Episode Transcript
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Zac (00:00):
Hello everyone, welcome to
a very special episode of the
ADHD Real Talk Podcast.
My name is Zac Erickson and Iam a psychologist practicing in
private practice in Edmonton,alberta, and I am super excited
about something really.
Today I am recording this.
(00:22):
It is October 29th and I haveanother episode in the hopper
already for this show that isgoing to come out soon.
But I have something that I loveHalloween.
Okay, by the way, my throat islike I think I'm slowly getting
a cold or holding back one orwhatever, so my voice is a
little lower than usual, butwe're going to roll with it
(00:45):
because that's just.
I mean, it's spooky season, soit's good anyway, right, us
(01:05):
having a good relationship withfear and anxiety and how, uh,
halloween is the perfect time toput this into action and to
practice this a little bit andto have fun with it, right?
So one of the things abouthalloween of course everybody
loves you know like I always getin the mood for me at least, I
get into the mood of watchingsome scary movies and you
dressing up with my kids to gotrick-or-treating and stuff like
that.
But I have not always been onethat like, really liked scary
(01:31):
stuff.
In fact, I would say that, youknow, looking back, I feel like
some of the influences that Ihad when I was growing up,
really I feel like I had quite abit of fear and anxiety.
That I didn't realize at thetime was fear and anxiety.
I probably would have called itsomething else, but I wanted to
(01:52):
tell you a story, okay, so thestory here.
Here goes the story here.
Um, I was actually it's funny,it's kind of embarrassing to
admit that this was after I wasmarried.
I was easily in my mid-twentiesprobably by this point, but I
remember for as long as I canremember, especially when I was
(02:13):
really little, I was afraid ofthe dark.
Okay, and it was.
And looking back, I actuallyfeel like I may have had some
like sleep paralysis thatsometimes would happen when I
was really little but I rememberwaking up in the middle of the
night and feeling like I couldsee some kind of figure off in
(02:34):
the shadows and distinctly justforever had this feeling that
you know, in the dark, where myheart would begin racing and
something within me was justterrified right, and it was very
uncomfortable and I really justdidn't like it and for a long
(02:58):
time I was worried that therewas some kind of like you know
you want to call it a demon orsome sort of evil spirit or like
something like that that wasjust out of eyesight.
That I could feel at the timeis how I would have described it
is that I can feel this, but Icannot see it.
(03:20):
And it was terrifying and astime went on, it and it was
terrifying and as time went on,I started I mean, at the time
that I'm describing, I was inthe middle of a.
I went to the University ofLethbridge and was going through
the psychology program and thenI can't remember if I was doing
my bachelor's or my master's inneuroscience before eventually,
(03:42):
you know, finishing that andthen going and doing a second
master's in counseling.
But I was in the middle of allof these like hard science
classes, right, and I was alsosort of questioning or like
doubting the existence of theselike evil spirits that I had,
you know, been convinced of or,you know, either by other people
(04:05):
or myself, and I was nervous,like very worried about this,
but also sort of thinking like,well, hang on a minute, like
what evidence do I actually havethat these spirits exist Like?
Have I ever seen one?
Obviously not I have had.
What I had then later learnedto realize was like I had some
(04:26):
kind of experiences, but theywere probably sleep paralysis.
Looking back, for those of youwho don't know, sleep paralysis
is where you wake up but youcan't really move and often you
see things that aren't thereright.
There's some hallucinationsthat happen as you're sort of
stuck in that half asleep, halfawake kind of state.
(04:48):
So anyway, so I remember at somepoint thinking you know what
I'm tired of?
I'm tired of fear, I'm tired ofbeing afraid of these things.
I am going to do an experiment,and I think that this is the
kind of experiment that I wantto encourage you.
If you haven't done this before, halloween is the perfect time
(05:09):
to do it, because it's all aboutfacing our fears, and I want to
invite you to think about whatis your relationship with fear
and what is your relationshipwith anxiety, because in that
moment I sort of started torealize maybe my body is just
(05:32):
reacting because it's trying toprotect me, but it doesn't need
to and I'm actually safe.
