Demon-possessed Shooter - Overdose Ep 15 - Alternatively - Formerly Conspiracy Pilled

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:58):
Hello, and welcome to an episode of Alternatively Overdose. This
is our Thursday night show that's usually behind the paywall,
given that we're talking about a mass shooter and a
lot of the content tonight is going to be reading
his journal and discussing it. I I don't feel comfort,
remotely comfortable monetizing yet, so it will not be behind

(01:18):
the payble. It'll it'll go out to many of the
usual places, and we won't put it on YouTube obvious reasons,
but it'll be it'll be on Twitter, it'll be on Rumble,
but the primary chat will still be over on locals,
as it is usually on Thursday night, and out of
respect for those people who pay to be there, that's
the only place that we'll be interacting tonight. So, oh,

(01:41):
we're not interacting on Ruble tonight. We are not. We
are ignored. Oh I figure you don't have delete anything
you've already said, but I did. Oh no, I haven't
said anything on the rumbleet. Oh okay, won't monitor the chat, Yeah,
I'm not. If you want to, you can, but but
thank you for anyone who's watching over on Rumble. I'm

(02:05):
just trying to be respectful of our of our paying supporters.
Speaking of thank you, shout out to j Lag ninety six,
who's a new monthly supporter at five dollars a month,
and then thank you to Biology Madman, a one time
supporter at fifteen dollars. And I think that is all

(02:27):
that I had not thanked yet. Okay, wait, I don't
like this content. I don't like this topic, but I
think it's really pertinent. I gotta pause myself over there

(02:49):
because I'm like watching myself move in the impropha. So
there was a there was a mass shooting. I want
to discuss a lot of what is in his journals
because I think that the demonic aspect of it is
really worth looking at. But I was really disturbed when

(03:13):
I went through it. So just if you're not in
a good place to do this with us tonight, don't
just just don't. You don't have to. We're not going
to be offended that you're not here. Don't have to
have fear of missing out. It's not going to be
particularly fun. This is a everybody, stop watching the show, subscribe, subscribe,

(03:38):
all right, but thank you to those of you who
are here who want to discuss this. I wouldn't I
wouldn't want to discuss something like this with anybody else.
So yeah, don't forget to dislike an unsubscribe, all right,
I am going to this is the shooter? How old

(04:05):
is this person? Uh? Not a minor? I well, I
forget that. But like, I think maybe one of the
articles we look at will say there's a there's a
really good debate to be had out there about whether
or not we should be showing photos of mass shooters,
or saying their names, or in any way reporting in

(04:28):
such a way that would encourage this to continue happening.
I have I have thoughts. So there's a podcast, small
Town Murder where they will talk about, you know, the
killer and stuff, but they will absolutely roast the killers,
like they'll talk about how they look like ugly litt
dwebs and how stupid they are. I think it's fine
to talk about them like that, because that's not good
press of like you look like a moron and your

(04:52):
your parents are disappointed to have birth toy, Like that's
not going to make them feel special thing. But I
mean it's it's everyone's Yeah, yeah, I do. I do
think that however you report on these things, there there's
a fine line, because like there's some extent to which
you need to talk about it to understand what happened.
Something this big should be shouldn't be just memory hold
for sure, and particularly in this case, this person is

(05:14):
trans identified, and more than trans identified, had legally changed
his name at the age of seventeen, which is something
that his parents had to sign off with sign off
on the parents in the state of Minnesota. And his
mom was like worked at this Catholic school, Oh that

(05:34):
he shot at and he attended it. Yes, yes, it
explains why he targeted it. Well, we're gonna look at
some of the things that he said, because I think
that a lot of what's being said on the right
about his motive is wrong, and I wonder if a
lot of our rhetoric now are I think I don't
think anyone's being dishonest. I don't think that I think

(05:57):
that there is a lack of understanding of like what
motives school mass shootings. It's particularly because it's a different
type of crime than any other crime. And I think
that we'll see as we look at his journals, that
the motivation for a mass shooting is doing a mass shooting,
being somebody who did a mass shooting, and then everything

(06:17):
else is back filled. The narrative that people are running
with is he did this because he's trans. He he
chose a Catholic school because he hates Catholics because he's trans,
and because he's a transactivist, and he's trying to punish
Catholics for being Catholic inferno, you know, standing with trans people.

(06:41):
I have yet to see evidence that the school did
anything that made him angry around his gender identity. And
it seems that his mom, who worked at the school
and then had retired, and who signed signed off on
his name change, it seems like that he had the

(07:01):
complete support of people close to him around this. So
I have yet to see evidence that this school wasn't transaffirming.
And maybe they I don't know. I just we'll we'll
look We'll look at all of it. I promise we will. Yeah. No,
we had a I'll bring himup a little bit later too.
But we had a guy come in today who was

(07:22):
talking about school shooting stuff because he was in one,
and he mentioned that he looked up the earliest school shooting.
When do you think the earliest one occurred in America's history?
That I don't know American history. I want to like
after World War One, before before I did not tell

(07:44):
me seventeen sixty four. Wow, that is earlier than I
would have Yeah. Wow, I shot ten students in one teacher,
I think, well, and staff is like other stuff. Anyway,
O variable guest nineteen sixties. See you were you were less,
you were more. I was wondering if, like some of
the that like horrific eggs following World War One, might

(08:08):
have done it, but nope. Apparently this has been around
a lot longer. I do suspect, though, that we see
more of them because we've got social media talking about
them so much. Yes, because before then it was like,
oh the town over Yonder, Yeah, a bad thing happened.
Yeah yeah. Okay, so we're not going to read this
whole article, but this is a Daily Wire article that
has a couple points of interest that I want to

(08:31):
get to. So the FBI is looking into all this.
They are examining the writings. They're saying, basically that there's
a lot of material that he He published a string
of YouTube videos in which he was talking and then
in one of the videos, he flipped through every page
of two journals that had just so much in them,

(08:53):
and so the FBI is looking through all all this.
That's where they have got complex three year old. We're
not going to do the last name, but first name
born Robert was identifying as Robin. So think I think
this is what Ben Shapira did on his show, and

(09:14):
I think I agreed with him that his normal is
to never say the name, and in this case he
used the first name because it was pertinent to the
trans of it all. So this was a Catholic school,
but all the students from the school were at a
special mass in the church building. So it was Catholic

(09:38):
school children, but it was Annunciation Church that was shot into. Okay,
so if you're hearing like was it a Catholic school
or a Catholic church both, Yes, it was Karl like
Protestants like they have chapeling. Right, Yeah, it's very very
similar idea of like we went to a private Christian

(09:58):
school for a while, we had chapel. What's what's weak,
We'll say, I think so that sounds right? Yeah, And yes,
so he had he had gone to this school, his
mother had worked at the school. But this this paragraph
here says, please say that this guy killed himself after
he shot through the windows of the Enunciation Annunciation Church

(10:19):
where students were attending a morning mass O'Hara said that
the police are still investigating Westman into determining what he
had left behind. Were We recovered literally hundreds of pieces
of evidence in total that we have to go through.
There's some additional writings. I would say that the FBI
is helping us go through everything that we have seen
so far as a really classic pathway to an active shooter.
He said, We've seen a lot, a whole lot of

(10:40):
hate against a whole variety of people. We're going to
see that in the writing and what we've seen so far,
but nothing specific to point to as the motive for
targeting targeting this church in this particular instant. Am I
just because it was because it's familiar or do you
have work? Yeah? Well, I think a lot of a
lot of right wing people are like a really roasting
law enforcement for saying they don't know the motive. I

(11:02):
think once you actually read the journals, the motive becomes
less obvious. The motive I am going to argue this
whole time, and I think you'll see it that his
motive was that he wanted to do a shooting like
that was that was it, That was the motive, and
then everything else was icing on it. You've got libtards

(11:23):
on like discord and read it being like, yeah, let's
show them a taste of what it's like. No, they
voted for these people, right, so right, Yeah, there are
people who are adding There are people on both sides
who are adding their own preconceived ideas to this. There
are people who the minute that this happened were like, oh, no,
how is this going to impact trans people like hopefully poorly? Yeah,

(11:45):
hopefully poorly? Like these were elementary age school children. Yeah,
two of them died, seventeen more were wounded. A couple
at least are still in critical conditions, so we don't
know if they will survive or not. But at this
point it looks like all seventeen will survive. And and

(12:11):
it was I hate to say only too, but as
we will read his writings, I think he would be
horrifically embarrassed that he only killed. Well, to any potental
school shooters out there who feel like losers and want
to show your name is big, there's no way to
further prove that you're a loser than to shoot children,

(12:33):
and also to be bad at it, Like what a
loser anyway. Yeah, this is not to say that you
should go and be good at it. Yeah, don't be
good at it. That is even worse the police. I
think it was a police who said a lot to
the effect of, like, you are such a coward, oh,

(12:55):
shooting children. I think that's a good way to talk
about it. Strong when you shoot babies, right, I think
there's a lot of like if you talk about someone
like this evil mastermind, that's what the glory of it
is what gets some of these young men because because
these young men, they're never when they're having their grandiose

(13:15):
streams of godhood, they never go after people their own
size because they know that they can't win that fight.
Because they're losers. Yeah, it's why they go after children. Losers. Now,
there are some things that this person said and that
we're around that I do think have heavily led people
to believe this was all about his transness. And this

(13:37):
is one of them. I wish I never brainwashed myself.
Minnesota school shooter said he was tired of being trans.
The trans identifying shooter who killed two children and wounded
more than a dozen others at a Catholic school in
Minneapolis on Wednesday, wrote in a journal entry that he
was quote tired of being trans and regretted that he
quote brainwashed himself. A journal reportedly belonging to this person,

(14:00):
who was born Robert, revealed some of the dark thoughts
of the gunmen who opened fire on students and staff
while they were attending morning Mass and Annunciation Catholic school.
The journal, which was written in a mix of Russian
cyrillic script and English, and by mix it's he basically
wrote everything in cyrillic script, but used the cyrillic to

(14:23):
phonetically spell English, so he wasn't writing in Russian. Mostly
a few words and phrases sprinkled in were in Russian,
so he was just writing in cyrillic script so that
people couldn't read his diary. Yes, okay, yeah, yeah, if
only he knew pursive, if only yeah, if only no
one could learn that really easily. But yeah, uh quote

(14:47):
I only keep long hair because it is pretty much
my last threat of being trans. I'm tired of being trans.
I wish I never brad andwashed myself. I'm tired of
being trans so I'm holding on to the last shred
of it right. I can't cut my hair now, as
it would be anmbarrassing defeat and it might be a
concerning change of character that could get me reported. He added,
I've thought of another thing that would be an embarrassing

(15:07):
defeat and would probably get him reported. It just always
gets in my way. I will probably chop it on
the day of the attack. He didn't to my knowledge.
He didn't, yah, because he can't fall through with anything. Good. Sorry,
I know, continue very mean to this person. Good. In
another section of his journal, Westman reportedly wrote, I keep

(15:27):
saying is it because I keep reading? Let's just call
him poopy head. Poopy had reportedlyman, but yeah, yeah, but
poopy had reportedly wrote, I don't want to dress early
all the time, but I guess something sometimes I really
like it. I know I'm not a woman, but I
definitely don't feel like a man. His mother worked as

(15:48):
a secretary at Annunciation for five years before retiring in
twenty twenty one, so just a few years ago. He
graduated from Annunciation, which serves students from kindergarten through eighth grade.
Graduated in twenty seventeen. It's been a long time, and
then the rest is actually going to be better served
in this other article. So this is not the Bee.

