January 6, 2025 • 23 mins
Ever found yourself torn between the advice of loved ones and your gut instincts? We unravel this very dilemma through engaging stories and personal reflections, encouraging you to examine the influence friends and family have on your personal growth and decision-making. By drawing from our own experiences, we discuss the delicate balance between trusting our inner circle and knowing when to seek advice from those more qualified. This episode invites you to reflect on how the guidance you receive aligns with your own aspirations and instincts, especially when faced with life's pivotal decisions.
Imagine missing a golden investment opportunity because you prioritized familiar voices over expert advice. We dive into the emotional and challenging terrain of financial decision-making, sharing a personal tale about overlooking an early chance to invest in Bitcoin. This story serves as a stark reminder of the importance of vetting the credibility of those we turn to for financial guidance. We highlight the need to overcome biases and fears often projected by well-meaning but inexperienced acquaintances, reinforcing the value of seasoned professionals in guiding financial choices.
Visualize your life being shaped by mentors who have truly excelled in your areas of interest. We explore the transformative power of proven mentorship, drawing from personal experiences in selecting the right trainers for health and fitness. The conversation emphasizes the significance of surrounding yourself with individuals who possess the expertise and achievements you aspire to emulate. Lastly, we delve into the courage required to protect one's unique vision, advocating for a life lived authentically and free from societal expectations. Join us as we champion the path to a fulfilling life led by personal dreams and aspirations.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Are you mentally strong enough to be able to see
the vision you have for yourselfand to move forward in spite of
every voice that's clamoring ineach ear, to let that God voice
dial into that God voice andlisten to that voice?
Are you willing to listen tothat voice?
Times are non-renewable and soI always want to make sure that
you get value, which is thewhole point of why we put this
(00:21):
podcast series together To giveyou value for your life insights
, things that can make adifference.
And you know, I'm particularlygrateful and excited about this
topic today because it's noteasy to have this conversation
about friends and family, tolearn about how incredible you
were.
Nothing would ever stop.
How many of you ever had amoment where you had the?
I knew I should have blank.
(00:42):
Man, if I were to just blank, Ishould have blank, whatever
that blank was, and 99% of thetime, if you go back, one of the
reasons why you didn't do itwas because someone close to you
told you not to do it.
Friends and family, friends andfamily.
So this is about friends andfamily and you know, for some
(01:03):
people this is going to be alittle bit controversial,
because some people want tobelieve that their friends and
family have all the answers, andthat's just false.
And so I have story after storyin my life of times when I
(01:24):
listened to my friends andfamily, their field as high
level, and it saved me money, itcreated more money, it created
more success.
So I need you to follow me fora second Now.
(01:58):
One of the things that's reallybeneficial about being alive is
that as you grow, you attractthese people around you your
tribe, right, and so the firsttribe you have is your family
tribe.
They grew up, they know you.
You're a little kid.
They raise you mom and dad,aunts, uncles blank, but then
you learn about this thingcalled your friends and you go
to these little camps, theseschools.
(02:18):
You meet your friends and youcreate a chosen tribe.
Now, that's great, that'simportant to do.
However, there's something thathappens as you get older.
What happens as you get olderis that these bonds of trust
typically become stronger andstronger and stronger and
stronger, and so these peoplehave more weight in your mind
(02:40):
than sometimes.
Even you have your owninstincts for your own life.
The things that they say havemore weight.
If they say I wouldn't do that,you don't do that because you
trust them, because the bondsare so strong.
If they say I would do that,you do that because the bonds
are so strong and every time youlook up at your life, you can
go back to a time where you wereseeking advice and the person
(03:03):
you sought your advice from wassomeone that you had a
long-standing bond.
But let me ask you a question Isit possible that the people
that you have that long-standingbond with are not credible in
the area in which they'recoaching you?
Let me give you an example.
Have you ever had arelationship question and you
called your single friend andyou asked them about what they
(03:26):
would do?
Now, I'm not saying there'sanything wrong with being single
.
What I am saying is the factthat you have a relationship
question and the person thatyou're talking to is not a part
of one, whether by choice or not.
Where are they speaking fromwhen they talk to you?
Are they speaking from theirown pain?
Are they speaking from yourpotential joy?
(03:49):
Where are they speaking from?
You see, you don't know.
All you know is you had aquestion and you were calling
someone that you knew andwhether they were winning in the
area in which you were gettingthat coaching or not, that's all
that matters.
But we don't look at it likethat.
We think I've known her for 20years.
She wouldn't lie to me.
You're right, she wouldn'tnecessarily lie to you, but
(04:10):
she's only speaking from her ownexperience and if her own
experience isn't one that'spositive, then she may not be
speaking to you in a way that isreally going to be a positive
net value for you.
If you can think about time toget a question about money, what
do we do when it comes to money?
Who are the first people wetalked about money?
Because usually for most people, just making a money decision
(04:34):
is a terrifying event.
Just making a money decisionLike should I start the business
?
Should I not start the business?
Should I invest in that stock?
Should I not invest in thatstock?
We're so scared of losing.
What do we do?
We go back to the people whohave long-term relationships
with us who say you know what?
You know, I'm think aboutinvesting this thing.
(04:54):
What would you do?
And they say, well, I wouldn'tdo it, I wouldn't do, it's risky
.
