September 12, 2023 • 21 mins
😵💫 Feeling the existential dread of Mercury Retrograde and the rising tide of AI? As I grapple with these immense shifts, I question the future of my acting career and the whole artistic community. #podcastproducer #actor #podcaster
I walk you through my journey, comparing my experiences to the decline of Tony Romas and the seemingly parallel state of Hollywood today. I share my fears, sacrifices, and the looming possibility of changing the direction of my career.
Yet, in all this uncertainty, I find solace in the wisdom of Hip-Hop Legend DMX and the legendary success of Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz. Drawing strength from global strikes and the indomitable spirit of humanity, I delve into the power of faith and self-belief.
Listen in as I share my experience of emancipation from the need for external validation, and how I took control of my destiny. As the world changes around us, join me to embrace the storm with open arms, keeping faith, and the love for acting alive.
Acting Lessons Learned is Produced, Written, Recorded, Engineered and Edited by Tiwana Floyd
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Tiwana Floyd (00:02):
Hey, there You're listening to Acting Lessons
Learned.
I'm Tiwana Floyd and I sharestories of the lessons I've
learned and still learning as anactor in LA.
I hope my stories help you toprosper on your actor journey.
This is episode number 131 andI'll be discussing… am I about
to quit acting?
But before I get into my actingfuture… it's Mercury Retrograde
(00:25):
.
For those of us who believe inMercury Retrograde, we know it
causes intense life disruptions.
I call it Merc Retch becauseit's a wretched prankster with a
sense of humor no one elsefinds funny.
I'm a Gemini.
Mercury is my ruling planet.
I have experienced too manycommunication breakdowns during
(00:47):
Merc Retch, so I don't ignorethe effects it brings.
And if you're like Tawanna, Idon't even know what you're
talking about.
What is Mercury Retrograde?
Well, merc Retch is said to bean optical illusion, which means
it looks as if the planet ismoving backward from our view
here on Earth.
But in my mind, the planetcomes to a complete halt,
(01:08):
downshifting gears into reverseand orbiting rearward like a
carnival carousel, playingbackward calliope music for
about a month, and it happensthree times a year.
This backward motion affectsall the planets, as there will
be seven planets in totalretrograding simultaneously in
the coming months, and eachplanet represents its own
(01:30):
property.
Merc Retch disrupts technologyand communication.
It drums up things from thepast, so those tasks you put on
the back burner or youcompletely drop the ball on,
they come back to remind youthat they require your attention
, and it also applies to thoseold exes.
Now, merc Retch isn't all badLike Yin and Yang.
(01:52):
Some of its properties areactually quite helpful.
Now, merc Retch is the reasonthis episode is late.
I recorded my episode last weekin a VO booth, but I left my zip
drive in the USB hub.
Now the studio was closed onFriday through Monday, so I had
to get up the gumption tore-record it in my hot closet in
(02:14):
LA's three digit weather, and Ijust couldn't do it.
It was too hot.
So here I am on a Monday, backin a booth, and I cannot find my
zip drive.
Now.
Maybe I misplaced it or maybesomebody just said hey, 64
gigabytes, thank you.
Either way, I'm here and solet's get into it.
I've been.
(02:34):
I've been contemplating thefuture of my acting career,
including the successes, thesetbacks and the things I have
yet to achieve.
The WGA and SAG After Strikeshave made me question how the
rise of AI will impact myexistence as an actor, asking if
this is the moment where I exitstage left.
(02:55):
You know I'm often curiousabout what makes someone leave
the business.
If I will ever reach that pointand if that point is now, do
you ever feel like what is thisall for?
Wondering if the sacrifice isworth it?
Because acting is a tremendoussacrifice for relationships and
finances and mental health.
(03:16):
We put a lot on the line tohave hope for a career and now
that we are faced with this AIdebacle, I'm finding it quite
scary for all artists, but moreso for actors, because our
physical image doesn't fallunder copyright protections like
a writer's words or an artist'spainting.
So if we lose the right toprotect our image from being
(03:39):
scanned and used in perpetuity,forever throughout the universe
for known and unknown uses,which is a standard language in
most contracts we sign fortelevision and film, we will
always be competing withourselves, and that sounds like
a sinister episode of the 1950ssci-fi TV show.
To add a kick in the face toinjury.
(04:01):
I binge watched several recentepisodes of a British anthology
television series that exploresgenres set in near future
dystopias with sci-fi technology, and it had me anxiety riddled
and distrustful of all projects.
