Episode One: An Impossible Walk

Overcoming Anxiety & Depression

 

In episode one we dive into a struggle many of us are grappling with today, anxiety and depression. I’m sharing a season of struggle and some amazing strategies that helped me and can help you move from struggle and surviving to absolutely thriving.Overcoming Anxiety & Depression

 

Episode Transcript

(00:14):
Welcome to and then it's apodcast where we look at what
comes after the struggle arereally tough season in life.
What if I told you that thatstruggle that trial are really
tough season is actually a gift.
I know it defies logic to thinkthat something so incredibly
painful can actually be for ourbenefit. The very worst thing or
season can actually be the verycatalyst that helps refine us

(00:38):
into the better version ofourselves, and ultimately helps
us find our and then moment. Myname is Susie Chafin. I'm a mom
to four a wife, a CODA, anauthor, a business owner and a
coach. What I'm most passionateabout is helping people
transition from struggle andstriving to absolutely thriving.
Today, we're going to be divinginto the topic of anxiety and

(01:02):
depression. And I'm going toshare with you a season of my
own life where I was really inthe struggle and just barely
crawled out of it into my way tosurvival mode, and finally found
that thriving again. And I cantell you guys, if you are in
this spot, I have some greatstrategies that I'm going to
share that are not going to justhelp move you into survival
mode, but absolutely thrivingagain. So let's dig in. As we

(01:24):
emerge out of the COVID world,we're finding ourselves really a
country in a mental healthcrisis. According to the US
Census Bureau's household pulsesurvey, 47% of adults reported
symptoms of anxiety 39% reportedsymptoms of depression, and one
in five adults disclosedsuffering from a mental illness.

(01:45):
For me personally, anxiety anddepression have been a thread
throughout my whole life.
Sometimes the anxiety is barelythere, like a little tremor in
the water. And sometimes it's sosuffocating that I can hardly
move. I can't really everremember a time when I didn't

(02:05):
have anxiety at some level. Buttoday I'm going to share with
you a season in my life, wherethe depression was almost
insurmountable, and how I foundmy thriving again after the
struggle.
My first child was born when Iwas 23. And I was a overzealous
mom to say the least. My poorson was bombarded with

(02:28):
flashcards and books and musicand all these things. I was so
determined to be the best motherI could. 21 months later, my
daughter was born and she was abeautiful girl and she loved
talking and playing and reading.
And by 19 months, she was evenfully potty trained like what I
mean, those two are so easilypotty trained that I almost felt

(02:49):
like it was some kind of pottytraining guru, like people could
just drop their kids off at myhouse. And they could pick them
up later and would be fullypotty trained. And not only
that, I had mastered scheduling.
I had it down pat the kidssnapped. They played they went
to bed. It was all likeclockwork, this mom thing. Easy

(03:12):
peasy. And as you can probablytell, I felt like a good mom. I
knew I was a good mom. On thescale of mothering. I was like a
10. You know, in which you canhear there's a lot of pride,
right? It's really ugly, nasty,gross pride. And definitely came
to an end. When my daughter wastwo. I became pregnant again

(03:35):
with twins. I was so excited andI was scared about the finances
like how are we going to makethat work? Diapers are really
expensive. All of those kinds ofthings. But one thing I wasn't
worried about was me as like,yeah, I totally got this. Like,
what's two more kids in the mix?
I can surely handle that. Aroundsix months into my pregnancy, I

(03:56):
was ordered to bedrest. And thatwas really hard. I did not like
to sit still. I don't like to beconfined to a bed and I hated
just being in my bed not beingable to take my kids out to
places not being able to playwith them outside of the
confines of my bed. And Iremember at this time my
daughter asking me, so you knowso authentically, Oh Mommy, you

(04:17):
know when the babies come? Arewe going to be able to go and
get ice cream again? And beforeI could even answer, my son just
jumped in and he was like, no,no, Mommy's gonna be too busy
with babies. We're not gonna beable to get ice cream. I was
like, Oh no, we're totally beable to get ice cream and I just
felt so guilty for not being themom that they needed me to be.

