October 9, 2025 • 31 mins
In this episode of 'Advice from Your Advocates', Attorney Bob Mannor speaks with Shari Ross, author of 'Senior Living Made Simple'. They discuss the complexities of senior living, the emotional challenges families face, particularly guilt, and the importance of socialization for seniors. Shari introduces her SIMPLE method for navigating senior care, emphasizing preparation and support. The conversation also touches on dementia care, the sandwich generation, and the need for caregivers to seek help and build support systems.
Listen now wherever you get your podcasts - full video available on YouTube.
Host: Attorney Bob Mannor
Guest: Shari Ross
Executive Producer: Savannah Meksto
Assistant Producers: Samantha Noah, Shalene Gaul
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ABOUT US:
Mannor Law Group helps clients in all matters of estate planning and elder law including special needs planning, veterans’ benefits, Medicaid planning, estate administration, and more. We offer guidance through all stages of life.
We also help families dealing with dementia, Alzheimer’s disease, Parkinson’s disease, and other illnesses that cause memory loss. We take a comprehensive, holistic approach, called Life Care Planning. LEARN MORE...
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_01 (00:00):
You're listening to Advice from Your Advocates, a
show where we provide elder lawadvice to professionals who work
with the elderly and theirfamilies.
SPEAKER_00 (00:09):
Welcome back to Advice from Your Advocates.
I'm Bob Manner.
I'm a certified elder lawattorney in Michigan.
And I'm really excited about ourguest today.
We've got Sherry Ross.
She's the author of SeniorLiving Made Simple, which, boy,
it doesn't seem simple to me.
So if she can make it simple,that's great.
So, Sherry, welcome.
SPEAKER_01 (00:28):
Thank you, Bob.
It's really a pleasure to behere.
Thanks for having me on.
SPEAKER_00 (00:31):
Tell us a little bit about yourself and your
background, and then we'll getinto your book.
SPEAKER_01 (00:36):
Sure.
So my whole journey here was nota very straight path.
I started out in the theaterworld, which is very far
removed.
Yeah.
I um I grew up doing theater andthen I went to NYU, Tish School
of the Arts.
You know, that was my careertrajectory for a while.
I moved to California from NewYork after graduation and kind
(00:57):
of worked in that whole industryfor several years.
But eventually I ended upgetting married and having a
couple of kids.
And I settled down and was astay-at-home mom for a few years
until the children got a littlebit older and I decided I wanted
to restart a new career.
And so I went into the medicalfield as a pharmaceutical sales
(01:18):
rep.
And one of the mid medicationsthat I sold was called Namenda,
which is for Alzheimer'sdisease.
So it kind of opened my eyes tothis whole other world of memory
care, neurology.
And I got so much exposure tothe medical professionals who
were working with other familiesand seniors, especially with
(01:42):
dementia.
I ended up kind of transitioninginto a sales job in a memory
care community.
Okay.
It was stri strictly, strictlydementia.
And so that really opened myeyes.
I started working with familiesone-on-one, guiding them through
the whole transition of, youknow, having to put their
families into or their loved oneinto a memory care community and
(02:05):
all the intricacies along withthat.
And over time I started toexpand into more of an
independent, assisted living andmemory care senior living
specialist all over the nation,working with families every
single day, trying to help themthrough this crazy maze of
senior living.
SPEAKER_00 (02:24):
Right.
SPEAKER_01 (02:24):
So I I'm not a doctor, I'm not a clinician.
I don't uh, you know, pretendthat I am anything more than um
somebody who has met withhundreds and hundreds of
families who are just goingthrough this process and come to
me with panic in their eyes andthey're exhausted and they feel
guilt and all of these things.
So I think I have so much toshare with those that I meet
(02:48):
with and talk to.
And then I created this bookjust to give a whole wealth of
information, but in a way thatis conversational.
Like I'm holding your handthroughout the book, telling
stories, things that I've seen,things I've witnessed.
I do think that just having thatsupport for families going
through all this is really,really important.
SPEAKER_00 (03:10):
So that's interesting.
I really want to get into yourbook and the acronym that you
use in your book.
Simple, but before we get there,you said something that is, I
think, really important forfamilies to grapple with.
And you mentioned uh justbriefly the guilt that family
has sometimes.
And so I want you to addressthat because I think that's such
(03:30):
an important element here.
And it's unfortunate.
I think it's it's based oncultural norms and movies we've
watched and all these thingswhen the reality is that I think
that sometimes we're looking thewhole point of moving into some
kind of senior living setting isto improve quality of life, not
to decrease it.
And yet that's the opposite thatwe see in the culture, right?
(03:53):
In the movies that we see, theyalways project it differently.
And so we uh, you know, familiesthat are dealing for this for
the first time often experiencea lot of guilt.
Can you address that?
SPEAKER_01 (04:04):
Absolutely.
Yes.
Guilt is universal, right?
Almost every caregiver, everyadult child dealing with this
does feel that it's a verynormal and and a lot of people
think that they should just beable to handle it all.
And then when they can't, theyfeel like they've failed.
And, you know, I always thinkguilt doesn't keep your loved
ones safe, right?
(04:24):
And it doesn't make you a bettercaregiver either.
A lot of guilt comes frompromises.
Like I told my mom I'd never puther in a home, you know, I'd
never send her out of her ownhouse.
But, you know, let's be honest,when you make that promise,
you're not picturing all thepotentially wandering or
incontinence or 24-7 supervisionthat they potentially need.
(04:48):
So what you promised them waslove and care.
And sometimes the best way tokeep that promise is with
professional support.
You know, I've met so many sonsand daughters and spouses who
just agonized over moving theirloved one to a community.
But after a few months in in thecommunity, I hear the words, you
(05:12):
know, I finally get to be thedaughter again.
I finally get to be the wifeagain.
I'm not the caregiver.
Um, it kind of puts you backinto that role that you were
meant to be in.
You know, it's you're not Ithink the biggest thing for
people to know is you're notabandoning your loved one.
You're just surrounding themwith more care.
Right.
And you're you're alsoprotecting yourself and your own
(05:32):
health so that you can stillshow up for them how they need
you.
And you're still the caregiver,but just in a different way.
So I think once families seethat their loved one is thriving
and safe, it guilt will oftengive way to relief.
SPEAKER_00 (05:47):
I think that's uh you used a word there that I
think is really important,thriving.
I've seen this so often wherefamily really struggle with this
a lot.
And then I go and visit sixmonths later once they've uh
have some kind of placement insome kind of senior living
setting, and they are thriving.
And a lot of them will admit itthat it's a better quality of
(06:08):
life.
Because if you think about it,if you're home and kind of
confined to that, because it canbe difficult to go out and
socialize at that point,especially if a dementia is
involved, that you're really notgetting a lot of social
interaction.
And one of the best things fordementia to kind of slow that
down or give you a betterquality of life with dementia is
that social interaction.
(06:29):
And so if your only people yousee are your family or a
caregiver, and you're just kindof confined to your home, it's
very lonely.
And it's just not something thatpeople always think about.
