January 8, 2025 • 53 mins
Episode 137: Aleeza Ben Shalom (of Netflix's Jewish Matchmaking) returns to the podcast to discuss her new book, "Matchmaker Matchmaker: Find Me a Love That Lasts".
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:03):
Welcome to Andy's Modi.
We are back here in the studiowith Elisa Ben Shalom, the
Jewish matchmaker Netflixsuperstar.
First of all, you look stunning, beautiful.
I love whatever you're wearing.
Speaker 2 (00:22):
This is my cape, because you know I'm a superhero
.
Matchmakers are miracle workers.
Speaker 1 (00:25):
you know A hundred percent superhero matchmaker,
and she's here again with us.
We loved it so much.
When you were here last time.
I learned so much, so manythings, and now you have a new
book.
Speaker 3 (00:38):
Matchmaker, matchmaker.
Speaker 1 (00:39):
Matchmaker, matchmaker, find me a love that
lasts.
Speaker 2 (00:43):
Right Bam, you don't just want love.
Speaker 1 (00:46):
No.
Speaker 2 (00:46):
You want a love that lasts.
Speaker 1 (00:48):
Amen.
Speaker 2 (00:49):
Do you know that only 2% of marriages make it over 60
years?
Well, I mean 6% of marriagesmake it over 50 years.
Speaker 1 (00:55):
Can you imagine being married 60 years and then you
go?
Enough is enough, Enough isenough.
Speaker 3 (01:01):
That's it.
But I mean, you're probablydead after that, right?
Speaker 1 (01:05):
No, it's not true at all People who live into their
deep 80s that are married forover 60 years.
The problem.
Speaker 2 (01:13):
Modern day people don't get married till later.
So if you don't get marriedtill 40, you don't really have a
shot.
Is that a problem?
Speaker 1 (01:19):
Wait a minute.
So I'm going to challenge youon that.
I think it's become veryLindsay to get married early Now
.
A lot of young couples aregetting married, A lot of young,
obviously.
A lot of couples are gettingmarried early Now we're trying
to bring it back in.
Speaker 3 (01:34):
Aliza's bringing it back in to get married.
But I want to tell yousomething Most marriages over
50% of marriages end in divorce,Right.
Most marriages, over 50% ofmarriages end in divorce, right.
And when you get marriedyounger, like you're 21, you're
a totally different person bythe time you're 40.
Speaker 2 (01:51):
Yeah, but you can grow up and grow together.
And like you know, you got tokeep bringing yourselves back.
Speaker 3 (01:56):
I didn't get married until I was 35.
And I think that I was like oneof the last one of my friends
to get married and it's I shouldhave never no.
Speaker 1 (02:09):
I should have never gotten married.
Yes, yes, no, I want to tellyou something when you're
sitting.
So we talked about this lasttime and people always ask me I
guess I'm a Jewish figure.
I'm a political figure.
You're not a political figure,Jewish figure, I'm a political
figure.
Speaker 3 (02:25):
You're not a political figure, public figure,
you're a public figure.
Speaker 1 (02:29):
And they ask these questions and they should have
dated.
I'd never been on one.
I found my beshert on a train,but I did, I really did.
But, like these people aresitting on shudduk dates where
they're meeting somebody thatthey might be married to, I
think the main thing in yourhead is where is this person
going to be in 20 years andwhere am I going to be and are
(02:53):
we going to be suitable for eachother?
Because the person you are nowand the person you're in 20
years from now is two differentpeople.
Speaker 2 (02:59):
The only person we know is the person you are today
, right?
Did we know I was going to goon Netflix and do a show and be
a woman who moved to Israel withfive kids, and then she's the
one flying out after she fleweverybody?
Speaker 1 (03:12):
into Israel right.
Speaker 2 (03:14):
We didn't know that that was the plan right, but we
knew that the plan was getmarried, live a meaningful life
and build a beautiful familytogether, and then, whatever
that becomes, you still have tolike, bring yourselves back to
center.
Speaker 3 (03:27):
It's like this, coming and going you have to be
willing to grow.
If you don't grow, you break.
Speaker 2 (03:32):
I mean what?
Speaker 3 (03:33):
are you going to do?
Wow, you can use that.
Speaker 2 (03:36):
If you don't grow, you break.
Speaker 1 (03:37):
First of all if you don't bend it's the tree that
bends in the wind.
You big ding dong.
If you don't bend, you break.
If you don't bend, you break.
Oh God, you're a fortune cookieHorrible.
I should hit you with that book.
No.
Speaker 3 (03:54):
You have to cover the top if you're going to hit me
with it, though.
Speaker 1 (03:57):
Are we doing that yet ?
No, let's wait a minute.
What's this book like?
What's the?
What's the?
What's the kishkas Like?
What's the meaning of this book?
Yeah, okay.
Speaker 2 (04:10):
What I love about this book.
Speaker 1 (04:11):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (04:12):
Is that it's a phenomenal read, right?
Besides the wisdom that's inthere, sometimes like you have
to read a book and like to getto the wisdom, it's like a drink
cup.
It's almost like you're readingfiction and like, boom, you get
wisdom through it.
So you hear all of my clientstories, which we changed the
names to protect the innocentright.
(04:33):
And the guilty and the and the,whatever, um, and all the
stories.
Like the storylines we changed,but like at the Kishkas of it,
at the root of it, you have thereal story of the client and
then you see like a Lisa woventhrough it.
So it's I guess it's similar tothe show where you've got like
a client, you've got an example,this is what's happening.
And then you get to the end andit's like, okay, so how do I
(04:54):
apply that to my life?
And then you open it up andyou're like, oh, look, tips and
tools for me.
So it's such a good read andit's great for singles because,
hey, you could help yourself,but you could also help a friend
, because I think that you don'thave to be a matchmaker to make
a match.
Anyone can make a match.
Speaker 1 (05:13):
Or to give somebody a piece of advice, a nugget of
advice that they might pick upfrom your book.
Speaker 2 (05:18):
But everybody can make a match.
I have made a match, see.
Speaker 3 (05:22):
But he wound up being a pathological liar and they
got divorced.
Speaker 1 (05:26):
Never.
Speaker 2 (05:27):
Okay, anyway, thanks for sharing that.
We'll cut that part out.
Speaker 3 (05:30):
Just kidding.
No, so maybe you do need to bea professional, but I have
passed your advice that you gaveon this show last time to one
of my girlfriends.
Speaker 1 (05:40):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (05:44):
Which was I said don't touch until the fifth date
, didn't you say that?
And then she was like, oh, thisguy's awful.
And I said if it's not a no,it's a go.
And so I said keep going outwith him.
Speaker 1 (05:57):
And then you had another one date him till you
hate him all the same what Itook from you was there's 15
million Jews in the world and 15million ways to be Jewish.
Right, it's such an amazing.
Speaker 2 (06:14):
It feels good when you hear that.
Speaker 1 (06:16):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (06:16):
Because you're part of the clout, but your identity
is not lost as who you are.
Speaker 1 (06:20):
Right, you're part of the community.
Right, it's a community.
Right, you're part of thecommunity.
Speaker 2 (06:23):
Right, it's a community.
We are one.
Speaker 1 (06:26):
Right.
Speaker 2 (06:27):
And we are ourselves also Correct Simultaneously.
Speaker 3 (06:31):
I just want to say that the page that I opened up
to the book says I haven't toldher yet about my anxiety.
I didn't want to bring in theheavy stuff too early.
Speaker 2 (06:40):
Yeah, that's a good idea.
Don't bring in the heavy stufftoo early, I mean a lot of
people are like listen, theyhave to love me for who I am,
accept me for who I am.
I'm like good, but not on thefirst date.
On the first date, right, youshow up with a smile, the
anxiety, just you know,apparently.
Speaker 1 (06:58):
Hold it in a fiddle and it's so.
You know, I obviously followyou on Instagram and you're
living in Israel, where that's anightmare and there's always a
smile on your face.
There's always some happinesscoming to you.
There's a few pages that whenyou land on, there's going to be
a smile and I hope that minemakes that, but you also Yours
is a smile and a laugh, mine isjust a smile.
Speaker 2 (07:20):
It's fun.
Speaker 1 (07:20):
You're having fun at what you're doing.
I love it.
Yeah, and now is making matchesin Israel harder than like
making them here in America?
Speaker 2 (07:28):
Israel is different.
So Israelis are reallymarriage-minded, Like they're
very family, community-mindedright Every week.
But you don't have to bereligious.
Speaker 1 (07:35):
They get married young.
They get married young.
Speaker 2 (07:38):
It's like go to school, go to the army, get
right and then figure yourselfout right they figure themselves
out.
They do university, they dofiguring out their first job
with their person, as they'regrowing up.
They literally grow up togetherand they build a life together
and they figure it out on theroad here in america.
It's like become who you are,have everything, insert person
(08:00):
into life.
Poof like make it work rightit's not the right recipe.
It's not the right order for therecipe it is.
It's a good recipe.
It's just like you put theingredients in the wrong order.
If you put it in the wrongorder, it doesn't always work.
Speaker 1 (08:14):
Okay, well, I look, I'm a baker.
Speaker 2 (08:15):
It's a thing.
It's a thing, it's a baker yeah.
Speaker 1 (08:17):
Well, I met my, my soulmate uh, while I was already
working, but obviously with himit began to be a bigger thing.
It only helped Imagine I waswith well, he wasn't born yet,
but when I began.
My husband and I have an agegap too.
Speaker 2 (08:34):
He jokes about it.
He's like I couldn't getmarried at 25.
You were 15.
Speaker 1 (08:37):
Right, yeah, but but yeah, things, things, things,
things happen and we we don'tcontrol what happens, but we can
.
Speaker 2 (08:48):
Control our response to what happens.
Speaker 1 (08:50):
We can control our thoughts.
We can control our thoughts.
Speaker 3 (08:53):
You must get invited to a lot of weddings.
I do, oh that's, do you go?
Speaker 2 (08:59):
So I used to go much more For a fee For a small fee.
No, I used to go much more.
I actually came in on one of mytours, somebody that I was very
close with, who really took mein and loved me like no other,
and she's like, listen, if youcould come to my wedding, I'm
like when is it?
She's like we're not sure yet.
I'm like I need to know thedate.
(09:20):
I'm planning a tour and if youtell me the date, maybe I could
like fly in, fly out, like makeit that moment.
I went to her wedding.
She's like, don't worry, it's20 minutes from the airport.
I flew out that night and Imade her wedding.
Speaker 1 (09:35):
That's so nice, that's so sweet.
Speaker 2 (09:37):
It was really a blessing, but I miss a lot.
I really miss a lot.
And people are like, oh, I wishyou could come.
And I was like I wish too, likeI need the tele.
You know teleport like snap.
Oh, I'm there you know rightthat's what I really need that's
the expression actually theyzoom me in now, so um one person
.
These will send us a recordingwe'll like put you on the screen
.
So I gave them a toast because Imade the match actually it was
(10:00):
for somebody that was on theshow, not one of the, but one of
the daters who shall remainanonymous.
But after the show I was like,okay, it didn't work out on the
show and I have a great match.
And it was a real like slowgrow and thank God they got
married and they're like come tothe wedding.
I was like it's like two daysbefore Rosh Hashanah, I can't.
(10:20):
So I sent them a video and Igave them blessings and Mazel
Tov and my friends that were atthe wedding they're like we saw
you and I was like, yay, I justdon't get to see you.
Speaker 1 (10:29):
I'll tell you a funny story.
We spoke about it on thepodcast, but I was invited to be
at a wedding in Monaco.
There was a couple that gotmarried and the wife knew that
the husband to be was a fan andso she wanted to surprise him by
having me come and emcee theevent.
And you know, and we came, as Isaid, but I'll also do the
(10:56):
seventh bracha in the chuppah,if you want.
So that was the first time hewas seeing that I was at this
wedding and it was the craziestthing Did he go nuts.
Speaker 2 (11:04):
What Did he go, nuts?
He Did he go nuts.
Speaker 1 (11:06):
He went nuts.
I think I told the story on thepodcast before.
But we get to the wedding.
I was a surprise and they hadthis wedding happening and the
service was way too long.
It was way too long.
It was not.
The guy did not know hisaudience and then I came up and
I said to them.
I said I said I came up, thegroom's face just dropped, what
(11:34):
am I?
And I was dressed in a capota.
I was dressed in a full capota,the black robe, and then I said
I'm not going to mention theirnames, but like Bill and Harriet
, I hope that your marriage,your lives and your happiness
last as long as this ceremony.
And that was like.
And then it was great and then,like, the father of the bride
was sick and couldn't make theevent, and that just happened
(11:55):
before, and I feel like mypresence there, just like
relieved that energy.
But yeah, weddings are insane.
Yeah, weddings are insane.
It's such a blessing to go.
You sing, you dance, yeah, this.
Speaker 2 (12:08):
She came over to me and um bride she's this bride,
bride, thank you she.
She's like thank you, and I'mso happy you're here.
I'm like thank you, and, likeyou know, smile, take a picture
for the camera, right, that'swhat you do and move on, go back
to your guests.
She like stayed with me for ahalf an hour.
I was like you have to go backand dance with your people.
She's like no, and we're likeoff the dance floor on the side.
(12:28):
She's dancing with me it wassuch.
Yeah, it was the most gorgeousthing.
She was Libby Libby Walker,who's uh now Libby Shio.
I think I got her name right,the new last name.
Speaker 1 (12:40):
I only know old names , not new names okay, and and
besides that, so from so this,how's it selling?
Speaker 2 (12:46):
Good People love it.
The great thing about it, it'sJewish wisdom for the world.
So you don't have to be Jewishto read the book.
You don't even have to besingle to read the book.
It really helps anybody who'sin a relationship or no, who
wants to get into a relationship.
Speaker 1 (13:08):
If you're in a relationship and you need
soulmate clarity, you can use it, and if you just don't know
what to do and you'd like tohelp match people you can just
download my brain.
You just read the book and yougot all my wisdom.
Speaker 2 (13:14):
Do you have an audio copy of it?
Speaker 3 (13:14):
Yes, that's your speed.
