November 8, 2024 • 21 mins
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Picture this: the aroma of a holiday roast filling the air, laughter ringing through a room full of colorful plates, and everyone—from the youngest to the most senior—feeling cherished and included. That's the kind of celebration we're talking about, but with a twist. As our family members age, our beloved traditions may need a little tweaking to accommodate their changing needs. Listen as we explore the art of adapting these traditions, whether it’s changing up the holiday menu for dietary needs, arranging seating for easy mobility, or even hosting a virtual gathering to bring far-away relatives into the fold. It’s all about keeping that warm, comforting feeling while ensuring nobody is left out in the cold.
But there's more than just the holidays to think about. We also highlight how small changes can make a big difference for family members with special needs, such as visual challenges or dementia. Ever considered how using colorful, contrasting dinnerware or larger-handled utensils can enhance a dining experience? Or how intimate gatherings and memory triggers like photo albums can keep loved ones with dementia engaged and connected? With a touch of humor and plenty of heart, we reveal how families can not only preserve but also evolve their cherished customs to be more inclusive and stress-free. Join us for some laughs, some wisdom, and a whole lot of love as we help you prepare for a holiday celebration that everyone can enjoy.
Thanks for listening!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Hey everyone, welcome back to the Aging in Place
Directory podcast.
I'm Esther Kane, your host.
Today we're going to be talkingabout family traditions because
the holidays are just aroundthe corner and it's a time when,
traditionally, families gettogether and they celebrate.
(00:22):
You know, cherish traditionsthat they've had passed on from
one generation to the other.
My family didn't.
We didn't really havetraditions in my family that I
can recall.
We moved around so much, youknow, from city to city, state
to state, country to country.
It didn't seem like we wereever any place where we could,
(00:45):
you know, do the same thing overand over again.
So if you had that luxury, Ithink that's, that's really
wonderful.
But you, of course, you want tokeep them as long as you
possibly can.
But, as we all do, you know youhave members in your family
that age, as we all do.
So how do you adapt some ofthose traditions if they need to
(01:07):
be?
So?
I'm going to talk about eightdifferent subtopics on this
issue and I hope that theinformation is useful for you.
Of course, before I get startedon that, of course you know,
subscribe to our podcast.
If you're watching this onYouTube, subscribe to the
YouTube channel.
We appreciate each and everysingle one of our subscribers,
(01:30):
and we put out a podcast andvideo every single week.
All right.
So why do traditions even matter?
Why do people even do them?
Well, traditions are reallymore than just routine events,
not, you know, something thatyou do all the time.
They're just, they're reallythe heart of family life.
They're the sense of security.
You know that your family doesthese things for these
(01:53):
particular holidays, whateverholiday it is Thanksgiving,
halloween, christmas, hanukkah,whatever.
It's a sense of familiarity.
You know whatever it's a senseof familiarity.
And as family members age,though, traditions sometimes
need small adjustments, you know, to accommodate everyone.
(02:13):
I mean, it could be anythingfrom, you know, changing the
traditional menu to accommodatedietary needs, to changing
seating to accommodate mobilityproblems, anything at all.
So embracing these changes isreally a very loving act towards
the people who need them, butyou're still keeping the same
(02:39):
tradition.
You're just altering it a tinylittle bit, all right.
So the second thing I want totalk about is open communication
, because it's the mostimpactful way to adapt family
traditions, to talk about it.
You know, talking openly withyour loved ones about their
(02:59):
needs and their concerns canreally prevent any
misunderstandings at the holidayevent at the table and it
allows everyone to contribute toa solution to that tradition.
It's a great way to geteveryone together before you get
together, and it's especiallyimportant with aging family
(03:24):
members who may not always, youknow, voice their their thoughts
.
Some have no trouble voicingtheir thoughts, but for the ones
that do, you know they may feelthey don't want to interfere,
they don't want to be, you know,singled out, or they don't want
to change things just for them.
(03:45):
But if you do it for them, ifyou acknowledge them in that
process, if you talk to themabout it, then I personally
think that makes them feel extraspecial.
You know I have certain dietaryneeds, and my friends know that.
So when I'm invited there fordinner, they always make sure to
(04:06):
either make a separate thingfor me or to make the entire
meal, you know, dairy-free.
That's what I can't have dairy.