They just assume, oh, it'sbetter in the home.
But the reality is, I find thatmost people that make that
decision actually thrive in theuh setting because now they have
socialization, they have peopleto talk to, they have people
(06:51):
their own age.
So we have one client that hewas running a poker table at the
assisted living, and they lovedhim as a resident.
We were working with the thefolks that worked at the
assisted living, and they weretelling me that they play cards
every day.
They weren't sure that anybodywas really following the rules
of the card game, but they werethere enjoying themselves, and
(07:13):
there was a you know a group ofmen playing cards, and you know,
and that can be really make abig difference in sort of
quality of life, but alsosometimes thriving and slowing
down that progression of thedementia.
SPEAKER_01 (07:28):
I think the biggest thing is that we well, as
seniors, that that fourthquarter there, you continue to
still really need purpose inyour life and you need to feel
like you're productive.
Yeah.
And, you know, going back towhat you were saying about the
socialization aspect, duringCOVID, a lot of our seniors they
were, they were home.
We all were.
(07:48):
But particularly for them, theywere absolutely not able to
socialize.
And when COVID sort of ended andeveryone started coming back
into the real world, I meancoming into these senior living
communities and memory carecommunities, we saw this massive
just increase in their decline.
And it really showed us, I mean,we already knew this, but it
(08:10):
really, really put a magnifyingglass on the idea that without
that socialization factor andbeing around people and
community, that it is actuallyharmful.
And there's actually proof nowthat shows that socialization is
actually the biggest factor inhealthy aging, even over
nutrition and exercise.
(08:33):
Major, major important thingthat we are around people.
I mean, we're as human beings,we are meant to be around
people.
Even if you're a loner, justgetting down to the dining room
three times a day or twice a dayand being around your peers,
just maybe participating in oneactivity a day, even that is so
(08:53):
beneficial to your mind, yourbody, your ability to, you know,
be a functioning, happyindividual.
SPEAKER_00 (09:03):
So I want to get into your book and make let me
read out the whole full title ofyour book.
So it's Senior Living MadeSimple, which is an acronym that
I'm gonna ask you about.
A real-world guide to navigatingsenior care for your loved ones.
So let's first talk about well,I want to talk about how you
came about writing the book andthe details of it, but before we
(09:26):
get into that, I want to knowmore about that acronym simple.
SPEAKER_01 (09:29):
Yes.
So I created this simple methodto kind of prepare families or
loved ones before so that theycould assist their loved ones
without feeling like they haveto do it in the midst of a
crisis.
Instead of finding yourself inan emergency room at 2 a.m.
(09:52):
after your mom has walked outthe door in the middle of the
night in her uh slippers andbathrobe and knocks on a
neighbor's door or falls for thetenth time and now is a broken
hip in the emergency room.
Let's try to get everythingprepared ahead of time.
I think that that will lead usfrom a chaotic way of dealing
(10:14):
with all of this to a much morecompetent and calm way without
as much panic.
So each letter stands for aword, which could have its own
podcast, you know, because theyall are so, so important
individually.
But to go through it, the Sstands for support because we
cannot do this alone.
We need friends, we need a team,we need family, we need
(10:36):
professional support sometimes,support groups, physicians,
social workers, geriatric caremanagers, whatever you can, you
know, get your hands on, we needthat support around us.
You cannot be superwoman orsuperman and do everything on
your own.
So don't even try.
And the next letter is I forinformation, gathering your
options, learning about thingsearly on.
(10:59):
Does my mom need independentliving or assisted living or
memory care or what's out there?
You know, figure out the optionsahead of time.
M is for matching.
So everyone has different careneeds, everyone has different
needs socially, everyone is hasa different personality.
So you can't just say, oh, I'mgonna walk into this senior
living community.
It's gorgeous, it's gotchandeliers, it's got beautiful
(11:22):
art on the walls, chef-inspiredmeals.
Okay, that's wonderful.
You want to have nice aestheticsaround you.
But maybe that person isn't aperson who likes to be around
200 people every day.
Maybe they want to be in asmaller environment, like a
boarding care with six beds, ormaybe they need a lot more
(11:43):
assistance than just a regularassisted living can provide.
Maybe they have mild cognitiveimpairment and they need
programming that supports thatstage of where they are.
Matching, finding the rightplace for the right person is
really important.
P is for preparation.
So again, good kind of goesalong with information, but
preparation in terms of makingsure you have all your ducts in
(12:04):
order, legal documents, yourfinancial documents.
Is there a long-term care policythat's buried somewhere in a box
in the basement?
Thrab it out ahead of time sothat you're not, you know,
trying to figure all this out.
Because when you whether you'regonna stay at home with home
care or go to an assistedliving, you are going to have to
deal with a lot of paperwork.
It's just inevitable.
(12:25):
So make sure you have all thatprepared and ready to go.
L is for letting go, and that'stwofold.
One is letting go of the guilt,let go of the idea that you have
to do everything yourself, andlet go of just this feeling that
you're maybe not doing the rightthing.
You're doing the best you can,and that's all you possibly can
do.
The other part of letting go isletting go of stuff, right?
(12:47):
When you move to an assistedliving or memory care, you've
got this small apartment.
You can't maybe bring yourgorgeous antique table or all of
your china that you've had for50 years.
Let go of this stuff.
Let go of the idea that you haveto be in your house to be well
cared for.
It's just stuff.
And it's not actually what weneed as people is a community,
(13:12):
and we need potentially moresafety or more things to do to
make sure that we're getting abetter quality of life.
And then finally, E.
Engagement.
So even after a loved one goesto a community, memory care,
you're still engaging with them,but in a different way.
Um, you're not caregiving, butyou want to make sure that you
know you're you're engaging withthem in the way that's
(13:35):
meaningful.
So if that means that your dadlikes to play chess every Friday
night, um, even if he doesn'tunderstand the game anymore, go
go play chess with him.
If your, you know, mom likes togo out shopping, make sure
you're taking her out to goshopping and you know, doing the
things that maybe you used todo, still stay engaged with
(13:55):
them.
Make sure make sure that they'rethey're feeling like they are
being cared for by you, eventhough you're not caring for
them in the manner that you usedto.
SPEAKER_00 (14:06):
You know, that last one I think you had mentioned
earlier about being able to getback to be the child or the
spouse and not just the 24-hourcaregiver.
And so I think the engagementpart of it is very, very
important, like you mentioned,but that a lot of that you're
just too exhausted to do that ifyou're also a 24-hour caregiver.
So if you're able to get thehelp that you need, now you get
(14:28):
back to being that spouse, youget back to being that child and
really can be, you know, uh havethat engagement, which could
really just make a lot ofmemories and and really improve
that last, you know, fourthquarter of your life, like you
said.
SPEAKER_01 (14:42):
Mm-hmm.
Absolutely.
SPEAKER_00 (14:44):
So one of the things that is uh that I I love about
what I've read about you,because this is something that
we focus on quite a bit, isdementia care and advocacy.
So what kind of sets you apartwith dementia care and advocacy?
