October 23, 2023 • 30 mins
Fear. It's a strong feeling that can really mess with our relationships. Today, we're going to focus on this emotion that people often ignore but can cause a lot of stress. We'll look at the different ways it shows up and how it can create problems. Together, we'll dig deeper to understand how being scared of change, the unknown, or money issues can lead to bad habits in relationships and life in general. Don't forget, no one is safe from this—we'll also talk about our own ups and downs in dealing with fear.
Let's get into those nagging "what if?" questions. We've all done it—making up complicated stories in our heads and getting lost in fake outcomes. But let's be real, these made-up situations usually just add more stress and worry, making our relationships confusing and uncertain. So, what can we do to take back control? How can we stop our relationships from getting messed up because of fear? We've got some useful tips and advice, so get ready for an important and eye-opening chat. We're all going through this, and don't forget—you're not alone.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Bryan (00:01):
Have you ever wondered why you do the things that you
do, why the decisions that youmake, the actions that you have,
the way you respond to yourfamily, the way you respond to
your husband or to your wife?
Do you ever wonder why you dothose things?
Sometimes our decisions are sodriven by fear Fear of change,
fear of the unknown.
Fear, fear, fear.
(00:23):
That's what we oftentimes aremaking decisions and living our
lives based out is fear.
We want to touch on that forthe next little while and we're
going to give some practicalsolutions about what it means to
deal with fear in therelationship.
Natalie (00:57):
Welcome to another episode of Amplified Marriage.
I'm Natalie.
Bryan (01:00):
And I'm Bryan.
Natalie (01:01):
I'm going to say this every podcast.
Wherever you are, whateveryou're doing, gravity, grab a
coffee, grab a seat on the couch, warm, cozy blanket.
We're so glad you joined us forour chat today.
Bryan (01:12):
Absolutely.
If you missed it, which hasbeen a little bit a while ago we
actually were uh, want you togo back and take a listen to our
last one, which is talkingabout the physical effects that
tension has on the body andtension in marriage and how just
holding that stress is aconstant issue in the body.
We laid out all kinds of things.
So, if you missed it, go back,listen to the one about tension
(01:34):
and, uh, if you have anycomments or anything you want to
add to it or say or justchallenge us on, please email us
and we'd love to hear from you.
What are we talking about today?
Natalie (01:44):
Today we're talking about sort of what causes the
tension.
So I think we started backwardsin the last podcast where we
kind of went through um thephysical manifestations and some
of the things that you might befeeling as a result of tension
in your body.
So now we're going to breakdown, uh, in this series that
(02:05):
we're bringing forth now, whatare some of the reasons?
Some of the um, big ticketitems, I guess you could say
that contribute to that tensionthat you might be feeling right
in your marriage andrelationship.
Bryan (02:19):
Absolutely Even what I said in the opening.
I just I think back to when wewere early married, just how
everything was based aroundfinancial fear.
Like we had no money.
Um, how are we going to pay forrent?
How are we going to pay forfood?
How are we going to pay for gas?
Um, then we started having kids.
How are we going to pay fordiapers?
How are we going to?
Natalie (02:39):
and so fears didn't go away because, we're 22 years
married in and we're still fearstill tries to grip us in the
area of finances, in the area ofjob security.
Um, what was the other one thatyou had mentioned?
Bryan (02:57):
Dipers children.
Natalie (02:59):
Well, and children?
Right now, our children aregetting older, so then there's,
you know, vehicles, and there'spost-secondary education.
So I don't think the fear evergoes away, in my opinion, I
think we just learn ways to cope.
Bryan (03:13):
So probably doesn't take over, right.
Natalie (03:16):
So I wouldn't say that.
You know.
You know, fear the unknown.
You know we've been in ourcurrent city for nine years.
There definitely was a fear ofthe unknown when we moved north,
down south here.
Bryan (03:28):
So well, and moving from an extremely cheap city versus
an expensive one.
Oh yeah, so like this isn't justsomething that is like oh, in
the beginning of therelationship, no, no, this is
something that we battleconstantly constantly for it not
to take over and influenceevery decision, like and for us
(03:49):
to be emotional about how we'regoing to make a decision about
our kids, and whether it'sfinances or what's happening
next with the kids or theirschool, or what's happening at
church, there's always optionsfor us having experiencing some
kind of fear.
Right, and so, even as we are we, this is what our attention is.
We have what we think is goingto be a four part possibly
(04:10):
longer series on just dealingwith fear and relationships, and
as we had started researchingthis, we realized that some of
these topics are big and they'regoing to require a bit more, a
bit more detail, a bit moredigging into and even as we were
reading, like studying on this,you know, like you know, we
(04:31):
went through the laundry list ofthings that are fear and some
of the traumas and some of thelike.
We've experienced this one.
We've experienced this one.
This is one that we've we'restruggling with now.
This is and you're just goingthrough this and you're like man
, how and and just.
We want to offer solutions andpractical tips of how we're
going to, how to get away fromthat and some misconceptions
about fear that we want to dealwith.
(04:52):
On the very, very last episode.
Natalie (04:54):
That's right.
And also these are things thatyou know, I think we can all
relate to.
As we break this down in thepodcast to come and tonight,
we've all experienced Some.
We might not be currentlyexperiencing or you might find
yourself in all of them, but thegoal is not, you know, to
(05:21):
appear like, oh, you know, wedon't ever start with any of
this.
We hundred percent I I'll speakfor myself I 100% have
struggled with all of these thatwill be Covering and some more
often creep up.
Yeah and so our hope is that, bybringing it to the light, by
bringing it to the surface,where we're not hiding behind
(05:45):
shame and guilt, yeah, yeah andregret.
Let's just face our fearhead-on and deal with it right,
and hopefully this will spark aconversation or or Kind of a
self-introspective look on likehey, I actually fit in this
(06:05):
category right.
And I'm not alone.
I think that's the greatestthing to know is that you're not
alone in feeling a fear of theunknown.
Bryan (06:14):
Yeah and yeah, absolutely , and Just understanding that us
going into this fear this nextseries actually is so deeply
related to tension in marriage.
Natalie (06:26):
Oh, these will cause all sorts of opportunities to be
tense in your marriage and likeand and you know we went
through last time what happensphysically physically in your
body when you don't Deal withattention and you don't deal
with conflict in a healthy way,how it builds up.
(06:46):
So Go back and listen to thatone, if you've missed it.
Today we're talking about fearof the unknown in regards to
what does that produce Within us?
And so we I feel like we talkabout this almost every podcast
anxiety and stress, anxiety andstress, and it's so Prevalent.
(07:08):
I think a lot of peopleStruggle in this area, with
anxiety and stress over theirmental health.
Absolutely and specifically thearea we want to focus on
tonight is all the what-ifs.
Bryan (07:23):
Natalie is the what-if queen.
