July 9, 2023 • 59 mins
3 self help / dating experts share their thoughts on the subject of emotions & feelings!
Imagine how you would respond to these questions in English...🤔:
-What is your biggest pet peeve regarding human nature?
-Is it more important to love or to be loved?
-Is crying a sign of strength or weakness?
-Is silence a form of lying?
-Do you prefer to live in peace or chaos?
-Is speaking freely admirable? Or obnoxious?
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Hey, Citations, welcome to the very first episode of Authentic
Conversations in English. We're blessed with the
opportunity to learn how fluent English speakers converse with
one another. So this live stream is going to
be completely unedited and completely unfiltered, so you'll
get a real insight for what native English speakers of
different backgrounds converse with one another.
(00:20):
So a few weeks ago I took a pollon my Instagram and the majority
of you guys requested that I provide you with.
Vocabulary regarding the subjectof emotions and feelings.
So I figure I get some people who are quite qualified to
elaborate on the subject. So without further ado for our
first guest, Mr. Jacob Lucas, where did you grow up?
(00:43):
What do you do? And why do you do it?
So I am a professional dating coach.
I grew, I've always been around Bath in England, so the
southwest of England. I just love dinner.
Always study psychology, always say philosophy, and then you get
into like psychology attraction and it's just grew like that
really. And now it's what I do full time
(01:05):
for a job. So yeah, love it.
Cool. And it's English, the only
language you know. Or do you speak any other
languages as well? Well, obviously English, but
like I said, it's just Start learning a bit Japanese and that
is different level hard. So yeah.
So yeah. So anyone's like, no, my my
girlfriend is Italian, so I can do a little bit of Italian, but
that's about it. OK, so and Miss Stacy, Danielle,
(01:29):
where did you grow up and what do you do and why do you do it?
I grew up in California, currently living in Minnesota.
I've been here for six years. I help women heal from toxic
relationships and really focus on self love.
I had my own experience with being an abusive marriage, so
(01:51):
for me, just. Trying to teach women all of the
things that I've overcome in theprocess and realizing that they
have opportunity to, like, make better choices has been mostly
fulfilling for me. Nice.
And do you just speak American English or do you know any other
languages as well? I just speak English.
(02:12):
Cool. And last but not least, I cannot
miss Missy. That shitty pun was completely
intended so. Where did you grow up?
What do you do and why did you do it?
So I grew up in New Jersey. I am a life and relationship
coach. You can also follow my YouTube
(02:34):
Missy, the life helper. And what I do is I help people
heal their inner child, get to the boot of their issues and
give them skills to deal with things.
Also I help people deal with their emotions, anxiety, things
like that. And I do it because I've been
through so many different thingsand.
I gained all this knowledge and I was like, what better way to
(02:54):
have come back from the negativethings I've been through than to
give people the knowledge that Ilearned And I love being people,
You know, have a comeback story.OK, cool.
So a lot of you guys are very meticulous.
So before we start off, I just need to clarify the difference
between feelings and emotions. So I'm going to try to put this
(03:16):
as simply as I can. So feelings essentially are
something that is conscious, OK?So for an example, if you create
an idea in your head about somebody and fantasize about
somebody, you're consciously trying to feel a certain type of
way about them, so you're feeling a certain type of way
about them. But with emotions, it can be
(03:36):
either conscious or subconscious.
So for an example, if you stub your toe on your bed, you're
going to have a spontaneous emotional reaction to that.
That would be an emotion versus feeling.
So for the first question, I'm going to start you guys off with
something fairly straightforward.
What is your biggest pet peeve regarding human nature?
(03:58):
And we'll start with Lucas and then we'll work our way around
to Missy. Biggest pet peeve with human
nature 100% of ego 100 million percent is people let ego get
into their own way. So ego drives a lot of things.
Ego is stop you from thinking. They need to learn stuff.
It stops people from actually listening.
(04:19):
People think they're always right cuz their ego.
The biggest thing I've come across with anyone from whole
life is people's egos. Being too big, having a big ego.
You need to look to ignorance aswell, so that's definitely that.
Fair enough, Stacy. Yeah, I think I can agree with
most of, Lucas said. Also, I think one of my biggest
(04:42):
pet peeve is people Will. Listen to respond rather than
actually hearing what you say. So rather than actively
listening to you and actually engaging in the conversation,
they're always looking for theirnext rebuttal.
And Missy. I have a couple.
(05:04):
I'll try to narrow it down. It's a hard question.
As a Libra, I'm indecisive. So I was thinking one would be
that people are so quick to judge.
I think that people don't. Think about people go through
different things and they immediately make a judgment.
When you know someone's going through something and they have
no idea, there's that. And then there's also, I feel
like people a lot of the time don't leave room for people to
(05:29):
grow, and they immediately want to, you know, throw the
pitchfork. And a lot of the time, people
like they want to know what they're doing and they people
don't allow them to own up to what they're doing.
So now as a followup question, we'll start with Missy and work
our way back around. Are you ever guilty of doing the
(05:51):
things that you just described? Me personally, I'm not perfect
at all, but I try to not judge others.
Like even with my friends, I'll be they'll make a judgment.
I'll be like, listen, you don't know what they're going through.
And I also try to leave room forgrowth.
I also think I'd be I wouldn't be in the right field if I was
very quick to judge and if I didn't allow people to grow.
(06:15):
OK, fair enough. Stacy, are you ever guilty of
the things that you just described?
No, I think I used to be. So I think before I had more
regulation of like my own emotions.
If I were angry then I would just essentially tune whatever
(06:36):
what was being said and I would just obviously be responding in
those moments, but. As I gained more awareness of
myself, my own emotions and the off put, I've been able to kind
of slow down and really digest what the person is saying before
actually responding. Yeah, definitely comes as
majority for sure. And Jacob, what about you?
(06:58):
Used to be, but now no. So these terms of like studying
for example. So it was like selfies and
playo. It's the more I know the more I
realize the less I know so. Once I remove my ego up
everything I could learn so muchmore than what I used to because
so I say when I was younger, we know when you're like young 20s,
you figure all that you think and everything you know nothing.
(07:20):
So all you get to realize more you realize that you don't know.
So I would say eliminate my ego.I've been humbled quite a few
times in my life as well becauseof that.
Then yeah, I would say not anymore, but used to be.
Yeah, for sure. It's part of growing because I
would say my biggest pet peeve with human nature is.
I guess generally speaking, mostpeople I think, don't
(07:42):
necessarily practice what they preach.
So when I see someone who actually lives by a code or
lives by a certain principles and actually follows what they
believe in, I I gained so much respect for them.
I respect goes through the roof for them for sure, for sure,
because even. We all got your respect.
Then we follow what we think. I'm I'm assuming so, yes, I'm
(08:07):
assuming so. And yeah, I I don't like to
always talk about religion, but even in religion, if you look at
the differences between some religions like Islam and
Christianity, sometimes it Islampeople follow their religion and
follow their principles on a much more strict level.
Whereas with Christianity there's some people I know who.
(08:31):
I guess they say they follow theprinciples, but then they can do
some extremely sinful things on Saturday night and then go to
church on Sunday morning and askfor forgiveness and then it's it
seems very great to me, to put it simply.
I will say there's a lot of narcissism and religion as well
where they use higher power to control.
(08:51):
Unfortunately, unfortunately, yeah.
Yeah. So for the next question.
Let's talk about happiness here in your opinion, and we'll start
with Missy and work our way around this time.
Do you believe that it's more important to love or to be
(09:12):
loved, and why? This is a hard question because
I think it's important for both to love and be loved.
Actually, Rosa knows when they love it.
I think that. In order to love, you have to
love yourself. And in order to love yourself,
(09:33):
you need to know what you want and how you want to be loved.
So I can't say it's better to love or be loved.
I think they're equally as important.
Okay, Stacey. I think it's better to love, and
that's just coming from a wholeness standpoint, I think
when you are naturally radiatingthe love and wholeness within
(09:58):
yourself. You're not necessarily looking
for other people to love you because there's no lack, right?
So it's like I will continue to show you my love like that's
that's not conditional based on the love you give me.
I can remove myself from the equation because it doesn't
align with what I need, but in effort to actually love its
(10:21):
first with self and then with others.
Makes sense. If I could piggyback on Stacy, I
also would say I think you know to at our point, I think it's
better to love because if you'reyou're not being controlled by
needing to be loved there. Jacob.
(10:41):
To love 100% because if you, let's say for example, you,
everyone on the planet loved you, we didn't love anybody or
voice of existence, There's no happiness for you.
Let's say you love everyone. But nobody loves you.
You're still a happy person because you love everything, you
know, I believe. But if you just, if you're one
of those people who just wanna be loved by everybody else,
(11:03):
right, You're very narcissistic.Plus you probably practice like
solid solidism. So it's a bit like this is
something not right there. So I think to love is more way
more important. Yeah, definitely.
And of course my motto is there should be balance to really
everything in life. Of course, you can look at
either end of the extreme. On the spectrum, but it should
(11:25):
always be balanced. But to follow up on that,
starting with Jacob and working our way around, do you believe
that love, the feeling of love, is sustainable over extended
periods of time? And I'm not talking about the
outlier like Joe Blow and plain Jane who meet each other at 13
years old when they hit puberty.They grew old together.
(11:47):
They died all together at 80 years old.
I'm talking about in general formost people, most people.
Do you believe that love is sustainable for extended periods
of time, like years, decades? Do you believe that's realistic?
It's simple. If it's not sustainable, it's
not love. So if you cannot love somebody
(12:10):
unconditionally, if it's not forever, you don't love them.
They are. You discriminate towards them.
That makes sense. You discriminate your affections
towards that person. You truly love somebody.
It's unconditional, like a mother and a child as
unconditional like so. But if you if it has a timeline
on it, you discriminate it towards that person for a
certain amount of time for your affections.
(12:33):
Hey, that makes sense. Okay.
What do you think, Stacey? I agree.
I think if we think of love as an emotion rather than an
action, it has the ability to die down and wear out over time
and I think in terms of sustainability.
You love people for different reasons over course of time,
(12:53):
right? Like, I have two children.
I love them individually for twodifferent reasons.
And that's not going to change. As they grow, I'll find
something new to love about them.
I'll find new ways to love aboutthem, and I think that's
important. And being able to have longevity
and relationships as finding newways to like, love your partner,
love your friends, love your your spouse, whatever the case
(13:15):
might be. If it's your child, you don't
love them unconditionally from work.
Yes, you love them unconditionally, right?
But I think people think that unconditional is like not also
having boundaries. So I can love that my daughter
is outspoken, but I could also have boundaries around her being
(13:39):
outspoken in terms of respect. That's bad.
But let's say, for example, yourchild was not a kid.
So you're not a kid, right? But you still don't love them.
I would still love them. Yeah, those are condition
limits. Yeah, that's why I'm saying
there's like when we have actions behind our love rather
than allowing it to be an emotion, it's always going to be
easy to love that person. What do you mean?
(14:04):
So love is love is what we do, it's not what we feel and I
think that's that's unfortunately.
So. So if a child gets born, doesn't
do anything. They're existing, right?
Like that's a creation is still an action.
Rocks. Exist.
(14:24):
So you created this life. That's an action.
Now you're nurturing this life that's still an action.
You're still pouring your love into them.
So let's say for example, your child was born and unfortunately
it died. You don't do any.
There's no action there. They're still warning, right?
(14:46):
The mourning is an action. I understand what you're saying,
but I also think that if if we think in terms of birth, we also
have to realize that there are also parents who don't love
their children, right? Like they're they're bad parents
in the world. They're not necessarily
displaying love. So me showing up for my kids, no
matter what, that's love. So if they're naughty, right?
(15:09):
Like if they turn to drug addiction, I'm still showing up
for them. I'm still showing them that I'm
here. That's love.