And you say, yeah, yeah, you'reprobably right, and you keep
that money and you put it inyour pocket and stays in your
pocket pocket.
I'll give you a quick story.
I had a guy that talked to me ohmy gosh, had to be over 20,
almost 20 years ago, and he waslike, look, there's this thing
and I don't have the specificson it, but this guy was really
(05:16):
smart.
But he said there's this newform of currency that's going to
be exploding and I thinkthere's real promise here.
Look, you're making money, youshould invest in it.
And I said well, what is it?
He's like it's called Bitcoin.
I'm like, okay, well, how doesit work?
And he said you know, basicallyit's this digital currency.
And I'm sitting there I'mthinking to myself that sounds
(05:37):
very risky.
So what did I do?
I went and I called somebody whoI've known for a long time.
I said have you heard thisthing called Bitcoin?
He's like, yeah, yeah, yeah,I've been hearing about this a
lot.
He's like yeah, man, I don'tknow, it sounds like a scam.
I wouldn't do it.
I said, okay, yeah, that's agood point, probably right.
And I just let the conversationgo.
I think at that time it wasprobably trading at like Seven
(06:07):
to ten dollars per whatever thecoin value is Recently went over
a hundred thousand.
Remember that friend that Icalled Interesting conversation.
Years later, here's what he saidman, I sure wish I would have
got some of that Bitcoin earlyand I'm like, wait a minute.
You told me not to do it.
He's like, yeah, that's right,that's right, that's right.
And I sat there on the phone.
We had that conversation.
It was a little while ago and Ithought to myself if only I
(06:30):
could talk to the youngerversion of me and say, james, no
matter what it is you'rethinking, you have to consider
who you're running it by.
You have to not vet the idea,you have to vet the people.
You know.
When they vet people, they lookat their backgrounds and they
say does this person check out?
(06:50):
Does that person check out?
It's not the idea you have tovet, it's the people involved in
that idea you have to vet.
And then you have to vet whoare you getting advice from?
Now, not everyone has 100% ofthe answers on anything, but
would you agree that there aresome people who are super
credible in whatever they'redoing, like they've achieved
(07:12):
great things or at least higherlevel success than maybe you
have in that thing that you wantto talk to them about and what
we do?
For some reason, because someof these people we don't have
direct access to these peoplewho have all this knowledge, all
this experience, what we do iswe put them at a tier below the
people that we've known for along time, who have no
(07:33):
experience in that area.
They have no credibility inthat area, but we put their word
above the person who has theestablished level of success.
And so my question for you ishow much money or what has the
loss been that you can think ofthat has come from friends and
(07:54):
family?
It's not that they meant youharm, but in listening to them
in an area in which they have nocredibility, what has been the
impact for you?
Now, some of you you know rightaway.
You can think about a job youdidn't apply for because they
said, well, you don't have thatdegree.
You can think about a businessyou didn't start because they
(08:14):
said, well, what do you knowabout that?
Are we going to find the money?
Or that piece of real estateyou didn't buy Because you know
they said, oh, it's risky,that's a risky area.
I wouldn't invest down there.
You could probably.
If you really stop and thinkabout it, you could go story by
story rolling through your mindabout different things, that you
didn't pull that next steptrigger on because you were
afraid of what the outcome wouldbe, because you already had a
(08:38):
little bit of a hesitation, andthey just cemented the fear with
their own fears.
So imagine you have ahesitation.
It's's not necessarily a fear,it's more of a hesitation,
because if it was real fear, youwouldn't even be thinking about
doing it.
So it's hesitation.
But they have their own fears,doubts, worries, insecurities.
They give you stories of well,I tried that in 20 and, you know
(08:59):
, in 2012 it didn't work out forme.
And so they put their storyinto your story and and their
story is like a virus, it's amind virus and it begins to
corrupt.
It begins to corrupt your ownthinking and then you stop
thinking.
You're now just regurgitatingtheir thoughts out, and that's
what happens.
(09:19):
There was a program that I was apart of.
I'm still a part of it,actually, but I went through
what I was younger called thewhite foundations unbelievable
program w-i-g-h-t in case you'retrying to google it or
something the white foundationat Newark, new Jersey, and they
take kids and they give them anopportunity to go to private
school.
Now, at the time, I'm going toa school and I'm in Newark, new
(09:39):
Jersey, and it's a Catholicschool, and the, the white
foundation, comes to the schooland presents and talks about
what it does and how it givesyou the opportunity to go away
to private school.
And at the time I remember abuddy of mine who I was in
school with the name is Terrence, and Terrence said man, I'm not
implied for that, they'retrying to send you away.
(10:00):
And I said really, you think?
And he's like, yeah, he's likeI heard about these things, he's
like I wouldn't do it.
And so but my mother God resther soul, so grateful that she
heard about this and she said,no, you're applying.
And I said, no, I don't want toapply.
Now, I didn't even know why Ididn't want to apply, I just
knew that the only thing that Iheard about it was my buddy,
(10:22):
terrence, said he wouldn't apply.
And so because of that, I wasresistant to it.
I didn't want to go through theprocess of the interview, I
didn't want to go through theapplication, I didn't want to do
any of it.
But my mother was no joke.
My mother was straight do whatI say, and there's no
conversation around it.