So they accommodate me and it'san extremely loving thing to do
, because I know they wouldnormally eat something piled
with butter and cheese, but forme they don't, which I think is
(04:26):
very loving.
So your family member wouldalso feel that way, I'm sure.
So an example that I put downhere is imagine a grandmother
who no longer wants to travel oris unable to travel for the
holidays.
But of course you know shefeels obligated to get to
(04:47):
whoever's house is having theevent.
So an honest conversation withher might reveal that she feel
more comfortable celebrating ita different weekend or even
joining it.
Virtually Small adjustments likethese can make a huge
difference in everyone's holidayexperience.
(05:09):
You know a friend of mine thisyear is doing Thanksgiving on a
separate weekend because her son, who's a policeman, is unable
to attend that particularThanksgiving day.
So they're doing it on anotherweekend and that's fine, it
doesn't matter really when youdo it, it's just that you
(05:31):
celebrate the event with yourfamily and keep the traditions
that you do for that particularholiday.
So the third thing I want totalk about is honoring roles and
hosting babies.
So over time, of course, we allknow the roles that our loved
ones play in family.
Traditions, you know, naturallyevolve.
(05:53):
You know it's essential tohonor the part each person has
contributed.
And even if they're no longerable to do so, you know to
handle the responsibilities Imean an aging person, an aging
loved one, you know to handlethe responsibilities I mean an
aging person, an aging loved one, you know brings with them
their experience, their stories,their perspectives, which are
(06:15):
really invaluable for anycelebration.
Why?
Because they've done it 50times, 60 times or however many
times They've been through it.
They know what to do with theturkey and the Christmas cookies
and you know the Hanukkah meals.
They have done it.
My mom-in-law hosted dinners for80 plus people for many, many
(06:37):
years and then when she got tothe point where you know, in her
late 90s, when she simplycouldn't do it anymore, then it
became a contributory thingwhere everybody contributed a
meal, something to bring in.
Because it was difficult forher to go anywhere, we would
always just go there.
It was much easier for her.
(06:59):
So consider asking them if theycan't contribute with making
the meal or with setting up thetable or even hosting at the
home.
You know, consider asking themto get.
You know, give stories you know, especially to the
grandchildren or the youngergeneration cousins.
And, you know, get stories frompast events, past holidays,
(07:24):
maybe even you know the time.
You know someone put, um, apyrex dish on a stove and it
exploded.
That happened at one of mydinners.
Um, you know a time someonecame three hours late and
everything was cold.
I mean anything.
All kinds of stories can comeup and if you remember some, you
(07:44):
can certainly you know withthat story in case they may not
remember or may feel embarrassedto talk about it.
But it's a great way to andeven bring out photos.
You can bring out photos ofpast holidays.
That's always a good way totalk about who's who and look
(08:04):
what they're wearing 30 yearsago.
And all of that All right.
The fourth thing I want to talkabout is timing.
Timing is pretty mucheverything and pretty much
everything that we do, butespecially holidays.
So making family gatheringseasier for everyone is really
sometimes just simply adjustingthe timing.
(08:28):
So instead of havingThanksgiving dinner at 6 o'clock
, you know, you may have it at 2pm, so that they don't an older
person doesn't have to stay uptoo late.
If that's normally how they are, it can be exhausting, it can
be very difficult for them.
Or maybe they take naps in theafternoon and stay up late at
(08:50):
night, I don't know.
Then you just can accommodate.
Again, talking with them.
Speaking with them can give youideas of what to do.
So think about shifting thetime to accommodate them.
Most younger adults canaccommodate much easier than an
older person.
So one family that I know,celebrated their holiday
(09:14):
actually over several days,instead of doing it all at once.
This was a Christmas event, butthey celebrated it all at once.
They did presents one day and,just you know, some snacks, and
then they did a dinner anotherday, and this allowed everyone
to participate and not feel sooverwhelmed and so tired and,
(09:38):
you know, spending the entireday really disrupting their
routine and schedule.
And routine and schedule, asyou know, when you get older, is
extremely, extremely important.
All right, so the fifth thing Iwant to talk about, number five,
is food considerations.
You know, adapting to dietaryneeds.
This can pretty much be a veryeasy thing to do.
(10:00):
There's almost every singlepossible way that you can adapt
a traditional menu to meetsomeone's needs.
And if someone becomes avegetarian, then, yeah, they
don't have to eat the ham or theturkey, or the roast or the
lasagna with the ground beef,you know, but you can make
something else for them.
