November 6, 2023 • 32 mins
An act of bullying sends a promising young man's life spiraling into chaos.
Allegedly is a production of Voyage Media. The series is produced by Nat Mundel, Robert Mitas, and Dan Benamor. This episode, "Domino", was written, produced and directed by Dan Benamor. Starring Jonathan Regier as Brad. Edited, sound designed and mixed by Jaxson McLennan. Original music by Derlis Gonzalez. Special thanks to Dr. Nesha Tandon and Elevation Behavioral Health, if you or a loved one are in need of mental health support you can check out their website:
https://elevationbehavioralhealth.com/
If you're enjoying the show, please leave us a 5-star review in Apple Podcasts, or anywhere you're listening, and subscribe now, for future episodes.
Allegedly is a production of Voyage Media. The series is produced by Nat Mundel, Robert Mitas, and Dan Benamor. This episode, "Domino", was written, produced and directed by Dan Benamor. Starring Jonathan Regier as Brad. Edited, sound designed and mixed by Jaxson McLennan. Original music by Derlis Gonzalez. Special thanks to Dr. Nesha Tandon and Elevation Behavioral Health, if you or a loved one are in need of mental health support you can check out their website:
https://elevationbehavioralhealth.com/
If you're enjoying the show, please leave us a 5-star review in Apple Podcasts, or anywhere you're listening, and subscribe now, for future episodes.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:04):
Hey, Mom, just calling tosay hi. I hope you're having a
good day. I wish you'd answer. I have something cool to tell you
about. I guess I'll just tellyour voicemail and you can listen and maybe
call me later. So look,as anyone can see, there's dark storms
brewing in the markets, in thefinancial world, and that's why crypto is
going to be not just a passingtrend, but a new way of being
(00:26):
to replace the old way we handlemoney, like and upgrade your computer,
but from money. That's the future. I'm thinking of starting an investment fund
tied to it. I spoke toone of my old college buddies who is
literally a billionaire now, and heverbally committed to put one hundred million in
the fund. You know that's ifI do it. That's confidential. Anyway,
I wish you'd answer. You knowwhat, I'm just going to hang
(00:49):
up and call again. Maybe youwere on the other line and now you're
free. Delete this voicemail, pleaseseriously delete it. Okay, Bye.
I guess. My name is NancyMoon and I love my son. As
a teenager, he was completely normaluntil a terrible thing happened to him,
(01:11):
a crime of extreme vandalism and hewas never the same again. I'm sharing
his story and the hope that ithelps others in a similar situation. Nancy
is not her real name. Outof respect for Nancy and her son's privacy,
we are not using their real namesin this podcast. As a child,
my son was gregarious, funny,bright, very engaging with other people
(01:37):
all the time, loved animals,loved children. Was always sort of the
center of attention. And as hegot into his middle years after twelve is
where really we moved from California toIdaho. He was very involved in sports,
(01:57):
always a line hockey, soccer,and even got involved with football.
Even though he wasn't the biggest,he was still the best kicker they'd ever
seen. His grades were straight a's, top of the class, president of
his class in his junior year.There was nothing that ever indicated there was
anything going on with Brad. That'swhy it was such an incredible shock to
(02:23):
find out thirteen years ago he hadhad this incredibly horrible bullying situation that ended
up setting him back right up tothis day. On this podcast, we
talk about crimes murder, financial crimes, crimes of abuse, but sometimes something
(02:44):
that might technically be a misdemeanor ofproperty crime, can be just as damaging
psychologically as a traditional felony. Thatwas the case with Brad, Nancy's son.
Brad was, as I said,very engaged in school. He had
a girlfriend and she was actually presidentof her class and prettiest girl in the
(03:05):
school, prima ballerina. So thetwo of them were quite a couple that
were looked up to, and theywere both very smart and liked by many
people. And when Brad was fifteensixteen, his father and I were going
through some challenges with our marriage,actually ended up getting divorced, but he
(03:30):
stayed with his father and he hada place to stay with me, so
we saw each other regularly and therewas nothing that indicated anything was wrong.
I mean, as I said,he was the normal kid and still laughing.
But that age of fifteen sixteen isa precarious time anyway for any young
(03:52):
adult. So after the divorce,Brad's father wanted him to go to California
because he wanted him to go tocollege at a school in California and study
film, which his dad had done, and unbeknownst to me, even though
he was president of his class,his junior year. He was going to
(04:13):
move him to California in his senioryear, and I tried to fight it,
but was told legally I was not. Didn't have any grounds to stand
on. So he went to Californiaand graduated valedictorian and school there, continued
with his sports, stayed with hisolder sister. Mom. Hi, California
(04:39):
is nice. Why did we everleave? No offense to Idaho? But
come on, and you're best knownfor potatoes, had stuff to compete with
the West Coast. I went tothe beach with dad. It was good.
You should come visit anyway, callme when you get a chance.
December fifth of that year, intwo thousand and three, he called me
(05:03):
and told me that his father hadpassed away on the mountain, and without
going into all those details, itwas a big shock to everyone. So
this is Brad now without a father, in his first year in college.
And when I saw him, andwhen I talked to him, he seemed
(05:26):
very introverted. He did not seemlike the same Brad that I had known
growing up. I took him ontrips, I called him on a regular
basis, I went to see him, I did things with him, but
he was definitely not the same Brad. He'd sort of started walking with his
(05:47):
shoulders over, letting himself go abit, and I would look for drugs
and see if there was anything thatmight have been reinforcing his strange behavior,
and I didn't find anything. Hewas living with a bunch of guys on
(06:08):
the campus at UCSB and Santa Barbara, and then we had a family wedding
in Arizona after he'd graduated from college. He went through college and I didn't
have to see grades or anything.But later on we went to a wedding
in Arizona, and I finally said, Brad, where are you? You
(06:30):
know what's going on? He didn'ttalk very much, he didn't share anything.
