February 12, 2025 • 26 mins
Embracing Grief: A Journey Through Loss and Healing
In this heartfelt episode of Activate God (Season 1, Episode 5), we explore the profound topics of grief, death, and loss. Habibat shares her personal experiences with losing a loved one, offering a raw and honest perspective on the grieving process. She provides guidance on how to navigate through the pain, find healing, and embrace faith as a source of comfort and strength. This episode is a reminder that grief is a journey, not a destination, and that activating God in your life can help bring peace and resilience in the midst of sorrow. Join us for an intimate and uplifting conversation on love, loss, and the power of faith.
Season 1 Episode 5: Embracing Grief: A Journey Through Loss and Healing
Resources
1. Need guidance on supporting someone navigating through grief? Listen to my friend, Fatimah’s podcast. She does an amazing job providing steps to help your loved ones navigate through grief: https://www.buzzsprout.com/1994662/episodes/15825585
2. On the podcast, "Don't Change a Thing," the hosts invite comedian, actress, and star on Rap Sh!t on Max star Jonica “Blu” Booth to share about a challenging moment of her life as she gets her dream opportunity while simultaneously losing her brother. I love this episode because of her vulnerability, how she processed the death of her brother, how death changed her perspective on life, and how she chose life.
Video: https://youtu.be/vkMjmHDWeBo?si=tqiA7Vw6pmKxlf5X
Audio: https://open.spotify.com/episode/2O4LP2h4SuFnd8BVHTzIZh?si=1cde94a0a59c47ef
3. This episode discusses Deshauna Barber as she opens up about the grief she experienced after losing her mother and provides comfort to those going through grief: https://youtu.be/A0pjMhluO7w?si=9iip5oJ0S_C0Af0z
Enjoyed this episode, please like, comment, share, and subscribe. Activate God can also be found on Instagram, YouTube, TikTok, and Threads for daily prayers.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Activate God's video r (00:00):
grieving is not an easy thing, not even a
little bit.
Habibat (00:05):
Because we most likely will experience grief in some
ways in our lives, particularlyif we're loving and if we're
living.
So the reality is right when youare grieving, you really do
become a different person.
I think sometimes you become adifferent person to the point
where you don't necessarilyrecognize yourself and sometimes
(00:27):
it takes you a while to comeback to yourself.
Um,
Activate God's video re (00:45):
Welcome back to another episode of
Activate God podcast.
I'm your host Habibat, and I'msuper, super, super excited and
grateful to be here with you.
So y'all may have remembered,but I filmed my last podcast
episode in sometimes August,right?
And during that episode, we weretalking about navigating through
(01:07):
transitions, the good and thebad, the struggles and the
triumphs of transitions.
And in that episode, werealized, or me, it's me.
I realized that a part oftransitions is.
going through sometimes death,like you experience newness, but
you also experience some type ofreleasing of some things.
And since then, since I waslike, ooh, grief is going to be
(01:28):
an amazing topic to talk about,I have seen so many people lose
people and so many transitionshas happened in my life and also
other people lives that I waslike I think it's time to talk
about grief and from August onto now And right now we are in
February.
Whoa I was literally reallyafraid to talk about grief and
(01:52):
the reason why I was afraid totalk about grief is because I
was like, I'm not sure if I'mthe right person to talk about
it.
And then up until more recently,really like a few months ago at
this point um, I actually lostsomeone who was really, really,
really dear and close to me.
And I'm so grateful for her.
And she was my former therapistum, Dawnn Reale.
Um, And she was just phenomenalin every way possible.
(02:17):
And I've known her for years.
Just such a lovely lady.
She lived in Vegas.
We used to like talk on the, onthe video.
So you can imagine me who waswho was in a shock that my
therapist died and you know,like a therapist, a good
therapist is hard to find Andwhen you find her, them, him,
(02:39):
you want to keep them, right?
But there's something about Godand God was like, hey, this
might be her time to go.
She passed away October 21st andI actually found out a few weeks
later, but we'll talk about thatmaybe at some point.
During this episode, we're goingto be talking about grief.
We're going to be over the nextfew episodes.
We're going to be talking aboutdifferent types of griefs,
right.
(03:00):
Or different types of deaths inour lives.
So we're going to be talkingabout people who have
transitioned out of our life.
As in death, the othertransition with people
transitioning out of our livesare really sometimes a breakup,
right?
Whether or not that is afriendship breakup, that is
someone moving away, and we haveto experience them in a
different capacity.
And the other type of grief ordeath is sometimes losing parts
(03:24):
of yourself, right?
Or a dream that you had and thatyou have to come to reckon that
like, Hey, this might notactually happen.
And this is what I expected.
And sometimes it's in the bestway possible, but other times
it's actually not in the bestways and you have to accept
that.
So over the next few episodes,we're going to be talking about
grieving to be quite honest.
But so let's start, let's startwith the physical death.
(03:46):
And I want to take a moment tohonor and and take a moment of
silence for the folks who havetransitioned in our lives.
I'm going to give us like threeseconds to just like take a
moment.
And I also want to thank thefolks who have transitioned, who
(04:08):
have died in our lives, becauseI think oftentimes when we talk
about death, We talk about thesadness of it all, in which it
is sad, and I'm going to talkabout that a lot.
But the other thing is that theyhave made an imprint in our
lives.
And yes, for some people,someone who died is usually
someone who they have lovedtremendously.
