March 25, 2025 • 19 mins
On this episode, I'm sharing a transformative system that has eliminated my impulse spending by using something called a "token economy" with gold stars that can be redeemed for desired purchases.
This approach bridges the dopamine gap for ADHDers like you and me by providing immediate, tangible rewards for positive financial behaviors.
• Token economies provide external rewards that help ADHD brains connect daily actions to long-term outcomes
• The system creates your own "currency" earned through completing chores, habits, and financial behaviors
• The system teaches your brain to weigh desire against effort, creating a natural spending pause
• Over time, this approach reduces overall desire for impulse purchases
Visit ADHDMoneyTalk.com to share your experience if you try this system or to ask questions for the show.
Interested in working with me 1:1? Check out my brand new ADHD Financial Kickstarter service: a 90-minute call with me where we dive deep on your money beliefs and financial picture. Within 7 days, you'll get a personalized roadmap designed to help you transform your relationship with money for good.
Head to shamelessmoney.com/adhd-financial-kickstart to learn more.
Head over to our YouTube channel for the full experience on future episodes.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Dave (00:00):
Welcome back to ADHD Money Talk.
I'm Dave DeWitt, the ADHD MoneyGuy.
On today's episode.
I'm so excited I'm sharing thisnew system I've been using that
has completely transformed myrelationship with money and
pretty much eliminated impulsespending.
It's magic.
So if you've ever foundyourself with a maxed out credit
card wondering like, how did Iwind up here again?
(00:24):
Did I wind up here again?
Then this episode is going tobe one that you want to listen
to, because this is not justanother boring budgeting lecture
and it's not going to beanother shame inducing just have
more willpower type of thing.
No, this is going to be apractical, science backed
approach that's specificallydesigned for how our ADHD brains
actually work, and I onlyrealized how specifically
(00:44):
designed this approach was untilafter it started working and I
was like what is it about this?
And then I was like, oh my gosh, this is literally so ADHD
Perfect, and so I'm going to besharing this.
It all started with thiscalendar app.
We have that introduced a newfeature with gold stars, and we
put it in place for our familyand, before we knew it, boom,
(01:06):
like I'm like dead to the worldof wanting to buy stuff.
It's amazing, and so we'regoing to talk about that today
and you're going to learn how toreparent yourself.
That's what this really isReparenting yourself to learn
how to wait for what you want.
So let's get in.
Ever notice how your brainlights up when you click buy now
(01:44):
, but goes completely dark whenit's time to save for retirement
.
What if I told you there's away to hack your ADHD brain to
actually enjoy delayedgratification?
Today I'm sharing theunconventional system that
completely transformed myrelationship with impulse
(02:05):
spending, and it all startedwith gold stars on a family
calendar app.
I've talked to so many peopleabout their money and their
childhood, and what comes uproutinely is that no one taught
them how to manage money.
What comes up routinely is thatno one taught them how to
manage money.
You may have felt money wasabundant, scarce or even used as
(02:29):
manipulation, but the commonthread no one taught you how to
handle it.
With ADHD, you'll do what feelsgood.
Your brain treats life like youhave one week to live.
The future you care about istomorrow, not 30 years from now.
So you start instantlygratifying yourself,
(02:51):
conditioning your brain to thispattern.
Before you know it, 10 yearspass and you've hardened a
neural pathway associatingimmediate purchases with
pleasure.
The dopamine, then adultresponsibilities hit.
Your friends are buying housesand maxing out 401ks.
You try to stop the cycle.
(03:11):
You set up a budget, make goals, but at that crucial moment,
when you need to say no, you sayyes.
That hardwired neural pathwaywins.
That hardwired neural pathwaywins.
At its core, adhd is a failureto perform at the precise moment
performance is needed.
(03:33):
So what can you do?
I've come up with somethingthat might set you free.
You have to reparent yourselfto learn how to wait for what
you want.
What I've essentially created iswhat behavioral psychologists
call a token economy, awell-established technique used
in therapy and education fordecades.
(03:56):
Token economies provideimmediate, tangible rewards for
positive behaviors, which canlater be exchanged for
meaningful rewards.
This isn't just a cute idea.
It's rooted in solid behavioralscience.
Research shows that tokeneconomies are especially
effective for people withexecutive function challenges
(04:21):
like ADHD.