It's something that we foundthere's not very many lawyers
that say they focus on dementiaand and Alzheimer's.
And we actually do say thatbecause we realized that a good
(15:07):
percentage of our clients thatneed this continuing care, need
long-term care, have memoryissues, have memory loss.
And so we started focusing onthat.
So on with on your part, whatset you apart with regard to
dementia care and advocacy?
SPEAKER_01 (15:22):
Yeah, so I mean, it goes way, way back for me.
Uh randomly enough, when I wasyounger, at probably like
seventh or eighth grade, I wouldspend a couple summers in a row
at my grandparents' home, aboutan hour away from my house.
And I worked at or interned at asummer theater, summer stock
theater, and all the patronsthere were happen to be senior
citizens.
(15:43):
And then I'm around mygrandparents.
So I was literally around oldpeople as a young person quite a
bit.
And somehow I just felt thisvery strong connection to them.
I was able to just, I lovedhearing stories.
And even at that age, I, youknow, I kind of understood when
maybe some of them had a littlebit of memory loss.
(16:03):
And it didn't scare me.
It just intrigued me.
I wanted to know more and I justI connected with them well.
And then that when I went intomemory care many, many, many
years later, I just felt likethere was this connection.
And I I wanted to get to thesefamilies who again they came to
me just panicked, just soworried, and they didn't have a
(16:27):
plan in place.
And it just it broke my heartbecause I know how many of them
just absolutely loved theirfamilies and cared for them and
they just wanted to do the rightthing.
So I just I thought there therehas to be a better way to go
about this than just, you know,having to just deal with it when
it comes.
Let's get get prepared ahead oftime, understand it a little bit
(16:50):
more, know what, you know, theright things to say, the right
things to look for, so that youcan get assistance earlier than
waiting until later when maybeyour loved one no longer has as
much of a quality of life.
Let's get to it beforehand sothey can, you know, still enjoy
their lives as much as they canand and hopefully to slow down
(17:11):
their decline in dementia.
Because if you're doing theright things, if you're engaging
the right way, you know, and andtaking all the required steps,
then it just can make it a loteasier, a lot calmer along the
way.
SPEAKER_00 (17:23):
I think that's so important.
And I think so.
We had one of our podcastsguests that talked about that
many families he called itcocooning, meaning that um there
was some embarrassment orwhatever, and so that they would
just kind of cocoon in thehouse, not interact with others,
kind of hide dad from the worldor mom from the world, and you
(17:48):
know, just you know, try tococoon and not really that is
probably the worst optionavailable because it's first of
all likely to make it so thatyour dementia is going to
increase faster, you're gonnahave less of those good days,
which you just mentioned, howthat it can extend.
What we really want to do istake advantage of the time when
(18:10):
we can interact more.
Because there could come a timewhere there's not really much
interaction.
And so that I think what you'resaying is, you know, agreeing
with our other guest that said,you know, really just kind of
trying to hide in your house,and unfortunately, you know,
people still not, you know,being comfortable with I don't
know, the stigma maybe of uh ofdementia, that it's really
(18:34):
better in we'll get more ofthose good days, more of that
good time where we can reallyhave time with our loved ones if
we expand beyond just hiding inour homes.
SPEAKER_01 (18:45):
And I get it.
I mean, I I do understand that alot of people with dementia or
even starting with mildcognitive impairment, especially
in that stage, their firstinstinct is to isolate and
becomes a a vicious cycle.
But they're embarrassed, youknow, oh maybe I'm not acting
like I used to.
Maybe people think I'm notnormal.
(19:07):
I am forgetting names and wordsand you know, so all these
little signs come up and they'rejust not they're feeling like
they're losing control a littlebit, losing that just ability to
relate to people.
So then they tend to isolate.
And like you said, I mean, thatjust becomes like a vicious
circle of the more you isolate,the quicker your decline
(19:28):
generally will be.
So yeah, so for caregivers,spotting those signs and you
know, whether it be, oh, my mymom keeps on, you know, getting
lost going to the same storeshe's been going to for 20
years, like what's going on?
Like, don't just brush it offlike, oh, it's just old age, you
know, kind of thing.
The quicker that we can uhintercept and try to do what we
(19:50):
can do to to get your parent oryour spouse the care and the
solutions to sort of slow downthe dementia, the better.
So so don't don't chalk it up asold age.
Let's let's be a little bit moreproactive so that, like you
said, we have a little bit moretime that's more quality and um
can enjoy our lives a little bitlonger.
SPEAKER_00 (20:11):
Now, I I think you have a consulting business on uh
the these areas.
And so what types of people doyou work with?
What types of clients do youhave as part of your consulting
business?
SPEAKER_01 (20:20):
Yeah, so well, besides the elder care attorneys
and financial planners who tendto like to buy my book to give
to their clients because ithelps them um to save a lot of
time on information that theyhave to on their own, you know,
tell their client and explain totheir client.
This this helps to just kind ofget this this whole the whole
(20:41):
thing started so that the clientcan understand the whole
process.
But also what I who I generallywork with are the adult children
who have a parent that is iseither in the beginning stages
of needing care or is you knowreally in the depths of of
what's going on.
And and you know, they tend tojust really need a hand holder
(21:05):
from somebody who has beenthrough this and and has been in
the trenches to understand it'snot just you know, there's an
emotional component, obviously.
It's not just the logistics, butbut it's important to have both
sides of things covered.
So beyond the loved one or theadult child, I also work with
seniors themselves who, yeah,they they don't really know the
(21:28):
process and they don't knowwhat's out there.
And in their minds, you know,like you said, there's a huge
stigma.
They're they're picturing wheretheir parents were, which maybe
in the the 60s or 70s, you know,in these these sterile kind of
nursing home kind of situationswhere there's some of that still
out there.
I mean, that is one of the thereis unfortunately, and and yeah,
(21:50):
and and that is the whole, Imean, there is a whole
unfortunate financial componentaround this because not
everybody can afford to go to anicer type of community living.
But yeah, so there is still thatnursing home kind of thing out
there, but I think there's somany more options now, and we
need to get past that stigmathat all these places are just
(22:13):
where you go to sit there andwait to die.
Because in reality, what we'refinding is that that these
seniors who go into thesecommunities, they're now coming
alive, you know, for that, youknow, last few years of their
lives, whether it's five years,ten years, whatever it may be,
they're now contributing to thisamazing quality of life, which
(22:33):
maybe for many years they weresitting at home just watching TV
and passively letting life goby.
And that's not necessarily thebest, the best way to live.
So now we're we're discoveringall this amazing thing, things
that people can take up paintingagain, maybe things that they
used to do that they stoppeddoing.
And yeah, hobbies and andsocialization and all of these
(22:55):
important things that now theycan have now that they're in a
community setting.
SPEAKER_00 (23:00):
I was at an assisted living a little a little bit ago
and saw one of my clients andthey just chatting him up a bit
and said because he was in lineto get on the in the van.
And I said, Well, what's youradventure today?
Where are you going?
He's like, I don't know.
I just when the van shows up, Iget on and we go wherever we're
gonna go.
