Believe in Me (Original)

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A snippet of the first song I've ever written as an adult. To hear this backstory/testimony listen on An Uplifting Song a Week - Love Anyway or on Apple
(https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/an-uplifting-song-each-week/id1510162487)

The lyrics were born way before any music was added. I don't know about anyone else but my creative juices begin flowing when I'm in angst and boy was that an angst ridden time.
My only child was away at college in another state, I was in business for myself and my booming profits had begun to take a hit due to competition that decided to set itself up right beside me, my mom who lived with me at the time was just beginning to exhibits signs of Alzheimer's. The strong kick butt woman with whom I lived, began to become an uncertain shadow of herself, right before my eyes.

I remember going out to my usual corner, setting up my book-stand and waiting and waiting for my customers to show up. A few did and actually bought a few items but at the end of 5 hours I only had $50 to show for time spent out in the cold. Loathe to arrive home early and worry my mom, I packed up my van and drove to a place I could always count on for comfort...the library.

Wouldn't you know it...it was closed for renovations.

So I sat in my van with the rain pouring down on the windshield and I fussed at God. I reminded Him that I was now in my church's Bible college. I was studying and learning more about Him than ever before, that now that I was right-er than I'd ever been in my life, everything was falling apart. I felt betrayed somehow. I thought that since I was doing His will, answering the call and all...that I was protected.

So as was always my habit, when things bother me...I write it down.  And what came out of me was a series of poems from God to me or to anyone else who was or ever will be in the place that I am.

I Know...Love
I know...trust
I know...forgive

I know sometimes it's hard to love...but do it anyway
I know sometimes it's hard to forgive...but do it anyway
I know sometimes it's hard to trust...but do it anyway

God needed me to love enough to forgive others who had hurt me, who had proven they were not trustworthy because He himself lived with someone for three years that He knew was going to betray Him. But He didn't treat him any differently than the other disciples, He loved him and shared his time with him giving him every opportunity to make a different choice.

I had to learn that hard lesson and that it rains on the just and the unjust and if Jesus went through hard times so would I.

I would love to say that I bounced back the next day after having that awesome experience with God, but it was a process.  As I let go of mistrust for men caused by the abuse of my father, relationships and began to forgive people and myself for our imperfections. I began to awaken to who God had originally created me to be. A happier person, one not so closed off from people.

Lyrics/Vocals: Diane Stafford
Background Track: Ainsley Harris
(c) 2006 

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