July 14, 2025 • 41 mins
In this first episode, Aron tells us about Angela - a vibrant, compassionate woman who had a way of lighting up every room. We get to know her through his eyes: her humour, strengths and quirks, and the everyday moments that made her so special. Along the way, we hear about the beautiful love story they built together, full of laughter, partnership, and deep connection. We follow her journey from vibrant health to the first subtle signs that something wasn’t right, and ultimately to the diagnosis that would change everything.
Thank you for listening!
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_00 (00:00):
On October 17th, 2023, the Brightmoor family's
world was turned upside downwhen, at the age of just 44, a
tumour was found in Angela'sbrain.
One month later, they wereintroduced to the world that is
hospice.
(00:20):
This is Angela's story.
Walking the Final Path Together,a Hospice West Auckland podcast.
Thanks for joining us forepisode one of Angela's Story.
I'm Esther.
I lead the social care team withHospice West Auckland, and I'm
joined by Aaron.
SPEAKER_01 (00:37):
Hello.
SPEAKER_00 (00:38):
Hi, Aaron.
SPEAKER_01 (00:39):
How are you
SPEAKER_00 (00:40):
doing?
Good.
We're a little bit awkward.
We
SPEAKER_01 (00:42):
are a little bit awkward.
Yes.
I'm Aaron, and I'm Angela'shusband.
SPEAKER_00 (00:48):
And we are doing a podcast about Angela and her
story.
Yes.
The aim of this podcast is forus to share her story, both of
your journey as you go, wentthrough your care with Hospice
West Auckland.
Why is it important to you,
SPEAKER_01 (01:08):
Aaron?
There's a couple of reasons.
So the first one is to, I guess,to help people that have been
through the situation that we'vebeen through.
And one of the other reasons isto repay hospice for everything
(01:28):
that they have done for us andcontinue to do for us.
And then the other side is I getto talk about Angela and I get
to share her story witheveryone.
So, yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (01:40):
This podcast is going to be real.
SPEAKER_01 (01:44):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (01:44):
We're going to laugh.
SPEAKER_01 (01:46):
Hopefully, yep.
SPEAKER_00 (01:47):
We might cry.
I
SPEAKER_01 (01:48):
think so, yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (01:50):
We might get emotional.
We might mess up.
We've probably already done thattwice already.
But that's the purpose of it,really.
And at the end of the day, we'regetting to share Angela's story.
SPEAKER_01 (02:03):
Yeah, and I think that was, you know, when we
first talked about this idea,that was really important to us
is to make sure that, you know,that it is authentic, it's
genuine, and hopefully thatcomes across when we're talking.
SPEAKER_00 (02:18):
So who was Angela?
SPEAKER_01 (02:21):
Well, originally, to me, back when I was 17, Angela
was Hot Office Girl.
SPEAKER_00 (02:28):
Hot Office Girl, okay.
There's a story here, isn'tthere?
SPEAKER_01 (02:32):
So Angela and I actually...
like very first met um we bothworked at at farmers okay the
department store obviously andum i worked in the tv and audio
department and she worked in thein the office and um that hence
the reason
SPEAKER_00 (02:53):
hot
SPEAKER_01 (02:53):
office girl and um but she was too cool for me so
um I didn't really talk to her.
I was a bit shy and stuff likethat.
So we kind of knew who eachother were.
I was kind of, hey, how are youkind of situation.
And like I said, we kind of kneweach other, but we weren't great
friends or anything.
(03:15):
So you left.
So I left Farmers and we kind ofwent our separate ways.
Angela stayed at Farmers.
Angela worked at Farmers for 27years.
So she was, yeah, she was great.
part of the furniture.
SPEAKER_00 (03:30):
She was hot for 27 years.
For
SPEAKER_01 (03:31):
27 years, that's right.
And we kind of bumped into eachother every now and then, like
out and about.
It was quite a few years.
I hadn't seen her for a verylong time.
And I went on a random trip toMangwhai with a group of friends
and bumped into her at theMangwhai Tavern.
(03:54):
Yeah, and there's just thisconnection there.
And and that was it from, youknow, kind of from from that
point on, we were, you know, wewere inseparable.
SPEAKER_00 (04:03):
So lots of fleeting encounters and then a
reconnection later on of allplaces among a fight.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (04:11):
Yeah.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (04:12):
How did you meet there?
What happened?
SPEAKER_01 (04:15):
So I'd kind of, I'd been invited by some friends.
I kind of hummed and harvelled,was I going to go?
Then I decided to go.
I think I was at the bar and shewent up to my group of friends
and said, oh, is that AaronBrightmore?
And they were like, oh, here wego.
SPEAKER_00 (04:30):
What's he done?
SPEAKER_01 (04:31):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
And I walked back to the groupand I'm like, it's Hot Office
Girl.
It's Angela.
She is.
There she is.
And had one of those momentswhere, you know, it's Angela.
Yeah.
Until she said, You don'tremember my name, do you?
Completely gone.
Completely gone from my head.
I said, of course I do.
(04:52):
She was like, well, what is it?
I
SPEAKER_00 (04:55):
was like, well,
SPEAKER_01 (04:56):
it's
SPEAKER_00 (04:56):
not Hot Office Girl.
It's not Hot Office
SPEAKER_01 (04:57):
Girl.
And she was like, it's Angela.
I was like, yes, it's Angela.
I was just about to say that.
Yeah.
You know, we were inseparablethat whole night.
And then she kind of left withher group of friends and And,
you know, it's still texting thethree o'clock in the morning
kind of thing.
And I was like, okay, this ispretty cool.
(05:19):
I started dating, you know, wenton a few dates and it just got
to a point where I was like,this is the one.
This is it.
You know, like I've neveractually been more sure of
anything.
You know, I was like, she's theone.
And, you know, we, we had somuch in common.
(05:42):
We, you know, we, you know, we,we, we had kids, um, from
previous relationships and we,you know, we liked the same
music.
We liked the same things.
And it was just like, oh, thisis, you know, almost too good to
be true.
And yeah, I said that, that wasit.
We were in, we were inseparable.
Um, I think within six monthswe'd, you know, we were, we were
(06:05):
living together and, um, youknow, so we kind of blended our,
um, our little families togetherand she kind of, she made it so
that, you know, yes, yes, youknow, we had children to other
people, but when we were alltogether, it was, you know, we
(06:25):
were, we were one kind of familyunit.
This was how it worked.
SPEAKER_00 (06:31):
And how was she with your kids?
How did the introduction go?
SPEAKER_01 (06:36):
Yeah, it was just really natural.
And my two boys, they just likedher straight away and vice
versa.
And there was no kind ofawkwardness or anything like
that.
It was just like, yeah, let's dothis.
(06:57):
And like I said, she made it sothat you know, there was no us
and them, you know, it was, no,no, we, we're a, we're a family.
Yeah.
I think that, I think it helpsthat she was, you know, she was
a fun person to be around.
I know that, you know, that'skind of cliche thing to say,
right.
But, but she was, you know, shejust, you know, and she had this
(07:20):
way of just making everybodyfeel really, really comfortable
and, you know, I'm not thatperson.
I'm quite awkward around newpeople and stuff like that.
So if we went anywhere, she mademe feel at ease.
If I walk into a room full ofpeople I don't know, I go and
(07:42):
stand in the corner and I don'ttalk to anyone because I'm
awkward about that stuff.
But having her there and shewalks into a room and she's just
like, let's talk to everybody.
So she made me feel comfortable.
a lot more comfortable in thosekind of situations.
SPEAKER_00 (07:59):
She brought you out of your shell a bit.
SPEAKER_01 (08:00):
Yeah, I think so.
And she just made friends withanyone.
And I mean, that's kind of howwe met.
At Mangawhai, she'd kind of justgone on a journey by herself
through the Mangawhai tavern,making friends with everyone.
And that's what she did.
(08:22):
I
SPEAKER_00 (08:24):
remember a brightness about her.
And I remember nights at thefootball club, Angela just
dancing, you know, and bringingthis whole group of people along
with her and just having fun andthis brightness that radiated
from her.
SPEAKER_01 (08:39):
Yeah, and that's what I mean.