Yeah, I see what both of you guys are saying, and I've had
this conversation with a ton of people all the time, but
unconditional love. And yeah, I don't mean to be
that guy. It's like, but it's like a
little technicality on the word unconditional because it's like
(15:30):
even my parents, it's like they love me under the condition that
I'm their family member. They love me under the condition
that. I'm related to the my guests or
that they brought me up. It's.
I see what you're saying and I get both of your perspectives,
but I'd say the word unconditional.
There could be a better word chosen than unconditional in my
opinion. It's bad.
(15:53):
That Missy. I think that the level of love
you feel for someone changes, like at different moments, like
when you're mad at someone, likethere's like a under.
Kind of like love and care, but you don't do love them, so
you'll love them at different amounts.
But if you can just immediately stop caring or loving for
(16:14):
someone, then it must not have been real genuine care and love.
Unless they did something horrible then that's
understandable. Okay.
And I was gonna say yeah, because.
The way I see it, it might be anunpopular opinion.
I think. I think love it's it's kind of
fleeting and I think it is definitely part of the equation.
(16:34):
It's a variable in the equation,but I think it's one of many
variables. I think I wouldn't even use the
word love necessarily for what maintains a connection.
I'd say it's more so disciplinedbecause there's a lot of things
along the process that you don'treally want to do, but you still
do it anyway and. In my opinion, I'd use the word
discipline over love. I feel like love kind of comes
(16:55):
and goes. It's like you, especially if
it's someone who's not your immediate family member.
You love them until you don't. I just think there's it's a
multivariable equation. Love is one piece of the puzzle,
but there's so many more that keep it together.
I don't think love on its own byitself can maintain a
(17:16):
connection. That's my opinion.
If I deject that maybe about? But maybe never found it, yeah.
It's possible? It's possible when.
You have a when you have a child.
I'm sure your opinion will change.
That's true. And and yeah, and yeah, what I'm
(17:37):
talking about isn't so much immediate family members.
It's more so yeah, I didn't really specify that.
It's more so if you're trying tomake a connection with a
stranger, like a boyfriend, a girlfriend, a husband, a wife
example, It's just. Yeah, I think there's a lot that
goes into maintaining connectionwith somebody like.
That. Can I ask one more question
(17:58):
then? Yeah.
Let's say you have a wife. Yeah.
And then something terrible happens to you so you get back
from the temple. Wouldn't happen.
Yep. Breaking that, you end up by
busy, like you can't do anything.
And then she's there for you forthe whole 40 years, right?
Yeah. When you were alive until you
die. Right.
So that is, would you. OK, let's say, would you not
(18:18):
sell? Sure.
Love. I guess if you put all the
variables under the umbrella of love, then yes, then yes, you're
right. But if if you would want to
pinpoint certain things that I wouldn't necessarily always call
love, such as discipline, then it's a different conversation.
It gets it depends how you define the word.
It's a matter of language at that point.
(18:40):
Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
Let's talk about, yeah. Do you guys want to say anything
else or no? No, I was interviewing.
I feel like they're, when it comes relationships and love,
there's always a little undertone of fear, you know,
fear of something happening on, fear of the connection going
away, fear of being alone. So I think that also adds to why
(19:01):
people love other people. Yeah.
Fair enough. Then let's transition to the
topic of sadness. This is a question, a very
controversial question. I've had many discussions about
(19:24):
do you believe that crying is a sign of weakness or a sign of
strength and why? And we'll start with Missy and
work our way back around to Jacob.
I love this question so. Especially with toxic
masculinity on times or your menare brought up from young age.
(19:45):
You know, don't cry crying for women crying for babies and it's
seen as a weak thing, but. It's so easy to say I'm fine and
suck up your tears and you know,keep moving forward.
It's hard to be vulnerable and say that you're having a hard
time or showing that vulnerability.
So I think it's a sign of strength.
The only time I would say it's atime of quote weakness is when
(20:06):
you use it as a way to manipulate or control other
people and play that victim roleto hurt other people.
That's the only time I see it asdeep.
Other than that, like it takes astrong person to show that
vulnerability. Yeah, I agree with Missy.
I think it is a strength to cry and be vulnerable, like with
both parties, like men and women, you know, I think
(20:30):
especially. You know, as a like
multicultural, like African American woman, like having to
always wear this like strength of our honor, like in bravery
has been dying down. And I like that there has been
more conversation of women like owning their softness, men
owning their softness. Being like emotions don't
(20:52):
necessarily make you weak, they mean that you're human and that
you're actually feeling something.
Depends on the situation. So can be some strength, can be
some of the weakness. I think if someone's crying,
let's say let's say for example someone died, everyone should
cry. Yeah, show vulnerability 100% no
matter what. Or something like big happens.
(21:14):
Yes, I understand. But some people cry because they
can't get their own way in termsof stuff that they can actually
do, but they're too late to do it.
So let's say say for example, study harder and they start
crying. Why are you crying before?
Just start studying. To me that's the sound of
weakness because that's basically when they were
younger, they cried to get theirown way and then that's
(21:37):
basically being instilled to them.
When they cried, someone gets taken, you know, to them or
whatever, and they help. They helped them get their own
way. So that translates into an adult
now the sound of weakness completely.
But they cried through vulnerability because they
actually, something generally big happened.
So strength. So yeah.
Exactly that, that's that's basically how I see it.
I'd say like I said before, there is balance.
(21:58):
There is a balance. I think that's of course if
something adverse happened, I think it's healthy to be
vulnerable. I think it's very healthy to let
it all in specials, emotions to bottle that up when something
serious happens. I think that's that can really
bite you in the ass later. But I think, but there has to
(22:19):
be. A certain degree of balance,
because if you're an adult and you carry a lot more
responsibilities than a child, and then something very trivial
happens, like there's a spider or something on the wall for you
to break down crying, it's I I struggle to consider that a sign
(22:43):
of strength. I'd have to say that'd be a sign
of weakness because. When you get to a certain point
where you've had enough life experience, I think that there
needs to be, there should be a certain level of maturity in the
way that you carry yourself. Yeah, I think it's focus, I
would say about focus and like say, yeah, that's a bit.
Different as an outlier, sure. And yeah, that wasn't, maybe it
(23:05):
wasn't the best example, but youget, you get what I'm trying to
say, something trivial, something very trivial, and
you're just a very emotional person.
You don't really have control ofyour emotions.
It makes you look like, almost like.
You lack self-control almost. Yeah, a lot of it comes from
childhood, I think. And it's like, I see those
adults like act out because their mom and dad didn't do the
(23:25):
job right effectively and they meant they were way too soft for
their kids. They cry because they start
losing arguments. They start crying like like
Missy said to manipulate the other person as well.
Yeah. Well, definitely.
And then especially I think for men it's very important to have
control of your emotions to a certain level, because if you
don't, you can end up in jail. Jail for committing serious
(23:52):
crimes. And I've seen that happen.
Men who don't have control for their emotions and it's very
dangerous I think to society in my opinion.
So I think, of course there's balance, like with everything.
To add to the, you know, you're talking about emotional
dysregulation and, you know, needing to be strong.
Some people, they grow up in trauma and they don't learn how
(24:13):
to emotionally regulate. So you're kind of.
Think from a logical. Standpoint of like, after a
certain point you should, you know, kind of put two and two
together. But if you lack the skill in
your brain, literally you get stuck in your emotional part of
your brain. It's hard to regulate yourself.
So that's where I would say it'sit's kind of a little bit
complicated. And then also, you know, being
(24:34):
able to regulate your own emotions.
I think men and women both need to regulate their emotions
because a lot of times women getaway with things that are not
OK, like hitting their men or just doing things that are
unhealthy. And, you know, we also have to
be responsible for our own emotions and think like, oh, I
can just do whatever I want and the men have to just deal with
it and vice versa. Definitely, definitely.
(24:56):
And yeah, there's a lot of people who have unresolved
issues for sure, and that's that's a whole another problem
in itself, but. Yeah, I I agree with you.
You said I don't want to say anything else.
Or no, no, it's transition over to the feeling of disgust to
(25:17):
some degree. OK, so here's another
interesting question. Is it possible to lie without
saying a single word? So in other words, if you're
being selective about the information that you choose to
reveal. Would you, in your opinion,
consider that to be lying? We'll start with Jacob and work
our way around. Technically, no.
(25:40):
But let's say, for example, let's say you had a girlfriend.
I mean, new friends. For example, we had a girlfriend
and I was friends of her as well, and I knew you would cheat
on her. And I didn't say nothing.
That's not me lying. I'm just a piece of shit, you
know? So is that like that's?
The scenario I'm thinking of is.Let's say you go on a first date
(26:02):
with somebody and there's some information that's very
important to know. Maybe.
Let's say it's a trauma you wentthrough in the past and it shows
in your personality. You're projecting that there's
some very important pieces of information that you're
purposely choosing not to revealthat's going to affect the other
person. Would you even consider that a
form of lying, or would you justsay not?
(26:23):
That's someone being strategic. It completely depends on what it
is. If I say no, and if you feel
asked and you avoid it, then yes.
If you don't say it, then no, you know.
Right. And that's another thing too.
Someone who asks you a question,then you deflect it.
(26:44):
Would you consider deflecting? Yeah.
Would you consider that line? Yeah, I consider that a line.
If it's a straight question, if I said to you like I don't know,
what's your age and you went. Oh yeah, it's nice weather
today, but. Like I'm 1000 years old or
whatever. But, like, that beats me.
Like, deflection in that case isa lie because it's a stair.
Like some really roundabout way of just avoiding everything.
But if you're not just saying stuff, cuz there's stuff about
(27:07):
my life and there's stuff about all of our lives that we don't
know about each other, Do you know what I mean?
Yeah. We're not lying to each other
right now. Fair.
Enough, Stacy. I think if we are.
I think first of all, I think eventually it takes trust,
right? Like it takes time to like build
(27:27):
up relationships and trust in a stable foundation.
So if you are not comfortable sharing an aspect about yourself
that puts you in a vulnerable place because.
It takes trust to share that information.
I don't think that's lying. I think we rush to tell
(27:48):
everybody everything immediatelyand unfortunately that's not,
that's not sustainable. And like relationships, I think
now we trust builds over time and as you start trusting
somebody more, you start to disclose more information about
yourself. Doesn't mean that you're lying,
It's just that you are concealing vulnerable parts of
(28:09):
you that you don't necessarily have to share immediately.
OK, Missy. I agree with Stacy.
I I think that you should actually be selective.
Especially when you're first meeting someone.
Be selective about what you share with them, because if not,
then you could get taken advantage of.
(28:29):
You might be saying it's wrong person.
That could hurt you in some sortof way.
So always be selective. That doesn't mean you're lying.
Be selective. What share and not everyone's
deserving to know. Everything or certain things
about you until like Stacy said that that bills and they're they
show they're deserving of that. The only time I would say it's
considered like lying is when you're in a relationship there
(28:51):
should be nothing you really hide from your partner.
You don't share with your partner and if you do feel like
you need to not share certain things then that's not a healthy
partnership. What?
Was your fault. Was it your fault are?
You talking to me? What is your faults?
What's my thoughts? No.
(29:12):
No. What if it is your faults?
Let's say you're in a relationship with somebody.
You don't have to tell everyone everything you're thinking of,
do you? So that's where I'm weird, where
I ask my partner, hey, what's onyour mind?
Or I'll share something on my mind.
Not like all the time. You don't have to share every
single thing. There's obviously some things I
keep to myself. You don't have to share
everything. But it's not like you're lying.
(29:34):
It's not you're not going to go to your partner be like I've
been thinking about how I reallywant to eat sushi.
Like you don't have to share everything but some important
things, so. Charles.
Mate, I feel like it's importantto share.
Like, you know, if you're havinga hard time, a lot of times
couples, they don't share when they're going through a hard
(29:54):
time and they start to, you know, drift apart.
I think that those are importantthings.