So I applied reluctantly.
(10:44):
It was either that or getwhopped.
I applied reluctantly.
I went through the applicationprocess.
I gave like a half-heartedinterview because I still didn't
want to be a part of theprogram, because I'm still
hearing Terrence in the back ofmy head because he's part of my
peer group, right.
So on the one hand I have mymother, who used to be a teacher
(11:05):
, by the way, and so my formerteacher mother was telling me to
apply and my buddy, who's astudent, was telling me not to.
My mother won.
Obviously I applied to thisprogram and that one choice
changed the complete trajectoryof my life.
I discovered things aboutmyself at that school that I
went to things I could nevereven like.
We don't have time to go intoit.
(11:25):
I'll probably have thatconversation another day but had
I not gone through that program, I would.
I don't know where my lifewould be.
I'm in the hood of Newark, I'min, I'm in Brick City and I go
from Brick City to this campus.
That costs like $40,000 a year.
When I was in high school, youget it.
So all of a sudden my mind'sexposed.
(11:48):
I'm seeing I'm like myclassmates are, you know,
grandkids of NFL team owners andI'm out of Newark.
I'm out of Newark.
I'm like I can't princes.
I had princes in my class andI'm sitting there like what are
we like?
They're like so where are yougoing on vacation?
I'm like I'm going back home.
They're like where are yougoing?
I'm going to Bali.
(12:10):
Where's Bali?
What is that?
My mind was dramaticallyupgraded being around these
people.
It was I couldn't function whenI would go back home.
I would go back home to mylittle apartment with my mom and
I'd be telling her thesestories and she's like really,
really.
And I didn't realize that I waschanging because I was around
(12:31):
people that were expanding meand they weren't trying to, they
were just being themselves.
But the very life that they hadwas expansive, the very way
that they thought was expansive.
The way that they, the way theysaw the same situation versus
how I would hear back home fromother people that I grew up with
was totally, totally different.
And I decided that day I wanteda better life, I wanted to have
(12:54):
more options financially, Iwanted to be able to do
something for myself.
I just didn't know what it was,but the education came from
that school and I attended thatschool because of the White
Foundation and at the samemoment, when I was in that
school attending listeninglearning, terrence was back home
in Newark doing the things thathe was doing.
(13:16):
I looked up Terrence years andyears later and I see his life
and it's crazy.
It's crazy the things that he'sbeen doing with himself.
I mean the stories on his feedsor the violence.
I could even friend him becausethat's not who I was.
I'm not trying to reestablishthat connection, but what I am
(13:37):
saying is that what I realizedfrom that moment was, had I
listened to him, I would havebeen going in a direction.
His life, his choices, hisopinions are for him.
My life, my choices are for me.
And when you take somebodyelse's opinions and you merge
(13:57):
them into your thinking and youmake their opinions law, but
they have no credibility forwhat it is that they're saying
other than how they feel, theyhow they feel about it, and you
listen to them because of howthey feel about it, you have no
idea what you're doing.
Because they're they're moving,sometimes from a place of
they're trying to protect you,but really sometimes it's their
(14:19):
own insecurity.
They tell you not to go for thething because they can't see
themselves doing the thing.
You know, it takes someone veryspecial to truly want more for
the next person than they havefor themselves To be able to say
you know what?
That's not for me, but, man, Ithink you'd be great at it.
That takes someone special.
Most people aren't that special.
They're not going to say that.
They're going to say I wouldn'tdo it.
(14:40):
My cousin did that.
It didn't work for her.
That's what people, that'swhere people move from.
So can you find people in yourlife who are not like that?
You can, you can, but beforeyou find them you have to guard
your mind.
You see, your life isintricately designed for you.
God orchestrated every aspectof your life for you.
(15:02):
It it's supposed to be for you.
It is your life.
If you think about like this,the creator of the universe made
each snowflake individual.
Why would the creative universenot want to have your life be
an individual event?
And there's great value inlearning from other people, but
there's no value in learningfrom other people and having
them to dictate your outcomesbased on their experience.
(15:25):
There's no value for you.
Why would you even have a lifeto live if you're going to let
everybody else dictate what theend of the story is going to
look like because of what theytell you.
So what you need to do is youneed to make a choice.
I can love you, but I don'thave to listen to you.
Now.
That's a hard thing to say.
Matter of fact, some of theparents look at this and be like
, oh my God, but what if mychild does that?
(15:48):
What if they do?
What if they fall face forward,land, smack themselves but
learn how to get back up?
What if that idea they pursuehas them go bankrupt?
They have no money in theirfirst idea.
They lose it all in theirsecond idea, but they hit it big
in their third idea.
What if that young person whosays they want to play
(16:09):
professional sports?
You tried, you got hurt, itdidn't work out for you.
So you tell them to go get asafe job, and that's okay for
you.
But what if they're called tobe a superstar athlete?
And what if the people aroundthem don't encourage that?
Are you mentally strong enoughto be able to see the vision you
have for yourself and to moveforward in spite of every voice
(16:31):
that's clamoring in each ear, tolet that God voice dial into
that God voice and listen tothat voice.
Are you willing to listen tothat voice?
Because if you're not willingto listen to that voice, then
every other voice is going totake your mind.
One person is gonna say go left.
