June 25, 2025 • 32 mins
David DeWitt shares his personal journey from financial disaster to freedom, revealing how understanding the connection between ADHD, shame, and money behaviors transformed his relationship with finances.
• Breaking free from the shame cycle that drives ADHD financial behaviors
• Understanding how self-beliefs sabotage financial progress despite good intentions
• Learning that willpower and discipline aren't effective solutions for ADHD money management
• Recognizing how 20,000 more negative experiences shape harmful core beliefs in people with ADHD
• Discovering how to befriend rather than battle financial demons
• Making sustainable progress by addressing emotional foundations first
• Finding freedom through self-acceptance rather than constant self-improvement
Join our Shameless Money community to decode your money story and build sustainable financial systems designed for the ADHD brain. Check out our Financial Transformation coaching package that includes a deep discovery call, personalized roadmap with your money story decoded, and implementation sessions to build systems that actually work for you.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 0 (00:00):
Imagine being a certified financial planner with
$50,000 of credit card debt andyou know better.
But you can't stop doing itbecause your brain just
literally just keeps doingthings.
You are not in control of yourbrain.
Your brain keeps making you dostuff you don't want to do and
you're telling yourself you'renot broken.
You know you're okay, it'sgoing to be okay, you're going
to figure it out, but it justkeeps getting worse and worse
and worse.
So the money thing with ADHD, itfeels like a curse.
(00:20):
It really does, and that cursefeels it's one of the worst
curses because the stakes are sohigh with our money.
You know it's a reallyimportant part of our life that
we really love to bury our headsin the sand about and avoid and
that almost certainly spellslater worse and worse disasters
happening and more and morestress and all the bad things.
But you know we just avoid it.
(00:41):
It's so common.
And you know I spent yearsbeating myself up, taking mental
and emotional hit after hit,and you know, if only I had more
willpower and discipline, youknow, then it'd all be.
You know then I'd be great.
So let's figure out a way tohave that.
Well, that's not how our brainswork and we're literally not
wired to have that.
We don't have willpower anddiscipline for the things that
we don't want to do.
Get me a plane, some golf, andget me a new like hobby that's
(01:04):
stimulating, great, I'll do it.
But then like what if that'sjust an escape from, from pain
that I am not confronting?
You know what about that?
So don't, try and have morewillpower and discipline and
stop fighting it.
And here's the real kicker it'snever going to be about
willpower, discipline.
You're never going to haveenough willpower or discipline
to will yourself and brute forceyourself out of money, stress
(01:24):
and money, debt and all thestuff.
The problem isn't in ourcharacter.
It's that we don't know what todo, how to do it or even how to
think about doing it.
We're playing a game usingrules that were not written for
us in a language we can't speak.
So we just continue on beatingourselves up about it, blaming
ourselves for being stupid, andwe let the shame and the
(01:44):
embarrassment pile on.
And before you know it, youknow we are scared to crapless
of looking at our money,thinking about money, we start
to resent money and shame eatsaway at us, and then we start to
feel more and more off anddysregulated and eventually we
crumble.
But what if I told you thatcrumbling was actually the
beginning?
I am David DeWitt.
I created shameless moneybecause, honestly, I had to.
(02:07):
I've spent the last 10 yearsbattling my financial demons.
Among many other demons, butthe financial one, that one, was
the most destructive.
It was, it is, and while I amway better off than I was 10
years ago, I'll admit I'm stillreally behind financially.
I still overspend a lot ofmonths, I still fall back into
old patterns.
But here's the difference, hereis the difference between me and
(02:28):
10 years ago.
I am not scared anymore of mymoney, of money at all.
I don't avoid it, I don't hidefrom it and I am energized and
even motivated about buildingwealth and, frankly, getting
rich the next five years.
That's the goal to get rich.
I'm not scared of it and that'swhat I want.
(02:50):
And while part of me is stilllike Ooh, I'll tell you right
now I'm going to workrelentlessly to battle that,
that voice in my head.
Well, I'm sorry, not battle, Idon't do battling, I do
accepting and befriending.
Who is that voice in my head?
What does that voice in my headwant?
Why is it feeling that way.
But anyways, where are we goingwith this?
You know this might not soundvery radical to you, but if you
know what I'm talking about theshift from being inescapably
stressed out about money tofeeling an attitude of hope and
(03:12):
energy and true acceptance anddesire it's a big shift and I'm
proud to say I've made thatshift.
So I am starting a businessthat's going to address money
and ADHD in the way that it hasto be addressed, because it
cannot be addressed in a waythat is superficial anymore.
It can't just be about automatedo this and that, have this tip
, you know, have this system,you know, have reminders.
It's we have to go deeper.
(03:33):
It's time to go deeper, and soin the next few minutes, I'm
going to share my story with youthe disasters, the
breakthroughs, and why peoplewith ADHD do need a totally
different approach to moneymanagement, one that is going to
embrace who we are, becausethis story, it might be your
story too.
So let's rewind, let's go backin time.
I was diagnosed with inattentiveADHD when I was 16 years old
(03:56):
and I didn't really know whatthat meant.
I just I didn't know.
I didn't know what it meant.
No one told me what it wasgoing to mean and and what it
would do to my life and how itwould affect me.
I was just like, hey, hey, kid,here we're going to give you
all these reading tests and allof these, whatever you know, all
these tests and we're going to,you know, show you, you know
how bad at reading you are andhow much you can't pay attention
(04:16):
, and and we're going to giveyou an IQ test and show you how,
like, oh, like, you're actuallykind of smart.
But, like, on this score, yeah,you know, you got ADHD bud and
here's some pills.
Okay, good luck to you.
That's.
That's how the experience wentfor me.
Great experience, Let me tellyou.
And as a little kid you know Iwas.
I was the quiet kid, I was lostin my own world.
I was always able to play alone, independently, for long
(04:37):
stretches of time.
I was able to make things andbuild, and I loved to just be in
my own world, just lost in myown daydreams, the most
daydreamy kid you could reallypossibly imagine.
And I still love to daydream.
Let's be real.
High school hit and I managed tosurvive high school with, you
know, okay grades, but I had tocompletely game the system.
If you know what I mean and Iknow a lot of you know what I
(04:58):
mean when we're talking aboutgaming the financial system,
because a lot of us are playingthat game balance transfers, you
know those kinds of thingsuntil until until it runs out.
So after my diagnosis I wasgiven the meds, but from that
point until recently, I prettymuch felt like adhd was
something you know, from 16 to30.
Uh, adhd, you know 29.
(05:19):
I guess the adhd was somethingto hide, to become embarrassed
about.
You know kind of.
You know like oh, I don't wantpeople to know, I'm going to
mask and I'm going to, you know,try to be, try to fit in.
You know, nobody told me like Imentioned before, because I'm
partially reading notes and I'mpartially just ripping because
this is, this is fun Nobody toldme how much it was going to
(05:40):
affect my, my life, every partof my life, every domain of life
was going to affect in a bigway.
So let's keep going.
So after college, I landed a jobat an this is always the
hardest thing for me to say atan investment firm as a mutual
fund accountant, and I thrivedthere.
I'm going to tell you right nowthis was the best job for
someone with ADHD who had a verytumultuous college and high
(06:02):
school experience, because I hadthe same job every day.
I knew what I was supposed todo.
I knew what I had to do.
I knew I had to turn in my workand check it off.
Done Like.
It was like boom, self-efficacy, boom.
I did it, I did it, I did it.
I got promoted and during thistime I also developed an
obsession with stocks andtrading and research.
I loved researching stocks.
I'm a researcher at heart and Iloved investing and trading and
(06:24):
learning.
I just love learning.
I always have loved learning.
Let's be real.
I know a lot of us ADHDers lovelearning.
Then the shift, big shift, came.
I joined my dad's investmentfirm.
He basically just took me, justsaid hey, come here, I'll pay
you more.
I was like okay.
And from the outside it lookedlike a dream, because you know
it's a family business, you knowthere's client trust already
there we're managing people'smoney, all this fun stuff.
(06:46):
But on the inside, on the insideof the walls of this business,
it was chaos.
It was pure chaos.
There was no structure my dadhas ADHD no direction, no
training.
I didn't know how to getclients.
