November 19, 2022 • 39 mins
Tucked away in the heart of Ocean Beach, San Diego at the corner of Sunset Cliffs Blvd and Santa Monica Ave is a church with a sign that boldly invites the imperfect. It reads “A church or imperfect people.” If you have an opportunity to visit, you will go inside and see surfers with hair still wet, you will see students, you will see elderly, you will see homeless and you will see young couples. It is a beautiful experience. It is a judgement free zone that invites you to experience one thing – the love of Christ. In today’s episode I had the privilege of interviewing one of the co-pastors Julian Malotti. Originally from Brazil, Julian grew up feeling very much alone and isolated, had trust and forgiveness issues, and was asking the question – is this all there is to life? You just pay bills, exist and live in a world without community? God met him in that place and he shares his story with us today and will encourage you to give yourself the gift of forgiveness.
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Unknown (00:16):
Tucked away in the heart of Ocean Beach, San Diego,
at the corner of Sunset cliffsBoulevard in Santa Monica Avenue
is a church with the sign theboldly invites the imperfect
that reads a church forimperfect people. If you have an
opportunity to visit, you willgo inside and see surfers with
hair still wet, you'll seestudents, you'll see elderly
(00:38):
you'll see homeless, and you'llsee young couples. It's a
beautiful experience. It's ajudgment free zone that invites
you to experience one thing, thelove of Christ. And today's
episode, I have the privilege ofinterviewing one of the CO
pastors Julian melotti.
Originally from Brazil, Juliangrew up feeling very much alone
and isolated, had trust issuesand forgiveness issues and found
(01:00):
himself asking the question Isthis all there is to life, you
just pay bills, you just existand you live in a world without
community or trust. God met himin that place. And today, he
shares his story with us, andwill encourage you to give
yourself the gift offorgiveness.
(01:24):
Start off at the beginning. Andreally go back to you know, just
kind of tell us about your lifebefore and what life was like
for you growing up in Brazil.
So middle class, I was raised ina middle class family. Mom and
dad were married until we kidsmove out of the house. So I
(01:44):
would say an okay marriage, nota bad marriage. But they had an
okay marriage sometimes I stillremember when I was about seven
or eight, they had some talks ofdivorce. And I remember us
crying in the living room andthey kind of like postponed it
because of the situation, youknow, seeing the kids crying and
(02:04):
things like that. So it wasn't abad marriage. And they weren't
like there were good people withan okay marriage. And so middle
class in Brazil, it's you haveto go to a private school public
schools are, you know, not gooddown there. And so it's a it's
(02:28):
it's a daily hustle financially.
And but yeah, that was that waspretty much my family going. No,
my parents again, middle class,I'll say middle upper class. So
they had a a beach home, thatwas like two hours away. And so
it was like living in a bigcity. It's bigger than LA. And
bigger than New York, I believe.
(02:52):
Yeah. So it's 22 million peoplein my city. So it's like
traffic. And I never liked itthere being in a city. And so
like starting at age bow 15 orgetting a Greyhound bus, it's
not really Greyhound down there.
But uh, and I would just go tothe beach and just stay there by
myself. And that's where Iwanted to be. And, and why I'm
(03:13):
saying this because it'sconnected to San Diego. That's
how I ended up in San Diego,because at one point, I wanted
to move by the beach, becausethat's where I feel like it's
where I belong, you know, by theocean. And so yeah, again,
parents were kind of absent,because you have to work so much
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in a poor country, that like 12hour shifts is the norm. And so
I would really not see myparents I'll which is we all
leave the house together. AndI'll come back at about 1230
Because school there ends atnoon, and I'll be back home by
1230 parents weren't at thehouse. So pretty much raised on
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the streets in the 80s it wassafer, but not too much. Like,
you know, learning from theparents what to do what not to
do what's right and wrong. Itwas just like you raise yourself
on the streets. And so yeah,that's that's that so they
didn't overwork because theywere bad people. You just have
(04:20):
to work damn much. And so yeah,so absent, absent parents, not
because they're bad again. Soanyways, when I was 1516, I'll
get in the bus. You can onlydrive when you're 18 in Brazil.
And so I didn't have my license.
So getting the bus to our ride,and I'll be there in the beach
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house by myself and I loved it.
So that was again, going back tomy who I I've been for a long
time very independent, and Ineeded to be somewhere else, not
the city. And I needed morenature in my life. So yeah,
that's what my weekends looklike. Sounds pretty awesome.
(05:03):
Yeah, not bad at all. Then formost people, we fuse lonely
specially like, Latin culture.
That is like very connectedpeople are very connected, but I
love being by myself. And I lovedoing things that I loved. So,
which is pretty connected tomoving to San Diego, okay,
(05:23):
because it's one of the thingswhen people move, or they change
countries and they move to adifferent country. They feel
lonely a lot. But being lonelydoesn't bother me.
So you grew up in Brazil, and atwhat point did you decide that
it was that wasn't going to beyour forever home?
So when I was 15, my parentstook us to a cruise ship in
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Florida. And I fell in love withAmerica, America, so beautiful
and organized. And so that waswhen I was 15. When I was 16, my
best friend, his dad moved toAtlanta, Georgia, he was
transferred from Brazil toGeorgia. And so when I was 16, I
spent a month there and I lovedAmerica even more. Like oh, this
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place is amazing. And but theydon't have the beach there. They
do but not in Atlanta. And so Iwent back, I went back to Brazil
when I was 17. Now I became aforeign exchange student by
ended up in Texas, had a bunchof cowboys and call girls and
little Waxahachie, Texas. Yeah.
And so I stayed there for sixmonths, even though I didn't
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love the country vibes. I loveAmerica even more. So going back
to Brazil, started college, yearand a half later, I was like,
I'm ready to move to the beach.
I had a friend. I remember wewere working out at the gym. And
he's he said, A I'm going to SanDiego. We're going to spend six
(06:54):
months there just to studyEnglish. And I was like, Can I
go with you? Because growing upas a surfer to you always you
open up surfing magazines. Yousee California all over the
place. You see Malibu UC SantaCruz, you see Black's Beach,
which is right here in SanDiego. And so I was like, Yeah,
California. Can I go with you islike, Yeah, I'm looking for
(07:17):
people to go. And so I camethinking it was only going to be
a three month vacation andbecame the rest of my life kind
of thing. So yeah, one thing ledto another, I went to Mesa
College, which is the communitycollege here. And I asked him a
simple question. What do I haveto do to sign up and stay here?
(07:40):
They're like, yeah, just gottapass the English test. And that
was easy for me because I was aforeign exchange student. So it
was a basic test. You may belistening to me now on the
podcast, and you know, hisstruggles with English still, to
this day, like how did he passthe test? But it was it was an
easy one. And then I stayed.
Yeah. That was 1995. So whenthat happened, so I kind of knew
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again that I loved America. AndI love the beach, and San Diego
hat both, if that makes makesense. But I didn't think I was
going to spend the rest of mylife year don't know what
retirements gonna look like. SoI don't know the future. But my
wife and I were very, very happyhere.
(08:28):
Yeah. And you found yourself andocean beach particularly right?
The beach, right? I didn't knowit was going to be Ocean Beach.
You was the beach. I will bearound. Like I said Black's
Beach, Pacific Beach, OceanBeach surfers were looking for
good waves. And but it justhappened that really, God had a
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plan for me here in Ocean Beach.