One person gonna say go right,and you don't know where to go
because you're so busy listeningto mom who's saying this or dad
(16:52):
who's saying this, and theyhave no credibility in that
thing, instead of beingsurrounded by experts.
Now, how do you find experts?
It's very simple you look, lookat the outcome.
That's it.
It's really that simple.
One day I was going to a gym nottoo far from me as a matter of
fact, it's about maybe three,four minutes away from where I
(17:13):
live and I walk into that gymand I'm looking to get a trainer
and the trainers are sittingthere and the trainers just
don't look like trainers.
They just don't look liketrainers.
They look like they were lockedin a Twinkie factory.
And they're sitting there andthey come up to me like, hey, so
you're looking to join the gym?
Yeah, here's why you shouldjoin our gym.
And I'm sitting there lookinglike I am not.
I'm about to pay you money.
(17:34):
I can't pay you money.
What do I pay you money for?
I'm trying to not look likethat and I said, okay, thank you
so much.
I appreciate it, but it's onlybecause I'd have the experience
of being around people whoplayed life at a level that was
high in an area that I wanted toplay life at.
For some people, that gym wassuper cheap.
That gym, that membership wassuper, super cheap, super cheap,
(17:58):
and what I would have gottenwas everything that I would have
paid for A cheap experience.
But then there's another gymthat I found paid for a cheap
experience.
But then there's another gymthat I found that was 15 minutes
away and I go into that gym andit sounds like a bunch of wild
lions in that room, peoplesweating, grunting, getting it
in.
All the trainers are super fit,they're working out with their
(18:18):
clients and I'm sitting therelike, okay, this is where I need
to be.
Why?
Because they were winning inthe area in which they would be
giving me coaching my health Isaw them exercising with the
people that were their clients.
I'd never seen that before.
I'm like, okay, these peoplearen't trainers, they're serious
about their craft.
Okay, got it.
(18:42):
So, with that being said, Idecided to join that one, and
let me tell you something.
When you associate yourself withpeople that are winning in an
area that you want to win in,you're probably going to have a
greater outcome, because they'vemade it a mission to be able to
live their life in a certainway and in that one area they're
(19:04):
winning.
So just because your parentshave been married for 50 years,
that doesn't make them greatfinancial advisors.
You get it.
If you want to talk to someonewho's been about how to stay
married for 50 years, you got togo to your parents why They've
been married for 50 years.
They could tell you how to staymarried.
Right, right there you could go.
If you want someone that isphenomenal in health, find
(19:27):
someone who's already phenomenalin health, not someone that has
opinions about health.
Who do you know that's alreadyphenomenal in health?
Go listen to what they say.
They may be related to you.
They may not be related to you.
You don't need the bloodline.
You don't need the history.
You need the documentation.
That's all you need.
I need the documentation fromyou.
(19:47):
That's what I need from you.
I need to know you're proven inwhat it is you're talking to me
about and if you can find aproven person in the area in
which you're trying to raiseyour bar, then that is all you
need.
Your goal is to seek outmentorship, mentorship.
That is all you need.
Your goal is to seek outmentorship, mentorship that is
proven, not people you've knownfor a long time.
(20:10):
And so my question for you isare you pursuing mentors?
The different life has manydifferent areas.
There's a faith life, there's ahealth life, there's a
relationship life, there's afinancial life.
It's possible that one personcould be all, but I don't
believe one.
One person could be all, but Idon't believe one person is
going to be all things.
I just don't.
So if I have, let's say, fouror five different areas that I'm
(20:34):
looking at, I clearly need tofind at least four or five
different mentors in those areas.
Sometimes there'll be overlap,sometimes there won't be, but
here's what I cannot do, whatyou should not do.
That I'm going to recommend isto believe, because you've known
them for 30 years, that youneed to listen to them.
It's a believe because theyshare your last name.
They should listen to them inthat area.
How to be a good person theymay be able to teach you that.
(20:54):
How to be kind to others theymay be able to teach you that,
how to be a good citizen in theworld.
They might be able to teach youthat.
Sometimes they can't even teachyou that.
But if you want specializedknowledge, find specialists.
Remember this the opinions ofothers are others' opinions, and
(21:16):
that's great.
It's great to have voices ofpeople that you can trust.
However, make sure that thepeople that you trust,
ultimately with your ultimatelife, are people who are winning
in that area already in theirlife.
When you have a vision foryourself, that's a God gift.
(21:37):
God gifts you a vision.
I don't think parrots havevisions.
I just don't.
I don't think that a parrot hasa vision for a greater life.
Eat mate poop.
I mean, how far does it go?
Like this is as far as it goes.
Like this is as far as it goes.
God instilled in humans theability to have a vision, an
(21:58):
individualized preview of yourlife's coming attractions, and
it's yours.
It's deposited into you.
The desire to be a singer, itwas deposited into you.
The desire to be an actress, abusiness person, whatever it was
, was deposited into you.
It is.
It is your task, it is yourgift.
(22:22):
That is for you.
Your name is stamped on yourspirit at your birthing.
The plans have been laid outfor you.
In order for you to manifest it,though, it's going to require
for you to guard your mind fromthose who would not see what God
(22:44):
has seen for you already.
Make sure that you keep yourvision, your vision.
