August 29, 2025 • 13 mins
Welcome to AI Café Conversations — the space where neuroscience meets AI for executives.
In this episode, host Sahar Andrade, Forbes contributor and executive coach, explores the empathy deficit in leadership. Drawing on brain science and real-world coaching insights, Sahar unpacks why leaders struggle to connect, how neuroscience explains this gap, and where AI tools can support executives without requiring technical expertise.
💡 What you’ll take away:
✓ Neuroscience-backed methods to rebuild trust and connection in leadership
✓ AI coaching tools for executives that support clarity and performance (no coding required)
✓ Human-centered AI frameworks that strengthen team dynamics
✓ How to overcome the emotional barriers that keep leaders from embracing AI
This episode is designed for executives, HR professionals, and coaches who feel the urgency of AI adoption but refuse to lose sight of the human heart of leadership.
Email me at sahar@saharconsulting.com with questions or topic suggestions for future episodes.
My book "The Coach's Brain Meets AI" is available on Amazon, and I'll send extra guides if you email me after purchasing. Follow me on LinkedIn (Sahar Andrade) and Instagram (Sahar the Reinvent Coach).
Subscribe now to start transforming your leadership with Human-Centered AI!
If you have any questions Email me at sahar@saharconsulting.com
Connect with me on Linkedin
Connect with me on IG: @saharthereinventcoach
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:13):
Hello, hello, hello and welcome back to AI Cafe
Conversation.
I'm Sahar, your AI whisperer,and today, though, it's not my
scheduled release for myepisodes, but I wanted to try
something a little bit differentwith you, okay?
So, as many of you know, Iwrite long-form pieces for
Forbes where I dive into theintersections of neuroscience,
(00:37):
AI and human leadership.
Sometimes, words on a page feellike they need a voice, a
rhythm, maybe a dialogue.
Words on a page feel like theyneed a voice, a rhythm, maybe a
dialogue.
So in this episode, you willhear one of my Forbes articles
reimagined as a conversation thebeauty of AI and multiple
applications we can use it for.
Think of it as another cup ofcoffee at our table Same ideas,
(01:03):
new flavor.
Let's pour into it together.
So consider this an extraflavor that I'm adding.
Consider this is actually anextra episode.
I still do my wednesday regularepisode, but this is just an
extra savor it.
Speaker 2 (01:19):
Hope you enjoy it ever feel like you're talking to
a brick wall at work, likeseriously, yeah, your boss just
doesn't get it oh yeah.
Well, you're not alone.
We're diving deep today intothe empathy deficit and
leadership.
Uh-huh, that's a big problemapparently.
Yeah, especially when thingsget tough.
We've got some uh interestingresearch for this deep dive oh
(01:40):
cool including this story abouta we'll just call him john an
executive, okay who had a majorempathy wake-up call during the
pandemic back in 2020.
Speaker 3 (01:51):
What's interesting is that empathy.
A lot of people think it's justlike this, you know
touchy-feely thing, but theresearch really shows that it's
directly linked to like actualmeasurable results.
Speaker 2 (02:00):
Okay.
So like, how bad is thisdeficit Like, give us the hard
numbers, ok.
So like, how bad is thisdeficit Like give us the hard
numbers.
Speaker 3 (02:05):
Well, Gallup, they did a study and found that only
24 percent of employees stronglyagree that their leaders
actually care about theirwell-being.
Speaker 2 (02:13):
Wow.
Speaker 3 (02:14):
Yeah, it's pretty stark statistic Yikes.
Basically, there's a bigdisconnect between what leaders
think they're doing, you know,like how much empathy they think
they're showing, and how theiremployees actually feel.
Speaker 2 (02:24):
So it's not just about like being nice, it's
about creating a workplace wherepeople feel seen, heard, all
that.
Speaker 3 (02:30):
Exactly, and when that's missing, it really can
hurt a company.
I mean, we're talking likedecreased productivity, people
leaving, you know, higherturnover.
Speaker 2 (02:40):
Right.
Speaker 3 (02:40):
Hard to find good people to work there All sorts
of problems.
The Center for CreativeLeadership they've done some
great work on this.