Something I didn't think nobodycan plan this kind of stuff.
Right. But that's that's whathappened in my life. So
yeah, and I know, from previousconversations that I've heard
you talk about when you in thistime, it sounded like you were
(09:08):
enjoying life and having a lotof fun. But there was also a
very empty side to it as well.
Yeah, the empty side came with.
I call like adulting I thinkwhen we're young, we're pretty
naive how, how bad the world is.
We think the world is beautiful.
Everyone's nice and everyone'skind. And I was again, I was
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never perfect. I'm still notperfect, but I was. I was a good
kid. And I trusted people and sothat's when it started to
happen. Like being backstabbedby my best friends. That was
very hurtful, like people thatyou know, for a long time and
you know, their moms and dads,they know your mom and dad and
(09:53):
they backstab you like bad notbackstab you little backstab you
bad and you Like, if I can trustmy best friends Who can I trust.
And then when in when I was 21,I started my first long term
relationship here in San Diego,we ended up moving together and
living together. And that didn'twork out well, at the end, she
(10:17):
also backstabbed me because,anyways, that deposit the
computer, I had a lot of stuffin the place. And when I moved
out, she kinda like took all mystuff and left. And so I felt
like again, backstabbed bysomeone that I shared life with
for almost two years. And thenworse, on top of that was then
when I broke up with her becauseshe was a good looking girl, all
(10:41):
my quote unquote, friends atthat time, kind of like forgot
about me. And they all wentafter her, because now she's
available. And I'm like, here wego again. You really can trust
people. So I felt like at thatpoint, I'm like, 23, and I can't
trust anyone. And on top ofthat, my my parents got divorced
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when I was 22. So I was I washere in San Diego. So it didn't
affect me, as far as watchingthem getting divorced, or
anything like that, but my dadnever pay my mom, alimony, which
he, he had to and he never did.
And financially, that was aburden on us, the kids, the
(11:31):
three siblings, because now wehave to financially support mom,
because dad is being a jerk tomom. And he's thinking that he's
only like winning the battleagainst her. But I don't think
he ever stopped to think or ifit did, he never changed to
realize that no, I'm cheating mykids. And by cheating my kids
(11:54):
financially, I'm cheating mygrandkids as well. Because every
time we send money, we sendmoney to my mom. I'm actually
having to say sometimes no to myown kids about and so that was
again another bigdisappointment, seeing my dad
putting this financial burden onso yeah, by age 25 about feeling
(12:17):
lonely in the world. had brokenup with a girlfriend so very
disappointed with love, evenhuman love and relationships and
friends and dad. So it waspretty low
disappointment is 20 to 23.
Yeah, lightens up, which ismaybe part of adulting maybe
(12:40):
everyone goes through it. Ithink what the big difference is
what we're gonna do, is thatright? We're gonna I put myself
in a lonely dark place like I'mlike, okay, so if I can't trust
any of you better be lonelythen, you know, with bad company
kind of thing. And so I justbecame like a lonely not because
(13:02):
I wasn't dependent lonely. Nowthis is because I'm hurt lonely.
And I thought the rest of mylife was going to be there. It's
going to be lonely and you can'ttrust people. And that's what my
future is going to look like. Iwas trying to figure exciting.
No, no vise 25 You're too young.
Right? But yeah.
Wow. So you're kind of livingthis very inward life, I guess
(13:26):
really putting up a lot of wallsaround you absolutely. Having
relationship and I mean, whatdid life look like for you? I
mean, during that time,at that time, yeah, like I said,
it's lonely. It was weirdbecause I've always had
conversations with God, youknow, and I, I see beauty nature
and I see so much like, beautyin the world. And I'm like, I
(13:48):
would talk to God, lonely bymyself. Like, I see so much
beauty in the world, likesunsets and fruits that I like
in trees and flowers and so muchbeauty and I would I would just
ask him like, why aren't I likeexperiencing a little bit of
that? It felt like acontradiction. It's a beautiful
(14:09):
world. And I didn't do anythingbad to those people that
backstab me anyways. I'm notperfect, but I didn't do
anything. And why? Why aren't Ilike experiencing a little bit
of that beauty? Why is it solonely here? Am I here just to
really pay bills and and be hurtand lonely that was going
(14:33):
through my mind? Yeah, it was.
Yeah.
So what happened next, that kindof changed everything.
What happens next is really it'sI think it's because my
conversations with God I wastalking to him at the beach one
day, lonely trying to figure outlike, okay, life is going to be
(14:56):
lonely for the rest of my life.
At one point I was trying toadjust to like, that's going to
be my normal life now lonely andyou can trust people. And I
remember this group of people,they were right there I was at
the beach talking to God. Andthis group of people, they
showed up, it was about 12people, male and female, they're
about my age again. 25. And theywere happy. And they were
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friends. And they were unitedand, and I'm like, that's
exactly what I'm looking for,like, this is exactly what I'm
looking for. I'm like, they'renot really like flirting each
other, but male and femalehanging out his friends. And I
saw like, anyways, he was light,it was friendship. It was, it
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was exactly what I was lookingfor. And that's the part that I
feel God comes into picturebecause I wasn't going to
approach like strangers and ask,hey, where do you find real
friends? Or I wasn't gonna dothat. Right. So awkward. So I
just remember watching them, youknow, for a couple of minutes.
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And I'm thinking, I want that.
And they came to me. And theycame to me. And they asked me to
set up a new umbrella becausethey didn't know how to set up
an umbrella at the beach. AndI'm like, Who doesn't know how
to set up an umbrella? It'slike, but that was the way God
found to invite me into thatconversation. And when I'm
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setting up the umbrella, ittakes a few minutes. And then
I'm then I'm asking questions.
I'm like, Well, I can tell youguys are really friends. How do
you guys know each other? Andthey're like, I, they felt a
little embarrassed, embarrassedand awkward a little bit, but
they were like, from the church.
Because, you know, like, peopleusually don't like to have like
church conversations. And Iremember like listening to that,
(16:51):
and I sat down and I asked, Doyou mind if I hang out with you
guys? I just have a fewquestions. And they're like,
Yeah, awesome. Join us. And I'mlike, Cool. This is what I'm
looking for. And I'm like, Okay,tell me everything about church.
Now I want to know, like, like,can you date if you're a church
person? Like, because I'm 25?
Right? That's what's goingthrough my mind. Like, how do
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you date? Well, what is what isit like going to church because
I was born and raised Catholic.
But in Brazil, being a Catholicdoesn't mean anything. For most
Catholics. I went to Catholicschool for 13 years of my life.
But I didn't know anything aboutGod. And so I took religious
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studies for 13 years, didn'tknow anything, but all I had was
like Conversations with God. Andso born and raised Catholic
didn't mean anything to me.
That's why I had questions aboutthe church. And I was like,
Okay, tell me, tell meeverything. Can you date can you
not date, like, and they startedexplaining to me, and that's how
everything changed. I tellpeople I ended up in the last
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day in the last place. I thoughtone day I would be in that's the
church, because I was too coolfor the church. Like I'm a
surfer. I was a semiprofessional soccer player. I
did well, in sports, I was partof the coup club everywhere,
like in I play soccer for theuniversity. So you just hang out
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with the jocks and, and the goodlooking people. And I thought
church was like, corny, andthat's for not for me. I'm too
cool. I'm too cool for church.
