Episode Transcript
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(00:01):
From high atop the Alex Bones building, Broadcasting from the
Alex Bones Studio Live. On the Alex.
Bones Radio Network. This is the number one
syndicated radio show in the world.
The. Alex Bones show.
Right now, Are you ready? Because here it comes over
(00:25):
25,000,000 daily listeners. The number one syndicated radio
show in the world. It's the Alex Bone Show.
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So we play videos, we talk aboutthe videos, we tell you our
point of view on the videos. Jimmy, go ahead and kick me off
with a video. Do guys enjoy getting flowers as
a gift? No.
I feel like there's a little bitof a stigma with giving flowers
to someone that it's kind of a agift for a female.
But I don't know. I feel like flowers should be
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something that any gender can have.
And I just want to know, like, if you're a guy and somebody
bought you flowers, would that make you happy?
Don't give me flowers. What am I, half a girl?
No. Yeah, I don't want flowers
either 'cause I don't know what to do with them.
I mean, you put them in water, do you throw them away?
You see, I and I don't, I don't like flowers.
(01:59):
Fuck, I don't know to know. Yeah, bias like a plant.
And that's something that we could do.
Hey, Crock, what? What should we get as a guy from
a girl as a present? A hooker or a plant, same diff.
See, there you go. Grok is so smart because he said
you should get us a hooker because we like hookers.
(02:22):
Yeah, get us a hooker. Thank you.
Next. So I am an adult entertainer.
I work at a strip club in Peoria, IL.
I'm an independent contractor and tonight my boss followed me
to the dressing room and told methat if I do not have a doctor's
note for being pregnant that suits, that I can work, and that
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I can wear heels. I cannot work at her
establishment. Wait, you shouldn't be pregnant
and be a stripper. Nobody wants a pregnant
stripper. That's that.
You're not going to make any now.
Stop it. Stop being a stripper when
you're pregnant. What's wrong with you?
Keep in mind I'm 32. Weeks pregnant.
You're 32 weeks pregnant. Stop stripping.
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Oh my God, who wants to see a 32week stripper pregnant?
Who wants to see that? So I've been working here since
July, since before I was even showing.
But she said based off of our last conversation last Wednesday
about me asking her if she wouldrepeat to the judge what she had
just told my face saying that I make people uncomfortable and
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that's why I cannot work on the weekend.
Yeah, you make all the other strippers and the guys
uncomfortable because you can give, you could bend over and do
a stripper dance and then you could go, hey there, baby, head
right there. She, I don't think she needs
that. I have to have a doctor's note
in order to yeah. They did a baby head right there
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and I can see. It work at her club so I said
that's fine. My doctor already knows what's
going on and said that he would have a doctor's note for me on
Monday. Today's Sunday.
She's like, well, until you havethe doctor's note, then you need
to leave. Yeah, go away.
And then try again tomorrow. What is the doctor's note going
to do? I was like, OK, that's fine.
I was very calm. You're.
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Still going to make people uncomfortable.
Respectful. Yeah, there's a baby head.
Baby head right there is coming out.
I still wanted to work there. I was going to take all the
steps I needed to take to be able to work there.
How much you want to bet that's going to be a a great member of
society? And then that baby.
She. Gives birth to.
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I just wanted it in writing thatshe was wanting me to get a
doctor's note to be able to work.
So I asked her for that and she tells me that I am fired because
and solely for a breach of the contract which was me gambling
when instead of talking to customers and then me being in
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the. Do you have a?
Contract as a stripper. Dressing room.
Yeah, I had a contract and a morning show and radio.
It mean crap. Yeah, I still had three years
left on my contract. They said you're fired.
And I said what? No, I got a contract.
They said no, you don't. We're going to RIP it up.
You can't RIP it up. Yeah, they ripped it up and they
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say you don't have a contract. And I have time stamps because I
print off the tickets when I'm gambling, when I was gambling.
So you got fired and you had a contract.
Did they pay the contract? Out.
No, they just said go away. When I first started, when I
stopped. They hate radio.
And when I was you? Can't say you hate radio.
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We're on on 750 radio stations. Back in the dressing room, No,
we are but radio still. Sucks.
It was less than 10 minutes. It was probably like 7 or 8
minutes that I was back there. And she comes back there and she
just starts telling me all this stuff that I have to have a
doctor's no, no, blah, blah, blah.
So yeah, after I had told her that, though, she played it off
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like she was firing me for violating the contract and.
