Serena Haines - Honest Conversations About Sexual Wellness - Afternoon Pint

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:02):
Ready.

Speaker 2 (00:02):
Cheers and welcome to the Afternoon Point.
I'm Mike Dobin, I am MattConrad, and who do we have with
us?

Speaker 3 (00:06):
today I'm Serena Haynes.
Your everything to do with sex,sex coach.

Speaker 2 (00:11):
Sex what?

Speaker 3 (00:12):
coach.
Everything to do with sex.
Sex coach.

Speaker 2 (00:15):
Sex, sex coach, sex education or sex ed, or what do
you mean?
A little bit of everything.

Speaker 3 (00:20):
So I'm a certified sexologist which means I study
the art of sex and how to's andall the goodies that are in
there.
I'm a certified relationshipand intimacy coach.
So I help couples and you know,work on their relationship and
their intimacy and I'm like Ialways laugh and I quote it, but
I go on.
I'm a Gottman Institute.

(00:41):
Um, I have a Gottman Institutecertification in relational
coaching.
So the.
Gottmans are like the goldstandard of relational
counseling.
So I've studied under them andworked really hard to be able to
kind of help people inrelationships as well.

Speaker 2 (00:53):
Interesting.
So I'll just say real quickwhere we're at.
It might be a little noisy here.
We're at Station 6 today.
We're not in our usual spot,but they were still nice enough
to hold us in here so thanksthanks to station six I'm having
uh, what am I drinking, matt?
You're drinking the anytime ipapropeller anytime, ipa, it's a
great one and you're havinggalaxy of course, galaxy of
course.

Speaker 3 (01:12):
And I have no idea.
I asked her for something sweetoh, they brought you the sour
sour.
It's the sour, is it sour?

Speaker 2 (01:18):
yeah, okay, yeah I hope it is.
She's not like you what notsour?
I'm not a big well, I don'tmind like sour candy, but I
don't like sour beer.

Speaker 3 (01:26):
I don't like sour candy, but I'll drink sour beer.

Speaker 2 (01:29):
Okay, there you go, and I'm a lightweight.
So when people Do you likesauerkraut?
I?

Speaker 3 (01:35):
do like sauerkraut.
See, I love sauerkraut.
I can eat that all day, somaybe we won't do that while
we're talking about sex tonight.
No, that might be more fun.

Speaker 2 (01:45):
Actually, we'll see what happens.
So let's just go back a second.
So you're a sex educator, Iguess, for couples and for
individuals, and for individuals.

Speaker 3 (01:55):
So yeah, so I have a private practice.
So I work with couples andindividuals who have any sort of
intimacy, relational or sexualchallenge Okay, have any sort of
intimacy, relational or sexualchallenge.
So that can range from you knowhow to give a good blowjob to
you know, we've been together 20years and our relationship is
like falling off the deep endand we don't even know each
other anymore.
So it can be all the extremesand everything in between.

Speaker 2 (02:18):
So it kind of starts with therapy sometimes and then
works into the sex after.
Is that kind of the gist?

Speaker 3 (02:22):
Well, no it's kind of I'm not a therapist.
So, I'm really careful to makesure everybody knows that that
was personal reasons and choices.
So I want to take you to yourfirst sex club and I want to
take you to, you know, yourfirst sex party and I want to do
those things and be youreverything to do with sex sex
coach, wing woman.
And if I was a therapist I'd beregulated under some laws and

(02:43):
things that ethically I'm notallowed to do that.

Speaker 2 (02:46):
Got it.
Okay, I'm a little bit ofeverything else, so let's go
back a little bit in thetimeline.
How did you get to thisoccupation, this profession?

Speaker 3 (02:55):
How did you get to this point, Serena?
My mother says that to me everyday with a shake in her head
and shame in her eyes.

Speaker 2 (03:02):
Oh yeah, I forgot to say mom turn this one off.
Yeah, exactly, kathy, turn thisone off.

Speaker 3 (03:09):
No, no no, Kathy reach out.

Speaker 1 (03:11):
You'll love it.

Speaker 3 (03:18):
How did I get here?
So you know it's a.
It's a really long story butthe short of it is I was always
that girl that always wanted totalk about sex, and not in a
crass way and not in a weird way, like even from a younger age
and I hesitate so much when Isay young, but I really do mean
like a younger age, ageappropriately, but younger I was
just fascinated byrelationships and human biology
and just human psychology, justthe way people interacted with
each other.
So like fast forward into myuniversity years and things, you

(03:41):
know people.
If they had questions they comeand talk to me and I loved it.
Course I was listening to SueJohansson religiously when I was
like 13, 14, 15 years old,thinking I knew it all.
And then, you know, inuniversity I did psychology and
I thought you know what this isreally boring.
I don't, I don't like this.
I would rather go smoke weedout with the boys.
So I kind of flunked out and Ididn't do that.
But it became a paramedic and Iknow none of this really feels

(04:03):
like it kind of comes together,but it really does, because
becoming a paramedic gave me the, the human biology side of it
and I really loved how the bodyworked and it has such a big
impact on how I looked at my ownsexuality and my own mortality

Speaker 2 (04:17):
right, exactly, you know people in their hardest
moment or the most criticalmoment of their lives, and then
dealing right and dealing with.

Speaker 3 (04:24):
You know people going through this trauma and how
different people deal with that.

Speaker 1 (04:28):
And then it's also still all anatomy, though like
it, I see the connection yeah,very much right, it's still
health, it's still like healthand anatomy and if it's not.

Speaker 3 (04:36):
If it's not physical anatomy, it's just your
emotional anatomy yeah, you knowlike, how do you manage being
in spaces with people who may ormay not be on the same page
with you, and how can you readthat room?
And then how can you workaround it?
Right?
So we did that.
Then I became a mom.
So for like 15 years I was astay at home mom and I was just
so bored.
I was so bored, I was busy, Iwas really, really busy, but I

(04:58):
knew that I wanted to dosomething else.
So one day actually, I lookedat my husband and I was like OK,
do you know what?
Babe?
I'm about to fuck some stuff upright now.

Speaker 2 (05:06):
And he's like what do you mean?

Speaker 3 (05:07):
And I was like you need to hold on to your horses
right now.
Everything that everybody knowsabout who I am and who we are
is about to like go in thetoilet.
Because I'm jumping out ofhockey mom, and I mean I was in
the hockey culture for a longtime with all of my kids and
jumping from hockey mom to sexcoach.
Can you can only imagine so?

Speaker 2 (05:25):
yeah, like nobody in your circle knew this about your
, that this was your deepinterest, your closest friends,
but like, but I'm a prettyclosed book.

Speaker 3 (05:33):
There's not.
I don't have a very large closecircle, so there's like a palm
full of people in my world whoknow me, who I am and what I
love.

Speaker 2 (05:42):
And what year was that?

Speaker 3 (05:46):
You kind of broke the probably like 2015 or 2016.
I looked at them and I was likeI'm gonna do something
ridiculous and I needed to findsomething for myself in my own
body and that's not a real easyworld to do that in, because I
mean hockey.

Speaker 1 (05:56):
I mean, listen, I love hockey, don't I'll.
It's a great sport, yeah, butlet's be honest, here, uh, in
canada, hockey comes with a verytoxic culture, whether you know
.
It's always keeping up theJoneses, or whatever it may be
and the way you should be, andall the way your kids should be
and everything.
So it's particularly a reallyhard thing to come out to that
may be against the grain oragainst the norm or something.

Speaker 2 (06:18):
Now, your husband obviously knew you.
So how did he react to it?
Was he supportive?
Did he know this was?
Kind of coming, or like?
Did he react to it?
Was he supportive?
Did he know this was kind ofcoming?
Or like did he see a looming,like this deep desire to do this
thing?

Speaker 3 (06:28):
Well, if you ask him now, he would say yes, and my
husband does know me and he kindof did.
I don't know the body languagewill come out in the microphone,
but it was kind of like thishere we go Like he knew it right
.
Like he knew something was upand he knew that he couldn't
stop me, and you know he was.
I'm not going to lie.
He knows and he knows that Italk about this all the time.

(06:49):
He was not supportive rightaway.
He was worried.
It's not that he didn't want meto do it, but much like
everybody who hears what I do,he didn't know what it was.
I really wanted to get out ofthis right.
So we kept saying things like Idon't want our sex life to be
put out there.
I don't want my personal lifeto be put out there and I'm like

(07:10):
, I'm like 100% as well.
That's not, that's not the dance.

Speaker 2 (07:14):
That's not what we talked about.
When you step into that arena,you know you really got to let
people have their personal livesand kind of live just as you
want to live your life as youwant to live, exactly.

Speaker 3 (07:21):
So I respect that None of our personal life was
really ever brought in.
That wasn't even a thought onmy mind, because my voice wasn't
what I wanted to sharenecessarily publicly it was.
I wanted to be in clinic withpeople.
I wanted to bring people inone-on-one.
So it wasn't me sitting herelike I am today, or even on my
own podcast saying, hey, this iswhat I do now, like that wasn't

(07:46):
the original plan.
It was really like I see somany people struggling,
especially as a stay-at-home momin the hockey world.
Okay, and I know for some, ifyou're not, it's not even hockey
.
I think it's sports in thesports arena in general.
If you're a sports parent, youget really close to these people
and they become the people youspend almost the most time with.
When I've got two boys thatwere in hockey, my daughter
tried but she didn't like it.
But having all of that in there, it really got in the way of me

(08:13):
being able to keep my mouthshut.
So I would hear like thestay-at-home moms being like, oh
my God, he doesn't do thelaundry and he doesn't do this,
and then he wants me to suck hisdick.
And then I've got like theopposite side of it, where I'm
kind of a guy's girl and thehockey moms didn't really like
me a lot and they didn't talk tome a lot and that because I was
by myself, like I had threekids, I was alone.
I was really antisocial.