And. But that's what, that'swhat happened. And I ended up in
(18:44):
church, like being friends withpeople in the church. And that's
the beginning of the bestchapter of my life.
That's a beautiful story. Itreally is. So you met this group
of friends, they had thisauthentic relationship they had,
you know, it sounds like a lotof hope and joy kind of exuding
from them. So what was the nextstep from their
(19:07):
next step? They were, again,here I am in Brazil, because I
broke up the relationship herein San Diego, and I needed to
take a break. So I'm in Brazilfor three months having these
conversations with God at thebeach. This group shows up and
they were like, Hey, there'sgoing to be a conference in our
(19:27):
church next week. Would you liketo join us? It's a different
state that I had never beenbefore. But I was like, Sure,
you know, like, I'm going to behere in Brazil for three months.
Yeah, going to this differentplace and meeting new people.
And so that was my firstexperience going, going to
church, not again, not as aCatholic, but somebody who was
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not being forced to go to churchwith somebody, right? Somebody
that's choosing to go and I wentand I stay there with them for
10 Days and went to thisconference. And that I think
that was, that was the beginningof like, I'm loving it. I'm
(20:10):
loving this, this new thingthat's happening in me. It's a
strange thing. But at one pointI gave my life to God. And it's
even hard to explain. You hearthat in church, and I did. And
when I did that, I said, God,okay, I love this thing. I love
this new friends. This is whatI've been looking for. And I
(20:31):
hear some of them saying, Wouldyou like to give your life to
God and follow him? I'm like,exactly. That's what I want. I
think I was the easiest catch inthe whole world, because I was
so ready, you know. And anyways,and with that, it was weird.
Because with that I, the Biblecalls it being born again. And I
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felt it. It was like, A NewHope, a new heart, a new
beginning. It's hard to explain,but it's real. And with that,
for me, it came to calling to bea pastor, which I had no idea
what being a pastor is like. AndI didn't even like pastors to be
honest. Because the ones I knewwere on TV, just asking for
(21:13):
money. And so I'm like, Okay,God, I'll follow you, because
it's been so good. But I have noidea what it means. I remember
in that conference, going to thebookstore, the church bookstore
and buying a couple of booksabout church leadership, because
I just felt that God had thatfor me. But that's all I had a
couple of books. Andthat's it. Yeah. So then how did
(21:36):
you find your way back to SanDiego?
Again, it was just three months.
It was just a vacation. I wasdoing college here. Then I came
back and finished school. Igraduated as a computer
engineer. But knowing that rightafter that I was going to
seminary, and that's what I did.
I graduated and went toseminary. And right after
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seminary, I became an ordainedpastor. That's when you're
officially, you know, recognizedpassword that was between 2005.
So I, I graduated college in2002. As a computer engineer, I
worked as a computer engineerfor 12 years, and I was 100%.
Volunteer at church for 12years, until, you know, it
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became a vocation where were mycalling, became my vocation. I
was I was going to be a pastorno matter what, because that was
my heart. I was going to bevolunteer for the rest of my
life. I didn't know that, youknow, really getting paid to do
what I love. It was somethingthat was going to happen to me.
But it was God's timing and in2012, that's when that happened.
(22:51):
So you started here, it'll beone.
It's it's, yeah, I started hereat Obi Wan. But the funny part
of the story was that I wasliving in San Diego for five
years. There were no Brazilianchurches in San Diego. There's
none. I go to Brazil for threemonths. I have my life change
experience with God. And when Icome back, there is a Brazilian
(23:14):
church in San Diego that juststarted. And it was right here
inside Obi Wan. Wow. And it wasat night. My pastor pastor
Daniel started that church, hemoved from LA, here to San Diego
to start working with peoplethat were looking for God and
our relationship with God herein San Diego. So that's how I
started I started going to thisbuilding. I've been in this
(23:36):
building now for 22 years. But Iwould come at night. Because
that's when the church servicesin Portuguese were held. But
yeah, right here, it will beone.
Wow. Yeah, that was not byaccident.
No, because it's so like,looking back. It's so crazy.
Like my kids. They were born inthis church. Like my kids. This
(23:57):
was kids ministries back then.
So they used to, like, really,they were raised right here in
this room. And I got married inthis church, and my kids were
born in this church, and then Ibecame the pastor of this
church. So it's, yeah, it'sYeah, God is filled with
surprises. And is absolutely oneof them. I thought like, I'm a
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mover, I like moving placesevery five years. i That's
That's who I am. And now I haveroots here in this church
building for 22 years. And it'slike, okay, you make plans, but
how about I have differentpurposes for you, Julian and so
yeah, been an OB now for thisfor 22 years.
(24:42):
That's amazing, right? And sincethat transformation, really,
like you went from this personwho was in this really dark
place didn't trust any bit Buddywas very lonely to serving
people is your vocation andloving people. You know, how,
what did it feel like as you maythat transition, how did you
change inside?
(25:05):
It's almost like, you don't haveto do much. It's like, God does
all the work. You know, Godteaches you like, a forgive
people, because now you have allthese walls, Julian that you're
blocking people from coming intoyour life. And there's so many
good people like, and I'm like,Yes. And so I, he taught me to
(25:25):
forgive. And when I forgave, Iallowed people to come into my
heart again. And that's when newfriendships start with church
people again, which again, I wasused to, like call, like, the
cool people, only the goodlooking cool people. And in
church, that's, it's one of thebeauties of the church, you
know, like, what unites us isnot looks or cool or not cool,
(25:50):
or financial status, or how manydiplomas you have or don't have,
what unites us is really likelove for God, and love for
people. And so then I startedhanging out with people of
different backgrounds anddifferent everything. And I
loved it, I was missing out somuch by by putting myself into
(26:13):
this clubs, if you will. And soit's it's just allowing God to
break a lot of the, the, again,walls and unforgiveness and
preconceived ideas that youhave, like, God, just change all
of that. And it's a process.
It's so it's not like it'ssomething I had to do. You just
(26:37):
let God do of course, you haveto follow right? When you learn
about forgiveness, then you haveto practice doesn't happen. God
doesn't do it for you. He heleads you. And then you have to
do it. But yeah, it was. It wasnatural. It wasn't forced. It
(26:58):
was just natural.
And sure there's some peopleright now who have trust issues
and who have forgiveness issues,and they're hearing that and
they're probably like, there'sno way I just, it was too big of
a hurt. i There's no way I canforgive or I can trust again.
You know, what would you say tothat person?
Yeah, it's, it's hard. It's noteasy, like forgiveness.
(27:21):
Sometimes you have to forgivepeople like 1000 times, like I
had to forgive my dad for notgiving money to my mom until
this day, he doesn't give my moma penny, and his his well off.
And here we are three siblingsstill struggling to raise kids
and, and help mom all of that.
And if forgiveness is somethingyou have to do a lot, it's not
(27:45):
like one and done like I did it.
And you have to forgive andforgiveness is not a gift that
you're giving the person likeI'm not giving forgiveness to my
dad, I'm giving forgiveness tomyself. Because I deserve and
everybody deserves to have aheart. That is not an angry
(28:09):
heart. That is not a heart withwalls and protections. I call it
I call them like love blocks. Weput so many walls sometimes in
our hearts that it's hard toreceive and give love. Because
in So forgiveness is somethingyou give, because you want to
release yourself from that pain.