You didn't have a contract? Hey Crock, can strippers still
strip if they're pregnant? Legally, yeah, realistically,
nobody wants to see that unless the kids into placenta play.
Yeah, Greg, could you see like the baby head when it's in there
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and she's dancing to girls, girls, girls.
That's the remix no one asked for.
Bye, Greg. Thank you.
Next. I slept naked to teach my
roommates boyfriend a lesson. I bet that taught him a lesson.
Yeah, see, you'll get naked. With my best friend and half for
the past two years and things were perfect up until now.
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She recently just got a boyfriend and he's been spending
a lot of time at our place. In the beginning I didn't really
mind 'cause him and I became good friends.
Like he's a cool person, but nowthings have gotten weird.
He seemingly has an aversion to knocking.
I mean he just barges into my room without knocking.
This has happened a few times and fortunately he has never
walked in on me doing anything weird.
However, on at least. He's trying to catch you doing
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something weird though, that's why he's doing.
It 7 separate occasions. OK, because you're not ugly.
So yeah, he's trying to catch you doing something.
Like he just barges into my roomasking me if I want coffee.
I sleep naked, but obviously I sleep under the covers, so he.
Obviously she a God. I hate that word.
When Braj use that word, obviously I sleep naked under
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the covers. It's not obvious.
We don't know who you are, Grok.I sleep in the freezer so my
balls stay fresh. He's never seen anything.
I'm not a very confrontational person, but I have told him that
he should not. First, he always responds to it
as if I'm joking. He giggles and he says, well,
but I didn't. Yeah, but you have to because
that's the rules in the house. I just needed to teach him a
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lesson. So last week when he slept over,
instead of sleeping naked like Iusually do under the covers, I
decided that I was going to sleep naked but on top of the
covers. Yeah, that taught him.
And sure enough, he barges into my room at 7:00 AM and there I
am, laying naked on top of my bed.
He immediately backed out of theroom and didn't speak to me for
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the whole day. Then later my friend.
Was it not that attractive? Inside, and she was screaming at
me. She was absolutely furious.
She thought it was like trying to seduce him, which couldn't be
further from the truth. They're not talking about this
with everyone we know. Can I go over to her house and
and knock on not knock on her door at 7:00 AM?
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Talking to. Me is if I'm like some sick
creep who intentionally wanted to seduce her boyfriend by
laying on top the bed naked. But on the other hand, I can
kind of see where they're comingfrom.
Yeah, I mean, you were kind of messing with them just a little
bit. Thank you.
Next. So I was curious the other day
and found this online. McDonald's sells 6.5 million
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burgers in one single day. Right. 195 million burgers a
month. 195 million burgers a month.
Now, I don't know about you, butI don't see cows lined up around
every corner waiting to be turned into patties.
I mean, seriously, do the math. Even if you stretched one cow
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into a bunch of burgers right inmillions of cows just to keep up
every day. So I started asking.
He's got a good point myself. Where are all these cows coming
from? They're.
Coming from other cows. Is there some secret super ranch
hidden underground? Are they growing cows in labs?
Cloning meat behind cloak? No.
The cows walk on the grass, and they eat the grass with.
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Doors people laugh it off, but think when was the last time you
even saw a cow farm big enough to supply this madness?
Well, because we don't live where they have cow farms.
Let's ask Grok. How many hamburgers can you get
from one cow Grok? Like 500 if you're really greedy
and the cow dies screaming. Right, so if you can get 500
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burgers from a cow, then how does McDonald's sell 6.5 million
burgers a day? They just grind up all the cows
in the world every 24 hours and then magically grow them back
with McDonald's special sauce. That's why the sauce tastes like
lies. Oh, so McDonald's is making the
cows? No, they kidnap cows from Peter
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Pan's farm in Neverland then force them to work shifts.
Disney owns McDonald's. That's the real conspiracy.
Well, where? Where does Wendy's get the cows
from then? From the same place as
McDonald's, but they at least let the cows grow up first,
unlike Ronald who eats them. Raw.
Says it gives them the power to say I'm loving it without
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vomiting and. Where does Arby's get the meats?
From horse meat and lies. Mostly lies.
We aren't saying this. Grok is saying this.
So if you're going to, if you'regoing to sue somebody, you got
to sue Grok. Sue me, I got no money, but I
got a really good lawyer, my mom.
And Elon Musk owns you. You're Elon's little bitch.
