July 14, 2020 • 37 mins
This week on the #NoVisuals Podcast, we talk about the idea of "Relationship Goals" and what is it truly NOT. At the fundamental level, relationships are about human connection but the true essence of relationships has been distorted and popularized by what we see in the media and through celebrity culture. Join Shanique and Jean as they delve into why some of those norms are so detrimental during this week's episode!
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
You are now listening to the no visuals podcast and
unedited take on.
Speaker 2 (00:09):
Hi,
Speaker 1 (00:10):
I'm Shanique and welcome back to the no visuals
podcast, your weekly uneditedtake on life.
Thank y'all so much forlistening to last week's
episode.
I wanted to take a second andthink Lisa again, for all of the
gems that she shared on lastweek's episode, a lot of you
guys looked up the black livesbiz, a website.
(00:33):
I just wanted to plug thatagain.
I think it will be an excellentresource for us to have a
condensed place where we can,you know, find black businesses
and, you know, show support.
If you have a black business aswell, or if you know, a black
business owner, please encouragethem to put their website or put
(00:56):
their business in the directoryso that they can be found
because knowledge is power.
And when we have more awarenessin the collective, we can show
up and show support for all our,uh, black businesses that we
have in our communities.
And this is nationwide.
So please share it.
Black lives, biz.com.
(01:18):
Um, another thing that I wantedto thank y'all for is for
reviewing the podcast, uh, thathelps so much, and I love
hearing all the feedback.
So in Apple podcasts, whereveryou listen to podcasts, make
sure you leave us a review,follow us on Instagram at no
visual, his podcast and onFacebook.
And thank you all so much forthe continued support.
(01:41):
So on this week we have y'allsfavorite.
I know you guys, miss Jean he'sback and how are you doing Jean?
How are you?
Speaker 2 (01:52):
My I'm doing good.
You know what I'm saying?
Just did you miss us here?
I did.
I did.
That's why, that's why I'm back.
Speaker 1 (02:01):
You're back for a really good episode too.
Speaker 2 (02:04):
I am.
I got my opinion.
So
Speaker 1 (02:06):
On this week's episode, y'all we could not let
the week pass and not talk aboutthe word of the rest of 2020
entanglement.
Um, Oh man, where do you evenstart?
Like, did you, alright, hold on.
I want to start and say this.
(02:27):
Did you watch the Augustinterviews?
And like, did you watch his,
Speaker 2 (02:31):
How many interviews are there?
Cause I only watch the one andit was like 12 minutes long.
It was one, one hit where himand him and Jayda was like
sitting down and they would justtalk him out.
And Jadah you mean what?
I say?
Him and Jadah.
Speaker 1 (02:44):
I was talking about August interviews.
Speaker 2 (02:46):
Oh no.
I never watched them in August.
Speaker 1 (02:48):
No.
So basically he has a new albumout and he put out a docu series
and then he had like an hourlong interview with Angela
Speaker 2 (02:57):
And they were talking about the whole entanglement in
the series.
Speaker 1 (03:00):
He was not talking about the entanglement.
He was talking about like howhis brother died, how his sister
in law died, how he becamecaretaker for his three nieces,
how he had like liver failure.
Like this guy has been throughit.
Y'all
Speaker 2 (03:13):
Yeah.
That's why his career honestlywas on pause for a while to like
get right with himself.
So he came back and that's whatsaw he, is he, is he like fully
healthy now?
Cause I didn't, to be honest, Ireally didn't like look into it.
Speaker 1 (03:25):
Yeah.
So I was watching him cause I'mlike, this is like gut
wrenching.
Like this man has had adifficult life.
Okay.
Speaker 2 (03:32):
Seraquill August two when he was like, yeah, remember
that first.
Supposedly he had like maybelike two albums out might be
wrong.
Speaker 1 (03:42):
No, you were definitely like an August fan.
And I was like, who is this guy?
I put you on to his music.
Yeah.
I do like some of his songs, butlike hearing his story is just
like, wow, what a story?
Like, Oh my God.
And anyway, he had an interviewwith Angelie and they were
talking about that's how thewhole Jadah thing came to be
(04:04):
like, he just addressed it andhow they were involved.
And basically just saying likegive it like, just talking about
it.
So then everyone, you know,black Twitter, they took hold of
it.
Speaker 2 (04:17):
I took it and ran with it, turned it into a whole
comedy show.
Speaker 1 (04:23):
It was just like memes.
Everyone had like their thoughtson it.
And I was just like, Oh my gosh.
And then F and then Jada got on.
She was like, okay.
I had to take myself to the redtable talk.
And, and from my opinion, Ithought that she really didn't
need to address anything.
I think she did, in my opinion,this is why I say that though,
(04:44):
because how August addressed itin the Angela II interview is
that he already went through it.
Like he was just like talkingabout his story.
And that was just happened to bepart of his story.
I think Jadas kind of reactionwas just like a save face type
of thing.
Like, damn he put this outthere.
(05:05):
So I can't not say anything.
Like people are making their ownopinions about it.
So then she got on herring wheelwith the 12 minute interview and
I heard there was more, but Ididn't watch anything else other
than that 12 minutes, but thattold minutes, Oh my God, someone
on Twitter said, I feel like Ineed to wash my ears.
I'll have to listen to the 12minutes.
(05:28):
It will.
And Jadah, it wasn't that bad.
It was, it was very awkward.
And like, we'll just look likehe was just done.
Like,
Speaker 2 (05:40):
You look exhausted, man.
And if you look back at it,
Speaker 1 (05:42):
It looked like he was like, just, he just finished
like a math, like child.
Like I don't even know.
Like he was just,
Speaker 2 (05:49):
Nah, you can tell by his face and just like his
emotion in the conversation, youcan tell like, there's been, I
wouldn't say trouble, butthere's been some fed right
there.
There's there's obviously beensomething going on within that
relationship, like throughouttime.
And then this was just like thelittle break family.
Speaker 1 (06:09):
No.
So it was just like, here we goagain
Speaker 2 (06:11):
And go again like this again.
Speaker 1 (06:13):
It's like now, but now they have this red table
that he didn't even wantanything to do with.
And I was just like cracking upat like all the beams.
Someone was like, when Jayla wassaying entanglement and then
someone was like, I beg it.
Well,
Speaker 2 (06:35):
Yo I can't.
I see that word everywhere on myfeed.
Now
Speaker 1 (06:38):
I just can't
Speaker 2 (06:40):
Comments from the celebrities.
You've seen that.
No, I haven't.
They actually like DM and willSmith.
Speaker 1 (06:46):
Oh, I did see that Michael Blackson that guy?
His joke.
Oh my gosh.
But pay jokes.
What that kind of conversationbrought into my awareness is the
need for us to really have aconversation on relationships.
Right?
Because you always see, Oh, likeJ Cole and his song like that
(07:10):
will and J the love, but youain't know what was going on.
Fucks and then you don't evenknow, man.
And then like, you don't knowwhat's going on.
And then you also have likedifferent churches, like
relationship goals, likereloaded relationship with
webinars, seminars, conferences,you know exactly.
(07:34):
I think conversation.
Yup.
And I think what that stems fromis just people's desire to be in
community or in communion withother people.
I don't think it's always juststrictly obviously we, society
feticizit is the romantic aspectof it.
But I think what happens is weweren't taught how to be in
(07:57):
relationship at a basic humanlevel.
So there for when you get to nowthe more intimate or like
romantic relationships, thingsjust go haywire because we just
never got the fundamentals down.
And that's what I wanted thisepisode to kind of take no
(08:19):
worries.
I asked what I wanted to delveinto in this episode is, okay,
how do we do the healing?
How do we talk to our innerchild and do that healing?
Because until we do thathealing, anytime that we try to
get into a relationship withanybody, especially someone in a
romantic relationship or a moreintimate relationship, you're
(08:41):
going to run into anentanglement.
And she used the right wordy'all because entanglement just
looks like a spiderweb in myvision.
It just looks messy.
It looks complicated.
It looks like if you walk intowhat going to be slapping your
face, like damn, I'm in anentanglement.
