November 23, 2025 • 25 mins
Buckle up — Alex Bones is BACK and the internet is on fire tonight!
Tonight’s chaos menu:
- @lildumbdumb44 swears she just saw the ghost of James Gandolfini walking his dog in New Jersey… we investigate
- Dating in your 40s double-feature: @danielleinwaco drops brutal truth bombs + @sarants23 asks the real questions
- @alexisrosenbaumcoaching reveals the one thing you NEED to know before you sleep with him (spoiler: most of y’all are failing)
- @justabarrelracer365 needs the chat to vote: would YOU date her wild best friend? (the comments are savage)
- @cocoemiz teaches the entire show (and you) how to count to 67 in Japanese… for some reason
- @carolineandcows hits us with the funniest parrot joke you’ll hear all week
- @askraphaela breaks down America’s first human H5N5 bird flu case… and Alex goes full conspiracy mode: “This is how the terrorists take us all out on Thanksgiving — death by turkey!”
Zero filter. Maximum vibes. The chat is unhinged and so are we.
Stream now at BonesShow.com or wherever you get your podcasts!
🔥 Drop a like if you’re team “bird flu is sus”🔥 Comment your worst 40s dating story🔥 Tag a friend who needs the parrot joke ASAP
#TheAlexBonesShow #Podcast #Radio #JamesGandolfini #DatingInYour40s #BirdFluConspiracy #ParrotJoke #TikTokTakeover
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:01):
From high atop the Alex Bones building.
Broadcasting from the Alex BonesStudio.
Live on the Alex. Bones Radio Network.
This is the number one syndicated radio show in the
world. The.
Alex Bones show. You've been waiting.
You've been waiting a long time.Here it goes.
(00:23):
The Alex Bones Show over 25,000,000 daily listeners.
Find us.online@boneshow.com We play videos, we tell you what's
(00:50):
real, what's not real, what's fake, what's not fake.
(01:15):
Oh yeah. Jimmy, go ahead and kick me off
with the video please. Hey, it doesn't matter, but I
need you guys to know that around 2011 I saw.
James Gandolfini. Walking his dog and.
Oh, how lucky are you? You got to see James Gandolfini
(01:37):
exhausted just talking about us.Who is that?
Who is that? That's Tony Soprano.
He wasn't in touch with his feelings, he just did what he
had to. Do Ali behind Jones on 3rd in
Los Angeles and he was. Doing it in a.
Very Tony Soprano manner. Hey, Tony.
I don't. Like Bremen glaze.
Are you blessed? I'll eat it.
Oh, how lucky are you? Did you go up to him and say,
(01:59):
hey, Mr. Soprano, Sir, Did, did,did you say, Oh, poor you?
Oh, poor you. Did you say things like that?
What? No.
What? No fucking ziti so.
What? No.
Fucking ziti now. Hey, hey, did you say Gabagoo?
Oh, you're so lucky. And the story.
Thank you. Next, I'm 47 and apparently men
(02:24):
my age. They're not interested in
another 47 year old. Or older because, you know, I'm
almost 50, have little children,which is great.
Do you Boo? Men who are 50 don't have little
children. But why get mad at me when I
(02:45):
don't want to date you and raiseyour children with you?
We're not mad at you. You you shouldn't go out with a
guy with little kids if you don't want little kids, and you
shouldn't go out with a guy withlittle kids.
There's other guys out there whoare like 50 and have like 25
year olds. Right.
So just keep looking. You don't have.
To there's not. One or two guys on the Tinder,
(03:09):
there's hundreds of thousands, so just keep going.
I'm on the retirement end. I'm trying to plan my
retirement. Yeah, good.
Good for you. I'm not trying to do carpool,
I'm not trying to do bath time. Oh, Can you imagine being 50
years old and doing bath time and putting them to bed at 80?
(03:30):
I couldn't handle that. I've done all that.
She's putting herself through college, she works part time,
she's saving her money and I'm just not wanting to go back and
do that. Grandchildren fantastic all
about it. Yeah, that's not going to happen
either. But I don't.
(03:50):
Yeah, but what happens if you, you, you boss, you, you Alex?
What happens if you have grandchildren?
Well, they're not going to be grandchildren.
I'm they're going to make, they're going to call me dad.
Want a raise? I'm not going to be no
grandfather. More children if you are in your
50s and you have. So if you go out to a restaurant
(04:11):
with your grandchildren and theysay this is your grandchildren,
you say no, this is my, my, my children.
Yeah, I'm going to look at him and say, what do you think?
I am old. I'm not old.
There's a I'm 30. Little children, if that's what
you chose to do, that's. Fantastic.
Good for you do. You.
(04:32):
Yeah, I actually had a friend who was, I don't know, 40393840,
something like that. And he told me, hey, we're
having a baby. And I took him to the side and
went really, dude, stop it. You.
You don't want this. You're old.
Stop it. And you can't get offended at me
because I don't want it. Wait, I I'm not offended at you.
(04:55):
Just go to somebody else and don't tell me about it.
Just slipe or swipe left or right or whatever the hell.
Thank you. Next ladies, before you sleep
with them, you need to understand that based on your
appearance, he is putting you inone of two categories.
Appearance and actions, not justappearance.
(05:16):
You either look like the girl hewants to take home from the bar
or the girl he wants to take home to meet his mom.
OK, I'll go with that. This is because men are very
logical, they're A to B thinkers, and they take things
at face value all. Right like you, Alexis Rosenbaum
coaching. Her names?
Alexis, you should marry somebody named Alexis, and you
(05:38):
could be Alexis and Alex and shecould be Alexis.