(16:08):
I really like how not the bee kind of shows
things instead of just telling you. So I would prefer
to do this too. So there was there's a lot
of imagery that he used, both in his kind of
decorating his journal and then decorating his guns that he used.
So redex can confirm the annunciation. Catholic school shooter is

(16:33):
a trans identified male named Poopyhead. Prior to the shooting,
poopy Head uploaded videos to YouTube showing weapons, including a
magazine painted with the text everything, Oh I guess yeah,
it's fuck fuck everything that you stand for, Like this

(16:53):
is a whole shooter and we're redacting the word fuck.
Like so you can't even write the straight line, like
his text is slanting downward. Yeah, like you learn how
to write in a straight line in like first grade. Yeah,
somebody deeply wrong with him. This is what lives of
TikTok breaking. Alleged Minnesota Catholic school shooter has been identified

(17:14):
as poopy Head. Reportedly identified as transgender. His manifesto included
pride flags and a gun with kill trump etched onto it.
He wrote a lot of things on his guns and accruiterments,
but he he has the sticker it's the Pride Progress
flag and then defend equality, but the gun on it,
so like classic violent transperson stuff. It's so funny how

(17:40):
they always give themselves away by maintaining the violent tendencies
of a man. And it's very unlady like, right. And
then on the flip side, the Covenant School shooter, it's
like unlikely that a woman would you generally do mass shooting,
but because of the cost round that she was on.

(18:04):
Also to the question where is your God? He has
now learned the answer. Yeah, so he These are two
of the mags he wrote for the children. On one
of them, what is that simple? It is a reference.
I believe I read this that he has a lot
of different references to a lot of different mass shooters

(18:26):
that idolized, and this is a reference to one of them.
I'm not sure which one it was. Where is your God?
He wrote on another one, And this is something that
shows up in his journals that this is the closest
I can see to like he killed them because they
were Catholic? That It seems like part of what interested
him about this particular target, because you're going to see

(18:48):
in his journals he goes back and forth and back
and forth about like which target should I do? What?
You know, who should I shoot up? What's going to
give me the most pleasure? Yeah, also kind of what
it like. There's a lot of cath like themed horror
movies like The Nun The Exorcist, So I wonder if
there's some sense that that kind of gets tied into
an aesthetic like a dark, religious violent I don't know,

(19:11):
like that's not the Catholic's fault, that's like Hollywood's fault.
But I'd be curious about that. But I do. I
do think that this kind of being greater than God,
of like I'm going to kill these people who are
trusting in God and watch them. He loved the Columbine Shooters,
and he loved I'm actually working on a show that's

(19:34):
going to reference those. It's the ways out I'm interested
in that. Okay, he killed he entered twenty. I guess
seventeen were still in the hospital. I thought I could
be wrong about the seventeen, so potentially seventeen in the hospital.
One who wasn't necessarily hospitalized, but was injured. I could
see that being the case. Yeah, I mean it was yesterday,
so it was possible that there are people who were

(19:55):
A couple more who were wounded who are not you
still admitted to the hospital. He did shoot himself afterward, Yeah,
because they're cowards. I do think it's interesting you're going
to see from the journals he fully intended to go
in and shoot, but because of I guess they had
added additional security since he his time of being familiar

(20:18):
with it, because he couldn't get in and so he
had to cowardly shoot through the windows. So his plan
failed from the beginning, which I think is booser hilarious.
Con Yeah, terrible, terrible. This is a picture of the church.
The media often bury stories like these. We will not
show the deranged video he uploaded to YouTube before the attack,

(20:40):
but have selected and reviewed parts to help build a
profile because it is in the public's interest to know
kind of ideology drives people to shoot kids. This is
the June seventeenth, two thousand and two. Sorry he was
born that day. Requested name change as a minor in
twenty nineteen. This action was granted in twenty twenty. Court

(21:00):
records confirm put me by head. Yes, So let me
see minorshad identifies as a female and wants her name
to reflect that. Let me see if there's anything interesting
in this in this document. So I'm I'm interested to
see who signed off on it, James, the father, the

(21:24):
father did this. I was going to assume the mother
usually it seems like it is, but you know, you know,
it kind of seems like probably the father was abusing
him and that's why he was Maybe he loves his father,
which you'll see in the journal. Okay, back to he

(21:44):
had an appropriate relationship with his father. I'm surmising maybe, Yeah,
I have no, I have no, like that's pure conjecture,
but yeah, McVeigh reference to McVay reference something optics oly
a optics. Yeah, I don't. I'm not bread in bread.

(22:05):
I mean he looks in bread. Yeah, I don't. But
kill Trump now is on? Is on? Here? More picks
of the guns. This is a dwarfish reference to Tolkien. Uh,
this is a oh what is that? Because I I'm
not sure. I don't recognize. It's something to do with metamoria.

(22:29):
I think it's like to see that they say, yeah,
Israel must fall a pro Palestinian. This is shocking that
they would just find six million wasn't enough, referring to
the Holocaust Batman reference, I'm the woker baby, Why so querious?
That's fantastic. He also wrote so like a fifty Yeah, terrible,

(22:55):
terrible writing, really dumb. This is an really dumb drawing
of the church. He yeah, planned out, you know, where
the kids were going to be sitting and where he
was going to be shooting. He had a gun target
with Jesus's face. In his last video, he mentioned Brandon Herrera,
a prominent gun tuber and shot Show, a massive annual

(23:18):
gun show, demonstrating a deep interest in the firearms industry.
He also hated equity from Black rock, religious people had
anarchists leanings, wore pigtails and had unicorn and Trede tevisickers.
Struggle dude, Yeah, manifesto note, but his he his euros
in the journals that his politics are kind of messyph definitely, Yeah,

(23:39):
definitely like leftist, but there are certain things that are
like like like he hates black Rock. I feel like
that's pretty leftist. Two like leftists usually like black rock
or maybe I'm wrong. I think everybody hats black Rock. Okay,
I could be wrong. This is the Church of the
Nunciation post celebrating their retirement of his mom. This is

(24:05):
one of the last things he wrote, or maybe the
last thing he wrote in is Oh, this is the
farewell letter. I love you all, I will remember you.
Pray for the victims and their families. I love you dad, mom,
string of other names. Instead of having to pray for
the victims and the families, don't create victims. Yeah, yeah,
new idea. Terrible, terrible, terrible stuff. Okay, what was I

(24:29):
gonna show you next? Okay, this is the James McDaniel
on Twitter said, I managed to download a twenty minute,
thirty seven second video of a journal from Robin seconds
before YouTube took it down. So this is I'm not

(24:51):
gonna I'm not going to show you the have you do.
I'm not going to do the audio for this pop out. Yeah,
and this is twenty minutes, so I'm not gonna make
you watch all of it either. I found the audio
to be disturbing. He's just kind of muttering under his breath.

(25:11):
I don't think that that's necessary. So but he opens
it up and just kind of flips through ASMR style
slowly enough that you can that he is assuming that
people are going to us yeah, pause and decrypt his ramblings,

(25:37):
and that people are He was very interested in people
knowing why he did what he did and having the
glory that comes with all of that, he believes. So
I think it's funny that once you read what his
explanation is, you know less of why he did what
he did. Yeah. Yeah, it's and I think, as like

(26:00):
you you do know more, but you just don't want
to know because it's just dark. So I'm just gonna
kind of skip through here a little bit. He gets okay,
oh yeah, uh m hm, just keeps flipping, flip and flipping.

(26:23):
I think this is the second journal, and then towards
the end he every single page. Yeah, he's got little
doodles in the margins. You can tell. It's all in

(26:44):
the cyrillic alphabet. Okay, So we get to and then
he has his specific kind of drawings kind of more
hidden in the back that the ones that are a
little bit more in cerminating. So then I presumably I
guess that he so this is the one we're going

(27:04):
to take a closer. Look at this one in a
minute than one. He drew of himself looking in the
mirror and seeing a demon. We'll translate that and look
at that. The first line is who am I think? Yeah?
And then this is the oh that's the yeah, the
the schematic he drew, and then table hands. Yeah. Yeah,

(27:25):
it's so pathetic. Oh my goodness, so pathetic. And then
this is a list of the bands and artists. I like,
he's just like, what a right? Really? I mean writing
down list of bands? It is not dweebish, but in
this context it is. Yeah, and like to the Lincoln
Park didn't influence you to shoot people? I'm sorry? Right?

(27:47):
So Will Spencer uh pulls this image and and got
the translation here. So he says demons are real, they
interact with humans, and through that they influence the world.
Don't believe. This is from the Minnesota Minnesota Shooters manifesto.
It describes a conversation he's having with a demon in
the mirror. Four statements are written above the drawing. I

(28:08):
read them as Robert's words, crying out in anguish about
what he's experiencing and attempting to resist a dark influence.
Who can you squroll back because it looks like it
said who am I? Yeah, I tell yeah, that's the
backwards are it's who am I? I think is what
I'm actually saying. But go answer who? When will this end?
Help me? I don't want to. One statement is on

(28:30):
the left margin, almost like a whimper help, then finally
scrawled in big letters on the bottom like yelling kill yourself.
Hill psychedelics and ayahuasca advocates would have the mass American
public take drugs to talk to entities DMT elves and
quote my mama ayahuasca to fin answers about their lives.
This is what they will find instead, maybe dressed in
shinyer clothes and maybe not with commands to murder, but

(28:50):
certainly with dark contention to cause pain, destruction, and devastation,
shattering families and friendships in the disobedience of God's law,
Like seeking out these entities is really really date and
he's he's showing in this image that he either sees
himself as a demon or is talking to a demon. Yeah,
I'm curious who's saying I don't want to. I'm guessing

(29:12):
it's him, but it will see some of it. We'll
see it in the journals. I think that it's an
interesting it's an interesting type of I don't want to
because there's also a gleeful wanting to at the same
time interesting. So this is where I am getting all
of the pages that I'm going to show you. This

(29:33):
is from Trump White House Updates. It has it's not
affiliated at all. It's it's not necessarily an account I
would usually take much from, but they took the time
to get this. So they said the journal contains some
Russian language, but it is primarily English words spelled phonetically

(29:56):
with cyrillic characters and some English words. So this is
going to take quite a while. This is very disturbing.
We're going to read through it and talk about it
because there was so much interesting here and I didn't
I wanted to talk about it with you. So this
is a selection, and I think that this account has
selected what they thought was interesting and important out of

(30:18):
the journal. It's not every single page of the journal.
You'll see a lot of times like they'll just do
one page and then skip, you know, clearly skip several
pages ahead and they'll cut off. So that might bother you,
but I'm sure this is I don't know if I
would want to read the whole thing, But my assumption
at this point, and I could be wrong, but my

(30:39):
assumption at this point is anything that's like really pertinent
and interesting has gone viral at this point. So I'm
going to assume that the pages that are not included
are more of the same. If I find out otherwise
that something I have concluded or said is kind of
proven wrong by something that comes out later, I will

(31:02):
come back on the show next week and sorry, go ahead, yeah,
show it to you me a Kalpa all that was
this person Russian? Or did he just have some obsession
with just some upsetting. He's actually gonna explain it in
the journal, So okay, uh six twenty three, two thousand
and five, manifestation of thoughts. That's a long time ago.

