June 12, 2025 • 49 mins
Ep. 88: Feeling lonely in motherhood? Here’s what helped Gemma Van Slyke (and what she created because of it)
Gemma Van Slyke gave birth in two very different countries—and had two very different postpartum experiences. One was deeply supported, and one left her feeling like she fell through the cracks. That contrast lit a spark that turned into The MotherFlock, a Vancouver-based community for moms craving connection after the baby bubble.
Whether you’re a new mom, have toddlers running circles around you, or just miss having a village, this one’s for you.
You’ll hear and learn:
- What real postpartum support looks like (hint: 6 nurse visits in the first week!)
- How matrescence actually unfolds—and why it’s more than just “six weeks”
- The identity shifts that come with parenting (and why it’s okay to not “bounce back”)
- How one mom’s loneliness became the inspiration for building something better
Related episodes:
Ep. 25: Wellbeing and efficiency: how hiring experts can help you figure out your life – Spotify or Apple
Ep. 34: Danielle Wiebe on figuring out how to enter the world of entrepreneurship and the power of community – Spotify or Apple
Ep. 57: Coping with shame and guilt as a parent with Kyira Wacket – Spotify or Apple
About the guest:
Gemma Van Slyke is a former teacher and the founder of The MotherFlock, a community for postpartum parents in Vancouver. After experiencing strong, built-in support systems during her first postpartum experience in Australia, she returned to Canada and felt the absence of connection and guidance. So she decided to create what she wished existed. The MotherFlock offers in-person programs and online resources for anyone navigating matrescence.
Find her at themotherflock.com and on Instagram at @the.motherflock. You can even submit your own Matrescence Tale via her site—just mention All Figured Out when you do!
About Andrea Barr, host of All Figured Out:
Andrea Barr is a certified career and life coach who helps ambitious parents take charge of their careers and lives with strategy, intention, and freedom. She rejects the idea that success requires sacrifice—showing parents how to create more time, flexibility, and fulfillment without burnout. Through her coaching, workshops, and podcast, All Figured Out, Andrea shares the strategies and mindset shifts parents need to design careers that fit their lives—so they can thrive at work and at home.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Welcome back to the All Figured Out podcast.
I'm your host, Andrea Barr. Thank you so much for joining me
again this week. It has been such a pleasure
getting to know my guest today, Gemma Van Slyke, who is the
founder of the Mother Flock, which is a Vancouver based
community and resource hub helping moms navigate the
isolating, identity shifting roller coaster, which many of us
(00:21):
know about, of postpartum mattresses and motherhood.
She is such a light. She comes from Scotland.
She spent time in Australia and she had two very, very different
postpartum experiences, 1, beingin Australia, 1 being here in
Canada. And it's really interesting to
just hear what her motherhood experience and journey has been
like. She has taken a power pause in
(00:44):
her career. She was formerly an elementary
school teacher and she is a stayat home mom.
But who is starting the mother flock?
So she is no longer a stay at home mom in its entirety.
She wears 2 hats now and she's also the partner of a physician.
And we talk about the demand, you know, somebody who has a
really demanding partner, who has a really demanding role and
(01:08):
what that can be like. And we just had a really great
conversation. It's definitely the vibe of just
two friends having a chat and just real talk talking about,
you know, the highs and the lowsof motherhood and the experience
of looking to find your purpose.So I really hope you enjoy.
Gemma is so wonderful. And.
(01:28):
Yeah, enjoy. You're listening to the All
Figured Out podcast. I'm your host, Andrea Barr.
I'm a career coach for parents, mom of two, and a
self-proclaimed expert at winging it.
After 10 years in the corporate world, two major career pivots,
and navigating life with kids, I've learned one thing.
(01:50):
No parent has it all figured out, and that's OK.
Here, we're all about growing personally and professionally
while keeping family time sacred.
You'll get practical tips, career strategies, and musings
on life, plus guest experts to help us fill in the gaps.
So grab a coffee or hide in yourcar sometime.
We're about to figure out this work life and parenting stuff
(02:12):
out together. Gemma vents like thank you so
much for joining me on the all figured out podcast.
Hi, Andre, how you doing? Good, so nice to have you here.
Only for having me. You're so welcome.
We just met recently and it's been so lovely.
Yeah, it was just, I loved, I loved our our meet cute and
(02:32):
meeting you on the on the Zooms,even though we're both in the
greater Vancouver area. But yeah, it's wonderful to meet
people who are in the same spaceand same community.
And now you have such a fascinating story.
So you have an accent that does not sound Canadian.
No. But nor is it Australian, though
you have lived there. So take us back.
(02:52):
Where are you from? I want to hear your your
traveling journey. Yes, I'm from Glasgow and
Scotland and I've moved around quite a bit.
Uh, then England for a little bit and then have been in
Australia and then back to Scotland and have been in
Vancouver in between all that. So Vancouver is now my home, but
(03:16):
all my family and friends and stuff are still back and in
Glasgow. I mean, for a a Scottish accent
it's not that strong, but I alsotry and pronounce it when people
aren't used to it, so yeah. Like you were just telling off
air. We were chatting.
Yeah. You're talking about your
husband. And I had no idea what you said
at 1st and then yeah. And then you did a Canadian
(03:36):
accent. You're like Aaron And I was
like, yeah, it's. Aaron, I feel like I'm just
putting on a voice, but yeah. Well, it would be like if I
tried. I didn't even attempt to say it
in your add-in. And then people think I'm saying
Adam, and then a small thing. Yeah, like, I mean, well,
because we were talking about names and pronunciation, Andrea.
Yeah, yeah, it's the whole thing.
(03:58):
Oh, I love that. So when you go back to Scotland
or people like, oh, look at you,Canadian accent.
Yeah, they're like, no, you, yousound so Canadian and then here
like. Soul.
Canadian. Yeah.
So Canadian. I don't know, I'm just speaking.
My husband has. I'm obsessed with accents
because I kind of AM the movie. Yeah, this is the total side,
(04:20):
side changed. But I'll be watching a movie and
like, all of a sudden I'll be like, that person's not American
or that person's not actually English, and I have to look at,
it would be like, I would explode if I didn't look up
where the person is from, right?Always right.
And I didn't do it to the point where I'll be like, that person
is not American. I think they're Irish and all
that. Yeah, I'm usually right.
(04:40):
That's great because I'm awful awful at it.
Like, are they Irish? Are they English?
Are they from new? Zealand, you can't even tell
Irish English. Yeah, I mean, I can't.
I can't move for the most part, but occasionally I get thrown
off. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Well, cause you guys are crazy. I feel like even people I've met
from England, what you go 15 minutes and that one is
different. That's crazy.
(05:01):
I mean, Canada is like the second largest country in the
world and we all there's differences but not that crazy.
Yeah, I know because one of my friends husbands back home is
he's from like a pretty rough part of Glasgow again, 15
minutes down the road. And sometimes I'm like, what is
he? Saying just like across the
(05:21):
tracks. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh my gosh. Yeah.
Goodness me. OK, So what brought you from
Tell Us to about your journey? Oh my gosh.
I don't even where we where we start, but I know that a pivotal
point in your life was when you lived in Australia.
Can you tell us a bit about thatexperience of becoming a mother
there? Yeah.
(05:41):
So I've been living in Vancouver.
I moved to Vancouver in 2011. I've been living here almost 10
years, um, where we went to Australia for my husband's work.
So he just finished a medical training and was going there for
his fellowship and we had this amazing opportunity to move to
(06:04):
Melbourne. Um, and of course it had to be
the year that COVID hit. And so that was a whole other
adventure. But yeah, we moved to Melbourne
for a year and was an amazing experience, despite it being,
you know, as, as I don't know ifyou heard that about Melbourne,
(06:24):
but had to like world world's longest lockdown, very, very
strict. But you, you just adjust your,
your perspective to where you'reliving, right.
And yeah, we ended up having, weleft when I was pregnant.
So I had to resign from my position as an elementary school
teacher. So I had to resign,
(06:46):
unfortunately, to leave and planto work out there for for the
majority of the year before I gave birth.
But then because of the lockdowns, I was only able to
work for a couple of months. So yeah, we had our baby in
Australia, in Melbourne, and it was like, I feel so fortunate
(07:06):
for our situation. We were, we were kind of forced
to be in this little bubble, just the three of us, just
because of the way it was. And I know COVID is very
challenging for everyone, but wejust felt like the experience
was very well supported. The healthcare system there
works very well and is very efficient.
(07:29):
And um, yeah, I just had a greatexperience having her baby
there. We moved to, then moved to
Scotland when she was about fourmonths and um, then stayed there
for a year and then we moved back to Vancouver for good.
(07:49):
So yeah. Wow.
What was it like to be, I mean, if we take it back to the
beginning of that part of your story and you're pregnant and
making a huge move and it doesn't sound like it, you
always knew it was going to be ashort term.
This was basically a training, right?
So you need to be there for a short period of time.
But what was it like to be in that phase of kind of wanting to
like cozy and nest, like be in comfortable places that, you
(08:13):
know, work, that, you know kids,that, you know coworkers, and
then you're uprooted and you leave?
What was your mentality going into that?
Yeah, I very much would like go with the floor and pretty
independent person. So I think for our situation it
(08:33):
worked well. Um, again, I was pregnant and we
were forced to be in a lockdown.So instead of, um, you know,
having to work up until however many weeks, I was able to pretty
much relax for the majority of my pregnancy.
So I think I think it works well.
(08:54):
It's, it's there's a lot of unknowns when you move
internationally. I think that there 1 challenging
piece was the not knowing and like, you know, with Ed resigned
from my job and then we didn't know who you're even going to
like the flight was going to go if we were going to get there
delays and visa they had obviously their borders were
closed. So we had to apply for a special
exemption. And so things that we already
(09:16):
like packed up her apartment given her notice.
So it was kind of it, it was very early days in the
pregnancy, so it all felt manageable.
But um, yeah, looking back it, it's, it's a pretty wild ride.