I had no confidence to be like"'Hey, mr Smith, would you like
to give me your $25 million andlet me manage it for you?
I'm just, hey, I'm just this24-year-old who you know, who's
(07:08):
really got, you know, knows whathe's doing.
No, that didn't come naturallyto me.
I was scared, poopless, to dothat.
Yeah, I was totally scared andyou know, I was 25, you know,
and I was full of impostersyndrome starting to get it big
time, because I had no idea whatI was doing.
I wasn't able to get any littlewins every day.
I just sat there.
I didn't know what to do.
Half the time.
I was literally told what to do.
I was just like there as like,like there is my dad's son, the
(07:30):
legacy, I'm the legacy, I'mgoing to take over and do it.
And so, like I gave solid adviceto clients and my personal
finances were starting to getmessier, and like it wouldn't
you wouldn't say it was messy,because the truth of this and
this is the truth that I've beenvery vulnerable over the last
four years or five years orwhatever, on my podcast and
everything.
But I'm just going to bestraight up with y'all I had
(07:52):
access to a significant amountof money at this time.
So it wasn't like I was.
My finances were not a mess.
If you were just to pick it out, you know, just like stop time
and be like when date 25 yearold Dave, let's look at his
balance sheet, he'd be like, wow, he's doing great he.
How did he get all that money?
The truth is that I had accessto an account, a UTMA account,
which when you put the UTMAaccount, when you turn 18, it
(08:15):
becomes yours.
Your parents like put money init and then becomes yours and
just telling you right now don'tgive, don't, don't do that for
your kids unless your kid is theliterally the most responsible
person in the entire world, butshe's probably not so don't do
it.
So so I had this account thatbecame mine.
It was supposed to be for mycollege, but my dad didn't want
to use it for college becausethe the, the stocks that he had
(08:35):
invested in it wasn't the righttime to sell them for college.
So he just paid out of pocketfor my college.
Because I'm very fortunate andI've, you know, I've had a lot
of things just handed to me.
I'm not going to lie about that.
I am a privileged white kid.
You know who's been handed alot, and that's just the truth.
You know, I'm not going to denythat.
But there's a story to everysocial class and the way that
(08:56):
money is handled.
And, to steal a line from myfavorite band, I wasn't raised
in the hood, but I do know athing or two about pain and
darkness, because while I was onpaper, a very fortunate would
have seemed to have a veryfortunate, cushy life it didn't
feel.
It never felt that way.
Yeah, we'll get into that, soyeah.
So I had all this money and Iwas just trading it.
(09:17):
You know, day trading, stockoption training, all the trading
, all the just I don't knowgambling, really, really.
I was just gambling, thinking,though, that I was being smart,
and I developed a lot of hubrisbecause I had a lot of these big
wins where I'd make like 30, 40, $50,000 on one trade very
quickly and I'd be like wow,like I'm set now I'm good, so
just fast forward, not a wholelot of time at all.
(09:38):
That was all gone.
All the money was gone.
We're talking a couple hundredgrand we're talking about gone.
You know, it had gone from acouple hundred to like 400 grand
, back to a couple hundred, back, then to 100, then to 50, then
to 10, then to zero, then tonegative, then to dead.
Yeah, that happened.
So it was before it went tozero.
I had also and there's so muchto unpack here I have to keep
(09:58):
going because this is going totake too long.
You know, one day I wanted a carand I have all this money that
I didn't earn.
I was just like, oh just, youknow, I made money on this trade
so I'll just buy a car.
But I didn't buy a car.
I thought, well, you know whatwould be a better investment?
I should just buy a house.
So I bought a house because Icould just take the money, I
could do a 20% down payment andI could feel like I fit in with
(10:19):
the world and that I earned thisand that I worked hard and that
I had you know, it was all ofmy own making.
I could present that persona tothe world, knowing deep down
that I didn't do that, it wasjust given to me.
And that, when I bought thathouse is what triggered what I
am going to call the blackoutera For the next six to 12
months the ADHD impulse spendercame out in force Like, boom, I
(10:43):
furnished the entire house in aday, just going to the store and
saying I want that furniture,let's bring it in, let's put it
in the house.
Like the golf stuff happened andbought the house, put a golf
simulator in the garage, likeI'm telling you right now, I was
depressed, I was very depressedduring this time and, yes, I
was absolutely filling a deepvoid with all of this.
(11:04):
But, yeah, the money vanishedand then the credit card debt
happened.
And then it feels like I wokeup from a dream, because once I
realized and took stock of whathad happened over this period of
time where it was like a manicepisode honestly it may have
been, I don't know it was asclose to that as I've ever been.
When I finally took stock ofwhat had happened and where I
(11:25):
was, the anxiety, the shame, theshock.
I was consumed with guilt andshame and disgust with myself
and the cognitive dissonance ofstill being a financial
professional while beingfinancially wrecked was
literally unbearable.
And so what does that?
What does someone who has nowdeveloped the pattern of
spending with you know, withvery, very poor executive
(11:47):
function, do when they'refeeling unbearable pain?
They just compound it.
That's what your brain's goingto do to survive?
Just what felt good even forfive minutes?
Do that?
Keep going.
This was like rock bottomnumber one.
There's another rock bottomnumber two coming up soon, but
this was rock bottom number oneTurning point.
Let's move it up a little bithere In 2021, coming out of this
misery, like I was questioning,you know, am I?
(12:08):
I'm probably not going to be inthis industry much longer.
I was trying things I was tryingto do just to give you more
insight into like the full, likeme, trying to be something for
the world that I didn't feel Iwas inside at all, but trying so
hard to mask and just portraysome image of someone who's
successful.
I started a podcast called theInvest Smarter Podcast.
In fact, you could probably golook it up and listen to some
(12:29):
episodes of the Invest SmarterPodcast with Dave DeWitt.
But in trying to learn how todo podcasting, I was in this
group and one of the people inthe group was doing a ADHD
podcast about like it was likesome very niche, like sports and
ADHD, and I just was like huh,adhd, like what?
Like I have that and you know,up to this point I, every single
thing I did stupid.
(12:49):
I just literally, I putentirely on myself.
It was entirely a reflection ofwho I was as a person and there
was no explanation.
Maybe I blamed it on somethings in ADHD, I don't remember
.
And so I kind of just likecasually, did some research and
I found this book I call it, uh,delivered from Distraction by
Ed Hallowell, and holy smokes,this was the moment.
(13:11):
This was the first time I everfelt different and a little bit
better, like at a deeper level.
Um, the very first taste of it.
This book was like someonewrote it dear David, here's a
book about you.
And when I he started listingout there was a taste of it.
This book was like someonewrote it dear david, here's a
book about you.
And when I he started listingout, there's a part of it in the
beginning where he lists likehe just goes through like like a
hundred things that like you'llstruggle with if you have adhd.
Oh, I think it was part of thelike you know, if you struggle
(13:33):
with a lot of these things, youprobably have it.
But like he was saying them ina very human and personal kind
of like real, real way that Iwas in tears in the car
listening to this book and I waslike, oh my gosh, I had no idea
.
I just had no clue.
And so, like, I finally feltlike I knew now, I felt like I
understood.
Now you know, my money issuesweren't my character flaw, you
(13:55):
know it's.
This is a serious thing.
I have, you know, adhd.
This is serious Like, and nowthat I'm going to like
understand this, you know,things will start to get better.
You know my brain was, you knowmy brain was just chasing
dopamine.
Uh, just chasing dopamine.
Spending was my hit and therewas no one there to stop me and
I've never really liked beingtold what to do, so tell me not
to spend any more money, I'lljust spend more money.
(14:16):
So I was like you know what?
I feel a little bit more safe.
For the first time in my life,my nervous system actually
relaxed a little bit.
Reading this book and feelingunderstood and feeling seen and
feeling validated and somethingtriggered in me and I started
thinking to myself.
I was like, well, if I'm goingto survive in this industry,
well I really ought to.
You know, they always say get aniche, so I'll just make my
niche ADHD.
I'll work with people who Iunderstand.
(14:38):
The truth is, when I firststarted this, it was like I
won't feel my shame as much withother people who are feeling
shame about their money.
So, like, what a great fit.
