The Longest Four-Day Week: Cosmic Doom, Forest Trips Gone Wrong, and Book Recommendations

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Thursday morning arrives with a weary sigh – the longest four-day week drags on, bringing with it a peculiar collection of news stories that range from cosmic threats to psychedelic misadventures. 

Venus might be harboring a deadly secret: at least three "city-killer" asteroids circling in unstable orbits that could potentially strike Earth without warning. Brazilian researchers warn these space rocks could deliver impacts with "a million times more energy than the Hiroshima atomic bomb" if their trajectories shift even slightly. It's the kind of news that makes you wonder why we bother with mundane worries.

The earthbound headlines prove equally strange. Two New York hikers called emergency services in panic, convinced their friend had died on an Adirondack Mountain trail – only for rangers to discover they were simply "zooted off" psychoactive mushrooms. Their supposedly deceased companion was found alive, uninjured, and likely confused about the whole ordeal. Meanwhile, a Palm Beach plastic surgeon reveals patients are increasingly requesting to look like political figures rather than movie stars, with Ivanka Trump, Kristi Noem, and Kimberly Guilfoyle topping the wishlist. And in Shanghai, a viral video shows a woman allegedly forced to remove her heavy makeup at immigration when facial recognition couldn't match her appearance to her passport.

Between asteroid doom and mushroom-induced panic, there's still room for literary recommendations. Maureen Callahan's exposé on the Kennedy family offers shocking revelations about America's political dynasty, while Julie Satow's "The Plaza" delivers historical facts through engaging creative non-fiction. What are you reading right now? Share your current book – perhaps something to distract from city-killing asteroids or, at minimum, help you navigate the longest four-day week ever.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hello, good morning.
It is Thursday, man, I tell youwhat.
This has been the longestfour-day week ever.
I wish it would hurry up.
I'm tired.
I don't know why I'm tired, butI'm just tired.
I woke up this morning in amood I'm just tired, I need to
get snap out of it.
I don't know how good thisepisode is going to be, so let's

(00:21):
get started, shall we?
Let's start with some gloom anddoom.
Oh, my goodness, threecity-killing asteroids could
strike Earth within weeks thissounds like a Jeffy topic,
doesn't it?
He may have already covered it,I don't know Generating a
million times more energy thanHiroshima atomic bomb.
Well, we got that going for us.
That's nice, so that's good,all right.

(00:44):
Venus is concealing at leastthree city killer asteroids that
could strike earth in weekswithout warning, potentially
wreaking havoc upon our planetbefore we can react.
Well, isn't this a warningright now?
Okay, um 20 co-orbital orbitaiasteroids, space rocks in the

(01:05):
orbit of two celestial bodies ofVenus are currently known.
The authors warned in the oh,oh, my gosh, a rock-alyptic
study, which was okay, you don'tneed to know all that.
The international research teamled by Valerio Caruba of San
Paolo University in Brazil wrotethat at least three of the

(01:30):
asteroids that circle the sun intandem with our twin planet
have unstable orbits that cantake them dangerously close to
earth.
Well, how about that?
If this shaky trajectory isshifted only slightly by a small
gravitational change or otherforce, the asteroids could be
set on a collision course withour planet.

(01:52):
Per the study, co-orbitalstatus protects these asteroids
from close approaches to Venus,but it does not protect them
from encountering Earth.
Ooh, so you can go finishreading that if you care to.
So we got that going for us.
So I guess you know I was goingto say get your affairs in order

(02:13):
, but then I thought why?
All right, I'm going to skipover this next one, because I
want you to go read that on yourown.
I really don't want to talkabout it on here because it's
horrifying.
Seton Hall pitcher tellshorrifying tale of brutal hazing
at renowned baseball program,which allegedly included
beatings and forced sex acts.
You would think in the year2025 of our dear Lord, that

(02:40):
these things, people would notbe doing these sorts of things
anymore, because you know you'regoing to be found out.
Let's say it's not true.
And this guy made it up, evenhim.
You would think in the year ofour Lord, 2025, he would not be
saying such things if it's lies,because he's going to be found
out.
So, either way, if it's a lieor if it's true, you're going to

(03:02):
be found out.
Why?
Why I don't?
I don't get it.
Uh, I'm gonna move on from that.
This next one sounds kind of fun, for I'm what.
It's a warning for some of youout there to not do drugs.
New york hikers called cops,thinking their friend died on a
trail, but they were just highon mushrooms.

(03:22):
This is from the new york post.
This is hilarious.
I'm sorry, but it's funny.
A pair of new york hikerscalled police, believing their
friend had died on it.
I already said all that.
Why do they have to have theheadline and the first paragraph
say the same thing?
Oh, I know why.
Seo friendly content, all right.
State forest rangers nearcascade mountain received a
disturbing call from two hikerswho said their friend was dead

(03:46):
on the popular AdirondackMountains Trail and that the
pair was lost.
Well, that's what happens whenyou get high on mushrooms.
I mean, it doesn't say like howwere they just out there and
they decided to eat somemushrooms that were growing and
they didn't know what they were,or did they bring the drugs

(04:06):
with them and they, you know Idon't.
Did they bring the drugs withthem and they, you know, I don't
know, like was it an accidentthat they got high by eating
something out there in theforest?
Why?
This is why I'm not anoutdoorsy girl, no, thank you.
Uh, so a ranger wassuccessfully sent to recover the
two stranded woodsmen and well,they're not woodsmen, I'll tell
you that if they were woodsmenthey'd know what the hell they

(04:27):
were doing and quicklydetermined they were in an
altered mental state and laterdiscovered they had ingested the
psychoactive substance.
According to the release, thefriend they believed to be dead
also called park officials andwas found alive and completely
uninjured, according to therelease.
And was found alive andcompletely uninjured.
According to the release, thethird hiker, who was separated

(04:50):
from his two pals, was found andescorted back to the group's
campsite.
In a twist of irony, parkofficials called an ambulance
not for a dead hiker but for theloopy duo who were zooted off
of the psychoactive fungi.
Zooted off, what does that mean?
Were zooted off of the?
I don't even know what that?