(08:34):
But I'd hear the boys andthey're like going to the strip
club and they're going to go dothe thing, and I was sitting
there going I want to go withyou guys.
You guys are having fun.
They're just fucking eatingpizza with the kids.
Like let me come.
But, like you can't do thatLike the hockey mom can't go
with hockey.

Speaker 2 (08:49):
Dads I mean my.

Speaker 3 (08:50):
God, like that's scandalous, right?
So you can't do that either.
So, hearing all of thesedifferent sides, I was like you
know what, I'm just going to godo my thing.
I thing, when I first startedI'm not going to lie I dove

(09:10):
headfirst and this won'tsurprise anybody who knows me
either.
I don't tiptoe into very manythings.
I dive headfirst and then Iwill wade out to my comfort
level, Right.
But I really want to likesubmerge myself in it and I went
out and did somatic sexology.
So I became a certifiedsexological body worker.

Speaker 2 (09:24):
That sounds complicated.
What does that mean?

Speaker 3 (09:26):
So that is kind of like I can touch people's bodies
.

Speaker 2 (09:31):
Okay, that's what I thought I wanted to do.
You have a license to do that.
Is that what you mean?

Speaker 3 (09:35):
You can yeah.

Speaker 1 (09:36):
In a very clinical setting.
Can someone not let DonaldTrump know that?
In a very clinical, therapeuticsetting, right?

Speaker 3 (09:44):
But, seriously, this is what I thought I wanted to do
, because I heard all of thesewomen specifically all of these
women who were like who've lostthemselves.
They had lost their drive,their spark, their sex life was
gone with their husbands.
I'm hearing the husbands on theother side just like be
completely lost as well.

Speaker 2 (09:59):
And I'm thinking Okay , so go back.
Yeah, because this is where I'mreally curious.
Were people just sharing thiswith you as a hockey mom?

Speaker 3 (10:05):
Yeah, people just talk to me.

Speaker 2 (10:06):
They're just opening up and saying, man, I'm not
having sex right now.
They're just telling you thatthe women don't generally the
men do Really yeah.
Okay.

Speaker 3 (10:14):
So here's the thing, though you guys and listen, this
is a dicey little topic, but asa woman who wants to talk about
sex, you're going to get theguys that want to talk to you
about this Okay, guys want totalk to a woman about sex.
Like it's a hot little, spicylittle thing to do regardless of
, who you are Dudes.

Speaker 2 (10:30):
don't really talk to dudes about sex Dudes.
Don't talk to dudes about sex,I mean Matt and I don't think
we've ever had a conversationabout that subject.

Speaker 3 (10:35):
Right.
Like, not not, probably notreal and deep Like or I mean,
you know you got to get in alittle bit deeper than that, but
I'm sure but.
And then the women they a lotof the time as a mother
especially, there's a hat thatyou put on when you become a mom
and that sex fixin hat has tobe tucked away somewhere, except
when it has to come out rightaway and you supposed to want it

(11:03):
.
They're not supposed to desireit, they're just supposed to be
really good girls.

Speaker 1 (11:05):
I never thought that like that, ever.
I never thought that way either.
Is that still a mentality thatpeople have?

Speaker 2 (11:11):
Is that a generational thing?
Do you think that's a clutchleaving?

Speaker 3 (11:14):
I don't know, I could ask you guys some pretty Okay,
let me ask you.

Speaker 2 (11:17):
Sure.

Speaker 3 (11:18):
You are dating a woman and you find out that she
has slept with 300 people in thecity 300?

Speaker 2 (11:24):
300.

Speaker 1 (11:25):
That's a big number.
Do you know what?
I've never asked that questionto anyone I've ever dated.

Speaker 3 (11:30):
Good for you, because , see, this is the thing Some
people still do and it mattersto them, because if that had
happened, then what's the firstthing that comes to your mind
when I say something like thatright, loose, easy.
The only thing I ever reallycared about like is like have
they been sexually active with aclose buddy, right that's the
only thing where I'm kind oflike yeah too, too close to home

(11:52):
, you know, I mean maybe rightand that's cool, I mean like
that's totally fine, but I justmean like that general overview
of if a woman has fucked with alot of people.

Speaker 1 (11:59):
I didn't ask her, though I'd be like hey guys,
this is the first time I'mdating Anyone, anyone Right.

Speaker 3 (12:04):
So see, so you still did it.
I mean in defense of thatquestion, though it happened.

Speaker 2 (12:08):
Yeah, girls definitely ask guys that and
there's definitely you know.

Speaker 3 (12:11):
The text thread of all of my divorcee girlfriends
is just Tinder profile picturesof like did you go out with this
one?
Did you go out with this one?

Speaker 2 (12:19):
Who's?

Speaker 3 (12:19):
this guy just vetting .
It's just the vetting process Iget it.

Speaker 1 (12:22):
I totally understand with my wife now.
She's from quebec, so I knew Iwas safe.
I went really far away.

Speaker 3 (12:27):
Yeah, exactly, grab one from far and then you just
bring them back.

Speaker 2 (12:31):
So yeah, so so what are other questions that you
think that like aren't, aren'tequal?
Because I mean, I feel that'san equal question the male, the
female, right, I mean what doyou?
Mean, that's some the askingabout sexual partners, previous
sexual partners.
I think both men and women doask that of each other so it's
not.

Speaker 3 (12:44):
I don't think it's that the men and the women
asking it of each other.

Speaker 2 (12:47):
I think it's the way society views it so the woman
who had sex with 300 people is awhore right and the man that
had sex with 300 people is thebest man.
He's the goat.
No, he's got to slow down too.
You know what I?

Speaker 3 (12:57):
mean yeah, I don't know what and I honestly like,
yeah, okay, maybe not 300, evenif, even if the number was 20,
still like I, I don't know,there's, I don't know, maybe.

Speaker 1 (13:08):
Maybe people think I'm weird about this, but I I
never liked the uh, even thecurrent phrases where it's like
body count and bagged or thingslike oh how many did you slay.
It's also violent, right we?

Speaker 3 (13:22):
talk about that a lot in my work too is that we want
to change the narrative becausewords matter.
Words matter a lot, and whenyou're talking about smashing it
and banging it, I agree withthat, and you pummeled it last
weekend.
It's all so violent.
And then we wonder why we havestill this pervasive violence
that comes with insects yeah,you know, and it's the language
that we're using like there'snot very many times that you'll

(13:44):
hear the boys talk to the boysand be like oh my god, I
snuggled that pussy so hard lastweek we cuddled forever.
You know like I stroked her sogently that she came 17 times,
because that's the key fellas.
All right, if you're going tosmash it, she's likely just
going to go home with bruises onher butt, which is also super
fun.
But maybe you want to likestroke it a little bit more

(14:07):
gentle.

Speaker 1 (14:07):
There you go, and that's what I do.

Speaker 3 (14:09):
That's what I do for a living.

Speaker 2 (14:10):
I teach people how to do that which brings us to your
gift bags.
You brought us gift bags.
You have a whole bag of stuffand I'm curious.

Speaker 1 (14:15):
Tickle trunk, a little tickle trunk.

Speaker 2 (14:18):
It's quite a big box.

Speaker 3 (14:20):
These I brought for you guys.

Speaker 1 (14:22):
I had to, I'm sorry.

Speaker 3 (14:25):
Okay, so in this little baggie that I have for
you.
I teamed up with Voda Retreats.
I don't know if you guys knowVoda Retreats.
They do a lot of mindfulnessand wellness products.

Speaker 2 (14:35):
Serena Haynes and vota teamed up and we have a um,
first of all, I'll tell youwhat that is now there's a,
there's an inhaler in there thatneither one of you have taken
out yet.
It's a little nasal inhaler andit's got like sexy scents on it
, that, it that no this is anoil okay you don't know how
right there, right there okay sothat's it.
Yes, ginger so did you know Ilove ginger.

Speaker 3 (14:54):
There you go.
So this is a little nasalinhaler kind of like.
You know those Vicks inhalersthat you would use like if
you're all stuffy and you kindof inhale it, but it's meant to
this is branded Serena.

Speaker 2 (15:03):
This got your name on it.

Speaker 3 (15:04):
Yes, oh my God, holy smokes.
Yeah, we did a really coollittle collab on this kind of
and she's the brilliant one.
Rebecca is the brilliant one atvoter retreats when it comes to
like the sense and the combosand how that works.
And you kind of inhale it andit's supposed to bring the blood
flow and, like you know, getyou kind of feeling all sexy.
And then on the back of thatcard, that branded card, there's

(15:26):
a little QR code and on that QRcode is a meditation.
It's an eye gazing meditationrecorded by myself, so it's my
voice and it's walking youthrough either doing a
self-guided eye gazingmeditation with yourself or with
your partner, so it's able to.
It's a moment where you wouldinhale your little inhaler and
then sit with your partner andlisten to this like I think it's
about 10 minute meditation andlook at each other's eyes and

(15:48):
eye gaze and then you'd startyour erotic presence with one
sounds like a trip, there you goso that's a lot of fun.

Speaker 1 (15:53):
I'm not doing this with you.
You want next episode.
Next episode.

Speaker 2 (15:58):
Record, video record, and then we have some self,
just some coconut oil.
Oh, okay.

Speaker 3 (16:04):
Genital oil.
So this is good oil andlubricant for all genitals.
So it's genital safe but bodysafe as well.
So just a little, you know it'sorganic and it's just a really
nice little lube to have.
And then the third thing thatyou have in there are called the
pleasure pods.