She could make friends withanybody and she made everybody
feel comfortable and special.
Yeah, that's the word for it.
And that was...
that's just, you know, that'swho she was, you know, and she,
she just had this ability to, tojust make everyone feel
(09:02):
comfortable.
And I mean, and I think thatwas, that was proven at her, you
know, at her funeral when therewas, you know, 400 people, you
know, like I think, you know,Sadly, that kind of says a lot
about someone when, you know,when there's that many people
there to kind of say goodbye toyou.
But, you know, and to be fair toher, support her and us, you
(09:26):
know, through that, through herillness, there was so many
people that just wanted to help.
And I think that was kind of...
you know, because of who shewas.
SPEAKER_00 (09:36):
It's a testament of who Angela was.
Yeah.
So six months into therelationship, you move in
together, you blend yourfamilies together.
Then there was a proposal atsome stage.
SPEAKER_01 (09:50):
Yeah.
So we met at the MangawhaiTavern in February and the
following December I decidedthat, This is it.
She's the one.
She's the one, and I'm going topropose to her.
So Angela has a history withRuakaka Beach, and her sister
(10:14):
and that live there, and they'vespent lots of holidays and stuff
there.
So I was like, right, ChristmasDay, I'm going to take her up to
Ruakaka Beach.
I'm going to propose to herthere.
SPEAKER_00 (10:25):
That's a bold decision, Christmas Day.
SPEAKER_01 (10:27):
Well, it means you can't forget it, right?
SPEAKER_00 (10:30):
Wow, yeah.
I mean, obviously it's
SPEAKER_01 (10:32):
romantic too, but it means you can't forget it.
You can't forget it.
You can't forget it.
SPEAKER_00 (10:36):
But if it goes wrong, that's...
Christmas Day is going to beawkward for the rest
SPEAKER_01 (10:40):
of your life.
Yeah, look, I was banking on itnot going wrong.
SPEAKER_00 (10:45):
You were quietly confident, huh?
SPEAKER_01 (10:47):
I wouldn't have said that, no.
But, you know, it was, you know,I thought it was, I'm not the
most romantic of people, and Ithought this is probably about
as romantic as we're going toget.
So that was it.
Christmas Day, we're going todrive up there.
Yeah.
I'd spoken to her dad,obviously, and asked his
(11:08):
permission, and I'd spoken toher sister, and her sister lives
up there, so we were going to goand see them for Christmas.
I was like, look, this is whatI'm going to do, and we drive up
there, and it's raining.
I mean, it's Christmas Day.
Of course it's raining, right?
So it's raining, and not justraining.
It's a storm.
We get there, and...
(11:30):
Um, her sister's like, okay,well, you know, while we, while
we set up Christmas lunch andstuff, why don't you guys go for
a walk on the beach?
And you're like, okay, yeah,let's go for a walk.
Yeah.
And, and so Angela's like, ohyeah, I mean, I guess like, why,
why are we going to the beach?
I'm like, yeah, let's, let's gofor a walk on the beach.
(11:50):
Yeah.
So, so we go, we go to Ruakakabeach and we're walking along
and it's like, It's horrific.
Like, it's just blowing at Gale.
There's sand, like, justhurtling down the beach.
And it's like, this is the leastromantic thing ever.
SPEAKER_00 (12:12):
And are you at this stage running in your head?
I'm like, is this the time to doit?
I'm like, well, I've got to doit.
SPEAKER_01 (12:19):
Yeah, we've just...
Like, the quicker we get thisdone, the quicker we can get off
this beach.
SPEAKER_00 (12:24):
Hardly get onto the beach.
SPEAKER_01 (12:25):
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So we walk along a bit, and I'mlike, okay, well...
I've got to do it.
I've got to do it now.
And I can't get down on one kneebecause, like I said, the sand
is just hurtling down the beach.
I'm just going to get taken out.
So I'm kind of like, okay, Ijust have to do it.
(12:47):
So I propose, and Angela, willyou marry me?
And she just kind of looks atme, and she's...
she's smiling which I'm likeokay well that's a that's a good
thing but there's like this likedramatic pause I'm like are you
doing this for effect or whatare we what are we doing here
SPEAKER_00 (13:05):
she's keeping you on your toes
SPEAKER_01 (13:07):
yeah and I I'm like you know like it felt like 10
minutes right it's probably like30 seconds but I'm like what and
she and so she hugs me and I'mlike She's going to say no, and
she's just trying to soften theblow.
Your Christmas is ruined.
My Christmas is ruined.
(13:29):
And I'm like, is that a yes?
And she's like, of course it's ayes.
I'm like, okay, well, you know,we didn't need the 10-minute
pause.
Thanks for that.
Thanks for that, yeah.
And so we go back to hersister's house where everyone's
kind of, waiting with a bit ofbreath.
(13:51):
And there's her sister standingthere with a bottle of bubbles
and stuff like that.
But I walk in first.
And Angela's nowhere to be seen.
I walk in first.
And she's like, wow.
Her sister's like, how did itgo?
And I was like, she said no.
SPEAKER_00 (14:05):
She's not here.
SPEAKER_01 (14:06):
She's like, no, she didn't.
I'm like, yeah, well, I'm justgoing to grab my stuff and go
home.
It's a long drive home.
It's a long drive home.
And yeah.
So thankfully we don't do a 10minute dramatic pause for them.
And she comes in and, you know,and everybody's, everybody's
happy.
So that was, so that was cool.
(14:27):
But that's like, like thatwhole, that whole situation is
like, is our relationship.
You know what I mean?
Like just, and, and, and we kindof just fed off each other back
and forwards, just, you know,and, and it's all just banter
and stuff, but that, um, You hada lot of fun with her.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
(14:48):
So proposal, marriage?
Well, yeah, yeah.
There's a pregnancy chart in themiddle there.
So when we...
So I think we got engaged inDecember and...
say about a year and a halfafter that we got we got married
(15:10):
yeah in um in may and but bythat stage angela was seven
months pregnant
SPEAKER_00 (15:16):
wow
SPEAKER_01 (15:17):
um it wasn't a shotgun wedding it was all
planned previously obviously umand and again like just we just
had so much fun you know andlike when we when we planned the
wedding it was like it was allabout everybody else having fun
that's all she wanted yeah youknow um She was like, look, the
ceremony doesn't need to dragon.
(15:38):
Once we finish the ceremony, Ijust want everybody to be having
a great time and have drinks andall that kind of stuff.
And that's what happened.
That's what she wanted.
She just wanted everybody tohave fun.
And somehow every kind offunction that we planned or if
(15:59):
we had a big birthday party orsomething like that, I would...
be on the dance floor or have amicrophone, and she would be
walking the route.
And that was kind of, thedefault became how we did
things.
SPEAKER_00 (16:14):
That was the Angela and Aaron show.
SPEAKER_01 (16:16):
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Where's Aaron?
Well, Aaron's in the middle ofthe dance floor over there,
singing his little heart out,and Angela's making sure that
everyone's okay and having agreat time.
So
SPEAKER_00 (16:27):
seven months pregnant, you get married.
SPEAKER_01 (16:31):
Yep.
Yeah, and then we
SPEAKER_00 (16:33):
welcomed
SPEAKER_01 (16:34):
Taylor into the world.
And yeah, like Taylor is such amummy's girl.
Like, man, just it didn't matterwhat she was doing.
(16:54):
you know, like, so, so obviouslyAngela was still at pharma.
So she worked retail.
So there was, you know, soSaturdays was, was me and
Taylor, um, by ourselves and,you know, we'd hang out and
stuff.
We could be doing the funnestthing in the world.
And as soon as Angela walked inthe door, I'm out of here.
Um, and yeah, they, they justhad this really, um, really
(17:20):
special relationship.
I'm the kind of, dictator iguess like you know the the
strict one and you know theseare the rules and this is how we
do things and and stuff likethat and if there was kind of
anyone needed a telling off itwas if it was me that you know
that did it but angela was theangela had the compassion and uh
(17:42):
you know and was the i guess thethe safe harbor from, from the
storm.
And, and they all knew it.
It didn't, you know, it wasn'tjust Taylor and, um, you know,
it was, it was all of them.
