September 23, 2023 • 28 mins
Networking is the key to acting success. But what if it terrifies you? Listen to how I learned to redefine networking into community building by joining a mastermind group, training at The Second City and connecting with a rich range of Hollywood Individuals.
Also, take a trip down memory lane to my days as a hip-hop dancer in the 90s where my shyness inhibited me from growing my dance career after performing in LL Cool J's "Around The Way Girl" music video.
Acting Lessons Learned is Produced, Written, Recorded, Engineered and Edited by Tiwana Floyd
If you'd LIKE TO SUPPORT the show, here are 5 Simple ways to do so.
- Follow/Subscribe
- A ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ Rating
- Write a Kind Review
- Share an Episode With Your Actor Friends
- Buy Tiwana a Coffee: buymeacoffee.com/TiwanaF
Be sure to follow on Instagram as well.
@actinglessonslearned @LifebyTiwana
Learn more about Tiwana Floyd at https://www.tiwanafloyd.com
Music Pixababy "Mesmerized" 15617 & 11492_comamedia
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:02):
Hey, there You're listening to Acting Lessons
Learned.
I'm Tawanna Floyd.
I share stories of the lessonsI've learned and still learning
as an actor in LA, and I hope mystories help you to prosper on
your actor's journey.
This is Episode 132.
I'll be discussing thesignificance of networking.
However, since the word can betriggering for some, let's refer
(00:23):
to it as what it truly iscommunity building.
I will be sharing my personalexperience of not having enough
knowledge about building acommunity early in my career and
how it caused me to miss out ongrowth opportunities.
Talk about how I had to stepout of my comfort zone and build
relationships with new peopleafter moving to LA, which led to
(00:44):
the spaces where I made themost authentic connections that
enriched my life and career.
This past week, while at anindustry event, I ran into a
colleague, a fellow actress.
I met this woman through amutual friend about ten years
ago.
She and I never truly hung outwithout our mutual friend.
We seemed to run into eachother when we attend events dolo
(01:08):
alone, and thus weinadvertently become each
other's buddies for the evening.
I enjoy her company.
She is delightful.
She's a chatty patty butperfect for my introvert itself.
She's a funny woman from theSouth and she's an Aries, so her
fiery delivery on spittingfacts always comes with a dose
(01:29):
of honey, and I admire herability to be able to be candid
without being hurtful.
We spent two and a half hourscatching up, sharing life
stories about losing familymembers and talking about the
state of the industry right nowand how it's adversely impacting
us psychologically andfinancially.
She became emotional as sheshared with me how she was
(01:50):
feeling behind the eight ball,because she felt that she should
be further along in her path tosuccess than she was, and I was
surprised because I view her assomeone with a great resume
with great projects.
But I also recognize herlegitimate concerns, because
they're common concerns for manyactors, especially those of us
(02:13):
that have been in this thing for20 plus years as age becomes a
reality.
I shared some reassuring advicein reminding her to trust the
process, to release whiteknuckling how she thought it
should be, and to allow whateverhigher entity she believes in
to take the reins.
While paying attention to thepivot, I can speak from personal
(02:34):
experience that when I distrustHollywood and forget that God
is my source, I hear sentimentsthat make me feel inadequate or
like the dream I had will nevercome to pass.
But every time I release tryingto control how I think things
should go, I get immediateassistance from the universe to
(02:55):
propel me into the next thing.
Because this has been mypractice for 20 plus years, I
can move back into possibilityastonishingly fast.
I trust in the higher power ofthe divine.
I receive intuitive hits thatinform me of the next best step,
which surprisingly causes me topivot in ways I never saw for
(03:17):
myself.
I'm not one to tell someone howto think or how to be, even
though I am guilty of catchingmyself saying you need to do
this.
I understand belief systems canbe ironclad, but also it's not
my place to tell anybody what todo, because it's arrogant of me
to think that I have the answeror that I know best.
(03:38):
But I can't offer options toconsider that hopefully spark
insights for the person in therut.
And I'll end by saying youalready know what to do, you
just have to choose.
And when I say that I seewhomever I'm speaking to get
clarity, I see it on their face.
Now, what they know to do hasnothing to do with my advice and
(04:00):
everything to do with themknowing they had something
gnawing at them for quite sometime and now action was required
.
After my conversation with thisSouthern Aries on the drive home
from the industry event, Irecalled having this same
conversation regarding feelinglike I was missing the comedy
train with a male friend, aDetroit Virgo.
(04:21):
I expressed how I felt I wasalways missing the boat on the
up and coming comedic groupslike Tina Fey and Amy Poehler,
the chicks from Broad City, issaRae and Donald Glover.
Detroit Virgo said what are youtalking about?
And he started naming all thepeople I'm currently connected
to and have worked with in ourcomedy arena, including himself.
(04:44):
A couple years back he hired mefor a prominent role, a role I
have never been hired to do, inhis short film that has today
amassed over 20 plus filmfestival laurels and has won
best actress and directing.
The footage I received from hisfilm is the best thing on my
reel to date and it was awonderful experience for our
(05:06):
first time filmmaker.
Director Detroit Virgo pointedout all we've done individually
and collectively and how we'restill growing and, while we may
not be widely known now, we arepart of a close knit group of
next wave comedy creatives and Iwas like, damn you right these
times of uplifting conversationsthat keep us going, and had I
(05:30):
not met him in a play, or ratherstayed in touch with him after
the play, we wouldn't have beenhaving that conversation that I
so needed.
At the time, I started thinkingabout how I got here, how I had
gotten to a place to have thesebeautiful connections in my
life that allow me to help andbe helped.
And it's all due to the powerof networking.
(05:53):
And I started to giggle at thetimes when I didn't even know
what networking was and howthings could have possibly been
better at another time if I had.
How does networking make youfeel Anxiety, dishonesty, or are
you good at it?
If you don't enjoy the processof networking, remember that
(06:13):
it's the driving force in everybusiness environment, especially
entertainment, so much so thereis a social media platform
dedicated to it, linkedin.