(16:24):
And I do have to sound like alittle bit of a commercial,
because pleasure pods are thesponsor of a lot of my events
and myself as well.
So the pleasure pods is a solidlube that comes in kind of like
a half moon.
Um, I may have one here that wecan open.
You guys can look at it.
Um, it comes in like a halfmoon and it's kind of like a
coconut oil and it melts withyour body temperature.
So it was actually created andformulated for women in
menopause, and what you do isyou kind of take it and you

(16:45):
crack it into little bits andyou can stick it in whatever
hole you want to stick it in andit melts with your body
temperature so it's really goodfor all kinds of different play,
so vaginal play or anal play oranything like that.
Plus, because it melts with yourbody temperature, you can give
massages with it.
It's really good for peoplewith penises.
Instead of using just likelubriderm lotion, maybe you want

(17:06):
to like use something that'sreally nourishing for your skin
when you're doing yourself-pleasure and your
masturbation.
So that's a really amazingproduct.
So I wanted to give you guysone of those too.

Speaker 1 (17:15):
Cool, and then your cards.

Speaker 3 (17:17):
And then my business card.

Speaker 1 (17:18):
Oh, your business card in there?
I didn't see that.
Yeah, the business cards aregood.
Look at them.
They really stand out.

Speaker 3 (17:22):
Oh, thank you, Whoa, yeah, that's cool Sex and
intimacy Coach.
Sex and intimacy.

Speaker 2 (17:28):
Well, this is great, so thank you for the gift.
Yeah, you know masturbation oilI think it would be really fun.
We had some questions and stuffwe were going to ask.
But I mean, I'm just kind ofreally curious it's kind of like
meat and carrot top for thefirst time what else you got?
What else you got in that trunkover there?

(17:49):
I want to know.

Speaker 3 (17:50):
So the reason I bring my trunk around a lot, so I
talk a lot about women'spleasure, primarily because I
wish that you kind of can't seeeverything.

Speaker 2 (18:01):
I've never felt so much like Howard Stern, by the
way.

Speaker 3 (18:03):
Yes, seriously, this is great.

Speaker 2 (18:05):
He was one of my icons in radio for many years.
Yeah, and now you get to haveall of this stuff.

Speaker 3 (18:11):
I'll turn it away from all of the patrons that are
in the bar.

Speaker 2 (18:15):
I'll turn it away from them, but I'll tell you why
I bring all of this stuff.
We won't be invited back tothis spot.
We'll lay all this stuff.
We've got a little anal toy.

Speaker 3 (18:24):
And then we've got this little fun.
We're getting way off trackhere.
We have this really fun littletoy that you put on your hand.

Speaker 2 (18:31):
It's a glove.
What was the bad guy in thatRaccoons TV show?
It's a glove.
What was the bad?

Speaker 1 (18:35):
guy in that raccoon's TV show.

Speaker 2 (18:36):
It kind of looks like his nose.
Serious, nero.
It looks like his nose from theraccoon's TV show.

Speaker 3 (18:39):
For the first time I noticed it has a fingernail.

Speaker 2 (18:41):
It does too.
Look at that.
Okay, there you go, Anyways.

Speaker 3 (18:44):
So, anyway, that's pretty much, and there's a
couple of other toys that are inhere as well, but it's women's
anatomy, so these are likemodels where you're teaching
people where to do the stuffPretty much the anatomy Like for
example and we're getting to apoint now she reminds me of like
grade eight man when she tookout the banana, Did you guys
have that in your glass and youhad to like put the condom on it

(19:06):
.
Yeah, I did a show a couple ofyears ago at the Atlantic sex
show called more than the tip.
My show by myself is calledjust the tip and then I do a
comedy show with comedians andit's called more than the tip.

Speaker 2 (19:16):
And we call.

Speaker 3 (19:16):
We had people come up on stage and do a couple of
little like games to win prizes,and one of them was like show
how you give the best blowjob.
And this man came up and hetook a banana and he literally
inhaled it, like I'm talking,like unpeeled it, it went down
his throat and like it didn'tcome back out again.
And I just didn't come back outagain and I just I was like on

(19:38):
my knees going bravo, that wasamazing anyways.
So like, for example, like doyou guys know what this is?

Speaker 1 (19:43):
um, it looks like lungs no, I don't know what that
wishbone, so it looks like awishbone right.

Speaker 3 (19:49):
So this is the clitoris oh okay, and so what?

Speaker 2 (19:53):
so what's the model?
It model, right.
So this is the vulva.

Speaker 1 (19:57):
I was honestly thinking this was a toy.
But okay, sure, no right, soit's a model.

Speaker 2 (20:01):
And so the reason that I bring my stuff around a
lot.
It's more like a Star Warscharacter when it's that color.
Yes, oh yeah, it's iridescentblue.

Speaker 3 (20:07):
You got to zhuzh it up a little bit.
I mean, give me side is whatmost people kind of focus on, or
even the fact that, likeintercourse itself or something
in insertion is what's going toreally bring a woman to pleasure
.
But only 12, or sorry, only 18percent of women will have
orgasms through penetration, andthe rest of it is because of
our clitoris.

(20:28):
So if I was to ask you guys,just any general person like
what's the male sex organ?

Speaker 2 (20:32):
what would you say?
Well, what is it?
Yeah, what is it, yeah, what isit?
Well, penis, pretty sure, whatit is Penis, yeah, of course.

Speaker 3 (20:38):
But if I asked you what was the female sex organ,
what would you say?

Speaker 2 (20:41):
Clitoris.
Well, now you would.

Speaker 1 (20:44):
No, I thought I knew that before this.

Speaker 3 (20:45):
I mean geez, yeah, but most people would actually
say the vagina.

Speaker 2 (20:48):
Okay, right.

Speaker 3 (20:52):
People would say a vagina and I go no, this is the
vulva.
Everything on the outside isthe vulva and everything on the
inside the vagina.
But the clitoris is a sex organ.
So it's just interesting to methat not a lot of people know
what this looks like.
Like this is a full erectilebed.

Speaker 2 (21:04):
This is going to be the perfect picture for your
podcast episode.

Speaker 3 (21:08):
No one will know what this is until they watch the
episode Just hold that up just alittle bit, Cause I and then
and then yeah perfect.

Speaker 2 (21:13):
Just look up.
Awesome, that's that's.
That's a picture.
That's it for this week'sepisode.
That's the episode tile.

Speaker 3 (21:19):
It's an erectile bed, so like this grows.
This is life size and it growslike three to four times the
size when we get boners, becausewe get boners too and then.
So this is the whole deal withmy work is that I try to help
people understand mostly femalepleasure, because if you can
understand, if you're hetero andyou're, you understand female
pleasure, then your pleasure asthe man in that relationship is

(21:40):
going to skyrocket, becauseyou're going to find yourself
with a woman who maybe prior todidn't like sex, didn't want to
have sex, because the sex thatshe was having was shitty and
she wasn't orgasming and herbody wasn't being taken care of
and her needs weren't being met.
To a woman who is so into itthat she's fiending for you and
she's just your little slutwhore at home and you love it

(22:01):
and she loves it, and everybodyis just like oh, I just want
more, because now all of asudden a lot of new words in
this episode.

Speaker 2 (22:06):
I think, yeah, yeah, oh, my gosh okay I can censor
myself no, no, no, it's okayhave fun like I said it's your
episode I mean how?

Speaker 1 (22:15):
you know, like how do you talk about this stuff?
I mean, we have to talk aboutthese things.
I mean our generation's kind ofwe were raised in a generation
where we had to say, like youknow, flower pee-pee or things.
And it's just like can we justsay penis, Exactly?

Speaker 3 (22:34):
Can we just say vagina and instead of like
cookie and flower and all ofthis stuff.
Say vulva, Like that's yourvulva.
It's really so.
That's the other part of thework that I'm doing is having
these conversations withgrownups.
I'm helping the grownups feelcomfortable with this language
so that they can teach theirchildren.

Speaker 1 (22:48):
Right.

Speaker 3 (22:49):
Right, so that you can go home and maybe you have a
daughter and you're a daughterand now you don't feel
uncomfortable.
You can bathe her and saysomething like here babe, take
the face cloth and wash yourvulva.

Speaker 1 (22:58):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (22:59):
Just like you would look at your son likely and say
here wash your balls or washyour penis or wash your dick,
whatever.
Like you could just say the wordbut instead of saying like
cookie or whatever there's sothere.
There's so much research outthere that says that when we use
the right language for youngerchildren and then, as they get
into erotic stages of theirlives, early teenagehood like
finding their own bodies andtheir own pleasure, if we focus

(23:19):
on pleasure as something that'simportant, 17, 18, and knows
what her body feels like, is notgoing to let somebody's dusty

(23:42):
ass son rub her left thigh for45 minutes just to make him like
her you know, because, trust me, back in the day I did, you
know that's what we did.
Like if you don't do it,somebody else will.
If you don't let them do it,somebody else will.
These are this is the narrative.
Narrative like if you want them,you better show up as that girl
right and I want to change thatnarrative, and the only way to
do that is to help young womenhave so much agency and power

(24:02):
over their own pleasure thatthey stand up and they say, babe
, I really want to hang out withyou and this is really fun, but
that's not at all where mypleasure spots are and you can
learn how to touch them andlet's, let's, work on this
together now.

Speaker 2 (24:14):
age appropriately at 20, whatever you know we're not
talking about young people.
I mean younger people must havesome unrealistic expectations
about sex, whether pornographyand stuff.
Is that something that you kindof see quite a bit?
Is that in all ages, or justnot even all ages?

Speaker 3 (24:28):
All ages, like how many times do I have men come in
?
Most of my clients when I firststarted were men and they would
come in with things.
Like clients when I firststarted were men, yeah, and they
would come in with things.
Like you know, my penis is notbig enough, I don't know how to
please my partner.