(04:30):
But sometimes it's someone whoyou actually did not love
either, and you had a hard timenavigating through a
relationship with them.
And Yeah, let's let's startthere.
Let's start there.
And it's me rambling at thispoint.
I have a few notes but I thinki'm just gonna talk from my
heart right now So when realityis, I am in the season of grief.
(04:51):
I am grieving a loved one that Ilove so much.
Like I knew that she loved me.
I loved her and I even gotconnected with her in a
different capacity.
When I met her partner or her orher husband.
And I think I'm just so gratefulfor her life, for her love, for
her, for her, for her living.
(05:14):
Yeah, so because I'm in a seasonof grief and just like finding
peace with someone who I lovetremendously dying, I know the
feelings of having to stillfunction in the midst of it,
right?
I think oftentimes when we losesomeone, life continues to move
on.
And we have to continue movingon sometimes, unfortunately.
(05:38):
And sometimes we may notnecessarily have the capacity to
take a break from work, to pausethe other things that we have
going on in our lives, and westill have to co function in the
midst of the sadness.
So I want to take a moment toacknowledge that grieving is not
an easy thing, not even a littlebit.
(05:59):
And I think in reality, we don'ttalk about grieving as much, no
matter how old you are, nomatter whenever, whenever you
lose this person, right?
Grieving and losing someone isextremely difficult.
So let us just define grief justfor a moment.
I would define grief in the mostsimplest form as you
experiencing an emotionalreaction towards a significant
(06:22):
loss, right?
Of course, there's like nuancesin the definition.
But it is not an easy thing, andI do want to say that for the
folks who are grieving, who havelost a loved one, whether or not
that was today, yesterday, threeweeks ago, five months ago, five
years ago, like 20 years ago,like it's still not easy to lose
(06:43):
someone.
And I, I want to say, I want totell you that I am sorry for
your loss.
I'm sorry that you had toexperience that like, like that
shock, right?
I'm sorry that you had to stillfunction in the midst of it.
I'm sorry that you had to finddifferent coping mechanisms to
allow yourself to still functionin the midst of a significant
(07:04):
loss, because that's really whatit is.
And I'm sorry that you have tolearn how to live.
Live with a significant loss.
Yeah.
And a part of me, particularlyduring the season, I have been
Up until yesterday, or two daysago so my former therapist,
(07:26):
amazing, Dawnn Reale, and I loveher so much up until like a few
days ago, I was just really sadthat like, wow, like, I cannot
believe that like, she left,right?
I cannot believe that God choseher to leave in such a, in such
a sad way, in such of like,yeah.
(07:47):
She was dealing with ovariancancer.
And and she got diagnosed
Habibat (07:53):
maybe like over 2 years ago.
And then she got the treatment,started functioning again.
And then that's when it cameback.
And over time her body continuesto deteriorate and the treatment
was not working as well as itshould have and could have.
So because of that, I'm like,why God, why did this person
(08:17):
have to leave?
And why did it have to be justso like harsh?
Right?
Because she had to experiencethe pain of the suffering of her
body not functioning And, andhaving not good health, right?
And also the people around herhave to also, in the midst of
it, like, try to support her.
(08:38):
Yeah, that's hard.
That is a difficult thing.
I would like to take a moment topause and take knowledge that
Dawn's experiences have beenshared publicly.
So this way, you don't thinkthat I'm just sharing out her
information.
She actually created a TikTokwhere she was talking about her
experiences through the cancer.
(08:58):
And I'm just rambling, but like, I know that we still
have to, we still have to live.
Yeah, we still have to live.
There's something about, like,life and death.
Particularly death that remindsus to live, right?
And I know a lot of the peoplethat are around me also have
(09:20):
experienced loss, particularlydeath, more recently in this
season.
And that's just a hard thing.
Yeah, it's a hard thing to do.
It's a hard thing to experience.
It's a hard thing to accept.
And this, this, this is, thisis, very heavy.
Grieving is very heavy.
(09:41):
And I think at any point duringthis episode where you feel like
it is a little bit too much foryou, definitely pause it and
come back.
And I've also put in theresources, a few guides as well.
That I think will be good likein the description box that I
think will be helpful for you asyou navigate, through your own
loss or thinking about like howto support someone who is
(10:02):
grieving so definitely check outthe description but let's
continue talking about grief andAnd I definitely want to send
praying energy To anyone who hasexperienced grief, I want to
send prayers of protection,prayers of healing, prayers of
love, support, and peace.
(10:25):
Grieving isn't easy, andeveryone experiences it in
different ways.
Sometimes in order for us togrieve, it takes time to heal,
right?
And sometimes it's just time,sometimes it's action, sometimes
it's us just like existing.
I think sometimes it it is usavoiding and having a level of
(10:45):
disconnection that allows us tolike actively function in the
midst of it.
But either way, it is not easyand I think that people grieve
in different ways and my prayerthat especially if you are
experiencing grief in anycapacity is that you find
healthy ways to cope.
And that you have a safety andpeople in God, in, in systems
(11:07):
that allows you to still be yourfull human being of self.
But I also know that.
In this world, sometimes thatmay not necessarily be the case.
And I also know that sometimespeople don't know how to support
you in the midst of the grief.
And that's why I think youshould watch one of my friend's
episodes, where she talks aboutgrief and supporting a loved one
(11:28):
through grief.
And that is definitely in thedescription box.