Networking is the process ofbuilding relationships and
seeking support from peers,potential colleagues or other
important professionals infields that are similar or
related to ours, makingnetworking an essential aspect
(06:35):
of exploring job opportunities,making new friends, recruiting
talent and gaining insights intovarious aspects of our career.
In an industry that ispredominantly freelance or
referral based, with long,stressful and laborious hours on
sets or projects.
Many of our job opportunitiescome to us by virtue of our work
ethic, talent, common sense andreputation.
(06:58):
So meeting peers and people inadministrative or leadership
roles can help us advance in ourcareers while expanding our
social network to build strongrelationships.
If we want to evolve ourcareers, no matter the industry,
we must network, communitybuild, because people need
people, people who need people.
(07:22):
But networking can make most ofus feel like barfing.
I mean, let's keep it 100.
I don't know about you, butwhenever I'm at a big event and
an announcer gets on stage andscoldishly tells the audience
you need to be networking, youneed to meet at least five new
people, I feel tremendousresistance, like why are you
(07:44):
yelling and don't tell me whatto do?
It feels like so much pressureand it's not stated in a way
that's conducive to authenticity.
And then someone who falls forthat pressure walks up to me and
starts schmoozing and I don'thave the aptitude to schmooze,
but I'll listen to the spielthis person had evidently
(08:05):
practiced on the way to thelocation, and it's usually
preceded by a disingenuous smile, small talk or a corny joke.
It takes a lot of me to musterup the same energy to mirror
their inauthenticity.
So, depending on my mood, I maygreet them with a simple smile
and hello, or quickly excusemyself when the grandeur is just
(08:27):
too phony.
And look, I can't begrudge thefolks who came up to me trying
to meet their five-person quota,because when I was terrible at
networking I was one of thoseschmoozers people found an
excuse to walk away from.
Thankfully, I am no longerawkward at networking at this
stage in my life, but I can'talways say that I enjoy it,
especially in large crowds.
(08:49):
I tend to stay on the peripheryof large groups to mingle with
the other introverts hanging onthe edges of the fray and if I'm
lucky I may meet one person ofvalue.
But there have been many timeswhen the energy was too
stimulating for me to handle, soI'd go to the bathroom or I'd
leave.
Can I get a bye-bye from myfellow introverts?
(09:12):
But how does one networksuccessfully without feeling
smarmy or disingenuous?
After moving to LA I had tolearn to be comfortable with the
art of networking.
I hardly ever networked in NewYork.
I had my core friends and mywork friends.
We weren't working in abusiness that required us to
(09:34):
build relationships withstrangers and I was home.
I was home in New York so I hada community and didn't feel the
need to look further than that.
And in my 20s I may not haveeven known the term networking,
or maybe I always tooknetworking to mean ass kissing,
which is very unnatural tonative New Yorkers.
(09:56):
But if I had known and if Iwere networking, maybe I would
have had a more lucrative dancecareer.
Before I was an actor, I was ahip hop dancer in the 90s.
My first entertainment job wasin 1991, when I was hired to
dance a choreographed routine inLL Coojays around the way girl
music video.
I had to audition againsthundreds of other young women
(10:19):
from all the five boroughs inNew York, as a matter of fact
the tri-state area and after agrueling three to four hour
audition I was chosen for themusic video along with
approximately I believe it wasnine other girls.
I didn't have the language ofintrovert back then.
We were called shy and I feltimmensely uncomfortable around
(10:40):
outspoken, loud or brashpersonas.
For whatever reason, I've neverbeen very starstruck, so
meeting LL Coojay wouldn'trender me speechless.
I was quiet most of the timebecause I didn't know how to
speak to people.
I didn't know what to say orhow to break the ice.
I was always the observer,seeing everything but not really
(11:02):
talking about it, unless, ofcourse, it was my mother or my
close friends.
Then you couldn't get me toshut up.
But also my front teeth wereseverely crooked and I didn't
want to bring attention to them.
So something had to be reallyfunny for me to laugh out loud
and show my smile, and even thenI would cover my mouth.
Furthermore, I didn't know.
(11:23):
I had a point of view thatpeople wanted to hear.
I was the weird or strangefriend and I tried to avoid
calling more attention to my oddball behaviors as possible.
All of these things made meappear very serious and
unapproachable, but those closeto me knew me as caring,
humorous and goofy.
(11:43):
I'm prefacing to give you anidea of how I showed up for the
Around the Way Girl music video.
The dancers had three days ofrehearsal without LL, and if I
said two words it was probablymy name.
I mean I'm exaggerating, but Ididn't ask many questions about
the choreography.
I would watch intently and pickit up, or if someone else would
(12:05):
ask a question, I'd learn fromthe answer they were given.
Talking about this now makes merealize how stealthy.
I was to observe something sodiligently so that I wouldn't
have to ask questions, and it'sprobably the reason why I
comprehend things so quickly.
My mind was always is alwaystwo steps ahead.
The choreographer aligned usinto three rows of dancers.
(12:27):
I was in a backline with theother two tall girls and on the
day of the shoot so much washappening and many more people
were in the production that Iclimbed up even more.
But I would engage in minimalconversations with the other
dancers.
And now that LL was there, ifyou can imagine his disposition,
he was very personable,outspoken, naturally, funny.
(12:48):
He complimented me on my hair.
The back of my head was shaved.
Last he saw me at the auditionand I wanted more hair for the
video.
So I had gotten a weave, whatwe then called a Chinese bob.
And yes, I know, of course Irealize now how problematic that
term was, but that is what wecalled it back then and I think
it had to do with a lot of.
(13:09):
The fruit and vegetable shopsin our neighborhoods were owned
by Chinese families and thewomen always had great bobs, so
we copied them and called themChinese bobs, or at least that's
my rendition of the story.
Then LL had asked my name.
I think he sensed that I was aquiet one and maybe he had a
soft spot for the quiet one.
(13:29):
He was very much giving meprotective big brother energy
which comforted me.
When I told him my name he saidTohwana.