Speaker 2 (24:40):
I don't know how to do all this stuff.
I thought you'd have more womencoming in than men, for some
reason, just thinking yeah, nonot in the beginning.

Speaker 3 (24:45):
Like now it's changed a little bit, but in the very
beginning it was very much likeit blew my mind and it's across
the board.
Like I have many friends ofmine who are sex coaches and
working in this, this field, andit's the men who are coming in
and saying I know that there'smore.
I know that I've gotten theshaft pardon the pun on the
education and the knowledgearound how to actually be a good
lover.
I know that I'm missingsomething because she's pissed

(25:09):
off or he's pissed off.
You know I'm not having a goodtime.
We're all you know.
What am I missing about this?
Or sex is so shallow for me, Ijust go, I do the thing.
It's so shallow.
Then I have post-knock clarityand I'm done and I'm over and it
just feels empty.
How do I feel more connected andattached?
We work on slowing things down.

Speaker 2 (25:31):
That's great, that guys are going out and
approaching it that way.
It's amazing.
It's a smart way to do it.
Kudos to those people that showup and just kind of talk about
themselves that way.
I've had a lot.

Speaker 3 (25:39):
I've always had a lot of compassion for men Like I am
a woman so it's ingrained in meto have that compassion.
But as a woman we were kind of.
You know, maybe in yourgenerations because I'm not

(26:01):
going to guess anybody's ages,but I know in mine.
You had to look at a stillphoto in a magazine or you had
to dial up your internet.

Speaker 2 (26:09):
We get the dial up internet.
You had to dial up yourinternet so we might've got to a
point where it would take about14 minutes for boobs to load up
.
Or you had like Blue Nui orsomething, yeah, like late at
night, right, oh, you got it.

Speaker 3 (26:18):
So you only had little glimpses and you had to
use your imagination so vastlydifferent today.
Right, you had to use yourimagination, and now you don't
have to use your imagination atall.
Yeah, and you can just be fedall of this information.
Come to me at 30, 35 years oldsaying they have erectile
dysfunction, and I'm like, okay,let's talk about your
masturbation habits.
And the habits are rip and gripwhile watching the hardest core

(26:43):
, dirtiest porn I can, becauseI've been watching it for so
many years that I had to gofarther and farther.
Yeah, and I had to go fartherand farther into it.
So now, when I'm with my soft,beautiful, loving partner, who
needs me to slow down and whoneeds me to do this, my brain
can't, can't slow down enough toactually be in those moments
anymore.
So then I get worried and I'min my head and I'm like I've got

(27:04):
anxiety, and then my dickdoesn't work, and then I get
even more anxious and then Ican't do anything.
And then I just don't want todo anything and I roll over and
she thinks I'm mad, and thenI've got to be all man and I go
out for a beer and now we'rehaving a fight, so like this is
just the cycle of how this allgoes down, so it makes me really
sad for people.

Speaker 1 (27:19):
No, it's true.
So how would you reverse that,though?
Yeah, Practice.

Speaker 3 (27:23):
It does take practice and I really I always say and
again sports analogies butyou've got to practice like you
play.
You have to practice like youplay.
My kids did not to go out onthe ice on Sunday and have a
Sunday afternoon skate.
You had to skate like you werein the fucking you know gold
medal game.
And that's the way, you need topractice your masturbation as
well.
If, regardless of who you are,I say the same thing to women.

(27:44):
If they come to me and they sayI can't do orgasm with my
partner, but they're using avibrator every single time and
they're blasting out a fiveminute orgasm.
I go, girl, you're not yourpartner's not vibrating like
that, like you need to be ableto do it acoustically as well.

Speaker 1 (27:57):
Acoustically.

Speaker 3 (27:58):
I've never heard that and that is awesome you have to
be able to do it that way, andso for men, I will say you know
you need to, I I'm I'm notanti-porn.
I love porn, but you knoweverything in moderation, so you
have to scale back a little bit, start little bit, start making

(28:22):
love to yourself a little bit,and I know that that sounds
different for men, but insteadof going straight to the goods,
just rub your thigh a little bit.
Just cup your balls whileyou're doing it.

Speaker 1 (28:26):
Put on a little you know I'll make love to you.
You know, like really kind ofget into it, or November rain,
november rain.

Speaker 3 (28:32):
November rain.
At the dance, while he was likepushing up against you and you
were like I think he reallylikes me.

Speaker 1 (28:38):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (28:38):
Those, those back in those days when you had to use
your imagination, but yeah, soslow down, I really, and it is a
practice then it takes a littlewhile to then kind of
resensitize your body to what itfeels like to just be slower.

Speaker 1 (28:52):
Yeah, I mean, I think that I think that is the
biggest thing is, uh, I meanwe've talked about this in
another episode too where wejust like the what porn can do
to people and how it can ruinrelationships, even your
relationship with yourself.

Speaker 3 (29:03):
Yeah Right, yeah, well, it's really easy because
it um there's no intimacyinvolved.
Right, you're never rejected.

Speaker 1 (29:10):
Right.

Speaker 3 (29:11):
Uh, you never have to perform Right.
No matter what happens, thatgirl is accepting you for
whatever it is, even if it's acam girl, even if it's, even if
it's a sex worker, honestly,anything that isn't like
actually organic.
Yeah, the intimacy is taken outof it completely.
So that's the hard part, that'sthe vulnerable part.

Speaker 2 (29:27):
Yeah, more vulnerable , it actually goes right in line
with where one of the questionsI kind of want to ask, one of
the things I want to discuss, is, like, well, I was just reading
some stuff and one of thethings that communication is a
new foreplay and I kind of likethat.
Yeah, and this was justbasically tips for talking about
desires, boundaries, theseinitial discussions about sex,
how are they happening in?
Households have been together20 years and households 10 years

(29:50):
.

Speaker 3 (29:50):
And what's?

Speaker 2 (29:51):
do you have different strategies of breaking through?
So say, say like the, we'lljust go with the 20-year
relationship.
Yeah right, you know I think alot of our audience is, you know
, probably probably 40s yeahright.
So so maybe the 10-year or20-year relationship?
How do you initiate thisconversation?
Because I I believe thatthere's people on both sides,
male or female, that might beintimidated by even starting

(30:12):
this talk, because maybe youknow life is going good and this
is something they want ordesire, but they don't want to
rock the boat.
They don't want to rock the boat, or they don't want to make
things weird and maybe destroytheir partnership.
Like they might have some realfear around having those
conversations.
Where do they start?

Speaker 3 (30:28):
Yeah, so I mean, depending on what they want to
talk about, right, like if youwanted to tie your partner up
and like drip candle wax on them, I'd say, start super duper
slow.
But if you really just want tohave sex on Wednesdays instead
of just Sundays, then you, youknow, it might be a bit of an
easier conversation, right so?
But I do always say scheduleintimacy.
So that's the first thing thatI want people to be able to do

(30:48):
is schedule intimacy.
It doesn't have to be sex.

Speaker 2 (30:50):
Scratch our first question on the 10 questions.

Speaker 3 (30:52):
It was like my first question on the 10 questions.
We always do a game at the endof the show.
So, anyways, you got that one,okay, well, and the reason I say
it is because when you want tobring up communication, you want
to schedule that right.
Emily Morris is another sexeducator in the world and she's
one of my idols.

Speaker 2 (31:06):
Where's she from?

Speaker 3 (31:06):
She's from LA.

Speaker 2 (31:08):
Okay.

Speaker 3 (31:08):
And she talks about tone, turf and timing.
Okay so tone.
Okay so tone, turf and timing.
And those are the things thatyou really want to think about
when you want to talk aboutanything sex, so like if you had
just had a fight about how muchthe groceries were at 3 o'clock
, then maybe at 5.
You don't want to be like ohhey, babe, listen, our sex sucks
too.
You know, so like find thetiming of it and then the tone.

(31:33):
It has to be less rejection andless we're never doing this.
Like, why don't we ever rightand more of?
I really.
I remember when we used to andI really loved.
When do you remember that timewe?
That was such a good time.
Oh my god.
You know, I always thoughtabout what it would be like with
you if we could have you everthought about something like
switching up the environment,like you know.

Speaker 2 (31:51):
So, if you're living in a domestic, you're in the
same house day in, day out.
The routine, the kids, the dog,the cat all that shit.
Maybe get out of that house andsomewhere else.

Speaker 3 (31:59):
Go somewhere else Talk about things on date night.
Vacation sex is like the besttime to have sex, Honestly, for
women.
But people say women.
It bothers me a lot because Iknow the stress that's on men as
well.
But stress and pleasure can'texist at the same time.

Speaker 2 (32:18):
So when we remove those stresses, that's important
.

Speaker 3 (32:19):
You say that so stress and pleasure cannot exist
at the same time.
No, you have to remove thestress in order for true
pleasure to come in.
We can perform pleasure whenwe're stressed right.
We can get there, we can havelittle tidbits of moments, but
to really kind of get into it,it just doesn't happen in our
brain.
It's just the neurology of ourbrain is that those two places
in our brains can't fire at thesame time.

Speaker 2 (32:36):
And that goes back to your meditation on your thing
there, right, yeah?

Speaker 3 (32:40):
So you, can do this meditation and it will kind of
sink you back into your body andconnect you with your partner.
Reduce that stress, eliminatethat, reduce the stress,
increase your oxytocin, increasea little bit more, you know,
lower the dopamine receptors,because dopamine is just quick
and fast and we really wantoxytocin to kind of slow us down
and help bond us and connect usand do those things.
But another little tip thoughif you're in a long-term

(33:03):
relationship and you want tostart something new, there's a
little game that I like torecommend for couples, and it's
really.
You just find it on theInternet.
I didn't create it, I'm notreinventing the wheel, but it's
just called a yes-no-maybe game.
Yes the wheel, but it's justcalled a yes, no, maybe game.
And if you have a partner andyou can have a glass of wine
with them or a beer or dowhatever, and you sit down with
them and you say here, babe,look, I found this thing, I
usually use me as a scapegoat.