(04:41):
And then the Hoss. The bedresteventually turned in
hospitalization. When I wentinto preterm labor and our
hospital room, it was reallyscary. It was teeming with NICU
doctors, nurses, they were youknow, putting all kinds of shots
into me and doing everythingthat they could do to stop the
labor. And they succeeded,thankfully, and we were so

(05:03):
grateful for that. But it alsomeant that I was going to be in
the hospital for the next month.
We were so incredibly gratefulfor the our friends and family
members who partnered with us inprayer during this time, and we
had some really, really specificprayers, we prayed that the
babies would be healthy. Andthey were I mean, despite being

(05:24):
four weeks, early, their length,their lungs were completely
perfect. And we pray that theywouldn't be born before 36
weeks, and, you know, just shotjust after 36 week, 36 weeks,
excuse me, they were bornperfect. After having nursed my
first two children, I was like,I'd be great if I could like it
wasn't a deal breaker if Ican't, but I certainly wanted to

(05:46):
have that same experience withthem. And, you know, let's just
say those boys were totallynaturals, great little nursers.
God was so, so good. He answeredevery single prayer that we
named. We did forget to pray fortwo things. Happy babies, and

(06:10):
babies that would sleep throughthe night. For the first 18
months of their life, I wasreally a blur. They didn't sleep
at all, and they cried a lot. Iwas so sleep deprived, and very
much trying to be a mom to mythree and five year old. And by

(06:34):
sleep deprived, I mean, Iprobably didn't get more than
two to three hours ofconsecutive sleep a night.
Because I was trying to nursethem without waking up the other
one, it was really terriblestrategy. But in the in the time
it made sense. Let's just throwin there some financial stress
that we had with our familybusiness and some other things

(06:56):
that were going on. And it wasjust the perfect recipe for
postpartum depression. And ofcourse, they'll those raging
hormones as well.
On the outside, I'm quite surenobody had a clue, except for my
husband. I was functioning washighly functioning, I was still
working, I was getting the housecleaned up, I was having meals

(07:19):
on the table. I was, you know,somewhat, you know, keeping up
with all of the household tasks,and I was room mom and all of
those things. And I had been onbedrest for so long, that I just
felt like I didn't have time towaste like I needed to get my
stuff together and get back intobeing the mom that I needed to
be. But I was absolutely 100%depleted. The simplest things

(07:46):
like going to the grocery storewas utter chaos. It would look
like me pushing a doublestroller, while simultaneously
pulling a shopping cart. Mythree and five year old would be
tethered to each side of thecart. It's kind of like the wild
west or just throwing randoms inthe random items in the cart. Of

(08:07):
course, I didn't even know untilwe got home. And I'm like, Oh,
what is this? If of course oneof the babies would start to
cry. And I would have to pull apick up a baby and try to
console the baby while trying topush the stroller and pull the
cart and just get the basics youknow, the milk and the bread and
just the little things that weneeded to survive. And it was

(08:29):
just so hard. And I would getthese lips from strangers during
that time. It was either, likedisgust, complete disgust or
like, totally feeling sorry forme. And I got this question all
the time, like, Oh, are they allyours? And that was the sweet
way they said it. Or they mightsay, Oh, are they all yours. And

(08:52):
I would just come home from thegrocery store. And I so clearly
remember sitting on my couch andholding my baby boy twins in a
football hold nursing themsimultaneously with just hot
tears streaming down my cheeks.
And I would just think I can'tdo this anymore. I can't I am

(09:16):
not capable of doing thisanymore. I can't handle this.
It's so exhausting. And then Iwould get some well meaning
comments from people who weren'tvery much trying to encourage me
and they would just say, OhSusie, it'll be so much easier
when they're two. It'll be fine.

(09:39):
But I would just look at themand think Are you kidding me
like to, to like really? Youthink I'm still gonna make it?
I'm still going to be alive attwo like I don't see how that's
possible. And then people willsay things like, Oh, you have
such big helpers with your threeand five year old you know, I'm
like, oh yeah. I totally threeand five year old pig helpers.

