Dear Abby Dilemmas: Boundaries, Marriage Strain, And Ghosts Of Old Love

TALK TO ME, TEXT IT

A bar that feels unsafe, a marriage that feels smaller by the year, and a love that speaks only in dreams—today we wade into the gray areas where real life actually happens. We read three striking Dear Abby letters and respond with straight talk on boundaries, autonomy, and the tender mess of grief that lingers after lights out. No fluff, no easy answers, just a clear look at what people can do when the polite path stops working.

First, we unpack a friend group that keeps choosing a restaurant tied to a listener’s past trauma—a “jolly bar guy” who once broke into her home. We talk about the difference between preference and protection, why “get over it” is not empathy, and how to choose venues and friends that don’t trivialize PTSD. The takeaways are simple and strong: boundaries are valid, opting out is healthy, and social circles reveal their values through their choices.

Then we step into a marriage where one partner has scorched the social earth. Is he depressed, overmedicated, or just done with small talk? Instead of waiting for an epiphany, we make the case for parallel lives: encourage medical care and therapy if he’s willing, and build your own community regardless. A loving partnership can include separate calendars, new hobbies, and dinners with people who refill your energy.

Finally, we sit with the rawness of a husband who sleep-talks to a late ex. Dreams aren’t decisions, but they can hurt to hear. We share practical tools—sleep environment tweaks, gentle wake-ups, honest daytime check-ins—and the bigger reminder that grief and new love can coexist without canceling each other out.

We close on a lighter note with a classic TV debate—Seinfeld, Cheers, MASH, Wings—and invite your pick. If this kind of candid, caring breakdown resonates, follow the show, share it with a friend who needs a boundary boost, and drop a review telling us your all-time sitcom champ.

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Episode Transcript

SPEAKER_00 (00:15):
Ooh, hello, good morning.
It is Friday.
We made it through the week.
This week went by zippity quick,didn't it?
Oh, I think it did.
Alright, we need to move on touh the topics today, and they're
all Dear Abby's because I reallycouldn't find anything on the
New York Post.
I know I say this all the time,but the stories out there are
getting grosser and grosser, andI can't talk about them.

(00:38):
They're just yucky.
Therefore, we're gonna talkabout Dear Abby.
We have three of them.
Which one should I start with?
Um let's start with this crazyone.
Of course, they're allridiculous and crazy.
Dear Abby, my friends want me tohang out with the man that broke
into my house.

(00:59):
This is a story that needs morevetting.
Dear Abby, I have a group ofwonderful women friends.
Now, when I first startedreading the reading this, I
thought, well, what what do youmean?
Why are we going through all ofthis when you I want to get to
the man who broke into yourhouse and your friends want you
to hang out with them?
I thought, why are we goingthrough this?
Okay.

(01:20):
I have a group of wonderfulwomen friends I have known for
decades.
We get together monthly fordinner and drinks at a local
restaurant.
The local, the location isgenerally left up to whoever has
a birthday that month andusually varies among three
choices.
Occasionally I bow out if theychoose a restaurant that caters
to a local creep.

(01:42):
This man, Bob, and Bob is inquotation, so obviously that's
not his real name, has neverbeen charged with an offense.
Well, did you file charges?
But I was one of his victims 20years ago.
Twenty years ago.
Weeks after my first husband'sdeath, Bob broke into my home

(02:07):
and stole items from myhusband's office.
I was there at the time and hecame into my bedroom while I was
dressing.
I screamed at him and heresponded that I hadn't heard
him knocking at the door and hewanted to make sure I was
alright.
This gives us no backstory atall.

(02:28):
So obviously this man and thisher husband obviously kind of I
guess knew each other, but itdoesn't say that yet.
I have no ties to Bob, but myfriends do.
All of them are aware of hisactions and reputation.
If you have no ties to him, whywould he break into your home
and steal stuff from yourhusband?
He obviously knew you.

(02:50):
Alright, I have no ties to Bob,but my friends do.
All of them are aware of hisactions and reputation, so so is
the owner of his nightlyhangout.
But Bob is a jolly bar guy andbuys drinks.
So everyone except me is okaywith it.
I get PTSD at the thought ofattending one of our dinners
when this particularestablishment is chosen, so I

(03:11):
usually skip those nights.
A few of the women in my friendsgroup have told me I need to
just get over it, but I can't.
Any advice on how to handlethis?
Well, I guess just keep doingwhat you're doing.
Don't go.
And I mean I want to know why hewasn't ch he wasn't charged with
anything.
Did you call the police?
Did you pursue it?

(03:33):
I want to know the background,but obviously she's not gonna
tell us.
Dear Abby says, Dear victim, I'msorry for that what happened
that day, although Bob didn'ttouch you.
The terror was real.
Yeah, I guess it would be.
I do have a couple ofsuggestions regarding how to
handle this.
The first is to continuerefusing to attend birthday
celebrations, is what I said.
Also, I think twice about howwonderful a woman friend is who

(03:56):
would choose that restaurant forher party.
Good point, Abby.
Good point.
You might want to ditch thosefriends.
Okay, we need to move on to thenext one.
Let's see, do I want this one ordo I want this one?
Oh, let's go with let's go withthis more serious one.
Dear Abby, my husband has becomea social terrorist.