(31:22):
I don't even necessarily he's backdating it too, because he
mentioned seventh grade. Yeah, not writing this in two thousand
and five. Yeah, yeah, I haven't thoughts of mass murder
for a long time. I'm very conflicted with writing this journal.
I need to get my thoughts out without getting put
on a watch list. Hot. This journal is not going
to be organized or easy to read. It will be
a brain barf of thought. Lately I have been entranced

(31:45):
into the setting of mass shooters. I have known about
these events for decades, even at the time being morbidly obsessed.
As of lately, I've really let myself go indulging into
every mass shooting video I can find. My interest in specifically,
school shootings started I think in some grade. I remember
one day I was talking to Valerie. She was my crush,
and I was on and near kind of a high.

(32:06):
I asked them if there was a school shooting, where
would you hide. I don't remember why I asked that,
but it seemed to scare them. Then I laughed off
to myself. This is while he was at Annunciation. Yeah,
he says, I got in big trouble for this, but
not too bad. I basically promised I didn't mean anything.
I got suspended for a week. I think the police

(32:28):
never went deep, but would be surprised. New rule we
should go deep when there's even a little bit group this.
I'm surprised more people aren't talking about that. Annunciation suspended
this guy because they were concerned about school shooting stuff
from him, and then he came around years later and
did it. Did you know that the Combine shooters had

(32:49):
a blog, like an online blog that got reported to
the police for their like they were writing their fantasies
like where people were reading them. Yeah, like, and the
police were like most of the time, people know, people
know that there's something wrong for a long time before
it happens. Yeah, he says. I remember every school I
went to I had some fantasy at some point or

(33:11):
another of shooting up my school, even every job. When
I was in seventh grade, I don't remember ever talking
to a therapist. I was basically mad, sure I was
not a threat, then locked down me in a meeting
room when I was at school for that week. Ela mail.
I think that was my step in my thought and
then realizing some feelings of hatred and mouse in my head.
I think the committing a mass shooting is not the
right thing to do. I cannot let myself do anything

(33:33):
like that, but god, fucking damn, it feels so good
to indulge in the thoughts. I have so many reasons
why I cannot do it. I cannot. I can't do
it to my family. I love them and they love me.
I simply can't do that to them. Well that I
should have been the end of the droll then, right,
I I'm going to read every swear word and slur

(33:53):
that he says. There's only one that he censors himself
on okay or actually no, I think it's probably THEO
the translator that says it. That would no more sense.
But another huge reason I glamorize is my addiction to entertainment.
I have lost all long term lol. I wouldn't want

(34:14):
people finding my skit clips LMO man clips are so
asked that I would would have got fucking roasted XD. Also,
I don't really think I know that's the like face,
but I don't know how to like say it other
than next y, I'm just gonna say. Also, I don't
really think my name sounds like a school shooter name
loll Robin Desmond. Nah. And my face isn't crazy? Oh no,

(34:35):
your face is plenty crazy, right I think I ain't
not I ain't not enough of a freak kaha app
you're like when you look at freaking the dictionary, like
your name is there freak azoid. Anyway, for the people
that read this, if any hopefully not a broad LMAO,
don't immediately freak out. I just I really just want

(34:56):
a place to put my thoughts. I can't talk to
a therapist or family because I will immediately be reported
to put on a watch list Banana. Oh, absolutely, they'll
be bonkers to report this person, right. I feel like
I might already be on some kind of list due
to my constant consumption of mass murder and violent content.
I recently watched the Film's Elephant Class Heart of America.
I basically skipped the whole movies and just watched the
massacre scenes. I don't even know why the Internet explicitly

(35:17):
films it. Thinks he's so hard for watching these scenes.
A funny story, you know, like it would probably be
on Suddenly in suspicious if FBI or someone saw my
YouTube history. But I don't think it is weird enough
for law enforcement to step in. Sorry, there's gonna be
a lot of mistakes. I am tired in This writing
style is hard and stupid. I am writing in Cyrilic text,
but English in phonics. I also sprinkle some Russian words.

(35:39):
I think terrible grammar and spelling. I have been learning
Russian for many years, but never really learned. It's dumb
to you cyrilic too, because it's not one for one
they don't have the right. I also think I might
already suffer that I could write in cyrillic very inconsistently,
but hey, it works for me lol. Since I got
access to Internet, I have been seeking out gore and violence.
I have been fascinated with firearms and weapons since I

(35:59):
was little. I consider myself a pretty non likable person,
so so true, not just on firearms lol. I definitely
have a big ego and a bit of a superiority complex.
I think the reason I've let myself go lately is
my fear of health complications. I've been smoking and vaping.
This is really interesting to me. This is gonna keep
coming up, and it's so he's saying. I think the

(36:22):
reason I've let myself go, as far as really indulging
in these fantasies and in the content that he was consuming,
is his fear of health complications. I've been smoking and
vaping for over seven years now. The consequences seem to
be making themselves known. I am terrified of cancer and
dying painfully. I think my major aspiration has always been

(36:45):
my ideal to take control. It seems to give me
solaves to visualize in thoughts of planning an attack. Today,
I assembled a school shooter cosplay. I have a ton
of airsoft guns in gear, and I put together a
wicked layout including an ar pump shotgun and two pistols,
as well as many mags and gear. I have been
really wanting to put that together or racing for the moment,
and he left to do and the gear. It honestly
felt amazing. I could feel the gravity of my outfit

(37:06):
and I made out as a shooting in my apartment,
including a police shootout, and basically it was really fun
and satisfying. It was relieving and I didn't want to
take it off. I've never really done that before, creating
a layout specifically for shooting up a school around the
time I was in seventh grade. So this is fascinating
to me because his like core motivation seems to be

(37:27):
that he has it in his head that he's dying
of cancer or he's going to die of cancer sometime
in the nearish future, I guess, and so he feels
like he doesn't have anything to lose and he might
as well, and so so he's like wants to do
this to take control you really weird because I doubt

(37:52):
he was right, Like, I think we didn't needed to
go to the doctor and quit smoking, hypochondriac, yeah right,
and like maybe some nodules or something. Yeah, But this
is interesting because he's somebody who cost plays being a
woman and gets it feels good putting on a girly outfit,
and in the same exact way he costplayed his shooter

(38:16):
thing and played make believe and had the same like,
describes the same relief about doing this that trans people
describe about dressing up as women. And you know, for
trans people dressing up as a woman it's a fetish
because if you go on there right at pages, they
talk about how hard it makes them to put on
women's clothes, which news flash, right, women don't get that

(38:37):
when they put on their clothes, right, And he doesn't
stay in here anything sexual, but the undertone is there,
but it seems that this is sexual for him. It
thinks can be psychologically sexual too, versus like, sorry, I'm
not shrying, but my eye is doing a thing. Hey, Grincess,
drive safe, and I think Saty's driving to so you

(38:59):
drive safe too. Yes, anyone who's just listening to this
and driving and please drive safe, and anyone who's listening
and not driving yet, cash in your drive safe the
next time you drive. Yeah, free, drive safe. Yes, But
this whole dressing up thing was fascinating to me in
the light of the transmiss of it all. There was
a serial killer, Dennis Nilson, I think, and he wrote

(39:22):
a book that got published. It was like his manifesto essentially,
and he talked a lot about how he would act
out the scenario of both being a serial killer and
of being the victim mm, which was really weird. That
was like his fetish and his like sexual release thing.
So this is kind of, yeah, par for the course behavior.
We're gonna get it. It's it's gonna This is where

(39:43):
I think it starts to get darker and more stares.
Oh great nerf guns, but never dressed the part today
was a more serious feeling than I expected. I felt
a bit of guilt, but mainly enjoyment. When I went
to look in the mirror, I really didn't like seeing
my face, so I put on a skull mask. I
liked that look, but still didn't like seeing my size
and foreheads. It was a very big forehead. Yeah, I
put on a baseball cap and a direct call out

(40:03):
to Nicholas Cruise. He's gonna reference a lot of different
mass shooters. I famously Nicholas Cruz has like a it
was the sort of monopoly on baseball caps. Also, who's
Nicholas Cruise? I didn't look up everybody, but yeah, pretty
much every name he's gonna name is gonna be some
mass shooter, violent hero of his. I almost found it weird.

(40:25):
I wanted see I wanted seeing my face. I have
literally been creating shooting scenarios in my mind, including school, university, malls,
and stores. I have tons of realism mods and stories
to enact these events, mainly for fun, but also to
see how I could maybe cope with things. Nonetheless, I
love it and crave more. I get bored. So basically,
he's modifying first person shooter games to allow him to

(40:48):
quack practice. There she's see a way that that triggers
Yeah this, yeah, mods like that should not crazy, But
he says, I get bored of the NPC behaviors and
crave morphia and devastation, which scares me. I don't want
to do this, but I feel a deep calling to
create devastation and death I don't think I will do it,

(41:08):
but I can't be certain. There are definitely this is
five twenty four to twenty five, so this yeah three
months ago. Yeah, yeah, there are definitely shootings that stick
out more clearly in my head than others. Some stand
out more than others due to the kill count, devastation,
or good maybe bad performance of the shooters. I wanted
to see big events happen on my birthday June seventeenth,

(41:30):
and was so disappointed at what went down. This loser,
Brendan Clyde, tried to shoot up a courthouse. Idiot bro
wasn't thinking mad shit and his technical and got absolutely
roasted by a security guard with a pistol burro killed,
no one, barely grazed. Guard's best didn't make it in
the building. He ran away and bled out in the
parking lot while pissing himself. How pitiful. What a disgrace.
And this guy didn't make you in the building, right,

(41:51):
I think this is hilarious. I am embarrassed to have
that be the shooting that happened on my birthday. You'll
be even more embarrassed about the shooting you do, dude, Yeah,
on your death day? Yes, yeah. I think his biggest
mistake was attacking in courthouse. He also advertised his attack
for days by posting across the street, it's all about surprise.
Bro wasn't locked in, Bro wasn't after what I want
to do, it failed to do. I have a deep

(42:12):
fascination with some men, in particular Adam Lanza. What a
fucking free ca. Sandy Hook was my first, I think,
exposure to school shootings. I can remember vividly when I
heard about it. I remember sitting on the computer, lounging
in I think fourth grade. We you are just something
doing work on our computers when a little notification popped
up on screen saying twenty children and six adults shot
and killed at Sandy Hook Elementary in Newton, Connecticut. I

(42:35):
remember not really knowing what that meant. I don't remember
my classmates or teachers' reactions, but I know that image
of that little notification popping up has always stuck with me.
For some reason, I can't get it out of my head.
It's such a perfect event. I love thinking about what
it was like to be there in there on that day,
what it's like to be Adam, to kill in rooms
and then pistol and finish staff and teachers, and annihilation.

