Are We There Yet?

I'm so pleased to be able to share this deeply moving interview with Erin O'Toole-Delawari, a teacher and mother of four who lost her home in January when the Eaton Fire tore through her neighborhood. Erin is so thoughtful in her explanation of what happened to her and her family, their trauma responses, and her understanding of those responses now. It's an incredible story of what happens in a natural disaster and how Erin, as a m...

This week's episode is an interview with my brother and sister-in-law, Jen and Ted Muller, who lived through the 2018 Camp Fire, the deadliest and most destructive fire in California history. Ted was working in Paradise, CA, as an ER doctor when the fire broke out, and he narrowly escaped. Meanwhile, Jen was an hour and a half away, knowing Ted was in danger, but with no way to contact him. I wanted to ask them about this harrowing...

Welcome to Season Three, a shorter season devoted to exploring how families and kids respond to the grief associated with fire losses. Laurel Braitman is the best-selling author of Animal Madness and What Looks Like Bravery, the latter of which is a memoir about losing her father when she was a teen, then her family home in a fire when she was an adult, and soon after that, her mother to cancer. Laurel knows a lot about adolescent ...

I recorded this episode with Benji Gabler in October 2024 which seems like a lifetime ago. I had planned to publish it in January and then the fires happened and I shifted gears to try to address the losses of my community. But once I finished season 2 I still wanted to publish this episode with Benji, which is a beautiful conversation about fatherhood as it relates to early loss, something I haven't had an opportunity to address b...

For this last episode, I spoke with AJ Johnson about the early loss of her mother when she was 16, as well as how she's navigating the collective grief we're all experiencing here in LA. AJ is a hilarious person, and I was giggling throughout the interview despite the heaviness of this moment in our city. I met AJ at Comfort Zone Camp, so we talked about camp and the tools it has given her to manage her grief from adolescence into ...

Because I live very close to Altadena in Los Angeles and because of the fires that raged through here two weeks ago, I decided to pivot and record an episode with two people I love about how they're doing after losing their home in the Eaton Fire. This is all very fresh for them (and for me) and I only had a day to edit so the episode is longer and more raw than usual. But it is already one of the most powerful episodes I've done b...

This episode with Steve Pomerantz dives into why volunteering at Comfort Zone Camp is so rewarding. When I met Steve at CZC, he struck me as a bright light I wanted to get to know better. Steve brings so much energy and enthusiasm to camp that he epitomizes the joy and fun we have at CZC and why kids get so much out of it. Because Steve has volunteered at CZC for so many years, he has seen a broad range of grieving kids and was abl...

I recorded this episode with my eldest sister Kate last spring but it took some time to edit and release it. Listening to Kate talk about the loss of our mother highlighted for me how completely different our experiences were, largely due to our seven-year age difference but also our attitudes and views on grief, and because she moved to New Zealand and I moved to California when we were both fairly young. Because of these differen...

Claudia and Olivia Biggs lived through a very difficult and at times hellish period when their mother suddenly became seriously mentally ill. They were in middle and high school when it happened so their father John was caring for all three of them for several years. (I interviewed John Biggs earlier in the season and I recommend listening to his episode too because he tells a more chronological story of what happened over that per...

In this episode, I speak with the wonderful Ari Jalomo, a student at Kenyan College currently studying abroad in Spain. Ari and I met at Comfort Zone Camp this past summer, where she was participating in the young adults group and I was volunteering as the group's "mentor." I was so impressed by Ari, as a great example of someone who has clearly benefited from going to CZC over many years and having the opportunity to talk about he...

Doneila McIntosh, M.Div., M.A. is a researcher getting her PhD in Family Social Science from the University of Minnesota. Her work as a therapist focuses on compassionate grief therapy, helping families navigate the intersection of grief and trauma. Her research is focused on disenfranchised grief among African American families particularly in the aftermath of violent death.

It was amazing to talk to someone so knowledgeable ab...

Gina Troisi's Memoir The Angle of Flickering Light is a beautiful account of her confusing and often scary childhood through the eyes of her younger self. I was immediately drawn in by this book and Gina's ability to write so precisely from the perspective of a child about the complexity of her father's and stepmother's emotional abuse, which led to her having eating disorders at a young age, doing too many drugs, and other self-de...

Hailey is another amazing young adult who I met through Comfort Zone Camp. Hailey has been through a lot of turmoil in her life and she is just an amazing example of resiliency and learning to cope with the fallout of the losses she has experienced. While Hailey was in high school, two of her siblings died within the span of two years. Life at home was hard and her main sources of support were her best friend and a school psycholog...

In this episode, we delve deep into the research and practical experience of Dr. Julie Kaplow, PhD, ABPP, a leading psychologist in the field of childhood grief and trauma. It is always gratifying to learn that the research aligns with what I've learned by interviewing people who lost a family member at a young age. Early in her career, she began to differentiate between grief and trauma while also recognizing the ways they overlap...

Nora Martinez lost her father Ken to gastrointestinal (GIST) cancer almost twenty years ago when she was just five years old. As someone who has benefited from having support for her grief throughout her childhood and adolescence, Nora provides a fascinating window into childhood grief through her ability to reflect on it with clarity and perspective. I have encountered many people my age who lost a parent or other close family mem...

It was an honor to interview Edwidge Danticat, one of my favorite writers on death, dying, and grief about her early losses and what she is trying to achieve in her work. We spoke about her new book "We're Alone," a collection of essays about her life as a writer straddling her life as a Haitian immigrant with strong ties to her home country. I also asked about some of her earliest books ("Breath, Eyes, Memory," "Brother, I'm Dying...

In this episode, I interview journalist and author Mona Gable about growing up in the 1950s with her mother who was mentally disabled by brain surgery right after Mona was born. Mona was never told what had happened to her mother which only contributed to her feelings of shame and isolation as a child growing up with a mother who was incapable of caring for her and instead required constant care. Mona says, "My mother was a complet...

This episode is jam-packed with wisdom from Maya Puterbaugh, one of my younger guests, who knows a ton about grief and overcoming the trauma of a fatal car accident. After attending Comfort Zone Camp, Maya became a volunteer Big Buddy and now trains other volunteers for Comfort Zone Camp. She is so knowledgeable and a true leader when it comes to advocating for grieving kids. Maya shares very openly about what she went through when...

Tim Tattu left a creative career in film production to become a hospice nurse after studying Zen meditation with an instructor who asked him to help set up a place to care for people who are dying in Washington State called Enso House. His whole life story is fascinating and I loved talking with him about grief and dying and his own childhood losses. Tim brings so much presence, wisdom, and compassion to this deep discussion about ...