Bones. Yeah, but she looks like the
girl you bring home to Mom. She doesn't look like a whore.
Look like a Puerto. Rican whore make me sick.
So if you're the type of woman that dresses provocatively,
that's overly flirtatious and suggestive.
Yeah, you're not bringing her home to mom because Mom's going
(05:59):
to throw. Something at her, Madam, and you
accelerate intimacy. He's going to assume that that's
all you have to offer Puerto Rican who because that's what he
does. Yeah, Alexa's bones.
That would be her name. He leads with his strongest
character trait, whether it's his accomplishment.
It's the Alexis Bone show. I could work for her.
(06:20):
And I bet she would be nice to me and she wouldn't be mean to
me and call me names. Shut up, Jimmy, You're not going
anywhere. She's not going to do a show
anyway. Vance's career.
She's only got 9 likes on this video, she's not going anywhere.
His hobbies He's putting his best foot forward, so he's
assuming that you're doing. But she's making a lot of sense.
(06:41):
Why does she only have 9 likes I.
Don't know. Will you like it and make it 10
likes? All right, I'll like it.
Now she's got 10. And if that's how you're
presenting yourself, you're putting yourself in the same
category as online content. Yeah, I gotta disagree with
that. Alexis Bones look like a Puerto.
Rican who? Thank you next.
(07:03):
Who said it, The Muppets or Donald Trump?
OK, this is going to be good, Jimmy.
Who said it? The Muppets or Donald Trump?
Well, I'll get all these right because Donald Trump is the
smartest man in the. World so.
He probably I'll tell you what he said and what what a muppet.
Said all right, go. I don't want mosquitoes around
(07:23):
me. I don't like mosquitoes.
That was Donald Trump. Yeah, he had the outdoor thing
where he doesn't like mosquitoesand he's saying go away
mosquitoes. Trump, you have to be able to
accept a failure to get better. Unless you're me.
You have to accept the failure to get better.
Unless you're me. Now that was Trump.
(07:45):
The Muppets. I got one right, you got one
wrong. Do I hit the ball good?
Did I hit it long? You answer that one all.
Right. Did I hit the ball good?
Did I hit the ball long? That's Trump playing golf.
Trump I have the best words. I.
Have the best words? That's a muppet.
(08:06):
Jimmy says Muppet. Trump.
You got that one wrong. You got that one wrong.
OK, another one. It's called a salute to all
nations, but mostly America. It's called a salute to all
nations, but mostly America. I'm going to go with Muppet.
(08:27):
OK, boss, said Muppet. What?
Is it Muppet Or is it Trump? The Muppets.
Hey, I think you won. I know my Trump and I know my
Muppet. Thank you.
Next. When you're someone who's like
older and single, it's like sucha blessing and a curse because
I've definitely been single morein my life than I've been in
relationships. And honestly, like my longest
(08:49):
relationships were only like a year and a half.
And you could say that that's myfault.
And you could be right. You could.
It's a 100% your fault. Say that I don't pick the right
people, or I didn't used to pickthe right and you could be
right. OK, so on a scale from 1:00 to
10:00, she's an 8, and she's probably a nine on the crazy
scale. You could say a lot of things,
you know, I'm kind of like not offended by any of that.
(09:10):
But what happens when you're single?
Especially like I'm 44 like you?She's a six and an 8.
It's so much advice. Eight in the crazy scale.
And you work on yourself so muchthat it's just like it gets
exhausting and I. So how did your rating go down
that fast? Because she she's old.
(09:32):
Don't like cliche phrases. I really hate when people.
It actually makes my skin crawl when people say stop looking.
You'll find him when you least expect.
I hate that saying. I hate when people say.
Well then you should stop looking, because you'll find him
when you stop looking. Just love yourself.
Yeah, love yourself. Oh, oh, there.
Like there's like the cliche phrases.
(09:55):
I'm going to use that every timeJimmy says something.
Say something, Jimmy. What do you want me to say?
Oh oh. That's not funny.
Is that people say to single people and it's just like so
annoying because no derp, you know what I mean?
Like no duh. And I was just thinking this
other day. I'm like, you know, it gets
(10:15):
exhausting because I've like done counseling.
I've read all the books, I've watched all like I've over
saturated myself. I think she's almost a nine
crazy. Yeah, her crazy's way higher
than her looks. With advice and what to do and
when to text and when not to text and what to say and you're
going. To spend the rest of your life
single. Oh other.
(10:36):
Thank you. Next.
Says people want to use TikTok as basically a new dating site.
I want to introduce y'all to my beautiful, sexy, very
independent, hard working, enjoys life and travels friend
and she's going to tell you the requirements for her for a man.
(10:56):
Wait, would you date her the thethe friend?
Would I date the friend? Sure.
And the dislikes in a man, OK. She's going to tell you what she
wants in a man. We'll see if you if you if you
good on her scale. OK, bring it on.
So if you're self-proclaimed a guy, that'd be a big no 'cause
(11:16):
that means you're not really a big guy.
You're actually that speaks louder than the word.
OK, don't be a good guy, just smack her around a little.
Bit talk is cheap and it's real cheap.
Actions or what? Yeah, boss's talk is not cheap
'cause he charges for his talk. So boss talk not cheap.
Chose what you really are. Oh, but I'm different.
(11:39):
I'm a different guy, no. So if we say we're a different
type of guy, you don't want that, he tells.
Me that he loves me on a first date, second date or third date
even. Like, how about no, you can't
possibly love somebody on breathing.
Yes, you can. You can.