That's yeah, that is so wild. But I love how you you've really
seen the beauty in all of it. It's like that old story around
(09:36):
like you can't judge if something is good or bad until
later on, right? Because you realize that like
you got to cozy in your own way and.
Yeah, totally. And like COVID was surreal for
so many people. Like we got on that plane and
there was click, it was 50 people that were allowed on the
plane. But on a huge flight that's
(09:57):
like, that's like 1-2, a couple every like 15 rows or something.
So, um, yeah. And then the Army comes on to
your, your, your plane. When you arrive at the other
side, you get taken to hotel quarantine for two weeks and
without a window that even opens.
And yeah, looking back on it hasmantle.
I'm just glad that we didn't have kids at that point for that
(10:20):
experience cause yeah, stay in ahotel room for two weeks with.
No toddler with no, I just I, I think our kids are kind of still
like we became parents in similar phases and it's just I,
my hat is off. All the hats in the world that I
own are off to the parents who had any version of children or
(10:44):
during the pandemic, like that is it was so and you know, you
and I kind of had it. We had kids in the pandemic, but
not at that beginning stages were nothing was known.
We thought it was 2 weeks, 3 weeks, whatever, Max.
Like that's incredible. And given that your husband was
in healthcare, was he going intowhat?
Like where was his training? Was he going into a hospital?
Is that scary? It was a little bit.
(11:05):
However, there was very few cases in Australia at that
point, right? It was kind of like there was 5
cases in the whole entire country and, and, and the
government knew exactly where those cases were so.
You, you and you. Yeah, you.
They were named like in the media, yes, you really you had
(11:25):
to watch your step like you couldn't be breaking any rules
because you know, you'd be namedand shamed.
So it felt felt very safe. So that part I'm grateful for.
It was like you moved to the UK and it was a totally different
story. We'd come with us like really
strict mindset from Australia and then you go to the UK and
it's just a free for all. So, yeah, yeah.
(11:50):
Yeah, and so tell me about the experience you've had two
different. I think it's really interesting
part of your story as well is that you've had two different
postpartum periods and two really different postpartum
experiences. They're always going to be
different. But with you, you were in two
different countries for both of your kids for two different
postpartum experiences. Tell me, what was it like in
Australia? Like what was the and, and it
(12:11):
was also pandemic, I know, but what was the community like?
What was the postpartum support like?
Or even just the, you know, giving birth.
Like what was what was that experience like?
Yeah, it was so straight away when after your discharge from
the hospital, we had your maternal health nurse and they
came to visit us six week, 6 times in the first week.
(12:36):
No. Yeah, 6.
Times the 1st. Time in the first week, yeah.
And so like every single day you're getting less support with
feeding and like any questions you have like chickens.
Um, and you know, that was my first experience.
So that's kind of, I was like, Oh, this is great.
Like you've got a lot of supportand then at the six week mark,
(12:58):
you're when kind of the visits start to die down a little bit
and you get put into, they basically set up this group
where you're, you're meet with other moms who've had babies
around the same month or month or so and, and you meet for six
weeks. So straight away you're, you're,
you're meeting other moms who have babies the same age, have
(13:21):
similar concerns, similar issues, and you were just able
to build connections. And for me, not knowing anyone,
um, or knowing very few people in Melbourne like that was a
game changer. And so I feel very fortunate for
that experience. So there was also like a lot of
(13:43):
community groups and activities and that kind of thing.
So I was like very active from the get go, which I think made a
big difference. It's also like the phase of was
in my life as well. We were kind of adventuring.
And so, and when you're tag teaming with your partner, I
don't know if this is just the difference between 1st and 2nd
(14:04):
kid, but when you're texting wasa partner, you kind of have
these little breaks, right with one kid and you can still kind
of do things that you need. And I found second time I had my
second baby in in Vancouver and it was just a a very different
experience. Yeah.
(14:24):
And I have to ask before we get into the Vancouver experience,
you can trust it was that the public.
So I think there's public and private, but that was the public
system. Like the public system allowed
you to have that nurse coming by, they put you into a group
and was it a group with other first time moms or kind of mixed
bag? Yeah, it was another first time
moms and there was one mom who it was her second child, but
(14:47):
it's been a while. And so the the the nurse had
kind of said, yeah, come and join this group because she
doesn't really have community herself.
So yeah, it was all brand new moms.
That's OK, That's really cool too.
Because there is a difference, right?
Like you don't really want to bein a group with half the people
are kind of like, oh, just you wait or, or trying to kind of
(15:09):
teach, you know, you want to be experiencing it together.
Yeah. So cool.
OK. And then you guys, so you went
to Scotland, how lovely. You have to spend time, sure
lots of time with family and friends and then came back to
Vancouver where you were pickingyour lives back up with a baby
(15:29):
though. So you're left with.
That baby, yeah. So my husband got a job here and
then it was always our plan to move back.
Like, I've very much food Vancouver as my home now.
And he was brought up in the Lower Mainland himself.
So like, it was always our plan.And I was just kind of like, I
(15:50):
had a toddler and we were planning to get pregnant again.
So I ended up staying off and yeah, we rented for about he
started working out like a ton and then we were just kind of
trying to find her way. I was debating whether to when
was the right time to go back towork.
And I think the one issue is thechildcare, right?
(16:13):
You have to have your name on your list or, or be like paying
for a nanny. And so for our situation or and
our family priorities at that time and like we just decided
for me to stay home until while we had our our, our second baby.
So yeah. Oh my goodness.
Can I ask you about having beingthe partner of someone in a
(16:36):
demanding job? Like someone who's a physician?
I assume if he was going to do his training, he's coming back.
That sounds like it's probably like some of the busiest times
of a medical career or, or it's just, yeah, if there's a lot
going on. Yeah, there's a lot going on.
I mean, there's always a lot going on.
(16:57):
I think there probably always will be.
It's kind of it's challenging asa partner and in that kind of
situation because like he wouldn't be able to do what he
does without me. But then you're also kind of not
(17:17):
forced into this role because it's our our choice.
Like I can go back to work completely, but because of, you
know, the logistics with childcare and our family
priorities, like it just makes sense for me to be home for at
at this, at this point, especially when your kids are so
(17:37):
young and you know, it's like more than a full time job in
itself, so. Yeah, I like how you, how you've
been using the word priorities, like our family priorities and
how you're not just like I love just even the way that you're,
you're not justifying anything. You're just, you're stating a
fact. And I think that I need to call
that out because so many mothers, parents, we I did it
(18:01):
this weekend. I we were at a birthday party
and a family or one of the families there said that we go
to daycare, our kids go to daycare together or our older
kids who are in preschool. And they said, oh, addies in in
half day. She she only in half day.
And I was like, Oh yeah, yeah, she is.
Then I freaking launch into thislike whole explanation as to why
(18:24):
she's in half day and how we have a nanny and why we have a
nanny and like trying to justifywhy it's not a bougie decision,
but it's really based on our family priorities and where
we're at. I'm I'm lucky I didn't actually
get into like the five years agodetails of my husband's health
history. Like that's happened before.
And I end up in this spiral and I'm like, shut up, stop talking.
(18:46):
And you know, and like I am so in this, you and I are both so
in this space. And I can still personally find
myself wrapped up in the justifications in the over
explaining. But really what I loved about
just our 10 minutes so far together is you were like, yeah,
based on our family priorities, this is the decision that we've
made. And it just sounded so normal.
(19:09):
It didn't sound like you're on ahigh horse.
It didn't sound like you were saying other people need to make
the same decision. Like it just felt really natural
and I just, I want to take that on myself.
Yeah, it's it's hard though, because it's a bit of a mindset
shift because you feel like you do feel like you've got
suggested by yourself and you you can't win either way.
(19:30):
You can't win if you're a working parent and your kid
isn't childcare and you can havewhen, if you're a stay at home
mum and um, like that, that's the kind of dynamic that I would
love to try and, and shift because, um, it does.
You are a team, um, like you're and your partner.
Everyone's situation is different and you know, you, you
(19:54):
get a bad Rep if you have your child in childcare and you get a
bad Rep if you're a stay at homemom, like as if you're sitting
on your butt doing nothing, which is not the case.
So. No.
Or if like, you know, if somebody came from really old
money family and neither of themworked and they still had a
childcare or nanny daycare, whatever.
(20:17):
And then they have to feel like they but why does anybody have
to justify their situation? You know, it's it's it's a
decision that you make based on what's right for you and your
family. And like Mel Robbins says, let
them. Yeah, exactly.
I love it. OK.
So if we keep keep going in the journey you're Vancouver
experience. So you had your second in
(20:38):
Vancouver and it was out of the pandemic at this point.
Yeah, yeah. Summer 2023.
Yeah. So almost two years ago.
Yeah, I was trying to do or I almost failed our Nexus
interview the other day because I gave my son who's your your
youngest, same age, gave the wrong date.
(20:58):
Yeah, he was pretty sure. I was like, yes.
And he's like, Are you sure that's the that's the year?
I was like, well, no, that is not the year.
Can I still have the Nexus, please?
OK, Anyways, 2023, we're well onthe pan, but that might at this
point. And so you would think that that
would have been the MATLAB experience that you hoped and
(21:21):
dreamed for that was on Pinterest.
What was your experience like? Yeah, it was just a bit
underwhelming to be honest. Like, I don't know if we just
were spoilt with the experience that we had in Australia or if
it was just the situation and I was in, but I just phoned after
the discharge from a hospital that the checkups were, um, you
(21:46):
know, pre basic and, and part ofthat is probably being a second
time mom and you know, you've got other things you do and it's
just like, yeah, just I've got to get to this point and then go
home and deal with my rowdy toddler at home.
But, um, and a part of it was maybe our situation with being
(22:06):
like more settled and, um, the role that I was in at the time,
but um, yeah, there was like a bit of a disconnect for me was
like even getting our follow up appointment with midwives.
And so I kind of fell through the cracks that way.
