August 22, 2025 • 21 mins
There’s plenty of challenges to freshman year you might be prepared for – tackling the change in lifestyle or new levels of academic achievement, for instance.
But what about loneliness?
This week, Dr. Ross and student producer Ashley Worley combine both a professor and a student’s experiences to create a list of ten things you can do to start making friends in college. Each of their five tips breaks down the larger task – connecting with a community – into actionable steps that may surprise you with their simplicity. The general good news: everyone in college is in the same boat, and in some ways, making friends could never be easier.
Have more questions about getting connected in freshman year? Email us at ADRquestions@gmail.com. We’d love to hear from you!
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:04):
Stay tuned to the Ask Dr Ross podcast.
It's created to give you infoto succeed at college.
Our hosts are highly qualified.
Dr Catherine Ross is a memberof the University of Texas
System's Academy ofDistinguished Teachers.
She's also a popular professorof 19th century English
literature.
Ask Dr Ross is a communityservice of the University of
(00:27):
Texas at Tyler.
Speaker 2 (00:31):
So we've talked to you all about some things to do
in order to get ready for thefirst day of class.
The other thing we want to talkabout to students at the
beginning of the year is howimportant it is to use this time
to make connections, makerelationships and get to know
people so that you feel asthough you belong here and
you're growing emotionally aswell as intellectually.
So Ashley and I have got 10more things.
(00:54):
My first one you will, I'm sure, not be surprised at all this,
since I'm a professor is to getto know your professors.
They want to get to know you.
If they know you, they can helpyou learn better.
They can help to guide youtoward not only more efficient
ways of studying but down theroad when you need a
recommendation or when you needsome advising or some mentoring
(01:16):
in your field.
You've already made some folksthat are really already willing
and eager to help you with that.
Speaker 3 (01:23):
Some of the best advice I've ever gotten has been
from my professors.
It seems scary, you know, Ithink because we're just used to
in high school that they'rethere to keep order.
But really, when I got tocollege, I think the big shift
that I noticed was that it wasmore about the relationship
building and they were likeyou're an adult here, so if
(01:43):
you're going to waste your timeor if you're going to use your
time, that professor is there asa resource, but it's your job
to go up and initiate.
Speaker 2 (01:52):
You know, think about how available is your family
doctor or your dentist.
You know you have to makespecial appointments and
sometimes you have to wait weeksto get into some of them, and
whereas professors are usuallythere every day, every week, and
can usually see you within 24hours.
That's kind of amazing.
So you have these people withincredible training and
experience, ready and eager totalk to you.
(02:14):
So I think that's a reallyimportant thing.
Speaker 3 (02:17):
And the other thing, too, that I think students
forget about is that professors,they're people who love their
subject matter, that they'reteaching.
They spent a lot of time to gethere and to be talking about
the thing that they love to you,so make use of that.
They're here because they thinkthat their material is really
important and that you shouldknow about it, so if you can tap
that as a resource, then you'reway ahead of the game.
Speaker 2 (02:39):
Oh, absolutely A second one has to do with
getting to know some of theolder students, especially if
you're a first-year student.
Folks have been around for evena semester or two, have got some
smarts, some street smarts,some campus smarts.
I'm sure they'll have a lot ofgood advice.
Ashley's talked to you beforeabout how they might have had
experience with some of yourprofessors and be able to help
(03:00):
you find a professor that isparticularly interesting in your
field, but also they may helpyou think about the things that
you are wondering about studyingdown the line.
You may not yet know what yourmajor is, but if you talk to
upper division students, they'vebeen studying more different
subjects and getting closer andcloser to either choosing a
major or even pursuing theirmajor and perhaps a minor, and
(03:24):
so those are folks you can learnfrom as well and they can
become friends.
There's very few times in yourlife when you're going to be in
a place where there's anorganized group of folks about
your age who are aboutinterested in sort of the same
general stuff you are, who mightbecome your friends or your
partners or, in any case,somehow an important part of
(03:46):
your life.
Speaker 3 (03:47):
I was very fortunate to have an older sister who was
here, and so I know personallywhat a huge leg up it is to have
a friendship or a connectionwith an older student who can
help you navigate even just someof the basic stuff like hey,
where is this coffee shop, whereis the parking?
Good at this time of day?
These very basic level things.
But also just to help you feela little less lonely, because,
(04:11):
especially if you're coming hereand it's maybe your first time
living alone out of the house,you could be in a new town, in a
new city.
A lot of people come to a newstate or even a new country.
It's kind of a big deal and youcan feel somewhat isolated in
those first weeks.
Speaker 2 (04:26):
Oh sure, yeah.
The other thing to be aware ofis, besides the fact that all
these people here are assembled,there's usually all sorts of
stuff going on on campus and wehave something on this campus
called Patriots Engage, which isa website that tells you all
the different games,performances, special speakers
and all sorts of things likethat.
Be sure you use some of those.
(04:47):
You might be surprised what youlearn.
It's real easy, I think, to getkind of stuck in your room or
in your car if you're a commuterand not break out of your own
little safe space, but I thinkthat's a really important thing.
There are bulletin boardsaround.
