January 6, 2025 • 27 mins
In this next episode of Amplified Marriage, We return after a hiatus to continue our series on the "6 Pillars of Intimacy." As we usher in the new year of 2025, our conversation focuses on an often-overlooked aspect of intimacy in marriage—physical intimacy beyond sexuality. We explain how simple actions like hugging and holding hands significantly enhance a healthy marriage relationship. Such gestures nurture love and trust, forming the foundation of a lasting relationship.
Key Takeaways:
- Developing non-sexual physical intimacy is crucial for nurturing emotional and relational bonds in a marriage.
- Simple daily actions like kissing, hugging, and hand-holding can significantly reduce stress and increase happiness through the release of oxytocin.
- Building a strong foundation in friendship and connection is key to sustaining a marriage through challenging times when physical intimacy might be limited.
- Open communication and understanding personal preferences for physical touch can help strengthen non-sexual intimacy and, by extension, the overall marriage.
- Modelling healthy physical intimacy behaviours for children is crucial and serves as a testament to the health of the parental relationship.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Picture this you're on the couch, each wearing
sweatpants, at a Seem BetterDays, when your spouse decides
to wordlessly plop down, half onyour lap, half on the armrest,
like a cat who only pretends tobe aloof.
There's not a hint of smoochingor dramatic violin music, just
two people content to squishtogether until someone's foot
goes numb.
This kind of low-key closenessis the backbone of marital bliss
(00:23):
Part cozy blanket, partstrategic weight distribution
and entirely essential tosurviving the daily adventures
of tax forms, grocery lists,children and learning how to
fold a fitted sheet withoutbursting into tears.
Speaker 2 (00:53):
Welcome to another episode of Amplified Marriage.
I'm Natalie.
Speaker 1 (00:56):
I'm Brian.
Speaker 2 (00:56):
Wherever you are, whatever you're doing, as you
hear us say every podcast getcomfy, cozy, grab a coffee and a
tea.
We're so glad you joined us forour chat today cozy, grab a
coffee and a tea.
Speaker 1 (01:07):
We're so glad you joined us for our chat today.
It has been a few moons sincewe've posted another episode of
this particular podcast that'sright.
Speaker 2 (01:11):
In case you forgot, we are in the seven pillars of
intimacy series and we managed.
This is number two wow, wow.
Speaker 1 (01:20):
We have had an exceptionally challenging year
and we are back.
We we have a plan all the waytill the end of whenever this is
over, but we're so excited tobe back and to be talking about
a few topics.
We are right into our what isit?
Six pillars, seven pillars, sixpillars.
Speaker 2 (01:36):
I think it's six or seven pillars of intimacy.
We're here for a little bit.
Speaker 1 (01:40):
We're here for the six pillars of intimacy, and the
first one that we had on thefirst week was all about
emotional intimacy.
Speaker 2 (01:47):
Yes, so if you missed that one, please go check that
one out.
Speaker 1 (01:49):
Absolutely, and we just want to say a happy new
year.
Happy new year to all.
It is the new year, it is 2025.
Speaker 2 (01:54):
I'm very excited for this year.
I'm glad 2024 is over.
Speaker 1 (01:59):
Yeah, absolutely, and we're looking forward to this
year.
So we are on to pillar numbertwo.
Speaker 2 (02:04):
Yes.
And I'm going to say If itwasn't obvious in the intro.
I don't know, maybe it wasn'tobvious.
Speaker 1 (02:14):
Maybe, but we're going to talk about physical
intimacy, but we're not talkingabout sex.
That's right For all of youlistening because you saw
physical intimacy you're likesad.
Yeah, that'll be the very lastpillar, but we need to build on
these other five pillars beforewe get to the sex pillar right,
(02:35):
the sex or the sixth.
whichever, sex or sixthwhichever one we're going to do,
and so we just want to startwith just defining what physical
intimacy is without sex.
So you are aware of where we'recoming from and why this is so
important in a married coupleVery much important in a married
couple.
So it's not just, it's much,like we said in our intro, it's
(02:57):
just those little things thatactually make the difference,
that connect two people.
So when we define this, it isintimacy beyond just sex.
It's important that non-physicalintimacy will build and foster
and create emotional andrelational bonds between you and
your partner.
Speaker 2 (03:13):
That's right.
Speaker 1 (03:14):
Right.
Speaker 2 (03:16):
And it's like I just had a thought we've we're kind
of like in the process ofstarting a marriage I don't know
what you'd be ministry, butwhere we had a conference and it
was friendship, it was onfriendship.
Because, honestly like.
This is where this falls into.
Beyond a physically intimaterelationship, these are the
(03:42):
foundational pieces of buildinga friendship of the non-sexual
touch Right.
So this is super important.
This is what's going to carryyou through those times when
there isn't as much physicalintimacy or maybe there's a time
where there is no physicalintimacy.
This is what you're going todraw from when looking at your
(04:03):
spouse.
Speaker 1 (04:03):
Right and we just want to set the stage for this
Physical intimacy.
I couldn't imagine being in arelationship with someone who
just didn't want to touch andit's not like I'm a super touchy
guy.
Speaker 2 (04:20):
No, when we talk about love languages, physical
touch for both of us is at thebottom.
It's at the bottom with, Ithink, gift giving.
Speaker 1 (04:27):
Right, I'm not a super touchy guy, but we do
realize that we hold hands, wekiss, we hug, especially because
we have kids.
They need to see that mom anddad actually love each other.
And it goes beyond just sayingI love you and then pat on the
shoulder like a robot, I loveyou.
Uh, and then pat on theshoulder like a robot, I love
you, and then you walk away.
It's so much more than that,and so when we talk about this,
(04:49):
it's like it, it this kind oftouch, it nurtures and it builds
it.
Speaker 2 (04:53):
There's value in that connection that's right and
it's being intentional every daybut it's also like uh, um, it
builds love and trust.
Speaker 1 (05:03):
So say we take, for instance, when your dad passed
away a few years ago, the firstthing you did when you heard the
news was come into, like youcame to me and we hugged, we
talked, we prayed it out.
But you wouldn't have felt thatkind of trust or love or
connection had we not built thatrelationship in a place where
there's a tragedy that happened.
Where do I go to?
Well, I can go to my partnerright away, immediately, right,
(05:29):
that's right.
And then so these thingsactually build, uh, build bonds
between each other and we.
We love to talk about this onehere we've talked about with our
kids and we talk about sex withour kids and relationships as
they get older and those kind ofthings.
But the role that you're if youprobably have heard of this
called oxytocin, the lovehormone bonding hormone it's the
bonding one, and so now you'reemotionally and spiritually and
(05:50):
mentally connected with someonewhen you begin that love bonding
, and so much more so when youstart having sex.