Eventually kind of got seen and then you have your weekly check
(22:27):
UPS or whatever. Um, and then at the six week
work, I, I had a, I like to see section.
So we had our six week check up with OB.
Of course I had an infection, didn't even know about it.
My gosh. Yeah, I don't know, like whether
(22:48):
that's why I find with here is it's up to you to really declare
and advocate for yourself. And I obviously was like an
overwhelmed postpartum mom who'sdealing with like a toddler at
the same time and wasn't even checking and like wasn't being
checked. So, um, figured that out.
(23:08):
And then it's just after the sixweek mark, that's it.
And, and for any sort of, and I know there are some places in
Vancouver, there's some great drop, drop in groups and there's
some virtual groups. I didn't access them or wasn't
aware of them at the time. And so yeah, it kind of just
(23:32):
failing to like after you're discharged at the six week mark
and then you carry on with life.And obviously it's not, you
don't pass six weeks and everything is fine and you're
healed and you can now go on with motherhood all happy.
And yeah, it, it just found thatthat period was, was quite
(23:56):
challenging, whether it was due to having like the jump from
1:00 to 2:00, I found way harderfrom zero to 1.
Um, I just feel like building a community would have been like
helpful and I have friends and Ihad friends who had kids, but I
(24:20):
don't know. It just would have been nice to
have something where you can connect with other people who
are in the exact same situation as you, you know?
Totally. I'm sorry that that was your
experience and that makes me feel sad for two years ago,
Gemma, who was like the fact that you felt that you were the
words fell through the cracks like no postpartum parent should
(24:44):
ever fall through the cracks. Like to me that's it's
inexcusable. And I know you're probably about
to say, oh, you know, I was supposed to maybe.
No, like they should no new parent, no birthing parent
should be expected to be hounding the clinic or calling
or remembering to do this. You're supposed to be like doing
a birth certificate thing. It's like it's ridiculous the
(25:06):
amount of administration that you're expected to do in those
early days when you're like, I can't even see straight, let
alone how do you Oh, OK, now theclinics on lunch got a call
speculator like. Yeah, yeah.
And you're just giving a whole bunch of Flyers from the
hospital, like here's all the information.
Like I'm like my daughter's. Colouring on it, I don't know.
(25:28):
Yeah, the older one, I'm like here, like entertain yourself.
That's so. That's too bad, you know.
Yeah, but I mean, to be fair, like my situation, but I, I feel
in the grand scheme of things wasn't that bad.
Like I didn't have a traumatic birth, I didn't have any like
serious physical stuff going on afterwards apart from the
(25:49):
infection. Parts from an infection.
At all. Yeah, Well, I know, right?
No, no, that's what that's what we do, right.
And yeah, I feel like there's people out there, I imagine that
have way more challenging times than experiences than I did.
And that's where I felt like if if I've had this experience and
(26:11):
it wasn't that bad, like things need to be a little bit better.
Yeah, absolutely. And I can.
I'm thinking about how you were assigned a mother group in
Melbourne and I think that there's something so interesting
about. I'm sure you could opt out.
I'm sure they're not forcing youto.
Go. But the fact that you are, it is
(26:32):
kind of a given. It's like something that you
could opt out of versus opting in.
I think that's the move. I think that's, that's like
that's where the money is. Because I'm, I was actually just
even thinking about like relating it to 1st year
university. I don't know if you went to
college, university, if anyone listening is kind of kind of
resonate with this. But if you go to university, big
(26:53):
new school. Like I went from a school of 600
girls from kindergarten to grade12.
And now I'm in the school of a massive, massive Canadian
university and you're like, whoa.
But they do such a good job. Like my school, I went to
Western. They did such an unreal job of
creating communities for you in so many ways so fast.
(27:13):
You were opted into a community within the floor that you lived
on. You were opted into the
community of your department or faculty that you were in and you
were given shirts and you were like, this is your team.
These are your people. And like, come on, no 18 year
old is going to opt into that. But sure, they might be able to
opt out. So, so put them in
automatically. Like it's like the mothering
(27:34):
group, like put up, put them in automatically.
So it doesn't feel like this thing that's like, oh, should I
do it? Do I know anyone who's doing it?
Is this a cool thing to do? Because we all still do that.
We might be adults, but we stilldo.
That right? I really need this.
Yeah, like, oh, they're going tobe like weirdos.
I don't know, like we're kind ofall we have funny sides to us.
Yeah, I know. I know myself.
I would like, oh, do I need this?
(27:55):
Like, it's one more thing, but if I was opted into it, I'd have
been like, yeah, it's easier to just like go than opt out.
And I'm sure I would have found a ton of value in that.
So there's something, there's something there, wouldn't you
say? Yeah, I think so.
And you know, that comes from a higher up level, right?
Like the healthcare system, a government like that's, that's
(28:17):
the part that I feel like is missing, really missing here.
Yeah. And so that it sounds like that
has inspired the mother flock, which is a community that you
are building and doing such wonderful things.
Let's tell us a bit about the inspiration.
It sounds like we've heard the inspiration, but tell us more
about how this idea came to be. Yeah, it just been sitting with
(28:38):
me for a while. Like it, it blows my mind that
this doesn't exist here. Like how does it not exist?
And I was kind of in that, um, face postpartum, whereas needing
something like I was at home with the kids.
My oldest had just started daycare and I was still home
with the youngest. Um, and I was starting to lose
(28:59):
my mind a little bit. Like I needed like a passion
project or like, um, like a new hobby or something to throw my
energy into that wasn't just thekids, that whole kind of process
of a mattress and like losing your identity and not sure where
you're going. Um, I just felt like I, I needed
(29:20):
something and I'd started listening to some podcasts and
reading some books and um, and then there is, I'm turning 40
this year. And then there was another
moment where I was attending my is my husband's, um, is
(29:42):
grandfather's funeral and it's for his this is kind of going
off a little bit, but no, go on got him as a wedding present,
like family tree scrap. And so there's a whole bunch of
family in town and I was trying to get them to like write their
little sections of this family tree, like about their life and
what's their story and kind of thing.
(30:03):
And I was, I was just sitting there thinking like, what would
I write? Like, I don't know, like what I
would write about myself, Like, what is my legacy?
And like, you know, I've always worked in like, helping
professions and being a teacher and I worked in mental health.
But so I've been making a difference.
But it just felt like this isn'tjust it.
(30:24):
And that idea had been sticking in my head a little bit.
And then? And what idea in particular was
really? I think just just the the lack
of postpartum support and community forum.
So like building some sort of community and resource for new
moms in Vancouver. And where was I going with that?
(30:48):
Forgot now. Oh, I'm sorry.
No, no, no, no. Sorry, OK, The family tree the.
Like the family tree and and there was one podcast.
Yes, thank you. There is one podcast, I think, I
can't remember what it was, but it was along the lines of if you
have an idea that you would be, you know, frustrated at yourself
if someone else came out with itbefore you or did took action on
(31:10):
it before you. Great question.
That is your saying that you need to start taking action.
And I was like, you know, I'm just going to do it.
And so that's kind of where the mother Folk came from and the
idea for the for the mother Folk.
And yeah, we've just kind of launched it over the last month
or two. And yeah, we've got a group
(31:32):
going starting in or is running right now and out of Trouble
Lake and our website is up and running.
And so it's been a really great and creative outlet for me.
One of the books I, I I read in the in this whole kind of trying
to figure out like my direction and purpose and that kind of
(31:55):
thing was forget the exact total, but it's about feeding
your Unicorn space by Eve RodskyAnd and this is kind of been
like my Unicorn space, like a little passion project that like
has purpose and meaning and is like a creative outlet for me.
So. Yeah, I love it.
I think it's so beautiful and I'd encourage you to get rid of
(32:17):
that little, the, the word little from there, because I
think it's beautiful. And, and whether it stays within
Vancouver or it goes worldwide, you know, the, the difference
that it can make to even one person who comes to one of your
groups and feel seen and heard and understood by their moms and
is really able to normalize the challenges amongst, you know, a
(32:39):
community that's not, that's notlittle.
So, yeah, absolutely. Yeah.
Thank you for that. Of course.
Tell me for those who are listening, who are, you know, we
hear the word mattresses and it's, it's, I don't know, it
seems like it's a, it's a newer vernacular, like it's a word
that's been around forever, but it's newer in our vernacular.
(33:00):
How would you define mattresses?Yeah, I think it's just the it's
just the shift that happens during motherhood, the the
developmental change that is physical, hormonal, emotional,
social. There's such a, such a mix of
(33:23):
things, dynamics going on duringthat period and um, I think
every mother goes through it, um, but to varying degrees.
So for example, and for, to varying degrees for different
births as well. So like I found that my
mattresses for my breast, pregnancy or first child, um,
(33:48):
was relatively smooth and easy. However, I don't feel like
things changed as drastically for me in that time.
I say I can press pregnancy. I feel like my metro essence has
been a lot more challenging to work through and is still
ongoing and it's kind of like adolescence, right?
(34:10):
We give that, um, we give that time for teenagers to like go
through all these shifts, the same physical, hormonal, social,
emotional and it. We give them years, we educate
them on it, and then what do we give mothers to go through this
period of time? It's not six weeks.
It's. 6 to 8 weeks, yeah, two weeks depending on vaginal or.
(34:34):
Really, it's not even a year, right?
Like it can take, it can take years to move through this, um,
identity change. And when you come out the other
side, you, your values are different, your perspective is
different. And, um, I think once I heard
that term it, it really, um, it lifted a big weight off my
(34:57):
shoulders. Like I'm like, oh, this makes
sense. This is what I'm struggling
with. So yeah.
Yeah, it's like it's validating that you are changed and that
you're not supposed to. You know, I was even filming
some content this morning and I had a friend helping me and she
was asking me some questions. And she was like, what?
What advice would you give someone who's to a mom who's
(35:18):
feeling like they want to find themselves again?
And the way that it was kind of phrased was as if you're you're
searching for who you were, like, through this, like tall
field of grass or like a corn maze, and you're like, searching
and searching for where she is. Yeah, she's not there.