So I distinctly remember thatthis is actually around the same
time that I started gettinginto like horror movies, and not
necessarily like I don't lovelike gory stuff but, you know,
like creepy or particularly likesupernatural horror.
(05:56):
Now I actually really love, butI think at the time I was
worried about I just didn't like.
Being uncomfortable is, I think, is what I would actually say.
And so I remember watching ascary movie by myself around
Halloween and afterwards, justintentionally sitting in the
(06:19):
dark by myself in the middle ofthe night in the dark by myself
in the middle of the night, andI turned off all the lights and
normally I would.
I would be like, oh okay, likeI I got to turn on some sort of
a light here and like maybe tellmyself I I'm going to run into
something or I'm going to youknow something.
But like, deep down it wasbecause I was quite
(06:41):
uncomfortable in the dark.
I was afraid of the dark in mymid twenties, is what it was.
So I sat in the dark and I justwatched my body and this is
something that often, if youwant to get more into this topic
, we're definitely going to talkabout it in future episodes
more.
But this concept of mindfulnessNow, when we talk about
(07:01):
mindfulness, what we're talkingabout is being able to.
The way that I describe it tomy clients is.
I want you to imagine in amoment where you are
experiencing a difficult emotion.
The challenge often becomes onejust being aware that that is
even happening.
Right, you need to at least beaware oh, I'm feeling anxious
right now, and that takes timeand practice, and you know
(07:25):
labeling that emotion.
But once you're aware of it,then instead of that usual urge
of like pulling away or liketrying to make that feeling go
away, imagine instead justtaking a single step backwards
from that emotion, just enoughto get yourself a little bit of
(07:47):
emotional distance anddetachment from it, so that you
can observe it.
And what you'll notice is thatthere is a part of you that is
the observer and another part ofyou that is that feeling, or
that you know whether it's inyour body, the thoughts,
whatever you think or whateveryou're experiencing, but you can
(08:10):
start to notice that those arenot you.
It's like maybe a part of youor it's something that you're
experiencing, but that noteverything that happens or goes
through your head or thathappens in your body is
necessarily something you needto identify yourself with.
I am not anxious.
(08:30):
I am experiencing anxiety, or Ifeel anxious, or I'm having
anxious thoughts, or maybe evenin that moment.
I remember sitting there andthinking I am afraid.
But even that I am afraid.
No, no, I'm experiencing fear,I'm feeling fear.
Oh, hit my microphone there,I'm feeling fear.
Oh, I hit my microphone there,I'm feeling fear.
(08:53):
But then I just simply observedit, noticed that there was sort
of a rise, this feeling in mychest, and if I simply brought
my attention to my breath,allowed myself to breathe
through it and even brought asense of curiosity to it, what I
(09:19):
found was that this feeling ofa willingness to experience
difficult things arose andrealized okay, so like I'm
scared arose and realized okay,so like I'm scared, I like I
feel scared, uh, I have atension in my chest, maybe my
stomach's doing a little bit ofsomersaults there, okay, so what
(09:42):
actually?
You know what, like it's kindof thrilling, is what I found in
that moment?
It's thrilling, it is somethingand I think a lot of people
with ADHD once we've realizedthis.
The nice thing about things likehorror movies and Halloween is
that we can experience thethrill of that in a controlled
way, and what's interesting isthat what it actually can do is
(10:07):
help us develop a healthyrelationship with fear, so that
then in our personal lives, thenall of a sudden, we can turn
around and when we need to dosomething else, that's difficult
and this is maybe something, aconnection that we haven't made
before, and so I'd encourage youto think about this.
Right, if you can do that in ahorror movie or at a haunted
(10:29):
house you know you're walkingthrough a haunted house, I'm
going to subject myself to thisscary environment but if I do
that, then maybe I can do thatother thing that I'm scared of
too.
Or maybe I can treat my shamethat I experience in the same
(10:50):
way, my shame that I experiencein the same way when I embarrass
myself, when I do somethingthat I regret, when I feel
self-conscious.