Now that is a real around theway girl name and I have to
believe it's why he used my namein the video's opening.
I don't want Ivana, I wantTohwana.
It made for good humor and italso drove the point home of a
(13:51):
roundaway girl.
But this made me very happybecause I barely made the video
cut but at least LL had given mea roundaway girl street cred.
I still feel a rush ofembarrassment when I think of
how green I was back then.
It was my first time beingfeatured on a professional set.
I knew nothing about cameras orangles Like I still don't know
(14:13):
where the camera was.
Where was the camera?
I know it was in front of usbut I have no idea where it was
positioned.
Music videos were 12 to 16grueling hours back then.
I don't know if they're stillgrueling.
I haven't done a music videoprobably since the 90s, but just
like any other set unless youwere the crew, dp or director.
(14:35):
The talent had a lot of downtime, so the ladies, the dancers,
became more friendly amongst oneanother and LL.
Thankfully, ernie Paniccioli, alegendary hip hop photographer,
snapped a dope photograph ofall of us for Word Up magazine
and I'm so glad I made the photoproof that I was there.
(14:55):
Once the video wrapped Ibelieve it was two or three in
the morning we were way downtownin Manhattan I feel like it was
off of Astor Place.
I drove one of the dancers hometo Queens and she was the only
friend I had made during ourfour days of rehearsal and the
shoot and I wasn't about to lether get on a train alone to
(15:15):
Queens at that time of themorning.
I lived in a North Bronx and ifyou know the area you know that
I could simply take theThrogsneck or the Whitestone
Bridge back home from Queens.
Two in the morning, no traffic,it was no big deal to me.
I stayed on a music video scenefor several years and I later
learned that several girls fromthe LL Koojee music video went
(15:35):
on tour with LL and I wonderedwhy wasn't I asked or how did I
miss the auditions?
I also learned that those girlswho went on tour were either
friends of or kept in touch withthe choreographer.
Damn, I wish I knew aboutnetworking back then.
I would have known to exchangenumbers with everyone and stay
in touch.
But you know what God favorsfools, because with all of the
(16:00):
stories I've heard about hip hoptours and how women were
treated, I'm pretty sure I wasspared a lot of drama and
heartache and I was fortunate tohave some other choreographers
offer me job opportunities.
But had I known how to buildrelationships, I might have had
a longer dance career.
But hindsight is 2020, right.
When I moved to Los Angeles in2005, I was put into a crash
(16:25):
course of networking and I sayput into because networking is
the buzzword that everyonetalked about, still does, and it
was challenging for me due tomy introverted nature.
But some introverts networkedsuccessfully, so I can't use
that as an excuse.
So what was holding me back?
That had corrected my teeth soI could at least smile and laugh
(16:48):
, and I had many interests thatI was willing to discuss, but I
had yet to learn how to network.
Now, at this time, I had asubscription to Black Enterprise
Magazine and I read an articleon six tenants to build a
network in a new city orsomething like that, and I'll
share three of them.
Tenant number one was to attendevents.
(17:08):
One of many things I love aboutLA is the frequency and the
caliber of free events designedto help creatives get a footing
in their desired field.
I spent little time attendingactor groups because, you know,
actors' knowledge is minimal.
We usually operate from avacuum.
Instead, I followed eventscatering to filmmakers, writers
(17:29):
and casting directors to learnmore about their processes,
decision making and how theynavigated their careers In these
settings.
I found short and long-termmentors.
Some agreed to be mentors.
Some didn't know that they werementors.
For instance, a comedy writerwith a lengthy resume of
half-hour network comediesshared how he wrote notebooks
(17:51):
full of comedy scripts andpremises before he became a
writer when he was a stand-upcomic working local and regional
shows.
He didn't know that he wasmentoring me, or maybe he did.
It was never a proper hey,could you mentor me?
But he shared a lot ofinformation.
His preparedness to write thesescripts brought him to LA from
New York to write for a one-hourtalk show.
(18:13):
He shared about how he wasreleased.
When the show was canceled.
It was through an automatedpage because that's how long ago
it was.
He got paged and then he calledback and then they told him,
yep, show's canceled.
And then he talked about howthe lyrics of a hip-hop song mob
deep scared money don't makemoney caused him to stay in LA
after being fired, even thoughhe was concerned about
(18:35):
sustainability.
I met this person before Imoved here through a mutual
friend in New York and then,when I got here, I contacted him
and we stayed in touch eversince.
Now I may only see him likeevery five years, but we always
pick up right where we left offand we both know that we can
call on each other for supportwhen needed.
Tenant number two becominggenuinely interested in other
(18:59):
people.
In Dale Carnegie's 1936 bookhow to Win Friends and Influence
People, one of the centralmessages is that the best way to
get people to like you is tobecome genuinely interested in
them.
There's a casting director thatI knew in New York, but she
wasn't a casting director backthen.
We had lost contact for manyyears I think, maybe like 15
(19:23):
years and when I got to LA I hadreconnected with her.
At this time she was a castingdirector and I had watched her
career go from just starting outto casting notable TV shows and
feature films to becoming afilmmaker and, at every juncture
of her career, hitting newbenchmarks.
I wrote her and I congratulatedher on her accolades.
(19:45):
I'd go to see her speak onpanels and I've even invited her
to speak at seminars, which sheaccepted One year.
I reached out to her because Iwas really curious about the
casting process.
She was on the second season asthe head casting director on a
network show and I sent her anemail asking her if she ever
needed interns and if so, Iwould love to be of assistance.
(20:06):
I commended her on the castingof some of the actors on the
show and then I waited.
Her associate reached out to me.
I interviewed with theassociate and then I became an
intern for the show.
It was an extraordinaryexperience because I got to
really understand the castingprocess.
I would make short lists foractors for various roles on a
show.
There was one incident wherethe showrunners wrote in a
(20:29):
last-minute female newscorrespondent and I was able to
hunt down the perfect candidatewho passed the network vetting,
and it was very insightful to dothat because there were so many
candidates but most of them hadno contact on their websites or
in their IMDB, except for thisone woman who I was able to get
in touch with right away.