I would ask questions, he wouldgive me a one word answer.
He would be very vague and evasive, and it was so unlike him.
And I finally I was taking himto He loved cars, and I was
(06:57):
taking him to a car museum,and I finally said, Brad, where
are you? Where are you?What's going on? And he said,
Mom, I know you love meand I appreciate everything you do, but
could you just give me five minutesof your time every day? I said,
(07:18):
I'll give you five hours whatever youwant. I said, you know
what's happening, And then he proceededto tell me about what had happened to
him when he was fifteen years oldin Idaho at the high school and he
(07:39):
was bullied by a couple of histeammates, one of whom used to stay
at our house spend the night witha lot of the guys from different from
the teams, and Brad would goover to his house and stay there as
well. They were very close friends. Unfortunately, this young man who was
one of the bulliers was a bigbullier as well, to the point that
(08:01):
we wouldn't even allow him to comeon to any of the sports events and
when we'd travel and go for hockeyor soccer. And so Brad had been
carrying this around with him for ohover eight years. And on top of
that, he'd had his father dieand I ended up being in an automobile
(08:28):
accident. But these young men,they didn't do anything physical, according to
Brad. When he shared with me, he said that they had broken the
windshield on his car. They hadpete and defecated on his car, and
he owned it. He said,I was a jerk. I deserved it.
(08:50):
I was the bad guy, andso I've changed my personality. Tried
to assure him that it wasn't him, and he made reference to all these
things that what a bad kid hewas as a child, which he wasn't.
(09:15):
Lots of things that were more negativethat were reinforcing his reasoning for having
these guys bully him and do whatthey did to him. In any event,
I was devastated and basically pulled overto the side of the road when
he told me this thirteen years agoand said we've got to get help,
(09:41):
and I was just I said,I'm just so sorry. If Brad didn't
feel comfortable telling his mother about thisincident, did he tell his father?
I don't know. I mean,he could have told his father a little
white lie, because if he'd toldhis father what had happened, and his
(10:01):
father knowing the father of the youngman that did this, I'm afraid that
would have been His dad was abit of a pain in the tail to
people. Anyway. He was awonderful man, but he just didn't know
when to shut up, and hewould have been very aggressive. And he
was the older father of the groupanyway, and so Brad probably wouldn't either.
(10:26):
He would have told him a littlewhite lie about it and gotten it
fixed. His dad probably would havegotten it fixed for him. According to
Nancy, after his father's death andeverything else that happened to Brad, he
was resistant to get help. Whenhis father passed away and I went to
(10:46):
California to see him, and obviouslyhe was very, very upset. And
the night before the service, hewas staying up and I could just I
could hear him crying the bathroom nextto the room I was staying, and
he was writing a eulogy for thememorial service. And he wrote a ten
(11:09):
minute eulogy that was beautiful and hadevery one of us in tears from the
most part the whole time, hehandled those moments. But after when I
took him, after he graduated fromcollege to to a y, I mean
(11:31):
he was I used to call himthe turtle because he just from being this
aggressive, go get kit person,he became just a slow mo joe who
was in another world. Brad wasnow living in the LA area, and
so this therapist that I tried toget him to go to, who was
(11:54):
very expensive, even agreed to lowerhis price. But Brad was conveyed that
these guys were just more out forthe money, that they really didn't care
about him or anything else. Andit was he went to this guy a
couple of times, and I hadfilled in the therapist the full background on
Brad, sent photographs and all ofthat so that he would be well versed
(12:20):
in his background. But Brad didn'twant to continue going. And yet he
continued to recognize that he needed helpand he agreed to get it, but
he wanted it on his terms withoutpaying a lot of money because he just
didn't believe they were worth it andthey were going to do anything. So
(12:41):
it became just not getting the help. We never really have gotten him truly
diagnosed. We contacted doctor Nsha Tendonfrom Elevation Behavioral Health in California and presented
her with a timeline of brad symptomsas well as a patient history. You'll
hear her diagnosis later in this episode. A brief stint in Virginia where his
(13:07):
brother in law took him under hiswing and got him into a place that
they were able to diagnose to adegree based on a brief conversation and recognized
that he was definitely they didn't identifyit as schizophrenia or bipolar. But because
(13:31):
Brad was so distant, the onlything he said, if he could be
anywhere in the world, he wouldbe on a desert island by himself.
And they got him on a medicationcalled La tuta for a bet, but
he didn't Brad didn't like taking anyof that stuff. So today Brad is
thirty eight years old, not reallydiagnosed, is not working, is living
(13:56):
on the streets, is not willingto get the help that I'm willing to
pay for. I've tried bribing him, I've tried everything at this point,
and I really don't know where togo other than to continue to reinforce my
love for him and remind him ofall of the God given gifts he has
(14:26):
and talents, trying to persuade himto step back into the real world.
And so it's just a very tough, very challenging and exhausting situation for a
(14:50):
mother, and for any parents,for anybody that would have a relation that
would have this. The craziest partis I live in the town where the
bullier lives, who happens to bevisible to me on a regular basis,
and I have had to really restrainmyself from approaching him, approaching his family.
(15:20):
But I know that's not going todo any good. Nancy was clear
that her son was kind hearted andjust in need of help. He's really
a very kind, loving person,and he wanted to hold hands at dinner
and say Grace. We'd have candlelightand we'd have music playing every night.
(15:43):
He knew the kind of music Iliked, and we'd have these lovely dinners.
And then as soon as there wasdiscussion about his work or his life,
but I didn't agree that he wouldbecome manic and rip out at me.
