September 13, 2024 • 33 mins
Got a comment or idea? Send us a text.
How do longstanding friendships and a robust social network influence successful aging? Discover the profound effects of social support on mental and physical health as we share the inspiring story of my 102-year-old mother-in-law and her journey through changing communities and losing friends. We break down the crucial roles of emotional, practical, and informational support, illustrating how each type can lower blood pressure, improve heart health, boost the immune system, and keep the mind sharp.
Explore the essential aspects of aging in place effectively, from choosing communities with accessible amenities to leveraging modern technology like telemedicine and AI. Learn about the benefits of ride-sharing services, senior-specific programs, and the convenience of grocery delivery and home maintenance services. Additionally, we emphasize the importance of staying socially active and curious, offering practical advice on finding local activities and resources to maintain mental and social well-being. And don't miss our discussion on the growing senior demographic and the longevity economy, inspired by insights from the book "The Longevity Economy." Tune in for a comprehensive guide to thriving in your golden years!
Thanks for listening!
Sign up to our Homeowners Newsletter - it's a weekly newsletter filled with expert tips and advice on how to age safely and more comfortably in your own home.
If you provide services for modifying homes for disabled or seniors aging in place, sign up to our directory and expand your business.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Hello everyone, welcome back to another podcast
on Aging in Place Directory.
This is episode number 19.
Today's episode we're going todiscuss the importance of social
support and community resourceswhen it comes to aging in place
.
That's one of the factors thata lot of older adults don't take
(00:26):
into consideration is thatwhole aspect of having the
community around them.
I mean, you know, obviously,when you're 45, 55, 65, that
community is there, yourneighbors are still there,
families nearby is there.
(00:46):
Your neighbors are still there,families nearby, you know
perhaps, friends and so forth.
But as you get older, you knowsome may pass away, some may
move to retirement homes orcloser to their own children.
So communities change aroundyou and you have to acknowledge
that that may happen whileyou're aging in place in your
(01:07):
own home.
I know my mom-in-law, who livedto 102, said that that was the
most difficult thing for her todeal with was the loss of
everyone At 102.
Every family member that shehad was gone, and friends as
(01:28):
well.
So I know that that can beextremely difficult.
All right, I'm Esther Kane.
I'm a retired occupationaltherapist, certified aging in
place specialist, and I am aco-owner of the Aging in Place
directory where we match, youknow Aging in Place specialists
(01:50):
can post their business listings, their names, their contact
information, everything so thatthe community throughout the US
and Canada people can find them.
Families and seniors can locatespecialists near them, be it a
(02:11):
contractor, a designer, abuilder, an occupational
therapist, a physical therapistAnyone with certification in
Aging in Place services candefinitely join the directory.
So check it outaginginplacedirectorycom.
All right, so let's get to thepodcast.
(02:34):
There's different types ofsocial support, I do have to say
, and they all play obviously animportant role in keeping us
healthy and, you know, in a goodstate of mind, just like
anything.
I think that the social supportand community resources are
(02:55):
like external vitamins.
You know you take care of yourbody by hopefully eating right
and taking your medicine andvitamins.
You know whatever it is thatyou need to do to take care of
your body, but mentally, that iswhere social support and
community resources come in totake care of that.
(03:18):
So there's three differentkinds of support.
There's my cat.
Different kinds of support.
There's my cat.
There's emotional support, thekind that comes from talking to
someone who listens, who cares,who understands.
Whether it's a phone call witha close friend or a conversation
(03:39):
with family member, theseinteractions really boost our
mood and mental health.
I mean, there's a reason whypeople like to go out, you know,
for a drink, for lunch, forcoffee, whatever.
For you know, to go to church,volunteer organizations, the
park, anywhere where there arepeople.
(04:00):
When I lived in South Florida,the front benches in front of
the grocery store at Publix, thegrocery store were always
filled with seniors.
Not that they were necessarilyspeaking to each other or
congregating, but they wereamongst people and I know my
(04:20):
mom-in-law would tell me that alot of people in her community
that she lived in would do that.
They would go to Publix just tobe around people and they would
hope someone would talk to them.
Now there's also the second typeof support is practical support
, and that's where we get helpfrom others when we need
(04:42):
assistance like cleaning thehouse or taking care of the
house or taking care of ourdaily selves or taking care of
our pets you know the lawn,anything like that.
Practical support, driving youto places, taking you to
doctor's appointments, anythinglike that that's practical
support and that could come fromfriends.
(05:03):
It could come from familypractical support, and that
could come from friends.
It could come from family,neighbors, anyone like that, who
could also be your friends andto provide you with that social
support as well.
And then there's informationalsupport, which is mostly from
the professionals in your lifeyour accountant, your financial
planner, your physician, yourphysical therapist, occupational
(05:26):
therapist, your mental healthcounselor, you know, your
minister, priest, rabbi,whatever.
That is informational support,where you're get, where you can
go to to get data, to getinformation, to get data, to get
information, to get advice.
(05:47):
Well, at least sage advice,educated advice.
You can always get advice fromyour friends, but it may not be
educated advice.
So why do friends matter so much?
Why is losing friends such abig part of depression and
(06:07):
isolation in older adults?
It's important because youfirst of all a lot of friends
you've created ties with.
I mean, I have friends thatI've been friends with for 50
years now or more my goodness,more than 50 years and knowing
people for that length of time,they know you, hopefully, and
(06:30):
you know them hopefully, andyou've shared a lot of events in
your life uh, good, bad, trauma, you know elation, everything.