Yes, but that ox, that lovehormone like there's we're going
to get to in a little bit, butthe psychological benefits of
actually just touching andhugging are so incredibly
important.
Between, uh, between that can't.
Let's get this straight.
There's no way I'm going to mybuddy, nathan, and hugging him
for 20 seconds I mean read theroom.
(06:13):
Yeah, this okay when we say thisspecifically to you listeners
this is between you and yourspouse that's right not you, and
and I mean if your best friendis is up for that, like if I was
, I'm pretty sure Nathan wouldjust punch me out and be like
dude.
What are you doing?
Speaker 2 (06:27):
Yeah, there's an acceptable time of sort of
lingering.
Speaker 1 (06:32):
Yeah, there's an acceptable time living.
But look, the psychologicalbenefits of the intimacy are so
big they're like they actuallywill reduce stress.
Speaker 2 (06:40):
Right, so if you're stressed, hug more.
Speaker 1 (06:43):
Yeah, if you're stressed, hug more.
Yeah, if you're stressed hey,I'm stressed right now I think
we should hug more.
All right, but it reducesstress.
There's increased, like they'vedone tests where they've put
the electrodes on people andthey've done the test of the
brain as they've done.
This kind of connection, itstrengthens relationships, it
brings up, uh, feelings ofhappiness, and so there's so
much power in just hugging andholding hands and connecting.
(07:03):
Exactly Without it leading tosex, to sex Right.
Speaker 2 (07:08):
Right.
So this is not well.
I'm going to do all of thesethings in hopes that right.
And sometimes it does when,like the non, you have no
intentions of it going there.
And then it does and that'sgreat.
Speaker 1 (07:23):
But more often than not we're talking about where it
doesn't lead to that, but it'sjust it's bonding the two of you
so then I mean that also beingsaid too, like sometimes we want
it to go that way and our bodyresponds that way, right, like
you know, like it just does.
(07:43):
There's hormonal responses whena dude sees or touches right.
Speaker 2 (07:47):
That's right, but there's also some self-control
that is needed, because moreoften for us that's not the
first thing on our minds.
Speaker 1 (07:58):
No, and it's not that it's not the first thing on our
mind.
It's not the first thing on ourmind, but there's always a hope
that, hey, we get to do this,we get to have sex.
Speaker 2 (08:09):
That's right.
Speaker 1 (08:09):
But we're talking about building the importance of
it, like holding hands whileyou're just hanging around or
you're watching TV.
Speaker 2 (08:16):
Well, back to what we said at the beginning.
What happens when somethinghappens Right and there isn't
the ability in certain times tobe physically intimate, right?
Where do you draw feelingconnected with your spouse?
Speaker 1 (08:32):
from.
Speaker 2 (08:33):
It's from these foundations and if you create or
build a relationship.
Speaker 1 (08:38):
This is why couples that have sex early, early on,
statistically have a lowerchance of succeeding in
long-term relationships andmarriages, because they give
away that part, which is anincredibly important part.
But they give away that partlong before they've actually
established the oxytocin, thelove hormone, exactly.
They're just letting it gowhenever.
(08:58):
Now we're just having sex, nowwe're connected all the time and
so Just physically, justphysically, and there's no
actual connection to.
So we I've actually we, we knowwe coach couples where they
built their relationshipstraight, just like they went
out three times.
Third time they're having sex.
That's all they did.
They didn't really build afriendship, they didn't build
any relationship, they didn'tbuild any kind of structure or
(09:21):
patterns or communication oranything that's needed around
the relationship.
And then 10, 15, 20 years lateryou get to a place where you're
like, well, now what?
And it's not that you can'tlove that person or don't even
love that person, it's just likeyou built it on something that
crumbles.
Speaker 2 (09:36):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (09:36):
You didn't build it on a friendship.
You didn't build it on goodcommunication or good
relationship or values that werethe same.
You didn't build it like that.
Speaker 2 (09:43):
That's right, but there's hope.
So if you found yourself on theother end of it, you can still
start implementing these thingsand fostering that friendship.
Speaker 1 (09:58):
Like we're saying is like daily hugs or kisses or
goodbye rituals.
Like I hate leaving the housewithout saying I love you and
giving you a hug and a kiss,looking into each other's eyes
intentionally for a few minutes.
Speaker 2 (10:06):
Yes, we've done that.
Speaker 1 (10:08):
Is it because we're silently communicating?
Speaker 2 (10:10):
Even though I mean it's awkward, let's be real.
When you're like you've been tothose relationship seminars
where you have to sit acrossfrom your spouse and you have to
stare at them without sayinganything, but just right, it can
be, and we've been married for23 years and it's awkward
sometimes, it's just weird forthe first little bit and then
(10:34):
the longer you stare, then themore uncomfortable it gets.
Maybe, but the more I'm likepaying attention Like he's got
some new gray hair or he's gotWow, right, I thought we were
going to try and keep it hidden.
I'm really paying attention toyour facial features and the way
(10:54):
that you're looking at me andas we're saying this, we are
staring at each other across thetable.
Speaker 1 (11:00):
You have a lovely face.
Speaker 2 (11:02):
Thank you, and as do you.
It just fosters if you can getpast how uncomfortable it might
be at the beginning.
Um, it really does help.
It really does help, like you,and it's so weird.
I don't.
I can't understand the sciencebehind why that is, but if it's
20 seconds that you're holdingthat gaze, leaving that that 20
(11:24):
seconds like for us, we werelike, oh well, we could have
done another 20 seconds, yeah,whereas when it first started we
were kind of like this is sodumb.
Speaker 1 (11:34):
This is so dumb.
Why are we doing this?
Well, and even you said youdon't know the science behind it
, it's because here's what Ithink Maybe the world thinks
differently or culture thinksdifferent, but God built us to
be in relationship with people.
God built us for a man and awoman to be together, to take
those differences that they haveand connect them and build a
family, to build a home together.
(11:55):
And the science says that asix-second kiss releases
oxytocin and will build andfoster intimacy.
A 20-second hug can reducecortisol, which is like we're a
stress home.
Speaker 2 (12:08):
We're a stress home.
You fight or flight.
Speaker 1 (12:10):
You fight or flight.
You see all these stupid thingson Instagram where it's like
you have high cortisol andhere's what you do and these
seven things don't want highcortisol no, we don't want high
cortisol, but stress is a partof life, so managing it but.
But the 20 second hug canreduce that with.
I know I don't mean like a.
You've ever seen uh oninstagram, those guys that are
standing in the middle of likeuh, like a square somewhere in
the states and they said freehugs and people will just come
(12:33):
in, and it's never a 20 secondhug.
Speaker 2 (12:34):
No.
Speaker 1 (12:35):
But you, you realize the deep need for human
connection deep need for humanconnection and I believe that's
how God built us is to haverelationships, to have circles,
to have fellowship, and men andwomen need that.