And that grudge and that angerand that hurt. So it's no in
(28:34):
again, faith is a has a big partin this because Bible says
forgive as the Lord forgave you.
And when we look at the cross,many of you listening you may
have like a cross that you like,maybe it's an earring or a
necklace, necklace, or the crossrepresents that. It's like how
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much God loves us, and how muchhe forgave us. And so it's a
gift that I'm giving the peoplethat hurt me when I do that. It
doesn't mean that I have to goback to being best friends, it
doesn't mean that I have to putmyself in that place that people
can hurt me again. But releasingthat forgiveness will release my
(29:20):
heart and move release yourheart from a place of hurt and
pain to a place at least there'speace and joy. It's not perfect.
And then every time every time Iremember that my dad is you
know, wronging my mom to thisday. I have to forgive him
again. So it's forgive and keepforgiving kind of thing. It's
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the best thing that we can dofor our own hearts. And I
believe I believe from thebottom of my heart that a lot of
healing. A lot of healing frompeople like from even like
addictions and things that wedon't think it's connected It
may come when we forgive thepeople that hurt us, it doesn't
(30:08):
mean like, by forgiving that itdiminishes the pain. It doesn't
diminish how wrong they were. Itdoesn't make it right. But
you're doing that for your ownheart. And so I believe again,
because I was there, I wassmoking pot, every day, every
(30:31):
day, three, four or five times aday. Accidentally, we start
medicating ourselves and westart maybe overusing drugs and
overdrying you know overusingalcohol. And I believe
forgiveness has the power torelease and break a lot of
stuff, a lot of bad and negativestuff that we don't think it's
(30:53):
connected. But he may beconnected. And so I highly
recommend to anyone, forgive andkeep forgiving. Some people say
forgive and forget, I now Ican't forget, it's not like free
forgiving is gives me amnesia.
But it's forgiving, and lettinggo forgiving and letting go that
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we need to practice and keeppracticing for the rest of our
lives.
And that's really intentional.
And you have to choose that.
Sometimes I guessing minute byminute to stay in that place.
Because it's very easy to go offcourse and to get angry again
and feel that resentment orbitterness Absolutely.
(31:36):
is what helps me is also toremember that I'm not perfect
also. And so when I forgive now,my wife when she when I feel
like she did something that it'supsetting or annoying or
whatever. What helps me forgiveis that I remember that I'm not
perfect as well. And I'm goingto need her forgiveness also,
(31:57):
and others who need myforgiveness, people driving on
the freeway, I try not to cutanybody off on purpose. But
sometimes I do it. I go like,Oh, I'm sorry, I just did that.
So people in a freeway, we needto forgive me coworkers, we need
to forgive me family members, weneed to forgive me. So who am I
to withhold forgiveness, if I'mgoing to need it to receive so
(32:20):
much for the rest of my life. Sothat helps me and yeah, it helps
me absolutely to be intentional,like you like you said to
forgive and keep forgiving. Thatpeople especially I think it's
my dad now. Because my myfriends my best friends that
(32:40):
backstab me they they're not apart of my daily life. But every
time like my mom has a need hasa financial need. And that
reminds me that my dad couldhave helped her in his choosing
not so my dad situation is theone that I gotta keep doing it
(33:01):
being intentional not allowinganger and bitterness to take my
mind and my heart hostage. Idon't want to be there. I've
been there. And it sucks. And soyeah.
And you have been here I know.
22 years you said and tell usabout what life looks like for
you now.
(33:23):
A life now I have been marriednow for 21 years a if you're
listening, being part of thechurch has so many byproducts.
That is I don't have enough timeto count all the byproducts like
friends that we make and, andpeople that that helps us and
bless us so much. And so we gotmarried to my wife a year after
(33:47):
I got saved. And so I was 26when we got married, we've been
married for 21 years now. Youhave two daughters, Gio, she's
18 driving and college going tothe same college I went, which
is kind of cool. Marina isturning 16 In a couple of months
learning how to drive. She has aBaseball, baseball volleyball
(34:12):
game today. So that's life, youknow, like being married and
working here at Obi Wan being adad and and juggling all the
responsibilities of adult lifeand and in the same token trying
to rest and not burn myself out.
Be present as a dad becauseremember, my parents were not
(34:36):
present. So that's a lesson Ilearned not to repeat. And it's
possible it's possible to be tohave a busy, balanced, balanced
life. So that's what life lookslike.
Yeah, and one thing that I soappreciate about Obi Wan, is
(34:57):
that you know, outside of thedoor Where it says this is, you
know, a church for imperfectpeople. And I love that because
I think so many times peoplefeel like, maybe I have to get
my life in order or I have to dosomething or I have to fix
myself before I can come in thedoor. And when we come in the
doors here, it really, it's themost beautiful picture of
(35:20):
diversity and socio economicgroups. And it's just a
beautiful picture of people justsupporting one another. If Can
you just tell us a little bitabout for those people who might
be like, I need to fix myselffirst, before I go, what would
you say to them?
You know, the banner says churchfor imperfect people, but church
(35:41):
is for the imperfect people.
That's, that's all of us. And sodon't We don't have to fix
anything. When I came to churchagain, I was smoking pot. I was
too angry. I was still bitter. Ihad left blocks and walls in my
heart. It it can't. It can'tfix. We can't fix ourselves.
(36:04):
It's almost like, come to God,and let him do what he knows how
to do it and when to do it. Andeach one's different. And so
know the a lot of people makethat confusion. I have to stop
this or start that before itcomes to church. No, just come.
Jesus never said to Peter andMatthew or Mary Magdalene, you
(36:29):
have to stop this and you haveto stop that then you follow me.
You see, he just goes like,follow me. Follow me, follow me
and follow me. And so don't letthat stop you. I promise the
church building will notcollapse on you. That's what I
thought it was going to happento me. Church building would not
(36:49):
collapse. Nobody's perfect inthe church. So you're going to
meet a lot of imperfect people,you're not going to be the only
one. And I think you're going tofit right in. And if you don't,
finding a church is churcheslike music, you know, some
people like country and somepeople like rock, visit
(37:09):
different ones. Once you findthe one you're like, that's this
is my style of church, staythere. Make friends, be a part
of the community just don't gobeyond attending and make it
part of your life. You know, mykids, you know, like when they
became teenagers, they, they'relike, I don't want to go to
(37:31):
church, I don't want to go tochurch, I would tell him, I'll
tell him. I'll give you a break.
Once a month, I'll give you abreak. You don't have to come
but let me tell you a lot of thegood stuff that we have in our
lives, is because we are a partof the church. And so a lot of
the marriage you see that I havewith your mom. Part of it is
(37:52):
because we belong to a church.
There's I'm learning from theolder people there. And there's
friendship and accountabilityand support and, and
encouragement. And so there's alot of goodness of going and
belonging to the church. Soyeah, don't wait to be perfect.
Because if you know don't holdyour breath, breath right and
(38:13):
and none of us will ever beperfect. Just come with all your
imperfections. Put it in God'shands, and he's gonna tell you
what to do. is beautiful.