So I just want to start thereand give that preface of how we
(09:03):
are approaching thisrelationship goals.
Talk where I wanted to getstarted with this conversation
is what relationship goals isnot.
Okay.
Because I think we need to startthere, go through the layers a
little bit.
Talk about that.
You give us your opinion andthen we'll just kind of move
(09:25):
like that.
Okay.
Go ahead.
So relationship goals is notdreaded work.
Speaker 2 (09:32):
Okay.
Explain what that is, what youmean by that.
Okay.
Speaker 1 (09:34):
Okay.
So we saw the look of a peerexhaustion on my man will
Smith's face.
Okay.
Speaker 2 (09:42):
From, from time man, like even dealing with honestly,
it's frustration, like built upfrom the whole POC situation.
Cause believe it or not, he canmake it seem like I don't care
what anyone says.
Like as much as you can act likeit don't bother you.
It was bothering him to me.
It just seems like maybe itwasn't.
But
Speaker 1 (10:02):
The lesson there is when you don't really get to the
root of what it is, anything caneasily trigger a reaction such
as that.
Like you can see it in his eyes.
His eyes just looked like theyhad just been through it.
Like, like he hadn't slept infour days.
(10:22):
Like he just looked exhausted.
So one thing to think about andobserve is if a relationship has
become draining, you need toreally reevaluate.
And that's across the board.
If relationship is one sided andyou're just drained from it,
like energetically, how can youthen show up for yourself?
Speaker 2 (10:43):
That's good.
Just being so drained
Speaker 1 (10:47):
When this happens, you can no longer show up
authentically because you'vemoved into a state of self
preservation.
You're just now in survivalmode.
You're not showing up as yourbest self, trying to cause
relationships a two way street.
Right?
Speaker 2 (11:06):
I think especially like pointing back to the whole
will Smith and Jadaconversation.
It's like, I think it startswith healing with yourself
first, before you get back intowhatever relationship you guys
had.
Because clearly, I mean, again,we don't really understand, like
Speaker 1 (11:26):
I can only pull the lessons from everything, right?
We don't know what the ins andouts are.
We can only just pull thephilosophical or whatever,
theoretical points from thesesituations just by observing.
So you're like physicallydrained.
It's like, you're almostanticipating the next bad thing
that will happen
Speaker 2 (11:45):
Facts.
But that only happens when youdon't fully heal from whatever
you went through in your past.
You know what I mean?
When you, when you come healing,I think now you can come into
the relationship with like anopen heart and willing to like,
Speaker 1 (12:00):
I hear what you're trying to say.
It's not like I forgive andforget type of thing.
Because as humans you are wholething is memory.
You're not going to forget, butyou can forgive.
And then, okay, the actions downthe road dictate what
Speaker 2 (12:16):
You F you can forgive and forget.
But at the same time, it's likewhat?
You said, certain things triggerlike emotions again, put you
right back into love, no matterhow much, right.
You could have did so muchhealing and self work for
yourself.
But at the same time, yourpartner should understand that
(12:36):
as well.
And, and, and like kind ofdictate their actions around
that.
Speaker 1 (12:40):
Another thing that they said was like, Oh, this was
like so long ago.
This was like four years ago.
Whereas like Jada, she, I don'tknow.
She was just trying to like,like tap dance around what was
going on.
And like, what was just likereally exhausted.
But it was like healing foreveryone.
Isn't always linear.
So like, though you may alreadybe whatever over a situation,
(13:03):
you can't expect someone else tobe like, completely.
Like, this is just done anddusted.
I wipe my hands on this.
You can bring that up to meanymore.
So
Speaker 2 (13:14):
That's very true.
That's a good one.
Right?
Speaker 1 (13:17):
The next point is relationship goals is not
manipulative.
And what I mean by that is youcannot take the emotional aspect
that someone has let you in totheir, their space.
And you cannot kind of takeadvantage of someone's emotional
(13:43):
state and manipulate that andmake it sort of, you know,
Speaker 2 (13:49):
You think that was, you think that was the case with
, um, Jada in, in August.
Speaker 1 (13:56):
Like it was a little manipulative, in my opinion, it
seems like he was extremelysick.
Again.
I don't know the ins and outs,but just in a general way, uh,
just generally speaking, youcan't
Speaker 2 (14:11):
How did, how did, how was she manipulating him?
Because he was sick.
Speaker 1 (14:16):
The guy was, he was basically dying.
Speaker 2 (14:19):
Okay.
But how does she manipulate himthough?
Speaker 1 (14:21):
It's like an emotional manipulation because
now someone is forming they'rein a state where they're
completely sick.
You're helping them.
You took them in.
Speaker 2 (14:30):
No, if she's manipulating them, she wasn't
helping.
She was taking advantage of that.
Speaker 1 (14:35):
Isn't taking advantage, being manipulative.
Isn't that like two sides of thesame coin.
It is.
So she can do either, or this,this thing that we call life,
you can't take advantage ofpeople either.
Speaker 2 (14:48):
So did August then August like that within his
interview, within theconversation he had.
Oh, was he kind of getting atthat based on like the energy he
was,
Speaker 1 (14:59):
He talked too much about it, but she brought that
into the awareness that we tookhim in when he was sick.
Okay.
But it's not even just in asituation like that, but I'm
just saying in general, youcan't manipulate people.
They manipulate or they takeadvantage of your emotional
wanting of relationship.
And they profit off of that.
(15:21):
They make it mainstream.
They put it on a tee shirt.
A lot of these religions, wetrust these.
This is a trusted relationship.
Now you are my mentor.
You are my teacher essentially.
And you're manipulating me.
Right?
Because now your intentions arenot pure.
(15:42):
So in any relationship youcannot be manipulative.
Speaker 2 (15:46):
Like, I'm pretty sure on most of our social platforms,
you see whether it's likesomebody who has a large
platform and they're not reallylike a relationship coach, which
you see them putting out acourse on relationships.
That's
Speaker 1 (16:02):
And it'd be loaded on relationship or your any, that's
what I'm saying, like doingsomething to monetize it.
And that's why I'm saying like,this whole relationship goals
idea is just like, are just likeso pimped out on the idea of a
romantic thing, but we'reescaping every other segment of
(16:22):
it.
Because if you look at life,every single part of life is a
relationship.
And a lot of places in thoserelationships, people are
manipulated.
You see all, all the time, likethis is just literally has
nothing to do with romanticrelationship right now.
But when the Corona virus firsthappened, people had done their
(16:43):
taxes through like a cashadvance thing.
So basically they got theirmoney on their tax return prior
to actually fi or actuallygetting the return from the
federal government.
And what happened is thecompanies that they did their
taxes through had their stimuluschecks.
So that's$1,200 that these whousually poor or working class
(17:06):
families don't have access tobecause it's held up at some tax
advent, advanced or Westernunion, whatever the case is,
that's a manipulativerelationship.
I now have you as my trustedadvisor, but you took advantage
of me.
You didn't tell me what washappening.
And now the coronavirushappened.
I lost my job.
(17:27):
I have whatever kids, whatever,whatever the situation is, you
were manipulated to believingthat the services that you were
getting is, is not what it was.
Right.
So you see how, like, this canreally like seep into every
single little thing, but we'recaught up on the Jadah and, and
whatever, because we're going toget into another point where,
(17:51):
you know, let's get into it.
Now, relationships should not beideal.
Speaker 2 (17:55):
They are though.
Cause, uh, especially because ofsocial social platforms, that's
what it is.
And celebrity, celebritycoaches.
That's what it is.
Speaker 1 (18:05):
You know, bringing it back
Speaker 2 (18:07):
Sad.
That's honestly sad.
Cause I see that that's verydetrimental to relationship if
you asked me, because once youstart to like idolize a
celebrity relationship andexpect your, you kind of put
like you put unreasonableexpectations on your partner
based on what you see or acelebrity doing art or giving to
(18:30):
their specific, significantother, you know what I mean?
Speaker 1 (18:34):
So like literally like putting it in songs, like,
yeah.