Speaker 2 (12:48):
Exactly so.
We had given some examples of aholding hands, hugs, kisses,
back rubs, looking at at eachother.
You can just be sitting next toeach other.
You don't have to we're, we're,we're, you're just.
Speaker 1 (12:59):
Your proximity is next to each other and you know,
there's some things that aregoing to require some
communication, like sometimes,natalie said, well, I want to be
alone.
I'm like, oh, okay, and thenI'll leave to go, like doing
she's not that kind of alone.
I'm like I don't know what kindof alone you mean.
I don't want to talk, I justwant to be in the same space.
So you want me to be with you,which is a definition of not
(13:20):
alone, but we're notcommunicating, and so that's
what you want.
Speaker 2 (13:23):
And so there is going to be some yeah Times where you
just need to be in each other'spresence.
Speaker 1 (13:33):
Yeah, sitting in the same space.
Right and a foot, touching afoot.
Speaker 2 (13:38):
Exactly, and we've done that.
Yeah, when we're driving in thecar, on the gear shifter, brian
always has his hand there andthen I put my hand on top of his
.
Speaker 1 (13:50):
That's just something we've always done, even since
we were dating, even since wewere dating even since we were
dating right.
It was super manly when I candrive a standard why do you
laugh?
Speaker 2 (14:00):
and?
Speaker 1 (14:01):
not affirm my, my fantasy okay this was the least
helpful conversation of all time, wow, right, and even as we're
talking about, there's, there'sincredibly important for you to
to build a friendship like andwhat we're talking about is
emotional intimacy, physicalintimacy.
(14:21):
We're going to get through allthe pillars.
All of them lead towards havinga healthy friendship between
you and your spouse, and sothere's there's a.
The daily physical connectionis important.
I heard a statistic I don't knowwhere it was, I don't and I'd
have to look it up, but therewas someone saying is that men
because I speak, I read a lot ofthings pertaining to men, just
(14:43):
kind of see where things aregoing in the world of Christian,
non-christian culture is that40 for 45% of men don't have one
close friend to call in inanything like just don't have
one close friend.
There's men that have grown upthat have never been told I love
you in the last five or 10years there and uh, the so when
(15:05):
we're talking, you have anopportunity with your
significant other to buildbridges.
Just think about all the peoplethat don't have access to the
kind of thing that you do whenyou're sitting across from your
partner and being like I canbuild, I can touch her hand or I
can touch them, I can hear them, I can look at them, I can see
them walking away.
I can build relationship,listen to the same music, sit on
(15:26):
the same couch all of thosethings it builds emotional
stability for each of you toknow that, hey, that person is
there all the time.
I can't imagine like.
This is why divorce frustratesme is that.
Imagine having that for 15 or20 years and then a couple years
and near the end of yourrelationship, all of a sudden
you just turn off that tap right, and then it's no wonder that
(15:49):
after two or three years ofstruggle, at the end of it you
don't feel any bond anymorethat's because you've
essentially set the bond on fireby not continuing to work on
your relationship.
Well and and that is literallythe smallest view of what
happens between couples.
I'm just saying I wouldn't wantto be away from that.
Speaker 2 (16:06):
No, but we've heard people say oh, we're just not
compatible anymore, we're justnot.
Speaker 1 (16:14):
That's a choice.
Speaker 2 (16:15):
I don't feel connected to my significant
other anymore, and I would.
I would venture to say that oneof those reasons probably is a
lack of physical touch.
Speaker 1 (16:30):
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (16:31):
Um, and, and the purpose of it is that that is
what keeps that bond alive andthat bond thriving in in the
relationship.
And you know, even if I'm, Ican be upset with you and when
we're in the car, still put myhand on top of your hand on the
(16:52):
gear shift and still be upsetwith you.
But there's just certain thingsand I've done that and there's
I don don't know.
We have to be intentional, andnot only for our sake, but
because we have children's eyeswatching our our every move when
it comes to how we deal witheach other and we want to, we
(17:13):
want to model that because wewant that in our relationship,
so so that when they leave thehome we're still connected.
It's not we're trying to figureout who we are in that moment.
No, we've been fostering this,and not perfectly, but one foot
in front of the other.
Speaker 1 (17:34):
Yeah, we want to do the best job that we can to make
sure that our kids are, theyunderstand that we love each
other, that even when we fight,even when we have like heated
disagreements, that we're notgoing to be, we're not going to
divorce or separate, or let theanger get the like, let it
fester for so long that all of asudden it causes a rift in the
(17:55):
relationship no right.
I mean I'd say this is this iskind of like that.
But I was sitting on the couchor sitting on the chair last
week or this last week and I'vemade a joke over the years and
this will sound funny is that Ihave a girlfriend and her name
is Natalie, and so it's alwaysabout my wife, natalie.
And so now I'm sitting on thecouch, my middle son is sitting
(18:20):
off to the side and I he looksat me and makes a comment, or
nat says, hey, who's on yourphone?
So it's my girlfriend.
And and you just like, oh,you're dumb, like it had nothing
to do.
But my son responded he's likeit was, he's like man, it's good
to see yourself along thoselines, that you guys have such a
healthy relationship that youcan say that and you think he's
stupid because it's just how weare and I would never make that
(18:43):
joke like unless we were in thatplace and she could trust me
with that kind of thing.
But she, it's true, like you,you build a relationship.
I remember when the kids werereally young we were sitting in
the.
We've probably told the storybefore.
We're sitting in this umwalmart parking lot oh, having
that heated discussion, heateddiscussion.
But this was young and it wasangry.
(19:04):
We weren't happy, there was alot of stress going on, finances
were tough and we were having,we were struggling to
communicate.
Well, at that point, and I justremember we're sitting in the
walmart parking lot, we'resupposed to be here, we're like
it was one of those.
We're in colona let's try andbe happy, we love each other.
And it was one of those.
We're in Kelowna let's try andbe happy, we love each other.
It was one of those kind ofmoments and I just remember you
turning around looking in theback and I can't remember which
kid was crying our middle, our.
(19:25):
Ezra was crying and Brandon'slooking out the window and and
uh.
Speaker 2 (19:29):
Amaris.
Speaker 1 (19:29):
We didn't have Amaris , that's right, they're just
looking and and you just stopand you kind of like what's
going on.
I said you two are you do isfight and it just.
It was one of those momentswhere they thought things were a
trouble.
We talked to them afterwards.
They thought like, hey, we'rein trouble because all we're
doing is fighting, and all theysaw from us was just fighting.
Speaker 2 (19:49):
Well, and when you?
It's that thing, when you thinkthey're not watching.
Speaker 1 (19:53):
Right.
Speaker 2 (19:54):
They are oh, man are and they see those little
moments.