Or even just sharing some You know the happy times you wanna
with your partner? You wanna be able to share the
good and the bad times. It's not very black and white,
there's just it's Gray. Okay.
As a follow up question, a little bit unrelated and by the
(30:19):
way, I agree, but I'm gonna sound like a broken record.
But the keyword of the day is balanced.
It's gotta be balanced to what you reveal and what you don't
reveal. Was a followup question.
In general, do you guys believe that?
Would you rather be disappointedby the truth, or would you
rather live blissfully ignorant?Oh, I want to treat 100% all the
(30:46):
time. In other words, like.
Help find it was more to know the truth.
Really. You'd rather you wouldn't find
yourself in any situations whereyou'd rather be lied to?
In order to maintain comfort. Absolutely being.
Told the brutal God on is true. I think, yeah.
I think it's a weak characteristic if you wanna live
(31:06):
your life and a lie 100%. I think if you wanna.
Let's say for example, you said your partner was falling out.
I love you, but you know they'regonna stay with you because you
got kids, for example. I'd be like, well, tell me
because I think you're living a lie, so.
I don't care how true that truthwas.
(31:26):
I won that no matter what was. I wouldn't care less.
I'll take your word for it, but I'm gonna push back a bit
because I know that's that's theright thing to say.
But then I know that just through observable reality, if
you go outside, I'd say I'd argue that most people cannot
handle the truth in many situations.
That's true. That's what politics of that
for, isn't it? That's why little politics, if
(31:48):
you will. It's not like Machiavellianism,
isn't it, for delivery, business, politics, anything.
And it's like, yeah, but it's ignorance, basically, Not the
truth is ignorant, right. So yeah, if you said to me, for
example, let's say, let's say I needed a fashion makeover and
you went, you dress like shit, like, you know what I mean?
(32:09):
I'd rather know than not know. Oh, you look nice.
No, I don't want to know that. I want to know if I look like
crap or not. Yeah, for sure.
But then let's go back to your own example that you used.
Actually, you knew your friend was cheating on his girlfriend.
Would you rather tell that girl the truth coming from you, not
coming from him? Yeah, I've done that.
(32:31):
Would you? Do that just to okay.
I've done it before, I said. I was in a horrible situation
actually. Well, when my mates, I found out
his missus was cheating on him and nobody was telling him I was
like you got a mental And then Itold him he could never found
out, do you know what I mean? So I was like I unturned him.
(32:51):
I don't care, like you might hate me forever, but at least my
conscience is clean. You know what I mean?
Like so I told him and he says thank you so much for telling
me. Like I'd rather not know because
if you treat like a mugget's whole life so but you got told
and you found that all. Right.
Fair enough. Stacy, what do you think?
I think in terms of like relationship and business, I
(33:13):
would prefer the truth, right? Like, I think there's elements
of me of like. I would rather have all pieces
of information to be able to make a decision based off of
that. But then there's like a lot of
stuff like in the world, like, Iconsider myself to live under a
rock, right? Like if it's not necessarily
related to my business, my family, like, I don't care.
(33:33):
So I think there's elements of me because I'm so sensitive,
right? Like I'm naturally a sensitive
person and so like crime and stuff like that, that like,
naturally. Will like make me feel like,
extremely empathetic and it overwhelms me.
So it's like in terms of having like a God honest truth.
It's like, no I don't. I probably don't watch the news
(33:56):
and I don't care to because of this aspect.
But in terms of like relationship and business, let
me know all the facts so I can figure out how I did, like how I
feel about it. Yeah, I like the way you worded
that. I would prefer the truth.
I definitely, I definitely provethat.
And what about you missing? I agree.
I I I agree with what you were saying before Avery about, you
(34:16):
know, most people, they they saythey want to know the truth, but
the truth can be really tough. Me personally, I would prefer
the truth. I also on the same page with
Stacy, where I like the news andstuff.
I'm also a sense of person. It's hard to see some things,
but I also would rather be in reality than not in a delusion.
A lot of narcissists live in delusions and you know, that's
(34:37):
an unhealthy place to be. So I'd much rather know the
truth. So that way I don't live in a
delusion or I hurt other people.In in these particular
circumstances, I have 100% agreewith you guys, but let me throw
another situation at you guys. So what if you're at a social
event like a house party, apartment party, whatever, and
(35:01):
someone is going to tell you thebrutal truth.
Maybe they think you look bad orwhatever, and it would.
In that social situation, it would embarrass you in front of
a large amount of people. Would you rather be told the
truth and be embarrassed in front of a large amount of
people? But would you rather be lied to?
No, I'd. Say that question's.
(35:21):
Coming comfortable? Or when that person tell me out,
it was like bring me to the sideand be like I say right?
I don't know. So it's not really bad for
example. Let me rephrase that.
Would you risk embarrassment to know the truth?
Or would you rather be lied to in order to not be embarrassed
in a large social setting A? 100% are rather embarrassed.
I can live this as well cuz I speak Voxer and I've got not
(35:44):
clean out on TV no Monday, do you know what I mean?
But that to me group, character,group is embarrassing.
Is mind embarrassing at a time, do you know what I mean?
But Bill's character and it makes you realize OK, I don't
need to do that next time and you don't make that same
mistake. So I think.
I'll say that, but I would say you don't.
(36:04):
I'm saying about to Stacy and Macy, you say like you don't
watch the news and stuff or newsis quite like corrupt anyway,
but like say like you don't watch like or research like news
and stuff. You're falling into Macavonism
from like higher, higher authorities, if you will.
Because I don't scare you, OK? I don't think it necessarily
(36:26):
scares me, I think. I'm informed, right, like I have
been working in Human Services for the last seven years, so I'm
very informed about what's goingon in the community.
But it's more so reading. Like do I actually need to hear
this piece of information? Is this going to be effective
for me? Is it going to be effective for
(36:47):
my clients and being able to weed what information that I'm
receiving? The same thing with the truth,
right? It's like, it's not about not
having the honest truth. It's more about the delivery and
the approach. Because someone can be blunt and
honest, but if they're saying ina very condescending way, the
person who's receiving it, it's going to be weeded out.
(37:09):
They don't. They're not listening to what
you have to say at that point. So it's the same thing with the
news, right? Like gathering information that
you need that is actually going to be beneficial to you making.
Choices to better your life, or serving your clients, or
whatever the case might be. Everything else, like it's just
jargon. But you, you save everything
(37:30):
else jargon. But OK, so we use, it's used the
works of use the work like Plato, the Republic master
piece. Right.
So that that kind of book all about like society, how it
functions and natural truth goesinto it, it still correlates
today's society, right? That is purely truth.
To a different intellectual level.
(37:51):
But that will help your clients massively, but will make you
feel uncomfortable in different ways as well.
Well, I say you want to put in public.
It can help your clients in terms of relationships and
different certain things and aspects.
But is there like all those deepphilosophy if you will, for
example is uncomfortable but it's truthful but it will help
your clients as well. I don't think that I know the
(38:16):
population that I serve, right? Like, I'm, I'm very aware of the
population that I serve, so information that I'm obtaining
and efforts to serve them is very specific, right?
Like, I've worked with people all the way from homeless to,
like, very wealthy people, right?
So it's like having information that is actually tailored to
(38:37):
them to make their lives better.Is information that I prefer to
receive right? Or if someone's like, hey, like
this is going on in this community?
I'll reach out to my clients andlet them know this stuff is
going on in their community, butdo I have to get caught up in
crime in every single neighborhood?
No. Like, what's the point of like
(38:59):
getting rowdy or getting yourself, like, disgruntled
about things that like, don't necessarily affect you or the
other people? So the crime aspect of what I'm
saying like is. I'm not the right crap.
So you're a dating coach? I mean, they're dating
relationship coach, Yeah. No, I'm not.
(39:20):
Yeah, I'm not. I'm not a dating and
relationship coach. Like, I help women like,
overcome from like, toxic relationships.
Oh, perfect. Yeah.
So my mom actually does my mom. My mom does this, but like, it
like, like super stuff. Yeah, basically.
But you got like, it works. Carl Jung, for example.
(39:41):
There's a lot of troops in there.
Are hard to swallow. Do you know what I mean?
I'm sorry. There's what?
There's not like truths like Carl Jung, for example.
Like teaching the Carl Jung. Like a psychologist.
Some uncomfortable like Freudiantheory.
Some of them uncomfortable. Fantastic for like society and
be fantastic for your clients. But it's uncomfortable truths.
(40:04):
So would you like Would you feeluncomfortable?
No one knows. Sort of truths.
No, it's not about that. I'm not.
I've never said that. Like, I'm going to lie to people
like I prefer. You're not gonna lie.
No, I say in terms of learning like as in terms of like you
said, if it doesn't serve your business or clients, which is I
think that's nice or like your relationships, then it doesn't
(40:29):
really interest you too much. But not saying you wouldn't be
closed off from it, but would you not seek that truth?
So. I look at when I'm like working
with people, I look at the wholeperson, right?
Like you're not like your trauma, you're not your
diagnosis, you're none of those,right?
Like, so if we can actually get a grasp on the whole person, we
(40:49):
can handle all of the environmental aspects that are
affecting them as well, right? So it's, it's situational and I
I guess balance, right? That's the word.
It's situational because. As I'm working with this client,
I'll figure out what they need, so then that way I can meet
their criteria, right? I'm trying to heal this person,
(41:10):
not bring them more stress. That's unwarranted.
Yeah, but you don't think learning from different aspects
will teach you a lot about them?I do.
No, I do think that learning about different aspects, but
like I'm saying, it's again environmental.
It's this person, right? I'm working on their healing.
(41:32):
Not necessarily everything else.So I I have a great deal of like
knowledge in a bunch of areas. But like I said, I think you're
taking my conception of me not watching the news into like
consideration when it's like, why?
Why do I have to watch the news in order to be successful in
what I do and the people? I'm just, I'm just.
(41:52):
I'm just asking questions. I find it just interesting
different. OK, so to transition to.
The topic of peace. So we'll start with Missy and
work our way around here. If peace and boredom was on one
(42:13):
end of the spectrum, and excitement and chaos was on the
other end of the spectrum, wherein the spectrum do you think you
would fall? Which side do you think you
would lean towards the most? We'll start with Missy.
I think that not I'm a chaotic person, but in my life a lot of
chaos happens. So I feel like I lean more
towards, and most people do, they like the excitement, they
(42:34):
chaos. I think I lean more towards that
side, but I'm the peace and the chaos so I've learned how to be
peaceful when like cuz life is chaotic, like we're in, we're on
a big ball that goes around, youknow the planet like that's
crazy. So life is just chaotic, so
unpredictable and So what reallyyou need to do is just need the
peace and the chaos and things are always gonna happen.
(42:58):
Stacy. Yeah, I agree with Missy.
I'm probably definitely the piece in the chaos, so really
focusing on my inner world and being able to regulate myself
like regardless of what's going on in my environment.
And I think that has been consistent over the last, you
know, two years where it's like being absolutely unmoved by your
(43:21):
external world because you know that things are going to happen
and it's. Emotions are fleeting,
circumstances are fleeting, and you just have to get a grasp on
your emotions and handle what that's the only thing that you
control in that moment. OK.
So you guys would say you're both maybe more on the
excitement chaos spectrum, but just because that's the way life
(43:43):
is, you're saying, OK, gotcha, Jacob.
You say if peace or boredom. If you have peace, you can't be
bored. So that's an interesting
question if you got a Peach and not bored.
You think? Yeah, 100%.
If you have peace, you're not. Bored.
Peace. Peace.
Means I get peace. I'm sorry, I was gonna say a lot
(44:05):
of times people when they go through a lot of chaos and then
it stops, they're bored and they're like, what do I do with
myself? And like their therapists or
their coach will be like that. Stability.
What you're experiencing is stability.
