March 11, 2025 • 36 mins
We're back! Emperor and Tevin are dropping the realness in this fresh, audio-only episode of Anxious While. We're ditching the fluff and diving straight into why you need to stop stressing about everyone else's lives and start focusing on your own glow-up. Seriously, are you living your best life or just scrolling through everyone else's?
We're hitting you with unfiltered truths about self-identity, mental health, and the absolute MESS that is adulting. Think of this as your weekly dose of "nah, we're not dealing with that" energy.
What's Poppin' in This Episode:
- Real Talk: Why your Insta-stalking addiction is killing your vibe.
- Chaos Control: Turning your "messy" life into your superpower.
- Listener Dilemmas: We're tackling your juiciest questions about relationships, family, and everything in between (like, why won't bae introduce you to their fam?!).
- Selfish Szn: Why focusing on YOU is the ultimate flex.
Level Up Your Life:
- Learn how to set boundaries that scream "I'm booked and busy."
- Discover why your "besties" might be low-key throwing shade.
- Find out how to become the main character of your own story.
Visit anxiouswhile.com for more on the show and to learn about resources to help you in your everyday life.
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Questions, Comments or Suggestions?
- Drop a message in our Question + Suggestion Box
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Emperor (00:09):
What's going on y'all.
Yes, we are back and welcome to the chaos.
We're diving into a bunch of things.
Self identity, mental health, wellness,and the ghetto mess of adulting.
As we already know,being an adult is ghetto.
You know, I know, we all know, nomatter where you're coming from,
you're going to feel this y'all.
Hi, I'm Emperor.
And yes, it's my real name.
Tevin (00:30):
And I'm Tevin.
Big love to our returning listenersand a wild welcome to the newbies.
Let's tap in.
Stay a while.
Let's get into it.
Emperor (00:37):
Because we were going to get into it.
But not like a fight,though, but I get into it.
It's been a minute.
Tevin (00:41):
Yeah.
Emperor (00:42):
It's been a few months.
Tevin (00:45):
Yeah.
And if you're noticing,we aren't on video.
If you watch video.
Most of y'all don't.
But if you're watching for video orlooking for the video, you're not gonna
find it because we are audio only.
Emperor (00:56):
And some of them don't deserve our faces anyway.
So no, I'm joking.
Oh, no.
No, it's easier for us to do audioand we can shoot more episodes.
A lot of people were asking us to shootmore frequently and it was very hard for
us to do videos every two weeks and, youknow, editing and stuff we did ourselves
because we didn't really trust anybody.
Tevin (01:14):
Well, there was the one episode we allowed someone to edit it.
Emperor (01:16):
And what happened?
Tevin (01:17):
We didn't like it.
Emperor (01:18):
Yeah, we didn't even post one of the episodes.
Tevin (01:21):
Yeah.
Emperor (01:22):
Sorry, y'all.
It was a good topic.
But, you know, it is what it is.
We might revisit it later in the season.
Tevin (01:26):
Maybe you'll see it sometime later.
Emperor (01:28):
Maybe.
Tevin (01:29):
Yeah.
Emperor (01:29):
I'll be with my face the whole time it's on.
So what's been going on withyou since we haven't been, you
know, filming or recording?
Tevin (01:37):
Um, hmm.
What hasn't been going on?
Life has been busy.
I'm tired all the time.
Emperor (01:43):
Oh, yeah.
Tevin (01:44):
Um, I started waking up earlier.
Emperor (01:47):
Oh, check you out.
Tevin (01:47):
Yeah.
I'm a 7 a. m. boy now.
Emperor (01:49):
7 a.m.?
Tevin (01:50):
Yeah.
Emperor (01:51):
Like a.m.?
Tevin (01:52):
Yeah.
Emperor (01:52):
Okay.
Tevin (01:53):
Like a. m., a. m. Yeah.
Emperor (01:55):
Okay.
Let's check you out.
Tevin (01:56):
Yeah.
Um.
Emperor (01:57):
What brought about this change?
Tevin (01:59):
At the end of last year, I was just thinking about like what
I want to change for the new year.
And it really came down toI want to get up earlier.
I want to be more prepared in a day.
I felt like me waking up later in the dayor really pushing it to like the exact
time I need to wake up in order to startworking that... triggered my anxiety and
(02:22):
I was just in an anxious state all day.
And I was like, struggling to meditateand read my Bible verse or whatever
else I want to do to really justget my day off on the right foot.
So I said, I'm gonnatry waking up earlier.
I like inched my way every like15 minutes every two weeks or so.
I started like at 7:45, thenI went to 7:30, then I went
(02:45):
to 7:15, so I'm at 7:00 now.
I think that's where I'm stopping.
Emperor (02:49):
You know what?
There's a lot of good points there.
One was you were one of thefew people I know who made a
resolution and actually stuck to it.
Like, I know people talk about,oh, I'm gonna start doing this.
Tevin (02:58):
I didn't really think of it as a resolution.
Emperor (02:59):
I mean, no, but it's more like a, you know, something you wanted to
do to improve your life or life change.
Um, people get so stuck onJanuary 1st being that day and
they want to go from zero to 100.
You sat there and said, I had agoal and you took the appropriate
steps to make that happen.
It reminds me of people like I needto have, I call it an assassin or
gladiator body and they want it tomorrow.
(03:20):
I'm like, that's not how it works.
Nothing given instantaneouslyis worth having to me.
You have to put in the steps and you tookthe appropriate steps to make that happen.
So I'm very proud of you because I know.
You're someone who, you know, when the p.m. happens and we started doing things.
So, 7 a. m.
Tevin (03:35):
I've been going to bed by like 11.
Emperor (03:36):
Okay, that's good for you.
Tevin (03:38):
I'm not, I'm sleeping before the next day rolls in.
Emperor (03:40):
Oh, I love that.
Tevin (03:41):
Yeah.
Emperor (03:42):
Have you felt more energized or?
Tevin (03:44):
Yeah, and I started putting aptogens in my coffee.
So, it's like, kind of like, I got, Iput the Lion's Mane powder in there.
I didn't notice it until probably likemid January when I was typing away.
I'm like, oh, this stuff actually works.
It's like crack, but...
Emperor (03:58):
I was about to say your rendition of crack, but healthy crack.
Tevin (04:00):
Yeah.
Emperor (04:01):
Is that a thing?
Healthy crack?
It is now.
Healthy Crack.
HC.
I'm gonna coin it.
Healthy Crack.
That's right.
Tevin (04:09):
Maybe you should trademark that now.
You try getting that approved inthis administration, but whatever.
Emperor (04:19):
Oh, man.
Tevin (04:20):
So what's been new with you?
Emperor (04:22):
What hasn't been new?
I feel like I sound like you.
I have also been waking up earlier.
Just to go to the gym hasbeen really good for me.
Also, you know, I don't likegoing during prime time.
Where everyone's fighting for apiece of machinery or a bench.
Everyone is sitting there on their phones.
They don't want to share with you.
And as you know, mostpeople will come to know.
I have patience for certain things.
(04:42):
The gym is something I haveabsolutely no patience for.
Also, I want to get more thingsthat'll be more productive.
I noticed that after I will work outand I will come home, that I couldn't
really focus on, like, you know, mypassion projects, music, sometimes the
struggle, cause I was always so tired.
So I decided to try towork out in the morning.
I tried back in the day.
It didn't work out.
I said, you know what, you know,my mantra, you could do anything.
(05:04):
So I said, we're going to figure this out.
So it was, you know, me going totake a class first, because there's
a certain time you have to be there.
So it forced me to get up and then I juststarted just like getting up earlier.
So like my alarm goes off at like 5:15.
I know.
AM.
I know it's interesting.
It's different for me.
The sun is not even up, but you know,that's when like, you know, my dog
will come with me up to eat anyway.
So I was like, well, just kindof stay up and go with it.
(05:26):
And I've been prettyconsistent for almost a month.
Um, with just going to thegym before I start work.
And my biggest thing was like, Ihave to fuel my body afterwards.
And it's been really, really good.
I feel like I've been more productive.
I've been journaling too.
So I write every single day,which has been therapeutic for me.
Um, what's I've been doing?
Oh, I started, okay, whatever.
(05:47):
I started drinking coffee.
I know, listen, I'm still a tea guy.
I don't want to hear it.
I don't want anybody's mess.
But I started drinking coffee.
I don't think it gives me energy.
I just love that ittastes bitter, kind of.
And I don't like sweet stuffs like that.
I don't know.
It's like, it's like an interesting taste.
Tevin (06:03):
Are you a bitter person?
Emperor (06:05):
I'm not a bitter person.
I have been surrounded by bitter people.
Tevin (06:08):
So, coffee's a little nostalgic to you?
Emperor (06:11):
I'd rather you drink it.
You said what?
Tevin (06:13):
Coffee's a little nostalgic to you?
Emperor (06:16):
Very much so.
Shout out to, uh, I won'tsay to bitterness because
I'm not shouting that out.
But yes, it just, it'sbeen part of my regimen.
It's been helping.
Tevin (06:27):
What kind of coffee you drinking?
Emperor (06:29):
I'm not giving them a shout out cause we don't got an endorsement yet.
When we get endorsed, I'll bemore than happy to shout out
really, really good coffee.
If y'all know me, I would telly'all, but I'm not giving no names
of anything that I'm doing unlesswe are getting paid to do so.
Tevin (06:41):
It's not gas station coffee, is it?
Emperor (06:43):
No, I don't know what that even is.
I don't have a drive.
So a gas station.
Tevin (06:46):
Yeah, Starbucks.
Emperor (06:51):
I heard that coffee is nasty, y'all.
I'm sorry.
I heard it's nasty.
For people who'll be shouting itout, y'all don't have any taste.
I'm sorry.
Tevin (06:58):
What about dirty water?
Emperor (06:59):
That's Starbucks, right?
Tevin (07:00):
No, that's Dunkin' Donuts.
Emperor (07:03):
Listen, again, it's something that I buy inside of a well known
food mart, and it's of high quality.
I do everything highquality, whether it's food...
Tevin (07:14):
Folgers?
Emperor (07:15):
Folgers.
That's, uh, Fol_.
I keep telling you I'mnot gonna say what it is.
It's not Fol_.
That's high quality?
Tevin (07:21):
Maxwell House?
Emperor (07:22):
That's high, I don't know about coffee.
Tevin (07:23):
I can't judge on what other people's high quality is.
Emperor (07:27):
But you're mentioning... all I know is recommended to
me and it's like $30 a bag.
So, I don't know if any ofthose things are that, but I'm
not drinking any of that stuff.
Tevin (07:33):
Okay.