They see the moments where youcome up behind me and just put
your hand on my shoulder, orwhen we're walking and I put my
arm through your arm, or, um,when you put your hand on the
small of my back or you give mea hug, or you put your hand
around my shoulder, or whateverit might be.
They see all of those littleacts and that not only does it
(20:17):
solidify the bond between us,but it also sends a message that
mom and dad are healthy to ourchildren, and that is hugely
important and sometimes we needwe need to see life through our
children's eyes and what it'sdoing to them in order to jolt
us into a more healthier patternRight and I think the the it's
(20:40):
social media is such a weirdanimal when it comes to this
type of thing.
Speaker 1 (20:44):
I often think that the couples that are on facebook
that are the most vocal abouttheir love for each other and
how you held my hand walkingdown by the water and I love you
so much and everything isalways going to be the best
because year round, I alwaysthink those are the ones that
have the worst amount ofstruggles in their relationship
maybe because that's what we'veseen, yeah well, and maybe
(21:07):
because that's what we've seenand I would like, I would say
that like you're, but that allneeds to be private between you
and her.
And if you're seeing a counselor, see a counselor.
Don't put stuff on Facebookbecause it gives you a false.
But what the kids?
This is what we learned overthe years is that even if Nat
and I are putting on a good mask, the kids see everything 100%
(21:29):
and they will say things Exactly.
And they will say things to doyou remember when the teacher
you got a call from someonesaying oh and it was our friend
Star was saying your son saysyou're drinking out of a brown
paper bag like you do, likeyou're an alcoholic, you bought
booze.
Speaker 2 (21:43):
Oh right, Do you remember that?
Yeah, he was telling everyone Idrank from a brown bottle.
A brown bottle, but I wasrinsing my mouth out with
peroxide and he never, ever sawme spit it out.
Speaker 1 (21:59):
So in his mind I was just drinking it.
That was a side note.
Yeah, Side note sidebar.
Speaker 2 (22:01):
Anyway, back on track , back on track, really
emphasizing that these kinds ofthings, I think, lessen the
pressure when the expectation isthis is not, we're not
expecting it to lead to sex, weare just building a bond between
us and I think that that, rightthere one should be honored.
(22:22):
Yeah, where there shouldn't bean expectation of, well, I'm
doing all of these things tocuddle you, and all of that.
Speaker 1 (22:29):
And you're not doing anything.
Speaker 2 (22:31):
And now it's your turn to reciprocate what I want
it has to be.
There has to be a mutualunderstanding for non-sexual
touch or non-sexual routine yeah, whatever that might look like
for you.
Speaker 1 (22:46):
I mean, we've listed some things there yeah, and like
here, just some like practicalideas.
Plan like planet, planet, it'slike plan sex and if that's what
you got to do, plan it.
But if you just need like areminder for the first of all,
if you, if you are out ofalignment with you and your
spouse when it comes to justphysical, non-sexual touch,
(23:07):
where you just this is anintimacy building thing, there's
just some practical things.
Create rituals like likenatalie, as soon as she we wake
up in the morning, I'll walkover, I'll get her coffee, give
her a kiss, sit down, no matterwhat.
At night, I give her.
If I go to bed, at the sametime, I give her a kiss, we pray
, she goes to sleep.
That's what we do on the way outof the house.
(23:28):
There's things that we do.
When I'm standing in thekitchen or she's cooking
something, I'll come in, I'llsupport, hand on the back,
whatever these things are.
If you're not doing them, thisis a great way to start by
saying hey, no, when you're inthe kitchen, I'm going to go in
there and I can put my hand onyour shoulder.
When you're sitting on the couch, I want to sit beside you.
I just want to Something cheesy.
I know it sounds stupid and Iknow it sounds foundational, but
(23:51):
these are things that actuallywill tie you two back together
in an intimate way that isn'tbased on just sex.
Speaker 2 (23:57):
That's right.
Speaker 1 (23:58):
Because when you're having sex, yes, you're
emotionally bonded, yes, you'respiritually bonded, but there's
that release at the end of itthat releases the love hormone
and now you're even moreemotionally connected.
But did you do anycommunication before that?
That's right we always say,like foreplay starts in the
morning 100% and you have to beable to communicate.
Speaker 2 (24:15):
What does that look like?
Because you know if I'm tryingto think of an example here.
Well, because we've talkedabout what that looks like for
us for non-sexual touch.
Speaker 1 (24:33):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (24:33):
But if you don't like something your partner's doing,
like, let's say, you just havea thing and they put their hand
on your knee and it just Weirdyou.
Yeah, you need to communicatethat, hey like.
I appreciate you that you'remaking a stance, but I would
rather if your hand were aroundmy shoulder, or rather than on
my knee.
Speaker 1 (24:51):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (24:52):
If that makes sense.
You have to communicateeverything, and we say this
every single podcastCommunication is key.
It doesn't matter what we'retalking about.
Speaker 1 (24:58):
You have to communicate your likes your
dislikes, what you're, what youmight like, but you haven't
tried yet Exactly.
That's not only for thenon-sexual touch, the physical
intimacy like this type ofintimacy, that's for all parts
of the emotional spiritual, allthat stuff.
Speaker 2 (25:17):
Like what does?
What's your cultural standpointon physical touch?
Speaker 1 (25:22):
Right.
Speaker 2 (25:23):
Right.
So sometimes there are thosesort of I don't want to call
them barriers because I don'tthink that they're barriers, but
sometimes you have that to workaround.
There's just differencesbetween you and the other Right
differences and you knowsometimes like physical touch
can only happen in the home butnot out in public and stuff, so
you need to really communicate.
Speaker 1 (25:42):
Do you like PDAs?
Speaker 2 (25:44):
Right.
You need to really communicatethat with each other, and we
were talking about lovelanguages, because physical
touch is on the bottom of oursReally being intentional of what
the other person's lovelanguage is, especially if
there's this physical touch,then you need to really identify
what that looks like for them.
Speaker 1 (26:01):
Yeah, absolutely so.
Here's your challenge for thefor this next week.
Before we we end up a week, weclose our podcast here.
We want you to take a timeevery single day to have a six
second kiss with your partnersix seconds.
And then we want you to do a 20second hug daily.
(26:22):
And if you can do more than one20 second hug daily, do that
for the next couple weeks.
Send us an email, send us a dm,just say, hey, this actually
helped us.
Let us know what you thoughtabout that.
But that's your challenge.
Speaker 2 (26:35):
Six second kiss, 20 second hug every single day and
also experiment withincorporating different ideas.
And if you have something thatwe've not mentioned, that you're
like, hey, this actually worksfor us, send it to us.
Yeah, absolutely, we'd love tosee it.
And how can they?
Speaker 1 (26:52):
do that?
Yeah, you can do that If youlike this.
I'm not going to do the wholething, but you can send it.
You can email us atamplifiedmarriage at gmailcom,
or you can go onto Instagram orFacebook and message us through
there If you like this podcast.