I hope you enjoyed the interviewwith Julian. And if you're ever
in San Diego, I encourage you towalk through those doors. Come
(38:37):
as you are shorts, joggers, itdoesn't matter. Remember, it's a
place for imperfect people. Ihope you enjoy today's podcast,
please like and follow andsubscribe. And if you can, I'd
really appreciate it if youcould leave a review. We'll see
you next time.
Tucked away in the heart of Ocean Beach, San Diego,
at the corner of Sunset cliffsBoulevard in Santa Monica Avenue
is a church with the sign theboldly invites the imperfect
that reads a church forimperfect people. If you have an
opportunity to visit, you willgo inside and see surfers with
hair still wet, you'll seestudents, you'll see elderly
(00:38):
you'll see homeless, and you'llsee young couples. It's a
beautiful experience. It's ajudgment free zone that invites
you to experience one thing, thelove of Christ. And today's
episode, I have the privilege ofinterviewing one of the CO
pastors Julian melotti.
Originally from Brazil, Juliangrew up feeling very much alone
and isolated, had trust issuesand forgiveness issues and found
(01:00):
himself asking the question Isthis all there is to life, you
just pay bills, you just existand you live in a world without
community or trust. God met himin that place. And today, he
shares his story with us, andwill encourage you to give
yourself the gift offorgiveness.
(01:24):
Start off at the beginning. Andreally go back to you know, just
kind of tell us about your lifebefore and what life was like
for you growing up in Brazil.
So middle class, I was raised ina middle class family. Mom and
dad were married until we kidsmove out of the house. So I
(01:44):
would say an okay marriage, nota bad marriage. But they had an
okay marriage sometimes I stillremember when I was about seven
or eight, they had some talks ofdivorce. And I remember us
crying in the living room andthey kind of like postponed it
because of the situation, youknow, seeing the kids crying and
(02:04):
things like that. So it wasn't abad marriage. And they weren't
like there were good people withan okay marriage. And so middle
class in Brazil, it's you haveto go to a private school public
schools are, you know, not gooddown there. And so it's a it's
(02:28):
it's a daily hustle financially.
And but yeah, that was that waspretty much my family going. No,
my parents again, middle class,I'll say middle upper class. So
they had a a beach home, thatwas like two hours away. And so
it was like living in a bigcity. It's bigger than LA. And
bigger than New York, I believe.
(02:52):
Yeah. So it's 22 million peoplein my city. So it's like
traffic. And I never liked itthere being in a city. And so
like starting at age bow 15 orgetting a Greyhound bus, it's
not really Greyhound down there.
But uh, and I would just go tothe beach and just stay there by
myself. And that's where Iwanted to be. And, and why I'm
(03:13):
saying this because it'sconnected to San Diego. That's
how I ended up in San Diego,because at one point, I wanted
to move by the beach, becausethat's where I feel like it's
where I belong, you know, by theocean. And so yeah, again,
parents were kind of absent,because you have to work so much
(03:34):
in a poor country, that like 12hour shifts is the norm. And so
I would really not see myparents I'll which is we all
leave the house together. AndI'll come back at about 1230
Because school there ends atnoon, and I'll be back home by
1230 parents weren't at thehouse. So pretty much raised on
(03:57):
the streets in the 80s it wassafer, but not too much. Like,
you know, learning from theparents what to do what not to
do what's right and wrong. Itwas just like you raise yourself
on the streets. And so yeah,that's that's that so they
didn't overwork because theywere bad people. You just have
(04:20):
to work damn much. And so yeah,so absent, absent parents, not
because they're bad again. Soanyways, when I was 1516, I'll
get in the bus. You can onlydrive when you're 18 in Brazil.
And so I didn't have my license.
So getting the bus to our ride,and I'll be there in the beach
(04:42):
house by myself and I loved it.
So that was again, going back tomy who I I've been for a long
time very independent, and Ineeded to be somewhere else, not
the city. And I needed morenature in my life. So yeah,
that's what my weekends looklike. Sounds pretty awesome.
(05:03):
Yeah, not bad at all. Then formost people, we fuse lonely
specially like, Latin culture.
That is like very connectedpeople are very connected, but I
love being by myself. And I lovedoing things that I loved. So,
which is pretty connected tomoving to San Diego, okay,
(05:23):
because it's one of the thingswhen people move, or they change
countries and they move to adifferent country. They feel
lonely a lot. But being lonelydoesn't bother me.
So you grew up in Brazil, and atwhat point did you decide that
it was that wasn't going to beyour forever home?
So when I was 15, my parentstook us to a cruise ship in
(05:45):
Florida. And I fell in love withAmerica, America, so beautiful
and organized. And so that waswhen I was 15. When I was 16, my
best friend, his dad moved toAtlanta, Georgia, he was
transferred from Brazil toGeorgia. And so when I was 16, I
spent a month there and I lovedAmerica even more. Like oh, this
(06:09):
place is amazing. And but theydon't have the beach there. They
do but not in Atlanta. And so Iwent back, I went back to Brazil
when I was 17. Now I became aforeign exchange student by
ended up in Texas, had a bunchof cowboys and call girls and
little Waxahachie, Texas. Yeah.
And so I stayed there for sixmonths, even though I didn't
(06:34):
love the country vibes. I loveAmerica even more. So going back
to Brazil, started college, yearand a half later, I was like,
I'm ready to move to the beach.
I had a friend. I remember wewere working out at the gym. And
he's he said, A I'm going to SanDiego. We're going to spend six
(06:54):
months there just to studyEnglish. And I was like, Can I
go with you? Because growing upas a surfer to you always you
open up surfing magazines. Yousee California all over the
place. You see Malibu UC SantaCruz, you see Black's Beach,
which is right here in SanDiego. And so I was like, Yeah,
California. Can I go with you islike, Yeah, I'm looking for
(07:17):
people to go. And so I camethinking it was only going to be
a three month vacation andbecame the rest of my life kind
of thing. So yeah, one thing ledto another, I went to Mesa
College, which is the communitycollege here. And I asked him a
simple question. What do I haveto do to sign up and stay here?
(07:40):
They're like, yeah, just gottapass the English test. And that
was easy for me because I was aforeign exchange student. So it
was a basic test. You may belistening to me now on the
podcast, and you know, hisstruggles with English still, to
this day, like how did he passthe test? But it was it was an
easy one. And then I stayed.
Yeah. That was 1995. So whenthat happened, so I kind of knew
(08:06):
again that I loved America. AndI love the beach, and San Diego
hat both, if that makes makesense. But I didn't think I was
going to spend the rest of mylife year don't know what
retirements gonna look like. SoI don't know the future. But my
wife and I were very, very happyhere.
(08:28):
Yeah. And you found yourself andocean beach particularly right?
The beach, right? I didn't knowit was going to be Ocean Beach.
You was the beach. I will bearound. Like I said Black's
Beach, Pacific Beach, OceanBeach surfers were looking for
good waves. And but it justhappened that really, God had a
(08:48):
plan for me here in Ocean Beach.
Something I didn't think nobodycan plan this kind of stuff.
Right. But that's that's whathappened in my life. So
yeah, and I know, from previousconversations that I've heard
you talk about when you in thistime, it sounded like you were
(09:08):
enjoying life and having a lotof fun. But there was also a
very empty side to it as well.
Yeah, the empty side came with.
I call like adulting I thinkwhen we're young, we're pretty
naive how, how bad the world is.