And that like, she's you like the like, deep down your soul,
(35:39):
who you are. I'm getting deep here.
But it's like you're still there, but she is no longer
there because she's this like, even more badass version, you
know, like she's in a different field because she's like, she's
doing even bigger and better things.
She's got even more love in her heart.
You know, it's like, yeah, but like you gotta, you gotta suck
(35:59):
the way from that, like the old corn maze and like, yeah, find
somewhere else. You haven't lost herself, right?
It's like this is who you're meant to be.
You just trying to figure. That out, yeah.
And it's like, it would, it would be like saying to those
people like, yeah, put your like, put your kids.
If you were going to find yourself, that would mean that
your kids weren't there and no mother.
(36:23):
There's maybe, but really no mother is like, Oh yeah, I would
rather find my old self and not have these children that I have
known. Right?
Like it doesn't make sense but. It doesn't exist.
It doesn't exist, but that's OK.But we all feel it, no matter if
you know. Those are not easier said than
done. Yes, absolutely.
For sure, for sure. And and what would you say to
(36:45):
somebody who's who is themselveslike just navigating that?
What is my purpose? Where are my where am I headed?
Like you, you started to follow a breadcrumb trail.
How did you know that that was the breadcrumb trail to start to
explore and follow. That's a good question.
I think the the, I mean, the first thing was like educating
(37:08):
myself and even learning about this world.
I didn't know about mattresses or hadn't heard the term until
like 9-10 months into my second child like hadn't heard about it
my first pregnancy. So I think that's probably the
first thing is like just learning that this exists.
This is a thing of validate anger experience and that in
(37:31):
itself will gives you that self compassion to give yourself time
and understanding. Because when expectations don't
meet reality, I think that's where we kind of get into the
whole mum girl and the resentment and questioning
(37:53):
yourself and the mum rage. So I think that's the first two
things is the, the education andthen and then the compassion.
And then it's just taking time and whether that's, you know,
trying to find your way or just,um, like finding a new passion
(38:15):
or just valuing the new skills that you are, are and
experiences that you're having with your children.
And yeah, I think that's that's it, yeah.
I love that. I'll add to it I would say.
No, Yeah, go for it. A notebook or an or even a
sticky note in your phone. What are they called?
The Notes app or, or whatever type of phone you use.
Yeah. And just starting to write
(38:37):
things down because it's true. Like once you start to explore
this, everybody will come at a book like the book you were
describing. So everybody will read that and
take something different away from it.
And it will prompt something in their mind, like you might read
it and be like, how is everybodynot getting all fired up about
my trust and what's next and finding your Unicorn space and
(38:57):
like helping like you're like, it's so obvious that this is it,
but that's obvious for you. I would read it and I might take
something completely different about about, you know, something
related to the podcast or whatever it is.
And so like making note of what those things are.
I always say to people, what areyou Google?
What do you always like researching and talking about
Googling and like, what's this stuff that's always in your
(39:17):
mind, kind of like twinkling around in there that you can't
get out of your head? I'm talking about it as well
because I think that like I'm not a big talker or shader
naturally, which is something I'm trying to change but.
I think look at you in a podcast.
Well, at all this is, this is a big deal, right?
So yeah, I think sharing these experiences is helpful both for
(39:41):
yourself, but for other people because I found so many other
mums and friends be so come to me to be like, I also felt the
same way. Like I've also had these
struggles, I've also had had postpartum depression or have
also had extreme mum rage and I'm like, I had no idea.
(40:03):
So I think I think that's helpful both for and therapeutic
for yourself, but also for for other moms and for new moms as
well so that they can start to hear stories.
Because I think you have these expectations and your plan for,
for, for your pregnancy and yourbirth, but you don't think about
the aftermath so much. And, and, and I think if we're
(40:25):
parents shared the challenges and wins as well, I think that
would help everyone. And I think you're so right.
I think about the times I've been in the, you know, mother
spaces and you're going around and you're kind of sharing.
And as somebody who does share alot and does talk a lot and has
(40:46):
been in theatre and perhaps a bit different from you, maybe I
should take myself out of this equation.
But, you know, there's the people who, you know, you know,
raise their hand or want to share and you can tell that they
feel this is not me, but they feel kind of uncomfortable
sharing their voice, perhaps. And then they say the thing and
it just lands and you're like, how could you have been?
(41:07):
You know, it's so like, I alwaysfeel so thankful when those
people share because they just have such wisdom to share.
But they're like, oh, but I'm, you know, I'm taking up air
time. I'm taking up space here.
But you also have to remember that by you sharing what's on
your mind, like you're probably alleviating these three other
people and those were in that room's brains and being like
you're making them feel seen andheard.
(41:28):
So it's not that you're taking up airtime, is that you're
sharing like you're actually giving a gift.
To absolutely. And that's something, something
we have on our website is a pagecalled, which I feel quite
passionate about is a page called retracements tails and,
and basically encouraging peopleto share their, their birth
story, but also their journey towards motherhood and how their
identity has shifted. And, and I think that's it's not
(41:50):
necessarily like it's therapeutic for you to be able
to Share your story, but like this is a gift that you're
giving other people by being able to read that story.
Oh my gosh, I think it's such a gift.
I always joke that like I'm a career coach for parents, but
like, if you will allow me the honor of hearing your birth
story, like I am all ears. Yeah, I know totally.
Because, I mean, you don't tend to share it that much, but like
(42:13):
when you do hear, I'm also like really curious.
And when you do hear other people's experiences and it
might be completely different from yours, it's, it's, it's
just nice to know that someone else has also had a similar or
different experience and, and itvalidates all of it.
Yeah. Yeah, absolutely.
Where do you see the mother flock going?
(42:35):
Currently? It is going to be in Group, in
person group programs here like you know, here in the Lower
Mainland, Trout Lake specifically over the month of
April and May at 2025. But where do you see it going?
Put it out there in the world. That's, I'm kind of testing the
water and just kind of seeing how things go.
(42:57):
But um, yeah, I, I would love tokeep running the group.
Eventually I'd love to, you know, branch out to other areas.
We have a whole bunch of amazingguest speakers in postpartum
specialists coming to share their wisdom with your mom.
So, um, it would be able to, it would be, I think, just think
(43:20):
it's an amazing opportunity. So being able to, to, to grow
that group and make it more widely available would be
amazing and also just grow the community of Vancouver.
I'd love it. We're taking a break for this
summer for the group and then coming back in September, but
I'd love during the summer to beable to, you know, Belfour
community and host more events and go to the website and and
(43:44):
yeah, just see where it goes from there.
Ah, Congrats. It's so huge.
I think it's beautiful. I could see you partnering with
the government and having the mother flock.
I don't know, let's put it out there and you, you're the
perfect person for that. Oh my goodness, you're such a
wonderful human and I'm so pleased to be in your space here
(44:04):
and just to support you in any way I can to grow the mother
flock in the community because Ithink it's so needed and it
makes me want to have more babies.
But like. You're not, you know.
Yeah, yeah. Everybody find you Gemma and
connect with you. They were on the Instagram so
that dot mother fuck, you can follow us there all our updates
(44:26):
and our websites and the motherfuck.com and we have a an
e-mail newsletter quote every couple of weeks so you can sign
up to their via the website. Amazing.
And if someone is not local, which we have lots of non
Vancouver people who are listening, what can they?
What can they get for you from you?
Yeah, I think we have a whole bunch of resources on our
(44:47):
website that are not necessarilyrelated to Vancouver as well.
Space and resources and tips andhow to prepare for postpartum
and finger Unicorn space and as well as reading our Mistress
wants tails. So this is definitely a lot of
resources on there. And then just advice on seeking
your own community as well. Wherever you are and can people
(45:08):
submit their mattresses sales? Yeah, absolutely.
With yeah, yeah, yeah. So if you go on the page,
there's like a little like if you want to submit kind of
thing, here's where to go. Yeah, Tell Gemma that you heard
about her on the All Figured Outpodcast, so.
Yeah. Back to see who doesn't.
Help. Yeah, yeah.
Well, thank you so much. Oh my goodness, I almost forgot.
(45:28):
I've been forgetting this recently, but I asked every
guest what is something that you're still trying to figure
out? Goodness.
I was like always the reaction is always like the exhale with
the. OHS everything.
I think for me it's like the theand being and having young kids.
(45:49):
I think it's the the balance between like my identity, my
interests, my mental health and and prioritize my family and
also just being present. I find like the overwhelm and
like I could get quite stressed out sometime.
(46:09):
And so I'm really trying to change my mindset and like enjoy
the moments, go over the floor. It doesn't matter if they they
don't get their dinner at 5:00, that kind of thing.
So those are some things that I'm trying to figure out.
None of us know what we're doing.
Um, so yeah. All of them.
I love that. Can I ask you one more question
that's coming to mind is you andI both have kids who are past
(46:32):
that, like, baby bubble. We're not really in the baby
bubble anymore. What's your opinion on the power
of community as kids get older? And how can we can prioritize
that when life gets just busier and you kind of forget about
your own mattresses and you forget about all that stuff?
You know, like, I'm not going tomoms groups unless I'm Speaking
of them. Like, yeah.
(46:53):
What do you think? Well, I think it's hard, it's
challenging because I think like, yeah, you have this little
window when the kids you're, youhave babies and you can maybe
branch out and go to these tripsand then things get busier.
Your friends end up being your kids friends your your kids
friends parents. Um, yeah, I think you still have
(47:16):
to, um, challenge yourself to put yourself out there, whatever
stage you're at and make connections and be the connector
among the people that you know as well.
So, um, you know, there's still still equally as important and
valuable whatever stage of parenthood you're at, because
it's all, it's all tough, right?It's all hard, Yeah.
(47:39):
Just in different ways, Definitely, yeah.