(05:11):
That must be a new hip wordzooted off.
I have to look that up later.
Wow, all right.
Here's a frightening thing.
If you've noticed how all thewomen look alike on on news
broadcast, especially fox news,here's why mara mara l face, now
the most in-demand plasticsurgery doctor, reveals who

(05:31):
everyone is requesting to looklike, and you are not, I think,
going to believe.
You might believe it.
I don't know.
I'm not going to read all thisbecause it goes on and on and on
talking about how people usedto come in and say I want to
look like Angelina Jolie or Iwant to look like Jennifer
Aniston.
It was usually celebrities.
They wanted to look like moviestars.
Now they're coming in wantingto look like politicians.
One of them is Kristi Noem.

(05:52):
No, thank you, no.
What is wrong with women?
So this plastic surgeon in PalmBeach is seeing an uptick.
They want to look like IvankaTrump too, which you know.
That's not bad.
I'd like to look like IvankaTrump too.
But Kimberly Guilfoyle isanother one.

(06:15):
Oh, good heavens, no.
And here's the thing he saysabout Kimberly Guilfoyle.
The surgeon says he doesn'tthink that she has gone under
the knife at all.
It's just been a lot of fillers.
Yeah, that's a lot of fillers,all right.
Anyway, there's that story Ifyou care to go read this one,
that one, the next one, the lastone is the humiliated passenger
forced to scrub off heavymakeup because her face didn't

(06:35):
match her passport.
You are asking for trouble.
I don't know how true this is,but you know there's pictures
and videos and it's in shanghai.
So who knows, a woman flyingout of shanghai was forced to
scrub off her heavy makeup at anairport immigration because the
facial scanner couldn'trecognize her.
That's a lie.
That's a lie.
Facial recognition can stillrecognize you with your makeup.

(06:57):
I promise you that.
The viral video unless it's acheap ass facial recognition
thing, so anyway, it haspictures of her.
You know being having her wipeoff her makeup in front of the
agent blah, blah, blah, uh, soit's not like she was able to
walk around with a filter on inreal life.

(07:18):
Right another quipped this iscosplay, not just regular makeup
.
Oh, it must have been a real.
It must have been, must havebeen horrible, like huge.
The now infamous clip, whichhas racked up thousands of views
, subsequently shows the flyerscrubbing off bridal-level
layers of cosmetics.
I mean, bridal layers isn'tthat bad.

(07:40):
You know why you put on heavymakeup for bridal, for your
wedding, for the photographs.
That's why.
So, anyway, you can go finishreading that.
So my question of the day isokay, I think I've asked this
before, but we're going to askit again what are you reading
right now?
I'm reading two books actually.
I'm listening to to MaureenCallahan's the Ask, not Kennedy

(08:05):
Women or something like that.
It is eye-opening, y'all.
It's not just for women.
I think men would enjoy thisbook too.
If you haven't read it, youshould go get it and read it.
It is wow.
You know I'm Generation X, so Igrew up in that in-between time
period of the Kennedys and youknow I was a kid and everything
I didn't really know.
You know JFK, when was he shot?

(08:26):
63 rfkjjrcom highlight some ofthe, the Kennedy men and the
women mainly.
I am stunned, I'm stunned,especially RFKJ Jr y'all.

(08:48):
Did you know?
You guys go look up whathappened with his now dead wife,
who committed suicide?
His, oh man.
You should go read and listento this book, or at least it's.
It's amazing, it's amazing.
It's like how did I not knowthis about the Kennedys?
Okay, um, and then what I'mreading actually reading is

(09:10):
called the Plaza.
Let me get it out of here.
It's, um, the Plaza by JulieSatow and I got the Plaza
because the other book she has acouple of books and the next
book I want to read of hers I'vealready forgotten what it was
called, oh my gosh, hang on.
Oh, her other book is thereason I wanted to get this book

(09:33):
the Plaza because it was herfirst book.
And then the next book is theWomen who Ran Fifth Avenue and
this is all based on.
This is real life stuff, butshe I guess this is what they
call creative non-fiction whereshe writes it where it's
interesting.
Okay, and so far it's good, andit's not a bunch of lefty stuff.
So so far, so far we'll see.
And it's good.
I like it's like real, factualthings told storytelling wise.

(09:54):
So, anyway, that's all I've gotfor you.
Thanks for listening.
I hope the day gets better.
I have a feeling I want to beswamped at work, which is good.
That way I'll be distractedfrom all this other crap.
There is no other crap.
There's nothing wrong going on.
Okay, I don't know why I'm in amood Everything is fine,
there's nothing wrong.
I just woke up ill, I guess.

(10:15):
I don't know.
I'm tired, I'm sore, I'm hungry, all this strict keto crap, but
you know what?