Speaker 1 (13:17):
Yeah, I'm on a treadmill.
We'll put you on.
Speaker 3 (13:19):
I'll read.
I'll read.
I was going to say I won'tleave you a book.
Speaker 1 (13:20):
I'll leave you a book .
I'll read the book.
Speaker 2 (13:21):
I was going to say I won't leave you a book.
Speaker 1 (13:22):
I'll leave you a book .
I'll read the book.
No, leave me a book.
Leo reads books like that.
Yeah, okay, he'll love it,he'll love it, he'll love it.
What else is happening besidesthe book?
What's going on in theshow-wise and Netflix-wise and
theory of like you don't?
Speaker 2 (13:34):
have to be a matchmaker.
Anyone can make a match issomething that I feel really
passionate about, cause I thinkthat the whole world is falling
apart and I think at the root ofthe world being successful is
(13:56):
bringing couples together.
Okay, okay, if we buildbeautiful couples, they build
beautiful families.
If we build beautiful families,we've got a beautiful community
, and if we build beautifulcommunities, we've got a
fantastic world.
Speaker 1 (14:07):
Amen.
Speaker 2 (14:08):
We don't have a great world this moment.
I mean, the world is wonderful.
I, like you, know God's work,but our work and what we, the
human race, have done, is not sopretty today.
I'm not into politics, nothing.
Speaker 1 (14:20):
No, no, no, we're into politics.
No, no, no, we didn't dopositive but just like.
Speaker 2 (14:22):
It's just not the world that I would envision, and
the only way that I know how tofix it is through building
beautiful relationships withcouples.
Speaker 3 (14:29):
You know that there's a father whose son was killed
on October 7th and he's ajeweler, and so what he?
I'm sure you know.
Speaker 2 (14:38):
I don't know what the number he was up to, but he was
up to in the 80s or 90s, so hedonates one single diamond to
any soldier who wants to getmarried oh, he gives him a
diamond ring in the name of hisson.
Oh, that's amazing upwards of ahundred or now probably over a
hundred.
So he said, meet him.
Speaker 3 (14:58):
Yeah, I'm sure it's in, so that his son, you know,
passed away, but in his namethat he's created all of these
families.
Speaker 1 (15:05):
That's so amazing.
I did a fundraiser.
It wasn't a fundraiser, it wasa friend raiser.
They paid me, but it was insomeone's house for singles.
It's between 30 and 40 yearsold.
That was it, and it wasShidduchim were made there.
Speaker 2 (15:25):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (15:25):
Yeah, people met and there was one or two couples
that got together and it was,it's amazing.
Speaker 2 (15:33):
So I love it when those things happen and you get
right one or two couples.
But what happens to everybodyelse?
So my theory is, if you metsomebody there and singles are
more skilled than I am becausethe people they meet they know
really well, they went on a datewith them, they went on a few
dates with them, they heard allthe stories, they get a vibe so
they're not for you.
So you didn't waste your time.
Go recommend them to a friend,Like everyone's.
(15:54):
Like oh, I don't want to.
You know, I don't want to.
Speaker 1 (16:00):
So you're meeting somebody at the singles event
and you go.
You're not good for me, but Iknow someone you'd be great for.
Speaker 2 (16:06):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (16:06):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (16:07):
Yeah, like so nice to meet you, not my type and
they're like, oh, but I reallywant to be.
And you're like, yeah, there'sjust nothing you can do.
You're inherently wrong.
Don't say that.
This is like what's goingthrough your mind, right, but
after, after you have a niceconversation, you could say you
know, I don't think this is amatch for me, but I actually
know somebody, I have somebodyin mind.
Would you mind if I made aconnection and it's going to be
(16:28):
normal, and you could just sayAliza told me I should do this?
I'm telling everybody you needto do this.
It's so important.
I think over 35% of matches aremade through friends or family
recommendations.
It might be more.
We have to do a study on this.
Oh, that's also what I'mworking on.
I want, like I want peerreviewed studies, data.
I want information.
Like, the Jewish matchmakingmovement is a whole movement.
(16:50):
It's a mindset, it's a training.
We're going to have data.
We're going to have study.
You're going to see good things.
I'm coming back again.
Speaker 1 (16:56):
Whatever you want, we love you.
Yeah, data Right.
Speaker 2 (17:00):
We need data.
Speaker 1 (17:02):
Because the only data you ever hear is one out of
every two marriages has beendivorced.
Speaker 2 (17:07):
It's so not motivating.
Speaker 3 (17:09):
It's so horrible.
Speaker 2 (17:09):
People are like wow, and then ask the 50% that stay
married, how many are happy?
Speaker 1 (17:14):
Right.
Speaker 2 (17:16):
We're happy.
Speaker 1 (17:17):
So in my show now I have a whole part about marriage
advice where I ask the audiencewho's been married for many,
many years and ask what theirsecret is, and they like yell it
out.
It's like my audienceparticipation work, yeah.
Speaker 2 (17:30):
My mother-in-law has a good answer.
Speaker 1 (17:32):
What's hers?
Speaker 2 (17:33):
Patience and hearing aids.
Speaker 1 (17:35):
Patience and hearing aids.
Yeah, have patience and turnyour hearing aid off.
Speaker 3 (17:40):
I feel like I've heard people say that at your
show.
Speaker 2 (17:42):
That's the question Should it go up or should it go
off?
Speaker 1 (17:45):
Yeah, most of the answers are yes, dear.
Speaker 3 (17:47):
Yes, that's it.
Speaker 1 (17:49):
Yes, dear, that's a start.
Okay, yeah, Some people come upwith individual ones Humor.
They say but you see couplesthat are married like 35, 50
years and they're like they havetheir.
They say respect, respect.
Speaker 2 (18:05):
And then you know, but you know that whatever is at
the core of what they're saying, that's their secret sauce, but
it's also their greatestchallenge, right?
So like that's what they'redealing with.
So if they say respect, sorespect is the secret.
Respect is also what they'restruggling with the most, right?
So the hearing aids like yeah,it's funny, right?
(18:25):
So the hearing aids like yeah,it's funny, haha, but like being
heard right or being understood, or like literal hearing or
emotional hearing, either way.
Right, this could just be aphysical thing.
It doesn't have to be anemotional thing.
But like, at the core of it,that's what we're all really
struggling with and it's true.
Speaker 1 (18:37):
So whatever they're yelling out is what they're
really struggling with yeah, youcan turn this into a comedy bit
.
Speaker 2 (18:42):
Feel free to use it.
Be like.
I know Lisa told me it's yoursecret, but it's also your
greatest challenge, like, thething that you hold most sacred
is probably also the thing thatyou struggle with the most.
(19:12):
I think that it is, I think, thethings that we want, and
everybody has different things.
For some people it's loyalty.
Why?
Because somebody in the pastdid something right.
So with my partner, loyalty,it's the most important thing.
There's always loyalty, trust,you know, I know right, Because
that's what they struggle with.
So that's their secret recipe.
Speaker 3 (19:30):
I think Modi's secret recipe has always resonated
with me what is it.
You have three things.
Oh, this is it.
If everybody could follow here.
You can use this in your app,yeah.
Speaker 1 (19:43):
Our secret is hydrate , moisturize and be nice.
That's it.
That's all you need Justhydrate, moisturize.
If you're not hydrated, you'regoing to be a mess and angry.
If you're not moisturized, youdon't feel good and just be nice
.
Just be nice.
It's just easier to be nice.
It's less effort than to bemean, and that's ours.
Speaker 3 (20:07):
It's good, yeah, it's good.
Speaker 1 (20:09):
That's ours.
Yeah, oh God, how's yourhusband?
Speaker 2 (20:13):
He's good.
He just had a full kneereplacement.
He's a bionic man.
He got a new foot, a new knee,a new hip.
He's young, he's working out.
Speaker 1 (20:22):
How old is he?
Speaker 2 (20:24):
58 years young 58 years young.
58 years young, okay, we have a10 and a half year age gap
between us.
Speaker 1 (20:29):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (20:30):
And, and I mean it works.
Speaker 1 (20:31):
You and I have a 10, 12 year age gap.
Speaker 2 (20:34):
Yeah yeah, you can 10 and 12, 22 years Comedian
you're not a mathematician, it'sfine, it depends who says it.
Yeah, so I think I mean now mykids joke about, like you know,
like it's not like in my houseIs it raining.
It's more like is it rainingrockets today.
(20:55):
Do we get to stay home or do wehave to go to school?
And I'm like, oh, no, no, we'regood you got to go to school.
Speaker 1 (21:02):
I'm like, oh, when do you live in Israel?
Speaker 2 (21:04):
We live in Pardes, khana Pardes.
Speaker 1 (21:05):
Khana.
Speaker 2 (21:12):
Yeah, halfway between Haifa, near Qais Saria, near
the port, it's actually veryquiet there, it's you almost
wouldn't even know anything'sgoing on, unless you knew, and
only you know.
A few times did we have some uh, you know rockets yeah, a few
but nothing, nothing that likeimpacted or or was significant.
We don't feel the.
The thing that we do the mostis that we take people in from
other places or we send supportout to other people.
Speaker 1 (21:31):
Yeah, and and October 7th, many Jewish people have
become like I don't want to saymore religious, but they've been
doing more things like lightingcandles, putting on tefillin,
going to synagogue, doing thingsof that sort.
Has that affected, like thematchmaking and the getting
married situation, or no?
Speaker 2 (21:53):
So a lot of people had, like this awakening where
they were feeling like I want tomarry somebody Jewish, I want
to be involved with my Judaism,and I don't know exactly what
that looks like.
Speaker 3 (22:03):
Like.
Speaker 2 (22:04):
I don't want to be religious, but I do want to,
like you said, light candles orput on tefillin, like I want to
take an action and I want tolive a Jewish life, however that
I define that, whatever thatmeans to me.
And so we've seen people firstof all redefining themselves,
then redefining what they wantin a relationship, and then
having to like rewrite profilesand then go out there and then
(22:26):
learn how to search differently,because you know it used to be
like open to anything.
And now it's like, well, if youdon't support Israel, like I
don't want to be alone.
I just don't want to be aloneanymore and I definitely don't
(22:58):
want to live with my parents ortake care of them my whole life.
Like I want to take care of mein my life.
And then everybody went back tolike quote, normal-ish.
And then this happened.
And then they're like whoa,okay, I not only don't I want to
be alone, but I do want to be apart of a community, and I know
it's a Jewish community andthat's important to me.
(23:18):
So there is this like latent,you know, judaism that's been
buried inside of a lot of peoplethat came out.
That was like I should dosomething about that and related
to my dating.
That's probably where I shouldstart, yeah.
Speaker 1 (23:31):
And related to my dating.
That's probably where I shouldstart.
Yeah, you know, in my show nowI've also been addressing.
In my last show I was aboutSephardic Ashkenazi
relationships and thedifferences and people were like
so relieved and thank God, ohmy God, Thanks for talking about
that.
And now I'm talking aboutcouples that have gotten
(23:53):
together that are not bothJewish, and you can really see
relief.
But my core thing is that justbecause you're with somebody
who's not Jewish doesn't meanyou're not Jewish and you can
still do all of your things anddo all of your mitzvot.
And again, the goal is to bringMoshiach energy with whoever
you're with, and so it's been avery, very interesting.
Speaker 2 (24:16):
It's been tough for mixed marriages.
It's hard because the Jewishside feels like you don't get me
like to the core of reallywhat's going on to my people,
cause it's not your people.
Speaker 3 (24:29):
I mean, it depends on the couple.
Speaker 2 (24:31):
It depends on the relationship.
But from the couples that arestruggling I'll speak about.
The ones that are strugglingare like but you don't
understand.
It's not just like a littlething, it's really big.
But for the couples that dounderstand, there's some couples
that have gorgeousrelationships.
Speaker 1 (24:45):
Yeah, and they're helpful to each other.
And yeah, and you're on thesame page and you're not like,
you don't understand, you're notJewishish.
It's like they should havebuilt to the point where you
understand who the jew thatthey're dating is and what their
situation.
But it it rocked, a lot of itrocked and put together many,
many people.
You know if all of a sudden,your, your, your lover, your,
(25:09):
your spouse is, people arescreaming, they, they should be
killed.
You're like, oh my God, this istalking about my soulmate here
that's screaming about to killand yell.
So it brings people togethertoo.
But yeah, it's a veryinteresting journey.
I'm going with the show.
Speaker 2 (25:30):
I was going to say you're really tackling a lot of
different angles and helpingJews to identify with their
Judaism whoever they are,wherever they're at.
Speaker 1 (25:38):
Absolutely.
Speaker 2 (25:39):
It's a special thing to be able to tap into people.
Speaker 1 (25:43):
Are you wrapping us up?
Speaker 3 (25:45):
No, not at all.
Speaker 1 (25:47):
We are.
Yeah, it's again to me, youit's bringing people together me
.
It's again to me, you it'sbringing people together, me
it's bringing Moshiach energy.
Speaker 2 (25:54):
Whatever can create Bringing people together is
bringing Moshiach energy.
Speaker 1 (25:57):
We have the same goal Absolutely, absolutely Okay, so
this book is availableeverywhere.
Speaker 2 (26:03):
Everywhere, wherever you like to buy books.
If you love Amazon, you can gothere.
If you love Barnes Noble, youcan go there.
Speaker 1 (26:07):
And you had this book launch, which was adorable.
Speaker 2 (26:10):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (26:10):
We were at the book launch at Wolf and Lamb.
Lamb and Wolf.
Speaker 2 (26:13):
Wolf and Lamb.
Speaker 1 (26:14):
Wolf and Lamb.
The food was delicious.
Speaker 2 (26:17):
Fried pickles Did you have?
Speaker 1 (26:18):
the fried pickles.
I had the fried pickles and wehad the fried and the spicy tuna
salad.
I don't know what it was and itwas such a nice event.
And it was so it was yourpublisher through the event.
Speaker 2 (26:33):
no, no, I threw the event.
You threw the event With all ofmy you know closest influencer
friends and friends of friends.
Speaker 1 (26:36):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (26:37):
So the whole goal was to bring out all of the Jewish
influencers and to not just youknow, it is a book event and it
is exciting but also to saywe're better together.