Function challenges like ADHDwhy?
Because they externalize thereward system that neurotypical
brains handle internally.
Those people naturally connectdaily actions to long-term
outcomes through awell-functioning dopamine system
.
But with ADHD, that connectionis faulty.
(04:42):
Our dopamine signaling isirregular, making it incredibly
difficult to feel motivated bydistant rewards like retirement.
Token economies bridge that gapby providing that missing
dopamine hit for productivebehaviors.
What makes the approach I'mgoing to share so powerful is
(05:03):
that it transforms abstractfinancial concepts like saving
into a visible, concrete system.
You're not just saying no to apurchase and getting nothing.
You're earning something youcan see.
If you're skeptical, I get it.
You've tried everything.
For an approach to work, itneeds to resonate quickly.
(05:25):
If this doesn't click with you,it might not be your solution,
but it's worked so well for methat I'm sharing it out of pure
conviction.
This all started when ourfamily's Skylight Calendar app
added a new feature.
We have a four-year-old and Idefinitely struggle with saying
no to her.
I was trying to balance notteaching her that she gets
(05:46):
whatever she wants whenever shewants, while also fighting my
instinct to just make her happyall the time.
Then this feature came out.
This app lets you add choresfor everyone in the family.
For years, these chores havejust sat there undone.
Then they added stars foraccomplishing chores and rewards
(06:13):
.
You could redeem stars for Gamechanger Big time.
Here's why my wife suggested wedo this for ourselves, because
my daughter was doing it and shewas crushing it.
She was brushing her teeth,going potty, brushing her hair,
cleaning up stuff, because shewanted stars, because the stars
(06:33):
were tied to a tangible reward,something she wanted.
That's something that she sawwhile she was strolling down the
Target toy area.
So my wife was like, let's dothis for ourselves ourselves too
.
We had to determine how muchmoney a star would convert to,
(06:55):
based on what we couldresponsibly spend on
non-essentials.
If we earned every possiblestar for the month of chores, we
wouldn't rack up debt.
We also wouldn't save extra,but we probably wouldn't do all
of the chores and things that wehave in the app anyways.
So, worst case scenario, wedon't save anything.
(07:19):
Most likely, we're saving somemoney.
We each added chores andrealized this was perfect for
building habits we'd beenstruggling with besides just
doing like household chores.
So I get five stars for leavingon time for work, 10 for doing
my ice bath, five for a goodworkout.
My wife gets stars for gettingthe kids dressed before going
(07:41):
downstairs in the morning,taking them outside and working
out as well, amongst otherthings.
But those are just someexamples For rewards.
Rewards we started with genericthings like a hundred bucks to
spend on whatever after we get200 stars.
But the game changer was addingspecific rewards with specific
star costs.
So if a ps5 costs 500 and eachstar is worth 50 cents, that's
(08:06):
1000 stars.
Headphones for 50 bucks, that's100,000 stars.
Headphones for 50 bucks, that's100 stars, high level.
What we did was we created ourown currency that we earned by
working for it, exactly likereal life.
The problem is that, for us withADHD, rewards like retirement
and financial independence feelabstract and impossibly distant.
(08:26):
We skip learning the smallsteps and we jump straight to
societal pressure to save and beresponsible.
This system is incrediblypowerful because you can use it
for daily habits like we startedto try and do, like things we
already wanted to do to improveourselves.
We could now also earn starsfor that.
We could redeem for a rewardthat we want.
(08:48):
But you could also earn starsfor financial behaviors.
You could earn stars forchecking account balances,
logging your transactions inyour budgeting app, reviewing
your spending plan, packinglunch, making coffee at home,
cooking your own dinner orfollowing the 24-hour rule for
(09:09):
unplanned purchases.
But, frankly, with this system,you kind of don't need the
24-hour rule for unplannedpurchases.
But, frankly, with this system,you kind of don't need the
24-hour rule anymore because youhave to earn stars to get what
you want.
Some weekly habits you could doin a system like this, where
you're earning stars for thethings you want is weekly meal
planning, weekly reviewing thesubscriptions that you have,
(09:31):
reconciling your budgetcategories, having no spend days
or actually moving money toyour savings account.
You could give yourself somestars for that.
Some monthly habits you couldtry are staying under budget,
making extra debt payments,finding expenses to cut or
calculating your net worthpayments, finding expenses to
(09:52):
cut or calculating your networth.
