Skip the News and Play "Spot the Fake Advice Column"

TALK TO ME, TEXT IT

Ever have one of those days when scrolling through the news just makes you want to close your browser and walk away? That's exactly what happened in this episode. After a brief morning coffee delay (complete with baristas blaming their "self-cleaning espresso machine"), I decided to skip the usual news commentary because everything felt "awful and gross."

Instead, I pivoted to something more entertaining - a game of "Which Dear Abby letter is fake?" I briefly touched on the Jimmy Kimmel controversy, noting Kat Timpf's misunderstanding of the FCC's role, and shared Jon Stewart's humorous response where he wore Trump-like attire on The Daily Show. But the real fun began with three peculiar advice column scenarios: an elderly mother mysteriously distancing herself from her children, a neighbor who insists on mowing his lawn at 6 AM while singing polka songs off-key, and a fitness center patron concerned about another woman's overly transparent leggings.

Each letter presents its own unique interpersonal dilemma - when to intervene in an elderly parent's changing behavior, how to handle minor neighborhood annoyances without creating unnecessary conflict, and the delicate question of whether to mention potentially embarrassing clothing issues to strangers. Both Dear Abby's responses and my commentary reveal different approaches to these everyday social challenges. But here's the twist - while all advice columns seem somewhat fabricated, one of these three scenarios actually came straight from my imagination. Can you guess which one before I reveal the answer?

Listen now and see if you can spot the fake Dear Abby letter, then join me and the gent this Sunday for our "Brood Awakening" episode where we'll dive into deeper conversations.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Oh, hello, good morning.
I'm running a little late, notreally, but you know I'm a
little behind my normal schedule.
I got out of the house a littlebit later than normal and then
when I got to Starbucks, ofcourse, new people working.
They cracked me up with theirexcuses of why they're not ready
.
Our espresso machine was in aself-cleaning mode and we

(00:21):
couldn't stop it.
Uh-huh, sure, get there on timeand then start everything up.
Okay, anyway, I'm sorry we'removing on.
Today.
There is a bunch of crap in thenews and I really don't want to
go over it because everything isawful and gross.
I don't like it.
So you're going to get someDear Abbeys.
However, the first thing I willtalk about a couple of things

(00:41):
like this jimmy kimmel look, Ihate when people do that, look,
and I just did it.
Um, I just scrolled throughtwitter and I saw a snippet from
gutfeld last night.
And cat temp I love cat temp, Ireally do, but sometimes the

(01:02):
little girl is just wrong.
I say little girl, she's not alittle girl, she's a grown woman
, she has a child now and she'sbeen through a lot, but she was
on there talking about how she'sa free speech absolutist and
the FCC this and the FCC thatwith the Jimmy Kimmel FCC didn't
do anything, kat, and luckilythere were a lot of people who

(01:24):
were gently giving her somepushback on that little tirade
that she went on.
It's not the FCC child, okay,fcc chairman going on.

(01:49):
Why is he going on the TVtalking about this?
Shut up, shut up.
I will say this.
Jon Stewart apparently came outand, um, it was kind of funny.
Come on, jon Stewart mocksTrump in Daily Show.
Reaction to Jimmy Kimmelgetting pulled from ABC, from
Comedy Central.
It's all new governmentapproved daily show with your
patriotically obedient host, jonStewart.
An announcer began the show, inwhich Stewart wore a dark suit

(02:13):
and red tie, similar to Trump'ssignature attire.
You've got to admit that'sfunny.
And there was somebody else toothat also kind of poked fun.
I can't remember who it was, butwe're going to move on to the
Dear Abbeys, because that's whatwe're going to talk about.
I scrolled through the news andI didn't like any of it.

(02:33):
It's all gross and nasty andicky and I don't want to talk
about it.
So what I'm going to do is I'mgoing to read three Dear Abbeys.
Of course they're all fake.
They're all fake.
They have to be, but one ofthem is really fake that I
created.
So I want you to see if you candetermine which one I created
and which one, and which theones I'm reading from New York

(02:55):
Post.
All right, here we go.
Dear Abbey, my mom is in herearly 80s.
More and more often lately sheseems to be avoiding seeing me
and my siblings.
It wasn't always like this.
She would let me, my husbandand our kids stay with her.
When we visited, even last year, when she fell and injured

(03:19):
herself, she let me stay withher for a couple of days to help
out.
She let me stay with her for acouple of days to help out my
siblings have been saying theythink she has been over them for
a while.
What my siblings have beensaying they think she has been
over them for a while, but I'veonly noticed it over the last
year or so.
Now even our phone conversationsare shorter.