So when you have peace, a lot oftimes people are bored or
contains. I'll say if you're at peace, you
can still be excited. You can have excitement and be
(44:28):
at peace. Those are contentments.
Really, really good work for like you said, you can be
content, but be excited. But to his question, he's
saying, you know, on the two spectrums.
On two spectrums, yeah, it's like peace and boredom don't
mash together. In my opinion.
To be peaceful is different. Be at peace is different.
(44:53):
I see what you're saying, yeah. Does that make sense?
Yeah. See what you're saying?
Cuz there are times where, yeah,there are times where I'm at
peace and I'm not necessarily bored.
So I see what you're saying. Yeah, maybe I changed the word
boredom to like maybe I changed the bored boredom to less
exciting content. Yeah, I'm very, yeah.
I think content would be better.Yeah.
When I saw the question, I was like, I feel like peace and
(45:15):
bored don't go together. That's fair.
That's fair enough. Yeah.
OK. Well, for one of our last
questions, we'll start with Jacob and we'll go around.
Do you find that speaking freelyand speaking liberally is
(45:37):
something that is admirable or something that is obnoxious in
your opinion and why that's a? Good question.
Free speech is fantastic and everyone obviously deserves to
work for free speech and protests etc.
Etc. 100% depends. Sorry, I I just mean in general,
speaking literally. Like for an example, somebody is
(45:59):
very opinionated, they have a lot of opinions and they make
they make a point of bringing itup in many different social
settings. They go out of their way to
express themselves very with no filter.
Would you find that to be something that's admirable or
something that's obnoxious? Very situational.
So you can get somewhere you're teaching, for example, and they
(46:21):
keep interrupting and so you've not learned.
So the wisest man sometimes saysnothing at all, you know.
So a very situational However, sometimes if you see something
that's wrong and somebody is doing something wrong, you need
to speak up. And that's not obnoxious, that's
very good, very good thing. So it all depends on the
situation. It can be obnoxious because a
(46:42):
lot of people think they're right when they're not, and it
can. Then can be very destructive,
but some people need to be impedied in certain situations.
So depends. Completely depends.
Okay. Stacey.
Yeah, I think it's situational as well, because I think there
are definitely people who don't have a filter and you're just
(47:02):
like, do you ever shut up? You're just like, it's
completely unwarranted, their opinion.
It doesn't. It doesn't necessarily like,
keep the warm, like the room warm.
It makes it cold. And unfortunately, those people
tend to be more of a problem. But I think in terms of like
(47:24):
injustice and people like speaking up about that or having
like strong beliefs and be like,hey, no, these are my beliefs.
Like, I think that's like, OK And I think that's admirable,
especially right now where it's like the idea of like free
speech is. So limited in the cancel culture
and people who can, like, stand up for themselves and be like,
Nope, this is what I believe andnot necessarily, you know, merge
(47:46):
into everybody else's ideas. I couldn't agree more, Missy.
I think it's really admirable when people speak their truth or
what they believe, as long as it's not hateful, misogynistic,
racist, sexist, anything like that.
I think it's really admirable, especially in a time when we
bully each other into having onebelief.
(48:06):
I don't think there's if we all need to have different beliefs,
that's how we learn, that's how we grow, having different
perspectives. I think your other question
saying you know the person that just always is sharing their
opinion. You have to ask, like, why does
that person always need to say something?
Sometimes it's not warranted or necessary.
For instance, like, let's say someone's going through a law,
so there and the other person's like, I don't think you're going
(48:28):
through the law in a great way. Like, why is your opinion really
warranted right now? It's not appropriate or
necessary. So those people have to learn
how how to have culture. There's a time and a place and
you do need to call those peopleout.
Like, what is your reasoning forwhy you're doing that right now,
right? And.
I noticed the term that you usedactually what you were saying
(48:49):
use the term your truth. And we we have a lot of
listeners, we have our audience is mainly comprised of people
who don't speak English as a first language.
So would you say that the term your truth because a lot of
people use it in English? Does your truth really mean your
perspective and your opinion or does your truth mean something
that's more objective? How would you guys define that
(49:11):
term? We can start with missing and go
around. And I think that in your truth,
a lot of times people are meaning it like their own
perspective. Because if you think about it
there, you know all our perspectives are our own
reality, and that's our truth. If you want to think it from an
abductive standpoint, like if you think about what really is
the truth because we all see theworld in a in a certain way.
(49:35):
I guess to say the truth is stuff that's just not stuff
that's completely objective. It's just not debatable.
Like what's an example Like a fact.
The Earth is round. Like someone hit someone.
Flat or 1 + 1 is 2 or whatever. Yeah, stuff like that.
So. Yeah, I think when people say
your truth, it's just their reality, their life, what
(49:57):
they're experiencing and often what they're feeling about it.
Yeah. Fair enough.
Stacy, would you say the same thing or what do you think?
Yeah, I think your truth, your truth is essentially like your
experiences. That have led you or whatever
your beliefs that have gotten you to this place or whatever to
believe, like that's your truth.And then obviously there's also
(50:20):
things that are objective, right?
I think that's important. Part of learning is to have
beliefs but also being openminded to be wrong, right?
Like I think we all have the ability to eventually be wrong
if we can actually approach things in the situation to hear.
OK, but like values, morals, those tend to be like your
(50:42):
truth. Like those are typically,
hopefully not swayed it, yeah. Gotcha, Jacob.
I'll say I agree. Both of them, yeah.
It's pretty much bang on life aswell.
So OK. OK.
And then for the very last question, so we'll start with
Jacob and go around if you had to rank yourself on a scale of 1
(51:05):
to 10. In terms of how valuable you are
to society, what would you rank yourself?
It's? About a hard question, It's a
hard question. Hard question.
OK, that is very hard. Let's put this for example,
(51:25):
let's say you got like World War2 veterans.
Nothing can better down on nothing.
Let's say you got people who storm D-Day on the 0.
They're A10. In comparison, so it's too hard
a question because. Generally speaking, just
everybody contributes to society.
(51:46):
You contributes, basically contributes, Missy contributes,
everyone contributes. I would say I help a lot of
people. I help a lot of people that
dating life and I love life. Not to a lot of people means the
world. So like the other day the lady
actually gets the relationship. She do my vice and web on the
relationship. It changed the world for her.
That's a beautiful thing. It's amazing to her if it made a
(52:08):
big difference. But in terms of society, I think
the individuals, I make a lot ofdifference to who I work with
society. I'm not as bad as a fireman.
I'm not as valuable, but it's like, again, like a World War
Two allied veteran. Like, do you know what I mean?
So very hard question to ask. Good, very question, but very
hard question. If you had to, if you had to
(52:30):
throw a number out there. That's too hot.
I want an answer to take. The middle numbers out, so it's
really bad. Let's Oh yeah, and you can't do
7, can't do 7, can't use. 7. Well tick tock I gave myself a
valuable numbers. I hope a lot of you on TikTok
right. So I, I, I we're now at 7 you
have to tick tock Valley three. I don't know.
(52:52):
Say 3. I'm talking about it too.
That's very humble. That's.
Hi. I don't know.
I I don't know. I'm just going to say 5-6 and
that's not me being egotistical.I think I have done, I think
(53:12):
I've done a lot of work in termsof strengthening communities.
I think I continue to do work, but then there's also room for
improvement. Like you said, everybody has
purpose here in the world and. Even if you feel like you're a
5, like, there's probably a person who thinks that you're a
10, right? Like in their.
World. So of course I'm asking what you
(53:33):
think. I think, yeah, I think A5 or 6.
Yeah, Missy. Not say it's a year higher than
that. We're gonna give you an 8, We're
gonna give you an 8 so we can. To the world I'm significant.
I don't matter. Like I know I'm not important to
the world. In my world, in my inner circle,
(53:54):
like with my clients and everyone, I would say I'm an 8
because I feel like I add a lot of value.
I see the progress people make and they're I'm the one that
people usually go to when they're struggling with
something. But in the outside world, I
don't matter. I'm like a two or three kind of
thing, like similar to Luca Chico, very.
Nice, but you're angry. What do you write yourself?
(54:15):
Wow. I'd say I I would just say 5 to
keep it simple because I think I'm I'm trying to do stuff
that's impactful. I'm trying to help people learn
English. They can get more immersed in
the English part of the world, which is extremely powerful and
extremely influential. But I know that I have a long,
long, long, long way to go. It's a lot more to do.
(54:36):
There's people who are doing it on a higher, greater scale than
I am. So it's just say 5 to leave a
ton of room for improvements, but whatever.
The base this the foundation is there.
No, you're an A too. We're all eights.
That's it. No fives or sixes.
We're all eights. And then like Missy said, yeah,
(54:56):
Jacob, if you had to change it to your world, let's just forget
the whole planet Earth. Let's just say the people who
you work with your world or social network, what would you
say I'm. Still gonna put myself like 3 or
4 because as a society. I don't know.
Maybe they're doctors more, The doctors being more important.
(55:18):
Exactly. Yeah.
I'd say that like the people protecting around the area, like
the policemen, the firemen is a good policeman or not.
The firemen, they're way more valuable.
I'm gonna say 3. Too hard, man.
It's so hard. It is hard when you're comparing
it to other people because it's like if some jobs didn't exist,
(55:38):
the whole infrastructure would. Collapse for example like the
shopkeepers, like in like the supermarkets, they're more
valuable than me because about them even in evening.
Yeah. No, it's circumstantial.
Let's say, like in the supermarket, the people who are
doing it, you know, they're moreimportant.
We're just the shoppers. I think it's just
circumstantial. Yeah, I would say without.
(56:02):
You're right. Yeah.
But without the shopkeepers, I wouldn't.
I wouldn't. Better do my job, you know, so
technically, but they would better do their job about me,
about, you know, So they're morevaluable than me, Yeah.
Fair enough. My sister's probably going to
insult the hell out of me after hearing this because she's she
(56:22):
just became a doctor. She's probably gonna tell me
better than you. She She wins.
She wins. Yeah, she's.
Benign. I'm sure.
I'm sure she thinks so, but OK, so yeah, that's all the time we
have. So this has been an intriguing
(56:43):
conversation. Thank you guys for enlightening
us all and enlightening my audience.
I'm sure they'll love all you guys.
So are there any last pieces of game or any last pieces of
wisdom that you like to give to the audience or?
And also where would they be able to find you as well?
So I'll start with you, Jake, I'm sure.
(57:04):
So we're finally checking out Jacob Lucas 101 for Tiktok and
Instagram websites on my link aswell.
That's a bit of advice for them.So they're all learning English,
yeah? Yep, most of them speak English
as a second language, and some of them are native English
speakers. They just want to.
Improve their vocabulary, improve their speech.
You're more well spoken. It's also, they won't do that
(57:27):
because that's it. I'm just learning a second
language myself. It's super hard.
Keep doing it. And what's A, B stuff is
actually really good. Check it out.
And you've got the most velvet voice ever made.
So you must be like, you've got to use super like that English
teacher, Do you know what I mean?
So yeah, just listen to him. Yeah.
I would say keep keep educating yourself.
Keep keep on it. And yeah, well done to you.
(57:48):
It's great. Keep doing it.
OK, Stacy, you can find me on Instagram at Reclaimed by Danny
and that's DA and I Yeah, just keep at it.
I think the best thing that you can do for yourself is just
really focus on self-awareness. I think as you become more in
(58:09):
tune with yourself, your needs, your wants, your emotions, your
ability to strive for excellence, it really does
essentially map out the rest of your life.
So. Right.
And Missy, first I would say thank you Avery for having us.
This was funny. It was cool being part of the
first episode. I would say you can find me
(58:32):
Missy, the life helper everywhere.
I have a website, my YouTube, Instagram.
I would say if you're learning English, like it's a very hard
language to learn. It's my first language.
I feel like it's my third half the time.
I also like, you know. Have forgiveness yourself.