Speaker 2 (18:37):
It's not even that, like you see in shows, you know,
some people see it in tweets andit's like, or means if you're,
if you're girly doing this, thenyeah.
Leave her alone.
If your girl ain't doing this,then leave her alone.
It's like, what do you mean?
Speaker 1 (18:53):
But that, that literally takes out the
responsibility of self becausewhat are you doing?
But it's another thing whereit's like, I am giving and then
I'm not receiving sometimes ifwe're come, like, if we're
(19:13):
honest, where we're neglected insome areas where we could do a
little bit better.
So like those memes, why do theyapply to you now?
Why are you taking that?
And you're writing with it
Speaker 2 (19:25):
Because everybody looks, everyone looks up to what
they see on social media.
That's just what it is.
I know it's sad.
Speaker 1 (19:33):
It's like what it is, you know what I mean?
I don't even know how tounlearn, like, huh?
Speaker 2 (19:37):
People need to anatomy.
I feel like people go to socialmedia, not the media is like the
standard.
They think they're not gettingadvice or basing like, just
like, I don't know, like ithappens in your subconscious,
Speaker 1 (19:55):
Subconscious, but we think that we're stronger than
our subconscious mind whenyou're so conscious mind,
everything goes through thesubconscious mind before it goes
through consciously.
So most of the decisions you'remaking are from your
subconscious mind and socialmedia is like hypnotic almost.
Cause you're just scrollingright?
When you're in a hypnotic stateor you're that's when your
(20:17):
subconscious is most receptiveto receiving information, you
can't, you can't look at,especially like around holidays.
I see this happening a lotaround holidays, like around
Christmas or people's birthdaysValentine's days are really big
one.
Like people will take heart ofthat and be like, this is, I'm
(20:38):
not getting this.
Or this is like, I've seen thathappen.
Speaker 2 (20:41):
I put an unreasonable expectations on your significant
other taste on whatever yourrelationship.
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (20:48):
It looks like, and you have to take inventory of
where your relationship is atthat space.
Speaker 2 (20:53):
Exactly.
Cause if, if that's exactly whatit is,
Speaker 1 (20:57):
Like you have to like grow with, go through the phases
almost right.
You can't rush steps.
You can't skip steps and socialmedia,
Speaker 2 (21:07):
Social media try and fast forward to everything.
Speaker 1 (21:09):
Yeah.
You expect to skip steps.
Yeah.
That's really good.
And it's really like, you don'teven know sometimes you don't
even know what you make an idolof.
Like, that's just how it happensis dangerous.
Relationships cannot besuccessful if we dance around
our own shadow work and I'mgoing to break down.
(21:31):
Cause you're looking at me like,what is she talking about?
So basically you go to, um, thered table talk, the red table
talk is supposed to be thisprofound place where you come
and you just like are speakingon your healing, like Jadah is
super woke.
And in my opinion, again, thisis all opinion based.
(21:55):
This is not right.
This is not doctrine.
So
Speaker 2 (21:58):
Go ahead, Todd.
Speaker 1 (22:00):
When you use healing language dangerously, I think
that's more detrimental to arelationship then actually not
taking ownership.
Like if you like are sayingwe've done the healing, but
you're just using words.
You like using words that kindof dance around the subject,
(22:24):
like entanglement, because thatis literally, you're trying to
dance around the word
Speaker 2 (22:30):
And, and that's exactly what is you're dancing
around it.
Cause we'll was looking for anexplanation on that.
He asked, what does that mean?
It's like, what's anentanglement.
She's like, he's like, no, whathe said was he's like a
relationship she's like, right.
He's like, yeah.
And she's like, yeah, it was arelationship.
Speaker 1 (22:47):
And the biggest thing that you can do to just maintain
transparency and honesty is tocall a thing, a thing like you
can't when you're dealing withsomeone else, you have to
remember that people are notmind readers and then no one can
see what's going on in yourhead.
Speaker 2 (23:03):
And that's why he got to explain what shadow working
and all that stuff is.
Speaker 1 (23:06):
I don't know.
Work is basically saying, you'relooking at the shadow work is
essentially you looking at theparts of you that you haven't
healed.
Okay.
That's really important whenyou're in a relationship with
someone else.
Because when you can kind of seehow certain negative behaviors
(23:27):
manifest themselves, because youhaven't done your work.
Right.
And a lot of the times we haveto heal from things again that
we, that happened to ussubconsciously or through
learned behavior, familypatterns, whatever the case is,
you have to look at how you canthat before fully showing up for
(23:49):
someone
Speaker 2 (23:50):
Damn.
That's honestly that if, ifindividuals really took that
into consideration, your loveand relationship life will be
prolonged.
Absolutely.
It would be prolonged entirelybecause when most, honestly,
most relationships are kind oflike learned on the go, you
learn on the go, you learnreally do learn on the go.
Speaker 1 (24:12):
And because we didn't have the words or the lessons to
do our healing work prior to saymeeting somebody or just like
going out into the world.
Speaker 2 (24:24):
But then again, that's kind of natural too
though, because when you're in arelationship, I believe that
your significant other, likeyour partner serves as a mirror
to yourself.
So there's certain things thatyou didn't know about yourself
prior to being in thisrelationship.
And I always, so it's not, notfor the week, right?
Speaker 1 (24:42):
If you're not ready to see those things
Speaker 2 (24:44):
And a lot of people aren't, and that's why
relationships, people fight alot.
You find like two month, threemonth, one, I mean, not wrong
with that, but yeah.
Speaker 1 (24:54):
Yeah.
But the thing is, if you're notready for that kind of brutal
honesty, because sometimes itreally is brutal honesty.
Then just that's.
When you go into a studio,
Speaker 2 (25:05):
The shadow working as you call it,
Speaker 1 (25:07):
Go, you have to do your shadow work.
You have to have a season ofself discovery.
That's big.
That's the biggest part,
Speaker 2 (25:14):
Women and men, women, and men can do shadow working.
You know what I'm saying?
I feel like to be honest withyou, when you actually like
probably dive into the meaning,most people would probably think
that's a feminine thing.
No, I'm pretty sure everyone hasa shadow.
Everyone.
Everyone is like
Speaker 1 (25:34):
Apart, that's a view that's that you don't
necessarily always see our egowill tell us that we're the best
person ever, that we can do nowrong
Speaker 2 (25:43):
Masculinity.
Kind of the ego always speaks.
You know what I'm saying?
So it's like most people, mostpeople don't honestly speaking.
Most, most men can't reflect onlike themselves and what they
did wrong.
Speaker 1 (25:57):
That actually makes me pretty sad.
Speaker 2 (26:00):
It is sad.
It's the up.
But it's, it's like what yousaid, it's the upbringing.
I feel like society kind of likemasculinity is not really
something where you, cause whenyou honestly like take a few
steps back and say, I need towork on myself.
Yeah.
Would you say is healthy to dothat by yourself?
Or do you kind of need somebodyelse to have that conversation
(26:25):
with, because if you do needthat you can, but if you do need
somebody to come get atherapist, how much, how much
men, how much men do, you know,are going to be like, you know
what?
I need to have this conversationwith a therapist or a friend of
mine's and talk about all myproblems.
Most guys ain't doing that.
Speaker 1 (26:45):
But then you see, look at our society, go look
outside that you can, that isevident that people don't want
to do that.
It is, that is literally
Speaker 2 (26:54):
Scale.
Anything for men.
It is.
Speaker 1 (26:56):
That's where you just have to like lay, lay your
burdens down, says the Lord, youjust have to just, just, just
try to figure it out.
You know, you can't, you can't,um, push your way through that.
You can't fight becauseliterally at every point in let
you turn, it will show upwherever
Speaker 2 (27:15):
Facts.
Not only in your likesignificant, like love
relationship shows up in yourfriendships at work
relationships, whatever it maybe.
I'm not sure.
Speaker 1 (27:26):
Yeah.