So you've lived through anevent, you've lived through
these events and through thesetimes and that, of course, is
going to bring you closer.
So those types of friends arethe friends that give you the
(06:55):
most support and those are theones that you trust the most.
Because, let's face it,building trust takes time and
you know, you know, as you getolder you can certainly make new
friends, but they're probablyreally more like acquaintances
than friends, simply because youhaven't known them that long
(07:17):
and you may not know them thatlong Now.
The reason that having now, thereason that having you know good
friends and having all thosetypes of support is good for you
, is multitude one.
It's good for your body.
There are many, many studiesthat show that.
You know the having those typesof relationships in your life,
(07:43):
you know, lowers your bloodpressure, healthier hearts,
stronger immune system, sharperminds and probably because they
get you out, they get you up andout.
They may, you know, tell youyou shouldn't be eating that
(08:03):
fried chicken.
You know they are, they'relooking out for you and having
that accountability with someoneelse can definitely help to
make you healthier.
Plus, just knowing that they'rethere, knowing that there's
that support system there, goesa long way in making you calmer,
less stressed, less anxious,and of course, that feeds into
(08:26):
all the organs in our body.
Having friends and a socialsupport is also good for your
mind, I mean mentally.
It's great for your brain.
Older folks have a lot lessfriends and they those tend to
(08:47):
isolate themselves and get moreinto their head and depression
and rumination and anxiety,whereas older adults that have
lots of friends around them,lots of people around them, they
are less likely to feel sad orworried because they have others
to rely on, to lean on, andvice versa.
(09:10):
And that's really what it's allabout and that's why a
community is so very important.
Now.
If you're aging in place in arural area, that makes it more
difficult because, yes, you haveyour core group of friends at
the church.
You know relatives maybe, butas you grow older in your home
(09:32):
in a rural community, oftentimesthose friends move away, pass
away.
The congregation at the churchchanges it's.
It's different people.
You don't know them as well.
You haven't had time to meetwith them for years as you did
with others, and so it's muchmore difficult for someone in a
(09:55):
rural area.
I'm not saying you have to move, I'm just saying that's one of
the things you have to thinkabout if you're planning to age
in place in a rural area Now,having good mental health and
having good physical health ofcourse leads to usually leads to
(10:16):
living longer.
So having this social supportcan actually contribute to a
longer life.
But it's not just having alonger life, it's having a
longer, healthier, happier life.
I mean, who wants to spend thelast five years or so of their
life in a debilitated state, inchronic pain?
(10:38):
Nobody wants that.
So you want to live as long asyou possibly can for as happy
and healthy as you possibly can.
Now there are many differentways that you can make and keep
your friends.
You know I have a lot offriends myself and I work very
(10:58):
hard at maintaining thatfriendship.
You know I check my book tomake sure.
Okay, who haven't I seen orspoken to in a while?
Let's go get some coffee orlunch or just spend some time
together anything, a walk,anything at all.
But you want to try to keepincluding those people in your
(11:20):
life and, yes, sometimes it justtakes a little bit of work.
You have to make time for themand they have to make time for
you.
Um, it's not always easy to,you know, pull everything
together, but you do want to try.
So, if you feel that you're theonly one calling or you're the
only one making the arrangements.
(11:40):
Obviously, ask them do theyreally want to get together with
you, um, and if they do, ifthey just are busy or forgetful
or they have a lot of otherissues going on in their lives,
you just keep doing it.
It doesn't matter.
It's not a tick for tack typeof relationship.
Friendships are not 50-50, justlike in marriages or any other
(12:04):
relationship, you give what youwant to give to your friends and
you hope that they can give you.
I always say don't blame peoplefor what they cannot give you
and accept them for what theycan give you, because everybody
has their moments.
You know years sometimes wherethey're busy taking care of
(12:27):
their parents and their children.
They don't have time to spendtime with friends.
Or if they're busy, you know,tending to some medical issues
in themselves or in their family.
You don't know.
Anything can be happening, ofcourse, but you want to be there
to help, you do want to know.
So I guess you can be a littlebit of a badinsky badinsky and
(12:52):
ask and say listen, I want tohelp, I want to.
You know, do what I can to seeyou, but if you need some help
with anything, please, I'm here.
All right, you want to joinclubs.
That's a great way to makeacquaintances that possibly
could turn into friends and, ofcourse, the clubs would be of
your interest.
(13:12):
It could be anything from abook club to a gardening club to
a drone club.
To you know something at yourchurch or your temple or the
library community center,something that you create.
Maybe you enjoy growing I don'tknow ferns or lilacs or
(13:35):
whatever.
You could create your own clubdoing that you want to volunteer
.
Volunteering is a huge way tonot only connect with your
community and to see what'sactually happening outside your
front door, but it's a great wayto connect with people who want
to do the same thing that youwant to do for the same cause.
(13:56):
It could be a cause for, youknow, children or seniors, or
hearing impaired or blind oranything at all.
You can definitely volunteer.
Now there's also singularvolunteers.
My mom-in-law lived in aretirement community where there
(14:17):
were thousands and thousands ofunits there in South Florida so
if you've been there you knowwhat I mean and there were
individuals in that communitywho volunteered themselves as
drivers to drive the others inthe community who perhaps
couldn't drive anymore or hadlow vision for whatever reason,
(14:41):
or were completely blind andneeded a driver, and these
people volunteered and becametheir drivers.
So that's a great way toconnect with your immediate
community.
You don't have to necessarilyjoin a group.