Yeah.
So the reality is, right, griefsometimes shows us how much
we've loved and how much we'velived because I think the more
we live, the more people willtransition around us, whether or
not that is in the best placethat we desire for them to, or
(11:50):
whether or not that is asurprising death, right?
And, and that's a hard thing to,to feel, that is a hard thing to
believe and that is a hard thingto experience because it's not
fun.
Grieving is not fun.
And really my, my hope for thisepisode is that I make grieving
(12:15):
as light as possible, althoughit is not light, but I
definitely want to talk about itin the lightest way because we
most likely will experiencegrief in some ways in our lives,
particularly if we're loving andif we're living.
If we are loving and if we areliving, we will experience
grief.
(12:36):
And I pray that you, as youcontinue to live and love, that
you know that in the midst ofit, like, you are protected, you
are guided, you are loved andthat you feel a sense of
community and safety and thatyou're able to heal through the
grief and find moments ofsolitude, find moments of peace,
(12:57):
find moments of, of, of justlike, of just warmth.
Because once again, it is not aneasy thing.
And I think no matter how farthe grief and the, the sadness
is sometimes it doesn't make itany easier to experience it to
be quite honest And I thinksometimes we just learn how to
function in the midst of it Andthat is not fun like y'all death
(13:21):
is not fun.
And I know that i'm smilingright now, but like i'm it's
actually really heavy it'sactually really sad.
So at some point, we're going tobe talking about what does
scripture say, right?
What, what does the Quran say?
What does the Bible say?
What does like different beliefsand religious backgrounds say
about death and what happensafter people die?
(13:44):
That's going to be the nextepisode.
Let's talk about that.
We're going to do the researcharound that because, oh, if you
don't know, Activate God is amultifaith, interfaith community
where we talk about God,religion, spirituality, life,
and we really try to understandthe similarities and different
religions and really try tofigure out what the beauty is
and how do we continue tocoexist with people who have
(14:07):
differing beliefs as us, butalso people who have a lot more
similarities than we mightactually believe or think.
And once again my condolences toanyone who has lost someone,
whether or not you knew thatthat was going to happen, or
whether or not that was a shock,right?
I don't think either one is easyto go through.
(14:30):
Both of them are extremelydifficult, and both of them
causes a particular reactionthat is hard to live with.
Right.
And that sucks.
That sucks.
So the reality is right when youare grieving, you really do
become a different person.
I think sometimes you become adifferent person to the point
where you don't necessarilyrecognize yourself and sometimes
(14:52):
it takes you a while to comeback to yourself.
And I think when you aregrieving, I think it's important
to give yourself the grace andthe time and the space to really
relearn yourself.
Whether or not that is youtrying to go back to who you
originally were, or you'retrying to be literally a
different person and you findingpeace with that.
Because I think once again, themore you live, the more you will
(15:14):
lose people and God willing, Godwilling, God willing, you don't
lose many people in your life.
But the reality is life will,that will happen.
Yeah, it will happen.
It will happen.
Yeah.
But once again, God willing isnot many.
It's not many people that you,that you lose.
(15:37):
So one of the things aboutgrieving and death is that I've
been trying to figure out a wayfor me to honor the folks who
have transitioned andpersonally, I believe that like
people who have died, well, somepeople that some people who have
(15:58):
died have the ability to help uslive, co live, exist in this
world, right?
I don't think a person just diesand it's just like that, right?
I think that they sometimes havethe ability to support us in
this world and that they arestill connected to us in some
(16:20):
ways.
And a few episodes ago I spokeabout like ways to hear God and
I think one of the ways to hearGod is sometimes through people
who have transitioned.
I think oftentimes when we talkabout people who have
transitioned and the honoring ofsomeone we usually talk about
like ancestral veneration.
I think there's a differencebetween veneration and honoring.
(16:43):
And I think honoring is you.
is, is, is you acknowledgingtheir life, you acknowledging
their love, you acknowledgingwhat they've experienced, but
you also know, in your heart ofhearts that they are still
connected to you in some ways.
And I think the reality is theU.
S., the United States, anywherein the world, many, many places
(17:05):
in the world, and many of thereligious backgrounds that we
have, or religious beliefs thatwe have we honor ancestral
entities more than we think andmore than we want to
acknowledge.
So for example, I live in the U.
S.
and we often talk about honoringsomeone by a holiday, right?
So that looks like Martin LutherKing Birthday, for example, we
(17:27):
have a whole holidays tocelebrate his life.
We also have streets names afterpeople who have transitioned.
I also think if we're talkingabout like in the religious
sense, right?
Prophet Muhammad sallallahualayhi wa sallam, who's in the
Quran, who practiced Islam,who's also an ancestor.
We also talk about him in a waythat like honors him in the same
(17:51):
way for Jesus as well or ProphetIsa there's a way that we honor
Prophet Isa And of course, like,of course, I think there's a
difference between Prophets.
Right?
And people, but I think the,the, the idea of honoring
someone who has transitioned isnot so far fetched than what we
(18:12):
actually do on the day to day.
I guess the reason why I bringthat up is because particularly
right now, as I'm thinking aboutmy own loss and the person that
I love, oh, so much.
And how do I honor Dawnn Reale,my former therapist?
One of the ways in which I'vebeen able to honor her is by
just buying flowers andbeautifying my space in honor of
(18:34):
her.