I don't think any ofthose fall under that.
I wouldn't know, I don't look for them.
Emperor (07:37):
I mean, you, you a coffee guy, so I'm thinking like.
Tevin (07:39):
I mean, they don't sell Folgers and Maxwell House where I shop.
Emperor (07:41):
Okay.
Tevin (07:42):
So I wouldn't know.
Emperor (07:43):
Where you shop at?
Tevin (07:45):
The store.
Emperor (07:50):
Oh, man.
But yeah, that's beensome updates for us, guys.
We've just been working onourselves, putting in the work.
Sometimes there has been some falls.
I'm not gonna lie to you.
Sometimes I couldn't wake up.
But I was like, okay, if you can't do ittoday, you're going to do it tomorrow.
And just holding yourself accountable.
Like you have to really enjoy thejourney, anything that you do.
Tevin (08:06):
You know, I've been hyper scheduling everything
so that I can stick to it.
So when I wake up in the morning, Ican pull up my calendar now and just
read an example of a Monday for me.
And I figured out how tosubscribe to my work calendar.
So all that is incorporated into it.
So I have sleep from 11 PM to 7 AM.
At 7:05 I give myself five minutes.
(08:28):
I do my bible verse.
Then in between that time I have timefor me to get ready in the morning.
Then at 7:40 I have meditation.
Between 8 and 9 I have time to walkmy dog, um, and make breakfast.
Then at 9 I have dailyproductivity planning.
Then through that time Ihave all my work meetings.
(08:48):
Then that like I have cycle or HIITafterwards and more time to walk my dog.
And then back to sleep and I haveother things in there like recovery.
So if I need to do the Normatec orsomething like that, I have that.
But outside of that, yeah, that's beenhow I've been like staying on top of it.
Emperor (09:06):
Okay.
Well, some people need an hourby hour detailed schedule.
Tevin (09:12):
Yeah.
Emperor (09:12):
I feel like that would personally drive me crazy.
Um,
Tevin (09:14):
I feel like it would too.
Emperor (09:16):
It, yeah, it would drive me crazy.
I do think that I need to, I havebeen following a schedule that I've
created in my head that's working.
But as I become more busy, I needsomething a little bit more tangible.
But the hour by hour thing,I, I, I just can't, like,
Tevin (09:30):
You can't be tamed.
Emperor (09:31):
I don't want to be.
Tevin (09:35):
Yeah
Emperor (09:36):
That is just not in my personality.
But I do feel for those whocrave structure, like having an
actual set schedule to get thingsdone works, especially when
you are extremely busy, like.
even those who don't like it.
If you have a very, very busy lifeand you hire someone to help support,
they're going to support you basedoff of a calendar schedule anyway.
So you kind of, kind of, I don'tknow, you got to kind of get into it.
Tevin (09:59):
I'm very type A. Though I kind of lost that for a few years.
So I was like a chaotic type A, but Ithink I'm getting back to the type A.
Emperor (10:08):
I mean, we all have our ups and downs.
Like it just can't be.
This is the only way this is theway I'm type A, so I do it this way.
Sometimes you explore something else.
I mean, that's just how it is.
Like, sometimes you have to go down adifferent path just to either appreciate
what you was already doing already.
Or to sit there and say,maybe this wasn't for me.
Tevin (10:26):
You didn't say welcome to the chaos.
Emperor (10:27):
Well, yes, because, you know, life is chaotic.
Being an adult is very chaotic.
And sometimes you just have to be ableto work through it every single day.
I'm actually watching the anime and it's.
It's focusing on chaos.
It's real.
What anime is it?
It is The Four Knights.
But it's like a SevenDeadly Sins kind of spinoff.
Watch Seven Deadly Sins, y'all.
(10:49):
It's really cool.
It's really great.
Um, it says it's TV 14,but it's more like MA.
Tevin (10:54):
Sounds fun.
Maybe I'll have to watchthat cartoon one day.
Emperor (10:57):
It's anime.
Tevin (10:58):
Okay, so are you ready to start talking about what
we're going to talk about today?
Emperor (11:02):
Sure, especially if you stop insulting me.
But yeah, talk about cartoons.
Tevin (11:04):
What's wrong with cartoons?
Emperor (11:06):
It's an anime.
Tevin (11:07):
Like?
Emperor (11:07):
Not like Rolling Down the River.
Tevin (11:09):
Oh, okay.
Emperor (11:10):
I know you was going there.
Tevin (11:11):
I was looking for some cake.
Emperor (11:12):
I know you was.
Tevin (11:13):
I know.
Emperor (11:14):
Oh my gosh.
Tevin (11:16):
So today we're going to talk about worrying about yourself.
I mean, we don't have an official episodetopic name yet, but as of right now,
that's basically what we're talking about.
Worrying about yourself.
Emperor (11:26):
Yes.
Because we notice on a regularbasis and through life that people
spend so much energy worrying aboutother people and being in their
business and then wonder why they arestagnant or moving backwards in life.
Tevin (11:40):
So what does it mean?
in your, like, own personal definitionbecause Merriam, Webster, Oxford, none
of them would be able to define this.
But what does it mean to youto, like, worry about yourself?
Emperor (11:51):
Exactly what you just said.
You said Merriam, none of them can do it.
So I had to do this for myself.
So I was worrying about Emperor andfiguring out how can I sit there
and come up with my own definitionversus worrying about other people.
No, but all jokes aside, for me,like worrying about yourself or just
focusing on yourself is just that it'svery literal for me, it's literally
(12:12):
like, okay, what do I want to do?
How do I want to be perceived in my ownlight, really understanding your faults?
Because a lot of times people liketo look other places when their life
is not where they want it to be.
So they'll sit there and focus onsomeone who, you know, who probably
posting or, or a celebrity when theyhave a downfall, the first thing
(12:33):
we'll do is start talking about it.
Oh, this person doing this.
You need to worry about yourselfand understand why you're
still living in destitution.
That's part of my definition.
Tevin (12:42):
That's a very strong, long and strong definition.
Emperor (12:45):
I was trying not to be long winded, but I feel like, you know,
it's something that I'm working on.
Tevin (12:48):
Well, we're always working on something.
But I'm gonna let you handle thatbecause I have to worry about myself.
Emperor (12:54):
That's right.
I know that's right.
Tevin (12:57):
Um, for me, worrying about myself means trying to improve on like what
I have going on, whether it's figuringout how to manage my schedule better
and figuring out all the other nuancesand craziness in my life, and not just
sitting here saying, what's Beyonce doing?
What's Drake doing?
What's the new with this celebrity be for?
(13:17):
Is this person still datingthis person or whatever?
It's like, why am I worried about that?
Because it's not affecting my life.
And I find that so manypeople worry about that.
And that's their topic of conversationwhen they first see someone.
Oh, good morning.
Did you hear about so and so?
Well, is it really a good morning?
Because the first thing you want todo is talk to me about why Suzie.
(13:37):
and Lamar are no longer together andlike what you think happened in their
relationship and you're coming up with awhole conspiracy about what happened and
that's fine to do but that shouldn't beyour biggest topic or the first thing you
want to see or talk about in the morning.
Like we all need to decompressand sometimes being curious about
(13:58):
other things is like good to likekeep your mind off of what you are
stressing about in your own life.
But just sitting here and just making thatthe whole basis of your conversation is
not healthy and not productive at all.
Emperor (14:12):
It isn't like, you know, I have worked with or have spoken to people
with the first thing is like, have youheard what's going on with this person?
And you know, at first, okay, like maybeit was something that was important
to them, but that's always, thatwas always our interaction and it's
really like kind of, it's draining.
Like, honestly, it's very, very drainingto speak to someone where all they want
(14:36):
to do is talk about what someone elseis doing, but then you start to look at
them and go, Oh, because you really don'thave anything going on for yourself,
which you can always change, right?
You can always change your trajectoryof where you're heading, but.
I don't want to be around those typeof people who their first thing is, you
know, worrying about what someone elseis doing, whether it's a celebrity,
a neighbor, someone they can't stand.
(14:57):
And it's normally someonewho they don't like.
And I'm like, that's very interestingthat you're spending all this time
trying to or waiting for the doubtfor someone that you don't like.
Tevin (15:09):
Do you really dislike them?
Or are you really their biggest fan?
Emperor (15:11):
Probably infatuated with them.
I guarantee most people on thiscall, the first thing they do
when they wake up, probably beforebrushing their teeth, is they go on
their phone to see what was posted.
Even at the gym, which is aplace that I go for, you know, to
decompress, I'm like, hey, you doneon the, you done with this bench?
Because all you're doing is sittingdown on Instagram and social media to
sit in there scrolling, being nosy.
(15:32):
And you wonder why you look theway you look right now because
you're sitting there on the benchand you're not bench pressing.
Tevin (15:37):
I'm a little guilty of looking into my phone while walking, but most of the
time I'm answering an email or something.
Emperor (15:43):
But that's not you being nosy.
That's not you worrying about yourself.
That is you worrying about yourselfbecause that is your well being.
I'm talking about those who arescrolling looking at Suzie and
Lamar and Jacob have a three wayrelationship and being upset about it
trying to figure out what's going on.
That's my issue.
That's what I'm talking about.
Tevin (15:58):
What's the direction of this conversation?
Emperor (16:01):
You said Suzie Lamar earlier.
Tevin (16:03):
You talking about throuples and everything else.
Emperor (16:04):
I mean, well, Jacob was part of it.
Tevin (16:07):
I need to know m_... I don't, I need to worry about myself, I
don't need to know more about that.
Emperor (16:10):
I tried to set you up, you see, I'm glad, I'm glad, yeah, check you out.
Tevin (16:15):
I think there's an epidemic of people not worrying about themselves, and
a lot of it has to do with social media.
For some reason, people just want toalways be on there and see like what's
going on in everyone else's life, becausethey have nothing going on in their
life, or they want to get on there andargue with someone about their favorite
celebrity and being obsessed about Beyoncesaid this, she said that, she didn't
(16:37):
say this, she's doing this, she's doingthat, or the ones who were like, Oh, she
has this perfume coming out and fall of2027, like, how do you even know that?
Like, where do you see that information?
And they end up being right.
So, like, where do yousee the information?
Emperor (16:51):
That is so scary to me.
I'm like, but for that, then, usethat energy to become a detective
or a P.I. Like, you're using yourskill set for the wrong thing.
Like, what do you get out of that?
I'm the first person tohave a photo of somebody.
Do you have the photo?
Tevin (17:03):
Are you a paparazzi or something?
You get paid for it?
Emperor (17:05):
And get paid for it.
All these people are like, Oh,you know, the person was born
this and this and this day.
