Dating & Relationships In 2023 💕 | Advanced English Conversation With Mark Rosenfeld - 37

Immerse yourself in English every day by following this podcast! 📈 The ARC English Podcast will be LIVE every Saturday at 1:00 PM EST 🌐 Need help with your English? 👉 ⁠⁠⁠https://beacons.ai/arc.english ⁠ 🎥 YouTube: ⁠⁠https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC1MU5KjkNqGrXoD47e2Fm1g/?sub_confirmation=1⁠ 📷 Instagram: ⁠https://www.instagram.com/arc.english⁠ 📘 Facebook: ⁠https://www.facebook.com/arc.english.canada⁠ 👾 Twitch: ⁠https://www.twitch.tv/arc_english⁠ 🐦 Twitter: ⁠https://twitter.com/arcenglish123⁠ 🎵 TikTok: ⁠https://www.tiktok.com/@arc.english⁠ 📌 Pinterest: ⁠https://pin.it/3gRrHq5⁠ 💼 LinkedIn: ⁠https://www.linkedin.com/company/arc-english/⁠

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
OK, and we are live. Welcome to the 7th episode of
our series Authentic Conversations in English.
Today we're joined with a special guest being Mark
Rosenfeld. He's an expert on relationships
and dating. So today we're going to simulate
a realistic conversation in English about the topic of love.
I know a lot of you guys have requested this on Instagram.

(00:22):
I took polls, so here it is now.So pay close attention, take
notes if you need to. And before we jump in, Mark, why
don't you introduce yourself? Yeah, thank you for having me on
the show. First of all, great to speak
with you guys. So I've been working as a coach
for about 7 1/2 years now. I predominantly coach women.
I'm based out of Australia, but I'm now I've moved to the US to

(00:44):
expand my business here. I started actually from my own
social anxiety. So it was shyness.
It was fear of putting myself out.
There It was. Me withdrawing myself from
social interactions, particularly with women, and
finding that I was just unhappy doing it.
So it started out with my own journey and then me going
forward, I started to work with other men who are in a similar

(01:07):
sort of position and situation to myself.
And I was quite young at the time, so after a while of doing
this, I just kind of found that I well, Long story short, I
actually got a job later on as astripper.
And so I was interacting with lots of women at the time and I
was finding that, oh. Women are actually asking for
this service as well. So my business slowly evolved

(01:27):
from working with men to workingwith women, and it's kind of
been that way for about 6 1/2 years now.
So that's the short of it. I've also had my own
relationship journey, my own relationship struggles.
I am engaged now, although technically I haven't publicly
announced that, so keep it on the deal until I announce it
next week. But yeah, it's been a journey
for me. And so I have clients, women all

(01:49):
around the world, basically withtheir own.
Relationship journeys moving from whatever they've had in the
past to a healthy dating and healthy relationship future.
OK, sweet. So yeah, that's super
interesting. And then we have for all you
guys who are joining in, I guessyou're going to be joining from
YouTube or Facebook. So as you come in, you can

(02:09):
introduce yourself, let us know where you're from.
If you have any questions for Mark or any comments throughout
the stream, you can let us know and we'll periodically stop and
we'll address them of course. So Kevin Hawthorne, good
afternoon from Lakeland, FL. OK, shout out to you Kevin.
Kevin, Alright, can I call you refer to the info in the

(02:30):
description below. I'm going to put info for myself
at Mark as well. So whatever you need to know or
whatever you need to receive, just refer to the link and
you'll be able to contact eitherone of us.
Now Mark, you kind of answered the the first question I was
going to ask you, which is what led you to becoming a a

(02:51):
relationship coach and I guess you kind of answer that.
I was going to say like I guess it was from certain experiences
you had because I know some people maybe they trip and fall
into a certain industry by accident even though it wasn't
what they were intending to do versus some people are very
intentional, they say they want to do this.
So would you say that what were you originally planning to do

(03:16):
with your life prior to, let's say, having these experiences
that led you to becoming a relationship coach?
Yeah, so I've always been into fitness 20 years.
I think I've been around gyms now.
So that's always been a passion of mine.
And I started to want to be a exercise physiologist, which is
a physical therapist in America.And I did it for a little while.

(03:36):
I went to school for it, did three years undergrad, but just
didn't enjoy it. I don't want to be a personal
trainer. I learned pretty quickly so I
didn't know what I wanted to be at that point and I decided, oh,
I'll go be a veterinarian. I've always got along with
animals. I kind of had a thought when I
was very young that I wanted to do that, never really followed
it through. So I went and got into
veterinary school. Long story short, graduated
veterinary school and it was throughout sort of the middle

(03:59):
3rd to 4th year of veterinary school where the the dating
thing really started to evolve for me.
Actually, technically it was a couple of years earlier than
that, but. Throughout veterinary school
that stuff was kind of growing and basically a couple of years
after I graduated veterinary school, I was working as event.
I had a job, the side hustle wasgrowing and essentially from

(04:19):
there it's got bigger and biggerand I worked fewer and fewer
days as a veterinarian. And then in 2019 was my last day
of work. 8th of July 2019 was mylast official day as a vet.
Wow. And I guess that was a huge
milestone for you seeing how you?
It was, yeah, memorable. I filmed a whole YouTube video

(04:40):
on it. There was a whole day of about
three or four patients that day.It was kind of like my goodbye.
I still get a bit emotional watching it actually.
Yeah, no, that's super cool. That's super cool.
I saw your and also I would say,throughout your experience, how
long have you been doing it for now exactly again?

(05:00):
Working as a coach, yes. Yeah, about 7 1/2 years.
So I just got to get the the, the timing right there.
So I think it was, it was more towards the end of veterinary
school. It was developing the, the
stripping started before that. That was when I started meeting
the women having these interactions and a couple of
years after I started stripping that was when I thought oh you
know what maybe I should open mybusiness to the the female side.