(33:24):
Serena, that's crazy.
Sex lady said that you should,that we should do this little
quiz, and it's not like a quiz,but it's.
It's a list and you can getthem of hundreds of questions or
20.
It just depends.
But it's just a list of sexacts, from kissing to kissing
with tongue, to hug, to spanking, to whatever it is that you
want, and there's columns yes,no and maybe, and then you take

(33:45):
one and you take one and youfill out what are your yes, no's
and maybe's on this?
And then you combine, youswitch them and you talk about
what your yes's were, what yourno's were and what your maybe's
were, your, what your yeses were, what your no's were and what
your maybe's were your no's.

Speaker 2 (33:57):
We generally just leave off the table and we say,
okay, we'll reevaluate those ina little while your maybe's are.

Speaker 3 (34:01):
You know what happened, like where, maybe
let's talk about that, but thenyour yeses, a lot of people.
You know that song.
Oh my God, pina Colada.

Speaker 2 (34:12):
You know do you like pina coladas and?

Speaker 3 (34:13):
they both write into the thing and then they find out
it's them at the end becausethey don't talk right.

Speaker 2 (34:17):
They didn't know that they liked it.
Sometimes people, sometimespeople will have these yeses and
they go.

Speaker 3 (34:23):
Oh my god, I didn't know.
You like that, I like that Iused to do that.

Speaker 2 (34:26):
What do you mean you?

Speaker 3 (34:26):
used to do that, and then, all of a sudden, you're
creating a new memory togetherand you're creating a new space
together.

Speaker 1 (34:31):
It's a good, good analogy, good song I love that
song yeah it's a great song, soyeah.
So the um, when you sayscheduling sex going kind of
back to that, I guess, uh,because you said you know stress
or pressure, whatever and sexand all that.
So basically I guess the ideawould be like try to avoid
fighting on that scheduled sexday yeah, yeah, yeah, and I just

(34:54):
agreed everything.

Speaker 2 (34:55):
No fights on sex day, right, but I mean it just kind
of put a rule up.
That sounds like merch to me.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (35:02):
That does sound like merch.
That's exactly what I wasthinking.

Speaker 2 (35:04):
No fights on sex day.
Check out the AP store.
We'll have that shirt out nextweek.

Speaker 3 (35:07):
That's why I'm making one with the clitoris that says
we get no honestly, because sexday it doesn't have to be sex,
it can just be intimacy.
So even if you have had a fighton that day, then you need to
find a way to reconnect thearguments that we have in our
relationships.
You guys are not the problem.
That is not the problem.
It's the repair and thereconnection that we have lost

(35:28):
our track on.
People are supposed to argue.

Speaker 2 (35:30):
And why?
I mean, I know you already saidyou weren't a therapist.
Why do you think that happens?

Speaker 3 (35:35):
Which?
What happens?
That loss of connection, thatrepair, because fighting has
such a negative connotation.
To it that sometimes peoplejust avoid fights.
But, then if they do fight, theycatastrophize it.
They're like, oh my God, we hada fight.
Good couples don't fight, butgood couples do fight.
But really good couples knowhow to repair after a fight and

(35:59):
instead of just saying likesweeping it under the rug and
then holding grudges, you lookat your partner and you go.
You have to be strong enough.
So for me, for example, I'mchaotic, I'm just, I'm, I'm just
a shit show most of the time.
And like I've got cycles ofthings and I'll go to my partner
or something and say, you know,have a blowout.
And then I have to know I haveto be strong enough to go back
and go.
That was my fault.
I completely takeaccountability for that.

(36:20):
You might be a dickhead too,but I, I blew that out of
proportion and this is whatneeds to happen.
Or you know, what you saidreally did hurt me, like we need
to start talking to each otherLike we're little children.

Speaker 1 (36:33):
Right.

Speaker 3 (36:33):
So I like to tell people when you're having an
argument with your partner,sometimes if you can cause I
know we get flooded a lot of thetime and really elevated but if
you can look at your partnerlike the little seven-year-old
version of them and say, whatwould I say to this person right
now Maybe a seven-year-old justyelled at me Would I yell back
or would I say buddy, thatreally hurt my feelings.
You know, like the way you spoketo me.

(36:54):
I don't know if you meant tospeak to me that way, but it
really triggered something in meand it's making me feel like
you don't love me right now, andI know that that sounds just so
therapeutic and so blah blahblah.

Speaker 2 (37:06):
No, I think that's the only way to have these
conversations with our partners.

Speaker 3 (37:10):
Yeah, that's a good point and then, to come back
together and repair physicallyand not sex, but a hug, a kiss,
a six second kiss.

Speaker 2 (37:18):
It's like you're reading my script here, like I,
I just had like this, like youknow, exploring intimacy did you
send this to her ahead of time?
No, I swear to god likeexploring intimacy outside the
bedroom, right, I mean so.
So this is something there thatwhen I read this myself today,
I was kind of like okay, yeah,yeah, maybe you're better at
some of this stuff, redefiningwhat counts as a connection, be

(37:38):
making connections all the time,all the time, yeah.

Speaker 3 (37:41):
So the Gottmans did a very large study one of the
largest studies on couples intheir relationships, and what
they have come to realize is asix-second kiss, open mouth,
twice a day is one of thebiggest indicators of a couple's
success long term.
And it's because of the releaseof oxytocin that happens in

(38:02):
that, because you can be mad atyour partner and then kiss them
for six seconds, unless it'slike at the beach.

Speaker 2 (38:07):
you know, when I'm sitting there and I got to look
at you.
I hate that shit.
Like I don't like seeing itwhen people are doing it right
now.
They're not like makey now, butit's just like six seconds.

Speaker 1 (38:15):
I had no idea where you were going with that, no
idea.

Speaker 3 (38:19):
They only do that on the naked beach.

Speaker 1 (38:21):
Yeah, that's right.
Yeah, the third beach.

Speaker 2 (38:23):
Shut up Crystal Crescent, the third beach.
Yeah, it's a good beach.

Speaker 3 (38:27):
So the six-second kiss is a really good reason,
and if you can't turn your headfor six seconds, that's on you.
Like my daughter says, now,that's an ish you, not an ish me
.

Speaker 2 (38:35):
Oh, so you're for public affection like that.

Speaker 3 (38:38):
I love it.
Public, public affection whenit's like crossing, I mean, if
it's not like ten minutes long,but like when people are like
going yeah if it's not tenminutes long.

Speaker 1 (38:47):
Six seconds is not really that long it's not that
long it's really not that longbut this really is okay.

Speaker 3 (38:52):
So just to be clear, though, this connection
specifically is supposed to bebefore you leave each other in
the day right and when you comeback and reconnect at the end of
the day.

Speaker 2 (39:00):
Okay.

Speaker 3 (39:01):
Okay, so it's to say goodbye.
Go have a great day.
I love you.
I hate you, but I love you.
You didn't do the laundry.
You pissed on the seat, but Ilove you.
Here's your kiss God, damn it.
Get out of my face Right Cause.
Let's be honest, that's the wayit feels sometimes, and then,
when it comes back, one personis like oh Jesus, you again, and
the other person's like yep,come give me that kiss you know

(39:21):
and you've got to do it and itjust gives that little softening
to the day.

Speaker 1 (39:25):
I like that.
No, you know what that makessense.
That's cool.
It's not really any differentthan I've said.
Like you know, if you'refeeling a little down the dumps
or you're sad or something likethat, it's like I mean hugs,
lift you up, I mean you know, Idon't like hugs.

Speaker 2 (39:38):
No, you don't.

Speaker 3 (39:39):
30 second hug is the gold standard.
I gotta get better at that themoment that your hug starts to
feel uncomfortable is when youneed to stay there for 10 more
seconds.

Speaker 1 (39:47):
For real For real, like that's your body, because
in that moment I'm going to giveyou a 90 second hug.
Honest to God, because that'sthat moment I'm already angry.

Speaker 3 (39:56):
You can feel it, though, when I say that that
moment your body wants to pullaway like you feel it we know
what that is I'm always likeyeah, I do the pound, I don't
even really like shaking hands,realistically though, like I've
always said, like if you'refeeling down the dumps or you're
sad or depressed or whatever itmay be, it's like some of the
if you need to get through ityeah I've always said try to

(40:19):
volunteer and help or helpsomebody.

Speaker 1 (40:21):
Yeah, because it's really hard to feel sad.
Yeah, while you're putting asmile on someone else's face.
Right, it's not really thatdifferent than what you're
saying right now.
It's not, it's not.

Speaker 3 (40:28):
It's your.
You're boosting that oxytocinin your own body.
Plus, if you're having a hardday, you're distracting yourself
from those negative thoughts.
That's right.
And you're putting somekindness out there Right in our
lives.
Yeah, and can I just like talka little bit more about like,
how to extend what did?
What was that question?
Something about like sexoutside of sex?
Yeah, intimacy outside of sex,yeah.

(40:49):
The definition of sex issomething that I like to talk
about a lot, because thedefinition of sex for a lot of
people is penetration with agoal to orgasm right,
particularly Bill Clinton Right.

Speaker 2 (40:59):
That was his definition Exactly.