If you live in a, let's say, arural area where there aren't
(15:01):
any opportunities for groupsettings, think about getting a
pet.
Pets can be amazing as long asyou can take care of them, as
long as it's the kind of petthat you can care for.
I think, as you're, as an olderperson, it's not very good to
get a large dog, because it'sjust so easy for that dog to
(15:26):
pull you and you fall.
You lose your balance, fall andyou can injure yourself.
Of course, it's not the dog'sfault, it's just a big dog.
So you want to tailor the petthat you have, be it a cat, a
bird, a dog, you know, monkey, Idon't know.
You want to tailor it not onlyto your home environment but to
(15:47):
your lifestyle and to yourphysical capabilities.
And also don't forget to usetechnology like Facebook and
Alexa and you know anything thatyou can use to stay in touch
with those family members andfriends and anyone who's moved
away.
You know I now have friends allover everywhere, multiple
(16:11):
countries, because people move,you know, for jobs, for their
children, all kinds of reasons.
But with Facebook and Zoom andFaceTime and whatever Alexa, we
can still stay in touch and keepup to date in each other's
lives.
(16:31):
And if it's a really goodfriend, you know you can go a
year or so without speaking tothem, but then when you do start
speaking, it's as if no timehas gone by at all.
I'm sure a lot of you haveexperienced that.
So in your community, what canyou look for to socialize?
Where can you go?
(16:51):
There are a lot of wonderfulcommunity resources, usually in
a lot of different areas.
In my immediate area I live ina cluster home community, so the
homes are close by, so you dotend to know your neighbors, so
(17:16):
you do tend to to know yourneighbors.
We have three parks that we areconnected to, so it's very easy
to walk to these parks.
We have a center where we canwalk to and there's restaurants
and shops and arena there notarena, but like a little stage
where they do events and showsand they hold festivals there.
So that's a community, animmediate community, that you
(17:38):
can easily be involved in.
You can join the HOA or createa club within the community of
others that also live in thatsame community.
It makes it so much easier toget to things, especially if
you're older and you havetrouble driving.
But then there's also outsideareas senior centers, where they
(18:01):
have a lot of activities andclasses.
Just up the street from EMILEthere's a beautiful park, a
large park with a communitycenter there and they have
classes there and lectures andyou know political events and
all kinds of things that you cango to, and actually that's
where we all go to vote,exercise classes and sometimes
(18:26):
blood draws.
You know all kind blooddonations, blood draws, all
kinds of events around.
Now I'm fortunate, I purposelychose this specific area because
it had all of these and I knewthat I wanted to age in place as
much as long as I could in thisparticular home.
(18:48):
So I want, I needed somethingthat I didn't have to drive to,
and that was the only reasonthat I chose this area.
So, yes, you may have to moveto actually age in place, but if
you are going to stay in thehome that you've been in for
many years, you want to makesure that you can get to these
(19:11):
community events.
But nowadays that's actuallyquite easy because there's Uber.
There's Lyft, you know.
There's several ride shareprograms.
Communities even have somesenior ride share programs.
So for less money than the costof a car you could go an entire
(19:32):
year most likely and use anUber or a Lyft to get to parties
and events and all of that.
And don't forget the libraries.
I know these days everything ison the Internet and everybody's
searching for things on theInternet.
But hopefully you have avibrant library in your area and
(19:55):
that is a wonderful place tohave events and to go to events.
You know I did a ToastmastersClub meeting there and then some
other meetings as well.
It's a great place to go to bequiet.
They're usually very nice, theyhave great reading areas and
(20:15):
just.
It's just a nice place to go,especially on very hot summer
days when you don't have if youdon't have AC or your community
is having trouble withelectricity.
I know that there are parts ofTexas that tend to have that
sometimes.
So perhaps if you can get inthe car and drive out of that
(20:37):
area and get into a library,that might be helpful Anything
to save yourself and gethydrated from that intense heat
that the country's been havingthis year.
And then there's actual serviceslike meal delivery services,
amazon.
You can pretty much getanything delivered to you from
(20:58):
Amazon.
There are things like Meals onWheels, misfits Market all kinds
of programs that either delivermeals completely made and all
you have to do is heat them up,or they deliver the food where
then you can just cook it.
I just recently joined a Krogerdelivery program.
(21:21):
You pay $60 a year and you canput in your order online, and if
you're getting your itemdelivered the next day or the
day after, then it's total, it'sfree, there's no delivery
charge, and I have to tell youI'm actually spending less on
groceries because I'm notimpulse buying at the grocery
(21:43):
store.
I'm just buying what I need.
So my grocery bills haveactually been cut in half.
So was it worth the $60 a year?
Absolutely, so check it out ifyour grocery store has something
like that, or if you happen tolive near a croaker.
There also are services that youcan get, like for your yard,
(22:08):
for home, you know, cleaningyour home, taking care,
maintenance of your home.
I would urge everyone that, ifpossible, to get things like
your hvac maintained uh, youknow, a central ac and heating
uh, pest control, termite, youknow, control, whatever it is
(22:29):
that you need in your specificarea of the country to keep
those services going.
You know, hopefully your budgetcan allow it because it takes
it, keeps the home wellmaintained so that you don't
have to spend more money to fixup what went wrong after it, you
(22:50):
know, lost its value and roofcame down or who knows what
because we all know that homescan fall apart quite quickly.
So you want to maintain them asmuch as you possibly can.