Fyi, I won't be mentioning anyAMPTP-struck shows to honor the
(04:21):
strike rules, but hopefully thepremise lines will hint at what
I speak of.
If you know me, you know thatoptimism is my default.
I believe there is always asilver lining, but lately, the
more I witness the atrocities ofthe world and the greed of the
(04:41):
individuals amassing vastfortunes while artists actually
the global population struggleto make ends meet, the harder it
is to uphold my positiveoutlook.
The idea that these powers areattempting to remove
infrastructures that allow us toearn a living makes me feel
resentment and frustration,anxiety and stress.
(05:03):
It's all extraordinarilydisconcerting and I'm an actor
so I feel everything.
But right now I don't want tohandle all of these heavy
emotions and I'm certain Mercuryretrograde is exacerbating
these fearful thoughts.
Whenever I watch films ortelevision shows set in
(05:24):
dystopian futures, I wonder whatextinction level event got us
there.
And with what we're up againstnow, I can see how one immoral
turn in this landscape can leadus to live the Hunger Games,
although I hope I never get tothat juncture because I'm too
much of a New Yorker to survivefull-time life in the woods.
I don't know how to build afire and I'd be eating all the
(05:46):
wrong berries, breaking out intofull body hives, and the
mosquitoes would make a Hawaiianluau feast out of me, because
no matter where I am in theworld, I'm the one who
constantly gets bitten by athousand mosquitoes, while
everyone else is immune.
So a dystopian future justwould not be a good look for me.
But what gives me hope is theresolve of those of us who are
(06:09):
sick and tired of being sick andtired.
On the podcast Bullseye withJesse Thorn, writer-director
Boots Riley spoke about thenumber of strikes around the
world tracked and documented byPaydayReportcom.
They have recorded 2900 strikesworldwide in the past three
years.
This is evidence that those ofus not in the top 1% are fed up
(06:32):
and unwilling to give up.
We are ready to go the distanceto achieve equality Now.
This is the silver lining thatI hold on to to keep hope alive.
If people could unite to bringdown the Berlin Wall, we can
also unite to dismantle othersystems that promote force,
power and profit over people.
(06:54):
Have you heard the DC DistrictCourt recently affirm the US
Copyright Office position that awork generated entirely by
artificial intelligencetechnology is not eligible for
copyright protection.
See another silver lining,although we know the AMPTP is
already working to find aworkaround, because their entire
existence is built oncopywriting the work of others.
(07:15):
It's nice to hear that thecourts have ruled against
copyright protection in thisarena.
However, it still doesn't covername, image and likeness of
actors, and it really tickled meto learn that the members of
Congress are finally beginningto understand that if they pass
laws allowing perpetual imageuse, their images would also be
subject to ownership by outsideentities, and they don't like
(07:39):
that notion, so hopefully theywill be more fervent in their
awareness.
A local radio station, kpfk,here in LA, hosts a segment
called Strike Talk where theyinterviewed actor-producer and
SAG After Local board memberJason George.
Jason spoke eloquently aboutthe impact of the strikes in
layman's terms.
He shared information on themassive box office numbers of
(08:02):
the two recent summerblockbuster films that now have
studios scrambling to figure outhow they will follow up to make
summer 2024 an equal orincreased success.
Now is when producers wouldbegin production on next year's
summer films, but since we arestriking, they can already
foresee financial projectionsfor 2024 and the big-figure
(08:25):
losses they'll endure.
So, as they allegedly try tohire crisis PR companies and use
shady tactics to leak liesabout coming to the table with a
WGA and SAG After they willhave to come to the tables with
an ethical conversation soonerthan they are willing.
See all of these silver linings.
(08:46):
Keep my active actorimagination from writing false
narratives that can render mehopeless.
I still have a lot of things Iwant to do, so I'm committed to
relying on my optimistic ways,knowing there is always a silver
lining.
I just wish my imaginationwould tell me what the silver
lining is, the same as I wish itwould tell me all the great
(09:06):
solutions that typically come tome after I audition.
But enough doom and gloom.
On a lighter note, I have beenfollowing the creator economy
very closely.
This is a flourishing periodfor creators, with the industry
valued at over $104 billion andexpected to grow to over $200
billion by 2026.
Like many other actors, Ipossess a diverse range of
(09:29):
storytelling skills, includingwriting, digital editing,
podcasting, social mediamarketing and acting.
Previously, I used to believethat I would execute all of my
creative ideas once I became ahighly sought after talent.
I now realize I do not have towait until that day arrives.