That's amazing.
Do you know what day your mother was born?
Do you know where your mom was born at?
Do you give your mom a birthdayshout out on social media?
You only talk about her on Mother's Day.
And sometimes y'all post femalecelebrities on, talk about that's mutha.
She ain't your mother.
I promise you if you passed away,she ain't going to your funeral.
(17:27):
She ain't putting a post about it.
She ain't even, shedon't know who you are.
She, you probably scare her.
Cause you probably a stalker.
Tevin (17:33):
Oh, okay.
Emperor (17:34):
People who worry about other people, they are stalking people.
It's a real situation.
Tevin (17:39):
Yeah, especially when you're hyper focused on one person, but sometimes, you
know, there's some people who worry abouteveryone and everyone but themselves.
But when you like, so obsessed overthis one person is a little stalker.
Emperor (17:50):
It's freaky.
I remember like, so I told you I sawa post where they're talking about
that, a particular fan base or ours, aparticular fan base, you can't say nothing
because it erupts in something crazy.
And I knew what he was talking aboutbefore I even looked into it, but
I decided to be a little nosy andI want to make sure I was right.
And someone made a comment,said that, yeah, someone in
the club says something that.
(18:11):
My friend didn't like about a particularartist saying like, I don't think they're
the best rapper and they got into a, theperson swung on him and started fighting.
He's like, I'm so embarrassed.
We got kicked out the club.
I was like, the embarrassing thingthat that's actually your friend,
because if that ever happened,the friendship is completely over.
That's crazy.
Tevin (18:29):
I feel like I probably know where they live too.
Emperor (18:31):
That's, yeah, we know where they live at.
We know exactly where they live at.
They don't live, they don't live in myneighborhood, and that's for a fact.
Tevin (18:39):
Yeah, they're not in the Northeast.
Emperor (18:40):
Like that's, like the obsession of other people's lives is crazy.
How they're spending, how they're living.
Like, okay, there's somepeople who are living lavish.
That's what's up.
Good for you.
However you got it, it is what it is.
But I'm not sitting there every singleday pondering what's their next move,
how they're sleeping, what is going on.
And if you want that life, which isokay, then work towards getting it.
(19:00):
Now, if you're studying theperson and trying to figure out
what they're doing, that's okay.
Just do what you gotta do.
Tevin (19:05):
Worrying about yourself also applies to, like, the workplace.
You know, you may want that big promotion,but Jill may have gotten it, and you're
wondering, why'd Jill get that promotion?
She didn't do this.
She didn't do that.
I did this, this, this, this,and this, this, and this.
From the outside looking in, it mayhave look like Jill doesn't deserve
that promotion, but Jill may have beenbrought there to get that promotion
eventually, or Jill may be doing thingsafter hours and talking to the boss on
(19:28):
the side or whatever, just showing whatshe really wants to do in her career
and Jill probably advocates for herself.
Emperor (19:34):
That's true.
Or maybe Jill doesn't deserve it.
Oh, that's true.
There's a flip side to it.
I get what you're saying, but youknow, I have worked at places where
I know for a fact I deserve somethingand their excuse is always why worry
about this worry about yourself.
And it was a deflection forme not to ask questions about
something that was an injustice.
But some people get mad that likeyou said Jill got the promotion.
(19:55):
Well because you didn't really deserve it.
Did you really put in the work?
Just because you worked extra hoursdoesn't mean you should get promoted.
Or did you make it known thatyou want to get promoted?
My thing is people like to complainabout not getting something.
And if it's that serious, maybe that'snot the company you should be working
for if it's really that serious.
Tevin (20:12):
And if you have been there for five years and no one has looked at you for a
promotion or... First off, you shouldn'tbe in the same position for five years.
But if no one has given you that promotionwithin that certain amount of time,
it's time to look for a new place that'sgoing to appreciate and see your value.
And you're going to end upgetting more money leaving anyway.
Emperor (20:30):
I'm pretty sure Jill probably likes you.
Ha ha ha ha ha!
Tevin (20:34):
Yeah, and I like Jill too.
Emperor (20:36):
I mean, Jill's cool, you know, I heard Jill can sing, but my thing
is... it's more so why... Not why didJill get the promotion, [but] your
question should be why was I overlooked?
Like, it has nothing to do with Jill.
Shout out to her.
My biggest thing is like, think inward.
Did I really deserve it?
And be honest with yourself.
Have that honest conversation.
Check off those boxes.
Okay, great.
I didn't get it.
(20:57):
Alright, next question.
Go talk to your manager.
Hey, good for Jill.
I'm glad.
Whatever, whatever.
I feel that I also should.
Not, I deserve it over her.
You know what she's doing.
I also should.
What's next for me?
Now, if they can't provide that for you,then clearly, you're in the wrong spot.
Tevin (21:13):
I think people focus so much on why did that person get it and
then they go around saying, "Oh, Jillgot the promotion, but she didn't
deserve it. It should have been me".
Instead of you, like how yousaid, focusing on yourself
and saying (21:25):
"OK, good for her.
Kudos to her.
I like her.
I'm glad.
I'm happy for sis."
Emperor (21:30):
Even if you didn't like her, good for her.
Tevin (21:32):
But why am I being overlooked?
Like you're still focusingon yourself in that aspect.
Where it's like, where's my promotion?
Like everyone else isgetting this promotion.
You're getting that, you're gettingthis raise, you're getting that,
you're getting these accolades,you're getting this recognition.
And, but I'm not getting it.
So how can I get this?
Like, do I need to advocate for myself?
Who do I need to talk to?
(21:52):
Maybe it's time to find a new job,like we said, but really looking
inward from yourself and notfocusing on all the outside politics.
Emperor (21:59):
You make a good point.
By you sitting there being hyper focusedon Jill, you're not focusing on yourself.
That's the wrong objective.
I get it.
You probably feel hurt.
You probably feel a way that you didnot get whatever that looks like.
I understand.
I've been in those circumstances.
But my biggest thing was alwaysthat you guys are overlooking me.
That person, I don'tknow what, good for you.
(22:20):
I'm happy.
If someone gets promoted, kudos.
I don't know what you'regoing through at home.
I don't know what's happening.
You probably need the money more than me.
God works in mysteriousways, that's great.
But also, you're notgoing to play in my face.
So I'm going to go through saying,Hey, why didn't I get something too,
knowing that I am deserving of it?
Not asking, why did Jill get it?
I don't want to be around someonewho sits there and always sits
(22:42):
there and blames somebody else forsomething that they didn't receive.
She ain't do nothing to you.
Tevin (22:45):
Jill could have been praying for that for years.
And that was her blessing.
Emperor (22:48):
And Jill probably praying for you too.
Tevin (22:50):
Mm hmm.
Jill might be praying for your promotion.
Emperor (22:52):
You know what?
Tevin (22:52):
And you out here talking dirt about her, throwing dirt on her name.
Emperor (22:55):
Throwing dirt on her name.
And she's sitting there prayingfor you to the almighty.
Tevin (22:59):
Mm hmm.
Emperor (22:59):
You know what?
That's why you didn't get the promotion.
Tevin (23:01):
Exactly.
Both (23:01):
Ha ha ha ha ha!
Emperor (23:04):
Tired of you!
Disgusting self.
But no, jokes aside, like, I get it.
Like, every time something doesn'thappen with someone in life, I notice,
they start to look at somebody else.
Or say this person took an opportunityfrom me, you get hyper focused on
that person, then when they do getan opportunity, you start waiting
for them to make that mistake.
Tevin (23:24):
I think something else that people really just focus on what their
family and friends are going through,which is good, you should care about who
your loved ones are, but some of you,you get very fixated, like on all their
man's doing this to them, their man'sdoing that to them, but I said, man,
they're still going to be with them.
If the friend comes to you and askfor advice, you give it to them.
As long as they're going to listen andreally think about it, but you can't
(23:48):
be going to sleep thinking about, Oh,what's another name we can make up?
Emperor (23:52):
I can't believe Tatiana.
Tevin (23:53):
Yeah, I can't believe Tatiana's man did this or he's doing that or he
cheated on her and she's staying with him.
What is her decision?
At the end of the day, like you shouldwant what's best for your family or
friends, but you sitting around heremaking all of your thoughts about.
That situation is not healthy for youbecause you're worried about what her
man's doing and either you don't havea man or you're neglecting your man
(24:17):
because you're thinking about her man.
Emperor (24:18):
It is true.
Why are you so investedin that person's life?
Yeah.
An exception is if you feel likethere's some type of physical
abuse or like really bad mentalabuse or, you know, verbal abuse.
Tevin (24:28):
If they're in harm's way, that's something different.
Emperor (24:30):
Yeah.
And then you offer them the services.
But at the same time,if they decide to stay.
That's still their decision,which is messed up.
You could offer them the toolsor you could sit there and
say, this is very toxic for me.
I'm going to help from far away, butI can't, I can't divulge in this.
Tevin (24:47):
It's like when you're ready to get out of that situation,
Emperor (24:49):
I'll be here for you.
Tevin (24:52):
If you're going to be in that situation, I have to look from afar in
order for to preserve my mental healthbecause me just sitting around here
thinking about you all day, worriedabout you all day in a situation
that you're willingly staying in.
If you're not willingly stayingin and give me a call, we
can figure something out.
But if you're willingly staying inthat, I can't make that my whole life.
Emperor (25:13):
People are worried about the wrong people.
Yeah.
I've seen I've experienced peoplewho have been worried about why
this friend treats me this way.
Why are they doing this?
I've done everything for them.
I'm such a great person.
I go, right, I get it.
But then you have people who are actuallyin your corner who want to be that person
for you and you put them to the side.
(25:35):
And I've experienced that where,you know, I know someone who
was celebrating something andtheir day ones didn't pop up.
You know, my really, really good friend,I like her a lot, named Karma, just always
likes to come around and just get people.
And she'll keep knocking onyour door, hitting you in the
gut, and then walking away.
Tevin (25:51):
And that's Karma's job to worry about other people.
Emperor (25:54):
Yeah, she knows it.
Yeah.
She get paid to be nosy.
Tevin (25:58):
Now, if you want to worry about other people, maybe
you should become a detective.
You can become a teacher.
Emperor (26:04):
Don't we have a list?
We have a list, right?.
Tevin (26:05):
A therapist.
Emperor (26:06):
We have a list.
Tevin (26:07):
Olivia Benson.
Emperor (26:09):
Great.
She's been doing it for, what, 25 years?
Tevin (26:11):
Yeah.
Emperor (26:11):
Look at her.
She get paid 13 million,13 points on the head.
Tevin (26:15):
To worry about other people.