And I'm telling you that when,especially when you're in a
relationship with a significantother, that will teach you the
most, that you need to knowabout a friendship or in how you
should navigate a friend,
Speaker 2 (27:40):
Depending on how real that relationship is or how much
you value or even give thatperson yet, like the open space
to even bring that conversationabout.
Because again, most people wouldprobably be like, I don't need
to hear that from you.
Like, what are you even talkingabout?
And to me, like you just seenyour feelings.
Speaker 1 (27:59):
I will, I like cherish my relationships that I
have in my life so much.
And I will give things for thembecause literally in my
relationship with my significantother and my relationship with
my friends, I feel like I canshow up as me authentically.
And I just have that nurturingenvironment.
(28:22):
I have an environment that letsme be honest.
I have an environment that letsme break down.
Like there's no hiding here.
I don't think you can dorelationships healthily.
If you're hiding until you'reready to come out of hiding,
leave people alone, do not bringother people into your chaos.
(28:42):
That is the most selfless thingthat you can do.
If you know that you're notready, leave people
Speaker 2 (28:49):
Facts.
I hear that.
It's true.
Probably not going to happen 90%of the time, but I'm putting it
in.
I mean, it's very true.
Okay.
Speaker 1 (28:58):
Putting it out into the consciousness, take it.
What?
Take what you want and leavewhat you don't right.
The next thing that I want tosay, relationships need to be
wary of spell work with the waywe speak, because there is power
of life and death in the tongue.
Speaker 2 (29:15):
What you speak, you're going to manifest it.
Speaker 1 (29:17):
When I heard them say bad marriage for life and they
gave each other the pound gene,would you see that in the
interview?
They said, ride together diedtogether.
Bad marriage for life.
Speaker 2 (29:32):
Well, hold on, hold on.
And what is the August interviewor will Smith wife, bad life
relationship, bad marriage forlife.
That's not good when I saidthat's not good.
Speaker 1 (29:44):
I haven't seen that, that show or that give that you
just melt into the chair.
Right?
I was just like, Lord, this isnot it.
But listen, y'all your words.
The power of life and death isin the tongue.
Speaker 2 (30:00):
You know, what's so crazy to most people.
We're still looking at thatconversation.
I mean it, to be honest, itwasn't mature conversation,
right?
It was, they came out as a
Speaker 1 (30:11):
It's honest, they had to do it in front of the world.
Most people do that conversationin the comfort of their own
home,
Speaker 2 (30:16):
But I'm pretty sure most people would probably look
at it and say like, this isgoals.
You know what I mean?
Speaker 1 (30:24):
You know, I think like
Speaker 2 (30:26):
Right, that, that ride or die little thing that
you just said, people will say
Speaker 1 (30:30):
That part hit me.
And my chest half of theconversation is goals because
you need to speak it.
Speaker 2 (30:36):
Having a conversation is definitely goes because a lot
of people take it.
It can take a lot to even get tothat point.
Yeah.
You can't ice skate past thosethings, but
Speaker 1 (30:46):
Pounding on bad marriage for life.
Like some sort of an agreement.
Speaker 2 (30:50):
I hope that was just for comedy.
Speaker 1 (30:53):
Jean.
It seems like that's, they'resaying like, you know how we
have a handshake that seemedlike they handshake
Speaker 2 (31:00):
Bad marriage for life willing.
What was just saying that,listen to me, you don't want
that.
Speaker 1 (31:08):
This, this is like a really important lesson that
I've learned.
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (31:12):
What you say I can already know.
She can say what you speak.
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (31:14):
What you speak is what becomes, listen, listen,
take five minutes.
Every day.
This has been, come becomeincredibly important for me.
Take five minutes every day andjust meditate at first and just
quiet your mind.
At first, you're going to havethoughts running in your mind.
You're not going to be able toshut up and you're going to get
frustrated with yourself becauseyour mind won't turn off.
(31:37):
The important lesson in that isstart categorizing your
thoughts.
Okay?
Categorize the negative selftalk that you have categorized
the positive self talk that youhave categorize your worries,
categorize what you're anxiousabout.
Put them on to categories.
What you'll notice is that youkeep thinking about the same 10
(31:59):
things.
Okay?
All right.
Now, open your eyes, go into theworld and see how those things
have manifested the same 10thoughts that you think over and
over and over again is what isplaying out in your reality.
So have to change how you, youtalk to yourself, right?
(32:20):
That's when affirmations comeinto play, that's when prayer
comes into play, that's whencommunicating with your partners
and your friends come into playbecause your friends whoever's
in your life can help you onlearn those negative things that
you're talking to your, toyourself, about what first has
to happen.
You have to take a mentalinventory of them and see how
(32:42):
they played out.
In your reality.
Again, it all comes back toself, right?
No one else is in charge of yourhealing set for you.
So, man, we got to continue thisconversation because we talked
about what relationship goals isnot.
Okay.
Speaker 2 (33:00):
We got to, do you want to talk about what
relationship goes?
Isn't it
Speaker 1 (33:03):
You're going to have to tune into the next episode
for that.
Okay.
Speaker 2 (33:06):
No, this was good.
You was, you was, he wastalking.
I learned something today.
Speaker 1 (33:11):
Oh, thanks.
Speaker 2 (33:14):
This was actually good.
This was good.
You know, I see what thatreading comes from now.
Speaker 1 (33:20):
Listen, man, I just be in shock at the things that
we let happen to our minds, themind is so bad.
Speaker 2 (33:29):
It's powerful.
It can cripple you if you let itand it can be your best tool.
Speaker 1 (33:34):
You have to get quiet with yourself.
When you heal yourself, you healeverybody else.
That is that's the key here.
You cannot.
I mean, it's broken people,break people, you know?
Speaker 2 (33:48):
Mm.
Cause they weight broken.
People stay away from me, man.
Speaker 1 (33:51):
Yeah.
But get the vision of a tornadowhen you
Speaker 2 (33:54):
Get yourself, right?
Like you said, get yourselfright first before even trying,
leave me alone.
That's what it is.
People leave people alone.
Speaker 1 (34:02):
I just stop it.
Some people are,
Speaker 2 (34:05):
I mean, it's toxic.
If you really trying to work onyourself, then I shouldn't say
leave me alone.
Because people, people can reachout to people.
You need people to reach out to.
And in order to heal sometimes.
So I wouldn't say leave me aloneentirely.
But if you really not trying tolike work on yourself and, and,
and do that healing and come tothe realization that you're
(34:27):
toxic, just keep your distance,bro.
Social distancing.
Speaker 1 (34:31):
And another boy that I would like to add is that as
humans we need community, wecan't do life alone.
I think life alone would lookextremely scary.
Speaker 2 (34:43):
Big facts.
Yup.
In the same breath,
Speaker 1 (34:49):
If you're committed to community and you're
committed to doing life withsomeone else, you have to take
accountability and you have totake ownership for how you may
play out in someone else'smemories.
We just need people.
That's how humans are.
I think if anything, quarantinehas taught us that.
So don't alienate yourself fromrelationship, but show up and
(35:12):
show up authentically inrelationships.
I think that's the key.
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (35:17):
It helps everybody.
When you're authentic withyourself, just be real.
Speaker 1 (35:21):
Yeah.
Commit to evolving.
Like people change.
Speaker 2 (35:25):
People change better.
Be a healthy change.
Speaker 1 (35:28):
Goals is not like stifling someone like you.
I met you this way two yearsago.
You need to be the exact sameway.
You
Speaker 2 (35:38):
No, that's, there's no growth in that.
That's scary.
There's no growth in that.
Cause with growth, you're going,you're probably going to change
drastically for the better foryourself.
And honestly, if you have apartner, who's speaking that
language, who's saying, nah, I'mnot okay with that.
Essentially.
They're just saying, they're notokay with you growing because
when you grow, you're going tochange.
That's just,
Speaker 3 (35:58):
That's just nature.
So we're going to continue thisconversation next week on what
relationship goals is.
Thank you all for listening.
Make sure you leave us a commenton what you thought of this
week's episode and until nextTuesday, please.
Thank you for listening to theno visuals podcast.
(36:20):
Don't forget to rate thispodcast and leave us a comment
on what you thought of thisweek's episode.