I can establish myself as amedia player right now, but I'm
(09:52):
still left with how acting fitsinto my overall vision.
For 18 years I have beenprogrammed to believe there is
only one way to be a successfulactor Work on my craft, get an
agent, wait for someone to sayyes to me and take any job I can
get and worry about morals inbuilding a body of work.
(10:12):
Later, that way required me topass the reins of driving my
career onto someone else, butit's incredibly disempowering.
Sure, I need the assistance ofrepresentatives and casting
directors, but they almost neverare staunch advocates for my
well-being because they havetheir own agendas to protect.
The Hollywood infrastructure isfractured.
(10:34):
I'm talking about lots ofun-mendable fissures.
It just may be eating itselffrom the inside out, possibly
the reason why the AMPTP isupholding desperate measures to
own everything.
While listening to an interviewwith comedian and co-creator of
the Nigerian nurse show on amajor network, gina Yesheire, I
(10:56):
learned how the syndicationmodel is dying because now most
shows don't make it to the 100episode mark.
That puts the show intosyndication.
Also, instead of the rerunsairing on network television
with advertising support, thoseshows are being moved to
streaming platforms wherethere's little to no residuals
paid to actors and writers,which is why we're in this fight
(11:19):
, y'all.
These times to me arereminiscent of the 1990s, when I
saw the fast approaching lightsin the tunnel of a server job I
held for seven years at TonyRomas in Yonkers, new York.
When the restaurant went frombeing a well-known moneymaker
under the same umbrella asBurger King, owned and sold by
Horn and Hardit, I watched allthose locations begin to decline
(11:43):
to extinction.
I could foresee the end ofthose restaurants at least Tony
Romas, and I didn't wait for thedoors to be padlocked as my
peers did.
I found another job in theretail sector because my
livelihood was at stake.
It was clear to my 20-year-oldself that no one was advocating
on my behalf or the behalf ofthe staff in any of those
(12:03):
locations.
Comparing Hollywood to acorporate rib joint might not be
appropriate or a good measure.
Still, I can clearly see thatit's time for me to change
direction.
The question is where should Ipivot to?
Should I walk away from acting?
Although I resent thebureaucracy that comes along
(12:24):
with being a working actor, theconstant disparagement of actors
, the struggle to gain access orto find the best theatrical
agent who truly recognizes myworth and advocates for me more
than they do the studio system.
I still genuinely enjoy acting.
However, all the negativitythat comes with it really breaks
(12:45):
my heart.
I'm starting to wonder have Ibecome jaded?
Because if that's the case, I'mafraid my career won't flourish
, because a dull outlook doesn'ttranslate to triumph.
This train of thought beganduring the lockdown period in
2020, when we were forced tohalt everything.
It was a bittersweet break thatI needed to escape from the
(13:05):
haze of my Hollywood lifestyleand see how things were
progressing, regressing or juststagnant.
I became consciously aware ofhow this industry mistreats
actors, and it sometimes makesme weep.
I have trouble reconciling thetargeted disdain and what really
sucks is how insidious it is.
(13:27):
There are verbal jabs disguisedas jokes at our expense,
systemic racism.
There are spaces where actorsare not wanted.
I recently listened to threestories on three different
occasions about three differentagents from actors telling me
how their agents won't negotiatehigher rates when asked by the
actors how the agents will saywell, we don't want to rock the
(13:49):
boat, or blatantly lie and saythey asked for the bump, but the
actor finds out the ask wasnever made.
I have been privately angry tobe seeing behind the veil where
the truth lives.
I was having difficultyreconciling why I had this
information and, seemingly, wasthe only one to be outraged by
(14:10):
it.
I guess I'm fortunate that Isee both the good and the bad of
things.
I can see the subcontext ofthings and I'm fortunate that
when I'm seeking understanding,spirit always shows me a way.
For instance, lucille Ball'sautobiography was put into my
awareness.
Everything I was experiencingshe confirmed to be a side
(14:32):
effect of Hollywood and how themistreatment of actors was much
worse in her time when thestudio system managed everything
and everybody.
This inequity was why she andDesi Arnez began their own
production company and startedtheir own TV show, filming live
television by Multicam, whichwas the first time either was
done.
They didn't let the unfairnessstop them.
(14:56):
Even my YouTube algorithm, whichis very accurate, showed me a
short where multi-platinumhip-hop artist DMX may he rest
in peace was recorded saying,quote Always trust everybody to
beat themselves, but alwaystrust that you can see them.
Well, it takes too much energyto not trust someone.