And, of course, if you needservice, services of a maid once
(23:11):
a month would certainly bebetter than nothing and it's
certainly worth getting the homeclean and, you know, sanitized
sanitized, really, at some pointbecause as you get older, you
tend not to realize how dirtysome things are.
Okay, technology, as I said, isan absolute blessing to us.
(23:36):
These days, we can not onlyconnect with our friends and
family, but we can also connectwith physicians, and now there
are even devices you knowdiabetic devices, blood pressure
devices, cardiac devices thatare connected you know, wi-fi
wise directly to your doctor'soffice, so they get the reports
(23:57):
immediately of what's happeningto you.
It's really amazing.
And the technology of AI thatis coming around the corner,
it's just scratched the surface.
We are in the Model T era of AI.
It is going to be exploding,especially in health care, in
the next several years.
(24:18):
Exploding, especially in healthcare in the next several years.
I am just finishing reading agreat book called the Longevity
Economy.
I urge you to check it out.
It's amazing the wonderfulthings that are coming out and
how the economy is going to beshifting because of all of this.
Now, remember there's 10,000people a day turning 65, and
(24:40):
that's going to continue until2030.
That's just the baby boomers,and then, after that is the next
generation what is that?
The millennials?
And then they are going to bein that senior age group.
So, pretty much for the next 20years or more, we're going the
country america and canada aregoing to be enveloped in this
(25:04):
senior um society.
So you're going to be seeing alot of ads for medication and
you probably already do a lot ofproducts, resources, services,
all kinds of things for seniors,and Aging in Place is just one
of them.
It's one of the reasons why wecreated the directory, because
(25:27):
it was difficult to find allthese different services that
you need to to do what it isthat you needed to do in your
home.
So, but, yes, the longevityeconomy, check it out.
So how do you find theseresources?
Well, I would say, initially,obviously, look in your local
(25:48):
newspaper.
You know, just drive aroundyour own community, call your
local area on agency on agingarea on agency on aging.
Obviously you can ask yourdoctor or therapist, ask your
friends, accountant, anyone inyour area, their ideas.
Do they know of any places,even if it's a yoga center, a
(26:12):
meditation center, anything likethat?
Your churches, your temples?
You may not want to go to theirevents or their organizations,
but they may have connections toother organizations that you
may be interested in.
You know anything photography,taking up photography clubs at
(26:34):
the Sierra Club, you know theyhave a lot of photography hikes,
anything like that.
Go bird watching, you know,create your own group, anything
like that, to get out and enjoyand learn, because while you're
out there and learning to use anew camera or a new smartphone
or oh no, I just completelyblanked out on the word a droid,
(27:07):
yeah, droid, you're challengingyour brain, you're stimulating
it and you're hopefully, youknow, building brain cells to
fight off things like dementiaand Alzheimer's.
And then, of course, course,visit the library.
They usually know everything,they have a pulse on everything
that's happening in thecommunity and if you're taking
care of an older person, youknow, remember to help them to
(27:30):
get socially active.
Don't forget about yourself.
I'm not saying to forget aboutyourself, I'm just saying if you
notice that there's a paradecoming to town next weekend or
whatever you know, let yourolder family members know that
that's happening.
(27:50):
Maybe you can make a familyevent out of it, or at least let
them know that it's coming up.
All right, before we wrap up, Iwant to share a few tips on
staying socially active andconnected.
One, the very first thing I'llsay, is to stay curious Always,
(28:12):
always be open to learning newthings and to meeting new people
.
My father-in-law was the mostcurious man I ever met in my
life.
I mean, he was curious abouteverything in life and it was
amazing and that's why he livedwell into his 90s and that
(28:33):
curiosity kept him active.
I mean, he worked until a weekor two before he passed away.
He just kept on working becausehe was so interested in his
work and the new you knowevolutions, the new things that
were coming out in his career.
(28:53):
It was quite amazing.
He was amazing.
You want to be proactive, youwant to take the initiative to
reach out to friends and family.
Don't wait for them to comejoin you.
As I said at the beginning,it's not a tick for tack type of
thing.
You want to be proactive.
It doesn't matter if you calledthem the last 50 times, call
(29:15):
them again, keep doing it, andif you feel that you know they
maybe are not wanting to do it,be up front with it.
As we get older one of thethings that I like to say now
that I'm you know well into my60s I'm 66 I say you know I have
(29:36):
x number of days on the planet.
I don't want to waste it onpeople who don't really want to
hang around with me, so youshouldn't either.
So be up front.
The worst thing can happen isthat you don't uh, you make
another friend in place of them.
You want to get involved, joinclubs, volunteer, participate
(29:56):
any way that you can, and youwant to embrace technology,
because it's not going away.
You know, buy that newtelevision set, learn to use
that new remote.
You know, figure out how to.
You know watch plethora ofYouTube videos.
There's so many YouTube videoson so many things.
And if your YouTube video isn'tenough, you know, grab a young
(30:18):
person that you know They'llteach you, hopefully, and you
can learn that way.
Or take classes.
There's so many wonderful,great classes.
I think Apple also has a classfor seniors, I'm not sure.
Check it out.
And, of course, don't ever,ever be afraid to seek help.
If you need help with yourlaundry, with maintaining the
(30:41):
home, the yard to you knowyourself, cooking, getting to
the bank, anything at all, don'tbe afraid to ask for help,
because everyone needs helpevery now and then and, honestly
, I think we all need help allthe time.
So this was a long podcast.
(31:05):
Well, I hope that it wasinformative.
