February 1, 2025 • 37 mins
Unlock the secrets to harnessing emotional intelligence and transform your interactions, both personal and professional. Imagine a world where your emotions work for you, not against you, as we explore the intricate balance between the prefrontal cortex and limbic system. Join me, Tracy, on a 63-day journey designed to cultivate a deeper emotional awareness and empathy. We’ll delve into the science behind emotional intelligence, grounded in insights from neuroscientists like Damasio, and guide you through assessments like the MSCEIT and ESCI to boost your self-awareness and decision-making skills. This episode promises to equip you with the tools to thoughtfully manage your responses and enhance your emotional insight.
Navigating conversations with emotional intelligence is an art, and we’re here to help you master it. Discover how to gauge and manage emotional intensity, employ active listening, and appreciate cultural nuances to create empathetic and respectful exchanges. We’ll share practical strategies, from setting boundaries to using visualization techniques, that will help you build stronger relationships and enhance your leadership abilities. By embracing vulnerability and staying socially aware, you’ll foster meaningful connections and emerge as a more effective, empathetic individual in all areas of your life. Dive into this enriching episode and start your journey toward becoming a maestro of emotional intelligence!
Thank you for listening! Click to visit my website for more information on how you can Enhance and Elevate your Life with Advantage Point!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hi and welcome to Advantage Point.
I am Tracy and today we aregoing to train your brain in
emotional intelligence.
Have you ever thought thatyou're an old dog that can't
learn new tricks?
Are you work with someone?
Are you live with someone andyou're like are they?
Will they ever change?
Are people frustrating you?
(00:21):
Do they have low levelenergylevel energy?
You know it's not unusual tohave low-level energy people in
your environment, but it matterswhat you do that can make that
change.
Others might decide not to doit, but you can make your
changes and I'd like for you todial in over the next 63 days
(00:42):
and create effective habits,healthier habits that will
change your life for the better.
In today's podcast, it'semotional intelligence and I'm
going to help you understandwhat it is.
It is the act of understandingand managing your emotions in
various social interactions,plus recognizing and responding
(01:03):
to others' emotions socialinteractions plus recognizing
and responding to others.
Emotions basically becomingaware of who you are and how you
handle situations in order tobecome more empathetic for
others.
Think before you act.
But we're also going to dial inon the science side of it,
because I love science.
If you haven't heard my fuelfood is fuel podcast and like
(01:26):
what in the brain clicks forthis and how to sync it up to
where our emotions don't rulethe better of us, because it can
.
Situations can get out ofcontrol when our emotions
control us.
So we want our prefrontalcortex, or thinking area, and
our limbic area of the of thebrain to get that balance right.
(01:51):
There are studies and strategiesthat have been going on since
Socrates.
Socrates and Buddha those guysare.
You know, they basically toldus or told back in the day and
tell us still today.
I guess that you know you needto be aware, just be aware of
your regulating your emotionsand improving your social
(02:13):
interactions, and it continuedon.
You know, you know that we havesomething called the IQ and,
and a lot of people don't knowwhat emotional intelligence is,
and and we think that you know,hiring people with high IQ or
high IQ is important, butstudies have shown where, okay,
(02:33):
it's great to be smart, but verysmart people have made very
poor decisions, and whereemotional intelligence falls in,
it is, you know, the act of thebrain processing emotional
information.
It gave the individualemotional intelligence as
distinct as the intelligencelike.
It basically made them smarter,because when you are empathetic
(02:57):
but yet have an intuition orgut feeling.
Right, you have, and it'snatural to have that emotion to
come to be immediate.
But it's the.
It's the point in which thatthinking process, the rationale,
comes in and goes okay, here'sthe emotion.
But how is that action going tobranch out?
(03:17):
Is it going to be a high energy, low energy, a positive or a
negative?
Like what is this about?
To look like, it can get reallymessy or it can go really great
.
And you know you can take sometests.
Psychology Today has it.
You can also look up.
(03:39):
There's a scale by a gentlemanthat studied this in the 1970s
and 80s.
Some psychologist, mayorSalvini and their colleague
Caruso, developed a test in the90s that it is called the.
(04:01):
It is an acronym, m-s-c-e-i-t,which is Mayor Salvi I hope I'm
saying his name correctly CarusoEmotional Intelligence Test.
Take that test.
There's another test you cantake.
It's a ESCI Goldman-basedEmotional Social Competence
Inventory based emotional socialcompetence inventory.
(04:23):
There's also genosis EI, whichis emotional intelligence
assessment, and it targetsfrequency of emotional
intelligence behaviors in theworkplace which most of this is
stemmed into.
It's the derivative of how tomanage and make people feel
(04:44):
secure in the workplace.
But, like I've said before yourpersonal and your professional
is.
In my opinion, they go hand inhand.
You can't check your emotionsat the door.
You're human and your behavioris just what it is, and so what
(05:08):
we need to do is embrace anemotional intelligence to help
us manage situations and manageourselves in situations.
There is a gentleman, aneuroscientist, damasio.
(05:30):
He has a book 1994, descartes'Era, emotional Reason and the
Human Brain.
He posted how emotions do playa critical role in rational
thinking, what we think, how wethink, how decisions are made,
(05:51):
how our actions from them.
Basically, your thoughts havefeelings.
Your thoughts become actionsfrom those feelings.
When you make a decision, ithas emotion behind it.
Emotional intelligence is notsaying, hey, become a robot and
have no emotions for yourthought, but instead put
yourself in someone else's shoes.
(06:14):
On a neuroscientist standpoint,what becomes real to someone
stems from the emotional centerof the brain, limbic cortex.
The limbic cortex processesstimulus and experience,
creating cognitive or cognitivearea of the brain which frees up
the higher thinking.
(06:34):
So gut feeling came from,basically, the fact our emotions
are made from the decision andthen the reasoning, the
cognitive part of our brain,justifies our decision, making
an irrational decision.