Sometimes you'll find jobofferings.
That way, Sometimes you'll findinteresting speakers who might
(05:07):
help you down the road towardsyour professional interests.
Speaker 3 (05:11):
Oh, I love Patriots, Engage.
Your university, wherever youend up being, will have the
different specific resource ofwhere the postings are for all
the clubs and student orgs.
But for us, every studentorganization is required to post
their event and it gets clearedand it's available through
there so you can know about themway ahead of time and you can
(05:32):
plan to meet a friend there or,if you're going by yourself, you
can be like, well, it's hostedby this organization.
I might be interested inmeeting these types of people,
these majors, people who likethe same hobby as I do, and you
can use that to help you planahead of time so that you don't
end up just sitting in your dormroom or that kind of thing.
Speaker 2 (05:52):
And sometimes you can actually load those events up
onto your calendar, and that'snot a bad idea.
So that leads me to the nextthing, which is their games and
musical performances, sometimestheir theater performances, art
exhibits all sorts of reallyinteresting, fun things to do
too.
So get to the games.
Grab someone that you know froma class or from your dorm or
(06:13):
from your neighborhood, orhowever you meet people here.
Again, every time you go and dosomething that you haven't
tried before, you're probablygoing to meet somebody new, and
meeting new people, making newrelationships, is a big part of
what college is about.
Speaker 3 (06:28):
And going to those events too will help you a ton
for building and maintainingfriendships with people who are
maybe on a different side ofcampus as you, who have a way
different major from you.
Speaker 2 (06:38):
Or different beliefs or different experiences in life
.
There's a lot of differentkinds of folks here and you need
to learn how to talk to all ofthem.
My last one is get to know yourclassmates.
I've had times where studentsdidn't even know the name of the
person sitting next to them,and I try to always ask my
students to introduce themselvesto each other and I try to do
(06:59):
various things in the classroomso that they're in small groups
and they have to know eachother's names.
But, especially because theclass is organized around a
particular topic or subject,you'll get to know more people
that know speech, communicationor biology or, in my case,
english literature, and thatagain is a rich opportunity to
expand the folks that are a partof your life.
(07:20):
So, to sort of sum up, I wantto remind you that when you get
out of college, you don't havethis wonderful place to very
nicely organize and present youwith a whole bunch of folks to
get to know.
I remember when I first movedhere as a professor, I didn't
have children and so I didn'thave have like the PTA or the
(07:44):
other parents of the school andmy husband and I.
Just we didn't know anybody intown and we had to figure out
ways to get to meet people.
I joined a Mahjong group.
I joined the AmericanAssociation of University Women.
Some folks will go to a churchor I think pickleball is a big
way to meet friends now foradults.
Oh, and that's another thing toois we have intramural sports.
(08:05):
If you're not a college athlete, you can still play sports, and
boy, do we need that, and Iunderstand.
The yoga classes here are verypopular, and we have pickleball
here too.
There you go.
Speaker 3 (08:27):
To get connected in college, to start making friends
, my number one tip is just toput your phone down.
Honestly, I'm guilty of it, weall are guilty of it.
The second there's like anounce of social discomfort or a
little bit of unoccupied time.
We just want to fill it withsomething and the phone is easy,
it's right there.
We can just get on Instagramand away we go.
(08:47):
But what I've learned andrealized is that that's just
closing off a lot of theseopportunities.
You would have had to makefriends Because you know I'm
standing there, not on my phone,looking around at everybody
else who is, and I'm like we'reall standing here, we're all
going to the same class.
This is one of the fewinstances, like you were talking
about, where we will all havesomething sort of basic and
common.
We may even all be in the samemajor and have a similar
(09:10):
interest.
Speaker 2 (09:11):
Or you've just read the same assignment and you have
questions about it.
Why not ask your classmatesbefore you get in the classroom?
Speaker 3 (09:20):
And a lot of people in college.
They do want to make friends.
It's just scary to be the onewho initiates the conversation.
A lot, you know.
Speaker 2 (09:25):
Well, and one thing to remember too, is that you
know, if you've been in highschool for a long time, you may
have been around the same peoplefor 10 years.
Everybody here is pretty muchgetting to know people for the
first time, so everybody's inthe same boat.
And I think most times peopleare really kind of relieved if
you make the gesture of reachingout to people.
(09:45):
And I will tell you, ashley,when I see students sitting in
the hall and all of them lookingat their phone, when they're
all these lovely human beingssitting on the benches nearby
instead of talking to each other, it just breaks my heart.
Speaker 3 (09:56):
Well, all this stuff that you could do to make
friends, to get connected, allthe different tips like being in
a communal space or going tothe club meeting or going to the
class early so you have extratime, none of that will do you
any good if you're on your phone.
So it's the very basic,essential roadblock that I see
to people actually making somefriends and getting connected.
(10:17):
If you're not using your phoneto work or to message somebody
that it's important while you'reat school, I mean, you probably
don't need it out.
That's just what I've foundanyway.
And on the flip side, you canactually use your phone to
facilitate social activity.
It's not like this little demonbrick that we all carry in our
pockets.
We're just using the tool verywrong.
(10:38):
I feel like very wrong.