I hope you were able to learn afew things or two and, if so,
if you need to share it withsenior loved ones, feel free, of
course, to share the podcast.
Sit down with them a glass ofwine, cup of coffee, vodka,
whatever and listen to thepodcast and talk about it.
(31:28):
You know, discuss it.
What's important to you, whatare the values in your life and
how are you going to keepyourself active emotionally,
physically and mentally?
All right, feel free tosubscribe we are so grateful for
each and every single one ofour subscribers and, of course,
(31:48):
share our podcast.
Give us a like, give us yourcomments, let us know what you
think and I look forward toreading them.
All right, catch you next time.
Thank you so much for listening.
Bye.
Hello everyone, welcome back to another podcast
on Aging in Place Directory.
This is episode number 19.
Today's episode we're going todiscuss the importance of social
support and community resourceswhen it comes to aging in place
.
That's one of the factors thata lot of older adults don't take
(00:26):
into consideration is thatwhole aspect of having the
community around them.
I mean, you know, obviously,when you're 45, 55, 65, that
community is there, yourneighbors are still there,
families nearby is there.
(00:46):
Your neighbors are still there,families nearby, you know
perhaps, friends and so forth.
But as you get older, you knowsome may pass away, some may
move to retirement homes orcloser to their own children.
So communities change aroundyou and you have to acknowledge
that that may happen whileyou're aging in place in your
(01:07):
own home.
I know my mom-in-law, who livedto 102, said that that was the
most difficult thing for her todeal with was the loss of
everyone At 102.
Every family member that shehad was gone, and friends as
(01:28):
well.
So I know that that can beextremely difficult.
All right, I'm Esther Kane.
I'm a retired occupationaltherapist, certified aging in
place specialist, and I am aco-owner of the Aging in Place
directory where we match, youknow Aging in Place specialists
(01:50):
can post their business listings, their names, their contact
information, everything so thatthe community throughout the US
and Canada people can find them.
Families and seniors can locatespecialists near them, be it a
(02:11):
contractor, a designer, abuilder, an occupational
therapist, a physical therapistAnyone with certification in
Aging in Place services candefinitely join the directory.
So check it outaginginplacedirectorycom.
All right, so let's get to thepodcast.
(02:34):
There's different types ofsocial support, I do have to say
, and they all play obviously animportant role in keeping us
healthy and, you know, in a goodstate of mind, just like
anything.
I think that the social supportand community resources are
(02:55):
like external vitamins.
You know you take care of yourbody by hopefully eating right
and taking your medicine andvitamins.
You know whatever it is thatyou need to do to take care of
your body, but mentally, that iswhere social support and
community resources come in totake care of that.
(03:18):
So there's three differentkinds of support.
There's my cat.
Different kinds of support.
There's my cat.
There's emotional support, thekind that comes from talking to
someone who listens, who cares,who understands.
Whether it's a phone call witha close friend or a conversation
(03:39):
with family member, theseinteractions really boost our
mood and mental health.
I mean, there's a reason whypeople like to go out, you know,
for a drink, for lunch, forcoffee, whatever.
For you know, to go to church,volunteer organizations, the
park, anywhere where there arepeople.
(04:00):
When I lived in South Florida,the front benches in front of
the grocery store at Publix, thegrocery store were always
filled with seniors.
Not that they were necessarilyspeaking to each other or
congregating, but they wereamongst people and I know my
(04:20):
mom-in-law would tell me that alot of people in her community
that she lived in would do that.
They would go to Publix just tobe around people and they would
hope someone would talk to them.
Now there's also the second typeof support is practical support
, and that's where we get helpfrom others when we need
(04:42):
assistance like cleaning thehouse or taking care of the
house or taking care of ourdaily selves or taking care of
our pets you know the lawn,anything like that.
Practical support, driving youto places, taking you to
doctor's appointments, anythinglike that that's practical
support and that could come fromfriends.
(05:03):
It could come from familypractical support, and that
could come from friends.
It could come from family,neighbors, anyone like that, who
could also be your friends andto provide you with that social
support as well.
And then there's informationalsupport, which is mostly from
the professionals in your lifeyour accountant, your financial
planner, your physician, yourphysical therapist, occupational
(05:26):
therapist, your mental healthcounselor, you know, your
minister, priest, rabbi,whatever.
That is informational support,where you're get, where you can
go to to get data, to getinformation, to get data, to get
information, to get advice.
(05:47):
Well, at least sage advice,educated advice.
You can always get advice fromyour friends, but it may not be
educated advice.
So why do friends matter so much?
Why is losing friends such abig part of depression and
(06:07):
isolation in older adults?
It's important because youfirst of all a lot of friends
you've created ties with.
I mean, I have friends thatI've been friends with for 50
years now or more my goodness,more than 50 years and knowing
people for that length of time,they know you, hopefully, and
(06:30):
you know them hopefully, andyou've shared a lot of events in
your life uh, good, bad, trauma, you know elation, everything.
So you've lived through anevent, you've lived through
these events and through thesetimes and that, of course, is
going to bring you closer.
So those types of friends arethe friends that give you the
(06:55):
most support and those are theones that you trust the most.
Because, let's face it,building trust takes time and
you know, you know, as you getolder you can certainly make new
friends, but they're probablyreally more like acquaintances
than friends, simply because youhaven't known them that long
(07:17):
and you may not know them thatlong Now.
The reason that having now, thereason that having you know good
friends and having all thosetypes of support is good for you
, is multitude one.
It's good for your body.
There are many, many studiesthat show that.