Of course, our emotions arecreated and differ from
environmental factors, genetics,ourselves and other people
(06:54):
influence, etc.
It.
You know, if we feel that ourdecision is valid and accepted
by the world around us, we gradethose decisions as smart
decisions and imprints forfuture decision making.
Emotions are quick and embedded,thus we pull from them very
(07:16):
quickly and our reactions follow.
So it's important to dial inand be self-aware.
So that's why my book iswritten with awareness, as first
you need to know what you'reworking with, who you're working
with, and taking the test doeshelp that.
You know we react to thingsLike if you're late to work, you
(07:40):
speed, but then you hear asiren.
It's not for you, but the soundprovides you a cue to slow down
.
This is a way our emotions areimportant in survival.
But when the prefrontal cortex,the thinking area, and the
limbic or the emotional area arenot in sync, then the emotional
(08:05):
intelligence is lower.
Therefore we make our decisionspurely an emotional decision.
You know, we think that ifwe're super smart we can make
better decisions.
But again, smart folks don'tmake great decisions.
They're, you know you can makegreat decisions with your gut
(08:31):
instinct as a person with alower IQ.
It has nothing to do with IQ,but it does.
Emotional intelligence doeshelp us harness a better way of
reacting to our environment,those around us, performance and
financial decisions to achievea more positive, more effective
(08:54):
outcome.
Friedman stated that emotionscan lead to our worst decisions
or our best ones.
The difference is emotionalintelligence and understanding
your emotional intelligence andemotional intensity matters.
(09:20):
So, like I said before, youhave high energy, low energy,
positive and negative.
Anger or excitement can be seenas high energy they can suck
all the energy out of the room,you know or excitement can be,
and anger can be seen as, likepassionate still high energy,
whereas sadness or serenity is alow energy.
(09:44):
Another thing that helps youunderstand what's going on is
facial recognition.
Is someone happy?
Do they have fear, anger,sadness, disgust or surprise?
And then somebody's mood orvibration helps us cause a shift
, either positive or negative,in the room, helps us cause
(10:08):
shift either positive ornegative in the room.
So, like you use thesesensations, the mood of the room
, to navigate how to respond andyou can misinterpret the mood
due to your emotional intensity.
So if you're on this trajectoryand you're, like, already
fueled, that is your emotionalintensity of one of those four
cardinal pieces north, south,east or west, high energy, low
(10:32):
energy, positive or negativeenergy.
So just like, think, right,right, when combining these, of
course it creates a wave of allthat put together, but these are
just feelings, which arepsychological responses of
(10:53):
interpretations, to definewhat's going on.
It's like a survival, like pause, wait.
Don't say that, wait, hold on.
I gotta read the room.
What is their facial expression?
How are they walking?
How are they walking into theroom?
What are they wearing?
No, even that can help you.
If someone wears, if someone isput together, like every single
(11:16):
day, and they walk in there andthey look like a hot mess,
you're like, okay, something isamiss.
That's your gut intuition, likesomething is up.
And so then you tap into thatempathetic side and just be like
, okay, what's happening rightnow?
You're taking notice, you'reabsorbed, what's going on?
(11:38):
You're labeling the emotion inthe brain, emotion in the brain,
and it's the same as, like youknow, you don't just, you don't
just tap into oh, they're hereat work, I'm going to bombard
them immediately.
You need to read the room.
They clearly need to resetthemselves, right, it's the same
(12:02):
with at home themselves, right,it's the same with at home.
And you have to take a stepback, read the room, see what's
going on, go okay.
How do I need to address this?
And should I address this rightnow?
There's a time and place foreverything.
(12:23):
So, basically, what you're doingis the capacity for recognizing
our own feelings,self-awareness to those of
others' empathy, for motivatingourselves, which is
self-motivation, and formanaging our emotions, which is
self-management, and in ourrelationships, which is
(12:47):
management relationship.
You've got to put it alltogether so, being cognitive of
facial expressions, you canunderstand a little bit more
emotionally, more emotionally,by managing your emotions and
(13:11):
balancing between your sensing,your emotions in that limbic
area and strategizing andsyncing it with the prefrontal
cortex of thinking reasonably,reasoning, problem solving and
creativity you've now.
You're now like dialing in to,oh, self-reflection.
Ask yourself why am I feelingthis way?
Why am I thinking this way?
Why did I act, react this way?
(13:33):
So, when you kind of are notthe best at timing right or you
lead with your emotions, askyourself these questions like
why did that happen?
Why do I keep this hamsterwheel going in the wrong
(13:54):
direction?
You've got to jump off thehamster wheel.
Meditate, take a moment withyourself and understand who you
are.
Address that.
Then take the lessons in thatday or that moment.
Acknowledge these questions inorder to manage your emotions
(14:14):
more effectively.
Become less reactive with youremotions, which in turn, will
provide you a more stable, solid, successful place, and it will
in your environment, yourrelationships, your workplace.
It will actually make your lifesimpler.
When you start just reallyopening your eyes, so to speak,
(14:42):
you're going to have a negativeperson in the room.
There's just going to be thatnegative Nancy situation.
But how you respond matters byinfluencing others with your
positivity, becoming that leader, taking effective actions.
Reducing the negativity in theroom will catapult the
(15:09):
performance of your team where,with companies that utilize
emotional intelligence haveincredible results within their
(15:30):
company, from entrepreneurs tomajor corporations like L'Oreal
and PepsiCo PepsiCo.
So to give you a littleexamples here, I'm going to so
when using it, it's pretty cool.
(15:53):
So I'm going to give you someexamples.
By the research by the Center ofCreative Leadership found that
primary causes of derailment inexecutives involve low EI,
particularly difficulty handlingchange, poor teamwork and
(16:14):
interpersonal relationships.