Right, that's what I believe inmy work, but I believe that
professionally also.
It's not just about coupleswe're better together, but even
Jewish influencers, us helpingeach other to do better things
(26:57):
in the world together.
I think when we collaborate,we're better together.
Right, you've got your audience, I got my audience.
Good, let's share Whoever likes.
Both go to both.
Now you get more content.
And I think it was a chancealso for a lot of people that
have only seen each other onlineto actually meet in person.
People were so excited.
Speaker 3 (27:13):
Yeah, that's really nice.
I've been to a couple of eventslike that.
Speaker 1 (27:16):
It's a very strange situation when you have a
relationship with somebodythat's online and you see them
in person.
Speaker 2 (27:22):
Mostly, they're really the same.
Everybody that I met, I waslike, oh, it's just you in the
physical form, not you on myscreen.
It usually is Because they putout thousands of hours of
content, like before I met you.
It's like, yeah, of course Iknow him and you know everything
about him.
You've seen his face, you'vememorized what it looks like,
you know everything, you're notforeign, you feel very normal,
(27:45):
very close.
And then you meet them andyou're like, oh, I actually
never met you.
Speaker 1 (27:49):
I know, but we've had that with Kim Kushner, a lot of
people.
That's how I met through onlineand in person, and I think it's
wonderful.
It's like a surprise.
It's very wonderful.
I like it.
It's a great way.
The book, the book, yes, howlong have you been going?
I'm sorry, 28.
(28:09):
28.
Oh, we have time.
Anything, you?
I felt like.
I felt like we got so much done.
Speaker 3 (28:18):
We did it was so deep .
Speaker 1 (28:20):
It was so, so deep.
Oh my god, what else are youdoing in America?
Speaker 2 (28:28):
so I love doing events and programs.
So I was just in Brooklyn andran a singles event.
We do like 25 to 45 orthodoxsingles.
Everywhere I go I have like adifferent 45 Orthodox singles.
Everywhere I go I have like adifferent Hevra.
Okay, Tomorrow night I'm goingto be at Stand Up, New York.
No way and we're going to dolike a singles improv night.
So we're going to bring peopleon stage and torture them.
(28:49):
No, we're going to bring peopleon stage and we're going to be
at stand up, new york where'sthat.
Uh, they're at bond 45 in liketop square area like right in
the heart of new york city, um,and, and it'll be this like,
like I'm not, you're a comedian,right?
(29:09):
So I'm not a comedian, but Ilike to play banter, have fun
and I really love that.
Singles like relax, take theedge off like we need comedy to
connect you know we need to makea whole singles comedy,
something I don't know.
Speaker 1 (29:22):
I've done so many singles events yeah, my earlier,
like before, like theaters andall that.
There's so many singles comedyevents.
It's the most genius thingbecause you have an hour and a
half of them not having to talkto each other.
But the and they laughed, andthen they laughed, positive good
endorphins, and then they cantalk, and then you serve them
(29:44):
alcohol.
Speaker 2 (29:44):
Right, and then you let them talk.
Speaker 1 (29:46):
Yes, so, but like it's not the, the initial person
speaking is the comedian.
Speaker 2 (29:52):
That's great.
Okay, so let's do an event.
Speaker 3 (29:53):
It's like the foreplay.
Speaker 2 (29:57):
I like how you just jumped in there.
No, it's true.
It's true, it's the warm-up andit gets everybody.
Speaker 3 (30:02):
We're doing all the hard work.
In the beginning You're makingeverybody laugh.
Two people are on a date.
They don't have to show up astheir best self, they just get
to chill out while you do allthe work.
And then by the end they'redrunk and ready to mingle.
Speaker 1 (30:21):
And schmooze it away.
Speaker 3 (30:22):
I was going to say hook up, but they're not allowed
to touch, right.
No, five days, it depends if weplay by Aliza's rules, or just
the world rules?
Well, I told you last time Idid not follow your rules, and
it still worked for you.
Well, define, work, yeah, rules, and it still works for you?
Speaker 1 (30:41):
well, define work.
Yeah, I've been married for 14years incredible 14 years yeah,
wow, we're going on nine yearstogether.
It's 22 wow, wow.
Can I know?
Speaker 2 (30:50):
yeah, my in-laws.
So they're married 63 years andI was like new, are you still
learning new things about eachother?
And they were like no, it'slike is there anything that you
don't you know, like you're notsure what they're going to say,
and they're like no.
And I was like like how do youkeep it fresh and alive?
Like whatever, we still like.
There's kind of like they'relike fresh and alive, what are
you talking about?
They're amazing.
(31:10):
They're amazing they stilltravel.
They how?
Speaker 1 (31:13):
old are they in their 80s, 80s, yeah?
Speaker 2 (31:16):
80s and they've traveled to Israel and come and
seen us.
They met me and have been to myshows and programs.
They've come on stage with me.
Speaker 3 (31:25):
They're hysterical together.
That's cute.
That's a show.
That's a good show.
That's actually a great ideafor a show to invite singles and
have both of them on stage andyou can ask them questions, and
the people in, and you can askthem questions and the people in
the audience can ask themquestions too.
Speaker 2 (31:40):
So we did not exactly that, but a little bit of that
at their synagogue in theirhometown and we brought them and
another couple on stage.
So the other couple was like a23 year married couple and we're
like how did you meet?
And how did you meet and what'syour secret to success and
what's yours?
That's really fun did you meetand what's your secret to sex
success and what's yours?
That's really fun.
It was actually hysterical andalso the if you have a multi-gen
(32:01):
audience yeah, 20s through, youknow, 60s, 70s, 80s, better
yeah, yeah, yeah, it's great,it's the best.
Speaker 3 (32:08):
I think that one thing, like one piece of advice
or knowledge that I've learnedfrom being in a relationship, is
that you have to learn theother person's love language.
Yeah, like, the way thatsomebody like shows appreciation
is like very different fromother people by learning it.
Speaker 2 (32:30):
it's either learning it meaning so that I can do it
for you, or learning it so that,when you do it wrong, I can
interpret it in my brain andlike, rewire it and go like oh,
gifts, is your love languageright, and I like words of
affirmation.
So you give me a gift and I'mgoing thanks, but I'm going to
just like be like, thank you.
Speaker 3 (32:47):
No, I don't want that garbage, but I'm saying there's
a secret to the love languages.
Speaker 2 (32:55):
Okay, like step one is like oh, learn the love
language and speak theirlanguage.
Speaker 3 (33:00):
Yeah, but not everybody does that.
But you have to learn.
That's the whole point.
Speaker 2 (33:05):
Okay, but I'm telling you what he doesn't teach you.
What he doesn't teach you islearn their love language, and
even when they don't speak yourlove language and they get it
wrong.
Hear it and they're speakingtheir love language.
Hear it.
Speaker 1 (33:16):
What's the?
Speaker 2 (33:16):
intention behind it.
And you're like thank you.
I have a girlfriend.
She loves to give gifts, likeshe is a gift human.
I'm not a gift human, I'm happy, thank you.
It's sweet, it's wonderful,it's kind.
Yes, thank you.
But it doesn't like light me onfire.
Words of affirmation are mything.
So if you're like, hi, we loveyou, we love your show, and and
(33:42):
they're like, does that botheryou?
We're talking to you, I'm like,no, that's my love language,
right so.
But she gives me a gift and I'mlike this is her love languages
.
This is how she's saying to meI care for you so much.
And she does words ofaffirmation, but I'm saying,
when she gives it, like I hearit as if it's my language,
because that's how she stillneeds to give, because that's
her training, that's her release, and I know if I want to do
something for her, I should dothat.
Right, like I don't expectother people to be mind readers,
(34:02):
but I do try to teach peoplelike a little bit of like the
psychology behind it.
Not that that's my field, butjust you should understand if
somebody can't speak yourlanguage.
If you still understand eachother Like I don't know, this is
like random, but like nonverbalcommunication.
I've now traveled all over theworld.
There are people that I meetand we cannot speak the same
(34:23):
language, right, and I'm lookingat them.
No, no, no, we have that at themeet and greets.
Speaker 1 (34:28):
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (34:29):
Hi.
And they're like hi, I I knowspeak English.
Speaker 1 (34:32):
You're like okay, you English, you're like okay,
you're like, there's no need to,here's a hug and let's move on.
Speaker 2 (34:37):
Right, but to communicate and to understand,
even if you don't speak the samelanguage.
What's the meaning behind it?
Like, is it coming from a placeof love where some people,
right, you give me a gift, it'snot my love language, right, and
you know what my love languageis, and you're still giving me a
gift?
And they go, don't you know mealready?
Like, by now you should know.
It's not my thing, I don't needthat.
I don't need that tchotchke,right?
(34:57):
Okay, but I'm saying receivethe gift.
Speaker 1 (35:01):
As a word of affirmation.
Speaker 3 (35:02):
And receive it as yeah, I'm saying don't give me a
tchotchke Right.
Speaker 2 (35:08):
I'm saying take it a level beyond that.
No, there's ways to readpeople's there's ways to read
people's uh, there's ways toread people.
Speaker 1 (35:20):
You know what really helps the relationship more when
you understand them so muchmore.
Like I, you know what helps inthat astrology tell me.
So you know, kind of like, ifsomeone's a tourist, they like
to be comfortable.
So when you say to them, hey,let's go to this restaurant,
that's when you say, you know,if we go to this restaurant the
seats are much more comfortableand it's not as loud that's
manipulation.
Speaker 2 (35:38):
How to get what you want.
No, that's not manipulation.
It's like, it's a way.
It's a no, it's knowing how tospeak to the people their
language and it's not always,it's not always on, but it's um
Pisces.
Speaker 1 (35:47):
What would you say to me it's, it's um it's uh, we'll
have a great run through it,we'll go, we'll get it be
exciting, it's an adventure,it's an adventure are you into?
astrology, no, but like justjust for the being able to
communicate, kind of like, uh,like when someone's in aries,
they'll do anything in the worldfor you, but they have to be
(36:08):
thanked, so you, when they madethis big seder and big party for
you, you say to them at the endyou go without you, this
couldn't have happened.
You're done, done, you're done.
Speaker 2 (36:18):
You made the night.
Speaker 1 (36:18):
You made the night.
Speaker 2 (36:19):
As long as you thank them, but he's telling you their
love language through astrology.
Speaker 1 (36:24):
Right.
Speaker 3 (36:24):
This is very basic white girl.
Speaker 1 (36:26):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, and it works and it
works.
It really really worksSometimes, sometimes it's really
awesome, sometimes it's off,but it's it's, it's, it's off.
Speaker 2 (36:34):
Depends if your birthday's on the cusp, oh my.
Speaker 3 (36:37):
God.
For me, I think what you saidbefore.
It's like I show my husband.
These are the two choices,after I've already gone through
all the seven other choices thatI don't like.
Speaker 1 (36:48):
Right.
Speaker 3 (36:49):
And these are the two that I actually like, and so
it's like the illusion.
Speaker 1 (36:53):
Wouldn't he prefer to just say this is where we're
going?
Speaker 3 (36:57):
No, I think he likes to think that he has an opinion
An opinion gotcha.
Not that he doesn't have anopinion.
He has an opinion.
Speaker 1 (37:06):
Right but.
Speaker 3 (37:06):
I feel like I'm also doing him a little bit of a
favor, because I'm cleaning outlike all of the the garbage you
could have gone to.
Speaker 2 (37:15):
Yeah, yeah, I think that that's also one of the
secrets of couples is that youdevelop your own language right,
like you could be across theroom and you could be like that
thing.
Speaker 3 (37:25):
Yeah, right, right like you know unless you're
married to my husband because ifyou kick him under the table
then he'll go.
Why are you kicking me underthe table?
Speaker 2 (37:33):
oh my husband would get along with you as well.
Speaker 1 (37:35):
Yeah yeah, leo gives me the kicks under the table too
, and you, you probably are.
I know what he wants, I just doit.
I realized what he wants, Ijust do it.
I even talk about it in my show.
I wasn't adding to theconversation.
He kicks me like hey, thecappuccino.
I love cappuccino.
Um, yeah, yeah, no, Sometimesyou you're in a dinner and it's
boring and you focus out andhe's like focus back in.
Speaker 3 (37:58):
No, or guys telling a story that he has no business
telling about, like some secretof, like a friend of a friend
and I kick him under the table,oh gossip.
Why are you kicking me underthe table?
He'll say to me.
Speaker 1 (38:10):
Oh, my God.
Speaker 2 (38:12):
It doesn't change.
By the way, that doesn't evergo away.
You will forever be married toa man who will never get it.
Speaker 1 (38:20):
Sorry, people do change.
No, it's not true, people dochange.
I believe people change.
Speaker 3 (38:24):
I think that's true too.
I believe that 14 years hechanged.
Yeah, he has, he has, but notwith the kicks.
Yeah, not with the kicks.
Tens of thousands of dollars intherapy.
Speaker 1 (38:38):
Do you really spend money on therapy?
No, you don't spend money ontherapy.
Speaker 3 (38:41):
We've gone to therapy .
Really, yes, it helped anything, oh my God, like life-changing?
Really yes, and I would imaginethat you are familiar, because
it's a very specific method.
I didn't know this at first theGottman method.
Speaker 2 (39:00):
Love Gottman, that's who you go to.
Speaker 3 (39:01):
What's Gottman?
Speaker 2 (39:03):
John and Julie Gottman have a love lab.
They talk all they have thestudies for years and years and
years.
They have studies.
They will tell you that 69% ofall problems cannot be solved.
Speaker 1 (39:18):
Cannot be solved.
Speaker 2 (39:19):
Cannot 69, huh, I know, yeah, what a number.
Okay, they could have roundedup, anyway only 31%, I can't say
70.
Speaker 1 (39:29):
They should have what else is?
Speaker 2 (39:30):
there Only 31% can be solved, which means you should
focus on the 31% and everythingelse.
You should just learn to managebecause, you're never going to
solve it.
Speaker 3 (39:41):
It's the only methodology that it's based in
studies of like decades ofstudying couples.
Speaker 2 (39:49):
And research in years and years and years.