I feel like If you're waitingin line with people, especially
people you sort of know, you canuse your phone to play a game
of heads up or something likethat.
And you could go old fashionand bring a card game or a pack
of cards to have with you whileyou're waiting in line and you
can create those opportunitieswith your phone.
You can take pictures and sharethem with people and, you know,
(11:00):
exchange contacts and all thatkind of thing.
So there are ways you can useyour phone very positively to
initiate the social interaction.
Speaker 2 (11:07):
But just don't live on it.
Speaker 3 (11:08):
Yeah, don't live on your phone.
My second tip is just to smile.
You would really be surprisedat how much that can do, and,
again, something that you'renever going to think about or
have access to if you're on yourphone.
Smiling, body language, eyecontact it's stuff that we don't
think about, but that is likeone of the first indicators, if
(11:30):
not the first that you want totalk to somebody, if not the
first that you want to talk tosomebody.
So if you're not smiling,you're not inviting a
conversation.
Even if you're not theextrovert in the situation,
you're waiting for someone elseto talk to you.
Speaker 2 (11:47):
You know, I'm glad you brought that up, because I
cannot tell you how many times aperson with a scowl made me
want to go in the otherdirection and a person with a
smile.
I just instantly thought I'mgoing to like that person.
And they say that the more yousmile, the happier you get too.
So there might be some sort ofphysiological thing going on.
I don't know.
Speaker 3 (12:03):
Oh, for sure, I've read that too.
I think that's reallyinteresting.
It'll make you seem lessintimidating, and it'll make it
less intimidating if you'retrying to start the conversation
too.
Like you're talking about.
There's that physiologicalthing where you're smiling, even
if maybe you weren't alreadyhappy, but the smile is telling
your brain and your body thatyou feel okay.
And so it starts to work theother way.
(12:25):
So it sounds really corny.
You know it sounds corny whenyou talk about it, but I promise
, if you try it- Well, and whodo you want to spend time with?
Speaker 2 (12:32):
People are always frowning and grumpy, or somebody
who's happy.
You know it makes a bigdifference.
Speaker 3 (12:37):
Absolutely.
My third tip is to join atleast two student organizations.
This is something that Ipilfered straight from the
admissions office and thewelcome center where I used to
work.
That's something they recommendto every new student.
Join at least two studentorganizations starting off.
You don't necessarily have tostay with them if you find
(13:02):
that's not where you makefriends, but start.
What they recommend, too, is tostart with one academic
organization and one that's justfor fun or that's a hobby.
What are the ones you joined.
I joined Creative Writing Club,which was sort of a hobby, but
also there's a lot of writing inmy major.
I could do some fun stuff andsome business stuff with them.
And I joined the Patriot Talentwhich is our media organization
.
That's way more of the businessside for me because it's sort
(13:25):
of a very low-key way ofpracticing being a working
journalist or taking video forsomeone managing social media.
All these differentopportunities and they have
equipment available to practicewith that.
For a Mass Comm major, that'sthe business club.
Speaker 2 (13:39):
Well, then there's the eSports team oh my gosh, yes
, there's a chess team.
Of course, we also have groupsthat participate in
intercollegiate competitions,like our debate team is very
important.
And then, of course, we havethe choirs and the band.
The musical program at thisuniversity is really good and
it's a lot of fun, and I've seenthe sort of fun side of that
(14:01):
group of students betweenperformances as they're
practicing and getting ready andthere's a lot of fellowship
involved in that and it's reallynice.
And there's also the BaptistStudent Union and other kinds of
groups.
There was a group thatpracticed yoga together outside.
I think there was a group formeditation as well, and if you
haven't found the group that youwant to be a part of, you can
(14:22):
always invent it.
Speaker 3 (14:24):
Yeah, it's super easy to start a club or a student
org.
The perk is that you get alittle bit of funding.
You know, if you're willing togo ahead and outline like your
policies and your missionstatement.
Basically, for starting thisclub, I think you need one
faculty or staff who supportsyou and says that I'm going to
be the advisor.
(14:44):
But it's kind of a low bar tocreate a club if you think about
it and do you get money for it?
You do, if it's approved andeverything.
You get like $500 of funding,if you will outline what the
expenses are for.
Actually, several years back,ut Tyler had a hot tub club.
Oh no, really they did.
They used the $500 to givepizza to the members who came.
(15:05):
Do we have?
Speaker 2 (15:07):
hot tubs.
On campus, we have a hot tub,yeah oh.
On the pool, yeah, oh.
And so everybody gathered atthe hot tub and had pizza.
Oh, how funny.
Speaker 3 (15:14):
So you could use it for anything is the upshot of
that story.
But the perks of creating yourown student org is that you can
reserve space.
You have the right to reservespace for a block of time, as
long as the university knowsabout it ahead of time, and you
can use that money to have agood time and you have an item
on your resume that says I beganthe pickleball club or I began
(15:36):
the hot tub and pizza club.
And it matters on your resume,too, more than you might think,
because it shows that you're aleader and that you care about
other people too.
My fourth tip is to spend sometime in communal areas and bonus
points if it's a space that'sspecifically for your club or
that's in your buildingspecifically for your academic
(15:56):
field.