(12:00):
It's called love at first sight.If a guy falls in love with you
at first sight and tells you, then you're going to drop him.
That was the that was your Prince Charming, you dumb broad.
He was right there. 1st 30 days y'all.
I'm going to extend the 1st and 2nd and 3rd tab to 30 days.
(12:25):
But really, she's. 30 days, yeah, 30 days before you have a
meaningful conversation with this broad.
Six months or longer, Yeah. If you if you, if you see her
from across the room and you fall in love at first sight, why
can't you tell her? Plan a date if he can't make a.
If you cannot make a decision and plan a date, that's a
problem. No time for that.
(12:45):
Like just make a decision. So you're starting off the
relationship from day one, telling him to make a decision,
not you, him to make the decision.
Yeah. And then you from that point on,
you're not going to listen to any, any decisions we had we
(13:06):
come up with from that point until the end of time because
you, you set the ground rules bysaying you make the first
decision because I'm too, I can't do it.
You almost said she's too stupid, didn't you, Jimmy?
I almost said it but I'd stop but OK because you're too stupid
to do it. Yeah, there you go.
That will surely get us banned off TikTok and YouTube.
(13:30):
You know, TikTok and YouTube both have blocked us in the past
week, both, both of them for things that we said They blocked
you, Jimmy, because you said 6/7. 6767.
Now they're going to block that.I don't know why they blocked us
(13:52):
for saying 6-7. I don't know why. 6767 you said
it. And it's your cheat.
You cannot be cheap. I'm not saying you gotta be made
of money, which can't be cheat. Those are like the big ones.
All right. What do I miss?
Them OK Don't be cheap, don't tell you you love her.
Don't be like every other guy. You're taking so many men out of
(14:17):
the You're never going to find aguy.
Never, never. Thank you.
Next, in Japan, we don't say 676. 76767.
We say noku Nana. Roku Nana that that means 6-7
(14:39):
Roku Nana Roku Nana. Thank you.
Next Well, I just had a very interesting experience at our
local McDonald's. So I go through the line to get
a large Diet Coke. So I get up to pay and the
little fella, and I mean little little teenager leans out the
window and says, got a question for you.
(15:00):
And I said a question for me. Yeah, I got a question for you.
Why are you so old? He said yeah, he said why do
people go through Dr. Throughs just to get a drink?
That's a good point. There's a Speedway over there.
Yeah, Speedway you can get 10 times the drink for $0.59.
I should have said, well #1 sendyour business #2 it's job
(15:24):
security. But anyway, I didn't do either
of those things. I said, well, it's because I
want a large Diet Coke from McDonald's, not Speedway.
What the heck? I guess he doesn't know I have
TikTok and I won't tell the world.
She's got a good point though, because but both of them have a
good point. I can.
See that that both points for both.
OK so Speedway you get 10 times to drink for $0.59, but
(15:45):
McDonald's has their own formulafor their coke.
They do. It's not like every other Coke.
No, they have their own formula and they put a crack in it and
it's so good. So you want you want to get the
crack And no, it's just, it's, it's much coke.
So I understand what she's saying.
You gotta have the coke from McDonald's.
(16:07):
Thank you. Next lady goes to a pet store to
buy a parrot. Okay.
And they've got three options. They've got one for $250, one
for $100. $100 one. One for $15, so she asks the guy
she likes. Yeah, she gonna get the $15 one.
Bargain, she goes, what's up with the one for $15?
Why is he so cheap? And he says, well, he used to
(16:27):
live at a brothel, so sometimes he says stuff that's a little
inappropriate. Well, lady thought, well, this
might be fun, let's take that one.
So she buys the $15. Parrot snakes at home.
They walk in the door to the newhouse.
The parrot goes hell yeah, a newbrothel.
And she giggles and this is going to be fun, right?
So pretty soon her two teenage daughters come home and walk in
the door and he goes hell yeah, 2 new girls.
(16:50):
Yeah, if you have a new parrot, you need to name it Big Sexy so
it says things like this. Shossel.
Yeah, that's from Shorzi. Hey, I like that parrot, that
big sexy, he says. The mom explains the story to
him and they think it's funny too.
So everybody's having a good time with the parrot so far.
Well, pretty soon the dad comes home.
(17:11):
The dad walks in the door and the parrot looks at him and goes
hell yeah Pete, I haven't seen you in weeks.
That was worth the $15.00 right there.
Hell yeah, Pete. Thank you.
Next. I'm on Hinge and just last week
I got a message from pretty cuteguy and he opened with tell me a
(17:37):
fun fact, you know, fun fact that you like and I love.
That's a good one. That's a good.
That's a good opening line on the hinge.
Of those questions, that's, you know, very interesting opener.
So I decided to go for it. And so I responded.
I mashed with him, I responded, and I said my fun fact is that
the hyoid bone in the neck is the only bone in the body that
(18:01):
is not connected to another bone.
Now there's another bone. And that's interesting because
if it is broken, it is a very strong indication of manual
strangulation. So if you're looking to get rid
of someone and make it look likean accident and go the
(18:24):
strangulation route, you have tobe really careful not to break
that bone because it's a strong indication.
No, she knows way too much aboutmurder.
Next. That.
That was not an accident. Yeah, I haven't heard back from
from him. Yeah, cuz he said no, no, you
any woman that knows about murder, you just move on.
(18:48):
Thank you. Drive through.
Yes, it is true that the first case human case of H5 N 5 has
now been confirmed in the UnitedStates, in Washington state.
Thank God here comes the next COVID.
Aw thank you. I need another year inside my
house. It is, in fact, the first case
in humans worldwide ever. There was some chat.