Dairy is a little moredifficult.
(10:24):
Most recipes holiday recipescall for some form of dairy, but
there's always all kinds ofalternatives that you can use,
especially nowadays with soy andalmond milk and goat cheese and
feta cheese.
I mean, there's all kinds ofdifferent alternatives that you
can use that are not you knowdairy, so you can make.
(10:48):
You can still make thetraditional meals, or you know
elements, and then you can makethe newer ones or a version that
would be for you know the groupthat is either gluten-free or
dairy-free or low salt orsugar-free or whatever.
(11:08):
Whatever diet they're on seemslike there's a million diets
these days and it's not justabout food either.
It's also about the drinks thealcoholic drink for
non-alcoholic drinks, the sodasyou know, for seniors who might
be on medication, they reallyshouldn't be drinking alcohol.
So you kind of want to have anon-alcoholic version commercial
(11:38):
for one on TV today.
Actually I can't think of it.
It's on Amazon.
But if you go on amazoncom andtype in non-alcoholic drinks,
you'll find several that you canselect and you can choose for
your holiday.
And they can.
They can do that, and a greatway to spruce up a holiday drink
is to include a piece of fruita lime or an orange or anything
like that, if they can tolerateit in there.
(12:00):
Or even, you know, put that,have like a lime juice or orange
juice or any kind of juice andput it in an ice cube and then
use that ice cube in that drinkand then it gives it that little
bit of flavor in the drink.
Alright, the sixth thing I wantto talk about is creating the
(12:22):
environment.
You know, making sure that theenvironment can accommodate that
person.
For older family members thatmay have hearing or vision
impairments, you know you wantto make sure to seat them where.
If they can hear well on theirleft ear, then you want to make
sure to seat them in a way thatthey can hear the person next to
(12:45):
them.
Or, you know, the table fromtheir left ear, maybe put the
right ear, you know, have thatside towards the wall.
For someone with visualimpairment, you want to make
sure to have things as colorfulas possible on their plate.
Have a.
You want to make sure to havethings as colorful as possible
on their plate.
Have a colorful plate.
Make sure the plate isn't thesame color as the tablecloth so
that they can see the difference.
(13:07):
If they have tactile problems,you want to make sure that the
fork, the knife, the spoon,whatever has a large handle so
they can manage it.
If anything, they may bringtheir own so they can manage it.
If anything, they may bringtheir own so they can use that
you know, just simpleadjustments, things to
accommodate whatever it is thatthat person needs.
And again, communicating withthem can help you to understand
(13:30):
what they may need and then theycan bring what they need so
that they can enjoy the dinnerand the events along with
everybody else.
It's the same event, it's justa little different to
accommodate that person orpersons All right.
Number seven is talking I wantedto talk about if you have a
(13:53):
loved one with dementia.
This creates a whole anotherlayer and it's very difficult to
talk about this particularissue because it depends on what
stage of dementia they're in.
It depends on what symptomsthey're showing.
Everyone is basically a littledifferent when it comes to that
(14:14):
terrible disease of dementia.
So traditions can be verydifficult to keep for people
with dementia, not only becauseof memory issues but because of
behavioral issues.
For someone with dementia it'susually better to have a very
(14:36):
quiet environment.
Routine is extremely importantfor someone with dementia, so
you want to make sure to keep,if you can, to keep things small
.
It may be that, with that, partof the celebration that you
have with that person withdementia is just maybe the
(14:57):
immediate family, maybe just afew people.
Keep it quiet, keep it simple,not too long, not too many hours
, and then you can have anothercelebration with the rest of the
family, or maybe that personcan just come for an hour for
that second celebration and then, you know, then leave and go
(15:19):
home.
I mean, if they can'tparticipate in the same way that
they used to, then, you know,do what they can.
And again, that that's where thecommunication comes in.
And you're speaking with theircaregiver.
You know what can they do?
You know, can they help?
You know, can they help to setthe table?
Can they help to make themashed potatoes?
(15:43):
Can they?
You know, whatever, use them,you know, have them participate
in that, because of courseeverybody wants to be useful and
everybody wants to be needed.
So you want to incorporate that.
But you want to keep the timeshort, not too long, most often
not certainly every singleperson with dementia and you
(16:06):
want to keep the environmentfairly quiet and the routine
fairly.