And it's like, this is dedicatedto Dawnn because she deserves it
and because she's been anamazing person and because I
love her.
And yeah, and I want to continueto think about her and I want to
continue thinking about thelessons that she's bestowed upon
me and the ways in which shecontinues to make an impact on
my life, although she hastransitioned.
(18:55):
When you do experience some formof loss I pray that you are able
to find a way to honor theperson who have died And find
peace with their death, althoughit is not an easy thing to do.
The other thing, and I mentionedthis earlier, is that like, we
often talk about, and I guessthis past episode, for the most
(19:16):
part of this episode I've beentalking about, like folks who we
love that transitioned.
But what happened to the peoplewho we actually did not
necessarily enjoy and theytransitioned?
That is still a shock and Ithink it's sometimes
bittersweet, the person who weexpected particular things from,
but continues to fail us at somepoints of our lives.
The person who is notnecessarily as supportive to us,
(19:38):
a person who's caused harm insome ways to us.
How do we, how do we grieve thatperson?
I think the ways in which youcan grieve that person is by for
one, acknowledging the placeswhere you've been hurt by them.
I think that's absolutelyimportant.
You have to acknowledge thatlike, Hey, like this person
actually hurt me.
Right.
And I think the other piece isknowing that there's a
(19:59):
difference between the, the, thehumanistic version of someone
and then also the spiritualversion of someone.
And I think oftentimes, we lookat the human and we acknowledge
the humanistic parts of us,right?
The parts who, who comesometimes struggle, the parts of
us who are successful, but weare as humans nuanced.
(20:20):
And then the thing about the,the spiritual insight or the
ancestral insight that we haveafter we transition is sometimes
we get to see life differently.
And I think that if you lostsomeone who have.
hurt you, harmed you, who havefailed you.
I think the healing continueseven after they've died.
(20:42):
I think the healing continueseven after they've died.
And I also think that the personIf they continue to live in this
world, right, in the ancestral,spiritual world and who are in
heaven or however way you definethe, the afterlife, is that I
think there are places wherethey might get a different
(21:04):
insight that they that they havethat they do not have when they
were living.
So literally who they become aswell might also be a different
person so I think sometimes whenwe are talking about people who
have hurt us and harmed us inthis realm and who have died, I
think the truth is the personwho they've become along the way
they become a different person.
(21:25):
And I think for us to heal, wehave to accept and acknowledge
the failings, but also know thatthey're also growing and they
are asked to grow and theancestral insight that they
have, it might and should lookabsolutely different from who
you've experienced them to be.
And I also think once again theyare different people.
(21:45):
Yeah, and even if they're not,they failed you, and let's stay
there, right?
Like, they have failed you andI'm sorry.
But really, I guess the point ofthis episode in all is for us
to, for one, acknowledge theplaces where grief is a real
thing, and we all experience it.
We all have to support peoplewho've experienced it as well,
(22:07):
or who are in the midst of it.
We all have to wake up and liveas a result of it, acknowledging
that, we are gonna die at somepoint.
And accepting the transitions oflife as well, which is also very
difficult.
So that's the point of thisepisode.
And I pray that you are able tofind peace in the midst of it,
(22:30):
but also are able to truly livein the midst of experiencing
grief.
So once again, thank you forwatching my episode, my podcast,
Activate God.
My name is Habibat and over thenext few episodes I mentioned,
we will continue talking aboutgrief because that's the season
that we're in.
(22:50):
And we're also in the season oflove and abundance, but I don't
think we can ignore grief and Idon't think in this society we
talk about grief as much so Ipray that this episode allows
you to open up the door ofconversation with your loved
ones about grieving and what dothey believe about death?
And what ways do they want to behonored as they die or when they
(23:13):
die?
And what ways do you want to behonored when you die?
because we're all gonna dieYeah, but I also wanted to think
about how we're going to live,live abundantly and live freely
and live joyfully and livefearlessly because that's a part
of life as well.
(23:34):
The, the, the constant parts ofus who are dying and the people
who are dying is also allowingus to wake up and be Habibat,
hey, life is temporary.
And how do I wake up and live?
And I pray that you get to wakeup and live and really live a
life where God was like, wow,like you did that and you are
(23:57):
proud of who you've become, whoyou've, who you've impacted,
what you've overcame.
So yes, I pray that you live inthe midst of the grief, but I
hope that you take a moment tojust like acknowledge the places
where you are grieving and youare experiencing the emotional
response to a significant loss.
(24:18):
So let's take a moment to pray.
And Yeah, so assume a posture ofreverence, however way you pray.
So, Creator, thank you for yetanother day.
Thank you, God, for allowing usto live.
Thank you for allowing us toexperience life.
Thank you for allowing us toexperience love.
I know during this season andmany seasons of our lives, we
(24:40):
will experience different formsof grief.
And particularly for anyone whodied.
I'm praying that their life andtheir bodies, and their spirit
continues to live healthily andhappily and that they secure
space in heaven.
The other part is, for anyonewho is experiencing grief,
continue to protect them, guidethem, love them, and
(25:02):
particularly cover them with aparticular level of protection
and love and allow the healingenergy to flow through them and
allow them to not onlyexperience the grief that they
need to experience and let go ofthe losses, but also allow them
to wake up and live, allow themto live freely, joyfully,
lovingly, and abundantly.
(25:23):
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you, God.
Thank you, God.
Thank you, God.
Yeah.
OK, well, this was fun.