It is your vision, and don'tlet somebody else be a
revisionist of your vision.
It's your vision and, if youknow, if it calls to you, it's
your calling, it's the thingthat you're supposed to do.
You may, hey, let me tell yousomething.
I would much rather go for whatI want and fall a little short
(23:08):
than to go for what someone elsewants for me, be miserable my
whole life, because I'm living afraudulent life, because I knew
what was for me and Isacrificed it on the altar of
somebody else's opinions orsomebody else's insecurities,
and I let that mind virus, warpand corrupt what God had for me.
Don't let any man or womancorrupt what God has for you.
(23:31):
It is for you, and you have tohave the courage to defend that
vision and go for it.
I wish you nothing butgreatness, god bless.
Are you mentally strong enough to be able to see
the vision you have for yourselfand to move forward in spite of
every voice that's clamoring ineach ear, to let that God voice
dial into that God voice andlisten to that voice?
Are you willing to listen tothat voice?
Times are non-renewable and soI always want to make sure that
you get value, which is thewhole point of why we put this
(00:21):
podcast series together To giveyou value for your life insights
, things that can make adifference.
And you know, I'm particularlygrateful and excited about this
topic today because it's noteasy to have this conversation
about friends and family, tolearn about how incredible you
were.
Nothing would ever stop.
How many of you ever had amoment where you had the?
I knew I should have blank.
(00:42):
Man, if I were to just blank, Ishould have blank, whatever
that blank was, and 99% of thetime, if you go back, one of the
reasons why you didn't do itwas because someone close to you
told you not to do it.
Friends and family, friends andfamily.
So this is about friends andfamily and you know, for some
(01:03):
people this is going to be alittle bit controversial,
because some people want tobelieve that their friends and
family have all the answers, andthat's just false.
And so I have story after storyin my life of times when I
(01:24):
listened to my friends andfamily, their field as high
level, and it saved me money, itcreated more money, it created
more success.
So I need you to follow me fora second Now.
(01:58):
One of the things that's reallybeneficial about being alive is
that as you grow, you attractthese people around you your
tribe, right, and so the firsttribe you have is your family
tribe.
They grew up, they know you.
You're a little kid.
They raise you mom and dad,aunts, uncles blank, but then
you learn about this thingcalled your friends and you go
to these little camps, theseschools.
(02:18):
You meet your friends and youcreate a chosen tribe.
Now, that's great, that'simportant to do.
However, there's something thathappens as you get older.
What happens as you get olderis that these bonds of trust
typically become stronger andstronger and stronger and
stronger, and so these peoplehave more weight in your mind
(02:40):
than sometimes.
Even you have your owninstincts for your own life.
The things that they say havemore weight.
If they say I wouldn't do that,you don't do that because you
trust them, because the bondsare so strong.
If they say I would do that,you do that because the bonds
are so strong and every time youlook up at your life, you can
go back to a time where you wereseeking advice and the person
(03:03):
you sought your advice from wassomeone that you had a
long-standing bond.
But let me ask you a question Isit possible that the people
that you have that long-standingbond with are not credible in
the area in which they'recoaching you?
Let me give you an example.
Have you ever had arelationship question and you
called your single friend andyou asked them about what they
(03:26):
would do?
Now, I'm not saying there'sanything wrong with being single
.
What I am saying is the factthat you have a relationship
question and the person thatyou're talking to is not a part
of one, whether by choice or not.
Where are they speaking fromwhen they talk to you?
Are they speaking from theirown pain?
Are they speaking from yourpotential joy?
(03:49):
Where are they speaking from?
You see, you don't know.
All you know is you had aquestion and you were calling
someone that you knew andwhether they were winning in the
area in which you were gettingthat coaching or not, that's all
that matters.
But we don't look at it likethat.
We think I've known her for 20years.
She wouldn't lie to me.
You're right, she wouldn'tnecessarily lie to you, but
(04:10):
she's only speaking from her ownexperience and if her own
experience isn't one that'spositive, then she may not be
speaking to you in a way that isreally going to be a positive
net value for you.
If you can think about time toget a question about money, what
do we do when it comes to money?
Who are the first people wetalked about money?
Because usually for most people, just making a money decision
(04:34):
is a terrifying event.
Just making a money decisionLike should I start the business
?
Should I not start the business?
Should I invest in that stock?
Should I not invest in thatstock?
We're so scared of losing.
What do we do?
We go back to the people whohave long-term relationships
with us who say you know what?
You know, I'm think aboutinvesting this thing.
(04:54):
What would you do?
And they say, well, I wouldn'tdo it, I wouldn't do, it's risky
.
And you say, yeah, yeah, you'reprobably right, and you keep
that money and you put it inyour pocket and stays in your
pocket pocket.
I'll give you a quick story.
I had a guy that talked to me ohmy gosh, had to be over 20,
almost 20 years ago, and he waslike, look, there's this thing
and I don't have the specificson it, but this guy was really
(05:16):
smart.
But he said there's this newform of currency that's going to
be exploding and I thinkthere's real promise here.
Look, you're making money, youshould invest in it.
And I said well, what is it?
He's like it's called Bitcoin.
I'm like, okay, well, how doesit work?
And he said you know, basicallyit's this digital currency.
And I'm sitting there I'mthinking to myself that sounds
(05:37):
very risky.