You have to stay two stepsahead of them.
Trust a snake to bite you, aliar to lie to you, a thief to
(15:19):
steal from you, but always seethem.
End quote.
So basically, hollywood's gone,hollywood, and I can choose to
see it for what it is and thendecide how to maneuver, because,
at the end of the day, nomatter if it's actors, writers,
directors, casting or agents,we're all in the same boat being
shot on.
So what's the path of leastdefecation?
(15:41):
Finding my own way?
Just last week, I was given twomore divine gifts of advice from
recent Ture Show podcastepisodes.
The first gift came from aninterview with Styles P, an
emcee and one third of theGrammy nominated hip-hop group
the Locks, also from Yonkers.
In an interview, ture mentioneda friend who believed that
(16:02):
rappers should stop trying toadvance their careers once they
turn 40 years old.
Styles P passionately disagreedwith this notion and asserted
that no other genre in music hadsuch an age limitation, not
rock and roll, jazz, countrymusic or any other genre.
We continue that, knowing whathe knows.
Now, instead of chasing fameand getting caught up in getting
(16:24):
the record deal, artists shouldfocus on doing the art they
love from beginning to end, andthe payoff would come from that.
I had to hit pause.
I had to hit pause in thepodcast after hearing that
Because, firstly, we actors putunnecessary pressure on
ourselves to achieve significantsuccess before turning 30, 40,
(16:45):
50, 60.
However, we fail to realizethat the older we become is our
prime age, as we become betterperformers.
After experiencing much lifeand gaining tremendous human
experiences, I mean there arecertain emotions and parts of me
that I could not have accessedin my 20s or 30s.
But now I can channel plenty ofpent-up emotions and even use
(17:08):
them to mop the floor with myacting performances.
But age and timing was not themessage I needed to hear.
I want to explore the latterpart of Stiles P's statement.
Have I been doing the art thatI truly love From the beginning
to now?
Or have I been focused on theproverbial record deal or, in
our case, the series regular, orthat one big job that shoots us
(17:31):
into stardom, or a high levelsuccess that solves all of our
problems?
Our problems will never besolved, we just learn how to
handle them with ease and grace.
Hopefully, I also had toexamine what art do I love today
?
Over the past 18 years of beingin Los Angeles, my preferences,
(17:51):
my way of being, my point ofview have changed drastically.
The second divine gift ofguidance was from comedian and
TV show co-creator, jeanneYashari, whom I mentioned
earlier.
Jeanne spoke about being awoman and a black woman who
doesn't fit into the white idealof beauty, how she decided to
(18:12):
circumvent the obstacles put inher way.
So she created her own comedyspecials.
When Netflix wasn't looking forher, she said I didn't sit back
and complain.
And because she understood thebarriers to entry in both the UK
and America, she said I'm goingto have to find a different way
.
She faced a lot of adversity,but today she's a millionaire
(18:33):
from her creativity by workingher craft unconventionally,
doing the art she loves comedy.
Reflecting on my acting journey,I have been laboring to achieve
the metaphoric record deal.
I have been informing agentsand casting directors of my
existence, experiencing amodicum of success, but after 18
years of striving, I have notreached the desired goal.
(18:56):
And the reason why I keepmentioning the 18 years is
because I will celebrate my 18thanniversary in Los Angeles on
September 12th Beep, beep, beep,beep, beep, beep.
I'm still here, or am I?
According to numerology, whenyou take 18 to be the sum of 1
and 8, equaling 9, the 9 isconsidered the number of wisdom
(19:18):
and experience.
It represents the awakening ofinner wisdom through life
experiences and struggles.
Although I'm consideringchanging direction, retiring
from acting is not an option.
I enjoy it too much.
Something has been missing inmy artistic pursuits, or rather
relinquished.
So, moving forward, I amreleasing the heartbreak, the
(19:41):
artist's wound and the jadedmindset.
I'm going to take the advice ofboth hip-hop emcees from
Yonkers, new York, dmx and SylesP, to trust Hollywood to be
itself, and with a renewed joy.
I am doing the art I love fromnow until the end and I'm taking
back the reins of my career.
(20:01):
I wish I could tell you whatthat looks like.
I won't and I can't.
I won't tell you because I'mjust not one to disclose what
I'm going to do.
I just do it and it's revealedwhen I'm done.
And I can't tell you because itwill be divinely and
intuitively guided.
So I don't know.
But I trust God is my sourceand with that knowing it removes
(20:23):
false idols, ie Hollywood frommy pedestal of praise.