(05:21):
And so it was probably about 2015.
I remember I started blogging and 1st working with one-on-one
clients. So I guess that's pushing on
eight years now. See and through your experience,
what would you say is the most common issue you've seen with
the people that you've advised? Yeah, I see quite a few that
there's there's a general complaint about.
I can't find a good man. I can't find where good guys

(05:43):
are. There are deeper pieces to that.
The reality is we're in a more connected world than we've ever
been. You know, I can go on my phone
now and connect with. Thousands of women without
leaving my house. So we are more connected than
ever. But finding someone in the
rough, especially when we're so overwhelmed by the choices,

(06:03):
that's the new challenge. You know, 50 years ago, you go
out to a dance and you maybe meet three men or three women
for the night, maybe 6 if you'rereally social and those were
your options. Now you know you can meet that
many people in 5 minutes or. 30 seconds if you really swap.
So there's this overwhelmed that's felt especially with
online. I can't find a good one in all

(06:23):
of this. This is overwhelming struggle to
have people invest in relationships is a big one.
You know, we kind of live in a culture now where?
There aren't many boundaries setfor us anymore.
You know, it's really easy to cheat.
It's really easy to go and find a new boyfriend or girlfriend.
It's really easy to kind of avoid having the relationship
conversations and just go and dosomething, go and do something

(06:45):
stupid or go and do something else, basically.
So there's lots of complaints that I get around sort of the
casual culture or things, you know, men don't take it
seriously anymore. People don't invest anymore.
And while there's some truth to that.
There is also a certain emptiness to casual culture, to

(07:07):
cheap interactions, and eventually people do come
around. But in terms of surface
complaints, that's what I hear alot.
I can't find a good person. People don't invest anymore.
And I'd say also that relationship skills are being
lost. So I'm not.
I get a lot of women who come tome.
For example, let's say men aren't treating me the way I
want. My boundaries aren't being

(07:28):
respected, Men aren't. Choosing me over other women,
some of the typical dating stuffas well.
I get a lot of that type of stuff.
Or actually one more. I have a pattern of blank.
I have a pattern of attracting blank.
I have a pattern of men doing blank patterns.
Yeah, I know what you said sounds accurate from what I can

(07:51):
see. Anecdotally, I was also going to
say I was going to ask you. So throughout this experience,
what you said was really interesting about the paradox of
choice, right? You have a ton of different
options. You get a little bit overwhelms
and it gives you a little bit ofanxiety.
You have a hard time deciding what's what's that.

(08:12):
It's a common thing and I would say it's just common with human
nature in general. A lot of people always think
that the grass is greener on theother side and then the.
I mean, walk into an art galleryand have 60 paintings in there
and be told to choose one. They're all beautiful.
Oh my God, do I like that one? But it's overwhelming, right?
They walk, walk into an art gallery, be told you have three

(08:34):
paintings to choose from. You'll walk out feeling pretty
confident about your decision. Yeah, With 60, you're second
guessing. You're not sure you after five
days, you want to go back and switch it.
You know, it's a human brain thing, as you say.
So it's become a new modern age relationship skill to actually
have to be aware of that. And when your brain is going,

(08:54):
oh, there could be something better over there.
Oh, she might be better in that way.
Oh, he might be better in that way.
You have to kind of stop becausethat's your brain's automatic
response to overwhelming choice.You have to kind of stop and go,
wait a minute, is that actually legit or is that just my brain
doing its funky evolutionary pattern thing?
Yeah, I know for sure. And yeah, it's tough and it

(09:18):
really is a skill to be able to be grateful for what you have
and be able to be content. It's extremely difficult to do
if you're immersed in social media and you see all these
distracting things that are pulling you into different.
Things, but exactly. But it really is a skill.
I think I've seen people, the people who I see typically who

(09:40):
are much better with that have very strong religious
convictions or even cultural influences as well.
But I would say that for the average person, if you're just
going to speak about the 7 billion people on Earth, it's
definitely difficult for the average person.
Yeah, it's it's really interesting because it's, you

(10:01):
know, having a great partner is not about finding the perfect
partner. And of course, everyone on
social media looks perfect. We've all been with our real
partner. We've all figured out what
problems they have. We've all dreamt of them not
having those problems. And then we've all seen someone
on social media that we perceivedoes not have those problems.
So you have these perfect images, perfect things, perfect
relationships, perfect men, perfect women throwing at you

(10:23):
all the time. And then you've got the one at
home that has real human problems and it it creates this
negative contrast compared to your partner.
And that's why, as you say, thinking what problems am I
happy to live with? Is a much better question than
how do I get rid of these problems.
But you know it's a paradox thatI also speak to women who say,

(10:46):
oh, you know, I really should just be happy to live with these
problems. I'm sure my guy is fine.
Meanwhile, they're in abusive relationships.
So there's kind of a there's a balance, right?
You have to pick problems you can live with and you don't want
to over correct because you'll always be going to the next
person and you'll have impossible standards but at the
same time. It's tricky because sometimes if

(11:07):
you tell people, hey, just chillout, like, accept the problems
that you have, it's not that bad.
Or someone who's in an abusive relationship might hear that and
it's like, no, no, no, not you. You raise your standards, you
don't need to hear that. So sometimes the messages can
land on the wrong ears. But yeah, you're absolutely
right. Pick a partner with flaws you

(11:28):
can accept. Definitely.
And then, yeah, like you said, getting rid of problems, It's
not a very realistic solution. I think everybody has problems.
It's just a matter of some people have better problems than
other people. Exactly.
There you go. We got a chat here, my brother.
How are you? Steve Depp Shout out to you,

(11:50):
Steve. So yeah, I see you guys, You're
asking some questions about learning English.
Tomorrow we're going to do a stream that's strictly related
to ESL learning. Today we're just simulating a
conversation. So if you guys have any
questions about vocabulary wordsthat you may not understand,
expressions or idioms that you may not understand, we can

(12:11):
answer those questions on the stream.
Otherwise, tomorrow we'll be answering the more indepth
questions about learning English.
So it's going to be that type ofstream today.
So there we go. And now another question on that
note based off what we just spoke about, would you say in
your opinion are long term relationships for everybody, do

(12:37):
you think they are potentially for everybody, everyone could
potentially and should potentially get into a long term
relationship or no? Look, that's a great question,
and there's so much we can unpack there.
I think that human beings are designed to be together.
We're not designed as lone wolves.
We're not designed to live on our own.

(12:59):
And we're becoming more and moreof an independence culture,
which is I don't need community,I don't need church, I don't
need family, I maybe even don't need a partner.
And look, some of that has come because in some cases, those
organizations or individuals have been pretty toxic.
We've all heard of toxic churches, we've heard of toxic
community groups, and we've certainly heard of toxic

(13:20):
partners. So I get where the individual
movement comes from, but do I believe at a core level, human
beings need each other? Yes, I do.
Absolutely. Do we all have emotional needs?
They're not wants. Their needs and we can't thrive
if our needs are not being met. A baby dies if its needs are not
being met. Adults can survive, but we don't
thrive. And I'm talking emotional needs

(13:40):
here. So do we need each other?
Yes. And human beings are designed
for pair bonding, specifically with one partner.
Now, unpacking the question moredeeply in terms of long, long
term monogamy is a more interesting sort of conversation
I have. If we go on a purely biological
basis, human beings are more serial monogamists out.

(14:04):
Our basic biology dictates we fall in love The dopamine peaks
for about a year to two years, and we're pretty enamored with
our person for that time. Now, the reason the dopamine
wears off after two years is actually two very sensible
biological reasons #1. The children at that point can
probably survive because the mother has given birth.