Speaker 2 (15:57):
Like what do you mean ?
Speaker 3 (15:58):
I spent a lot of time in my first year in the College
of Arts and Sciences when I haddowntime, and you probably will
have downtime, you know, inyour first semester.
You can use it to do your work,of course, but to do it in an
area where you're around theother people who already have
something in common with you,and usually those have like
vending machines, theirbathrooms, water fountains,
(16:19):
comfortable chairs, goodlighting.
And if you can explore too alittle bit ahead of time and
find where the comfiest chairsare, you can have a lot easier
of a time navigating stuff.
And some clubs like the Talon,they have their own room that's
been set aside.
That's the space that theyreserve and they've decorated it
Like there's a podcast studioin there a very casual style
(16:42):
setup.
They have equipment in there.
It's a space you can go work,there's computers and so just
depending on what your club orthe university's resources are,
there will be a space that'sthere for you and you can be
there to just be available andto meet other people.
They may even happen to beworking on the same assignment
as you.
Speaker 2 (17:02):
And there are parts of the library that are set up
for group study and things likethat, which is really great.
They have these big whiteboards and spaces for you to
copy things and also copymachines, printers and things
like that.
Speaker 3 (17:14):
I love being in the library as well.
It's a great common area and acatch-all for all types of
majors too.
I found that because thelibrary is so big, if you're
just going by yourself, you knowto maybe meet other people.
That's when it's a littletougher, just because it's so
big, and it's better for if youalready have a group that you
want a meeting point for.
So some of the other smallerspaces are good for if you
(17:36):
haven't met anybody and you'retrying to.
You're trying to be availableto meet somebody else, and the
more time you spend in acommunity area too, the more
familiar faces you'll see.
So even if you're just there alot and you haven't necessarily
talked to people, it does countthat people see you around and
you see other people around.
So that makes it easier tobreak ice and you kind of feel
(17:57):
like you belong.
Speaker 2 (17:58):
These are my people.
I know their first names.
Speaker 3 (18:01):
Yeah, it's really useful.
My fifth and final tip is ifyou're maybe more of an
introvert or if you'restruggling to start a
conversation this is somethingthat I've used a compliment plus
a question will usually equal aconversation.
Speaker 2 (18:16):
So give me an example .
Speaker 3 (18:18):
I love your shirt.
Speaker 2 (18:19):
Where did you get it?
Oh, this shirt with the littleapples all over it.
I don't remember, but I reallythought it was a neat thing to
do for a school teacher to havean apple shirt.
Speaker 3 (18:27):
It's very unusual.
I think I've seen somethinglike it, similar at Talbot's
maybe yeah, maybe so.
Speaker 2 (18:32):
When, at Talbot's maybe, yeah, maybe so, when I
was noticing your shirt, you'vegot Lady and the Tramp.
Oh, 101 Dalmatians.
Oh, that's what.
It is Okay, there you go.
Speaker 3 (18:39):
I love Disney movies.
We had a ton of them on VHSwhen I was a kid.
Did you really?
Speaker 2 (18:44):
Oh Disney movies, there you go.
Cruella de Vil oh my gosh, shewas evil.
Speaker 3 (18:56):
She was worse.
Anyway, conversations they canhappen and start off like that
if you have somebody else who'swanting to engage.
Speaker 2 (18:59):
Sometimes they're just not in the mood Well, and
then you just have to shake thatoff and realize it's not about
you, it's about them.
They could be having a bad dayor To wrap all this up, what we
(19:21):
really want you to remember isthat when you get to college,
you're going there to learn, butyou're also going there to grow
and to learn about yourself asa human and to make
relationships and to have achance to kind of become a more
communicative, morefully-fledged, culturally
experienced human.
(19:42):
The more you sort of pushyourself up to the edge and make
yourself try something youhadn't tried before, the more
often you're going to be reallypleased with yourself.
Speaker 3 (19:50):
Absolutely.
Oh, also, I had a bonus tip.
Speaker 2 (19:53):
Okay, a bonus tip Bring food, bring food, bring
food Enough for everybody.
Speaker 3 (19:58):
Nothing works like a little bribery.
Speaker 2 (20:00):
Yeah, well, you know it's funny.
You said that because sometimesin the faculty lounge in the
English department there's thisone professor.
She's always baking on theweekends and she brings in her
extra muffins or her extrachocolate chip cookies and, yeah
, we end up congregating aroundthem and around the coffee pot.
So that's not a bad thing, andin a case like this, like you're
in the community areas, weallow you to have food
(20:20):
everywhere.
You can even have it in yourclassroom.
So I think that's a great ideatoo.
Speaker 3 (20:24):
And if you bring food , too, it shows that you're
willing to go a step above, likeyou're giving something to
these other people, and it alsoshows that you care a lot about
them too.
Speaker 2 (20:32):
Bring napkins too, though.
Speaker 3 (20:33):
Oh, yeah, okay, don't neglect the napkins.
Speaker 2 (20:36):
All righty.
Well, there you go.
We hope you will enjoy hearingthese things, these tips for
getting started on yourrelationship journey in college.