(42:55):
Still to this day, one event from the shootings will
stay stuck in my head. Survivor recalls hearing a little
boyscream don't kill me, and Adam replied, well you're here.
Then multiple shots were heard. Hmm, that roscale shot was amazing, LMO.
I think I need to lay low though, can't take
any chances. Okay, I'm adding it for AJ and I
don't know what I'm explaining this. If someone reads this,

(43:17):
don't interpret this as something real. This won't carry that
much significance. And if I do do something, authorities news
will probably stop it. Nothing to read this, So fuck you, guys.
I just hope I can plan this down the road anyway.
I fucking love the idea of being that scary, horrible
monster standing over those powerless kids. Guess what he didn't
get that he shot them through a window. Yeah, but
like this was his motivation. Yeah, Like I'm not trying

(43:40):
to defend trans people in any way. Like, but I
think that this was in him longer than his trans
thing within him. Some kids are just born wrong, possibly
work seventh grade. So the other thing is your worldview?
Pretty much cements, but I think it's age of five
fact check me on all this. But basically, if before

(44:03):
that period you are not exposed to things like empathy,
you don't really develop them in the same way at least,
like I think there are ways to change it. But
like if you as a child are deprived of these
certain things or treated horribly with the certain pivotal moments
at which you like without even knowing what you're thinking,
solidify how you view the world. This is when like

(44:24):
Ted Bundy was pretty roughly abused by his grandfather as
like a little kid. Sure, and so not everyone who's
abused grows that way, but I think there's something that's
some sort of damage to the psyche that happens at
the young and I haven't seen any evidence that this
guy was abused. Interesting, And however, that doesn't necessarily mean right,

(44:45):
like if I'm just a very cold woman, right, and
that I'm the only influence that young child has, the
child mynaline empathy, But anyway, I'm not an expert. I
screamed for help met with Blunche probably meant a scream
for Himyah, a scream for he was probably using the
backwards r which is yeah, which could be uh or

(45:05):
I so they're probably okay. A scream for help ment
with blood, harsh, uncaring attitude, a cold bitch slap from
reality to have your cries for help mock mocked, and
then that ultimate horror as you feel death ripping through you.
I want people to hail under me, begging for their lives.
I would not bend to your cries. I would revel
in them before shooting NonStop XD. I think the shooters

(45:28):
who know what they're doing, shooters that plan for violence.
I must add Adam Lands and Nicholas Cruz, Eric and
Dylan Clevebold and Harris, that's combine Vladislav Ross, Ross, Brevic,
et cetera. I review their status. I feel obligated to
follow in their path, maybe maybe in the same god.
I think this is the same spirit possessing them. Yeah. Yeah,

(45:52):
And he feels obligated to follow on their path. So
this this is evidence of the demon possession that's that's
pulling him along. He says he feels a calling to
do this. I want to kill Logan. I hate that
vile fing spaz I did. That's not my he just
he says fing instead of fucking Yeah, there is something.

(46:16):
You can disagree with me completely, but to me, there
is something viscerally gross about censoring a swear word when
you're talking about shooting children. Yeah. Oh, I'm not offended
by the topic that I'm talking about, but I'm offended
by this word. It's it's I don't know if it's

(46:38):
in this case, but there's a thing that will happen
with people who do these agreedoust things where they have
their own little metric of like, well, you know, I
killed all these people, but I fell my personal rule
of not swearing in this context, so I'm still good, right,
Like I shot a bunch of people, but I let
that one lady live. Yeah, so I don't know anyway. Yeah,
like he shot up a Catholic school, but god forbid

(46:58):
I read his I don't other people into sin. Fucking spaz,
massive manchild storm, we big liar, and suck off. Can
you talk about himself here? But go on? I hate
his fake ass personality, the kind of person who will
always try to outdo your stories with some exaggerated stories.
I want him dead. If I ever shot up my workplace,

(47:19):
I would want to see Logan cower and fear I
would shoot him on site, aiming for kill, show no
chance for him to even react. Given my luck, he
would be the mother effort again. I I'm mothering for
I don't know why I feel the need to tell
you that I'm I'm not sensory. I'm just reading. I promise,
I swear, Guys, I'm not like, yeah, we who doesn't
this guy, This guy's the one who mother effort to

(47:41):
ruin my one save the day that one of my
biggest fears is getting tackled and arrested, especially before I'm
able to inflict a lot of damage and dust I
want to die in the attack. I have always been suicidal,
at least since adolescence. It's not suicidalis in this case
it's cowardice. It is. It's a coward And I don't
know all the details about how everything went down. But

(48:01):
he did kill himself and he didn't get tackled. And
I don't know if he killed himself as he saw
people coming, but like he killed himself before he did
very much damn it, which is yeah, they out trying.
I feel like it's a fine line between roasting him
and like roasting him in a way that like encourages
people to do it better because that yeah, like a child,

(48:22):
if you do it better, I'll think you're worse. Like
I'll think you're dumber, right, course of But it is
funny how much, it is really funny how much thought
and effort this guy put into this only to fail
so miserably. It's like, I think loser is gonna lose.
It's because everything's a fantasy in his head. He's not.
He's he's caused playing a you know, a cool person. Yeah,

(48:47):
variable says, I mean, you can air a cop show
that his violence and gunshots, but gets banned by the
SEC for using Yep, God, I love it. God forbid
these child meanders Sware could find a good explanation. I
have a loving family and a good support system of
people that want to see me thrive. For some reason,
the fact that I have a pretty good life and

(49:07):
the fact that I want to kill people have never
correlated to me. I simply do not really care about
my life, only caring about my impact on other people.
I am only not taking action because I don't want
to bring that pain on them. I feel horrible picturing
their reactions. I have something controversial to say, I'm sure,
and I'm going off of memory, so feel free to
effecting me. But in the law, at some point it
talks about if there's like an adolescent who's really rebellious,

(49:31):
there's a certain point at which they get stoned. Oh yes,
in the political law, yes, if a teenager is like
this in Defiant, yeah, they sied on them. I feel
like that would have weeded up people like this. Yeah. Absolutely,
I feel like that's actually why that was because I
remember at the timing like that's harsh. Yeah, but I
was like, oh, yeah, some people. You know, you put
down a dog that bites a lot, and you put

(49:52):
down a person who's going to destroy society, and yeah,
that sounds cold, But would you rather have this, Yeah,
someone who's like as they're going into manhood, you can
see the destruction they will wreakive you over them to
keep going. And it wasn't just just young men. I mean, yes,
this person's man. I could give a fuck about anyone else.
I want people to feel the upper opportunity. I would

(50:14):
take them out like Adam did his mother. Lord knows
we need less of that in the effing pool of
effing idiots. Also, I could give a fuck means you
do care. I couldn't give a fuck means you don't care.
It's so true. His grammar is bad, and I don't
think it's just the sorillics. So no, it's because he's dumb.
I have tried. And Okay, before I get to that,
because that's really interesting. He says that he is a

(50:37):
loving family and a good support system of people that
want to see me thrive. I do wonder if this
is actually where the abuse is because in the context
of his transness, Oh, he has a family full of
people who were not stopping him from harming himself. And
I do wonder if it is actually the people who

(51:00):
are supposed to love you the most feeding into these
horrifically destructive things that can make you this cold. I
don't know if that's again, like I am. I want
to be because I think that he shot people because
he has a demon that told him to shoot people
because he wanted to shoot people, and not because I

(51:22):
think the trans thing is just like comorbid. But he's
still responsible for his actions. There's that weird line of like, yeah,
you can't say the devil made me do it. Oh yeah, no,
not at all. No, I'm just gonna think that, like,
way too many people are like boiling this down to
the TRANSNSS, and I just I don't agree. I don't
agree that that him being trans is the most the

(51:45):
most central thing here, because I like, we've read several
pages now and he has not even said a thing
I think being trans. I think it's just indicative of
a pattern of his parents eagerly fed his delusions. Yes,
when you have them. I don't know if you guys
watched Jebbi Emo. It's like a YouTube channel like with
like doctor stories, But there was one that stuck in
my head that's made me think of this now, where

(52:07):
the kid was like a really picky eater and the
dad was just tired of fighting battles with him, so
he let him eat chicken nuggets for pretty much every
single meal. I don't know if he ate. There's maybe
one other thing he ate for years, and the kid
went blind from like a terrible vitamin E efficiency. He
was able to get most of his vision back, but
it was like you thought you were taking care of
your kid by caving to their whim and you like

(52:29):
almost destroyed his vision for life. Yeah, you have to
hate like, m I have two little baby like babies.
I know, I know how like I know the emotional
strain of them crying and being upset about something. And
I also know that you have to hate your child
not to give them what they need to thrive. Yeah,

(52:54):
And I wonder if it's just like the casual neglect
of letting someone have everything that they want, because it
does seem like this family was probably fairly wealthy. They
could afford to send him to this you know, private
Catholic school, and later it seems I don't know how
he I don't know if he he was able to
get some expensive weapons, and it's unclear if like they

(53:16):
were giving him money or if he got it. He
does reference a job, so maybe he earned it with
his own money. But it just well, we'll get there
and talk about the price of the guns when we
get there. But I feel like there's no way that
this possibly happened. But it'd be interesting to know if
he was like near an exorcism when it was happening
and they got the demon out and it just like

(53:37):
went into him. Mm hmm. That's probably probably not happened,
but I'm curious how like something like that latches onto you.
What was circumstances lead to that? Okay, so this this
is awesome, great, this is yeah, this is kind of
where woke right and woke left touch a bit. I
have tried and failed to not be racist. I can't
help it. I've tried and acted like an open minded person,

(53:58):
but time and time again I am forced to realize
the stereotypes are all true. Damn sitting next to those
families of Groby esque ass Mexicans. They are loud, obnoxious,
and inconsiderate. Training to shoot was life destroying, that has
no gas and has almost made me lose laughing and
encouraging him. The Mexicans speak. I know that whole sentence
made no sense. The Mexicans speak are not really known

(54:19):
for their intelligence. They are funny and you're not really
They're funny and wild animals that got here being around
them and their culture. Dirty people. I hate interacting with
ones that can hardly speak English. You can hardly speak English, dude,
but like they are effing retarded. Most probably are. I
also hate Arabs and Indians. I just feel them disgusting.