(03:40):
We have lived more than fivehours apart since I moved out
after high school, but I alwaysmade sure to call her regularly.
If I didn't call, I couldexpect the call from her to
check in.
However, now, if I don't callher, I don't.
I won't hear from her.
After asking about me and myfamily, she rushes me off the
phone before I can ask how she'sdoing.

(04:01):
Is this normal?
Is she hiding something?
Is she not feeling well?
Should my siblings and I beworried?
Or has she earned the right tostep back a bit now that she's
older?
Oh no, you need to go check onher.
She's a great mom and we alllove her, her dearly.
But sitting her down for adirect conversation isn't the
norm for us.
What do we do?
Well, you need to sit her downand talk to her.

(04:22):
That's what you need to do.
Who knows what she's beinginfluenced by if she's getting
older?
All right, dear concern, it maynot be the norm for your family
, but it's time all of youvisited mom together and told
her that her changes in behaviorhas you worried because it is
out of the character.
Yes, thank you.
Yes, absolutely, you need to godo that.
I don't know what's wrong withthese people.

(04:45):
All right, we are moving on tothe next one, and it is uh,
let's see, dear Abby, myneighbor insists on mowing his
lawn at 6 am every Saturday.
I wouldn't mind it if we werejust.
I wouldn't mind it if it werejust the sound of the mower, but

(05:06):
he also sings at the top of hislungs badly, think polka songs,
off-key.
I've tried earplugs, white,even blasting my own music, but
nothing helps.
I don't want to start a feudbecause otherwise, because
because we otherwise get alongfine, how do I tell him to stop

(05:29):
without becoming theneighborhood grump, sleepless in
suburbia?
Well, I don't know that that isan awkward one, because you
have your neighbors and yourneighbors, your neighbors for a
while and you really don't wantto do that.
So I don't know what I would do.
I'd probably just ignore it orjust go ahead and take it as a
sign to get up and get on withmy day.
If you're not up by 6 am,you're missing it.

(05:50):
All right, let's see, dear,let's see what dear abby says.
Dear sleepless, you're not agrump, you're human.
Six in the morning is not lawnmowing time?
Yes, it is, unless you live ona farm and even then the cows
don't sing polka Ha ha.
The key is direct but kindwords.
But the key is direct but kindhonesty.

(06:11):
I don't think I would confrontanybody, not in these days and
times, not in this day and time,unless you know them already
the next time you see yourneighbor say something like hey,
I love you that you take suchgood care of your yard, but the
early start in singing made ittough for me to sleep.
I don't give a rat's ass, getyour ass up.

(06:32):
Maybe that's the only time hecan mow the lawn.
How about that?
You ever think of that?
No, obviously not.
All right, moving on to the nextone, I don't know which one,
let's see there's, oh gosh, holdon, dear Abby.
How?
No?
Yes, I don't know if, dear abby, my fitness center has three

(06:55):
rows of treadmills andellipticals.
One woman usually selects thefront row.
Like many in the gym, she wearstight leggings, which is fine.
However, hers are stretched sothin across her buttocks that
the fabric is semi-transparent.
Although this is unsightly, itis not a huge deal to me, and I

(07:17):
simply don't look at her or lookher.
If it's not a big deal to you,why are you writing, dear Abby,
shut up?
I wonder, though, if folks wouldgenerally prefer that someone
gently mention tricky issueslike this to them.
It reminds me of seeing someonewith toilet paper stuck on the
shoe of a skirt, or him stuck inthe waistline.
Now, I don't know if this is adude or not, but if you're a

(07:38):
dude, you do not go up to awoman and tell her that.
No, sir, just for your ownsafety, okay.
You don't go up and tell awoman I see your butt through
your leggings.
No, now, if it's another woman,maybe I think if I were wearing
leggings I would want to betold, but I think also I would
know better, because I usuallylook at myself in the mirror and
that's one of the things Iusually think oh god, does this

(08:01):
look good?
Do I need to wear this to thegym?
I'm just self-conscious likethat.
Okay, let's see what dear abbyhas to say.
I'm glad you asked before,trying to be helpful.
In a case like it would bebetter to keep looking the other
way rather than address yourfellow gym rat.
I didn't know what the dresscode may be at your gym, but if
you have a question about it,you should ask them.

(08:21):
Okay, we'll ask the manager,whatever.
All right, which one was madeup and which ones were real?
I mean, they're all made up,they have to be, but which one
did I create and which one wasfrom the New York Post?
All right, that's all I've got,and that is the question of the
day, which one's real, whichone's fake.
It's Friday.
I hope you guys have a greatweekend.
The gent and I should be backSunday with Brood Awakening and

(08:45):
yeah, that's it.
It's going to be hopefully agreat day.
Hopefully I'm going to behopeful, optimistic outlook.
Okay.