You know the having those typesof relationships in your life,
(07:43):
you know, lowers your bloodpressure, healthier hearts,
stronger immune system, sharperminds and probably because they
get you out, they get you up andout.
They may, you know, tell youyou shouldn't be eating that
(08:03):
fried chicken.
You know they are, they'relooking out for you and having
that accountability with someoneelse can definitely help to
make you healthier.
Plus, just knowing that they'rethere, knowing that there's
that support system there, goesa long way in making you calmer,
less stressed, less anxious,and of course, that feeds into
(08:26):
all the organs in our body.
Having friends and a socialsupport is also good for your
mind, I mean mentally.
It's great for your brain.
Older folks have a lot lessfriends and they those tend to
(08:47):
isolate themselves and get moreinto their head and depression
and rumination and anxiety,whereas older adults that have
lots of friends around them,lots of people around them, they
are less likely to feel sad orworried because they have others
to rely on, to lean on, andvice versa.
(09:10):
And that's really what it's allabout and that's why a
community is so very important.
Now.
If you're aging in place in arural area, that makes it more
difficult because, yes, you haveyour core group of friends at
the church.
You know relatives maybe, butas you grow older in your home
(09:32):
in a rural community, oftentimesthose friends move away, pass
away.
The congregation at the churchchanges it's.
It's different people.
You don't know them as well.
You haven't had time to meetwith them for years as you did
with others, and so it's muchmore difficult for someone in a
(09:55):
rural area.
I'm not saying you have to move, I'm just saying that's one of
the things you have to thinkabout if you're planning to age
in place in a rural area Now,having good mental health and
having good physical health ofcourse leads to usually leads to
(10:16):
living longer.
So having this social supportcan actually contribute to a
longer life.
But it's not just having alonger life, it's having a
longer, healthier, happier life.
I mean, who wants to spend thelast five years or so of their
life in a debilitated state, inchronic pain?
(10:38):
Nobody wants that.
So you want to live as long asyou possibly can for as happy
and healthy as you possibly can.
Now there are many differentways that you can make and keep
your friends.
You know I have a lot offriends myself and I work very
(10:58):
hard at maintaining thatfriendship.
You know I check my book tomake sure.
Okay, who haven't I seen orspoken to in a while?
Let's go get some coffee orlunch or just spend some time
together anything, a walk,anything at all.
But you want to try to keepincluding those people in your
(11:20):
life and, yes, sometimes it justtakes a little bit of work.
You have to make time for themand they have to make time for
you.
Um, it's not always easy to,you know, pull everything
together, but you do want to try.
So, if you feel that you're theonly one calling or you're the
only one making the arrangements.
(11:40):
Obviously, ask them do theyreally want to get together with
you, um, and if they do, ifthey just are busy or forgetful
or they have a lot of otherissues going on in their lives,
you just keep doing it.
It doesn't matter.
It's not a tick for tack typeof relationship.
Friendships are not 50-50, justlike in marriages or any other
(12:04):
relationship, you give what youwant to give to your friends and
you hope that they can give you.
I always say don't blame peoplefor what they cannot give you
and accept them for what theycan give you, because everybody
has their moments.
You know years sometimes wherethey're busy taking care of
(12:27):
their parents and their children.
They don't have time to spendtime with friends.
Or if they're busy, you know,tending to some medical issues
in themselves or in their family.
You don't know.
Anything can be happening, ofcourse, but you want to be there
to help, you do want to know.
So I guess you can be a littlebit of a badinsky badinsky and
(12:52):
ask and say listen, I want tohelp, I want to.
You know, do what I can to seeyou, but if you need some help
with anything, please, I'm here.
All right, you want to joinclubs.
That's a great way to makeacquaintances that possibly
could turn into friends and, ofcourse, the clubs would be of
your interest.
(13:12):
It could be anything from abook club to a gardening club to
a drone club.
To you know something at yourchurch or your temple or the
library community center,something that you create.
Maybe you enjoy growing I don'tknow ferns or lilacs or
(13:35):
whatever.
You could create your own clubdoing that you want to volunteer
.
Volunteering is a huge way tonot only connect with your
community and to see what'sactually happening outside your
front door, but it's a great wayto connect with people who want
to do the same thing that youwant to do for the same cause.
(13:56):
It could be a cause for, youknow, children or seniors, or
hearing impaired or blind oranything at all.
You can definitely volunteer.
Now there's also singularvolunteers.
My mom-in-law lived in aretirement community where there
(14:17):
were thousands and thousands ofunits there in South Florida so
if you've been there you knowwhat I mean and there were
individuals in that communitywho volunteered themselves as
drivers to drive the others inthe community who perhaps
couldn't drive anymore or hadlow vision for whatever reason,
(14:41):
or were completely blind andneeded a driver, and these
people volunteered and becametheir drivers.
So that's a great way toconnect with your immediate
community.
You don't have to necessarilyjoin a group.
If you live in a, let's say, arural area where there aren't
(15:01):
any opportunities for groupsettings, think about getting a
pet.
Pets can be amazing as long asyou can take care of them, as
long as it's the kind of petthat you can care for.
I think, as you're, as an olderperson, it's not very good to
get a large dog, because it'sjust so easy for that dog to
(15:26):
pull you and you fall.
You lose your balance, fall andyou can injure yourself.
Of course, it's not the dog'sfault, it's just a big dog.
So you want to tailor the petthat you have, be it a cat, a
bird, a dog, you know, monkey, Idon't know.