So basically, you can be doinga system where you're earning
stars and your own made upcurrency which kind of detaches
it from like month the emotionalpart of like actual money,
which is just thick with stuff.
You have your own currency thatyou get to use to get the
things you want so that you canget your dopamine hit, but you
(10:15):
have to earn it by doing choresor these habits.
So, in terms of the rewards,this is where it gets fun.
What really has worked for me isusing things like tangible kind
of gadgets, shiny new objectsthat I have always liked to get,
but you can get creative andhave fun with it.
You could have a reward, be amovie night with premium snacks,
a massage, concert tickets or akitchen gadget you've been
(10:36):
eyeing up.
So here's the thing High level,like we said, we're talking
about making your own currency,doing small things that help you
or help your household or helpyour finances, and earn stars.
And then you accumulate starsand you redeem your stars for a
reward, as opposed to justimpulse buying a reward for
(10:59):
yourself Because you had a hardday, which is something that
happens.
You know, I had a hard day.
I just deserve DoorDash.
You're moving this into asystem.
So, since starting this system,you're moving this into a
system.
So, since starting this system,something incredible happened
internally for me For the firstrewards.
I worked hard to get the itemand it was a light visor I wear
(11:21):
in the mornings to feel betterand to wake up, so I don't have
to sit in front of a lamp for 30minutes.
I really wanted it and I did mychores, I did my ice baths, I
did my workouts.
I got it pretty quick.
The next thing, the next rewardI wanted.
It was the same deal, but theintensity of my desire was a
little bit less like theintensity of a desire to do all
(11:41):
the things required to get thereward was a little less.
Not much barely noticeable, butless barely noticeable, but
less.
Now four or five rewards in Idon't really want anything
anymore and I'm not reallygetting anything anymore.
It's very odd.
There's almost a numbness whenI think about my old impulse
(12:03):
buying patterns.
I've noticed that simply addingitems to my reward list gives me
dopamine, essentially trickingmy brain into thinking I've
bought it, like by the time Iaccumulate enough stars.
I often don't find I don't evenreally want the item that badly
anymore.
The dopamine was alreadypartially spent just by adding
(12:27):
it to my list.
You know I get to add the itemand emoji the link to it.
I've already looked it up.
I'm already like yeah, I wantthese shoes.
Yeah, I want this attachmentfor my VR system.
Now I have like a list of likesix or seven things.
I really wanted at the momentthat I put them on the list, but
now I'm like and so, and whatreally is interesting is that
(12:51):
over the course of just threemonths I've basically taught my
brain to be able to inherentlyweigh my desire for the reward
versus my desire to do the workfor the reward.
(13:12):
One on this podcast who'slistened in the old days, I
guess you could call it now thatwhen you go to the store and
you're about to buy a new jacketor new shoes, you kind of ask
yourself my values are to befree, to have autonomy, peace of
mind, to have financialindependence.
Is buying these shoes helpingme get there, and do I already
have shoes that work just finethere, and do I already have
(13:33):
shoes that work just fine?
That can be a tough thing whenfinancial independence and peace
of mind and autonomy is veryabstract, and so it's difficult
to make that right decisionright then and there.
But now, with this system, I'vetrained myself to be like do I
want to do an ice bath every dayfor the next five days and do I
(13:54):
want to work out every day forthe next five?
I already know what the thingsthat I get stars for are and I
can much better wrap my headaround what that is what I have
to do to earn the thing, so I'mable to make that value judgment
much more efficiently.
And because it was so novelwhen I first started doing the
(14:15):
system and new and it wasexciting, my brain has been
accepting that that's how I getstuff.
Now it's like very quicklychanged the pattern from the
quick rationalization on thespot and then just getting it to
the default is more like got toget those stars, and it's
(14:39):
really awesome actually to thinkabout how that's happened and
I'm almost bewildered andmystified by the effectiveness
of this.
But it really works.
It's really cool.
So if you're hesitant to set upa full system like this, here's
a simple way to test thisapproach.
Choose one purchase under 30bucks you've been wanting and,
(15:01):
instead of buying it, write itdown with a price in stars,
maybe just for simplicity's sake.
One star equals $1.
Create a list of three habitsyou want to build.
One star equals one dollar.