(14:25):
She's raised the child. She's able to, you know, walk
and look after herself a little better, so she's not as
desperately needy on the man to look after her.
So she doesn't need to be as enamored.
The couple doesn't need to be quite as enamored with each
other anymore. And the second reason is to mix
the gene pool. So by mixing the gene pool,
you're going to have more matches, different genetics in

(14:47):
the pool. Partners last for two years,
then go and find another partnerand what do you do?
We've got a genetically diverse pool.
So if we're going on what humansare biologically designed for,
then we're talking about serial monogamy as in short 2:00 to
4:00. So more like one to two year
relationships maybe extending out to three.
That's typical human nature. So the question then becomes, is

(15:09):
that human nature what is most appropriate to us today?
Now everyone has different attachment styles and people
have different opinions on this.I personally do favor long term
monogamy because I think it makes more sense based on
connections today and because quite frankly, I just don't like
going through breakups. I just get sick of if you're

(15:30):
going to break up with someone every two years, you know it's a
it's a it's a real loss. It's especially if the
relationship is healthy. There is growth available in
relationships and being single is great.
Both options, you know they havetheir pluses and minuses.
For the clients I work with and for my own belief system, I
believe there's a lot of benefits for mental health, for

(15:51):
growth. The benefits, especially for
men, are pretty incredible if you look at the signs of being
in a healthy relationship with awoman.
The benefits for women are slightly, slightly more mixed.
But overall, the clients I work with in my own belief systems
does favor longterm monogamy in the modern world.
But I also understand that it's not for everyone and some people

(16:13):
prefer all different relationship models.
Okay, I see. And on that note, I guess what
you basically just said, you basically implied that a lot of
the attachment styles are somewhat subjective.
I guess everyone has kind of different styles of how they go
about long term relationships I suppose.

(16:38):
So on that note, I was going to say when it comes to the theme
of love, basically in the dictionary, the word love, it's
basically the definition that will come up is it's going to
say something like an intense feeling of affection towards
somebody. Do you think love is objective

(16:59):
in that sense, or do you think it's subjective?
The definition of love that I goby is not the chemistry feeling.
Definition. It's a definition of acceptance.
So I hear a lot of people that say something like, oh, I'm just
so in love. You know, the connection's
crazy. I don't go by that definition
because I see too many toxic situations come out of that

(17:22):
definition. And at the end of the day, if
you really love someone, then tome you accept them.
And so accepting someone comes back to the way you accept their
boundaries. And this, to me is the biggest
test of love because. You know, one country can say
that they accept another country.
Oh, I accept that. My neighbors.

(17:42):
I love my neighbors. But if they're invading that
country, Yeah. Do they really?
Not really. You can sort of talk it all your
life. You can talk about the great
connection. But at the end of the day, if
one country's invading the other, that country doesn't love
the other country. So the best definition of love
that I go by is acceptance. Which is, if you love someone,
you accept their boundaries, Youaccept their flaws, you accept

(18:04):
them exactly as they are with the traits that they have, and
you're not trying to change them.
You're not building resentment over who you wish they were.
You literally are taking them asthey are and as who they're
becoming. So I don't know if that fully
answers your question, but that's the definition of love I
use because I really believe that it needs to be related to

(18:26):
boundaries. And it needs to be related to
acceptance rather than just happy fairy hormones, right?
I see. So a lot of the stuff you
touched on sounds good. It sounds like it would take
somebody though a pretty decent level of maturity in order to
execute a lot of the things thatyou said.

(18:47):
In your experience, do you believe that most people possess
the self-awareness to actually apply the things that we're
talking about? Or do you think most people, in
your experience, possess the thebaseline level of maturity to
potentially make this happen? I believe that most people
possess the capacity to do it, but there's trauma, There's

(19:09):
things that get on top of that. There's a lack of education.
I mean, if you were. Let's go a bit darker.
If you're abused by your parents, if you went through a
lot of suffering when you were young, if you never had a model
of love, it's gonna feel very distant for you to get towards
what I've described here today. I get that.
But the alternative is just repeating your original cycle

(19:31):
your whole life. Where you're not loved because
people are overstepping your boundaries, you're not respected
and you get a few chemistry highs great.
And then you crash and the situation becomes just like it
was when you were young. So I don't really see an
alternative. It's I guess in some ways it's a
little bit like a race where unfortunately the starting
positions are just all different, different places.

(19:52):
But that's really what life is, right?
We don't all start from the sameposition.
We have different genetics, we have different upbringings, we
all have a different starting position on the racetrack.
And you will have different obstacles in your way to the
next person and the next person.Some of us have pretty gosh darn
big obstacles. Not arguing that some of us are
pretty close to, you know, the the finish line just because we
got our cards dealt that way. But I do believe it's possible

(20:14):
for every person. However, there is a lot of
people where it's going to take a lot of work and some years,
possibly a lot of confrontation of things You don't want to
confront. Beliefs, trauma, inner stuff.
But if you're willing to do that, it's literally my job to
believe you're capable. As a coach, I always see people

(20:34):
for who they can be, not who they are behind their blocks.
So that's how I think about the problem.
I see, and there's a couple of chats here, Butch says.
Hey, what's up? What's up, Bush?
So that's Butch from Twitch And Mary, you should waba.
And sorry if I butchered your last name there.
Hi there. Evening from Saudi Arabia, Okay.

(20:56):
Good evening from Vegas. Marie Yeah.
And yeah, if you guys are watching on YouTube or Facebook
and you like to support the platform, you could, you could
simply do so by liking the video.
It'll help the algorithms spreadthe message to other people.
We're trying to learn English now on that note based on what
you just said. So I know it's a little bit of

(21:16):
an extreme case, but for someonewho has a really traumatic
background. And has been through quite a
bit. Like you said, we all start at
different points when it comes to accomplishing certain things.
Would you say that they're almost doomed?

(21:37):
Or if not, if doomed is the wrong word, do you think that
the probability of them recovering from such a deficit
is feasible for them? What makes you ask that
question? So I'm just thinking of
individuals I know. Let's say I'm growing up through
my experiences growing up in school.

(21:58):
There'd be some people at your school when you grow up who
maybe had a rough background, their parents had a nasty
divorce, or maybe something evendarker happened than that.
And then you could kind of just look back in your 20s or 30s now
and look back to when you were kids and see the effect that
that had on their behavior. And then you just think like.

(22:18):
Is it possible that they could probably get some therapy or
possibly find some sort of way to cope with what happened?
Yeah, perhaps. But have you ever, have you ever
had an experience where you had to deal with someone who had a?
These are such interesting questions because I think the
people that follow me listen to me.