(19:08):
How are we going to do this showif we can't leave?
Yeah, I don't know, Jimmy. So that a man and Sheila had it.
But that was back in 2023 and that was H5 and one.
All right, now I've already seen.
H5 and five it's it's far better.
Several posts where creators arevery concerned about this.
You you think? And given what we all went
through a couple years ago. And here we go, we're never
(19:30):
leaving our house ever again. But let's step back.
For a second. Every time we go to Costco,
we're going to have to put a mask on.
This man was working with his chickens and whatnot in his
backyard and what they think happened is that the chickens
were interacting with. They banged a chicken.
Like wild birds? Would you just listen?
Whatever, whatever. OK, so he caught it all right,
(19:50):
The the man did. Now he has been hospitalized
since early November, but he is still alive.
I'll come back to the fatality rate in a second, but.
There's no fatality rate becausehe's the only one with it.
Is this concerning? Of course it is.
But that means that this bird flu that they've been monitoring
for a very long time has now notonly figured out how to go from
bird to bird, but now from bird to human.
(20:12):
I guess we just won't eat Bird then.
What isn't Thanksgiving bird A? Bird.
Oh yeah, Turkey's a bird. Everybody's got to get it from
the the Turkey bird. Yeah, that's not good because
we're all going to eat. Can you imagine if the bird flu
(20:33):
was in turkeys and you wanted tokill everybody in the United
States on one day, you would putthe bird flu in the turkeys?
Oh, that would be brilliant. Thank you.
Next. So I've kind of gotten myself
into a pickle and I need dating advice so.
(20:55):
Like a year and a half. Ago I got in, yeah.
We're good at dating advice. We're the best at dating device,
but you won't listen. We'll give you dating advice,
but you will just go. Nah, I'm not paying any
attention even though you asked for dating advice.
You won't listen to our dating device because you think you
know more better than we. Do but this guy was like a.
Distance thing we met. Hung out six weeks, went our
separate ways. It was, Long story short, it
(21:16):
went S he texted me the other day and was like, hey, I'm going
to be in town. Do you want to, do you want to
get together, see if there's anything still salvageable,
yadda yadda yadda. So I'm like, OK, cool, that's
supposed to happen on Monday or Tuesday, I don't know.
Anyway. But if you don't know, then it's
not a good sign. Fast forward 2 or.
Three weeks I met a new guy and I really like this guy.
(21:37):
We've been hanging out for like 2 weeks.
We hung out twice. Like he's really consistent.
Like he's a, he's a good guy like him.
You know what? You should go out with the other
guy just to be sure. Well, me being who I am, I'm
very black and white, right? I, I can't date multiple people.
I don't, I put all my eggs in one basket because I need to be
able to look myself in the mirror.
I have a conscience Anyway, so Itexted distance guy and I'm
(21:57):
like, Hey, I'm going to be honest with you.
I met this new guy. I'm really into him.
I want to see where it goes. I don't feel like me hanging out
with you. Then that guy should go fine.
He right now is the right. To the next girl on the list.
Thing to do and he's like, OK. Cool.
I respect that blah blah and then I get in my head, I get
anxiety blah blah and I message new guy and I'm like.
You know. Looking for clarity and I'm
(22:17):
like, hey, this is the situation.
Like I had made these plans before I met you.
Like are you seeing other people?
Like where is this going? Top thing and when I say he got
so butt hurt he cancelled our whole weekend not responding to
me like y'all have known this guy for for 12 days.
Maybe I shouldn't have said anything, but Oh my conscience
(22:38):
like. Oh yeah, The minute you say
you're going to go out with another guy, are you telling me
that he dropped you? Not really.
Thank you. Next.
So I was seeing this girl for a little while and we were really
hitting it off, and one night she asked me to come over.
Being the gentleman that I was, of course I obliged.
You don't talk about dates. It's the first rule of dates.
Don't talk about dates. Immediately hopped in my car and
(22:59):
drove to her house. We'd already gone a couple of
days. This was date #3 and I was like,
tonight's the night guy, get some action.
Tonight's tonight he got. I could play that.
In the bass. You gonna be all right?
I love you, girl. Ain't nobody gonna stop, stop,
(23:20):
stop us now. Oh.
OK, I put the bass down before you yell.
At me. Thank you because I was going to
yell at you and tell you to put the bass down.
We had watched a movie, we'd haddinner at one point I was in the
bedroom and all of a sudden she just walks into the rope and
(23:41):
she's wearing these cute little boy shorts and this mid drift
tank top and she just walks up to the door frame and puts her
hand on it and goes well hello there.
Immediately lost all brain function.
Completely forgot what I was doing.
Yeah, I don't even know my name now.
Straight. At her said bolt upright and
witch Ron. Kenobi.
I just the fucking disappointment on her face
(24:01):
immediately she just completely lost all interest, looked at me
and was like no, we're done, that's it, this is not going to
happen. Walked out of the room.
And. I probably would have been
really disappointed had I not been racked with laughter and
how stupid the entire situation was.
But yeah, absolutely nothing happened that night.
She was so flabbergasted. I don't even think we finished
(24:22):
our movie but we ended up getting married and she's my
wife now so like. Well, there you go.
But she she can take a joke. Thank you.
Next. Hey guys, I just wanted to come
on and tell you a little bit about me.
So I'm a mom, I have 5 kids but.Oh dear God, you got 5 kids. 55
(24:42):
kids. I'm down to only raising 2.
It doesn't matter you have 5 kids.
I enjoy baking when I have free time.
Is she? Looking for a guy?
Yeah, I guarantee she ain't finding one.