When Brad's father died, he inheritedsome money and he did buy a
(16:04):
printing press. Bum. I knowyou're worried, but it's actually a very
simple business. You get a Tshirt printing press, it's called a heat
press, a direct to garment printer, a cutter emulsion, a dryer,
inks transfer paper. That's it,and obviously a shirts. I found a
warehouse where I can buy like tenthousand shirts to start at old still costs.
(16:27):
Then you go online and find outwhat people are searching for, and
you design a shirt that will matchsearch terms, and then you just sell
the shirts super easy. Let's saymy profit margin is like six bucks of
shirts, and I sell five hundredshirts a day. That's three thousand a
day in profit, twenty one thousanda week, ninety two thousand a year.
(16:48):
Even if I only sell like halfof that, even if I only
sell one tenths of that, it'sstill a pretty good source of supplementary revenue.
That's right, supplementary because I haven'ttold you about my big idea yet.
I don't want to do that ona windmill anyway, Buy mom,
talk to you later. Then hewent to Vegas because he thought that that
would be a good place to meetpeople. And he drove limos where he
(17:15):
had to talk to people, andhe was always very proud of the fact
that he was able to converse withanother passenger, you know, and what
he learned and how exciting that was. And then he really didn't care for
that that much. And then hehad designed a car, well, it
was actually it was a three wheeledmotorcycle. He's always spending times in libraries
(17:40):
and reading things, and he hadresearched a company that was down in Texas
and gave them. Unfortunately, twentythousand dollars to start buying the parts because
that day goodbye, and they ranoff with it. I'm sorry, it
seems like you are feeling offended,and I apologize. I just wish you
(18:03):
would listen to me. I'm tryingto help you. I've learned so much
settying the markets, and I canhelp you. I gave my friend Richard
investment advice, and he's doing reallygreat right now. I'm going on his
boat for a couple of weeks,so I won't have reliable self service,
so you might not hear from mefor a little But please don't freak out.
I'm fine anyway. I said sorry, right, sorry, bye.
(18:26):
But it's only been in the lastoh I would say three four years that
I think he's run out of themoney that he inherited and has pushed him.
He doesn't want to ask for anythingfrom anybody, and so he now
(18:48):
has pronounced himself as being home freeand x like living on the street is
wonderful, and he's always talking aboutthe great ways to get food. Now
this is bread. Does not drink, he does not do drugs. He
(19:08):
will not eat sugar. He onlyeats healthy stuff. Will not do bread,
meat, and he told me aboutMom. You can't believe the things
that the restaurants throw away. Youcan't believe what's in the grocery in the
back of the grocery stores, Mom, Mom. In Europe, people do
(19:30):
this. It's a lifestyle. MaybeI'm part Ramani. I should do an
ancestry test. Not everyone wants tohave a house and be tied down.
I'm free. That has its ownvalue. Yes it's not a traditional value.
But I can go anywhere and notworry someone's going to break into my
house. If I want to goto Australia tomorrow, I can. It's
good for me to be outside,out in the world. I don't expect
(19:52):
you to understand it. I justask you to accept it anyway. By
his personality, is that whether it'sthe schizophrenia or bipolar that erupts in these
manic behaviors where he's attacking me andcalling me dumb and calling me an alcoholic
and you don't know this, andyou don't understand that, and you don't
(20:15):
do anything. You know. Hedoesn't have imaginary things. He's just evasive
of what is appropriate in real lifeliving and responsibility. As on the streets
in New York City. He sentme a text, a desperation text,
(20:38):
asking me to if I could flyhim out of New York as soon as
possible, and said that he wasin a hospital and had gotten frostbite.
And eventually I followed up was ableto talk to him in the hospital in
(21:00):
Brooklyn, where he took himself.Fortunately, evidently he was wearing like four
pairs of socks with a pair ofsoccer shoes or something and almost lost a
foot. But he was in thehospital for almost two months being treated for
(21:26):
obviously a major, major frostbite,to the point that he had to be
in a wheelchair. He had tobe walkers. He was not able to
walk. He had no feeling.While he was there. The nurse has
had explained, They said, isthere something wrong with him other than obviously
(21:51):
being out on the streets. Youknow, he's a really nice guy,
but he does have some communication problems. We're going to get different doctors in
and they were going to get atherapist in. I said, I would
love to get him diagnosed so thatI could get the proper medication. Unfortunately,
(22:12):
it was not the best of places, and there were a number of
people that were seeing him nobody everreally diagnosed him or got him on any
medication, and since it was COVIDtime still, I was not able for
me to fly out. I wouldn'teven be able to see him, and
(22:34):
he couldn't get out of the hospitalbecause he was still healing for me to
even fly him home. And eventuallyone day he just walked out after he
felt like he was healed enough,and I don't know where he went.
(22:55):
Mom, I left. It wasa waste of time. They just want
money point in me being there.I'm fine. I just need to be
outside. You know, that's whatI need. Sunshine. Did you know
sunshine gives you lower blood pressure?It does nitric oxide. Sunlight makes your
body send nitric oxide into your bloodand it brings down your blood pressure.
(23:15):
It's supposed to be sunny this week. I just had a rough couple of
months. That's all everybody's down sometimes, right, This was way overkill.
I'm fine, mom. Really,the friend of mine that was in bok
Ratan, he was in the Miamiarea and when he was down there,
(23:37):
he told me that he'd gotten abicycle, and I said, well,
how did you get a bicycle?Knowing that he didn't have any money,
And he said, well, Isaw one on a median strip, I
said, Brad, that could havebelonged to somebody else. He said that
he'd watched it for twenty four hours, that nobody had taken it. So
(23:59):
he got it and realized that itwas broken, so he fixed it somehow
to the point that I mean,who knows where he got parts. He
probably went to a bicycle shop andlooked in the trash can for parts.