Way less, way less now Then youever were, but I just remember
there is way less, or I justtalk about it less.
Natalie (07:35):
I feel like it's not way less.
Bryan (07:37):
No, no, no no, you're not wrong, because your personality
is okay.
Here's, here's the thing.
If you're an enneagram follower, she's a six and that just
means the loyalist.
But what that also means isthat if she walks into a
restaurant and has a dinner forthe very first time at a new
restaurant, she has alreadyplanned out her exit if
something was to happen.
(07:58):
She's planned out my exit.
If something was to happen, sheplans out what would happen if
the food was bad.
She's planned out, if the foodwas good, what she would say.
She would plan out if there wasa dirty fork.
Every aspect of that night orEndeavour has already been
played out in her mind.
All the worst-case scenariosand we went to Disney with the
family, she thought about.
Every worst-case scenario is upto hurricanes, fires, tornadoes
(08:22):
, gang violence well, let's bereal here.
Natalie (08:25):
I already know there was no tornadoes where we were
going.
Bryan (08:28):
Yeah, but it already looked it up.
I like how you say that likethat actually stops you about
worrying about these things.
Natalie (08:33):
But here's the thing I was just saying this to Brian
before we sat down of, like, allthe worst case scenarios, all
the what ifs, all the scenariosin our relationship that I've
not conjured up because theywere actually really.
Bryan (08:46):
they were real scenarios to somebody out there, not to us
, not even to me, not even tothe situation at hand.
Natalie (08:53):
sometimes, but in my mind, and maybe you can relate,
playing the what if?
Game, what if you just up andleave me?
You abandon us, right?
Well, I know, when I read onetime blah, blah, blah, not
realizing the absolute turmoil,I was turmoil turmoil.
Bryan (09:15):
I don't know what turmoil is turmoil?
Natalie (09:18):
all the scenarios, all the stress, all the anxiety, all
the tension.
Bryan (09:24):
I was putting upon myself in an unrealistic situation,
not when you had given me noreason to fear that cave, then
then would you also agree thatin that situation you're also
putting undue stress on me, 100%, like, just like adding this
fact that somehow you think I doremember when we went to the it
was a Shaw Center or the RogersCenter in Edmonton we were at a
(09:48):
conference, a church conference, and we had gone there and
Natalie was on.
We were pregnant.
How many months pregnant?
Like seven or eight months?
Natalie (09:55):
pregnant.
I would say this is in February.
Bryan (09:59):
I like how you did.
Okay, that was girl math rightthere, so you were six, or with
our first baby, with our firstbaby and we've talked about all
the cray cray.
I was yeah, okay, well, thecray cray really didn't.
It wasn't that bad up untilthis one time where we went to
this, this place, and myworkshop was on the exact no, no
(10:19):
, it was in the same buildingbut it was across the far side
of where we were opposite toeach other.
She went to see a famous singer.
Natalie (10:27):
I would say Carolyn Arren.
She did a songwriting workshopand it was brilliant, okay.
Bryan (10:31):
and I went to see some guy teach me how to play guitar
and while we were there we made.
She said to me you don't leaveme.
I'm like, well, I'm not goingto leave you.
She said it as we're driving in.
She said it as we're goingdownstairs.
She said it when we werestanding there and so we had,
like B sectioned this big pole,that this is where our muster
point was at the end ofeverything.
We were going to meet here withour group and I was, but she was
(10:53):
convinced that hold, she lefther workshop early to see if I
had gotten to the muster pointearly.
I'm like no, I hadn't left yetbecause mine wasn't finished.
Then mine went long by, onlylike 10 minutes, but it was like
a five minute walk to thisthing and by that time I found
her crying next to B poster, barea, crying sitting on a bench.
(11:16):
No one, everyone else is stillin their workshops because
theirs went long too.
And she's crying by herself onthis thing, convinced that I had
left her.
And this, I'm like I, andthat's the thing is that you had
created a situation in yourmind that was not real.
That's right and and convincedyourself that this is going to
(11:38):
happen.
But it was in your family, thatwas something that had actually
happened to your sister, and sothere was a part of you that
was like, well, he's going to dothis to me too, even though we
had a healthy relationship ish.
Natalie (11:50):
Yeah, it was nothing, nothing at all like that
situation.
But it's funny how, when youfind yourself like triggers
right, and being pregnant was ahuge trigger for me but not
realizing, and some some of youmight be like, oh, it was just
pregnancy hormones, no, no, no,I'm sure that played a part into
it, but I would not say thatthat was the only soul
(12:11):
contributing factor.
I wish listeners that we couldsay to you that it was that it
was pregnancy hormones is notnot in my case, maybe for you,
but the amount of energy thatthat took in a scenario that
wasn't real and and I had nothere was no landing point for
(12:38):
me to distrust that you wouldactually show up because you had
always showed up, so I had noteven a scenario to hold over
your head.
And even even if I was late, Istill showed up you still showed
up right and very rarely wereyou late, because you value
being on time, so there was noreason for me to distrust your
(13:02):
word.
Bryan (13:02):
Well, let's go back to the you value.
You know why I valued being ontime?
Because I valued being on,because I married you.
Natalie (13:08):
Right.
So um the all that to say theemotional.
I mean, I had a headache afterI was mentally exhausted, I was
emotionally exhausted, in asituation that wasn't even done
to me, but one I had.
I had gone through the mind ofhe's not here.
(13:28):
So all of my worst fears havecome too past now, and then can
you imagine the trauma, thetrauma I created for myself when
he showed up.
Bryan (13:39):
Yeah right, I thought you left me.
I'm like I had to go to thebathroom.
Natalie (13:44):
Exactly.
Bryan (13:45):
Right, and here's the thing, is that the what is that
you created early on in therelationship, it caused tension.
Natalie (13:51):
It caused fights, undue fights for nothing.
Bryan (13:53):
Well, at that end I I at the beginning, we said, well,
maybe you're not, you're waybetter than you were, Right Like
now we have 22 years of me justshowing up, and so there's a
part of you has like all right.
And you've also grown andmatured and we've grown together
in this and this is quite thesame issue.
But the what ifs for quite afew years and early years
(14:14):
probably six or seven or eightyears of relationship were
crippling sometimes, that'sright.
Natalie (14:18):
And here I just want to say that when you showed up it
wasn't like I can't believeyou're crying.
I told you I was, I was comingsometime.
Bryan (14:26):
No, no, no, no, like.
Let's be honest, but half thetime I bet you was like this are
you kidding me, like you knowthat I'm going to show up and it
in my response.
Unfortunately, sometimes it wastriggered by how, how hard you
would come at me with where wereyou?
Why were you late?
I can't believe you didn't tellme that's right Right.
And and just coming, coming on,glued sometimes and that didn't
(14:49):
happen all the time but I wouldget upset and frustrated, I mean
, like I've never given you anyreason to think I'm going to
leave you.