When places like IBM usesemotional intelligence, they
notice that they havesignificantly higher employee
(16:35):
engagement levels, whichimproves teamwork and manages
conflict more effectively.
Improves teamwork and managesconflict more effectively.
Even entrepreneurs can seegrowth and change and more of a
community enhancement with ahigher emotional intelligence.
(16:56):
Pepsico in one year generated10% more productivity, 87% less
turnover rate, which is highlyexpensive.
Like turnover can be thedownfall of companies because
when with HR, um, when youchange when a person comes in,
(17:18):
you're having to changeinsurances, and insurance per
person is not cheap.
And then turnover and trainingand name change all this stuff
is expensive.
And PepsiCo also saw that therewas over a thousand return on
their investment by recruitingemotionally intelligent managers
(17:41):
.
I have to say you know you takelike these little tests when
you're being like you getthrough the interview phase and
then they give you a test to seeif you're fit for the company.
Part of this is emotionalintelligence.
Is emotional intelligence onsome of its like honesty, how do
(18:06):
you handle situations?
It's in there.
They're actually seeing howyou're, how you are under
pressure, whether you know it ornot.
They're seeing what yourindividual performance will be.
You know these are.
It's even great for partners ina relationship, a romantic
relationship, to take thesetests to see Because, at the end
(18:30):
of the day, gallup researchedso that three critical factors
in leadership and anorganizational climate, which to
me is also in personalrelationships.
Do you feel cared for?
Do you feel like you're beingseen and heard?
You know praise, recognition doyou?
(18:53):
And do they believe?
Do they do you feel?
The other critical point is arethey concerned about your
development?
Does my spouse have my back?
Are they concerned Like I amtrying to grow this business and
I am trying to go to school orI am trying to level myself up?
(19:15):
These are development areas.
I am trying to learn andenhance my emotional
intelligence.
So you know, people want to beseen and heard.
The areas, the main areas ofemotional intelligence and I've
said them before, I was sayingit earlier is that it's
(19:38):
self-awareness, empathy,self-management, self-motivation
and relationship management.
Now we've broken it down alittle bit more because empathy
kind of folds into a lot ofthese.
So the four main components isself-awarement, self-management,
(20:02):
self-motivation andrelationship management.
What this means is that youneed to take an inventory.
I've talked about your SWOTstrength, weaknesses,
opportunity and threats and whatthat looks like and how to
(20:25):
handle it.
You have times in your lifewhere you'll need to dial into
difficult conversations.
How do you handle difficultconversations?
A time and a place right.
(20:47):
You need to handle it with TLC.
Even you need to look and see,like, what do I need to say?
So you need to control yourself.
Do not have change in youremotions when you have something
to say you want to say.
So you need to control yourself.
Do not have change in youremotions when you have something
(21:12):
to say you want to say.
Focus on what you want, beclear on what you want.
The exercise you can do and Ikind of wrote you want to kind
(21:33):
of learn through visualizationhow am I going to have this
conversation, right?
So I like to say we want totake pause, right?
So let's say we're having adifficult conversation in the
workplace or at home and youhave been working on your
(21:55):
emotional intelligence.
But a way to have an effective,difficult conversation in any
situation Play it in your mind,see it playing out, take pause
and conduct a self-check.
Gather your own space withemotions and feelings, thoughts.
(22:17):
It will determine the nextsteps or actions.
What is your current emotionalintensity?
What is your currentvibrational mood?
What is the background noise inyour head?
Right, ask yourself number oneset the internal emotional tone.
(22:38):
Why am I having thisconversation?
It will help the brain with thestrategy.
Practice and run thatvisualizing that conversation.
So like this.
If they respond and emotionsescalate, play it out in your
head.
You will sense quickly if anemotion that is, a negative
(23:03):
emotion rises like a high energyemotion with low vibration, so
to speak, like if you feel angerarise in you as you're even
thinking about it, or you feeldepression, like this is
(23:25):
unpleasant.
Right, you're not ready forthat conversation yet.
So you need to continue topractice and work on those
emotions first and controllingthat, being aware of how this is
making you feel, how this ismaking you feel.
And if you need to work andpractice with a friend, work and
(23:50):
practice in the mirror, take itslow.
Your emotions are valid.
It's important.
So when you get to a place oflike you're ready and your
emotions are controlled, you'renot especially the anger part,
because anger we can say somereally intense stuff um,
(24:12):
depression.
Someone else can control theconversation and take over our
emotions.
So that's why I'm like you needto see where you are with your
emotions prior, to Just takepause and even if you have an
epic fail the first time, don'tworry about it.
You're learning from it.
Take it and play it back inyour head and go.
(24:34):
Okay, this is what I need to dodifferently and try again.
Right With your visualization,practice your body language, be
in your shoes, be in their shoes.
There's a thing calledmaintaining eye contact.
It's a 50-70 where you'respeaking and you're listening
(24:55):
and looking.
So I do this, I do a fortive.
I don't want to stare at them.
You know you don't stare atpeople.
It makes them uncomfortable.
I do a triangle techniqueapproach.
I'll look at their eyes, theirforehead.
I create a triangle somehow bylooking at their chin, their
(25:15):
cheek, their nose, their eye,their forehead, and create a
triangle.
I'll look off as I'm retainingthe information and maybe look
up because I'm listening andvisualizing as to what they're
saying at the same time.
But you're not staring, okay,which is important.
(25:42):
You don't want to create aweird awkward moment there now.
You also have to think in acultural standpoint of who
you're talking to.
Okay, especially in business,you need to learn who you're
having the conversation with.
Like you need to know youraudience and be respectful and
(26:02):
adjust accordingly when speakingwith people from other
countries.
Just understand that sometimesif you stare at someone, they
see it as rude.
Especially if you look intotheir eyes, they find it as a
threat.
You're throwing down a curse.
You're rude, aggressive ordisrespectful.