They've actually shown a linkbetween empathy and employee
satisfaction and even howprofitable a company is.
Speaker 2 (02:55):
I've definitely worked for those leaders who are
all about like strategy andtargets.
Speaker 3 (02:59):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (02:59):
But not so much about connecting with their team.
You know, as people, Right.
And it definitely impactsmorale.
But to hear that it canactually hurt a company
financially, that's a wake upcall for sure.
Speaker 3 (03:12):
Yeah, absolutely.
More and more people arerealizing that.
You know, employees aren't justcogs in a machine, they're
people and they have, you know,feelings, and those feelings
really impact their work.
Speaker 2 (03:23):
OK, so let's's get into the nitty gritty.
How does empathy actually work?
Is this just something you'reborn with?
Can you learn it?
What's the deal?
Speaker 3 (03:31):
It turns out, there's actually a fascinating
neurological basis for empathy.
Speaker 2 (03:36):
Okay.
Speaker 3 (03:36):
We have these things in our brain called mirror
neurons, and they fire when wedo something, but they also fire
when we watch somebody else dothe same thing.
Speaker 2 (03:44):
Interesting.
Speaker 3 (03:44):
Yeah, it's like our brains are trying to actually
simulate what the other person'sexperiencing.
Speaker 2 (03:49):
So I'm like literally mirroring your emotions in my
own brain.
Speaker 3 (03:53):
Kind of yeah, and this mirroring process, it
activates different areas in thebrain, specifically like the
insular cortex, and that helpsus like be aware of our own
emotions and it helps usunderstand other people's
feelings.
Speaker 2 (04:06):
So it's not just like mimicking expressions, it's
like actually tapping into, likewhat's behind them.
Speaker 3 (04:12):
Yeah, exactly.
Speaker 2 (04:13):
Okay, so how does that then like translate into,
say, a stronger bond with yourteam at work?
Speaker 3 (04:20):
That's where oxytocin comes in.
This is a hormone that getsreleased when we experience
empathy, and it plays a reallykey role in how we bond with
each other and how much we trustother people.
Studies have shown that whenleaders show empathy, it can
actually trigger oxytocinrelease in their team team
members.
So it creates a feeling of youknow, connection, and makes
(04:43):
people want to collaborate more.
Speaker 2 (04:45):
Wait, so there's actual science behind this idea
that empathy builds like betterteams.
Speaker 3 (04:50):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (04:51):
Now I'm thinking back to the best teams I've been on.
It's like there was a lot oftrust and understanding there
for sure.
Speaker 3 (04:56):
Exactly, and when a leader lacks empathy, you know
you feel that distance right.
Speaker 2 (05:00):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (05:01):
And it makes you less trusting and that can really
hurt how well a team workstogether.
Speaker 2 (05:04):
Okay, let's get back to John, our executive from the
2020 story.
Speaker 3 (05:07):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (05:08):
What did this empathy deficit like actually look like
in the real world?
Speaker 3 (05:13):
Well, john, he was, you know, one of those classic
results oriented leaders, right,very focused on goals and
deadlines.
You know the type I think soyeah.
When the pandemic hit, his teamwas struggling.
They were stressed, anxious,burned out, and he just didn't
know what to do.
Speaker 2 (05:32):
Oh, wow.
Speaker 3 (05:32):
He was so used to just focusing on the task at
hand he totally missed how histeam was feeling.
Speaker 2 (05:38):
So what did he do to turn things around?
Like did he bring in likeconsultants and motivational
speakers?
What happened?
Speaker 3 (05:44):
No, actually it was way simpler than that.
He just started every meetingby asking his team a simple
question how are you holding up?
Speaker 2 (05:52):
That's it, just asking a question.
Speaker 3 (05:54):
Yeah, that's all it took.
Yeah, but it made a hugedifference, like he was
acknowledging that things weretough.
Speaker 2 (05:59):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (05:59):
And it gave his team a chance to share how they were
doing.
That showed them that he caredabout them as people, not just
employees, and it totallychanged how they interacted with
each other.
Speaker 2 (06:09):
That's incredible, right, like such a small thing
can make such a big difference.
I think we often forget, youknow, to just take a moment to
like, connect as people.