So, while I pitched it as andI'm being just as honest as I
possibly can, because beingbrutally honest is my thing now,
because I despise fakenessWhile I was pitching the service
as being a place where you can,we can work with your money and
(15:02):
I can help you and understandyour money and we can build
systems and we can get you onthe path towards wealth.
And you know financial plannersthat are out there, you know
they're really working for withpeople that already have a lot
of wealth and, but, like, youneed to learn how to like, get
the wealth.
So I'll be that guy.
But really, you know, thinkingabout it, I'm kind of realizing
this now, or at least clarifyingit.
It was more of a protection,self-protection for me in the
(15:24):
beginning, because I was like,oh, we can wallow in our shame
together.
Oof, okay, that's a heavy one,but that's okay.
So I started the business infocus wealth strategies and I
was serving ADHD clients and in2022, I passed the CFP exam
because I was like you know whatI'm going to do this right, I'm
(15:48):
in recovery of my own financialissues, so I'm going to make
sure that I know how to givepeople a financial plan, the
responsible way to give them theright advice, all that stuff.
That was the plan.
And the business grew.
It grew and grew and grew fast.
I wouldn't even really call itbusiness because I had no idea
how to run a business.
I had spent three years justdilly-dallying, blowing all my
money, not being depressed andnot knowing what to do.
To now, like having all theseclients willing to work with me
(16:08):
because, turns out, there wasdemand for this and I thought
maybe there would be demand, butI didn't know there'd be that
much.
And I just kept on takingclients and I kept charging what
I thought I was worth, whichwas like pretty much nothing.
And you know, at this point intime I didn't know how still
emotionally raw andperfectionistic and broken I
still really was like.
So when I had like 50 clients,then I felt so much unbearable
(16:31):
pressure that I, I collab, Icrushed me.
I couldn't take it anymore.
I couldn't handle that manyclients.
I couldn't handle them needingso many people needing me when I
couldn't even really take careof myself.
It was just overwhelmed, totaloverwhelm, and I do have really
pretty bad like executivefunction challenges.
So it was hard and I had noplan.
(16:53):
I was winging it, I was trying,it was tough and I, you know, I
became so perfectionistic.
I became so like I need to comeup with something new and new
and new.
And oh, there's so muchrevelation around this that I
had.
There's so much revelation Ican't get into it all right now,
but this was the second flop,and this flop felt worse, and
this flop was like harder andmore deep, because now I also
had a kid.
(17:13):
So it was really painfulbecause I felt like I I don't
know, I didn't know what to do.
I really did, I just reallydidn't know what to do.
I still don't really often feellike I know what to do.
I really did, I just reallydidn't know what to do.
I still don't really often feellike I know what to do.
And I just felt so broken again.
And it was around this time thata friend invited me to church.
Now, I wasn't looking for God,and and I and at that time I was
a deeply skeptical, agnostic,right, and something and
(17:36):
something happened, though, atthis church, like I just was,
like you know, I'll try anythingat this point you'll take me to
your church, whatever.
Whatever you're my friend and Ineed to have friends and
connection and uh, fine, youknow what I'll please you by you
know people please you by goingto your church.
But I'm telling you somethingsomething happened at this
church that I went to.
You know, something happened,something unexplainable.
I broke down and I did feelsomething happening to me and I
(17:59):
felt grace and I was bawling myeyes out in a church and for the
first time in my entire life, Ifelt I don't even know how to
put words to it it was like Iwas crying and I was sad, but I
was happy.
I didn't know what washappening to me, but I just knew
that in that moment I wassurrendering.
I was surrendering a lotbecause I was already so down
and this is not a religiouspitch at all, this is just part
(18:21):
of my story.
I think I just surrendered allof it the shame, the pain, the
wreckage, the embarrassment,everything I just surrendered.
And from there, something youknow had changed in me.
And again, it's not a religiouspitch, it's just the accurate
detailing of my story and fromthere something did change,
where I now felt like I hadpermission to proceed with
getting help and I felt like Ihad a bit more boost under me,
(18:43):
like a little bit moremotivation, a little bit more
safety, and it definitely waslike the religious stuff, but
like that's just the way it was.
And then, um, yeah, butsomething definitely happened to
me where, like I all of asudden was like motivated to get
help and to self-explore and todiscover and to, and I had the
courage finally to like get help.
So I had never really gone totherapy, I had tried it, I would
(19:05):
quit.
You know, I didn't think it washelping me, I don't think, I
think I wasn't ready to confrontanything really.
But finally did therapy, I didEMDR, which life changing,
absolutely amazing.
So I'd started doing therapy and, you know, one thing led to
another and I just startedbecoming very, very into
self-discovery and putting thepieces of my life together and
healing, meditation,self-inquiry, constant
(19:26):
self-inquiry, constant learningeverything out.
If you were to look at myyoutube feed and podcasts I was
listening to, it was all aboutthat.
Like I was getting so deep intolike trying to figure out why,
why, why, what.
There's more to this story thanjust my ad.
It's not just that I have adhdand can't manage like money,
because it's not just, it wasn'tjust money, it was friendships,
(19:47):
it was relationships, it wasself-sabotage and just never
ending that.
And so, finally, just like waslike I've had enough of this and
I'm ready to do something aboutit.
And so, like reading deliveredfrom distraction had, like,
introduced me to the possibilitythat, like I wasn't broken and
that, like ADHD, like now that Iunderstand the ADHD and I've
been educated, like I'll be good.
(20:08):
That was just like the tippiesttip of the iceberg, the
tippiest tip In therapy.
I saw how so many of my memories, my most vivid childhood
memories, were stories of thisunseen, hurt and humiliated and
broken child and my therapistGod bless her helped me meet,
you know, little me, my innerchild, and who I found when I
(20:29):
went to go meet my inner child.
The little Dave was a littleboy who was scared, alone, sad,
unseen, feeling unworthy,feeling like a disappointment,
feeling like an outcast.
And it's funny because likewhat little Dave needed?
You know, when I met him at thegrocery store, I was lost, I
didn't know where my mom was andI was alone, I was crying, I
was hiding in the corner.
When I went to that memory andI walked up to little Dave, what
(20:51):
did he need?
He just needed a major hug, tobe looked square in the eyes and
be told you're gonna be okay, Ilove you so much.
And when I was starting to putthe pieces together of my life
and all the things that I justthought were normal for people
it's tempting to kind of unpackmore than I need to.
But you know people in my lifewho I you know.
You know I had shame, deepshame about my identity and who
(21:13):
I was.
I had my beliefs about myself,I learned, were terrible.
This pain that I had beenharboring and holding on that
because I've been the peoplepleaser, I've been the
perfectionist, I've been thetrying to not let anyone down.
But by trying so hard to dothat letting everyone down and
on occasion I would somethingwould break in me and I would my
frustration and anger and myresentment at just life would
(21:36):
spill out.
But for the most part I wasjust that perfectionist, people
pleasing kid.
But I now finally saw throughtherapy how my pain had become
my identity and how it wasn'tthat I was making mistakes and
that I made stupid errors andthat I it wasn't, that it was,
that I was a mistake, I wasstupid, I am dumb, I am a
disappointment, I am unworthy, Iam unseen, I am unnoticeable.
(22:00):
And so what do I have to do tobe noticeable?
I have to try to be special.
I have to try to make theperfect systems for my clients.
I have to try and make theperfect everything for everyone.
And I can dress it all up andmake it look pretty, because if
I make it look pretty enough,maybe people will be convinced
that it is pretty and that I ampretty.
But the reality is I'm justcovering for what feels pretty
(22:23):
broken inside.
You know, when this therapistsquarely looks you in the eye
and say like, like, what is thecore belief driving that
behavior?
And we did drink down, it'slike, oh wow, I am stupid.
I believe I am stupid.
Saying that I am smart, feelsalien and feels uncomfortable.
And so why is this evenimportant for any of this?
I mean, first of all, I liketelling my story because I think
people can see themselves in it, especially with ADHD, and it
(22:44):
all comes back to moneyultimately, because that's the
area I've chosen to focus on tohelp people.
But the point of all of this isis that, with shame, which is
the business name, is shamelessmoney right?
It's so important to me, it'sso personal to me, because the
word shame I didn't understandand when I understood it,
everything started to click.
When you have shame, it meansyour belief.