Sitting on the other side ofthe casting table was an
(20:51):
eye-opening experience, sheddinglight on all the random ways we
don't get the job, and most ofthe time it has nothing to do
with our talent.
I'm still in contact with thiscasting director and I still
commend her on her accolades asthey come 10 at number 3, expand
your Peer Group.
Working community building isnot just about connecting with
(21:12):
people in powerful positions,but also with a range of various
individuals from differentbackgrounds.
I was pretty astounded by thenumber of actors in Los Angeles
that lacked drive, who justwanted to get an agent and then
wait for auditions to get work.
I had to be highly selectiveabout the actor groups I joined.
(21:33):
I needed to find like-minded,talented and ambitious
individuals to exchangeinformation with.
I joined the actors network,which is now defunct.
It was created by Kevin E Westand he designed it to be a
business school for actors Veryhelpful.
I also joined a mastermind groupfacilitated by Christine Aller,
and the group consisted ofworking actors who had been my
(21:56):
brain trust for 12 years andwere still connected through
email.
If there's something that weneed answers to.
We get emails Shout out to allthe high-functioning working
actors from Christine Aller'smastermind group.
The reason why you want toexpand your peer group is
because no one person can knoweverything, but sharing
information with the communityof intelligent individuals
(22:18):
allowed me to become the sum ofthat intelligence.
It was helpful for me to hearabout the experiences of others,
things I knew, things I didn'trealize I hadn't yet experienced
.
I learned how others handlechallenging situations so that I
had something to draw on whenfaced with a similar
circumstance.
This made facing challengeseasier, because I wasn't taking
(22:41):
things so personally and I had asafe space to share my concerns
and receive valuable feedback.
And I, too, offered helpfulsolutions, because you couldn't
just show up and leech off thegroup.
You had to make contributionsas well.
I began training and performingat Second City Hollywood
simultaneously with themastermind group.
Improvisers are like actors onsteroids.
(23:05):
They are a community of highlymotivated self-starters and
self-producers.
We write something, we cast ourfriends and then we film it,
and then we try to get it intoall these other places that get
eyes on us.
At Second City, we were taughtthat we are the driving force of
our own careers.
All of the teachers were alumniand creatives of significant
(23:28):
projects, including high-profile, award-winning ones.
The philosophy was not to waitfor opportunities to come to us,
but to go out and create them,and, as students and graduates,
we were encouraged to pitch anddevelop shows and allow to
produce them for two or threeweek runs.
Some of them would get pickedup for months or a year, and
(23:49):
when they did, they gave usincredible visibility.
Improvisation is all abouttrusting your team to create a
comedic story from scratch.
The core teaching of improv isto always say yes and to
everything, which means thatanything is possible.
When you work with a team thathas an open-minded,
anything-is-possible attitude,it's difficult to be stopped by
(24:13):
obstacles.
We're trained to besolution-oriented.
The practice of improvisationtaught me how to create
something out of nothing,allowing me to become
comfortable with risk anduncertainty.
Turning a disastrous situationinto an opportunity in front of
a live audience has helped me tobuild confidence through facing
fears and silencing the innercritic.
(24:34):
Once trust is established, wemake a pledge to support each
other.
We have an actual ritual wefollow before going on stage,
where we pat everyone's backwhile saying I got you back, I
got you back, I got you back andwe mean it.
And these practices cultivate acommunity that is impenetrable,
because when you fail on stageor you're flailing and your
(24:55):
improv partner comes and savesyou with something witty or
something smart, you just bondit for life.
Having lived in Los Angeles for18 years, I have developed
numerous relationships.
However, the strongest bondshave been with the individuals
from Second City or the improvcommunity at large.
My improv family is responsiblefor most of my best career
(25:19):
opportunities.
They are well acquainted withmy personality, work ethic and
skills as a producer, creativestoryteller and actor.
Just last week, two paidopportunities came my way from
my improv siblings.
We're not really precious withthe casting process.
We know what people can do.
We write things and we call ourfriends based on what we know
(25:40):
that they can do and have thembe a part of the project, and
most times we say yes and end.
I'm fortunate to understand whatnetworking truly is community
building and it was all due to asimple article that helped me
figure out the importance ofnetworking and how to go about
it, and now I no longer cringewhen it comes to networking
(26:03):
because I don't see it as such.
It is community building by wayof collecting progressive
creatives.
It's the thread in a tapestrythat holds Hollywood together.
I enjoy meeting new people andlearning about their interests,
so when I look at networkingfrom that purview, it's easier,
because people are sofascinating and have phenomenal
(26:23):
stories, but you wouldn't knowit by passing them by or just
looking at them or having a biasCommunity building.
Look, it's intimidating, I'mnot going to lie, but it's a
crucial tool for career growth.
In fact, it's only possible toprogress professionally with it,
because people who need peopleare the loveliest people in the
(26:45):
world, and I would be remiss ifI didn't add a disclaimer.
It's important to be aware ofthe number of predators in the
industry who may try to takeadvantage of you.
Some networkers and communitybuilders aren't really operating
from an authentic space.
Despite my initial belief thatsome people were genuine, I
(27:09):
later discovered that they wereonly interested in using me for
their own benefit.
So it's important to becautious when dealing with such
individuals and trust yourinstincts.
If a person's actionscontradict their words, you
should be very wary of them.
Furthermore, if you're someonewho manipulates others for
(27:29):
personal gain without providingvalue in return, just know that
people see you.
They may not say anything, butthey see you and they'll
probably either use you beforeyou use them or they'll just
ghost you altogether.
Authenticity is highly valued,so it's just best to be honest
and transparent in all yourdealings.
(27:50):
Thank you for listening.
If you enjoyed this episode orlearned something new, will you
help Acting Lessons Learned growby giving a five-star rating or
leaving a kind review orsharing an episode with a friend
.
Acting Lessons Learned isproduced, written, recorded,
edited and engineered by TuanaFloyd.