Leave room for growth. We're all humans and we're all
trying the best. Okay solid.
(58:55):
So all of their links will be inthe descriptions below and
that's all. Have a good one guys.
Thank you very much you. Too.
Thank you. Thanks.
Bye.
Hey, Citations, welcome to the very first episode of Authentic
Conversations in English. We're blessed with the
opportunity to learn how fluent English speakers converse with
one another. So this live stream is going to
be completely unedited and completely unfiltered, so you'll
get a real insight for what native English speakers of
different backgrounds converse with one another.
(00:20):
So a few weeks ago I took a pollon my Instagram and the majority
of you guys requested that I provide you with.
Vocabulary regarding the subjectof emotions and feelings.
So I figure I get some people who are quite qualified to
elaborate on the subject. So without further ado for our
first guest, Mr. Jacob Lucas, where did you grow up?
(00:43):
What do you do? And why do you do it?
So I am a professional dating coach.
I grew, I've always been around Bath in England, so the
southwest of England. I just love dinner.
Always study psychology, always say philosophy, and then you get
into like psychology attraction and it's just grew like that
really. And now it's what I do full time
(01:05):
for a job. So yeah, love it.
Cool. And it's English, the only
language you know. Or do you speak any other
languages as well? Well, obviously English, but
like I said, it's just Start learning a bit Japanese and that
is different level hard. So yeah.
So yeah. So anyone's like, no, my my
girlfriend is Italian, so I can do a little bit of Italian, but
that's about it. OK, so and Miss Stacy, Danielle,
(01:29):
where did you grow up and what do you do and why do you do it?
I grew up in California, currently living in Minnesota.
I've been here for six years. I help women heal from toxic
relationships and really focus on self love.
I had my own experience with being an abusive marriage, so
(01:51):
for me, just. Trying to teach women all of the
things that I've overcome in theprocess and realizing that they
have opportunity to, like, make better choices has been mostly
fulfilling for me. Nice.
And do you just speak American English or do you know any other
languages as well? I just speak English.
(02:12):
Cool. And last but not least, I cannot
miss Missy. That shitty pun was completely
intended so. Where did you grow up?
What do you do and why did you do it?
So I grew up in New Jersey. I am a life and relationship
coach. You can also follow my YouTube
(02:34):
Missy, the life helper. And what I do is I help people
heal their inner child, get to the boot of their issues and
give them skills to deal with things.
Also I help people deal with their emotions, anxiety, things
like that. And I do it because I've been
through so many different thingsand.
I gained all this knowledge and I was like, what better way to
(02:54):
have come back from the negativethings I've been through than to
give people the knowledge that Ilearned And I love being people,
You know, have a comeback story.OK, cool.
So a lot of you guys are very meticulous.
So before we start off, I just need to clarify the difference
between feelings and emotions. So I'm going to try to put this
(03:16):
as simply as I can. So feelings essentially are
something that is conscious, OK?So for an example, if you create
an idea in your head about somebody and fantasize about
somebody, you're consciously trying to feel a certain type of
way about them, so you're feeling a certain type of way
about them. But with emotions, it can be
(03:36):
either conscious or subconscious.
So for an example, if you stub your toe on your bed, you're
going to have a spontaneous emotional reaction to that.
That would be an emotion versus feeling.
So for the first question, I'm going to start you guys off with
something fairly straightforward.
What is your biggest pet peeve regarding human nature?
(03:58):
And we'll start with Lucas and then we'll work our way around
to Missy. Biggest pet peeve with human
nature 100% of ego 100 million percent is people let ego get
into their own way. So ego drives a lot of things.
Ego is stop you from thinking. They need to learn stuff.
It stops people from actually listening.
(04:19):
People think they're always right cuz their ego.
The biggest thing I've come across with anyone from whole
life is people's egos. Being too big, having a big ego.
You need to look to ignorance aswell, so that's definitely that.
Fair enough, Stacy. Yeah, I think I can agree with
most of, Lucas said. Also, I think one of my biggest
(04:42):
pet peeve is people Will. Listen to respond rather than
actually hearing what you say. So rather than actively
listening to you and actually engaging in the conversation,
they're always looking for theirnext rebuttal.
And Missy. I have a couple.
(05:04):
I'll try to narrow it down. It's a hard question.
As a Libra, I'm indecisive. So I was thinking one would be
that people are so quick to judge.
I think that people don't. Think about people go through
different things and they immediately make a judgment.
When you know someone's going through something and they have
no idea, there's that. And then there's also, I feel
like people a lot of the time don't leave room for people to
(05:29):
grow, and they immediately want to, you know, throw the
pitchfork. And a lot of the time, people
like they want to know what they're doing and they people
don't allow them to own up to what they're doing.
So now as a followup question, we'll start with Missy and work
our way back around. Are you ever guilty of doing the
(05:51):
things that you just described? Me personally, I'm not perfect
at all, but I try to not judge others.
Like even with my friends, I'll be they'll make a judgment.
I'll be like, listen, you don't know what they're going through.
And I also try to leave room forgrowth.
I also think I'd be I wouldn't be in the right field if I was
very quick to judge and if I didn't allow people to grow.
(06:15):
OK, fair enough. Stacy, are you ever guilty of
the things that you just described?
No, I think I used to be. So I think before I had more
regulation of like my own emotions.
If I were angry then I would just essentially tune whatever
(06:36):
what was being said and I would just obviously be responding in
those moments, but. As I gained more awareness of
myself, my own emotions and the off put, I've been able to kind
of slow down and really digest what the person is saying before
actually responding. Yeah, definitely comes as
majority for sure. And Jacob, what about you?
(06:58):
Used to be, but now no. So these terms of like studying
for example. So it was like selfies and
playo. It's the more I know the more I
realize the less I know so. Once I remove my ego up
everything I could learn so muchmore than what I used to because
so I say when I was younger, we know when you're like young 20s,
you figure all that you think and everything you know nothing.
(07:20):
So all you get to realize more you realize that you don't know.
So I would say eliminate my ego.I've been humbled quite a few
times in my life as well becauseof that.
Then yeah, I would say not anymore, but used to be.
Yeah, for sure. It's part of growing because I
would say my biggest pet peeve with human nature is.
I guess generally speaking, mostpeople I think, don't
(07:42):
necessarily practice what they preach.
So when I see someone who actually lives by a code or
lives by a certain principles and actually follows what they
believe in, I I gained so much respect for them.
I respect goes through the roof for them for sure, for sure,
because even. We all got your respect.
Then we follow what we think. I'm I'm assuming so, yes, I'm
(08:07):
assuming so. And yeah, I I don't like to
always talk about religion, but even in religion, if you look at
the differences between some religions like Islam and
Christianity, sometimes it Islampeople follow their religion and
follow their principles on a much more strict level.
Whereas with Christianity there's some people I know who.
(08:31):
I guess they say they follow theprinciples, but then they can do
some extremely sinful things on Saturday night and then go to
church on Sunday morning and askfor forgiveness and then it's it
seems very great to me, to put it simply.
I will say there's a lot of narcissism and religion as well
where they use higher power to control.
(08:51):
Unfortunately, unfortunately, yeah.
Yeah. So for the next question.
Let's talk about happiness here in your opinion, and we'll start
with Missy and work our way around this time.
Do you believe that it's more important to love or to be
(09:12):
loved, and why? This is a hard question because
I think it's important for both to love and be loved.
Actually, Rosa knows when they love it.
I think that. In order to love, you have to
love yourself. And in order to love yourself,
(09:33):
you need to know what you want and how you want to be loved.
So I can't say it's better to love or be loved.
I think they're equally as important.
Okay, Stacey. I think it's better to love, and
that's just coming from a wholeness standpoint, I think
when you are naturally radiatingthe love and wholeness within
(09:58):
yourself. You're not necessarily looking
for other people to love you because there's no lack, right?
So it's like I will continue to show you my love like that's
that's not conditional based on the love you give me.
I can remove myself from the equation because it doesn't
align with what I need, but in effort to actually love its
(10:21):
first with self and then with others.
Makes sense. If I could piggyback on Stacy, I
also would say I think you know to at our point, I think it's
better to love because if you'reyou're not being controlled by
needing to be loved there. Jacob.
(10:41):
To love 100% because if you, let's say for example, you,
everyone on the planet loved you, we didn't love anybody or
voice of existence, There's no happiness for you.
Let's say you love everyone. But nobody loves you.
You're still a happy person because you love everything, you
know, I believe. But if you just, if you're one
of those people who just wanna be loved by everybody else,
(11:03):
right, You're very narcissistic.Plus you probably practice like
solid solidism. So it's a bit like this is
something not right there. So I think to love is more way
more important. Yeah, definitely.
And of course my motto is there should be balance to really
everything in life. Of course, you can look at
either end of the extreme. On the spectrum, but it should
(11:25):
always be balanced. But to follow up on that,
starting with Jacob and working our way around, do you believe
that love, the feeling of love, is sustainable over extended
periods of time? And I'm not talking about the
outlier like Joe Blow and plain Jane who meet each other at 13
years old when they hit puberty.They grew old together.
(11:47):
They died all together at 80 years old.
I'm talking about in general formost people, most people.
Do you believe that love is sustainable for extended periods
of time, like years, decades? Do you believe that's realistic?
It's simple. If it's not sustainable, it's
not love. So if you cannot love somebody
(12:10):
unconditionally, if it's not forever, you don't love them.
They are. You discriminate towards them.
That makes sense. You discriminate your affections
towards that person. You truly love somebody.
It's unconditional, like a mother and a child as
unconditional like so. But if you if it has a timeline
on it, you discriminate it towards that person for a
certain amount of time for your affections.
(12:33):
Hey, that makes sense. Okay.
What do you think, Stacey? I agree.
I think if we think of love as an emotion rather than an
action, it has the ability to die down and wear out over time
and I think in terms of sustainability.
You love people for different reasons over course of time,
(12:53):
right? Like, I have two children.
I love them individually for twodifferent reasons.
And that's not going to change. As they grow, I'll find
something new to love about them.
I'll find new ways to love aboutthem, and I think that's
important. And being able to have longevity
and relationships as finding newways to like, love your partner,
love your friends, love your your spouse, whatever the case
(13:15):
might be. If it's your child, you don't
love them unconditionally from work.
Yes, you love them unconditionally, right?
But I think people think that unconditional is like not also
having boundaries. So I can love that my daughter
is outspoken, but I could also have boundaries around her being
(13:39):
outspoken in terms of respect. That's bad.
But let's say, for example, yourchild was not a kid.
So you're not a kid, right? But you still don't love them.
I would still love them. Yeah, those are condition
limits. Yeah, that's why I'm saying
there's like when we have actions behind our love rather
than allowing it to be an emotion, it's always going to be
easy to love that person. What do you mean?
(14:04):
So love is love is what we do, it's not what we feel and I
think that's that's unfortunately.
So. So if a child gets born, doesn't
do anything. They're existing, right?
Like that's a creation is still an action.
Rocks. Exist.
(14:24):
So you created this life. That's an action.
Now you're nurturing this life that's still an action.
You're still pouring your love into them.
So let's say for example, your child was born and unfortunately
it died. You don't do any.
There's no action there. They're still warning, right?
(14:46):
The mourning is an action. I understand what you're saying,
but I also think that if if we think in terms of birth, we also
have to realize that there are also parents who don't love
their children, right? Like they're they're bad parents
in the world. They're not necessarily
displaying love. So me showing up for my kids, no
matter what, that's love. So if they're naughty, right?
(15:09):
Like if they turn to drug addiction, I'm still showing up
for them. I'm still showing them that I'm
here. That's love.
Yeah, I see what both of you guys are saying, and I've had
this conversation with a ton of people all the time, but
unconditional love. And yeah, I don't mean to be
that guy. It's like, but it's like a
little technicality on the word unconditional because it's like
(15:30):
even my parents, it's like they love me under the condition that
I'm their family member. They love me under the condition
that. I'm related to the my guests or
that they brought me up. It's.
