
Right.
Kind of laid that groundwork.
Your sister Nicole, probablyFrom the last 10 years, whatever,
little by little, was justhammering away at your hard heart.
Right.
And God was just working, andhe knew that wasn't the time for

(57:52):
you.
But.
And Ben and I got to see it,like, up close.
But that's just.
That's what God allowed forthis Time.
It wasn't that this, you know,but we all play a part in.
In people's lives, right?
We just don't know.
Maybe we witness to somebodyand they say no, but 10 years on
the road, they accept Christ.
And I would just say whenNicole texted me and, like, the same

(58:14):
thing, right?
I.
I knew about you.
We had played flag football,and I knew who you were, obviously,
and we have a picture back inthe day, but there was no relationship,
really, right?
There was no, like, hey, Tony, whatever.
I didn't know what you weredoing with your life.
You didn't know what I wasdoing with my life.
Life.
And we were dropping mydaughter off in school.
I was in South Carolina, and Isaid, yeah, I'll get with him when
I get back.

(58:34):
You know, like, no big deal.
And I think God's reallyblessed us to.
To witness what he's done inyour life and what he continues to
do.
And I was just tellingRebecca, like, Tony doesn't have
to come to church, right?
It's a decision that he makeson his own.
He doesn't have to come onFridays, but it's a decision he makes
on his own because God'sworking in his life.
And so you just.

(58:56):
Your life has been anencouragement to me, and I think
to a lot of people, you missed this.
The.
Went the Friday night afteryou got baptized.
And I think it was reallypowerful to hear people's testimony
just to say, wow, that.
That testimony, that baptismalwas impactful to me.
Right.
It blessed my life.
And I showed Ben It's aWonderful Life.
And he does.
He didn't like the movie very much.

(59:16):
I think he liked it better thesecond time.
But the impact.
I love that movie because theimpact we have on others that we
don't even realize for good orbad, right?
And I think God now is usingyour life for good to impact other
people's life.
And I just encourage you.
Keep doing it, keep staying onthe path, and one day you'll have
a Tony in your life.
That you're like, wow, that'slike, I got to see that.

(59:39):
Yeah.
Up close.
And what a blessing your.
Your testimony has been to mepersonally and to Rebecca.
I know the waterworks are inher eyes somewhere, and.
But just keep pressing on, right?
We're not perfect, and Ben andI are not either.
But we desire to see you growin Christ, and that's what we say.
Therefore, if any man be inChrist, he is a new creature.

(01:00:00):
Old things are passed away.
Behold, all things are become new.
I know like for like the first18 years of my life, like I barely
talked.
I was a really quiet person.
And like people like when likeI started to I guess see my family
as an adult and I'll be like,hey, what's up?
How's it going?
They'd be like, what's themost you've ever said to me?

(01:00:21):
Like, I don't know how to feelright now.
I can just leave moments wherelike I pause and I'm just like kind
of quiet.
Like, like it's just like I, Iguess I'm trying to find a way to
word how I'm feeling or likewhat I'm trying to say.
And like reading God's wordand everything has really giving
me like explanation I guess to.

(01:00:42):
Or like has really helped meto understand all those things that.
Cause like a lot of thosesilences in me or just like the moments
where I can't.
I don't know what to say or Idon't know what's going on or I don't
know what to do.
Like, like, what is this?
Like, I love it.
That's awesome.
Yeah.
Funny you mentioned there's apicture of you back in the day and
the first thing I thought ofwas twins, but that's an Easter egg.

(01:01:04):
Anyway, you can post that picture.
That's a funny picture.
I mean, Tony have a side by side.
But I would agree with Sasso Tony.
It's been an encouragement tosee you.
I love the.
I love watching God work andchanging a life.
I mean, you know, and it's,it's interesting because you have
a tremendous story becauseyou, it's, you know, you had a, a

(01:01:25):
drastic change in your life, right?
And not everybody has thatdrastic change.
Some kids, some people getsaved at the age of five or whatever.
But the reality is that thosepeople that are saved at the age
of five are just as dead as aperson who had a tremendous change
as you.
So I mean we all need, we allneed the, the, the forgiving power
of the Lord.
And today is really coolbecause it's Resurrection Sunday.