Speaker 3 (41:02):
But let me two things .
Things first of all, there's anentire 50 of this entire you
know world that some of us don'thave sex with anything that is
inserted or penetrated at allright so like it doesn't have to
be penetration yeah secondly,the goal doesn't have to be
orgasm.
It can be fun.
And this is mind-blowing tosome people because they're like
well, what do you mean?
I can just say, okay, I'm donenow, right, like why would you

(41:24):
even say that?
And I'm like, no, you canactually just say, okay, that
was cool, I'm not going to likecome, but I'm just done now,
like that was super great and Ireally love it.
And then I tell long-termcouples I go, you know what,
they come into me and onepartner will say I could have
sex like once a month, and I'mfeeling okay with that.

(41:45):
And I'm like all right, well,let's find a compromise here.
Like you know something that wecan collaborate on.
But what if we took thedefinition of sex, which is what
we're doing now in this worldis not just me, it's just the

(42:05):
world of sex.
Ends is sex.
So you could make out, youcould kiss, you could do, you
know, mutual masturbation, youcould be cuddling, you could be
doing like an erotic massage,like just a really cozy massage
with one another, and when thatends, you can say to your
partner that was sex, like wehad sex, we had some pleasure
right as long as there's someerotic pleasure.
that's happening there and theneverything that happens from the

(42:27):
moment that you stop beingerotically connected in that
moment until the time you becomeerotically connected again is
foreplay.
So that's your day to day,that's your kisses, that's how
you've treated each other,that's the calls that you've
made, the sexting you've done.
You know the things that you've, you know, incorporated, the
effort that you've incorporatedinto your person, right?
So maybe your partner reallylikes emotional connection and

(42:50):
maybe you really like somedistance, because guess what?
Distance is a love language too.
I really like it is I reallylike it when my partner's like
just go and I'm like I fuckinglove you.

Speaker 2 (43:00):
Like.

Speaker 3 (43:00):
Thank you so much Like I don't need to be up in
your grill all the time, likethat drives me insane.
Let me go to the lake by myself, right?
So like you go golfing or yougo play hockey or you go play
your sport and go do your thing,so all of those things are
foreplay.
It's how you're treated betweensexual encounters and the
interesting thing is most peoplewho are have been socialized as
women will say the more thatthat foreplay is cultivated and

(43:25):
um made important, the moreoften they actually want to do
the sexy stuff.

Speaker 2 (43:31):
Oh, okay, yeah, that's what it means to be
emotionally connected.
Right, I like that.

Speaker 1 (43:35):
Yeah, no, that makes a lot of sense actually.
Um, I, uh, I actually wanted to.
I don't know if, but if you hadsomething there, but there was
something I wanted to kind of goback to.
That just kind of re-popped backinto my head, because you were
talking about when you wereyounger and the things that you
were always interested in andyou talked about education with
kids and things like that, and Imean, some people get triggered

(43:57):
by that, yeah, but I do feelthat it and I think you and I've
even talked about this beforethat it's it's better to you
know for the, for the rightpeople to educate your kid on,
on sex, or it's just sex, justanatomy yes, right, just anatomy

(44:24):
.
Right, because you don't wantthe wrong person to educate your
kid on that.
And I liked what you weresaying when you first talked
about how you mentionedparticularly women, but I'm sure
it's the same for men too,those who are comfortable with
their body the most and don'tfeel shame, because it's often
that shame that prevents themfrom coming forward when they've
been abused when they wereyoung.

Speaker 3 (44:45):
Exactly.

Speaker 1 (44:45):
And I think that's something that really needs to
be kind of hammered home is theimportance of the education of
not just sex but anatomy and allthat stuff, the lack of shame,
the comfort that they can havein their body, because we can
protect a lot of young peoplefrom being abused if they have
that weapon of knowledge.

Speaker 3 (45:04):
Exactly, and that's exactly what it is.
It's a weapon when you haveknowledge like knowledge, is
that power, and it's not justpower over your pleasure and
your orgasm, it really is powerover the name of your body parts
.
So you know, you know, uncle,so-and-so can't come up to you
and be like let me show you whatyou're supposed to do with your
cookie.
Right, you know, and now yourlittle person not have any idea

(45:26):
what's going on.

Speaker 1 (45:27):
And you feel that shame, and you feel a lot of
shame, and no one talks about it.
So all of a sudden now it'slike quiet and like you know, I
remember that at bath time.

Speaker 3 (45:35):
You know dad couldn't help me do this or mom didn't
say the right name for this.
If something happened, am Iallowed to go talk to them about
it?
So if you have, a home that'scultivated, where you know just
the language is used at anappropriate level, like from the
time children are of age to belearning how to speak, they
should be learning the propernames of their body parts.
There's nothing wrong with thatright.

(45:57):
So as long as and then they knowthat that's a completely open
conversation I have two boys andwhen I was raising my boys I
made it so and it has nothing.
I don't want to say it hasnothing to do with sex, but I
wanted them to be reallycomfortable with women's bodies
and women's issues.
So even if I was down in thedownstairs bathroom and like I
needed a tampon or maybe Ididn't, I would call out to my

(46:18):
young boys and be like hey, cansomebody go get me a tampon?
So they heard the languagetampon, mom's on her period,
like things like that, justgeneral things, nothing.
You know how old are your kidsnow?
20, 17, and 16.

Speaker 1 (46:32):
And how do they feel about mom's profession?

Speaker 3 (46:35):
So, my oldest has kind of grown up with it a
little bit, I would imagine,right.
So and he, you know that wascompletely fine.
We've been completely.
We've had such an openhousehold like that for a really
long time, so he's totally coolwith it.
He actually said to me one dayhe goes, cause I check in with
the kids quite often and I'llsay so, how's it going?
You know mom's on the internet,now Mom's here.

(46:56):
You know mom's voice iseverywhere.
I'm talking to all kinds ofstuff saying anything.
And they say no, they haven'treally heard anything.
My oldest is like well, theboys make fun of me a little bit
, but they're just ribbing meand I go yeah, okay, he's a
hockey player, he's 20 years old, like whatever.
Um, but, but he goes.
But the girls really love itwhen they find out my mom's a
sex coach.

Speaker 2 (47:13):
So thanks, mom and I was like oh, but they love it,
he's, he's really, he has areally high emotional
intelligency as well which.

Speaker 3 (47:21):
I really, really love .
But it is fun to hear him likeseeing with like his girlfriends
, like talking about differentthings that maybe other boys
wouldn't want to talk about atsuch a at that age.
My, my other son, he doesn't,he'll come to me about private
things.
He doesn't necessarily talk tome about much.
And my daughter honestly,honestly, I think she's just so
sick of it and she's so sick ofme and she's 16.

(47:42):
And then she's just likewhatever, mom, I don't care Like
whatever.

Speaker 1 (47:45):
That's a typical 16 year old.
Just so typical, 100% Right.

Speaker 3 (47:48):
Yeah, but like these pleasure pods, for example, I
use them as a lip gloss and shehas one up in her room and she
uses it as a lip gloss and whenher friends come over she goes I

(48:09):
our house and we keep it reallylight.
Yeah, but there's nothing thatwas never age appropriate that
was talked about and and peoplesay, well, how do you know
what's age appropriate?
Yeah, but you will know likeyour kids will start asking
questions.
If your kids say something likewhere do babies come from?
Stop telling them.
They come from the stork andthey come from belly buttons.
Literally say the words babiesgrow in mommy's uteruses.
Oh, and then your kid.
And then stop the go dead.

Speaker 2 (48:24):
Stop, because your kid will ask the next question
You're back to your parents whenyou were a kid.
What'd you get?

Speaker 3 (48:29):
I got not a heck of a lot.

Speaker 2 (48:31):
What kind of story do you remember?
Did I get?
Maybe?

Speaker 3 (48:32):
the stork probably I got a story about bears man.
Bears, Polar bears.

Speaker 2 (48:37):
I swear to God I didn't think about it until
years later.
They read a book to us and likeme and my younger brother about
like bears and shit, like swearto god, and it was just like
about bears and they had a babybear and all that.
So I think it was like,probably appropriate in the
sense of like it wasn't likesomething dropped off a baby
right right some mystical force,but it was.
Yeah, it was really weird Ithink about later in life and

(48:59):
then found the book one day.

Speaker 1 (49:01):
I was I honestly don't.
Yeah, I don't remember havingany type of sex talks no with my
parents because, like theyagreed to, like when I was in
grade five or whatever and youcould sign up whatever and they
were, I was one of the peoplethat they were like yeah talk to
my kid about.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, grade five andgrade six, both years we went
there and all that stuff andthey were just like yeah, you do

(49:22):
that kind of thing right and ina way, it makes sense.
I mean, I still think, like Ihope that I can have a open
dialogue with my kid, but alsoat the same time, sometimes an
expert is maybe the best personto talk about public educators,
I think, are pretty good withthat today and I think you know
they are.

Speaker 3 (49:39):
They have some people don't like it, I know, yeah, I
know they don't like, that'tlike that they're being taught
in schools and blah blah, blahblah.

Speaker 2 (49:45):
But it's just.

Speaker 3 (49:45):
I don't know, guys.
It's hard because there's somany layers to it, but when
you're teaching the masses, Ieven have to do this.
When you're teaching the masses, you can't bring your opinions
into it.
You really just have to stickwith some facts right and.
I think that's the safest.
Do anything right when it comesto children.
Yeah, they, they listen andthey hear.
We want to.
We want to cultivate um anenvironment of like acceptance

(50:08):
in these young kids, becausethey're growing up in a world
that we didn't grow up in.
We they're growing up in a worldwhere you know, everybody is
kind of amalgamated and togetherand everybody's talking about
everybody and their sexualitiesare talking about everything,
and we need to have kids whohave compassion and that are
able to push through the peerpressure of the making fun of.