I think this was as fun as itcould be.
This is a heavy topic.
And my prayer is that wenormalize the realities of life
(25:44):
and that we tap into God more inthe midst of the realities of
life and that we fumble throughThe realities of life because we
will not be perfect And that isokay And that is okay And that
is okay.
And really the goal in our livesis to Try to be better.
Try to be better every singleday and during the moments where
we take a two steps backwardsand we stumble we get back up
(26:08):
because we were meant to live.
We were meant to get up.
We were meant to be survivors.
We were meant to be people whothrive.
Thank you once again for joiningme for another episode of
Activate God podcast and I amyour host Habibat and thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Enjoy the rest of your day.
(26:29):
Yeah, you deserve it.
You deserve to live.
You deserve to love.
You deserve to experience joy.
You deserve to experiencelightness.
And I hope that you get all theabundant things that you're
praying for.
Okay.
Enjoy.
Thank you, God.
Um, Uh, Um, Uh,
grieving is not an easy thing, not even a
little bit.
Habibat (00:05):
Because we most likely will experience grief in some
ways in our lives, particularlyif we're loving and if we're
living.
So the reality is right when youare grieving, you really do
become a different person.
I think sometimes you become adifferent person to the point
where you don't necessarilyrecognize yourself and sometimes
(00:27):
it takes you a while to comeback to yourself.
Um,
Activate God's video re (00:45):
Welcome back to another episode of
Activate God podcast.
I'm your host Habibat, and I'msuper, super, super excited and
grateful to be here with you.
So y'all may have remembered,but I filmed my last podcast
episode in sometimes August,right?
And during that episode, we weretalking about navigating through
(01:07):
transitions, the good and thebad, the struggles and the
triumphs of transitions.
And in that episode, werealized, or me, it's me.
I realized that a part oftransitions is.
going through sometimes death,like you experience newness, but
you also experience some type ofreleasing of some things.
And since then, since I waslike, ooh, grief is going to be
(01:28):
an amazing topic to talk about,I have seen so many people lose
people and so many transitionshas happened in my life and also
other people lives that I waslike I think it's time to talk
about grief and from August onto now And right now we are in
February.
Whoa I was literally reallyafraid to talk about grief and
(01:52):
the reason why I was afraid totalk about grief is because I
was like, I'm not sure if I'mthe right person to talk about
it.
And then up until more recently,really like a few months ago at
this point um, I actually lostsomeone who was really, really,
really dear and close to me.
And I'm so grateful for her.
And she was my former therapistum, Dawnn Reale.
Um, And she was just phenomenalin every way possible.
(02:17):
And I've known her for years.
Just such a lovely lady.
She lived in Vegas.
We used to like talk on the, onthe video.
So you can imagine me who waswho was in a shock that my
therapist died and you know,like a therapist, a good
therapist is hard to find Andwhen you find her, them, him,
(02:39):
you want to keep them, right?
But there's something about Godand God was like, hey, this
might be her time to go.
She passed away October 21st andI actually found out a few weeks
later, but we'll talk about thatmaybe at some point.
During this episode, we're goingto be talking about grief.
We're going to be over the nextfew episodes.
We're going to be talking aboutdifferent types of griefs,
right.
(03:00):
Or different types of deaths inour lives.
So we're going to be talkingabout people who have
transitioned out of our life.
As in death, the othertransition with people
transitioning out of our livesare really sometimes a breakup,
right?
Whether or not that is afriendship breakup, that is
someone moving away, and we haveto experience them in a
different capacity.
And the other type of grief ordeath is sometimes losing parts
(03:24):
of yourself, right?
Or a dream that you had and thatyou have to come to reckon that
like, Hey, this might notactually happen.
And this is what I expected.
And sometimes it's in the bestway possible, but other times
it's actually not in the bestways and you have to accept
that.
So over the next few episodes,we're going to be talking about
grieving to be quite honest.
But so let's start, let's startwith the physical death.
(03:46):
And I want to take a moment tohonor and and take a moment of
silence for the folks who havetransitioned in our lives.
I'm going to give us like threeseconds to just like take a
moment.
And I also want to thank thefolks who have transitioned, who
(04:08):
have died in our lives, becauseI think oftentimes when we talk
about death, We talk about thesadness of it all, in which it
is sad, and I'm going to talkabout that a lot.
But the other thing is that theyhave made an imprint in our
lives.
And yes, for some people,someone who died is usually
someone who they have lovedtremendously.
(04:30):
But sometimes it's someone whoyou actually did not love
either, and you had a hard timenavigating through a
relationship with them.
And Yeah, let's let's startthere.
Let's start there.
And it's me rambling at thispoint.
I have a few notes but I thinki'm just gonna talk from my
heart right now So when realityis, I am in the season of grief.
(04:51):
I am grieving a loved one that Ilove so much.
Like I knew that she loved me.
I loved her and I even gotconnected with her in a
different capacity.
When I met her partner or her orher husband.
And I think I'm just so gratefulfor her life, for her love, for
her, for her, for her living.
(05:14):
Yeah, so because I'm in a seasonof grief and just like finding
peace with someone who I lovetremendously dying, I know the
feelings of having to stillfunction in the midst of it,
right?
I think oftentimes when we losesomeone, life continues to move
on.
And we have to continue movingon sometimes, unfortunately.