Also be sure to subscribe to theno visuals podcast for a weekly
unedited take on life whereveryou listen to podcasts until
next Tuesday.
Peace.
You are now listening to the no visuals podcast and
unedited take on.
Speaker 2 (00:09):
Hi,
Speaker 1 (00:10):
I'm Shanique and welcome back to the no visuals
podcast, your weekly uneditedtake on life.
Thank y'all so much forlistening to last week's
episode.
I wanted to take a second andthink Lisa again, for all of the
gems that she shared on lastweek's episode, a lot of you
guys looked up the black livesbiz, a website.
(00:33):
I just wanted to plug thatagain.
I think it will be an excellentresource for us to have a
condensed place where we can,you know, find black businesses
and, you know, show support.
If you have a black business aswell, or if you know, a black
business owner, please encouragethem to put their website or put
(00:56):
their business in the directoryso that they can be found
because knowledge is power.
And when we have more awarenessin the collective, we can show
up and show support for all our,uh, black businesses that we
have in our communities.
And this is nationwide.
So please share it.
Black lives, biz.com.
(01:18):
Um, another thing that I wantedto thank y'all for is for
reviewing the podcast, uh, thathelps so much, and I love
hearing all the feedback.
So in Apple podcasts, whereveryou listen to podcasts, make
sure you leave us a review,follow us on Instagram at no
visual, his podcast and onFacebook.
And thank you all so much forthe continued support.
(01:41):
So on this week we have y'allsfavorite.
I know you guys, miss Jean he'sback and how are you doing Jean?
How are you?
Speaker 2 (01:52):
My I'm doing good.
You know what I'm saying?
Just did you miss us here?
I did.
I did.
That's why, that's why I'm back.
Speaker 1 (02:01):
You're back for a really good episode too.
Speaker 2 (02:04):
I am.
I got my opinion.
So
Speaker 1 (02:06):
On this week's episode, y'all we could not let
the week pass and not talk aboutthe word of the rest of 2020
entanglement.
Um, Oh man, where do you evenstart?
Like, did you, alright, hold on.
I want to start and say this.
(02:27):
Did you watch the Augustinterviews?
And like, did you watch his,
Speaker 2 (02:31):
How many interviews are there?
Cause I only watch the one andit was like 12 minutes long.
It was one, one hit where himand him and Jayda was like
sitting down and they would justtalk him out.
And Jadah you mean what?
I say?
Him and Jadah.
Speaker 1 (02:44):
I was talking about August interviews.
Speaker 2 (02:46):
Oh no.
I never watched them in August.
Speaker 1 (02:48):
No.
So basically he has a new albumout and he put out a docu series
and then he had like an hourlong interview with Angela
Speaker 2 (02:57):
And they were talking about the whole entanglement in
the series.
Speaker 1 (03:00):
He was not talking about the entanglement.
He was talking about like howhis brother died, how his sister
in law died, how he becamecaretaker for his three nieces,
how he had like liver failure.
Like this guy has been throughit.
Y'all
Speaker 2 (03:13):
Yeah.
That's why his career honestlywas on pause for a while to like
get right with himself.
So he came back and that's whatsaw he, is he, is he like fully
healthy now?
Cause I didn't, to be honest, Ireally didn't like look into it.
Speaker 1 (03:25):
Yeah.
So I was watching him cause I'mlike, this is like gut
wrenching.
Like this man has had adifficult life.
Okay.
Speaker 2 (03:32):
Seraquill August two when he was like, yeah, remember
that first.
Supposedly he had like maybelike two albums out might be
wrong.
Speaker 1 (03:42):
No, you were definitely like an August fan.
And I was like, who is this guy?
I put you on to his music.
Yeah.
I do like some of his songs, butlike hearing his story is just
like, wow, what a story?
Like, Oh my God.
And anyway, he had an interviewwith Angelie and they were
talking about that's how thewhole Jadah thing came to be
(04:04):
like, he just addressed it andhow they were involved.
And basically just saying likegive it like, just talking about
it.
So then everyone, you know,black Twitter, they took hold of
it.
Speaker 2 (04:17):
I took it and ran with it, turned it into a whole
comedy show.
Speaker 1 (04:23):
It was just like memes.
Everyone had like their thoughtson it.
And I was just like, Oh my gosh.
And then F and then Jada got on.
She was like, okay.
I had to take myself to the redtable talk.
And, and from my opinion, Ithought that she really didn't
need to address anything.
I think she did, in my opinion,this is why I say that though,
(04:44):
because how August addressed itin the Angela II interview is
that he already went through it.
Like he was just like talkingabout his story.
And that was just happened to bepart of his story.
I think Jadas kind of reactionwas just like a save face type
of thing.
Like, damn he put this outthere.
(05:05):
So I can't not say anything.
Like people are making their ownopinions about it.
So then she got on herring wheelwith the 12 minute interview and
I heard there was more, but Ididn't watch anything else other
than that 12 minutes, but thattold minutes, Oh my God, someone
on Twitter said, I feel like Ineed to wash my ears.
I'll have to listen to the 12minutes.
(05:28):
It will.
And Jadah, it wasn't that bad.
It was, it was very awkward.
And like, we'll just look likehe was just done.
Like,
Speaker 2 (05:40):
You look exhausted, man.
And if you look back at it,
Speaker 1 (05:42):
It looked like he was like, just, he just finished
like a math, like child.
Like I don't even know.
Like he was just,
Speaker 2 (05:49):
Nah, you can tell by his face and just like his
emotion in the conversation, youcan tell like, there's been, I
wouldn't say trouble, butthere's been some fed right
there.
There's there's obviously beensomething going on within that
relationship, like throughouttime.
And then this was just like thelittle break family.
Speaker 1 (06:09):
No.
So it was just like, here we goagain
Speaker 2 (06:11):
And go again like this again.
Speaker 1 (06:13):
It's like now, but now they have this red table
that he didn't even wantanything to do with.
And I was just like cracking upat like all the beams.
Someone was like, when Jayla wassaying entanglement and then
someone was like, I beg it.
Well,
Speaker 2 (06:35):
Yo I can't.
I see that word everywhere on myfeed.
Now
Speaker 1 (06:38):
I just can't
Speaker 2 (06:40):
Comments from the celebrities.
You've seen that.
No, I haven't.
They actually like DM and willSmith.
Speaker 1 (06:46):
Oh, I did see that Michael Blackson that guy?
His joke.
Oh my gosh.
But pay jokes.
What that kind of conversationbrought into my awareness is the
need for us to really have aconversation on relationships.
Right?
Because you always see, Oh, likeJ Cole and his song like that
(07:10):
will and J the love, but youain't know what was going on.
Fucks and then you don't evenknow, man.
And then like, you don't knowwhat's going on.
And then you also have likedifferent churches, like
relationship goals, likereloaded relationship with
webinars, seminars, conferences,you know exactly.
(07:34):
I think conversation.
Yup.
And I think what that stems fromis just people's desire to be in
community or in communion withother people.
I don't think it's always juststrictly obviously we, society
feticizit is the romantic aspectof it.
But I think what happens is weweren't taught how to be in
(07:57):
relationship at a basic humanlevel.
So there for when you get to nowthe more intimate or like
romantic relationships, thingsjust go haywire because we just
never got the fundamentals down.
And that's what I wanted thisepisode to kind of take no
(08:19):
worries.
I asked what I wanted to delveinto in this episode is, okay,
how do we do the healing?
How do we talk to our innerchild and do that healing?
Because until we do thathealing, anytime that we try to
get into a relationship withanybody, especially someone in a
romantic relationship or a moreintimate relationship, you're
(08:41):
going to run into anentanglement.
And she used the right wordy'all because entanglement just
looks like a spiderweb in myvision.
It just looks messy.
It looks complicated.
It looks like if you walk intowhat going to be slapping your
face, like damn, I'm in anentanglement.
So I just want to start thereand give that preface of how we
(09:03):
are approaching thisrelationship goals.
Talk where I wanted to getstarted with this conversation
is what relationship goals isnot.