I talked to the staff, and he'sthey were like, Yeah, that's
exactly what he does.
(23:20):
It's you know, sometimes theymight be going to a casino, they
might be going to the grocerystore, they might be going to
breakfast or somewhere.
SPEAKER_01 (23:28):
You know, you mentioned a story that kind of I
related to earlier, and myfather-in-law actually went
through this whole process morerecently in the last few years.
He had he was kind of at home,like I mentioned, like sort of
declining in his own apartment,isolating a little bit, really
not that very healthy.
I could just tell like he wasn'teating properly, probably wasn't
taking his medications properly.
(23:49):
And I kept on introducing theidea of assisted living.
He was adamantly against it.
He was absolutely not.
I'm not going, I'm not leaving.
Well, the inevitable happened.
He fell and he was found on thefloor several hours later by his
brother.
And he ended up, you know,having a broken hip, went to the
hospital, went to rehab.
(24:09):
And at that point, he realized,okay, you put it in my head, I
get it.
I'm not really safe here athome.
He went to an assisted living.
Well, cut to a couple monthslater, I go to visit him, and he
is a different person.
Thriving.
I mean, just his face looked 10years younger.
He's now, like you said, he'splaying cards with these guys,
(24:30):
and these are things he hehadn't done in years.
He's got transportation now togo to the store, go to outside
events, um, and he's takingadvantage of it, doing chair
yoga, he's getting physicaltherapy there.
I mean, eating really good,nutritious meals, getting his
medications taken care of.
I mean, overall, he's just somuch healthier in every way.
(24:51):
And so I've lived it.
I see it with my own family ontop of these hundreds of other
families that for every timeI've heard, gosh, I should have
done this five years ago.
I would be so so rich right now.
SPEAKER_00 (25:04):
Right.
SPEAKER_01 (25:05):
If I had a couple uh a nickel for every time.
But because it really does itfor most people, it really is a
very, very positive experience.
SPEAKER_00 (25:14):
Uh you mentioned this was your father-in-law, and
you have kids also.
And so something that we've beentalking a lot about is sort of
that sandwich generation wherethey have, you know, they're
still raising children, and nowwe're having to kind of help out
our parents uh or our ourin-laws.
Can you kind of address some ofthe struggles that that brings
(25:36):
up?
SPEAKER_01 (25:37):
Yeah, absolutely.
Yeah, I'm kind of right in thethick of it, and there's so many
of us right now who, you know,my kids are a little bit,
they're adult, old, you know,young adults now, but they still
need they still need assistanceto to get out there in the
world.
And so I'm working a lot withthem.
But then I also have my careerand and that takes up a lot of
(25:58):
time.
But then I've got my my parents.
I've got, thankfully, my mom isstill independent, but even with
that, you know, I have spentseveral Saturdays sitting with
her trying to put together abinder of paperwork and
financial documents and POAdocuments and and end-of-life
wishes, all of those things totry to prepare because she's not
(26:18):
always gonna be independent.
So I'm working with her.
I'm working with myfather-in-law to make sure he's
good.
And so it's it's a struggle.
There's definitely a pull fromso many different places.
So those of us in this sandwichgeneration really under need to
understand that you gotta yougotta also take care of
yourself, you know, whether thatmeans going and getting a
(26:40):
massage every once in a while,or making sure that you're
settling down at night with acup of tea, or just taking a
moment to just breathe and knowthat again, you cannot take on
everything at once.
So, so dish it out to people,get help, get support, because
there's just not enough time inthe day to do everything.
SPEAKER_00 (26:59):
I think that's uh really good advice, and
particularly the get help partof it, because I think sometimes
I know my parents' generationwere very much well, we just do
everything myself.
My dad fixed his own cars andchanged his own oil and all of
those types of things.
And the idea is that there's somany options that you don't know
(27:19):
if you don't seek out help.
There's different like you uhand like me that can give
resources that really make lifea lot easier that you're never
gonna know about or discoverwithout working with somebody
that has gone through this with,you know, hundreds of other
families.
SPEAKER_01 (27:35):
Exactly.
Yeah, you want to make sure thatyou're you're getting advice
from the right places frompeople who have been there who
have done it, and thatunderstand the complexities of
the whole process of, you know,making sure that your loved one
is not only safe, but is gettingthe right stimulation at the
right time and that they'rebeing challenged, you know,
(27:58):
mentally and physically, but notbeing frustrated.
Um, because it's kind of thislike just right sort of
situation where you want to makesure that they're in the right
environment, around the rightpeople.
For example, understand youroptions.
If your parent or your spousehas mild cognitive impairments,
the right place for them is notgoing to be a secured dementia
(28:22):
community or memory carecommunity, because that could
actually pull them down, dragthem down, and and they could
face a quicker decline ifthey're not around the people
that are similar to them.
Also getting a very sort of youwanna you wanna kind of stay
consistent each day and have aroutine.
(28:43):
And if you're pulling a lovedone around and bringing them to
this place and that place anddifferent things all the time
and not having this consistencywith them, that could also
hasten a decline too, or evenjust make things more difficult
in terms of their behavior, youknow, their beh their
personality.
So just having the rightinformation at at your
(29:04):
fingertips prior to thingsgetting worse is really the key.
SPEAKER_00 (29:09):
So I want to make sure that our listeners know how
to get a hold of you and getaccess to your resources.
One of the you know, best thingswould be your book, which is
Senior Living Made Simple, areal world guide to navigating
senior care for your loved one.
And where would be the bestplace for them to buy that book?
SPEAKER_01 (29:29):
Yeah, so it is on Amazon.com and
Barnesandobles.com, Walmart.com,everywhere that you can get a
book online.
I also wrote a workbook that isgoes in tandem with the book.
It's by the same name, butbasically it is a whole series
of checklists and journalprompts.
Yeah, so you can take the bookand then you can put it into
action with the workbook, and itjust keeps everything very
(29:51):
organized.
My whole goal is to have lesschaos and less confusion and to
get through this whole maze in.
A clearer way in a calmer way.
So the the book and the workbookyou can get online, or you can
go onto my website, which issenior living made simple.com,
same as the book.
And on the website, you canorder the books as well.
(30:14):
You can also sign up with me forconsulting whether in 30 minute
or 60 minute or increment, or Ican go through the whole process
with you for several weeks,whatever it is that that you're
needing.
And then I can provide resourcesas well after our calls so that
you can be better prepared.
SPEAKER_00 (30:33):
Well, that's that's great.
So again, the website isseniorliving made simple.com.
You can uh schedule a consultingsession, you can get access to
the book or any place that youbuy books online.
Sherry, Ross, thank you forbeing on advice from your
advocates.
We really appreciate it.
Any final thoughts for ourlisteners?
SPEAKER_01 (30:52):
Um yeah, I just think that for all of our
caregivers out there, knowingthat you can't do it alone and
you need to get support beforeyou're completely burned out.
So build that support systemnow.
And then just understand that,especially with dementia, caring
for someone is a marathon, it'snot a sprint.