Speaker 3 (06:18):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (06:18):
Before we jump right into business Absolutely.
Speaker 3 (06:21):
And the crazy thing is John's team actually started
performing better after hestarted, you know, being more
empathetic.
Like their productivity went up, engagement increased.
Even customer satisfactionscores got better.
Wow yeah, so it's a win-winright.
Employees feel valued and thecompany sees these like positive
results.
(06:41):
It's like the research istelling us that empathy is not
just the right thing to do, it'salso the smart thing.
Speaker 2 (06:47):
Okay, but let's get practical.
What can our listeners actuallydo to you know?
Become more empathetic.
Speaker 3 (06:54):
Well, the sources we looked at they actually have
some really good strategies andthe good news is they're all
things you can start doing rightaway.
Speaker 2 (07:00):
Okay, good.
Speaker 3 (07:01):
Active listening is a big one.
Speaker 2 (07:02):
I'll admit that's one I struggle with sometimes.
Speaker 1 (07:04):
No, okay.
Speaker 2 (07:05):
Like I get so caught up in what I'm going to say next
that I totally miss, like, whatthe other person is really
trying to tell me.
Speaker 3 (07:11):
Yeah, that's a really common challenge.
But active listening, it goesbeyond just hearing the words.
Speaker 2 (07:16):
Like.
Speaker 3 (07:17):
Like you're paying attention to the emotions behind
them, right.
Speaker 2 (07:29):
You notice their tone of voice, you look at their
body language and you really tryto understand things from their
perspective, so like puttingaside my own thoughts and
focusing on what they're sayingand how they're feeling Exactly.
Speaker 3 (07:33):
Sometimes it even helps to like repeat back what
you heard, just to make sureyou're on the same page.
Speaker 1 (07:37):
Oh yeah.
Speaker 3 (07:37):
It shows that you're really paying attention and that
you care about understandingwhat they're saying.
Speaker 2 (07:41):
What about vulnerability?
Oh yeah, the research mentionedthat too, but that feels kind
of risky yeah, especially atwork.
Speaker 3 (07:48):
It can be for sure, but it's also really powerful
when leaders are willing toshare their own struggles.
It makes it safe for others todo the same.
Speaker 2 (07:56):
Yeah, that makes sense.
Speaker 3 (07:57):
And it breaks down those walls and just lets people
connect.
Speaker 2 (08:00):
It's leading by example, showing it's okay to
not be okay.
People connect.
Speaker 3 (08:03):
It's leading by example showing it's okay to not
be okay.
Speaker 2 (08:04):
Yeah, I can see how that builds trust.
Speaker 3 (08:06):
Yeah.
What else should we add to ourlike empathy toolkit?
Don't underestimate like justregular check-ins, just asking
how are you, and like reallymeaning it can make a huge
difference.
Speaker 2 (08:18):
I think, yeah, we just get so busy and we forget
to just check in with each othersometimes.
Speaker 3 (08:23):
Exactly, and it doesn't have to be a long drawn
out thing, Just a quick how areyou doing?
Shows that you care.
Speaker 2 (08:28):
Okay, what about those times when things are
really rough, like you know,crisis level, tough.
Speaker 3 (08:33):
That's when empathy is like the most important.
When people are scared orstressed, their brains basically
go into that fight or flightmode.
Speaker 2 (08:42):
Oh yeah.
Speaker 3 (08:42):
Like that amygdala.
It's the part of her brain thathandles, you know, fear and all
that.
It takes over and it's hard tothink clearly.
Speaker 2 (08:49):
Oh, I've been there like totally hijacked by my
emotions.
So how does empathy actuallyhelp in those situations?
Leaders who can?
Speaker 3 (09:01):
stay calm and offer support and just be
understanding during a crisis.
That can help their teams getthrough it, and it's important
to realize that everybody reactsto stress differently, and
that's OK.
It's about meeting people wherethey are and offering support,
like flexibility resources orjust listening.
Speaker 2 (09:15):
So it's not about pretending like everything's
fine.
It's about acknowledging thatthings are hard and helping
people cope.
That makes a lot of sense.