Speaker 3 (20:49):
And if you have any questions or anything else you'd
like to ask us about, anythingyou'd like us to talk about in a
future episode to help you getprepared for your first week of
college, you can always drop acomment or leave us an email at
adrquestions at gmailcom.
We're happy to answer any ofyour questions and we'd love to
hear from you.
Stay tuned to the Ask Dr Ross podcast.
It's created to give you infoto succeed at college.
Our hosts are highly qualified.
Dr Catherine Ross is a memberof the University of Texas
System's Academy ofDistinguished Teachers.
She's also a popular professorof 19th century English
literature.
Ask Dr Ross is a communityservice of the University of
(00:27):
Texas at Tyler.
Speaker 2 (00:31):
So we've talked to you all about some things to do
in order to get ready for thefirst day of class.
The other thing we want to talkabout to students at the
beginning of the year is howimportant it is to use this time
to make connections, makerelationships and get to know
people so that you feel asthough you belong here and
you're growing emotionally aswell as intellectually.
So Ashley and I have got 10more things.
(00:54):
My first one you will, I'm sure, not be surprised at all this,
since I'm a professor is to getto know your professors.
They want to get to know you.
If they know you, they can helpyou learn better.
They can help to guide youtoward not only more efficient
ways of studying but down theroad when you need a
recommendation or when you needsome advising or some mentoring
(01:16):
in your field.
You've already made some folksthat are really already willing
and eager to help you with that.
Speaker 3 (01:23):
Some of the best advice I've ever gotten has been
from my professors.
It seems scary, you know, Ithink because we're just used to
in high school that they'rethere to keep order.
But really, when I got tocollege, I think the big shift
that I noticed was that it wasmore about the relationship
building and they were likeyou're an adult here, so if
(01:43):
you're going to waste your timeor if you're going to use your
time, that professor is there asa resource, but it's your job
to go up and initiate.
Speaker 2 (01:52):
You know, think about how available is your family
doctor or your dentist.
You know you have to makespecial appointments and
sometimes you have to wait weeksto get into some of them, and
whereas professors are usuallythere every day, every week, and
can usually see you within 24hours.
That's kind of amazing.
So you have these people withincredible training and
experience, ready and eager totalk to you.
(02:14):
So I think that's a reallyimportant thing.
Speaker 3 (02:17):
And the other thing, too, that I think students
forget about is that professors,they're people who love their
subject matter, that they'reteaching.
They spent a lot of time to gethere and to be talking about
the thing that they love to you,so make use of that.
They're here because they thinkthat their material is really
important and that you shouldknow about it, so if you can tap
that as a resource, then you'reway ahead of the game.
Speaker 2 (02:39):
Oh, absolutely A second one has to do with
getting to know some of theolder students, especially if
you're a first-year student.
Folks have been around for evena semester or two, have got some
smarts, some street smarts,some campus smarts.
I'm sure they'll have a lot ofgood advice.
Ashley's talked to you beforeabout how they might have had
experience with some of yourprofessors and be able to help
(03:00):
you find a professor that isparticularly interesting in your
field, but also they may helpyou think about the things that
you are wondering about studyingdown the line.
You may not yet know what yourmajor is, but if you talk to
upper division students, they'vebeen studying more different
subjects and getting closer andcloser to either choosing a
major or even pursuing theirmajor and perhaps a minor, and
(03:24):
so those are folks you can learnfrom as well and they can
become friends.
There's very few times in yourlife when you're going to be in
a place where there's anorganized group of folks about
your age who are aboutinterested in sort of the same
general stuff you are, who mightbecome your friends or your
partners or, in any case,somehow an important part of
(03:46):
your life.
Speaker 3 (03:47):
I was very fortunate to have an older sister who was
here, and so I know personallywhat a huge leg up it is to have
a friendship or a connectionwith an older student who can
help you navigate even just someof the basic stuff like hey,
where is this coffee shop, whereis the parking?
Good at this time of day?
These very basic level things.
But also just to help you feela little less lonely, because,
(04:11):
especially if you're coming hereand it's maybe your first time
living alone out of the house,you could be in a new town, in a
new city.
A lot of people come to a newstate or even a new country.
It's kind of a big deal and youcan feel somewhat isolated in
those first weeks.
Speaker 2 (04:26):
Oh sure, yeah.
The other thing to be aware ofis, besides the fact that all
these people here are assembled,there's usually all sorts of
stuff going on on campus and wehave something on this campus
called Patriots Engage, which isa website that tells you all
the different games,performances, special speakers
and all sorts of things likethat.
Be sure you use some of those.
(04:47):
You might be surprised what youlearn.
It's real easy, I think, to getkind of stuck in your room or
in your car if you're a commuterand not break out of your own
little safe space, but I thinkthat's a really important thing.
There are bulletin boardsaround.
Sometimes you'll find jobofferings.
That way, Sometimes you'll findinteresting speakers who might
(05:07):
help you down the road towardsyour professional interests.
Speaker 3 (05:11):
Oh, I love Patriots, Engage.
Your university, wherever youend up being, will have the
different specific resource ofwhere the postings are for all
the clubs and student orgs.