Speaker 3 (39:51):
They're pretty amazing.
Speaker 1 (39:53):
And you went to them or somebody.
Speaker 3 (39:55):
No, we went to somebody who studied very
closely with them and is friendswith them, and it was you
picked the best of the best.
Speaker 2 (40:07):
I always do, you do.
Speaker 3 (40:10):
I always do Present company included.
But yeah, it was incredible,and it really was.
I think it changed ourrelationship for the better, for
sure.
I couldn't get much worse atthat point.
No, I'm just kidding, they'renot poor guy, not poor guy.
(40:32):
Not poor guy.
Guy is very well taken care of.
Speaker 2 (40:36):
Couples have to do kind of this realignment and
reattunement, and if it doesn'thappen on a daily or a weekly
basis, then you hit crisis.
So one of the things that I tryto help couples do is to say
something they appreciate abouteach other once a week, once a
day would be great Once a day.
Yeah, once a day is notrealistic.
Speaker 3 (40:54):
It's totally realistic.
You guys do that now, yes, youdo that, or he does that, or you
both do that.
I think we both do that.
I think that also, after you dothis for a while, like you
start to realize that like evensomething like thank you for
vacuuming.
I mean, I never vacuum, sonobody ever says that to me.
Speaker 1 (41:13):
Leo does the laundry.
I always thank him for doingthe laundry.
Leo does the laundry.
I always thank him for doingthe laundry.
I know how he does it that'sreally nice.
It's in the house, it's in theapartment, it keeps him a little
busy he likes to heal.
Speaker 3 (41:25):
He needs to be doing something.
Are we going to talk about thisbook or no?
I feel like we have about whatwe were talking about before so
here, give me the book, so giveme the book you look beautiful
on the cover, you look stunning.
Speaker 1 (41:39):
I mean your hair is amazing there, your teeth, wow
Gorge.
Speaker 3 (41:42):
What did you say here ?
What?
Speaker 1 (41:45):
I'm going to show this to the camera.
This is the book, and thereason why I'm holding it like
this is because the publisherthat you love, appreciate, adore
and think that they createMoshiach energy, made a little
bit of a glitch.
Let's not even call it amistake.
Speaker 2 (42:06):
Yeah, it was just like you know you clean up.
You know like before you go toprint you like clean photos up
and like make sure they looktheir best to print.
Speaker 1 (42:15):
And so they gave you a v-neck.
Speaker 2 (42:19):
Well, no.
So you see that there's av-neck of a shirt.
It's a white shirt, so at thetop of the neckline, like this,
you see how I'm wearing a blackcollar here it covers.
I have such a good tan line.
My neck is tan, but my the restof my body's not right, so
there was a shirt there, like aneutral skin tone kind of color
shirt right it almost looks likea v-neck, but the collar's
missing.
It got like airbrushed out.
Speaker 1 (42:40):
It got airbrushed.
Speaker 3 (42:42):
It got cleaned up in the final cleanup.
Speaker 2 (42:44):
Okay so they said, like it's not a big deal, it's
okay, Like well, you know, likewe'll redo it later.
And I said no, no, like modestyis my brand, Like, yeah, like
this is Hashem Moshiach energy.
Like I dress modestly If I'mwearing a neutral color shirt,
like you know, because you'regoing to see, even if it's
neutral On the sleeves, yeah.
I'm covering my elbows, I'mcovering my collarbones, I'm
(43:06):
covering my knees.
I just I dress modestly.
I've been doing it for the last22 years, since I became
observant.
I grew up secular, I becamemore observant.
Speaker 1 (43:15):
It's technology that works for you.
Speaker 3 (43:17):
It's technology.
Can I push back here a littlebit?
Speaker 1 (43:20):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (43:21):
This is very modest.
This is not no, it's a deep V.
No, no, no.
Speaker 2 (43:27):
If I was wearing this ?
Speaker 3 (43:28):
No, no, it's not, it's not a deep V.
Speaker 1 (43:31):
To you.
This is not no, no, no.
Speaker 3 (43:34):
I'm actually taking myself out of this Like I'm
being very objective here.
I'm not going by Periel becauseby Periel standards I'm not
using my standards.
I'm saying that you it's alittle bit of a V-neck.
Your arms are covered down toalmost your wrist.
Speaker 2 (43:53):
I literally my tan line stops here.
I cover my collarbones all thetime.
Speaker 3 (43:59):
Right, your collarbones are covered, though
here your collarbone is covered.
Speaker 2 (44:03):
There was like, there is like a the neckline, the
collar is lost.
I'll show you If you lookonline.
If you pull it up online go toAmazoncom, amazoncom and go look
Matchmaker, matchmaker ElisaBen Shalom, and you'll see
there's a, if you zoom if youdon't know you don't know and
online everywhere when you look,you zoom in, you go like this
(44:25):
and you're like oh yeah, thereis a color there.
Now you would assume thatthere's not.
If you're secular cause, youwouldn't know the difference,
right?
You would only know if you know.
Speaker 1 (44:34):
Right, but actually let me show you where I see
Moshiach energy here.
Okay, at your event, at yourlovely event at Lamb and Wolf
Wolf and Lamb, wolf and Lamb.
Wolf and Lamb.
As soon as you went up to her,it's like what am I going to
talk about?
It's like hi, I love you,what's going on?
Good to see you and she, rightaway goes.
We're going to hold the book up, but this is the situation.
She had a story to tell youabout what happened with the
(44:56):
publisher and the picture.
Speaker 2 (44:57):
And I told everybody to put your cameras down.
There's a whole sea ofinfluencers like this.
It's the first time I ever feltlike paparazzi.
They're all standing there likethis with the camera.
Speaker 1 (45:06):
With the camera right .
Speaker 2 (45:07):
And I was like everybody put it down.
You don't record this because Ihave an excellent relationship
with my publisher.
I value them highly and it wasjust an error.
It was like an error.
Speaker 3 (45:16):
But I think that if you didn't say anything, nobody
would even notice that.
Speaker 2 (45:21):
Unless you're religious.
So even wait a minute.
I'm going to tell you.
Speaker 1 (45:27):
But even for her, it's for her, not for the people
for her.
That's not a look she does.
The people for her that's not alook she does.
I have a good girlfriend who'sreligious.
That's not a look she does.
Speaker 3 (45:33):
Yes, fine, I understand that.
But I have a good girlfriendwho's religious.
She wears what is it.
Speaker 2 (45:39):
A tichel A wig.
Speaker 1 (45:41):
A wig, a shade.
Speaker 3 (45:43):
It's not like a full wig, a fall.
Okay, it's like a part like.
Speaker 2 (45:48):
It's like you put it in oh, like a clip-on, like a
kippah fall.
They call it a kippah fallReally.
Speaker 3 (45:54):
She's gorgeous.
Speaker 1 (45:56):
Okay.
Speaker 3 (45:56):
And she has four children and she became
religious leader in life and sheis the most stylish girl I know
and everything is covered, butshe wears quite form-fitting
clothes.
So, listen, I'm the last personto judge.
(46:17):
But well, it depends for what.
But I feel like, you know, ifthis is a little here as opposed
to something's a little bittight, aren't we like splitting
hairs at that point?
Speaker 1 (46:29):
The choosing people, we're the choosing people, and
she, she, it's not her look Iknow, but I'm trying to so I'll
tell you what.
Speaker 2 (46:38):
I sent the book out with the proper cover, right, uh
, electronically to some friends, some religious friends and
some, a few people, not one,more than one sent back oh, I
can't have this in my house, inmy community, anything.
I can't promote it becauseyou're not dressed modestly.
No, wow.
So I said to them what are youtalking about?
(46:59):
My first answer was what areyou talking about?
Because I didn't know what theywere talking about.
This was the first time it cameup.
Okay, they said, well, you're alittle bit exposed.
I said, no, I'm wearing a shirt, it's a shell, it just is like.
It's like a beige, it's like askin tone, kind of a color
they're like, and they went likethis.
They were like oh, because it's, you know, small on your phone.
(47:20):
They go oh, I didn't know that.
I said I don't have a problemthat you didn't know that.
But the problem that I have isyou thought or assumed something
about me which is so off brandfor me, right, you actually
don't even know me.
You don't know me and mygreatest, deepest pleasure in
life is being understood.
(47:41):
And I felt completelymisunderstood.
And now I'm going to beblacklisted in a community
because you think something youdidn't even look close enough to
verify.
They go oh, I'm so sorry, Ididn't realize that.
And then it's like oh well, whydid you pick this instead of
that?
And I was like okay, I happenedto have done a photo shoot.
You know, a while ago I had awhole bunch of things.
(48:01):
I'm changing outfits.
I hate styling, okay.
Speaker 1 (48:04):
It's the hardest thing.
Speaker 2 (48:05):
I hate it.
My girlfriend loves it.
I like matching, I likematchy-matchy, right, why did I
do matchy-matchy?
Because I couldn't figure outwhat color to wear and I didn't
know what it had to go with andwhat I was going to use it for.
So I had a white shirt withlike a neutral color top.
Why?
Because it matched, because itwas blending, because it was
easy, because I hate styling.
That's why I had it.
(48:26):
I wasn't trying to look acertain way or I would have told
the publisher make it pink.
Speaker 1 (48:30):
Color my shirt Anything.
Speaker 2 (48:31):
Put some coloring in there, make it different, so it
actually does stand out, put aturtleneck, like I'm a U-boat
commander.
Do anything.
I didn't even think of it, Ididn't even think of it.
Speaker 3 (48:40):
Well, you know what we can do.
We can go into the bookstoresand just tape like put like a
sticker on top.
Speaker 1 (48:46):
I thought that the Netflix sticker was a sticker I
was going to put on top of thatNumber one bestseller.
Speaker 2 (48:53):
Right over top.
No, so online it's accurate andthe date got pushed back.
It went from December 3rd toJanuary 21st.
The book is going to bereleased.
Speaker 1 (49:02):
But it's a part of the story now.
It's a part of the story.
Speaker 3 (49:06):
It's a great conversation and it's a
conversation.
Speaker 1 (49:08):
And you know what it's like.
Speaker 2 (49:09):
You said it's part of the story and you know what
it's like.
You said it's just it's not apart of your brand and you have
to know yourself 100%.
So if somebody tried to changeyou and do something, that's
exactly not who you are youdon't fit.
Same way with dating, Like ifyou have to really twist
yourself in a pretzel to besomebody who you're not to be
with somebody else, this is thewrong fit.
Speaker 1 (49:27):
That's how you take this story about the shirt, the
whole thing.
No, I completely.
First of all, going on photoshoots is the most miserable
experience in the world.
Speaker 2 (49:37):
You have to hire a stylist.
Speaker 1 (49:38):
I have Leo and the guy and the stylist and the
makeup and he's done.
Leo is amazing.
Speaker 2 (49:44):
But from then it's so much easier.
Speaker 1 (49:45):
Maybe I'm wrong.
Speaker 3 (49:46):
You just have to take Leo with you everywhere.
That's the solution.
Speaker 1 (49:50):
That's the solution.
Speaker 2 (49:51):
No no, I do a one outfit.
This is my show outfit.
I love you in a cape Do youhave that cape in multiple
colors.
Speaker 3 (49:56):
No, you know what you should get it.
I could see.
This is my color, I know, Iknow, I know and I know the hot
pink is your color and it'sgreat.
I'm just saying that that capeis, I can imagine even in like a
black leather.
Speaker 2 (50:10):
I know, but so black on black doesn't pop the lady.
So can I just tell you, yes,this is one of a kind.
I was on a Pesach retreat inGreece.
Oh, and I went into this store.
You know, you go in the littleshops and it's so cute, and this
lady has this cape in black andin green and in blue and she's
like, oh, I said this is lovely.
I said this is lovely.
I said I need it in pink.
(50:30):
She goes no, no, you'll want it, you'll see black, it's lovely.
I said I want it in pink.
Matchmaker magenta.
I named the color.
I want it in matchmaker magenta.
She says how long will you behere?
I said eight days.
It's Pesach.
She said come back, I'll orderit for you.
(50:51):
She special ordered it fromItaly and had it.
Oh, that's great, and I got mycape, and it's so like I don't
want it in any other color.
Speaker 1 (50:58):
Superhero, matchmaker , superhero.
It's great, it's so great.
Oh my God.
Okay, I cannot thank you forcoming back.
I wish you nothing but amazingHatzlacha Mashiach energy with
this book.
May it bring happiness to somany people.
Again, it's on Amazoncom.
In case you don't know where tofind Amazon, it's called
(51:19):
Matchmaker.
Matchmaker, make Me, find Me aLove that Lasts.
Find Me a Love that Lasts.
That's so great.
How does the song go Find Me?
Speaker 3 (51:28):
a.
Speaker 2 (51:30):
Catch Me a Catch, and I want to write the last line
and find me a love that lastsand find me a love that lasts.
Speaker 1 (51:38):
Oh beautiful.
Speaker 3 (51:39):
You can find me on modilivecom and a big thank you
to our sponsors big.
Speaker 1 (51:48):
Thank you to our sponsors.
Yes, thank god, we have to haveMoshiach Energy sponsors.
We have Weitz in Luxembourg,the law firm that not only does
Big.
Thank you to our sponsors.
Yes, thank God, we have to haveMashiach Energy sponsors.
We have Weitz and Luxembourg,the law firm that not only does
well, they do good.
Super philanthropic Arthur,luxembourg friend of the podcast
, randy.
His wife listens to the podcastto tell him what we're talking
about and A&H Provisions GlotKosher Meats best hot dogs in
(52:11):
the world.
The website is kosherdogsnetkosherdogsnet and they are great
and 30% off of your first orderwith promo code MOTI.
And I'm going to be all overthe world.
We have motilivecom for allyour tickets.
(52:32):
We have shows in Austin, inHouston, in January 21st and
23rd, and then we added a showin Houston, so also the 22nd,
and we're going to be inFebruary.
We're going to be in Phoenixand then the shows in the Parker
Playhouse in Fort Lauderdaleand then also a Tampa gig on the
(52:53):
13th.