(23:05):
It's not a I was or I did astupid thing, it's I am stupid.
And so when you have thatbelief, your subconscious, the
deepest part of yourneurological being, believes
that is what you are.
Then, whenever you do somethingthat's not stupid, or if you
believe I am bad at money bynature, born to be bad at money
when you have that subconsciousbelief about yourself, what are
(23:26):
you going to do?
When you start, like, when youstart the new budget app and you
have all that and all thedopamine because like it's new
and novel and it's fun and it'sit's, it's interesting and I'm
going to set up this budget andthen, when you do well with it
for a month and you are makingprogress look at all that
progress you made Well, what doyou think your subconscious is
(23:47):
telling you and wanting you todo next?
Because you're not good atmoney, are you?
No, no, no, you can't be.
You are bad at money, remember.
So we are going to set upconditions where you will
self-sabotage, blow yourself upand go right back to where you
were, because your subconsciousis familiar with that feeling,
(24:07):
it likes that feeling, it's thefeeling it understands.
So it will always revert youback, which is why shame is a
cycle.
You try, try, try to get out,you fight it.
It becomes bigger ultimatelyand you're back to where you
started.
And this is how I finally gotfree from financial demons.
And I couldn't let myselfbelieve that it's just me,
(24:31):
because what People with ADHDhave 20,000 more negative
instances throughout their lifethan the average neurotypical
person?
What does that do to yourself-esteem, to your beliefs
about yourself?
You have developed neurologicalprograms in your brain that are
trained to tell you that whenyou do something stupid, it's
not because you did somethingstupid that you can recover from
, it's because you are stupid.
(24:52):
That's what you have a programin your mind telling you to do,
and you do it on repeat andnothing ever changes.
And you just keep searching andthinking that this thing that I
get, this, will be the thingthat changes my life, because
they are telling me that it willfix my problem.
You have to fix yourself fromthe inside out.
It's not fixing yourself, it'sjust befriending yourself,
(25:13):
accepting yourself.
Don't push away the shame.
Understand the shame yourself.
Don't push away the shame.
Understand the shame.
Don't push away the demons.
Keep your enemies closer.
Right you understand it.
Become a friend, become curiousabout it.
So I ended up talking way longerthan I wanted to, for this.
That's my one of my habit.
I don't know how to get acrossthe intensity of which I feel
and things in in just 10 minutesor whatever, like most youtube
(25:35):
videos out there.
I I tried, but I failed at that.
But that's okay because I'mthinking I'll just do me and if
me is longer, so be it.
It was fun to do longer.
So the freedom came not justfrom accepting ADHD, but from
accepting my entire self, fromdecoding my story, putting the
pieces of the puzzle together,understanding, confronting
(25:56):
people in my life who needed tobe confronted, seeing my pain
and not fighting it.
Understanding my pain,accepting the pain I'd been
through and just pursuing realanswers.
I mean, there's so much freedomand this was a lot of work and
this journey that I'm on is notover.
This video that I'm doing rightnow.
It's just a stop.
It's just a stop in the road.
It's just a temporaryreflection of an ongoing story
(26:17):
and I don't know what's next.
Like I can't wait for the nextchapter now.
Like this is.
What's so different about me isthat I used to be fearful about
every step I would take.
I would just be fearful, Iwould just think I will fail.
And while I still have thatlingers, I've really built up
the part of me that can fight it.
So here's what's different forme now.
You know, the best part aboutthis is I can say this with a
smile.
I can say this with confidence,with pride, and without that
(26:40):
little voice in me telling in myhead, telling me that you're
being a fake-o right now andthat it's not true.
I've stopped impulsive spending.
The impulsive spending that Iused to do was outrageous.
I've pretty much completely puta stop to that, and it used to
be where I would stop for threemonths and then shame spiral
back.
Now it's like it's.
I have no interest.
Now that I know why and there'sa lot more to the why there's
(27:02):
so much more to all this I'vedone so much on this, but now
that I know why, I can't bebothered to.
Oh, that's just a part of anarrative that was built upon.
Shame and built upon and now Iunderstand that story.
So why?
You know that's not a story I'minterested in anymore, not
interested in that story.
So, while you know that's not astory I'm interested in anymore
, not interested in that storyanymore I've stuck to my
financial plans.
I've gone pretty much out ofdebt.
There's still some, some debtleft, I'm not going to lie to
(27:23):
you and and when I slip up, Idon't spiral because I do still
slip up.
And when I do slip up, I don'tknow.
I just have, I've built up agroundedness and an
understanding of who I am andsuch a hyper awareness of who I
am and I just can't be botherednow to be to let it get me down
too much.
Do I still get financialanxiety?
Yes, do I still get stressedout?
(27:45):
Yes, do I have two kids and afamily and I'm trying to grow a
business and I still, like I'mlearning so much, like, yes,
there's a lot of pressure stilland I try and deal with that all
the time and and I don't know,I think that's probably what it
is so like at InFocus WealthStrategies.
You know the financial planningbusiness, which still exists,
and for the right type of client.
I'm still taking clients atInFocus, wealth Strategies for
people that are, you know, dohave a lot of income and maybe
(28:07):
have gone past some of the mostthe deepest emotional kind of
financial issues.
But when I was working withclients at In't focus, you know,
part of the thing was like like, while I did have financial
shame and imposter syndrome andall that, like I still like
handed people like reallydetailed plans of like with with
all the subtasks breaking down,like I followed all of the ADHD
guides.
(28:27):
You know all the tips and Ifollowed all the instruction
manuals that you would have todo to help someone with ADHD.
You know, help people's hands,help them implement systems
where, like money would just gowhere it goes, and like you have
, there's your, here's your rule.
You have to follow this rule.
You can't do that and you haveto.
You have to cut this muchspending and here's exactly
where you're going to cut.
No matter what I would dopeople, just some, a lot of
clients couldn't make progress.
(28:48):
And I was frustrated because itfelt like you know, cause at
that point I was internalizingeverything as a me like, oh, I'm
doing this wrong.
But through my journey that I'vejust shared, I pretty much
learned through that journeythat well, it's because the
shame and I think shame is thecenter issue for so many people
with money not just with ADHD,mind you, like I like to talk
(29:09):
about ADHD and all that, but fora lot of people it's financial
shame and it's real, it's superreal.
There's money scripts, moneybeliefs we have that we get when
we're kids, that if we don'tunderstand them and don't
explore them, we just live bythose scripts and it can be very
destructive to our futures.
There's so much to unpack andwe're going to talk about all of
this on this channel.
I promise not every episode isgoing to be this long.
(29:30):
This was just like I wanted toget my reintroduction, my story,
out of the way, because sincethe last time I did a story,
I've come a lot of miles sincethen.
But the mission of ShamelessMoney is about helping you not
stop abandoning yourself and tobreak cycles through compassion
and self-exploration andbecoming grounded in who we are
(29:52):
and what we want, and healing.
I mean this is the mission.
The mission is to help peoplebreak free from financial shame
so that they can buildsustainable progress over the
long term and so on.
This channel, we're going tohave fun.
It's not all going to be heavylike this.
We're going to talk about money, emotions systems, tools.
I pretty much professionallyjust build people financial
systems.
(30:12):
At this point it feels likemost of the time and I love
doing that.
I've learned I'm a builder atheart.
We're going to talk about money, emotion systems, psychology,
all through ADHD lens.
We're going to have fun andcoming soon we're going to have
coaching, courses and communitya tribe of people all decoding
their money stories together andunderstanding shame together
and labeling it, naming it,becoming friends with it,
(30:33):
accepting it, moving forwardwith more freedom.
We have courses yeah, we talkedabout that.
The stakes are too high to keepignoring this part of life.
If I'm speaking to you, thenplease, I'll just know that the
stakes are too high to keepignoring this part of your life,
your future.
You is going to thank you in abig way If all this resonates.
Subscribe to the channel.
If you want to go check out oldthings I've done ADHD Money
Talk podcast.
(30:53):
If you want to get on ournewsletter and get a free ebook,
free value packed updatescoming soon and freebies and
stuff.
It's going to be a veryexciting time.
Then we do have a financialtransformation coaching package.
It's three sessions, a deepdiscovery call.