Speaker 3 (09:22):
Exactly Like.
Imagine an employee's dealingwith a family emergency.
An empathetic leader mightoffer them, you know, to change
their hours or maybe lightentheir workload.
Speaker 2 (09:32):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (09:33):
It's about finding ways to help them without, you
know, sacrificing the goals.
Speaker 2 (09:38):
Are there any examples in the research of like
real leaders showing empathyduring a crisis?
Speaker 3 (09:44):
Oh, yeah, one of the sources talked about the CEO
during the pandemic.
Like right at the beginning hesent out a company wide email.
Speaker 2 (09:52):
OK.
Speaker 3 (09:52):
And he acknowledged that, like everyone was scared
and uncertain about what wasgoing on, wow.
And he even shared that like hewas struggling with anxiety too
, wow, yeah.
And he told everyone to youknow, make sure they were taking
care of themselves.
Speaker 2 (10:06):
So he wasn't just like here's some resources.
He was like actually beingvulnerable and sharing his own
experience.
Speaker 3 (10:12):
Yeah, exactly, and the employees loved it.
They felt like he reallyunderstood what they were going
through.
It made a huge difference inhow they were able to deal with
all the stress.
Speaker 2 (10:21):
I bet it sounds like the research is really saying
that during a crisis, empathy isessential.
Speaker 3 (10:27):
It really is.
It's how you build resilience,you know how you create trust
and it's how you get throughtough times.
Speaker 2 (10:32):
Okay, so we've covered a lot of ground here.
We talked about the sciencebehind empathy, the business
case for it, and even heard somereal world examples of how it
works in action.
So, like what's the bigtakeaway?
What do we want our listenersto walk away with?
Speaker 3 (10:47):
Well, I think the most important thing to remember
is that empathy is a skill.
Speaker 2 (10:51):
Okay.
Speaker 3 (10:52):
Not a personality trait.
It's something we can all getbetter at.
You know, with practice.
Speaker 2 (10:56):
That's good, Because I think a lot of people think
that they're just like born ofit or not and that's it.
But the research is sayingthat's not true.
Speaker 3 (11:04):
Right, we can all learn to be more empathetic and,
like we said before, thebenefits are huge, not just at
work, but in our personal livestoo.
Speaker 2 (11:11):
So let's say somebody is listening to this and
they're like all right, I get it.
Empathy is important.
Speaker 3 (11:15):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (11:16):
But how do I actually like do it?
Where do they start?
Speaker 3 (11:21):
You know, start small .
Next time you talk to someone,like a coworker, a friend,
whoever take a minute to reallylike tune in to what they're
saying and how they're feeling,like ask them how are you really
doing?
And then just listen, don'tinterrupt, don't judge, don't
try to fix anything, just listento understand.
Speaker 2 (11:40):
Like what we talked about with active listening.
Speaker 3 (11:42):
Yeah, exactly.
Put your own thoughts aside fora minute and just focus on
their experience.
It's not as hard as it sounds.
Speaker 2 (11:46):
No, I like that.
It feels doable.
Speaker 3 (11:48):
It is, and you might be surprised like how much of a
difference it makes for them andfor you.
Speaker 2 (11:54):
This has been a really interesting deep dive,
like it's definitely made merealize I have a lot more to
learn about empathy, but I alsofeel like I have some like real
tools now to start actuallyusing it more.
Speaker 3 (12:06):
That's great to hear and, you know, remember, it's a
journey.
We're not going to be perfectat it all the time, but the
important thing is to keeplearning and keep trying to, you
know, connect with people.
Speaker 2 (12:16):
I love that and, on that note, I want to leave our
listeners with this Think abouta time when you felt truly
understood by someone, like howdid it make you feel?
What did they do or say thatmade you feel seen and heard,
and then, like, hold on to thatfeeling and let it inspire you
to be that kind of person forothers, because the world can be
a pretty tough place sometimesand empathy it's like that
(12:37):
bridge that connects us, youknow, helps us get through it
together.
So thanks for joining us onthis deep dive into empathy.
Until next time, keep learning,keep growing and keep
connecting.
Speaker 1 (12:47):
This was today's Cafe Chat, born from my Forbes
writing and transformed intodialogue about the empathy
deficit in leadership.