(26:24):
So just understand.
Sometimes it might be best to doa written versus an oral due to
that, and or you have some typeof disability to where you have
to adjust.
(26:45):
But you need to and it's timesensitive and you need to have
the conversation.
If you're better with yourwords on paper and it will be
effective in that manner, thentake that approach.
But also don't write with youremotions.
Go with an Abe Lincoln approachand make sure the first letter
(27:09):
is getting all your emotions out.
Don't send it.
Second letter you're filteringthose emotions out and then
you're getting more to the pointand then the final one is a
clear conscious.
And then the final one is aclear conscious, not led with
your emotions email or letterthat gets to the point but has
(27:31):
that empathetic piece to it.
So in the conversation, askopen-ended questions.
This is what leaders do, not ayes or no question, not a closed
(27:54):
response, but an open responsesuch as how can we best proceed?
Can you tell me more?
Right?
This will reflect respect tothe other party, with a desire
for a deeper understandingthrough empathy.
And then restate what you'veheard, like confirming what
you're hearing, like that you'rehearing them right.
So you say something like whatI'm hearing is dot dot dot.
(28:17):
You know, validate the otherperson's feelings, such as, as I
can see why you are upsetbecause, again, people want to
be seen and heard.
And then, after you heard theirconcerns, you want to make an
empathetic statement.
I can see why you're upset,because obvious and just stay
(28:42):
within a respectful, honest,constructive manner.
I, using the word I.
Have you noticed this patternthat I was using throughout?
I All right, it is important tostate clearly what you want,
right, speak in a clear, concisemanner, watch your behavior.
(29:13):
Right, you want to, again,listen actively.
Listen actively as open-endedquestions.
Restate what you heard,validate that person.
You know those are ways oflistening actively and just let
(29:40):
someone understand what yourthoughts and feelings because
your thoughts and feelings arevalid as well.
Again, use I statements.
These are all ways to enhanceyour emotional intelligence.
During difficult conversations,you sound more intelligent.
(30:01):
A person who leads with theiremotions and yelling does not
sound intelligent and most ofthe time you can't even remember
what you were talking about.
When the yelling starts and youwalk away and you feel
exhausted and anger is morechaotic energy is more energy
(30:22):
sucked out of the room than loveempathy sucked out of the room,
than love empathy.
So you just really want to justtake inventory of what's going
on right and be mindful of howyou're speaking to other people.
(30:48):
Take inventory when you aretalking to someone else.
Listen to what you're actuallysaying.
Sometimes we just talk, talk,talk and don't listen to
ourselves.
It's almost like we're tryingto deflect or fill air in the
(31:10):
room and a lot of times peoplejust go into the conversation of
this is what's happening in mylife and not remember that
there's someone else in the roomthat has feelings and has a
life as well.
(31:30):
You just want to become moreself-aware by taking that
inventory and taking the test,finding out who are you doing
your SWOT, what are yourstrengths, what are your
weaknesses?
Do you have a lot of anxietywhen you have to have
confrontational conversations?
So you can improve it by takingthe quiz.
(31:50):
There's another quiz.
The quiz is everywhere.
Talentsmarteqcom has one.
They can help you with thelowest and highest and they rate
them.
And then you want to improve onthose areas of self-awareness,
self-management, socialawareness and relationship
awareness.
So if you're unaware of whatthis means, so self-awareness is
(32:15):
the ability to identify andunderstand your feelings or
tendencies, like how do youreact or respond to something.
Your self-management ability toadjust and direct your thoughts
and actions, like the syncbetween the prefrontal cortex
and the limbic systems.
(32:36):
Social awareness, the abilityto accurately pick up others'
emotions and perspectives,empathy, gut instinct, empathy,
gut instinct.
And then relationshipmanagement ability to
effectively manage interactionsand relations.
This is becoming a leader inyour life so that you can have
(33:02):
those difficult conversationswith intelligence.
So self-management strategiesare things like sleep on it.
Don't have the conversationtoday.
Visualize yourself succeeding,smile and laugh more.
Set a day for problem solving.
(33:24):
There's some things that youneed to handle and that would
take the load off.
Do them when you feel like youneed to take literally kind of
release your foot off that gaspedal in your life and you're
just going, going, going, going,going.
Take the gas pedal off justslightly.
(33:47):
Take a break.
Just because you will haveburnout, you will start making
the wrong decisions.
You've got to recharge yourself.
So you need to sometimes put itin your calendar because if you
go, go, go and you don't havesome type of release, things can
(34:08):
start unwinding.
So also think of a.
Take an inventory of when youare dealing with a situation or
think a person plays a thingmoney, family, family, spouse,
self, work, possessions whattype of emotion comes out when
(34:31):
the following arises?
Do you have anger, anxiety,happiness, joy, fear, love?
Are you balanced?
Are you flexible?
Think about it.
Take personal inventory.
Now, in social management, greattools to do is learn the
person's name and greet them bytheir name, watch body language,
(34:55):
time yourself, pause, go ListenRight, Live in the moment.
Another thing is socialmanagement Declutter, de-stress,
de-stress, de-clutter.
Try to start tuning in toanother person's emotions when
(35:19):
you react to them.
Look at their facial expression, their body language, listen to
the tone of their voice.
Do these practices Helpyourself With relationship
management?
Things you can do is validatethe other person, set boundaries
, expectations.
(35:43):
When emotions get high, take astep back.
It's actually good to bevulnerable, be transparent and
express your concerns.
Relationship management helpswhen you have and you practice
and you work on diffusing.
(36:05):
Difficult situations willlessen dramatically because you
have taken a step back, you haveworked on yourself, you are
listening, you're practicingthose steps of when having a
difficult conversation or justany conversation you want to be
(36:39):
socially aware, like, read up onwhat's going on in the world,
so then you can create anddevelop a back pocket question
right.