So what did I do?
I went and I called somebody whoI've known for a long time.
I said have you heard thisthing called Bitcoin?
He's like, yeah, yeah, yeah,I've been hearing about this a
lot.
He's like yeah, man, I don'tknow, it sounds like a scam.
I wouldn't do it.
I said, okay, yeah, that's agood point, probably right.
And I just let the conversationgo.
I think at that time it wasprobably trading at like Seven
(06:07):
to ten dollars per whatever thecoin value is Recently went over
a hundred thousand.
Remember that friend that Icalled Interesting conversation.
Years later, here's what he saidman, I sure wish I would have
got some of that Bitcoin earlyand I'm like, wait a minute.
You told me not to do it.
He's like, yeah, that's right,that's right, that's right.
And I sat there on the phone.
We had that conversation.
It was a little while ago and Ithought to myself if only I
(06:30):
could talk to the youngerversion of me and say, james, no
matter what it is you'rethinking, you have to consider
who you're running it by.
You have to not vet the idea,you have to vet the people.
You know.
When they vet people, they lookat their backgrounds and they
say does this person check out?
(06:50):
Does that person check out?
It's not the idea you have tovet, it's the people involved in
that idea you have to vet.
And then you have to vet whoare you getting advice from?
Now, not everyone has 100% ofthe answers on anything, but
would you agree that there aresome people who are super
credible in whatever they'redoing, like they've achieved
(07:12):
great things or at least higherlevel success than maybe you
have in that thing that you wantto talk to them about and what
we do?
For some reason, because someof these people we don't have
direct access to these peoplewho have all this knowledge, all
this experience, what we do iswe put them at a tier below the
people that we've known for along time, who have no
(07:33):
experience in that area.
They have no credibility inthat area, but we put their word
above the person who has theestablished level of success.
And so my question for you ishow much money or what has the
loss been that you can think ofthat has come from friends and
(07:54):
family?
It's not that they meant youharm, but in listening to them
in an area in which they have nocredibility, what has been the
impact for you?
Now, some of you you know rightaway.
You can think about a job youdidn't apply for because they
said, well, you don't have thatdegree.
You can think about a businessyou didn't start because they
(08:14):
said, well, what do you knowabout that?
Are we going to find the money?
Or that piece of real estateyou didn't buy Because you know
they said, oh, it's risky,that's a risky area.
I wouldn't invest down there.
You could probably.
If you really stop and thinkabout it, you could go story by
story rolling through your mindabout different things, that you
didn't pull that next steptrigger on because you were
afraid of what the outcome wouldbe, because you already had a
(08:38):
little bit of a hesitation, andthey just cemented the fear with
their own fears.
So imagine you have ahesitation.
It's's not necessarily a fear,it's more of a hesitation,
because if it was real fear, youwouldn't even be thinking about
doing it.
So it's hesitation.
But they have their own fears,doubts, worries, insecurities.
They give you stories of well,I tried that in 20 and, you know
(08:59):
, in 2012 it didn't work out forme.
And so they put their storyinto your story and and their
story is like a virus, it's amind virus and it begins to
corrupt.
It begins to corrupt your ownthinking and then you stop
thinking.
You're now just regurgitatingtheir thoughts out, and that's
what happens.
(09:19):
There was a program that I was apart of.
I'm still a part of it,actually, but I went through
what I was younger called thewhite foundations unbelievable
program w-i-g-h-t in case you'retrying to google it or
something the white foundationat Newark, new Jersey, and they
take kids and they give them anopportunity to go to private
school.
Now, at the time, I'm going toa school and I'm in Newark, new
(09:39):
Jersey, and it's a Catholicschool, and the, the white
foundation, comes to the schooland presents and talks about
what it does and how it givesyou the opportunity to go away
to private school.
And at the time I remember abuddy of mine who I was in
school with the name is Terrence, and Terrence said man, I'm not
implied for that, they'retrying to send you away.
(10:00):
And I said really, you think?
And he's like, yeah, he's likeI heard about these things, he's
like I wouldn't do it.
And so but my mother God resther soul, so grateful that she
heard about this and she said,no, you're applying.
And I said, no, I don't want toapply.
Now, I didn't even know why Ididn't want to apply, I just
knew that the only thing that Iheard about it was my buddy,
(10:22):
terrence, said he wouldn't apply.
And so because of that, I wasresistant to it.
I didn't want to go through theprocess of the interview, I
didn't want to go through theapplication, I didn't want to do
any of it.
But my mother was no joke.
My mother was straight do whatI say, and there's no
conversation around it.
So I applied reluctantly.
(10:44):
It was either that or getwhopped.
I applied reluctantly.
I went through the applicationprocess.
I gave like a half-heartedinterview because I still didn't
want to be a part of theprogram, because I'm still
hearing Terrence in the back ofmy head because he's part of my
peer group, right.
So on the one hand I have mymother, who used to be a teacher
(11:05):
, by the way, and so my formerteacher mother was telling me to
apply and my buddy, who's astudent, was telling me not to.
My mother won.
Obviously I applied to thisprogram and that one choice
changed the complete trajectoryof my life.
I discovered things aboutmyself at that school that I
went to things I could nevereven like.
We don't have time to go intoit.