I see what you're saying and I get both of your perspectives,
but I'd say the word unconditional.
There could be a better word chosen than unconditional in my
opinion. It's bad.
(15:53):
That Missy. I think that the level of love
you feel for someone changes, like at different moments, like
when you're mad at someone, likethere's like a under.
Kind of like love and care, but you don't do love them, so
you'll love them at different amounts.
But if you can just immediately stop caring or loving for
(16:14):
someone, then it must not have been real genuine care and love.
Unless they did something horrible then that's
understandable. Okay.
And I was gonna say yeah, because.
The way I see it, it might be anunpopular opinion.
I think. I think love it's it's kind of
fleeting and I think it is definitely part of the equation.
(16:34):
It's a variable in the equation,but I think it's one of many
variables. I think I wouldn't even use the
word love necessarily for what maintains a connection.
I'd say it's more so disciplinedbecause there's a lot of things
along the process that you don'treally want to do, but you still
do it anyway and. In my opinion, I'd use the word
discipline over love. I feel like love kind of comes
(16:55):
and goes. It's like you, especially if
it's someone who's not your immediate family member.
You love them until you don't. I just think there's it's a
multivariable equation. Love is one piece of the puzzle,
but there's so many more that keep it together.
I don't think love on its own byitself can maintain a
(17:16):
connection. That's my opinion.
If I deject that maybe about? But maybe never found it, yeah.
It's possible? It's possible when.
You have a when you have a child.
I'm sure your opinion will change.
That's true. And and yeah, and yeah, what I'm
(17:37):
talking about isn't so much immediate family members.
It's more so yeah, I didn't really specify that.
It's more so if you're trying tomake a connection with a
stranger, like a boyfriend, a girlfriend, a husband, a wife
example, It's just. Yeah, I think there's a lot that
goes into maintaining connectionwith somebody like.
That. Can I ask one more question
(17:58):
then? Yeah.
Let's say you have a wife. Yeah.
And then something terrible happens to you so you get back
from the temple. Wouldn't happen.
Yep. Breaking that, you end up by
busy, like you can't do anything.
And then she's there for you forthe whole 40 years, right?
Yeah. When you were alive until you
die. Right.
So that is, would you. OK, let's say, would you not
(18:18):
sell? Sure.
Love. I guess if you put all the
variables under the umbrella of love, then yes, then yes, you're
right. But if if you would want to
pinpoint certain things that I wouldn't necessarily always call
love, such as discipline, then it's a different conversation.
It gets it depends how you define the word.
It's a matter of language at that point.
(18:40):
Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
Let's talk about, yeah. Do you guys want to say anything
else or no? No, I was interviewing.
I feel like they're, when it comes relationships and love,
there's always a little undertone of fear, you know,
fear of something happening on, fear of the connection going
away, fear of being alone. So I think that also adds to why
(19:01):
people love other people. Yeah.
Fair enough. Then let's transition to the
topic of sadness. This is a question, a very
controversial question. I've had many discussions about
(19:24):
do you believe that crying is a sign of weakness or a sign of
strength and why? And we'll start with Missy and
work our way back around to Jacob.
I love this question so. Especially with toxic
masculinity on times or your menare brought up from young age.
(19:45):
You know, don't cry crying for women crying for babies and it's
seen as a weak thing, but. It's so easy to say I'm fine and
suck up your tears and you know,keep moving forward.
It's hard to be vulnerable and say that you're having a hard
time or showing that vulnerability.
So I think it's a sign of strength.
The only time I would say it's atime of quote weakness is when
(20:06):
you use it as a way to manipulate or control other
people and play that victim roleto hurt other people.
That's the only time I see it asdeep.
Other than that, like it takes astrong person to show that
vulnerability. Yeah, I agree with Missy.
I think it is a strength to cry and be vulnerable, like with
both parties, like men and women, you know, I think
(20:30):
especially. You know, as a like
multicultural, like African American woman, like having to
always wear this like strength of our honor, like in bravery
has been dying down. And I like that there has been
more conversation of women like owning their softness, men
owning their softness. Being like emotions don't
(20:52):
necessarily make you weak, they mean that you're human and that
you're actually feeling something.
Depends on the situation. So can be some strength, can be
some of the weakness. I think if someone's crying,
let's say let's say for example someone died, everyone should
cry. Yeah, show vulnerability 100% no
matter what. Or something like big happens.
(21:14):
Yes, I understand. But some people cry because they
can't get their own way in termsof stuff that they can actually
do, but they're too late to do it.
So let's say say for example, study harder and they start
crying. Why are you crying before?
Just start studying. To me that's the sound of
weakness because that's basically when they were
younger, they cried to get theirown way and then that's
(21:37):
basically being instilled to them.
When they cried, someone gets taken, you know, to them or
whatever, and they help. They helped them get their own
way. So that translates into an adult
now the sound of weakness completely.
But they cried through vulnerability because they
actually, something generally big happened.
So strength. So yeah.
Exactly that, that's that's basically how I see it.
I'd say like I said before, there is balance.
(21:58):
There is a balance. I think that's of course if
something adverse happened, I think it's healthy to be
vulnerable. I think it's very healthy to let
it all in specials, emotions to bottle that up when something
serious happens. I think that's that can really
bite you in the ass later. But I think, but there has to
(22:19):
be. A certain degree of balance,
because if you're an adult and you carry a lot more
responsibilities than a child, and then something very trivial
happens, like there's a spider or something on the wall for you
to break down crying, it's I I struggle to consider that a sign
(22:43):
of strength. I'd have to say that'd be a sign
of weakness because. When you get to a certain point
where you've had enough life experience, I think that there
needs to be, there should be a certain level of maturity in the
way that you carry yourself. Yeah, I think it's focus, I
would say about focus and like say, yeah, that's a bit.
Different as an outlier, sure. And yeah, that wasn't, maybe it
(23:05):
wasn't the best example, but youget, you get what I'm trying to
say, something trivial, something very trivial, and
you're just a very emotional person.
You don't really have control ofyour emotions.
It makes you look like, almost like.
You lack self-control almost. Yeah, a lot of it comes from
childhood, I think. And it's like, I see those
adults like act out because their mom and dad didn't do the
(23:25):
job right effectively and they meant they were way too soft for
their kids. They cry because they start
losing arguments. They start crying like like
Missy said to manipulate the other person as well.
Yeah. Well, definitely.
And then especially I think for men it's very important to have
control of your emotions to a certain level, because if you
don't, you can end up in jail. Jail for committing serious
(23:52):
crimes. And I've seen that happen.
Men who don't have control for their emotions and it's very
dangerous I think to society in my opinion.
So I think, of course there's balance, like with everything.
To add to the, you know, you're talking about emotional
dysregulation and, you know, needing to be strong.
Some people, they grow up in trauma and they don't learn how
(24:13):
to emotionally regulate. So you're kind of.
Think from a logical. Standpoint of like, after a
certain point you should, you know, kind of put two and two
together. But if you lack the skill in
your brain, literally you get stuck in your emotional part of
your brain. It's hard to regulate yourself.
So that's where I would say it'sit's kind of a little bit
complicated. And then also, you know, being
(24:34):
able to regulate your own emotions.
I think men and women both need to regulate their emotions
because a lot of times women getaway with things that are not
OK, like hitting their men or just doing things that are
unhealthy. And, you know, we also have to
be responsible for our own emotions and think like, oh, I
can just do whatever I want and the men have to just deal with
it and vice versa. Definitely, definitely.
(24:56):
And yeah, there's a lot of people who have unresolved
issues for sure, and that's that's a whole another problem
in itself, but. Yeah, I I agree with you.
You said I don't want to say anything else.
Or no, no, it's transition over to the feeling of disgust to
(25:17):
some degree. OK, so here's another
interesting question. Is it possible to lie without
saying a single word? So in other words, if you're
being selective about the information that you choose to
reveal. Would you, in your opinion,
consider that to be lying? We'll start with Jacob and work
our way around. Technically, no.
(25:40):
But let's say, for example, let's say you had a girlfriend.
I mean, new friends. For example, we had a girlfriend
and I was friends of her as well, and I knew you would cheat
on her. And I didn't say nothing.
That's not me lying. I'm just a piece of shit, you
know? So is that like that's?
The scenario I'm thinking of is.Let's say you go on a first date
(26:02):
with somebody and there's some information that's very
important to know. Maybe.
Let's say it's a trauma you wentthrough in the past and it shows
in your personality. You're projecting that there's
some very important pieces of information that you're
purposely choosing not to revealthat's going to affect the other
person. Would you even consider that a
form of lying, or would you justsay not?
(26:23):
That's someone being strategic. It completely depends on what it
is. If I say no, and if you feel
asked and you avoid it, then yes.
If you don't say it, then no, you know.
Right. And that's another thing too.
Someone who asks you a question,then you deflect it.
(26:44):
Would you consider deflecting? Yeah.
Would you consider that line? Yeah, I consider that a line.
If it's a straight question, if I said to you like I don't know,
what's your age and you went. Oh yeah, it's nice weather
today, but. Like I'm 1000 years old or
whatever. But, like, that beats me.
Like, deflection in that case isa lie because it's a stair.
Like some really roundabout way of just avoiding everything.
But if you're not just saying stuff, cuz there's stuff about
(27:07):
my life and there's stuff about all of our lives that we don't
know about each other, Do you know what I mean?
Yeah. We're not lying to each other
right now. Fair.
Enough, Stacy. I think if we are.
I think first of all, I think eventually it takes trust,
right? Like it takes time to like build
(27:27):
up relationships and trust in a stable foundation.
So if you are not comfortable sharing an aspect about yourself
that puts you in a vulnerable place because.
It takes trust to share that information.
I don't think that's lying. I think we rush to tell
(27:48):
everybody everything immediatelyand unfortunately that's not,
that's not sustainable. And like relationships, I think
now we trust builds over time and as you start trusting
somebody more, you start to disclose more information about
yourself. Doesn't mean that you're lying,
It's just that you are concealing vulnerable parts of
(28:09):
you that you don't necessarily have to share immediately.
OK, Missy. I agree with Stacy.
I I think that you should actually be selective.
Especially when you're first meeting someone.
Be selective about what you share with them, because if not,
then you could get taken advantage of.
(28:29):
You might be saying it's wrong person.
That could hurt you in some sortof way.
So always be selective. That doesn't mean you're lying.
Be selective. What share and not everyone's
deserving to know. Everything or certain things
about you until like Stacy said that that bills and they're they
show they're deserving of that. The only time I would say it's
considered like lying is when you're in a relationship there
(28:51):
should be nothing you really hide from your partner.
You don't share with your partner and if you do feel like
you need to not share certain things then that's not a healthy
partnership. What?
Was your fault. Was it your fault are?
You talking to me? What is your faults?
What's my thoughts? No.
(29:12):
No. What if it is your faults?
Let's say you're in a relationship with somebody.
You don't have to tell everyone everything you're thinking of,
do you? So that's where I'm weird, where
I ask my partner, hey, what's onyour mind?
Or I'll share something on my mind.
Not like all the time. You don't have to share every
single thing. There's obviously some things I
keep to myself. You don't have to share
everything. But it's not like you're lying.
(29:34):
It's not you're not going to go to your partner be like I've
been thinking about how I reallywant to eat sushi.
Like you don't have to share everything but some important
things, so. Charles.
Mate, I feel like it's importantto share.
Like, you know, if you're havinga hard time, a lot of times
couples, they don't share when they're going through a hard
(29:54):
time and they start to, you know, drift apart.
I think that those are importantthings.
Or even just sharing some You know the happy times you wanna
with your partner? You wanna be able to share the
good and the bad times. It's not very black and white,
there's just it's Gray. Okay.
