Ep. 92 — Shredding the "Shoulds": Adulting, ADHD, and Why Megan Hates Lists

In this episode of the Spicy Brain Podcast, Michelle and Megan tackle the tangled world of logistics, reframing, and the relentless inner critic that loves to say “you should.” Whether you're parenting a neurodivergent kid, learning to parent yourself, or watching your partner navigate a new diagnosis, this one hits close to home.

Megan shares Brian’s recent ADHD diagnosis and how it’s reshaping their household’s understanding of daily routines, invisible challenges, and strengths that don’t always show up on paper. Michelle opens up about preparing her son Josh for adulthood, wrestling with the "he should be ready by now" voice, and discovering what real support looks like. Together, they explore how reframing our thinking about attention, distraction, and what it means to be “ready”can be a powerful act of radical acceptance.

Favorite line from the episode: “You know why I hate lists? Because they should all over you.”

00:00 welcome and the parenting-your-inner-child lens
03:15 understanding the six challenge areas for complex kids
06:45 Brian’s ADHD diagnosis and military masking
10:15 communication differences and visual processing
14:30 reframing diagnosis as resilience
18:55 logistics as the real front line of ADHD life
25:20 “He should be ready”. Michelle sheds the biggest should
32:00 reframing traits like hyperactivity, impulsivity, distraction
39:45 why we need more than a TikTok-sized reframe
47:00 redefining adulthood (and letting go of perfection)
55:00 reframing reminders into rehearsals
1:03:00 healthy boundaries while offering support

If this episode hit you in the feels or made you laugh out loud about the absurdity of ADHD logistics, don’t keep it to yourself! Share it with a friend who’s parenting a complex kid (or being a complex kid), and leave us a review on your favorite podcast app. Your reviews help other neurospicy folks find their way to this community of radical acceptance.

And hey, what’s the biggest should you’ve been carrying lately? DM us or tag us @spicybrainstudios with your personal reframe. Let’s keep shedding those shoulds together 💬🧠💖

adhd, neurodivergent parenting, adult adhd diagnosis, reframing adhd, executive function, parenting complex kids, inner child healing, emotional regulation, adhd partners, neurodivergent relationships, radical acceptance, spicy brain podcast