No, and so 50,.
I know I appreciate you tryingto give me props.
It will 50% of the time I'm notresponding super healthy like
either.
Natalie (15:03):
No, but you have also you um what's the word?
Bryan (15:10):
I don't know what you're trying to say, so I think,
validated how I was feeling inthe moment.
Natalie (15:14):
Oh yeah Is what I meant to say.
Like you didn't just diss likesquash.
Bryan (15:20):
That doesn't sound like me at all.
Natalie (15:22):
My fears in the, in the moment, right, Right afterwards
, when I could rationalize maybelaugh a little logically come
to a healthy conclusion of ofworking through that.
Um then it was like, oh mygoodness, I can't believe that I
responded like that or that Iwas that way far down that path.
(15:44):
But here's the thing.
You know, one of the thingswe'll be talking about down the
road here is self sabotage, andhow many times can our what ifs
that we play out in our mindsactually lead to a physical
ramification of pushing yourspouse, pushing your partner
away to a point where it's likeyou have already categorized me
(16:07):
as leaving you and eventuallyyou get fed up with you.
I'm not speaking like youpersonally, but hypothetically
the person gets fed up of alwaysbeing the bad guy in a
situation that they were not thebad guy to begin with.
Does that make sense?
Bryan (16:24):
Right.
Natalie (16:25):
And you create an actual distance between you and
your partner and you and yourspouse.
Bryan (16:30):
Yeah, which just creates more and more distortion Right.
Which then?
Natalie (16:33):
eventually, you know Cal's surprise he may walk away.
Bryan (16:38):
Right.
Natalie (16:39):
Does that make sense?
Bryan (16:40):
Absolutely, because there's only so a precursor.
Well, that and like.
Sometimes people may just take,take and take the abuse.
Like I think that once we got,once we got a little bit
healthier, we just kind of webecome a bit more brutally
(17:01):
honest over the years, Just likethat hurt my feelings.
I don't like what you said, Umand not hold back, but that's
also personality thing,Partially because you had to
learn to adapt to my personality.
Because I hate Um you're astraight shooter.
Yeah and but.
But I don't like is you knowthat thing?
(17:22):
You see, you see all the timein like romantic comedies.
Well, if you don't know what'swrong with me, I'm not going to
tell you.
Oh, it's nonsense, it'snonsense, but that's what people
actually do.
Natalie (17:30):
Yeah.
Bryan (17:30):
And for the longest time.
That's what you did.
The what if?
Scenario would happen andthat's how you responded, and
nothing enraged me more Like I.
I even with my kids, with mystaff at the church.
You know that if you dancearound the issue and I find out
before you tell me I'm going tobe some upset, yep, and I need
you to be straight with me, likeand when, even like, even when
(17:50):
it comes to my feedback.
Just be a straight shooter withme.
So what you did a lot of thetimes was you would dance around
it instead of just saying, hey,this is what's going on and
expected me to know, based on afeeling or the way you gave me
your cold shoulder shoulder orhow you responded to a situation
.
I'm not one to roll over andjust take it, but there will be
people, men and women, that willjust constantly let that pile
(18:13):
up on each other and, instead ofdealing with it, they end up
having that.
That what we call like.
Our pastor says this all thetime.
Now it's like my.
One of my favorite things whenI'm preaching is to say um,
distance creates distortion, andthe way you create distance is
by letting things pile up oneach other, compound on each
other and hypotheticalsituations what?
ifs that aren't even real toyour current situation.
(18:36):
It's like you see in the moviesor you see on memes all the
time.
Right now, we should do a wholeum like video episode,
combating all those stupidrelationship videos that you see
on online all the time.
But the one that that's all theuh you see all the time right
now is is that exact one.
If you don't know, I'm notgoing to tell you and how the
(18:57):
woman responds, and you're not amind reader.
Natalie (19:00):
And how can you be a mind reader to hypothetical
pretend situations I've made upin my head?
Bryan (19:04):
or the other meme that you see that this one's kind of
funny is is all the time is when, uh, the wife is upset at the
husband because he did somethingstupid.
Instead of coming with me, youwent to play poker with your
buddies and your buddieshappened to be dogs or whatever
it was, and she's actually upsetwith you about something you
did in the dream.
Natalie (19:23):
Oh, oh, that's a whole lot, a whole nother thing.
Those are real funny and that Iattribute to a pregnancy.
Bryan (19:31):
That that was not a real experience at all, folks.
Natalie (19:34):
Not only stress and anxiety in the, in the way that
we think of stress and anxiety,but this is a whole different
spin, a whole different maybenot spin cause it's.
It's legit.
Bryan (19:44):
Yeah.
Natalie (19:45):
A whole different perspective on creating
unnecessary stress and anxietydue to playing these what if?
Scenarios.
Bryan (19:53):
Well, and what I?
There's a quote out there.
I wish I could remember what itwas.
But worry kills you before itkills the other.
Ooh, I don't think that's theactual quote.
That's just what I said rightnow.
Natalie (20:03):
Well worry, yeah, that's right.
Bryan (20:05):
Worry kills you before it will kill the other, because I
I know you're worried, butthat's like a worry enough for
everybody but that worry doesn'tlike I'm I get.
This is the thing.
There's not one person on theplanet.
There's probably one person onthe planet that nothing will
bother.
Natalie (20:21):
Right.
Bryan (20:22):
I am not bothered by a lot of things, but I'm that
doesn't mean how to say this.
I'm not bothered by a lot.
Well it will.
I will lose sleep over it.
You know what I mean.
Like, I can handle a lot.
My shoulders are big.
I can take, I can take abeating, I can take a lashing I
can take.
I can take a lot.
That doesn't mean like and andnot.
(20:43):
A lot bothers me, but thatdoesn't mean sometimes I'm not
carrying the weight of thosethings.
Natalie (20:46):
That's right, you just, you just process it differently
.
Yeah, I just yeah, I process itby replaying it over and over
and, over and over and over, and, in certain yeah, in certain
scenarios, with certain people,I will do the same thing.
And it's, it's awful.
But here's, like um the, theprecursor to the next one.
We want to talk about all thesewhat if?
Situations.
So we talk about, like I'mcreating these escape plans, I'm
(21:10):
creating these um fakescenarios and having a way,
should there be an emergency, ofhow I'm going to self preserve
the life of myself.
You, my children, my friends,whoever I'm with, stems from a
feeling of loss of control,which is the second one.
Bryan (21:31):
How often just be told just as have you felt in control
and in.
Natalie (21:36):
In my life.
Bryan (21:39):
Well, in plans that we've made together, Was it?
There's a military saying saidplans are plans Don't survive
contact with the enemy.
Literally.
Natalie (21:50):
Am I the enemy?
No, you're not.
Bryan (21:51):
No, you're not.
Well, depends on the day, itdepends on the what if scenario.