So mark my words A change iscoming, folks.
The light in a tunnel is fastapproaching, but I fear nothing
because I'm no longer waiting inthe station for that train or
how I used to expect it to showup.
(20:43):
Let the church say amen.
Thank you for listening.
Acting Lessons Learned isproduced, written, recorded,
edited and engineered by TawannaFloyd.
All of my social media linksare in the description.
If you want to support the show, please leave a five star
rating or leave a kind review,and I'll be back in two weeks.
(21:03):
Bye.
Hey, there You're listening to Acting Lessons
Learned.
I'm Tiwana Floyd and I sharestories of the lessons I've
learned and still learning as anactor in LA.
I hope my stories help you toprosper on your actor journey.
This is episode number 131 andI'll be discussing… am I about
to quit acting?
But before I get into my actingfuture… it's Mercury Retrograde
(00:25):
.
For those of us who believe inMercury Retrograde, we know it
causes intense life disruptions.
I call it Merc Retch becauseit's a wretched prankster with a
sense of humor no one elsefinds funny.
I'm a Gemini.
Mercury is my ruling planet.
I have experienced too manycommunication breakdowns during
(00:47):
Merc Retch, so I don't ignorethe effects it brings.
And if you're like Tawanna, Idon't even know what you're
talking about.
What is Mercury Retrograde?
Well, merc Retch is said to bean optical illusion, which means
it looks as if the planet ismoving backward from our view
here on Earth.
But in my mind, the planetcomes to a complete halt,
(01:08):
downshifting gears into reverseand orbiting rearward like a
carnival carousel, playingbackward calliope music for
about a month, and it happensthree times a year.
This backward motion affectsall the planets, as there will
be seven planets in totalretrograding simultaneously in
the coming months, and eachplanet represents its own
(01:30):
property.
Merc Retch disrupts technologyand communication.
It drums up things from thepast, so those tasks you put on
the back burner or youcompletely drop the ball on,
they come back to remind youthat they require your attention
, and it also applies to thoseold exes.
Now, merc Retch isn't all badLike Yin and Yang.
(01:52):
Some of its properties areactually quite helpful.
Now, merc Retch is the reasonthis episode is late.
I recorded my episode last weekin a VO booth, but I left my zip
drive in the USB hub.
Now the studio was closed onFriday through Monday, so I had
to get up the gumption tore-record it in my hot closet in
(02:14):
LA's three digit weather, and Ijust couldn't do it.
It was too hot.
So here I am on a Monday, backin a booth, and I cannot find my
zip drive.
Now.
Maybe I misplaced it or maybesomebody just said hey, 64
gigabytes, thank you.
Either way, I'm here and solet's get into it.
I've been.
(02:34):
I've been contemplating thefuture of my acting career,
including the successes, thesetbacks and the things I have
yet to achieve.
The WGA and SAG After Strikeshave made me question how the
rise of AI will impact myexistence as an actor, asking if
this is the moment where I exitstage left.
(02:55):
You know I'm often curiousabout what makes someone leave
the business.
If I will ever reach that pointand if that point is now, do
you ever feel like what is thisall for?
Wondering if the sacrifice isworth it?
Because acting is a tremendoussacrifice for relationships and
finances and mental health.
(03:16):
We put a lot on the line tohave hope for a career and now
that we are faced with this AIdebacle, I'm finding it quite
scary for all artists, but moreso for actors, because our
physical image doesn't fallunder copyright protections like
a writer's words or an artist'spainting.
So if we lose the right toprotect our image from being
(03:39):
scanned and used in perpetuity,forever throughout the universe
for known and unknown uses,which is a standard language in
most contracts we sign fortelevision and film, we will
always be competing withourselves, and that sounds like
a sinister episode of the 1950ssci-fi TV show.
To add a kick in the face toinjury.
(04:01):
I binge watched several recentepisodes of a British anthology
television series that exploresgenres set in near future
dystopias with sci-fi technology, and it had me anxiety riddled
and distrustful of all projects.
Fyi, I won't be mentioning anyAMPTP-struck shows to honor the
(04:21):
strike rules, but hopefully thepremise lines will hint at what
I speak of.
If you know me, you know thatoptimism is my default.
I believe there is always asilver lining, but lately, the
more I witness the atrocities ofthe world and the greed of the
(04:41):
individuals amassing vastfortunes while artists actually
the global population struggleto make ends meet, the harder it
is to uphold my positiveoutlook.
The idea that these powers areattempting to remove
infrastructures that allow us toearn a living makes me feel
resentment and frustration,anxiety and stress.