Everything's on morilivecom andthere's also shows in March and
just look online, morilivecom,get some tickets, be the friend
that brings the friends to thecomedy show and we'll see you
all there.
Thank you very much forlistening.
Welcome to Andy's Modi.
We are back here in the studiowith Elisa Ben Shalom, the
Jewish matchmaker Netflixsuperstar.
First of all, you look stunning, beautiful.
I love whatever you're wearing.
Speaker 2 (00:22):
This is my cape, because you know I'm a superhero
.
Matchmakers are miracle workers.
Speaker 1 (00:25):
you know A hundred percent superhero matchmaker,
and she's here again with us.
We loved it so much.
When you were here last time.
I learned so much, so manythings, and now you have a new
book.
Speaker 3 (00:38):
Matchmaker, matchmaker.
Speaker 1 (00:39):
Matchmaker, matchmaker, find me a love that
lasts.
Speaker 2 (00:43):
Right Bam, you don't just want love.
Speaker 1 (00:46):
No.
Speaker 2 (00:46):
You want a love that lasts.
Speaker 1 (00:48):
Amen.
Speaker 2 (00:49):
Do you know that only 2% of marriages make it over 60
years?
Well, I mean 6% of marriagesmake it over 50 years.
Speaker 1 (00:55):
Can you imagine being married 60 years and then you
go?
Enough is enough, Enough isenough.
Speaker 3 (01:01):
That's it.
But I mean, you're probablydead after that, right?
Speaker 1 (01:05):
No, it's not true at all People who live into their
deep 80s that are married forover 60 years.
The problem.
Speaker 2 (01:13):
Modern day people don't get married till later.
So if you don't get marriedtill 40, you don't really have a
shot.
Is that a problem?
Speaker 1 (01:19):
Wait a minute.
So I'm going to challenge youon that.
I think it's become veryLindsay to get married early Now
.
A lot of young couples aregetting married, A lot of young,
obviously.
A lot of couples are gettingmarried early Now we're trying
to bring it back in.
Speaker 3 (01:34):
Aliza's bringing it back in to get married.
But I want to tell yousomething Most marriages over
50% of marriages end in divorce,Right.
Most marriages, over 50% ofmarriages end in divorce, right.
And when you get marriedyounger, like you're 21, you're
a totally different person bythe time you're 40.
Speaker 2 (01:51):
Yeah, but you can grow up and grow together.
And like you know, you got tokeep bringing yourselves back.
Speaker 3 (01:56):
I didn't get married until I was 35.
And I think that I was like oneof the last one of my friends
to get married and it's I shouldhave never no.
Speaker 1 (02:09):
I should have never gotten married.
Yes, yes, no, I want to tellyou something when you're
sitting.
So we talked about this lasttime and people always ask me I
guess I'm a Jewish figure.
I'm a political figure.
You're not a political figure,Jewish figure, I'm a political
figure.
Speaker 3 (02:25):
You're not a political figure, public figure,
you're a public figure.
Speaker 1 (02:29):
And they ask these questions and they should have
dated.
I'd never been on one.
I found my beshert on a train,but I did, I really did.
But, like these people aresitting on shudduk dates where
they're meeting somebody thatthey might be married to, I
think the main thing in yourhead is where is this person
going to be in 20 years andwhere am I going to be and are
(02:53):
we going to be suitable for eachother?
Because the person you are nowand the person you're in 20
years from now is two differentpeople.
Speaker 2 (02:59):
The only person we know is the person you are today
, right?
Did we know I was going to goon Netflix and do a show and be
a woman who moved to Israel withfive kids, and then she's the
one flying out after she fleweverybody?
Speaker 1 (03:12):
into Israel right.
Speaker 2 (03:14):
We didn't know that that was the plan right, but we
knew that the plan was getmarried, live a meaningful life
and build a beautiful familytogether, and then, whatever
that becomes, you still have tolike, bring yourselves back to
center.
Speaker 3 (03:27):
It's like this, coming and going you have to be
willing to grow.
If you don't grow, you break.
Speaker 2 (03:32):
I mean what?
Speaker 3 (03:33):
are you going to do?
Wow, you can use that.
Speaker 2 (03:36):
If you don't grow, you break.
Speaker 1 (03:37):
First of all if you don't bend it's the tree that
bends in the wind.
You big ding dong.
If you don't bend, you break.
If you don't bend, you break.
Oh God, you're a fortune cookieHorrible.
I should hit you with that book.
No.
Speaker 3 (03:54):
You have to cover the top if you're going to hit me
with it, though.
Speaker 1 (03:57):
Are we doing that yet ?
No, let's wait a minute.
What's this book like?
What's the?
What's the?
What's the kishkas Like?
What's the meaning of this book?
Yeah, okay.
Speaker 2 (04:10):
What I love about this book.
Speaker 1 (04:11):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (04:12):
Is that it's a phenomenal read, right?
Besides the wisdom that's inthere, sometimes like you have
to read a book and like to getto the wisdom, it's like a drink
cup.
It's almost like you're readingfiction and like, boom, you get
wisdom through it.
So you hear all of my clientstories, which we changed the
names to protect the innocentright.
(04:33):
And the guilty and the and the,whatever, um, and all the
stories.
Like the storylines we changed,but like at the Kishkas of it,
at the root of it, you have thereal story of the client and
then you see like a Lisa woventhrough it.
So it's I guess it's similar tothe show where you've got like
a client, you've got an example,this is what's happening.
And then you get to the end andit's like, okay, so how do I
(04:54):
apply that to my life?
And then you open it up andyou're like, oh, look, tips and
tools for me.
So it's such a good read andit's great for singles because,
hey, you could help yourself,but you could also help a friend
, because I think that you don'thave to be a matchmaker to make
a match.
Anyone can make a match.
Speaker 1 (05:13):
Or to give somebody a piece of advice, a nugget of
advice that they might pick upfrom your book.
Speaker 2 (05:18):
But everybody can make a match.
I have made a match, see.
Speaker 3 (05:22):
But he wound up being a pathological liar and they
got divorced.
Speaker 1 (05:26):
Never.
Speaker 2 (05:27):
Okay, anyway, thanks for sharing that.
We'll cut that part out.
Speaker 3 (05:30):
Just kidding.
No, so maybe you do need to bea professional, but I have
passed your advice that you gaveon this show last time to one
of my girlfriends.
Speaker 1 (05:40):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (05:44):
Which was I said don't touch until the fifth date
, didn't you say that?
And then she was like, oh, thisguy's awful.
And I said if it's not a no,it's a go.
And so I said keep going outwith him.
Speaker 1 (05:57):
And then you had another one date him till you
hate him all the same what Itook from you was there's 15
million Jews in the world and 15million ways to be Jewish.
Right, it's such an amazing.
Speaker 2 (06:14):
It feels good when you hear that.
Speaker 1 (06:16):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (06:16):
Because you're part of the clout, but your identity
is not lost as who you are.
Speaker 1 (06:20):
Right, you're part of the community.
Right, it's a community.
Right, you're part of thecommunity.
Speaker 2 (06:23):
Right, it's a community.
We are one.
Speaker 1 (06:26):
Right.
Speaker 2 (06:27):
And we are ourselves also Correct Simultaneously.
Speaker 3 (06:31):
I just want to say that the page that I opened up
to the book says I haven't toldher yet about my anxiety.
I didn't want to bring in theheavy stuff too early.
Speaker 2 (06:40):
Yeah, that's a good idea.
Don't bring in the heavy stufftoo early, I mean a lot of
people are like listen, theyhave to love me for who I am,
accept me for who I am.
I'm like good, but not on thefirst date.
On the first date, right, youshow up with a smile, the
anxiety, just you know,apparently.
Speaker 1 (06:58):
Hold it in a fiddle and it's so.
You know, I obviously followyou on Instagram and you're
living in Israel, where that's anightmare and there's always a
smile on your face.
There's always some happinesscoming to you.
There's a few pages that whenyou land on, there's going to be
a smile and I hope that minemakes that, but you also Yours
is a smile and a laugh, mine isjust a smile.
Speaker 2 (07:20):
It's fun.
Speaker 1 (07:20):
You're having fun at what you're doing.
I love it.
Yeah, and now is making matchesin Israel harder than like
making them here in America?
Speaker 2 (07:28):
Israel is different.
So Israelis are reallymarriage-minded, Like they're
very family, community-mindedright Every week.
But you don't have to bereligious.
Speaker 1 (07:35):
They get married young.
They get married young.
Speaker 2 (07:38):
It's like go to school, go to the army, get
right and then figure yourselfout right they figure themselves
out.
They do university, they dofiguring out their first job
with their person, as they'regrowing up.
They literally grow up togetherand they build a life together
and they figure it out on theroad here in america.
It's like become who you are,have everything, insert person
(08:00):
into life.
Poof like make it work rightit's not the right recipe.
It's not the right order for therecipe it is.
It's a good recipe.
It's just like you put theingredients in the wrong order.
If you put it in the wrongorder, it doesn't always work.
Speaker 1 (08:14):
Okay, well, I look, I'm a baker.
Speaker 2 (08:15):
It's a thing.
It's a thing, it's a baker yeah.
Speaker 1 (08:17):
Well, I met my, my soulmate uh, while I was already
working, but obviously with himit began to be a bigger thing.
It only helped Imagine I waswith well, he wasn't born yet,
but when I began.
My husband and I have an agegap too.
Speaker 2 (08:34):
He jokes about it.
He's like I couldn't getmarried at 25.
You were 15.
Speaker 1 (08:37):
Right, yeah, but but yeah, things, things, things,
things happen and we we don'tcontrol what happens, but we can
.
Speaker 2 (08:48):
Control our response to what happens.
Speaker 1 (08:50):
We can control our thoughts.
We can control our thoughts.
Speaker 3 (08:53):
You must get invited to a lot of weddings.
I do, oh that's, do you go?
Speaker 2 (08:59):
So I used to go much more For a fee For a small fee.
No, I used to go much more.
I actually came in on one of mytours, somebody that I was very
close with, who really took mein and loved me like no other,
and she's like, listen, if youcould come to my wedding, I'm
like when is it?
She's like we're not sure yet.
I'm like I need to know thedate.
(09:20):
I'm planning a tour and if youtell me the date, maybe I could
like fly in, fly out, like makeit that moment.
I went to her wedding.
She's like, don't worry, it's20 minutes from the airport.
I flew out that night and Imade her wedding.
Speaker 1 (09:35):
That's so nice, that's so sweet.
Speaker 2 (09:37):
It was really a blessing, but I miss a lot.
I really miss a lot.
And people are like, oh, I wishyou could come.
And I was like I wish too, likeI need the tele.
You know teleport like snap.
Oh, I'm there you know rightthat's what I really need that's
the expression actually theyzoom me in now, so um one person
.
These will send us a recordingwe'll like put you on the screen
.
So I gave them a toast because Imade the match actually it was
(10:00):
for somebody that was on theshow, not one of the, but one of
the daters who shall remainanonymous.
But after the show I was like,okay, it didn't work out on the
show and I have a great match.
And it was a real like slowgrow and thank God they got
married and they're like come tothe wedding.
I was like it's like two daysbefore Rosh Hashanah, I can't.
(10:20):
So I sent them a video and Igave them blessings and Mazel
Tov and my friends that were atthe wedding they're like we saw
you and I was like, yay, I justdon't get to see you.
Speaker 1 (10:29):
I'll tell you a funny story.
We spoke about it on thepodcast, but I was invited to be
at a wedding in Monaco.
There was a couple that gotmarried and the wife knew that
the husband to be was a fan andso she wanted to surprise him by
having me come and emcee theevent.
And you know, and we came, as Isaid, but I'll also do the
(10:56):
seventh bracha in the chuppah,if you want.
So that was the first time hewas seeing that I was at this
wedding and it was the craziestthing Did he go nuts.
Speaker 2 (11:04):
What Did he go, nuts?
He Did he go nuts.
Speaker 1 (11:06):
He went nuts.
I think I told the story on thepodcast before.
But we get to the wedding.
I was a surprise and they hadthis wedding happening and the
service was way too long.
It was way too long.
It was not.
The guy did not know hisaudience and then I came up and
I said to them.
I said I said I came up, thegroom's face just dropped, what
(11:34):
am I?
And I was dressed in a capota.
I was dressed in a full capota,the black robe, and then I said
I'm not going to mention theirnames, but like Bill and Harriet
, I hope that your marriage,your lives and your happiness
last as long as this ceremony.
And that was like.
And then it was great and then,like, the father of the bride
was sick and couldn't make theevent, and that just happened
(11:55):
before, and I feel like mypresence there, just like
relieved that energy.
But yeah, weddings are insane.
Yeah, weddings are insane.
It's such a blessing to go.
You sing, you dance, yeah, this.
Speaker 2 (12:08):
She came over to me and um bride she's this bride,
bride, thank you she.
She's like thank you, and I'mso happy you're here.
I'm like thank you, and, likeyou know, smile, take a picture
for the camera, right, that'swhat you do and move on, go back
to your guests.
She like stayed with me for ahalf an hour.
I was like you have to go backand dance with your people.
She's like no, and we're likeoff the dance floor on the side.
(12:28):
She's dancing with me it wassuch.
Yeah, it was the most gorgeousthing.
She was Libby Libby Walker,who's uh now Libby Shio.
I think I got her name right,the new last name.
Speaker 1 (12:40):
I only know old names , not new names okay, and and
besides that, so from so this,how's it selling?
Speaker 2 (12:46):
Good People love it.
The great thing about it, it'sJewish wisdom for the world.
So you don't have to be Jewishto read the book.
You don't even have to besingle to read the book.
It really helps anybody who'sin a relationship or no, who
wants to get into a relationship.
Speaker 1 (13:08):
If you're in a relationship and you need
soulmate clarity, you can use it, and if you just don't know
what to do and you'd like tohelp match people you can just
download my brain.
You just read the book and yougot all my wisdom.
Speaker 2 (13:14):
Do you have an audio copy of it?
Speaker 3 (13:14):
Yes, that's your speed.
Speaker 1 (13:17):
Yeah, I'm on a treadmill.
We'll put you on.
Speaker 3 (13:19):
I'll read.
I'll read.