As a follow up question, a little bit unrelated and by the
(30:19):
way, I agree, but I'm gonna sound like a broken record.
But the keyword of the day is balanced.
It's gotta be balanced to what you reveal and what you don't
reveal. Was a followup question.
In general, do you guys believe that?
Would you rather be disappointedby the truth, or would you
rather live blissfully ignorant?Oh, I want to treat 100% all the
(30:46):
time. In other words, like.
Help find it was more to know the truth.
Really. You'd rather you wouldn't find
yourself in any situations whereyou'd rather be lied to?
In order to maintain comfort. Absolutely being.
Told the brutal God on is true. I think, yeah.
I think it's a weak characteristic if you wanna live
(31:06):
your life and a lie 100%. I think if you wanna.
Let's say for example, you said your partner was falling out.
I love you, but you know they'regonna stay with you because you
got kids, for example. I'd be like, well, tell me
because I think you're living a lie, so.
I don't care how true that truthwas.
(31:26):
I won that no matter what was. I wouldn't care less.
I'll take your word for it, but I'm gonna push back a bit
because I know that's that's theright thing to say.
But then I know that just through observable reality, if
you go outside, I'd say I'd argue that most people cannot
handle the truth in many situations.
That's true. That's what politics of that
for, isn't it? That's why little politics, if
(31:48):
you will. It's not like Machiavellianism,
isn't it, for delivery, business, politics, anything.
And it's like, yeah, but it's ignorance, basically, Not the
truth is ignorant, right. So yeah, if you said to me, for
example, let's say, let's say I needed a fashion makeover and
you went, you dress like shit, like, you know what I mean?
(32:09):
I'd rather know than not know. Oh, you look nice.
No, I don't want to know that. I want to know if I look like
crap or not. Yeah, for sure.
But then let's go back to your own example that you used.
Actually, you knew your friend was cheating on his girlfriend.
Would you rather tell that girl the truth coming from you, not
coming from him? Yeah, I've done that.
(32:31):
Would you? Do that just to okay.
I've done it before, I said. I was in a horrible situation
actually. Well, when my mates, I found out
his missus was cheating on him and nobody was telling him I was
like you got a mental And then Itold him he could never found
out, do you know what I mean? So I was like I unturned him.
(32:51):
I don't care, like you might hate me forever, but at least my
conscience is clean. You know what I mean?
Like so I told him and he says thank you so much for telling
me. Like I'd rather not know because
if you treat like a mugget's whole life so but you got told
and you found that all. Right.
Fair enough. Stacy, what do you think?
I think in terms of like relationship and business, I
(33:13):
would prefer the truth, right? Like, I think there's elements
of me of like. I would rather have all pieces
of information to be able to make a decision based off of
that. But then there's like a lot of
stuff like in the world, like, Iconsider myself to live under a
rock, right? Like if it's not necessarily
related to my business, my family, like, I don't care.
(33:33):
So I think there's elements of me because I'm so sensitive,
right? Like I'm naturally a sensitive
person and so like crime and stuff like that, that like,
naturally. Will like make me feel like,
extremely empathetic and it overwhelms me.
So it's like in terms of having like a God honest truth.
It's like, no I don't. I probably don't watch the news
(33:56):
and I don't care to because of this aspect.
But in terms of like relationship and business, let
me know all the facts so I can figure out how I did, like how I
feel about it. Yeah, I like the way you worded
that. I would prefer the truth.
I definitely, I definitely provethat.
And what about you missing? I agree.
I I I agree with what you were saying before Avery about, you
(34:16):
know, most people, they they saythey want to know the truth, but
the truth can be really tough. Me personally, I would prefer
the truth. I also on the same page with
Stacy, where I like the news andstuff.
I'm also a sense of person. It's hard to see some things,
but I also would rather be in reality than not in a delusion.
A lot of narcissists live in delusions and you know, that's
(34:37):
an unhealthy place to be. So I'd much rather know the
truth. So that way I don't live in a
delusion or I hurt other people.In in these particular
circumstances, I have 100% agreewith you guys, but let me throw
another situation at you guys. So what if you're at a social
event like a house party, apartment party, whatever, and
(35:01):
someone is going to tell you thebrutal truth.
Maybe they think you look bad orwhatever, and it would.
In that social situation, it would embarrass you in front of
a large amount of people. Would you rather be told the
truth and be embarrassed in front of a large amount of
people? But would you rather be lied to?
No, I'd. Say that question's.
(35:21):
Coming comfortable? Or when that person tell me out,
it was like bring me to the sideand be like I say right?
I don't know. So it's not really bad for
example. Let me rephrase that.
Would you risk embarrassment to know the truth?
Or would you rather be lied to in order to not be embarrassed
in a large social setting A? 100% are rather embarrassed.
I can live this as well cuz I speak Voxer and I've got not
(35:44):
clean out on TV no Monday, do you know what I mean?
But that to me group, character,group is embarrassing.
Is mind embarrassing at a time, do you know what I mean?
But Bill's character and it makes you realize OK, I don't
need to do that next time and you don't make that same
mistake. So I think.
I'll say that, but I would say you don't.
(36:04):
I'm saying about to Stacy and Macy, you say like you don't
watch the news and stuff or newsis quite like corrupt anyway,
but like say like you don't watch like or research like news
and stuff. You're falling into Macavonism
from like higher, higher authorities, if you will.
Because I don't scare you, OK? I don't think it necessarily
(36:26):
scares me, I think. I'm informed, right, like I have
been working in Human Services for the last seven years, so I'm
very informed about what's goingon in the community.
But it's more so reading. Like do I actually need to hear
this piece of information? Is this going to be effective
for me? Is it going to be effective for
(36:47):
my clients and being able to weed what information that I'm
receiving? The same thing with the truth,
right? It's like, it's not about not
having the honest truth. It's more about the delivery and
the approach. Because someone can be blunt and
honest, but if they're saying ina very condescending way, the
person who's receiving it, it's going to be weeded out.
(37:09):
They don't. They're not listening to what
you have to say at that point. So it's the same thing with the
news, right? Like gathering information that
you need that is actually going to be beneficial to you making.
Choices to better your life, or serving your clients, or
whatever the case might be. Everything else, like it's just
jargon. But you, you save everything
(37:30):
else jargon. But OK, so we use, it's used the
works of use the work like Plato, the Republic master
piece. Right.
So that that kind of book all about like society, how it
functions and natural truth goesinto it, it still correlates
today's society, right? That is purely truth.
To a different intellectual level.
(37:51):
But that will help your clients massively, but will make you
feel uncomfortable in different ways as well.
Well, I say you want to put in public.
It can help your clients in terms of relationships and
different certain things and aspects.
But is there like all those deepphilosophy if you will, for
example is uncomfortable but it's truthful but it will help
your clients as well. I don't think that I know the
(38:16):
population that I serve, right? Like, I'm, I'm very aware of the
population that I serve, so information that I'm obtaining
and efforts to serve them is very specific, right?
Like, I've worked with people all the way from homeless to,
like, very wealthy people, right?
So it's like having information that is actually tailored to
(38:37):
them to make their lives better.Is information that I prefer to
receive right? Or if someone's like, hey, like
this is going on in this community?
I'll reach out to my clients andlet them know this stuff is
going on in their community, butdo I have to get caught up in
crime in every single neighborhood?
No. Like, what's the point of like
(38:59):
getting rowdy or getting yourself, like, disgruntled
about things that like, don't necessarily affect you or the
other people? So the crime aspect of what I'm
saying like is. I'm not the right crap.
So you're a dating coach? I mean, they're dating
relationship coach, Yeah. No, I'm not.
(39:20):
Yeah, I'm not. I'm not a dating and
relationship coach. Like, I help women like,
overcome from like, toxic relationships.
Oh, perfect. Yeah.
So my mom actually does my mom. My mom does this, but like, it
like, like super stuff. Yeah, basically.
But you got like, it works. Carl Jung, for example.
(39:41):
There's a lot of troops in there.
Are hard to swallow. Do you know what I mean?
I'm sorry. There's what?
There's not like truths like Carl Jung, for example.
Like teaching the Carl Jung. Like a psychologist.
Some uncomfortable like Freudiantheory.
Some of them uncomfortable. Fantastic for like society and
be fantastic for your clients. But it's uncomfortable truths.
(40:04):
So would you like Would you feeluncomfortable?
No one knows. Sort of truths.
No, it's not about that. I'm not.
I've never said that. Like, I'm going to lie to people
like I prefer. You're not gonna lie.
No, I say in terms of learning like as in terms of like you
said, if it doesn't serve your business or clients, which is I
think that's nice or like your relationships, then it doesn't
(40:29):
really interest you too much. But not saying you wouldn't be
closed off from it, but would you not seek that truth?
So. I look at when I'm like working
with people, I look at the wholeperson, right?
Like you're not like your trauma, you're not your
diagnosis, you're none of those,right?
Like, so if we can actually get a grasp on the whole person, we
(40:49):
can handle all of the environmental aspects that are
affecting them as well, right? So it's, it's situational and I
I guess balance, right? That's the word.
It's situational because. As I'm working with this client,
I'll figure out what they need, so then that way I can meet
their criteria, right? I'm trying to heal this person,
(41:10):
not bring them more stress. That's unwarranted.
Yeah, but you don't think learning from different aspects
will teach you a lot about them?I do.
No, I do think that learning about different aspects, but
like I'm saying, it's again environmental.
It's this person, right? I'm working on their healing.
(41:32):
Not necessarily everything else.So I I have a great deal of like
knowledge in a bunch of areas. But like I said, I think you're
taking my conception of me not watching the news into like
consideration when it's like, why?
Why do I have to watch the news in order to be successful in
what I do and the people? I'm just, I'm just.
(41:52):
I'm just asking questions. I find it just interesting
different. OK, so to transition to.
The topic of peace. So we'll start with Missy and
work our way around here. If peace and boredom was on one
(42:13):
end of the spectrum, and excitement and chaos was on the
other end of the spectrum, wherein the spectrum do you think you
would fall? Which side do you think you
would lean towards the most? We'll start with Missy.
I think that not I'm a chaotic person, but in my life a lot of
chaos happens. So I feel like I lean more
towards, and most people do, they like the excitement, they
(42:34):
chaos. I think I lean more towards that
side, but I'm the peace and the chaos so I've learned how to be
peaceful when like cuz life is chaotic, like we're in, we're on
a big ball that goes around, youknow the planet like that's
crazy. So life is just chaotic, so
unpredictable and So what reallyyou need to do is just need the
peace and the chaos and things are always gonna happen.
(42:58):
Stacy. Yeah, I agree with Missy.
I'm probably definitely the piece in the chaos, so really
focusing on my inner world and being able to regulate myself
like regardless of what's going on in my environment.
And I think that has been consistent over the last, you
know, two years where it's like being absolutely unmoved by your
(43:21):
external world because you know that things are going to happen
and it's. Emotions are fleeting,
circumstances are fleeting, and you just have to get a grasp on
your emotions and handle what that's the only thing that you
control in that moment. OK.
So you guys would say you're both maybe more on the
excitement chaos spectrum, but just because that's the way life
(43:43):
is, you're saying, OK, gotcha, Jacob.
You say if peace or boredom. If you have peace, you can't be
bored. So that's an interesting
question if you got a Peach and not bored.
You think? Yeah, 100%.
If you have peace, you're not. Bored.
Peace. Peace.
Means I get peace. I'm sorry, I was gonna say a lot
(44:05):
of times people when they go through a lot of chaos and then
it stops, they're bored and they're like, what do I do with
myself? And like their therapists or
their coach will be like that. Stability.
What you're experiencing is stability.
So when you have peace, a lot oftimes people are bored or
contains. I'll say if you're at peace, you
can still be excited. You can have excitement and be
(44:28):
at peace. Those are contentments.
Really, really good work for like you said, you can be
content, but be excited. But to his question, he's
saying, you know, on the two spectrums.