(05:03):
It's all extraordinarilydisconcerting and I'm an actor
so I feel everything.
But right now I don't want tohandle all of these heavy
emotions and I'm certain Mercuryretrograde is exacerbating
these fearful thoughts.
Whenever I watch films ortelevision shows set in
(05:24):
dystopian futures, I wonder whatextinction level event got us
there.
And with what we're up againstnow, I can see how one immoral
turn in this landscape can leadus to live the Hunger Games,
although I hope I never get tothat juncture because I'm too
much of a New Yorker to survivefull-time life in the woods.
I don't know how to build afire and I'd be eating all the
(05:46):
wrong berries, breaking out intofull body hives, and the
mosquitoes would make a Hawaiianluau feast out of me, because
no matter where I am in theworld, I'm the one who
constantly gets bitten by athousand mosquitoes, while
everyone else is immune.
So a dystopian future justwould not be a good look for me.
But what gives me hope is theresolve of those of us who are
(06:09):
sick and tired of being sick andtired.
On the podcast Bullseye withJesse Thorn, writer-director
Boots Riley spoke about thenumber of strikes around the
world tracked and documented byPaydayReportcom.
They have recorded 2900 strikesworldwide in the past three
years.
This is evidence that those ofus not in the top 1% are fed up
(06:32):
and unwilling to give up.
We are ready to go the distanceto achieve equality Now.
This is the silver lining thatI hold on to to keep hope alive.
If people could unite to bringdown the Berlin Wall, we can
also unite to dismantle othersystems that promote force,
power and profit over people.
(06:54):
Have you heard the DC DistrictCourt recently affirm the US
Copyright Office position that awork generated entirely by
artificial intelligencetechnology is not eligible for
copyright protection.
See another silver lining,although we know the AMPTP is
already working to find aworkaround, because their entire
existence is built oncopywriting the work of others.
(07:15):
It's nice to hear that thecourts have ruled against
copyright protection in thisarena.
However, it still doesn't covername, image and likeness of
actors, and it really tickled meto learn that the members of
Congress are finally beginningto understand that if they pass
laws allowing perpetual imageuse, their images would also be
subject to ownership by outsideentities, and they don't like
(07:39):
that notion, so hopefully theywill be more fervent in their
awareness.
A local radio station, kpfk,here in LA, hosts a segment
called Strike Talk where theyinterviewed actor-producer and
SAG After Local board memberJason George.
Jason spoke eloquently aboutthe impact of the strikes in
layman's terms.
He shared information on themassive box office numbers of
(08:02):
the two recent summerblockbuster films that now have
studios scrambling to figure outhow they will follow up to make
summer 2024 an equal orincreased success.
Now is when producers wouldbegin production on next year's
summer films, but since we arestriking, they can already
foresee financial projectionsfor 2024 and the big-figure
(08:25):
losses they'll endure.
So, as they allegedly try tohire crisis PR companies and use
shady tactics to leak liesabout coming to the table with a
WGA and SAG After they willhave to come to the tables with
an ethical conversation soonerthan they are willing.
See all of these silver linings.
(08:46):
Keep my active actorimagination from writing false
narratives that can render mehopeless.
I still have a lot of things Iwant to do, so I'm committed to
relying on my optimistic ways,knowing there is always a silver
lining.
I just wish my imaginationwould tell me what the silver
lining is, the same as I wish itwould tell me all the great
(09:06):
solutions that typically come tome after I audition.
But enough doom and gloom.
On a lighter note, I have beenfollowing the creator economy
very closely.
This is a flourishing periodfor creators, with the industry
valued at over $104 billion andexpected to grow to over $200
billion by 2026.
Like many other actors, Ipossess a diverse range of
(09:29):
storytelling skills, includingwriting, digital editing,
podcasting, social mediamarketing and acting.
Previously, I used to believethat I would execute all of my
creative ideas once I became ahighly sought after talent.
I now realize I do not have towait until that day arrives.
I can establish myself as amedia player right now, but I'm
(09:52):
still left with how acting fitsinto my overall vision.
For 18 years I have beenprogrammed to believe there is
only one way to be a successfulactor Work on my craft, get an
agent, wait for someone to sayyes to me and take any job I can
get and worry about morals inbuilding a body of work.
(10:12):
Later, that way required me topass the reins of driving my
career onto someone else, butit's incredibly disempowering.
Sure, I need the assistance ofrepresentatives and casting
directors, but they almost neverare staunch advocates for my
well-being because they havetheir own agendas to protect.