(10:02):
That's right. I remember one daygetting really, really, really
angry with God. And as a sidenote, like if you're angry with
God right now, you know, it'sokay. God is God, he can take
it. And I remember quiteliterally shaking my fist at
him, and in saying and actuallyis probably like screaming, it

(10:22):
was saying, like, you know, God,I can't do this anymore. I
can't. You said, you said, God,you said that you wouldn't give
me more than I can bear. And Iam not bearing this well. Have
you ever thought that, that Ican't bear this, this is too

(10:44):
much. And I had it wrong.
Scripture doesn't really saythat scripture actually says, We
can do all things through Christwho strengthens us. I was doing
it on his strength. I was doingit 100% On my strength. And I
was failing miserably. My bestfriend at the time invited me to

(11:04):
a much needed woman's retreat.
And one of the speakers reallyher message went right to me,
she challenged me and she said,When is the last time you were
in the Word? When we pray,that's our time to talk to God.
But when we get in the Word,that's his time to talk back to
us. Oh, that's convicting,right? I had been so good at

(11:30):
treating God, like he was mygenie in a bottle, and telling
him all of the things thatneeded fixing in my life, sleep,
the finances, the everything,all these things, I had a
million ways that I was tellingGod, it is time to fix these
things. And I had been havinglots of one sided conversations.

(11:53):
You guys do that. And you have alot of boy, one side
conversations, telling him whatyou need out of your life and
like, okay, all right, Jeannie,make it happen. But I wasn't
getting in the Word. And Iwasn't letting him talk back to
me. So I started protecting myearly morning time in the Word
at its highest value. SometimesI only got five minutes. And

(12:15):
that was okay. Sometimes I waslucky. And I got like 30 minutes
or 45 minutes. But in thosemoments, I remember sitting in
the dark, because I'd wake upreally early with my coffee, and
the just the light of the lampand being in the Word. And I
found him again. And inparticular, there was this one

(12:37):
encounter between Jesus andPeter, that spoke right to me.
It was after Jesus had fed 5000men, and I don't know how many
went Ellis women and childrenwith just three loaves of bread
and two fish. And as you canimagine, Jesus was pretty
depleted. And he needed sometime alone with the Father. And
so he sent his disciples ontothe boat. And some time had

(13:01):
passed and his his brotherhoodwas out there on the boat. And
absolutely treacherous. Therewas wind and pounding waves and
lightning and they were soscared. And on top of this,
Peter sees something on thewater in it looks like a ghost
and he's freaking out. Because,you know, it can't be a person

(13:25):
because people can't walk onwater. But it is it's Jesus. And
Jesus is like, oh, you know, hecan sense that they're worried
and concerned. He's like, noworries, like, It's me Have
courage. And Peter's like, What,no way, like if it's you then
told me to come to you out onthe water. And Jesus is like,

(13:46):
yeah, man, come on out. So hegets out of the boat. And
there's winds are still there,the waves are still crashing,
the storm hasn't stopped. Buthis eyes are firmly fixed on
Jesus. And he starts walkingstep by step on the water.

(14:08):
Completely 100% Impossible. Butas long as his focus was on
Jesus, he was able to do animpossible walk. But then a wave
crashed, you know, and he turnsand he looks and he's like, oh

(14:28):
my goodness, like I'm in astorm. This is impossible.
There's waves and there's windand I'm on the water like, I
can't do this, what the heck.
And he immediately begins tosink. And of course Jesus of
grabs him to safety and says sotenderly. Oh, Peter, you know,
why did you doubt? Do you relateto Peter? You know, where's your

(14:50):
focus been? Has it been on thedistractions, the wind and the
waves? Man that certainly waswhere I had been. I had been
focused Seeing on everything,all of the million impossible
ways that my life wasimpossible. My focus was taken
100% off of him and off of howonto how hard life was, I wasn't

(15:13):
focused on solutions, I was onlyfocused on the impossible. I
wasn't focused on him and hisstrength, I was focused on me
and my strength. And life I'verarely seen where we can look
back in time and go, Oh, thatwas a good year. And that was a
bad year, this was a good year.