On two spectrums, yeah, it's like peace and boredom don't
mash together. In my opinion.
To be peaceful is different. Be at peace is different.
(44:53):
I see what you're saying, yeah. Does that make sense?
Yeah. See what you're saying?
Cuz there are times where, yeah,there are times where I'm at
peace and I'm not necessarily bored.
So I see what you're saying. Yeah, maybe I changed the word
boredom to like maybe I changed the bored boredom to less
exciting content. Yeah, I'm very, yeah.
I think content would be better.Yeah.
When I saw the question, I was like, I feel like peace and
(45:15):
bored don't go together. That's fair.
That's fair enough. Yeah.
OK. Well, for one of our last
questions, we'll start with Jacob and we'll go around.
Do you find that speaking freelyand speaking liberally is
(45:37):
something that is admirable or something that is obnoxious in
your opinion and why that's a? Good question.
Free speech is fantastic and everyone obviously deserves to
work for free speech and protests etc.
Etc. 100% depends. Sorry, I I just mean in general,
speaking literally. Like for an example, somebody is
(45:59):
very opinionated, they have a lot of opinions and they make
they make a point of bringing itup in many different social
settings. They go out of their way to
express themselves very with no filter.
Would you find that to be something that's admirable or
something that's obnoxious? Very situational.
So you can get somewhere you're teaching, for example, and they
(46:21):
keep interrupting and so you've not learned.
So the wisest man sometimes saysnothing at all, you know.
So a very situational However, sometimes if you see something
that's wrong and somebody is doing something wrong, you need
to speak up. And that's not obnoxious, that's
very good, very good thing. So it all depends on the
situation. It can be obnoxious because a
(46:42):
lot of people think they're right when they're not, and it
can. Then can be very destructive,
but some people need to be impedied in certain situations.
So depends. Completely depends.
Okay. Stacey.
Yeah, I think it's situational as well, because I think there
are definitely people who don't have a filter and you're just
(47:02):
like, do you ever shut up? You're just like, it's
completely unwarranted, their opinion.
It doesn't. It doesn't necessarily like,
keep the warm, like the room warm.
It makes it cold. And unfortunately, those people
tend to be more of a problem. But I think in terms of like
(47:24):
injustice and people like speaking up about that or having
like strong beliefs and be like,hey, no, these are my beliefs.
Like, I think that's like, OK And I think that's admirable,
especially right now where it's like the idea of like free
speech is. So limited in the cancel culture
and people who can, like, stand up for themselves and be like,
Nope, this is what I believe andnot necessarily, you know, merge
(47:46):
into everybody else's ideas. I couldn't agree more, Missy.
I think it's really admirable when people speak their truth or
what they believe, as long as it's not hateful, misogynistic,
racist, sexist, anything like that.
I think it's really admirable, especially in a time when we
bully each other into having onebelief.
(48:06):
I don't think there's if we all need to have different beliefs,
that's how we learn, that's how we grow, having different
perspectives. I think your other question
saying you know the person that just always is sharing their
opinion. You have to ask, like, why does
that person always need to say something?
Sometimes it's not warranted or necessary.
For instance, like, let's say someone's going through a law,
so there and the other person's like, I don't think you're going
(48:28):
through the law in a great way. Like, why is your opinion really
warranted right now? It's not appropriate or
necessary. So those people have to learn
how how to have culture. There's a time and a place and
you do need to call those peopleout.
Like, what is your reasoning forwhy you're doing that right now,
right? And.
I noticed the term that you usedactually what you were saying
(48:49):
use the term your truth. And we we have a lot of
listeners, we have our audience is mainly comprised of people
who don't speak English as a first language.
So would you say that the term your truth because a lot of
people use it in English? Does your truth really mean your
perspective and your opinion or does your truth mean something
that's more objective? How would you guys define that
(49:11):
term? We can start with missing and go
around. And I think that in your truth,
a lot of times people are meaning it like their own
perspective. Because if you think about it
there, you know all our perspectives are our own
reality, and that's our truth. If you want to think it from an
abductive standpoint, like if you think about what really is
the truth because we all see theworld in a in a certain way.
(49:35):
I guess to say the truth is stuff that's just not stuff
that's completely objective. It's just not debatable.
Like what's an example Like a fact.
The Earth is round. Like someone hit someone.
Flat or 1 + 1 is 2 or whatever. Yeah, stuff like that.
So. Yeah, I think when people say
your truth, it's just their reality, their life, what
(49:57):
they're experiencing and often what they're feeling about it.
Yeah. Fair enough.
Stacy, would you say the same thing or what do you think?
Yeah, I think your truth, your truth is essentially like your
experiences. That have led you or whatever
your beliefs that have gotten you to this place or whatever to
believe, like that's your truth.And then obviously there's also
(50:20):
things that are objective, right?
I think that's important. Part of learning is to have
beliefs but also being openminded to be wrong, right?
Like I think we all have the ability to eventually be wrong
if we can actually approach things in the situation to hear.
OK, but like values, morals, those tend to be like your
(50:42):
truth. Like those are typically,
hopefully not swayed it, yeah. Gotcha, Jacob.
I'll say I agree. Both of them, yeah.
It's pretty much bang on life aswell.
So OK. OK.
And then for the very last question, so we'll start with
Jacob and go around if you had to rank yourself on a scale of 1
(51:05):
to 10. In terms of how valuable you are
to society, what would you rank yourself?
It's? About a hard question, It's a
hard question. Hard question.
OK, that is very hard. Let's put this for example,
(51:25):
let's say you got like World War2 veterans.
Nothing can better down on nothing.
Let's say you got people who storm D-Day on the 0.
They're A10. In comparison, so it's too hard
a question because. Generally speaking, just
everybody contributes to society.
(51:46):
You contributes, basically contributes, Missy contributes,
everyone contributes. I would say I help a lot of
people. I help a lot of people that
dating life and I love life. Not to a lot of people means the
world. So like the other day the lady
actually gets the relationship. She do my vice and web on the
relationship. It changed the world for her.
That's a beautiful thing. It's amazing to her if it made a
(52:08):
big difference. But in terms of society, I think
the individuals, I make a lot ofdifference to who I work with
society. I'm not as bad as a fireman.
I'm not as valuable, but it's like, again, like a World War
Two allied veteran. Like, do you know what I mean?
So very hard question to ask. Good, very question, but very
hard question. If you had to, if you had to
(52:30):
throw a number out there. That's too hot.
I want an answer to take. The middle numbers out, so it's
really bad. Let's Oh yeah, and you can't do
7, can't do 7, can't use. 7. Well tick tock I gave myself a
valuable numbers. I hope a lot of you on TikTok
right. So I, I, I we're now at 7 you
have to tick tock Valley three. I don't know.
(52:52):
Say 3. I'm talking about it too.
That's very humble. That's.
Hi. I don't know.
I I don't know. I'm just going to say 5-6 and
that's not me being egotistical.I think I have done, I think
(53:12):
I've done a lot of work in termsof strengthening communities.
I think I continue to do work, but then there's also room for
improvement. Like you said, everybody has
purpose here in the world and. Even if you feel like you're a
5, like, there's probably a person who thinks that you're a
10, right? Like in their.
World. So of course I'm asking what you
(53:33):
think. I think, yeah, I think A5 or 6.
Yeah, Missy. Not say it's a year higher than
that. We're gonna give you an 8, We're
gonna give you an 8 so we can. To the world I'm significant.
I don't matter. Like I know I'm not important to
the world. In my world, in my inner circle,
(53:54):
like with my clients and everyone, I would say I'm an 8
because I feel like I add a lot of value.
I see the progress people make and they're I'm the one that
people usually go to when they're struggling with
something. But in the outside world, I
don't matter. I'm like a two or three kind of
thing, like similar to Luca Chico, very.
Nice, but you're angry. What do you write yourself?
(54:15):
Wow. I'd say I I would just say 5 to
keep it simple because I think I'm I'm trying to do stuff
that's impactful. I'm trying to help people learn
English. They can get more immersed in
the English part of the world, which is extremely powerful and
extremely influential. But I know that I have a long,
long, long, long way to go. It's a lot more to do.
(54:36):
There's people who are doing it on a higher, greater scale than
I am. So it's just say 5 to leave a
ton of room for improvements, but whatever.
The base this the foundation is there.
No, you're an A too. We're all eights.
That's it. No fives or sixes.
We're all eights. And then like Missy said, yeah,
(54:56):
Jacob, if you had to change it to your world, let's just forget
the whole planet Earth. Let's just say the people who
you work with your world or social network, what would you
say I'm. Still gonna put myself like 3 or
4 because as a society. I don't know.
Maybe they're doctors more, The doctors being more important.
(55:18):
Exactly. Yeah.
I'd say that like the people protecting around the area, like
the policemen, the firemen is a good policeman or not.
The firemen, they're way more valuable.
I'm gonna say 3. Too hard, man.
It's so hard. It is hard when you're comparing
it to other people because it's like if some jobs didn't exist,
(55:38):
the whole infrastructure would. Collapse for example like the
shopkeepers, like in like the supermarkets, they're more
valuable than me because about them even in evening.
Yeah. No, it's circumstantial.
Let's say, like in the supermarket, the people who are
doing it, you know, they're moreimportant.
We're just the shoppers. I think it's just
circumstantial. Yeah, I would say without.
(56:02):
You're right. Yeah.
But without the shopkeepers, I wouldn't.
I wouldn't. Better do my job, you know, so
technically, but they would better do their job about me,
about, you know, So they're morevaluable than me, Yeah.
Fair enough. My sister's probably going to
insult the hell out of me after hearing this because she's she
(56:22):
just became a doctor. She's probably gonna tell me
better than you. She She wins.
She wins. Yeah, she's.
Benign. I'm sure.
I'm sure she thinks so, but OK, so yeah, that's all the time we
have. So this has been an intriguing
(56:43):
conversation. Thank you guys for enlightening
us all and enlightening my audience.
I'm sure they'll love all you guys.
So are there any last pieces of game or any last pieces of
wisdom that you like to give to the audience or?
And also where would they be able to find you as well?
So I'll start with you, Jake, I'm sure.
(57:04):
So we're finally checking out Jacob Lucas 101 for Tiktok and
Instagram websites on my link aswell.
That's a bit of advice for them.So they're all learning English,
yeah? Yep, most of them speak English
as a second language, and some of them are native English
speakers. They just want to.
Improve their vocabulary, improve their speech.
You're more well spoken. It's also, they won't do that
(57:27):
because that's it. I'm just learning a second
language myself. It's super hard.
Keep doing it. And what's A, B stuff is
actually really good. Check it out.
And you've got the most velvet voice ever made.
So you must be like, you've got to use super like that English
teacher, Do you know what I mean?
So yeah, just listen to him. Yeah.
I would say keep keep educating yourself.
Keep keep on it. And yeah, well done to you.
(57:48):
It's great. Keep doing it.
OK, Stacy, you can find me on Instagram at Reclaimed by Danny
and that's DA and I Yeah, just keep at it.
I think the best thing that you can do for yourself is just
really focus on self-awareness. I think as you become more in
(58:09):
tune with yourself, your needs, your wants, your emotions, your
ability to strive for excellence, it really does
essentially map out the rest of your life.
So. Right.
And Missy, first I would say thank you Avery for having us.
This was funny. It was cool being part of the
first episode. I would say you can find me
(58:32):
Missy, the life helper everywhere.
I have a website, my YouTube, Instagram.
I would say if you're learning English, like it's a very hard
language to learn. It's my first language.
I feel like it's my third half the time.
I also like, you know. Have forgiveness yourself.
Leave room for growth. We're all humans and we're all
trying the best. Okay solid.
(58:55):
So all of their links will be inthe descriptions below and
that's all. Have a good one guys.
Thank you very much you. Too.
Thank you. Thanks.
Bye.
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