And if you try to do it allyourself, you're gonna break.
(31:13):
Asking for help ensures thatyour loved ones cared for and
that you're still standing inthe end, and that's the balance
that every caregiver needs.
So just make sure that you'reyou're not alone in all this.
SPEAKER_00 (31:26):
Well, thank you.
And if you've enjoyed thispodcast, don't forget to
subscribe.
You can find advice from youradvocates anywhere that you
listen to podcasts.
So please subscribe and we'lltalk to you next time.
SPEAKER_01 (31:43):
Thanks for listening.
To learn more, visit Manor LawGroup.com.
You're listening to Advice from Your Advocates, a
show where we provide elder lawadvice to professionals who work
with the elderly and theirfamilies.
SPEAKER_00 (00:09):
Welcome back to Advice from Your Advocates.
I'm Bob Manner.
I'm a certified elder lawattorney in Michigan.
And I'm really excited about ourguest today.
We've got Sherry Ross.
She's the author of SeniorLiving Made Simple, which, boy,
it doesn't seem simple to me.
So if she can make it simple,that's great.
So, Sherry, welcome.
SPEAKER_01 (00:28):
Thank you, Bob.
It's really a pleasure to behere.
Thanks for having me on.
SPEAKER_00 (00:31):
Tell us a little bit about yourself and your
background, and then we'll getinto your book.
SPEAKER_01 (00:36):
Sure.
So my whole journey here was nota very straight path.
I started out in the theaterworld, which is very far
removed.
Yeah.
I um I grew up doing theater andthen I went to NYU, Tish School
of the Arts.
You know, that was my careertrajectory for a while.
I moved to California from NewYork after graduation and kind
(00:57):
of worked in that whole industryfor several years.
But eventually I ended upgetting married and having a
couple of kids.
And I settled down and was astay-at-home mom for a few years
until the children got a littlebit older and I decided I wanted
to restart a new career.
And so I went into the medicalfield as a pharmaceutical sales
(01:18):
rep.
And one of the mid medicationsthat I sold was called Namenda,
which is for Alzheimer'sdisease.
So it kind of opened my eyes tothis whole other world of memory
care, neurology.
And I got so much exposure tothe medical professionals who
were working with other familiesand seniors, especially with
(01:42):
dementia.
I ended up kind of transitioninginto a sales job in a memory
care community.
Okay.
It was stri strictly, strictlydementia.
And so that really opened myeyes.
I started working with familiesone-on-one, guiding them through
the whole transition of, youknow, having to put their
families into or their loved oneinto a memory care community and
(02:05):
all the intricacies along withthat.
And over time I started toexpand into more of an
independent, assisted living andmemory care senior living
specialist all over the nation,working with families every
single day, trying to help themthrough this crazy maze of
senior living.
SPEAKER_00 (02:24):
Right.
SPEAKER_01 (02:24):
So I I'm not a doctor, I'm not a clinician.
I don't uh, you know, pretendthat I am anything more than um
somebody who has met withhundreds and hundreds of
families who are just goingthrough this process and come to
me with panic in their eyes andthey're exhausted and they feel
guilt and all of these things.
So I think I have so much toshare with those that I meet
(02:48):
with and talk to.
And then I created this bookjust to give a whole wealth of
information, but in a way thatis conversational.
Like I'm holding your handthroughout the book, telling
stories, things that I've seen,things I've witnessed.
I do think that just having thatsupport for families going
through all this is really,really important.
SPEAKER_00 (03:10):
So that's interesting.
I really want to get into yourbook and the acronym that you
use in your book.
Simple, but before we get there,you said something that is, I
think, really important forfamilies to grapple with.
And you mentioned uh justbriefly the guilt that family
has sometimes.
And so I want you to addressthat because I think that's such
(03:30):
an important element here.
And it's unfortunate.
I think it's it's based oncultural norms and movies we've
watched and all these thingswhen the reality is that I think
that sometimes we're looking thewhole point of moving into some
kind of senior living setting isto improve quality of life, not
to decrease it.
And yet that's the opposite thatwe see in the culture, right?
(03:53):
In the movies that we see, theyalways project it differently.
And so we uh, you know, familiesthat are dealing for this for
the first time often experiencea lot of guilt.
Can you address that?
SPEAKER_01 (04:04):
Absolutely.
Yes.
Guilt is universal, right?
Almost every caregiver, everyadult child dealing with this
does feel that it's a verynormal and and a lot of people
think that they should just beable to handle it all.
And then when they can't, theyfeel like they've failed.
And, you know, I always thinkguilt doesn't keep your loved
ones safe, right?
(04:24):
And it doesn't make you a bettercaregiver either.
A lot of guilt comes frompromises.
Like I told my mom I'd never puther in a home, you know, I'd
never send her out of her ownhouse.
But, you know, let's be honest,when you make that promise,
you're not picturing all thepotentially wandering or
incontinence or 24-7 supervisionthat they potentially need.
(04:48):
So what you promised them waslove and care.
And sometimes the best way tokeep that promise is with
professional support.
You know, I've met so many sonsand daughters and spouses who
just agonized over moving theirloved one to a community.
But after a few months in in thecommunity, I hear the words, you
(05:12):
know, I finally get to be thedaughter again.
I finally get to be the wifeagain.
I'm not the caregiver.
Um, it kind of puts you backinto that role that you were
meant to be in.
You know, it's you're not Ithink the biggest thing for
people to know is you're notabandoning your loved one.
You're just surrounding themwith more care.
Right.
And you're you're alsoprotecting yourself and your own
(05:32):
health so that you can stillshow up for them how they need
you.
And you're still the caregiver,but just in a different way.
So I think once families seethat their loved one is thriving
and safe, it guilt will oftengive way to relief.
SPEAKER_00 (05:47):
I think that's uh you used a word there that I
think is really important,thriving.
I've seen this so often wherefamily really struggle with this
a lot.
And then I go and visit sixmonths later once they've uh
have some kind of placement insome kind of senior living
setting, and they are thriving.
And a lot of them will admit itthat it's a better quality of
(06:08):
life.
Because if you think about it,if you're home and kind of
confined to that, because it canbe difficult to go out and
socialize at that point,especially if a dementia is
involved, that you're really notgetting a lot of social
interaction.
And one of the best things fordementia to kind of slow that
down or give you a betterquality of life with dementia is
that social interaction.
(06:29):
And so if your only people yousee are your family or a
caregiver, and you're just kindof confined to your home, it's
very lonely.
And it's just not something thatpeople always think about.
They just assume, oh, it'sbetter in the home.
But the reality is, I find thatmost people that make that
decision actually thrive in theuh setting because now they have
socialization, they have peopleto talk to, they have people
(06:51):
their own age.
So we have one client that hewas running a poker table at the
assisted living, and they lovedhim as a resident.
We were working with the thefolks that worked at the
assisted living, and they weretelling me that they play cards
every day.
They weren't sure that anybodywas really following the rules
of the card game, but they werethere enjoying themselves, and
(07:13):
there was a you know a group ofmen playing cards, and you know,
and that can be really make abig difference in sort of
quality of life, but alsosometimes thriving and slowing
down that progression of thedementia.