No, I mean, like this is thething.
We've made all kinds of planswe're going to.
We're going to plan this, we'regoing to save money.
We're going to in three years,this is what we want to do.
Natalie (22:07):
And it's never.
Bryan (22:08):
I shouldn't say never because I don't want to quantify
but I would say 75% of the timethe plan adjusted and changed
from what we originally thoughtit was going to be.
Natalie (22:15):
And it's so maddening.
Bryan (22:18):
And here's the here's the difference between you and I is
that I adapt really quickly tochange and I do not.
Natalie (22:24):
And I know that about myself.
Bryan (22:25):
You do not.
In fact, sometimes I'm draggingher over to the side of change,
quick kicking and screamingwith vehemence and violence and
she just is like I do not wantto change.
And she's so routine, basedlike bed, at the same time, same
routine when she goes to bed.
Natalie (22:44):
You know who I'm like.
If any of you have seen bugs,you've seen bugs life, the part
of bugs life where all the antsare going in a row and a leaf
falls and the leaf goes andfalls between, oh, the two ants
where they were in their chain.
One section continues going andthe other section is in a sheer
panic because there's a leafblocking their way.
(23:06):
We don't know what to do, wedon't know where to go, and then
, and then there's this wholebig thing about just go around.
That is me, that is me.
Bryan (23:16):
That is the most apt description of how it is for you
.
Natalie (23:20):
Um, and I'm a creature of habit, and I'll be the first
to say that that is to mybetterment, but also to my
demise because there comes asense of feeling, uh, a loss of
of control in the situation.
Honestly, the only thing I cancontrol is myself.
Bryan (23:35):
Yeah, and you can only control your response to that
loss of control.
Natalie (23:38):
Should I react?
I'm in control of that.
What I choose to say, what mythoughts are, those are the
things that I can actuallycontrol.
But if fear is steering theship, um, it's, it's going to.
It's not going to lead to afeeling of stability right.
And in in our marriage it hasled to okay, well, if I've got
(24:02):
everything planned out rightEmergency plans, emergency
procedures um, feeling a losscontrol means that we're
steering in uncharted waters, uminto like a big fog.
If you're a visual person andyou cannot see if you're going
north, south, east or west,where's the path back, where's
(24:24):
our, our?
Um like landmarks that we canfixate on.
Okay, this is the way we getback.
Feeling of of loss of controlis that very thing.
There's no sure way.
Bryan (24:38):
You know that you just stole my analogy without me you
knowing I was going to use it.
I did yes.
Well, come on.
The analogy I was going to useabout fear is is that, um, when
you begin to experience fears,when you leave the harbor, where
the harbor is calm and relaxedand it's familiar, and there's
(24:58):
peace there and you're about togo?
out onto the and secure andyou're going to.
Yeah, you're tied to the dock.
You know nothing's going tohappen to you here.
You know that your boat doesn'thave any holes because it's
sitting in the water Right.
And then you get into the boatand you go out to the sea and
you don't know what's out there.
You can't see northeast, westor south and you just are like
and you can see oh, there's darkclouds over here.
(25:18):
What's coming my way?
Natalie (25:21):
That's right.
We just went on a cruise lastyear, was it last year?
This year I?
Bryan (25:26):
don't know.
Natalie (25:27):
In the spring it was this year, okay.
So we went on a cruise in thatwhole same thing.
I do well in water where I cansee the bottom.
I do not do well in water whereI can't see the bottom.
Cause again, remember, I have avivid imagination.
I want everyone there are 37great white sharks clearly
swimming right below where I'mswimming.
Bryan (25:46):
Yeah, obviously.
Natalie (25:47):
I want everyone to understand that water.
Bryan (25:50):
She can't see the bottom of is almost every place that we
ever swim at in in Canada.
Wherever we see, you can't seethe bottom, so you fear all of
those places.
Natalie (26:01):
All of the things.
I fear some great suction.
I fear a giant fish swallowingme like there is.
Bryan (26:07):
Cause the seaweed is live , it's going to wrap under your
right and I'm in.
Natalie (26:10):
I've seen Jaws.
Come on now.
Bryan (26:14):
You know Jaws was fake, right.
Natalie (26:16):
Well, the movie was fake, but the, the actual shark
is very real.
We're side barring.
We're side barring, okay.
Bryan (26:24):
Back, back on top.
Natalie (26:25):
Talking about unchartered waters.
You are at the mercy of thecaptain of that ship.
Bryan (26:31):
Right.
Natalie (26:33):
And in our relationship , the captain of our ship is
Jesus, and so, when we are in astate of losing control, we have
a choice we're either going toto set anchor in in the Lord, or
we're going to flounder in theunknown.
And and we've we've been in inboth situations and let me tell
(26:54):
you that the the situation whereyou're trying and I'm trying to
do it on my own and I'm tryingto be so calculated, and all of
that Um, you don't prepare for,or you think you prepare for.
All of the um, the anomalies,all of the little things that
could be like wrenches in thespokes, so to speak.
You can't ever fully preparefor any of them.
(27:16):
No, you can't, right, becausecreating a hypothetical
situation and then being facedwith the actual reality of that
situation, are vastly different,absolutely.
Bryan (27:28):
I think that what we want to do with the ultimate end of
this is actually provide some um, like name, name, some fears.
You know like it's like whenyou see, when you name something
, you take away the power of it.
Natalie (27:41):
Remember when we were talking about?
Bryan (27:43):
uh, we, we had read a book by Chris Voss and he's a
FBI negotiator and he said, whenhe goes in negotiations, um,
with someone and I use this withNatalie sometimes, as she'll
come in and she looks agitatedand be like hey, you look like
you're a bit agitated right nowand it just gives some, some,
some, some, some, some, some,some, some, some, some.
Lot of that gives the name tosomething and like permission
(28:03):
for that to be dealt.
Natalie (28:04):
Dit marinag na peide stabila vorela and well, and for
me to acknowledge you're rightI am agitated right, or hey, I'm
really mad right now.
Bryan (28:10):
I'm just feeling sad or whatever it is, and so we want
to name these fears, talk ourway through them, give you some
accounts of the things thatwe've actually struggled with in
our own life and Just kind ofwalk through them with you and
just Provide an Understandingthat you're not alone, that it's
not just you, that well, we'rehere to help, we're here to pray
(28:31):
.
We want to give you some moretools, for the toolkit to see
you have the most success thatyou possibly can have in your
relationship.
So we just want to say thankyou for listening.
If you do happen to like ourpodcast, which I know that you
do, it Does mean a lot to uswhen you share it and let people
know about amplified marriage.
You can follow us on Instagramand on Facebook and again, we
say this all the time and we doget some questions and we're
(28:53):
actually looking at a newsegment as part of the show
moving forward.
But you have a topic or question.
That's the gonna be the newthing.
You send us a question.