I enjoy gardening in the summer.With I hate gardening.
Weather is nice. I like to walk I.
Hate to walk? Walk as many miles as I can get.
(25:03):
I'm done over 600 miles this year.
I've driven over 600 miles this year.
I love it, love to go walk. I debate.
People in British Parliament debate.
Yeah, that's no. Think it is super fun?
Gosh, what else? I used to do a lot of
photography, but not as much anymore.
You take a picture of this. And now I'm trying to learn and
(25:26):
figure out how to do this whole thing.
So what about you? Tell me what you enjoy doing.
I I I enjoy staying away from Broads with five kids that walk
and debate people. That's what I enjoy.
I never rested 5 kids you out ofyour mind.
From high atop the Alex Bones building.
Broadcasting from the Alex BonesStudio.
Live on the Alex. Bones Radio Network.
This is the number one syndicated radio show in the
world. The.
Alex Bones show. You've been waiting.
You've been waiting a long time.Here it goes.
(00:23):
The Alex Bones Show over 25,000,000 daily listeners.
Find us.online@boneshow.com We play videos, we tell you what's
(00:50):
real, what's not real, what's fake, what's not fake.
(01:15):
Oh yeah. Jimmy, go ahead and kick me off
with the video please. Hey, it doesn't matter, but I
need you guys to know that around 2011 I saw.
James Gandolfini. Walking his dog and.
Oh, how lucky are you? You got to see James Gandolfini
(01:37):
exhausted just talking about us.Who is that?
Who is that? That's Tony Soprano.
He wasn't in touch with his feelings, he just did what he
had to. Do Ali behind Jones on 3rd in
Los Angeles and he was. Doing it in a.
Very Tony Soprano manner. Hey, Tony.
I don't. Like Bremen glaze.
Are you blessed? I'll eat it.
Oh, how lucky are you? Did you go up to him and say,
(01:59):
hey, Mr. Soprano, Sir, Did, did,did you say, Oh, poor you?
Oh, poor you. Did you say things like that?
What? No.
What? No fucking ziti so.
What? No.
Fucking ziti now. Hey, hey, did you say Gabagoo?
Oh, you're so lucky. And the story.
Thank you. Next, I'm 47 and apparently men
(02:24):
my age. They're not interested in
another 47 year old. Or older because, you know, I'm
almost 50, have little children,which is great.
Do you Boo? Men who are 50 don't have little
children. But why get mad at me when I
(02:45):
don't want to date you and raiseyour children with you?
We're not mad at you. You you shouldn't go out with a
guy with little kids if you don't want little kids, and you
shouldn't go out with a guy withlittle kids.
There's other guys out there whoare like 50 and have like 25
year olds. Right.
So just keep looking. You don't have.
To there's not. One or two guys on the Tinder,
(03:09):
there's hundreds of thousands, so just keep going.
I'm on the retirement end. I'm trying to plan my
retirement. Yeah, good.
Good for you. I'm not trying to do carpool,
I'm not trying to do bath time. Oh, Can you imagine being 50
years old and doing bath time and putting them to bed at 80?
(03:30):
I couldn't handle that. I've done all that.
She's putting herself through college, she works part time,
she's saving her money and I'm just not wanting to go back and
do that. Grandchildren fantastic all
about it. Yeah, that's not going to happen
either. But I don't.
(03:50):
Yeah, but what happens if you, you, you boss, you, you Alex?
What happens if you have grandchildren?
Well, they're not going to be grandchildren.
I'm they're going to make, they're going to call me dad.
Want a raise? I'm not going to be no
grandfather. More children if you are in your
50s and you have. So if you go out to a restaurant
(04:11):
with your grandchildren and theysay this is your grandchildren,
you say no, this is my, my, my children.
Yeah, I'm going to look at him and say, what do you think?
I am old. I'm not old.
There's a I'm 30. Little children, if that's what
you chose to do, that's. Fantastic.
Good for you do. You.
(04:32):
Yeah, I actually had a friend who was, I don't know, 40393840,
something like that. And he told me, hey, we're
having a baby. And I took him to the side and
went really, dude, stop it. You.
You don't want this. You're old.
Stop it. And you can't get offended at me
because I don't want it. Wait, I I'm not offended at you.
(04:55):
Just go to somebody else and don't tell me about it.
Just slipe or swipe left or right or whatever the hell.
Thank you. Next ladies, before you sleep
with them, you need to understand that based on your
appearance, he is putting you inone of two categories.
Appearance and actions, not justappearance.
(05:16):
You either look like the girl hewants to take home from the bar
or the girl he wants to take home to meet his mom.
OK, I'll go with that. This is because men are very
logical, they're A to B thinkers, and they take things
at face value all. Right like you, Alexis Rosenbaum
coaching. Her names?
Alexis, you should marry somebody named Alexis, and you
(05:38):
could be Alexis and Alex and shecould be Alexis.
Bones. Yeah, but she looks like the
girl you bring home to Mom. She doesn't look like a whore.
Look like a Puerto. Rican whore make me sick.
So if you're the type of woman that dresses provocatively,
that's overly flirtatious and suggestive.
Yeah, you're not bringing her home to mom because Mom's going
(05:59):
to throw. Something at her, Madam, and you
accelerate intimacy. He's going to assume that that's
all you have to offer Puerto Rican who because that's what he
does. Yeah, Alexa's bones.
That would be her name. He leads with his strongest
character trait, whether it's his accomplishment.
It's the Alexis Bone show. I could work for her.