So emotional intelligence is anongoing thing.
As you grow, you will flowbetter in the world by
(37:06):
continuing to reframe yourthoughts, continuing to be
mindful, having empathy andcompassion, look at it from
different angles, knowing thatyour emotions are valid and
others are also valid.
Understand that as we developthese areas in our life, we can
(37:30):
develop ourselves into a greaterleader, a better community,
stronger relationships, and youcan become that C-suite that you
want, that entrepreneur that'sstrong, the person that gets
their point across, the personthat people want to be around
and work with.
I'm Tracy.
This is Advantage Point Trainyour brain to master your game.
Have a wonderful day.
Hi and welcome to Advantage Point.
I am Tracy and today we aregoing to train your brain in
emotional intelligence.
Have you ever thought thatyou're an old dog that can't
learn new tricks?
Are you work with someone?
Are you live with someone andyou're like are they?
Will they ever change?
Are people frustrating you?
(00:21):
Do they have low levelenergylevel energy?
You know it's not unusual tohave low-level energy people in
your environment, but it matterswhat you do that can make that
change.
Others might decide not to doit, but you can make your
changes and I'd like for you todial in over the next 63 days
(00:42):
and create effective habits,healthier habits that will
change your life for the better.
In today's podcast, it'semotional intelligence and I'm
going to help you understandwhat it is.
It is the act of understandingand managing your emotions in
various social interactions,plus recognizing and responding
(01:03):
to others' emotions socialinteractions plus recognizing
and responding to others.
Emotions basically becomingaware of who you are and how you
handle situations in order tobecome more empathetic for
others.
Think before you act.
But we're also going to dial inon the science side of it,
because I love science.
If you haven't heard my fuelfood is fuel podcast and like
(01:26):
what in the brain clicks forthis and how to sync it up to
where our emotions don't rulethe better of us, because it can
.
Situations can get out ofcontrol when our emotions
control us.
So we want our prefrontalcortex, or thinking area, and
our limbic area of the of thebrain to get that balance right.
(01:51):
There are studies and strategiesthat have been going on since
Socrates.
Socrates and Buddha those guysare.
You know, they basically toldus or told back in the day and
tell us still today.
I guess that you know you needto be aware, just be aware of
your regulating your emotionsand improving your social
(02:13):
interactions, and it continuedon.
You know, you know that we havesomething called the IQ and,
and a lot of people don't knowwhat emotional intelligence is,
and and we think that you know,hiring people with high IQ or
high IQ is important, butstudies have shown where, okay,
(02:33):
it's great to be smart, but verysmart people have made very
poor decisions, and whereemotional intelligence falls in,
it is, you know, the act of thebrain processing emotional
information.
It gave the individualemotional intelligence as
distinct as the intelligencelike.
It basically made them smarter,because when you are empathetic
(02:57):
but yet have an intuition orgut feeling.
Right, you have, and it'snatural to have that emotion to
come to be immediate.
But it's the.
It's the point in which thatthinking process, the rationale,
comes in and goes okay, here'sthe emotion.
But how is that action going tobranch out?
(03:17):
Is it going to be a high energy, low energy, a positive or a
negative?
Like what is this about?
To look like, it can get reallymessy or it can go really great
.
And you know you can take sometests.
Psychology Today has it.
You can also look up.
(03:39):
There's a scale by a gentlemanthat studied this in the 1970s
and 80s.
Some psychologist, mayorSalvini and their colleague
Caruso, developed a test in the90s that it is called the.
(04:01):
It is an acronym, m-s-c-e-i-t,which is Mayor Salvi I hope I'm
saying his name correctly CarusoEmotional Intelligence Test.
Take that test.
There's another test you cantake.
It's a ESCI Goldman-basedEmotional Social Competence
Inventory based emotional socialcompetence inventory.
(04:23):
There's also genosis EI, whichis emotional intelligence
assessment, and it targetsfrequency of emotional
intelligence behaviors in theworkplace which most of this is
stemmed into.
It's the derivative of how tomanage and make people feel
(04:44):
secure in the workplace.
But, like I've said before yourpersonal and your professional
is.
In my opinion, they go hand inhand.
You can't check your emotionsat the door.
You're human and your behavioris just what it is, and so what
(05:08):
we need to do is embrace anemotional intelligence to help
us manage situations and manageourselves in situations.
There is a gentleman, aneuroscientist, damasio.
(05:30):
He has a book 1994, descartes'Era, emotional Reason and the
Human Brain.
He posted how emotions do playa critical role in rational
thinking, what we think, how wethink, how decisions are made,
(05:51):
how our actions from them.
Basically, your thoughts havefeelings.
Your thoughts become actionsfrom those feelings.
When you make a decision, ithas emotion behind it.
Emotional intelligence is notsaying, hey, become a robot and
have no emotions for yourthought, but instead put
yourself in someone else's shoes.
(06:14):
On a neuroscientist standpoint,what becomes real to someone
stems from the emotional centerof the brain, limbic cortex.
The limbic cortex processesstimulus and experience,
creating cognitive or cognitivearea of the brain which frees up
the higher thinking.
(06:34):
So gut feeling came from,basically, the fact our emotions
are made from the decision andthen the reasoning, the
cognitive part of our brain,justifies our decision, making
an irrational decision.
Of course, our emotions arecreated and differ from
environmental factors, genetics,ourselves and other people
(06:54):
influence, etc.
It.
You know, if we feel that ourdecision is valid and accepted
by the world around us, we gradethose decisions as smart
decisions and imprints forfuture decision making.
Emotions are quick and embedded,thus we pull from them very
(07:16):
quickly and our reactions follow.
So it's important to dial inand be self-aware.
So that's why my book iswritten with awareness, as first
you need to know what you'reworking with, who you're working
with, and taking the test doeshelp that.