I was going to say I won'tleave you a book.
Speaker 1 (13:20):
I'll leave you a book .
I'll read the book.
Speaker 2 (13:21):
I was going to say I won't leave you a book.
Speaker 1 (13:22):
I'll leave you a book .
I'll read the book.
No, leave me a book.
Leo reads books like that.
Yeah, okay, he'll love it,he'll love it, he'll love it.
What else is happening besidesthe book?
What's going on in theshow-wise and Netflix-wise and
theory of like you don't?
Speaker 2 (13:34):
have to be a matchmaker.
Anyone can make a match issomething that I feel really
passionate about, cause I thinkthat the whole world is falling
apart and I think at the root ofthe world being successful is
(13:56):
bringing couples together.
Okay, okay, if we buildbeautiful couples, they build
beautiful families.
If we build beautiful families,we've got a beautiful community
, and if we build beautifulcommunities, we've got a
fantastic world.
Speaker 1 (14:07):
Amen.
Speaker 2 (14:08):
We don't have a great world this moment.
I mean, the world is wonderful.
I, like you, know God's work,but our work and what we, the
human race, have done, is not sopretty today.
I'm not into politics, nothing.
Speaker 1 (14:20):
No, no, no, we're into politics.
No, no, no, we didn't dopositive but just like.
Speaker 2 (14:22):
It's just not the world that I would envision, and
the only way that I know how tofix it is through building
beautiful relationships withcouples.
Speaker 3 (14:29):
You know that there's a father whose son was killed
on October 7th and he's ajeweler, and so what he?
I'm sure you know.
Speaker 2 (14:38):
I don't know what the number he was up to, but he was
up to in the 80s or 90s, so hedonates one single diamond to
any soldier who wants to getmarried oh, he gives him a
diamond ring in the name of hisson.
Oh, that's amazing upwards of ahundred or now probably over a
hundred.
So he said, meet him.
Speaker 3 (14:58):
Yeah, I'm sure it's in, so that his son, you know,
passed away, but in his namethat he's created all of these
families.
Speaker 1 (15:05):
That's so amazing.
I did a fundraiser.
It wasn't a fundraiser, it wasa friend raiser.
They paid me, but it was insomeone's house for singles.
It's between 30 and 40 yearsold.
That was it, and it wasShidduchim were made there.
Speaker 2 (15:25):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (15:25):
Yeah, people met and there was one or two couples
that got together and it was,it's amazing.
Speaker 2 (15:33):
So I love it when those things happen and you get
right one or two couples.
But what happens to everybodyelse?
So my theory is, if you metsomebody there and singles are
more skilled than I am becausethe people they meet they know
really well, they went on a datewith them, they went on a few
dates with them, they heard allthe stories, they get a vibe so
they're not for you.
So you didn't waste your time.
Go recommend them to a friend,Like everyone's.
(15:54):
Like oh, I don't want to.
You know, I don't want to.
Speaker 1 (16:00):
So you're meeting somebody at the singles event
and you go.
You're not good for me, but Iknow someone you'd be great for.
Speaker 2 (16:06):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (16:06):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (16:07):
Yeah, like so nice to meet you, not my type and
they're like, oh, but I reallywant to be.
And you're like, yeah, there'sjust nothing you can do.
You're inherently wrong.
Don't say that.
This is like what's goingthrough your mind, right, but
after, after you have a niceconversation, you could say you
know, I don't think this is amatch for me, but I actually
know somebody, I have somebodyin mind.
Would you mind if I made aconnection and it's going to be
(16:28):
normal, and you could just sayAliza told me I should do this?
I'm telling everybody you needto do this.
It's so important.
I think over 35% of matches aremade through friends or family
recommendations.
It might be more.
We have to do a study on this.
Oh, that's also what I'mworking on.
I want, like I want peerreviewed studies, data.
I want information.
Like, the Jewish matchmakingmovement is a whole movement.
(16:50):
It's a mindset, it's a training.
We're going to have data.
We're going to have study.
You're going to see good things.
I'm coming back again.
Speaker 1 (16:56):
Whatever you want, we love you.
Yeah, data Right.
Speaker 2 (17:00):
We need data.
Speaker 1 (17:02):
Because the only data you ever hear is one out of
every two marriages has beendivorced.
Speaker 2 (17:07):
It's so not motivating.
Speaker 3 (17:09):
It's so horrible.
Speaker 2 (17:09):
People are like wow, and then ask the 50% that stay
married, how many are happy?
Speaker 1 (17:14):
Right.
Speaker 2 (17:16):
We're happy.
Speaker 1 (17:17):
So in my show now I have a whole part about marriage
advice where I ask the audiencewho's been married for many,
many years and ask what theirsecret is, and they like yell it
out.
It's like my audienceparticipation work, yeah.
Speaker 2 (17:30):
My mother-in-law has a good answer.
Speaker 1 (17:32):
What's hers?
Speaker 2 (17:33):
Patience and hearing aids.
Speaker 1 (17:35):
Patience and hearing aids.
Yeah, have patience and turnyour hearing aid off.
Speaker 3 (17:40):
I feel like I've heard people say that at your
show.
Speaker 2 (17:42):
That's the question Should it go up or should it go
off?
Speaker 1 (17:45):
Yeah, most of the answers are yes, dear.
Speaker 3 (17:47):
Yes, that's it.
Speaker 1 (17:49):
Yes, dear, that's a start.
Okay, yeah, Some people come upwith individual ones Humor.
They say but you see couplesthat are married like 35, 50
years and they're like they havetheir.
They say respect, respect.
Speaker 2 (18:05):
And then you know, but you know that whatever is at
the core of what they're saying, that's their secret sauce, but
it's also their greatestchallenge, right?
So like that's what they'redealing with.
So if they say respect, sorespect is the secret.
Respect is also what they'restruggling with the most, right?
So the hearing aids like yeah,it's funny, right?
(18:25):
So the hearing aids like yeah,it's funny, haha, but like being
heard right or being understood, or like literal hearing or
emotional hearing, either way.
Right, this could just be aphysical thing.
It doesn't have to be anemotional thing.
But like, at the core of it,that's what we're all really
struggling with and it's true.
Speaker 1 (18:37):
So whatever they're yelling out is what they're
really struggling with yeah, youcan turn this into a comedy bit
.
Speaker 2 (18:42):
Feel free to use it.
Be like.
I know Lisa told me it's yoursecret, but it's also your
greatest challenge, like, thething that you hold most sacred
is probably also the thing thatyou struggle with the most.
(19:12):
I think that it is, I think, thethings that we want, and
everybody has different things.
For some people it's loyalty.
Why?
Because somebody in the pastdid something right.
So with my partner, loyalty,it's the most important thing.
There's always loyalty, trust,you know, I know right, Because
that's what they struggle with.
So that's their secret recipe.
Speaker 3 (19:30):
I think Modi's secret recipe has always resonated
with me what is it.
You have three things.
Oh, this is it.
If everybody could follow here.
You can use this in your app,yeah.
Speaker 1 (19:43):
Our secret is hydrate , moisturize and be nice.
That's it.
That's all you need Justhydrate, moisturize.
If you're not hydrated, you'regoing to be a mess and angry.
If you're not moisturized, youdon't feel good and just be nice
.
Just be nice.
It's just easier to be nice.
It's less effort than to bemean, and that's ours.
Speaker 3 (20:07):
It's good, yeah, it's good.
Speaker 1 (20:09):
That's ours.
Yeah, oh God, how's yourhusband?
Speaker 2 (20:13):
He's good.
He just had a full kneereplacement.
He's a bionic man.
He got a new foot, a new knee,a new hip.
He's young, he's working out.
Speaker 1 (20:22):
How old is he?
Speaker 2 (20:24):
58 years young 58 years young.
58 years young, okay, we have a10 and a half year age gap
between us.
Speaker 1 (20:29):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (20:30):
And, and I mean it works.
Speaker 1 (20:31):
You and I have a 10, 12 year age gap.
Speaker 2 (20:34):
Yeah yeah, you can 10 and 12, 22 years Comedian
you're not a mathematician, it'sfine, it depends who says it.
Yeah, so I think I mean now mykids joke about, like you know,
like it's not like in my houseIs it raining.
It's more like is it rainingrockets today.
(20:55):
Do we get to stay home or do wehave to go to school?
And I'm like, oh, no, no, we'regood you got to go to school.
Speaker 1 (21:02):
I'm like, oh, when do you live in Israel?
Speaker 2 (21:04):
We live in Pardes, khana Pardes.
Speaker 1 (21:05):
Khana.
Speaker 2 (21:12):
Yeah, halfway between Haifa, near Qais Saria, near
the port, it's actually veryquiet there, it's you almost
wouldn't even know anything'sgoing on, unless you knew, and
only you know.
A few times did we have some uh, you know rockets yeah, a few
but nothing, nothing that likeimpacted or or was significant.
We don't feel the.
The thing that we do the mostis that we take people in from
other places or we send supportout to other people.
Speaker 1 (21:31):
Yeah, and and October 7th, many Jewish people have
become like I don't want to saymore religious, but they've been
doing more things like lightingcandles, putting on tefillin,
going to synagogue, doing thingsof that sort.
Has that affected, like thematchmaking and the getting
married situation, or no?
Speaker 2 (21:53):
So a lot of people had, like this awakening where
they were feeling like I want tomarry somebody Jewish, I want
to be involved with my Judaism,and I don't know exactly what
that looks like.
Speaker 3 (22:03):
Like.
Speaker 2 (22:04):
I don't want to be religious, but I do want to,
like you said, light candles orput on tefillin, like I want to
take an action and I want tolive a Jewish life, however that
I define that, whatever thatmeans to me.
And so we've seen people firstof all redefining themselves,
then redefining what they wantin a relationship, and then
having to like rewrite profilesand then go out there and then
(22:26):
learn how to search differently,because you know it used to be
like open to anything.
And now it's like, well, if youdon't support Israel, like I
don't want to be alone.
I just don't want to be aloneanymore and I definitely don't
(22:58):
want to live with my parents ortake care of them my whole life.
Like I want to take care of mein my life.
And then everybody went back tolike quote, normal-ish.
And then this happened.
And then they're like whoa,okay, I not only don't I want to
be alone, but I do want to be apart of a community, and I know
it's a Jewish community andthat's important to me.
(23:18):
So there is this like latent,you know, judaism that's been
buried inside of a lot of peoplethat came out.
That was like I should dosomething about that and related
to my dating.
That's probably where I shouldstart, yeah.
Speaker 1 (23:31):
And related to my dating.
That's probably where I shouldstart.
Yeah, you know, in my show nowI've also been addressing.
In my last show I was aboutSephardic Ashkenazi
relationships and thedifferences and people were like
so relieved and thank God, ohmy God, Thanks for talking about
that.
And now I'm talking aboutcouples that have gotten
(23:53):
together that are not bothJewish, and you can really see
relief.
But my core thing is that justbecause you're with somebody
who's not Jewish doesn't meanyou're not Jewish and you can
still do all of your things anddo all of your mitzvot.
And again, the goal is to bringMoshiach energy with whoever
you're with, and so it's been avery, very interesting.
Speaker 2 (24:16):
It's been tough for mixed marriages.
It's hard because the Jewishside feels like you don't get me
like to the core of reallywhat's going on to my people,
cause it's not your people.
Speaker 3 (24:29):
I mean, it depends on the couple.
Speaker 2 (24:31):
It depends on the relationship.
But from the couples that arestruggling I'll speak about.
The ones that are strugglingare like but you don't
understand.
It's not just like a littlething, it's really big.
But for the couples that dounderstand, there's some couples
that have gorgeousrelationships.
Speaker 1 (24:45):
Yeah, and they're helpful to each other.
And yeah, and you're on thesame page and you're not like,
you don't understand, you're notJewishish.
It's like they should havebuilt to the point where you
understand who the jew thatthey're dating is and what their
situation.
But it it rocked, a lot of itrocked and put together many,
many people.
You know if all of a sudden,your, your, your lover, your,
(25:09):
your spouse is, people arescreaming, they, they should be
killed.
You're like, oh my God, this istalking about my soulmate here
that's screaming about to killand yell.
So it brings people togethertoo.
But yeah, it's a veryinteresting journey.
I'm going with the show.
Speaker 2 (25:30):
I was going to say you're really tackling a lot of
different angles and helpingJews to identify with their
Judaism whoever they are,wherever they're at.
Speaker 1 (25:38):
Absolutely.
Speaker 2 (25:39):
It's a special thing to be able to tap into people.
Speaker 1 (25:43):
Are you wrapping us up?
Speaker 3 (25:45):
No, not at all.
Speaker 1 (25:47):
We are.
Yeah, it's again to me, youit's bringing people together me
.
It's again to me, you it'sbringing people together, me
it's bringing Moshiach energy.
Speaker 2 (25:54):
Whatever can create Bringing people together is
bringing Moshiach energy.
Speaker 1 (25:57):
We have the same goal Absolutely, absolutely Okay, so
this book is availableeverywhere.
Speaker 2 (26:03):
Everywhere, wherever you like to buy books.
If you love Amazon, you can gothere.
If you love Barnes Noble, youcan go there.
Speaker 1 (26:07):
And you had this book launch, which was adorable.
Speaker 2 (26:10):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (26:10):
We were at the book launch at Wolf and Lamb.
Lamb and Wolf.
Speaker 2 (26:13):
Wolf and Lamb.
Speaker 1 (26:14):
Wolf and Lamb.
The food was delicious.
Speaker 2 (26:17):
Fried pickles Did you have?
Speaker 1 (26:18):
the fried pickles.
I had the fried pickles and wehad the fried and the spicy tuna
salad.
I don't know what it was and itwas such a nice event.
And it was so it was yourpublisher through the event.
Speaker 2 (26:33):
no, no, I threw the event.
You threw the event With all ofmy you know closest influencer
friends and friends of friends.
Speaker 1 (26:36):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (26:37):
So the whole goal was to bring out all of the Jewish
influencers and to not just youknow, it is a book event and it
is exciting but also to saywe're better together.
Right, that's what I believe inmy work, but I believe that
professionally also.