That's me.
All links are in thedescription.
If you'd like to buy me acoffee or follow me on social
(28:13):
media, I'll be back in two weeks.
Bye.
Hey, there You're listening to Acting Lessons
Learned.
I'm Tawanna Floyd.
I share stories of the lessonsI've learned and still learning
as an actor in LA, and I hope mystories help you to prosper on
your actor's journey.
This is Episode 132.
I'll be discussing thesignificance of networking.
However, since the word can betriggering for some, let's refer
(00:23):
to it as what it truly iscommunity building.
I will be sharing my personalexperience of not having enough
knowledge about building acommunity early in my career and
how it caused me to miss out ongrowth opportunities.
Talk about how I had to stepout of my comfort zone and build
relationships with new peopleafter moving to LA, which led to
(00:44):
the spaces where I made themost authentic connections that
enriched my life and career.
This past week, while at anindustry event, I ran into a
colleague, a fellow actress.
I met this woman through amutual friend about ten years
ago.
She and I never truly hung outwithout our mutual friend.
We seemed to run into eachother when we attend events dolo
(01:08):
alone, and thus weinadvertently become each
other's buddies for the evening.
I enjoy her company.
She is delightful.
She's a chatty patty butperfect for my introvert itself.
She's a funny woman from theSouth and she's an Aries, so her
fiery delivery on spittingfacts always comes with a dose
(01:29):
of honey, and I admire herability to be able to be candid
without being hurtful.
We spent two and a half hourscatching up, sharing life
stories about losing familymembers and talking about the
state of the industry right nowand how it's adversely impacting
us psychologically andfinancially.
She became emotional as sheshared with me how she was
(01:50):
feeling behind the eight ball,because she felt that she should
be further along in her path tosuccess than she was, and I was
surprised because I view her assomeone with a great resume
with great projects.
But I also recognize herlegitimate concerns, because
they're common concerns for manyactors, especially those of us
(02:13):
that have been in this thing for20 plus years as age becomes a
reality.
I shared some reassuring advicein reminding her to trust the
process, to release whiteknuckling how she thought it
should be, and to allow whateverhigher entity she believes in
to take the reins.
While paying attention to thepivot, I can speak from personal
(02:34):
experience that when I distrustHollywood and forget that God
is my source, I hear sentimentsthat make me feel inadequate or
like the dream I had will nevercome to pass.
But every time I release tryingto control how I think things
should go, I get immediateassistance from the universe to
(02:55):
propel me into the next thing.
Because this has been mypractice for 20 plus years, I
can move back into possibilityastonishingly fast.
I trust in the higher power ofthe divine.
I receive intuitive hits thatinform me of the next best step,
which surprisingly causes me topivot in ways I never saw for
(03:17):
myself.
I'm not one to tell someone howto think or how to be, even
though I am guilty of catchingmyself saying you need to do
this.
I understand belief systems canbe ironclad, but also it's not
my place to tell anybody what todo, because it's arrogant of me
to think that I have the answeror that I know best.
(03:38):
But I can't offer options toconsider that hopefully spark
insights for the person in therut.
And I'll end by saying youalready know what to do, you
just have to choose.
And when I say that I seewhomever I'm speaking to get
clarity, I see it on their face.
Now, what they know to do hasnothing to do with my advice and
(04:00):
everything to do with themknowing they had something
gnawing at them for quite sometime and now action was required
.
After my conversation with thisSouthern Aries on the drive home
from the industry event, Irecalled having this same
conversation regarding feelinglike I was missing the comedy
train with a male friend, aDetroit Virgo.
(04:21):
I expressed how I felt I wasalways missing the boat on the
up and coming comedic groupslike Tina Fey and Amy Poehler,
the chicks from Broad City, issaRae and Donald Glover.
Detroit Virgo said what are youtalking about?
And he started naming all thepeople I'm currently connected
to and have worked with in ourcomedy arena, including himself.
(04:44):
A couple years back he hired mefor a prominent role, a role I
have never been hired to do, inhis short film that has today
amassed over 20 plus filmfestival laurels and has won
best actress and directing.
The footage I received from hisfilm is the best thing on my
reel to date and it was awonderful experience for our
(05:06):
first time filmmaker.
Director Detroit Virgo pointedout all we've done individually
and collectively and how we'restill growing and, while we may
not be widely known now, we arepart of a close knit group of
next wave comedy creatives and Iwas like, damn you right these
times of uplifting conversationsthat keep us going, and had I
(05:30):
not met him in a play, or ratherstayed in touch with him after
the play, we wouldn't have beenhaving that conversation that I
so needed.
At the time, I started thinkingabout how I got here, how I had
gotten to a place to have thesebeautiful connections in my
life that allow me to help andbe helped.
And it's all due to the powerof networking.
(05:53):
And I started to giggle at thetimes when I didn't even know
what networking was and howthings could have possibly been
better at another time if I had.
How does networking make youfeel Anxiety, dishonesty, or are
you good at it?
If you don't enjoy the processof networking, remember that
(06:13):
it's the driving force in everybusiness environment, especially
entertainment, so much so thereis a social media platform
dedicated to it, linkedin.
Networking is the process ofbuilding relationships and
seeking support from peers,potential colleagues or other
important professionals infields that are similar or
related to ours, makingnetworking an essential aspect
(06:35):
of exploring job opportunities,making new friends, recruiting
talent and gaining insights intovarious aspects of our career.
In an industry that ispredominantly freelance or
referral based, with long,stressful and laborious hours on
sets or projects.
Many of our job opportunitiescome to us by virtue of our work
ethic, talent, common sense andreputation.
(06:58):
So meeting peers and people inadministrative or leadership
roles can help us advance in ourcareers while expanding our
social network to build strongrelationships.
If we want to evolve ourcareers, no matter the industry,
we must network, communitybuild, because people need
people, people who need people.
(07:22):
But networking can make most ofus feel like barfing.
I mean, let's keep it 100.