So if they tend to eat normallyevery day at five o'clock, then
you want to have your meal atfive o'clock.
It just keeps it, it, it, it's.
It's your way of trying toavoid any upheaval or be or any
(16:29):
behavior, because for someonewith dementia the world is
already extremely confusing, andwhen things get out of routine
then it becomes even moreconfusing.
And you and I both know thatwhen we become confused with any
situation it's very easy to getagitated, and and that would be
exactly the same with someonewith dementia.
(16:51):
But you know, to make it easierfor them also, you can put name
tags on people so that they cansee it.
You can have photo albums, youknow, and have conversations
with them about people in thephoto albums, and Normally
long-term memory is usuallyintact for a very long time.
For the first several stages ofdementia, long-term memory is
(17:14):
there.
It's the short-term memory thatgets defunct with older adults
with dementia.
So think of ways andcommunicate with their caregiver
on how to make the event aspeaceful and loving for that
person and for everyone else aswell.
All right, so the very lastthing I want to talk about is
(17:37):
embracing new traditions isevolving.
There's an old story of a womanwho you know.
Her husband notices that everytime she gets a roast, you know,
she cuts off the ends of theroast and then she puts it in
the pan and she roasts, you know, bakes it in the oven.
And so one time he asked her.
(17:58):
He said why do you cut the endsoff?
And she said I don't know.
My mother always did that.
He goes.
Well, why did she do that?
She said I don't know.
So she called her mother andshe said I don't know.
So she called her mother andshe said Mom, why did you always
cut the ends of the roast whenyou put it in the oven, when
you're cooking it?
And the mother said because itwouldn't fit in the pan.
She didn't have a bigger pan.
(18:19):
So if you are doing a traditionbecause you think that's how it
should always be done, find outwhy it's being done that way,
and maybe it doesn't have to bedone that way.
So don't be afraid to embracesomething new, to change it a
little bit, to accommodate newtools, new equipment.
(18:40):
You know, new activities, newenvironment.
You know anything at all as allour families grow and change.
You know people get married,children come into the fold,
traditions can also change aswell, and embracing them,
embracing these new activitiesand incorporating them, maybe
(19:02):
even combining them with olderactivities, is a great way to
continue growing and changingand evolving with the family
around you that is evolving.
So I hope that this informationhelped because I know the
holidays are just around thecorner.
Why they're all at one time, Idon't know, but they are.
(19:23):
So let's get ready to have agreat time each of these holiday
events for everyone, foryourself, for your family, old,
young, everyone.
All right, don't forget tosubscribe to our podcast and our
YouTube channel, however you'rewatching this or listening to
(19:45):
this, and I do appreciate yourtime.
Thank you very much, and formore information, visit our site
at aginginplacedirectorycom,and I will see you next time.
Bye.
Hey everyone, welcome back to the Aging in Place
Directory podcast.
I'm Esther Kane, your host.
Today we're going to be talkingabout family traditions because
the holidays are just aroundthe corner and it's a time when,
traditionally, families gettogether and they celebrate.
(00:22):
You know, cherish traditionsthat they've had passed on from
one generation to the other.
My family didn't.
We didn't really havetraditions in my family that I
can recall.
We moved around so much, youknow, from city to city, state
to state, country to country.
It didn't seem like we wereever any place where we could,
(00:45):
you know, do the same thing overand over again.
So if you had that luxury, Ithink that's, that's really
wonderful.
But you, of course, you want tokeep them as long as you
possibly can.
But, as we all do, you know youhave members in your family
that age, as we all do.
So how do you adapt some ofthose traditions if they need to
(01:07):
be?
So?
I'm going to talk about eightdifferent subtopics on this
issue and I hope that theinformation is useful for you.
Of course, before I get startedon that, of course you know,
subscribe to our podcast.
If you're watching this onYouTube, subscribe to the
YouTube channel.
We appreciate each and everysingle one of our subscribers,
(01:30):
and we put out a podcast andvideo every single week.
All right.
So why do traditions even matter?
Why do people even do them?
Well, traditions are reallymore than just routine events,
not, you know, something thatyou do all the time.
They're just, they're reallythe heart of family life.
They're the sense of security.
You know that your family doesthese things for these
(01:53):
particular holidays, whateverholiday it is Thanksgiving,
halloween, christmas, hanukkah,whatever.
It's a sense of familiarity.