We're gonna actually read itonline.
If you want your name read,please do, and we will do that
for you.
If not, we'll keep it anonymous, but if you have a topic or a
question or anything you want toask us or even just challenge
us on, please email us.
An amplified marriage.
(29:13):
I'd email calm and, as you haveheard us say many times before,
we believe that your marriagecan be reset, refreshed be
charged and restored.
Natalie (29:21):
Thanks for listening.
Talk to you soon, you, you.
Have you ever wondered why you do the things that you
do, why the decisions that youmake, the actions that you have,
the way you respond to yourfamily, the way you respond to
your husband or to your wife?
Do you ever wonder why you dothose things?
Sometimes our decisions are sodriven by fear Fear of change,
fear of the unknown.
Fear, fear, fear.
(00:23):
That's what we oftentimes aremaking decisions and living our
lives based out is fear.
We want to touch on that forthe next little while and we're
going to give some practicalsolutions about what it means to
deal with fear in therelationship.
Natalie (00:57):
Welcome to another episode of Amplified Marriage.
I'm Natalie.
Bryan (01:00):
And I'm Bryan.
Natalie (01:01):
I'm going to say this every podcast.
Wherever you are, whateveryou're doing, gravity, grab a
coffee, grab a seat on the couch, warm, cozy blanket.
We're so glad you joined us forour chat today.
Bryan (01:12):
Absolutely.
If you missed it, which hasbeen a little bit a while ago we
actually were uh, want you togo back and take a listen to our
last one, which is talkingabout the physical effects that
tension has on the body andtension in marriage and how just
holding that stress is aconstant issue in the body.
We laid out all kinds of things.
So, if you missed it, go back,listen to the one about tension
(01:34):
and, uh, if you have anycomments or anything you want to
add to it or say or justchallenge us on, please email us
and we'd love to hear from you.
What are we talking about today?
Natalie (01:44):
Today we're talking about sort of what causes the
tension.
So I think we started backwardsin the last podcast where we
kind of went through um thephysical manifestations and some
of the things that you might befeeling as a result of tension
in your body.
So now we're going to breakdown, uh, in this series that
(02:05):
we're bringing forth now, whatare some of the reasons?
Some of the um, big ticketitems, I guess you could say
that contribute to that tensionthat you might be feeling right
in your marriage andrelationship.
Bryan (02:19):
Absolutely Even what I said in the opening.
I just I think back to when wewere early married, just how
everything was based aroundfinancial fear.
Like we had no money.
Um, how are we going to pay forrent?
How are we going to pay forfood?
How are we going to pay for gas?
Um, then we started having kids.
How are we going to pay fordiapers?
How are we going to?
Natalie (02:39):
and so fears didn't go away because, we're 22 years
married in and we're still fearstill tries to grip us in the
area of finances, in the area ofjob security.
Um, what was the other one thatyou had mentioned?
Bryan (02:57):
Dipers children.
Natalie (02:59):
Well, and children?
Right now, our children aregetting older, so then there's,
you know, vehicles, and there'spost-secondary education.
So I don't think the fear evergoes away, in my opinion, I
think we just learn ways to cope.
Bryan (03:13):
So probably doesn't take over, right.
Natalie (03:16):
So I wouldn't say that.
You know.
You know, fear the unknown.
You know we've been in ourcurrent city for nine years.
There definitely was a fear ofthe unknown when we moved north,
down south here.
Bryan (03:28):
So well, and moving from an extremely cheap city versus
an expensive one.
Oh yeah, so like this isn't justsomething that is like oh, in
the beginning of therelationship, no, no, this is
something that we battleconstantly constantly for it not
to take over and influenceevery decision, like and for us
(03:49):
to be emotional about how we'regoing to make a decision about
our kids, and whether it'sfinances or what's happening
next with the kids or theirschool, or what's happening at
church, there's always optionsfor us having experiencing some
kind of fear.
Right, and so, even as we are we, this is what our attention is.
We have what we think is goingto be a four part possibly
(04:10):
longer series on just dealingwith fear and relationships, and
as we had started researchingthis, we realized that some of
these topics are big and they'regoing to require a bit more, a
bit more detail, a bit moredigging into and even as we were
reading, like studying on this,you know, like you know, we
(04:31):
went through the laundry list ofthings that are fear and some
of the traumas and some of thelike.
We've experienced this one.
We've experienced this one.
This is one that we've we'restruggling with now.
This is and you're just goingthrough this and you're like man
, how and and just.
We want to offer solutions andpractical tips of how we're
going to, how to get away fromthat and some misconceptions
about fear that we want to dealwith.
(04:52):
On the very, very last episode.
Natalie (04:54):
That's right.
And also these are things thatyou know, I think we can all
relate to.
As we break this down in thepodcast to come and tonight,
we've all experienced Some.
We might not be currentlyexperiencing or you might find
yourself in all of them, but thegoal is not, you know, to
(05:21):
appear like, oh, you know, wedon't ever start with any of
this.
We hundred percent I I'll speakfor myself I 100% have
struggled with all of these thatwill be Covering and some more
often creep up.
Yeah and so our hope is that, bybringing it to the light, by
bringing it to the surface,where we're not hiding behind
(05:45):
shame and guilt, yeah, yeah andregret.
Let's just face our fearhead-on and deal with it right,
and hopefully this will spark aconversation or or Kind of a
self-introspective look on likehey, I actually fit in this
(06:05):
category right.
And I'm not alone.
I think that's the greatestthing to know is that you're not
alone in feeling a fear of theunknown.
Bryan (06:14):
Yeah and yeah, absolutely , and Just understanding that us
going into this fear this nextseries actually is so deeply
related to tension in marriage.
Natalie (06:26):
Oh, these will cause all sorts of opportunities to be
tense in your marriage and likeand and you know we went
through last time what happensphysically physically in your
body when you don't Deal withattention and you don't deal
with conflict in a healthy way,how it builds up.
(06:46):
So Go back and listen to thatone, if you've missed it.
Today we're talking about fearof the unknown in regards to
what does that produce Within us?
And so we I feel like we talkabout this almost every podcast
anxiety and stress, anxiety andstress, and it's so Prevalent.
(07:08):
I think a lot of peopleStruggle in this area, with
anxiety and stress over theirmental health.
Absolutely and specifically thearea we want to focus on
tonight is all the what-ifs.
Bryan (07:23):
Natalie is the what-if queen.
Way less, way less now Then youever were, but I just remember
there is way less, or I justtalk about it less.
Natalie (07:35):
I feel like it's not way less.
Bryan (07:37):
No, no, no no, you're not wrong, because your personality
is okay.
Here's, here's the thing.
If you're an enneagram follower, she's a six and that just
means the loyalist.
But what that also means isthat if she walks into a
restaurant and has a dinner forthe very first time at a new
restaurant, she has alreadyplanned out her exit if
something was to happen.