(05:38):
And sometimes we may notnecessarily have the capacity to
take a break from work, to pausethe other things that we have
going on in our lives, and westill have to co function in the
midst of the sadness.
So I want to take a moment toacknowledge that grieving is not
an easy thing, not even a littlebit.
(05:59):
And I think in reality, we don'ttalk about grieving as much, no
matter how old you are, nomatter whenever, whenever you
lose this person, right?
Grieving and losing someone isextremely difficult.
So let us just define grief justfor a moment.
I would define grief in the mostsimplest form as you
experiencing an emotionalreaction towards a significant
(06:22):
loss, right?
Of course, there's like nuancesin the definition.
But it is not an easy thing, andI do want to say that for the
folks who are grieving, who havelost a loved one, whether or not
that was today, yesterday, threeweeks ago, five months ago, five
years ago, like 20 years ago,like it's still not easy to lose
(06:43):
someone.
And I, I want to say, I want totell you that I am sorry for
your loss.
I'm sorry that you had toexperience that like, like that
shock, right?
I'm sorry that you had to stillfunction in the midst of it.
I'm sorry that you had to finddifferent coping mechanisms to
allow yourself to still functionin the midst of a significant
(07:04):
loss, because that's really whatit is.
And I'm sorry that you have tolearn how to live.
Live with a significant loss.
Yeah.
And a part of me, particularlyduring the season, I have been
Up until yesterday, or two daysago so my former therapist,
(07:26):
amazing, Dawnn Reale, and I loveher so much up until like a few
days ago, I was just really sadthat like, wow, like, I cannot
believe that like, she left,right?
I cannot believe that God choseher to leave in such a, in such
a sad way, in such of like,yeah.
(07:47):
She was dealing with ovariancancer.
And and she got diagnosed
Habibat (07:53):
maybe like over 2 years ago.
And then she got the treatment,started functioning again.
And then that's when it cameback.
And over time her body continuesto deteriorate and the treatment
was not working as well as itshould have and could have.
So because of that, I'm like,why God, why did this person
(08:17):
have to leave?
And why did it have to be justso like harsh?
Right?
Because she had to experiencethe pain of the suffering of her
body not functioning And, andhaving not good health, right?
And also the people around herhave to also, in the midst of
it, like, try to support her.
(08:38):
Yeah, that's hard.
That is a difficult thing.
I would like to take a moment topause and take knowledge that
Dawn's experiences have beenshared publicly.
So this way, you don't thinkthat I'm just sharing out her
information.
She actually created a TikTokwhere she was talking about her
experiences through the cancer.
(08:58):
And I'm just rambling, but like, I know that we still
have to, we still have to live.
Yeah, we still have to live.
There's something about, like,life and death.
Particularly death that remindsus to live, right?
And I know a lot of the peoplethat are around me also have
(09:20):
experienced loss, particularlydeath, more recently in this
season.
And that's just a hard thing.
Yeah, it's a hard thing to do.
It's a hard thing to experience.
It's a hard thing to accept.
And this, this, this is, thisis, very heavy.
Grieving is very heavy.
(09:41):
And I think at any point duringthis episode where you feel like
it is a little bit too much foryou, definitely pause it and
come back.
And I've also put in theresources, a few guides as well.
That I think will be good likein the description box that I
think will be helpful for you asyou navigate, through your own
loss or thinking about like howto support someone who is
(10:02):
grieving so definitely check outthe description but let's
continue talking about grief andAnd I definitely want to send
praying energy To anyone who hasexperienced grief, I want to
send prayers of protection,prayers of healing, prayers of
love, support, and peace.
(10:25):
Grieving isn't easy, andeveryone experiences it in
different ways.
Sometimes in order for us togrieve, it takes time to heal,
right?
And sometimes it's just time,sometimes it's action, sometimes
it's us just like existing.
I think sometimes it it is usavoiding and having a level of
(10:45):
disconnection that allows us tolike actively function in the
midst of it.
But either way, it is not easyand I think that people grieve
in different ways and my prayerthat especially if you are
experiencing grief in anycapacity is that you find
healthy ways to cope.
And that you have a safety andpeople in God, in, in systems
(11:07):
that allows you to still be yourfull human being of self.
But I also know that.
In this world, sometimes thatmay not necessarily be the case.
And I also know that sometimespeople don't know how to support
you in the midst of the grief.
And that's why I think youshould watch one of my friend's
episodes, where she talks aboutgrief and supporting a loved one
(11:28):
through grief.
And that is definitely in thedescription box.
Yeah.
So the reality is, right, griefsometimes shows us how much
we've loved and how much we'velived because I think the more
we live, the more people willtransition around us, whether or
not that is in the best placethat we desire for them to, or
(11:50):
whether or not that is asurprising death, right?
And, and that's a hard thing to,to feel, that is a hard thing to
believe and that is a hard thingto experience because it's not
fun.
Grieving is not fun.
And really my, my hope for thisepisode is that I make grieving
(12:15):
as light as possible, althoughit is not light, but I
definitely want to talk about itin the lightest way because we
most likely will experiencegrief in some ways in our lives,
particularly if we're loving andif we're living.
If we are loving and if we areliving, we will experience
grief.
(12:36):
And I pray that you, as youcontinue to live and love, that
you know that in the midst ofit, like, you are protected, you
are guided, you are loved andthat you feel a sense of
community and safety and thatyou're able to heal through the
grief and find moments ofsolitude, find moments of peace,
(12:57):
find moments of, of, of justlike, of just warmth.