Okay.
Because I think we need to startthere, go through the layers a
little bit.
Talk about that.
You give us your opinion andthen we'll just kind of move
(09:25):
like that.
Okay.
Go ahead.
So relationship goals is notdreaded work.
Speaker 2 (09:32):
Okay.
Explain what that is, what youmean by that.
Okay.
Speaker 1 (09:34):
Okay.
So we saw the look of a peerexhaustion on my man will
Smith's face.
Okay.
Speaker 2 (09:42):
From, from time man, like even dealing with honestly,
it's frustration, like built upfrom the whole POC situation.
Cause believe it or not, he canmake it seem like I don't care
what anyone says.
Like as much as you can act likeit don't bother you.
It was bothering him to me.
It just seems like maybe itwasn't.
But
Speaker 1 (10:02):
The lesson there is when you don't really get to the
root of what it is, anything caneasily trigger a reaction such
as that.
Like you can see it in his eyes.
His eyes just looked like theyhad just been through it.
Like, like he hadn't slept infour days.
(10:22):
Like he just looked exhausted.
So one thing to think about andobserve is if a relationship has
become draining, you need toreally reevaluate.
And that's across the board.
If relationship is one sided andyou're just drained from it,
like energetically, how can youthen show up for yourself?
Speaker 2 (10:43):
That's good.
Just being so drained
Speaker 1 (10:47):
When this happens, you can no longer show up
authentically because you'vemoved into a state of self
preservation.
You're just now in survivalmode.
You're not showing up as yourbest self, trying to cause
relationships a two way street.
Right?
Speaker 2 (11:06):
I think especially like pointing back to the whole
will Smith and Jadaconversation.
It's like, I think it startswith healing with yourself
first, before you get back intowhatever relationship you guys
had.
Because clearly, I mean, again,we don't really understand, like
Speaker 1 (11:26):
I can only pull the lessons from everything, right?
We don't know what the ins andouts are.
We can only just pull thephilosophical or whatever,
theoretical points from thesesituations just by observing.
So you're like physicallydrained.
It's like, you're almostanticipating the next bad thing
that will happen
Speaker 2 (11:45):
Facts.
But that only happens when youdon't fully heal from whatever
you went through in your past.
You know what I mean?
When you, when you come healing,I think now you can come into
the relationship with like anopen heart and willing to like,
Speaker 1 (12:00):
I hear what you're trying to say.
It's not like I forgive andforget type of thing.
Because as humans you are wholething is memory.
You're not going to forget, butyou can forgive.
And then, okay, the actions downthe road dictate what
Speaker 2 (12:16):
You F you can forgive and forget.
But at the same time, it's likewhat?
You said, certain things triggerlike emotions again, put you
right back into love, no matterhow much, right.
You could have did so muchhealing and self work for
yourself.
But at the same time, yourpartner should understand that
(12:36):
as well.
And, and, and like kind ofdictate their actions around
that.
Speaker 1 (12:40):
Another thing that they said was like, Oh, this was
like so long ago.
This was like four years ago.
Whereas like Jada, she, I don'tknow.
She was just trying to like,like tap dance around what was
going on.
And like, what was just likereally exhausted.
But it was like healing foreveryone.
Isn't always linear.
So like, though you may alreadybe whatever over a situation,
(13:03):
you can't expect someone else tobe like, completely.
Like, this is just done anddusted.
I wipe my hands on this.
You can bring that up to meanymore.
So
Speaker 2 (13:14):
That's very true.
That's a good one.
Right?
Speaker 1 (13:17):
The next point is relationship goals is not
manipulative.
And what I mean by that is youcannot take the emotional aspect
that someone has let you in totheir, their space.
And you cannot kind of takeadvantage of someone's emotional
(13:43):
state and manipulate that andmake it sort of, you know,
Speaker 2 (13:49):
You think that was, you think that was the case with
, um, Jada in, in August.
Speaker 1 (13:56):
Like it was a little manipulative, in my opinion, it
seems like he was extremelysick.
Again.
I don't know the ins and outs,but just in a general way, uh,
just generally speaking, youcan't
Speaker 2 (14:11):
How did, how did, how was she manipulating him?
Because he was sick.
Speaker 1 (14:16):
The guy was, he was basically dying.
Speaker 2 (14:19):
Okay.
But how does she manipulate himthough?
Speaker 1 (14:21):
It's like an emotional manipulation because
now someone is forming they'rein a state where they're
completely sick.
You're helping them.
You took them in.
Speaker 2 (14:30):
No, if she's manipulating them, she wasn't
helping.
She was taking advantage of that.
Speaker 1 (14:35):
Isn't taking advantage, being manipulative.
Isn't that like two sides of thesame coin.
It is.
So she can do either, or this,this thing that we call life,
you can't take advantage ofpeople either.
Speaker 2 (14:48):
So did August then August like that within his
interview, within theconversation he had.
Oh, was he kind of getting atthat based on like the energy he
was,
Speaker 1 (14:59):
He talked too much about it, but she brought that
into the awareness that we tookhim in when he was sick.
Okay.
But it's not even just in asituation like that, but I'm
just saying in general, youcan't manipulate people.
They manipulate or they takeadvantage of your emotional
wanting of relationship.
And they profit off of that.
(15:21):
They make it mainstream.
They put it on a tee shirt.
A lot of these religions, wetrust these.
This is a trusted relationship.
Now you are my mentor.
You are my teacher essentially.
And you're manipulating me.
Right?
Because now your intentions arenot pure.
(15:42):
So in any relationship youcannot be manipulative.
Speaker 2 (15:46):
Like, I'm pretty sure on most of our social platforms,
you see whether it's likesomebody who has a large
platform and they're not reallylike a relationship coach, which
you see them putting out acourse on relationships.
That's
Speaker 1 (16:02):
And it'd be loaded on relationship or your any, that's
what I'm saying, like doingsomething to monetize it.
And that's why I'm saying like,this whole relationship goals
idea is just like, are just likeso pimped out on the idea of a
romantic thing, but we'reescaping every other segment of
(16:22):
it.
Because if you look at life,every single part of life is a
relationship.
And a lot of places in thoserelationships, people are
manipulated.
You see all, all the time, likethis is just literally has
nothing to do with romanticrelationship right now.
But when the Corona virus firsthappened, people had done their
(16:43):
taxes through like a cashadvance thing.
So basically they got theirmoney on their tax return prior
to actually fi or actuallygetting the return from the
federal government.
And what happened is thecompanies that they did their
taxes through had their stimuluschecks.
So that's$1,200 that these whousually poor or working class
(17:06):
families don't have access tobecause it's held up at some tax
advent, advanced or Westernunion, whatever the case is,
that's a manipulativerelationship.
I now have you as my trustedadvisor, but you took advantage
of me.
You didn't tell me what washappening.
And now the coronavirushappened.
I lost my job.
(17:27):
I have whatever kids, whatever,whatever the situation is, you
were manipulated to believingthat the services that you were
getting is, is not what it was.
Right.
So you see how, like, this canreally like seep into every
single little thing, but we'recaught up on the Jadah and, and
whatever, because we're going toget into another point where,
(17:51):
you know, let's get into it.
Now, relationships should not beideal.
Speaker 2 (17:55):
They are though.
Cause, uh, especially because ofsocial social platforms, that's
what it is.
And celebrity, celebritycoaches.
That's what it is.
Speaker 1 (18:05):
You know, bringing it back
Speaker 2 (18:07):
Sad.
That's honestly sad.
Cause I see that that's verydetrimental to relationship if
you asked me, because once youstart to like idolize a
celebrity relationship andexpect your, you kind of put
like you put unreasonableexpectations on your partner
based on what you see or acelebrity doing art or giving to
(18:30):
their specific, significantother, you know what I mean?
Speaker 1 (18:34):
So like literally like putting it in songs, like,
yeah.
Speaker 2 (18:37):
It's not even that, like you see in shows, you know,
some people see it in tweets andit's like, or means if you're,
if you're girly doing this, thenyeah.
Leave her alone.