(54:41):
N word can be all right, most of them not
feel white loud self entitled who was King's ass and word?
I truly admire killers like Dylan Rufe, Brandon Tarrant, and
Patrick Crusius. I feel disappointed if white coward killers didn't
stand taller planning for something bigger, but want to die

(55:02):
and have it a hard, fast attempt. All these events
and stories have only fueled to fire in me to
do it right, to take my time and plan for
every outcome. I think that's the thing I want to
stress here is like he puts so much thought into
trying to do it right, and he still didn't do
it any type of right, And no loser is going like, no,

(55:24):
no person who is fantasizing about shooting up a group
of children is ever going to do it in any
way that's not wildly embarrassing. And you will always be
remembered for being a fucking loser. The fact that you're
shooting children is you're redeemably embarrassing. Right, Like, if you

(55:47):
were actually any sort of brave, grandiose person, you would
go in and you would fight like a six foot
three man bare handed to prove that you are grand.
But you can't because you're a feeble coward. Right, you
can't even successfully kill children who Yeah, yep, all these
events and stories have only fueled to fire and me
to do it right, to take my time and plan
for every outcome. I often don't find myself aligning with

(56:09):
these killer specific ideologies. I think Nicholas Cruz and Patrick
Crucius and Brendan Terran are my idols. White people should
rule the world and minorities show antagonism. I don't does
he think he's a good example of whiteness? Like, do
you think he is a prime example of our genetics?
Apparently he thinks that it looks like a sweet Home
Alabama advertisement a lot of his we're gonna he's getting

(56:32):
into some of his politics now, Like he's clearly a
white supremacist, but his politics are largely leftist, and that's
that's an interesting mix to me. But I think the horseshoe,
the horse shoe's just real. Yeah, I don't know. I
think they should have rights and opportunities. I just hate them.
Don't get me started on some mollies. What a wild

(56:55):
thing to say. I mean, they should have rised. I
just dude, I'll give him this. He's kind of funny.
I don't think he even means to be. That's the
part where he's right also to be just extremely harsh here.
If anyone is stuff human, it's him, right, He's a
sub human, crude, sad society, criminal violent animals, totally irrideable

(57:16):
criminal violent animals, like this is. I think this is.
I remember a sermon we heard when we were younger
about it was about Judah and Tamar and about how
kind of the core idea was oftentimes you are most
severe within others your own shortcomings, and you're this sin

(57:37):
in your own heart. And Judah was incredibly severe with
Tamar when he thought that she had done a little horring,
and it turns out he had done done a little
horring with her. And and he's he's violently reacting and
hatefully reacting to these things he season these minorities that

(58:02):
are absolutely true about him. Dude, I'd like you literally,
in your words, idolized these killers right of children, and
you don't think they're not criminal violent animals. Yeah, that's
logically consistent. But I seem to fantasize myself doing almost
all mass shootings, but with particular scorn shootings over places

(58:23):
like moll in theaters, like I do love James Holmes.
His theater attack is top of the legend. I always
wished I kept going and didn't give up. I am
glad his life to that incident was his main I
imagine also setting his apartment bombs didn't blow up, same
as ericson Dylan's bombs. I imagine how amazing the amplitude
of destruction would be. I don't think I have ever
heard of an attack attackers bombs are some kind of
second attack working. They either don't properly set the shit

(58:46):
up or costs the april to the storm the threat
before it works. So sad why or maybe they wanted
it doesn't work because get this, they're losers right right.
I don't be myself. Sorry, go on, I don't even
know if I do this because I'm so set, because
I am suicidal. I have wanted to kill myself since
I found out what I am and what world we
live in. I hate. Normally I don't advocate for suicide,

(59:07):
but in this case, I feel like I don't know
what he means by this what I am. This could
be a reference to the transness of like realizing he
a planman, or it could be I feel like something else.
Context he's still calling back to the like, oh, I
realized I'm really interested in school shootings, right, like a
moment that started Yeah yeah yeah, I yeah again that

(59:29):
like lots and lots of rambling, and I like, really
nothing about a transidentity driving this in any way. I
hate the system of corruption that seems to have no
other end but fire and murder, as in the case
of the healthcare attack. You mean like you're you're you're
feeding into that system by ending in fire and murder.

(59:51):
I think the steps we think Americans take to prevent
these strategies are a joke. Progress is extended, masses vilified.
Who thinks criminals follow rules? Hah? It makes me want
to use all the things they outlaw and show them
how easy it is to dig past their stupid backwards
rules that only hurt decent gun owners. Anyway, it seems
that I don't just want to kill people to die.
I have found myself now and in the past wishing
I could jump into someone's body for a day, commit

(01:00:12):
a horrible massacred, then return to my body with all
my memories. That's an interesting because because demons can do that,
mm hmm. Yeah. And he doesn't want to face the
consequences of doing He wants to do it and enjoy
doing it and not face a consequence. And in this case,
he's not worried about his name because it'd be somebody
else's body, somebody else's name. He's doing the thing, right.

(01:00:34):
I would love to have that experience without needing to
die or have that horror and humiliation on myself for
my family. I guess that's weak. I enjoy it is
it is, But yeah, it seems like the primary thing
he wanted was to experience the thing, and then the
secondary was like the glory, the glory of But a
lot of what he's synthesizing about seems to be like
the glory of standing over a weaker thing and work

(01:00:57):
weaker person and killing them, opposed to thinking very much
about like what people would think about him afterward. I
have an idea for a short story, oh Boy, where
this person is presented with this opportunity to live out
his fantasies in this like mental simulator that simulates all
this detail, and at the very end it traps him

(01:01:17):
in it and tortures him and turns its brandt to soup.
So it was a trap. Nice, So can we make
this happen in real life? Sure? On mass shootings and
video games? God, I hate those Russian ship bait PV
rocketeers informing Bing's as fluent in my plot if I
would like to be. I also wish I could do

(01:01:38):
this on a computer so I could edit and move
things around. But I can think zero chances, Take zero chances,
is what he should have said. I'm instead sad I
missed my chance to be a student school shooter. Now
that I'm an adult, it would be so much harder
to get into a school and carry out and attack.
I don't know if that was my preferred target. I
think the idea of children being shot. I don't feel
as much excitement when I hear about shootings at theaters

(01:01:59):
or malls. I was excited when Yeah. I love thinking
about being a student stepping past unsuspecting classmates, then revealing
the monster. I am like Adam Lanza. I would have
to intrude into a school while ruining the element of surprise. Now,
the optimal attack of cero barriers in my mind for years.
I remember being in high school in the cafeteria, looking
at the crowd of students waiting in line for loan

(01:02:20):
shooting classroom or hallway would be nothing compared to the
mass of flesh at a festival or super revealed semi
auto fire whido shooters. This crowd is invisible, three to
five hundred people packed together like sardines. If I had
been in a pit a bit at a big concert,
that's exactly what this is like. That was the goal,
I thought, huge crowd, element of surprise, unloading into the
crowd as fast as possible, aiming for head kill shots
as much as I can, then continue to pick off

(01:02:41):
their virus as a flee. The risk in a cafeteria
lacks that big return. I would have to do research
into a good place when that ear was loose into
a crowd. Again, like when people are like, ah, he
shot a Catholic school because they're Catholic and because he's
trans it's like a school he knew the most of
the Yeah, he wanted to do a school. I think

(01:03:04):
the religious aspect did play in just because and it's
the one he went to. It's won A lot of
his fantasy was about he picked the church service because
it had more people all in the same place. It's
just I think that there are people who have not,

(01:03:25):
and I was. I was genuinely disappointed, disappointed with Ben
Shapiro on this one because I could tell that he
had read these lists, or at least some of it
for his research, and he still was like saying things
that I felt like, I feel like you just went
with the narrative you wanted to go with. Well, it
is tantalizing to use this as you know, oh proof

(01:03:46):
that all trans people are violent, and they are violent
like I've seen so many examples of trans men, sorry,
trans women threatening women. Right, that was the goal, I thought,
huge crowd, element of surprise, unloading to the crowd as
fast as possible, aiming for head kill shots as much
as I can clearly fail to do that, then continue
to pick off survivors as they flee. The risk in

(01:04:07):
a cafeteria lacks that big return. I would have to
do research into a good place when that arrow is
let loose into a crowd with a suitable entrance that
gives you quick, easy access to unloading into the crowd.
Another big fear that will certainly lead to being rushed
by men, weapons or families with something most plan accordingly
for this, I must have one backup weapon a super
reliable gun or preferably both. He went in with three.
He went in with a rifle, shotgun and a pistol.

(01:04:31):
With regards to my motivations behind the attack, I can't
really put my finger on a specific purpose like he
can't other than he just wants to do it. It's
just a mad dog. It definitely wouldn't be for racism
or white supremacy. Those fools seem to always get clowned
and jailed. I don't really like blaming groups of people
of color. It's distaste. And know he was just talking
about this. I think they're animals, but they should have rights, right.

(01:04:53):
I don't give enough of a shit about them to
take my life over them. If I did carrying out
something rash, motivations would most likely be against filthy Zionist Jews.
I hate those entitled penny pitching tikes. Free Palestine. So
there's a little cognit tip distance here, and I'm sure
it's not obvious to anyone but me, but most people
have an issue with Jews because they claim that they're

(01:05:14):
killing children. And he's yeah, huh, interesting, yep, Pip. But
I want to point out here, like there are a
bunch of people who have quoted this line about how
he you know, free Palestine and all this, and aren't
quoting just a few lines above with regards to my

(01:05:36):
motivations behind the attack, I can't really put my finger
on a specific purpose. Like a bunch of the right
is mocking the FBI for saying they don't know the motivation,
when the shooter himself says he doesn't know the motivation.
What I think if you had to ask my theory.
When he's saying I can't put a finger on my
specific purse, that's him talking. And then as he's doing

(01:05:59):
the stream of consciousness, you've got the demon talking more.
Because the demonic hates Jews. You hatred is intensive demonic,
So it's like a Turettes but evil. He says. I
think my dream would be to shoot up a smaller
mid grade school like Adam Lanza, but that has probably
only realistically up to some time in twenty twenty five.

(01:06:20):
I don't want to do it too far ahead a mess.
I do it to please myself. I do it because
I'm sick, I am twisted. I want children to scream
for help. I want old ladies praying for their lives.
I want men to think they can stop me, only
for me to stop them dead in their tracks. I
think he is like. One thing I think people don't
realize about this stuff is like they like that they're

(01:06:41):
sick and twisted. That's like the sexual pleasure of it.
That I'm a monster and everyone's gonna find out that
I'm monster. You're just a right. I do think it's
a mistake to talk about these people as if they're
these you don't evil, twisted master They are not masterminds,

(01:07:03):
but they're disappointments. Yeah, I think it would be better
to talk down more because, oh, I'm gonna tell you
this isn't shame here, correct me. I do it because
I'm sick, I'm twisted. I want children to go like, yeah,
this is a specialization. Yeah, it's sadism. Because of the
way my mind is, I'm going to have to run
some errands outside just to analyze. I can really relate.