But for us, every studentorganization is required to post
their event and it gets clearedand it's available through
there so you can know about themway ahead of time and you can
(05:32):
plan to meet a friend there or,if you're going by yourself, you
can be like, well, it's hostedby this organization.
I might be interested inmeeting these types of people,
these majors, people who likethe same hobby as I do, and you
can use that to help you planahead of time so that you don't
end up just sitting in your dormroom or that kind of thing.
Speaker 2 (05:52):
And sometimes you can actually load those events up
onto your calendar, and that'snot a bad idea.
So that leads me to the nextthing, which is their games and
musical performances, sometimestheir theater performances, art
exhibits all sorts of reallyinteresting, fun things to do
too.
So get to the games.
Grab someone that you know froma class or from your dorm or
(06:13):
from your neighborhood, orhowever you meet people here.
Again, every time you go and dosomething that you haven't
tried before, you're probablygoing to meet somebody new, and
meeting new people, making newrelationships, is a big part of
what college is about.
Speaker 3 (06:28):
And going to those events too will help you a ton
for building and maintainingfriendships with people who are
maybe on a different side ofcampus as you, who have a way
different major from you.
Speaker 2 (06:38):
Or different beliefs or different experiences in life
.
There's a lot of differentkinds of folks here and you need
to learn how to talk to all ofthem.
My last one is get to know yourclassmates.
I've had times where studentsdidn't even know the name of the
person sitting next to them,and I try to always ask my
students to introduce themselvesto each other and I try to do
(06:59):
various things in the classroomso that they're in small groups
and they have to know eachother's names.
But, especially because theclass is organized around a
particular topic or subject,you'll get to know more people
that know speech, communicationor biology or, in my case,
english literature, and thatagain is a rich opportunity to
expand the folks that are a partof your life.
(07:20):
So, to sort of sum up, I wantto remind you that when you get
out of college, you don't havethis wonderful place to very
nicely organize and present youwith a whole bunch of folks to
get to know.
I remember when I first movedhere as a professor, I didn't
have children and so I didn'thave have like the PTA or the
(07:44):
other parents of the school andmy husband and I.
Just we didn't know anybody intown and we had to figure out
ways to get to meet people.
I joined a Mahjong group.
I joined the AmericanAssociation of University Women.
Some folks will go to a churchor I think pickleball is a big
way to meet friends now foradults.
Oh, and that's another thing toois we have intramural sports.
(08:05):
If you're not a college athlete, you can still play sports, and
boy, do we need that, and Iunderstand.
The yoga classes here are verypopular, and we have pickleball
here too.
There you go.
Speaker 3 (08:27):
To get connected in college, to start making friends
, my number one tip is just toput your phone down.
Honestly, I'm guilty of it, weall are guilty of it.
The second there's like anounce of social discomfort or a
little bit of unoccupied time.
We just want to fill it withsomething and the phone is easy,
it's right there.
We can just get on Instagramand away we go.
(08:47):
But what I've learned andrealized is that that's just
closing off a lot of theseopportunities.
You would have had to makefriends Because you know I'm
standing there, not on my phone,looking around at everybody
else who is, and I'm like we'reall standing here, we're all
going to the same class.
This is one of the fewinstances, like you were talking
about, where we will all havesomething sort of basic and
common.
We may even all be in the samemajor and have a similar
(09:10):
interest.
Speaker 2 (09:11):
Or you've just read the same assignment and you have
questions about it.
Why not ask your classmatesbefore you get in the classroom?
Speaker 3 (09:20):
And a lot of people in college.
They do want to make friends.
It's just scary to be the onewho initiates the conversation.
A lot, you know.
Speaker 2 (09:25):
Well, and one thing to remember too, is that you
know, if you've been in highschool for a long time, you may
have been around the same peoplefor 10 years.
Everybody here is pretty muchgetting to know people for the
first time, so everybody's inthe same boat.
And I think most times peopleare really kind of relieved if
you make the gesture of reachingout to people.
(09:45):
And I will tell you, ashley,when I see students sitting in
the hall and all of them lookingat their phone, when they're
all these lovely human beingssitting on the benches nearby
instead of talking to each other, it just breaks my heart.
Speaker 3 (09:56):
Well, all this stuff that you could do to make
friends, to get connected, allthe different tips like being in
a communal space or going tothe club meeting or going to the
class early so you have extratime, none of that will do you
any good if you're on your phone.
So it's the very basic,essential roadblock that I see
to people actually making somefriends and getting connected.
(10:17):
If you're not using your phoneto work or to message somebody
that it's important while you'reat school, I mean, you probably
don't need it out.
That's just what I've foundanyway.
And on the flip side, you canactually use your phone to
facilitate social activity.
It's not like this little demonbrick that we all carry in our
pockets.
We're just using the tool verywrong.
(10:38):
I feel like very wrong.
I feel like If you're waitingin line with people, especially
people you sort of know, you canuse your phone to play a game
of heads up or something likethat.
And you could go old fashionand bring a card game or a pack
of cards to have with you whileyou're waiting in line and you
can create those opportunitieswith your phone.