You get a personalized roadmapwith your money story decoded
and a financial system built foryou, and then we do two
sessions implementing thatsystem.
It's going to help you start tounderstand your money story.
(31:16):
It's not going to solve theemotional problems, but it's
going to give you the seed.
It's going to seed the energythat you are going to want to
have to go down that path.
If this is speaking to you andI'll see you in the next video,
let's make money less scarytogether and maybe even a little
fun, and I'll be with you allthe way through it.
All right, guys, see you later.
Imagine being a certified financial planner with
$50,000 of credit card debt andyou know better.
But you can't stop doing itbecause your brain just
literally just keeps doingthings.
You are not in control of yourbrain.
Your brain keeps making you dostuff you don't want to do and
you're telling yourself you'renot broken.
You know you're okay, it'sgoing to be okay, you're going
to figure it out, but it justkeeps getting worse and worse
and worse.
So the money thing with ADHD, itfeels like a curse.
(00:20):
It really does, and that cursefeels it's one of the worst
curses because the stakes are sohigh with our money.
You know it's a reallyimportant part of our life that
we really love to bury our headsin the sand about and avoid and
that almost certainly spellslater worse and worse disasters
happening and more and morestress and all the bad things.
But you know we just avoid it.
(00:41):
It's so common.
And you know I spent yearsbeating myself up, taking mental
and emotional hit after hit,and you know, if only I had more
willpower and discipline, youknow, then it'd all be.
You know then I'd be great.
So let's figure out a way tohave that.
Well, that's not how our brainswork and we're literally not
wired to have that.
We don't have willpower anddiscipline for the things that
we don't want to do.
Get me a plane, some golf, andget me a new like hobby that's
(01:04):
stimulating, great, I'll do it.
But then like what if that'sjust an escape from, from pain
that I am not confronting?
You know what about that?
So don't, try and have morewillpower and discipline and
stop fighting it.
And here's the real kicker it'snever going to be about
willpower, discipline.
You're never going to haveenough willpower or discipline
to will yourself and brute forceyourself out of money, stress
(01:24):
and money, debt and all thestuff.
The problem isn't in ourcharacter.
It's that we don't know what todo, how to do it or even how to
think about doing it.
We're playing a game usingrules that were not written for
us in a language we can't speak.
So we just continue on beatingourselves up about it, blaming
ourselves for being stupid, andwe let the shame and the
(01:44):
embarrassment pile on.
And before you know it, youknow we are scared to crapless
of looking at our money,thinking about money, we start
to resent money and shame eatsaway at us, and then we start to
feel more and more off anddysregulated and eventually we
crumble.
But what if I told you thatcrumbling was actually the
beginning?
I am David DeWitt.
I created shameless moneybecause, honestly, I had to.
(02:07):
I've spent the last 10 yearsbattling my financial demons.
Among many other demons, butthe financial one, that one, was
the most destructive.
It was, it is, and while I amway better off than I was 10
years ago, I'll admit I'm stillreally behind financially.
I still overspend a lot ofmonths, I still fall back into
old patterns.
But here's the difference, hereis the difference between me and
(02:28):
10 years ago.
I am not scared anymore of mymoney, of money at all.
I don't avoid it, I don't hidefrom it and I am energized and
even motivated about buildingwealth and, frankly, getting
rich the next five years.
That's the goal to get rich.
I'm not scared of it and that'swhat I want.
(02:50):
And while part of me is stilllike Ooh, I'll tell you right
now I'm going to workrelentlessly to battle that,
that voice in my head.
Well, I'm sorry, not battle, Idon't do battling, I do
accepting and befriending.
Who is that voice in my head?
What does that voice in my headwant?
Why is it feeling that way.
But anyways, where are we goingwith this?
You know this might not soundvery radical to you, but if you
know what I'm talking about theshift from being inescapably
stressed out about money tofeeling an attitude of hope and
(03:12):
energy and true acceptance anddesire it's a big shift and I'm
proud to say I've made thatshift.
So I am starting a businessthat's going to address money
and ADHD in the way that it hasto be addressed, because it
cannot be addressed in a waythat is superficial anymore.
It can't just be about automatedo this and that, have this tip
, you know, have this system,you know, have reminders.
It's we have to go deeper.
(03:33):
It's time to go deeper, and soin the next few minutes, I'm
going to share my story with youthe disasters, the
breakthroughs, and why peoplewith ADHD do need a totally
different approach to moneymanagement, one that is going to
embrace who we are, becausethis story, it might be your
story too.
So let's rewind, let's go backin time.
I was diagnosed with inattentiveADHD when I was 16 years old
(03:56):
and I didn't really know whatthat meant.
I just I didn't know.
I didn't know what it meant.
No one told me what it wasgoing to mean and and what it
would do to my life and how itwould affect me.
I was just like, hey, hey, kid,here we're going to give you
all these reading tests and allof these, whatever you know, all
these tests and we're going to,you know, show you, you know
how bad at reading you are andhow much you can't pay attention
(04:16):
, and and we're going to giveyou an IQ test and show you how,
like, oh, like, you're actuallykind of smart.
But, like, on this score, yeah,you know, you got ADHD bud and
here's some pills.
Okay, good luck to you.
That's.
That's how the experience wentfor me.
Great experience, Let me tellyou.
And as a little kid you know Iwas.
I was the quiet kid, I was lostin my own world.
I was always able to play alone, independently, for long
(04:37):
stretches of time.
I was able to make things andbuild, and I loved to just be in
my own world, just lost in myown daydreams, the most
daydreamy kid you could reallypossibly imagine.
And I still love to daydream.
Let's be real.
High school hit and I managed tosurvive high school with, you
know, okay grades, but I had tocompletely game the system.
If you know what I mean and Iknow a lot of you know what I
(04:58):
mean when we're talking aboutgaming the financial system,
because a lot of us are playingthat game balance transfers, you
know those kinds of thingsuntil until until it runs out.
So after my diagnosis I wasgiven the meds, but from that
point until recently, I prettymuch felt like adhd was
something you know, from 16 to30.
Uh, adhd, you know 29.
(05:19):
I guess the adhd was somethingto hide, to become embarrassed
about.
You know kind of.
You know like oh, I don't wantpeople to know, I'm going to
mask and I'm going to, you know,try to be, try to fit in.
You know, nobody told me like Imentioned before, because I'm
partially reading notes and I'mpartially just ripping because
this is, this is fun Nobody toldme how much it was going to
(05:40):
affect my, my life, every partof my life, every domain of life
was going to affect in a bigway.
So let's keep going.
So after college, I landed a jobat an this is always the
hardest thing for me to say atan investment firm as a mutual
fund accountant, and I thrivedthere.
I'm going to tell you right nowthis was the best job for
someone with ADHD who had a verytumultuous college and high
(06:02):
school experience, because I hadthe same job every day.
I knew what I was supposed todo.
I knew what I had to do.
I knew I had to turn in my workand check it off.
Done Like.
It was like boom, self-efficacy, boom.
I did it, I did it, I did it.
I got promoted and during thistime I also developed an
obsession with stocks andtrading and research.
I loved researching stocks.
I'm a researcher at heart and Iloved investing and trading and
(06:24):
learning.
I just love learning.
I always have loved learning.
Let's be real.
I know a lot of us ADHDers lovelearning.
Then the shift, big shift, came.
I joined my dad's investmentfirm.
He basically just took me, justsaid hey, come here, I'll pay
you more.
I was like okay.
And from the outside it lookedlike a dream, because you know
it's a family business, you knowthere's client trust already
there we're managing people'smoney, all this fun stuff.
(06:46):
But on the inside, on the insideof the walls of this business,
it was chaos.
It was pure chaos.
There was no structure my dadhas ADHD no direction, no
training.
I didn't know how to getclients.
I had no confidence to be like"'Hey, mr Smith, would you like
to give me your $25 million andlet me manage it for you?
I'm just, hey, I'm just this24-year-old who you know, who's
(07:08):
really got, you know, knows whathe's doing.
No, that didn't come naturallyto me.
I was scared, poopless, to dothat.
Yeah, I was totally scared andyou know, I was 25, you know,
and I was full of impostersyndrome starting to get it big
time, because I had no idea whatI was doing.
I wasn't able to get any littlewins every day.