Yeah, and I like that. I like that call to action for
anybody listening who feels likeit's missing in their area and
they, you know, maybe they're past the baby bubble or they're
in the baby bubble or they're not in Vancouver to even maybe
in a small way like how can you create, how can you build that
bridge for people? Put three people together.
(47:59):
Yeah, take two friends who were both on parental leave who don't
know each other, and let's go for let's go to the zoo or go
for coffee or whatever like that.
That's part of like, that's it. Yeah.
That's building community, right?
Yeah. And that's, that's the first
step. So that's what it takes to start
building your your community andyour village.
Yeah. Maybe you'll franchise.
You're the mother fuck. I don't know why I'm feeling.
(48:22):
I'm feeling so pumped about this.
Business. I love it.
I love it. Thank you so much, Jenna, Jenna,
Jenna. Thanks.
Andrea, you got me there. I'll just see you again soon.
Thank you. Thank you for having me.
I love it. Thank you so much for listening
(48:44):
and since you made it this far, please share this episode with a
fellow parent who you love, respect, and want to support.
And while you're at it, hit me up on Instagram at All Figured
Out. Andrea, I would love to meet you
and hear what you are trying to figure out these days.
Welcome back to the All Figured Out podcast.
I'm your host, Andrea Barr. Thank you so much for joining me
again this week. It has been such a pleasure
getting to know my guest today, Gemma Van Slyke, who is the
founder of the Mother Flock, which is a Vancouver based
community and resource hub helping moms navigate the
isolating, identity shifting roller coaster, which many of us
(00:21):
know about, of postpartum mattresses and motherhood.
She is such a light. She comes from Scotland.
She spent time in Australia and she had two very, very different
postpartum experiences, 1, beingin Australia, 1 being here in
Canada. And it's really interesting to
just hear what her motherhood experience and journey has been
like. She has taken a power pause in
(00:44):
her career. She was formerly an elementary
school teacher and she is a stayat home mom.
But who is starting the mother flock?
So she is no longer a stay at home mom in its entirety.
She wears 2 hats now and she's also the partner of a physician.
And we talk about the demand, you know, somebody who has a
really demanding partner, who has a really demanding role and
(01:08):
what that can be like. And we just had a really great
conversation. It's definitely the vibe of just
two friends having a chat and just real talk talking about,
you know, the highs and the lowsof motherhood and the experience
of looking to find your purpose.So I really hope you enjoy.
Gemma is so wonderful. And.
(01:28):
Yeah, enjoy. You're listening to the All
Figured Out podcast. I'm your host, Andrea Barr.
I'm a career coach for parents, mom of two, and a
self-proclaimed expert at winging it.
After 10 years in the corporate world, two major career pivots,
and navigating life with kids, I've learned one thing.
(01:50):
No parent has it all figured out, and that's OK.
Here, we're all about growing personally and professionally
while keeping family time sacred.
You'll get practical tips, career strategies, and musings
on life, plus guest experts to help us fill in the gaps.
So grab a coffee or hide in yourcar sometime.
We're about to figure out this work life and parenting stuff
(02:12):
out together. Gemma vents like thank you so
much for joining me on the all figured out podcast.
Hi, Andre, how you doing? Good, so nice to have you here.
Only for having me. You're so welcome.
We just met recently and it's been so lovely.
Yeah, it was just, I loved, I loved our our meet cute and
(02:32):
meeting you on the on the Zooms,even though we're both in the
greater Vancouver area. But yeah, it's wonderful to meet
people who are in the same spaceand same community.
And now you have such a fascinating story.
So you have an accent that does not sound Canadian.
No. But nor is it Australian, though
you have lived there. So take us back.
(02:52):
Where are you from? I want to hear your your
traveling journey. Yes, I'm from Glasgow and
Scotland and I've moved around quite a bit.
Uh, then England for a little bit and then have been in
Australia and then back to Scotland and have been in
Vancouver in between all that. So Vancouver is now my home, but
(03:16):
all my family and friends and stuff are still back and in
Glasgow. I mean, for a a Scottish accent
it's not that strong, but I alsotry and pronounce it when people
aren't used to it, so yeah. Like you were just telling off
air. We were chatting.
Yeah. You're talking about your
husband. And I had no idea what you said
at 1st and then yeah. And then you did a Canadian
(03:36):
accent. You're like Aaron And I was
like, yeah, it's. Aaron, I feel like I'm just
putting on a voice, but yeah. Well, it would be like if I
tried. I didn't even attempt to say it
in your add-in. And then people think I'm saying
Adam, and then a small thing. Yeah, like, I mean, well,
because we were talking about names and pronunciation, Andrea.
Yeah, yeah, it's the whole thing.
(03:58):
Oh, I love that. So when you go back to Scotland
or people like, oh, look at you,Canadian accent.
Yeah, they're like, no, you, yousound so Canadian and then here
like. Soul.
Canadian. Yeah.
So Canadian. I don't know, I'm just speaking.
My husband has. I'm obsessed with accents
because I kind of AM the movie. Yeah, this is the total side,
(04:20):
side changed. But I'll be watching a movie and
like, all of a sudden I'll be like, that person's not American
or that person's not actually English, and I have to look at,
it would be like, I would explode if I didn't look up
where the person is from, right?Always right.
And I didn't do it to the point where I'll be like, that person
is not American. I think they're Irish and all
that. Yeah, I'm usually right.
(04:40):
That's great because I'm awful awful at it.
Like, are they Irish? Are they English?
Are they from new? Zealand, you can't even tell
Irish English. Yeah, I mean, I can't.
I can't move for the most part, but occasionally I get thrown
off. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Well, cause you guys are crazy. I feel like even people I've met
from England, what you go 15 minutes and that one is
different. That's crazy.
(05:01):
I mean, Canada is like the second largest country in the
world and we all there's differences but not that crazy.
Yeah, I know because one of my friends husbands back home is
he's from like a pretty rough part of Glasgow again, 15
minutes down the road. And sometimes I'm like, what is
he? Saying just like across the
(05:21):
tracks. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh my gosh. Yeah.
Goodness me. OK, So what brought you from
Tell Us to about your journey? Oh my gosh.
I don't even where we where we start, but I know that a pivotal
point in your life was when you lived in Australia.
Can you tell us a bit about thatexperience of becoming a mother
there? Yeah.
(05:41):
So I've been living in Vancouver.
I moved to Vancouver in 2011. I've been living here almost 10
years, um, where we went to Australia for my husband's work.
So he just finished a medical training and was going there for
his fellowship and we had this amazing opportunity to move to
(06:04):
Melbourne. Um, and of course it had to be
the year that COVID hit. And so that was a whole other
adventure. But yeah, we moved to Melbourne
for a year and was an amazing experience, despite it being,
you know, as, as I don't know ifyou heard that about Melbourne,
(06:24):
but had to like world world's longest lockdown, very, very
strict. But you, you just adjust your,
your perspective to where you'reliving, right.
And yeah, we ended up having, weleft when I was pregnant.
So I had to resign from my position as an elementary school
teacher. So I had to resign,
(06:46):
unfortunately, to leave and planto work out there for for the
majority of the year before I gave birth.
But then because of the lockdowns, I was only able to
work for a couple of months. So yeah, we had our baby in
Australia, in Melbourne, and it was like, I feel so fortunate
(07:06):
for our situation. We were, we were kind of forced
to be in this little bubble, just the three of us, just
because of the way it was. And I know COVID is very
challenging for everyone, but wejust felt like the experience
was very well supported. The healthcare system there
works very well and is very efficient.
(07:29):
And um, yeah, I just had a greatexperience having her baby
there. We moved to, then moved to
Scotland when she was about fourmonths and um, then stayed there
for a year and then we moved back to Vancouver for good.
(07:49):
So yeah. Wow.
What was it like to be, I mean, if we take it back to the
beginning of that part of your story and you're pregnant and
making a huge move and it doesn't sound like it, you
always knew it was going to be ashort term.
This was basically a training, right?
So you need to be there for a short period of time.
But what was it like to be in that phase of kind of wanting to
like cozy and nest, like be in comfortable places that, you
(08:13):
know, work, that, you know kids,that, you know coworkers, and
then you're uprooted and you leave?
What was your mentality going into that?
Yeah, I very much would like go with the floor and pretty
independent person. So I think for our situation it
(08:33):
worked well. Um, again, I was pregnant and we
were forced to be in a lockdown.So instead of, um, you know,
having to work up until however many weeks, I was able to pretty
much relax for the majority of my pregnancy.
So I think I think it works well.
(08:54):
It's, it's there's a lot of unknowns when you move
internationally. I think that there 1 challenging
piece was the not knowing and like, you know, with Ed resigned
from my job and then we didn't know who you're even going to
like the flight was going to go if we were going to get there
delays and visa they had obviously their borders were
closed. So we had to apply for a special
exemption. And so things that we already
(09:16):
like packed up her apartment given her notice.
So it was kind of it, it was very early days in the
pregnancy, so it all felt manageable.
But um, yeah, looking back it, it's, it's a pretty wild ride.
That's yeah, that is so wild. But I love how you you've really
seen the beauty in all of it. It's like that old story around
(09:36):
like you can't judge if something is good or bad until
later on, right? Because you realize that like
you got to cozy in your own way and.
Yeah, totally. And like COVID was surreal for
so many people. Like we got on that plane and
there was click, it was 50 people that were allowed on the
plane. But on a huge flight that's
(09:57):
like, that's like 1-2, a couple every like 15 rows or something.
So, um, yeah. And then the Army comes on to
your, your, your plane. When you arrive at the other
side, you get taken to hotel quarantine for two weeks and
without a window that even opens.
And yeah, looking back on it hasmantle.
I'm just glad that we didn't have kids at that point for that
(10:20):
experience cause yeah, stay in ahotel room for two weeks with.
No toddler with no, I just I, I think our kids are kind of still
like we became parents in similar phases and it's just I,
my hat is off. All the hats in the world that I
own are off to the parents who had any version of children or
(10:44):
during the pandemic, like that is it was so and you know, you
and I kind of had it. We had kids in the pandemic, but
not at that beginning stages were nothing was known.