The Hollywood infrastructure isfractured.
(10:34):
I'm talking about lots ofun-mendable fissures.
It just may be eating itselffrom the inside out, possibly
the reason why the AMPTP isupholding desperate measures to
own everything.
While listening to an interviewwith comedian and co-creator of
the Nigerian nurse show on amajor network, gina Yesheire, I
(10:56):
learned how the syndicationmodel is dying because now most
shows don't make it to the 100episode mark.
That puts the show intosyndication.
Also, instead of the rerunsairing on network television
with advertising support, thoseshows are being moved to
streaming platforms wherethere's little to no residuals
paid to actors and writers,which is why we're in this fight
(11:19):
, y'all.
These times to me arereminiscent of the 1990s, when I
saw the fast approaching lightsin the tunnel of a server job I
held for seven years at TonyRomas in Yonkers, new York.
When the restaurant went frombeing a well-known moneymaker
under the same umbrella asBurger King, owned and sold by
Horn and Hardit, I watched allthose locations begin to decline
(11:43):
to extinction.
I could foresee the end ofthose restaurants at least Tony
Romas, and I didn't wait for thedoors to be padlocked as my
peers did.
I found another job in theretail sector because my
livelihood was at stake.
It was clear to my 20-year-oldself that no one was advocating
on my behalf or the behalf ofthe staff in any of those
(12:03):
locations.
Comparing Hollywood to acorporate rib joint might not be
appropriate or a good measure.
Still, I can clearly see thatit's time for me to change
direction.
The question is where should Ipivot to?
Should I walk away from acting?
Although I resent thebureaucracy that comes along
(12:24):
with being a working actor, theconstant disparagement of actors
, the struggle to gain access orto find the best theatrical
agent who truly recognizes myworth and advocates for me more
than they do the studio system.
I still genuinely enjoy acting.
However, all the negativitythat comes with it really breaks
(12:45):
my heart.
I'm starting to wonder have Ibecome jaded?
Because if that's the case, I'mafraid my career won't flourish
, because a dull outlook doesn'ttranslate to triumph.
This train of thought beganduring the lockdown period in
2020, when we were forced tohalt everything.
It was a bittersweet break thatI needed to escape from the
(13:05):
haze of my Hollywood lifestyleand see how things were
progressing, regressing or juststagnant.
I became consciously aware ofhow this industry mistreats
actors, and it sometimes makesme weep.
I have trouble reconciling thetargeted disdain and what really
sucks is how insidious it is.
(13:27):
There are verbal jabs disguisedas jokes at our expense,
systemic racism.
There are spaces where actorsare not wanted.
I recently listened to threestories on three different
occasions about three differentagents from actors telling me
how their agents won't negotiatehigher rates when asked by the
actors how the agents will saywell, we don't want to rock the
(13:49):
boat, or blatantly lie and saythey asked for the bump, but the
actor finds out the ask wasnever made.
I have been privately angry tobe seeing behind the veil where
the truth lives.
I was having difficultyreconciling why I had this
information and, seemingly, wasthe only one to be outraged by
(14:10):
it.
I guess I'm fortunate that Isee both the good and the bad of
things.
I can see the subcontext ofthings and I'm fortunate that
when I'm seeking understanding,spirit always shows me a way.
For instance, lucille Ball'sautobiography was put into my
awareness.
Everything I was experiencingshe confirmed to be a side
(14:32):
effect of Hollywood and how themistreatment of actors was much
worse in her time when thestudio system managed everything
and everybody.
This inequity was why she andDesi Arnez began their own
production company and startedtheir own TV show, filming live
television by Multicam, whichwas the first time either was
done.
They didn't let the unfairnessstop them.
(14:56):
Even my YouTube algorithm, whichis very accurate, showed me a
short where multi-platinumhip-hop artist DMX may he rest
in peace was recorded saying,quote Always trust everybody to
beat themselves, but alwaystrust that you can see them.
Well, it takes too much energyto not trust someone.
You have to stay two stepsahead of them.
Trust a snake to bite you, aliar to lie to you, a thief to
(15:19):
steal from you, but always seethem.
End quote.
So basically, hollywood's gone,hollywood, and I can choose to
see it for what it is and thendecide how to maneuver, because,
at the end of the day, nomatter if it's actors, writers,
directors, casting or agents,we're all in the same boat being
shot on.
So what's the path of leastdefecation?
(15:41):
Finding my own way?