If your girl ain't doing this,then leave her alone.
It's like, what do you mean?
Speaker 1 (18:53):
But that, that literally takes out the
responsibility of self becausewhat are you doing?
But it's another thing whereit's like, I am giving and then
I'm not receiving sometimes ifwe're come, like, if we're
(19:13):
honest, where we're neglected insome areas where we could do a
little bit better.
So like those memes, why do theyapply to you now?
Why are you taking that?
And you're writing with it
Speaker 2 (19:25):
Because everybody looks, everyone looks up to what
they see on social media.
That's just what it is.
I know it's sad.
Speaker 1 (19:33):
It's like what it is, you know what I mean?
I don't even know how tounlearn, like, huh?
Speaker 2 (19:37):
People need to anatomy.
I feel like people go to socialmedia, not the media is like the
standard.
They think they're not gettingadvice or basing like, just
like, I don't know, like ithappens in your subconscious,
Speaker 1 (19:55):
Subconscious, but we think that we're stronger than
our subconscious mind whenyou're so conscious mind,
everything goes through thesubconscious mind before it goes
through consciously.
So most of the decisions you'remaking are from your
subconscious mind and socialmedia is like hypnotic almost.
Cause you're just scrollingright?
When you're in a hypnotic stateor you're that's when your
(20:17):
subconscious is most receptiveto receiving information, you
can't, you can't look at,especially like around holidays.
I see this happening a lotaround holidays, like around
Christmas or people's birthdaysValentine's days are really big
one.
Like people will take heart ofthat and be like, this is, I'm
(20:38):
not getting this.
Or this is like, I've seen thathappen.
Speaker 2 (20:41):
I put an unreasonable expectations on your significant
other taste on whatever yourrelationship.
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (20:48):
It looks like, and you have to take inventory of
where your relationship is atthat space.
Speaker 2 (20:53):
Exactly.
Cause if, if that's exactly whatit is,
Speaker 1 (20:57):
Like you have to like grow with, go through the phases
almost right.
You can't rush steps.
You can't skip steps and socialmedia,
Speaker 2 (21:07):
Social media try and fast forward to everything.
Speaker 1 (21:09):
Yeah.
You expect to skip steps.
Yeah.
That's really good.
And it's really like, you don'teven know sometimes you don't
even know what you make an idolof.
Like, that's just how it happensis dangerous.
Relationships cannot besuccessful if we dance around
our own shadow work and I'mgoing to break down.
(21:31):
Cause you're looking at me like,what is she talking about?
So basically you go to, um, thered table talk, the red table
talk is supposed to be thisprofound place where you come
and you just like are speakingon your healing, like Jadah is
super woke.
And in my opinion, again, thisis all opinion based.
(21:55):
This is not right.
This is not doctrine.
So
Speaker 2 (21:58):
Go ahead, Todd.
Speaker 1 (22:00):
When you use healing language dangerously, I think
that's more detrimental to arelationship then actually not
taking ownership.
Like if you like are sayingwe've done the healing, but
you're just using words.
You like using words that kindof dance around the subject,
(22:24):
like entanglement, because thatis literally, you're trying to
dance around the word
Speaker 2 (22:30):
And, and that's exactly what is you're dancing
around it.
Cause we'll was looking for anexplanation on that.
He asked, what does that mean?
It's like, what's anentanglement.
She's like, he's like, no, whathe said was he's like a
relationship she's like, right.
He's like, yeah.
And she's like, yeah, it was arelationship.
Speaker 1 (22:47):
And the biggest thing that you can do to just maintain
transparency and honesty is tocall a thing, a thing like you
can't when you're dealing withsomeone else, you have to
remember that people are notmind readers and then no one can
see what's going on in yourhead.
Speaker 2 (23:03):
And that's why he got to explain what shadow working
and all that stuff is.
Speaker 1 (23:06):
I don't know.
Work is basically saying, you'relooking at the shadow work is
essentially you looking at theparts of you that you haven't
healed.
Okay.
That's really important whenyou're in a relationship with
someone else.
Because when you can kind of seehow certain negative behaviors
(23:27):
manifest themselves, because youhaven't done your work.
Right.
And a lot of the times we haveto heal from things again that
we, that happened to ussubconsciously or through
learned behavior, familypatterns, whatever the case is,
you have to look at how you canthat before fully showing up for
(23:49):
someone
Speaker 2 (23:50):
Damn.
That's honestly that if, ifindividuals really took that
into consideration, your loveand relationship life will be
prolonged.
Absolutely.
It would be prolonged entirelybecause when most, honestly,
most relationships are kind oflike learned on the go, you
learn on the go, you learnreally do learn on the go.
Speaker 1 (24:12):
And because we didn't have the words or the lessons to
do our healing work prior to saymeeting somebody or just like
going out into the world.
Speaker 2 (24:24):
But then again, that's kind of natural too
though, because when you're in arelationship, I believe that
your significant other, likeyour partner serves as a mirror
to yourself.
So there's certain things thatyou didn't know about yourself
prior to being in thisrelationship.
And I always, so it's not, notfor the week, right?
Speaker 1 (24:42):
If you're not ready to see those things
Speaker 2 (24:44):
And a lot of people aren't, and that's why
relationships, people fight alot.
You find like two month, threemonth, one, I mean, not wrong
with that, but yeah.
Speaker 1 (24:54):
Yeah.
But the thing is, if you're notready for that kind of brutal
honesty, because sometimes itreally is brutal honesty.
Then just that's.
When you go into a studio,
Speaker 2 (25:05):
The shadow working as you call it,
Speaker 1 (25:07):
Go, you have to do your shadow work.
You have to have a season ofself discovery.
That's big.
That's the biggest part,
Speaker 2 (25:14):
Women and men, women, and men can do shadow working.
You know what I'm saying?
I feel like to be honest withyou, when you actually like
probably dive into the meaning,most people would probably think
that's a feminine thing.
No, I'm pretty sure everyone hasa shadow.
Everyone.
Everyone is like
Speaker 1 (25:34):
Apart, that's a view that's that you don't
necessarily always see our egowill tell us that we're the best
person ever, that we can do nowrong
Speaker 2 (25:43):
Masculinity.
Kind of the ego always speaks.
You know what I'm saying?
So it's like most people, mostpeople don't honestly speaking.
Most, most men can't reflect onlike themselves and what they
did wrong.
Speaker 1 (25:57):
That actually makes me pretty sad.
Speaker 2 (26:00):
It is sad.
It's the up.
But it's, it's like what yousaid, it's the upbringing.
I feel like society kind of likemasculinity is not really
something where you, cause whenyou honestly like take a few
steps back and say, I need towork on myself.
Yeah.
Would you say is healthy to dothat by yourself?
Or do you kind of need somebodyelse to have that conversation
(26:25):
with, because if you do needthat you can, but if you do need
somebody to come get atherapist, how much, how much
men, how much men do, you know,are going to be like, you know
what?
I need to have this conversationwith a therapist or a friend of
mine's and talk about all myproblems.
Most guys ain't doing that.
Speaker 1 (26:45):
But then you see, look at our society, go look
outside that you can, that isevident that people don't want
to do that.
It is, that is literally
Speaker 2 (26:54):
Scale.
Anything for men.
It is.
Speaker 1 (26:56):
That's where you just have to like lay, lay your
burdens down, says the Lord, youjust have to just, just, just
try to figure it out.
You know, you can't, you can't,um, push your way through that.
You can't fight becauseliterally at every point in let
you turn, it will show upwherever
Speaker 2 (27:15):
Facts.
Not only in your likesignificant, like love
relationship shows up in yourfriendships at work
relationships, whatever it maybe.
I'm not sure.
Speaker 1 (27:26):
Yeah.
And I'm telling you that when,especially when you're in a
relationship with a significantother, that will teach you the
most, that you need to knowabout a friendship or in how you
should navigate a friend,
Speaker 2 (27:40):
Depending on how real that relationship is or how much
you value or even give thatperson yet, like the open space
to even bring that conversationabout.