I had loved to know whatstirred something inside of you,
what question did it leave youholding and what truth did it
press against.
If it resonated, share thisepisode with someone who might
(13:08):
need it and let me know yourthoughts.
Show me some love, okay,Subscribe, share, like comment.
You can always reach me throughmy LinkedIn profile.
On my site, look for SaharAndrade, or you can email me at
sahar at saharconsultingcom.
I always love to hear from youand remember every week I will
(13:28):
be back here with you for adeeper conversation every
Wednesday, one cup at a time.
Until then, stay present, stayhuman and stay awake.
Love you all Till we meet onthe next episode.
Hello, hello, hello and welcome back to AI Cafe
Conversation.
I'm Sahar, your AI whisperer,and today, though, it's not my
scheduled release for myepisodes, but I wanted to try
something a little bit differentwith you, okay?
So, as many of you know, Iwrite long-form pieces for
Forbes where I dive into theintersections of neuroscience,
(00:37):
AI and human leadership.
Sometimes, words on a page feellike they need a voice, a
rhythm, maybe a dialogue.
Words on a page feel like theyneed a voice, a rhythm, maybe a
dialogue.
So in this episode, you willhear one of my Forbes articles
reimagined as a conversation thebeauty of AI and multiple
applications we can use it for.
Think of it as another cup ofcoffee at our table Same ideas,
(01:03):
new flavor.
Let's pour into it together.
So consider this an extraflavor that I'm adding.
Consider this is actually anextra episode.
I still do my wednesday regularepisode, but this is just an
extra savor it.
Speaker 2 (01:19):
Hope you enjoy it ever feel like you're talking to
a brick wall at work, likeseriously, yeah, your boss just
doesn't get it oh yeah.
Well, you're not alone.
We're diving deep today intothe empathy deficit and
leadership.
Uh-huh, that's a big problemapparently.
Yeah, especially when thingsget tough.
We've got some uh interestingresearch for this deep dive oh
(01:40):
cool including this story abouta we'll just call him john an
executive, okay who had a majorempathy wake-up call during the
pandemic back in 2020.
Speaker 3 (01:51):
What's interesting is that empathy.
A lot of people think it's justlike this, you know
touchy-feely thing, but theresearch really shows that it's
directly linked to like actualmeasurable results.
Speaker 2 (02:00):
Okay.
So like, how bad is thisdeficit Like, give us the hard
numbers, ok.
So like, how bad is thisdeficit Like give us the hard
numbers.
Speaker 3 (02:05):
Well, Gallup, they did a study and found that only
24 percent of employees stronglyagree that their leaders
actually care about theirwell-being.
Speaker 2 (02:13):
Wow.
Speaker 3 (02:14):
Yeah, it's pretty stark statistic Yikes.
Basically, there's a bigdisconnect between what leaders
think they're doing, you know,like how much empathy they think
they're showing, and how theiremployees actually feel.
Speaker 2 (02:24):
So it's not just about like being nice, it's
about creating a workplace wherepeople feel seen, heard, all
that.
Speaker 3 (02:30):
Exactly, and when that's missing, it really can
hurt a company.
I mean, we're talking likedecreased productivity, people
leaving, you know, higherturnover.
Speaker 2 (02:40):
Right.
Speaker 3 (02:40):
Hard to find good people to work there All sorts
of problems.
The Center for CreativeLeadership they've done some
great work on this.
They've actually shown a linkbetween empathy and employee
satisfaction and even howprofitable a company is.
Speaker 2 (02:55):
I've definitely worked for those leaders who are
all about like strategy andtargets.
Speaker 3 (02:59):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (02:59):
But not so much about connecting with their team.
You know, as people, Right.
And it definitely impactsmorale.
But to hear that it canactually hurt a company
financially, that's a wake upcall for sure.
Speaker 3 (03:12):
Yeah, absolutely.
More and more people arerealizing that.
You know, employees aren't justcogs in a machine, they're
people and they have, you know,feelings, and those feelings
really impact their work.
Speaker 2 (03:23):
OK, so let's's get into the nitty gritty.