They knew that, you know, ifthey needed something, they
could, you know, they could goto the land.
Yeah.
Um,
SPEAKER_00 (18:01):
so really close family.
What sounds like an incrediblelove story, reconnecting, um,
after you'd known her in ayounger life and then
reconnecting, finding love.
bringing your family together.
Let's talk next about thediagnosis or leading up to that
(18:23):
point where Angela started tonotice changes.
Talk me through what happened.
SPEAKER_01 (18:31):
Yeah, so like there was no There was no major health
issues in Angela's history.
Nothing at all.
You had to work really hard toget Angela to go to the doctor.
She started to develop a tremorin her hand, and we kind of
thought, oh, okay, like apinched nerve or something like
(18:53):
that.
And it was like, maybe you needto go and get it looked at.
I said she...
It took a lot to get her to goto the doctor.
And...
As much as I love her, she likedto procrastinate.
You couldn't get her to doanything without kind of a
decent amount of waiting inbetween.
(19:13):
Much less a doctor's visit.
Much less a doctor's visit.
So she had this tremor, and itjust gradually kind of slowly
started getting worse.
And so eventually she went tothe doctor and said, and was
assessed, and they were kind oflike, oh, yeah, we're not too
sure, but we'll send you to aneurologist.
(19:38):
But that's probably three orfour months away before you get
an appointment.
Okay, that's cool.
There's not much we can do.
They didn't seem kind of overlyconcerned about it.
We got to October of that year,and we– Angela was getting ready
for was getting ready to go towork and she was she was
(19:59):
starting a bit later so I wasworking from home and so she was
getting ready for work and shewas in the bathroom and I
looking in the mirror and I saidto her I said oh I there's
something there's somethingwrong with your with your mouth
and she said what do you mean Isaid like one corner of your
mouth is a bit is a bit droopyand she's trying like she's
(20:21):
looking in the mirror and she'slike I can't see it I'm like
would It's kind of definitelythere.
I can see it.
And so obviously with the, youknow, that combined with the
tremor, we're like, hey, maybe,yeah, like maybe just ring the
doctor
SPEAKER_00 (20:39):
and see what they say.
Because the droop of the face,you must have been thinking
strokes that was going on.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (20:46):
So just all of those things, right?
Like, you know, like I said,with the hand tremor and stuff,
like what's going on?
And so the doctor's like, yougot to go to the hospital, you
know, like now.
So we're like, okay, cool.
So we, you know, we jump in thecar, we go to the hospital and
(21:06):
this is probably nine o'clock inthe morning.
And let's go to the hospital andthey're doing stroke tests and
they're doing strength tests andthey're doing CT scans and all
of that kind of stuff.
And they're like, well, We can'treally see it.
You know, we've done some scans.
(21:29):
All your strength tests andstuff are coming back normal.
So we're waiting on the resultsof one more scan, but maybe just
wait for the neurologyappointment.
And, you know, we'll get youguys out of here.
So this is five o'clock, youknow, as we've been here all
day.
Yeah.
(21:49):
So we're kind of packing up,ready to go home.
And that's when the doctor comesin.
And you know it's not good whenthe doctor kneels down next to
the bed.
Angela's on the bed and I'm inone of those really
uncomfortable chairs in theroom.
(22:09):
And as soon as she bent down, Iwas like, there's something
really not right here.
and that's when they told usthat um and that they that the
last scan had found a mess onangela's brain so yeah and kind
of you know from that from thatmoment on you you know your
(22:35):
world is literally upside downeverything
SPEAKER_00 (22:38):
changes yeah
SPEAKER_01 (22:40):
yeah and And you don't know in what way, you
know, like, you know, it's goingto, but you know, you, you, and
you don't know how much.
And yeah, it's, I mean, there'sprobably an understanding, but
it's a lot to take in.
Yeah.
You know.
What's
SPEAKER_00 (22:55):
running through your head when the doctor says
there's a tumor, there's a mess.
I can only imagine the questionsthat would come to mind for me.
SPEAKER_01 (23:04):
For me, it was anxiety.
it was, it was just blank, youknow, like, like I wasn't
thinking, you know, I literallywasn't thinking anything.
I wasn't thinking she's going todie or anything like that.
It was just like, you know,we're, we're both in this, in
(23:26):
this hospital room being toldthere's not this news about just
crying, you know, and like, wehaven't even comprehended what,
what that actually means soshell shot pretty much you know
and then i'm one of those peoplethat like okay now we have to do
(23:47):
this this this and this when igo into i guess logistics mode
right and so so after that kindof initial shock i'm like right
well now here's all the thingsthat need to be done right now
and i guess that's my way of ofdealing with stuff right so i'm
So I'm on the phone to Angela'ssister.
Now, Angela's sister lives inRurikaka, so she's two hours
(24:10):
away.
And in my head, I'm like, whatdo I tell her?
Yeah.
Knowing that she has to sit in acar for two hours, do I tell her
nothing?
Yeah.
Do I tell her what I know?
You know, like all of thesethings.
And, you know, so I've got totell her.
I think in the end, I just tellher, you have to come to the
hospital.
Yeah.
(24:30):
Yeah.
You've
SPEAKER_00 (24:31):
probably got the kids running through your mind
as well.
SPEAKER_01 (24:34):
Yeah, so the kids have had to have been picked up
from school and all that kind ofthing.
So the next thing is, what arewe doing there?
And how do I tell them?
How do I tell them what we'vejust been told?
This is massive for us to dealwith.
(24:57):
I now have to tell them.
four kids and try and explainthat to them.
So I wanted to go and get them.
So I said to Angela, I'm goingto go and get the kids and I'll
be back.
And I remember walking from theward to the car and I've had to
(25:23):
ring my boss to say, hey...
I'm probably not going to be infor the next couple of days.
This is kind of what's happened.
And he said to me at the time,he said, look, I know it sounds
worst case scenario, but peoplesurvive these things.
People are okay.
(25:43):
It's not the end of the world.
And I remember walking to thecar thinking, you know what?
He's right.
This it's going to be hard andshe's probably going to have to
have some time off work andshe'll probably have surgery and
(26:04):
stuff like that but she'll beokay and I didn't think that
because I thought we werespecial or we were better than
anyone else or anything likethat I was just like well this
just doesn't happen to us youknow like And we, you know,
(26:27):
we're just a normal littlefamily.
Like, and I remember saying thisto myself as I'm like, nothing
like this happens.
It's going to be okay.
It's going to be okay.
It's going to be hard, but it'llbe fine.
Yeah.
And so then you kind of like,okay, yep.
It's going to be okay.
And we'll deal with this and,you know, and we, let's go and
(26:49):
talk to the kids and, And, youknow, and, and, and, and get
that out of the way, but we'regoing to be, we're going to be
okay.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (26:59):
So was Angela referred to a specialist?
What happened next?
SPEAKER_01 (27:04):
So she stayed, so she stayed in hospital overnight
where they kind of tried tofigure out what the next, the
next moves were.
And so we went in on the, wewent in on a, on a Tuesday and
the following Tuesday, she washaving a biopsy.
(27:24):
So basically having, well,literally having brain surgery.
So it all happened really,really quickly.
So all that stuff happenedreally, really fast.
So she's having brain surgery todo the biopsy to kind of find
out what it is.
Now, in between times, inbetween that week, we've, you
(27:47):
know, they've kind of said, oh,well, you know, this is where it
is.
It's not a great place.
Right.
You know, they, you know, kindof preparing us down that road.
It was, you know, the tumor wasin the center of her brain, you
know, so the area where it waswas where all the signals for
(28:08):
her brain had to go in and outand, you know, kind of through
this tumor.
So, literally worst casescenario and so she has brain
surgery she comes out of brainsurgery and like I don't know
what I expected I didn't expectI didn't expect the person that
(28:28):
came out you know what I meanlike she comes out and this is
five hours of surgery and thenan hour of recovery and she
comes out and we get to go inand see her and she's just like
I'm really hungry.
And like, just like I'm talkinga million miles an hour and
(28:50):
you're just like, okay, like, Idon't know if I'd be so chipper
after I, you know, had brainsurgery, but cool.