We thought it was 2 weeks, 3 weeks, whatever, Max.
Like that's incredible. And given that your husband was
in healthcare, was he going intowhat?
Like where was his training? Was he going into a hospital?
Is that scary? It was a little bit.
(11:05):
However, there was very few cases in Australia at that
point, right? It was kind of like there was 5
cases in the whole entire country and, and, and the
government knew exactly where those cases were so.
You, you and you. Yeah, you.
They were named like in the media, yes, you really you had
(11:25):
to watch your step like you couldn't be breaking any rules
because you know, you'd be namedand shamed.
So it felt felt very safe. So that part I'm grateful for.
It was like you moved to the UK and it was a totally different
story. We'd come with us like really
strict mindset from Australia and then you go to the UK and
it's just a free for all. So, yeah, yeah.
(11:50):
Yeah, and so tell me about the experience you've had two
different. I think it's really interesting
part of your story as well is that you've had two different
postpartum periods and two really different postpartum
experiences. They're always going to be
different. But with you, you were in two
different countries for both of your kids for two different
postpartum experiences. Tell me, what was it like in
Australia? Like what was the and, and it
(12:11):
was also pandemic, I know, but what was the community like?
What was the postpartum support like?
Or even just the, you know, giving birth.
Like what was what was that experience like?
Yeah, it was so straight away when after your discharge from
the hospital, we had your maternal health nurse and they
came to visit us six week, 6 times in the first week.
(12:36):
No. Yeah, 6.
Times the 1st. Time in the first week, yeah.
And so like every single day you're getting less support with
feeding and like any questions you have like chickens.
Um, and you know, that was my first experience.
So that's kind of, I was like, Oh, this is great.
Like you've got a lot of supportand then at the six week mark,
(12:58):
you're when kind of the visits start to die down a little bit
and you get put into, they basically set up this group
where you're, you're meet with other moms who've had babies
around the same month or month or so and, and you meet for six
weeks. So straight away you're, you're,
you're meeting other moms who have babies the same age, have
(13:21):
similar concerns, similar issues, and you were just able
to build connections. And for me, not knowing anyone,
um, or knowing very few people in Melbourne like that was a
game changer. And so I feel very fortunate for
that experience. So there was also like a lot of
(13:43):
community groups and activities and that kind of thing.
So I was like very active from the get go, which I think made a
big difference. It's also like the phase of was
in my life as well. We were kind of adventuring.
And so, and when you're tag teaming with your partner, I
don't know if this is just the difference between 1st and 2nd
(14:04):
kid, but when you're texting wasa partner, you kind of have
these little breaks, right with one kid and you can still kind
of do things that you need. And I found second time I had my
second baby in in Vancouver and it was just a a very different
experience. Yeah.
(14:24):
And I have to ask before we get into the Vancouver experience,
you can trust it was that the public.
So I think there's public and private, but that was the public
system. Like the public system allowed
you to have that nurse coming by, they put you into a group
and was it a group with other first time moms or kind of mixed
bag? Yeah, it was another first time
moms and there was one mom who it was her second child, but
(14:47):
it's been a while. And so the the the nurse had
kind of said, yeah, come and join this group because she
doesn't really have community herself.
So yeah, it was all brand new moms.
That's OK, That's really cool too.
Because there is a difference, right?
Like you don't really want to bein a group with half the people
are kind of like, oh, just you wait or, or trying to kind of
(15:09):
teach, you know, you want to be experiencing it together.
Yeah. So cool.
OK. And then you guys, so you went
to Scotland, how lovely. You have to spend time, sure
lots of time with family and friends and then came back to
Vancouver where you were pickingyour lives back up with a baby
(15:29):
though. So you're left with.
That baby, yeah. So my husband got a job here and
then it was always our plan to move back.
Like, I've very much food Vancouver as my home now.
And he was brought up in the Lower Mainland himself.
So like, it was always our plan.And I was just kind of like, I
(15:50):
had a toddler and we were planning to get pregnant again.
So I ended up staying off and yeah, we rented for about he
started working out like a ton and then we were just kind of
trying to find her way. I was debating whether to when
was the right time to go back towork.
And I think the one issue is thechildcare, right?
(16:13):
You have to have your name on your list or, or be like paying
for a nanny. And so for our situation or and
our family priorities at that time and like we just decided
for me to stay home until while we had our our, our second baby.
So yeah. Oh my goodness.
Can I ask you about having beingthe partner of someone in a
(16:36):
demanding job? Like someone who's a physician?
I assume if he was going to do his training, he's coming back.
That sounds like it's probably like some of the busiest times
of a medical career or, or it's just, yeah, if there's a lot
going on. Yeah, there's a lot going on.
I mean, there's always a lot going on.
(16:57):
I think there probably always will be.
It's kind of it's challenging asa partner and in that kind of
situation because like he wouldn't be able to do what he
does without me. But then you're also kind of not
(17:17):
forced into this role because it's our our choice.
Like I can go back to work completely, but because of, you
know, the logistics with childcare and our family
priorities, like it just makes sense for me to be home for at
at this, at this point, especially when your kids are so
(17:37):
young and you know, it's like more than a full time job in
itself, so. Yeah, I like how you, how you've
been using the word priorities, like our family priorities and
how you're not just like I love just even the way that you're,
you're not justifying anything. You're just, you're stating a
fact. And I think that I need to call
that out because so many mothers, parents, we I did it
(18:01):
this weekend. I we were at a birthday party
and a family or one of the families there said that we go
to daycare, our kids go to daycare together or our older
kids who are in preschool. And they said, oh, addies in in
half day. She she only in half day.
And I was like, Oh yeah, yeah, she is.
Then I freaking launch into thislike whole explanation as to why
(18:24):
she's in half day and how we have a nanny and why we have a
nanny and like trying to justifywhy it's not a bougie decision,
but it's really based on our family priorities and where
we're at. I'm I'm lucky I didn't actually
get into like the five years agodetails of my husband's health
history. Like that's happened before.
And I end up in this spiral and I'm like, shut up, stop talking.
(18:46):
And you know, and like I am so in this, you and I are both so
in this space. And I can still personally find
myself wrapped up in the justifications in the over
explaining. But really what I loved about
just our 10 minutes so far together is you were like, yeah,
based on our family priorities, this is the decision that we've
made. And it just sounded so normal.
(19:09):
It didn't sound like you're on ahigh horse.
It didn't sound like you were saying other people need to make
the same decision. Like it just felt really natural
and I just, I want to take that on myself.
Yeah, it's it's hard though, because it's a bit of a mindset
shift because you feel like you do feel like you've got
suggested by yourself and you you can't win either way.
(19:30):
You can't win if you're a working parent and your kid
isn't childcare and you can havewhen, if you're a stay at home
mum and um, like that, that's the kind of dynamic that I would
love to try and, and shift because, um, it does.
You are a team, um, like you're and your partner.
Everyone's situation is different and you know, you, you
(19:54):
get a bad Rep if you have your child in childcare and you get a
bad Rep if you're a stay at homemom, like as if you're sitting
on your butt doing nothing, which is not the case.
So. No.
Or if like, you know, if somebody came from really old
money family and neither of themworked and they still had a
childcare or nanny daycare, whatever.
(20:17):
And then they have to feel like they but why does anybody have
to justify their situation? You know, it's it's it's a
decision that you make based on what's right for you and your
family. And like Mel Robbins says, let
them. Yeah, exactly.
I love it. OK.
So if we keep keep going in the journey you're Vancouver
experience. So you had your second in
(20:38):
Vancouver and it was out of the pandemic at this point.
Yeah, yeah. Summer 2023.
Yeah. So almost two years ago.
Yeah, I was trying to do or I almost failed our Nexus
interview the other day because I gave my son who's your your
youngest, same age, gave the wrong date.
(20:58):
Yeah, he was pretty sure. I was like, yes.
And he's like, Are you sure that's the that's the year?
I was like, well, no, that is not the year.
Can I still have the Nexus, please?
OK, Anyways, 2023, we're well onthe pan, but that might at this
point. And so you would think that that
would have been the MATLAB experience that you hoped and
(21:21):
dreamed for that was on Pinterest.
What was your experience like? Yeah, it was just a bit
underwhelming to be honest. Like, I don't know if we just
were spoilt with the experience that we had in Australia or if
it was just the situation and I was in, but I just phoned after
the discharge from a hospital that the checkups were, um, you
(21:46):
know, pre basic and, and part ofthat is probably being a second
time mom and you know, you've got other things you do and it's
just like, yeah, just I've got to get to this point and then go
home and deal with my rowdy toddler at home.
But, um, and a part of it was maybe our situation with being
(22:06):
like more settled and, um, the role that I was in at the time,
but um, yeah, there was like a bit of a disconnect for me was
like even getting our follow up appointment with midwives.
And so I kind of fell through the cracks that way.
Eventually kind of got seen and then you have your weekly check
(22:27):
UPS or whatever. Um, and then at the six week
work, I, I had a, I like to see section.
So we had our six week check up with OB.
Of course I had an infection, didn't even know about it.
My gosh. Yeah, I don't know, like whether
(22:48):
that's why I find with here is it's up to you to really declare
and advocate for yourself. And I obviously was like an
overwhelmed postpartum mom who'sdealing with like a toddler at
the same time and wasn't even checking and like wasn't being
checked. So, um, figured that out.
(23:08):
And then it's just after the sixweek mark, that's it.
And, and for any sort of, and I know there are some places in
Vancouver, there's some great drop, drop in groups and there's
some virtual groups. I didn't access them or wasn't
aware of them at the time. And so yeah, it kind of just
(23:32):
failing to like after you're discharged at the six week mark
and then you carry on with life.And obviously it's not, you
don't pass six weeks and everything is fine and you're
healed and you can now go on with motherhood all happy.
And yeah, it, it just found thatthat period was, was quite
(23:56):
challenging, whether it was due to having like the jump from
1:00 to 2:00, I found way harderfrom zero to 1.