(06:20):
And I bet she would be nice to me and she wouldn't be mean to
me and call me names. Shut up, Jimmy, You're not going
anywhere. She's not going to do a show
anyway. Vance's career.
She's only got 9 likes on this video, she's not going anywhere.
His hobbies He's putting his best foot forward, so he's
assuming that you're doing. But she's making a lot of sense.
(06:41):
Why does she only have 9 likes I.
Don't know. Will you like it and make it 10
likes? All right, I'll like it.
Now she's got 10. And if that's how you're
presenting yourself, you're putting yourself in the same
category as online content. Yeah, I gotta disagree with
that. Alexis Bones look like a Puerto.
Rican who? Thank you next.
(07:03):
Who said it, The Muppets or Donald Trump?
OK, this is going to be good, Jimmy.
Who said it? The Muppets or Donald Trump?
Well, I'll get all these right because Donald Trump is the
smartest man in the. World so.
He probably I'll tell you what he said and what what a muppet.
Said all right, go. I don't want mosquitoes around
(07:23):
me. I don't like mosquitoes.
That was Donald Trump. Yeah, he had the outdoor thing
where he doesn't like mosquitoesand he's saying go away
mosquitoes. Trump, you have to be able to
accept a failure to get better. Unless you're me.
You have to accept the failure to get better.
Unless you're me. Now that was Trump.
(07:45):
The Muppets. I got one right, you got one
wrong. Do I hit the ball good?
Did I hit it long? You answer that one all.
Right. Did I hit the ball good?
Did I hit the ball long? That's Trump playing golf.
Trump I have the best words. I.
Have the best words? That's a muppet.
(08:06):
Jimmy says Muppet. Trump.
You got that one wrong. You got that one wrong.
OK, another one. It's called a salute to all
nations, but mostly America. It's called a salute to all
nations, but mostly America. I'm going to go with Muppet.
(08:27):
OK, boss, said Muppet. What?
Is it Muppet Or is it Trump? The Muppets.
Hey, I think you won. I know my Trump and I know my
Muppet. Thank you.
Next. When you're someone who's like
older and single, it's like sucha blessing and a curse because
I've definitely been single morein my life than I've been in
relationships. And honestly, like my longest
(08:49):
relationships were only like a year and a half.
And you could say that that's myfault.
And you could be right. You could.
It's a 100% your fault. Say that I don't pick the right
people, or I didn't used to pickthe right and you could be
right. OK, so on a scale from 1:00 to
10:00, she's an 8, and she's probably a nine on the crazy
scale. You could say a lot of things,
you know, I'm kind of like not offended by any of that.
(09:10):
But what happens when you're single?
Especially like I'm 44 like you?She's a six and an 8.
It's so much advice. Eight in the crazy scale.
And you work on yourself so muchthat it's just like it gets
exhausting and I. So how did your rating go down
that fast? Because she she's old.
(09:32):
Don't like cliche phrases. I really hate when people.
It actually makes my skin crawl when people say stop looking.
You'll find him when you least expect.
I hate that saying. I hate when people say.
Well then you should stop looking, because you'll find him
when you stop looking. Just love yourself.
Yeah, love yourself. Oh, oh, there.
Like there's like the cliche phrases.
(09:55):
I'm going to use that every timeJimmy says something.
Say something, Jimmy. What do you want me to say?
Oh oh. That's not funny.
Is that people say to single people and it's just like so
annoying because no derp, you know what I mean?
Like no duh. And I was just thinking this
other day. I'm like, you know, it gets
(10:15):
exhausting because I've like done counseling.
I've read all the books, I've watched all like I've over
saturated myself. I think she's almost a nine
crazy. Yeah, her crazy's way higher
than her looks. With advice and what to do and
when to text and when not to text and what to say and you're
going. To spend the rest of your life
single. Oh other.
(10:36):
Thank you. Next.
Says people want to use TikTok as basically a new dating site.
I want to introduce y'all to my beautiful, sexy, very
independent, hard working, enjoys life and travels friend
and she's going to tell you the requirements for her for a man.
(10:56):
Wait, would you date her the thethe friend?
Would I date the friend? Sure.
And the dislikes in a man, OK. She's going to tell you what she
wants in a man. We'll see if you if you if you
good on her scale. OK, bring it on.
So if you're self-proclaimed a guy, that'd be a big no 'cause
(11:16):
that means you're not really a big guy.
You're actually that speaks louder than the word.
OK, don't be a good guy, just smack her around a little.
Bit talk is cheap and it's real cheap.
Actions or what? Yeah, boss's talk is not cheap
'cause he charges for his talk. So boss talk not cheap.
Chose what you really are. Oh, but I'm different.
(11:39):
I'm a different guy, no. So if we say we're a different
type of guy, you don't want that, he tells.
Me that he loves me on a first date, second date or third date
even. Like, how about no, you can't
possibly love somebody on breathing.
Yes, you can. You can.
(12:00):
It's called love at first sight.If a guy falls in love with you
at first sight and tells you, then you're going to drop him.
That was the that was your Prince Charming, you dumb broad.
He was right there. 1st 30 days y'all.
I'm going to extend the 1st and 2nd and 3rd tab to 30 days.
(12:25):
But really, she's. 30 days, yeah, 30 days before you have a
meaningful conversation with this broad.
Six months or longer, Yeah. If you if you, if you see her
from across the room and you fall in love at first sight, why
can't you tell her? Plan a date if he can't make a.
If you cannot make a decision and plan a date, that's a
problem. No time for that.
(12:45):
Like just make a decision. So you're starting off the
relationship from day one, telling him to make a decision,
not you, him to make the decision.