How does empathy actually work?
Is this just something you'reborn with?
Can you learn it?
What's the deal?
Speaker 3 (03:31):
It turns out, there's actually a fascinating
neurological basis for empathy.
Speaker 2 (03:36):
Okay.
Speaker 3 (03:36):
We have these things in our brain called mirror
neurons, and they fire when wedo something, but they also fire
when we watch somebody else dothe same thing.
Speaker 2 (03:44):
Interesting.
Speaker 3 (03:44):
Yeah, it's like our brains are trying to actually
simulate what the other person'sexperiencing.
Speaker 2 (03:49):
So I'm like literally mirroring your emotions in my
own brain.
Speaker 3 (03:53):
Kind of yeah, and this mirroring process, it
activates different areas in thebrain, specifically like the
insular cortex, and that helpsus like be aware of our own
emotions and it helps usunderstand other people's
feelings.
Speaker 2 (04:06):
So it's not just like mimicking expressions, it's
like actually tapping into, likewhat's behind them.
Speaker 3 (04:12):
Yeah, exactly.
Speaker 2 (04:13):
Okay, so how does that then like translate into,
say, a stronger bond with yourteam at work?
Speaker 3 (04:20):
That's where oxytocin comes in.
This is a hormone that getsreleased when we experience
empathy, and it plays a reallykey role in how we bond with
each other and how much we trustother people.
Studies have shown that whenleaders show empathy, it can
actually trigger oxytocinrelease in their team team
members.
So it creates a feeling of youknow, connection, and makes
(04:43):
people want to collaborate more.
Speaker 2 (04:45):
Wait, so there's actual science behind this idea
that empathy builds like betterteams.
Speaker 3 (04:50):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (04:51):
Now I'm thinking back to the best teams I've been on.
It's like there was a lot oftrust and understanding there
for sure.
Speaker 3 (04:56):
Exactly, and when a leader lacks empathy, you know
you feel that distance right.
Speaker 2 (05:00):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (05:01):
And it makes you less trusting and that can really
hurt how well a team workstogether.
Speaker 2 (05:04):
Okay, let's get back to John, our executive from the
2020 story.
Speaker 3 (05:07):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (05:08):
What did this empathy deficit like actually look like
in the real world?
Speaker 3 (05:13):
Well, john, he was, you know, one of those classic
results oriented leaders, right,very focused on goals and
deadlines.
You know the type I think soyeah.
When the pandemic hit, his teamwas struggling.
They were stressed, anxious,burned out, and he just didn't
know what to do.
Speaker 2 (05:32):
Oh, wow.
Speaker 3 (05:32):
He was so used to just focusing on the task at
hand he totally missed how histeam was feeling.
Speaker 2 (05:38):
So what did he do to turn things around?
Like did he bring in likeconsultants and motivational
speakers?
What happened?
Speaker 3 (05:44):
No, actually it was way simpler than that.
He just started every meetingby asking his team a simple
question how are you holding up?
Speaker 2 (05:52):
That's it, just asking a question.
Speaker 3 (05:54):
Yeah, that's all it took.
Yeah, but it made a hugedifference, like he was
acknowledging that things weretough.
Speaker 2 (05:59):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (05:59):
And it gave his team a chance to share how they were
doing.
That showed them that he caredabout them as people, not just
employees, and it totallychanged how they interacted with
each other.
Speaker 2 (06:09):
That's incredible, right, like such a small thing
can make such a big difference.
I think we often forget, youknow, to just take a moment to
like, connect as people.
Speaker 3 (06:18):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (06:18):
Before we jump right into business Absolutely.
Speaker 3 (06:21):
And the crazy thing is John's team actually started
performing better after hestarted, you know, being more
empathetic.
Like their productivity went up, engagement increased.
Even customer satisfactionscores got better.
Wow yeah, so it's a win-winright.
Employees feel valued and thecompany sees these like positive
results.
(06:41):
It's like the research istelling us that empathy is not
just the right thing to do, it'salso the smart thing.
Speaker 2 (06:47):
Okay, but let's get practical.
What can our listeners actuallydo to you know?
Become more empathetic.