(50:30):
That's what I think.
The kids just need to be strongin their boundaries when it
comes to being kind.

Speaker 2 (50:38):
That's what I want, kids to learn.

Speaker 3 (50:40):
I don't care what that person is doing, I don't
care who they're sleeping with.
I don't care what they thinkthey like.
I don't care what that personis doing, I don't care who
they're sleeping with.
I don't care what they thinkthey like.
I don't care what they knowthey love.
I don't care about any of thestory, but my kid is in a
situation where there's either amaking fun of or tormenting, or
a stand up for being ally orbring that those people away and
protect.

(51:00):
That's what I want my kids tobe Just protect.
You don't have to say a word.
If you're scared, I get it.
Everybody's kids, there's goingto be a thing.
But don't participate and pullthose people away.
If your friends are about tosay something really rude to
somebody at school, just be likeguys, come on, let's go over
here, let's go do something else.
Kind of try to protect that theperson who needs that space for

(51:26):
themselves.

Speaker 1 (51:26):
Yeah, they're probably already going through
enough for some reason.
And I also kind of like I don'tknow, because there's so much
stuff that goes on and like yousee this stuff online and that's
people like don't teach my kidsthis and do teach my kids that
or whatever, whatever, whatever.
I kind of I dance a little bitof a line because on one hand,
now being 39, almost 40, I sitthere and when I see a 14 year
old, I think little kid rightbut, when I was 14 I didn't

(51:48):
think I was a little kid.
No, you didn't, and I think somepeople forget what it's like to
be 14, and I know, when I was a14 year old boy, I can tell you
the only thing that I thoughtabout, yeah, was pretty much
sports and boobs.
Yeah, that's it.
And do people forget?
Like I think people forgetabout that.
So when you're 14 years old andyou know, this is what's on

(52:09):
your mind all the time, likegirls are on your mind or you
know what, whoever, you'reattracted to, for me natural,
yes, exactly, you're coming intoyour erotic self so this is
like the biggest thing that's onpeople's minds half the time as
a teenager, and I think peopleforget about that.
You're going to ask questionsand now they're like, oh, they
shouldn't talk about low jobs inschools and it's like, but

(52:31):
that's what a 14-year-old boywants, right?
So we have to talk about it orsomething bad could happen,
right.

Speaker 3 (52:37):
Yeah, yeah, exactly.
So I mean I remember gettingthat same talk, probably that
you got a little bit earlier.
I mean I remember getting thatsame talk, probably that you got
a little bit earlier.
But I say not earlier, I'm just10 years older than you, so
it's just you know, however,however, that would have changed
within those 10 years.
But we got a little book and wegot the thing and we talked
about, you know, oral sex right.
So maybe we didn't call itblowjobs and maybe it was
cunnilingus and like it was allof the stuff you had to use.

Speaker 1 (52:59):
That sounds like a metal band.

Speaker 3 (53:00):
Right, I know you had to use all the right terms and
that was fine.
But we did have thoseconversations and I'm not going
to lie.
I don't think that we need to,in school, be talking about the
nitty gritty of what pleasure is, but how it works and what's
going on.
I also think that I know thatit's not in the budget, but if
anybody's listening out there,you should really hire a sex

(53:22):
educator, a professional, tocome in and have these
conversations We've been trainedto do this.
We've been trained to talk to avariety of kids and we're not
bringing our own opinions intoit.

Speaker 2 (53:31):
Right, I teach consent and teach limitations,
and teach all this stuff thatcan help people yeah, exactly,
and help people understand thedo's and don'ts.

Speaker 3 (53:37):
So we're not sitting there with our own biases.
Yeah, kind of kind of, or or ornervousness.
I mean, come on, if I was justa normal person and I you know.
Even you, you said that youwere nervous having this
conversation today you know,because, like, we're not used to
having these conversations.
So then now you put on top of ateacher who has a ridiculous
curriculum with like 40 kids andsome of them are not listening.

(53:58):
They've got all this stuff andnow they've got to talk about
the most taboo topic that maybethey've never even had to talk
about and they've got to curateit to 40 different people who
are going to go home, to 40different sets of parents who
have 40 different views andopinions on how that should have
been taught.
Like talk about the stress andanxiety.
Put me in front of that classand parents can come at me all
you like, because that's whatI'm trained to do.
That's my job.

Speaker 1 (54:19):
So don't teach algebra and sex ed at the same
time.
So don't teach algebra and sexed at the same time.

Speaker 2 (54:22):
We've got to get to the 10 questions.
Guys, I'm so sorry.

Speaker 3 (54:25):
Let's do it.

Speaker 2 (54:26):
We filled that hour really quick.
That's unbelievable.

Speaker 3 (54:29):
I can talk, and talk, and talk, no, no, but that's
great, it's an interesting topic.

Speaker 1 (54:31):
I think people should talk about it more.
I had a couple more topics.

Speaker 2 (54:46):
There's one thing I did want to ask you desire.
I mean, you know, folkslistening to the show might be
on their second relationship.
Yeah, uh, they might haverecently experienced menopause.
Yeah, um, you know, that's abig one.
Yes, sex can totally changeafter that yeah so if you have a
little bit.
I know I don't want we onlymaybe have a couple minutes here
, but just a little bit of whatmaybe.
Where do folks go forassistance in those things if
they lose this sexual desirethrough menopause or after

(55:08):
divorce or those ugly situationsthat life throws at you?

Speaker 3 (55:11):
Yeah, they throw at you and it really can halt all
of the desire that you have inthere.
You question who you are.
The first thing that I want tosay to anybody who has any sort
of feeling of oh my God, whathappened to me, what's wrong
with me, is that you're notbroken.
That's the first thing I wanteverybody to know.
If you're going throughmenopause, this is a normal
stage of life and you are goingto go through it and it's going
to feel different, but there'slots of ways that we can get

(55:32):
things to kind of work for you.
If you're, if you've, if you'reon your second relationship
hopefully if you're in yoursecond, really, you know,
hopefully but sometimes it isn't, and sometimes you're
questioning.
You know, my body doesn't workthe same way that it used to,
especially when it comes.
I mean not especially, but likemen.
For example, we talk a lotabout women in menopause, but
men go through their own stageand change of life when they hit

(55:53):
, you know, 35, 40, 45,depending on what that is.
And if your body's not workingthe way it did when you were a
20 year old stud and now all ofa sudden you can't go for 45
minutes, and you know, or anhour and you can't get them up
in that position anymore, thatdoesn't has no effect on who you
are or what you are as a lover.
We need to have sexualintelligence and all that means
is that we need to grow andchange within our sexuality and

(56:14):
within our desire and ourknowledge of what our bodies are
capable of and the pleasurethat we want to find.
There are going to be somepeople in their second stage of
life who are not going to begoal-oriented and orgasm.
They're only going to beoriented to the goal of
connection I want to make outwith you for 45 minutes.
I just want to kiss your face, Iwant to rub your back, I want
to like touch your thighs, likewhatever.

(56:35):
That is because maybe there'sother ways of pleasure that are
just not working anymore.
So we, we just sit back and askyourself, like not ask yourself
, tell yourself'm not broken.
And if there is something thatyou want to have a conversation
about, reach out to aprofessional at SerenaGamescom.

Speaker 2 (56:49):
There you go and you have a podcast, you do.

Speaker 3 (56:52):
And I have a podcast called Intimacy Unlocked.

Speaker 2 (56:54):
And you're doing a TED Talk.

Speaker 3 (56:55):
And I'm doing a TED Talk on August 9th.

Speaker 2 (56:57):
Congratulations.
Is that here in?

Speaker 3 (56:59):
Halifax, it is yeah Down at the Lighthouse Art
Center and my topic is sexualwellness is a missing puzzle
piece in your overall mentalhealth and wellness.

Speaker 2 (57:09):
Love it.

Speaker 3 (57:09):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (57:10):
That?
I will please let us.
Is that going to be on YouTubeand stuff?
It will be, it will bebroadcast, I believe live.

Speaker 3 (57:17):
And there's also 100 tickets that are being sold to
the show.
Please send it to us once itgets out, or maybe we can get to
the show.

Speaker 2 (57:22):
Please send it to us once it gets out, or maybe we
can get to the show or something.
Now, we'll figure it out.

Speaker 3 (57:25):
When's that again?
August 9th?
I don't think I'll be in.
Yeah, it's a Saturday.
I might be in Cape Breton,that's all, if I'm not, we'll
figure it out.
You'll find it.
I'll send it to you.

Speaker 1 (57:32):
Awesome, thank.
Sexual health these are allover the place questions.
Just a little bit of fun welike to have at the end of the
show.
All right you want me to kickit off?
Sure buddy, all right, I'llkick it off.
I'm going to kick it off with afunny one, okay, so what food

(57:53):
is the most sexual?

Speaker 3 (57:54):
to you.
Oh, um.
You know, right off the bat Iwanted to say oysters, but but
they're not really um,charcuterie.
I know that sounds weird, but Ilove a little pick.
If I was to go on a date with aman or if I was to be in some
sort of erotic space with a manand we were having a meal and he
picked this beautiful littleplate of pickies, I would be

(58:16):
like God damn, okay, yeah,that's what I love the most.

Speaker 1 (58:19):
I mean that checks out.

Speaker 3 (58:27):
You certainly don't want to eat a burger and fries.
You're pretty heavy after that.
So yeah, exactly little pickyfoods.

Speaker 1 (58:29):
You can have a little bit of everything.
Maybe share a little bit.
Yeah, I also would haveaccepted banana or hot dog.
There you go all right.

Speaker 2 (58:34):
Question number two okay, if you could have a beer
and unfil and an unfiltered sexchat with any famous historical
figure, who would it be and why?