Emperor (26:16):
To worry about other people.
Tevin (26:16):
I mean, or if that seems a little far fetched for you, you
can be a limo driver, a nail tech,a barber, first lady in a church.
Emperor (26:24):
A hair salon.
Tevin (26:25):
Yeah.
Emperor (26:25):
Work at the hair salon.
Look, those are jobs whereyou get paid to be nosy.
Tevin (26:29):
Yeah.
And people just spill alltheir business to you.
So you really don't have to, um...
Emperor (26:33):
A personal assistant.
Well, it depends becauseyou have to sign an NDA.
Well, anyway, yeah.
Those are the jobs you need.
Tevin (26:38):
I mean, yeah, you signed an NDA, but no, you didn't say
your talent in the business.
Emperor (26:41):
That's true.
You get paid to worry about people.
Get one of those jobs.
You're getting paid.
to be that person.
But those who sit there and justdoing nothing and throwing their
lives away and just, I don't know,I don't like those type of people.
It just, it annoys me.
Like, I think that's like mybiggest thing on social media.
And I try not to go into the comments,but I'm addicted to the comments
(27:02):
more than the actual content.
And it's just a floodgate and I'm scrolling.
I'm like, Emperor, youhave to get off of this.
It's crazy.
Tevin (27:08):
So how do you tell those people to stop being nosy
and to focus on themselves?
Emperor (27:12):
I would say go to therapy, but I've been saying that for a
while and really have a conversation.
But the issue with that is most peoplearen't forthcoming and do not want to
sit there and be honest and vulnerablewith someone who they don't know,
let alone someone that they do know.
You're going to have to have a verytough conversation with yourself.
Like, is the way I am movingconducive to my growth and my health,
(27:35):
honestly, because a lot of thosepeople who worry about other people,
they're, you, they're miserable.
Tevin (27:40):
Yeah, like, worrying about other people all the time tends to be
tied to unhappiness, unfulfillment,avoidance, or other personal problems.
Emperor (27:48):
One word that stood out to me the most was unhappy.
Yeah.
I knew someone, his name was Geraldo.
I watched him talk about acelebrity every single day at work.
I'm like, bro, like, why do you care?
It was every day.
She's not talented.
This, that, boop, that, that, that, that.
Compare her to another female.
And I'm like, bro, firstof all, you're a whole guy.
(28:08):
Like, why do you care?
Like, why do you even care?
Right?
Then I found out he was followingthe person who was talentless, liking
her posts while talking about her.
And then I found out he was lying abouthis age, which was really crazy to me
because he looked like he was in his 40s.
So him lying about his age...
Tevin (28:24):
What was the age difference?
Emperor (28:25):
It was like nine years.
Tevin (28:27):
What was the age difference based off of how he looked?
Emperor (28:32):
I'm trying to go to heaven.
So at the end of the day...
Tevin (28:34):
I wanna worry about somebody else in this instance, so...
Emperor (28:37):
I'm like, you're worried about the wrong thing.
Worry about like, he should be worryingabout what's skin care he needs to
use, what food he should be eating,then he wonders why he was not in
a relationship, he was trying tobreak up other people's relationship,
he talks so much mess about peopleevery day, I'm like, you're unhappy.
He even switched states becausehe was trying to, trying to
be fulfilled somewhere else.
I'm like, your problems arestill going to follow you.
Tevin (28:58):
I think people like that, they really just need to find a
hobby that brings them joy and justthink about the people who they
have in their immediate network.
Like, are they surroundingthemselves around the right people?
Because a lot of times, if you're worriedabout this person, that person, you don't
really have the right people who arearound encouraging you to be your very
best self and to really help you grow.
Emperor (29:20):
Maybe you are around people who do the same thing you do, or people cut
you off because you was moving that wayand they didn't want to be around it.
I know someone who shared withme saying that they lost a lot of
friends because they kept sayingit was too mixy and too messy.
He's like, Oh, I don'twant to be around that.
You're always out in a certain typeof field, always like whatever.
And as, as I listened to you,All your conversations are about
(29:42):
yourself, but it's about yourselfbeing nosy about someone else.
This person, I'm like, why do you care?
Tevin (29:48):
I can't really deal with mixy people.
Emperor (29:49):
Only thing I like mix is a drink, and that's very rare.
And also people, I don'tmind people who are mixed.
Let me throw that in there for someoneto sit there and say Emperor's...
no, it's just like, I get it.
It's not nothing wrong with gossipingwith your people here and there.
Like we're talking about like thosewho really are hyper focused on other
people's lives and well being as like,you're the narrator of their story.
Tevin (30:11):
I think those people aren't really happy with themselves.
They need to learn to be..
Emperor (30:16):
You think?
I'm going to be, I'm goingto take a step - I know.
Tevin (30:19):
They need to learn to be happy in those moments of solitude
and just really self reflect likejournaling can really help with that.
Emperor (30:25):
They probably don't even know how to write.
That probably wasn't the biggest thing,they probably don't even know how to ride.
Tevin (30:30):
Well they can go on YouTube, um, learn how to write and then go back
and begin to journal so that they canhave a record of their self reflections
and maybe that'll help them grow.
Emperor (30:40):
I think it's great advice, but it's going to go on deaf ears.
Like there's people who aregoing to go, okay, whatever.
Like they're saying anything.
They're trying to be like,there are people like that.
Like the good advice comes and theytake a bat and they swing and knock
it out the park and get a home run.
That's just what it is because somepeople don't want to face the music.
And the music is a sad MaryJ. Blige song from 1994.
(31:02):
They don't want to face that.
That's your life.
People who are hyper focused ontheir kids lives, get your own life.
You have, like, you raise your kids.
Yeah, their adult kids life.
You're not an adult.
I'm going to be super,I'm going to be nosy.
That's the only time I'm givingyou, I'm giving you a pass.
Emperor... when I have mykids, hey, what's that?
My my what?
(31:23):
I wish you would.
Absolutely not.
When you become an adult,I'm going to care for you.
Yes, I'm going to know what'sgoing on with your life.
I'm not going to be, okay, didyou, you brush your teeth today?
What?
If you want to have stinkbreath, go right ahead, there's
gonna be around me with that.
Tevin (31:36):
If you're grown, one of my grown kids, we can't have any stink breath.
Emperor (31:39):
You get what I'm trying to say, like.
Tevin (31:40):
That's a reflection of me.
Emperor (31:41):
Look at you.
Tevin (31:42):
Worrying about myself.
Emperor (31:43):
No, you're not worried about yourself.
Tevin (31:44):
I'm worried about myself.
Emperor (31:47):
No, but, no, seriously, like, I, I see there.
There are parents who are like reallyin the kid's lives and I see it affect
that kid's relationship when it'stime for them to do something serious.
And the parent be like,it's either them or me.
What's wrong with you?
What are you talking about?
I'm always the first one in your life.
Yeah, no.
First person in my lifeis God, first of all.
(32:07):
So you need to back up.
But I've seen that happen.
I've seen relationships getdestroyed because of it.
And a person chooses their parent.
Nothing wrong with loving your momor your dad or whoever raised you.
There's nothing wrong with that.
But for you to choose their happiness andyour relationship over you is crazy to me.
It's just, it's just awhole.... it's toxic.
I don't want to talk about it no more.
It's just, it's toxic.
Tevin (32:27):
Well, let's move on to the part of the show where we worry
about someone else for once.
Emperor (32:32):
You know what?
That's true.
Tevin (32:34):
Yeah, so, we have a viewer question.
We know we love these.
Emperor (32:37):
Oh, yeah.
Tevin (32:38):
This is from B from Louisville.
Emperor (32:40):
You said B?
Tevin (32:41):
Yeah.
Emperor (32:42):
Ooh.
Who's B?
Tevin (32:45):
B from Louisville.
Or Louisville, however youpronounce it down there.
Emperor (32:50):
I don't know how to pronounce it.
Tevin (32:51):
Hi, I have been in a relationship with my partner
for a little over three years.
Our relationship is going well.
He is supportive, caring,and doing well for himself.
I overheard him a couple times aboutwedding rings while he's on the phone.
Yeah, I eavesdrop and I'm not ashamed.
The biggest issue I have isthat I never met his family.
I would understand if they livedin a different country, but they
are just a couple states away.
(33:12):
Every time I bring it up, there'seither an excuse or an argument.
My best friend and sister thinkhe's hiding something, and I'm
starting to believe he is as well.
What should I do?
Should I give him an ultimatum?
What if he proposes?
Emperor (33:24):
You know, there's a lot to unpack.
B, how are you?
Tevin (33:28):
I say, we said viewer question, but you said questions.
Emperor (33:31):
Listen, we're going to answer the multitude of questions
because, you know, we care.
That's a lot.
Like, I need to know why.
Like, I'm going to playdevil's advocate for a second.
Maybe his life with his family wassomething that's really, really bad.
And he had a bad upbringingand he's ashamed.
Or maybe he doesn't really havea family that he could count on.
(33:53):
And since, you know, she named a lot ofgreat attributes that he has, he doesn't
want her to be associated with that.
But at the same time, she saysshe overheard him talking about
marriage and rings and, youknow, go ahead and eavesdrop.
Nothing wrong with that.
I do it all the time too.
You want to be able to trust that person.
And if you did have a bad upbringing,you can let her know, like,
listen, my upbringing wasn't great.
(34:14):
I'm not close with my family.
I have some things that I need tounpack, but at least give her something.
You pushing it to the side and arguing isgoing to make her start being suspicious.
And you know, when you give someonethat door to be suspicious, you
might think you probably havea whole other family going on.
Who knows?
She might start thinking somethingcrazy because you're just not
being open and honest with her.
(34:36):
It does seem like he's hiding something.
Three years is a long time for younot to meet anybody in their family.
That's a long time.
Tevin (34:44):
I think she needs to really get down to the nitty gritty of why he
doesn't want her to meet his family.
Like, is he ashamed of them?
Is it?
Are they like an interracial coupleand maybe his family is racist.
Um, and he doesn't want her tohave to go through that, but he
needs to tell her about that.
Emperor (35:02):
That can be something
Tevin (35:03):
They need to like really go if they, I mean, they should
get premarital counseling anywaybefore... if they get engaged.
Um, and they just need to reallyjust talk things through and like
get down to why he's not he doesn'twant her to meet his family like
she's like, Are you ashamed of me?
Do you think your familyis not going to accept me?
Or are you hiding your family from me?
(35:24):
And because You're ashamed of them.
Emperor (35:26):
Right?
Tevin (35:27):
So like, what's going on?
Well, that's all thetime we have for today.
That's it.
Yeah.