I don't know about you, butwhenever I'm at a big event and
an announcer gets on stage andscoldishly tells the audience
you need to be networking, youneed to meet at least five new
people, I feel tremendousresistance, like why are you
(07:44):
yelling and don't tell me whatto do?
It feels like so much pressureand it's not stated in a way
that's conducive to authenticity.
And then someone who falls forthat pressure walks up to me and
starts schmoozing and I don'thave the aptitude to schmooze,
but I'll listen to the spielthis person had evidently
(08:05):
practiced on the way to thelocation, and it's usually
preceded by a disingenuous smile, small talk or a corny joke.
It takes a lot of me to musterup the same energy to mirror
their inauthenticity.
So, depending on my mood, I maygreet them with a simple smile
and hello, or quickly excusemyself when the grandeur is just
(08:27):
too phony.
And look, I can't begrudge thefolks who came up to me trying
to meet their five-person quota,because when I was terrible at
networking I was one of thoseschmoozers people found an
excuse to walk away from.
Thankfully, I am no longerawkward at networking at this
stage in my life, but I can'talways say that I enjoy it,
especially in large crowds.
(08:49):
I tend to stay on the peripheryof large groups to mingle with
the other introverts hanging onthe edges of the fray and if I'm
lucky I may meet one person ofvalue.
But there have been many timeswhen the energy was too
stimulating for me to handle, soI'd go to the bathroom or I'd
leave.
Can I get a bye-bye from myfellow introverts?
(09:12):
But how does one networksuccessfully without feeling
smarmy or disingenuous?
After moving to LA I had tolearn to be comfortable with the
art of networking.
I hardly ever networked in NewYork.
I had my core friends and mywork friends.
We weren't working in abusiness that required us to
(09:34):
build relationships withstrangers and I was home.
I was home in New York so I hada community and didn't feel the
need to look further than that.
And in my 20s I may not haveeven known the term networking,
or maybe I always tooknetworking to mean ass kissing,
which is very unnatural tonative New Yorkers.
(09:56):
But if I had known and if Iwere networking, maybe I would
have had a more lucrative dancecareer.
Before I was an actor, I was ahip hop dancer in the 90s.
My first entertainment job wasin 1991, when I was hired to
dance a choreographed routine inLL Coojays around the way girl
music video.
I had to audition againsthundreds of other young women
(10:19):
from all the five boroughs inNew York, as a matter of fact
the tri-state area and after agrueling three to four hour
audition I was chosen for themusic video along with
approximately I believe it wasnine other girls.
I didn't have the language ofintrovert back then.
We were called shy and I feltimmensely uncomfortable around
(10:40):
outspoken, loud or brashpersonas.
For whatever reason, I've neverbeen very starstruck, so
meeting LL Coojay wouldn'trender me speechless.
I was quiet most of the timebecause I didn't know how to
speak to people.
I didn't know what to say orhow to break the ice.
I was always the observer,seeing everything but not really
(11:02):
talking about it, unless, ofcourse, it was my mother or my
close friends.
Then you couldn't get me toshut up.
But also my front teeth wereseverely crooked and I didn't
want to bring attention to them.
So something had to be reallyfunny for me to laugh out loud
and show my smile, and even thenI would cover my mouth.
Furthermore, I didn't know.
(11:23):
I had a point of view thatpeople wanted to hear.
I was the weird or strangefriend and I tried to avoid
calling more attention to my oddball behaviors as possible.
All of these things made meappear very serious and
unapproachable, but those closeto me knew me as caring,
humorous and goofy.
(11:43):
I'm prefacing to give you anidea of how I showed up for the
Around the Way Girl music video.
The dancers had three days ofrehearsal without LL, and if I
said two words it was probablymy name.
I mean I'm exaggerating, but Ididn't ask many questions about
the choreography.
I would watch intently and pickit up, or if someone else would
(12:05):
ask a question, I'd learn fromthe answer they were given.
Talking about this now makes merealize how stealthy.
I was to observe something sodiligently so that I wouldn't
have to ask questions, and it'sprobably the reason why I
comprehend things so quickly.
My mind was always is alwaystwo steps ahead.
The choreographer aligned usinto three rows of dancers.
(12:27):
I was in a backline with theother two tall girls and on the
day of the shoot so much washappening and many more people
were in the production that Iclimbed up even more.
But I would engage in minimalconversations with the other
dancers.
And now that LL was there, ifyou can imagine his disposition,
he was very personable,outspoken, naturally, funny.
(12:48):
He complimented me on my hair.
The back of my head was shaved.
Last he saw me at the auditionand I wanted more hair for the
video.
So I had gotten a weave, whatwe then called a Chinese bob.
And yes, I know, of course Irealize now how problematic that
term was, but that is what wecalled it back then and I think
it had to do with a lot of.
(13:09):
The fruit and vegetable shopsin our neighborhoods were owned
by Chinese families and thewomen always had great bobs, so
we copied them and called themChinese bobs, or at least that's
my rendition of the story.
Then LL had asked my name.
I think he sensed that I was aquiet one and maybe he had a
soft spot for the quiet one.
(13:29):
He was very much giving meprotective big brother energy
which comforted me.
When I told him my name he saidTohwana.
Now that is a real around theway girl name and I have to
believe it's why he used my namein the video's opening.
I don't want Ivana, I wantTohwana.
It made for good humor and italso drove the point home of a
(13:51):
roundaway girl.
But this made me very happybecause I barely made the video
cut but at least LL had given mea roundaway girl street cred.
I still feel a rush ofembarrassment when I think of
how green I was back then.
It was my first time beingfeatured on a professional set.
I knew nothing about cameras orangles Like I still don't know
(14:13):
where the camera was.
Where was the camera?
I know it was in front of usbut I have no idea where it was
positioned.
Music videos were 12 to 16grueling hours back then.
I don't know if they're stillgrueling.
I haven't done a music videoprobably since the 90s, but just
like any other set unless youwere the crew, dp or director.
(14:35):
The talent had a lot of downtime, so the ladies, the dancers,
became more friendly amongst oneanother and LL.