(11:25):
I'll probably have thatconversation another day but had
I not gone through that program, I would.
I don't know where my lifewould be.
I'm in the hood of Newark, I'min, I'm in Brick City and I go
from Brick City to this campus.
That costs like $40,000 a year.
When I was in high school, youget it.
So all of a sudden my mind'sexposed.
(11:48):
I'm seeing I'm like myclassmates are, you know,
grandkids of NFL team owners andI'm out of Newark.
I'm out of Newark.
I'm like I can't princes.
I had princes in my class andI'm sitting there like what are
we like?
They're like so where are yougoing on vacation?
I'm like I'm going back home.
They're like where are yougoing?
I'm going to Bali.
(12:10):
Where's Bali?
What is that?
My mind was dramaticallyupgraded being around these
people.
It was I couldn't function whenI would go back home.
I would go back home to mylittle apartment with my mom and
I'd be telling her thesestories and she's like really,
really.
And I didn't realize that I waschanging because I was around
(12:31):
people that were expanding meand they weren't trying to, they
were just being themselves.
But the very life that they hadwas expansive, the very way
that they thought was expansive.
The way that they, the way theysaw the same situation versus
how I would hear back home fromother people that I grew up with
was totally, totally different.
And I decided that day I wanteda better life, I wanted to have
(12:54):
more options financially, Iwanted to be able to do
something for myself.
I just didn't know what it was,but the education came from
that school and I attended thatschool because of the White
Foundation and at the samemoment, when I was in that
school attending listeninglearning, terrence was back home
in Newark doing the things thathe was doing.
(13:16):
I looked up Terrence years andyears later and I see his life
and it's crazy.
It's crazy the things that he'sbeen doing with himself.
I mean the stories on his feedsor the violence.
I could even friend him becausethat's not who I was.
I'm not trying to reestablishthat connection, but what I am
(13:37):
saying is that what I realizedfrom that moment was, had I
listened to him, I would havebeen going in a direction.
His life, his choices, hisopinions are for him.
My life, my choices are for me.
And when you take somebodyelse's opinions and you merge
(13:57):
them into your thinking and youmake their opinions law, but
they have no credibility forwhat it is that they're saying
other than how they feel, theyhow they feel about it, and you
listen to them because of howthey feel about it, you have no
idea what you're doing.
Because they're they're moving,sometimes from a place of
they're trying to protect you,but really sometimes it's their
(14:19):
own insecurity.
They tell you not to go for thething because they can't see
themselves doing the thing.
You know, it takes someone veryspecial to truly want more for
the next person than they havefor themselves To be able to say
you know what?
That's not for me, but, man, Ithink you'd be great at it.
That takes someone special.
Most people aren't that special.
They're not going to say that.
They're going to say I wouldn'tdo it.
(14:40):
My cousin did that.
It didn't work for her.
That's what people, that'swhere people move from.
So can you find people in yourlife who are not like that?
You can, you can, but beforeyou find them you have to guard
your mind.
You see, your life isintricately designed for you.
God orchestrated every aspectof your life for you.
(15:02):
It it's supposed to be for you.
It is your life.
If you think about like this,the creator of the universe made
each snowflake individual.
Why would the creative universenot want to have your life be
an individual event?
And there's great value inlearning from other people, but
there's no value in learningfrom other people and having
them to dictate your outcomesbased on their experience.
(15:25):
There's no value for you.
Why would you even have a lifeto live if you're going to let
everybody else dictate what theend of the story is going to
look like because of what theytell you.
So what you need to do is youneed to make a choice.
I can love you, but I don'thave to listen to you.
Now.
That's a hard thing to say.
Matter of fact, some of theparents look at this and be like
, oh my God, but what if mychild does that?
(15:48):
What if they do?
What if they fall face forward,land, smack themselves but
learn how to get back up?
What if that idea they pursuehas them go bankrupt?
They have no money in theirfirst idea.
They lose it all in theirsecond idea, but they hit it big
in their third idea.
What if that young person whosays they want to play
(16:09):
professional sports?
You tried, you got hurt, itdidn't work out for you.
So you tell them to go get asafe job, and that's okay for
you.
But what if they're called tobe a superstar athlete?
And what if the people aroundthem don't encourage that?
Are you mentally strong enoughto be able to see the vision you
have for yourself and to moveforward in spite of every voice
(16:31):
that's clamoring in each ear, tolet that God voice dial into
that God voice and listen tothat voice.
Are you willing to listen tothat voice?
Because if you're not willingto listen to that voice, then
every other voice is going totake your mind.
One person is gonna say go left.
One person gonna say go right,and you don't know where to go
because you're so busy listeningto mom who's saying this or dad
(16:52):
who's saying this, and theyhave no credibility in that
thing, instead of beingsurrounded by experts.
Now, how do you find experts?
It's very simple you look, lookat the outcome.
That's it.
It's really that simple.
One day I was going to a gym nottoo far from me as a matter of
fact, it's about maybe three,four minutes away from where I
(17:13):
live and I walk into that gymand I'm looking to get a trainer
and the trainers are sittingthere and the trainers just
don't look like trainers.
They just don't look liketrainers.
They look like they were lockedin a Twinkie factory.
And they're sitting there andthey come up to me like, hey, so
you're looking to join the gym?