I know it's been a while sincewe've been.
We've been back, but we areback and we're ready for this
coming year.
It means a lot when you sharewhat you let your friends know,
(27:12):
when you let people know, whenyou share the podcast.
You can follow us on those sameplaces.
You can message us on instagramand facebook and if you've been
with us for a long time, youwill hear us say all the time we
believe that marriage can bereset, refreshed recharged and
restored thanks so much forbeing back with us.
Speaker 2 (27:29):
Talk to you soon.
Picture this you're on the couch, each wearing
sweatpants, at a Seem BetterDays, when your spouse decides
to wordlessly plop down, half onyour lap, half on the armrest,
like a cat who only pretends tobe aloof.
There's not a hint of smoochingor dramatic violin music, just
two people content to squishtogether until someone's foot
goes numb.
This kind of low-key closenessis the backbone of marital bliss
(00:23):
Part cozy blanket, partstrategic weight distribution
and entirely essential tosurviving the daily adventures
of tax forms, grocery lists,children and learning how to
fold a fitted sheet withoutbursting into tears.
Speaker 2 (00:53):
Welcome to another episode of Amplified Marriage.
I'm Natalie.
Speaker 1 (00:56):
I'm Brian.
Speaker 2 (00:56):
Wherever you are, whatever you're doing, as you
hear us say every podcast getcomfy, cozy, grab a coffee and a
tea.
We're so glad you joined us forour chat today cozy, grab a
coffee and a tea.
Speaker 1 (01:07):
We're so glad you joined us for our chat today.
It has been a few moons sincewe've posted another episode of
this particular podcast that'sright.
Speaker 2 (01:11):
In case you forgot, we are in the seven pillars of
intimacy series and we managed.
This is number two wow, wow.
Speaker 1 (01:20):
We have had an exceptionally challenging year
and we are back.
We we have a plan all the waytill the end of whenever this is
over, but we're so excited tobe back and to be talking about
a few topics.
We are right into our what isit?
Six pillars, seven pillars, sixpillars.
Speaker 2 (01:36):
I think it's six or seven pillars of intimacy.
We're here for a little bit.
Speaker 1 (01:40):
We're here for the six pillars of intimacy, and the
first one that we had on thefirst week was all about
emotional intimacy.
Speaker 2 (01:47):
Yes, so if you missed that one, please go check that
one out.
Speaker 1 (01:49):
Absolutely, and we just want to say a happy new
year.
Happy new year to all.
It is the new year, it is 2025.
Speaker 2 (01:54):
I'm very excited for this year.
I'm glad 2024 is over.
Speaker 1 (01:59):
Yeah, absolutely, and we're looking forward to this
year.
So we are on to pillar numbertwo.
Speaker 2 (02:04):
Yes.
And I'm going to say If itwasn't obvious in the intro.
I don't know, maybe it wasn'tobvious.
Speaker 1 (02:14):
Maybe, but we're going to talk about physical
intimacy, but we're not talkingabout sex.
That's right For all of youlistening because you saw
physical intimacy you're likesad.
Yeah, that'll be the very lastpillar, but we need to build on
these other five pillars beforewe get to the sex pillar right,
(02:35):
the sex or the sixth.
whichever, sex or sixthwhichever one we're going to do,
and so we just want to startwith just defining what physical
intimacy is without sex.
So you are aware of where we'recoming from and why this is so
important in a married coupleVery much important in a married
couple.
So it's not just, it's much,like we said in our intro, it's
(02:57):
just those little things thatactually make the difference,
that connect two people.
So when we define this, it isintimacy beyond just sex.
It's important that non-physicalintimacy will build and foster
and create emotional andrelational bonds between you and
your partner.
Speaker 2 (03:13):
That's right.
Speaker 1 (03:14):
Right.
Speaker 2 (03:16):
And it's like I just had a thought we've we're kind
of like in the process ofstarting a marriage I don't know
what you'd be ministry, butwhere we had a conference and it
was friendship, it was onfriendship.
Because, honestly like.
This is where this falls into.
Beyond a physically intimaterelationship, these are the
(03:42):
foundational pieces of buildinga friendship of the non-sexual
touch Right.
So this is super important.
This is what's going to carryyou through those times when
there isn't as much physicalintimacy or maybe there's a time
where there is no physicalintimacy.
This is what you're going todraw from when looking at your
(04:03):
spouse.
Speaker 1 (04:03):
Right and we just want to set the stage for this
Physical intimacy.
I couldn't imagine being in arelationship with someone who
just didn't want to touch andit's not like I'm a super touchy
guy.
Speaker 2 (04:20):
No, when we talk about love languages, physical
touch for both of us is at thebottom.
It's at the bottom with, Ithink, gift giving.
Speaker 1 (04:27):
Right, I'm not a super touchy guy, but we do
realize that we hold hands, wekiss, we hug, especially because
we have kids.
They need to see that mom anddad actually love each other.
And it goes beyond just sayingI love you and then pat on the
shoulder like a robot, I loveyou.
Uh, and then pat on theshoulder like a robot, I love
you, and then you walk away.
It's so much more than that,and so when we talk about this,
(04:49):
it's like it, it this kind oftouch, it nurtures and it builds
it.
Speaker 2 (04:53):
There's value in that connection that's right and
it's being intentional every daybut it's also like uh, um, it
builds love and trust.
Speaker 1 (05:03):
So say we take, for instance, when your dad passed
away a few years ago, the firstthing you did when you heard the
news was come into, like youcame to me and we hugged, we
talked, we prayed it out.
But you wouldn't have felt thatkind of trust or love or
connection had we not built thatrelationship in a place where
there's a tragedy that happened.
Where do I go to?
Well, I can go to my partnerright away, immediately, right,
(05:29):
that's right.
And then so these thingsactually build, uh, build bonds
between each other and we.
We love to talk about this onehere we've talked about with our
kids and we talk about sex withour kids and relationships as
they get older and those kind ofthings.
But the role that you're if youprobably have heard of this
called oxytocin, the lovehormone bonding hormone it's the
bonding one, and so now you'reemotionally and spiritually and
(05:50):
mentally connected with someonewhen you begin that love bonding
, and so much more so when youstart having sex.
Yes, but that ox, that lovehormone like there's we're going
to get to in a little bit, butthe psychological benefits of
actually just touching andhugging are so incredibly
important.
Between, uh, between that can't.
Let's get this straight.
There's no way I'm going to mybuddy, nathan, and hugging him
for 20 seconds I mean read theroom.
(06:13):
Yeah, this okay when we say thisspecifically to you listeners
this is between you and yourspouse that's right not you, and
and I mean if your best friendis is up for that, like if I was
, I'm pretty sure Nathan wouldjust punch me out and be like
dude.
What are you doing?