Speaker 3 (06:54):
Well, the sources we looked at they actually have
some really good strategies andthe good news is they're all
things you can start doing rightaway.
Speaker 2 (07:00):
Okay, good.
Speaker 3 (07:01):
Active listening is a big one.
Speaker 2 (07:02):
I'll admit that's one I struggle with sometimes.
Speaker 1 (07:04):
No, okay.
Speaker 2 (07:05):
Like I get so caught up in what I'm going to say next
that I totally miss, like, whatthe other person is really
trying to tell me.
Speaker 3 (07:11):
Yeah, that's a really common challenge.
But active listening, it goesbeyond just hearing the words.
Speaker 2 (07:16):
Like.
Speaker 3 (07:17):
Like you're paying attention to the emotions behind
them, right.
Speaker 2 (07:29):
You notice their tone of voice, you look at their
body language and you really tryto understand things from their
perspective, so like puttingaside my own thoughts and
focusing on what they're sayingand how they're feeling Exactly.
Speaker 3 (07:33):
Sometimes it even helps to like repeat back what
you heard, just to make sureyou're on the same page.
Speaker 1 (07:37):
Oh yeah.
Speaker 3 (07:37):
It shows that you're really paying attention and that
you care about understandingwhat they're saying.
Speaker 2 (07:41):
What about vulnerability?
Oh yeah, the research mentionedthat too, but that feels kind
of risky yeah, especially atwork.
Speaker 3 (07:48):
It can be for sure, but it's also really powerful
when leaders are willing toshare their own struggles.
It makes it safe for others todo the same.
Speaker 2 (07:56):
Yeah, that makes sense.
Speaker 3 (07:57):
And it breaks down those walls and just lets people
connect.
Speaker 2 (08:00):
It's leading by example, showing it's okay to
not be okay.
People connect.
Speaker 3 (08:03):
It's leading by example showing it's okay to not
be okay.
Speaker 2 (08:04):
Yeah, I can see how that builds trust.
Speaker 3 (08:06):
Yeah.
What else should we add to ourlike empathy toolkit?
Don't underestimate like justregular check-ins, just asking
how are you, and like reallymeaning it can make a huge
difference.
Speaker 2 (08:18):
I think, yeah, we just get so busy and we forget
to just check in with each othersometimes.
Speaker 3 (08:23):
Exactly, and it doesn't have to be a long drawn
out thing, Just a quick how areyou doing?
Shows that you care.
Speaker 2 (08:28):
Okay, what about those times when things are
really rough, like you know,crisis level, tough.
Speaker 3 (08:33):
That's when empathy is like the most important.
When people are scared orstressed, their brains basically
go into that fight or flightmode.
Speaker 2 (08:42):
Oh yeah.
Speaker 3 (08:42):
Like that amygdala.
It's the part of her brain thathandles, you know, fear and all
that.
It takes over and it's hard tothink clearly.
Speaker 2 (08:49):
Oh, I've been there like totally hijacked by my
emotions.
So how does empathy actuallyhelp in those situations?
Leaders who can?
Speaker 3 (09:01):
stay calm and offer support and just be
understanding during a crisis.
That can help their teams getthrough it, and it's important
to realize that everybody reactsto stress differently, and
that's OK.
It's about meeting people wherethey are and offering support,
like flexibility resources orjust listening.
Speaker 2 (09:15):
So it's not about pretending like everything's
fine.
It's about acknowledging thatthings are hard and helping
people cope.
That makes a lot of sense.
Speaker 3 (09:22):
Exactly Like.
Imagine an employee's dealingwith a family emergency.
An empathetic leader mightoffer them, you know, to change
their hours or maybe lightentheir workload.
Speaker 2 (09:32):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (09:33):
It's about finding ways to help them without, you
know, sacrificing the goals.
Speaker 2 (09:38):
Are there any examples in the research of like
real leaders showing empathyduring a crisis?
Speaker 3 (09:44):
Oh, yeah, one of the sources talked about the CEO
during the pandemic.
Like right at the beginning hesent out a company wide email.
Speaker 2 (09:52):
OK.
Speaker 3 (09:52):
And he acknowledged that, like everyone was scared
and uncertain about what wasgoing on, wow.