(04:20):
Can our marriage survive?
Dear Abby, while the sayinggoes, no man is an island, I beg
to differ as I am married toone.
My husband has little to nopatience with anyone, family
included.
I kind of like this guy already.
He has always been negative.
Oh well, I don't like that.
And as he grows older, it hasgrown ten times worse.

(04:43):
Over the past 15 years, myhusband has alienated most of
our friends to the point wherehe no longer has any contact
with them.
He literally walks away fromthem in public.
He probably doesn't have anypatience for their silliness.
Well, I know a lot of people aresuper narcissistic today.
I feel you have to put up withsome of today's BS.

(05:04):
I'm not super social myself, buthis rudeness has gotten out of
hand.
Our social life is nil.
It may be a case of depression.
He's on multiple oh, he's on amultitude of medications.
Why?
It's wearing me down and I'mafraid I'm sinking down with
him.
Is there any situ go is thereany solution?

(05:25):
Just go make your own sociallife.
Leave his negative asset home.
He probably would like itbetter.
That's your answer.
Go go create your own socialactivities.
I mean, you know, still be hiswife and take care of him and
everything, but you can stillhave time for yourself and go
socialize.
Alright, let's see what DearAbby says.
Dear going, because your husbandhas mental health issues.

(05:47):
Now she didn't say mental healthissues.
This could be discussed with adoctor, a different medication,
and talk therapy might help himif he would consent to it.
Please consider consultingsomeone for yourself to help you
decide if you want to spend therest of your life being
isolated.
No, Abby, this is the wrong,wrong advice.
Wrong, wrong.

(06:09):
Just let him be.
He's probably just a regularperson, curmudgeon old man that
doesn't want to put up withanybody.
That's fine.
There's nothing wrong with that.
Alright.
Moving on to the next one.
Dear Abby, my husband calls outfor his old girlfriend when he
sleeps.
Now, this one, this one isbizarre.
I started reading this and Ithought this one has to be

(06:31):
talked about.
Some of the statements that thisdear Abby person writes, you
want to go, what?
Wait, back up.
What happened?
Tell me more about that.
So here we go.
I'll read it withoutinterruption, I hope.
It's short.
Dear Abby, my husband of fourand a half years had an old

(06:51):
girlfriend he was on and offwith for 15 years.
She passed away while he was inprison.
We got married three monthsafter he was released.
The thing is, when he sleeps,almost every night he says her
name and how much he loves her.
He says because he's doing it inhis sleep, he doesn't know he's

(07:13):
doing it.
It seems to upset him that I'mupset.
He doesn't want to hurt me.
What can I do to deal with it orget him to stop doing it?
I want to know why he was inprison.
And how did you meet him inprison?
If he's been in prison for 15years and he had a girlfriend
well, I mean he said he had agirlfriend for 15 years.
I don't know how long he was inprison.

(07:34):
But she passed away while he wasin prison.
But he was but they wereboyfriend and girlfriend for 15
years.
Why couldn't he commit?
Why couldn't he get Okay, I havelots of questions.
Let's see what dear Abby has tosay.
Your husband was on and off withhis late girlfriend much longer
than he had been married to you.
Old habits die hard.
If he wakes you when he if hewakes you when this happens,

(07:57):
don't hesitate to gently wakehim up.
No, don't wake his ass up.
Let him sleep.
Let the man sleep.
I would not wake him up.
So what?
It's in his sleep.
Who cares?
He can't help it if it what he'sdreaming about.
Who who cares?
Just he's with you when you'rewhen he's awake, that's what
matters.
If he asks why you did it,explain that he was talking in

(08:19):
his sleep.
Do not be specific about what.
Well there you go.
Then try to remember that she ishistory and you get right and
you you are right next to him.
Yeah, right next to an exfelonor a felon.
Oh, I don't know.
What do y'all think about thosestories?
Uh, we need to guess go to thequestion of the day.

(08:42):
Let's see.
What is it gonna be today?
Okay, what do you what are youropinions on the best sitcom from
back in the day, the 80s or 90s,probably the 90s, 80s or 90s.
What uh because there's so manydifferent ones.
Let's do I don't know, yourfavorite sitcom.

(09:02):
How about that?
My favorite sitcom is gonna beSeinfeld.
I love Seinfeld.
Although the gent and I havebeen on a wings kick for like a
year now.
We've been watching old rerunsof wings.
Fraser's, I guess, pretty good.
I'd like to start watchingFraser again.
We started watching Cheers, butthen the the streaming service
we were watching and all keptmessing it up and pausing and

(09:24):
everything, so we had to ditchthat.
Cheers was good.
I love Cheers.
I mean Cheers was great.
Uh but Seinfeld, I think, wasthe best.
I'm definitely a Seinfeld personfor sure.
You either love it or you hateit, and I love it.
I know I haven't picked afavorite one yet.
Yeah, Seinfeld's my favoritesitcom.
Um, but as a kid, I lovedwatching the Brady Bunch.

(09:46):
Um, what else?
I think that's it.
That's it.
Oh, wait.
No, okay.
Mash was good.
MASH was really good, wasn't it?
Uh yeah, I guess that's it.
Seinfeld, what's your favoritesitcom?
All right, gotta go.
Thanks for listening.
Have a great weekend.