For everyone listening, thanksfor hopping in today's convo.
We are happy to say we are nowdropping episodes every Tuesday now.
So hit that subscribebutton and stay locked in.
Let's keep the vibe going.
Follow us at Anxious While onsocial media and hit us up on
anxiouswhile.com for all the extras.
If you need a dose of self care toactually hit, sign up for the Selfish
(35:49):
Edit, your go to for affirmations,playlists, and powerful self help
tools that keep you grounded.
If you have a dilemma or a wild questionthat needs to be unpacked, slide into our
DMs or email us at hi@anxiouswhile.com.
That's the only place we'll worryabout more than just ourselves.
What's going on y'all.
Yes, we are back and welcome to the chaos.
We're diving into a bunch of things.
Self identity, mental health, wellness,and the ghetto mess of adulting.
As we already know,being an adult is ghetto.
You know, I know, we all know, nomatter where you're coming from,
you're going to feel this y'all.
Hi, I'm Emperor.
And yes, it's my real name.
Tevin (00:30):
And I'm Tevin.
Big love to our returning listenersand a wild welcome to the newbies.
Let's tap in.
Stay a while.
Let's get into it.
Emperor (00:37):
Because we were going to get into it.
But not like a fight,though, but I get into it.
It's been a minute.
Tevin (00:41):
Yeah.
Emperor (00:42):
It's been a few months.
Tevin (00:45):
Yeah.
And if you're noticing,we aren't on video.
If you watch video.
Most of y'all don't.
But if you're watching for video orlooking for the video, you're not gonna
find it because we are audio only.
Emperor (00:56):
And some of them don't deserve our faces anyway.
So no, I'm joking.
Oh, no.
No, it's easier for us to do audioand we can shoot more episodes.
A lot of people were asking us to shootmore frequently and it was very hard for
us to do videos every two weeks and, youknow, editing and stuff we did ourselves
because we didn't really trust anybody.
Tevin (01:14):
Well, there was the one episode we allowed someone to edit it.
Emperor (01:16):
And what happened?
Tevin (01:17):
We didn't like it.
Emperor (01:18):
Yeah, we didn't even post one of the episodes.
Tevin (01:21):
Yeah.
Emperor (01:22):
Sorry, y'all.
It was a good topic.
But, you know, it is what it is.
We might revisit it later in the season.
Tevin (01:26):
Maybe you'll see it sometime later.
Emperor (01:28):
Maybe.
Tevin (01:29):
Yeah.
Emperor (01:29):
I'll be with my face the whole time it's on.
So what's been going on withyou since we haven't been, you
know, filming or recording?
Tevin (01:37):
Um, hmm.
What hasn't been going on?
Life has been busy.
I'm tired all the time.
Emperor (01:43):
Oh, yeah.
Tevin (01:44):
Um, I started waking up earlier.
Emperor (01:47):
Oh, check you out.
Tevin (01:47):
Yeah.
I'm a 7 a. m. boy now.
Emperor (01:49):
7 a.m.?
Tevin (01:50):
Yeah.
Emperor (01:51):
Like a.m.?
Tevin (01:52):
Yeah.
Emperor (01:52):
Okay.
Tevin (01:53):
Like a. m., a. m. Yeah.
Emperor (01:55):
Okay.
Let's check you out.
Tevin (01:56):
Yeah.
Um.
Emperor (01:57):
What brought about this change?
Tevin (01:59):
At the end of last year, I was just thinking about like what
I want to change for the new year.
And it really came down toI want to get up earlier.
I want to be more prepared in a day.
I felt like me waking up later in the dayor really pushing it to like the exact
time I need to wake up in order to startworking that... triggered my anxiety and
(02:22):
I was just in an anxious state all day.
And I was like, struggling to meditateand read my Bible verse or whatever
else I want to do to really justget my day off on the right foot.
So I said, I'm gonnatry waking up earlier.
I like inched my way every like15 minutes every two weeks or so.
I started like at 7:45, thenI went to 7:30, then I went
(02:45):
to 7:15, so I'm at 7:00 now.
I think that's where I'm stopping.
Emperor (02:49):
You know what?
There's a lot of good points there.
One was you were one of thefew people I know who made a
resolution and actually stuck to it.
Like, I know people talk about,oh, I'm gonna start doing this.
Tevin (02:58):
I didn't really think of it as a resolution.
Emperor (02:59):
I mean, no, but it's more like a, you know, something you wanted to
do to improve your life or life change.
Um, people get so stuck onJanuary 1st being that day and
they want to go from zero to 100.
You sat there and said, I had agoal and you took the appropriate
steps to make that happen.
It reminds me of people like I needto have, I call it an assassin or
gladiator body and they want it tomorrow.
(03:20):
I'm like, that's not how it works.
Nothing given instantaneouslyis worth having to me.
You have to put in the steps and you tookthe appropriate steps to make that happen.
So I'm very proud of you because I know.
You're someone who, you know, when the p.m. happens and we started doing things.
So, 7 a. m.
Tevin (03:35):
I've been going to bed by like 11.
Emperor (03:36):
Okay, that's good for you.
Tevin (03:38):
I'm not, I'm sleeping before the next day rolls in.
Emperor (03:40):
Oh, I love that.
Tevin (03:41):
Yeah.
Emperor (03:42):
Have you felt more energized or?
Tevin (03:44):
Yeah, and I started putting aptogens in my coffee.
So, it's like, kind of like, I got, Iput the Lion's Mane powder in there.
I didn't notice it until probably likemid January when I was typing away.
I'm like, oh, this stuff actually works.
It's like crack, but...
Emperor (03:58):
I was about to say your rendition of crack, but healthy crack.
Tevin (04:00):
Yeah.
Emperor (04:01):
Is that a thing?
Healthy crack?
It is now.
Healthy Crack.
HC.
I'm gonna coin it.
Healthy Crack.
That's right.
Tevin (04:09):
Maybe you should trademark that now.
You try getting that approved inthis administration, but whatever.
Emperor (04:19):
Oh, man.
Tevin (04:20):
So what's been new with you?
Emperor (04:22):
What hasn't been new?
I feel like I sound like you.
I have also been waking up earlier.
Just to go to the gym hasbeen really good for me.
Also, you know, I don't likegoing during prime time.
Where everyone's fighting for apiece of machinery or a bench.
Everyone is sitting there on their phones.
They don't want to share with you.
And as you know, mostpeople will come to know.
I have patience for certain things.
(04:42):
The gym is something I haveabsolutely no patience for.
Also, I want to get more thingsthat'll be more productive.
I noticed that after I will work outand I will come home, that I couldn't
really focus on, like, you know, mypassion projects, music, sometimes the
struggle, cause I was always so tired.
So I decided to try towork out in the morning.
I tried back in the day.
It didn't work out.
I said, you know what, you know,my mantra, you could do anything.
(05:04):
So I said, we're going to figure this out.
So it was, you know, me going totake a class first, because there's
a certain time you have to be there.
So it forced me to get up and then I juststarted just like getting up earlier.
So like my alarm goes off at like 5:15.
I know.
AM.
I know it's interesting.
It's different for me.
The sun is not even up, but you know,that's when like, you know, my dog
will come with me up to eat anyway.
So I was like, well, just kindof stay up and go with it.
(05:26):
And I've been prettyconsistent for almost a month.
Um, with just going to thegym before I start work.
And my biggest thing was like, Ihave to fuel my body afterwards.
And it's been really, really good.
I feel like I've been more productive.
I've been journaling too.
So I write every single day,which has been therapeutic for me.
Um, what's I've been doing?
Oh, I started, okay, whatever.
(05:47):
I started drinking coffee.
I know, listen, I'm still a tea guy.
I don't want to hear it.
I don't want anybody's mess.
But I started drinking coffee.
I don't think it gives me energy.
I just love that ittastes bitter, kind of.
And I don't like sweet stuffs like that.
I don't know.
It's like, it's like an interesting taste.
Tevin (06:03):
Are you a bitter person?
Emperor (06:05):
I'm not a bitter person.
I have been surrounded by bitter people.
Tevin (06:08):
So, coffee's a little nostalgic to you?
Emperor (06:11):
I'd rather you drink it.
You said what?
Tevin (06:13):
Coffee's a little nostalgic to you?
Emperor (06:16):
Very much so.
Shout out to, uh, I won'tsay to bitterness because
I'm not shouting that out.
But yes, it just, it'sbeen part of my regimen.
It's been helping.
Tevin (06:27):
What kind of coffee you drinking?
Emperor (06:29):
I'm not giving them a shout out cause we don't got an endorsement yet.
When we get endorsed, I'll bemore than happy to shout out
really, really good coffee.
If y'all know me, I would telly'all, but I'm not giving no names
of anything that I'm doing unlesswe are getting paid to do so.
Tevin (06:41):
It's not gas station coffee, is it?
Emperor (06:43):
No, I don't know what that even is.
I don't have a drive.
So a gas station.
Tevin (06:46):
Yeah, Starbucks.
Emperor (06:51):
I heard that coffee is nasty, y'all.
I'm sorry.
I heard it's nasty.
For people who'll be shouting itout, y'all don't have any taste.
I'm sorry.
Tevin (06:58):
What about dirty water?
Emperor (06:59):
That's Starbucks, right?
Tevin (07:00):
No, that's Dunkin' Donuts.
Emperor (07:03):
Listen, again, it's something that I buy inside of a well known
food mart, and it's of high quality.
I do everything highquality, whether it's food...
Tevin (07:14):
Folgers?
Emperor (07:15):
Folgers.
That's, uh, Fol_.
I keep telling you I'mnot gonna say what it is.
It's not Fol_.
That's high quality?
Tevin (07:21):
Maxwell House?
Emperor (07:22):
That's high, I don't know about coffee.
Tevin (07:23):
I can't judge on what other people's high quality is.
Emperor (07:27):
But you're mentioning... all I know is recommended to
me and it's like $30 a bag.
So, I don't know if any ofthose things are that, but I'm
not drinking any of that stuff.
Tevin (07:33):
Okay.
I don't think any ofthose fall under that.
I wouldn't know, I don't look for them.
Emperor (07:37):
I mean, you, you a coffee guy, so I'm thinking like.
Tevin (07:39):
I mean, they don't sell Folgers and Maxwell House where I shop.
Emperor (07:41):
Okay.
Tevin (07:42):
So I wouldn't know.
Emperor (07:43):
Where you shop at?
Tevin (07:45):
The store.
Emperor (07:50):
Oh, man.
But yeah, that's beensome updates for us, guys.
We've just been working onourselves, putting in the work.
Sometimes there has been some falls.
I'm not gonna lie to you.