Thankfully, ernie Paniccioli, alegendary hip hop photographer,
snapped a dope photograph ofall of us for Word Up magazine
and I'm so glad I made the photoproof that I was there.
(14:55):
Once the video wrapped Ibelieve it was two or three in
the morning we were way downtownin Manhattan I feel like it was
off of Astor Place.
I drove one of the dancers hometo Queens and she was the only
friend I had made during ourfour days of rehearsal and the
shoot and I wasn't about to lether get on a train alone to
(15:15):
Queens at that time of themorning.
I lived in a North Bronx and ifyou know the area you know that
I could simply take theThrogsneck or the Whitestone
Bridge back home from Queens.
Two in the morning, no traffic,it was no big deal to me.
I stayed on a music video scenefor several years and I later
learned that several girls fromthe LL Koojee music video went
(15:35):
on tour with LL and I wonderedwhy wasn't I asked or how did I
miss the auditions?
I also learned that those girlswho went on tour were either
friends of or kept in touch withthe choreographer.
Damn, I wish I knew aboutnetworking back then.
I would have known to exchangenumbers with everyone and stay
in touch.
But you know what God favorsfools, because with all of the
(16:00):
stories I've heard about hip hoptours and how women were
treated, I'm pretty sure I wasspared a lot of drama and
heartache and I was fortunate tohave some other choreographers
offer me job opportunities.
But had I known how to buildrelationships, I might have had
a longer dance career.
But hindsight is 2020, right.
When I moved to Los Angeles in2005, I was put into a crash
(16:25):
course of networking and I sayput into because networking is
the buzzword that everyonetalked about, still does, and it
was challenging for me due tomy introverted nature.
But some introverts networkedsuccessfully, so I can't use
that as an excuse.
So what was holding me back?
That had corrected my teeth soI could at least smile and laugh
(16:48):
, and I had many interests thatI was willing to discuss, but I
had yet to learn how to network.
Now, at this time, I had asubscription to Black Enterprise
Magazine and I read an articleon six tenants to build a
network in a new city orsomething like that, and I'll
share three of them.
Tenant number one was to attendevents.
(17:08):
One of many things I love aboutLA is the frequency and the
caliber of free events designedto help creatives get a footing
in their desired field.
I spent little time attendingactor groups because, you know,
actors' knowledge is minimal.
We usually operate from avacuum.
Instead, I followed eventscatering to filmmakers, writers
(17:29):
and casting directors to learnmore about their processes,
decision making and how theynavigated their careers In these
settings.
I found short and long-termmentors.
Some agreed to be mentors.
Some didn't know that they werementors.
For instance, a comedy writerwith a lengthy resume of
half-hour network comediesshared how he wrote notebooks
(17:51):
full of comedy scripts andpremises before he became a
writer when he was a stand-upcomic working local and regional
shows.
He didn't know that he wasmentoring me, or maybe he did.
It was never a proper hey,could you mentor me?
But he shared a lot ofinformation.
His preparedness to write thesescripts brought him to LA from
New York to write for a one-hourtalk show.
(18:13):
He shared about how he wasreleased.
When the show was canceled.
It was through an automatedpage because that's how long ago
it was.
He got paged and then he calledback and then they told him,
yep, show's canceled.
And then he talked about howthe lyrics of a hip-hop song mob
deep scared money don't makemoney caused him to stay in LA
after being fired, even thoughhe was concerned about
(18:35):
sustainability.
I met this person before Imoved here through a mutual
friend in New York and then,when I got here, I contacted him
and we stayed in touch eversince.
Now I may only see him likeevery five years, but we always
pick up right where we left offand we both know that we can
call on each other for supportwhen needed.
Tenant number two becominggenuinely interested in other
(18:59):
people.
In Dale Carnegie's 1936 bookhow to Win Friends and Influence
People, one of the centralmessages is that the best way to
get people to like you is tobecome genuinely interested in
them.
There's a casting director thatI knew in New York, but she
wasn't a casting director backthen.
We had lost contact for manyyears I think, maybe like 15
(19:23):
years and when I got to LA I hadreconnected with her.
At this time she was a castingdirector and I had watched her
career go from just starting outto casting notable TV shows and
feature films to becoming afilmmaker and, at every juncture
of her career, hitting newbenchmarks.
I wrote her and I congratulatedher on her accolades.
(19:45):
I'd go to see her speak onpanels and I've even invited her
to speak at seminars, which sheaccepted One year.
I reached out to her because Iwas really curious about the
casting process.
She was on the second season asthe head casting director on a
network show and I sent her anemail asking her if she ever
needed interns and if so, Iwould love to be of assistance.
(20:06):
I commended her on the castingof some of the actors on the
show and then I waited.
Her associate reached out to me.
I interviewed with theassociate and then I became an
intern for the show.
It was an extraordinaryexperience because I got to
really understand the castingprocess.
I would make short lists foractors for various roles on a
show.
There was one incident wherethe showrunners wrote in a
(20:29):
last-minute female newscorrespondent and I was able to
hunt down the perfect candidatewho passed the network vetting,
and it was very insightful to dothat because there were so many
candidates but most of them hadno contact on their websites or
in their IMDB, except for thisone woman who I was able to get
in touch with right away.
Sitting on the other side ofthe casting table was an
(20:51):
eye-opening experience, sheddinglight on all the random ways we
don't get the job, and most ofthe time it has nothing to do
with our talent.
I'm still in contact with thiscasting director and I still
commend her on her accolades asthey come 10 at number 3, expand
your Peer Group.
Working community building isnot just about connecting with
(21:12):
people in powerful positions,but also with a range of various
individuals from differentbackgrounds.
I was pretty astounded by thenumber of actors in Los Angeles
that lacked drive, who justwanted to get an agent and then
wait for auditions to get work.
I had to be highly selectiveabout the actor groups I joined.
(21:33):
I needed to find like-minded,talented and ambitious
individuals to exchangeinformation with.
I joined the actors network,which is now defunct.
It was created by Kevin E Westand he designed it to be a
business school for actors Veryhelpful.