You know we react to thingsLike if you're late to work, you
(07:40):
speed, but then you hear asiren.
It's not for you, but the soundprovides you a cue to slow down
.
This is a way our emotions areimportant in survival.
But when the prefrontal cortex,the thinking area, and the
limbic or the emotional area arenot in sync, then the emotional
(08:05):
intelligence is lower.
Therefore we make our decisionspurely an emotional decision.
You know, we think that ifwe're super smart we can make
better decisions.
But again, smart folks don'tmake great decisions.
They're, you know you can makegreat decisions with your gut
(08:31):
instinct as a person with alower IQ.
It has nothing to do with IQ,but it does.
Emotional intelligence doeshelp us harness a better way of
reacting to our environment,those around us, performance and
financial decisions to achievea more positive, more effective
(08:54):
outcome.
Friedman stated that emotionscan lead to our worst decisions
or our best ones.
The difference is emotionalintelligence and understanding
your emotional intelligence andemotional intensity matters.
(09:20):
So, like I said before, youhave high energy, low energy,
positive and negative.
Anger or excitement can be seenas high energy they can suck
all the energy out of the room,you know or excitement can be,
and anger can be seen as, likepassionate still high energy,
whereas sadness or serenity is alow energy.
(09:44):
Another thing that helps youunderstand what's going on is
facial recognition.
Is someone happy?
Do they have fear, anger,sadness, disgust or surprise?
And then somebody's mood orvibration helps us cause a shift
, either positive or negative,in the room, helps us cause
(10:08):
shift either positive ornegative in the room.
So, like you use thesesensations, the mood of the room
, to navigate how to respond andyou can misinterpret the mood
due to your emotional intensity.
So if you're on this trajectoryand you're, like, already
fueled, that is your emotionalintensity of one of those four
cardinal pieces north, south,east or west, high energy, low
(10:32):
energy, positive or negativeenergy.
So just like, think, right,right, when combining these, of
course it creates a wave of allthat put together, but these are
just feelings, which arepsychological responses of
(10:53):
interpretations, to definewhat's going on.
It's like a survival, like pause, wait.
Don't say that, wait, hold on.
I gotta read the room.
What is their facial expression?
How are they walking?
How are they walking into theroom?
What are they wearing?
No, even that can help you.
If someone wears, if someone isput together, like every single
(11:16):
day, and they walk in there andthey look like a hot mess,
you're like, okay, something isamiss.
That's your gut intuition, likesomething is up.
And so then you tap into thatempathetic side and just be like
, okay, what's happening rightnow?
You're taking notice, you'reabsorbed, what's going on?
(11:38):
You're labeling the emotion inthe brain, emotion in the brain,
and it's the same as, like youknow, you don't just, you don't
just tap into oh, they're hereat work, I'm going to bombard
them immediately.
You need to read the room.
They clearly need to resetthemselves, right, it's the same
(12:02):
with at home themselves, right,it's the same with at home.
And you have to take a stepback, read the room, see what's
going on, go okay.
How do I need to address this?
And should I address this rightnow?
There's a time and place foreverything.
(12:23):
So, basically, what you're doingis the capacity for recognizing
our own feelings,self-awareness to those of
others' empathy, for motivatingourselves, which is
self-motivation, and formanaging our emotions, which is
self-management, and in ourrelationships, which is
(12:47):
management relationship.
You've got to put it alltogether so, being cognitive of
facial expressions, you canunderstand a little bit more
emotionally, more emotionally,by managing your emotions and
(13:11):
balancing between your sensing,your emotions in that limbic
area and strategizing andsyncing it with the prefrontal
cortex of thinking reasonably,reasoning, problem solving and
creativity you've now.
You're now like dialing in to,oh, self-reflection.
Ask yourself why am I feelingthis way?
Why am I thinking this way?
Why did I act, react this way?
(13:33):
So, when you kind of are notthe best at timing right or you
lead with your emotions, askyourself these questions like
why did that happen?
Why do I keep this hamsterwheel going in the wrong
(13:54):
direction?
You've got to jump off thehamster wheel.
Meditate, take a moment withyourself and understand who you
are.
Address that.
Then take the lessons in thatday or that moment.
Acknowledge these questions inorder to manage your emotions
(14:14):
more effectively.
Become less reactive with youremotions, which in turn, will
provide you a more stable, solid, successful place, and it will
in your environment, yourrelationships, your workplace.
It will actually make your lifesimpler.
When you start just reallyopening your eyes, so to speak,
(14:42):
you're going to have a negativeperson in the room.
There's just going to be thatnegative Nancy situation.
But how you respond matters byinfluencing others with your
positivity, becoming that leader, taking effective actions.
Reducing the negativity in theroom will catapult the
(15:09):
performance of your team where,with companies that utilize
emotional intelligence haveincredible results within their
(15:30):
company, from entrepreneurs tomajor corporations like L'Oreal
and PepsiCo PepsiCo.
So to give you a littleexamples here, I'm going to so
when using it, it's pretty cool.
(15:53):
So I'm going to give you someexamples.
By the research by the Center ofCreative Leadership found that
primary causes of derailment inexecutives involve low EI,
particularly difficulty handlingchange, poor teamwork and
(16:14):
interpersonal relationships.
When places like IBM usesemotional intelligence, they
notice that they havesignificantly higher employee
(16:35):
engagement levels, whichimproves teamwork and manages
conflict more effectively.
Improves teamwork and managesconflict more effectively.
Even entrepreneurs can seegrowth and change and more of a
community enhancement with ahigher emotional intelligence.
(16:56):
Pepsico in one year generated10% more productivity, 87% less
turnover rate, which is highlyexpensive.
Like turnover can be thedownfall of companies because
when with HR, um, when youchange when a person comes in,
(17:18):
you're having to changeinsurances, and insurance per
person is not cheap.
And then turnover and trainingand name change all this stuff
is expensive.