You want to tailor it not onlyto your home environment but to
(15:47):
your lifestyle and to yourphysical capabilities.
And also don't forget to usetechnology like Facebook and
Alexa and you know anything thatyou can use to stay in touch
with those family members andfriends and anyone who's moved
away.
You know I now have friends allover everywhere, multiple
(16:11):
countries, because people move,you know, for jobs, for their
children, all kinds of reasons.
But with Facebook and Zoom andFaceTime and whatever Alexa, we
can still stay in touch and keepup to date in each other's
lives.
(16:31):
And if it's a really goodfriend, you know you can go a
year or so without speaking tothem, but then when you do start
speaking, it's as if no timehas gone by at all.
I'm sure a lot of you haveexperienced that.
So in your community, what canyou look for to socialize?
Where can you go?
(16:51):
There are a lot of wonderfulcommunity resources, usually in
a lot of different areas.
In my immediate area I live ina cluster home community, so the
homes are close by, so you dotend to know your neighbors, so
(17:16):
you do tend to to know yourneighbors.
We have three parks that we areconnected to, so it's very easy
to walk to these parks.
We have a center where we canwalk to and there's restaurants
and shops and arena there notarena, but like a little stage
where they do events and showsand they hold festivals there.
So that's a community, animmediate community, that you
(17:38):
can easily be involved in.
You can join the HOA or createa club within the community of
others that also live in thatsame community.
It makes it so much easier toget to things, especially if
you're older and you havetrouble driving.
But then there's also outsideareas senior centers, where they
(18:01):
have a lot of activities andclasses.
Just up the street from EMILEthere's a beautiful park, a
large park with a communitycenter there and they have
classes there and lectures andyou know political events and
all kinds of things that you cango to, and actually that's
where we all go to vote,exercise classes and sometimes
(18:26):
blood draws.
You know all kind blooddonations, blood draws, all
kinds of events around.
Now I'm fortunate, I purposelychose this specific area because
it had all of these and I knewthat I wanted to age in place as
much as long as I could in thisparticular home.
(18:48):
So I want, I needed somethingthat I didn't have to drive to,
and that was the only reasonthat I chose this area.
So, yes, you may have to moveto actually age in place, but if
you are going to stay in thehome that you've been in for
many years, you want to makesure that you can get to these
(19:11):
community events.
But nowadays that's actuallyquite easy because there's Uber.
There's Lyft, you know.
There's several ride shareprograms.
Communities even have somesenior ride share programs.
So for less money than the costof a car you could go an entire
(19:32):
year most likely and use anUber or a Lyft to get to parties
and events and all of that.
And don't forget the libraries.
I know these days everything ison the Internet and everybody's
searching for things on theInternet.
But hopefully you have avibrant library in your area and
(19:55):
that is a wonderful place tohave events and to go to events.
You know I did a ToastmastersClub meeting there and then some
other meetings as well.
It's a great place to go to bequiet.
They're usually very nice, theyhave great reading areas and
(20:15):
just.
It's just a nice place to go,especially on very hot summer
days when you don't have if youdon't have AC or your community
is having trouble withelectricity.
I know that there are parts ofTexas that tend to have that
sometimes.
So perhaps if you can get inthe car and drive out of that
(20:37):
area and get into a library,that might be helpful Anything
to save yourself and gethydrated from that intense heat
that the country's been havingthis year.
And then there's actual serviceslike meal delivery services,
amazon.
You can pretty much getanything delivered to you from
(20:58):
Amazon.
There are things like Meals onWheels, misfits Market all kinds
of programs that either delivermeals completely made and all
you have to do is heat them up,or they deliver the food where
then you can just cook it.
I just recently joined a Krogerdelivery program.
(21:21):
You pay $60 a year and you canput in your order online, and if
you're getting your itemdelivered the next day or the
day after, then it's total, it'sfree, there's no delivery
charge, and I have to tell youI'm actually spending less on
groceries because I'm notimpulse buying at the grocery
(21:43):
store.
I'm just buying what I need.
So my grocery bills haveactually been cut in half.
So was it worth the $60 a year?
Absolutely, so check it out ifyour grocery store has something
like that, or if you happen tolive near a croaker.
There also are services that youcan get, like for your yard,
(22:08):
for home, you know, cleaningyour home, taking care,
maintenance of your home.
I would urge everyone that, ifpossible, to get things like
your hvac maintained uh, youknow, a central ac and heating
uh, pest control, termite, youknow, control, whatever it is
(22:29):
that you need in your specificarea of the country to keep
those services going.
You know, hopefully your budgetcan allow it because it takes
it, keeps the home wellmaintained so that you don't
have to spend more money to fixup what went wrong after it, you
(22:50):
know, lost its value and roofcame down or who knows what
because we all know that homescan fall apart quite quickly.
So you want to maintain them asmuch as you possibly can.
And, of course, if you needservice, services of a maid once
(23:11):
a month would certainly bebetter than nothing and it's
certainly worth getting the homeclean and, you know, sanitized
sanitized, really, at some pointbecause as you get older, you
tend not to realize how dirtysome things are.
Okay, technology, as I said, isan absolute blessing to us.
(23:36):
These days, we can not onlyconnect with our friends and
family, but we can also connectwith physicians, and now there
are even devices you knowdiabetic devices, blood pressure
devices, cardiac devices thatare connected you know, wi-fi
wise directly to your doctor'soffice, so they get the reports
(23:57):
immediately of what's happeningto you.
It's really amazing.
And the technology of AI thatis coming around the corner,
it's just scratched the surface.