SPEAKER_01 (07:28):
I think the biggest thing is that we well, as
seniors, that that fourthquarter there, you continue to
still really need purpose inyour life and you need to feel
like you're productive.
Yeah.
And, you know, going back towhat you were saying about the
socialization aspect, duringCOVID, a lot of our seniors they
were, they were home.
We all were.
(07:48):
But particularly for them, theywere absolutely not able to
socialize.
And when COVID sort of ended andeveryone started coming back
into the real world, I meancoming into these senior living
communities and memory carecommunities, we saw this massive
just increase in their decline.
And it really showed us, I mean,we already knew this, but it
(08:10):
really, really put a magnifyingglass on the idea that without
that socialization factor andbeing around people and
community, that it is actuallyharmful.
And there's actually proof nowthat shows that socialization is
actually the biggest factor inhealthy aging, even over
nutrition and exercise.
(08:33):
Major, major important thingthat we are around people.
I mean, we're as human beings,we are meant to be around
people.
Even if you're a loner, justgetting down to the dining room
three times a day or twice a dayand being around your peers,
just maybe participating in oneactivity a day, even that is so
(08:53):
beneficial to your mind, yourbody, your ability to, you know,
be a functioning, happyindividual.
SPEAKER_00 (09:03):
So I want to get into your book and make let me
read out the whole full title ofyour book.
So it's Senior Living MadeSimple, which is an acronym that
I'm gonna ask you about.
A real-world guide to navigatingsenior care for your loved ones.
So let's first talk about well,I want to talk about how you
came about writing the book andthe details of it, but before we
(09:26):
get into that, I want to knowmore about that acronym simple.
SPEAKER_01 (09:29):
Yes.
So I created this simple methodto kind of prepare families or
loved ones before so that theycould assist their loved ones
without feeling like they haveto do it in the midst of a
crisis.
Instead of finding yourself inan emergency room at 2 a.m.
(09:52):
after your mom has walked outthe door in the middle of the
night in her uh slippers andbathrobe and knocks on a
neighbor's door or falls for thetenth time and now is a broken
hip in the emergency room.
Let's try to get everythingprepared ahead of time.
I think that that will lead usfrom a chaotic way of dealing
(10:14):
with all of this to a much morecompetent and calm way without
as much panic.
So each letter stands for aword, which could have its own
podcast, you know, because theyall are so, so important
individually.
But to go through it, the Sstands for support because we
cannot do this alone.
We need friends, we need a team,we need family, we need
(10:36):
professional support sometimes,support groups, physicians,
social workers, geriatric caremanagers, whatever you can, you
know, get your hands on, we needthat support around us.
You cannot be superwoman orsuperman and do everything on
your own.
So don't even try.
And the next letter is I forinformation, gathering your
options, learning about thingsearly on.
(10:59):
Does my mom need independentliving or assisted living or
memory care or what's out there?
You know, figure out the optionsahead of time.
M is for matching.
So everyone has different careneeds, everyone has different
needs socially, everyone is hasa different personality.
So you can't just say, oh, I'mgonna walk into this senior
living community.
It's gorgeous, it's gotchandeliers, it's got beautiful
(11:22):
art on the walls, chef-inspiredmeals.
Okay, that's wonderful.
You want to have nice aestheticsaround you.
But maybe that person isn't aperson who likes to be around
200 people every day.
Maybe they want to be in asmaller environment, like a
boarding care with six beds, ormaybe they need a lot more
(11:43):
assistance than just a regularassisted living can provide.
Maybe they have mild cognitiveimpairment and they need
programming that supports thatstage of where they are.
Matching, finding the rightplace for the right person is
really important.
P is for preparation.
So again, good kind of goesalong with information, but
preparation in terms of makingsure you have all your ducts in
(12:04):
order, legal documents, yourfinancial documents.
Is there a long-term care policythat's buried somewhere in a box
in the basement?
Thrab it out ahead of time sothat you're not, you know,
trying to figure all this out.
Because when you whether you'regonna stay at home with home
care or go to an assistedliving, you are going to have to
deal with a lot of paperwork.
It's just inevitable.
(12:25):
So make sure you have all thatprepared and ready to go.
L is for letting go, and that'stwofold.
One is letting go of the guilt,let go of the idea that you have
to do everything yourself, andlet go of just this feeling that
you're maybe not doing the rightthing.
You're doing the best you can,and that's all you possibly can
do.
The other part of letting go isletting go of stuff, right?
(12:47):
When you move to an assistedliving or memory care, you've
got this small apartment.
You can't maybe bring yourgorgeous antique table or all of
your china that you've had for50 years.
Let go of this stuff.
Let go of the idea that you haveto be in your house to be well
cared for.
It's just stuff.
And it's not actually what weneed as people is a community,
(13:12):
and we need potentially moresafety or more things to do to
make sure that we're getting abetter quality of life.
And then finally, E.
Engagement.
So even after a loved one goesto a community, memory care,
you're still engaging with them,but in a different way.
Um, you're not caregiving, butyou want to make sure that you
know you're you're engaging withthem in the way that's
(13:35):
meaningful.
So if that means that your dadlikes to play chess every Friday
night, um, even if he doesn'tunderstand the game anymore, go
go play chess with him.
If your, you know, mom likes togo out shopping, make sure
you're taking her out to goshopping and you know, doing the
things that maybe you used todo, still stay engaged with
(13:55):
them.
Make sure make sure that they'rethey're feeling like they are
being cared for by you, eventhough you're not caring for
them in the manner that you usedto.
SPEAKER_00 (14:06):
You know, that last one I think you had mentioned
earlier about being able to getback to be the child or the
spouse and not just the 24-hourcaregiver.
And so I think the engagementpart of it is very, very
important, like you mentioned,but that a lot of that you're
just too exhausted to do that ifyou're also a 24-hour caregiver.
So if you're able to get thehelp that you need, now you get
(14:28):
back to being that spouse, youget back to being that child and
really can be, you know, uh havethat engagement, which could
really just make a lot ofmemories and and really improve
that last, you know, fourthquarter of your life, like you
said.
SPEAKER_01 (14:42):
Mm-hmm.
Absolutely.
SPEAKER_00 (14:44):
So one of the things that is uh that I I love about
what I've read about you,because this is something that
we focus on quite a bit, isdementia care and advocacy.
So what kind of sets you apartwith dementia care and advocacy?
It's something that we foundthere's not very many lawyers
that say they focus on dementiaand and Alzheimer's.
And we actually do say thatbecause we realized that a good
(15:07):
percentage of our clients thatneed this continuing care, need
long-term care, have memoryissues, have memory loss.
And so we started focusing onthat.
So on with on your part, whatset you apart with regard to
dementia care and advocacy?
SPEAKER_01 (15:22):
Yeah, so I mean, it goes way, way back for me.
Uh randomly enough, when I wasyounger, at probably like
seventh or eighth grade, I wouldspend a couple summers in a row
at my grandparents' home, aboutan hour away from my house.