And PepsiCo also saw that therewas over a thousand return on
their investment by recruitingemotionally intelligent managers
(17:41):
.
I have to say you know you takelike these little tests when
you're being like you getthrough the interview phase and
then they give you a test to seeif you're fit for the company.
Part of this is emotionalintelligence.
Is emotional intelligence onsome of its like honesty, how do
(18:06):
you handle situations?
It's in there.
They're actually seeing howyou're, how you are under
pressure, whether you know it ornot.
They're seeing what yourindividual performance will be.
You know these are.
It's even great for partners ina relationship, a romantic
relationship, to take thesetests to see Because, at the end
(18:30):
of the day, gallup researchedso that three critical factors
in leadership and anorganizational climate, which to
me is also in personalrelationships.
Do you feel cared for?
Do you feel like you're beingseen and heard?
You know praise, recognition doyou?
(18:53):
And do they believe?
Do they do you feel?
The other critical point is arethey concerned about your
development?
Does my spouse have my back?
Are they concerned Like I amtrying to grow this business and
I am trying to go to school orI am trying to level myself up?
(19:15):
These are development areas.
I am trying to learn andenhance my emotional
intelligence.
So you know, people want to beseen and heard.
The areas, the main areas ofemotional intelligence and I've
said them before, I was sayingit earlier is that it's
(19:38):
self-awareness, empathy,self-management, self-motivation
and relationship management.
Now we've broken it down alittle bit more because empathy
kind of folds into a lot ofthese.
So the four main components isself-awarement, self-management,
(20:02):
self-motivation andrelationship management.
What this means is that youneed to take an inventory.
I've talked about your SWOTstrength, weaknesses,
opportunity and threats and whatthat looks like and how to
(20:25):
handle it.
You have times in your lifewhere you'll need to dial into
difficult conversations.
How do you handle difficultconversations?
A time and a place right.
(20:47):
You need to handle it with TLC.
Even you need to look and see,like, what do I need to say?
So you need to control yourself.
Do not have change in youremotions when you have something
to say you want to say.
So you need to control yourself.
Do not have change in youremotions when you have something
(21:12):
to say you want to say.
Focus on what you want, beclear on what you want.
The exercise you can do and Ikind of wrote you want to kind
(21:33):
of learn through visualizationhow am I going to have this
conversation, right?
So I like to say we want totake pause, right?
So let's say we're having adifficult conversation in the
workplace or at home and youhave been working on your
(21:55):
emotional intelligence.
But a way to have an effective,difficult conversation in any
situation Play it in your mind,see it playing out, take pause
and conduct a self-check.
Gather your own space withemotions and feelings, thoughts.
(22:17):
It will determine the nextsteps or actions.
What is your current emotionalintensity?
What is your currentvibrational mood?
What is the background noise inyour head?
Right, ask yourself number oneset the internal emotional tone.
(22:38):
Why am I having thisconversation?
It will help the brain with thestrategy.
Practice and run thatvisualizing that conversation.
So like this.
If they respond and emotionsescalate, play it out in your
head.
You will sense quickly if anemotion that is, a negative
(23:03):
emotion rises like a high energyemotion with low vibration, so
to speak, like if you feel angerarise in you as you're even
thinking about it, or you feeldepression, like this is
(23:25):
unpleasant.
Right, you're not ready forthat conversation yet.
So you need to continue topractice and work on those
emotions first and controllingthat, being aware of how this is
making you feel, how this ismaking you feel.
And if you need to work andpractice with a friend, work and
(23:50):
practice in the mirror, take itslow.
Your emotions are valid.
It's important.
So when you get to a place oflike you're ready and your
emotions are controlled, you'renot especially the anger part,
because anger we can say somereally intense stuff um,
(24:12):
depression.
Someone else can control theconversation and take over our
emotions.
So that's why I'm like you needto see where you are with your
emotions prior, to Just takepause and even if you have an
epic fail the first time, don'tworry about it.
You're learning from it.
Take it and play it back inyour head and go.
(24:34):
Okay, this is what I need to dodifferently and try again.
Right With your visualization,practice your body language, be
in your shoes, be in their shoes.
There's a thing calledmaintaining eye contact.
It's a 50-70 where you'respeaking and you're listening
(24:55):
and looking.
So I do this, I do a fortive.
I don't want to stare at them.
You know you don't stare atpeople.
It makes them uncomfortable.
I do a triangle techniqueapproach.
I'll look at their eyes, theirforehead.
I create a triangle somehow bylooking at their chin, their
(25:15):
cheek, their nose, their eye,their forehead, and create a
triangle.
I'll look off as I'm retainingthe information and maybe look
up because I'm listening andvisualizing as to what they're
saying at the same time.
But you're not staring, okay,which is important.
(25:42):
You don't want to create aweird awkward moment there now.
You also have to think in acultural standpoint of who
you're talking to.
Okay, especially in business,you need to learn who you're
having the conversation with.
Like you need to know youraudience and be respectful and
(26:02):
adjust accordingly when speakingwith people from other
countries.
Just understand that sometimesif you stare at someone, they
see it as rude.
Especially if you look intotheir eyes, they find it as a
threat.
You're throwing down a curse.
You're rude, aggressive ordisrespectful.
(26:24):
So just understand.
Sometimes it might be best to doa written versus an oral due to
that, and or you have some typeof disability to where you have
to adjust.
(26:45):
But you need to and it's timesensitive and you need to have
the conversation.
If you're better with yourwords on paper and it will be
effective in that manner, thentake that approach.
But also don't write with youremotions.
Go with an Abe Lincoln approachand make sure the first letter
(27:09):
is getting all your emotions out.
Don't send it.
Second letter you're filteringthose emotions out and then
you're getting more to the pointand then the final one is a
clear conscious.