(22:40):
You know, they generally have atleast a little bit of, like, a
hint of a thought of maybe I should work on this stuff.
Like, I just even have a tiny seed of it.
So I definitely interact with people who have a ton of trauma,
some really tough upbringings. But for whatever reason, maybe
they had an aunt that inspired them or said some empowering
words one time. Maybe they're on their friend's

(23:01):
YouTube algorithm and they saw like, oh, you can work on your
relationships. So I guess the people that are
coming to me, you know, have that little, at least tiny
little bit of maybe there's hope.
I don't tend to like labeling people as doomed because it just
doesn't help my cause. It's not a belief system that's
helpful for me. If I if I look at you and you've

(23:23):
come to me and I judge you as doomed, how does that serve
either of us? So it's not generally a label I
would use on anyone, no. But I can see that there would
be certain environments, people I would probably never interact
with, people whose between theirenvironments, the people they're
around and the amount of trauma they've had.
And they never come into contactwith someone who's hopeful.
They never come into contact with that one little piece of

(23:45):
advice that could change and they probably never come into
contact with me. Those people might be sort of
circumstantially doomed, so to speak, because they will just
never have an environment that gets them to the help they need.
I. See.
I see. And then I've noticed as well,

(24:07):
well, a lot of people in situations like that, sometimes
they turn to religion or sometimes they turn to something
else or a higher power of some sort to cope with situations
like that. I think that could work for
someone in some cases. I think it could also work
against people in some cases, insome ways.
Just have you ever dealt with situations or clients where?

(24:33):
Perhaps they had a they were in a relationship with someone, or
they knew someone, but for cultural region, or for cultural
reasons, or for religious reasons.
It kind of clashed with them trying to form a relationship
with someone else due to external purposes.
Maybe it's their family, maybe it's their community, maybe it's

(24:55):
their culture. How would you advise someone to
overcome something like that? That's sort of a unique
situation, 100%. Those situations aren't actually
that unusual. They're they're pretty darn
common. Relationships are three things.
They're chemistry, easy. No one forgets that
compatibility, this is what you're talking about And

(25:15):
relationship skills. This is some of the boundary
stuff, conflict stuff. This is where I do a lot of my
work. But compatibility is actually a
little bit more straightforward.So there's typically, there's
sort of nine compatibility areasnow.
Essentially there's let's see ifI can get them off the top of my
head. There's kids and family, whether
you want kids and family. There's adult family.
There's living location. There's finances.

(25:37):
There is health and Wellness. There is religion.
There is what have I left out here?
Religious spirituality there is political has now become one and
then there's one other one that I've left off, which escapes me

(25:57):
at the moment. But what compatibility basically
is, is it's the core 8 areas. Where does a couple actually
fit? Because we can have great
chemistry, we can have awesome relationship skills, wonderful
connection, or we want the same number of kids, or we even live
in the same place. But we're totally different
religions. And we realized that one of us
wants to raise our kids super Catholic, and one of us wants to

(26:18):
raise our kids Super Islam. Super atheist.
And compatibility issues are problems because they always
trump chemistry. So what a couple needs to do is
be honest with themselves, firstof all, about where their values
are in terms of compatibility, and then with each other about
why that thing is important. So sometimes there's a middle
ground, sometimes there's not. If a couple is a little bit more

(26:40):
chill, you know, he's like mostly Islam and she's kind of
agnostic, but he's not too concerned about the kids.
He just wants them to know what the Quran is.
Then they can probably find a middle ground that won't lead to
resentment in either part. But if he is heavily Islam, if
she is totally atheist and thereis no wiggle room for either of

(27:02):
them, then that couple should absolutely not be together.
Another example is living location.
I always thought that I would end up with someone who lived in
the same area, but I attracted someone who lived across the
other side of the world. So I had to make a very I had to
ask myself a very serious question.
If I am living in a different place for most of the rest of my

(27:22):
life, would I resent her? And I thought about it.
I thought about the reasons thatI thought I wanted to attract
someone locally. I thought about how my life
would look if I moved and I had a serious thing.
Would I resent her? Would I regret this?
And the answer was no. So I we realized that we could
find a middle ground on that compatibility issue.
But it's not always possible. Some compatibilities are just

(27:44):
too deep, and religion is a goodexample of one that very well
can be wanting kids. Not wanting kids.
That's another one where you're just incompatible 9 times out of
10. If you can find the middle
ground with your partner, find it, but don't lie to yourself.
If there isn't one there, just break up and find someone who's
more. Compatible for sure at speaking

(28:04):
on that too. We actually have a question
here. So ET English.
Hi from Thailand. OK hey shout out to the Thais
Mary have Hi Mark. Here's my question.
What advice do you give to thosecouples who are in long distance
relationships? Great question.

(28:24):
So I actually did a long distance relationship for a year
myself and this was during COVID.
We spent a year apart have a routine for connection.
So my typical advice is 1 long date per week and a few touch
bases. So in our case it was about a
four to five hour date, once a week video call and then a few

(28:45):
times throughout the week. Little connections could be a 15
minute call. Personally, our thing was sort
of 215 minute calls or 215 minute calls throughout the rest
of the week. I think a routine connection for
each other is really important. Make sure you do activities
together as well. It's very easy when you're a
long distance couple to just sitthere on the phone looking at
each other. You know, we would play ball

(29:05):
games, we would go out and have coffee, we would do actual
dates, maybe even like see a movie at you know, at similar
times. If you can arrange it like do
things that a normal couple would do rather than just
sitting there looking at each other, long distance is also a
great chance for you to have more time for yourself.
One of the hard parts about longdistance is the distance.

(29:26):
One of the advantages of long distance is the distance.
You have more time to work on yourself.
You can be fitted, you can be healthier, you can have more
hobbies, you can have more goingon in your life.
You can make yourself such a damn attractive person that that
person is just enamored by you from all that distance.
Because you have so much more time in your week, you know, you
have this great supporter from far, but you have, as I say,

(29:47):
time schedule space to actually do those things.
Well, those are probably the topthings.
I've got a couple more videos onthis with extra tips, sending
each other little care packages.I did an open when envelope, if
you've ever done those. They're great for long distance
relationships. You're open when you miss me,
open when we're fighting, open when you're sad.

(30:07):
You know you can do little giftslike that.
Have connection routines #1, do things that a regular couple
would do #2, and use the time that long distance relationship
gives you to make yourself a more attractive person #3.
And now that sounds like great advice.
So yeah, Mary, if go check that out.
And yeah, I like that. I like that idea.