(07:58):
She's planned out my exit.
If something was to happen, sheplans out what would happen if
the food was bad.
She's planned out, if the foodwas good, what she would say.
She would plan out if there wasa dirty fork.
Every aspect of that night orEndeavour has already been
played out in her mind.
All the worst-case scenariosand we went to Disney with the
family, she thought about.
Every worst-case scenario is upto hurricanes, fires, tornadoes
(08:22):
, gang violence well, let's bereal here.
Natalie (08:25):
I already know there was no tornadoes where we were
going.
Bryan (08:28):
Yeah, but it already looked it up.
I like how you say that likethat actually stops you about
worrying about these things.
Natalie (08:33):
But here's the thing I was just saying this to Brian
before we sat down of, like, allthe worst case scenarios, all
the what ifs, all the scenariosin our relationship that I've
not conjured up because theywere actually really.
Bryan (08:46):
they were real scenarios to somebody out there, not to us
, not even to me, not even tothe situation at hand.
Natalie (08:53):
sometimes, but in my mind, and maybe you can relate,
playing the what if?
Game, what if you just up andleave me?
You abandon us, right?
Well, I know, when I read onetime blah, blah, blah, not
realizing the absolute turmoil,I was turmoil turmoil.
Bryan (09:15):
I don't know what turmoil is turmoil?
Natalie (09:18):
all the scenarios, all the stress, all the anxiety, all
the tension.
Bryan (09:24):
I was putting upon myself in an unrealistic situation,
not when you had given me noreason to fear that cave, then
then would you also agree thatin that situation you're also
putting undue stress on me, 100%, like, just like adding this
fact that somehow you think I doremember when we went to the it
was a Shaw Center or the RogersCenter in Edmonton we were at a
(09:48):
conference, a church conference, and we had gone there and
Natalie was on.
We were pregnant.
How many months pregnant?
Like seven or eight months?
Natalie (09:55):
pregnant.
I would say this is in February.
Bryan (09:59):
I like how you did.
Okay, that was girl math rightthere, so you were six, or with
our first baby, with our firstbaby and we've talked about all
the cray cray.
I was yeah, okay, well, thecray cray really didn't.
It wasn't that bad up untilthis one time where we went to
this, this place, and myworkshop was on the exact no, no
(10:19):
, it was in the same buildingbut it was across the far side
of where we were opposite toeach other.
She went to see a famous singer.
Natalie (10:27):
I would say Carolyn Arren.
She did a songwriting workshopand it was brilliant, okay.
Bryan (10:31):
and I went to see some guy teach me how to play guitar
and while we were there we made.
She said to me you don't leaveme.
I'm like, well, I'm not goingto leave you.
She said it as we're driving in.
She said it as we're goingdownstairs.
She said it when we werestanding there and so we had,
like B sectioned this big pole,that this is where our muster
point was at the end ofeverything.
We were going to meet here withour group and I was, but she was
(10:53):
convinced that hold, she lefther workshop early to see if I
had gotten to the muster pointearly.
I'm like no, I hadn't left yetbecause mine wasn't finished.
Then mine went long by, onlylike 10 minutes, but it was like
a five minute walk to thisthing and by that time I found
her crying next to B poster, barea, crying sitting on a bench.
(11:16):
No one, everyone else is stillin their workshops because
theirs went long too.
And she's crying by herself onthis thing, convinced that I had
left her.
And this, I'm like I, andthat's the thing is that you had
created a situation in yourmind that was not real.
That's right and and convincedyourself that this is going to
(11:38):
happen.
But it was in your family, thatwas something that had actually
happened to your sister, and sothere was a part of you that
was like, well, he's going to dothis to me too, even though we
had a healthy relationship ish.
Natalie (11:50):
Yeah, it was nothing, nothing at all like that
situation.
But it's funny how, when youfind yourself like triggers
right, and being pregnant was ahuge trigger for me but not
realizing, and some some of youmight be like, oh, it was just
pregnancy hormones, no, no, no,I'm sure that played a part into
it, but I would not say thatthat was the only soul
(12:11):
contributing factor.
I wish listeners that we couldsay to you that it was that it
was pregnancy hormones is notnot in my case, maybe for you,
but the amount of energy thatthat took in a scenario that
wasn't real and and I had nothere was no landing point for
(12:38):
me to distrust that you wouldactually show up because you had
always showed up, so I had noteven a scenario to hold over
your head.
And even even if I was late, Istill showed up you still showed
up right and very rarely wereyou late, because you value
being on time, so there was noreason for me to distrust your
(13:02):
word.
Bryan (13:02):
Well, let's go back to the you value.
You know why I valued being ontime?
Because I valued being on,because I married you.
Natalie (13:08):
Right.
So um the all that to say theemotional.
I mean, I had a headache afterI was mentally exhausted, I was
emotionally exhausted, in asituation that wasn't even done
to me, but one I had.
I had gone through the mind ofhe's not here.
(13:28):
So all of my worst fears havecome too past now, and then can
you imagine the trauma, thetrauma I created for myself when
he showed up.
Bryan (13:39):
Yeah right, I thought you left me.
I'm like I had to go to thebathroom.
Natalie (13:44):
Exactly.
Bryan (13:45):
Right, and here's the thing, is that the what is that
you created early on in therelationship, it caused tension.
Natalie (13:51):
It caused fights, undue fights for nothing.
Bryan (13:53):
Well, at that end I I at the beginning, we said, well,
maybe you're not, you're waybetter than you were, Right Like
now we have 22 years of me justshowing up, and so there's a
part of you has like all right.
And you've also grown andmatured and we've grown together
in this and this is quite thesame issue.
But the what ifs for quite afew years and early years
(14:14):
probably six or seven or eightyears of relationship were
crippling sometimes, that'sright.
Natalie (14:18):
And here I just want to say that when you showed up it
wasn't like I can't believeyou're crying.
I told you I was, I was comingsometime.
Bryan (14:26):
No, no, no, no, like.
Let's be honest, but half thetime I bet you was like this are
you kidding me, like you knowthat I'm going to show up and it
in my response.
Unfortunately, sometimes it wastriggered by how, how hard you
would come at me with where wereyou?
Why were you late?
I can't believe you didn't tellme that's right Right.
And and just coming, coming on,glued sometimes and that didn't
(14:49):
happen all the time but I wouldget upset and frustrated, I mean
, like I've never given you anyreason to think I'm going to
leave you.
No, and so 50,.
I know I appreciate you tryingto give me props.
It will 50% of the time I'm notresponding super healthy like
either.
Natalie (15:03):
No, but you have also you um what's the word?
Bryan (15:10):
I don't know what you're trying to say, so I think,
validated how I was feeling inthe moment.
Natalie (15:14):
Oh yeah Is what I meant to say.
Like you didn't just diss likesquash.