It's not just about coupleswe're better together, but even
Jewish influencers, us helpingeach other to do better things
(26:57):
in the world together.
I think when we collaborate,we're better together.
Right, you've got your audience, I got my audience.
Good, let's share Whoever likes.
Both go to both.
Now you get more content.
And I think it was a chancealso for a lot of people that
have only seen each other onlineto actually meet in person.
People were so excited.
Speaker 3 (27:13):
Yeah, that's really nice.
I've been to a couple of eventslike that.
Speaker 1 (27:16):
It's a very strange situation when you have a
relationship with somebodythat's online and you see them
in person.
Speaker 2 (27:22):
Mostly, they're really the same.
Everybody that I met, I waslike, oh, it's just you in the
physical form, not you on myscreen.
It usually is Because they putout thousands of hours of
content, like before I met you.
It's like, yeah, of course Iknow him and you know everything
about him.
You've seen his face, you'vememorized what it looks like,
you know everything, you're notforeign, you feel very normal,
(27:45):
very close.
And then you meet them andyou're like, oh, I actually
never met you.
Speaker 1 (27:49):
I know, but we've had that with Kim Kushner, a lot of
people.
That's how I met through onlineand in person, and I think it's
wonderful.
It's like a surprise.
It's very wonderful.
I like it.
It's a great way.
The book, the book, yes, howlong have you been going?
I'm sorry, 28.
(28:09):
28.
Oh, we have time.
Anything, you?
I felt like.
I felt like we got so much done.
Speaker 3 (28:18):
We did it was so deep .
Speaker 1 (28:20):
It was so, so deep.
Oh my god, what else are youdoing in America?
Speaker 2 (28:28):
so I love doing events and programs.
So I was just in Brooklyn andran a singles event.
We do like 25 to 45 orthodoxsingles.
Everywhere I go I have like adifferent 45 Orthodox singles.
Everywhere I go I have like adifferent Hevra.
Okay, Tomorrow night I'm goingto be at Stand Up, New York.
No way and we're going to dolike a singles improv night.
So we're going to bring peopleon stage and torture them.
(28:49):
No, we're going to bring peopleon stage and we're going to be
at stand up, new york where'sthat.
Uh, they're at bond 45 in liketop square area like right in
the heart of new york city, um,and, and it'll be this like,
like I'm not, you're a comedian,right?
(29:09):
So I'm not a comedian, but Ilike to play banter, have fun
and I really love that.
Singles like relax, take theedge off like we need comedy to
connect you know we need to makea whole singles comedy,
something I don't know.
Speaker 1 (29:22):
I've done so many singles events yeah, my earlier,
like before, like theaters andall that.
There's so many singles comedyevents.
It's the most genius thingbecause you have an hour and a
half of them not having to talkto each other.
But the and they laughed, andthen they laughed, positive good
endorphins, and then they cantalk, and then you serve them
(29:44):
alcohol.
Speaker 2 (29:44):
Right, and then you let them talk.
Speaker 1 (29:46):
Yes, so, but like it's not the, the initial person
speaking is the comedian.
Speaker 2 (29:52):
That's great.
Okay, so let's do an event.
Speaker 3 (29:53):
It's like the foreplay.
Speaker 2 (29:57):
I like how you just jumped in there.
No, it's true.
It's true, it's the warm-up andit gets everybody.
Speaker 3 (30:02):
We're doing all the hard work.
In the beginning You're makingeverybody laugh.
Two people are on a date.
They don't have to show up astheir best self, they just get
to chill out while you do allthe work.
And then by the end they'redrunk and ready to mingle.
Speaker 1 (30:21):
And schmooze it away.
Speaker 3 (30:22):
I was going to say hook up, but they're not allowed
to touch, right.
No, five days, it depends if weplay by Aliza's rules, or just
the world rules?
Well, I told you last time Idid not follow your rules, and
it still worked for you.
Well, define, work, yeah, rules, and it still works for you?
Speaker 1 (30:41):
well, define work.
Yeah, I've been married for 14years incredible 14 years yeah,
wow, we're going on nine yearstogether.
It's 22 wow, wow.
Can I know?
Speaker 2 (30:50):
yeah, my in-laws.
So they're married 63 years andI was like new, are you still
learning new things about eachother?
And they were like no, it'slike is there anything that you
don't you know, like you're notsure what they're going to say,
and they're like no.
And I was like like how do youkeep it fresh and alive?
Like whatever, we still like.
There's kind of like they'relike fresh and alive, what are
you talking about?
They're amazing.
(31:10):
They're amazing they stilltravel.
They how?
Speaker 1 (31:13):
old are they in their 80s, 80s, yeah?
Speaker 2 (31:16):
80s and they've traveled to Israel and come and
seen us.
They met me and have been to myshows and programs.
They've come on stage with me.
Speaker 3 (31:25):
They're hysterical together.
That's cute.
That's a show.
That's a good show.
That's actually a great ideafor a show to invite singles and
have both of them on stage andyou can ask them questions, and
the people in, and you can askthem questions and the people in
the audience can ask themquestions too.
Speaker 2 (31:40):
So we did not exactly that, but a little bit of that
at their synagogue in theirhometown and we brought them and
another couple on stage.
So the other couple was like a23 year married couple and we're
like how did you meet?
And how did you meet and what'syour secret to success and
what's yours?
That's really fun did you meetand what's your secret to sex
success and what's yours?
That's really fun.
It was actually hysterical andalso the if you have a multi-gen
(32:01):
audience yeah, 20s through, youknow, 60s, 70s, 80s, better
yeah, yeah, yeah, it's great,it's the best.
Speaker 3 (32:08):
I think that one thing, like one piece of advice
or knowledge that I've learnedfrom being in a relationship, is
that you have to learn theother person's love language.
Yeah, like, the way thatsomebody like shows appreciation
is like very different fromother people by learning it.
Speaker 2 (32:30):
it's either learning it meaning so that I can do it
for you, or learning it so that,when you do it wrong, I can
interpret it in my brain andlike, rewire it and go like oh,
gifts, is your love languageright, and I like words of
affirmation.
So you give me a gift and I'mgoing thanks, but I'm going to
just like be like, thank you.
Speaker 3 (32:47):
No, I don't want that garbage, but I'm saying there's
a secret to the love languages.
Speaker 2 (32:55):
Okay, like step one is like oh, learn the love
language and speak theirlanguage.
Speaker 3 (33:00):
Yeah, but not everybody does that.
But you have to learn.
That's the whole point.
Speaker 2 (33:05):
Okay, but I'm telling you what he doesn't teach you.
What he doesn't teach you islearn their love language, and
even when they don't speak yourlove language and they get it
wrong.
Hear it and they're speakingtheir love language.
Hear it.
Speaker 1 (33:16):
What's the?
Speaker 2 (33:16):
intention behind it.
And you're like thank you.
I have a girlfriend.
She loves to give gifts, likeshe is a gift human.
I'm not a gift human, I'm happy, thank you.
It's sweet, it's wonderful,it's kind.
Yes, thank you.
But it doesn't like light me onfire.
Words of affirmation are mything.
So if you're like, hi, we loveyou, we love your show, and and
(33:42):
they're like, does that botheryou?
We're talking to you, I'm like,no, that's my love language,
right so.
But she gives me a gift and I'mlike this is her love languages
.
This is how she's saying to meI care for you so much.
And she does words ofaffirmation, but I'm saying,
when she gives it, like I hearit as if it's my language,
because that's how she stillneeds to give, because that's
her training, that's her release, and I know if I want to do
something for her, I should dothat.
Right, like I don't expectother people to be mind readers,
(34:02):
but I do try to teach peoplelike a little bit of like the
psychology behind it.
Not that that's my field, butjust you should understand if
somebody can't speak yourlanguage.
If you still understand eachother Like I don't know, this is
like random, but like nonverbalcommunication.
I've now traveled all over theworld.
There are people that I meetand we cannot speak the same
(34:23):
language, right, and I'm lookingat them.
No, no, no, we have that at themeet and greets.
Speaker 1 (34:28):
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (34:29):
Hi.
And they're like hi, I I knowspeak English.
Speaker 1 (34:32):
You're like okay, you English, you're like okay,
you're like, there's no need to,here's a hug and let's move on.
Speaker 2 (34:37):
Right, but to communicate and to understand,
even if you don't speak the samelanguage.
What's the meaning behind it?
Like, is it coming from a placeof love where some people,
right, you give me a gift, it'snot my love language, right, and
you know what my love languageis, and you're still giving me a
gift?
And they go, don't you know mealready?
Like, by now you should know.
It's not my thing, I don't needthat.
I don't need that tchotchke,right?
(34:57):
Okay, but I'm saying receivethe gift.
Speaker 1 (35:01):
As a word of affirmation.
Speaker 3 (35:02):
And receive it as yeah, I'm saying don't give me a
tchotchke Right.
Speaker 2 (35:08):
I'm saying take it a level beyond that.
No, there's ways to readpeople's there's ways to read
people's uh, there's ways toread people.
Speaker 1 (35:20):
You know what really helps the relationship more when
you understand them so muchmore.
Like I, you know what helps inthat astrology tell me.
So you know, kind of like, ifsomeone's a tourist, they like
to be comfortable.
So when you say to them, hey,let's go to this restaurant,
that's when you say, you know,if we go to this restaurant the
seats are much more comfortableand it's not as loud that's
manipulation.
Speaker 2 (35:38):
How to get what you want.
No, that's not manipulation.
It's like, it's a way.
It's a no, it's knowing how tospeak to the people their
language and it's not always,it's not always on, but it's um
Pisces.
Speaker 1 (35:47):
What would you say to me it's, it's um it's uh, we'll
have a great run through it,we'll go, we'll get it be
exciting, it's an adventure,it's an adventure are you into?
astrology, no, but like justjust for the being able to
communicate, kind of like, uh,like when someone's in aries,
they'll do anything in the worldfor you, but they have to be
(36:08):
thanked, so you, when they madethis big seder and big party for
you, you say to them at the endyou go without you, this
couldn't have happened.
You're done, done, you're done.
Speaker 2 (36:18):
You made the night.
Speaker 1 (36:18):
You made the night.
Speaker 2 (36:19):
As long as you thank them, but he's telling you their
love language through astrology.
Speaker 1 (36:24):
Right.
Speaker 3 (36:24):
This is very basic white girl.
Speaker 1 (36:26):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, and it works and it
works.
It really really worksSometimes, sometimes it's really
awesome, sometimes it's off,but it's it's, it's, it's off.
Speaker 2 (36:34):
Depends if your birthday's on the cusp, oh my.
Speaker 3 (36:37):
God.
For me, I think what you saidbefore.
It's like I show my husband.
These are the two choices,after I've already gone through
all the seven other choices thatI don't like.
Speaker 1 (36:48):
Right.
Speaker 3 (36:49):
And these are the two that I actually like, and so
it's like the illusion.
Speaker 1 (36:53):
Wouldn't he prefer to just say this is where we're
going?
Speaker 3 (36:57):
No, I think he likes to think that he has an opinion
An opinion gotcha.
Not that he doesn't have anopinion.
He has an opinion.
Speaker 1 (37:06):
Right but.
Speaker 3 (37:06):
I feel like I'm also doing him a little bit of a
favor, because I'm cleaning outlike all of the the garbage you
could have gone to.
Speaker 2 (37:15):
Yeah, yeah, I think that that's also one of the
secrets of couples is that youdevelop your own language right,
like you could be across theroom and you could be like that
thing.
Speaker 3 (37:25):
Yeah, right, right like you know unless you're
married to my husband because ifyou kick him under the table
then he'll go.
Why are you kicking me underthe table?
Speaker 2 (37:33):
oh my husband would get along with you as well.
Speaker 1 (37:35):
Yeah yeah, leo gives me the kicks under the table too
, and you, you probably are.
I know what he wants, I just doit.
I realized what he wants, Ijust do it.
I even talk about it in my show.
I wasn't adding to theconversation.
He kicks me like hey, thecappuccino.
I love cappuccino.
Um, yeah, yeah, no, Sometimesyou you're in a dinner and it's
boring and you focus out andhe's like focus back in.
Speaker 3 (37:58):
No, or guys telling a story that he has no business
telling about, like some secretof, like a friend of a friend
and I kick him under the table,oh gossip.
Why are you kicking me underthe table?
He'll say to me.
Speaker 1 (38:10):
Oh, my God.
Speaker 2 (38:12):
It doesn't change.
By the way, that doesn't evergo away.
You will forever be married toa man who will never get it.
Speaker 1 (38:20):
Sorry, people do change.
No, it's not true, people dochange.
I believe people change.
Speaker 3 (38:24):
I think that's true too.
I believe that 14 years hechanged.
Yeah, he has, he has, but notwith the kicks.
Yeah, not with the kicks.
Tens of thousands of dollars intherapy.
Speaker 1 (38:38):
Do you really spend money on therapy?
No, you don't spend money ontherapy.
Speaker 3 (38:41):
We've gone to therapy .
Really, yes, it helped anything, oh my God, like life-changing?
Really yes, and I would imaginethat you are familiar, because
it's a very specific method.
I didn't know this at first theGottman method.
Speaker 2 (39:00):
Love Gottman, that's who you go to.
Speaker 3 (39:01):
What's Gottman?
Speaker 2 (39:03):
John and Julie Gottman have a love lab.
They talk all they have thestudies for years and years and
years.
They have studies.
They will tell you that 69% ofall problems cannot be solved.
Speaker 1 (39:18):
Cannot be solved.
Speaker 2 (39:19):
Cannot 69, huh, I know, yeah, what a number.
Okay, they could have roundedup, anyway only 31%, I can't say
70.
Speaker 1 (39:29):
They should have what else is?
Speaker 2 (39:30):
there Only 31% can be solved, which means you should
focus on the 31% and everythingelse.
You should just learn to managebecause, you're never going to
solve it.
Speaker 3 (39:41):
It's the only methodology that it's based in
studies of like decades ofstudying couples.
Speaker 2 (39:49):
And research in years and years and years.
Speaker 3 (39:51):
They're pretty amazing.
Speaker 1 (39:53):
And you went to them or somebody.