Um, I just feel like building a community would have been like
helpful and I have friends and Ihad friends who had kids, but I
(24:20):
don't know. It just would have been nice to
have something where you can connect with other people who
are in the exact same situation as you, you know?
Totally. I'm sorry that that was your
experience and that makes me feel sad for two years ago,
Gemma, who was like the fact that you felt that you were the
words fell through the cracks like no postpartum parent should
(24:44):
ever fall through the cracks. Like to me that's it's
inexcusable. And I know you're probably about
to say, oh, you know, I was supposed to maybe.
No, like they should no new parent, no birthing parent
should be expected to be hounding the clinic or calling
or remembering to do this. You're supposed to be like doing
a birth certificate thing. It's like it's ridiculous the
(25:06):
amount of administration that you're expected to do in those
early days when you're like, I can't even see straight, let
alone how do you Oh, OK, now theclinics on lunch got a call
speculator like. Yeah, yeah.
And you're just giving a whole bunch of Flyers from the
hospital, like here's all the information.
Like I'm like my daughter's. Colouring on it, I don't know.
(25:28):
Yeah, the older one, I'm like here, like entertain yourself.
That's so. That's too bad, you know.
Yeah, but I mean, to be fair, like my situation, but I, I feel
in the grand scheme of things wasn't that bad.
Like I didn't have a traumatic birth, I didn't have any like
serious physical stuff going on afterwards apart from the
(25:49):
infection. Parts from an infection.
At all. Yeah, Well, I know, right?
No, no, that's what that's what we do, right.
And yeah, I feel like there's people out there, I imagine that
have way more challenging times than experiences than I did.
And that's where I felt like if if I've had this experience and
(26:11):
it wasn't that bad, like things need to be a little bit better.
Yeah, absolutely. And I can.
I'm thinking about how you were assigned a mother group in
Melbourne and I think that there's something so interesting
about. I'm sure you could opt out.
I'm sure they're not forcing youto.
Go. But the fact that you are, it is
(26:32):
kind of a given. It's like something that you
could opt out of versus opting in.
I think that's the move. I think that's, that's like
that's where the money is. Because I'm, I was actually just
even thinking about like relating it to 1st year
university. I don't know if you went to
college, university, if anyone listening is kind of kind of
resonate with this. But if you go to university, big
(26:53):
new school. Like I went from a school of 600
girls from kindergarten to grade12.
And now I'm in the school of a massive, massive Canadian
university and you're like, whoa.
But they do such a good job. Like my school, I went to
Western. They did such an unreal job of
creating communities for you in so many ways so fast.
(27:13):
You were opted into a community within the floor that you lived
on. You were opted into the
community of your department or faculty that you were in and you
were given shirts and you were like, this is your team.
These are your people. And like, come on, no 18 year
old is going to opt into that. But sure, they might be able to
opt out. So, so put them in
automatically. Like it's like the mothering
(27:34):
group, like put up, put them in automatically.
So it doesn't feel like this thing that's like, oh, should I
do it? Do I know anyone who's doing it?
Is this a cool thing to do? Because we all still do that.
We might be adults, but we stilldo.
That right? I really need this.
Yeah, like, oh, they're going tobe like weirdos.
I don't know, like we're kind ofall we have funny sides to us.
Yeah, I know. I know myself.
I would like, oh, do I need this?
(27:55):
Like, it's one more thing, but if I was opted into it, I'd have
been like, yeah, it's easier to just like go than opt out.
And I'm sure I would have found a ton of value in that.
So there's something, there's something there, wouldn't you
say? Yeah, I think so.
And you know, that comes from a higher up level, right?
Like the healthcare system, a government like that's, that's
(28:17):
the part that I feel like is missing, really missing here.
Yeah. And so that it sounds like that
has inspired the mother flock, which is a community that you
are building and doing such wonderful things.
Let's tell us a bit about the inspiration.
It sounds like we've heard the inspiration, but tell us more
about how this idea came to be. Yeah, it just been sitting with
(28:38):
me for a while. Like it, it blows my mind that
this doesn't exist here. Like how does it not exist?
And I was kind of in that, um, face postpartum, whereas needing
something like I was at home with the kids.
My oldest had just started daycare and I was still home
with the youngest. Um, and I was starting to lose
(28:59):
my mind a little bit. Like I needed like a passion
project or like, um, like a new hobby or something to throw my
energy into that wasn't just thekids, that whole kind of process
of a mattress and like losing your identity and not sure where
you're going. Um, I just felt like I, I needed
(29:20):
something and I'd started listening to some podcasts and
reading some books and um, and then there is, I'm turning 40
this year. And then there was another
moment where I was attending my is my husband's, um, is
(29:42):
grandfather's funeral and it's for his this is kind of going
off a little bit, but no, go on got him as a wedding present,
like family tree scrap. And so there's a whole bunch of
family in town and I was trying to get them to like write their
little sections of this family tree, like about their life and
what's their story and kind of thing.
(30:03):
And I was, I was just sitting there thinking like, what would
I write? Like, I don't know, like what I
would write about myself, Like, what is my legacy?
And like, you know, I've always worked in like, helping
professions and being a teacher and I worked in mental health.
But so I've been making a difference.
But it just felt like this isn'tjust it.
(30:24):
And that idea had been sticking in my head a little bit.
And then? And what idea in particular was
really? I think just just the the lack
of postpartum support and community forum.
So like building some sort of community and resource for new
moms in Vancouver. And where was I going with that?
(30:48):
Forgot now. Oh, I'm sorry.
No, no, no, no. Sorry, OK, The family tree the.
Like the family tree and and there was one podcast.
Yes, thank you. There is one podcast, I think, I
can't remember what it was, but it was along the lines of if you
have an idea that you would be, you know, frustrated at yourself
if someone else came out with itbefore you or did took action on
(31:10):
it before you. Great question.
That is your saying that you need to start taking action.
And I was like, you know, I'm just going to do it.
And so that's kind of where the mother Folk came from and the
idea for the for the mother Folk.
And yeah, we've just kind of launched it over the last month
or two. And yeah, we've got a group
(31:32):
going starting in or is running right now and out of Trouble
Lake and our website is up and running.
And so it's been a really great and creative outlet for me.
One of the books I, I I read in the in this whole kind of trying
to figure out like my direction and purpose and that kind of
(31:55):
thing was forget the exact total, but it's about feeding
your Unicorn space by Eve RodskyAnd and this is kind of been
like my Unicorn space, like a little passion project that like
has purpose and meaning and is like a creative outlet for me.
So. Yeah, I love it.
I think it's so beautiful and I'd encourage you to get rid of
(32:17):
that little, the, the word little from there, because I
think it's beautiful. And, and whether it stays within
Vancouver or it goes worldwide, you know, the, the difference
that it can make to even one person who comes to one of your
groups and feel seen and heard and understood by their moms and
is really able to normalize the challenges amongst, you know, a
(32:39):
community that's not, that's notlittle.
So, yeah, absolutely. Yeah.
Thank you for that. Of course.
Tell me for those who are listening, who are, you know, we
hear the word mattresses and it's, it's, I don't know, it
seems like it's a, it's a newer vernacular, like it's a word
that's been around forever, but it's newer in our vernacular.
(33:00):
How would you define mattresses?Yeah, I think it's just the it's
just the shift that happens during motherhood, the the
developmental change that is physical, hormonal, emotional,
social. There's such a, such a mix of
(33:23):
things, dynamics going on duringthat period and um, I think
every mother goes through it, um, but to varying degrees.
So for example, and for, to varying degrees for different
births as well. So like I found that my
mattresses for my breast, pregnancy or first child, um,
(33:48):
was relatively smooth and easy. However, I don't feel like
things changed as drastically for me in that time.
I say I can press pregnancy. I feel like my metro essence has
been a lot more challenging to work through and is still
ongoing and it's kind of like adolescence, right?
(34:10):
We give that, um, we give that time for teenagers to like go
through all these shifts, the same physical, hormonal, social,
emotional and it. We give them years, we educate
them on it, and then what do we give mothers to go through this
period of time? It's not six weeks.
It's. 6 to 8 weeks, yeah, two weeks depending on vaginal or.
(34:34):
Really, it's not even a year, right?
Like it can take, it can take years to move through this, um,
identity change. And when you come out the other
side, you, your values are different, your perspective is
different. And, um, I think once I heard
that term it, it really, um, it lifted a big weight off my
(34:57):
shoulders. Like I'm like, oh, this makes
sense. This is what I'm struggling
with. So yeah.
Yeah, it's like it's validating that you are changed and that
you're not supposed to. You know, I was even filming
some content this morning and I had a friend helping me and she
was asking me some questions. And she was like, what?
What advice would you give someone who's to a mom who's
(35:18):
feeling like they want to find themselves again?
And the way that it was kind of phrased was as if you're you're
searching for who you were, like, through this, like tall
field of grass or like a corn maze, and you're like, searching
and searching for where she is. Yeah, she's not there.
And that like, she's you like the like, deep down your soul,
(35:39):
who you are. I'm getting deep here.
But it's like you're still there, but she is no longer
there because she's this like, even more badass version, you
know, like she's in a different field because she's like, she's
doing even bigger and better things.
She's got even more love in her heart.
You know, it's like, yeah, but like you gotta, you gotta suck
(35:59):
the way from that, like the old corn maze and like, yeah, find
somewhere else. You haven't lost herself, right?
It's like this is who you're meant to be.
You just trying to figure. That out, yeah.
And it's like, it would, it would be like saying to those
people like, yeah, put your like, put your kids.
If you were going to find yourself, that would mean that
your kids weren't there and no mother.
(36:23):
There's maybe, but really no mother is like, Oh yeah, I would
rather find my old self and not have these children that I have
known. Right?
Like it doesn't make sense but. It doesn't exist.
It doesn't exist, but that's OK.But we all feel it, no matter if
you know. Those are not easier said than
done. Yes, absolutely.