We think the world is beautiful.
Everyone's nice and everyone'skind. And I was again, I was
(09:31):
never perfect. I'm still notperfect, but I was. I was a good
kid. And I trusted people and sothat's when it started to
happen. Like being backstabbedby my best friends. That was
very hurtful, like people thatyou know, for a long time and
you know, their moms and dads,they know your mom and dad and
(09:53):
they backstab you like bad notbackstab you little backstab you
bad and you Like, if I can trustmy best friends Who can I trust.
And then when in when I was 21,I started my first long term
relationship here in San Diego,we ended up moving together and
living together. And that didn'twork out well, at the end, she
(10:17):
also backstabbed me because,anyways, that deposit the
computer, I had a lot of stuffin the place. And when I moved
out, she kinda like took all mystuff and left. And so I felt
like again, backstabbed bysomeone that I shared life with
for almost two years. And thenworse, on top of that was then
when I broke up with her becauseshe was a good looking girl, all
(10:41):
my quote unquote, friends atthat time, kind of like forgot
about me. And they all wentafter her, because now she's
available. And I'm like, here wego again. You really can trust
people. So I felt like at thatpoint, I'm like, 23, and I can't
trust anyone. And on top ofthat, my my parents got divorced
(11:08):
when I was 22. So I was I washere in San Diego. So it didn't
affect me, as far as watchingthem getting divorced, or
anything like that, but my dadnever pay my mom, alimony, which
he, he had to and he never did.
And financially, that was aburden on us, the kids, the
(11:31):
three siblings, because now wehave to financially support mom,
because dad is being a jerk tomom. And he's thinking that he's
only like winning the battleagainst her. But I don't think
he ever stopped to think or ifit did, he never changed to
realize that no, I'm cheating mykids. And by cheating my kids
(11:54):
financially, I'm cheating mygrandkids as well. Because every
time we send money, we sendmoney to my mom. I'm actually
having to say sometimes no to myown kids about and so that was
again another bigdisappointment, seeing my dad
putting this financial burden onso yeah, by age 25 about feeling
(12:17):
lonely in the world. had brokenup with a girlfriend so very
disappointed with love, evenhuman love and relationships and
friends and dad. So it waspretty low
disappointment is 20 to 23.
Yeah, lightens up, which ismaybe part of adulting maybe
(12:40):
everyone goes through it. Ithink what the big difference is
what we're gonna do, is thatright? We're gonna I put myself
in a lonely dark place like I'mlike, okay, so if I can't trust
any of you better be lonelythen, you know, with bad company
kind of thing. And so I justbecame like a lonely not because
(13:02):
I wasn't dependent lonely. Nowthis is because I'm hurt lonely.
And I thought the rest of mylife was going to be there. It's
going to be lonely and you can'ttrust people. And that's what my
future is going to look like. Iwas trying to figure exciting.
No, no vise 25 You're too young.
Right? But yeah.
Wow. So you're kind of livingthis very inward life, I guess
(13:26):
really putting up a lot of wallsaround you absolutely. Having
relationship and I mean, whatdid life look like for you? I
mean, during that time,at that time, yeah, like I said,
it's lonely. It was weirdbecause I've always had
conversations with God, youknow, and I, I see beauty nature
and I see so much like, beautyin the world. And I'm like, I
(13:48):
would talk to God, lonely bymyself. Like, I see so much
beauty in the world, likesunsets and fruits that I like
in trees and flowers and so muchbeauty and I would I would just
ask him like, why aren't I likeexperiencing a little bit of
that? It felt like acontradiction. It's a beautiful
(14:09):
world. And I didn't do anythingbad to those people that
backstab me anyways. I'm notperfect, but I didn't do
anything. And why? Why aren't Ilike experiencing a little bit
of that beauty? Why is it solonely here? Am I here just to
really pay bills and and be hurtand lonely that was going
(14:33):
through my mind? Yeah, it was.
Yeah.
So what happened next, that kindof changed everything.
What happens next is really it'sI think it's because my
conversations with God I wastalking to him at the beach one
day, lonely trying to figure outlike, okay, life is going to be
(14:56):
lonely for the rest of my life.
At one point I was trying toadjust to like, that's going to
be my normal life now lonely andyou can trust people. And I
remember this group of people,they were right there I was at
the beach talking to God. Andthis group of people, they
showed up, it was about 12people, male and female, they're
about my age again. 25. And theywere happy. And they were
(15:20):
friends. And they were unitedand, and I'm like, that's
exactly what I'm looking for,like, this is exactly what I'm
looking for. I'm like, they'renot really like flirting each
other, but male and femalehanging out his friends. And I
saw like, anyways, he was light,it was friendship. It was, it
(15:42):
was exactly what I was lookingfor. And that's the part that I
feel God comes into picturebecause I wasn't going to
approach like strangers and ask,hey, where do you find real
friends? Or I wasn't gonna dothat. Right. So awkward. So I
just remember watching them, youknow, for a couple of minutes.
(16:03):
And I'm thinking, I want that.
And they came to me. And theycame to me. And they asked me to
set up a new umbrella becausethey didn't know how to set up
an umbrella at the beach. AndI'm like, Who doesn't know how
to set up an umbrella? It'slike, but that was the way God
found to invite me into thatconversation. And when I'm
(16:27):
setting up the umbrella, ittakes a few minutes. And then
I'm then I'm asking questions.
I'm like, Well, I can tell youguys are really friends. How do
you guys know each other? Andthey're like, I, they felt a
little embarrassed, embarrassedand awkward a little bit, but
they were like, from the church.
Because, you know, like, peopleusually don't like to have like
church conversations. And Iremember like listening to that,
(16:51):
and I sat down and I asked, Doyou mind if I hang out with you
guys? I just have a fewquestions. And they're like,
Yeah, awesome. Join us. And I'mlike, Cool. This is what I'm
looking for. And I'm like, Okay,tell me everything about church.
Now I want to know, like, like,can you date if you're a church
person? Like, because I'm 25?
Right? That's what's goingthrough my mind. Like, how do
(17:13):
you date? Well, what is what isit like going to church because
I was born and raised Catholic.
But in Brazil, being a Catholicdoesn't mean anything. For most
Catholics. I went to Catholicschool for 13 years of my life.
But I didn't know anything aboutGod. And so I took religious
(17:36):
studies for 13 years, didn'tknow anything, but all I had was
like Conversations with God. Andso born and raised Catholic
didn't mean anything to me.
That's why I had questions aboutthe church. And I was like,
Okay, tell me, tell meeverything. Can you date can you
not date, like, and they startedexplaining to me, and that's how
everything changed. I tellpeople I ended up in the last
(18:01):
day in the last place. I thoughtone day I would be in that's the
church, because I was too coolfor the church. Like I'm a
surfer. I was a semiprofessional soccer player. I
did well, in sports, I was partof the coup club everywhere,
like in I play soccer for theuniversity. So you just hang out
(18:24):
with the jocks and, and the goodlooking people. And I thought
church was like, corny, andthat's for not for me. I'm too
cool. I'm too cool for church.
And. But that's what, that'swhat happened. And I ended up in
(18:44):
church, like being friends withpeople in the church. And that's
the beginning of the bestchapter of my life.