Sometimes I couldn't wake up.
But I was like, okay, if you can't do ittoday, you're going to do it tomorrow.
And just holding yourself accountable.
Like you have to really enjoy thejourney, anything that you do.
Tevin (08:06):
You know, I've been hyper scheduling everything
so that I can stick to it.
So when I wake up in the morning, Ican pull up my calendar now and just
read an example of a Monday for me.
And I figured out how tosubscribe to my work calendar.
So all that is incorporated into it.
So I have sleep from 11 PM to 7 AM.
At 7:05 I give myself five minutes.
(08:28):
I do my bible verse.
Then in between that time I have timefor me to get ready in the morning.
Then at 7:40 I have meditation.
Between 8 and 9 I have time to walkmy dog, um, and make breakfast.
Then at 9 I have dailyproductivity planning.
Then through that time Ihave all my work meetings.
(08:48):
Then that like I have cycle or HIITafterwards and more time to walk my dog.
And then back to sleep and I haveother things in there like recovery.
So if I need to do the Normatec orsomething like that, I have that.
But outside of that, yeah, that's beenhow I've been like staying on top of it.
Emperor (09:06):
Okay.
Well, some people need an hourby hour detailed schedule.
Tevin (09:12):
Yeah.
Emperor (09:12):
I feel like that would personally drive me crazy.
Um,
Tevin (09:14):
I feel like it would too.
Emperor (09:16):
It, yeah, it would drive me crazy.
I do think that I need to, I havebeen following a schedule that I've
created in my head that's working.
But as I become more busy, I needsomething a little bit more tangible.
But the hour by hour thing,I, I, I just can't, like,
Tevin (09:30):
You can't be tamed.
Emperor (09:31):
I don't want to be.
Tevin (09:35):
Yeah
Emperor (09:36):
That is just not in my personality.
But I do feel for those whocrave structure, like having an
actual set schedule to get thingsdone works, especially when
you are extremely busy, like.
even those who don't like it.
If you have a very, very busy lifeand you hire someone to help support,
they're going to support you basedoff of a calendar schedule anyway.
So you kind of, kind of, I don'tknow, you got to kind of get into it.
Tevin (09:59):
I'm very type A. Though I kind of lost that for a few years.
So I was like a chaotic type A, but Ithink I'm getting back to the type A.
Emperor (10:08):
I mean, we all have our ups and downs.
Like it just can't be.
This is the only way this is theway I'm type A, so I do it this way.
Sometimes you explore something else.
I mean, that's just how it is.
Like, sometimes you have to go down adifferent path just to either appreciate
what you was already doing already.
Or to sit there and say,maybe this wasn't for me.
Tevin (10:26):
You didn't say welcome to the chaos.
Emperor (10:27):
Well, yes, because, you know, life is chaotic.
Being an adult is very chaotic.
And sometimes you just have to be ableto work through it every single day.
I'm actually watching the anime and it's.
It's focusing on chaos.
It's real.
What anime is it?
It is The Four Knights.
But it's like a SevenDeadly Sins kind of spinoff.
Watch Seven Deadly Sins, y'all.
(10:49):
It's really cool.
It's really great.
Um, it says it's TV 14,but it's more like MA.
Tevin (10:54):
Sounds fun.
Maybe I'll have to watchthat cartoon one day.
Emperor (10:57):
It's anime.
Tevin (10:58):
Okay, so are you ready to start talking about what
we're going to talk about today?
Emperor (11:02):
Sure, especially if you stop insulting me.
But yeah, talk about cartoons.
Tevin (11:04):
What's wrong with cartoons?
Emperor (11:06):
It's an anime.
Tevin (11:07):
Like?
Emperor (11:07):
Not like Rolling Down the River.
Tevin (11:09):
Oh, okay.
Emperor (11:10):
I know you was going there.
Tevin (11:11):
I was looking for some cake.
Emperor (11:12):
I know you was.
Tevin (11:13):
I know.
Emperor (11:14):
Oh my gosh.
Tevin (11:16):
So today we're going to talk about worrying about yourself.
I mean, we don't have an official episodetopic name yet, but as of right now,
that's basically what we're talking about.
Worrying about yourself.
Emperor (11:26):
Yes.
Because we notice on a regularbasis and through life that people
spend so much energy worrying aboutother people and being in their
business and then wonder why they arestagnant or moving backwards in life.
Tevin (11:40):
So what does it mean?
in your, like, own personal definitionbecause Merriam, Webster, Oxford, none
of them would be able to define this.
But what does it mean to youto, like, worry about yourself?
Emperor (11:51):
Exactly what you just said.
You said Merriam, none of them can do it.
So I had to do this for myself.
So I was worrying about Emperor andfiguring out how can I sit there
and come up with my own definitionversus worrying about other people.
No, but all jokes aside, for me,like worrying about yourself or just
focusing on yourself is just that it'svery literal for me, it's literally
(12:12):
like, okay, what do I want to do?
How do I want to be perceived in my ownlight, really understanding your faults?
Because a lot of times people liketo look other places when their life
is not where they want it to be.
So they'll sit there and focus onsomeone who, you know, who probably
posting or, or a celebrity when theyhave a downfall, the first thing
(12:33):
we'll do is start talking about it.
Oh, this person doing this.
You need to worry about yourselfand understand why you're
still living in destitution.
That's part of my definition.
Tevin (12:42):
That's a very strong, long and strong definition.
Emperor (12:45):
I was trying not to be long winded, but I feel like, you know,
it's something that I'm working on.
Tevin (12:48):
Well, we're always working on something.
But I'm gonna let you handle thatbecause I have to worry about myself.
Emperor (12:54):
That's right.
I know that's right.
Tevin (12:57):
Um, for me, worrying about myself means trying to improve on like what
I have going on, whether it's figuringout how to manage my schedule better
and figuring out all the other nuancesand craziness in my life, and not just
sitting here saying, what's Beyonce doing?
What's Drake doing?
What's the new with this celebrity be for?
(13:17):
Is this person still datingthis person or whatever?
It's like, why am I worried about that?
Because it's not affecting my life.
And I find that so manypeople worry about that.
And that's their topic of conversationwhen they first see someone.
Oh, good morning.
Did you hear about so and so?
Well, is it really a good morning?
Because the first thing you want todo is talk to me about why Suzie.
(13:37):
and Lamar are no longer together andlike what you think happened in their
relationship and you're coming up with awhole conspiracy about what happened and
that's fine to do but that shouldn't beyour biggest topic or the first thing you
want to see or talk about in the morning.
Like we all need to decompressand sometimes being curious about
(13:58):
other things is like good to likekeep your mind off of what you are
stressing about in your own life.
But just sitting here and just making thatthe whole basis of your conversation is
not healthy and not productive at all.
Emperor (14:12):
It isn't like, you know, I have worked with or have spoken to people
with the first thing is like, have youheard what's going on with this person?
And you know, at first, okay, like maybeit was something that was important
to them, but that's always, thatwas always our interaction and it's
really like kind of, it's draining.
Like, honestly, it's very, very drainingto speak to someone where all they want
(14:36):
to do is talk about what someone elseis doing, but then you start to look at
them and go, Oh, because you really don'thave anything going on for yourself,
which you can always change, right?
You can always change your trajectoryof where you're heading, but.
I don't want to be around those typeof people who their first thing is, you
know, worrying about what someone elseis doing, whether it's a celebrity,
a neighbor, someone they can't stand.
(14:57):
And it's normally someonewho they don't like.
And I'm like, that's very interestingthat you're spending all this time
trying to or waiting for the doubtfor someone that you don't like.
Tevin (15:09):
Do you really dislike them?
Or are you really their biggest fan?
Emperor (15:11):
Probably infatuated with them.
I guarantee most people on thiscall, the first thing they do
when they wake up, probably beforebrushing their teeth, is they go on
their phone to see what was posted.
Even at the gym, which is aplace that I go for, you know, to
decompress, I'm like, hey, you doneon the, you done with this bench?
Because all you're doing is sittingdown on Instagram and social media to
sit in there scrolling, being nosy.
(15:32):
And you wonder why you look theway you look right now because
you're sitting there on the benchand you're not bench pressing.
Tevin (15:37):
I'm a little guilty of looking into my phone while walking, but most of the
time I'm answering an email or something.
Emperor (15:43):
But that's not you being nosy.
That's not you worrying about yourself.
That is you worrying about yourselfbecause that is your well being.
I'm talking about those who arescrolling looking at Suzie and
Lamar and Jacob have a three wayrelationship and being upset about it
trying to figure out what's going on.
That's my issue.
That's what I'm talking about.
Tevin (15:58):
What's the direction of this conversation?
Emperor (16:01):
You said Suzie Lamar earlier.
Tevin (16:03):
You talking about throuples and everything else.
Emperor (16:04):
I mean, well, Jacob was part of it.
Tevin (16:07):
I need to know m_... I don't, I need to worry about myself, I
don't need to know more about that.
Emperor (16:10):
I tried to set you up, you see, I'm glad, I'm glad, yeah, check you out.
Tevin (16:15):
I think there's an epidemic of people not worrying about themselves, and
a lot of it has to do with social media.
For some reason, people just want toalways be on there and see like what's
going on in everyone else's life, becausethey have nothing going on in their
life, or they want to get on there andargue with someone about their favorite
celebrity and being obsessed about Beyoncesaid this, she said that, she didn't
(16:37):
say this, she's doing this, she's doingthat, or the ones who were like, Oh, she
has this perfume coming out and fall of2027, like, how do you even know that?
Like, where do you see that information?
And they end up being right.
So, like, where do yousee the information?
Emperor (16:51):
That is so scary to me.
I'm like, but for that, then, usethat energy to become a detective
or a P.I. Like, you're using yourskill set for the wrong thing.
Like, what do you get out of that?
I'm the first person tohave a photo of somebody.
Do you have the photo?
Tevin (17:03):
Are you a paparazzi or something?
You get paid for it?
Emperor (17:05):
And get paid for it.
All these people are like, Oh,you know, the person was born
this and this and this day.
That's amazing.
Do you know what day your mother was born?
Do you know where your mom was born at?
Do you give your mom a birthdayshout out on social media?
You only talk about her on Mother's Day.
And sometimes y'all post femalecelebrities on, talk about that's mutha.
She ain't your mother.
I promise you if you passed away,she ain't going to your funeral.
(17:27):
She ain't putting a post about it.
She ain't even, shedon't know who you are.
She, you probably scare her.
Cause you probably a stalker.
Tevin (17:33):
Oh, okay.
Emperor (17:34):
People who worry about other people, they are stalking people.
It's a real situation.