I just sat there.
I didn't know what to do.
Half the time.
I was literally told what to do.
I was just like there as like,like there is my dad's son, the
(07:30):
legacy, I'm the legacy, I'mgoing to take over and do it.
And so, like I gave solid adviceto clients and my personal
finances were starting to getmessier, and like it wouldn't
you wouldn't say it was messy,because the truth of this and
this is the truth that I've beenvery vulnerable over the last
four years or five years orwhatever, on my podcast and
everything.
But I'm just going to bestraight up with y'all I had
(07:52):
access to a significant amountof money at this time.
So it wasn't like I was.
My finances were not a mess.
If you were just to pick it out, you know, just like stop time
and be like when date 25 yearold Dave, let's look at his
balance sheet, he'd be like, wow, he's doing great he.
How did he get all that money?
The truth is that I had accessto an account, a UTMA account,
which when you put the UTMAaccount, when you turn 18, it
(08:15):
becomes yours.
Your parents like put money init and then becomes yours and
just telling you right now don'tgive, don't, don't do that for
your kids unless your kid is theliterally the most responsible
person in the entire world, butshe's probably not so don't do
it.
So so I had this account thatbecame mine.
It was supposed to be for mycollege, but my dad didn't want
to use it for college becausethe the, the stocks that he had
(08:35):
invested in it wasn't the righttime to sell them for college.
So he just paid out of pocketfor my college.
Because I'm very fortunate andI've, you know, I've had a lot
of things just handed to me.
I'm not going to lie about that.
I am a privileged white kid.
You know who's been handed alot, and that's just the truth.
You know, I'm not going to denythat.
But there's a story to everysocial class and the way that
(08:56):
money is handled.
And, to steal a line from myfavorite band, I wasn't raised
in the hood, but I do know athing or two about pain and
darkness, because while I was onpaper, a very fortunate would
have seemed to have a veryfortunate, cushy life it didn't
feel.
It never felt that way.
Yeah, we'll get into that, soyeah.
So I had all this money and Iwas just trading it.
(09:17):
You know, day trading, stockoption training, all the trading
, all the just I don't knowgambling, really, really.
I was just gambling, thinking,though, that I was being smart,
and I developed a lot of hubrisbecause I had a lot of these big
wins where I'd make like 30, 40, $50,000 on one trade very
quickly and I'd be like wow,like I'm set now I'm good, so
just fast forward, not a wholelot of time at all.
(09:38):
That was all gone.
All the money was gone.
We're talking a couple hundredgrand we're talking about gone.
You know, it had gone from acouple hundred to like 400 grand
, back to a couple hundred, back, then to 100, then to 50, then
to 10, then to zero, then tonegative, then to dead.
Yeah, that happened.
So it was before it went tozero.
I had also and there's so muchto unpack here I have to keep
(09:58):
going because this is going totake too long.
You know, one day I wanted a carand I have all this money that
I didn't earn.
I was just like, oh just, youknow, I made money on this trade
so I'll just buy a car.
But I didn't buy a car.
I thought, well, you know whatwould be a better investment?
I should just buy a house.
So I bought a house because Icould just take the money, I
could do a 20% down payment andI could feel like I fit in with
(10:19):
the world and that I earned thisand that I worked hard and that
I had you know, it was all ofmy own making.
I could present that persona tothe world, knowing deep down
that I didn't do that, it wasjust given to me.
And that, when I bought thathouse is what triggered what I
am going to call the blackoutera For the next six to 12
months the ADHD impulse spendercame out in force Like, boom, I
(10:43):
furnished the entire house in aday, just going to the store and
saying I want that furniture,let's bring it in, let's put it
in the house.
Like the golf stuff happened andbought the house, put a golf
simulator in the garage, likeI'm telling you right now, I was
depressed, I was very depressedduring this time and, yes, I
was absolutely filling a deepvoid with all of this.
(11:04):
But, yeah, the money vanishedand then the credit card debt
happened.
And then it feels like I wokeup from a dream, because once I
realized and took stock of whathad happened over this period of
time where it was like a manicepisode honestly it may have
been, I don't know it was asclose to that as I've ever been.
When I finally took stock ofwhat had happened and where I
(11:25):
was, the anxiety, the shame, theshock.
I was consumed with guilt andshame and disgust with myself
and the cognitive dissonance ofstill being a financial
professional while beingfinancially wrecked was
literally unbearable.
And so what does that?
What does someone who has nowdeveloped the pattern of
spending with you know, withvery, very poor executive
(11:47):
function, do when they'refeeling unbearable pain?
They just compound it.
That's what your brain's goingto do to survive?
Just what felt good even forfive minutes?
Do that?
Keep going.
This was like rock bottomnumber one.
There's another rock bottomnumber two coming up soon, but
this was rock bottom number oneTurning point.
Let's move it up a little bithere In 2021, coming out of this
misery, like I was questioning,you know, am I?
(12:08):
I'm probably not going to be inthis industry much longer.
I was trying things I was tryingto do just to give you more
insight into like the full, likeme, trying to be something for
the world that I didn't feel Iwas inside at all, but trying so
hard to mask and just portraysome image of someone who's
successful.
I started a podcast called theInvest Smarter Podcast.
In fact, you could probably golook it up and listen to some
(12:29):
episodes of the Invest SmarterPodcast with Dave DeWitt.
But in trying to learn how todo podcasting, I was in this
group and one of the people inthe group was doing a ADHD
podcast about like it was likesome very niche, like sports and
ADHD, and I just was like huh,adhd, like what?
Like I have that and you know,up to this point I, every single
thing I did stupid.
(12:49):
I just literally, I putentirely on myself.
It was entirely a reflection ofwho I was as a person and there
was no explanation.
Maybe I blamed it on somethings in ADHD, I don't remember
.
And so I kind of just likecasually, did some research and
I found this book I call it, uh,delivered from Distraction by
Ed Hallowell, and holy smokes,this was the moment.
(13:11):
This was the first time I everfelt different and a little bit
better, like at a deeper level.
Um, the very first taste of it.
This book was like someonewrote it dear David, here's a
book about you.
And when I he started listingout there was a taste of it.
This book was like someonewrote it dear david, here's a
book about you.
And when I he started listingout, there's a part of it in the
beginning where he lists likehe just goes through like like a
hundred things that like you'llstruggle with if you have adhd.
Oh, I think it was part of thelike you know, if you struggle
(13:33):
with a lot of these things, youprobably have it.
But like he was saying them ina very human and personal kind
of like real, real way that Iwas in tears in the car
listening to this book and I waslike, oh my gosh, I had no idea
.
I just had no clue.
And so, like, I finally feltlike I knew now, I felt like I
understood.
Now you know, my money issuesweren't my character flaw, you
(13:55):
know it's.
This is a serious thing.
I have, you know, adhd.
This is serious Like, and nowthat I'm going to like
understand this, you know,things will start to get better.
You know my brain was, you knowmy brain was just chasing
dopamine.
Uh, just chasing dopamine.
Spending was my hit and therewas no one there to stop me and
I've never really liked beingtold what to do, so tell me not
to spend any more money, I'lljust spend more money.
(14:16):
So I was like you know what?
I feel a little bit more safe.
For the first time in my life,my nervous system actually
relaxed a little bit.
Reading this book and feelingunderstood and feeling seen and
feeling validated and somethingtriggered in me and I started
thinking to myself.
I was like, well, if I'm goingto survive in this industry,
well I really ought to.
You know, they always say get aniche, so I'll just make my
niche ADHD.
I'll work with people who Iunderstand.
(14:38):
The truth is, when I firststarted this, it was like I
won't feel my shame as much withother people who are feeling
shame about their money.
So, like, what a great fit.
So, while I pitched it as andI'm being just as honest as I
possibly can, because beingbrutally honest is my thing now,
because I despise fakenessWhile I was pitching the service
as being a place where you can,we can work with your money and
(15:02):
I can help you and understandyour money and we can build
systems and we can get you onthe path towards wealth.
And you know financial plannersthat are out there, you know
they're really working for withpeople that already have a lot
of wealth and, but, like, youneed to learn how to like, get
the wealth.
So I'll be that guy.
But really, you know, thinkingabout it, I'm kind of realizing
this now, or at least clarifyingit.