And he even shared that like hewas struggling with anxiety too
, wow, yeah.
And he told everyone to youknow, make sure they were taking
care of themselves.
Speaker 2 (10:06):
So he wasn't just like here's some resources.
He was like actually beingvulnerable and sharing his own
experience.
Speaker 3 (10:12):
Yeah, exactly, and the employees loved it.
They felt like he reallyunderstood what they were going
through.
It made a huge difference inhow they were able to deal with
all the stress.
Speaker 2 (10:21):
I bet it sounds like the research is really saying
that during a crisis, empathy isessential.
Speaker 3 (10:27):
It really is.
It's how you build resilience,you know how you create trust
and it's how you get throughtough times.
Speaker 2 (10:32):
Okay, so we've covered a lot of ground here.
We talked about the sciencebehind empathy, the business
case for it, and even heard somereal world examples of how it
works in action.
So, like what's the bigtakeaway?
What do we want our listenersto walk away with?
Speaker 3 (10:47):
Well, I think the most important thing to remember
is that empathy is a skill.
Speaker 2 (10:51):
Okay.
Speaker 3 (10:52):
Not a personality trait.
It's something we can all getbetter at.
You know, with practice.
Speaker 2 (10:56):
That's good, Because I think a lot of people think
that they're just like born ofit or not and that's it.
But the research is sayingthat's not true.
Speaker 3 (11:04):
Right, we can all learn to be more empathetic and,
like we said before, thebenefits are huge, not just at
work, but in our personal livestoo.
Speaker 2 (11:11):
So let's say somebody is listening to this and
they're like all right, I get it.
Empathy is important.
Speaker 3 (11:15):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (11:16):
But how do I actually like do it?
Where do they start?
Speaker 3 (11:21):
You know, start small .
Next time you talk to someone,like a coworker, a friend,
whoever take a minute to reallylike tune in to what they're
saying and how they're feeling,like ask them how are you really
doing?
And then just listen, don'tinterrupt, don't judge, don't
try to fix anything, just listento understand.
Speaker 2 (11:40):
Like what we talked about with active listening.
Speaker 3 (11:42):
Yeah, exactly.
Put your own thoughts aside fora minute and just focus on
their experience.
It's not as hard as it sounds.
Speaker 2 (11:46):
No, I like that.
It feels doable.
Speaker 3 (11:48):
It is, and you might be surprised like how much of a
difference it makes for them andfor you.
Speaker 2 (11:54):
This has been a really interesting deep dive,
like it's definitely made merealize I have a lot more to
learn about empathy, but I alsofeel like I have some like real
tools now to start actuallyusing it more.
Speaker 3 (12:06):
That's great to hear and, you know, remember, it's a
journey.
We're not going to be perfectat it all the time, but the
important thing is to keeplearning and keep trying to, you
know, connect with people.
Speaker 2 (12:16):
I love that and, on that note, I want to leave our
listeners with this Think abouta time when you felt truly
understood by someone, like howdid it make you feel?
What did they do or say thatmade you feel seen and heard,
and then, like, hold on to thatfeeling and let it inspire you
to be that kind of person forothers, because the world can be
a pretty tough place sometimesand empathy it's like that
(12:37):
bridge that connects us, youknow, helps us get through it
together.
So thanks for joining us onthis deep dive into empathy.
Until next time, keep learning,keep growing and keep
connecting.
Speaker 1 (12:47):
This was today's Cafe Chat, born from my Forbes
writing and transformed intodialogue about the empathy
deficit in leadership.
I had loved to know whatstirred something inside of you,
what question did it leave youholding and what truth did it
press against.
If it resonated, share thisepisode with someone who might
(13:08):
need it and let me know yourthoughts.
Show me some love, okay,Subscribe, share, like comment.
You can always reach me throughmy LinkedIn profile.
On my site, look for SaharAndrade, or you can email me at
sahar at saharconsultingcom.
I always love to hear from youand remember every week I will
(13:28):
be back here with you for adeeper conversation every
Wednesday, one cup at a time.
Until then, stay present, stayhuman and stay awake.
Love you all Till we meet onthe next episode.
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