That's a beautiful story. Itreally is. So you met this group
of friends, they had thisauthentic relationship they had,
you know, it sounds like a lotof hope and joy kind of exuding
from them. So what was the nextstep from their
(19:07):
next step? They were, again,here I am in Brazil, because I
broke up the relationship herein San Diego, and I needed to
take a break. So I'm in Brazilfor three months having these
conversations with God at thebeach. This group shows up and
they were like, Hey, there'sgoing to be a conference in our
(19:27):
church next week. Would you liketo join us? It's a different
state that I had never beenbefore. But I was like, Sure,
you know, like, I'm going to behere in Brazil for three months.
Yeah, going to this differentplace and meeting new people.
And so that was my firstexperience going, going to
church, not again, not as aCatholic, but somebody who was
(19:48):
not being forced to go to churchwith somebody, right? Somebody
that's choosing to go and I wentand I stay there with them for
10 Days and went to thisconference. And that I think
that was, that was the beginningof like, I'm loving it. I'm
(20:10):
loving this, this new thingthat's happening in me. It's a
strange thing. But at one pointI gave my life to God. And it's
even hard to explain. You hearthat in church, and I did. And
when I did that, I said, God,okay, I love this thing. I love
this new friends. This is whatI've been looking for. And I
(20:31):
hear some of them saying, Wouldyou like to give your life to
God and follow him? I'm like,exactly. That's what I want. I
think I was the easiest catch inthe whole world, because I was
so ready, you know. And anyways,and with that, it was weird.
Because with that I, the Biblecalls it being born again. And I
(20:52):
felt it. It was like, A NewHope, a new heart, a new
beginning. It's hard to explain,but it's real. And with that,
for me, it came to calling to bea pastor, which I had no idea
what being a pastor is like. AndI didn't even like pastors to be
honest. Because the ones I knewwere on TV, just asking for
(21:13):
money. And so I'm like, Okay,God, I'll follow you, because
it's been so good. But I have noidea what it means. I remember
in that conference, going to thebookstore, the church bookstore
and buying a couple of booksabout church leadership, because
I just felt that God had thatfor me. But that's all I had a
couple of books. Andthat's it. Yeah. So then how did
(21:36):
you find your way back to SanDiego?
Again, it was just three months.
It was just a vacation. I wasdoing college here. Then I came
back and finished school. Igraduated as a computer
engineer. But knowing that rightafter that I was going to
seminary, and that's what I did.
I graduated and went toseminary. And right after
(21:59):
seminary, I became an ordainedpastor. That's when you're
officially, you know, recognizedpassword that was between 2005.
So I, I graduated college in2002. As a computer engineer, I
worked as a computer engineerfor 12 years, and I was 100%.
Volunteer at church for 12years, until, you know, it
(22:26):
became a vocation where were mycalling, became my vocation. I
was I was going to be a pastorno matter what, because that was
my heart. I was going to bevolunteer for the rest of my
life. I didn't know that, youknow, really getting paid to do
what I love. It was somethingthat was going to happen to me.
But it was God's timing and in2012, that's when that happened.
(22:51):
So you started here, it'll beone.
It's it's, yeah, I started hereat Obi Wan. But the funny part
of the story was that I wasliving in San Diego for five
years. There were no Brazilianchurches in San Diego. There's
none. I go to Brazil for threemonths. I have my life change
experience with God. And when Icome back, there is a Brazilian
(23:14):
church in San Diego that juststarted. And it was right here
inside Obi Wan. Wow. And it wasat night. My pastor pastor
Daniel started that church, hemoved from LA, here to San Diego
to start working with peoplethat were looking for God and
our relationship with God herein San Diego. So that's how I
started I started going to thisbuilding. I've been in this
(23:36):
building now for 22 years. But Iwould come at night. Because
that's when the church servicesin Portuguese were held. But
yeah, right here, it will beone.
Wow. Yeah, that was not byaccident.
No, because it's so like,looking back. It's so crazy.
Like my kids. They were born inthis church. Like my kids. This
(23:57):
was kids ministries back then.
So they used to, like, really,they were raised right here in
this room. And I got married inthis church, and my kids were
born in this church, and then Ibecame the pastor of this
church. So it's, yeah, it'sYeah, God is filled with
surprises. And is absolutely oneof them. I thought like, I'm a
(24:19):
mover, I like moving placesevery five years. i That's
That's who I am. And now I haveroots here in this church
building for 22 years. And it'slike, okay, you make plans, but
how about I have differentpurposes for you, Julian and so
yeah, been an OB now for thisfor 22 years.
(24:42):
That's amazing, right? And sincethat transformation, really,
like you went from this personwho was in this really dark
place didn't trust any bit Buddywas very lonely to serving
people is your vocation andloving people. You know, how,
what did it feel like as you maythat transition, how did you
change inside?
(25:05):
It's almost like, you don't haveto do much. It's like, God does
all the work. You know, Godteaches you like, a forgive
people, because now you have allthese walls, Julian that you're
blocking people from coming intoyour life. And there's so many
good people like, and I'm like,Yes. And so I, he taught me to
(25:25):
forgive. And when I forgave, Iallowed people to come into my
heart again. And that's when newfriendships start with church
people again, which again, I wasused to, like call, like, the
cool people, only the goodlooking cool people. And in
church, that's, it's one of thebeauties of the church, you
know, like, what unites us isnot looks or cool or not cool,
(25:50):
or financial status, or how manydiplomas you have or don't have,
what unites us is really likelove for God, and love for
people. And so then I startedhanging out with people of
different backgrounds anddifferent everything. And I
loved it, I was missing out somuch by by putting myself into
(26:13):
this clubs, if you will. And soit's it's just allowing God to
break a lot of the, the, again,walls and unforgiveness and
preconceived ideas that youhave, like, God, just change all
of that. And it's a process.
It's so it's not like it'ssomething I had to do. You just
(26:37):
let God do of course, you haveto follow right? When you learn
about forgiveness, then you haveto practice doesn't happen. God
doesn't do it for you. He heleads you. And then you have to
do it. But yeah, it was. It wasnatural. It wasn't forced. It
(26:58):
was just natural.
And sure there's some peopleright now who have trust issues
and who have forgiveness issues,and they're hearing that and
they're probably like, there'sno way I just, it was too big of
a hurt. i There's no way I canforgive or I can trust again.
You know, what would you say tothat person?
Yeah, it's, it's hard. It's noteasy, like forgiveness.
(27:21):
Sometimes you have to forgivepeople like 1000 times, like I
had to forgive my dad for notgiving money to my mom until
this day, he doesn't give my moma penny, and his his well off.
And here we are three siblingsstill struggling to raise kids
and, and help mom all of that.
And if forgiveness is somethingyou have to do a lot, it's not
(27:45):
like one and done like I did it.
And you have to forgive andforgiveness is not a gift that
you're giving the person likeI'm not giving forgiveness to my
dad, I'm giving forgiveness tomyself. Because I deserve and
everybody deserves to have aheart. That is not an angry
(28:09):
heart. That is not a heart withwalls and protections. I call it
I call them like love blocks. Weput so many walls sometimes in
our hearts that it's hard toreceive and give love. Because
in So forgiveness is somethingyou give, because you want to
release yourself from that pain.
And that grudge and that angerand that hurt. So it's no in
(28:34):
again, faith is a has a big partin this because Bible says
forgive as the Lord forgave you.