It was more of a protection,self-protection for me in the
(15:24):
beginning, because I was like,oh, we can wallow in our shame
together.
Oof, okay, that's a heavy one,but that's okay.
So I started the business infocus wealth strategies and I
was serving ADHD clients and in2022, I passed the CFP exam
because I was like you know whatI'm going to do this right, I'm
(15:48):
in recovery of my own financialissues, so I'm going to make
sure that I know how to givepeople a financial plan, the
responsible way to give them theright advice, all that stuff.
That was the plan.
And the business grew.
It grew and grew and grew fast.
I wouldn't even really call itbusiness because I had no idea
how to run a business.
I had spent three years justdilly-dallying, blowing all my
money, not being depressed andnot knowing what to do.
To now, like having all theseclients willing to work with me
(16:08):
because, turns out, there wasdemand for this and I thought
maybe there would be demand, butI didn't know there'd be that
much.
And I just kept on takingclients and I kept charging what
I thought I was worth, whichwas like pretty much nothing.
And you know, at this point intime I didn't know how still
emotionally raw andperfectionistic and broken I
still really was like.
So when I had like 50 clients,then I felt so much unbearable
(16:31):
pressure that I, I collab, Icrushed me.
I couldn't take it anymore.
I couldn't handle that manyclients.
I couldn't handle them needingso many people needing me when I
couldn't even really take careof myself.
It was just overwhelmed, totaloverwhelm, and I do have really
pretty bad like executivefunction challenges.
So it was hard and I had noplan.
(16:53):
I was winging it, I was trying,it was tough and I, you know, I
became so perfectionistic.
I became so like I need to comeup with something new and new
and new.
And oh, there's so muchrevelation around this that I
had.
There's so much revelation Ican't get into it all right now,
but this was the second flop,and this flop felt worse, and
this flop was like harder andmore deep, because now I also
had a kid.
(17:13):
So it was really painfulbecause I felt like I I don't
know, I didn't know what to do.
I really did, I just reallydidn't know what to do.
I still don't really often feellike I know what to do.
I really did, I just reallydidn't know what to do.
I still don't really often feellike I know what to do.
And I just felt so broken again.
And it was around this time thata friend invited me to church.
Now, I wasn't looking for God,and and I and at that time I was
a deeply skeptical, agnostic,right, and something and
(17:36):
something happened, though, atthis church, like I just was,
like you know, I'll try anythingat this point you'll take me to
your church, whatever.
Whatever you're my friend and Ineed to have friends and
connection and uh, fine, youknow what I'll please you by you
know people please you by goingto your church.
But I'm telling you somethingsomething happened at this
church that I went to.
You know, something happened,something unexplainable.
I broke down and I did feelsomething happening to me and I
(17:59):
felt grace and I was bawling myeyes out in a church and for the
first time in my entire life, Ifelt I don't even know how to
put words to it it was like Iwas crying and I was sad, but I
was happy.
I didn't know what washappening to me, but I just knew
that in that moment I wassurrendering.
I was surrendering a lotbecause I was already so down
and this is not a religiouspitch at all, this is just part
(18:21):
of my story.
I think I just surrendered allof it the shame, the pain, the
wreckage, the embarrassment,everything I just surrendered.
And from there, something youknow had changed in me.
And again, it's not a religiouspitch, it's just the accurate
detailing of my story and fromthere something did change,
where I now felt like I hadpermission to proceed with
getting help and I felt like Ihad a bit more boost under me,
(18:43):
like a little bit moremotivation, a little bit more
safety, and it definitely waslike the religious stuff, but
like that's just the way it was.
And then, um, yeah, butsomething definitely happened to
me where, like I all of asudden was like motivated to get
help and to self-explore and todiscover and to, and I had the
courage finally to like get help.
So I had never really gone totherapy, I had tried it, I would
(19:05):
quit.
You know, I didn't think it washelping me, I don't think, I
think I wasn't ready to confrontanything really.
But finally did therapy, I didEMDR, which life changing,
absolutely amazing.
So I'd started doing therapy and, you know, one thing led to
another and I just startedbecoming very, very into
self-discovery and putting thepieces of my life together and
healing, meditation,self-inquiry, constant
(19:26):
self-inquiry, constant learningeverything out.
If you were to look at myyoutube feed and podcasts I was
listening to, it was all aboutthat.
Like I was getting so deep intolike trying to figure out why,
why, why, what.
There's more to this story thanjust my ad.
It's not just that I have adhdand can't manage like money,
because it's not just, it wasn'tjust money, it was friendships,
(19:47):
it was relationships, it wasself-sabotage and just never
ending that.
And so, finally, just like waslike I've had enough of this and
I'm ready to do something aboutit.
And so, like reading deliveredfrom distraction had, like,
introduced me to the possibilitythat, like I wasn't broken and
that, like ADHD, like now that Iunderstand the ADHD and I've
been educated, like I'll be good.
(20:08):
That was just like the tippiesttip of the iceberg, the
tippiest tip In therapy.
I saw how so many of my memories, my most vivid childhood
memories, were stories of thisunseen, hurt and humiliated and
broken child and my therapistGod bless her helped me meet,
you know, little me, my innerchild, and who I found when I
(20:29):
went to go meet my inner child.
The little Dave was a littleboy who was scared, alone, sad,
unseen, feeling unworthy,feeling like a disappointment,
feeling like an outcast.
And it's funny because likewhat little Dave needed?
You know, when I met him at thegrocery store, I was lost, I
didn't know where my mom was andI was alone, I was crying, I
was hiding in the corner.
When I went to that memory andI walked up to little Dave, what
(20:51):
did he need?
He just needed a major hug, tobe looked square in the eyes and
be told you're gonna be okay, Ilove you so much.
And when I was starting to putthe pieces together of my life
and all the things that I justthought were normal for people
it's tempting to kind of unpackmore than I need to.
But you know people in my lifewho I you know.
You know I had shame, deepshame about my identity and who
(21:13):
I was.
I had my beliefs about myself,I learned, were terrible.
This pain that I had beenharboring and holding on that
because I've been the peoplepleaser, I've been the
perfectionist, I've been thetrying to not let anyone down.
But by trying so hard to dothat letting everyone down and
on occasion I would somethingwould break in me and I would my
frustration and anger and myresentment at just life would
(21:36):
spill out.
But for the most part I wasjust that perfectionist, people
pleasing kid.
But I now finally saw throughtherapy how my pain had become
my identity and how it wasn'tthat I was making mistakes and
that I made stupid errors andthat I it wasn't, that it was,
that I was a mistake, I wasstupid, I am dumb, I am a
disappointment, I am unworthy, Iam unseen, I am unnoticeable.
(22:00):
And so what do I have to do tobe noticeable?
I have to try to be special.
I have to try to make theperfect systems for my clients.
I have to try and make theperfect everything for everyone.
And I can dress it all up andmake it look pretty, because if
I make it look pretty enough,maybe people will be convinced
that it is pretty and that I ampretty.
But the reality is I'm justcovering for what feels pretty
(22:23):
broken inside.
You know, when this therapistsquarely looks you in the eye
and say like, like, what is thecore belief driving that
behavior?
And we did drink down, it'slike, oh wow, I am stupid.
I believe I am stupid.
Saying that I am smart, feelsalien and feels uncomfortable.
And so why is this evenimportant for any of this?
I mean, first of all, I liketelling my story because I think
people can see themselves in it, especially with ADHD, and it
(22:44):
all comes back to moneyultimately, because that's the
area I've chosen to focus on tohelp people.
But the point of all of this isis that, with shame, which is
the business name, is shamelessmoney right?
It's so important to me, it'sso personal to me, because the
word shame I didn't understandand when I understood it,
everything started to click.
When you have shame, it meansyour belief.
(23:05):
It's not a I was or I did astupid thing, it's I am stupid.
And so when you have thatbelief, your subconscious, the
deepest part of yourneurological being, believes
that is what you are.
Then, whenever you do somethingthat's not stupid, or if you
believe I am bad at money bynature, born to be bad at money
when you have that subconsciousbelief about yourself, what are
(23:26):
you going to do?
