Born in 1963, Stephen Payne was five weeks old when his parents adopted him through the Volunteers of America. He grew up an only child in a loving family. At age three, he overheard his parents discussing his adoption with friends. His mother explained it to him in age-appropriate terms, which mostly satisfied his curiosity, yet occasionally left nagging questions.
That inner conflict may have affected his earliest days in school, where he struggled. A diagnosis of ADHD confirmed some of this inner turmoil. A portion of this, Stephen has since learned, was hereditary, possibly caused, too, by adoption. Plus, some cruel neighborhood children ridiculed him about his parentage. Yet 4th grade marked a shift.
Better study habits, unwavering support from family, and several kind teachers and librarians fueled dramatic improvement in his grades, then and later. Nonetheless, it hid his insecurities and anxiety, starting a vicious cycle: an obsession with high grades, which led, inevitably, to more insecurity and anxiety, all in the name of approval.
In 1988 or ‘89, he watched a talk show highlighting a biological mother’s search for her daughter. Haunted by their story, Stephen declared to his mother, “I think I want to look for my biological parents.” Teary-eyed, she gladly offered her and his dad’s help. Days afterward, she located his final decree of adoption and his birth name. Thus began his search. Plus, he witnessed, anew, his parents’ undying devotion to him and eventually, his and their unknown, marvelous connection…
Thank you to our Patreons! Join at the $10 level and be part of our monthly ADOPTEE CAFE community. The next meeting will be on Saturday, June 7th, @ 1 PM ET.
RESOURCES for Adoptees:
S12F Helping Adoptees
Gregory Luce and Adoptees Rights Law
Fireside Adoptees Facebook Group
Dr. Liz Debetta: Migrating Toward Wholeness Movement
Moses Farrow - Trauma therapist and advocate
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline – 1-800-273-8255 OR Dial or Text 988.
Unraveling Adoption with Beth Syverson
Adoptees Connect with Pamela Karanova
Because She Was Adopted by Kristal Parke
Dear Amy, letters to Amy Coney Barrett. A project by Meika Rouda
To support the show - Patreon.
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