You know, that's great.
Just like nothing had happened,you know, just totally fine.
SPEAKER_00 (29:02):
And so what's a bit of brain
SPEAKER_01 (29:03):
surgery?
Exactly.
And so that kind of, you'relike, okay, well, that's good.
You know, like that kind of addsto this.
We're going to be okay.
you know, and everything's goingto be fine.
You have to wait two weeks.
They send the biopsy away.
You have to wait two weeks forthe results to come back.
(29:24):
But in the meantime, they'retalking like, okay, like, you
know, you might be able to goback to work part-time and, you
know, but you have to take iteasy.
You're not allowed to drive andstuff and all that kind of
thing.
But, you know, like,
SPEAKER_00 (29:38):
should be okay so you're feeling hopeful yeah
you're just kind of making aplan we're just waiting for the
results yep then we'll havesurgery some form of treatment
SPEAKER_01 (29:48):
a hundred percent so we're kind of prepared for those
things right but we're preparedfor a positive outcome yeah you
know um and and by this stageyou know we've kind of let
people know and you know this isthis is kind of what's going on
and and she's she's still angelayou know she's you know she's
(30:11):
just a normal normal self we weget to the you know they come
like oh it's 10 to 14 days so weget to the 14th day and by this
stage everybody kind of knewwell you must be getting results
today yeah and so we get a weget a phone call you know the
(30:33):
the night before and they'relike oh we need we need you to
come in And the same way as whenyou see a doctor kneeling next
to the bed, you kind of havethat sinking feeling.
It's the same when they say, weneed you to come in.
Can't be great.
Can't be great, right?
And so the results are back andwe have to go in.
(30:56):
And that's where the brainsurgeon comes in and said, I'm
really sorry, guys, but It'sbasically worst-case scenario.
It is a glioblastoma, so it'ssuper aggressive, and basically
(31:17):
there's nothing that we can do.
We can't operate because ofwhere it is.
You can go through chemo andradiation and all of that kind
of thing, but ultimately...
that's an attempt to prolonglife that's not gonna it's it's
(31:41):
incurable
SPEAKER_00 (31:41):
she's not being cured
SPEAKER_01 (31:43):
yeah and obviously that's you know that's that's
quite a lot to you know to kindof take in
SPEAKER_00 (31:52):
and is that the first time you've heard it be
being told incurable
SPEAKER_01 (31:58):
yeah you kind of because I All of these other
things have kind of been goingon and you don't know.
So you're trying to be positive.
And that's also the first timewe got a prognosis.
And so we get a prognosis that's18 months to two years.
(32:18):
And at that time, you're like,that's not much time.
SPEAKER_00 (32:24):
And
SPEAKER_01 (32:25):
then they explain what a prognosis is and
everything.
And some people can last longer,some people don't.
And I'm like, well, that's okay.
She's going to be at the highend of that.
And they're saying two years.
We're going to have three, four,five years.
We're going to beat it as muchas we can.
(32:48):
You're trying to be positive.
We're not special.
This just isn't going to happento us.
Because
SPEAKER_00 (33:03):
who thinks about that at your age, something like
that happening?
SPEAKER_01 (33:09):
A hundred percent, right?
Like never in a million years,you know.
And we've gone from everythingbeing completely normal to
you've got 18 months to twoyears, you know, to live.
And so then...
(33:29):
So we drive home.
Now, it was late afternoon.
It was like four o'clock in theafternoon.
We have to drive home.
There's never been more silencein a car than, you know, than
that drive home because what doyou say?
You know, there's literallynothing to say.
(33:51):
And again, I think it goes backto that first reaction that
shell shock is just like,because there's nothing you can
do.
And when I kind of thought aboutit in the few days after, it was
(34:17):
like, in essence, we've all gota ticking clock, right?
The difference is, we we don'tknow what it is yeah so that you
know so at the time i was likethe difference between me and
angela is is that she's beengiven a time
SPEAKER_00 (34:36):
yeah
SPEAKER_01 (34:38):
um and and that it was just like like how do you
deal with that
SPEAKER_00 (34:44):
what happens next and i'm sure you're thinking
you've got your your kids Knowthat you've gone to this
appointment.
The family are waiting for youto come back and share the news.
SPEAKER_01 (34:54):
Yeah, so the kids were, like I said, everyone knew
that it was going to be thisdate.
So we got home and the kids werewaiting.
And Taylor, who was nine at thetime, um you know we didn't walk
in and tell them straight awaywe kind of walked we had a you
(35:16):
know kind of an hour toourselves to just kind of try
and process how we were going todeal with this situation and and
taylor came in and said what'swrong i feel like you're hiding
something from me now obviouslyshe knew you know we we had told
the kids after the initialdiagnosis, hey, you know, this
(35:40):
is what they've found.
We don't know what that meansyet and all of that kind of
stuff.
And then obviously mums havebrain surgery.
So, you know, they're aware ofthat.
But again, this is now like,hey, this is actually what all
of that means.
But they wanted to know, youknow, and I think, you know,
(36:04):
they needed to know.
And from that day that we firstwent to the hospital and we
found out about the mass, therewas never anything that was
hidden from them.
They were told everything.
This is what that means.
(36:24):
This is what's going to happenand all of those kinds of
things.
So nothing was ever hidden fromthem.
And And I think that made iteasier for everybody.
And
SPEAKER_00 (36:39):
there's a lot of talk and thoughts around when
you're in these situations, dowe tell the kids?
How much do we tell them?
Do we be honest with them?
Which is something I think itwould be great for us to explore
a little bit further down thetrack, how you navigated that,
keeping the kids informed, butalso managing their emotions
(37:01):
through this and their griefgoing through it.
SPEAKER_01 (37:03):
Yes.
UNKNOWN (37:04):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (37:04):
I'm interested to know, geoblastoma, as we know,
it's a really aggressive form ofcancer.
And I know I reflect on youtalking to me about the changes
that you were seeing withAngela.
How did you first hear abouthospice?
What happened?
What was your introduction like?
SPEAKER_01 (37:23):
So it kind of...
it kind of got mentioned througha mutual friend of ours, you
know, who said, you know, yeah,you know, he said, look, if, you
know, if you need anything from,from hospitals, kind of, you
(37:45):
know, let us know.
And then at the, at the sametime, through the hospital, we
were assigned a surgical nursewho said, hey, look, you know,
you, you might want to you mightwant to make contact with
hospice.
Now, my initial thoughts aroundthat are, well, why would I do
(38:10):
that?
She's not dying right now.
And I think that was my initialthoughts around hospice, was
hospice is a place where you goalmost like a hospital visit.
And you go there and you nevercome out.
Yeah.
(38:31):
So in the space of a couple ofdays, I've had two people say to
me, you know, you might need tomake contact with hospice.
And I'm like, why?
Why do I need to do that?
She's got two years.
SPEAKER_00 (38:44):
She's got
SPEAKER_01 (38:45):
two years.
Maybe more.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, 100%.
And at this stage, you know...
totally fine.
She can still do all the thingsthat she could do before.
And so that was our kind ofinitial kind of contact.
I was
SPEAKER_00 (39:05):
like, what are these people talking about?
Do you know it's surprisinglycommon how many people think
when you hear the word hospiceit's a place that people go to
die and that it's your last daysof life.
And I think it's hopefully,through this podcast, we can
start to talk about how muchmore it is.
SPEAKER_01 (39:28):
Yeah, definitely.
And, you know, it's definitelynot an understatement to say
that we couldn't have done whatwe did for Angela without
hospice.
You know, and I mean, that'sultimately why we're here today.
You know, like I said before,it's for me is to to repay some
(39:54):
of you know some of what hospicedid um you know hospice allowed
us to to care for angela at homeum you know she didn't she she
never needed to go to hospitalum you know we we looked after
her um with with with the helpof of multiple services that you
(40:20):
guys offer.
And yeah, like I said, that'skind of why we're here today.
SPEAKER_00 (40:25):
Okay.
Thank you, Aaron.
I think we'll leave it there,episode one.
Next episode, I'm hoping that wecan explore the story of after
you've been introduced tohospice, what happened next?
How did you first get engagedwith our service?