Maybe he got some help from aguy there. In any event, my
friend in Burke Raton had asked himto come have lunch, not knowing what
(24:23):
his situation was entirely, and soBrad ended up riding his bicycle eight hours
to Boco Raton to have lunch withthis man and the guys. The man
that he had lunch was said thathe looked very healthy and was pretty coherent.
(24:48):
Had lunch, and Brad jumped backon his bicycle and rode back another
eight hours to Miami. Doctor Tennon'scase conceptualization based on the information provided was
that he it appears that the thirtyeight year old male may be struggling with
symptoms of bipolar one disorder. Thisdisorder is characterized by episodes of mania,
which can include impulsive spending, excessivetraveling, difficulty completing tasks, and impulsivity
(25:12):
in relationships. It is also commonfor individuals with bipolar one disorder to experience
symptoms of depression. Brad meets thecriteria for bipolar one disorder, which is
characterized by manic episodes that last atleast seven days or are severe enough to
require immediate hospitalization. He also reportedsymptoms of depression, including feelings of hopelessness
(25:34):
and low mood. Treatment for bipolarone disorder may include medication, therapy,
and lifestyle changes. Specifically, theclient may benefit from medication to stabilized mood,
cognitive behavioral therapy to address impulsive behaviors, and lifestyle changes to support mental
health, such as regular exercise anda healthy diet. Now he's back in
(25:56):
the LA area, supposedly living witha friend in Calabasas, and he gets
himself to our old house in AgraHills where he goes by and he's been
inquiring how much of the landscaping wedid. There was a little over an
acre, and we had lots offruit trees and an English croquet field and
(26:22):
a pond and all these things.It was a great house that he has
a lot of wonderful memories. Hekeeps going back there. It's almost like
he's grabbing every bit of his youthwith just you know, touching base and
a space that was really good feelings. Mom, I got your messages.
(26:42):
I just can't engage with negativity rightnow. I know you wouldn't think of
it as negativity. I know you'dthink of it as caring about me.
But it's old stuff, like reallyreally old stuff. I'm about today,
the future. I get stay chainto bad energy from the past. We
don't know what will happen next,but I can't get into things that happened
(27:03):
in the past. It's like aweight on me, like a hot air
balloon. Like if you have aweight, you hang off it and it
can't lift up. That's how Ifeel about it. I'm not arguing.
I just just don't worry. Youdon't need to worry about me. Doctor
Tendon noted that a mental health providercan work with a client like Brad to
develop a treatment plan that addresses allof these concerns and supports the client and
(27:26):
achieving his goals for a stable andfulfilling life. Furthermore, I was discussed
that Brad has a history of beingbullied when he was fifteen years old and
losing his father when who's eighteen.These experiences may have had a significant impact
on his mental health. Mom,Remember we talked about Tesla Nicola Tesla.
Tesla was talking about wireless communication ineighteen ninety three. Tesla didn't want to
(27:48):
be drafted into the Austro Hungarian Army, so he went into nature. He
went into the mountains. Often hewould be out of contact with loved ones.
His family didn't hear from him.When he left university, people thought
he was Actually Tesla just had toomuch on his mind, too many things
to create, too much to thinkabout. From the eighteen nineties to early
nineteen hundreds, he started trying tofigure out the transmission of electrical power without
(28:11):
wires. People thought he was nuts. They accused him of being a hoax,
but he was just ahead of histime. Do you ever think people
can be born in the wrong times? Sometimes I wonder if I was born
too late. Maybe I should havebeen born in the seventies, or maybe
I was born too early. Idon't know. There's just so much I
(28:32):
want to do and I'm not surethe world is designed the right way for
me to be able to do it, but I want to try. At
a treatment facility like doctor Tannon's ElevationBehavioral Health, Brad could receive a comprehensive
psychiatric evaluation, which would include aclinical interview, mental status examination, and
a review of medical records. Therapistsand a psychiatrist would utilize a combination of
(28:56):
pharmacotherapy and psychotherapy address brad symptoms.Brad could be prescribed mood stabilizers to manage
his manic symptoms and receive psycho educationabout the symptoms of bipolar disorder. A
therapist could also utilize cognitive behavioral therapyto help Brand identify and challenge negative thoughts
and beliefs that contribute to his depression. The therapist and Brad would collaboratively develop
(29:21):
a treatment plan that includes pharmacotherapy,cognitive behavioral therapy, and mindfulness based interventions
to address current triggers. In orderto support Brad, Mom, I started
an account for you. I'm goingto make some investments for you into emerging
tech. Three D printing. Youknow about three D printing is incredible.
They can do anything, make anything, you can dream of you just plug
(29:42):
it into the computer and it createsit. In five years, sixty seven
percent of the items we interact withinour lives will be three D printed.
Delete this voicemail after you listen.I'm excited, Mom. I need you
to please stop talking to me abouttherapy and staying at that place and all
that. Okay, if you're goingto tell me about that kind of stuff,
please just don't call. It's nota good use of our mutual time.
(30:03):
I'm not trying to be mean,just deficient. It's inefficient at my
point. By I corresponded with himon Eastern Troy or on Easter, I
did. And then when I wasgoing to the airport before on Monday,
I said, I'll be at theairport tomorrow. Let's try and talk.
(30:26):
Because he said, you don't evenknow what's going on with my business.
I said, I'd love to hearcatch me up. I'd love to hear
the details. Tell me a timeto call. And so when I got
to the airport and got settled in, I said, are you available to
talk, Let's catch up. Hehasn't responded, so I don't know whether
(30:49):
he's just avoiding the details, noneof which he has whether he's back.
I have answers, which is whathappens inevitably all the time, and uh
(31:10):
yeah, so that's where we areright now, the unknowns. Mom.