Speaker 2 (06:27):
Yeah, there's an acceptable time of sort of
lingering.
Speaker 1 (06:32):
Yeah, there's an acceptable time living.
But look, the psychologicalbenefits of the intimacy are so
big they're like they actuallywill reduce stress.
Speaker 2 (06:40):
Right, so if you're stressed, hug more.
Speaker 1 (06:43):
Yeah, if you're stressed, hug more.
Yeah, if you're stressed hey,I'm stressed right now I think
we should hug more.
All right, but it reducesstress.
There's increased, like they'vedone tests where they've put
the electrodes on people andthey've done the test of the
brain as they've done.
This kind of connection, itstrengthens relationships, it
brings up, uh, feelings ofhappiness, and so there's so
much power in just hugging andholding hands and connecting.
(07:03):
Exactly Without it leading tosex, to sex Right.
Speaker 2 (07:08):
Right.
So this is not well.
I'm going to do all of thesethings in hopes that right.
And sometimes it does when,like the non, you have no
intentions of it going there.
And then it does and that'sgreat.
Speaker 1 (07:23):
But more often than not we're talking about where it
doesn't lead to that, but it'sjust it's bonding the two of you
so then I mean that also beingsaid too, like sometimes we want
it to go that way and our bodyresponds that way, right, like
you know, like it just does.
(07:43):
There's hormonal responses whena dude sees or touches right.
Speaker 2 (07:47):
That's right, but there's also some self-control
that is needed, because moreoften for us that's not the
first thing on our minds.
Speaker 1 (07:58):
No, and it's not that it's not the first thing on our
mind.
It's not the first thing on ourmind, but there's always a hope
that, hey, we get to do this,we get to have sex.
Speaker 2 (08:09):
That's right.
Speaker 1 (08:09):
But we're talking about building the importance of
it, like holding hands whileyou're just hanging around or
you're watching TV.
Speaker 2 (08:16):
Well, back to what we said at the beginning.
What happens when somethinghappens Right and there isn't
the ability in certain times tobe physically intimate, right?
Where do you draw feelingconnected with your spouse?
Speaker 1 (08:32):
from.
Speaker 2 (08:33):
It's from these foundations and if you create or
build a relationship.
Speaker 1 (08:38):
This is why couples that have sex early, early on,
statistically have a lowerchance of succeeding in
long-term relationships andmarriages, because they give
away that part, which is anincredibly important part.
But they give away that partlong before they've actually
established the oxytocin, thelove hormone, exactly.
They're just letting it gowhenever.
(08:58):
Now we're just having sex, nowwe're connected all the time and
so Just physically, justphysically, and there's no
actual connection to.
So we I've actually we, we knowwe coach couples where they
built their relationshipstraight, just like they went
out three times.
Third time they're having sex.
That's all they did.
They didn't really build afriendship, they didn't build
any relationship, they didn'tbuild any kind of structure or
(09:21):
patterns or communication oranything that's needed around
the relationship.
And then 10, 15, 20 years lateryou get to a place where you're
like, well, now what?
And it's not that you can'tlove that person or don't even
love that person, it's just likeyou built it on something that
crumbles.
Speaker 2 (09:36):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (09:36):
You didn't build it on a friendship.
You didn't build it on goodcommunication or good
relationship or values that werethe same.
You didn't build it like that.
Speaker 2 (09:43):
That's right, but there's hope.
So if you found yourself on theother end of it, you can still
start implementing these thingsand fostering that friendship.
Speaker 1 (09:58):
Like we're saying is like daily hugs or kisses or
goodbye rituals.
Like I hate leaving the housewithout saying I love you and
giving you a hug and a kiss,looking into each other's eyes
intentionally for a few minutes.
Speaker 2 (10:06):
Yes, we've done that.
Speaker 1 (10:08):
Is it because we're silently communicating?
Speaker 2 (10:10):
Even though I mean it's awkward, let's be real.
When you're like you've been tothose relationship seminars
where you have to sit acrossfrom your spouse and you have to
stare at them without sayinganything, but just right, it can
be, and we've been married for23 years and it's awkward
sometimes, it's just weird forthe first little bit and then
(10:34):
the longer you stare, then themore uncomfortable it gets.
Maybe, but the more I'm likepaying attention Like he's got
some new gray hair or he's gotWow, right, I thought we were
going to try and keep it hidden.
I'm really paying attention toyour facial features and the way
(10:54):
that you're looking at me andas we're saying this, we are
staring at each other across thetable.
Speaker 1 (11:00):
You have a lovely face.
Speaker 2 (11:02):
Thank you, and as do you.
It just fosters if you can getpast how uncomfortable it might
be at the beginning.
Um, it really does help.
It really does help, like you,and it's so weird.
I don't.
I can't understand the sciencebehind why that is, but if it's
20 seconds that you're holdingthat gaze, leaving that that 20
(11:24):
seconds like for us, we werelike, oh well, we could have
done another 20 seconds, yeah,whereas when it first started we
were kind of like this is sodumb.
Speaker 1 (11:34):
This is so dumb.
Why are we doing this?
Well, and even you said youdon't know the science behind it
, it's because here's what Ithink Maybe the world thinks
differently or culture thinksdifferent, but God built us to
be in relationship with people.
God built us for a man and awoman to be together, to take
those differences that they haveand connect them and build a
family, to build a home together.
(11:55):
And the science says that asix-second kiss releases
oxytocin and will build andfoster intimacy.
A 20-second hug can reducecortisol, which is like we're a
stress home.
Speaker 2 (12:08):
We're a stress home.
You fight or flight.
Speaker 1 (12:10):
You fight or flight.
You see all these stupid thingson Instagram where it's like
you have high cortisol andhere's what you do and these
seven things don't want highcortisol no, we don't want high
cortisol, but stress is a partof life, so managing it but.
But the 20 second hug canreduce that with.
I know I don't mean like a.
You've ever seen uh oninstagram, those guys that are
standing in the middle of likeuh, like a square somewhere in
the states and they said freehugs and people will just come
(12:33):
in, and it's never a 20 secondhug.
Speaker 2 (12:34):
No.
Speaker 1 (12:35):
But you, you realize the deep need for human
connection deep need for humanconnection and I believe that's
how God built us is to haverelationships, to have circles,
to have fellowship, and men andwomen need that.
Speaker 2 (12:48):
Exactly so.
We had given some examples of aholding hands, hugs, kisses,
back rubs, looking at at eachother.
You can just be sitting next toeach other.
You don't have to we're, we're,we're, you're just.
Speaker 1 (12:59):
Your proximity is next to each other and you know,
there's some things that aregoing to require some
communication, like sometimes,natalie said, well, I want to be
alone.
I'm like, oh, okay, and thenI'll leave to go, like doing
she's not that kind of alone.
I'm like I don't know what kindof alone you mean.