Who did you meet?
(40:45):
What was your initial assessmentfrom our team like?
And hopefully we'll have some ofthe staff including the nurse
that provided some care forAngela and coming in to talk
through their experiences andsupporting you and Angela as
well.
Thanks for joining us.
On October 17th, 2023, the Brightmoor family's
world was turned upside downwhen, at the age of just 44, a
tumour was found in Angela'sbrain.
One month later, they wereintroduced to the world that is
hospice.
(00:20):
This is Angela's story.
Walking the Final Path Together,a Hospice West Auckland podcast.
Thanks for joining us forepisode one of Angela's Story.
I'm Esther.
I lead the social care team withHospice West Auckland, and I'm
joined by Aaron.
SPEAKER_01 (00:37):
Hello.
SPEAKER_00 (00:38):
Hi, Aaron.
SPEAKER_01 (00:39):
How are you
SPEAKER_00 (00:40):
doing?
Good.
We're a little bit awkward.
We
SPEAKER_01 (00:42):
are a little bit awkward.
Yes.
I'm Aaron, and I'm Angela'shusband.
SPEAKER_00 (00:48):
And we are doing a podcast about Angela and her
story.
Yes.
The aim of this podcast is forus to share her story, both of
your journey as you go, wentthrough your care with Hospice
West Auckland.
Why is it important to you,
SPEAKER_01 (01:08):
Aaron?
There's a couple of reasons.
So the first one is to, I guess,to help people that have been
through the situation that we'vebeen through.
And one of the other reasons isto repay hospice for everything
(01:28):
that they have done for us andcontinue to do for us.
And then the other side is I getto talk about Angela and I get
to share her story witheveryone.
So, yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (01:40):
This podcast is going to be real.
SPEAKER_01 (01:44):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (01:44):
We're going to laugh.
SPEAKER_01 (01:46):
Hopefully, yep.
SPEAKER_00 (01:47):
We might cry.
I
SPEAKER_01 (01:48):
think so, yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (01:50):
We might get emotional.
We might mess up.
We've probably already done thattwice already.
But that's the purpose of it,really.
And at the end of the day, we'regetting to share Angela's story.
SPEAKER_01 (02:03):
Yeah, and I think that was, you know, when we
first talked about this idea,that was really important to us
is to make sure that, you know,that it is authentic, it's
genuine, and hopefully thatcomes across when we're talking.
SPEAKER_00 (02:18):
So who was Angela?
SPEAKER_01 (02:21):
Well, originally, to me, back when I was 17, Angela
was Hot Office Girl.
SPEAKER_00 (02:28):
Hot Office Girl, okay.
There's a story here, isn'tthere?
SPEAKER_01 (02:32):
So Angela and I actually...
like very first met um we bothworked at at farmers okay the
department store obviously andum i worked in the tv and audio
department and she worked in thein the office and um that hence
the reason
SPEAKER_00 (02:53):
hot
SPEAKER_01 (02:53):
office girl and um but she was too cool for me so
um I didn't really talk to her.
I was a bit shy and stuff likethat.
So we kind of knew who eachother were.
I was kind of, hey, how are youkind of situation.
And like I said, we kind of kneweach other, but we weren't great
friends or anything.
(03:15):
So you left.
So I left Farmers and we kind ofwent our separate ways.
Angela stayed at Farmers.
Angela worked at Farmers for 27years.
So she was, yeah, she was great.
part of the furniture.
SPEAKER_00 (03:30):
She was hot for 27 years.
For
SPEAKER_01 (03:31):
27 years, that's right.
And we kind of bumped into eachother every now and then, like
out and about.
It was quite a few years.
I hadn't seen her for a verylong time.
And I went on a random trip toMangwhai with a group of friends
and bumped into her at theMangwhai Tavern.
(03:54):
Yeah, and there's just thisconnection there.
And and that was it from, youknow, kind of from from that
point on, we were, you know, wewere inseparable.
SPEAKER_00 (04:03):
So lots of fleeting encounters and then a
reconnection later on of allplaces among a fight.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (04:11):
Yeah.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (04:12):
How did you meet there?
What happened?
SPEAKER_01 (04:15):
So I'd kind of, I'd been invited by some friends.
I kind of hummed and harvelled,was I going to go?
Then I decided to go.
I think I was at the bar and shewent up to my group of friends
and said, oh, is that AaronBrightmore?
And they were like, oh, here wego.
SPEAKER_00 (04:30):
What's he done?
SPEAKER_01 (04:31):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
And I walked back to the groupand I'm like, it's Hot Office
Girl.
It's Angela.
She is.
There she is.
And had one of those momentswhere, you know, it's Angela.
Yeah.
Until she said, You don'tremember my name, do you?
Completely gone.
Completely gone from my head.
I said, of course I do.
(04:52):
She was like, well, what is it?
I
SPEAKER_00 (04:55):
was like, well,
SPEAKER_01 (04:56):
it's
SPEAKER_00 (04:56):
not Hot Office Girl.
It's not Hot Office
SPEAKER_01 (04:57):
Girl.
And she was like, it's Angela.
I was like, yes, it's Angela.
I was just about to say that.
Yeah.
You know, we were inseparablethat whole night.
And then she kind of left withher group of friends and And,
you know, it's still texting thethree o'clock in the morning
kind of thing.
And I was like, okay, this ispretty cool.
(05:19):
I started dating, you know, wenton a few dates and it just got
to a point where I was like,this is the one.
This is it.
You know, like I've neveractually been more sure of
anything.
You know, I was like, she's theone.
And, you know, we, we had somuch in common.
(05:42):
We, you know, we, you know, we,we, we had kids, um, from
previous relationships and we,you know, we liked the same
music.
We liked the same things.
And it was just like, oh, thisis, you know, almost too good to
be true.
And yeah, I said that, that wasit.
We were in, we were inseparable.
Um, I think within six monthswe'd, you know, we were, we were
(06:05):
living together and, um, youknow, so we kind of blended our,
um, our little families togetherand she kind of, she made it so
that, you know, yes, yes, youknow, we had children to other
people, but when we were alltogether, it was, you know, we
(06:25):
were, we were one kind of familyunit.
This was how it worked.
SPEAKER_00 (06:31):
And how was she with your kids?
How did the introduction go?
SPEAKER_01 (06:36):
Yeah, it was just really natural.
And my two boys, they just likedher straight away and vice
versa.
And there was no kind ofawkwardness or anything like
that.
It was just like, yeah, let's dothis.
(06:57):
And like I said, she made it sothat you know, there was no us
and them, you know, it was, no,no, we, we're a, we're a family.
Yeah.
I think that, I think it helpsthat she was, you know, she was
a fun person to be around.
I know that, you know, that'skind of cliche thing to say,
right.
But, but she was, you know, shejust, you know, and she had this
(07:20):
way of just making everybodyfeel really, really comfortable
and, you know, I'm not thatperson.
I'm quite awkward around newpeople and stuff like that.
So if we went anywhere, she mademe feel at ease.
If I walk into a room full ofpeople I don't know, I go and
(07:42):
stand in the corner and I don'ttalk to anyone because I'm
awkward about that stuff.
But having her there and shewalks into a room and she's just
like, let's talk to everybody.
So she made me feel comfortable.
a lot more comfortable in thosekind of situations.
SPEAKER_00 (07:59):
She brought you out of your shell a bit.
SPEAKER_01 (08:00):
Yeah, I think so.
And she just made friends withanyone.
And I mean, that's kind of howwe met.
At Mangawhai, she'd kind of justgone on a journey by herself
through the Mangawhai tavern,making friends with everyone.
And that's what she did.
(08:22):
I
SPEAKER_00 (08:24):
remember a brightness about her.
And I remember nights at thefootball club, Angela just
dancing, you know, and bringingthis whole group of people along
with her and just having fun andthis brightness that radiated
from her.
SPEAKER_01 (08:39):
Yeah, and that's what I mean.
She could make friends withanybody and she made everybody
feel comfortable and special.
Yeah, that's the word for it.
And that was...
that's just, you know, that'swho she was, you know, and she,
she just had this ability to, tojust make everyone feel
(09:02):
comfortable.