I was thinking about you. Thesun was setting and it made me think
about you. I love you.I hope you really know that. I
want you to be happy. Iwant you to look at sunsets and be
happy. Good Night Mom. Allegedlyis a production of Voyage Media. The
(31:38):
series is produced by Natmandel, RobertMaidas, and Dan Benamore. This episode,
Domino, was written, produced,and directed by Dan Benamore, starring
Jonathan Jeeer as Brad Edited, sounddesigned and mixed by Jackson mcclennan. Original
music by Derlis Gonzales. Special thanksto doctor Nisha Tanden and Elevation Behavioral Health.
(31:59):
If you are a love one ourneed of mental health support, we've
put their website link in the shownotes. If you're enjoying the show,
please give us a five star ratingon Apple Podcasts or anywhere you're listening,
and subscribe now for future episodes.
Hey, Mom, just calling tosay hi. I hope you're having a
good day. I wish you'd answer. I have something cool to tell you
about. I guess I'll just tellyour voicemail and you can listen and maybe
call me later. So look,as anyone can see, there's dark storms
brewing in the markets, in thefinancial world, and that's why crypto is
going to be not just a passingtrend, but a new way of being
(00:26):
to replace the old way we handlemoney, like and upgrade your computer,
but from money. That's the future. I'm thinking of starting an investment fund
tied to it. I spoke toone of my old college buddies who is
literally a billionaire now, and heverbally committed to put one hundred million in
the fund. You know that's ifI do it. That's confidential. Anyway,
I wish you'd answer. You knowwhat, I'm just going to hang
(00:49):
up and call again. Maybe youwere on the other line and now you're
free. Delete this voicemail, pleaseseriously delete it. Okay, Bye.
I guess. My name is NancyMoon and I love my son. As
a teenager, he was completely normaluntil a terrible thing happened to him,
(01:11):
a crime of extreme vandalism and hewas never the same again. I'm sharing
his story and the hope that ithelps others in a similar situation. Nancy
is not her real name. Outof respect for Nancy and her son's privacy,
we are not using their real namesin this podcast. As a child,
my son was gregarious, funny,bright, very engaging with other people
(01:37):
all the time, loved animals,loved children. Was always sort of the
center of attention. And as hegot into his middle years after twelve is
where really we moved from California toIdaho. He was very involved in sports,
(01:57):
always a line hockey, soccer,and even got involved with football.
Even though he wasn't the biggest,he was still the best kicker they'd ever
seen. His grades were straight a's, top of the class, president of
his class in his junior year.There was nothing that ever indicated there was
anything going on with Brad. That'swhy it was such an incredible shock to
(02:23):
find out thirteen years ago he hadhad this incredibly horrible bullying situation that ended
up setting him back right up tothis day. On this podcast, we
talk about crimes murder, financial crimes, crimes of abuse, but sometimes something
(02:44):
that might technically be a misdemeanor ofproperty crime, can be just as damaging
psychologically as a traditional felony. Thatwas the case with Brad, Nancy's son.
Brad was, as I said,very engaged in school. He had
a girlfriend and she was actually presidentof her class and prettiest girl in the
(03:05):
school, prima ballerina. So thetwo of them were quite a couple that
were looked up to, and theywere both very smart and liked by many
people. And when Brad was fifteensixteen, his father and I were going
through some challenges with our marriage,actually ended up getting divorced, but he
(03:30):
stayed with his father and he hada place to stay with me, so
we saw each other regularly and therewas nothing that indicated anything was wrong.
I mean, as I said,he was the normal kid and still laughing.
But that age of fifteen sixteen isa precarious time anyway for any young
(03:52):
adult. So after the divorce,Brad's father wanted him to go to California
because he wanted him to go tocollege at a school in California and study
film, which his dad had done, and unbeknownst to me, even though
he was president of his class,his junior year. He was going to
(04:13):
move him to California in his senioryear, and I tried to fight it,
but was told legally I was not. Didn't have any grounds to stand
on. So he went to Californiaand graduated valedictorian and school there, continued
with his sports, stayed with hisolder sister. Mom. Hi, California
(04:39):
is nice. Why did we everleave? No offense to Idaho? But
come on, and you're best knownfor potatoes, had stuff to compete with
the West Coast. I went tothe beach with dad. It was good.
You should come visit anyway, callme when you get a chance.
December fifth of that year, intwo thousand and three, he called me
(05:03):
and told me that his father hadpassed away on the mountain, and without
going into all those details, itwas a big shock to everyone. So
this is Brad now without a father, in his first year in college.
And when I saw him, andwhen I talked to him, he seemed
(05:26):
very introverted. He did not seemlike the same Brad that I had known
growing up. I took him ontrips, I called him on a regular
basis, I went to see him, I did things with him, but
he was definitely not the same Brad. He'd sort of started walking with his
(05:47):
shoulders over, letting himself go abit, and I would look for drugs
and see if there was anything thatmight have been reinforcing his strange behavior,
and I didn't find anything. Hewas living with a bunch of guys on
(06:08):
the campus at UCSB and Santa Barbara, and then we had a family wedding
in Arizona after he'd graduated from college. He went through college and I didn't
have to see grades or anything.But later on we went to a wedding
in Arizona, and I finally said, Brad, where are you? You
(06:30):
know what's going on? He didn'ttalk very much, he didn't share anything.
I would ask questions, he wouldgive me a one word answer.
He would be very vague and evasive, and it was so unlike him.