We are in the Model T era of AI.
It is going to be exploding,especially in health care, in
the next several years.
(24:18):
Exploding, especially in healthcare in the next several years.
I am just finishing reading agreat book called the Longevity
Economy.
I urge you to check it out.
It's amazing the wonderfulthings that are coming out and
how the economy is going to beshifting because of all of this.
Now, remember there's 10,000people a day turning 65, and
(24:40):
that's going to continue until2030.
That's just the baby boomers,and then, after that is the next
generation what is that?
The millennials?
And then they are going to bein that senior age group.
So, pretty much for the next 20years or more, we're going the
country america and canada aregoing to be enveloped in this
(25:04):
senior um society.
So you're going to be seeing alot of ads for medication and
you probably already do a lot ofproducts, resources, services,
all kinds of things for seniors,and Aging in Place is just one
of them.
It's one of the reasons why wecreated the directory, because
(25:27):
it was difficult to find allthese different services that
you need to to do what it isthat you needed to do in your
home.
So, but, yes, the longevityeconomy, check it out.
So how do you find theseresources?
Well, I would say, initially,obviously, look in your local
(25:48):
newspaper.
You know, just drive aroundyour own community, call your
local area on agency on agingarea on agency on aging.
Obviously you can ask yourdoctor or therapist, ask your
friends, accountant, anyone inyour area, their ideas.
Do they know of any places,even if it's a yoga center, a
(26:12):
meditation center, anything likethat?
Your churches, your temples?
You may not want to go to theirevents or their organizations,
but they may have connections toother organizations that you
may be interested in.
You know anything photography,taking up photography clubs at
(26:34):
the Sierra Club, you know theyhave a lot of photography hikes,
anything like that.
Go bird watching, you know,create your own group, anything
like that, to get out and enjoyand learn, because while you're
out there and learning to use anew camera or a new smartphone
or oh no, I just completelyblanked out on the word a droid,
(27:07):
yeah, droid, you're challengingyour brain, you're stimulating
it and you're hopefully, youknow, building brain cells to
fight off things like dementiaand Alzheimer's.
And then, of course, course,visit the library.
They usually know everything,they have a pulse on everything
that's happening in thecommunity and if you're taking
care of an older person, youknow, remember to help them to
(27:30):
get socially active.
Don't forget about yourself.
I'm not saying to forget aboutyourself, I'm just saying if you
notice that there's a paradecoming to town next weekend or
whatever you know, let yourolder family members know that
that's happening.
(27:50):
Maybe you can make a familyevent out of it, or at least let
them know that it's coming up.
All right, before we wrap up, Iwant to share a few tips on
staying socially active andconnected.
One, the very first thing I'llsay, is to stay curious Always,
(28:12):
always be open to learning newthings and to meeting new people
.
My father-in-law was the mostcurious man I ever met in my
life.
I mean, he was curious abouteverything in life and it was
amazing and that's why he livedwell into his 90s and that
(28:33):
curiosity kept him active.
I mean, he worked until a weekor two before he passed away.
He just kept on working becausehe was so interested in his
work and the new you knowevolutions, the new things that
were coming out in his career.
(28:53):
It was quite amazing.
He was amazing.
You want to be proactive, youwant to take the initiative to
reach out to friends and family.
Don't wait for them to comejoin you.
As I said at the beginning,it's not a tick for tack type of
thing.
You want to be proactive.
It doesn't matter if you calledthem the last 50 times, call
(29:15):
them again, keep doing it, andif you feel that you know they
maybe are not wanting to do it,be up front with it.
As we get older one of thethings that I like to say now
that I'm you know well into my60s I'm 66 I say you know I have
(29:36):
x number of days on the planet.
I don't want to waste it onpeople who don't really want to
hang around with me, so youshouldn't either.
So be up front.
The worst thing can happen isthat you don't uh, you make
another friend in place of them.
You want to get involved, joinclubs, volunteer, participate
(29:56):
any way that you can, and youwant to embrace technology,
because it's not going away.
You know, buy that newtelevision set, learn to use
that new remote.
You know, figure out how to.
You know watch plethora ofYouTube videos.
There's so many YouTube videoson so many things.
And if your YouTube video isn'tenough, you know, grab a young
(30:18):
person that you know They'llteach you, hopefully, and you
can learn that way.
Or take classes.
There's so many wonderful,great classes.
I think Apple also has a classfor seniors, I'm not sure.
Check it out.
And, of course, don't ever,ever be afraid to seek help.
If you need help with yourlaundry, with maintaining the
(30:41):
home, the yard to you knowyourself, cooking, getting to
the bank, anything at all, don'tbe afraid to ask for help,
because everyone needs helpevery now and then and, honestly
, I think we all need help allthe time.
So this was a long podcast.
(31:05):
Well, I hope that it wasinformative.
I hope you were able to learn afew things or two and, if so,
if you need to share it withsenior loved ones, feel free, of
course, to share the podcast.
Sit down with them a glass ofwine, cup of coffee, vodka,
whatever and listen to thepodcast and talk about it.
(31:28):
You know, discuss it.
What's important to you, whatare the values in your life and
how are you going to keepyourself active emotionally,
physically and mentally?
All right, feel free tosubscribe we are so grateful for
each and every single one ofour subscribers and, of course,
(31:48):
share our podcast.
Give us a like, give us yourcomments, let us know what you
think and I look forward toreading them.
All right, catch you next time.
Thank you so much for listening.
Bye.
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!