For sure, for sure. And and what would you say to
(36:45):
somebody who's who is themselveslike just navigating that?
What is my purpose? Where are my where am I headed?
Like you, you started to follow a breadcrumb trail.
How did you know that that was the breadcrumb trail to start to
explore and follow. That's a good question.
I think the the, I mean, the first thing was like educating
(37:08):
myself and even learning about this world.
I didn't know about mattresses or hadn't heard the term until
like 9-10 months into my second child like hadn't heard about it
my first pregnancy. So I think that's probably the
first thing is like just learning that this exists.
This is a thing of validate anger experience and that in
(37:31):
itself will gives you that self compassion to give yourself time
and understanding. Because when expectations don't
meet reality, I think that's where we kind of get into the
whole mum girl and the resentment and questioning
(37:53):
yourself and the mum rage. So I think that's the first two
things is the, the education andthen and then the compassion.
And then it's just taking time and whether that's, you know,
trying to find your way or just,um, like finding a new passion
(38:15):
or just valuing the new skills that you are, are and
experiences that you're having with your children.
And yeah, I think that's that's it, yeah.
I love that. I'll add to it I would say.
No, Yeah, go for it. A notebook or an or even a
sticky note in your phone. What are they called?
The Notes app or, or whatever type of phone you use.
Yeah. And just starting to write
(38:37):
things down because it's true. Like once you start to explore
this, everybody will come at a book like the book you were
describing. So everybody will read that and
take something different away from it.
And it will prompt something in their mind, like you might read
it and be like, how is everybodynot getting all fired up about
my trust and what's next and finding your Unicorn space and
(38:57):
like helping like you're like, it's so obvious that this is it,
but that's obvious for you. I would read it and I might take
something completely different about about, you know, something
related to the podcast or whatever it is.
And so like making note of what those things are.
I always say to people, what areyou Google?
What do you always like researching and talking about
Googling and like, what's this stuff that's always in your
(39:17):
mind, kind of like twinkling around in there that you can't
get out of your head? I'm talking about it as well
because I think that like I'm not a big talker or shader
naturally, which is something I'm trying to change but.
I think look at you in a podcast.
Well, at all this is, this is a big deal, right?
So yeah, I think sharing these experiences is helpful both for
(39:41):
yourself, but for other people because I found so many other
mums and friends be so come to me to be like, I also felt the
same way. Like I've also had these
struggles, I've also had had postpartum depression or have
also had extreme mum rage and I'm like, I had no idea.
(40:03):
So I think I think that's helpful both for and therapeutic
for yourself, but also for for other moms and for new moms as
well so that they can start to hear stories.
Because I think you have these expectations and your plan for,
for, for your pregnancy and yourbirth, but you don't think about
the aftermath so much. And, and, and I think if we're
(40:25):
parents shared the challenges and wins as well, I think that
would help everyone. And I think you're so right.
I think about the times I've been in the, you know, mother
spaces and you're going around and you're kind of sharing.
And as somebody who does share alot and does talk a lot and has
(40:46):
been in theatre and perhaps a bit different from you, maybe I
should take myself out of this equation.
But, you know, there's the people who, you know, you know,
raise their hand or want to share and you can tell that they
feel this is not me, but they feel kind of uncomfortable
sharing their voice, perhaps. And then they say the thing and
it just lands and you're like, how could you have been?
(41:07):
You know, it's so like, I alwaysfeel so thankful when those
people share because they just have such wisdom to share.
But they're like, oh, but I'm, you know, I'm taking up air
time. I'm taking up space here.
But you also have to remember that by you sharing what's on
your mind, like you're probably alleviating these three other
people and those were in that room's brains and being like
you're making them feel seen andheard.
(41:28):
So it's not that you're taking up airtime, is that you're
sharing like you're actually giving a gift.
To absolutely. And that's something, something
we have on our website is a pagecalled, which I feel quite
passionate about is a page called retracements tails and,
and basically encouraging peopleto share their, their birth
story, but also their journey towards motherhood and how their
identity has shifted. And, and I think that's it's not
(41:50):
necessarily like it's therapeutic for you to be able
to Share your story, but like this is a gift that you're
giving other people by being able to read that story.
Oh my gosh, I think it's such a gift.
I always joke that like I'm a career coach for parents, but
like, if you will allow me the honor of hearing your birth
story, like I am all ears. Yeah, I know totally.
Because, I mean, you don't tend to share it that much, but like
(42:13):
when you do hear, I'm also like really curious.
And when you do hear other people's experiences and it
might be completely different from yours, it's, it's, it's
just nice to know that someone else has also had a similar or
different experience and, and itvalidates all of it.
Yeah. Yeah, absolutely.
Where do you see the mother flock going?
(42:35):
Currently? It is going to be in Group, in
person group programs here like you know, here in the Lower
Mainland, Trout Lake specifically over the month of
April and May at 2025. But where do you see it going?
Put it out there in the world. That's, I'm kind of testing the
water and just kind of seeing how things go.
(42:57):
But um, yeah, I, I would love tokeep running the group.
Eventually I'd love to, you know, branch out to other areas.
We have a whole bunch of amazingguest speakers in postpartum
specialists coming to share their wisdom with your mom.
So, um, it would be able to, it would be, I think, just think
(43:20):
it's an amazing opportunity. So being able to, to, to grow
that group and make it more widely available would be
amazing and also just grow the community of Vancouver.
I'd love it. We're taking a break for this
summer for the group and then coming back in September, but
I'd love during the summer to beable to, you know, Belfour
community and host more events and go to the website and and
(43:44):
yeah, just see where it goes from there.
Ah, Congrats. It's so huge.
I think it's beautiful. I could see you partnering with
the government and having the mother flock.
I don't know, let's put it out there and you, you're the
perfect person for that. Oh my goodness, you're such a
wonderful human and I'm so pleased to be in your space here
(44:04):
and just to support you in any way I can to grow the mother
flock in the community because Ithink it's so needed and it
makes me want to have more babies.
But like. You're not, you know.
Yeah, yeah. Everybody find you Gemma and
connect with you. They were on the Instagram so
that dot mother fuck, you can follow us there all our updates
(44:26):
and our websites and the motherfuck.com and we have a an
e-mail newsletter quote every couple of weeks so you can sign
up to their via the website. Amazing.
And if someone is not local, which we have lots of non
Vancouver people who are listening, what can they?
What can they get for you from you?
Yeah, I think we have a whole bunch of resources on our
(44:47):
website that are not necessarilyrelated to Vancouver as well.
Space and resources and tips andhow to prepare for postpartum
and finger Unicorn space and as well as reading our Mistress
wants tails. So this is definitely a lot of
resources on there. And then just advice on seeking
your own community as well. Wherever you are and can people
(45:08):
submit their mattresses sales? Yeah, absolutely.
With yeah, yeah, yeah. So if you go on the page,
there's like a little like if you want to submit kind of
thing, here's where to go. Yeah, Tell Gemma that you heard
about her on the All Figured Outpodcast, so.
Yeah. Back to see who doesn't.
Help. Yeah, yeah.
Well, thank you so much. Oh my goodness, I almost forgot.
(45:28):
I've been forgetting this recently, but I asked every
guest what is something that you're still trying to figure
out? Goodness.
I was like always the reaction is always like the exhale with
the. OHS everything.
I think for me it's like the theand being and having young kids.
(45:49):
I think it's the the balance between like my identity, my
interests, my mental health and and prioritize my family and
also just being present. I find like the overwhelm and
like I could get quite stressed out sometime.
(46:09):
And so I'm really trying to change my mindset and like enjoy
the moments, go over the floor. It doesn't matter if they they
don't get their dinner at 5:00, that kind of thing.
So those are some things that I'm trying to figure out.
None of us know what we're doing.
Um, so yeah. All of them.
I love that. Can I ask you one more question
that's coming to mind is you andI both have kids who are past
(46:32):
that, like, baby bubble. We're not really in the baby
bubble anymore. What's your opinion on the power
of community as kids get older? And how can we can prioritize
that when life gets just busier and you kind of forget about
your own mattresses and you forget about all that stuff?
You know, like, I'm not going tomoms groups unless I'm Speaking
of them. Like, yeah.
(46:53):
What do you think? Well, I think it's hard, it's
challenging because I think like, yeah, you have this little
window when the kids you're, youhave babies and you can maybe
branch out and go to these tripsand then things get busier.
Your friends end up being your kids friends your your kids
friends parents. Um, yeah, I think you still have
(47:16):
to, um, challenge yourself to put yourself out there, whatever
stage you're at and make connections and be the connector
among the people that you know as well.
So, um, you know, there's still still equally as important and
valuable whatever stage of parenthood you're at, because
it's all, it's all tough, right?It's all hard, Yeah.
(47:39):
Just in different ways, Definitely, yeah.
Yeah, and I like that. I like that call to action for
anybody listening who feels likeit's missing in their area and
they, you know, maybe they're past the baby bubble or they're
in the baby bubble or they're not in Vancouver to even maybe
in a small way like how can you create, how can you build that
bridge for people? Put three people together.
(47:59):
Yeah, take two friends who were both on parental leave who don't
know each other, and let's go for let's go to the zoo or go
for coffee or whatever like that.
That's part of like, that's it. Yeah.
That's building community, right?
Yeah. And that's, that's the first
step. So that's what it takes to start
building your your community andyour village.
Yeah. Maybe you'll franchise.
You're the mother fuck. I don't know why I'm feeling.
(48:22):
I'm feeling so pumped about this.
Business. I love it.
I love it. Thank you so much, Jenna, Jenna,
Jenna. Thanks.
Andrea, you got me there. I'll just see you again soon.
Thank you. Thank you for having me.
I love it. Thank you so much for listening
(48:44):
and since you made it this far, please share this episode with a
fellow parent who you love, respect, and want to support.
And while you're at it, hit me up on Instagram at All Figured
Out. Andrea, I would love to meet you
and hear what you are trying to figure out these days.
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