Bryan (15:20):
That doesn't sound like me at all.
Natalie (15:22):
My fears in the, in the moment, right, Right afterwards
, when I could rationalize maybelaugh a little logically come
to a healthy conclusion of ofworking through that.
Um then it was like, oh mygoodness, I can't believe that I
responded like that or that Iwas that way far down that path.
(15:44):
But here's the thing.
You know, one of the thingswe'll be talking about down the
road here is self sabotage, andhow many times can our what ifs
that we play out in our mindsactually lead to a physical
ramification of pushing yourspouse, pushing your partner
away to a point where it's likeyou have already categorized me
(16:07):
as leaving you and eventuallyyou get fed up with you.
I'm not speaking like youpersonally, but hypothetically
the person gets fed up of alwaysbeing the bad guy in a
situation that they were not thebad guy to begin with.
Does that make sense?
Bryan (16:24):
Right.
Natalie (16:25):
And you create an actual distance between you and
your partner and you and yourspouse.
Bryan (16:30):
Yeah, which just creates more and more distortion Right.
Which then?
Natalie (16:33):
eventually, you know Cal's surprise he may walk away.
Bryan (16:38):
Right.
Natalie (16:39):
Does that make sense?
Bryan (16:40):
Absolutely, because there's only so a precursor.
Well, that and like.
Sometimes people may just take,take and take the abuse.
Like I think that once we got,once we got a little bit
healthier, we just kind of webecome a bit more brutally
(17:01):
honest over the years, Just likethat hurt my feelings.
I don't like what you said, Umand not hold back, but that's
also personality thing,Partially because you had to
learn to adapt to my personality.
Because I hate Um you're astraight shooter.
Yeah and but.
But I don't like is you knowthat thing?
(17:22):
You see, you see all the timein like romantic comedies.
Well, if you don't know what'swrong with me, I'm not going to
tell you.
Oh, it's nonsense, it'snonsense, but that's what people
actually do.
Natalie (17:30):
Yeah.
Bryan (17:30):
And for the longest time.
That's what you did.
The what if?
Scenario would happen andthat's how you responded, and
nothing enraged me more Like I.
I even with my kids, with mystaff at the church.
You know that if you dancearound the issue and I find out
before you tell me I'm going tobe some upset, yep, and I need
you to be straight with me, likeand when, even like, even when
(17:50):
it comes to my feedback.
Just be a straight shooter withme.
So what you did a lot of thetimes was you would dance around
it instead of just saying, hey,this is what's going on and
expected me to know, based on afeeling or the way you gave me
your cold shoulder shoulder orhow you responded to a situation
.
I'm not one to roll over andjust take it, but there will be
people, men and women, that willjust constantly let that pile
(18:13):
up on each other and, instead ofdealing with it, they end up
having that.
That what we call like.
Our pastor says this all thetime.
Now it's like my.
One of my favorite things whenI'm preaching is to say um,
distance creates distortion, andthe way you create distance is
by letting things pile up oneach other, compound on each
other and hypotheticalsituations what?
ifs that aren't even real toyour current situation.
(18:36):
It's like you see in the moviesor you see on memes all the
time.
Right now, we should do a wholeum like video episode,
combating all those stupidrelationship videos that you see
on online all the time.
But the one that that's all theuh you see all the time right
now is is that exact one.
If you don't know, I'm notgoing to tell you and how the
(18:57):
woman responds, and you're not amind reader.
Natalie (19:00):
And how can you be a mind reader to hypothetical
pretend situations I've made upin my head?
Bryan (19:04):
or the other meme that you see that this one's kind of
funny is is all the time is when, uh, the wife is upset at the
husband because he did somethingstupid.
Instead of coming with me, youwent to play poker with your
buddies and your buddieshappened to be dogs or whatever
it was, and she's actually upsetwith you about something you
did in the dream.
Natalie (19:23):
Oh, oh, that's a whole lot, a whole nother thing.
Those are real funny and that Iattribute to a pregnancy.
Bryan (19:31):
That that was not a real experience at all, folks.
Natalie (19:34):
Not only stress and anxiety in the, in the way that
we think of stress and anxiety,but this is a whole different
spin, a whole different maybenot spin cause it's.
It's legit.
Bryan (19:44):
Yeah.
Natalie (19:45):
A whole different perspective on creating
unnecessary stress and anxietydue to playing these what if?
Scenarios.
Bryan (19:53):
Well, and what I?
There's a quote out there.
I wish I could remember what itwas.
But worry kills you before itkills the other.
Ooh, I don't think that's theactual quote.
That's just what I said rightnow.
Natalie (20:03):
Well worry, yeah, that's right.
Bryan (20:05):
Worry kills you before it will kill the other, because I
I know you're worried, butthat's like a worry enough for
everybody but that worry doesn'tlike I'm I get.
This is the thing.
There's not one person on theplanet.
There's probably one person onthe planet that nothing will
bother.
Natalie (20:21):
Right.
Bryan (20:22):
I am not bothered by a lot of things, but I'm that
doesn't mean how to say this.
I'm not bothered by a lot.
Well it will.
I will lose sleep over it.
You know what I mean.
Like, I can handle a lot.
My shoulders are big.
I can take, I can take abeating, I can take a lashing I
can take.
I can take a lot.
That doesn't mean like and andnot.
(20:43):
A lot bothers me, but thatdoesn't mean sometimes I'm not
carrying the weight of thosethings.
Natalie (20:46):
That's right, you just, you just process it differently
.
Yeah, I just yeah, I process itby replaying it over and over
and, over and over and over, and, in certain yeah, in certain
scenarios, with certain people,I will do the same thing.
And it's, it's awful.
But here's, like um the, theprecursor to the next one.
We want to talk about all thesewhat if?
Situations.
So we talk about, like I'mcreating these escape plans, I'm
(21:10):
creating these um fakescenarios and having a way,
should there be an emergency, ofhow I'm going to self preserve
the life of myself.
You, my children, my friends,whoever I'm with, stems from a
feeling of loss of control,which is the second one.
Bryan (21:31):
How often just be told just as have you felt in control
and in.
Natalie (21:36):
In my life.
Bryan (21:39):
Well, in plans that we've made together, Was it?
There's a military saying saidplans are plans Don't survive
contact with the enemy.
Literally.
Natalie (21:50):
Am I the enemy?
No, you're not.
Bryan (21:51):
No, you're not.
Well, depends on the day, itdepends on the what if scenario.
No, I mean, like this is thething.
We've made all kinds of planswe're going to.
We're going to plan this, we'regoing to save money.
We're going to in three years,this is what we want to do.
Natalie (22:07):
And it's never.
Bryan (22:08):
I shouldn't say never because I don't want to quantify
but I would say 75% of the timethe plan adjusted and changed
from what we originally thoughtit was going to be.
Natalie (22:15):
And it's so maddening.