(30:28):
Open when you're pissed. Open when Yeah.
Cute little gifts are very appreciated.
That's cool. That's cool.
So earlier you were speaking about?
People who follow certain patterns, perhaps attracting a
certain type of or certain archetype person into their
life. So if you're someone who

(30:50):
consistently keeps attracting, let's just say, the wrong
partner, right? So how exactly can they break
out of that psychological loop? What is it?
What exactly? What are the tangible steps?
To improve their situation and stop doing that, number one,

(31:11):
take responsibility. You're the common denominator.
And if you keep attracting the same person, similar pattern in
a different body, then there hasto be actions you're taking and
decisions you're making to recreate that.
So while you're blaming someone else, if you're blaming men, if
you're blaming society, you're not taking responsibility and

(31:33):
you're disempowered. So first thing you've got to do
is say, OK, I'm responsible for this.
Now that doesn't mean you need to pile shame on yourself and
say I'm a horrible person. I'm fundamentally broken.
Getting a victim pit. I'm this is proof I'm unlovable.
No, it's proof you're doing something wrong.
It's proof your actions need to change, and it's proof that
you're responsible for changing that.

(31:54):
So once you take responsibility,you're in power.
Second thing I usually recommendwith this is see if you can get
a understanding of why where that comes from.
Nine times out of 10, if you have a pattern, it's because
that is the groove that your nervous system is familiar with.
It's your safety zone. Better the devil you know than

(32:14):
the devil you don't. So build awareness around where
that quote UN quote devil comes from.
Where did you learn to get into this pattern?
If it's something that's come upmore recently, if it's a more
recent pattern, then it was probably a more recent thing
that triggered it. If it's been a pattern your
whole life, then it was almost certainly something you learned
and familiarize yourself with from childhood.

(32:35):
That led you to taking all thoseactions and recreating this
pattern. So build awareness around where
it comes from, and then secondly, how you are recreating
it. So what decisions are you making
and what things are you doing torecreate this?
I'm ignoring red flags, I'm ignoring my intuition.
I'm continuing to pick unavailable gas.

(32:57):
So #2 build awareness around it #3 see if you can understand
your why in those moments, what's the benefit of going back
to your old pattern? And really own that.
When I make this decision, I feel safe.
When I make this decision, it meets my need for blank.
Then you know your motive. Now from there, it kind of

(33:17):
depends. Working with a coach or a
therapist might be your next option.
Once you have awareness and knowwhat you're doing, you then need
to know what you well, you need to assess what you need to do
differently and just see if you can do it.
If you can get awareness of, oh,this is how I'm creating this
pattern, This is why. And this is what I need to do
differently. Sometimes having that awareness
is enough and you can get out there and you can do it and you

(33:39):
can say no. I'm listening to the red flags
this time. I'm listening to my intuition
this time. I am setting the boundary.
This time you've done it and you've changed your pattern.
Good on you. Fantastic.
Sometimes, no matter how much you know, you just can't enact
that new pattern. It feels like your old pattern
is just dragging your back and you can logically know to the

(33:59):
end of your days, but you just can't take those new steps.
If that's the case, work with a professional because you've got
some deeper work to do there. It's cut.
To explain it very simply. It's like riding a bike, except
imagine you're riding a bike into a volcano.
It's hard to forget how to ride a bike.
So if you somewhere learn to ride a bike into a volcano in

(34:20):
your dating life, it's hard to forget how to ride a bike.
It's how to forget, sorry. It's hard to forget how to do
something you've been trained todo.
So you've got to release that nervous system block that's
causing that. And usually you're not going to
be able to do that on your own. You want to seek out a coach.
A coach who does body based workor a therapist who does EMDR ifs

(34:43):
that type of work. That's usually your best bet for
getting in the deep stuff. OK.
Mary says. Thank you.
OK. Thank you, Mary.
You're most welcome. And so based on what you just
said to so look Mark, if there'sa spectrum, let's say on one end
of the spectrum is extreme overconfidence to the point

(35:08):
where you're almost delusional, right, you're.
Very confident. Love yourself, right?
Almost narcissistic. Then on the other end, the
extreme spectrum is like extremehumility.
You radically take accountability for everything,
even things that might not even be your fault, just radically
accountable. You're have a lot of humility on

(35:29):
this end of the spectrum. Which side would you lean
towards more when advising people?
On how they should what? What type of attitude they
should have going into dating and having relationships.
Should they be more on the overly confident side of the
spectrum or should they be more on the more humble side of the

(35:50):
spectrum in terms of their attitude?
I guess it depends what type of clients you're working with.
You know the extremes of those spectrums are extreme narcissism
and extreme victim, both of which are extremely unhealthy.
So I know you're not talking about that.
I think you're talking more about do you want to lean on the
side of sort of not doubting yourself, or do you want to lean
on the side of slightly doubtingyourself so you can learn?

(36:12):
I think this is one of the greatbalances we need to achieve as
humans because we can't grow without some self doubt, but we
can't lead and be confident without some level of self
assuredness and confidence. So there's always this balance
between a little bit of self doubt, a little bit of self
assuredness, what's too much, too little.
Generally in relationships we'veall grown up with parents.

(36:33):
We've all had experiences with our parents where we were kids
and helpless. So I think the general leaning
is more on the self doubt side. My clients, at least my
audience, people I typically interact with.
This could be because my audience is also women who are
more empathic and naturally takeon more feedback from others

(36:55):
than a man might. That audience tends to lean a
little more on the self doubt side, and so the self belief
side is is where I want to push them.
That being said, if you have an obvious pattern and you're in
self-confidence about it, sometimes that's when you need
to lean a little more into self death.
I think. If you're not sure for your

(37:16):
personal situation, get an unbiased outside perspective
from either a coach or several people who have secure, solid
relationships built on trust, basically built on exactly what
you want. Get unbiased outside opinions.
Friends if they can be honest, but ideally someone who's
unbiased who has the results youwant.

(37:37):
If you're in any doubt, a personlike that will point out in your
blind spots, and the blind spotscould be no, you're
overconfident, you have a gap here, or it could be actually
you know you're doubting yourself a lot and you're aiming
low. You need to aim higher.
So if in doubt, get feedback from.
Trusted sources? OK, pretty good.
And that way earlier. In the conversation we were just

(38:00):
briefly talking about meeting people online versus meeting
people in person. Now there are many, many debates
about this in terms of which oneis better.
Personally I would say there arepros and cons to both methods to
be honest, but typically I know it's very easy to say it

(38:21):
depends, but like if you had to advise one or the other, which
one would you lean towards more?When it comes to advising
someone who really wants to get out there and start meeting
people who they may be compatible with offline.
Offline. Yeah, online is really just a
supplement. It should never be a substitute.