And I mean, and I think thatwas, that was proven at her, you
know, at her funeral when therewas, you know, 400 people, you
know, like I think, you know,Sadly, that kind of says a lot
about someone when, you know,when there's that many people
there to kind of say goodbye toyou.
But, you know, and to be fair toher, support her and us, you
(09:26):
know, through that, through herillness, there was so many
people that just wanted to help.
And I think that was kind of...
you know, because of who shewas.
SPEAKER_00 (09:36):
It's a testament of who Angela was.
Yeah.
So six months into therelationship, you move in
together, you blend yourfamilies together.
Then there was a proposal atsome stage.
SPEAKER_01 (09:50):
Yeah.
So we met at the MangawhaiTavern in February and the
following December I decidedthat, This is it.
She's the one.
She's the one, and I'm going topropose to her.
So Angela has a history withRuakaka Beach, and her sister
(10:14):
and that live there, and they'vespent lots of holidays and stuff
there.
So I was like, right, ChristmasDay, I'm going to take her up to
Ruakaka Beach.
I'm going to propose to herthere.
SPEAKER_00 (10:25):
That's a bold decision, Christmas Day.
SPEAKER_01 (10:27):
Well, it means you can't forget it, right?
SPEAKER_00 (10:30):
Wow, yeah.
I mean, obviously it's
SPEAKER_01 (10:32):
romantic too, but it means you can't forget it.
You can't forget it.
You can't forget it.
SPEAKER_00 (10:36):
But if it goes wrong, that's...
Christmas Day is going to beawkward for the rest
SPEAKER_01 (10:40):
of your life.
Yeah, look, I was banking on itnot going wrong.
SPEAKER_00 (10:45):
You were quietly confident, huh?
SPEAKER_01 (10:47):
I wouldn't have said that, no.
But, you know, it was, you know,I thought it was, I'm not the
most romantic of people, and Ithought this is probably about
as romantic as we're going toget.
So that was it.
Christmas Day, we're going todrive up there.
Yeah.
I'd spoken to her dad,obviously, and asked his
(11:08):
permission, and I'd spoken toher sister, and her sister lives
up there, so we were going to goand see them for Christmas.
I was like, look, this is whatI'm going to do, and we drive up
there, and it's raining.
I mean, it's Christmas Day.
Of course it's raining, right?
So it's raining, and not justraining.
It's a storm.
We get there, and...
(11:30):
Um, her sister's like, okay,well, you know, while we, while
we set up Christmas lunch andstuff, why don't you guys go for
a walk on the beach?
And you're like, okay, yeah,let's go for a walk.
Yeah.
And, and so Angela's like, ohyeah, I mean, I guess like, why,
why are we going to the beach?
I'm like, yeah, let's, let's gofor a walk on the beach.
(11:50):
Yeah.
So, so we go, we go to Ruakakabeach and we're walking along
and it's like, It's horrific.
Like, it's just blowing at Gale.
There's sand, like, justhurtling down the beach.
And it's like, this is the leastromantic thing ever.
SPEAKER_00 (12:12):
And are you at this stage running in your head?
I'm like, is this the time to doit?
I'm like, well, I've got to doit.
SPEAKER_01 (12:19):
Yeah, we've just...
Like, the quicker we get thisdone, the quicker we can get off
this beach.
SPEAKER_00 (12:24):
Hardly get onto the beach.
SPEAKER_01 (12:25):
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So we walk along a bit, and I'mlike, okay, well...
I've got to do it.
I've got to do it now.
And I can't get down on one kneebecause, like I said, the sand
is just hurtling down the beach.
I'm just going to get taken out.
So I'm kind of like, okay, Ijust have to do it.
(12:47):
So I propose, and Angela, willyou marry me?
And she just kind of looks atme, and she's...
she's smiling which I'm likeokay well that's a that's a good
thing but there's like this likedramatic pause I'm like are you
doing this for effect or whatare we what are we doing here
SPEAKER_00 (13:05):
she's keeping you on your toes
SPEAKER_01 (13:07):
yeah and I I'm like you know like it felt like 10
minutes right it's probably like30 seconds but I'm like what and
she and so she hugs me and I'mlike She's going to say no, and
she's just trying to soften theblow.
Your Christmas is ruined.
My Christmas is ruined.
(13:29):
And I'm like, is that a yes?
And she's like, of course it's ayes.
I'm like, okay, well, you know,we didn't need the 10-minute
pause.
Thanks for that.
Thanks for that, yeah.
And so we go back to hersister's house where everyone's
kind of, waiting with a bit ofbreath.
(13:51):
And there's her sister standingthere with a bottle of bubbles
and stuff like that.
But I walk in first.
And Angela's nowhere to be seen.
I walk in first.
And she's like, wow.
Her sister's like, how did itgo?
And I was like, she said no.
SPEAKER_00 (14:05):
She's not here.
SPEAKER_01 (14:06):
She's like, no, she didn't.
I'm like, yeah, well, I'm justgoing to grab my stuff and go
home.
It's a long drive home.
It's a long drive home.
And yeah.
So thankfully we don't do a 10minute dramatic pause for them.
And she comes in and, you know,and everybody's, everybody's
happy.
So that was, so that was cool.
(14:27):
But that's like, like thatwhole, that whole situation is
like, is our relationship.
You know what I mean?
Like just, and, and, and we kindof just fed off each other back
and forwards, just, you know,and, and it's all just banter
and stuff, but that, um, You hada lot of fun with her.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
(14:48):
So proposal, marriage?
Well, yeah, yeah.
There's a pregnancy chart in themiddle there.
So when we...
So I think we got engaged inDecember and...
say about a year and a halfafter that we got we got married
(15:10):
yeah in um in may and but bythat stage angela was seven
months pregnant
SPEAKER_00 (15:16):
wow
SPEAKER_01 (15:17):
um it wasn't a shotgun wedding it was all
planned previously obviously umand and again like just we just
had so much fun you know andlike when we when we planned the
wedding it was like it was allabout everybody else having fun
that's all she wanted yeah youknow um She was like, look, the
ceremony doesn't need to dragon.
(15:38):
Once we finish the ceremony, Ijust want everybody to be having
a great time and have drinks andall that kind of stuff.
And that's what happened.
That's what she wanted.
She just wanted everybody tohave fun.
And somehow every kind offunction that we planned or if
(15:59):
we had a big birthday party orsomething like that, I would...
be on the dance floor or have amicrophone, and she would be
walking the route.
And that was kind of, thedefault became how we did
things.
SPEAKER_00 (16:14):
That was the Angela and Aaron show.
SPEAKER_01 (16:16):
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Where's Aaron?
Well, Aaron's in the middle ofthe dance floor over there,
singing his little heart out,and Angela's making sure that
everyone's okay and having agreat time.
So
SPEAKER_00 (16:27):
seven months pregnant, you get married.
SPEAKER_01 (16:31):
Yep.
Yeah, and then we
SPEAKER_00 (16:33):
welcomed
SPEAKER_01 (16:34):
Taylor into the world.
And yeah, like Taylor is such amummy's girl.
Like, man, just it didn't matterwhat she was doing.
(16:54):
you know, like, so, so obviouslyAngela was still at pharma.
So she worked retail.
So there was, you know, soSaturdays was, was me and
Taylor, um, by ourselves and,you know, we'd hang out and
stuff.
We could be doing the funnestthing in the world.
And as soon as Angela walked inthe door, I'm out of here.
Um, and yeah, they, they justhad this really, um, really
(17:20):
special relationship.
I'm the kind of, dictator iguess like you know the the
strict one and you know theseare the rules and this is how we
do things and and stuff likethat and if there was kind of
anyone needed a telling off itwas if it was me that you know
that did it but angela was theangela had the compassion and uh
(17:42):
you know and was the i guess thethe safe harbor from, from the
storm.
And, and they all knew it.
It didn't, you know, it wasn'tjust Taylor and, um, you know,
it was, it was all of them.
They knew that, you know, ifthey needed something, they
could, you know, they could goto the land.
Yeah.
Um,
SPEAKER_00 (18:01):
so really close family.
What sounds like an incrediblelove story, reconnecting, um,
after you'd known her in ayounger life and then
reconnecting, finding love.
bringing your family together.