Speaker 3 (58:46):
oh, um, I think it would probably be like jim
morrison jim oh wow, okay, thereyou go, yeah, and just like sit
and be, like tell me all aboutit like tell me all about what
that was like back in the day,because you know that that was a
fun time, yeah and it probablyhad nothing to do with, like all

(59:08):
the sexes, but I just feel likethose conversations with him
would be a little bit deeper andalso really crass yes, be fun.

Speaker 2 (59:16):
Yeah, there you go over to you man all right, um
all right.

Speaker 1 (59:22):
This is an either or question sex on the beach or sex
in a car.

Speaker 3 (59:25):
In a car.
The beach is really fuckingsandy and sand gets into places,
not that I know, but I know.

Speaker 2 (59:34):
You don't want to do that.

Speaker 3 (59:35):
Don't do that.
Do it in a car.

Speaker 1 (59:37):
Okay, it's like the symptoms of marriage.
Homer's like all right, sand'severywhere.

Speaker 3 (59:41):
I know.

Speaker 2 (59:48):
Let's go home.
It's terrible.
Okay, worst movie you had tosit through in recent memory.
This could come from any facetof life.
For whatever reason you had towatch a movie could be over the
last year set you have you satthrough a movie or a show?
Or did you go to the theatersee something?
Was a dud, anything like that?

Speaker 3 (59:59):
well, yeah, but it's not going to be super fun.
It was kung fu panda 2 and I'llnever forget it because I fell
asleep in the theater and it wasso dark and my kids were there
and one of my kids got up andleft the theater.
And I have three of them andthey were really young at the
time and one of them was likemommy, wake up anyway.
So I mean, it's not like asuper funny one, but I'll never,
forget that day.
I was like what am I watching?

Speaker 1 (01:00:18):
all right, then sorry jack black.

Speaker 3 (01:00:22):
I mean, I love Jack Black, but that movie was the
pits, Just not your show.

Speaker 1 (01:00:25):
No, Question number five Okay, do you think it's
impossible to outgrow your ownstory without losing your
identity?

Speaker 3 (01:00:36):
Do I think it's say that one more time?

Speaker 1 (01:00:38):
Do you think it's impossible to outgrow your own
story without losing youridentity?

Speaker 3 (01:00:44):
Okay.

Speaker 1 (01:00:45):
That's a deeper one.

Speaker 3 (01:00:46):
It is a deeper one, and I think that you're supposed
to lose your identity when yououtgrow your story and you're
supposed to create a newidentity for yourself.
So we don't we shouldn't be thesame people that we were 10, 15
, even sometimes five years ago,and if you are creating a new
story, then that identity isjust a label that you've given
yourself from all the patternsthat you've gone through your

(01:01:06):
whole life, and you're actuallyallowed to just dissolve that
identity and create a new onefor yourself if you want.

Speaker 2 (01:01:12):
Love it.

Speaker 1 (01:01:12):
Yeah, it's good Number six, ten out of ten
answer.

Speaker 3 (01:01:14):
That's what I think.

Speaker 2 (01:01:16):
Describe your perfect breakfast.

Speaker 3 (01:01:19):
A coffee followed by a bacon crispy bacon on bread
with ketchup Ketchup.

Speaker 2 (01:01:28):
Sandwich.

Speaker 3 (01:01:28):
You lost me at ketchup, but the rest sounds
good, yeah, crispy bacon, nottoast, just bread and ketchup.
So it's soggy and you smash ittogether, so the bread is really
, really thin and then you eatit.

Speaker 2 (01:01:37):
My grandfather liked ketchup toast oh my God, it's my
favorite.
And he's the only person I knowI'm from.

Speaker 3 (01:01:42):
Newfoundland Homemade bread you toast oh my god, it's
my favorite.
He's the only person I knew I'mfrom Newfoundland.
You don't make bolognasandwiches, though With ketchup
Ew what.

Speaker 1 (01:01:47):
Bologna sandwich with ketchup you dip it in ketchup?

Speaker 3 (01:01:49):
Oh yeah, that too Fried bologna.
Yeah, we did that one too.
I was homemade bread and butterwith ketchup.

Speaker 2 (01:01:55):
I'm just not a big ketchup person.
Anyway, fair enough, alright.

Speaker 1 (01:01:58):
so question number seven what are the first steps
that someone should take if theyfeel the romance in their
relationship is dead or dying?

Speaker 3 (01:02:10):
Ask yourself who you are today, what you're trying to
, whether you're trying to getsomething back or whether you're
willing to recreate somethingnew.
I think that's the first thing,and then the second thing would
be to go to that partner andjust say how are you feeling
about things?
Because we're not an islandwhen we're in a relationship.
So it takes two to tango.
So you kind of have to go toyour partner then and say what

(01:02:31):
are you missing, what do youneed?
Or how have you changed?
Because we continue to try tobe who we were, but we change so
much, and that's thatintelligence I was talking about
.
You need to be able to rollwith that and go.
What did I lose, and not in abad way, but what have I left
behind and who am I now?
And sometimes I think JimCarrey actually once said that

(01:02:52):
like depression is your avatarjust telling you that you're
just done with this identity.
And sometimes in ourrelationships we need to look at
that and say you know what?
I think maybe this depressionthat I'm feeling in my
relationship is just my avatarsaying you know what I'm done
here and I need to recreatesomething.

Speaker 1 (01:03:08):
Question number eight over to you.

Speaker 2 (01:03:09):
Number eight.
Okay, thanks for keeping trackof the numbers.
Okay, we already answered thatone, so I'm going to go back to
this one.
If creation was an act ofdivine self-expression, what do
you think the creator would betrying to understand or
experience through us as humanbeings?
Another deep one.

Speaker 3 (01:03:30):
Just the passage of time.
Just the passage of time filledwith joy.
I just yeah, I think that the Iactually love that question and
I think about it quite a bit,like the meaning of life and who
we are, and how we're allfragmented pieces of
consciousness, just kind ofliving our lives in different
little skin sacks, but we're allreally part of the same overall
source, consciousness, and Ireally think that the the

(01:03:52):
biggest ingredient in that isunderstanding that the passage
of time, finding joy in thepassage of time, is the whole
point, because why else would webe here?
because we're not going anywhereelse afterwards and I mean we
are but we're not and there'sreally, you know, that creation
that we have is just thecreation of joy and passion in
our lives okay, love it.

Speaker 1 (01:04:12):
Question number nine over to me.
So, um, what ways would youhelp someone open up
communication into kinks?
So if someone has a kink andthey want to talk to their
partner, what's the best way?
This?

Speaker 3 (01:04:27):
is a short question that you asked me at the very
end of this.

Speaker 1 (01:04:32):
Okay, sorry, ask me one more time so yeah, what is a
what, what ways?
Yeah would you help someonewith communication in terms of
opening up kinks?
Okay, okay.

Speaker 3 (01:04:41):
So, first of all, to redefine what that means for you
and what the shame was aroundit.
Because if you're having a hardtime talking about it, it means
there's some sort of shame.
If it's a personal thing thatyou just want to explore on your
own, that's a little bit easier.
When we're doing it inrelationship, it's harder
because we have to deal withother people's patterns and
their scripts as well.
Right, so we need to take it,take it slow, but to define what

(01:05:03):
it is that you want.
And then I always like to saywhatever it is that you came to
me that you want to be able todo, I want us to take a step
backwards and do a lower versionof that, a slower version of
that, first.
So somebody might come to meand say something like you know
what I really want to be?
Um, I really want to bedominant and I want to, like, I

(01:05:25):
want to spank my partner and Igo okay, cool, so let's.
Let's take that back just anotch for a second.
And let me ask you have youever taken control in the
bedroom?
Have you ever just said youknow, turn over on your knees.
You know, do this.
How do you feel about that andhow does your partner respond to
you so slowly, with a lot ofcommunication, a lot of
knowledge, because kink is sucha big topic?
and the stupid 50 shades of grayhas caused so much trouble and

(01:05:46):
problems and bruises where theyshouldn't be and I don't like
that.
But I'm a really big proponentof kink and I love that.
I think that everybody in theworld is really kinky.

Speaker 1 (01:05:55):
All right.
Last question, the one that weask everybody.

Speaker 2 (01:05:58):
Everybody gets this question what's one piece of
advice you were given in yourlifetime that you want, that,
like you'd just love to sharewith others, like you could be
given at any point in life,recently or years past?
Just kind of held on to it,just piece of advice you like to
roll with?

Speaker 3 (01:06:12):
yeah, um.
Well, it's.
It's kind of recent, but Ithink it might have gone back
into my earlier days as well,but it's um, that your
authenticity is more importantthan any standard that anybody
could place on you ever.
So you know, they say that loveis the highest frequency, but
it isn't, it's authenticity.

(01:06:32):
So we've measured frequency inour bodies and the way that that
feels, and it's not necessarilyquote being kind and loving
people, but it's being yourauthentic self.
And if you are your authenticself, then nothing but good can
happen, because the world isalways conspiring to give you
exactly what you need whenyou're in your authentic
frequency with that, I would saycheers to authenticity cheers

(01:06:56):
and to you, serena, you're anawesome guest.
We learned a ton and uh, westill have a little plastic
vagina sitting on our table.

Speaker 1 (01:07:02):
That that's a first.

Speaker 2 (01:07:03):
It's a vulva.
Oh vulva.
Sorry, thank you, that's right,but I had a great time.
So thank you very much andyou're welcome to come back on
anytime.

Speaker 3 (01:07:10):
Thank you for having me.
Good luck on the TED Talk.

Speaker 2 (01:07:12):
Yeah, cheers, thank you.

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Serena Haines - Honest Conversations About Sexual Wellness

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