And I finally I was taking himto He loved cars, and I was
(06:57):
taking him to a car museum,and I finally said, Brad, where
are you? Where are you?What's going on? And he said,
Mom, I know you love meand I appreciate everything you do, but
could you just give me five minutesof your time every day? I said,
(07:18):
I'll give you five hours whatever youwant. I said, you know
what's happening, And then he proceededto tell me about what had happened to
him when he was fifteen years oldin Idaho at the high school and he
(07:39):
was bullied by a couple of histeammates, one of whom used to stay
at our house spend the night witha lot of the guys from different from
the teams, and Brad would goover to his house and stay there as
well. They were very close friends. Unfortunately, this young man who was
one of the bulliers was a bigbullier as well, to the point that
(08:01):
we wouldn't even allow him to comeon to any of the sports events and
when we'd travel and go for hockeyor soccer. And so Brad had been
carrying this around with him for ohover eight years. And on top of
that, he'd had his father dieand I ended up being in an automobile
(08:28):
accident. But these young men,they didn't do anything physical, according to
Brad. When he shared with me, he said that they had broken the
windshield on his car. They hadpete and defecated on his car, and
he owned it. He said,I was a jerk. I deserved it.
(08:50):
I was the bad guy, andso I've changed my personality. Tried
to assure him that it wasn't him, and he made reference to all these
things that what a bad kid hewas as a child, which he wasn't.
(09:15):
Lots of things that were more negativethat were reinforcing his reasoning for having
these guys bully him and do whatthey did to him. In any event,
I was devastated and basically pulled overto the side of the road when
he told me this thirteen years agoand said we've got to get help,
(09:41):
and I was just I said,I'm just so sorry. If Brad didn't
feel comfortable telling his mother about thisincident, did he tell his father?
I don't know. I mean,he could have told his father a little
white lie, because if he'd toldhis father what had happened, and his
(10:01):
father knowing the father of the youngman that did this, I'm afraid that
would have been His dad was abit of a pain in the tail to
people. Anyway. He was awonderful man, but he just didn't know
when to shut up, and hewould have been very aggressive. And he
was the older father of the groupanyway, and so Brad probably wouldn't either.
(10:26):
He would have told him a littlewhite lie about it and gotten it
fixed. His dad probably would havegotten it fixed for him. According to
Nancy, after his father's death andeverything else that happened to Brad, he
was resistant to get help. Whenhis father passed away and I went to
(10:46):
California to see him, and obviouslyhe was very, very upset. And
the night before the service, hewas staying up and I could just I
could hear him crying the bathroom nextto the room I was staying, and
he was writing a eulogy for thememorial service. And he wrote a ten
(11:09):
minute eulogy that was beautiful and hadevery one of us in tears from the
most part the whole time, hehandled those moments. But after when I
took him, after he graduated fromcollege to to a y, I mean
(11:31):
he was I used to call himthe turtle because he just from being this
aggressive, go get kit person,he became just a slow mo joe who
was in another world. Brad wasnow living in the LA area, and
so this therapist that I tried toget him to go to, who was
(11:54):
very expensive, even agreed to lowerhis price. But Brad was conveyed that
these guys were just more out forthe money, that they really didn't care
about him or anything else. Andit was he went to this guy a
couple of times, and I hadfilled in the therapist the full background on
Brad, sent photographs and all ofthat so that he would be well versed
(12:20):
in his background. But Brad didn'twant to continue going. And yet he
continued to recognize that he needed helpand he agreed to get it, but
he wanted it on his terms withoutpaying a lot of money because he just
didn't believe they were worth it andthey were going to do anything. So
(12:41):
it became just not getting the help. We never really have gotten him truly
diagnosed. We contacted doctor Nsha Tendonfrom Elevation Behavioral Health in California and presented
her with a timeline of brad symptomsas well as a patient history. You'll
hear her diagnosis later in this episode. A brief stint in Virginia where his
(13:07):
brother in law took him under hiswing and got him into a place that
they were able to diagnose to adegree based on a brief conversation and recognized
that he was definitely they didn't identifyit as schizophrenia or bipolar. But because
(13:31):
Brad was so distant, the onlything he said, if he could be
anywhere in the world, he wouldbe on a desert island by himself.
And they got him on a medicationcalled La tuta for a bet, but
he didn't Brad didn't like taking anyof that stuff. So today Brad is
thirty eight years old, not reallydiagnosed, is not working, is living
(13:56):
on the streets, is not willingto get the help that I'm willing to
pay for. I've tried bribing him, I've tried everything at this point,
and I really don't know where togo other than to continue to reinforce my
love for him and remind him ofall of the God given gifts he has
(14:26):
and talents, trying to persuade himto step back into the real world.
And so it's just a very tough, very challenging and exhausting situation for a
(14:50):
mother, and for any parents,for anybody that would have a relation that
would have this. The craziest partis I live in the town where the
bullier lives, who happens to bevisible to me on a regular basis,
and I have had to really restrainmyself from approaching him, approaching his family.
(15:20):
But I know that's not going todo any good. Nancy was clear
that her son was kind hearted andjust in need of help. He's really
a very kind, loving person,and he wanted to hold hands at dinner
and say Grace. We'd have candlelightand we'd have music playing every night.
(15:43):
He knew the kind of music Iliked, and we'd have these lovely dinners.
And then as soon as there wasdiscussion about his work or his life,
but I didn't agree that he wouldbecome manic and rip out at me.
When Brad's father died, he inheritedsome money and he did buy a
(16:04):
printing press. Bum. I knowyou're worried, but it's actually a very
simple business. You get a Tshirt printing press, it's called a heat
press, a direct to garment printer, a cutter emulsion, a dryer,
inks transfer paper. That's it,and obviously a shirts. I found a
warehouse where I can buy like tenthousand shirts to start at old still costs.
(16:27):
Then you go online and find outwhat people are searching for, and
you design a shirt that will matchsearch terms, and then you just sell
the shirts super easy. Let's saymy profit margin is like six bucks of
shirts, and I sell five hundredshirts a day. That's three thousand a
day in profit, twenty one thousanda week, ninety two thousand a year.
(16:48):
Even if I only sell like halfof that, even if I only
sell one tenths of that, it'sstill a pretty good source of supplementary revenue.