Yeah. And then you from that point on,
you're not going to listen to any, any decisions we had we
(13:06):
come up with from that point until the end of time because
you, you set the ground rules bysaying you make the first
decision because I'm too, I can't do it.
You almost said she's too stupid, didn't you, Jimmy?
I almost said it but I'd stop but OK because you're too stupid
to do it. Yeah, there you go.
That will surely get us banned off TikTok and YouTube.
(13:30):
You know, TikTok and YouTube both have blocked us in the past
week, both, both of them for things that we said They blocked
you, Jimmy, because you said 6/7. 6767.
Now they're going to block that.I don't know why they blocked us
(13:52):
for saying 6-7. I don't know why. 6767 you said
it. And it's your cheat.
You cannot be cheap. I'm not saying you gotta be made
of money, which can't be cheat. Those are like the big ones.
All right. What do I miss?
Them OK Don't be cheap, don't tell you you love her.
Don't be like every other guy. You're taking so many men out of
(14:17):
the You're never going to find aguy.
Never, never. Thank you.
Next, in Japan, we don't say 676. 76767.
We say noku Nana. Roku Nana that that means 6-7
(14:39):
Roku Nana Roku Nana. Thank you.
Next Well, I just had a very interesting experience at our
local McDonald's. So I go through the line to get
a large Diet Coke. So I get up to pay and the
little fella, and I mean little little teenager leans out the
window and says, got a question for you.
(15:00):
And I said a question for me. Yeah, I got a question for you.
Why are you so old? He said yeah, he said why do
people go through Dr. Throughs just to get a drink?
That's a good point. There's a Speedway over there.
Yeah, Speedway you can get 10 times the drink for $0.59.
I should have said, well #1 sendyour business #2 it's job
(15:24):
security. But anyway, I didn't do either
of those things. I said, well, it's because I
want a large Diet Coke from McDonald's, not Speedway.
What the heck? I guess he doesn't know I have
TikTok and I won't tell the world.
She's got a good point though, because but both of them have a
good point. I can.
See that that both points for both.
OK so Speedway you get 10 times to drink for $0.59, but
(15:45):
McDonald's has their own formulafor their coke.
They do. It's not like every other Coke.
No, they have their own formula and they put a crack in it and
it's so good. So you want you want to get the
crack And no, it's just, it's, it's much coke.
So I understand what she's saying.
You gotta have the coke from McDonald's.
(16:07):
Thank you. Next lady goes to a pet store to
buy a parrot. Okay.
And they've got three options. They've got one for $250, one
for $100. $100 one. One for $15, so she asks the guy
she likes. Yeah, she gonna get the $15 one.
Bargain, she goes, what's up with the one for $15?
Why is he so cheap? And he says, well, he used to
(16:27):
live at a brothel, so sometimes he says stuff that's a little
inappropriate. Well, lady thought, well, this
might be fun, let's take that one.
So she buys the $15. Parrot snakes at home.
They walk in the door to the newhouse.
The parrot goes hell yeah, a newbrothel.
And she giggles and this is going to be fun, right?
So pretty soon her two teenage daughters come home and walk in
the door and he goes hell yeah, 2 new girls.
(16:50):
Yeah, if you have a new parrot, you need to name it Big Sexy so
it says things like this. Shossel.
Yeah, that's from Shorzi. Hey, I like that parrot, that
big sexy, he says. The mom explains the story to
him and they think it's funny too.
So everybody's having a good time with the parrot so far.
Well, pretty soon the dad comes home.
(17:11):
The dad walks in the door and the parrot looks at him and goes
hell yeah Pete, I haven't seen you in weeks.
That was worth the $15.00 right there.
Hell yeah, Pete. Thank you.
Next. I'm on Hinge and just last week
I got a message from pretty cuteguy and he opened with tell me a
(17:37):
fun fact, you know, fun fact that you like and I love.
That's a good one. That's a good.
That's a good opening line on the hinge.
Of those questions, that's, you know, very interesting opener.
So I decided to go for it. And so I responded.
I mashed with him, I responded, and I said my fun fact is that
the hyoid bone in the neck is the only bone in the body that
(18:01):
is not connected to another bone.
Now there's another bone. And that's interesting because
if it is broken, it is a very strong indication of manual
strangulation. So if you're looking to get rid
of someone and make it look likean accident and go the
(18:24):
strangulation route, you have tobe really careful not to break
that bone because it's a strong indication.
No, she knows way too much aboutmurder.
Next. That.
That was not an accident. Yeah, I haven't heard back from
from him. Yeah, cuz he said no, no, you
any woman that knows about murder, you just move on.
(18:48):
Thank you. Drive through.
Yes, it is true that the first case human case of H5 N 5 has
now been confirmed in the UnitedStates, in Washington state.
Thank God here comes the next COVID.
Aw thank you. I need another year inside my
house. It is, in fact, the first case
in humans worldwide ever. There was some chat.
(19:08):
How are we going to do this showif we can't leave?
Yeah, I don't know, Jimmy. So that a man and Sheila had it.
But that was back in 2023 and that was H5 and one.
All right, now I've already seen.
H5 and five it's it's far better.
Several posts where creators arevery concerned about this.
You you think? And given what we all went
through a couple years ago. And here we go, we're never
(19:30):
leaving our house ever again. But let's step back.
For a second. Every time we go to Costco,
we're going to have to put a mask on.
This man was working with his chickens and whatnot in his
backyard and what they think happened is that the chickens
were interacting with. They banged a chicken.
Like wild birds? Would you just listen?
Whatever, whatever. OK, so he caught it all right,
(19:50):
The the man did. Now he has been hospitalized
since early November, but he is still alive.