Bryan (22:18):
And here's the here's the difference between you and I is
that I adapt really quickly tochange and I do not.
Natalie (22:24):
And I know that about myself.
Bryan (22:25):
You do not.
In fact, sometimes I'm draggingher over to the side of change,
quick kicking and screamingwith vehemence and violence and
she just is like I do not wantto change.
And she's so routine, basedlike bed, at the same time, same
routine when she goes to bed.
Natalie (22:44):
You know who I'm like.
If any of you have seen bugs,you've seen bugs life, the part
of bugs life where all the antsare going in a row and a leaf
falls and the leaf goes andfalls between, oh, the two ants
where they were in their chain.
One section continues going andthe other section is in a sheer
panic because there's a leafblocking their way.
(23:06):
We don't know what to do, wedon't know where to go, and then
, and then there's this wholebig thing about just go around.
That is me, that is me.
Bryan (23:16):
That is the most apt description of how it is for you
.
Natalie (23:20):
Um, and I'm a creature of habit, and I'll be the first
to say that that is to mybetterment, but also to my
demise because there comes asense of feeling, uh, a loss of
of control in the situation.
Honestly, the only thing I cancontrol is myself.
Bryan (23:35):
Yeah, and you can only control your response to that
loss of control.
Natalie (23:38):
Should I react?
I'm in control of that.
What I choose to say, what mythoughts are, those are the
things that I can actuallycontrol.
But if fear is steering theship, um, it's, it's going to.
It's not going to lead to afeeling of stability right.
And in in our marriage it hasled to okay, well, if I've got
(24:02):
everything planned out rightEmergency plans, emergency
procedures um, feeling a losscontrol means that we're
steering in uncharted waters, uminto like a big fog.
If you're a visual person andyou cannot see if you're going
north, south, east or west,where's the path back, where's
(24:24):
our, our?
Um like landmarks that we canfixate on.
Okay, this is the way we getback.
Feeling of of loss of controlis that very thing.
There's no sure way.
Bryan (24:38):
You know that you just stole my analogy without me you
knowing I was going to use it.
I did yes.
Well, come on.
The analogy I was going to useabout fear is is that, um, when
you begin to experience fears,when you leave the harbor, where
the harbor is calm and relaxedand it's familiar, and there's
(24:58):
peace there and you're about togo?
out onto the and secure andyou're going to.
Yeah, you're tied to the dock.
You know nothing's going tohappen to you here.
You know that your boat doesn'thave any holes because it's
sitting in the water Right.
And then you get into the boatand you go out to the sea and
you don't know what's out there.
You can't see northeast, westor south and you just are like
and you can see oh, there's darkclouds over here.
(25:18):
What's coming my way?
Natalie (25:21):
That's right.
We just went on a cruise lastyear, was it last year?
This year I?
Bryan (25:26):
don't know.
Natalie (25:27):
In the spring it was this year, okay.
So we went on a cruise in thatwhole same thing.
I do well in water where I cansee the bottom.
I do not do well in water whereI can't see the bottom.
Cause again, remember, I have avivid imagination.
I want everyone there are 37great white sharks clearly
swimming right below where I'mswimming.
Bryan (25:46):
Yeah, obviously.
Natalie (25:47):
I want everyone to understand that water.
Bryan (25:50):
She can't see the bottom of is almost every place that we
ever swim at in in Canada.
Wherever we see, you can't seethe bottom, so you fear all of
those places.
Natalie (26:01):
All of the things.
I fear some great suction.
I fear a giant fish swallowingme like there is.
Bryan (26:07):
Cause the seaweed is live , it's going to wrap under your
right and I'm in.
Natalie (26:10):
I've seen Jaws.
Come on now.
Bryan (26:14):
You know Jaws was fake, right.
Natalie (26:16):
Well, the movie was fake, but the, the actual shark
is very real.
We're side barring.
We're side barring, okay.
Bryan (26:24):
Back, back on top.
Natalie (26:25):
Talking about unchartered waters.
You are at the mercy of thecaptain of that ship.
Bryan (26:31):
Right.
Natalie (26:33):
And in our relationship , the captain of our ship is
Jesus, and so, when we are in astate of losing control, we have
a choice we're either going toto set anchor in in the Lord, or
we're going to flounder in theunknown.
And and we've we've been in inboth situations and let me tell
(26:54):
you that the the situation whereyou're trying and I'm trying to
do it on my own and I'm tryingto be so calculated, and all of
that Um, you don't prepare for,or you think you prepare for.
All of the um, the anomalies,all of the little things that
could be like wrenches in thespokes, so to speak.
You can't ever fully preparefor any of them.
(27:16):
No, you can't, right, becausecreating a hypothetical
situation and then being facedwith the actual reality of that
situation, are vastly different,absolutely.
Bryan (27:28):
I think that what we want to do with the ultimate end of
this is actually provide some um, like name, name, some fears.
You know like it's like whenyou see, when you name something
, you take away the power of it.
Natalie (27:41):
Remember when we were talking about?
Bryan (27:43):
uh, we, we had read a book by Chris Voss and he's a
FBI negotiator and he said, whenhe goes in negotiations, um,
with someone and I use this withNatalie sometimes, as she'll
come in and she looks agitatedand be like hey, you look like
you're a bit agitated right nowand it just gives some, some,
some, some, some, some, some,some, some, some, some.
Lot of that gives the name tosomething and like permission
(28:03):
for that to be dealt.
Natalie (28:04):
Dit marinag na peide stabila vorela and well, and for
me to acknowledge you're rightI am agitated right, or hey, I'm
really mad right now.
Bryan (28:10):
I'm just feeling sad or whatever it is, and so we want
to name these fears, talk ourway through them, give you some
accounts of the things thatwe've actually struggled with in
our own life and Just kind ofwalk through them with you and
just Provide an Understandingthat you're not alone, that it's
not just you, that well, we'rehere to help, we're here to pray
(28:31):
.
We want to give you some moretools, for the toolkit to see
you have the most success thatyou possibly can have in your
relationship.
So we just want to say thankyou for listening.
If you do happen to like ourpodcast, which I know that you
do, it Does mean a lot to uswhen you share it and let people
know about amplified marriage.
You can follow us on Instagramand on Facebook and again, we
say this all the time and we doget some questions and we're
(28:53):
actually looking at a newsegment as part of the show
moving forward.
But you have a topic or question.
That's the gonna be the newthing.
You send us a question.
We're gonna actually read itonline.
If you want your name read,please do, and we will do that
for you.
If not, we'll keep it anonymous, but if you have a topic or a
question or anything you want toask us or even just challenge
us on, please email us.
An amplified marriage.
(29:13):
I'd email calm and, as you haveheard us say many times before,
we believe that your marriagecan be reset, refreshed be
charged and restored.
Natalie (29:21):
Thanks for listening.
Talk to you soon, you, you.
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