I don't want to talk, I justwant to be in the same space.
So you want me to be with you,which is a definition of not
(13:20):
alone, but we're notcommunicating, and so that's
what you want.
Speaker 2 (13:23):
And so there is going to be some yeah Times where you
just need to be in each other'spresence.
Speaker 1 (13:33):
Yeah, sitting in the same space.
Right and a foot, touching afoot.
Speaker 2 (13:38):
Exactly, and we've done that.
Yeah, when we're driving in thecar, on the gear shifter, brian
always has his hand there andthen I put my hand on top of his
.
Speaker 1 (13:50):
That's just something we've always done, even since
we were dating, even since wewere dating even since we were
dating right.
It was super manly when I candrive a standard why do you
laugh?
Speaker 2 (14:00):
and?
Speaker 1 (14:01):
not affirm my, my fantasy okay this was the least
helpful conversation of all time, wow, right, and even as we're
talking about, there's, there'sincredibly important for you to
to build a friendship like andwhat we're talking about is
emotional intimacy, physicalintimacy.
(14:21):
We're going to get through allthe pillars.
All of them lead towards havinga healthy friendship between
you and your spouse, and sothere's there's a.
The daily physical connectionis important.
I heard a statistic I don't knowwhere it was, I don't and I'd
have to look it up, but therewas someone saying is that men
because I speak, I read a lot ofthings pertaining to men, just
(14:43):
kind of see where things aregoing in the world of Christian,
non-christian culture is that40 for 45% of men don't have one
close friend to call in inanything like just don't have
one close friend.
There's men that have grown upthat have never been told I love
you in the last five or 10years there and uh, the so when
(15:05):
we're talking, you have anopportunity with your
significant other to buildbridges.
Just think about all the peoplethat don't have access to the
kind of thing that you do whenyou're sitting across from your
partner and being like I canbuild, I can touch her hand or I
can touch them, I can hear them, I can look at them, I can see
them walking away.
I can build relationship,listen to the same music, sit on
(15:26):
the same couch all of thosethings it builds emotional
stability for each of you toknow that, hey, that person is
there all the time.
I can't imagine like.
This is why divorce frustratesme is that.
Imagine having that for 15 or20 years and then a couple years
and near the end of yourrelationship, all of a sudden
you just turn off that tap right, and then it's no wonder that
(15:49):
after two or three years ofstruggle, at the end of it you
don't feel any bond anymorethat's because you've
essentially set the bond on fireby not continuing to work on
your relationship.
Well and and that is literallythe smallest view of what
happens between couples.
I'm just saying I wouldn't wantto be away from that.
Speaker 2 (16:06):
No, but we've heard people say oh, we're just not
compatible anymore, we're justnot.
Speaker 1 (16:14):
That's a choice.
Speaker 2 (16:15):
I don't feel connected to my significant
other anymore, and I would.
I would venture to say that oneof those reasons probably is a
lack of physical touch.
Speaker 1 (16:30):
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (16:31):
Um, and, and the purpose of it is that that is
what keeps that bond alive andthat bond thriving in in the
relationship.
And you know, even if I'm, Ican be upset with you and when
we're in the car, still put myhand on top of your hand on the
(16:52):
gear shift and still be upsetwith you.
But there's just certain thingsand I've done that and there's
I don don't know.
We have to be intentional, andnot only for our sake, but
because we have children's eyeswatching our our every move when
it comes to how we deal witheach other and we want to, we
(17:13):
want to model that because wewant that in our relationship,
so so that when they leave thehome we're still connected.
It's not we're trying to figureout who we are in that moment.
No, we've been fostering this,and not perfectly, but one foot
in front of the other.
Speaker 1 (17:34):
Yeah, we want to do the best job that we can to make
sure that our kids are, theyunderstand that we love each
other, that even when we fight,even when we have like heated
disagreements, that we're notgoing to be, we're not going to
divorce or separate, or let theanger get the like, let it
fester for so long that all of asudden it causes a rift in the
(17:55):
relationship no right.
I mean I'd say this is this iskind of like that.
But I was sitting on the couchor sitting on the chair last
week or this last week and I'vemade a joke over the years and
this will sound funny is that Ihave a girlfriend and her name
is Natalie, and so it's alwaysabout my wife, natalie.
And so now I'm sitting on thecouch, my middle son is sitting
(18:20):
off to the side and I he looksat me and makes a comment, or
nat says, hey, who's on yourphone?
So it's my girlfriend.
And and you just like, oh,you're dumb, like it had nothing
to do.
But my son responded he's likeit was, he's like man, it's good
to see yourself along thoselines, that you guys have such a
healthy relationship that youcan say that and you think he's
stupid because it's just how weare and I would never make that
(18:43):
joke like unless we were in thatplace and she could trust me
with that kind of thing.
But she, it's true, like you,you build a relationship.
I remember when the kids werereally young we were sitting in
the.
We've probably told the storybefore.
We're sitting in this umwalmart parking lot oh, having
that heated discussion, heateddiscussion.
But this was young and it wasangry.
(19:04):
We weren't happy, there was alot of stress going on, finances
were tough and we were having,we were struggling to
communicate.
Well, at that point, and I justremember we're sitting in the
walmart parking lot, we'resupposed to be here, we're like
it was one of those.
We're in colona let's try andbe happy, we love each other.
And it was one of those.
We're in Kelowna let's try andbe happy, we love each other.
It was one of those kind ofmoments and I just remember you
turning around looking in theback and I can't remember which
kid was crying our middle, our.
(19:25):
Ezra was crying and Brandon'slooking out the window and and
uh.
Speaker 2 (19:29):
Amaris.
Speaker 1 (19:29):
We didn't have Amaris , that's right, they're just
looking and and you just stopand you kind of like what's
going on.
I said you two are you do isfight and it just.
It was one of those momentswhere they thought things were a
trouble.
We talked to them afterwards.
They thought like, hey, we'rein trouble because all we're
doing is fighting, and all theysaw from us was just fighting.
Speaker 2 (19:49):
Well, and when you?
It's that thing, when you thinkthey're not watching.
Speaker 1 (19:53):
Right.
Speaker 2 (19:54):
They are oh, man are and they see those little
moments.
They see the moments where youcome up behind me and just put
your hand on my shoulder, orwhen we're walking and I put my
arm through your arm, or, um,when you put your hand on the
small of my back or you give mea hug, or you put your hand
around my shoulder, or whateverit might be.
They see all of those littleacts and that not only does it
(20:17):
solidify the bond between us,but it also sends a message that
mom and dad are healthy to ourchildren, and that is hugely
important and sometimes we needwe need to see life through our
children's eyes and what it'sdoing to them in order to jolt
us into a more healthier patternRight and I think the the it's
(20:40):
social media is such a weirdanimal when it comes to this
type of thing.