(15:33):
It's like life throws good andbad at US simultaneously. And if
we want to get distracted, wecan we can just focus on the
negative, we can just focus onthe bad. And I that's what I was
doing, I was focusing on themillion ways that this was going
to be impossible for me.
I'm not a counselor, and I'm nota medical professional. And I'm

(15:54):
in no way shape or form able togive medical advice on this
topic. But because of myexperience, and because of some
strategies I personally haveused, and I've seen others use
that I've developed in thistime. And over time. I've
unfortunately had to learnrelearn a lot of things, if any
of you guys struggle with that.
But it's like, sometimes theselessons, I have to go through
them more than once. But I canshare some strategies that have

(16:17):
helped me through a time ofanxiety in this in this
particular season where theanxiety was crippling, and other
times as well. And the firststrategy I would share is if I
could go back in time, and tellthat young 28 year old mom of
four who was completelyoverwhelmed and didn't think she

(16:37):
was going to make it, I would, Iwould grab her by her shoulders
and say, go get help, there isno reason to navigate these
feelings alone. If you are in aplace of anxiety and depression,
there are so many resourcesavailable, talk to your doctor
or talk to a counselor you caneven get counseling online. Now

(16:59):
there's just no reason to musterthrough. You know, there's no
awards or badges for howstoically we made it through a
terrible season alone. You know,share it with your close
friends, it's okay to have helpand support we were made for
community we were made toencourage one another and we
need to ask for that help. Thesecond strategy. And actually,

(17:21):
the second strategy couldprobably be a podcast on itself
is, you know, release what isnot in your control. And put
your energy on what you docontrol. I'm gonna say that
again, release what is not inyour control, and put energy on
what you do control. What do younot control. So let's let's dive

(17:44):
into that the past is behindyou. No amount of thinking about
it, no amount of wanting to havea redo or do over. It's not
going to be happening. It's notpossible. It's behind you. And
it's time to look in front ofyou and see what's in front of
that big windshield. The future.

(18:04):
I don't know about you guys, butI am a planner, I like to plan
out my day, my week, my month,my year. And ironically, hardly
ever goes to plan. I mean, it'sokay to make plans. But just
know that we really don'tcontrol that like as much as we
can make those plans, it'sprobably going to go off course.
And that's okay. So we can'tcontrol that we need to release

(18:26):
that release the actions ofothers and you know, the
anything from the news to what'sgoing on and world events to how
family members may have acted,we have to release those actions
are not things that we cancontrol. The opinion of others,
you know, thankfully, the olderI get, really don't care as much

(18:47):
what other people think of me,it's not my business, it is
theirs. So releasing that isreally, really healthy. And of
course, the outcome of myefforts. And that is so freeing
when you realize that I cannotcontrol what happens. I can't
control the results. But I cancertainly control what I do. And

(19:07):
I can certainly make sure thatI'm doing everything I am able
to do to get the outcome that Iwant. We also can't control how
others take care of themselves.
Like you may see somebody who'sreally in a toxic relationship
or it really in a bad place. Andlike oh, if they would just stop
this or that. But we can't, youknow, we we have to release
that. But there are a lot ofthings we do control. What do I

(19:31):
what do I control my boundaries?
I get to control what I'm sayingyes to? And what I'm saying no
to? It's really important, oryes, in our nose. They define
how we're going to be spendingour time and what we're going to
be spending our energy on. Mythoughts and my actions. Oops,
that's a big one. And what isthat narrative that you're

(19:53):
playing in your head over andover again? How can you change
that narrative? How can youchange the voice? As to be of
encouragement. The goals that Iset, I can choose exactly what I
want to focus on giving energyand time to, you know, what you
focus on, you're going to findback to the example, I was

(20:14):
focused on the heart all of themillion and possible reasons why
I was not going to make it. Andwhen my focus changed, once I
became spiritually focused ongetting back in the Word, and
once I became focused on findingsolutions on figuring out how to
get the boys to sleep throughthe night, and how to get some

(20:35):
alone time and how to bring someorder back into my day, I
focused on solutions instead ofthe distractions and the issues.
That was so hugefor me. The next strategy, I
would say, is moving. You know,it can be really, really
tempting to be still and justbinge watch NetFlix or numb

(20:58):
yourself through scrollingendlessly, endlessly through
social media, or pouring thatextra large glass of wine,
right? Anybody feel me? I wantto encourage you to lean in and
do the one thing you probablydon't feel like doing. You know,
get outside, take a walk, evenjust standing in place and