And then the final one is aclear conscious, not led with
your emotions email or letterthat gets to the point but has
(27:31):
that empathetic piece to it.
So in the conversation, askopen-ended questions.
This is what leaders do, not ayes or no question, not a closed
(27:54):
response, but an open responsesuch as how can we best proceed?
Can you tell me more?
Right?
This will reflect respect tothe other party, with a desire
for a deeper understandingthrough empathy.
And then restate what you'veheard, like confirming what
you're hearing, like that you'rehearing them right.
So you say something like whatI'm hearing is dot dot dot.
(28:17):
You know, validate the otherperson's feelings, such as, as I
can see why you are upsetbecause, again, people want to
be seen and heard.
And then, after you heard theirconcerns, you want to make an
empathetic statement.
I can see why you're upset,because obvious and just stay
(28:42):
within a respectful, honest,constructive manner.
I, using the word I.
Have you noticed this patternthat I was using throughout?
I All right, it is important tostate clearly what you want,
right, speak in a clear, concisemanner, watch your behavior.
(29:13):
Right, you want to, again,listen actively.
Listen actively as open-endedquestions.
Restate what you heard,validate that person.
You know those are ways oflistening actively and just let
(29:40):
someone understand what yourthoughts and feelings because
your thoughts and feelings arevalid as well.
Again, use I statements.
These are all ways to enhanceyour emotional intelligence.
During difficult conversations,you sound more intelligent.
(30:01):
A person who leads with theiremotions and yelling does not
sound intelligent and most ofthe time you can't even remember
what you were talking about.
When the yelling starts and youwalk away and you feel
exhausted and anger is morechaotic energy is more energy
(30:22):
sucked out of the room than loveempathy sucked out of the room,
than love empathy.
So you just really want to justtake inventory of what's going
on right and be mindful of howyou're speaking to other people.
(30:48):
Take inventory when you aretalking to someone else.
Listen to what you're actuallysaying.
Sometimes we just talk, talk,talk and don't listen to
ourselves.
It's almost like we're tryingto deflect or fill air in the
(31:10):
room and a lot of times peoplejust go into the conversation of
this is what's happening in mylife and not remember that
there's someone else in the roomthat has feelings and has a
life as well.
(31:30):
You just want to become moreself-aware by taking that
inventory and taking the test,finding out who are you doing
your SWOT, what are yourstrengths, what are your
weaknesses?
Do you have a lot of anxietywhen you have to have
confrontational conversations?
So you can improve it by takingthe quiz.
(31:50):
There's another quiz.
The quiz is everywhere.
Talentsmarteqcom has one.
They can help you with thelowest and highest and they rate
them.
And then you want to improve onthose areas of self-awareness,
self-management, socialawareness and relationship
awareness.
So if you're unaware of whatthis means, so self-awareness is
(32:15):
the ability to identify andunderstand your feelings or
tendencies, like how do youreact or respond to something.
Your self-management ability toadjust and direct your thoughts
and actions, like the syncbetween the prefrontal cortex
and the limbic systems.
(32:36):
Social awareness, the abilityto accurately pick up others'
emotions and perspectives,empathy, gut instinct, empathy,
gut instinct.
And then relationshipmanagement ability to
effectively manage interactionsand relations.
This is becoming a leader inyour life so that you can have
(33:02):
those difficult conversationswith intelligence.
So self-management strategiesare things like sleep on it.
Don't have the conversationtoday.
Visualize yourself succeeding,smile and laugh more.
Set a day for problem solving.
(33:24):
There's some things that youneed to handle and that would
take the load off.
Do them when you feel like youneed to take literally kind of
release your foot off that gaspedal in your life and you're
just going, going, going, going,going.
Take the gas pedal off justslightly.
(33:47):
Take a break.
Just because you will haveburnout, you will start making
the wrong decisions.
You've got to recharge yourself.
So you need to sometimes put itin your calendar because if you
go, go, go and you don't havesome type of release, things can
(34:08):
start unwinding.
So also think of a.
Take an inventory of when youare dealing with a situation or
think a person plays a thingmoney, family, family, spouse,
self, work, possessions whattype of emotion comes out when
(34:31):
the following arises?
Do you have anger, anxiety,happiness, joy, fear, love?
Are you balanced?
Are you flexible?
Think about it.
Take personal inventory.
Now, in social management, greattools to do is learn the
person's name and greet them bytheir name, watch body language,
(34:55):
time yourself, pause, go ListenRight, Live in the moment.
Another thing is socialmanagement Declutter, de-stress,
de-stress, de-clutter.
Try to start tuning in toanother person's emotions when
(35:19):
you react to them.
Look at their facial expression, their body language, listen to
the tone of their voice.
Do these practices Helpyourself With relationship
management?
Things you can do is validatethe other person, set boundaries
, expectations.
(35:43):
When emotions get high, take astep back.
It's actually good to bevulnerable, be transparent and
express your concerns.
Relationship management helpswhen you have and you practice
and you work on diffusing.
(36:05):
Difficult situations willlessen dramatically because you
have taken a step back, you haveworked on yourself, you are
listening, you're practicingthose steps of when having a
difficult conversation or justany conversation you want to be
(36:39):
socially aware, like, read up onwhat's going on in the world,
so then you can create anddevelop a back pocket question
right.
So emotional intelligence is anongoing thing.
As you grow, you will flowbetter in the world by
(37:06):
continuing to reframe yourthoughts, continuing to be
mindful, having empathy andcompassion, look at it from
different angles, knowing thatyour emotions are valid and
others are also valid.
Understand that as we developthese areas in our life, we can
(37:30):
develop ourselves into a greaterleader, a better community,
stronger relationships, and youcan become that C-suite that you
want, that entrepreneur that'sstrong, the person that gets
their point across, the personthat people want to be around
and work with.
I'm Tracy.
This is Advantage Point Trainyour brain to master your game.
Have a wonderful day.
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