You can take pictures and sharethem with people and, you know,
(11:00):
exchange contacts and all thatkind of thing.
So there are ways you can useyour phone very positively to
initiate the social interaction.
Speaker 2 (11:07):
But just don't live on it.
Speaker 3 (11:08):
Yeah, don't live on your phone.
My second tip is just to smile.
You would really be surprisedat how much that can do, and,
again, something that you'renever going to think about or
have access to if you're on yourphone.
Smiling, body language, eyecontact it's stuff that we don't
think about, but that is likeone of the first indicators, if
(11:30):
not the first that you want totalk to somebody, if not the
first that you want to talk tosomebody.
So if you're not smiling,you're not inviting a
conversation.
Even if you're not theextrovert in the situation,
you're waiting for someone elseto talk to you.
Speaker 2 (11:47):
You know, I'm glad you brought that up, because I
cannot tell you how many times aperson with a scowl made me
want to go in the otherdirection and a person with a
smile.
I just instantly thought I'mgoing to like that person.
And they say that the more yousmile, the happier you get too.
So there might be some sort ofphysiological thing going on.
I don't know.
Speaker 3 (12:03):
Oh, for sure, I've read that too.
I think that's reallyinteresting.
It'll make you seem lessintimidating, and it'll make it
less intimidating if you'retrying to start the conversation
too.
Like you're talking about.
There's that physiologicalthing where you're smiling, even
if maybe you weren't alreadyhappy, but the smile is telling
your brain and your body thatyou feel okay.
And so it starts to work theother way.
(12:25):
So it sounds really corny.
You know it sounds corny whenyou talk about it, but I promise
, if you try it- Well, and whodo you want to spend time with?
Speaker 2 (12:32):
People are always frowning and grumpy, or somebody
who's happy.
You know it makes a bigdifference.
Speaker 3 (12:37):
Absolutely.
My third tip is to join atleast two student organizations.
This is something that Ipilfered straight from the
admissions office and thewelcome center where I used to
work.
That's something they recommendto every new student.
Join at least two studentorganizations starting off.
You don't necessarily have tostay with them if you find
(13:02):
that's not where you makefriends, but start.
What they recommend, too, is tostart with one academic
organization and one that's justfor fun or that's a hobby.
What are the ones you joined.
I joined Creative Writing Club,which was sort of a hobby, but
also there's a lot of writing inmy major.
I could do some fun stuff andsome business stuff with them.
And I joined the Patriot Talentwhich is our media organization
.
That's way more of the businessside for me because it's sort
(13:25):
of a very low-key way ofpracticing being a working
journalist or taking video forsomeone managing social media.
All these differentopportunities and they have
equipment available to practicewith that.
For a Mass Comm major, that'sthe business club.
Speaker 2 (13:39):
Well, then there's the eSports team oh my gosh, yes
, there's a chess team.
Of course, we also have groupsthat participate in
intercollegiate competitions,like our debate team is very
important.
And then, of course, we havethe choirs and the band.
The musical program at thisuniversity is really good and
it's a lot of fun, and I've seenthe sort of fun side of that
(14:01):
group of students betweenperformances as they're
practicing and getting ready andthere's a lot of fellowship
involved in that and it's reallynice.
And there's also the BaptistStudent Union and other kinds of
groups.
There was a group thatpracticed yoga together outside.
I think there was a group formeditation as well, and if you
haven't found the group that youwant to be a part of, you can
(14:22):
always invent it.
Speaker 3 (14:24):
Yeah, it's super easy to start a club or a student
org.
The perk is that you get alittle bit of funding.
You know, if you're willing togo ahead and outline like your
policies and your missionstatement.
Basically, for starting thisclub, I think you need one
faculty or staff who supportsyou and says that I'm going to
be the advisor.
(14:44):
But it's kind of a low bar tocreate a club if you think about
it and do you get money for it?
You do, if it's approved andeverything.
You get like $500 of funding,if you will outline what the
expenses are for.
Actually, several years back,ut Tyler had a hot tub club.
Oh no, really they did.
They used the $500 to givepizza to the members who came.
(15:05):
Do we have?
Speaker 2 (15:07):
hot tubs.
On campus, we have a hot tub,yeah oh.
On the pool, yeah, oh.
And so everybody gathered atthe hot tub and had pizza.
Oh, how funny.
Speaker 3 (15:14):
So you could use it for anything is the upshot of
that story.
But the perks of creating yourown student org is that you can
reserve space.
You have the right to reservespace for a block of time, as
long as the university knowsabout it ahead of time, and you
can use that money to have agood time and you have an item
on your resume that says I beganthe pickleball club or I began
(15:36):
the hot tub and pizza club.
And it matters on your resume,too, more than you might think,
because it shows that you're aleader and that you care about
other people too.
My fourth tip is to spend sometime in communal areas and bonus
points if it's a space that'sspecifically for your club or
that's in your buildingspecifically for your academic
(15:56):
field.
Speaker 2 (15:57):
Like what do you mean ?
Speaker 3 (15:58):
I spent a lot of time in my first year in the College
of Arts and Sciences when I haddowntime, and you probably will
have downtime, you know, inyour first semester.