That's right, supplementary because I haven'ttold you about my big idea yet.
I don't want to do that ona windmill anyway, Buy mom,
talk to you later. Then hewent to Vegas because he thought that that
would be a good place to meetpeople. And he drove limos where he
(17:15):
had to talk to people, andhe was always very proud of the fact
that he was able to converse withanother passenger, you know, and what
he learned and how exciting that was. And then he really didn't care for
that that much. And then hehad designed a car, well, it
was actually it was a three wheeledmotorcycle. He's always spending times in libraries
(17:40):
and reading things, and he hadresearched a company that was down in Texas
and gave them. Unfortunately, twentythousand dollars to start buying the parts because
that day goodbye, and they ranoff with it. I'm sorry, it
seems like you are feeling offended,and I apologize. I just wish you
(18:03):
would listen to me. I'm tryingto help you. I've learned so much
settying the markets, and I canhelp you. I gave my friend Richard
investment advice, and he's doing reallygreat right now. I'm going on his
boat for a couple of weeks,so I won't have reliable self service,
so you might not hear from mefor a little But please don't freak out.
I'm fine anyway. I said sorry, right, sorry, bye.
(18:26):
But it's only been in the lastoh I would say three four years that
I think he's run out of themoney that he inherited and has pushed him.
He doesn't want to ask for anythingfrom anybody, and so he now
(18:48):
has pronounced himself as being home freeand x like living on the street is
wonderful, and he's always talking aboutthe great ways to get food. Now
this is bread. Does not drink, he does not do drugs. He
(19:08):
will not eat sugar. He onlyeats healthy stuff. Will not do bread,
meat, and he told me aboutMom. You can't believe the things
that the restaurants throw away. Youcan't believe what's in the grocery in the
back of the grocery stores, Mom, Mom. In Europe, people do
(19:30):
this. It's a lifestyle. MaybeI'm part Ramani. I should do an
ancestry test. Not everyone wants tohave a house and be tied down.
I'm free. That has its ownvalue. Yes it's not a traditional value.
But I can go anywhere and notworry someone's going to break into my
house. If I want to goto Australia tomorrow, I can. It's
good for me to be outside,out in the world. I don't expect
(19:52):
you to understand it. I justask you to accept it anyway. By
his personality, is that whether it'sthe schizophrenia or bipolar that erupts in these
manic behaviors where he's attacking me andcalling me dumb and calling me an alcoholic
and you don't know this, andyou don't understand that, and you don't
(20:15):
do anything. You know. Hedoesn't have imaginary things. He's just evasive
of what is appropriate in real lifeliving and responsibility. As on the streets
in New York City. He sentme a text, a desperation text,
(20:38):
asking me to if I could flyhim out of New York as soon as
possible, and said that he wasin a hospital and had gotten frostbite.
And eventually I followed up was ableto talk to him in the hospital in
(21:00):
Brooklyn, where he took himself.Fortunately, evidently he was wearing like four
pairs of socks with a pair ofsoccer shoes or something and almost lost a
foot. But he was in thehospital for almost two months being treated for
(21:26):
obviously a major, major frostbite,to the point that he had to be
in a wheelchair. He had tobe walkers. He was not able to
walk. He had no feeling.While he was there. The nurse has
had explained, They said, isthere something wrong with him other than obviously
(21:51):
being out on the streets. Youknow, he's a really nice guy,
but he does have some communication problems. We're going to get different doctors in
and they were going to get atherapist in. I said, I would
love to get him diagnosed so thatI could get the proper medication. Unfortunately,
(22:12):
it was not the best of places, and there were a number of
people that were seeing him nobody everreally diagnosed him or got him on any
medication, and since it was COVIDtime still, I was not able for
me to fly out. I wouldn'teven be able to see him, and
(22:34):
he couldn't get out of the hospitalbecause he was still healing for me to
even fly him home. And eventuallyone day he just walked out after he
felt like he was healed enough,and I don't know where he went.
(22:55):
Mom, I left. It wasa waste of time. They just want
money point in me being there.I'm fine. I just need to be
outside. You know, that's whatI need. Sunshine. Did you know
sunshine gives you lower blood pressure?It does nitric oxide. Sunlight makes your
body send nitric oxide into your bloodand it brings down your blood pressure.
(23:15):
It's supposed to be sunny this week. I just had a rough couple of
months. That's all everybody's down sometimes, right, This was way overkill.
I'm fine, mom. Really,the friend of mine that was in bok
Ratan, he was in the Miamiarea and when he was down there,
(23:37):
he told me that he'd gotten abicycle, and I said, well,
how did you get a bicycle?Knowing that he didn't have any money,
And he said, well, Isaw one on a median strip, I
said, Brad, that could havebelonged to somebody else. He said that
he'd watched it for twenty four hours, that nobody had taken it. So
(23:59):
he got it and realized that itwas broken, so he fixed it somehow
to the point that I mean,who knows where he got parts. He
probably went to a bicycle shop andlooked in the trash can for parts.
Maybe he got some help from aguy there. In any event, my
friend in Burke Raton had asked himto come have lunch, not knowing what
(24:23):
his situation was entirely, and soBrad ended up riding his bicycle eight hours
to Boco Raton to have lunch withthis man and the guys. The man
that he had lunch was said thathe looked very healthy and was pretty coherent.