Let's talk next about thediagnosis or leading up to that
(18:23):
point where Angela started tonotice changes.
Talk me through what happened.
SPEAKER_01 (18:31):
Yeah, so like there was no There was no major health
issues in Angela's history.
Nothing at all.
You had to work really hard toget Angela to go to the doctor.
She started to develop a tremorin her hand, and we kind of
thought, oh, okay, like apinched nerve or something like
(18:53):
that.
And it was like, maybe you needto go and get it looked at.
I said she...
It took a lot to get her to goto the doctor.
And...
As much as I love her, she likedto procrastinate.
You couldn't get her to doanything without kind of a
decent amount of waiting inbetween.
(19:13):
Much less a doctor's visit.
Much less a doctor's visit.
So she had this tremor, and itjust gradually kind of slowly
started getting worse.
And so eventually she went tothe doctor and said, and was
assessed, and they were kind oflike, oh, yeah, we're not too
sure, but we'll send you to aneurologist.
(19:38):
But that's probably three orfour months away before you get
an appointment.
Okay, that's cool.
There's not much we can do.
They didn't seem kind of overlyconcerned about it.
We got to October of that year,and we– Angela was getting ready
for was getting ready to go towork and she was she was
(19:59):
starting a bit later so I wasworking from home and so she was
getting ready for work and shewas in the bathroom and I
looking in the mirror and I saidto her I said oh I there's
something there's somethingwrong with your with your mouth
and she said what do you mean Isaid like one corner of your
mouth is a bit is a bit droopyand she's trying like she's
(20:21):
looking in the mirror and she'slike I can't see it I'm like
would It's kind of definitelythere.
I can see it.
And so obviously with the, youknow, that combined with the
tremor, we're like, hey, maybe,yeah, like maybe just ring the
doctor
SPEAKER_00 (20:39):
and see what they say.
Because the droop of the face,you must have been thinking
strokes that was going on.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (20:46):
So just all of those things, right?
Like, you know, like I said,with the hand tremor and stuff,
like what's going on?
And so the doctor's like, yougot to go to the hospital, you
know, like now.
So we're like, okay, cool.
So we, you know, we jump in thecar, we go to the hospital and
(21:06):
this is probably nine o'clock inthe morning.
And let's go to the hospital andthey're doing stroke tests and
they're doing strength tests andthey're doing CT scans and all
of that kind of stuff.
And they're like, well, We can'treally see it.
You know, we've done some scans.
(21:29):
All your strength tests andstuff are coming back normal.
So we're waiting on the resultsof one more scan, but maybe just
wait for the neurologyappointment.
And, you know, we'll get youguys out of here.
So this is five o'clock, youknow, as we've been here all
day.
Yeah.
(21:49):
So we're kind of packing up,ready to go home.
And that's when the doctor comesin.
And you know it's not good whenthe doctor kneels down next to
the bed.
Angela's on the bed and I'm inone of those really
uncomfortable chairs in theroom.
(22:09):
And as soon as she bent down, Iwas like, there's something
really not right here.
and that's when they told usthat um and that they that the
last scan had found a mess onangela's brain so yeah and kind
of you know from that from thatmoment on you you know your
(22:35):
world is literally upside downeverything
SPEAKER_00 (22:38):
changes yeah
SPEAKER_01 (22:40):
yeah and And you don't know in what way, you
know, like, you know, it's goingto, but you know, you, you, and
you don't know how much.
And yeah, it's, I mean, there'sprobably an understanding, but
it's a lot to take in.
Yeah.
You know.
What's
SPEAKER_00 (22:55):
running through your head when the doctor says
there's a tumor, there's a mess.
I can only imagine the questionsthat would come to mind for me.
SPEAKER_01 (23:04):
For me, it was anxiety.
it was, it was just blank, youknow, like, like I wasn't
thinking, you know, I literallywasn't thinking anything.
I wasn't thinking she's going todie or anything like that.
It was just like, you know,we're, we're both in this, in
(23:26):
this hospital room being toldthere's not this news about just
crying, you know, and like, wehaven't even comprehended what,
what that actually means soshell shot pretty much you know
and then i'm one of those peoplethat like okay now we have to do
(23:47):
this this this and this when igo into i guess logistics mode
right and so so after that kindof initial shock i'm like right
well now here's all the thingsthat need to be done right now
and i guess that's my way of ofdealing with stuff right so i'm
So I'm on the phone to Angela'ssister.
Now, Angela's sister lives inRurikaka, so she's two hours
(24:10):
away.
And in my head, I'm like, whatdo I tell her?
Yeah.
Knowing that she has to sit in acar for two hours, do I tell her
nothing?
Yeah.
Do I tell her what I know?
You know, like all of thesethings.
And, you know, so I've got totell her.
I think in the end, I just tellher, you have to come to the
hospital.
Yeah.
(24:30):
Yeah.
You've
SPEAKER_00 (24:31):
probably got the kids running through your mind
as well.
SPEAKER_01 (24:34):
Yeah, so the kids have had to have been picked up
from school and all that kind ofthing.
So the next thing is, what arewe doing there?
And how do I tell them?
How do I tell them what we'vejust been told?
This is massive for us to dealwith.
(24:57):
I now have to tell them.
four kids and try and explainthat to them.
So I wanted to go and get them.
So I said to Angela, I'm goingto go and get the kids and I'll
be back.
And I remember walking from theward to the car and I've had to
(25:23):
ring my boss to say, hey...
I'm probably not going to be infor the next couple of days.
This is kind of what's happened.
And he said to me at the time,he said, look, I know it sounds
worst case scenario, but peoplesurvive these things.
People are okay.
(25:43):
It's not the end of the world.
And I remember walking to thecar thinking, you know what?
He's right.
This it's going to be hard andshe's probably going to have to
have some time off work andshe'll probably have surgery and
(26:04):
stuff like that but she'll beokay and I didn't think that
because I thought we werespecial or we were better than
anyone else or anything likethat I was just like well this
just doesn't happen to us youknow like And we, you know,
(26:27):
we're just a normal littlefamily.
Like, and I remember saying thisto myself as I'm like, nothing
like this happens.
It's going to be okay.
It's going to be okay.
It's going to be hard, but it'llbe fine.
Yeah.
And so then you kind of like,okay, yep.
It's going to be okay.
And we'll deal with this and,you know, and we, let's go and
(26:49):
talk to the kids and, And, youknow, and, and, and, and get
that out of the way, but we'regoing to be, we're going to be
okay.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (26:59):
So was Angela referred to a specialist?
What happened next?
SPEAKER_01 (27:04):
So she stayed, so she stayed in hospital overnight
where they kind of tried tofigure out what the next, the
next moves were.
And so we went in on the, wewent in on a, on a Tuesday and
the following Tuesday, she washaving a biopsy.
(27:24):
So basically having, well,literally having brain surgery.
So it all happened really,really quickly.
So all that stuff happenedreally, really fast.
So she's having brain surgery todo the biopsy to kind of find
out what it is.
Now, in between times, inbetween that week, we've, you
(27:47):
know, they've kind of said, oh,well, you know, this is where it
is.
It's not a great place.
Right.
You know, they, you know, kindof preparing us down that road.
It was, you know, the tumor wasin the center of her brain, you
know, so the area where it waswas where all the signals for
(28:08):
her brain had to go in and outand, you know, kind of through
this tumor.
So, literally worst casescenario and so she has brain
surgery she comes out of brainsurgery and like I don't know
what I expected I didn't expectI didn't expect the person that
(28:28):
came out you know what I meanlike she comes out and this is
five hours of surgery and thenan hour of recovery and she
comes out and we get to go inand see her and she's just like
I'm really hungry.
And like, just like I'm talkinga million miles an hour and
(28:50):
you're just like, okay, like, Idon't know if I'd be so chipper
after I, you know, had brainsurgery, but cool.
You know, that's great.
Just like nothing had happened,you know, just totally fine.
SPEAKER_00 (29:02):
And so what's a bit of brain
SPEAKER_01 (29:03):
surgery?
Exactly.
And so that kind of, you'relike, okay, well, that's good.