(38:42):
Here's the thing though, if you are so busy, or should I say not
prioritizing getting out, then you might fall back on online as
a crutch. But if given a binary choice and
you say pick one offline every time.
Because if you can meet all yourpeople offline, if you can have
new people coming into your lifeand do it through means of

(39:03):
either meeting people in public or going to events or setting
yourself up on social, you know,expanding your social network.
There's so many more advantages.Your social confidence will
grow, Your self worth will grow,your social skills will grow.
Everything grows on if when everything grows when you're
offline, and honestly, even online works better when you're

(39:27):
good at offline. The people who get the most
success online are the people who are already good at offline,
because they tend to have a little more confidence.
There tends to be a little more social skills there.
They tend to honestly be a little bit happier, so it's a
bit water off a duck's back. So offline every time if it's
possible with your lifestyle. If you can find a way in your

(39:48):
schedule to be meeting three to five people every week.
If you can figure that out, always offline.
Okay, interesting. And do you agree with the
sentiment that you usually end up attracting more people when
you're not proactively trying toattract them versus when you're
proactively trying to go out andattract people, you end up

(40:12):
repelling them because you give off a little bit of?
That energy, like you're trying too hard.
You agree with that sentiment? I don't love that sentiment.
And the reason is, even though Ithink it has some truth to it, I
see it give people an excuse to just sit in their land room and
do nothing. So that sentiment is only true
if you are out and about doing things.

(40:33):
It's a little bit like saying you're going to the gym and you
want 6 pack apps. If you'll check it in the mirror
every day. Do I have a six pack yet?
Do I have a six pack yet? Do I have a six pack yet?
Oh, when do we gonna have a six pack?
It's so infuriating to yourself.Now you're not affecting anyone
else with this, but imagine if you went and asked your coach
every day. Do I have a six pack?
Do I have a six? Do I have it yet?

(40:53):
You know, every single day your coach is like, bugger off.
This is annoying if you just take your mind off the result
and just focus on going to the gym and lifting the weights
every day, you turn around. Six months later and it's just
happened. But you're not sitting at home
on the couch and saying I don't need to do anything to get a six
pack. So it's the same with dating.

(41:13):
You need to put yourself in positions where you can have
success and then you let fate take care of itself.
So yeah, if you're going out andyou're desperately trying to
make a result happen, you're desperately trying to get a
woman to sleep with you. You're desperately trying to get
a boyfriend, that's a problem. But if you're putting yourself
in positions to meet people, If you're putting yourself in

(41:34):
positions where lightning can strike.
It's like it's like putting up the poles.
You don't know where lightning is going to strike, so you've
got to kind of take that's fate.But you are able to put the
poles up to give yourself the best chance of lightning hitting
and you're getting your person. So I I believe that you are more

(41:54):
attractive when you take your focus off the outcome.
That part is true, but it's not an excuse to sit at home and do
nothing. You need to be.
In the trenches, getting your hands dirty, meeting people,
setting boundaries, practicing your daily skills, doing that
stuff. And then the result will take
care of itself. Definitely, definitely.
I agree. And yeah, just a long
experience. You know, I've always been a
pretty observant person growing up, even as a kid.

(42:17):
So you kind of look around and that that sentiment, it's
something that I kind of noticed.
Like a lot of people, of course,they were out and about.
They were living a social life of abundance.
I suppose they had a lot of activities which coincidentally
led them to meeting certain people.

(42:38):
But when they weren't, you know,proactively trying too hard to
make something work or somethinglike that, it would usually work
out in their favor. Whereas if it's a person who is
doing it inauthentically, it's very easy to tell, especially
from the outside looking, it's super easy to see it.
You have to be process focused. If you go out and focus on

(43:00):
getting a woman to sleep with you, every woman's going to feel
that. If you go out and focus on
having fun and bringing as much energy to room and being
present, they'll probably by theend of the night be a bunch of
women that want to sleep with you.
But you didn't go out with the result in mind.
You went out, put yourself in a situation and then took off any
agenda. That's what makes it attractive
and gives you the chance to havethat that goal outcome.

(43:23):
Definitely, Mary, there's another question here.
You know what, guys? No matter how faithful you are
to your partner, once temptationis there right in front of you,
you'll still cheat. Do you agree?
Disagree. I I disagree, Mary, but I also
want to respect your reality andthat that might have been your

(43:43):
reality in the past with all men.
I would also point out if you'rea client, that if you continue
to believe that your beliefs aregoing to determine your reality.
So rather than saying this to yourself, you want to be saying
something like, OK, well, I knowthere's loyal men in the world,
How can I take the actions and have the skills to make sure I
attract them, to make sure I train one to make sure that is
my reality. How can I?

(44:05):
Is a lot more of an empowering thought pattern than this is how
men are. Because this is, you know, if
this is true, what can you do? You basically just get cheated
on for the rest of your life, right?
So you you got to change your thought pattern around this.
But I will say this, you know there's 10s of millions of
relationships out there that areloyal.

(44:26):
If you're seeing a pattern, takeresponsibility for it.
When a man is invested, he will not cheat.
And by the way, the statistics show that just as many women
cheat as men. They just don't get caught as
often. So cheating is an evolutionarily
trained thing. It's a genetic pool spreader it.

(44:46):
As I say serial monogamy with some cheating humans are a
funny, funny batch. We're we're all a bit mixed with
the gene gene pool stuff. But if you're wanting to do
serious relationship, especiallylong term beyond that sort of
one to two year mark, that does take skills.
You can't just coast there and hope it'll happen.
And especially if you've had this in the past, it shows me
that there's not enough healthy conflict in your relationships.

(45:07):
It probably shows me that you'rechoosing the wrong men, and
almost certainly that you're notholding them early to the right
kinds of standards and training them in how to treat you,
possibly walking away when you need to.
All different skills you can work on if you want to change
this reality, there you go. And yeah, like you said, I mean,

(45:30):
yeah, there are a lot of relationships where people are
monogamous. So I always hate it when people
kind of try to put everyone intoa box.
Because it is true. There are many instances where
obviously humans exhibit human nature and they're capable of
cheating, but there are many things that can be in place to

(45:50):
where that situation would just basically never occur.
More than likely never occur, right?
Yeah, and there's all sorts of situations where, you know,
human nature doesn't necessarilyserve us anymore.
As in, our exact, specific biological impulses are not as
helpful as they were 10 million years ago.
For example, if a woman comes upto me and offers me sex now, my

(46:10):
impulse might be like, oh, she'ssexy, I should sleep with her,
but let's have a look how that affects my life.
I sleep with her, I get laid, then my partner breaks up with
me, then I lose half my stuff. Then I'm sad and depressed.
Then my business starts to fail.Does it really make sense
anymore to cheat on her? That would be the dumbest thing
I could do. But having some impulse control