(24:48):
Had lunch, and Brad jumped backon his bicycle and rode back another
eight hours to Miami. Doctor Tennon'scase conceptualization based on the information provided was
that he it appears that the thirtyeight year old male may be struggling with
symptoms of bipolar one disorder. Thisdisorder is characterized by episodes of mania,
which can include impulsive spending, excessivetraveling, difficulty completing tasks, and impulsivity
(25:12):
in relationships. It is also commonfor individuals with bipolar one disorder to experience
symptoms of depression. Brad meets thecriteria for bipolar one disorder, which is
characterized by manic episodes that last atleast seven days or are severe enough to
require immediate hospitalization. He also reportedsymptoms of depression, including feelings of hopelessness
(25:34):
and low mood. Treatment for bipolarone disorder may include medication, therapy,
and lifestyle changes. Specifically, theclient may benefit from medication to stabilized mood,
cognitive behavioral therapy to address impulsive behaviors, and lifestyle changes to support mental
health, such as regular exercise anda healthy diet. Now he's back in
(25:56):
the LA area, supposedly living witha friend in Calabasas, and he gets
himself to our old house in AgraHills where he goes by and he's been
inquiring how much of the landscaping wedid. There was a little over an
acre, and we had lots offruit trees and an English croquet field and
(26:22):
a pond and all these things.It was a great house that he has
a lot of wonderful memories. Hekeeps going back there. It's almost like
he's grabbing every bit of his youthwith just you know, touching base and
a space that was really good feelings. Mom, I got your messages.
(26:42):
I just can't engage with negativity rightnow. I know you wouldn't think of
it as negativity. I know you'dthink of it as caring about me.
But it's old stuff, like reallyreally old stuff. I'm about today,
the future. I get stay chainto bad energy from the past. We
don't know what will happen next,but I can't get into things that happened
(27:03):
in the past. It's like aweight on me, like a hot air
balloon. Like if you have aweight, you hang off it and it
can't lift up. That's how Ifeel about it. I'm not arguing.
I just just don't worry. Youdon't need to worry about me. Doctor
Tendon noted that a mental health providercan work with a client like Brad to
develop a treatment plan that addresses allof these concerns and supports the client and
(27:26):
achieving his goals for a stable andfulfilling life. Furthermore, I was discussed
that Brad has a history of beingbullied when he was fifteen years old and
losing his father when who's eighteen.These experiences may have had a significant impact
on his mental health. Mom,Remember we talked about Tesla Nicola Tesla.
Tesla was talking about wireless communication ineighteen ninety three. Tesla didn't want to
(27:48):
be drafted into the Austro Hungarian Army, so he went into nature. He
went into the mountains. Often hewould be out of contact with loved ones.
His family didn't hear from him.When he left university, people thought
he was Actually Tesla just had toomuch on his mind, too many things
to create, too much to thinkabout. From the eighteen nineties to early
nineteen hundreds, he started trying tofigure out the transmission of electrical power without
(28:11):
wires. People thought he was nuts. They accused him of being a hoax,
but he was just ahead of histime. Do you ever think people
can be born in the wrong times? Sometimes I wonder if I was born
too late. Maybe I should havebeen born in the seventies, or maybe
I was born too early. Idon't know. There's just so much I
(28:32):
want to do and I'm not surethe world is designed the right way for
me to be able to do it, but I want to try. At
a treatment facility like doctor Tannon's ElevationBehavioral Health, Brad could receive a comprehensive
psychiatric evaluation, which would include aclinical interview, mental status examination, and
a review of medical records. Therapistsand a psychiatrist would utilize a combination of
(28:56):
pharmacotherapy and psychotherapy address brad symptoms.Brad could be prescribed mood stabilizers to manage
his manic symptoms and receive psycho educationabout the symptoms of bipolar disorder. A
therapist could also utilize cognitive behavioral therapyto help Brand identify and challenge negative thoughts
and beliefs that contribute to his depression. The therapist and Brad would collaboratively develop
(29:21):
a treatment plan that includes pharmacotherapy,cognitive behavioral therapy, and mindfulness based interventions
to address current triggers. In orderto support Brad, Mom, I started
an account for you. I'm goingto make some investments for you into emerging
tech. Three D printing. Youknow about three D printing is incredible.
They can do anything, make anything, you can dream of you just plug
(29:42):
it into the computer and it createsit. In five years, sixty seven
percent of the items we interact withinour lives will be three D printed.
Delete this voicemail after you listen.I'm excited, Mom. I need you
to please stop talking to me abouttherapy and staying at that place and all
that. Okay, if you're goingto tell me about that kind of stuff,
please just don't call. It's nota good use of our mutual time.
(30:03):
I'm not trying to be mean,just deficient. It's inefficient at my
point. By I corresponded with himon Eastern Troy or on Easter, I
did. And then when I wasgoing to the airport before on Monday,
I said, I'll be at theairport tomorrow. Let's try and talk.
(30:26):
Because he said, you don't evenknow what's going on with my business.
I said, I'd love to hearcatch me up. I'd love to hear
the details. Tell me a timeto call. And so when I got
to the airport and got settled in, I said, are you available to
talk, Let's catch up. Hehasn't responded, so I don't know whether
(30:49):
he's just avoiding the details, noneof which he has whether he's back.
I have answers, which is whathappens inevitably all the time, and uh
(31:10):
yeah, so that's where we areright now, the unknowns. Mom.
I was thinking about you. Thesun was setting and it made me think
about you. I love you.I hope you really know that. I
want you to be happy. Iwant you to look at sunsets and be
happy. Good Night Mom. Allegedlyis a production of Voyage Media. The
(31:38):
series is produced by Natmandel, RobertMaidas, and Dan Benamore. This episode,
Domino, was written, produced,and directed by Dan Benamore, starring
Jonathan Jeeer as Brad Edited, sounddesigned and mixed by Jackson mcclennan. Original
music by Derlis Gonzales. Special thanksto doctor Nisha Tanden and Elevation Behavioral Health.
(31:59):
If you are a love one ourneed of mental health support, we've
put their website link in the shownotes. If you're enjoying the show,
please give us a five star ratingon Apple Podcasts or anywhere you're listening,
and subscribe now for future episodes.
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