Just last week, I was given twomore divine gifts of advice from
recent Ture Show podcastepisodes.
The first gift came from aninterview with Styles P, an
emcee and one third of theGrammy nominated hip-hop group
the Locks, also from Yonkers.
In an interview, ture mentioneda friend who believed that
(16:02):
rappers should stop trying toadvance their careers once they
turn 40 years old.
Styles P passionately disagreedwith this notion and asserted
that no other genre in music hadsuch an age limitation, not
rock and roll, jazz, countrymusic or any other genre.
We continue that, knowing whathe knows.
Now, instead of chasing fameand getting caught up in getting
(16:24):
the record deal, artists shouldfocus on doing the art they
love from beginning to end, andthe payoff would come from that.
I had to hit pause.
I had to hit pause in thepodcast after hearing that
Because, firstly, we actors putunnecessary pressure on
ourselves to achieve significantsuccess before turning 30, 40,
(16:45):
50, 60.
However, we fail to realizethat the older we become is our
prime age, as we become betterperformers.
After experiencing much lifeand gaining tremendous human
experiences, I mean there arecertain emotions and parts of me
that I could not have accessedin my 20s or 30s.
But now I can channel plenty ofpent-up emotions and even use
(17:08):
them to mop the floor with myacting performances.
But age and timing was not themessage I needed to hear.
I want to explore the latterpart of Stiles P's statement.
Have I been doing the art thatI truly love From the beginning
to now?
Or have I been focused on theproverbial record deal or, in
our case, the series regular, orthat one big job that shoots us
(17:31):
into stardom, or a high levelsuccess that solves all of our
problems?
Our problems will never besolved, we just learn how to
handle them with ease and grace.
Hopefully, I also had toexamine what art do I love today
?
Over the past 18 years of beingin Los Angeles, my preferences,
(17:51):
my way of being, my point ofview have changed drastically.
The second divine gift ofguidance was from comedian and
TV show co-creator, jeanneYashari, whom I mentioned
earlier.
Jeanne spoke about being awoman and a black woman who
doesn't fit into the white idealof beauty, how she decided to
(18:12):
circumvent the obstacles put inher way.
So she created her own comedyspecials.
When Netflix wasn't looking forher, she said I didn't sit back
and complain.
And because she understood thebarriers to entry in both the UK
and America, she said I'm goingto have to find a different way
.
She faced a lot of adversity,but today she's a millionaire
(18:33):
from her creativity by workingher craft unconventionally,
doing the art she loves comedy.
Reflecting on my acting journey,I have been laboring to achieve
the metaphoric record deal.
I have been informing agentsand casting directors of my
existence, experiencing amodicum of success, but after 18
years of striving, I have notreached the desired goal.
(18:56):
And the reason why I keepmentioning the 18 years is
because I will celebrate my 18thanniversary in Los Angeles on
September 12th Beep, beep, beep,beep, beep, beep.
I'm still here, or am I?
According to numerology, whenyou take 18 to be the sum of 1
and 8, equaling 9, the 9 isconsidered the number of wisdom
(19:18):
and experience.
It represents the awakening ofinner wisdom through life
experiences and struggles.
Although I'm consideringchanging direction, retiring
from acting is not an option.
I enjoy it too much.
Something has been missing inmy artistic pursuits, or rather
relinquished.
So, moving forward, I amreleasing the heartbreak, the
(19:41):
artist's wound and the jadedmindset.
I'm going to take the advice ofboth hip-hop emcees from
Yonkers, new York, dmx and SylesP, to trust Hollywood to be
itself, and with a renewed joy.
I am doing the art I love fromnow until the end and I'm taking
back the reins of my career.
(20:01):
I wish I could tell you whatthat looks like.
I won't and I can't.
I won't tell you because I'mjust not one to disclose what
I'm going to do.
I just do it and it's revealedwhen I'm done.
And I can't tell you because itwill be divinely and
intuitively guided.
So I don't know.
But I trust God is my sourceand with that knowing it removes
(20:23):
false idols, ie Hollywood frommy pedestal of praise.
So mark my words A change iscoming, folks.
The light in a tunnel is fastapproaching, but I fear nothing
because I'm no longer waiting inthe station for that train or
how I used to expect it to showup.
(20:43):
Let the church say amen.
Thank you for listening.
Acting Lessons Learned isproduced, written, recorded,
edited and engineered by TawannaFloyd.
All of my social media linksare in the description.
If you want to support the show, please leave a five star
rating or leave a kind review,and I'll be back in two weeks.
(21:03):
Bye.
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