When Relationships Become Battlefields: Tian Dayton on Relational Triggers, Inner Child Fights & Emotional Sobriety

Every argument has an audience you can’t see — the ghosts of the past. This episode unpacks how unhealed trauma sneaks into our relationships and how to finally stop fighting the wrong person.

Dr. Tian Dayton is a clinical psychologist, Senior Fellow at The Meadows, and author of 15 books including The ACoA Trauma Syndrome and Emotional Sobriety. In this conversation, she revisits the moment that changed everything — standing in her living room, locked in a fight with her husband, and realizing they weren’t two adults arguing, but two wounded children replaying their pasts.

✨ What this episode explores:

▪️The Trauma Beneath “Normal” Conflict — How seemingly small arguments can carry the emotional charge of decades-old pain the body never had permission to release.

▪️When Healing Turns Humbling — Why moments of regression often mean your system finally feels safe enough to touch what’s been frozen, not that you’re back at square one.

▪️The Myth of the “Functional” Family — Why growing up around unspoken pain or denial can be just as damaging as overt abuse - and often harder to name.

▪️Intimacy as Exposure Therapy — How relationships become the stage where our deepest attachment wounds are both triggered and given a chance to heal.

▪️The Courage to Feel, Not Fix — Why emotional sobriety isn’t about control or calm, but learning to stay present when every instinct wants to shut down.

▪️Healing as a Group Effort — How true recovery requires co-regulation, witnessing, and community - not just self-awareness or solitary work.

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