Tevin (17:39):
Yeah, especially when you're hyper focused on one person, but sometimes, you
know, there's some people who worry abouteveryone and everyone but themselves.
But when you like, so obsessed overthis one person is a little stalker.
Emperor (17:50):
It's freaky.
I remember like, so I told you I sawa post where they're talking about
that, a particular fan base or ours, aparticular fan base, you can't say nothing
because it erupts in something crazy.
And I knew what he was talking aboutbefore I even looked into it, but
I decided to be a little nosy andI want to make sure I was right.
And someone made a comment,said that, yeah, someone in
the club says something that.
(18:11):
My friend didn't like about a particularartist saying like, I don't think they're
the best rapper and they got into a, theperson swung on him and started fighting.
He's like, I'm so embarrassed.
We got kicked out the club.
I was like, the embarrassing thingthat that's actually your friend,
because if that ever happened,the friendship is completely over.
That's crazy.
Tevin (18:29):
I feel like I probably know where they live too.
Emperor (18:31):
That's, yeah, we know where they live at.
We know exactly where they live at.
They don't live, they don't live in myneighborhood, and that's for a fact.
Tevin (18:39):
Yeah, they're not in the Northeast.
Emperor (18:40):
Like that's, like the obsession of other people's lives is crazy.
How they're spending, how they're living.
Like, okay, there's somepeople who are living lavish.
That's what's up.
Good for you.
However you got it, it is what it is.
But I'm not sitting there every singleday pondering what's their next move,
how they're sleeping, what is going on.
And if you want that life, which isokay, then work towards getting it.
(19:00):
Now, if you're studying theperson and trying to figure out
what they're doing, that's okay.
Just do what you gotta do.
Tevin (19:05):
Worrying about yourself also applies to, like, the workplace.
You know, you may want that big promotion,but Jill may have gotten it, and you're
wondering, why'd Jill get that promotion?
She didn't do this.
She didn't do that.
I did this, this, this, this,and this, this, and this.
From the outside looking in, it mayhave look like Jill doesn't deserve
that promotion, but Jill may have beenbrought there to get that promotion
eventually, or Jill may be doing thingsafter hours and talking to the boss on
(19:28):
the side or whatever, just showing whatshe really wants to do in her career
and Jill probably advocates for herself.
Emperor (19:34):
That's true.
Or maybe Jill doesn't deserve it.
Oh, that's true.
There's a flip side to it.
I get what you're saying, but youknow, I have worked at places where
I know for a fact I deserve somethingand their excuse is always why worry
about this worry about yourself.
And it was a deflection forme not to ask questions about
something that was an injustice.
But some people get mad that likeyou said Jill got the promotion.
(19:55):
Well because you didn't really deserve it.
Did you really put in the work?
Just because you worked extra hoursdoesn't mean you should get promoted.
Or did you make it known thatyou want to get promoted?
My thing is people like to complainabout not getting something.
And if it's that serious, maybe that'snot the company you should be working
for if it's really that serious.
Tevin (20:12):
And if you have been there for five years and no one has looked at you for a
promotion or... First off, you shouldn'tbe in the same position for five years.
But if no one has given you that promotionwithin that certain amount of time,
it's time to look for a new place that'sgoing to appreciate and see your value.
And you're going to end upgetting more money leaving anyway.
Emperor (20:30):
I'm pretty sure Jill probably likes you.
Ha ha ha ha ha!
Tevin (20:34):
Yeah, and I like Jill too.
Emperor (20:36):
I mean, Jill's cool, you know, I heard Jill can sing, but my thing
is... it's more so why... Not why didJill get the promotion, [but] your
question should be why was I overlooked?
Like, it has nothing to do with Jill.
Shout out to her.
My biggest thing is like, think inward.
Did I really deserve it?
And be honest with yourself.
Have that honest conversation.
Check off those boxes.
Okay, great.
I didn't get it.
(20:57):
Alright, next question.
Go talk to your manager.
Hey, good for Jill.
I'm glad.
Whatever, whatever.
I feel that I also should.
Not, I deserve it over her.
You know what she's doing.
I also should.
What's next for me?
Now, if they can't provide that for you,then clearly, you're in the wrong spot.
Tevin (21:13):
I think people focus so much on why did that person get it and
then they go around saying, "Oh, Jillgot the promotion, but she didn't
deserve it. It should have been me".
Instead of you, like how yousaid, focusing on yourself
and saying (21:25):
"OK, good for her.
Kudos to her.
I like her.
I'm glad.
I'm happy for sis."
Emperor (21:30):
Even if you didn't like her, good for her.
Tevin (21:32):
But why am I being overlooked?
Like you're still focusingon yourself in that aspect.
Where it's like, where's my promotion?
Like everyone else isgetting this promotion.
You're getting that, you're gettingthis raise, you're getting that,
you're getting these accolades,you're getting this recognition.
And, but I'm not getting it.
So how can I get this?
Like, do I need to advocate for myself?
Who do I need to talk to?
(21:52):
Maybe it's time to find a new job,like we said, but really looking
inward from yourself and notfocusing on all the outside politics.
Emperor (21:59):
You make a good point.
By you sitting there being hyper focusedon Jill, you're not focusing on yourself.
That's the wrong objective.
I get it.
You probably feel hurt.
You probably feel a way that you didnot get whatever that looks like.
I understand.
I've been in those circumstances.
But my biggest thing was alwaysthat you guys are overlooking me.
That person, I don'tknow what, good for you.
(22:20):
I'm happy.
If someone gets promoted, kudos.
I don't know what you'regoing through at home.
I don't know what's happening.
You probably need the money more than me.
God works in mysteriousways, that's great.
But also, you're notgoing to play in my face.
So I'm going to go through saying,Hey, why didn't I get something too,
knowing that I am deserving of it?
Not asking, why did Jill get it?
I don't want to be around someonewho sits there and always sits
(22:42):
there and blames somebody else forsomething that they didn't receive.
She ain't do nothing to you.
Tevin (22:45):
Jill could have been praying for that for years.
And that was her blessing.
Emperor (22:48):
And Jill probably praying for you too.
Tevin (22:50):
Mm hmm.
Jill might be praying for your promotion.
Emperor (22:52):
You know what?
Tevin (22:52):
And you out here talking dirt about her, throwing dirt on her name.
Emperor (22:55):
Throwing dirt on her name.
And she's sitting there prayingfor you to the almighty.
Tevin (22:59):
Mm hmm.
Emperor (22:59):
You know what?
That's why you didn't get the promotion.
Tevin (23:01):
Exactly.
Both (23:01):
Ha ha ha ha ha!
Emperor (23:04):
Tired of you!
Disgusting self.
But no, jokes aside, like, I get it.
Like, every time something doesn'thappen with someone in life, I notice,
they start to look at somebody else.
Or say this person took an opportunityfrom me, you get hyper focused on
that person, then when they do getan opportunity, you start waiting
for them to make that mistake.
Tevin (23:24):
I think something else that people really just focus on what their
family and friends are going through,which is good, you should care about who
your loved ones are, but some of you,you get very fixated, like on all their
man's doing this to them, their man'sdoing that to them, but I said, man,
they're still going to be with them.
If the friend comes to you and askfor advice, you give it to them.
As long as they're going to listen andreally think about it, but you can't
(23:48):
be going to sleep thinking about, Oh,what's another name we can make up?
Emperor (23:52):
I can't believe Tatiana.
Tevin (23:53):
Yeah, I can't believe Tatiana's man did this or he's doing that or he
cheated on her and she's staying with him.
What is her decision?
At the end of the day, like you shouldwant what's best for your family or
friends, but you sitting around heremaking all of your thoughts about.
That situation is not healthy for youbecause you're worried about what her
man's doing and either you don't havea man or you're neglecting your man
(24:17):
because you're thinking about her man.
Emperor (24:18):
It is true.
Why are you so investedin that person's life?
Yeah.
An exception is if you feel likethere's some type of physical
abuse or like really bad mentalabuse or, you know, verbal abuse.
Tevin (24:28):
If they're in harm's way, that's something different.
Emperor (24:30):
Yeah.
And then you offer them the services.
But at the same time,if they decide to stay.
That's still their decision,which is messed up.
You could offer them the toolsor you could sit there and
say, this is very toxic for me.
I'm going to help from far away, butI can't, I can't divulge in this.
Tevin (24:47):
It's like when you're ready to get out of that situation,
Emperor (24:49):
I'll be here for you.
Tevin (24:52):
If you're going to be in that situation, I have to look from afar in
order for to preserve my mental healthbecause me just sitting around here
thinking about you all day, worriedabout you all day in a situation
that you're willingly staying in.
If you're not willingly stayingin and give me a call, we
can figure something out.
But if you're willingly staying inthat, I can't make that my whole life.
Emperor (25:13):
People are worried about the wrong people.
Yeah.
I've seen I've experienced peoplewho have been worried about why
this friend treats me this way.
Why are they doing this?
I've done everything for them.
I'm such a great person.
I go, right, I get it.
But then you have people who are actuallyin your corner who want to be that person
for you and you put them to the side.
(25:35):
And I've experienced that where,you know, I know someone who
was celebrating something andtheir day ones didn't pop up.
You know, my really, really good friend,I like her a lot, named Karma, just always
likes to come around and just get people.
And she'll keep knocking onyour door, hitting you in the
gut, and then walking away.
Tevin (25:51):
And that's Karma's job to worry about other people.
Emperor (25:54):
Yeah, she knows it.
Yeah.
She get paid to be nosy.
Tevin (25:58):
Now, if you want to worry about other people, maybe
you should become a detective.
You can become a teacher.
Emperor (26:04):
Don't we have a list?
We have a list, right?.
Tevin (26:05):
A therapist.
Emperor (26:06):
We have a list.
Tevin (26:07):
Olivia Benson.
Emperor (26:09):
Great.
She's been doing it for, what, 25 years?
Tevin (26:11):
Yeah.
Emperor (26:11):
Look at her.
She get paid 13 million,13 points on the head.
Tevin (26:15):
To worry about other people.
Emperor (26:16):
To worry about other people.
Tevin (26:16):
I mean, or if that seems a little far fetched for you, you
can be a limo driver, a nail tech,a barber, first lady in a church.
Emperor (26:24):
A hair salon.
Tevin (26:25):
Yeah.
Emperor (26:25):
Work at the hair salon.
Look, those are jobs whereyou get paid to be nosy.
Tevin (26:29):
Yeah.
And people just spill alltheir business to you.
So you really don't have to, um...
Emperor (26:33):
A personal assistant.
Well, it depends becauseyou have to sign an NDA.
Well, anyway, yeah.
Those are the jobs you need.