(01:07:25):
And now I say the leading factor in my target
is maybe gun control. I think it is horrible that
these events happen, and I don't I think it's horrible
that these events happen, and I don't think it would
be harder for people like me to carry out these attacks. Hey, guys,
I didn't rob the bank for money. I robbed it
to show that your security system is stupid, I said.
I might not be willing to tell unclear text stamp,

(01:07:46):
possibly referencing firearms regulation paperwork, but criminals with intentions are
not going to follow rules. I recently heard a rumor
that James Holmes zeroora theater shooter, may have chosen venues
that were gun free zones. I would probably aim the
same way to shoot on the run and maybe change
some minds. I understand why high security places like presidents
or airports are different, but for most public places that
people going in are unarmed, Holmes wanted to make sure

(01:08:07):
his victims would be unarmed. That's why I and many
others like schools so much. At least for me, I'm
focused on them, you know, Adam Lindsa is my reason. Hey,
if you want to feel big and scary, why don't
you do steroids or something fun like that? Agathusia says.
So for the last bunch of years, media has been
pushing a very pro transagenda. Now that Donald Trump is
at the helmet, appears is that the sentiment towards those

(01:08:29):
folks is being nudged on the opposite directions for what purpose?
I have wondered if uh, she's the only thing I
think I can think of in regards to the trans
stuff is identification by genetic markers. Ooh interesting. I wondered
if something that a lot of conservatives might sign on

(01:08:51):
to is oh, yeah, let's definitely have red flag laws
for trans people, and so getting in that kind of
I go back and forth on red flag laws if
I think that they're constitutional or not. But I think
that like part of the play here, potentially, if there's

(01:09:12):
some underlying like evil plot, which there might not be,
would be if we can get all the right to go, yeah,
if you have a mental illness like being trans, we
can deny you a gun, and then they can use
that precedent to say, oh, if you have PTSD, then
you can't have a gun. Then if you have ever

(01:09:33):
been diagnosed with anxiety, and you're like, this might be
a good segue from my yes anecdote, from to do
your anecdote? Oh so before I do that? There was
Earlier in the comment section, Stater posted a picture from
Eugene Weekly, the front cover or it says, as the
Trump administration attacks trans people, some queer folks are armed
and ready to bash back. And it's a picture of

(01:09:54):
a troon with a gun? Is that? Yeah? Are you triggered? Yeah?
The imagery has been here, the rhetoric has been here,
Like I can understand, I can fully understand why everyone
because the rhetoric around protect trans kids, defend trans kids
has been so violent, so visually violent. The imagery has

(01:10:15):
been violent, the speech has been violent for so long
that like, when you hear trans person shot a Catholic school,
it is normal to immediately So I did. I immediately
assume that the motivation is because it's Christian and because
the shooter is trans, And I think, like, it wasn't
until I read this journal where I'm like, actually, don't
think that's what happened here. Yeah, So my anecdote, you're anecdote.

(01:10:40):
I'm going to try to keep some details up because
I don't want to place this individual too much, and
I don't want to use them to place where I'm
at because I don't want people coming after me. So
we have a person who banks with us, who is
an owner of a gun job. This is the person
I mentioned earlier who was in a school shooting about
like forty years ago when he was a kid. He
was not a school shooter. He was a hostage. And

(01:11:03):
he was saying he when he sells guns, obviously he
does the background check, but he also just tries to
vet them a little bit more because so there's a
thing that happens where it's called a trace, where if
a gun you have sold is found in like a
criminal setting, And he gave some of the parameters. I
don't know, it's not always at the scene of the crime,
it's other it's like a broader category. You find out

(01:11:25):
about it, and he takes it really seriously every time
something like that happens because he considers it a personal failing.
But he knew of someone who worked maybe twenty years
ago who had eighteen thousand gun sales and six thousand
of those included traces, four hundred of guns found at
the scene of a crime. And so one thing that
he will do to try to get a feel for, like,

(01:11:46):
you know, just because you haven't you don't have anything
on your background check, it just means you haven't done
anything yet. So he's trying to determine is someone who
is likely to do that. So what he'll do is
he'll insult their shoes, and he finds that the people
who get really like intensely offended, like really like, I'm
sure if someone's like, I would say that, bro like,

(01:12:06):
but like if someone is like, I'll show you ugly
shoes or something like that, He's not gonna send them
to sell them a gun. He'll also like say crazy
stuff like you're sitting on my frog and the person
sitting will be like, what are you talking about? He's
like my frog and like just the to gauge, I
guess locket stuff. Yeah, And and he'll throw in little
insults when he's talking, and I felt like he was
doing it to me too, because he's he'd be like, yeah,
and I need those last two statements that you are

(01:12:27):
so stupid, and then he just like keep talking, which
and I know he doesn't think I'm stupid, but I
feel like he's he gives off crazy vibes, but I
feel like it's all calculated to get a feel for Like,
is the person I'm talking to dangerous today? I showed
him so they can match my crazy. Yeah, they gonna
they're gonna laugh it off. Are they gonna take offense
because often the people who have these grandiose visions of themselves,

(01:12:49):
they get really offended if someone doesn't share that grandiose
because their egos are huge. But anyway, I thought that
was interesting. Yeah, I really impressed by this guy. It
makes me want to buy a gun front. I'm actually like,
I've a couple of times now he's come in. He
carries in the bank. He's the only person I'm comfortable
having a cut in the bank. But what was I

(01:13:11):
gonna say? He uses you sitting on his frog. You're
comfortable with that guy, you can cut in the back.
I mean I was sitting on his frog. It was
my bad. I had to get up off his frog.
It is fine. We sorted it out. Plus I didn't
let him see my shoes. They're only twenty dollars shoes,
so he can insult the fret nicely. I wouldn't get
like the.

Speaker 2 (01:13:33):
Now I want to go into his shop and like rocks, Yeah, dazzles,
frock really aggressively funny shoes, clown shoes like actual straight
up clown shoes, no shoes at all, or.

Speaker 1 (01:13:50):
Hobbit feet, statup hobbit feet. Yeah, glass slip slippers. Anyway,
I have to play this out now, shoes out of
gun parts. That sounds painful. Shoes. He couldn't possibly have anything. No,
I have to have to think through that, because that
would be really funny. Yeah, we can go on a

(01:14:11):
date to the gun stright, a sisterly date. A sisterly date.
We'll have to save up some money. Yeah, I don't
have the money for a gun right now, but maybe
just amo. He's going for AMO. Yeah, I didn't you
know what he might not insult if I'm not trying
to buy a gun. Yeah, you do have to. You
have to igin to get insulted. I think anyway, I'll
make that later. Maybe I can work something a gain.

(01:14:33):
All right, let's see. Oh we already read this one. Okay.
On slaughtering defenseless kids, I'm not as big a fan
of the idea of shooting up shooting up a theater
or mall full of adults. To me, it's not as
much fun when they know what is going on. I
can take appropriate action because he's a very small coward

(01:14:57):
wants to kill completely defenseless people, as opposed to anyone
who could possibly try to take him down. Well, then
he wants to feel like a god. Yeah, yeah, I
love Sandy Hook because those were little first graders who
didn't know what was going on. They just knew they
were going to die. If I could take my pick,
I would shoot a Jewish synagogue, an African American Mexican
immigrant school, or just a synagogue. That's so very specific, right,

(01:15:20):
African American, my Mexican immigrant school. Realistically, a concert is
probably the best bet for mass murder capability. Stephen Paddick
had it right and got the highest score in the US. Unfortunately,
he was so damn rich. He was basically shooting at ants. Lol.
I bet he wasn't scanning carnage or hearing screams. I
don't even care about that. That guy was fine operationally
as an operator's role. I know. I want to be
that horror in the world. I want to sit and

(01:15:41):
look on fire at my victims' faces. I want to
taunt and tease them like Eric and Dylan Cleveland and
Harris Calm by shootors. I want them to beg to
a God that won't listen. Guess what he's doing right now,
and he will be for eternity. YEP. I recently learned
the fact that in the Uvaldi shooting, salvat Or Ramo
used his finger to tweet lol on the whiteboard in

(01:16:02):
front of his victim's blood, so famously, that's not tweeting,
that's writing, that's writing. It's just regular writing. Do you
think that what you're doing in your journal right now
is also tweeting? Freebird? Thank you for the two hundred
coin thank you tip or twenty dollars tip. Day strapped
ladies appreciate it. Thank you so much, Captain. I feel

(01:16:24):
uncomfortable getting money off of this episode, but appreciate it's
first thing. It's Christine, You're right, and I will spend
it on crazy shoes. I just go to the frog man.
We're gonna go sit on this frog. What if what
if we had frog shoes, Liz, we need have twenty
dollars to buy frog shoes. What if I bring a

(01:16:46):
little silicon frog and I said on it, like you're
sitting on my frog? And I got it, there's a
frog there? Yeah, hear me out crocs bejeweled or decorated
with like little frogs. I think I'd be pricked. I
have to just go for a live frog. But your
your options really good. No, thank you, friend, I appreciate it. It's
little things like that that get me really interested in

(01:17:08):
researching shootings, the words and action shooters take, and the
survivor's reactions well worth hearing. Subscribe to nihilism. I really
don't think I'm going to do anything this year. I
simply have too much to live for. No spoilers. He
did this year just a couple months later, not necessarily
for myself, but my family. I'm proud of my family
and that ain't and that ain't deserve that shame, especially

(01:17:29):
my father, whom I love dearly and couldn't bear to
have him hear that news. He did well, see the
things he got out of having to bear hearing. Yeah,
because he killed themselves. I feel like my name would
have sin with coming due to my risky pass and
violent threats. I often has most sold in trust and
made my confidence mark energy around me, leaves traces for
only to know. Sorry English, please final note and this

(01:17:52):
is not the final note. I was like, oh, few,
we're almost done. We're not, but he says final note.
I'm begging for help. I am screaming for help. This
is on a dance, so he's caused playing the part
where he's the defenseless victim. I think there's maybe, well, no,
I think in the context of that that he's realizing
he's going to do it, and he doesn't want to
do it because of his family, and so he is

(01:18:14):
I think I think part of this is like part
of him is calling for help. I think is a
very very small part of it. Oh yeah, when fantasy
I think about my attack, I eventually need to think
about my load out. I think the best plan is
to follow Homes and Lanza and many others assault rifle, pistol, handgun,
and one or two pistols. I am so sad Adam
left his sega in the A semi auto shotgun with

(01:18:37):
extended mags would have laid out butchered carnage on those kids.
A semi auto rifle would do. Yet, I think follow
ups unnecessary and more of a deterrent to my abilities.
Homes started with his shotgun and then switched to his rifle,
knowing the layout of the theater would be more spread out.
I want to attack an already crowded group, like in
a cafeteria. A sega like a shotgun would be great
for a crowd like that, given how fast a drum
mag could unload. So one assault rifle and a drum

(01:18:59):
bag and a handful of regular mags hollow points also
for max defastation. I know realistically, I won't have an
hour long shootout with cops. The best bet is to
unload a drum bag as fast as possible, rip to
my James, drop it immediately. Unclear closing line. Possible reference
to combine fantasy bit. These people never joined the military
where they could write. Ah. Not that we want them to, right,

(01:19:23):
because I'm not sure that's a good reason to do. Oh.
Absolutely not, just that they're not brave enough to. Yeah,
it's a good point to real men, like they want
the glory of like shooting and killing without actually just
going and shooting bad guys with that energy, and they
know they couldn't hack it in boot camp or a
real war. Yeah. One d percent times like this. While
I've had no real experience with any real rifle platform,