(46:33):
is a skill. It's it's part of what we need
to learn from relationships for both men and women, just to call
out men here, all right. And then like you just laid it
out, it's actually pretty logical to not make that
decision. Comes down to it.
But yeah, at that now. So on that note, with online
versus in person, do you believethat there are many different

(46:55):
schools of thought about this? Do you think that recreational
intimacy is a good thing or a bad thing?
What's your? Opinion as in casual
relationships, casual relationships, casual sex,
casual. Doing things that are known to
be pretty intimate by the mainstream, I guess, But well,

(47:19):
now the mainstream's kind of promoting casual, but do you
think it's good or bad recreational relationships that
don't really have a particular end goal you're kind of just
floating through? Your Yeah, I in some situations
good, in some situations bad. So let me explain the answer
there. I think where they can be bad is

(47:40):
when they become time fillers. So I speak to women who might
want to have children by a certain time, or who might want
to be married by a certain time.Women are worried about going on
dates that waste their time, butwhere I really see time get
wasted is in filler relationships.
Guys that they know and not really for them.
Guys that they're maybe even notthat into.
But they spend months or years in these filler type

(48:02):
relationships that burn months. Much more time than you'd ever
burn on a bad day, but without thinking about their longterm
goals. For example, I want a family by
X date. I want to do you know children
by Y date. So I think that's where they can
be bad, but I do think they can be good.
Not every relationship has to last forever.

(48:22):
There are times where we need togrow our sexual confidence and
quite frankly sexual confidence is attractive and it's one of
the skills that can really help,especially if you're in the non
religious dating market sometimes.
If you've had a man who has, or series of men who have treated
you terribly, and you have a casual relationship that's
defined by respect, that's defined by boundaries, that's
defined by a man giving to you instead of you doing all the

(48:43):
work, hell yeah. Take that for a couple of
months. Have a new reference experience
with a great man, even if he doesn't last forever.
That's a new type of reality foryour nervous system that you
might never have experienced before.
So in terms of sexual learning experience, in terms of having
new reference experiences that are different to what you've
experienced before, short term relationships can definitely

(49:06):
have benefits. They can also be practice areas
for the skills that you need. Skills like you know you might
have a casual relationship where.
Do you think it's going well fora month or two, but then you
need to set some boundaries, have some difficult
conversations and it and it disappears and it's hard that
you let the guy go. Letting the guy go and
experiencing that sadness sitting with that pain was
probably exactly the skill you need to meet the next guy who

(49:26):
might be your future husband. And so in terms of skill
building, sexual non sexual reference experiences, I think
there can be a lot of benefits to those relationships, but they
can also become a crutch and they can also become a
vulnerability dodge if left too long.
And each individual has to make that call as to whether you're
in it for reasons that are growing you or reasons that are

(49:47):
keeping you safe, right? Cuz I mean, as men we could
probably see you. I'm sure you've seen throughout
your life the reasons why most men would engage in like
recreational sex or recreationalintimacy, et cetera.
Men want to turn down sex most of the time.
Exactly. It's not that deep for them.
But then for women, it's a wholedifferent ball game, Of course.

(50:09):
Because I guess what we look forin each other is completely
different. And unfortunately, what a
typically what a guy looks for versus what a girl looks for can
oftentimes be adversarial. And then it could make it a
little bit difficult because you're familiar with game
theory, right? You're talking about pickup game

(50:33):
theory, game theory. It's it's a it's a economic,
it's a economic theory. It's referring to economics.
It's basically just saying if one person, basically you're
going to end up in a situation where both people compromise and
don't get their optimal outcomes, or one person gets
their optimal optimal outcome and the other person gets an

(50:55):
inferior outcome, you're either going to end up in a situation
where it's lopsided, or both compromise and both get a lesser
outcome, basically. So it's basically like what a
guy wants, what a girl wants that could be adversarial, and
then if you compromise, you kindof could end up doing business
together in the economic sense or working together and having a
relationship together. But you may need to compromise

(51:17):
or sacrifice your optimal scenario basically.
Yeah, find that. I haven't applied that a lot, to
be honest. I understand it in an attraction
sense. Look, it's certainly true that
the first the old saying men look for sex and find love,
women look for love and find sex.

(51:37):
We can definitely generalize. With that, you know, that being
said, I think men are pretty good or maybe a little too good
at at making deductions early onabout where a woman fits in.
There's certainly women that we go, oh, I would definitely sleep
with her, but I don't know if I'd introduce her to the
parents. And then we have other women
that say, oh, that would be one that I could trust.

(51:59):
That's more of a keeper, that's more of a life material.
And then we have others again that are friends on.
So it's certainly true that we have initial things that.
We come in looking for, I don't know, human beings are just very
complex creatures, and I think as we get to know someone, kind
of, the bets are off a little bit.
And yes, each person is weighingthemselves up as to their value.

(52:22):
Like, am I getting something outof this exchange?
But the weird part about modern relationships is they're also
based on vulnerability, which doesn't make any sense from an
evolutionary perspective. Not much anyway.
There's connection sense, but interms of being vulnerable, it's
mostly dangerous. You need to really trust someone
for that to make sense. So I think there's pretty sort
of complex dynamics that that kick in.

(52:43):
I guess I would just say, you know, men come in and if we find
a woman that we respect who fitsthat box and we're in the right
phase of life and we feel like we've ticked enough boxes and we
have positive beliefs about women, there's a bunch of things
that go into it, but. It's not necessarily that every
guy is like, oh, just sex from this one.

(53:05):
I think it's a little more complex than that, especially
once you've started the interaction visually before
you've talked about, yeah, 100%.But once you're in, it gets much
more convoluted for me. I see.
OK. It's final question I'd asked
would just be, I'm not sure if you've heard about the Jonah

(53:28):
Hill situation basically guys getting yeah you you have or
haven't. I have not no share with me.
Basically, he's getting railed on the Internet right now
because he recently got engaged to another woman.
He recently had a kid, I think with another woman.
I think one of his exgirlfriendscame out and they essentially

(53:53):
revealed some text messages thatthey received from Jonah Hill.
And he was kind of putting up boundaries, but there was some
confusion between whether they were boundaries or whether this
was manipulation of some sort. Some people thought basically
his boundaries were, he didn't want his exgirlfriend, She was a

(54:13):
surfer, right? She went surfing, She went to
the beach a lot. She met served with a lot of
other guys there as well. She may have had some friends in
her friend group who were a little bit unhinged, and then he
felt uncomfortable with that andhe said, well, I don't feel
comfortable with that. So if you want a relationship

(54:34):
with me, we're gonna have to change that, Okay.
So where would you draw the linebetween something that is
controlling versus something that is just a boundary really?
Does the other person have autonomy to make their own
decision? He can say you have to wear pink
shirts for every day of your life or I'm not going to be with

(54:56):
you like he's allowed to say that you can.
Say that, I think any honest woman would probably say that's
not a boundary I can meet because it doesn't make sense
with the long term relationship vision that I'm wanting to
paint. But you know, there can be men
who will set boundaries to caterto their ownings and women as
well who there'll be people who just.