Yeah, here's why you shouldjoin our gym.
And I'm sitting there lookinglike I am not.
I'm about to pay you money.
(17:34):
I can't pay you money.
What do I pay you money for?
I'm trying to not look likethat and I said, okay, thank you
so much.
I appreciate it, but it's onlybecause I'd have the experience
of being around people whoplayed life at a level that was
high in an area that I wanted toplay life at.
For some people, that gym wassuper cheap.
That gym, that membership wassuper, super cheap, super cheap,
(17:58):
and what I would have gottenwas everything that I would have
paid for A cheap experience.
But then there's another gymthat I found paid for a cheap
experience.
But then there's another gymthat I found that was 15 minutes
away and I go into that gym andit sounds like a bunch of wild
lions in that room, peoplesweating, grunting, getting it
in.
All the trainers are super fit,they're working out with their
(18:18):
clients and I'm sitting therelike, okay, this is where I need
to be.
Why?
Because they were winning inthe area in which they would be
giving me coaching my health Isaw them exercising with the
people that were their clients.
I'd never seen that before.
I'm like, okay, these peoplearen't trainers, they're serious
about their craft.
Okay, got it.
(18:42):
So, with that being said, Idecided to join that one, and
let me tell you something.
When you associate yourself withpeople that are winning in an
area that you want to win in,you're probably going to have a
greater outcome, because they'vemade it a mission to be able to
live their life in a certainway and in that one area they're
(19:04):
winning.
So just because your parentshave been married for 50 years,
that doesn't make them greatfinancial advisors.
You get it.
If you want to talk to someonewho's been about how to stay
married for 50 years, you got togo to your parents why They've
been married for 50 years.
They could tell you how to staymarried.
Right, right there you could go.
If you want someone that isphenomenal in health, find
(19:27):
someone who's already phenomenalin health, not someone that has
opinions about health.
Who do you know that's alreadyphenomenal in health?
Go listen to what they say.
They may be related to you.
They may not be related to you.
You don't need the bloodline.
You don't need the history.
You need the documentation.
That's all you need.
I need the documentation fromyou.
(19:47):
That's what I need from you.
I need to know you're proven inwhat it is you're talking to me
about and if you can find aproven person in the area in
which you're trying to raiseyour bar, then that is all you
need.
Your goal is to seek outmentorship, mentorship.
That is all you need.
Your goal is to seek outmentorship, mentorship that is
proven, not people you've knownfor a long time.
(20:10):
And so my question for you isare you pursuing mentors?
The different life has manydifferent areas.
There's a faith life, there's ahealth life, there's a
relationship life, there's afinancial life.
It's possible that one personcould be all, but I don't
believe one.
One person could be all, but Idon't believe one person is
going to be all things.
I just don't.
So if I have, let's say, fouror five different areas that I'm
(20:34):
looking at, I clearly need tofind at least four or five
different mentors in those areas.
Sometimes there'll be overlap,sometimes there won't be, but
here's what I cannot do, whatyou should not do.
That I'm going to recommend isto believe, because you've known
them for 30 years, that youneed to listen to them.
It's a believe because theyshare your last name.
They should listen to them inthat area.
How to be a good person theymay be able to teach you that.
(20:54):
How to be kind to others theymay be able to teach you that,
how to be a good citizen in theworld.
They might be able to teach youthat.
Sometimes they can't even teachyou that.
But if you want specializedknowledge, find specialists.
Remember this the opinions ofothers are others' opinions, and
(21:16):
that's great.
It's great to have voices ofpeople that you can trust.
However, make sure that thepeople that you trust,
ultimately with your ultimatelife, are people who are winning
in that area already in theirlife.
When you have a vision foryourself, that's a God gift.
(21:37):
God gifts you a vision.
I don't think parrots havevisions.
I just don't.
I don't think that a parrot hasa vision for a greater life.
Eat mate poop.
I mean, how far does it go?
Like this is as far as it goes.
Like this is as far as it goes.
God instilled in humans theability to have a vision, an
(21:58):
individualized preview of yourlife's coming attractions, and
it's yours.
It's deposited into you.
The desire to be a singer, itwas deposited into you.
The desire to be an actress, abusiness person, whatever it was
, was deposited into you.
It is.
It is your task, it is yourgift.
(22:22):
That is for you.
Your name is stamped on yourspirit at your birthing.
The plans have been laid outfor you.
In order for you to manifest it,though, it's going to require
for you to guard your mind fromthose who would not see what God
(22:44):
has seen for you already.
Make sure that you keep yourvision, your vision.
It is your vision, and don'tlet somebody else be a
revisionist of your vision.
It's your vision and, if youknow, if it calls to you, it's
your calling, it's the thingthat you're supposed to do.
You may, hey, let me tell yousomething.
I would much rather go for whatI want and fall a little short
(23:08):
than to go for what someone elsewants for me, be miserable my
whole life, because I'm living afraudulent life, because I knew
what was for me and Isacrificed it on the altar of
somebody else's opinions orsomebody else's insecurities,
and I let that mind virus, warpand corrupt what God had for me.
Don't let any man or womancorrupt what God has for you.
(23:31):
It is for you, and you have tohave the courage to defend that
vision and go for it.
I wish you nothing butgreatness, god bless.
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