(01:01:47):
We're celebrating Jesus resurrection.
And that's the whole pivotalpoint of Christianity, right?
Without that resurrection, wewouldn't even be here.
We wouldn't be sitting herehaving this podcast because there's
no point to it, but because hedefeated death and forgave us for
our sins.
I mean that's.
And that's the Father's love, right?

(01:02:08):
That's how much love he hadfor us today.
So you.
And that's the love that you found.
That's the love that you now have.
That's the love that you'veencountered when you say, I'm a child
of God.
Right.
And, like, I.
I hold on to all this dearlybecause whenever I leave from here
and go back to where I live oreven go to work, like, there's not
a lot of people that feel thesame way or, like, see God the same

(01:02:31):
way.
So they're always trying totalk you out of what you know or
just coming at you the way,like, you're used to.
Like, it's seen, like, peoplewho, I guess, don't have God in their
life.
And it's just like, I hold on very.
I stand very firm on what itis I believe in.
Amen.
And just.
And like.
And there's no talking me outof it.

(01:02:51):
Like, a lot of people trip outon it because they're just like,
oh, well, like.
And I guess they kind of,like, they.
They see the difference thatis made.
Like, they just.
I don't know how to put it.
That's good, man.
Well, Tony, thank you for.
For sharing your story withus, and thank you for coming on the
podcast with us.
Enjoyed having you again.
It's been enjoying.
Enjoyed having the front rowto seeing what God's doing in your

(01:03:12):
life.
And I look forward to see what God.
I know.
I know God has something morefor you.
I know.
I think you've been alreadyapproached by somebody to, you know,
share your story with some.
Some troubled youths in.
In.
In a.
What is it?
Like a.
Like a.
It's juvenile.
Juvenile.
Juvenile jail, pretty much.
Yeah.
And, dude, that's, That's.
It's an amazing testimony tohave for that kind.
I was blown away the other daywhen pastor was talking about that

(01:03:35):
they have, you know, obviouslythey have church in.
In prison, but the fact thatthey're sending out missionaries
from prisoners from one prisonto another, that blew my mind.
I was like, that's amazing.
Because people, yeah, they.
If anybody needs God, it'sthose people.
Right?
I mean, we all need God, andit's just amazing to see how God
even works inside the prisons.
But your testimony ispowerful, and you can use that.

(01:03:57):
And I.
So I see God using you locked up.
There's one person you canhave a great influence on is your
cellmate because you're lockedup for so long.
Yep.
Like, with them, it's like you just.
Oh, yeah, 100.
I mean, I know Jamie's hadtremendous impact, and he's probably
led a lot of people to Christ.
So it's it's something that'sdefinitely going to be up your alley,

(01:04:17):
bro.
So keep pressing for Jesus, bro.
That's good stuff.
Your devotion has 601 views asof today.
We checked it before we came, so.
Well, everybody, thank you forjoining us on this episode of the
podcast.
Please check out our website,AbundantLife FM.
We will have this episodeposted there with show notes and

(01:04:40):
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So check us out, BunnyLife FM.
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Thank you for listening.
Yeah.
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So thank you very much.
It's much appreciated.
Kiko, if you want to donate,you are more than welcome.
To my friend, there's a.
Don't.
There's a donate button on the website.

(01:05:01):
Name, but on the website after the.
The food.
Yeah.
Love you.
Bye.
All right, thanks forwatching, guys.
Thank you.
Till next time.
See you next time.
Thank you for having me.
Thank you for listening to theAbundant Life podcast.
We pray you were blessed bytoday's episode.
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Until next time.
May God bless you.

(01:05:27):
Sa.

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