Tevin (26:38):
I mean, yeah, you signed an NDA, but no, you didn't say
your talent in the business.
Emperor (26:41):
That's true.
You get paid to worry about people.
Get one of those jobs.
You're getting paid.
to be that person.
But those who sit there and justdoing nothing and throwing their
lives away and just, I don't know,I don't like those type of people.
It just, it annoys me.
Like, I think that's like mybiggest thing on social media.
And I try not to go into the comments,but I'm addicted to the comments
(27:02):
more than the actual content.
And it's just a floodgate and I'm scrolling.
I'm like, Emperor, youhave to get off of this.
It's crazy.
Tevin (27:08):
So how do you tell those people to stop being nosy
and to focus on themselves?
Emperor (27:12):
I would say go to therapy, but I've been saying that for a
while and really have a conversation.
But the issue with that is most peoplearen't forthcoming and do not want to
sit there and be honest and vulnerablewith someone who they don't know,
let alone someone that they do know.
You're going to have to have a verytough conversation with yourself.
Like, is the way I am movingconducive to my growth and my health,
(27:35):
honestly, because a lot of thosepeople who worry about other people,
they're, you, they're miserable.
Tevin (27:40):
Yeah, like, worrying about other people all the time tends to be
tied to unhappiness, unfulfillment,avoidance, or other personal problems.
Emperor (27:48):
One word that stood out to me the most was unhappy.
Yeah.
I knew someone, his name was Geraldo.
I watched him talk about acelebrity every single day at work.
I'm like, bro, like, why do you care?
It was every day.
She's not talented.
This, that, boop, that, that, that, that.
Compare her to another female.
And I'm like, bro, firstof all, you're a whole guy.
(28:08):
Like, why do you care?
Like, why do you even care?
Right?
Then I found out he was followingthe person who was talentless, liking
her posts while talking about her.
And then I found out he was lying abouthis age, which was really crazy to me
because he looked like he was in his 40s.
So him lying about his age...
Tevin (28:24):
What was the age difference?
Emperor (28:25):
It was like nine years.
Tevin (28:27):
What was the age difference based off of how he looked?
Emperor (28:32):
I'm trying to go to heaven.
So at the end of the day...
Tevin (28:34):
I wanna worry about somebody else in this instance, so...
Emperor (28:37):
I'm like, you're worried about the wrong thing.
Worry about like, he should be worryingabout what's skin care he needs to
use, what food he should be eating,then he wonders why he was not in
a relationship, he was trying tobreak up other people's relationship,
he talks so much mess about peopleevery day, I'm like, you're unhappy.
He even switched states becausehe was trying to, trying to
be fulfilled somewhere else.
I'm like, your problems arestill going to follow you.
Tevin (28:58):
I think people like that, they really just need to find a
hobby that brings them joy and justthink about the people who they
have in their immediate network.
Like, are they surroundingthemselves around the right people?
Because a lot of times, if you're worriedabout this person, that person, you don't
really have the right people who arearound encouraging you to be your very
best self and to really help you grow.
Emperor (29:20):
Maybe you are around people who do the same thing you do, or people cut
you off because you was moving that wayand they didn't want to be around it.
I know someone who shared withme saying that they lost a lot of
friends because they kept sayingit was too mixy and too messy.
He's like, Oh, I don'twant to be around that.
You're always out in a certain typeof field, always like whatever.
And as, as I listened to you,All your conversations are about
(29:42):
yourself, but it's about yourselfbeing nosy about someone else.
This person, I'm like, why do you care?
Tevin (29:48):
I can't really deal with mixy people.
Emperor (29:49):
Only thing I like mix is a drink, and that's very rare.
And also people, I don'tmind people who are mixed.
Let me throw that in there for someoneto sit there and say Emperor's...
no, it's just like, I get it.
It's not nothing wrong with gossipingwith your people here and there.
Like we're talking about like thosewho really are hyper focused on other
people's lives and well being as like,you're the narrator of their story.
Tevin (30:11):
I think those people aren't really happy with themselves.
They need to learn to be..
Emperor (30:16):
You think?
I'm going to be, I'm goingto take a step - I know.
Tevin (30:19):
They need to learn to be happy in those moments of solitude
and just really self reflect likejournaling can really help with that.
Emperor (30:25):
They probably don't even know how to write.
That probably wasn't the biggest thing,they probably don't even know how to ride.
Tevin (30:30):
Well they can go on YouTube, um, learn how to write and then go back
and begin to journal so that they canhave a record of their self reflections
and maybe that'll help them grow.
Emperor (30:40):
I think it's great advice, but it's going to go on deaf ears.
Like there's people who aregoing to go, okay, whatever.
Like they're saying anything.
They're trying to be like,there are people like that.
Like the good advice comes and theytake a bat and they swing and knock
it out the park and get a home run.
That's just what it is because somepeople don't want to face the music.
And the music is a sad MaryJ. Blige song from 1994.
(31:02):
They don't want to face that.
That's your life.
People who are hyper focused ontheir kids lives, get your own life.
You have, like, you raise your kids.
Yeah, their adult kids life.
You're not an adult.
I'm going to be super,I'm going to be nosy.
That's the only time I'm givingyou, I'm giving you a pass.
Emperor... when I have mykids, hey, what's that?
My my what?
(31:23):
I wish you would.
Absolutely not.
When you become an adult,I'm going to care for you.
Yes, I'm going to know what'sgoing on with your life.
I'm not going to be, okay, didyou, you brush your teeth today?
What?
If you want to have stinkbreath, go right ahead, there's
gonna be around me with that.
Tevin (31:36):
If you're grown, one of my grown kids, we can't have any stink breath.
Emperor (31:39):
You get what I'm trying to say, like.
Tevin (31:40):
That's a reflection of me.
Emperor (31:41):
Look at you.
Tevin (31:42):
Worrying about myself.
Emperor (31:43):
No, you're not worried about yourself.
Tevin (31:44):
I'm worried about myself.
Emperor (31:47):
No, but, no, seriously, like, I, I see there.
There are parents who are like reallyin the kid's lives and I see it affect
that kid's relationship when it'stime for them to do something serious.
And the parent be like,it's either them or me.
What's wrong with you?
What are you talking about?
I'm always the first one in your life.
Yeah, no.
First person in my lifeis God, first of all.
(32:07):
So you need to back up.
But I've seen that happen.
I've seen relationships getdestroyed because of it.
And a person chooses their parent.
Nothing wrong with loving your momor your dad or whoever raised you.
There's nothing wrong with that.
But for you to choose their happiness andyour relationship over you is crazy to me.
It's just, it's just awhole.... it's toxic.
I don't want to talk about it no more.
It's just, it's toxic.
Tevin (32:27):
Well, let's move on to the part of the show where we worry
about someone else for once.
Emperor (32:32):
You know what?
That's true.
Tevin (32:34):
Yeah, so, we have a viewer question.
We know we love these.
Emperor (32:37):
Oh, yeah.
Tevin (32:38):
This is from B from Louisville.
Emperor (32:40):
You said B?
Tevin (32:41):
Yeah.
Emperor (32:42):
Ooh.
Who's B?
Tevin (32:45):
B from Louisville.
Or Louisville, however youpronounce it down there.
Emperor (32:50):
I don't know how to pronounce it.
Tevin (32:51):
Hi, I have been in a relationship with my partner
for a little over three years.
Our relationship is going well.
He is supportive, caring,and doing well for himself.
I overheard him a couple times aboutwedding rings while he's on the phone.
Yeah, I eavesdrop and I'm not ashamed.
The biggest issue I have isthat I never met his family.
I would understand if they livedin a different country, but they
are just a couple states away.
(33:12):
Every time I bring it up, there'seither an excuse or an argument.
My best friend and sister thinkhe's hiding something, and I'm
starting to believe he is as well.
What should I do?
Should I give him an ultimatum?
What if he proposes?
Emperor (33:24):
You know, there's a lot to unpack.
B, how are you?
Tevin (33:28):
I say, we said viewer question, but you said questions.
Emperor (33:31):
Listen, we're going to answer the multitude of questions
because, you know, we care.
That's a lot.
Like, I need to know why.
Like, I'm going to playdevil's advocate for a second.
Maybe his life with his family wassomething that's really, really bad.
And he had a bad upbringingand he's ashamed.
Or maybe he doesn't really havea family that he could count on.
(33:53):
And since, you know, she named a lot ofgreat attributes that he has, he doesn't
want her to be associated with that.
But at the same time, she saysshe overheard him talking about
marriage and rings and, youknow, go ahead and eavesdrop.
Nothing wrong with that.
I do it all the time too.
You want to be able to trust that person.
And if you did have a bad upbringing,you can let her know, like,
listen, my upbringing wasn't great.
(34:14):
I'm not close with my family.
I have some things that I need tounpack, but at least give her something.
You pushing it to the side and arguing isgoing to make her start being suspicious.
And you know, when you give someonethat door to be suspicious, you
might think you probably havea whole other family going on.
Who knows?
She might start thinking somethingcrazy because you're just not
being open and honest with her.
(34:36):
It does seem like he's hiding something.
Three years is a long time for younot to meet anybody in their family.
That's a long time.
Tevin (34:44):
I think she needs to really get down to the nitty gritty of why he
doesn't want her to meet his family.
Like, is he ashamed of them?
Is it?
Are they like an interracial coupleand maybe his family is racist.
Um, and he doesn't want her tohave to go through that, but he
needs to tell her about that.
Emperor (35:02):
That can be something
Tevin (35:03):
They need to like really go if they, I mean, they should
get premarital counseling anywaybefore... if they get engaged.
Um, and they just need to reallyjust talk things through and like
get down to why he's not he doesn'twant her to meet his family like
she's like, Are you ashamed of me?
Do you think your familyis not going to accept me?
Or are you hiding your family from me?
(35:24):
And because You're ashamed of them.
Emperor (35:26):
Right?
Tevin (35:27):
So like, what's going on?
Well, that's all thetime we have for today.
That's it.
Yeah.
For everyone listening, thanksfor hopping in today's convo.
We are happy to say we are nowdropping episodes every Tuesday now.
So hit that subscribebutton and stay locked in.
Let's keep the vibe going.
Follow us at Anxious While onsocial media and hit us up on
anxiouswhile.com for all the extras.
If you need a dose of self care toactually hit, sign up for the Selfish
(35:49):
Edit, your go to for affirmations,playlists, and powerful self help
tools that keep you grounded.
If you have a dilemma or a wild questionthat needs to be unpacked, slide into our
DMs or email us at hi@anxiouswhile.com.
That's the only place we'll worryabout more than just ourselves.
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