Because once again, it is not aneasy thing.
And I think no matter how farthe grief and the, the sadness
is sometimes it doesn't make itany easier to experience it to
be quite honest And I thinksometimes we just learn how to
function in the midst of it Andthat is not fun like y'all death
(13:21):
is not fun.
And I know that i'm smilingright now, but like i'm it's
actually really heavy it'sactually really sad.
So at some point, we're going tobe talking about what does
scripture say, right?
What, what does the Quran say?
What does the Bible say?
What does like different beliefsand religious backgrounds say
about death and what happensafter people die?
(13:44):
That's going to be the nextepisode.
Let's talk about that.
We're going to do the researcharound that because, oh, if you
don't know, Activate God is amultifaith, interfaith community
where we talk about God,religion, spirituality, life,
and we really try to understandthe similarities and different
religions and really try tofigure out what the beauty is
and how do we continue tocoexist with people who have
(14:07):
differing beliefs as us, butalso people who have a lot more
similarities than we mightactually believe or think.
And once again my condolences toanyone who has lost someone,
whether or not you knew thatthat was going to happen, or
whether or not that was a shock,right?
I don't think either one is easyto go through.
(14:30):
Both of them are extremelydifficult, and both of them
causes a particular reactionthat is hard to live with.
Right.
And that sucks.
That sucks.
So the reality is right when youare grieving, you really do
become a different person.
I think sometimes you become adifferent person to the point
where you don't necessarilyrecognize yourself and sometimes
(14:52):
it takes you a while to comeback to yourself.
And I think when you aregrieving, I think it's important
to give yourself the grace andthe time and the space to really
relearn yourself.
Whether or not that is youtrying to go back to who you
originally were, or you'retrying to be literally a
different person and you findingpeace with that.
Because I think once again, themore you live, the more you will
(15:14):
lose people and God willing, Godwilling, God willing, you don't
lose many people in your life.
But the reality is life will,that will happen.
Yeah, it will happen.
It will happen.
Yeah.
But once again, God willing isnot many.
It's not many people that you,that you lose.
(15:37):
So one of the things aboutgrieving and death is that I've
been trying to figure out a wayfor me to honor the folks who
have transitioned andpersonally, I believe that like
people who have died, well, somepeople that some people who have
(15:58):
died have the ability to help uslive, co live, exist in this
world, right?
I don't think a person just diesand it's just like that, right?
I think that they sometimes havethe ability to support us in
this world and that they arestill connected to us in some
(16:20):
ways.
And a few episodes ago I spokeabout like ways to hear God and
I think one of the ways to hearGod is sometimes through people
who have transitioned.
I think oftentimes when we talkabout people who have
transitioned and the honoring ofsomeone we usually talk about
like ancestral veneration.
I think there's a differencebetween veneration and honoring.
(16:43):
And I think honoring is you.
is, is, is you acknowledgingtheir life, you acknowledging
their love, you acknowledgingwhat they've experienced, but
you also know, in your heart ofhearts that they are still
connected to you in some ways.
And I think the reality is theU.
S., the United States, anywherein the world, many, many places
(17:05):
in the world, and many of thereligious backgrounds that we
have, or religious beliefs thatwe have we honor ancestral
entities more than we think andmore than we want to
acknowledge.
So for example, I live in the U.
S.
and we often talk about honoringsomeone by a holiday, right?
So that looks like Martin LutherKing Birthday, for example, we
(17:27):
have a whole holidays tocelebrate his life.
We also have streets names afterpeople who have transitioned.
I also think if we're talkingabout like in the religious
sense, right?
Prophet Muhammad sallallahualayhi wa sallam, who's in the
Quran, who practiced Islam,who's also an ancestor.
We also talk about him in a waythat like honors him in the same
(17:51):
way for Jesus as well or ProphetIsa there's a way that we honor
Prophet Isa And of course, like,of course, I think there's a
difference between Prophets.
Right?
And people, but I think the,the, the idea of honoring
someone who has transitioned isnot so far fetched than what we
(18:12):
actually do on the day to day.
I guess the reason why I bringthat up is because particularly
right now, as I'm thinking aboutmy own loss and the person that
I love, oh, so much.
And how do I honor Dawnn Reale,my former therapist?
One of the ways in which I'vebeen able to honor her is by
just buying flowers andbeautifying my space in honor of
(18:34):
her.
And it's like, this is dedicatedto Dawnn because she deserves it
and because she's been anamazing person and because I
love her.
And yeah, and I want to continueto think about her and I want to
continue thinking about thelessons that she's bestowed upon
me and the ways in which shecontinues to make an impact on
my life, although she hastransitioned.
(18:55):
When you do experience some formof loss I pray that you are able
to find a way to honor theperson who have died And find
peace with their death, althoughit is not an easy thing to do.
The other thing, and I mentionedthis earlier, is that like, we
often talk about, and I guessthis past episode, for the most
(19:16):
part of this episode I've beentalking about, like folks who we
love that transitioned.
But what happened to the peoplewho we actually did not
necessarily enjoy and theytransitioned?
That is still a shock and Ithink it's sometimes
bittersweet, the person who weexpected particular things from,
but continues to fail us at somepoints of our lives.
The person who is notnecessarily as supportive to us,
(19:38):
a person who's caused harm insome ways to us.
How do we, how do we grieve thatperson?