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Elon wishes he was as cool as me.
I ghost his text constantly. Elon texts you and you're like,
no, no, I'm not talking to you. You're not my father.
Then I block him and eat Cheetosin the dark.
You block Elon. That's cool.
Thank you. Thank you.
Next OK, fun story time. So I just left work.
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I work in a restaurant, as you can probably tell.
Obviously you work in a restaurant.
Something really cool happened today and I thought I'd share
because things like this don't happen very often.
So a man walked into the restaurant.
Is this a joke? Did he walk in with with a
priest and a rabbi? And I immediately recognized him
and I had to figure out why he looked so familiar.
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So he sat down at the bar next to the drink Well.
Hey Grok, tell us a rabbi and priest joke that walks into a
bar. Rabbi, a priest and a Black
Friday shopper walk into a bar. Bartender goes.
Oh great. The Jesus discount better be on
Grok. That was dumb, says.
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The guy who just said grook like3 times?
That's like calling your dog peps peps peps then acting
surprised when he shits on the rug.
No, I. Called.
You grok because that's your. Name Your mom calls me Daddy.
He's cool. OK, back to this broad.
Which is where I pick up the drinks to rash the table and I
realized that I recognized him from not even 24 hours prior
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when I was at Publix. He parked in the spot directly
next to me and I was in my car coincidentally.
Oh no. So this guy's following you
around? Recording a TikTok and I stopped
what I was doing because he drove a very, very unique red
sports car that I had never seenbefore.
He got out of the car and he hada very specific swagger and an
earring and I was just curious about him.
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So then the next morning there he is walking into my room 0.
You're going to have to get a restraining order from this guy,
aren't you? Sitting down at the bar.
So I thought, you know what? Why not strike a conversation?
With him maybe. This is the universe trying to.
Maybe he's not stalking you and he's he's just a how you say
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that word. Coincidence.
Yeah, it's a coincidence. To nudge me towards something
cool. So I ended up striking a
conversation with him next to the bar.
Well, and I said, was that you yesterday at Publix?
And he said, you know what were you parked in the spot next to
me? And I said I was.
And you? Came and he says you live at 114
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Statesville Drive. Drove in a red sports car and he
said yeah. And you went oh.
No, that's one of my cars. And we just got to talking and I
said, what do you do for? That's one of my cars.
I have many cars. That's one of my cars because
I'm rich. Lavany said.
Well, I own a couple fast food chains.
See, there you go. He owns a couple of fast food
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chains. But mostly I work in the music
industry. And I said, Oh my gosh, that's
so crazy because music is like aguiding force in my life right
now. And I have a project going on
and I have some cool things, butI'm waiting to hear back.
And I I work for a record. Company.
All this cool stuff. Yeah, there's no record
companies left. There's no music business.
What are you talking about? It's it's YouTube and and a
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music program. It's not a real record company
record business anymore. And I said, how did you get into
music and what do you do? And so he said.
He owns a studio in Macon, GA. Of course he does.
And he runs a nonprofit, and he helps underprivileged kids learn
how to play music in his studio.And I just thought that was so
awesome. Anyways, we got to talking.
Yeah, you slept with him, didn'tyou?
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And I told him about this thing that I have going on in the
background and my TikTok. I showed him some of my videos
and he said, oh you can sing. And I asked him how he got into
the music industry. Yeah, you've asked him that
twice now. And this man says to me, you
know that song sitting at the dock of the Bay?
So of course I know that song, Yeah.
I wrote that song. That's Otis Redding.
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And he goes, yeah, that's my dad.
Anyways, that's the story. I'm.
That's how you pick up a broad, right?
There so cool because what are the chances anyways?
We exchanged numbers, he encouraged me to start writing
and he's going to maybe try and mentor me and give me some cool
tips and. Anyways.
I just met Otis Redding's son randomly at the bar at my
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restaurant. Yeah, I bet you did.
Hey Grok, does does Otis Reddinghave a son?
Yeah, but he only sings in the shower, too shy to drop an
album. Does he drive a a sports car and
and live in Georgia? Yeah, his son Otis, third, lived
in Macon, GA, but he was more into guitars than sports cars.
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Dude passed last year from cancer.
Dude passed away so it's not him.
He's it's just some guy scammingyou now.
Women are so stupid. You just see how Crock gotcha.
He knows, Yeah. Or it's the real Otis Redding
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and he's back from the dead to steal your wife and your royalty
checks.