Create a list of three habitsyou want to build.
Each time you complete one,give yourself a star.
Once you've earned enough, makeyour purchase.
Allow yourself to make thepurchase because you earned it.
Pay attention to how this feelscompared to impulse buying.
(15:24):
I should mention that having mywife participate makes this
easier.
The built-in accountabilityreally does help.
There's a partnership and acamaraderie around it.
If you're on your own, it mightbe harder, but I want you to
ride the motivation wave.
If this is resonating with youand you've had that little
tickle of like, ooh, this is acool idea, I want you to lean
(15:46):
into that really hard, because Ireally do think.
I'm very confident that you'llnotice changes if you do this
for two months and you stick toit.
Don't make it too hard.
Just what are the little thingsthat give you a little edge in
your day that you can do andreward yourself with stars for
that?
You can then build up andaccumulate towards earning
(16:06):
enough for the thing.
So this is a systematized wayto reparent yourself, to learn
how to wait.
Prior to this, I've beenspending four or five years
trying to get myself undercontrol, my ADHD under control,
(16:27):
my impulse spending undercontrol, and in large part, I've
done that pretty much just byworking on clarifying my values,
working on thinking through mygoals, working on thinking about
my family slowing down, andalso by working on myself, and
(16:47):
I've learned a ton of things,and that is something that I
think everyone who's reallystruggling with almost like what
feels like inescapable moneypatterns that are holding you
back.
I think that work is absolutelyrequired in terms of putting it
in practice.
Like those things helped me tothe point where I wanted to buy
(17:08):
less things in general that werenot aligned with my values, but
the problem was when somethingwas so exciting to me that and
often the things that I that areso exciting to me are also so
expensive.
So the beautiful thing is thatthat this has put the final
leash on that last kind ofremaining part of me that would
(17:31):
still get hijacked by a surge ofhunting for dopamine, where I
would just still kind of blowmyself up on a smaller scale.
But this system has really putthe final leash to hold back
that, because now I can stilljust be like, yes, I really want
it.
Okay, how many stars do I need?
(17:53):
Okay, put it on the thing,start doing my chores and my
daily habits, and before long Iget to have that option to pull
the trigger with feeling, noguilt, nothing at all, just pure
.
This is in sync with everythingbecause I have the system that
works for me.
(18:13):
So if you try this and itresonates, I'd love to hear how
it's going for you.
Go to ADHDMoneyTalkcom to shareyour experience.
You can fill out a form therewith comments.
You can ask a question for theshow, but I want to know if it
worked for you and what you'redoing to make it uniquely yours
and any sort of other tweaksyou've made to your system to
make it more effective for you.
(18:34):
That's it for today's show.
Thank you so much.
We'll talk again soon, you.
Welcome back to ADHD Money Talk.
I'm Dave DeWitt, the ADHD MoneyGuy.
On today's episode.
I'm so excited I'm sharing thisnew system I've been using that
has completely transformed myrelationship with money and
pretty much eliminated impulsespending.
It's magic.
So if you've ever foundyourself with a maxed out credit
card wondering like, how did Iwind up here again?
(00:24):
Did I wind up here again?
Then this episode is going tobe one that you want to listen
to, because this is not justanother boring budgeting lecture
and it's not going to beanother shame inducing just have
more willpower type of thing.
No, this is going to be apractical, science backed
approach that's specificallydesigned for how our ADHD brains
actually work, and I onlyrealized how specifically
(00:44):
designed this approach was untilafter it started working and I
was like what is it about this?
And then I was like, oh my gosh, this is literally so ADHD
Perfect, and so I'm going to besharing this.
It all started with thiscalendar app.
We have that introduced a newfeature with gold stars, and we
put it in place for our familyand, before we knew it, boom,
(01:06):
like I'm like dead to the worldof wanting to buy stuff.
It's amazing, and so we'regoing to talk about that today
and you're going to learn how toreparent yourself.
That's what this really isReparenting yourself to learn
how to wait for what you want.
So let's get in.
Ever notice how your brainlights up when you click buy now
(01:44):
, but goes completely dark whenit's time to save for retirement
.
What if I told you there's away to hack your ADHD brain to
actually enjoy delayedgratification?
Today I'm sharing theunconventional system that
completely transformed myrelationship with impulse
(02:05):
spending, and it all startedwith gold stars on a family
calendar app.