(01:19:45):
I feel like I could clear a game faster than
most air users just because I know the shotgun better.
In a semi auto, I could spray at dust cover
and bolt go back. But really, in any ar platform
would probably be the easiest to use under stress and
easiest to acquire and collect. Max It's so funny that
he thinks he knows guns really well because he's played
the video games, but he has like very little actual
real life god knowledge, which is so funny. Real life

(01:20:07):
guns kick mm hmm. A shotgun would be easy, though.
I would get a psycho stock version so I could
saw it off. I'm scared of that. I think it'd
be really funny if he broke his shoulder like right,
because these a little field of arms. What is wrong
with my logic? I have only shot twelve gauge a
handful of times in two twenty two or full stock.
I think I will need to find a good starting

(01:20:28):
spot where I want to use all my weapons, finding
your crowd, finding an ambush spot that's close enough for accuracy,
but far enough to not get rushed by an angry
or trampling running, massive, fleeing people. If I do it right,
I should be able to come out of my hiding,
maybe placed with that most empty room only containing people
cowering in babies, piles of blood, banging into adrenaline, themselves
are dead. Does he think that people flee towards the gunshots. Also,

(01:20:51):
blood doesn't pile, it pulls famously. It's a liquid, interesting
thing to point out. Yeah, and he didn't even get
that get in the building. Yep, the point of it
would be obvious. Big you got a high kill count
is as low? How to should have a short but
open window to have your moment of strength during shooting

(01:21:11):
anyone you want. I don't think I will miss much
bombs to finicky, costly and beg not personal enough, not personal.
I mean this is yeah gross. Shooting through a window
is also not personal. I want to look at the
people while I slaughter them. I think similargelines and others.
I will bring extra pistols I won't use, probably two,
one on my hip and extra max for backup, and
then one for emergencies. I think I would want to

(01:21:34):
mount my shotgun to be on my chest pointed right
over my chin. If I do get tackled, I need
to be able to kill quickly and my life. Capture
is not an option. I think the rifle is the
best for the job. Got to be ready for anti police.
I think if I pre load two drums of twelve
gage at entrance, I can damage and fix up with
two psychis digit and move on disassemble with a ridiculous
rapid fire aim. If I had mass approval in any

(01:21:55):
excellence of ambition, I would probably toss them all to
off cocktail, even though those are sketchy. I could also
easily make an oven bomb, not really too much thinking
or even disaster evidence, just for the chaos. I think
it was Jonathan Sapierman who put a buttane canister in
his oven and it turned into a massive blowoff. He
left that seemed to work well enough. I think it
was a test run. Was test run kind. I would

(01:22:16):
also have to get two guest canisters since James Holmes's attack,
knowing Americans probably never change. Last night I was looking
at real guns online. I was shocked at how affordable
a lot of stuff was. I didn't get any get everything, No,
probably not. Should be about twenty five hundred for guns
and an extra twoish thousand for gear and ammo, and
I think that's very attainable price threshold. So he's calling

(01:22:37):
four point five thousand a very attainable price spreshold, which
is got people raising their eyebrows a little bit of
like coddled. Yeah, where did he get this money is
did he actually earn it and save it up or
his parents have dumped enough money into him that he
was able to afford all this Because I would like, like,
I think we should be very careful about esecuting parents

(01:23:02):
for the crimes of their children. But in some cases
like this, especially if he's living with them, and if
it was their money they purchased the guns and things
like this, I would be with prosecuting that. He doesn't
strike me as an with good work ethic. Yeah, I
know he hates that logan guide his work, so I
don't know. Strikes me as someone who gets fired a lot. Yeah,

(01:23:24):
He's had multiple jobs, so I don't know what that means.
Add for the fact that I will want loss of
practice and familiarity with my guns next someday best investment
might be a fog concert or some suburban freak houst.
I really don't know, but I have to do something,
aren't I? Sad? Sick? I also figured a place. I
think this is the perfect page to have small fantasies

(01:23:45):
of shooting victims. This place I'm going to is my tool,
small to build my evil target. But it will be
fun to think about how the crowd will panic, exit,
pass hiding spots all that. Just so, even now with
all the specificity of what we've been hearing in the
journal head, he is still just running a fantasy and
he thinks it's fine. And I this is where I

(01:24:06):
want to challenge everyone. It doesn't matter what the sin is.
If you are running that fantasy out in your head,
you're gonna do it. If you are entertaining it, it's
because you wanted to convince you if you have opened
up that conversation, because if you didn't want to do
the thing, you wouldn't run the fantasy, right, And I

(01:24:29):
understand intrusive thoughts, Yeah that Like I'm not saying if
you ever had a bad thought, you're doomed to do
the thought, don't hear don't hear that, But don't allow
yourself to follow those thoughts through. Shut them down. Shut
them down as soon as you notice them. Because this

(01:24:50):
guy enjoyed running these fantasies and he ran them miny random,
and he random mini random until he made it real.
This just in you reap what you said. Oh yes, yeah,
and there's yeah, there's a big difference between I've had
the start and it's scary and I don't want it,
and I shut it down as soon as the shows up,
and oh, I let it sit down and have coffee
with me, right, And I like to this end. There

(01:25:12):
are people who were like, oh, people who are you know, pedophiles.
We should let them have you know, ai ai porn
of children and that way they can like work out
their fantasy and not hurt anybody. That's not how fantasies work. Yeah,
you give somebody the free reign, really easy access, and

(01:25:37):
it's not illegal to If we made these things not illegal,
to be clear, then we would have so many more
people defending in real life, because yeah, playing out your
fantasy the first is a very fast path to actually

(01:25:58):
doing the thing. Also will be fun knowing none of
these people, no, a monster is among them. He loves
this idea. He loves this idea of like being in
an unsuspecting crowd and then suddenly just going they all
knew you were a freak. Yeah, like none of them
were not aware of that. They have no idea what
I'm thinking. Bro, He's just he gets off on that

(01:26:19):
so much, and I don't. Yeah, I just learned that
Jeff Wise pre red Lake Minnesota shooter did things very
similarly to me. I like Jeff a lot, mainly because
he did the best in shooting lam all, but his
preparation also. I also liked the movie Elephant and Joker,
which also skip over the main parts of the movie
to enter the shooting scene. That scared me when I
heard that, So I guess this other guy did the

(01:26:40):
same thing with this particular movie. I think it's interesting
that there have been a lot of conversations about like,
do violent movies and video games lead to this stuff?
And it's not that like, oh, if you watched a
violent movie, you're definitely you know, you're you're you're on
a path to this. But the people who are on
a path to this are consuming that stuff voraciously. Yes,

(01:27:04):
And when when you are producing movies with gratuitous violence
such that now too mass shooters have gone to the
same movie for that particular scene, then you can start
to be like, I think that there's a problem with
that movie a little A little bit. I think that
that's fair. Yeah, and I'm going to explore some of
that more in like our our vidget games turning the

(01:27:25):
kids violent? Oh yeah, yeah, but that's the ways thought
fuck you. I'm not going to do anything. I don't know.
Fuck me, I don't know what I live for. I
want to end all my life, blood and death, my family,
my disappointment, my cant cancer of something. Fuck he really
he really does seem to think that he has cancer. Yeah,
I feel some shit with my lungs. I hate my

(01:27:45):
life at the moment. I hate myself. Like something was
going on with his lungs that had him convinced that
he and maybe he did, maybe he did have cancer
and he knew it. He was oxygen deprived. He explains
the bad grammar. Possibly, I'm constantly in my own home,
a dead coward hours from work. There, I scream and
cry when I pull into my driveway. I can't stand
being around them. I hate living like this. You can't

(01:28:06):
stay me around his family or work. It's a really
good question because it'd be interesting with his family, because
then he's just contradicted himself. I think he's talking about
work though, probably, but I think that. I mean, he's
given plenty of indications as an incredibly antisocial person who
can't get along with yea, with anybody except his family

(01:28:27):
that coddles him relentlessly. I want to go to an
Adam concert. And I did think about killing all those fags.
What a bunch of freaks. But it just feels disgusting
being in those spaces screaming as gross sexuality and perversion?
Is he not a fag? Is not being trans? Literally fagotry, baggatory.

(01:28:49):
It's a certain era of fagotry. If you pardon my friend,
bless you my child again, I think it's the most
vicious hatred for this, and is it? Yeah? And then
I think there are are people who are like, oh,
if I just trans, then I'm not gay. Yeah, because
as I was always a woman, so it's okay if
I sleep with men or whatever. I can't do it too,
not the right target. I can't commit an attack because

(01:29:10):
I can't ruin my family's name. It would destroy them.
Killing myself would eliminate my presence, and my family would
get pity instead of hatred. No, they're gonna get hatred
and they deserve too. And all of his research of
school shootings, his takeaway was that the families of the
killers don't get hatred. Right, Yeah, he's actually retarded. I
don't think I could just take myself out. I need

(01:29:30):
to do something with my final day, either go out
or finish my family in my final moment. So he
thought about killing his family. Yep, yep. There's been a
couple of hints of that where I wasn't sure. But
that one's a little bit more care my loving, supportive family.
I don't want to hurt that I might kill them though. Yeah,
and I'm thinking about it. Yeah, but I just remember
my dad's how Adam Lanza killed his mother. Oh yeah,

(01:29:51):
I do remember that. I had forgotten that line. Targets
such as children are innocent civilians that would bring me
the most game. I shouldn't, though, for the sake my family,
for God's sake, Why be a target of political or
societal significance targets like Musk Trump or oil significance execs
from Exxon or Nestli or something. This would still bring
hatred and criticism to my feeling, But I think with

(01:30:11):
more heart and many others with view my actions as
heroic and necessary for the better progression of society. Am
I a good person? Am I a bad person? In
my neutral No? No, nothing, No, it's a bad person.
I want a better society. I hate fascism. I hate inequality.
I also love when kids get shot. I love to
see death told real. I think that those two are
more connected than like, Yeah, I hate fascism and I

(01:30:34):
love when kids get shot because because they were. Literally
The reason that these anti fascists and pro Palestindians buy
into all of the propaganda that the Israelites are killing
their children is because they would happily kill or support
killing children of those whose ideologies they don't want. Yes, yeah,

(01:30:55):
I think ultimately they admire Palestinians for killing Israeli children.
Oh oh, absolutely, I want a better society. Okay, I'm
not reading that again. I am sorry for kids hard
to be the subject of my playtime. I am not
sorry they died. Maybe I am. Nah, I would be
pissed and horrified if my brother was killed or used
shot in an attack. That doesn't seem to change how

(01:31:15):
I feel about committing one myself. If some of his
self awareness is interesting, like you could never argue that
this guy just like accidentally fell into sin. No, yeah,
I know he entertained it for a long time. It's
like a gradual convincing himself to do it. If like
I just need to wear myself down a little bit
more before I do it. Well, this is why shoot,

(01:31:39):
like Dahmer and Bundy would get like really really drunk,
and it wasn't that, you know, you suddenly become something
or not when you're drinking, but you some of your
inhibitions go away and you're more comfortable doing something. I
think people like that. They tell themselves they know they're
going to feel better. But what they do if they
get drunk. Yeah, I can tell themselves, oh I was drunk.