I think the ways in which youcan grieve that person is by for
one, acknowledging the placeswhere you've been hurt by them.
I think that's absolutelyimportant.
You have to acknowledge thatlike, Hey, like this person
actually hurt me.
Right.
And I think the other piece isknowing that there's a
(19:59):
difference between the, the, thehumanistic version of someone
and then also the spiritualversion of someone.
And I think oftentimes, we lookat the human and we acknowledge
the humanistic parts of us,right?
The parts who, who comesometimes struggle, the parts of
us who are successful, but weare as humans nuanced.
(20:20):
And then the thing about the,the spiritual insight or the
ancestral insight that we haveafter we transition is sometimes
we get to see life differently.
And I think that if you lostsomeone who have.
hurt you, harmed you, who havefailed you.
I think the healing continueseven after they've died.
(20:42):
I think the healing continueseven after they've died.
And I also think that the personIf they continue to live in this
world, right, in the ancestral,spiritual world and who are in
heaven or however way you definethe, the afterlife, is that I
think there are places wherethey might get a different
(21:04):
insight that they that they havethat they do not have when they
were living.
So literally who they become aswell might also be a different
person so I think sometimes whenwe are talking about people who
have hurt us and harmed us inthis realm and who have died, I
think the truth is the personwho they've become along the way
they become a different person.
(21:25):
And I think for us to heal, wehave to accept and acknowledge
the failings, but also know thatthey're also growing and they
are asked to grow and theancestral insight that they
have, it might and should lookabsolutely different from who
you've experienced them to be.
And I also think once again theyare different people.
(21:45):
Yeah, and even if they're not,they failed you, and let's stay
there, right?
Like, they have failed you andI'm sorry.
But really, I guess the point ofthis episode in all is for us
to, for one, acknowledge theplaces where grief is a real
thing, and we all experience it.
We all have to support peoplewho've experienced it as well,
(22:07):
or who are in the midst of it.
We all have to wake up and liveas a result of it, acknowledging
that, we are gonna die at somepoint.
And accepting the transitions oflife as well, which is also very
difficult.
So that's the point of thisepisode.
And I pray that you are able tofind peace in the midst of it,
(22:30):
but also are able to truly livein the midst of experiencing
grief.
So once again, thank you forwatching my episode, my podcast,
Activate God.
My name is Habibat and over thenext few episodes I mentioned,
we will continue talking aboutgrief because that's the season
that we're in.
(22:50):
And we're also in the season oflove and abundance, but I don't
think we can ignore grief and Idon't think in this society we
talk about grief as much so Ipray that this episode allows
you to open up the door ofconversation with your loved
ones about grieving and what dothey believe about death?
And what ways do they want to behonored as they die or when they
(23:13):
die?
And what ways do you want to behonored when you die?
because we're all gonna dieYeah, but I also wanted to think
about how we're going to live,live abundantly and live freely
and live joyfully and livefearlessly because that's a part
of life as well.
(23:34):
The, the, the constant parts ofus who are dying and the people
who are dying is also allowingus to wake up and be Habibat,
hey, life is temporary.
And how do I wake up and live?
And I pray that you get to wakeup and live and really live a
life where God was like, wow,like you did that and you are
(23:57):
proud of who you've become, whoyou've, who you've impacted,
what you've overcame.
So yes, I pray that you live inthe midst of the grief, but I
hope that you take a moment tojust like acknowledge the places
where you are grieving and youare experiencing the emotional
response to a significant loss.
(24:18):
So let's take a moment to pray.
And Yeah, so assume a posture ofreverence, however way you pray.
So, Creator, thank you for yetanother day.
Thank you, God, for allowing usto live.
Thank you for allowing us toexperience life.
Thank you for allowing us toexperience love.
I know during this season andmany seasons of our lives, we
(24:40):
will experience different formsof grief.
And particularly for anyone whodied.
I'm praying that their life andtheir bodies, and their spirit
continues to live healthily andhappily and that they secure
space in heaven.
The other part is, for anyonewho is experiencing grief,
continue to protect them, guidethem, love them, and
(25:02):
particularly cover them with aparticular level of protection
and love and allow the healingenergy to flow through them and
allow them to not onlyexperience the grief that they
need to experience and let go ofthe losses, but also allow them
to wake up and live, allow themto live freely, joyfully,
lovingly, and abundantly.
(25:23):
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you, God.
Thank you, God.
Thank you, God.
Yeah.
OK, well, this was fun.
I think this was as fun as itcould be.
This is a heavy topic.
And my prayer is that wenormalize the realities of life
(25:44):
and that we tap into God more inthe midst of the realities of
life and that we fumble throughThe realities of life because we
will not be perfect And that isokay And that is okay And that
is okay.
And really the goal in our livesis to Try to be better.
Try to be better every singleday and during the moments where
we take a two steps backwardsand we stumble we get back up
(26:08):
because we were meant to live.
We were meant to get up.
We were meant to be survivors.
We were meant to be people whothrive.
Thank you once again for joiningme for another episode of
Activate God podcast and I amyour host Habibat and thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Enjoy the rest of your day.
(26:29):
Yeah, you deserve it.
You deserve to live.
You deserve to love.
You deserve to experience joy.
You deserve to experiencelightness.
And I hope that you get all theabundant things that you're
praying for.
Okay.
Enjoy.
Thank you, God.
Um, Uh, Um, Uh,
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