I'll come back to the fatality rate in a second, but.
There's no fatality rate becausehe's the only one with it.
Is this concerning? Of course it is.
But that means that this bird flu that they've been monitoring
for a very long time has now notonly figured out how to go from
bird to bird, but now from bird to human.
(20:12):
I guess we just won't eat Bird then.
What isn't Thanksgiving bird A? Bird.
Oh yeah, Turkey's a bird. Everybody's got to get it from
the the Turkey bird. Yeah, that's not good because
we're all going to eat. Can you imagine if the bird flu
(20:33):
was in turkeys and you wanted tokill everybody in the United
States on one day, you would putthe bird flu in the turkeys?
Oh, that would be brilliant. Thank you.
Next. So I've kind of gotten myself
into a pickle and I need dating advice so.
(20:55):
Like a year and a half. Ago I got in, yeah.
We're good at dating advice. We're the best at dating device,
but you won't listen. We'll give you dating advice,
but you will just go. Nah, I'm not paying any
attention even though you asked for dating advice.
You won't listen to our dating device because you think you
know more better than we. Do but this guy was like a.
Distance thing we met. Hung out six weeks, went our
separate ways. It was, Long story short, it
(21:16):
went S he texted me the other day and was like, hey, I'm going
to be in town. Do you want to, do you want to
get together, see if there's anything still salvageable,
yadda yadda yadda. So I'm like, OK, cool, that's
supposed to happen on Monday or Tuesday, I don't know.
Anyway. But if you don't know, then it's
not a good sign. Fast forward 2 or.
Three weeks I met a new guy and I really like this guy.
(21:37):
We've been hanging out for like 2 weeks.
We hung out twice. Like he's really consistent.
Like he's a, he's a good guy like him.
You know what? You should go out with the other
guy just to be sure. Well, me being who I am, I'm
very black and white, right? I, I can't date multiple people.
I don't, I put all my eggs in one basket because I need to be
able to look myself in the mirror.
I have a conscience Anyway, so Itexted distance guy and I'm
(21:57):
like, Hey, I'm going to be honest with you.
I met this new guy. I'm really into him.
I want to see where it goes. I don't feel like me hanging out
with you. Then that guy should go fine.
He right now is the right. To the next girl on the list.
Thing to do and he's like, OK. Cool.
I respect that blah blah and then I get in my head, I get
anxiety blah blah and I message new guy and I'm like.
You know. Looking for clarity and I'm
(22:17):
like, hey, this is the situation.
Like I had made these plans before I met you.
Like are you seeing other people?
Like where is this going? Top thing and when I say he got
so butt hurt he cancelled our whole weekend not responding to
me like y'all have known this guy for for 12 days.
Maybe I shouldn't have said anything, but Oh my conscience
(22:38):
like. Oh yeah, The minute you say
you're going to go out with another guy, are you telling me
that he dropped you? Not really.
Thank you. Next.
So I was seeing this girl for a little while and we were really
hitting it off, and one night she asked me to come over.
Being the gentleman that I was, of course I obliged.
You don't talk about dates. It's the first rule of dates.
Don't talk about dates. Immediately hopped in my car and
(22:59):
drove to her house. We'd already gone a couple of
days. This was date #3 and I was like,
tonight's the night guy, get some action.
Tonight's tonight he got. I could play that.
In the bass. You gonna be all right?
I love you, girl. Ain't nobody gonna stop, stop,
(23:20):
stop us now. Oh.
OK, I put the bass down before you yell.
At me. Thank you because I was going to
yell at you and tell you to put the bass down.
We had watched a movie, we'd haddinner at one point I was in the
bedroom and all of a sudden she just walks into the rope and
(23:41):
she's wearing these cute little boy shorts and this mid drift
tank top and she just walks up to the door frame and puts her
hand on it and goes well hello there.
Immediately lost all brain function.
Completely forgot what I was doing.
Yeah, I don't even know my name now.
Straight. At her said bolt upright and
witch Ron. Kenobi.
I just the fucking disappointment on her face
(24:01):
immediately she just completely lost all interest, looked at me
and was like no, we're done, that's it, this is not going to
happen. Walked out of the room.
And. I probably would have been
really disappointed had I not been racked with laughter and
how stupid the entire situation was.
But yeah, absolutely nothing happened that night.
She was so flabbergasted. I don't even think we finished
(24:22):
our movie but we ended up getting married and she's my
wife now so like. Well, there you go.
But she she can take a joke. Thank you.
Next. Hey guys, I just wanted to come
on and tell you a little bit about me.
So I'm a mom, I have 5 kids but.Oh dear God, you got 5 kids. 55
(24:42):
kids. I'm down to only raising 2.
It doesn't matter you have 5 kids.
I enjoy baking when I have free time.
Is she? Looking for a guy?
Yeah, I guarantee she ain't finding one.
I enjoy gardening in the summer.With I hate gardening.
Weather is nice. I like to walk I.
Hate to walk? Walk as many miles as I can get.
(25:03):
I'm done over 600 miles this year.
I've driven over 600 miles this year.
I love it, love to go walk. I debate.
People in British Parliament debate.
Yeah, that's no. Think it is super fun?
Gosh, what else? I used to do a lot of
photography, but not as much anymore.
You take a picture of this. And now I'm trying to learn and
(25:26):
figure out how to do this whole thing.
So what about you? Tell me what you enjoy doing.
I I I enjoy staying away from Broads with five kids that walk
and debate people. That's what I enjoy.
I never rested 5 kids you out ofyour mind.
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