You know, like that kind of addsto this.
We're going to be okay.
you know, and everything's goingto be fine.
You have to wait two weeks.
They send the biopsy away.
You have to wait two weeks forthe results to come back.
(29:24):
But in the meantime, they'retalking like, okay, like, you
know, you might be able to goback to work part-time and, you
know, but you have to take iteasy.
You're not allowed to drive andstuff and all that kind of
thing.
But, you know, like,
SPEAKER_00 (29:38):
should be okay so you're feeling hopeful yeah
you're just kind of making aplan we're just waiting for the
results yep then we'll havesurgery some form of treatment
SPEAKER_01 (29:48):
a hundred percent so we're kind of prepared for those
things right but we're preparedfor a positive outcome yeah you
know um and and by this stageyou know we've kind of let
people know and you know this isthis is kind of what's going on
and and she's she's still angelayou know she's you know she's
(30:11):
just a normal normal self we weget to the you know they come
like oh it's 10 to 14 days so weget to the 14th day and by this
stage everybody kind of knewwell you must be getting results
today yeah and so we get a weget a phone call you know the
(30:33):
the night before and they'relike oh we need we need you to
come in And the same way as whenyou see a doctor kneeling next
to the bed, you kind of havethat sinking feeling.
It's the same when they say, weneed you to come in.
Can't be great.
Can't be great, right?
And so the results are back andwe have to go in.
(30:56):
And that's where the brainsurgeon comes in and said, I'm
really sorry, guys, but It'sbasically worst-case scenario.
It is a glioblastoma, so it'ssuper aggressive, and basically
(31:17):
there's nothing that we can do.
We can't operate because ofwhere it is.
You can go through chemo andradiation and all of that kind
of thing, but ultimately...
that's an attempt to prolonglife that's not gonna it's it's
(31:41):
incurable
SPEAKER_00 (31:41):
she's not being cured
SPEAKER_01 (31:43):
yeah and obviously that's you know that's that's
quite a lot to you know to kindof take in
SPEAKER_00 (31:52):
and is that the first time you've heard it be
being told incurable
SPEAKER_01 (31:58):
yeah you kind of because I All of these other
things have kind of been goingon and you don't know.
So you're trying to be positive.
And that's also the first timewe got a prognosis.
And so we get a prognosis that's18 months to two years.
(32:18):
And at that time, you're like,that's not much time.
SPEAKER_00 (32:24):
And
SPEAKER_01 (32:25):
then they explain what a prognosis is and
everything.
And some people can last longer,some people don't.
And I'm like, well, that's okay.
She's going to be at the highend of that.
And they're saying two years.
We're going to have three, four,five years.
We're going to beat it as muchas we can.
(32:48):
You're trying to be positive.
We're not special.
This just isn't going to happento us.
Because
SPEAKER_00 (33:03):
who thinks about that at your age, something like
that happening?
SPEAKER_01 (33:09):
A hundred percent, right?
Like never in a million years,you know.
And we've gone from everythingbeing completely normal to
you've got 18 months to twoyears, you know, to live.
And so then...
(33:29):
So we drive home.
Now, it was late afternoon.
It was like four o'clock in theafternoon.
We have to drive home.
There's never been more silencein a car than, you know, than
that drive home because what doyou say?
You know, there's literallynothing to say.
(33:51):
And again, I think it goes backto that first reaction that
shell shock is just like,because there's nothing you can
do.
And when I kind of thought aboutit in the few days after, it was
(34:17):
like, in essence, we've all gota ticking clock, right?
The difference is, we we don'tknow what it is yeah so that you
know so at the time i was likethe difference between me and
angela is is that she's beengiven a time
SPEAKER_00 (34:36):
yeah
SPEAKER_01 (34:38):
um and and that it was just like like how do you
deal with that
SPEAKER_00 (34:44):
what happens next and i'm sure you're thinking
you've got your your kids Knowthat you've gone to this
appointment.
The family are waiting for youto come back and share the news.
SPEAKER_01 (34:54):
Yeah, so the kids were, like I said, everyone knew
that it was going to be thisdate.
So we got home and the kids werewaiting.
And Taylor, who was nine at thetime, um you know we didn't walk
in and tell them straight awaywe kind of walked we had a you
(35:16):
know kind of an hour toourselves to just kind of try
and process how we were going todeal with this situation and and
taylor came in and said what'swrong i feel like you're hiding
something from me now obviouslyshe knew you know we we had told
the kids after the initialdiagnosis, hey, you know, this
(35:40):
is what they've found.
We don't know what that meansyet and all of that kind of
stuff.
And then obviously mums havebrain surgery.
So, you know, they're aware ofthat.
But again, this is now like,hey, this is actually what all
of that means.
But they wanted to know, youknow, and I think, you know,
(36:04):
they needed to know.
And from that day that we firstwent to the hospital and we
found out about the mass, therewas never anything that was
hidden from them.
They were told everything.
This is what that means.
(36:24):
This is what's going to happenand all of those kinds of
things.
So nothing was ever hidden fromthem.
And And I think that made iteasier for everybody.
And
SPEAKER_00 (36:39):
there's a lot of talk and thoughts around when
you're in these situations, dowe tell the kids?
How much do we tell them?
Do we be honest with them?
Which is something I think itwould be great for us to explore
a little bit further down thetrack, how you navigated that,
keeping the kids informed, butalso managing their emotions
(37:01):
through this and their griefgoing through it.
SPEAKER_01 (37:03):
Yes.
UNKNOWN (37:04):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (37:04):
I'm interested to know, geoblastoma, as we know,
it's a really aggressive form ofcancer.
And I know I reflect on youtalking to me about the changes
that you were seeing withAngela.
How did you first hear abouthospice?
What happened?
What was your introduction like?
SPEAKER_01 (37:23):
So it kind of...
it kind of got mentioned througha mutual friend of ours, you
know, who said, you know, yeah,you know, he said, look, if, you
know, if you need anything from,from hospitals, kind of, you
(37:45):
know, let us know.
And then at the, at the sametime, through the hospital, we
were assigned a surgical nursewho said, hey, look, you know,
you, you might want to you mightwant to make contact with
hospice.
Now, my initial thoughts aroundthat are, well, why would I do
(38:10):
that?
She's not dying right now.
And I think that was my initialthoughts around hospice, was
hospice is a place where you goalmost like a hospital visit.
And you go there and you nevercome out.
Yeah.
(38:31):
So in the space of a couple ofdays, I've had two people say to
me, you know, you might need tomake contact with hospice.
And I'm like, why?
Why do I need to do that?
She's got two years.
SPEAKER_00 (38:44):
She's got
SPEAKER_01 (38:45):
two years.
Maybe more.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, 100%.
And at this stage, you know...
totally fine.
She can still do all the thingsthat she could do before.
And so that was our kind ofinitial kind of contact.
I was
SPEAKER_00 (39:05):
like, what are these people talking about?
Do you know it's surprisinglycommon how many people think
when you hear the word hospiceit's a place that people go to
die and that it's your last daysof life.
And I think it's hopefully,through this podcast, we can
start to talk about how muchmore it is.
SPEAKER_01 (39:28):
Yeah, definitely.
And, you know, it's definitelynot an understatement to say
that we couldn't have done whatwe did for Angela without
hospice.
You know, and I mean, that'sultimately why we're here today.
You know, like I said before,it's for me is to to repay some
(39:54):
of you know some of what hospicedid um you know hospice allowed
us to to care for angela at homeum you know she didn't she she
never needed to go to hospitalum you know we we looked after
her um with with with the helpof of multiple services that you
(40:20):
guys offer.
And yeah, like I said, that'skind of why we're here today.
SPEAKER_00 (40:25):
Okay.
Thank you, Aaron.
I think we'll leave it there,episode one.
Next episode, I'm hoping that wecan explore the story of after
you've been introduced tohospice, what happened next?
How did you first get engagedwith our service?
Who did you meet?
(40:45):
What was your initial assessmentfrom our team like?
And hopefully we'll have some ofthe staff including the nurse
that provided some care forAngela and coming in to talk
through their experiences andsupporting you and Angela as
well.
Thanks for joining us.
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