When you start, like, when youstart the new budget app and you
have all that and all thedopamine because like it's new
and novel and it's fun and it'sit's, it's interesting and I'm
going to set up this budget andthen, when you do well with it
for a month and you are makingprogress look at all that
progress you made Well, what doyou think your subconscious is
(23:47):
telling you and wanting you todo next?
Because you're not good atmoney, are you?
No, no, no, you can't be.
You are bad at money, remember.
So we are going to set upconditions where you will
self-sabotage, blow yourself upand go right back to where you
were, because your subconsciousis familiar with that feeling,
(24:07):
it likes that feeling, it's thefeeling it understands.
So it will always revert youback, which is why shame is a
cycle.
You try, try, try to get out,you fight it.
It becomes bigger ultimatelyand you're back to where you
started.
And this is how I finally gotfree from financial demons.
And I couldn't let myselfbelieve that it's just me,
(24:31):
because what People with ADHDhave 20,000 more negative
instances throughout their lifethan the average neurotypical
person?
What does that do to yourself-esteem, to your beliefs
about yourself?
You have developed neurologicalprograms in your brain that are
trained to tell you that whenyou do something stupid, it's
not because you did somethingstupid that you can recover from
, it's because you are stupid.
(24:52):
That's what you have a programin your mind telling you to do,
and you do it on repeat andnothing ever changes.
And you just keep searching andthinking that this thing that I
get, this, will be the thingthat changes my life, because
they are telling me that it willfix my problem.
You have to fix yourself fromthe inside out.
It's not fixing yourself, it'sjust befriending yourself,
(25:13):
accepting yourself.
Don't push away the shame.
Understand the shame yourself.
Don't push away the shame.
Understand the shame.
Don't push away the demons.
Keep your enemies closer.
Right you understand it.
Become a friend, become curiousabout it.
So I ended up talking way longerthan I wanted to, for this.
That's my one of my habit.
I don't know how to get acrossthe intensity of which I feel
and things in in just 10 minutesor whatever, like most youtube
(25:35):
videos out there.
I I tried, but I failed at that.
But that's okay because I'mthinking I'll just do me and if
me is longer, so be it.
It was fun to do longer.
So the freedom came not justfrom accepting ADHD, but from
accepting my entire self, fromdecoding my story, putting the
pieces of the puzzle together,understanding, confronting
(25:56):
people in my life who needed tobe confronted, seeing my pain
and not fighting it.
Understanding my pain,accepting the pain I'd been
through and just pursuing realanswers.
I mean, there's so much freedomand this was a lot of work and
this journey that I'm on is notover.
This video that I'm doing rightnow.
It's just a stop.
It's just a stop in the road.
It's just a temporaryreflection of an ongoing story
(26:17):
and I don't know what's next.
Like I can't wait for the nextchapter now.
Like this is.
What's so different about me isthat I used to be fearful about
every step I would take.
I would just be fearful, Iwould just think I will fail.
And while I still have thatlingers, I've really built up
the part of me that can fight it.
So here's what's different forme now.
You know, the best part aboutthis is I can say this with a
smile.
I can say this with confidence,with pride, and without that
(26:40):
little voice in me telling in myhead, telling me that you're
being a fake-o right now andthat it's not true.
I've stopped impulsive spending.
The impulsive spending that Iused to do was outrageous.
I've pretty much completely puta stop to that, and it used to
be where I would stop for threemonths and then shame spiral
back.
Now it's like it's.
I have no interest.
Now that I know why and there'sa lot more to the why there's
(27:02):
so much more to all this I'vedone so much on this, but now
that I know why, I can't bebothered to.
Oh, that's just a part of anarrative that was built upon.
Shame and built upon and now Iunderstand that story.
So why?
You know that's not a story I'minterested in anymore, not
interested in that story.
So, while you know that's not astory I'm interested in anymore
, not interested in that storyanymore I've stuck to my
financial plans.
I've gone pretty much out ofdebt.
There's still some, some debtleft, I'm not going to lie to
(27:23):
you and and when I slip up, Idon't spiral because I do still
slip up.
And when I do slip up, I don'tknow.
I just have, I've built up agroundedness and an
understanding of who I am andsuch a hyper awareness of who I
am and I just can't be botherednow to be to let it get me down
too much.
Do I still get financialanxiety?
Yes, do I still get stressedout?
(27:45):
Yes, do I have two kids and afamily and I'm trying to grow a
business and I still, like I'mlearning so much, like, yes,
there's a lot of pressure stilland I try and deal with that all
the time and and I don't know,I think that's probably what it
is so like at InFocus WealthStrategies.
You know the financial planningbusiness, which still exists,
and for the right type of client.
I'm still taking clients atInFocus, wealth Strategies for
people that are, you know, dohave a lot of income and maybe
(28:07):
have gone past some of the mostthe deepest emotional kind of
financial issues.
But when I was working withclients at In't focus, you know,
part of the thing was like like, while I did have financial
shame and imposter syndrome andall that, like I still like
handed people like reallydetailed plans of like with with
all the subtasks breaking down,like I followed all of the ADHD
guides.
(28:27):
You know all the tips and Ifollowed all the instruction
manuals that you would have todo to help someone with ADHD.
You know, help people's hands,help them implement systems
where, like money would just gowhere it goes, and like you have
, there's your, here's your rule.
You have to follow this rule.
You can't do that and you haveto.
You have to cut this muchspending and here's exactly
where you're going to cut.
No matter what I would dopeople, just some, a lot of
clients couldn't make progress.
(28:48):
And I was frustrated because itfelt like you know, cause at
that point I was internalizingeverything as a me like, oh, I'm
doing this wrong.
But through my journey that I'vejust shared, I pretty much
learned through that journeythat well, it's because the
shame and I think shame is thecenter issue for so many people
with money not just with ADHD,mind you, like I like to talk
(29:09):
about ADHD and all that, but fora lot of people it's financial
shame and it's real, it's superreal.
There's money scripts, moneybeliefs we have that we get when
we're kids, that if we don'tunderstand them and don't
explore them, we just live bythose scripts and it can be very
destructive to our futures.
There's so much to unpack andwe're going to talk about all of
this on this channel.
I promise not every episode isgoing to be this long.
(29:30):
This was just like I wanted toget my reintroduction, my story,
out of the way, because sincethe last time I did a story,
I've come a lot of miles sincethen.
But the mission of ShamelessMoney is about helping you not
stop abandoning yourself and tobreak cycles through compassion
and self-exploration andbecoming grounded in who we are
(29:52):
and what we want, and healing.
I mean this is the mission.
The mission is to help peoplebreak free from financial shame
so that they can buildsustainable progress over the
long term and so on.
This channel, we're going tohave fun.
It's not all going to be heavylike this.
We're going to talk about money, emotions systems, tools.
I pretty much professionallyjust build people financial
systems.
(30:12):
At this point it feels likemost of the time and I love
doing that.
I've learned I'm a builder atheart.
We're going to talk about money, emotion systems, psychology,
all through ADHD lens.
We're going to have fun andcoming soon we're going to have
coaching, courses and communitya tribe of people all decoding
their money stories together andunderstanding shame together
and labeling it, naming it,becoming friends with it,
(30:33):
accepting it, moving forwardwith more freedom.
We have courses yeah, we talkedabout that.
The stakes are too high to keepignoring this part of life.
If I'm speaking to you, thenplease, I'll just know that the
stakes are too high to keepignoring this part of your life,
your future.
You is going to thank you in abig way If all this resonates.
Subscribe to the channel.
If you want to go check out oldthings I've done ADHD Money
Talk podcast.
(30:53):
If you want to get on ournewsletter and get a free ebook,
free value packed updatescoming soon and freebies and
stuff.
It's going to be a veryexciting time.
Then we do have a financialtransformation coaching package.
It's three sessions, a deepdiscovery call.
You get a personalized roadmapwith your money story decoded
and a financial system built foryou, and then we do two
sessions implementing thatsystem.
It's going to help you start tounderstand your money story.
(31:16):
It's not going to solve theemotional problems, but it's
going to give you the seed.
It's going to seed the energythat you are going to want to
have to go down that path.
If this is speaking to you andI'll see you in the next video,
let's make money less scarytogether and maybe even a little
fun, and I'll be with you allthe way through it.
All right, guys, see you later.
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