(21:21):
jumping up and down. Do you liketo sing, I'd love to sing. I'm
not good at it. But I love tosing, dance, do something to
physically interrupt the currentpattern of thinking. And it's
amazing how much doing that onething, just changing that
pattern is going to help youfind new perspective. Last, I
want you to take a moment toenjoy exactly where you are. Be

(21:47):
like that's impossible. I can'tenjoy exactly where I am or
where I am. I would say youknow, your life may not be
perfect right now. But I cantell you, if you're going to
find the blessing it is there.
You're there is a blessing inthe moment that you're in right

(22:07):
now. Around this time, I guesswhen the boys were about 18
months or so, I read an articleby Anna Quinlan. And she it just
really struck me and this iswhat she wrote. But the biggest
mistake I made is the one thatmost of us make while doing
this. I did not live in themoment enough. This is

(22:31):
particularly clear now that themoment is gone captured only in
photographs. There's one pictureof the three of them sitting in
the grass on a quilt in theshadow of the swingset. On a
summer de ages six, four andone. I wish I could remember
what we ate, what we talkedabout and how they sounded and

(22:52):
how they looked when they sleptthat night. I wish I had not
been in a hurry to get on to thenext things. Dinner bath book
bed. I wish I had treasured thedoing a little more. In the
getting it done a little lessgut punch. That was me. All I
was doing was like Alright kids,let's go dinner back with bed.

(23:14):
Let's go. It was all about thegetting it done all about that.
And I missed the blessing of thedoing of being in the moment and
enjoying those sweet preciouskiddos exactly where they were.
Remember how I said all thebabies did was cry? Well, a few

(23:35):
years later, I remember goingthrough pictures and their photo
albums. And guess what I found?
Those beautiful, adorable, cute,baby identical twins. They were
so precious. And guess what?
They weren't crying. They weresmiling. And they were laughing.

(23:57):
They were just the cutest thingsyou've ever seen. And I thought,
wait a minute, what the heck?
Where was I? And I'm the one whotook the pictures. Where was I?
I completely missed itcompletely. I was so focused on
the wind and the waves and howpossible my life was that I

(24:21):
missed those moments. I rememberwhat I said I wasn't sure I
would make it to age two. Well,I did. Well, well. Well, we
haven't. I not only made itthrough the struggle in survival
mode. But I found myselflearning and growing through the
season and to a person who wasvery much thriving. Once my

(24:44):
focus and perspective changed Ibegan to focus on the abundance
my life rather than the lack ofeverything. And then I began to
really enjoy the doing I beganto enjoy the dinner bath book
bed And I began to find meagain. And then I was able to
share through speaking to manymoms groups, mothers of

(25:10):
preschoolers, all over theDallas Fort Worth area and just
really you got to pour into themand encourage moms who are
struggling. And then I was ableto release myself from being the
perfect high achieving mom andrealized that was never going to
be me. And that was, oh, Kay, Icould just be my best I could

(25:31):
just show up for the kids thebest way that I possibly could.
And then I developed empathytowards people who didn't have
their potty trained kids pottytrained by age three, the
boys certainly taught me that isgoing to be okay. If somebody
goes, nobody's going intokindergarten with a diaper on

(25:51):
like, it's going to be fine. Andthen I was able to have this
amazing experience to co authora pregnancy devotional with
Pampero it was so wonderful tobe able to write a book
encouraging moms day by day asthey were pregnant. And if I
hadn't gone through that season,I would have had everything else

(26:15):
that followed, I wouldn't havegrown into that better version
of myself that I became. And ifyou aren't there yet, if you're
still in that season, just knowyou're and then moment is coming
it this is not a for waste. ThatUtes will be used to turn you
into the better version ofyourself. I love sharing

(26:36):
resources that have impacted meand helped me so I've listed a
few resources on my social mediapages to find additional healing
and help. Finally, if you areexpecting or know a pregnant
mom, please tag them at and thenwith Suzie Chafin on Instagram
or Facebook. I have some copiesof the pregnancy devotional that
I co authored with Pamela forYarrow, and it would be my

(26:58):
absolute honor to bless themexpecting moms out there. If you
found today's content helpful orwould like to share an insight
please drop a comment. And alsolike, subscribe and follow to
stay up to date with the latestepisodes. We'll see you next
time.