Speaker 3 (39:55):
No, we went to somebody who studied very
closely with them and is friendswith them, and it was you
picked the best of the best.
Speaker 2 (40:07):
I always do, you do.
Speaker 3 (40:10):
I always do Present company included.
But yeah, it was incredible,and it really was.
I think it changed ourrelationship for the better, for
sure.
I couldn't get much worse atthat point.
No, I'm just kidding, they'renot poor guy, not poor guy.
(40:32):
Not poor guy.
Guy is very well taken care of.
Speaker 2 (40:36):
Couples have to do kind of this realignment and
reattunement, and if it doesn'thappen on a daily or a weekly
basis, then you hit crisis.
So one of the things that I tryto help couples do is to say
something they appreciate abouteach other once a week, once a
day would be great Once a day.
Yeah, once a day is notrealistic.
Speaker 3 (40:54):
It's totally realistic.
You guys do that now, yes, youdo that, or he does that, or you
both do that.
I think we both do that.
I think that also, after you dothis for a while, like you
start to realize that like evensomething like thank you for
vacuuming.
I mean, I never vacuum, sonobody ever says that to me.
Speaker 1 (41:13):
Leo does the laundry.
I always thank him for doingthe laundry.
Leo does the laundry.
I always thank him for doingthe laundry.
I know how he does it that'sreally nice.
It's in the house, it's in theapartment, it keeps him a little
busy he likes to heal.
Speaker 3 (41:25):
He needs to be doing something.
Are we going to talk about thisbook or no?
I feel like we have about whatwe were talking about before so
here, give me the book, so giveme the book you look beautiful
on the cover, you look stunning.
Speaker 1 (41:39):
I mean your hair is amazing there, your teeth, wow
Gorge.
Speaker 3 (41:42):
What did you say here ?
What?
Speaker 1 (41:45):
I'm going to show this to the camera.
This is the book, and thereason why I'm holding it like
this is because the publisherthat you love, appreciate, adore
and think that they createMoshiach energy, made a little
bit of a glitch.
Let's not even call it amistake.
Speaker 2 (42:06):
Yeah, it was just like you know you clean up.
You know like before you go toprint you like clean photos up
and like make sure they looktheir best to print.
Speaker 1 (42:15):
And so they gave you a v-neck.
Speaker 2 (42:19):
Well, no.
So you see that there's av-neck of a shirt.
It's a white shirt, so at thetop of the neckline, like this,
you see how I'm wearing a blackcollar here it covers.
I have such a good tan line.
My neck is tan, but my the restof my body's not right, so
there was a shirt there, like aneutral skin tone kind of color
shirt right it almost looks likea v-neck, but the collar's
missing.
It got like airbrushed out.
Speaker 1 (42:40):
It got airbrushed.
Speaker 3 (42:42):
It got cleaned up in the final cleanup.
Speaker 2 (42:44):
Okay so they said, like it's not a big deal, it's
okay, Like well, you know, likewe'll redo it later.
And I said no, no, like modestyis my brand, Like, yeah, like
this is Hashem Moshiach energy.
Like I dress modestly If I'mwearing a neutral color shirt,
like you know, because you'regoing to see, even if it's
neutral On the sleeves, yeah.
I'm covering my elbows, I'mcovering my collarbones, I'm
(43:06):
covering my knees.
I just I dress modestly.
I've been doing it for the last22 years, since I became
observant.
I grew up secular, I becamemore observant.
Speaker 1 (43:15):
It's technology that works for you.
Speaker 3 (43:17):
It's technology.
Can I push back here a littlebit?
Speaker 1 (43:20):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (43:21):
This is very modest.
This is not no, it's a deep V.
No, no, no.
Speaker 2 (43:27):
If I was wearing this ?
Speaker 3 (43:28):
No, no, it's not, it's not a deep V.
Speaker 1 (43:31):
To you.
This is not no, no, no.
Speaker 3 (43:34):
I'm actually taking myself out of this Like I'm
being very objective here.
I'm not going by Periel becauseby Periel standards I'm not
using my standards.
I'm saying that you it's alittle bit of a V-neck.
Your arms are covered down toalmost your wrist.
Speaker 2 (43:53):
I literally my tan line stops here.
I cover my collarbones all thetime.
Speaker 3 (43:59):
Right, your collarbones are covered, though
here your collarbone is covered.
Speaker 2 (44:03):
There was like, there is like a the neckline, the
collar is lost.
I'll show you If you lookonline.
If you pull it up online go toAmazoncom, amazoncom and go look
Matchmaker, matchmaker ElisaBen Shalom, and you'll see
there's a, if you zoom if youdon't know you don't know and
online everywhere when you look,you zoom in, you go like this
(44:25):
and you're like oh yeah, thereis a color there.
Now you would assume thatthere's not.
If you're secular cause, youwouldn't know the difference,
right?
You would only know if you know.
Speaker 1 (44:34):
Right, but actually let me show you where I see
Moshiach energy here.
Okay, at your event, at yourlovely event at Lamb and Wolf
Wolf and Lamb, wolf and Lamb.
Wolf and Lamb.
As soon as you went up to her,it's like what am I going to
talk about?
It's like hi, I love you,what's going on?
Good to see you and she, rightaway goes.
We're going to hold the book up, but this is the situation.
She had a story to tell youabout what happened with the
(44:56):
publisher and the picture.
Speaker 2 (44:57):
And I told everybody to put your cameras down.
There's a whole sea ofinfluencers like this.
It's the first time I ever feltlike paparazzi.
They're all standing there likethis with the camera.
Speaker 1 (45:06):
With the camera right .
Speaker 2 (45:07):
And I was like everybody put it down.
You don't record this because Ihave an excellent relationship
with my publisher.
I value them highly and it wasjust an error.
It was like an error.
Speaker 3 (45:16):
But I think that if you didn't say anything, nobody
would even notice that.
Speaker 2 (45:21):
Unless you're religious.
So even wait a minute.
I'm going to tell you.
Speaker 1 (45:27):
But even for her, it's for her, not for the people
for her.
That's not a look she does.
The people for her that's not alook she does.
I have a good girlfriend who'sreligious.
That's not a look she does.
Speaker 3 (45:33):
Yes, fine, I understand that.
But I have a good girlfriendwho's religious.
She wears what is it.
Speaker 2 (45:39):
A tichel A wig.
Speaker 1 (45:41):
A wig, a shade.
Speaker 3 (45:43):
It's not like a full wig, a fall.
Okay, it's like a part like.
Speaker 2 (45:48):
It's like you put it in oh, like a clip-on, like a
kippah fall.
They call it a kippah fallReally.
Speaker 3 (45:54):
She's gorgeous.
Speaker 1 (45:56):
Okay.
Speaker 3 (45:56):
And she has four children and she became
religious leader in life and sheis the most stylish girl I know
and everything is covered, butshe wears quite form-fitting
clothes.
So, listen, I'm the last personto judge.
(46:17):
But well, it depends for what.
But I feel like, you know, ifthis is a little here as opposed
to something's a little bittight, aren't we like splitting
hairs at that point?
Speaker 1 (46:29):
The choosing people, we're the choosing people, and
she, she, it's not her look Iknow, but I'm trying to so I'll
tell you what.
Speaker 2 (46:38):
I sent the book out with the proper cover, right, uh
, electronically to some friends, some religious friends and
some, a few people, not one,more than one sent back oh, I
can't have this in my house, inmy community, anything.
I can't promote it becauseyou're not dressed modestly.
No, wow.
So I said to them what are youtalking about?
(46:59):
My first answer was what areyou talking about?
Because I didn't know what theywere talking about.
This was the first time it cameup.
Okay, they said, well, you're alittle bit exposed.
I said, no, I'm wearing a shirt, it's a shell, it just is like.
It's like a beige, it's like askin tone, kind of a color
they're like, and they went likethis.
They were like oh, because it's, you know, small on your phone.
(47:20):
They go oh, I didn't know that.
I said I don't have a problemthat you didn't know that.
But the problem that I have isyou thought or assumed something
about me which is so off brandfor me, right, you actually
don't even know me.
You don't know me and mygreatest, deepest pleasure in
life is being understood.
(47:41):
And I felt completelymisunderstood.
And now I'm going to beblacklisted in a community
because you think something youdidn't even look close enough to
verify.
They go oh, I'm so sorry, Ididn't realize that.
And then it's like oh well, whydid you pick this instead of
that?
And I was like okay, I happenedto have done a photo shoot.
You know, a while ago I had awhole bunch of things.
(48:01):
I'm changing outfits.
I hate styling, okay.
Speaker 1 (48:04):
It's the hardest thing.
Speaker 2 (48:05):
I hate it.
My girlfriend loves it.
I like matching, I likematchy-matchy, right, why did I
do matchy-matchy?
Because I couldn't figure outwhat color to wear and I didn't
know what it had to go with andwhat I was going to use it for.
So I had a white shirt withlike a neutral color top.
Why?
Because it matched, because itwas blending, because it was
easy, because I hate styling.
That's why I had it.
(48:26):
I wasn't trying to look acertain way or I would have told
the publisher make it pink.
Speaker 1 (48:30):
Color my shirt Anything.
Speaker 2 (48:31):
Put some coloring in there, make it different, so it
actually does stand out, put aturtleneck, like I'm a U-boat
commander.
Do anything.
I didn't even think of it, Ididn't even think of it.
Speaker 3 (48:40):
Well, you know what we can do.
We can go into the bookstoresand just tape like put like a
sticker on top.
Speaker 1 (48:46):
I thought that the Netflix sticker was a sticker I
was going to put on top of thatNumber one bestseller.
Speaker 2 (48:53):
Right over top.
No, so online it's accurate andthe date got pushed back.
It went from December 3rd toJanuary 21st.
The book is going to bereleased.
Speaker 1 (49:02):
But it's a part of the story now.
It's a part of the story.
Speaker 3 (49:06):
It's a great conversation and it's a
conversation.
Speaker 1 (49:08):
And you know what it's like.
Speaker 2 (49:09):
You said it's part of the story and you know what
it's like.
You said it's just it's not apart of your brand and you have
to know yourself 100%.
So if somebody tried to changeyou and do something, that's
exactly not who you are youdon't fit.
Same way with dating, Like ifyou have to really twist
yourself in a pretzel to besomebody who you're not to be
with somebody else, this is thewrong fit.
Speaker 1 (49:27):
That's how you take this story about the shirt, the
whole thing.
No, I completely.
First of all, going on photoshoots is the most miserable
experience in the world.
Speaker 2 (49:37):
You have to hire a stylist.
Speaker 1 (49:38):
I have Leo and the guy and the stylist and the
makeup and he's done.
Leo is amazing.
Speaker 2 (49:44):
But from then it's so much easier.
Speaker 1 (49:45):
Maybe I'm wrong.
Speaker 3 (49:46):
You just have to take Leo with you everywhere.
That's the solution.
Speaker 1 (49:50):
That's the solution.
Speaker 2 (49:51):
No no, I do a one outfit.
This is my show outfit.
I love you in a cape Do youhave that cape in multiple
colors.
Speaker 3 (49:56):
No, you know what you should get it.
I could see.
This is my color, I know, Iknow, I know and I know the hot
pink is your color and it'sgreat.
I'm just saying that that capeis, I can imagine even in like a
black leather.
Speaker 2 (50:10):
I know, but so black on black doesn't pop the lady.
So can I just tell you, yes,this is one of a kind.
I was on a Pesach retreat inGreece.
Oh, and I went into this store.
You know, you go in the littleshops and it's so cute, and this
lady has this cape in black andin green and in blue and she's
like, oh, I said this is lovely.
I said this is lovely.
I said I need it in pink.
(50:30):
She goes no, no, you'll want it, you'll see black, it's lovely.
I said I want it in pink.
Matchmaker magenta.
I named the color.
I want it in matchmaker magenta.
She says how long will you behere?
I said eight days.
It's Pesach.
She said come back, I'll orderit for you.
(50:51):
She special ordered it fromItaly and had it.
Oh, that's great, and I got mycape, and it's so like I don't
want it in any other color.
Speaker 1 (50:58):
Superhero, matchmaker , superhero.
It's great, it's so great.
Oh my God.
Okay, I cannot thank you forcoming back.
I wish you nothing but amazingHatzlacha Mashiach energy with
this book.
May it bring happiness to somany people.
Again, it's on Amazoncom.
In case you don't know where tofind Amazon, it's called
(51:19):
Matchmaker.
Matchmaker, make Me, find Me aLove that Lasts.
Find Me a Love that Lasts.
That's so great.
How does the song go Find Me?
Speaker 3 (51:28):
a.
Speaker 2 (51:30):
Catch Me a Catch, and I want to write the last line
and find me a love that lastsand find me a love that lasts.
Speaker 1 (51:38):
Oh beautiful.
Speaker 3 (51:39):
You can find me on modilivecom and a big thank you
to our sponsors big.
Speaker 1 (51:48):
Thank you to our sponsors.
Yes, thank god, we have to haveMoshiach Energy sponsors.
We have Weitz in Luxembourg,the law firm that not only does
Big.
Thank you to our sponsors.
Yes, thank God, we have to haveMashiach Energy sponsors.
We have Weitz and Luxembourg,the law firm that not only does
well, they do good.
Super philanthropic Arthur,luxembourg friend of the podcast
, randy.
His wife listens to the podcastto tell him what we're talking
about and A&H Provisions GlotKosher Meats best hot dogs in
(52:11):
the world.
The website is kosherdogsnetkosherdogsnet and they are great
and 30% off of your first orderwith promo code MOTI.
And I'm going to be all overthe world.
We have motilivecom for allyour tickets.
(52:32):
We have shows in Austin, inHouston, in January 21st and
23rd, and then we added a showin Houston, so also the 22nd,
and we're going to be inFebruary.
We're going to be in Phoenixand then the shows in the Parker
Playhouse in Fort Lauderdaleand then also a Tampa gig on the
(52:53):
13th.
Everything's on morilivecom andthere's also shows in March and
just look online, morilivecom,get some tickets, be the friend
that brings the friends to thecomedy show and we'll see you
all there.
Thank you very much forlistening.
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