Maybe I can take a step backfrom that and observe that too,
and what we'll notice is, yes,that feeling is uncomfortable,
but it's not necessarily bad.
It's not accurate all the time.
Often it's a conditionedresponse.
(11:10):
In other words, it's notnecessarily bad.
It's not accurate all the time.
Often it's a conditionedresponse, in other words, it's
coming from past experiences,some other experience.
We, we learned to be anxious.
Um, I certainly growing up, youknow, was it Not that anybody
was like, oh, the evil spirits,all well, no, that is actually
(11:32):
what I was told.
Right, I was told that thereare, like evil spirits trying to
tempt you and don't want you todo well, which I don't
particularly believe anymore.
But I feel like those are thekinds of things that I don't
need to believe, that that's nottrue for me anymore.
I would much rather believethat I am here experiencing the
(12:02):
ups and downs of life and that'sokay.
And I think that in Halloween,it teaches us that we can even
find joy and be willing toexperience the anxiety and the
fear and the thrills of things.
And I understand that trauma isa whole big thing that's much
bigger than this talk right, orto find an acceptance of how we
(12:34):
feel and to be able to take astep back and ground ourselves.
And sometimes you just want tolike, sometimes it's just about
riding that wave right and to to, to know that, like this is,
this is something that you know.
This is a response that my bodyis having, but that's okay.
(12:55):
I don't feel the need to fightit, I don't feel the need to
push it down, I don't feel theneed to rationalize it away.
Sure, I'll like, you know, Ican reassure myself if I really
need to, if I really need to,but a lot of times just sort of
(13:17):
experiencing.
I know, even in my own friendgroup there are times where we
play a lot of Dungeons andDragons together and what I've
found over time is that whenother people are like, oh,
that's horrible, don't say more,I'm like, ew, that's disgusting
.
And then I find myself leaningin more or oh, that's horrible,
(13:38):
lean in more to it, and that'ssomething that, if you can do
that again, I'm not saying likebecome like this crazy, like you
know, like a sadomasochistickind of person, like obviously
we don't want to hurt people,but life is hard, and I think
(13:59):
that part of why so many peoplenowadays are having a hard time
in life is because we have lostthe art of um.
Arts maybe a weird word, butlike we are not experiencing the
real difficult things in lifeum as much, or maybe that's a
I'm trying to think of how toword this because I'm not trying
to minimize other people'sexperience but I know that for
(14:22):
myself, some of the biggeststrengths that I've ever gone
through have been, or thestrength that I find for myself
has come from very difficultsituations.
And if we are too, if wehaven't experienced big things,
we haven't challenged ourselves,if we haven't had our viewpoint
(14:46):
challenged in ways, then how inthe world are we going to and
been able to come through theother side of that and to say,
wow, I've been through some hardshit.
It's crazy what I've beenthrough and I am on the other
side and maybe this other thingthat I'm experiencing now it's
not going to be that bad either,or not.
(15:07):
That it's not going to be bad,but I'm going to survive it
Because I got through all thatother stuff and I.
But I'm going to survive itbecause I got through all that
other stuff and I figured it out.
So maybe I'll figure this oneout too.
So I love Halloween, you guys.
I love the fun and the creepyand the gross and everything
about it, specifically becauseit helps me recalibrate,
(15:38):
recalibrate.
It helps me to feel excited andto learn to, and reminds me to
have a good, healthyrelationship with my own
emotions.
So that's it.
That's my whole talk, wholetalk, my whole.
Uh.
That's all I have here fortoday.
Uh, thank you everybody.
Do me a favor go to uh, uh,over to Instagram at recharge
psych and you're gonna find a.
Um, you know, you can shoot mean email or, sorry, just dm me a
(15:59):
message or post a link to youknow, a comment or whatever.
Do the thing right.
Let me know how your halloweengoes.
I'm excited, uh, to hear fromall of you, and I will talk to
you next time on the adhd realtalk podcast.
Bye.