You know whatever it's a senseof familiarity.
And as family members age,though, traditions sometimes
need small adjustments, you know, to accommodate everyone.
(02:13):
I mean, it could be anythingfrom, you know, changing the
traditional menu to accommodatedietary needs, to changing
seating to accommodate mobilityproblems, anything at all.
So embracing these changes isreally a very loving act towards
the people who need them, butyou're still keeping the same
(02:39):
tradition.
You're just altering it a tinylittle bit, all right.
So the second thing I want totalk about is open communication
, because it's the mostimpactful way to adapt family
traditions, to talk about it.
You know, talking openly withyour loved ones about their
(02:59):
needs and their concerns canreally prevent any
misunderstandings at the holidayevent at the table and it
allows everyone to contribute toa solution to that tradition.
It's a great way to geteveryone together before you get
together, and it's especiallyimportant with aging family
(03:24):
members who may not always, youknow, voice their their thoughts
.
Some have no trouble voicingtheir thoughts, but for the ones
that do, you know they may feelthey don't want to interfere,
they don't want to be, you know,singled out, or they don't want
to change things just for them.
(03:45):
But if you do it for them, ifyou acknowledge them in that
process, if you talk to themabout it, then I personally
think that makes them feel extraspecial.
You know I have certain dietaryneeds, and my friends know that.
So when I'm invited there fordinner, they always make sure to
(04:06):
either make a separate thingfor me or to make the entire
meal, you know, dairy-free.
That's what I can't have dairy.
So they accommodate me and it'san extremely loving thing to do
, because I know they wouldnormally eat something piled
with butter and cheese, but forme they don't, which I think is
(04:26):
very loving.
So your family member wouldalso feel that way, I'm sure.
So an example that I put downhere is imagine a grandmother
who no longer wants to travel oris unable to travel for the
holidays.
But of course you know shefeels obligated to get to
(04:47):
whoever's house is having theevent.
So an honest conversation withher might reveal that she feel
more comfortable celebrating ita different weekend or even
joining it.
Virtually Small adjustments likethese can make a huge
difference in everyone's holidayexperience.
(05:09):
You know a friend of mine thisyear is doing Thanksgiving on a
separate weekend because her son, who's a policeman, is unable
to attend that particularThanksgiving day.
So they're doing it on anotherweekend and that's fine, it
doesn't matter really when youdo it, it's just that you
(05:31):
celebrate the event with yourfamily and keep the traditions
that you do for that particularholiday.
So the third thing I want totalk about is honoring roles and
hosting babies.
So over time, of course, we allknow the roles that our loved
ones play in family.
Traditions, you know, naturallyevolve.
(05:53):
You know it's essential tohonor the part each person has
contributed.
And even if they're no longerable to do so, you know to
handle the responsibilities Imean an aging person, an aging
loved one, you know to handlethe responsibilities I mean an
aging person, an aging loved one, you know brings with them
their experience, their stories,their perspectives, which are
(06:15):
really invaluable for anycelebration.
Why?
Because they've done it 50times, 60 times or however many
times They've been through it.
They know what to do with theturkey and the Christmas cookies
and you know the Hanukkah meals.
They have done it.
My mom-in-law hosted dinners for80 plus people for many, many
(06:37):
years and then when she got tothe point where you know, in her
late 90s, when she simplycouldn't do it anymore, then it
became a contributory thingwhere everybody contributed a
meal, something to bring in.
Because it was difficult forher to go anywhere, we would
always just go there.
It was much easier for her.
(06:59):
So consider asking them if theycan't contribute with making
the meal or with setting up thetable or even hosting at the
home.
You know, consider asking themto get.
You know, give stories you know, especially to the
grandchildren or the youngergeneration cousins.
And, you know, get stories frompast events, past holidays,
(07:24):
maybe even you know the time.
You know someone put, um, apyrex dish on a stove and it
exploded.
That happened at one of mydinners.
Um, you know a time someonecame three hours late and
everything was cold.
I mean anything.
All kinds of stories can comeup and if you remember some, you
(07:44):
can certainly you know withthat story in case they may not
remember or may feel embarrassedto talk about it.
But it's a great way to andeven bring out photos.
You can bring out photos ofpast holidays.
That's always a good way totalk about who's who and look
(08:04):
what they're wearing 30 yearsago.
And all of that All right.