I also joined a mastermind groupfacilitated by Christine Aller,
and the group consisted ofworking actors who had been my
(21:56):
brain trust for 12 years andwere still connected through
email.
If there's something that weneed answers to.
We get emails Shout out to allthe high-functioning working
actors from Christine Aller'smastermind group.
The reason why you want toexpand your peer group is
because no one person can knoweverything, but sharing
information with the communityof intelligent individuals
(22:18):
allowed me to become the sum ofthat intelligence.
It was helpful for me to hearabout the experiences of others,
things I knew, things I didn'trealize I hadn't yet experienced
.
I learned how others handlechallenging situations so that I
had something to draw on whenfaced with a similar
circumstance.
This made facing challengeseasier, because I wasn't taking
(22:41):
things so personally and I had asafe space to share my concerns
and receive valuable feedback.
And I, too, offered helpfulsolutions, because you couldn't
just show up and leech off thegroup.
You had to make contributionsas well.
I began training and performingat Second City Hollywood
simultaneously with themastermind group.
Improvisers are like actors onsteroids.
(23:05):
They are a community of highlymotivated self-starters and
self-producers.
We write something, we cast ourfriends and then we film it,
and then we try to get it intoall these other places that get
eyes on us.
At Second City, we were taughtthat we are the driving force of
our own careers.
All of the teachers were alumniand creatives of significant
(23:28):
projects, including high-profile, award-winning ones.
The philosophy was not to waitfor opportunities to come to us,
but to go out and create them,and, as students and graduates,
we were encouraged to pitch anddevelop shows and allow to
produce them for two or threeweek runs.
Some of them would get pickedup for months or a year, and
(23:49):
when they did, they gave usincredible visibility.
Improvisation is all abouttrusting your team to create a
comedic story from scratch.
The core teaching of improv isto always say yes and to
everything, which means thatanything is possible.
When you work with a team thathas an open-minded,
anything-is-possible attitude,it's difficult to be stopped by
(24:13):
obstacles.
We're trained to besolution-oriented.
The practice of improvisationtaught me how to create
something out of nothing,allowing me to become
comfortable with risk anduncertainty.
Turning a disastrous situationinto an opportunity in front of
a live audience has helped me tobuild confidence through facing
fears and silencing the innercritic.
(24:34):
Once trust is established, wemake a pledge to support each
other.
We have an actual ritual wefollow before going on stage,
where we pat everyone's backwhile saying I got you back, I
got you back, I got you back andwe mean it.
And these practices cultivate acommunity that is impenetrable,
because when you fail on stageor you're flailing and your
(24:55):
improv partner comes and savesyou with something witty or
something smart, you just bondit for life.
Having lived in Los Angeles for18 years, I have developed
numerous relationships.
However, the strongest bondshave been with the individuals
from Second City or the improvcommunity at large.
My improv family is responsiblefor most of my best career
(25:19):
opportunities.
They are well acquainted withmy personality, work ethic and
skills as a producer, creativestoryteller and actor.
Just last week, two paidopportunities came my way from
my improv siblings.
We're not really precious withthe casting process.
We know what people can do.
We write things and we call ourfriends based on what we know
(25:40):
that they can do and have thembe a part of the project, and
most times we say yes and end.
I'm fortunate to understand whatnetworking truly is community
building and it was all due to asimple article that helped me
figure out the importance ofnetworking and how to go about
it, and now I no longer cringewhen it comes to networking
(26:03):
because I don't see it as such.
It is community building by wayof collecting progressive
creatives.
It's the thread in a tapestrythat holds Hollywood together.
I enjoy meeting new people andlearning about their interests,
so when I look at networkingfrom that purview, it's easier,
because people are sofascinating and have phenomenal
(26:23):
stories, but you wouldn't knowit by passing them by or just
looking at them or having a biasCommunity building.
Look, it's intimidating, I'mnot going to lie, but it's a
crucial tool for career growth.
In fact, it's only possible toprogress professionally with it,
because people who need peopleare the loveliest people in the
(26:45):
world, and I would be remiss ifI didn't add a disclaimer.
It's important to be aware ofthe number of predators in the
industry who may try to takeadvantage of you.
Some networkers and communitybuilders aren't really operating
from an authentic space.
Despite my initial belief thatsome people were genuine, I
(27:09):
later discovered that they wereonly interested in using me for
their own benefit.
So it's important to becautious when dealing with such
individuals and trust yourinstincts.
If a person's actionscontradict their words, you
should be very wary of them.
Furthermore, if you're someonewho manipulates others for
(27:29):
personal gain without providingvalue in return, just know that
people see you.
They may not say anything, butthey see you and they'll
probably either use you beforeyou use them or they'll just
ghost you altogether.
Authenticity is highly valued,so it's just best to be honest
and transparent in all yourdealings.
(27:50):
Thank you for listening.
If you enjoyed this episode orlearned something new, will you
help Acting Lessons Learned growby giving a five-star rating or
leaving a kind review orsharing an episode with a friend
.
Acting Lessons Learned isproduced, written, recorded,
edited and engineered by TuanaFloyd.
That's me.
All links are in thedescription.
If you'd like to buy me acoffee or follow me on social
(28:13):
media, I'll be back in two weeks.
Bye.
Popular Podcasts
Crime Junkie
Does hearing about a true crime case always leave you scouring the internet for the truth behind the story? Dive into your next mystery with Crime Junkie. Every Monday, join your host Ashley Flowers as she unravels all the details of infamous and underreported true crime cases with her best friend Brit Prawat. From cold cases to missing persons and heroes in our community who seek justice, Crime Junkie is your destination for theories and stories you won’t hear anywhere else. Whether you're a seasoned true crime enthusiast or new to the genre, you'll find yourself on the edge of your seat awaiting a new episode every Monday. If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people. Follow to join a community of Crime Junkies! Crime Junkie is presented by audiochuck Media Company.
24/7 News: The Latest
The latest news in 4 minutes updated every hour, every day.
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.