And I worked at or interned at asummer theater, summer stock
theater, and all the patronsthere were happen to be senior
citizens.
(15:43):
And then I'm around mygrandparents.
So I was literally around oldpeople as a young person quite a
bit.
And somehow I just felt thisvery strong connection to them.
I was able to just, I lovedhearing stories.
And even at that age, I, youknow, I kind of understood when
maybe some of them had a littlebit of memory loss.
(16:03):
And it didn't scare me.
It just intrigued me.
I wanted to know more and I justI connected with them well.
And then that when I went intomemory care many, many, many
years later, I just felt likethere was this connection.
And I I wanted to get to thesefamilies who again they came to
me just panicked, just soworried, and they didn't have a
(16:27):
plan in place.
And it just it broke my heartbecause I know how many of them
just absolutely loved theirfamilies and cared for them and
they just wanted to do the rightthing.
So I just I thought there therehas to be a better way to go
about this than just, you know,having to just deal with it when
it comes.
Let's get get prepared ahead oftime, understand it a little bit
(16:50):
more, know what, you know, theright things to say, the right
things to look for, so that youcan get assistance earlier than
waiting until later when maybeyour loved one no longer has as
much of a quality of life.
Let's get to it beforehand sothey can, you know, still enjoy
their lives as much as they canand and hopefully to slow down
(17:11):
their decline in dementia.
Because if you're doing theright things, if you're engaging
the right way, you know, and andtaking all the required steps,
then it just can make it a loteasier, a lot calmer along the
way.
SPEAKER_00 (17:23):
I think that's so important.
And I think so.
We had one of our podcastsguests that talked about that
many families he called itcocooning, meaning that um there
was some embarrassment orwhatever, and so that they would
just kind of cocoon in thehouse, not interact with others,
kind of hide dad from the worldor mom from the world, and you
(17:48):
know, just you know, try tococoon and not really that is
probably the worst optionavailable because it's first of
all likely to make it so thatyour dementia is going to
increase faster, you're gonnahave less of those good days,
which you just mentioned, howthat it can extend.
What we really want to do istake advantage of the time when
(18:10):
we can interact more.
Because there could come a timewhere there's not really much
interaction.
And so that I think what you'resaying is, you know, agreeing
with our other guest that said,you know, really just kind of
trying to hide in your house,and unfortunately, you know,
people still not, you know,being comfortable with I don't
know, the stigma maybe of uh ofdementia, that it's really
(18:34):
better in we'll get more ofthose good days, more of that
good time where we can reallyhave time with our loved ones if
we expand beyond just hiding inour homes.
SPEAKER_01 (18:45):
And I get it.
I mean, I I do understand that alot of people with dementia or
even starting with mildcognitive impairment, especially
in that stage, their firstinstinct is to isolate and
becomes a a vicious cycle.
But they're embarrassed, youknow, oh maybe I'm not acting
like I used to.
Maybe people think I'm notnormal.
(19:07):
I am forgetting names and wordsand you know, so all these
little signs come up and they'rejust not they're feeling like
they're losing control a littlebit, losing that just ability to
relate to people.
So then they tend to isolate.
And like you said, I mean, thatjust becomes like a vicious
circle of the more you isolate,the quicker your decline
(19:28):
generally will be.
So yeah, so for caregivers,spotting those signs and you
know, whether it be, oh, my mymom keeps on, you know, getting
lost going to the same storeshe's been going to for 20
years, like what's going on?
Like, don't just brush it offlike, oh, it's just old age, you
know, kind of thing.
The quicker that we can uhintercept and try to do what we
(19:50):
can do to to get your parent oryour spouse the care and the
solutions to sort of slow downthe dementia, the better.
So so don't don't chalk it up asold age.
Let's let's be a little bit moreproactive so that, like you
said, we have a little bit moretime that's more quality and um
can enjoy our lives a little bitlonger.
SPEAKER_00 (20:11):
Now, I I think you have a consulting business on uh
the these areas.
And so what types of people doyou work with?
What types of clients do youhave as part of your consulting
business?
SPEAKER_01 (20:20):
Yeah, so well, besides the elder care attorneys
and financial planners who tendto like to buy my book to give
to their clients because ithelps them um to save a lot of
time on information that theyhave to on their own, you know,
tell their client and explain totheir client.
This this helps to just kind ofget this this whole the whole
(20:41):
thing started so that the clientcan understand the whole
process.
But also what I who I generallywork with are the adult children
who have a parent that is iseither in the beginning stages
of needing care or is you knowreally in the depths of of
what's going on.
And and you know, they tend tojust really need a hand holder
(21:05):
from somebody who has beenthrough this and and has been in
the trenches to understand it'snot just you know, there's an
emotional component, obviously.
It's not just the logistics, butbut it's important to have both
sides of things covered.
So beyond the loved one or theadult child, I also work with
seniors themselves who, yeah,they they don't really know the
(21:28):
process and they don't knowwhat's out there.
And in their minds, you know,like you said, there's a huge
stigma.
They're they're picturing wheretheir parents were, which maybe
in the the 60s or 70s, you know,in these these sterile kind of
nursing home kind of situationswhere there's some of that still
out there.
I mean, that is one of the thereis unfortunately, and and yeah,
(21:50):
and and that is the whole, Imean, there is a whole
unfortunate financial componentaround this because not
everybody can afford to go to anicer type of community living.
But yeah, so there is still thatnursing home kind of thing out
there, but I think there's somany more options now, and we
need to get past that stigmathat all these places are just
(22:13):
where you go to sit there andwait to die.
Because in reality, what we'refinding is that that these
seniors who go into thesecommunities, they're now coming
alive, you know, for that, youknow, last few years of their
lives, whether it's five years,ten years, whatever it may be,
they're now contributing to thisamazing quality of life, which
(22:33):
maybe for many years they weresitting at home just watching TV
and passively letting life goby.
And that's not necessarily thebest, the best way to live.
So now we're we're discoveringall this amazing thing, things
that people can take up paintingagain, maybe things that they
used to do that they stoppeddoing.
And yeah, hobbies and andsocialization and all of these
(22:55):
important things that now theycan have now that they're in a
community setting.
SPEAKER_00 (23:00):
I was at an assisted living a little a little bit ago
and saw one of my clients andthey just chatting him up a bit
and said because he was in lineto get on the in the van.
And I said, Well, what's youradventure today?
Where are you going?
He's like, I don't know.
I just when the van shows up, Iget on and we go wherever we're
gonna go.
I talked to the staff, and he'sthey were like, Yeah, that's
exactly what he does.
(23:20):
It's you know, sometimes theymight be going to a casino, they
might be going to the grocerystore, they might be going to
breakfast or somewhere.
SPEAKER_01 (23:28):
You know, you mentioned a story that kind of I
related to earlier, and myfather-in-law actually went
through this whole process morerecently in the last few years.
He had he was kind of at home,like I mentioned, like sort of
declining in his own apartment,isolating a little bit, really
not that very healthy.
I could just tell like he wasn'teating properly, probably wasn't
taking his medications properly.