(01:32:01):
They're giving themselves a cue of one that it's appropriate
to ye yeah, yeah, yeah, because like yeah, But the
other thing is when you're black out drunk, it's not
that you're no longer in control of your actions. It's
just your short term memory is no longer switching to
long term. You're fully responsible for everything you do. When
you're drunk, you're still you. She don't remember it, but anyway, sorry. Yeah,

(01:32:22):
I'm not going to do it. I don't have the
will to drag my family into it, but I can dream.
Dreaming is what brought you to do? Again? Yeah, I
do think it's interesting. I do it sounds like he's
a sociopath, like somebody who can care about a handful
of people like he cares about his family and that's it.
He doesn't seem to care about anybody else. He doesn't
seem to have any empathy for anybody, and not just
not caring, but like a hatred active hatred. Yeah, keeping

(01:32:46):
up appearances. My smile feels faker than I want. I
want to ask for help, help, help, help, I want
fucking help. Please. I throw my vape away. I got cigarettes.
I smoke because of stress in me out I am weak. Help,
I am going to die? Do I give up? Do I? Nah? Fuck? No?
Fuck them kids shotgun to the We'll hear you, slaughter, swag,
skull doodles and mocking imagery appear on the page. I
would not murder a name that I guess the name

(01:33:07):
was unintelligible on their own, just because I don't think them.
I would only kill them if it was serving a
rampage and they were in the wrong place in time.
I can't stand them. Everything that comes out of their
mouth as excuses. I'm so uncomfortable around them. I regret
meeting them. I must end my life before twenty six.
Fuck me, I am tired of my happiness being dragged
out of their mud. I'm sick of waiting around for
them drag me down and hurt me. I wonder if

(01:33:31):
he's high for some of this. Yeah, it's it's a
good question. I don't know what I look forward to.
I seem to be just getting my days over with.
I'm going to die. I'm either dead as dead of martyr,
at least that's what I want to say to people.
So I'm at least somewhat redeemable to my family, and shit,
I really want to be gone. Yeah, hatch Smith, I

(01:33:52):
want death in Russian six five. Having a partner like
Eric and Dylan would be really helpful. But it's a
high risk, an unnecessary thing that can only go wrong.
I had that briefing about underperforming jobs. That was bullshit.
My family is easy. I presume I deserve not too, however,
because I slipped too stupidly and didn't work to competently
carry out my plans this time. So he was a

(01:34:13):
bad worker. Yeah, I sit best fit. I sit best hope.
I pray that this spreads out of my own shit
when I snap. I have no plans, only desires, that's all.
I hope my family can learn from this. An event
of my death. Please excuse my apologies. And oh no
they're not excused. Ooh scribble drawings. I mean, please realize
I have desires, but no plans or intentions at this time.
And this is the last page that we have. So again,

(01:34:36):
I'm pretty sure that this person, like we read a
lot of pages, but we also saw the flip through
and it was it was more pages than this. So
this is one of my mutuals. That's see what he
said reading these, This was not a person who was
suffering in the way we were. We commonly use the word.

(01:34:56):
This wasn't an act of desperation. This wasn't a person
feeling crushed the world. This is a person taking glee
and evil. He is demon possessed. Yeah, I agree, what
a fucking lunatic psychopath. It's horrifying to think there are
people just like this animal living among us today. I
regret reading this. I'm truly disturbed. Its thoughts weren't even special, no,

(01:35:18):
not at all. It wasn't unique at all. He was derivative. Yeah,
so I wanted I wanted to talk to you guys
about this, but I also don't want to leave on
that note. I do. I thought, let's read a psalm,
and I didn't know which psalm, and I'm right in
the middle of psalms, and so I just decided to

(01:35:41):
look at the Psalm that was next in line in
my own reading. I read it and I was like,
it doesn't exactly like even close to perfectly aligned, but
it's kind of a long sum. And I thought, let's
just read this when this is the one that you
could argue God like put in line for today. So okay,

(01:36:01):
dear Lord, please speak to us through your word, show
us maybe why the psalm is the one for tonight.
Please clear our minds of the eel stuff that we
have just witnessed. I pray that you would give us
wisdom and that it wouldn't be it wouldn't be harmful

(01:36:22):
that we have read this stuff together, but that you
would give us wisdom and just insight into how to
how to approach culture that produces killers like this, and
and help us to know how to interact with these situations.
And I pray for the families of the dead, children

(01:36:42):
who are grieving. Please be with them. That's all I
know how to ask you to do, Just to be
with them and for everybody else that they will make
full recoveries, and just make yourself known in this situation.
I don't know what you're doing. These things are really hard,

(01:37:02):
but we do know that prayer has an impact, even
if it's something that we can't really see or understand
from the viewpoint where we're at right now. So please
have your will and cleanse our minds and be with
us and just teach us what you like to teach

(01:37:22):
us from this tonight as we are together, this little
this little online church family group, whatever you want to
call it, all right, Psalm seventy eight. This is by Asaff.
It's a mascul What is a mascul Probably a musical
liturgical term, so they don't actually know exactly what a
mascual is. But so Asaf was one of let me

(01:37:46):
just let me real quick sw I'm sure Aceph and
the who was a saf in the Bible. He was
a Levite who served as a chief musician and seer
during the time of King David in Psalm Okay, so yes,

(01:38:06):
very close close to David and Solomon. Give ear, owe
my people to my teaching. Incline your ears to the
words of my mouth. I will open my mouth in
a parable I will utter dark sayings from of old
things that we have heard and known that our fathers
have told us. We will not hide them from their children,
but tell them, But tell to the coming generation the

(01:38:28):
glorious deeds of the Lord and his might, and the
wonders that he has done. He established a testimony in
Jacob and appointed a law in Israel, which he commanded
our fathers to teach their children the next generation might
know them that children yet unborn and arise, and tell
them to their children, so that they should set their
hope in God, and not forget the works of God,
but keep his commandments, and that they should not be

(01:38:50):
like their fathers. A stubborn and rebellious generation, a generation
whose heart was not steadfast, whose spirit was not faithful
to God. The forms armed with the beau turn back
on the day of battle. They did not keep God's covenant,
but refused to walk according to his law. They forgot
his works and the wonders that He had shown them
in the sight of their fathers. He performed wonders in
the land of Egypt and the fields of z Own.

(01:39:10):
He divided the sea and let them pass through it,
and made the water stand like a heap In the
daytime he led them with a cloud, and all the
night with a fiery light. He split rocks in the
wilderness and gave them drink abundantly as from the deep.
He made streams come out of the rock and caused
waters to flow down like rivers. Yet they sinned still
more against him, rebelling against the most high in the desert.
They tested God in their heart by demanding the food

(01:39:31):
they craved. They spoke against God's saying, can God's bread
a table in the wilderness. He struck the rock so
that water gushed out and streams overflowed. Can he also
give bread or provide meat for his people? Therefore, when
the Lord heard, he was full of wrath. A fire
was kindled against Jacob. His anger rose against Israel because
they did not believe in God and did not trust
his saving power. Yet he commanded the skies open, and

(01:39:52):
opened the doors of heaven and rain any rain down
on them manna to eat, and gave them the grain
of heaven man ate the bread of the angels, sent
them food in abundance. He caused the east wind to
blow in the heavens, and by his power he let
out the south wind. He rained meat on them like
dust winged birds, like the sand of the seas, and
he let them fall in the midst of their camp,
all around their dwellings, and they ate and were well filled,

(01:40:14):
for he gave them what they craved. This is this
story is so interesting because they demanded this, and they
craved it, and they ate it until it was coming
out their noses. Yeah, that's some gluttony right there. But
before they had satisfied their craving, while the food was
still in their mouths, the anger of God rose against them,
and he killed the strongest of them and laid low
the young men of Israel. This following the craving until

(01:40:39):
it destroys you. In spite of all this, they still sinned.
Despite his wonders, they did not believe. So he made
their days vanish like a breath, and their years in terror.
When he killed them, they sought him. They repented and
sought God earnestly. They remembered that God was their rock,
the most high God, their redeemer. But they flattered him
with their tongues. They lied to him with their tongues.
Their heart was not steadfast toward him. They were not

(01:41:00):
faithful to his covenant. Yet he being compassionate atone for
their iniquity, and did not destroy them. He restrained his
anger often and did not stir up all his wrath.
He remembered that they were but flesh, a wind that
passes and comes not again. How often they rebelled against
him in the wilderness and grieved him in the desert.
They tested God again and again, and provoked the Holy
One of Israel. They did not remember his power or

(01:41:22):
the day when he redeemed them from the foe, when
he performed his signs in Egypt, and his marbles in
the fields of Zone. He turned their rivers to blood,
so that they could not drink of their streams. He
sent among them swarms of flies, which devoured them, and frogs,
which destroyed them. Here we go with the frogs again.
Don't sit on the frogs. The frogs, that's the takeaway, guys.

(01:41:44):
He gave their crops to the destroying locusts, and the
fruit of their labor to the locusts. He destroyed their
vines with hail and their sick moores with frost. He
gave over their cattle to the hail, and their flocks
to thunderbolts. He let loose on them his burning anger, wrath, indignation,
and distress. A company of destroying angels, he made a
path for his anger. Did not spare them from death,
but gave their lives over to the plague. He struck

(01:42:04):
down every first born in Egypt, the first fruits of
their strength, in the tents of Ham. Then he led
out his people like sheep and guided them in the
wilderness like a flock. He led them in safety, so
that they were not afraid. But the sea overwhelmed their enemies,
and he brought them to his holy land, to the
mountain in which his right hand had won. He drove
out nations before them. He apportioned them for possession, and
settled the tribes of Israel in their tents. Yet they

(01:42:26):
tested and rebelled against the Most High God, and did
not keep his testimonies, but turned away and acted treacherously
like their father, as they twisted like a deceitful bow.
For they provoked him to anger with their high places.
They moved into jealousy with their idols. When God heard,
he was full of wrath, and he utterly rejected Israel.
He forsook his dwelling at Shiloh, the tent where he
dwelt among mankind, and delivered his power to captivity, his

(01:42:47):
glory to the hand of the fall. He gave his
people over to the sword and invented his wrath on
his heritage. Fire devoured their young men, and their young
women had no marriage song. Their priests fell by the sword,
and their widows made no limit take. Then the Lord
awoke us from sleep like a strong man, shouting because
of wine, and he put his adversaries to route. He
put them to everlasting shame. He rejected the tent of Joseph.

(01:43:09):
He did not choose the tribe of Ephraim, but he
chose the tribe of Judah mountain Zion, which he loves.
He built his sanctuary like the high heavens, like the earth,
which he has founded forever. He chose David his servant,
and took him from the sheepfolds, from following the nursing us.
He brought him to shepherd Jacob his people Israel, his inheritance.
With upright heart. He shepherded them and guided them with
his skillful hand. Okay, well, that was a heavy one.

(01:43:35):
Thank you for being here with us tonight. We've gone
almost two hours on Thursday night. I knew it was
gonna be a lot, but I wanted to do all
the journal pages that were there. So thank you for
being with us. Good Night everyone you well, love you
all the big boom boo

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Demon-possessed Shooter - Overdose Ep 15

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