Because again, most people wouldprobably be like, I don't need
to hear that from you.
Like, what are you even talkingabout?
And to me, like you just seenyour feelings.
Speaker 1 (27:59):
I will, I like cherish my relationships that I
have in my life so much.
And I will give things for thembecause literally in my
relationship with my significantother and my relationship with
my friends, I feel like I canshow up as me authentically.
And I just have that nurturingenvironment.
(28:22):
I have an environment that letsme be honest.
I have an environment that letsme break down.
Like there's no hiding here.
I don't think you can dorelationships healthily.
If you're hiding until you'reready to come out of hiding,
leave people alone, do not bringother people into your chaos.
(28:42):
That is the most selfless thingthat you can do.
If you know that you're notready, leave people
Speaker 2 (28:49):
Facts.
I hear that.
It's true.
Probably not going to happen 90%of the time, but I'm putting it
in.
I mean, it's very true.
Okay.
Speaker 1 (28:58):
Putting it out into the consciousness, take it.
What?
Take what you want and leavewhat you don't right.
The next thing that I want tosay, relationships need to be
wary of spell work with the waywe speak, because there is power
of life and death in the tongue.
Speaker 2 (29:15):
What you speak, you're going to manifest it.
Speaker 1 (29:17):
When I heard them say bad marriage for life and they
gave each other the pound gene,would you see that in the
interview?
They said, ride together diedtogether.
Bad marriage for life.
Speaker 2 (29:32):
Well, hold on, hold on.
And what is the August interviewor will Smith wife, bad life
relationship, bad marriage forlife.
That's not good when I saidthat's not good.
Speaker 1 (29:44):
I haven't seen that, that show or that give that you
just melt into the chair.
Right?
I was just like, Lord, this isnot it.
But listen, y'all your words.
The power of life and death isin the tongue.
Speaker 2 (30:00):
You know, what's so crazy to most people.
We're still looking at thatconversation.
I mean it, to be honest, itwasn't mature conversation,
right?
It was, they came out as a
Speaker 1 (30:11):
It's honest, they had to do it in front of the world.
Most people do that conversationin the comfort of their own
home,
Speaker 2 (30:16):
But I'm pretty sure most people would probably look
at it and say like, this isgoals.
You know what I mean?
Speaker 1 (30:24):
You know, I think like
Speaker 2 (30:26):
Right, that, that ride or die little thing that
you just said, people will say
Speaker 1 (30:30):
That part hit me.
And my chest half of theconversation is goals because
you need to speak it.
Speaker 2 (30:36):
Having a conversation is definitely goes because a lot
of people take it.
It can take a lot to even get tothat point.
Yeah.
You can't ice skate past thosethings, but
Speaker 1 (30:46):
Pounding on bad marriage for life.
Like some sort of an agreement.
Speaker 2 (30:50):
I hope that was just for comedy.
Speaker 1 (30:53):
Jean.
It seems like that's, they'resaying like, you know how we
have a handshake that seemedlike they handshake
Speaker 2 (31:00):
Bad marriage for life willing.
What was just saying that,listen to me, you don't want
that.
Speaker 1 (31:08):
This, this is like a really important lesson that
I've learned.
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (31:12):
What you say I can already know.
She can say what you speak.
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (31:14):
What you speak is what becomes, listen, listen,
take five minutes.
Every day.
This has been, come becomeincredibly important for me.
Take five minutes every day andjust meditate at first and just
quiet your mind.
At first, you're going to havethoughts running in your mind.
You're not going to be able toshut up and you're going to get
frustrated with yourself becauseyour mind won't turn off.
(31:37):
The important lesson in that isstart categorizing your
thoughts.
Okay?
Categorize the negative selftalk that you have categorized
the positive self talk that youhave categorize your worries,
categorize what you're anxiousabout.
Put them on to categories.
What you'll notice is that youkeep thinking about the same 10
(31:59):
things.
Okay?
All right.
Now, open your eyes, go into theworld and see how those things
have manifested the same 10thoughts that you think over and
over and over again is what isplaying out in your reality.
So have to change how you, youtalk to yourself, right?
(32:20):
That's when affirmations comeinto play, that's when prayer
comes into play, that's whencommunicating with your partners
and your friends come into playbecause your friends whoever's
in your life can help you onlearn those negative things that
you're talking to your, toyourself, about what first has
to happen.
You have to take a mentalinventory of them and see how
(32:42):
they played out.
In your reality.
Again, it all comes back toself, right?
No one else is in charge of yourhealing set for you.
So, man, we got to continue thisconversation because we talked
about what relationship goals isnot.
Okay.
Speaker 2 (33:00):
We got to, do you want to talk about what
relationship goes?
Isn't it
Speaker 1 (33:03):
You're going to have to tune into the next episode
for that.
Okay.
Speaker 2 (33:06):
No, this was good.
You was, you was, he wastalking.
I learned something today.
Speaker 1 (33:11):
Oh, thanks.
Speaker 2 (33:14):
This was actually good.
This was good.
You know, I see what thatreading comes from now.
Speaker 1 (33:20):
Listen, man, I just be in shock at the things that
we let happen to our minds, themind is so bad.
Speaker 2 (33:29):
It's powerful.
It can cripple you if you let itand it can be your best tool.
Speaker 1 (33:34):
You have to get quiet with yourself.
When you heal yourself, you healeverybody else.
That is that's the key here.
You cannot.
I mean, it's broken people,break people, you know?
Speaker 2 (33:48):
Mm.
Cause they weight broken.
People stay away from me, man.
Speaker 1 (33:51):
Yeah.
But get the vision of a tornadowhen you
Speaker 2 (33:54):
Get yourself, right?
Like you said, get yourselfright first before even trying,
leave me alone.
That's what it is.
People leave people alone.
Speaker 1 (34:02):
I just stop it.
Some people are,
Speaker 2 (34:05):
I mean, it's toxic.
If you really trying to work onyourself, then I shouldn't say
leave me alone.
Because people, people can reachout to people.
You need people to reach out to.
And in order to heal sometimes.
So I wouldn't say leave me aloneentirely.
But if you really not trying tolike work on yourself and, and,
and do that healing and come tothe realization that you're
(34:27):
toxic, just keep your distance,bro.
Social distancing.
Speaker 1 (34:31):
And another boy that I would like to add is that as
humans we need community, wecan't do life alone.
I think life alone would lookextremely scary.
Speaker 2 (34:43):
Big facts.
Yup.
In the same breath,
Speaker 1 (34:49):
If you're committed to community and you're
committed to doing life withsomeone else, you have to take
accountability and you have totake ownership for how you may
play out in someone else'smemories.
We just need people.
That's how humans are.
I think if anything, quarantinehas taught us that.
So don't alienate yourself fromrelationship, but show up and
(35:12):
show up authentically inrelationships.
I think that's the key.
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (35:17):
It helps everybody.
When you're authentic withyourself, just be real.
Speaker 1 (35:21):
Yeah.
Commit to evolving.
Like people change.
Speaker 2 (35:25):
People change better.
Be a healthy change.
Speaker 1 (35:28):
Goals is not like stifling someone like you.
I met you this way two yearsago.
You need to be the exact sameway.
You
Speaker 2 (35:38):
No, that's, there's no growth in that.
That's scary.
There's no growth in that.
Cause with growth, you're going,you're probably going to change
drastically for the better foryourself.
And honestly, if you have apartner, who's speaking that
language, who's saying, nah, I'mnot okay with that.
Essentially.
They're just saying, they're notokay with you growing because
when you grow, you're going tochange.
That's just,
Speaker 3 (35:58):
That's just nature.
So we're going to continue thisconversation next week on what
relationship goals is.
Thank you all for listening.
Make sure you leave us a commenton what you thought of this
week's episode and until nextTuesday, please.
Thank you for listening to theno visuals podcast.
(36:20):
Don't forget to rate thispodcast and leave us a comment
on what you thought of thisweek's episode.
Also be sure to subscribe to theno visuals podcast for a weekly
unedited take on life whereveryou listen to podcasts until
next Tuesday.
Peace.
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