(23:49):
And I kept on introducing theidea of assisted living.
He was adamantly against it.
He was absolutely not.
I'm not going, I'm not leaving.
Well, the inevitable happened.
He fell and he was found on thefloor several hours later by his
brother.
And he ended up, you know,having a broken hip, went to the
hospital, went to rehab.
(24:09):
And at that point, he realized,okay, you put it in my head, I
get it.
I'm not really safe here athome.
He went to an assisted living.
Well, cut to a couple monthslater, I go to visit him, and he
is a different person.
Thriving.
I mean, just his face looked 10years younger.
He's now, like you said, he'splaying cards with these guys,
(24:30):
and these are things he hehadn't done in years.
He's got transportation now togo to the store, go to outside
events, um, and he's takingadvantage of it, doing chair
yoga, he's getting physicaltherapy there.
I mean, eating really good,nutritious meals, getting his
medications taken care of.
I mean, overall, he's just somuch healthier in every way.
(24:51):
And so I've lived it.
I see it with my own family ontop of these hundreds of other
families that for every timeI've heard, gosh, I should have
done this five years ago.
I would be so so rich right now.
SPEAKER_00 (25:04):
Right.
SPEAKER_01 (25:05):
If I had a couple uh a nickel for every time.
But because it really does itfor most people, it really is a
very, very positive experience.
SPEAKER_00 (25:14):
Uh you mentioned this was your father-in-law, and
you have kids also.
And so something that we've beentalking a lot about is sort of
that sandwich generation wherethey have, you know, they're
still raising children, and nowwe're having to kind of help out
our parents uh or our ourin-laws.
Can you kind of address some ofthe struggles that that brings
(25:36):
up?
SPEAKER_01 (25:37):
Yeah, absolutely.
Yeah, I'm kind of right in thethick of it, and there's so many
of us right now who, you know,my kids are a little bit,
they're adult, old, you know,young adults now, but they still
need they still need assistanceto to get out there in the
world.
And so I'm working a lot withthem.
But then I also have my careerand and that takes up a lot of
(25:58):
time.
But then I've got my my parents.
I've got, thankfully, my mom isstill independent, but even with
that, you know, I have spentseveral Saturdays sitting with
her trying to put together abinder of paperwork and
financial documents and POAdocuments and and end-of-life
wishes, all of those things totry to prepare because she's not
(26:18):
always gonna be independent.
So I'm working with her.
I'm working with myfather-in-law to make sure he's
good.
And so it's it's a struggle.
There's definitely a pull fromso many different places.
So those of us in this sandwichgeneration really under need to
understand that you gotta yougotta also take care of
yourself, you know, whether thatmeans going and getting a
(26:40):
massage every once in a while,or making sure that you're
settling down at night with acup of tea, or just taking a
moment to just breathe and knowthat again, you cannot take on
everything at once.
So, so dish it out to people,get help, get support, because
there's just not enough time inthe day to do everything.
SPEAKER_00 (26:59):
I think that's uh really good advice, and
particularly the get help partof it, because I think sometimes
I know my parents' generationwere very much well, we just do
everything myself.
My dad fixed his own cars andchanged his own oil and all of
those types of things.
And the idea is that there's somany options that you don't know
(27:19):
if you don't seek out help.
There's different like you uhand like me that can give
resources that really make lifea lot easier that you're never
gonna know about or discoverwithout working with somebody
that has gone through this with,you know, hundreds of other
families.
SPEAKER_01 (27:35):
Exactly.
Yeah, you want to make sure thatyou're you're getting advice
from the right places frompeople who have been there who
have done it, and thatunderstand the complexities of
the whole process of, you know,making sure that your loved one
is not only safe, but is gettingthe right stimulation at the
right time and that they'rebeing challenged, you know,
(27:58):
mentally and physically, but notbeing frustrated.
Um, because it's kind of thislike just right sort of
situation where you want to makesure that they're in the right
environment, around the rightpeople.
For example, understand youroptions.
If your parent or your spousehas mild cognitive impairments,
the right place for them is notgoing to be a secured dementia
(28:22):
community or memory carecommunity, because that could
actually pull them down, dragthem down, and and they could
face a quicker decline ifthey're not around the people
that are similar to them.
Also getting a very sort of youwanna you wanna kind of stay
consistent each day and have aroutine.
(28:43):
And if you're pulling a lovedone around and bringing them to
this place and that place anddifferent things all the time
and not having this consistencywith them, that could also
hasten a decline too, or evenjust make things more difficult
in terms of their behavior, youknow, their beh their
personality.
So just having the rightinformation at at your
(29:04):
fingertips prior to thingsgetting worse is really the key.
SPEAKER_00 (29:09):
So I want to make sure that our listeners know how
to get a hold of you and getaccess to your resources.
One of the you know, best thingswould be your book, which is
Senior Living Made Simple, areal world guide to navigating
senior care for your loved one.
And where would be the bestplace for them to buy that book?
SPEAKER_01 (29:29):
Yeah, so it is on Amazon.com and
Barnesandobles.com, Walmart.com,everywhere that you can get a
book online.
I also wrote a workbook that isgoes in tandem with the book.
It's by the same name, butbasically it is a whole series
of checklists and journalprompts.
Yeah, so you can take the bookand then you can put it into
action with the workbook, and itjust keeps everything very
(29:51):
organized.
My whole goal is to have lesschaos and less confusion and to
get through this whole maze in.
A clearer way in a calmer way.
So the the book and the workbookyou can get online, or you can
go onto my website, which issenior living made simple.com,
same as the book.
And on the website, you canorder the books as well.
(30:14):
You can also sign up with me forconsulting whether in 30 minute
or 60 minute or increment, or Ican go through the whole process
with you for several weeks,whatever it is that that you're
needing.
And then I can provide resourcesas well after our calls so that
you can be better prepared.
SPEAKER_00 (30:33):
Well, that's that's great.
So again, the website isseniorliving made simple.com.
You can uh schedule a consultingsession, you can get access to
the book or any place that youbuy books online.
Sherry, Ross, thank you forbeing on advice from your
advocates.
We really appreciate it.
Any final thoughts for ourlisteners?
SPEAKER_01 (30:52):
Um yeah, I just think that for all of our
caregivers out there, knowingthat you can't do it alone and
you need to get support beforeyou're completely burned out.
So build that support systemnow.
And then just understand that,especially with dementia, caring
for someone is a marathon, it'snot a sprint.
And if you try to do it allyourself, you're gonna break.
(31:13):
Asking for help ensures thatyour loved ones cared for and
that you're still standing inthe end, and that's the balance
that every caregiver needs.
So just make sure that you'reyou're not alone in all this.
SPEAKER_00 (31:26):
Well, thank you.
And if you've enjoyed thispodcast, don't forget to
subscribe.
You can find advice from youradvocates anywhere that you
listen to podcasts.
So please subscribe and we'lltalk to you next time.
SPEAKER_01 (31:43):
Thanks for listening.
To learn more, visit Manor LawGroup.com.
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