The fourth thing I want to talkabout is timing.
Timing is pretty mucheverything and pretty much
everything that we do, butespecially holidays.
So making family gatheringseasier for everyone is really
sometimes just simply adjustingthe timing.
(08:28):
So instead of havingThanksgiving dinner at 6 o'clock
, you know, you may have it at 2pm, so that they don't an older
person doesn't have to stay uptoo late.
If that's normally how they are, it can be exhausting, it can
be very difficult for them.
Or maybe they take naps in theafternoon and stay up late at
(08:50):
night, I don't know.
Then you just can accommodate.
Again, talking with them.
Speaking with them can give youideas of what to do.
So think about shifting thetime to accommodate them.
Most younger adults canaccommodate much easier than an
older person.
So one family that I know,celebrated their holiday
(09:14):
actually over several days,instead of doing it all at once.
This was a Christmas event, butthey celebrated it all at once.
They did presents one day and,just you know, some snacks, and
then they did a dinner anotherday, and this allowed everyone
to participate and not feel sooverwhelmed and so tired and,
(09:38):
you know, spending the entireday really disrupting their
routine and schedule.
And routine and schedule, asyou know, when you get older, is
extremely, extremely important.
All right, so the fifth thing Iwant to talk about, number five,
is food considerations.
You know, adapting to dietaryneeds.
This can pretty much be a veryeasy thing to do.
(10:00):
There's almost every singlepossible way that you can adapt
a traditional menu to meetsomeone's needs.
And if someone becomes avegetarian, then, yeah, they
don't have to eat the ham or theturkey, or the roast or the
lasagna with the ground beef,you know, but you can make
something else for them.
Dairy is a little moredifficult.
(10:24):
Most recipes holiday recipescall for some form of dairy, but
there's always all kinds ofalternatives that you can use,
especially nowadays with soy andalmond milk and goat cheese and
feta cheese.
I mean, there's all kinds ofdifferent alternatives that you
can use that are not you knowdairy, so you can make.
(10:48):
You can still make thetraditional meals, or you know
elements, and then you can makethe newer ones or a version that
would be for you know the groupthat is either gluten-free or
dairy-free or low salt orsugar-free or whatever.
(11:08):
Whatever diet they're on seemslike there's a million diets
these days and it's not justabout food either.
It's also about the drinks thealcoholic drink for
non-alcoholic drinks, the sodasyou know, for seniors who might
be on medication, they reallyshouldn't be drinking alcohol.
So you kind of want to have anon-alcoholic version commercial
(11:38):
for one on TV today.
Actually I can't think of it.
It's on Amazon.
But if you go on amazoncom andtype in non-alcoholic drinks,
you'll find several that you canselect and you can choose for
your holiday.
And they can.
They can do that, and a greatway to spruce up a holiday drink
is to include a piece of fruita lime or an orange or anything
like that, if they can tolerateit in there.
(12:00):
Or even, you know, put that,have like a lime juice or orange
juice or any kind of juice andput it in an ice cube and then
use that ice cube in that drinkand then it gives it that little
bit of flavor in the drink.
Alright, the sixth thing I wantto talk about is creating the
(12:22):
environment.
You know, making sure that theenvironment can accommodate that
person.
For older family members thatmay have hearing or vision
impairments, you know you wantto make sure to seat them where.
If they can hear well on theirleft ear, then you want to make
sure to seat them in a way thatthey can hear the person next to
(12:45):
them.
Or, you know, the table fromtheir left ear, maybe put the
right ear, you know, have thatside towards the wall.
For someone with visualimpairment, you want to make
sure to have things as colorfulas possible on their plate.
Have a.
You want to make sure to havethings as colorful as possible
on their plate.
Have a colorful plate.
Make sure the plate isn't thesame color as the tablecloth so
that they can see the difference.
(13:07):
If they have tactile problems,you want to make sure that the
fork, the knife, the spoon,whatever has a large handle so
they can manage it.
If anything, they may bringtheir own so they can manage it.
If anything, they may bringtheir own so they can use that
you know, just simpleadjustments, things to
accommodate whatever it is thatthat person needs.
And again, communicating withthem can help you to understand
(13:30):
what they may need and then theycan bring what they need so
that they can enjoy the dinnerand the events along with
everybody else.
It's the same event, it's justa little different to
accommodate that person orpersons All right.