I've talked to so many peopleabout their money and their
childhood, and what comes uproutinely is that no one taught
them how to manage money.
What comes up routinely is thatno one taught them how to
manage money.
You may have felt money wasabundant, scarce or even used as
(02:29):
manipulation, but the commonthread no one taught you how to
handle it.
With ADHD, you'll do what feelsgood.
Your brain treats life like youhave one week to live.
The future you care about istomorrow, not 30 years from now.
So you start instantlygratifying yourself,
(02:51):
conditioning your brain to thispattern.
Before you know it, 10 yearspass and you've hardened a
neural pathway associatingimmediate purchases with
pleasure.
The dopamine, then adultresponsibilities hit.
Your friends are buying housesand maxing out 401ks.
You try to stop the cycle.
(03:11):
You set up a budget, make goals, but at that crucial moment,
when you need to say no, you sayyes.
That hardwired neural pathwaywins.
That hardwired neural pathwaywins.
At its core, adhd is a failureto perform at the precise moment
performance is needed.
(03:33):
So what can you do?
I've come up with somethingthat might set you free.
You have to reparent yourselfto learn how to wait for what
you want.
What I've essentially created iswhat behavioral psychologists
call a token economy, awell-established technique used
in therapy and education fordecades.
(03:56):
Token economies provideimmediate, tangible rewards for
positive behaviors, which canlater be exchanged for
meaningful rewards.
This isn't just a cute idea.
It's rooted in solid behavioralscience.
Research shows that tokeneconomies are especially
effective for people withexecutive function challenges
(04:21):
like ADHD.
Function challenges like ADHDwhy?
Because they externalize thereward system that neurotypical
brains handle internally.
Those people naturally connectdaily actions to long-term
outcomes through awell-functioning dopamine system
.
But with ADHD, that connectionis faulty.
(04:42):
Our dopamine signaling isirregular, making it incredibly
difficult to feel motivated bydistant rewards like retirement.
Token economies bridge that gapby providing that missing
dopamine hit for productivebehaviors.
What makes the approach I'mgoing to share so powerful is
(05:03):
that it transforms abstractfinancial concepts like saving
into a visible, concrete system.
You're not just saying no to apurchase and getting nothing.
You're earning something youcan see.
If you're skeptical, I get it.
You've tried everything.
For an approach to work, itneeds to resonate quickly.
(05:25):
If this doesn't click with you,it might not be your solution,
but it's worked so well for methat I'm sharing it out of pure
conviction.
This all started when ourfamily's Skylight Calendar app
added a new feature.
We have a four-year-old and Idefinitely struggle with saying
no to her.
I was trying to balance notteaching her that she gets
(05:46):
whatever she wants whenever shewants, while also fighting my
instinct to just make her happyall the time.
Then this feature came out.
This app lets you add choresfor everyone in the family.
For years, these chores havejust sat there undone.
Then they added stars foraccomplishing chores and rewards
(06:13):
.
You could redeem stars for Gamechanger Big time.
Here's why my wife suggested wedo this for ourselves, because
my daughter was doing it and shewas crushing it.
She was brushing her teeth,going potty, brushing her hair,
cleaning up stuff, because shewanted stars, because the stars
(06:33):
were tied to a tangible reward,something she wanted.
That's something that she sawwhile she was strolling down the
Target toy area.
So my wife was like, let's dothis for ourselves ourselves too
.
We had to determine how muchmoney a star would convert to,
(06:55):
based on what we couldresponsibly spend on
non-essentials.
If we earned every possiblestar for the month of chores, we
wouldn't rack up debt.
We also wouldn't save extra,but we probably wouldn't do all
of the chores and things that wehave in the app anyways.
So, worst case scenario, wedon't save anything.
(07:19):
Most likely, we're saving somemoney.
We each added chores andrealized this was perfect for
building habits we'd beenstruggling with besides just
doing like household chores.
So I get five stars for leavingon time for work, 10 for doing
my ice bath, five for a goodworkout.
My wife gets stars for gettingthe kids dressed before going
(07:41):
downstairs in the morning,taking them outside and working
out as well, amongst otherthings.
But those are just someexamples For rewards.
Rewards we started with genericthings like a hundred bucks to
spend on whatever after we get200 stars.
But the game changer was addingspecific rewards with specific
star costs.