Speaker 1 (20:44):
I often think that the couples that are on facebook
that are the most vocal abouttheir love for each other and
how you held my hand walkingdown by the water and I love you
so much and everything isalways going to be the best
because year round, I alwaysthink those are the ones that
have the worst amount ofstruggles in their relationship
maybe because that's what we'veseen, yeah well, and maybe
(21:07):
because that's what we've seenand I would like, I would say
that like you're, but that allneeds to be private between you
and her.
And if you're seeing a counselor, see a counselor.
Don't put stuff on Facebookbecause it gives you a false.
But what the kids?
This is what we learned overthe years is that even if Nat
and I are putting on a good mask, the kids see everything 100%
(21:29):
and they will say things Exactly.
And they will say things to doyou remember when the teacher
you got a call from someonesaying oh and it was our friend
Star was saying your son saysyou're drinking out of a brown
paper bag like you do, likeyou're an alcoholic, you bought
booze.
Speaker 2 (21:43):
Oh right, Do you remember that?
Yeah, he was telling everyone Idrank from a brown bottle.
A brown bottle, but I wasrinsing my mouth out with
peroxide and he never, ever sawme spit it out.
Speaker 1 (21:59):
So in his mind I was just drinking it.
That was a side note.
Yeah, Side note sidebar.
Speaker 2 (22:01):
Anyway, back on track , back on track, really
emphasizing that these kinds ofthings, I think, lessen the
pressure when the expectation isthis is not, we're not
expecting it to lead to sex, weare just building a bond between
us and I think that that, rightthere one should be honored.
(22:22):
Yeah, where there shouldn't bean expectation of, well, I'm
doing all of these things tocuddle you, and all of that.
Speaker 1 (22:29):
And you're not doing anything.
Speaker 2 (22:31):
And now it's your turn to reciprocate what I want
it has to be.
There has to be a mutualunderstanding for non-sexual
touch or non-sexual routine yeah, whatever that might look like
for you.
Speaker 1 (22:46):
I mean, we've listed some things there yeah, and like
here, just some like practicalideas.
Plan like planet, planet, it'slike plan sex and if that's what
you got to do, plan it.
But if you just need like areminder for the first of all,
if you, if you are out ofalignment with you and your
spouse when it comes to justphysical, non-sexual touch,
(23:07):
where you just this is anintimacy building thing, there's
just some practical things.
Create rituals like likenatalie, as soon as she we wake
up in the morning, I'll walkover, I'll get her coffee, give
her a kiss, sit down, no matterwhat.
At night, I give her.
If I go to bed, at the sametime, I give her a kiss, we pray
, she goes to sleep.
That's what we do on the way outof the house.
(23:28):
There's things that we do.
When I'm standing in thekitchen or she's cooking
something, I'll come in, I'llsupport, hand on the back,
whatever these things are.
If you're not doing them, thisis a great way to start by
saying hey, no, when you're inthe kitchen, I'm going to go in
there and I can put my hand onyour shoulder.
When you're sitting on the couch, I want to sit beside you.
I just want to Something cheesy.
I know it sounds stupid and Iknow it sounds foundational, but
(23:51):
these are things that actuallywill tie you two back together
in an intimate way that isn'tbased on just sex.
Speaker 2 (23:57):
That's right.
Speaker 1 (23:58):
Because when you're having sex, yes, you're
emotionally bonded, yes, you'respiritually bonded, but there's
that release at the end of itthat releases the love hormone
and now you're even moreemotionally connected.
But did you do anycommunication before that?
That's right we always say,like foreplay starts in the
morning 100% and you have to beable to communicate.
Speaker 2 (24:15):
What does that look like?
Because you know if I'm tryingto think of an example here.
Well, because we've talkedabout what that looks like for
us for non-sexual touch.
Speaker 1 (24:33):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (24:33):
But if you don't like something your partner's doing,
like, let's say, you just havea thing and they put their hand
on your knee and it just Weirdyou.
Yeah, you need to communicatethat, hey like.
I appreciate you that you'remaking a stance, but I would
rather if your hand were aroundmy shoulder, or rather than on
my knee.
Speaker 1 (24:51):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (24:52):
If that makes sense.
You have to communicateeverything, and we say this
every single podcastCommunication is key.
It doesn't matter what we'retalking about.
Speaker 1 (24:58):
You have to communicate your likes your
dislikes, what you're, what youmight like, but you haven't
tried yet Exactly.
That's not only for thenon-sexual touch, the physical
intimacy like this type ofintimacy, that's for all parts
of the emotional spiritual, allthat stuff.
Speaker 2 (25:17):
Like what does?
What's your cultural standpointon physical touch?
Speaker 1 (25:22):
Right.
Speaker 2 (25:23):
Right.
So sometimes there are thosesort of I don't want to call
them barriers because I don'tthink that they're barriers, but
sometimes you have that to workaround.
There's just differencesbetween you and the other Right
differences and you knowsometimes like physical touch
can only happen in the home butnot out in public and stuff, so
you need to really communicate.
Speaker 1 (25:42):
Do you like PDAs?
Speaker 2 (25:44):
Right.
You need to really communicatethat with each other, and we
were talking about lovelanguages, because physical
touch is on the bottom of oursReally being intentional of what
the other person's lovelanguage is, especially if
there's this physical touch,then you need to really identify
what that looks like for them.
Speaker 1 (26:01):
Yeah, absolutely so.
Here's your challenge for thefor this next week.
Before we we end up a week, weclose our podcast here.
We want you to take a timeevery single day to have a six
second kiss with your partnersix seconds.
And then we want you to do a 20second hug daily.
(26:22):
And if you can do more than one20 second hug daily, do that
for the next couple weeks.
Send us an email, send us a dm,just say, hey, this actually
helped us.
Let us know what you thoughtabout that.
But that's your challenge.
Speaker 2 (26:35):
Six second kiss, 20 second hug every single day and
also experiment withincorporating different ideas.
And if you have something thatwe've not mentioned, that you're
like, hey, this actually worksfor us, send it to us.
Yeah, absolutely, we'd love tosee it.
And how can they?
Speaker 1 (26:52):
do that?
Yeah, you can do that If youlike this.
I'm not going to do the wholething, but you can send it.
You can email us atamplifiedmarriage at gmailcom,
or you can go onto Instagram orFacebook and message us through
there If you like this podcast.
I know it's been a while sincewe've been.
We've been back, but we areback and we're ready for this
coming year.
It means a lot when you sharewhat you let your friends know,
(27:12):
when you let people know, whenyou share the podcast.
You can follow us on those sameplaces.
You can message us on instagramand facebook and if you've been
with us for a long time, youwill hear us say all the time we
believe that marriage can bereset, refreshed recharged and
restored thanks so much forbeing back with us.
Speaker 2 (27:29):
Talk to you soon.
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