(55:18):
Keep moving the goal posts with relating to boundaries.
And I think This is why these situations get so much fire.
Because the perception is, well,he's going to ask for that
boundary, then he's going to askfor that one, then he's going to
ask for that one, and he's goingto keep moving the goal posts
until he's a total narcissist and he's kicked out of every
leg. He's going to tell her to stop
seeing her family and she's going to lose total control over

(55:39):
that. So that may or may not be true.
I have no idea who this dude is.I have no idea if he moves the
goal posts, but he is still freeto set whatever boundary he
likes. At some point the other person
will tell, the will tell the person no.
We'll essentially say, hey, I can go with you to a point and
then it's a no. And then the rest of it, you
either take me or leave me. You either trust that I'm going

(56:00):
to be with you and work through the insecurities that are coming
up for you or we go our separateways.
So I didn't see the text again, but he can ask for whatever he
wants. But if if she has the autonomy
because there's a there is a difference between.
You need to stop hanging out with these people.
I'm breaking up with you threatening or hey babe, I'm

(56:22):
going to be totally like transparent with you if I'm
being fully honest. Those couple of guys, I'm just,
I'm just not comfortable with them and I trust you and I love
you. They just make me uncomfortable.
So I think this is becoming likea deal breaker thing for me.
And if you still want to spend time with them, if that's
important to you, you know I want you to do that.

(56:43):
Go and be with them. But I think it's just, if I'm
being honest and not going to becompatible with my values and my
beliefs, once, once the same thing.
That's basically how he framed it in the text.
Yeah, and that's my thing. I mean, as long as I would never
call it controlling unless if you're always giving them the

(57:05):
option to leave and continue doing their own thing, I mean
but. Yeah, it can.
Look, there's plenty of people who deliver in a threatening
way, like hey, you can leave, but you're gonna lose me.
I think there's non vulnerable ways to deliver it.
And I will say text is just not inappropriate means to have that
conversation. If you're getting to a point in
the relationship where your boundaries are being set over
text, you're so far gone at thatpoint that you probably

(57:29):
shouldn't be together anyway. But.
Yeah, people can set boundaries wherever they want.
You can set a boundary that if you don't make a million bucks
by next year, I'm leaving you. But you know, a lot of the time
those boundaries are just being set out of the person's own fear
and the person. Actually, what would be best for
the person setting the boundary is actually for the other person
to give them a firm. Like, I understand that, but

(57:51):
that's just not going to be partwith me.
Is there a middle ground we can find here?
You know, there there could be situations like with X's, you
know, if you're friends with an X, that might be a situation
where one person wants to be friends with an X, the partner
doesn't. So you find a middle ground
like, OK, I see the X, but we'reonly friends who chat for a
couple of hours every couple of months.

(58:12):
So you know, you put some sort of limit on it.
That's kind of back to game theory.
We don't ideally get well eitherresponse, but we find a
compromise that works for both of us in that area.
If there is no compromise, then you pretty much have to break
up. OK, and so you're originally
from Australia, so I've never been to Australia, but I've

(58:32):
heard heard things. I heard it's a pretty like
liberal country, similar to Canada.
It's pretty, I don't know the word to use.
Maybe tolerant is the right wordto use, but in your experience
from going from Australia to LasVegas, because I have been to
Vegas and that's a different world.

(58:53):
It's a long, long W down here. It's something.
I'll tell you what. Yeah.
So I mean, did you notice a big difference in the fundamentals
of like dating and meeting people in Australia versus in
Vegas and America in general? Or do you think the fundamentals
basically remain the same? So I think the interesting thing

(59:14):
about America is every one of your states is well sorry you're
Canadian, but every one of the American states is quite
different. It's it's it's own countries.
And so the dynamics can quite change.
Dating in California is very different to dating in New York
is different to Miami, which is different to Kansas, Kentucky
and Illinois. So there's all these

(59:35):
microcultures around here. The fundamentals are pretty well
the same. Be attractive build connection.
Get respect. It's sort of the same
fundamentals, but there's different flavors of all of it,
right? I think probably one of the
hardest places I have found is LA, the culture that I would
personally never want to date in.

(59:55):
But that being said, for all youwho are in LA.
And who are saying, OK, Mark said LA doesn't work?
No, there's still great people in LA.
It still works for you. You can buck the trend.
I'm just saying I wouldn't want to date there.
Doesn't mean it can't work. I could definitely succeed
dating there, alright. It just wouldn't be my first
choice, right? Australia is a little more, a

(01:00:20):
little more middle ground with with kind of everything.
There's not as much variation asI see compared to the states.
Does that answer your question? Yes, yes, somewhat.
I I used to date someone who lived in LA, but.
They it's, yeah, I think I like it's a bad rap.
If you're born and raised there,I could see how you're immersed

(01:00:40):
in a certain type of culture. But if you're one of the
international people there who'ssomeone who I was seeing there,
it's it's a different story. I know there's a lot of people
from Latin America who come there too as well.
A lot of people from different parts of the world, a lot of SE
Asians as well too. But yeah, there's definitely

(01:01:01):
nuances to all the different states as well.
There's definitely New America and yeah, so yeah, I mean,
Australia is pretty straightforward.
I love Australia. To me it's a good mix between,
you know, you take the girl out,you sort of wine and dine her,
but but she's appreciative. It's quite egalitarian.
You know, women are very equal contributors, but there's still

(01:01:24):
that masculine, feminine polarity.
I really love the Australian dating culture that way and I
don't think the American is too different, but there are these
little variations in certain areas to work with, yeah.
Yeah, of course It's. So we're approaching the one
hour marks. We'll wrap it up here.
So Mark, where can they find you?
Yeah, you can head to my websitewhichismakingyours.com dot a U.

(01:01:48):
Or I have my Queens Club, which is basically the community.
So you can find that from the website.
It's called the Queens Club. Or you can head to school,
that's SK doubleol.com/Q Club School S kool.com/Q Club.
That's my community, community, where I interact, where I go
live, where all my courses are, all that good stuff.

(01:02:10):
OK, perfect. And then for us, it's just Arc
English on all platforms. We're super easy to find.
Arc English will be launching website soon.
We'll be connecting English tutors, think the students.
So stay tuned for that. If you follow us on any of our
social media platforms, you'll definitely be notified.
So that's all for today. Until next time, thank you very

(01:02:31):
much for us it's not like.