Number seven is talking I wantedto talk about if you have a
(13:53):
loved one with dementia.
This creates a whole anotherlayer and it's very difficult to
talk about this particularissue because it depends on what
stage of dementia they're in.
It depends on what symptomsthey're showing.
Everyone is basically a littledifferent when it comes to that
(14:14):
terrible disease of dementia.
So traditions can be verydifficult to keep for people
with dementia, not only becauseof memory issues but because of
behavioral issues.
For someone with dementia it'susually better to have a very
(14:36):
quiet environment.
Routine is extremely importantfor someone with dementia, so
you want to make sure to keep,if you can, to keep things small
.
It may be that, with that, partof the celebration that you
have with that person withdementia is just maybe the
(14:57):
immediate family, maybe just afew people.
Keep it quiet, keep it simple,not too long, not too many hours
, and then you can have anothercelebration with the rest of the
family, or maybe that personcan just come for an hour for
that second celebration and then, you know, then leave and go
(15:19):
home.
I mean, if they can'tparticipate in the same way that
they used to, then, you know,do what they can.
And again, that that's where thecommunication comes in.
And you're speaking with theircaregiver.
You know what can they do?
You know, can they help?
You know, can they help to setthe table?
Can they help to make themashed potatoes?
(15:43):
Can they?
You know, whatever, use them,you know, have them participate
in that, because of courseeverybody wants to be useful and
everybody wants to be needed.
So you want to incorporate that.
But you want to keep the timeshort, not too long, most often
not certainly every singleperson with dementia and you
(16:06):
want to keep the environmentfairly quiet and the routine
fairly.
So if they tend to eat normallyevery day at five o'clock, then
you want to have your meal atfive o'clock.
It just keeps it, it, it, it's.
It's your way of trying toavoid any upheaval or be or any
(16:29):
behavior, because for someonewith dementia the world is
already extremely confusing, andwhen things get out of routine
then it becomes even moreconfusing.
And you and I both know thatwhen we become confused with any
situation it's very easy to getagitated, and and that would be
exactly the same with someonewith dementia.
(16:51):
But you know, to make it easierfor them also, you can put name
tags on people so that they cansee it.
You can have photo albums, youknow, and have conversations
with them about people in thephoto albums, and Normally
long-term memory is usuallyintact for a very long time.
For the first several stages ofdementia, long-term memory is
(17:14):
there.
It's the short-term memory thatgets defunct with older adults
with dementia.
So think of ways andcommunicate with their caregiver
on how to make the event aspeaceful and loving for that
person and for everyone else aswell.
All right, so the very lastthing I want to talk about is
(17:37):
embracing new traditions isevolving.
There's an old story of a womanwho you know.
Her husband notices that everytime she gets a roast, you know,
she cuts off the ends of theroast and then she puts it in
the pan and she roasts, you know, bakes it in the oven.
And so one time he asked her.
(17:58):
He said why do you cut the endsoff?
And she said I don't know.
My mother always did that.
He goes.
Well, why did she do that?
She said I don't know.
So she called her mother andshe said I don't know.
So she called her mother andshe said Mom, why did you always
cut the ends of the roast whenyou put it in the oven, when
you're cooking it?
And the mother said because itwouldn't fit in the pan.
She didn't have a bigger pan.
(18:19):
So if you are doing a traditionbecause you think that's how it
should always be done, find outwhy it's being done that way,
and maybe it doesn't have to bedone that way.
So don't be afraid to embracesomething new, to change it a
little bit, to accommodate newtools, new equipment.
(18:40):
You know, new activities, newenvironment.
You know anything at all as allour families grow and change.
You know people get married,children come into the fold,
traditions can also change aswell, and embracing them,
embracing these new activitiesand incorporating them, maybe
(19:02):
even combining them with olderactivities, is a great way to
continue growing and changingand evolving with the family
around you that is evolving.
So I hope that this informationhelped because I know the
holidays are just around thecorner.
Why they're all at one time, Idon't know, but they are.
(19:23):
So let's get ready to have agreat time each of these holiday
events for everyone, foryourself, for your family, old,
young, everyone.
All right, don't forget tosubscribe to our podcast and our
YouTube channel, however you'rewatching this or listening to
(19:45):
this, and I do appreciate yourtime.
Thank you very much, and formore information, visit our site
at aginginplacedirectorycom,and I will see you next time.
Bye.
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