So if a ps5 costs 500 and eachstar is worth 50 cents, that's
(08:06):
1000 stars.
Headphones for 50 bucks, that's100,000 stars.
Headphones for 50 bucks, that's100 stars, high level.
What we did was we created ourown currency that we earned by
working for it, exactly likereal life.
The problem is that, for us withADHD, rewards like retirement
and financial independence feelabstract and impossibly distant.
(08:26):
We skip learning the smallsteps and we jump straight to
societal pressure to save and beresponsible.
This system is incrediblypowerful because you can use it
for daily habits like we startedto try and do, like things we
already wanted to do to improveourselves.
We could now also earn starsfor that.
We could redeem for a rewardthat we want.
(08:48):
But you could also earn starsfor financial behaviors.
You could earn stars forchecking account balances,
logging your transactions inyour budgeting app, reviewing
your spending plan, packinglunch, making coffee at home,
cooking your own dinner orfollowing the 24-hour rule for
(09:09):
unplanned purchases.
But, frankly, with this system,you kind of don't need the
24-hour rule for unplannedpurchases.
But, frankly, with this system,you kind of don't need the
24-hour rule anymore because youhave to earn stars to get what
you want.
Some weekly habits you could doin a system like this, where
you're earning stars for thethings you want is weekly meal
planning, weekly reviewing thesubscriptions that you have,
(09:31):
reconciling your budgetcategories, having no spend days
or actually moving money toyour savings account.
You could give yourself somestars for that.
Some monthly habits you couldtry are staying under budget,
making extra debt payments,finding expenses to cut or
calculating your net worthpayments, finding expenses to
(09:52):
cut or calculating your networth.
So basically, you can be doinga system where you're earning
stars and your own made upcurrency which kind of detaches
it from like month the emotionalpart of like actual money,
which is just thick with stuff.
You have your own currency thatyou get to use to get the
things you want so that you canget your dopamine hit, but you
(10:15):
have to earn it by doing choresor these habits.
So, in terms of the rewards,this is where it gets fun.
What really has worked for me isusing things like tangible kind
of gadgets, shiny new objectsthat I have always liked to get,
but you can get creative andhave fun with it.
You could have a reward, be amovie night with premium snacks,
a massage, concert tickets or akitchen gadget you've been
(10:36):
eyeing up.
So here's the thing High level,like we said, we're talking
about making your own currency,doing small things that help you
or help your household or helpyour finances, and earn stars.
And then you accumulate starsand you redeem your stars for a
reward, as opposed to justimpulse buying a reward for
(10:59):
yourself Because you had a hardday, which is something that
happens.
You know, I had a hard day.
I just deserve DoorDash.
You're moving this into asystem.
So, since starting this system,you're moving this into a
system.
So, since starting this system,something incredible happened
internally for me For the firstrewards.
I worked hard to get the itemand it was a light visor I wear
(11:21):
in the mornings to feel betterand to wake up, so I don't have
to sit in front of a lamp for 30minutes.
I really wanted it and I did mychores, I did my ice baths, I
did my workouts.
I got it pretty quick.
The next thing, the next rewardI wanted.
It was the same deal, but theintensity of my desire was a
little bit less like theintensity of a desire to do all
(11:41):
the things required to get thereward was a little less.
Not much barely noticeable, butless barely noticeable, but
less.
Now four or five rewards in Idon't really want anything
anymore and I'm not reallygetting anything anymore.
It's very odd.
There's almost a numbness whenI think about my old impulse
(12:03):
buying patterns.
I've noticed that simply addingitems to my reward list gives me
dopamine, essentially trickingmy brain into thinking I've
bought it, like by the time Iaccumulate enough stars.
I often don't find I don't evenreally want the item that badly
anymore.
The dopamine was alreadypartially spent just by adding
(12:27):
it to my list.
You know I get to add the itemand emoji the link to it.
I've already looked it up.
I'm already like yeah, I wantthese shoes.
Yeah, I want this attachmentfor my VR system.
Now I have like a list of likesix or seven things.
I really wanted at the momentthat I put them on the list, but
now I'm like and so, and whatreally is interesting is that
(12:51):
over the course of just threemonths I've basically taught my
brain to be able to inherentlyweigh my desire for the reward
versus my desire to do the workfor the reward.
