WHY DO WE IGNORE RED FLAGS IN DATING OR ENGAGED RELATIONSHIPS?

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WHY WE MAY IGNORE RED FLAGS WHEN DATING OR ENGAGED?

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Episode Transcript

Joshua JD Williams (00:01):
so the question is why do we sometimes
ignore red flags whenever we'redating or engaged in my
perception of why sometimes wemay ignore these red flags is
that sometimes we want to seethe best in people like
sometimes we want to see thatthat happy ending that we kind

(00:27):
of had pictured in our mindabout that situation so that
means that if for instance youhaven't been in a in a good
relationship in a while andsomeone comes along and they
tell you hey i want the samethings that you want or they
tell you all the things thatthat fit this picture that you

(00:49):
already had previously set inyour mind before you even met
this person, then sometimeswhenever you start seeing things
that may be a little bitinconsistent than what you had
previously thought, sometimes welike to rationalize those
things out and try to, I guess,convince ourselves that maybe we

(01:12):
didn't see what we see.
and sometimes in like even theworst case scenarios you may be
with a person that may try toconvince you that you didn't see
what you see and that's on theworst case scenario now
everybody's not like that but incertain situations it is like
that where you you might be withsomeone and this may be a red

(01:35):
flag and that person might bejust trying to manipulate you or
just tell you hey you didn'tsee what you saw or whatever the
case may be but when you startseeing those red flags you need
to kind of ask yourself like ami really like ask yourself am i
really seeing what i'm seeinglike is this something that is

(01:59):
crossing my boundaries is thissomething that seems disloyal or
seems dishonest or or doesn'tfit the direction that I'm going
in a lot of times you have tolike question yourself in these
moments because a lot of timesyour heart is involved a lot of
times your feelings are involveda lot of times those particular

(02:21):
feelings those typical emotionscan kind of sway the way that
you actually feel logicallyabout a situation that you
actually just witnessed in yourrelationship and There's
absolutely nothing wrong withthat because a lot of times we
like to blame ourselves forignoring red flags.
I tell people all the time thatsometimes you just have to get

(02:46):
off of your back.
Don't judge yourself so harshlyfor not doing what you were
supposed to do then.
Honestly, whenever you enterinto a relationship, especially
if this is a serious datingrelationship or even engaged,

(03:06):
you're entering into thesesituations wholeheartedly.
You're not expecting to see anyred flags.
You're not expecting to seesomething just go off track or
anything like that.
You're expecting to have thisgenuine, fulfilling
relationship.
loving relationship.

(03:27):
That's what most people areexpecting whenever they commit
to someone.
That's not necessarily sayingthat you would want to see these
things before you actually sayyou want to commit, but I'm
talking about when you commit tothat person, you're expecting
to see that loyalty, that trust,that respect, that love, that

(03:49):
admiration, that reciprocation,that and when you don't when you
don't get that like when youdon't receive that that's that's
when those questions startcoming about like that's when
you start like really reviewingthe past you know couple months
the past couple years to see ifyou did miss something like if

(04:12):
you did miss a flag or two inthat whole process and you might
you might have like you mighthave missed a couple different
areas where Oh, this may nothave been right, or this may not
have sounded good, or maybethis person wasn't the right fit
for me.

(04:32):
You might have those questionsat that point.
But my advice to you is not tojudge yourself so harshly.
Don't push yourself so much toa point to where you start
blaming yourself for being inlove.
to actually just wantingsomething decent, like wanting
something nice for yourself.

(04:52):
Like don't blame yourself forbeing human because at the end
of the day, we're all human andwe all make mistakes.
So when you start reviewing redflags, especially in your
dating or engaged relationship,look at the situation as a
whole.
Like look at the situation as,okay, I'm in this situation.

(05:16):
I'm starting to see that thereare some inconsistencies here.
There are some things that arenot matching up for me.
Have the conversation.
Get with that person.
Have the conversation.
Just follow your instincts.
Follow your heart.
Follow your instincts.
Review the information.
and see which direction youkind of want to move in but at

(05:40):
the end of the day everythingabout communication and
everything about is about yourperception and not just solely
about what the other person istelling you because at the end
of the day you personally haveto be happy in that situation
that you're in like you have tobe happy in that relationship in
order to make somebody elsehappy and content in that
relationship so take your timeand actually like review the

(06:06):
information that is present infront of you and then make the
appropriate decision and that'sthe best thing that you can
actually do because at the endof the day these red flags the
biggest question of why dopeople sometimes ignore red
flags you don't ignore red flagsyou see them like you saw the
red like the flag that wasflying you saw it like it wasn't

(06:29):
anything that was like you wereignoring it or anything like
that it was there like you seenit So it's not a point about you
ignoring it.
It's in fact about what do youdo when you witness it?
What do you do when you see it?
How do you move when you figureout that this is not something

(06:51):
that fits that image that youhad?
This is not something that goeswith the direction that you
want to go in.
That's a life choice.
That's a you choice.
You have to decide then, afteryou see something that is
inconsistent in what you want orneed in your life, what do you

(07:12):
do?
Which direction do you go in?
A lot of times it takes youactually taking that
information, taking time foryourself, and actually just
making the appropriate decision.
Because if this is like in thebeginning of that relationship,
your heart is going to beinvolved.
Like, I mean, your emotions aregoing to be involved.

(07:33):
There's no way around that.
You just got to kind of figureout based on what you want and
need in your life, whichdecision that you really just
want to make.
And that goes bigger than justhoping that this situation gets
better.
That's bigger than that.
That's just you looking at likethe facts and actually figuring

(07:54):
out whether the facts actuallygoing to match what I actually
need and want in my life.
So that's the truth about beingin relationships.