And when we look at the cross,many of you listening you may
have like a cross that you like,maybe it's an earring or a
necklace, necklace, or the crossrepresents that. It's like how
(28:56):
much God loves us, and how muchhe forgave us. And so it's a
gift that I'm giving the peoplethat hurt me when I do that. It
doesn't mean that I have to goback to being best friends, it
doesn't mean that I have to putmyself in that place that people
can hurt me again. But releasingthat forgiveness will release my
(29:20):
heart and move release yourheart from a place of hurt and
pain to a place at least there'speace and joy. It's not perfect.
And then every time every time Iremember that my dad is you
know, wronging my mom to thisday. I have to forgive him
again. So it's forgive and keepforgiving kind of thing. It's
(29:45):
the best thing that we can dofor our own hearts. And I
believe I believe from thebottom of my heart that a lot of
healing. A lot of healing frompeople like from even like
addictions and things that wedon't think it's connected It
may come when we forgive thepeople that hurt us, it doesn't
(30:08):
mean like, by forgiving that itdiminishes the pain. It doesn't
diminish how wrong they were. Itdoesn't make it right. But
you're doing that for your ownheart. And so I believe again,
because I was there, I wassmoking pot, every day, every
(30:31):
day, three, four or five times aday. Accidentally, we start
medicating ourselves and westart maybe overusing drugs and
overdrying you know overusingalcohol. And I believe
forgiveness has the power torelease and break a lot of
stuff, a lot of bad and negativestuff that we don't think it's
(30:53):
connected. But he may beconnected. And so I highly
recommend to anyone, forgive andkeep forgiving. Some people say
forgive and forget, I now Ican't forget, it's not like free
forgiving is gives me amnesia.
But it's forgiving, and lettinggo forgiving and letting go that
(31:14):
we need to practice and keeppracticing for the rest of our
lives.
And that's really intentional.
And you have to choose that.
Sometimes I guessing minute byminute to stay in that place.
Because it's very easy to go offcourse and to get angry again
and feel that resentment orbitterness Absolutely.
(31:36):
is what helps me is also toremember that I'm not perfect
also. And so when I forgive now,my wife when she when I feel
like she did something that it'supsetting or annoying or
whatever. What helps me forgiveis that I remember that I'm not
perfect as well. And I'm goingto need her forgiveness also,
(31:57):
and others who need myforgiveness, people driving on
the freeway, I try not to cutanybody off on purpose. But
sometimes I do it. I go like,Oh, I'm sorry, I just did that.
So people in a freeway, we needto forgive me coworkers, we need
to forgive me family members, weneed to forgive me. So who am I
to withhold forgiveness, if I'mgoing to need it to receive so
(32:20):
much for the rest of my life. Sothat helps me and yeah, it helps
me absolutely to be intentional,like you like you said to
forgive and keep forgiving. Thatpeople especially I think it's
my dad now. Because my myfriends my best friends that
(32:40):
backstab me they they're not apart of my daily life. But every
time like my mom has a need hasa financial need. And that
reminds me that my dad couldhave helped her in his choosing
not so my dad situation is theone that I gotta keep doing it
(33:01):
being intentional not allowinganger and bitterness to take my
mind and my heart hostage. Idon't want to be there. I've
been there. And it sucks. And soyeah.
And you have been here I know.
22 years you said and tell usabout what life looks like for
you now.
(33:23):
A life now I have been marriednow for 21 years a if you're
listening, being part of thechurch has so many byproducts.
That is I don't have enough timeto count all the byproducts like
friends that we make and, andpeople that that helps us and
bless us so much. And so we gotmarried to my wife a year after
(33:47):
I got saved. And so I was 26when we got married, we've been
married for 21 years now. Youhave two daughters, Gio, she's
18 driving and college going tothe same college I went, which
is kind of cool. Marina isturning 16 In a couple of months
learning how to drive. She has aBaseball, baseball volleyball
(34:12):
game today. So that's life, youknow, like being married and
working here at Obi Wan being adad and and juggling all the
responsibilities of adult lifeand and in the same token trying
to rest and not burn myself out.
Be present as a dad becauseremember, my parents were not
(34:36):
present. So that's a lesson Ilearned not to repeat. And it's
possible it's possible to be tohave a busy, balanced, balanced
life. So that's what life lookslike.
Yeah, and one thing that I soappreciate about Obi Wan, is
(34:57):
that you know, outside of thedoor Where it says this is, you
know, a church for imperfectpeople. And I love that because
I think so many times peoplefeel like, maybe I have to get
my life in order or I have to dosomething or I have to fix
myself before I can come in thedoor. And when we come in the
doors here, it really, it's themost beautiful picture of
(35:20):
diversity and socio economicgroups. And it's just a
beautiful picture of people justsupporting one another. If Can
you just tell us a little bitabout for those people who might
be like, I need to fix myselffirst, before I go, what would
you say to them?
You know, the banner says churchfor imperfect people, but church
(35:41):
is for the imperfect people.
That's, that's all of us. And sodon't We don't have to fix
anything. When I came to churchagain, I was smoking pot. I was
too angry. I was still bitter. Ihad left blocks and walls in my
heart. It it can't. It can'tfix. We can't fix ourselves.
(36:04):
It's almost like, come to God,and let him do what he knows how
to do it and when to do it. Andeach one's different. And so
know the a lot of people makethat confusion. I have to stop
this or start that before itcomes to church. No, just come.
Jesus never said to Peter andMatthew or Mary Magdalene, you
(36:29):
have to stop this and you haveto stop that then you follow me.
You see, he just goes like,follow me. Follow me, follow me
and follow me. And so don't letthat stop you. I promise the
church building will notcollapse on you. That's what I
thought it was going to happento me. Church building would not
(36:49):
collapse. Nobody's perfect inthe church. So you're going to
meet a lot of imperfect people,you're not going to be the only
one. And I think you're going tofit right in. And if you don't,
finding a church is churcheslike music, you know, some
people like country and somepeople like rock, visit
(37:09):
different ones. Once you findthe one you're like, that's this
is my style of church, staythere. Make friends, be a part
of the community just don't gobeyond attending and make it
part of your life. You know, mykids, you know, like when they
became teenagers, they, they'relike, I don't want to go to
(37:31):
church, I don't want to go tochurch, I would tell him, I'll
tell him. I'll give you a break.
Once a month, I'll give you abreak. You don't have to come
but let me tell you a lot of thegood stuff that we have in our
lives, is because we are a partof the church. And so a lot of
the marriage you see that I havewith your mom. Part of it is
(37:52):
because we belong to a church.
There's I'm learning from theolder people there. And there's
friendship and accountabilityand support and, and
encouragement. And so there's alot of goodness of going and
belonging to the church. Soyeah, don't wait to be perfect.
Because if you know don't holdyour breath, breath right and
(38:13):
and none of us will ever beperfect. Just come with all your
imperfections. Put it in God'shands, and he's gonna tell you
what to do. is beautiful.
I hope you enjoyed the interviewwith Julian. And if you're ever
in San Diego, I encourage you towalk through those doors. Come
(38:37):
as you are shorts, joggers, itdoesn't matter. Remember, it's a
place for imperfect people. Ihope you enjoy today's podcast,
please like and follow andsubscribe. And if you can, I'd
really appreciate it if youcould leave a review. We'll see
you next time.
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