You can use it to do your work,of course, but to do it in an
area where you're around theother people who already have
something in common with you,and usually those have like
vending machines, theirbathrooms, water fountains,
(16:19):
comfortable chairs, goodlighting.
And if you can explore too alittle bit ahead of time and
find where the comfiest chairsare, you can have a lot easier
of a time navigating stuff.
And some clubs like the Talon,they have their own room that's
been set aside.
That's the space that theyreserve and they've decorated it
Like there's a podcast studioin there a very casual style
(16:42):
setup.
They have equipment in there.
It's a space you can go work,there's computers and so just
depending on what your club orthe university's resources are,
there will be a space that'sthere for you and you can be
there to just be available andto meet other people.
They may even happen to beworking on the same assignment
as you.
Speaker 2 (17:02):
And there are parts of the library that are set up
for group study and things likethat, which is really great.
They have these big whiteboards and spaces for you to
copy things and also copymachines, printers and things
like that.
Speaker 3 (17:14):
I love being in the library as well.
It's a great common area and acatch-all for all types of
majors too.
I found that because thelibrary is so big, if you're
just going by yourself, you knowto maybe meet other people.
That's when it's a littletougher, just because it's so
big, and it's better for if youalready have a group that you
want a meeting point for.
So some of the other smallerspaces are good for if you
(17:36):
haven't met anybody and you'retrying to.
You're trying to be availableto meet somebody else, and the
more time you spend in acommunity area too, the more
familiar faces you'll see.
So even if you're just there alot and you haven't necessarily
talked to people, it does countthat people see you around and
you see other people around.
So that makes it easier tobreak ice and you kind of feel
(17:57):
like you belong.
Speaker 2 (17:58):
These are my people.
I know their first names.
Speaker 3 (18:01):
Yeah, it's really useful.
My fifth and final tip is ifyou're maybe more of an
introvert or if you'restruggling to start a
conversation this is somethingthat I've used a compliment plus
a question will usually equal aconversation.
Speaker 2 (18:16):
So give me an example .
Speaker 3 (18:18):
I love your shirt.
Speaker 2 (18:19):
Where did you get it?
Oh, this shirt with the littleapples all over it.
I don't remember, but I reallythought it was a neat thing to
do for a school teacher to havean apple shirt.
Speaker 3 (18:27):
It's very unusual.
I think I've seen somethinglike it, similar at Talbot's
maybe yeah, maybe so.
Speaker 2 (18:32):
When, at Talbot's maybe, yeah, maybe so, when I
was noticing your shirt, you'vegot Lady and the Tramp.
Oh, 101 Dalmatians.
Oh, that's what.
It is Okay, there you go.
Speaker 3 (18:39):
I love Disney movies.
We had a ton of them on VHSwhen I was a kid.
Did you really?
Speaker 2 (18:44):
Oh Disney movies, there you go.
Cruella de Vil oh my gosh, shewas evil.
Speaker 3 (18:56):
She was worse.
Anyway, conversations they canhappen and start off like that
if you have somebody else who'swanting to engage.
Speaker 2 (18:59):
Sometimes they're just not in the mood Well, and
then you just have to shake thatoff and realize it's not about
you, it's about them.
They could be having a bad dayor To wrap all this up, what we
(19:21):
really want you to remember isthat when you get to college,
you're going there to learn, butyou're also going there to grow
and to learn about yourself asa human and to make
relationships and to have achance to kind of become a more
communicative, morefully-fledged, culturally
experienced human.
(19:42):
The more you sort of pushyourself up to the edge and make
yourself try something youhadn't tried before, the more
often you're going to be reallypleased with yourself.
Speaker 3 (19:50):
Absolutely.
Oh, also, I had a bonus tip.
Speaker 2 (19:53):
Okay, a bonus tip Bring food, bring food, bring
food Enough for everybody.
Speaker 3 (19:58):
Nothing works like a little bribery.
Speaker 2 (20:00):
Yeah, well, you know it's funny.
You said that because sometimesin the faculty lounge in the
English department there's thisone professor.
She's always baking on theweekends and she brings in her
extra muffins or her extrachocolate chip cookies and, yeah
, we end up congregating aroundthem and around the coffee pot.
So that's not a bad thing, andin a case like this, like you're
in the community areas, weallow you to have food
(20:20):
everywhere.
You can even have it in yourclassroom.
So I think that's a great ideatoo.
Speaker 3 (20:24):
And if you bring food , too, it shows that you're
willing to go a step above, likeyou're giving something to
these other people, and it alsoshows that you care a lot about
them too.
Speaker 2 (20:32):
Bring napkins too, though.
Speaker 3 (20:33):
Oh, yeah, okay, don't neglect the napkins.
Speaker 2 (20:36):
All righty.
Well, there you go.
We hope you will enjoy hearingthese things, these tips for
getting started on yourrelationship journey in college.
Speaker 3 (20:49):
And if you have any questions or anything else you'd
like to ask us about, anythingyou'd like us to talk about in a
future episode to help you getprepared for your first week of
college, you can always drop acomment or leave us an email at
adrquestions at gmailcom.
We're happy to answer any ofyour questions and we'd love to
hear from you.
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