(13:12):
One on this podcast who'slistened in the old days, I
guess you could call it now thatwhen you go to the store and
you're about to buy a new jacketor new shoes, you kind of ask
yourself my values are to befree, to have autonomy, peace of
mind, to have financialindependence.
Is buying these shoes helpingme get there, and do I already
have shoes that work just finethere, and do I already have
(13:33):
shoes that work just fine?
That can be a tough thing whenfinancial independence and peace
of mind and autonomy is veryabstract, and so it's difficult
to make that right decisionright then and there.
But now, with this system, I'vetrained myself to be like do I
want to do an ice bath every dayfor the next five days and do I
(13:54):
want to work out every day forthe next five?
I already know what the thingsthat I get stars for are and I
can much better wrap my headaround what that is what I have
to do to earn the thing, so I'mable to make that value judgment
much more efficiently.
And because it was so novelwhen I first started doing the
(14:15):
system and new and it wasexciting, my brain has been
accepting that that's how I getstuff.
Now it's like very quicklychanged the pattern from the
quick rationalization on thespot and then just getting it to
the default is more like got toget those stars, and it's
(14:39):
really awesome actually to thinkabout how that's happened and
I'm almost bewildered andmystified by the effectiveness
of this.
But it really works.
It's really cool.
So if you're hesitant to set upa full system like this, here's
a simple way to test thisapproach.
Choose one purchase under 30bucks you've been wanting and,
(15:01):
instead of buying it, write itdown with a price in stars,
maybe just for simplicity's sake.
One star equals $1.
Create a list of three habitsyou want to build.
One star equals one dollar.
Create a list of three habitsyou want to build.
Each time you complete one,give yourself a star.
Once you've earned enough, makeyour purchase.
Allow yourself to make thepurchase because you earned it.
Pay attention to how this feelscompared to impulse buying.
(15:24):
I should mention that having mywife participate makes this
easier.
The built-in accountabilityreally does help.
There's a partnership and acamaraderie around it.
If you're on your own, it mightbe harder, but I want you to
ride the motivation wave.
If this is resonating with youand you've had that little
tickle of like, ooh, this is acool idea, I want you to lean
(15:46):
into that really hard, because Ireally do think.
I'm very confident that you'llnotice changes if you do this
for two months and you stick toit.
Don't make it too hard.
Just what are the little thingsthat give you a little edge in
your day that you can do andreward yourself with stars for
that?
You can then build up andaccumulate towards earning
(16:06):
enough for the thing.
So this is a systematized wayto reparent yourself, to learn
how to wait.
Prior to this, I've beenspending four or five years
trying to get myself undercontrol, my ADHD under control,
(16:27):
my impulse spending undercontrol, and in large part, I've
done that pretty much just byworking on clarifying my values,
working on thinking through mygoals, working on thinking about
my family slowing down, andalso by working on myself, and
(16:47):
I've learned a ton of things,and that is something that I
think everyone who's reallystruggling with almost like what
feels like inescapable moneypatterns that are holding you
back.
I think that work is absolutelyrequired in terms of putting it
in practice.
Like those things helped me tothe point where I wanted to buy
(17:08):
less things in general that werenot aligned with my values, but
the problem was when somethingwas so exciting to me that and
often the things that I that areso exciting to me are also so
expensive.
So the beautiful thing is thatthat this has put the final
leash on that last kind ofremaining part of me that would
(17:31):
still get hijacked by a surge ofhunting for dopamine, where I
would just still kind of blowmyself up on a smaller scale.
But this system has really putthe final leash to hold back
that, because now I can stilljust be like, yes, I really want
it.
Okay, how many stars do I need?
(17:53):
Okay, put it on the thing,start doing my chores and my
daily habits, and before long Iget to have that option to pull
the trigger with feeling, noguilt, nothing at all, just pure
.
This is in sync with everythingbecause I have the system that
works for me.
(18:13):
So if you try this and itresonates, I'd love to hear how
it's going for you.
Go to ADHDMoneyTalkcom to shareyour experience.
You can fill out a form therewith comments.
You can ask a question for theshow, but I want to know if it
worked for you and what you'redoing to make it uniquely yours
and any sort of other tweaksyou've made to your system to
make it more effective for you.
(18:34):
That's it for today's show.
Thank you so much.
We'll talk again soon, you.
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